The Pain-Filled Narcissistic Bully Wants To Control Me?
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- Опубліковано 10 лис 2023
- As you seek to understand why narcissists are so pushy and stubborn, it is necessary to know what drives them. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists carry much psychological pain, but instead of addressing it constructively, they displace it. They are unable to find inner peace, so they turn their chaos onto you.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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the narcissist isn't able to think in a healthy way. They don't have the ability to be fair.
The narcissist I was married to for 34 years tried everything to break me. It’s only by God’s Grace that I survived and was able to function somewhat as He Willed in spite of the physical, verbal and emotional abuse. Thanks to the Almighty I had the courage to get free and am now not just surviving, but thriving!
The Narcissist seeks maternal comfort from everyone
My ex narc did seem to want to be "mothered".
Yes. I noticed that, and it is SO draining and awkward. They will respond this way even if they are your mother. They look to you to mother you and give them all the attention. No matter what you have going on in your own life.
@@ladennayoung2939They don't care what you have going on in your own life. I think that's part of the point.
If I NEEDED to be controlled (which I don’t believe that I do), I’d fear any control exerted by someone so controlled by their own pain. That pain would likely cause the control to be quite malignant. That pain would cloud the objectivity of the controller. The person being controlled would be in grave danger.
My point!
Never thought of it thay way. Agree
That what I said my narcissistic husband you can’t even control yourself??!!! You want yo control me but you can’t control your self!
@@aliceroberts1980 they want to control others because they can't control themselves, same reason they can't trust or love others.
Clear and sharp, Aaron. Very well, memorably said.
There is no human with out ever experiencing pain and sorrow at some point of their lives , healthy individuals either deal with it or seek help, narcissists however in their unhealthy pattern their pain manifest as control, thinking their pain will alleviate, does it ever?
"I refuse to accept that persons's message of dominance and control over me
Instead I embrace the POWER of my own internal peace.
My strength is kindness, empathy, self love and self care. "
Namaste
I don’t understand why some people want to hurt others to find pleasure.
It’s disgusting.
My challenge has been to stop people-pleasing/enabling bullies..
That “I’ll get you before you get me” and the “I’ll show you whose boss” mentality runs so deep within with them they see it as completely necessary and just doing what they have to do. They are the self appointed person in control and taking no prisoners is seen as necessary and just. They are so far on the dysfunction scale that successful bullying just feeds and intensifies and creates more.
Your reaction is the control they want. And i am not giving the narcissist any
NO CONTACT, shut the door
Let it return back to the narcissist
🙏🏻
So true. Shut the door and never let them in 🚪
🙏❤️
Yes!!! Give them back what rightfully belongs to them...
My passive aggressive narcissistic elderly aunt, disrupted my son’s wedding because I refused to “disinvite” the family members who lack college degrees. She stated that she would “die if she was seen with them.” She didn’t die, but her behavior was very embarrassing to the rest of us.
Omg!! She's off the charts awful!!!
My narcissistic mother, whether in someone's wedding, holiday party, or any event at all, always found a way to make herself the center of attention when everyone else was having an increased moment of happiness, like when a joke was told, for example. When everyone started laughing at the punchline, she would yell above the laughter that she "didn't get the joke" at which point everyone stopped laughing and tried to explain it to her. She would monitor their frustration by pretending not to get it. And just when people started to give up and talk with each other about something else, she would yell loudly and gleefully, "Oh I get it!" and then laugh loudly while everyone else watched in frustration. This is only one of a million examples, but I agree that narcissists do suck all the air out of the room and then declare themselves the "winner" at the expense of others.
@@danielkaiser8971 Daniel, I would call this film you were describing, for I saw it as a movie in my head immediately, "Fatal Attention" 😁
Our mothers could be twin flames
👯♀️🔥🔥
When my mother enters a room, all attention has to go on her as well, no matter when or where or with whom.
From your memory I get many flashbacks in my mind. A very hurtful situation was when I met my mother after one year of not having seen each other in a restaurant, where she had invited all friends to celebrate, lets call it "her comeback". She did not even look at me, I felt terrible invisible and worthless. While she was telling stories and laughing for hours, enjoying all the attention she would get from her friends, I felt so sad.
This wedding hypocrisy fuzz is exactly the reason why I would want to have a private ceremony, just the best men and us. My mother wouldn't talk to me for over two years but I would do it again. She's not my business anymore.
I'd say that Dr Carter DRC is uh ... 'Team Wealthy' rather than merely 'Team Healthy' but we can imagine we're rich too and you know have a little dog to take for walks and a station wagon car. Even though Dr Carter belongs in the movie 'On Golden Pond,' we can shuteye to he genteel ways and appreciate some of this talk intended for you know his affluent Church congregation. Each putting $40 in the collection plate at the end! (And if they put $40 be sure you have to put $40 too by way of being seen equally good).
Tip… I give it to Jesus when I get mad and get stuck thinking about confusing condemning conversations. He says be still and know that I am God. He says not to get revenge.. that’s his job. And boy does that set me free. Knowing he loves me greatly. No matter what situation I am in.
I am no longer the "supply" the narc needs. His loss.
Mine is still trying to keep me as his main supply even after the divorce has been finalized. These narcs keep narcking🙄
I'm not perfect, but I have better things to do(even nothing) than cause trouble for others.
To control somebody who can not control himself, is a bully.
The bully does not want to feel his own pain and therefore he displaces his own pain onto the other which gives him relief and regulation for the moment while his pain inside is increasing since the beginning - his shame wound: the shame of being, which has developed into a deep insecurity at the core.
To protect the shame wound the Narcissist has created his false self of superiority, the turnaround and compensation of his core wound. To survive in this falsehood he needs to control others to place his pain onto others, which creates a double injury: the other will get harmed by his projection and uncontrolled negative emotions - and he himself will get harmed by any injury, which does not fit into his mindset of superiority.
The controller rushes, without wasting time, to another target while the abused ones break down, sweeping up the pieces, confronted with the consequenses: confusion, sadness, shame, anxiety, depression etc.
I owe you big time roxy. The synopsis is really great for me. 💯💯🌹🌹🍎🍎👍🏼👍🏼🖖🏼🖖🏼
I agree, though to add to that, superiority may be a bit of an oversimplification when it comes to the core of narcissism, from my understanding of recent research it is likely more of denial due to defensiveness to protect the false self, which can depending on the mal-adpative behavior deployed, comes off as superiority, apathetic, or dismissive.
This may be splitting hairs but I think using such language can cause us to dehumanize these deeply hurting and troubled individuals which in turn can make us blind to the oversights of our own compassion. I think to rise above and being truly on team healthy its important not to lose sight of our own compassion even if its justified against those who have hurt us or causes harm. I am not defending them nor justifying their behavior but lets not forget their humanity even though they discard ours. It can be a hard thing to do to realize because its easy to think they "see themselves as better than us" or to really care about the difference, especially having been on the other-side of these extremely toxic individuals, but I think we can be better off for it.
You know Dr Carter suffered badly with a woman that was on his show. She was typical user, using him as a stepping stone to a career where she saw herself as a Chat Show Host and he went along with it and she said really cruel things and he suffered but her face was evil, but he didn't see it and you know Carter come across as a nice person who has lived a sheltered life and his advice just not very helpful. He has a nice life and all his viewers maybe don't. I don't follow DRC so much now but he has a nice life.
None of us are angels.
It's why we need to stay in the process of assessment and healing.
@@keplermission4947 I will just formulate my own opinions.
When pain filled narcissists try to control me, I end up with increased anxiety causing a headache and generally a pain in the butt!
Is there any other kind?
It is hard to imagine them as pain filled. Why do we get anxious if they treat us like they have no true love? We should be angry. Things like this just don't square.
How can
@@An-meiHi Teresa. I think I got anxious when I didn't feel as though I was allowed to express any other emotion, even a controlled anger. If that makes sense! Take care 🙏❤️
@@amandaliverpool3374 True. It isn't allowed in either form.
@@An-mei exactly 👍❤️
My late mother was a bully when we were growing up (me being a nervous insecure child) and was unfortunate enough to marry a narcissistic bully who bullied and controlled me for 40 years until I gathered up enough strength to escape him nine years ago; these people never change, they eat and drink control.
My narc mother was the same, except she wouldn't let me get married. She tried sabotaging every relationship I ever attempted to have. Especially if marriage was mentioned. If the guy was narcissistic, mean & controlling, she took their side on the matter. Her siblings are narcissistic as well, but they didn't come around her unless they needed something from her. I'm so happy to hear you got away from the narcissist you were with.🌹
It's hard to understand. I spend so much time trying to control my own emotions that thinking I had to control someone else too would wear me down.
That's the point. Narcissists get their supply, identity and emotional regulation almost entirely through those they control, based on what the narcissist wants to feel and be. Always at the target's expense.
It's enough to take care of me, that I have no intererest in dealing with the bully(narc dad).
My ex-coworker has a huge fear of abandonment and he can't handle emotional pain. He seems like a mix of narcissist and borderline personality. As a result, he made everything chaotic. Finally, all team members except him left the company. 🏃🏃♂💨💨🏢
He is the most toxic and dangerous person I have ever met 😨
I have been bullied for a couple of years now and the bully would do anything to exert control over my life. Some of those narcisistic bullies have criminal minds and they would stalk you and contact even your business partners in order to destroy your reputation. Those people are being chased by their demons and want the world to obey their orders. I refuse to be controlled and the bullying is not getting to the point of insanity. Thank you for your help and assistance dr Carter❤
My ex did this exact thing, contacted my associates and slandering me, etc.
Harassing and judging my motives and character for being part of social networks, making it impossible for my mental health to function. I’m trying to recover now. It’s sad, but I’m learning about this, and one day I will be strong enough, and brave enough to live.
The narcissist's "truth" is a lie!
As I sit in my locked bedroom with a knife for protection from my physical abuser narcissist husband of 42 years, is still so hard to process! He doesn't do drugs or alcohol, he is just sheer evil, he goes to jail & I feel sorry for him & get him out & he does it again..., he just got off probation & that doesn't stop him. Don't be me, clearly something is wrong with me. GET OUT KNOW!
Call 911
I feel u..my wife is the worst kind of person yet I still feel love for her ...am I just really stupid??I could write a book of horrible things she's done to me... 😩
Love yourself enough to come out of this relationship. Take care
The narcissist bully in my life is my brother. Bizarrely, it was my finding inner peace and personal contentment (marriage, another child, a nice home and a good job that I loved) around 5-7 years ago that began the full on narcissitic abuse directed at me as his scapegoat.
I'm a sh*t Mother, wife, daughter... He even went to my husband's work last week (I've been NC for 12 months!) and caused a scene as I must be stopped and controlled! Horrendous. Except these are his comments and ideas - my daughters, Mother and husband don't agree and say so (Mum doesn't want to stand up and defend me if she can help it due to his wrath). He is unmarried with no kids and spends much less time with our Mother. I expect many of us know the pain of that or similar scenarios. The disbelief and the confusion and self doubt. Fact has no place in a narcissistic control campaign. Currently at the smear campaign point after going virtually no contact since last Christmas.
Narcissists don't change. Now I'm no contact , same for my kids and their Dad. It was my husband that told him this straight. This channel has helped A LOT. Thank you 😊
Boy, Dr Carter, you hit the nail on the head. The bullies feel it is their right to rule the relationship and all matters in the relationship. They create a dysfunctional relationship with you and expect you to see it as functional. It's not. It's a confusing mess and it's hurtful. When we (husband and I) walked away, we did so because we simply weren't valued. We walked into OUR relationship and decided that our relationship was valued. Narcissists need to hear that they are not the ONLY one in a room and that we can choose to be in that room or not. God bless!
Don’t caretake the narcissist.
My highly controlling bully & former G.M. @ work called me in his office, closed the door & said.."I need you to refer too me "Master"from now on." Of course, he wanted to make sure that my coworkers saw me as nuts when referring to him as "Master" as part of his smear campaign.
Go to HR. This is uncalled for.
@@perfectpeace123 I did & she laughed saying "he'd never say anything like that." I responded w/"correct...he'd never say that to or around H.R."
“Bullies”! Sums it up!!
To handle yourself, use your head;
to handle others, use your heart.
(Eleanor Roosevelt)
You know, it's funny because I've been away from my abusive ex-husband for 6 months now and I've totally forgotten that he used to be a bully and a control freak. I've just forgot about the bully aspect but man was he a bully. Good riddance!
It's important to remember, though. You need those memories to avoid situations like that in the future. But of course the desire to forget it is very, very strong.
Bullies have no conscience sir
The covert, does it differently..they intellectualise and feel the need to teach you a lesson on how they are right and you are wrong
Many years ago I was engaged to a narcissistic bully. At the time, I was very young and naive-I had no idea what a narcissist was, back then. I eventually broke off the engagement. I didn’t like the fact that he was a mean control freak!
Good for you!
you dodged a Bullet
That is great! I love how you felt your feelings and acted accordingly. Inspiring!
I'm so glad you did break it off; I wish I'd done the same instead of having 40 years with a narcissistic controlling husband, that I finally got away from.
You're lucky he showed his true, dangerous, self early on. My narcissistic spouse waited three whole years until after I gave birth to our son to show his narcissistic ways. Of course, I felt trapped with a newborn and no family nearby.
I divorced a bully after 15 years of marriage. He is still trying to bully me with how to divide assets although the decree clearly states how things are to be divided. He thinks I will continue to do what he says. Nope! That stopped once I filed over two years ago. The games he tries to get me to play has been irritating even though I do not engage anymore. I have learned how to set boundaries from UA-cam. Grateful for you as well as others who share useful strategies on this platform.💖
Demeaning and belittling TROLLS got me today I went home praying against them no need to complain they only spead and backfire I was glad to have an assignment
Because the "pain-filled narcissist" wants to inflict that pain on others!
It won't be me, any longer!
I won't allow myself to get the narc's version of emotional 'heartburn' like a spicy dish of food!
These videos describe my brother and my experience in detail man; he’s been problematic to where he would have me harassed at jobs and sabotage and fired these last few years …. He convinced family to leave me high and dry and tell me nothing and some how some think he’s trying to help me… one old friend told me that when they sent me to the hospital that I wasn’t coming back when I was 17… I’m 33 now almost 34 with years of isolation and bad experiences and apparently nobody wants me to be working so I work out of state trying to get away.. I wish there was things I could go to for support but it tends to be that I’m alone in fighting this.
I'm truly sorry for the abuse your brother has other "loved ones" have formed against you. Knowledge is power. I hope your life becomes far more healthy and happy. These kind of podcasts exist because your experiencing is tragically epidemic. That cycle of usery and abuse is so evil. Peace
You're not alone.
I recently posted an argument between my brother and my father on UA-cam. My dad has always been a narcissistic bully and my OCD brother rages over everything. In short, moving back in with family has been a complete disaster. (Timestamps are in the comments for context)
I'm trying sir
So funny, but in a good way.
I love Gus.
Love the Dog.
Thanks. I'm rather fond of him too.
You’re videos have taught me so much this past year but unfortunately not soon enough as I just got out of prison a month ago because I couldn’t take the abuse no longer so I moved out and was homeless for two months but still in contact with her , one night I fell in her trap as she declared to commit suicide if I didn’t come see her she said she had already tried and would again so I went to try and help then when I went to leave she flipped out and punched in I my face then threw a heavy metal tray at me which I blocked and it hit so hard it broke my wrist so I did a arm and foot sweep putting her to the floor then felt terrible so helped her back up got her into bed got a drink and her cigarettes for her then proceeded to leave again as I did she screamed and told me I’d be sorry if I left well I left and the next day was the 4 of July I went to my moms for a dinner and the police flew in with guns aimed at my head like I just killed somebody I was arrested and charged with 5 serious charges it amazes me that she has no guilt I was locked up 92 days and I’m twenty thousand dollars in on lawyer fees she hasn’t dropped anything still and probably won’t I thank God every day though cause the truth will come out someday for now I’m on house arrest with a gps monitor at my moms wish I would have taken your advice sooner, but still very appreciative for all you do to help us
Don, I know you have a tough road ahead, but please know I'm pulling for you. My father, many years ago was a prison chaplain, and I had contact with guys who stayed stuck in the system and guys who made something of their life. You've had a setback, but don't let it define you. Be a man of integrity. That's how you find peace.
You just described what I am going through with my sister. She will say that because I get angry that I am being controlling and a narcissist. I became angry because I am ignored, belittled, blamed for every infraction in her and others lives, disregarded. I am seeking counseling to better control my anger. However, she refuses to take accountability and continues to lie about me to our family.
Who among us truly wants a "Renfield"?
I have no desire to control anyone except myself.
I learned someone I loved deeply many years ago died and was surprised by the depth of the loss I feel.
I think I am starting sound like Dr.C, I wish! If you give yourself compliments don’t settle for less than that.
Whenever I’ve mentioned self care or self love my narcissist says something like “ of course you do, you’re really the narcissist.”
You are not going to have healthy or normal interaction with them. There is no need to try to explain. Just do what you have to do for you and keep it moving/pushing. You only hurt you more if you don't.
Just remember a narc will argue that the sky is green and not blue, the sun is purple and not yellow and the sun sets in the north and not the west. And a narc will say you’re the crazy one and they are normal! They really do live in an altered reality or they think the rest of the world is so stupid that we’re supposed to believe ANYTHING they say! 😂
@@karenmcmillan4626 Ugh I remember all those stupid arguments over semantics. Just the whole time thinking 'what the f is going on here' ??
I love how you contrast it with what is healthy and validating those of us who have done those things but ends up feeling toxic for dealing with the toxic behaviors.
That's the therapist in me coming out.
My parents.
"TREAT OTHERS AS YOU WOULD BE TREATED'
Dreams seem real when you are in them...
Proof that you are not the body..
If the body replaces each cell every 7 years ...( including the bones)
So, how can we be the body? Because the body lives 8 times that long....
You are the Awareness of the body...
You are the Eternal, unchanging Pure Awareness...@@surviving_narcissism1
They bully because they were at some point bullied themselves, by a parent most often. To avoid it again they become the one who does the bullying. I onow this first hand avoids one told me how proud they were of themselves that they haven't been bullied, and I was the recipient of their bullying. To keep its bizarre but that's what they do, they pass forward the intergen trauma they suffered at the hands of their own tyrant. Avoidance attachment styles
Thanks, Dr. Carter. When your family are the ones that intentionally hurt you, it's really difficult to process. It's probably why I have the movie Good Will Hunting. It's never your own fault when someone else abuses you. And I agree they have probably been abused or traumatized in some way. God bless.
There's something that I wish I had an explanation to. It's this: I have always tried to be respectful, even if I was feeling put down or otherwise treated unfairly. It's my nature to be civil. Which may mean I don't say anything, but only distance myself emotionally from such people. Then, I notice the people who are similar to me, will be attracted to the rude ones, and make all kinds of excuses for the bad behavior, (such as, don't be so sensitive, or, oh, they're just LIKE that.) while not being at all supportive of the people who have been treated disrespectfully, to the point of bullying. At the same time, if I or another person were to stand up to the bully, the one acting civilized would be considered in the wrong - the one who started a fight! (Even if the standing up to was done in a decent way, and without anger.) I guess that's called blame shifting? That's what narcs do, I know, but what is the problem with their supporters?
Agree with you. Too many people in today's world "split" and do not know how to judge right from wrong.
People are attracted to their false power and confidence. Big mistake!🍀🙏to you I understand your sentiment.
I noticed this too: the answer is truth: people don’t have the courage or perspicacity oftentimes to face the truth. They want to “go along to get along” which I am quoting from Dr Carter. I have seen this again and again, especially at work with nasty, passive-aggressive incompetant bosses and everyone keeps sucking up and/or making excuses. People are afraid to face reality, deal with the repercussions because they are thinking of themselves and making their own lives easier.
@@melisherwood5300, Excellent explanation! Thank you for your insights. If people support bullying to make their own lives easier, that's pathetic! I'm beginning to "get it." If I'd been more perspicacious (good word!) in the beginning, I'd have been able to save so much time in my life.❤
@@Kwatson855 , Yes, it seems they mistake pompousness and arrogance for confidence. If they marry this person, it might be for the idea that the bully will "protect" them. It's as though they want the idea of you and me against the world. But then, they eventually will get the bullying themselves if things go sideways in their relationship. Yet, they'll STILL support and even seem to admire the bad behavior! ❤
Can you say something about trying to use control as a means to control the narcissistic bully? Essentially becoming the bully yourself, turning into the narcissist. 😢 >> Being on Team Healthy! Thank you❤
That's just playing the narcissist's game. Now the narcissist can say they were right about you all along, that you are the source of all problems and the cause of their misery. Now the narcissist is the victim. The narcissist has won the game, and now everyone will know it. Mission accomplished.
Is that what you want? The narcissist will not change. The narcissist will not be outdone. And even if you succeed in controlling the narcissist for a minute, the narcissist will ensure you will have no satisfaction in any of it.
You want control? Control yourself and show no reactions to the narcissist. Be happy and at peace. Be outside of the narcissist control over your misery. Make the narcissist irrelevant not by playing games, but by removing yourself from their influence and life completely.
@@danielkaiser8971exactly true .. silence is golden w toxic ppl , they live for chaos , and they wither away w are silence
Tbey NEVER admit wrong not ONCE
When they can’t control me they get mad at me they hit me and then I just want to avoid them and they get frustrated even more. 😂
Holidays are coming. I need to mentally prepare for the loss of family connections due to one controlling daughter in law. Our power, she is aware of our knowledge and understanding of who she is. 😘😘
It's 8am, the Hell I'm in. Shinedown; "Bully."
Hi there , I am in an active situation of being abused .. I am staying for. 2 weeks with my mother in another country , I am the only child of an 89 yr old mum who is coming towards the end but is still coping . Ít really is very trying … I try to go out for a walk a couple if times a day. ..twice I have had what I can only describe as going out of my mind which lasted hours .. you are so right , she suffers so much emotional pain I feel sorry for her . Your talks have helped me very much . Thank you for comments as well .
Sending you lots of strength and love, yvelaine.🙏❤🙏
Sadly, that is my adult narcissist daughter. I can't voice or even have an opinion that his different from her's, but of course, she is the Queen of Texas and she knows best.
Oh yes we show people with kindness i dont want to treat people like crap! Thats crazy
2:04 🎯🎯 single mom 4 kids.. threatening, whooping, isolating. I don’t think people understand what this does to a person. I’m the youngest so it’s like I saw everything and I’m so sensitive so everything hit me harder than the others. And still does. Finding my voice as I take baack my life and strengthen my self esteem all while raising children to be seen, heard and valued. Trying to keep my own inner child seen heard and valued. Deep sigh.. thank you!
Thanks for the words of hope Dr. C. Peace. Yes. 🙏🏾🌹
Peace.
Now I know why the Kobra Kai were bullies against Daniel LaRusso in The Karate Kid 1984! Johnny Lawrence had inner psychological pain himself from other bullies when he was a kid
Iconic movie about narcissistic bullies especially Sensei Reese - AN ENEMY DESERVES NO MERCY!
- WE DONT TRAIN TO BE MERCIFUL HERE! MERCY IS FOR THE WEAK !
Mr Miyagi was the healthy assertive wise bodyguard for Daniel San - Mr Miyagi represented DRC in the movie
Thanks Dr C for this video !
At least Johnny changed and matured somewhat, especially by the 5th season of Cobra Kai.
Excellent observation 👌 👍 👏 😀
Thanks DrC yor videos have made an immeasurable inpact on my life, igive you my deepest Thanks.
You are very welcome.
Dr. C. Thank you. There are as many roads that lead to this situation, but only one road out. Thanks for opening my mind.
@@surviving_narcissism1 Is that really you Dr. C?
Thank you Dr. C, I greatly appreciate you. Your words and care are so beautiful and touching😪 . May God bless and cover you and yours. Including Gus 🐶🙏🏾
Hi Gus!! 🐶
Woof!
I am not a bully and i don't trust anyone?
Spot on again!
I emerged into adulthood confused and in need of therapy to put me on a better path. I entered into intensive therapy and found so much relief from the understanding gained.
What causes these bullies to fear healing more they fear remaining in inner turmoil?
Have the best weekend Dr. C & Team Healthy! 💜🐾
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
THANKS AGAIN GUS…Looks like Gus is so worn out putting this video together again..smiles.
Thank you Dr. C.- we appreciate you also.
God bless you and your loved ones.
Thanks, Dr. C! Gus! And Dr. Ramani!
My father is the narcissist in my family. He didn't "bully" as much as pulled endless tantrums.... So if he didn't get his way, EVERYONE was miserable.
Well, actually that's bullying! Ugh.
@@SurvivingNarcissism oh. Welp. I'm finding new things out every day.
Thank you Dr C
He’s the best!
Thank you Dr.C, no is definitely the right answer ❤🙏
Thinking about...
A pain-filled narcissist/ a 'pained' codependent/flying monkeys...and their degree of control or being controlled.
❤ Everything you said. ❤
what a beautiful , spiritual, positive message and video Dr C
You're a gift, Dr. Carter. Thank you.
Go and grow in the direction of learning from painful messages. I so value Dr. Carter's specific steps and coaching tips especially: choose healthy assertiveness, nuture yourself in your alone time, do reflective thinking, be kind, be the safe person, speak your truth, respect your boundaries. "my gentleness, my kindness, my empathy, and even my own angst can become foundational stones that I can build upon as I find my own internal strength and resolve." I EMBRACE THE POWER OF MY OWN INTERNAL PEACE AND GROWTH. I am reasonable and respect myself. I am that person of peace. ☮️
Hi from California Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. I never did like those that like to bully others in school. I never played the game and had too many cousins at school for the bully to give me lots of trouble. I always thought that if you had to react, do it with the head bully and the others will forget about it. Worked out well for me. Thank you so much for a great video Dr. Carter. I realize I am talking about the school bully but they are usually Narcissistic when they grow up too.
Thank you for this, Dr. C.
In my life, my two aunts are like this towards me. Later in life, it was my husband.
Abused by one aunt, then abused by the other aunt’s husband, both aunts in cahoots with each other, to cover and distort the truth. When I tried to talk to one about it, she raised her voice until I couldn’t even hear myself. When I tried to talk with the other aunt, she made me out to be ‘the other woman’, instead of the child of 11yrs of age that I was. She told me, I told my (adult) kids what happened, and they don’t care. They still love him. It was then that I realized that she had twisted the truth to make me out to be the bad person.
I was afraid of the aunt who abused me, because I believed that she was gay, and I found her to have dominant tendencies. It wasn’t until after she had married, that I had a dream revealing to me what had happened when I was about preschool age. We grew up believing that homosexuality was a sin, so it felt to me like my aunt, 45 years old +,had married a man out of financial convenience, and to pretend to everyone else that she is this religious person who is above reproach.
It doesn’t matter to me who she married, man or woman, because as an adult, I’ve reconciled that I don’t know everything, and that God is love, period, regardless of your walk. My only issues with this aunt is that she never admitted wrongdoing or apologized, that she may be using this man for financial gain, she being gay, and her actions against me, influencing my other family members against me. She preaches and family treats her like she is an authority on everything, even in untruths.
These two aunts colluded against me, influencing my family members against me, when the truth would have sufficed. One, her admitting that she made a mistake when she was young, or admitting that she’s gay. The second, admitting that she didn’t believe me , so she decided to stay married to a child molestar for 30+ years.Either way, telling the truth and giving a heartfelt apology would have been simpler and more healing for me, than the path of alternate truths and lies against me. It feels like being abused by them twice, as a child, and then again as an adult.
Although they don’t seem to, maybe they carry some pain from it, for feeling like they can’t possibly tell the truth. Then again, although for 30-40 years I’ve been the object of their indifference (and now my daughter), maybe their pain has nothing to do with me. I doubt it, based on how they treat me.
I wish that they could be truthful and apologize, because honestly, they seem unaffected by everything, but I would like the opportunity to heal and to have a family in earnest.
Edited to correct my post.
The pain filled narcissists in my life use isolation as their way to control me. They know that I’m desperate for the love of my family, and they exclude me and my daughter from everything. I see them twice a year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Interestingly though, even though I miss them, I recognize that being around them is not healthy for me, since they refuse to be truthful. It’s difficult to heal, when they are decidedly in denial. The few times that we interact, we get along and love each other, but sometimes I need to remind myself to guard my heart, because well… I know the truth.
Something's wrong when the tyrant terrorizes you along with groups of younger people...and why would narcissistic teens want to bully an adult? Insecurity issues?! Rejected by peers?!
This was so helpful! I've been bullied online for years by someone who is exactly like what you described at 1:30. He acts like he's doing me a favor, "helping" me by trashing my name. I've never even met him, he just chose me to focus his obsessive hatred on.
Like you said, I've dedicated my life to helping others deal with trauma and I believe my honesty, openness and mental health threatens him. Thank you again, this was very helpful
If you investigate this, you may find that it is someone you know well, using a fake identity.
Thank you for this powerful message of healing Dr. C. There are so many bullies out there in all kinds of degree in pain that need to project this onto their targets.
Yep i wasnt respectful ...u need to listen and do as i say 🥴 i said ur not my mum , partner , or teacher all she did was stand there with her eyes shut ??? Shut down then meekly walked off ... Next time was nice for about 20 minutes then started " picking fault" and trying to cause an argument over nothing 🙄
Yes My Mum was and still is a Narc now in her old age
Sorry that I keep bringing this up, but this is my daughter.
No apology needed. I know it hurts.
Same. I went no contact with a sibling and now have this to deal with an offspring. I was in denial. It's not easy with controllers.
@@kf4722 I went no contact with my mother and then I had to deal with it with my child.
@@SurvivingNarcissism I'm over the hurt now, but at the time, it was so confusing.
Yes. My late stepfather acted like a tyrant to me. I confronted him and set boundaries with him.
I'm just glad GUS is in the right hands of a
(peaceful owner). Can't imagine all the animals
in the hands of a narcissistic care taker.
I got Gus as a rescue 9 years ago when he was a 10 month pup. He's been incredibly loyal.
Always extremely insightful Dr. C.
Thanks Maxwell.
Your title says it all. Control. Painful to wake up. And no more for me.... I see my brother who's a very wounded narc on FB often. I can see thru all his selfies. He took was over controlled in our family. My MD dad and oldest brother were horrid. I have trouble having empathy for them.
Great video. Thanks for sharing. God bless. ❤❤❤
Right to it, Dr. Cater, in a dexterous way. (Always) appreciate-
Bingo, sir.
Well done
WELL SAID !
Thank you for this Dr. C!💓
You are so welcome
Thank you so much, Dr C. I really appreciate this video, especially how you share your experiences with different people who have had to live with different narcissistic abuse situations. I'm in the same pattern as the woman you mentioned whose male siblings were taught by their narcissistic father how to bully her. It's healing and empowering for me to realize I'm not the only one who has gone through
(and sometimes still goes through) such bad treatment. Also, I really appreciate your saying that you hope those of us who listen to your videos over time will experience cumulative healing. I'm feel certain that your videos bolster my health and strength more and more, as I am blessed to be able to listen to you often.
You are too much!!!
Way more help than anyone could use !! I am more than grateful could express to you and the time you have put in with these videos. You have helped me more than anyone could have ever planned to help me. I will forever be in your debt. You changed my life over six years ago. I started watching and never have stopped. Some videos I watch over and over. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. I know you were here for a reason, and I am so grateful to be one of those reasons.
Wow! Thanks for such words of encouragement. I am humbled to know I get to play a role in others' growth, so please know I am honored to be on the path with you.
Good morning
This is a very special message to me as this is what I was faced with. I pushed for sanity to have a life of respect and integrity. I have found peace and a healthy life moving forward. Thanks for your continued support. Bullies do not exist in my life anymore. I was very blessed to have the support that was so important in my life as I have gained the worthiness to move forward to a healthy mindset. God bless you as you continue to convey the most inspiring words of manifestation. ❤