When He Says, "Stop Bringing Up Old Stuff."🤔
Вставка
- Опубліковано 23 сер 2024
- This is a snippet from a Self-Crowned VIP Live Chat I had earlier today. Self-Crowned is an exclusive platform for those who want a premium level of content from me that I don't upload anywhere else including free products, Narc Abuse Prevention Strategies, and more.
Sign up for a 30 day free trial today and get a free copy of my Self Crowned journal just for trying it out: selfcrowned.com
This is a snippet from a Self-Crowned VIP Live Chat I had earlier today. Self-Crowned is an exclusive platform for those who want a premium level of content from me that I don't upload anywhere else including free products, Narc Abuse Prevention Strategies, and more.
Sign up for a 30 day free trial today and get a free copy of my Self Crowned journal just for trying it out: selfcrowned.com/
Yesss💯☺️..
Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but, I got really tripped up by what you said about people hypothetically making fun of someone who used to read by sliding their finger under each line. Are people seriously that petty? I mean, was that example somewhat based on something you actually witnessed?
Thank You for making this video.
From Ethiopia ❤️💛💚
Derrick Jaxn thank you so much I am going through this now, I was praying about the same thing today. And I came across this video God is good! Thanks 🙏
Can u talk about the B Smith situation. Its just awful.
These dudes will call something "old" when they just did it yesterday. Please 🙄
Tee Robinson 😂🤣💀👏🏾👏🏾😂🤣💀👏🏾👏🏾🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Indeed!
Say that sis!!
FORRREAL!!
Exactly!
The only way to forgive and stop bringing up the old shit is IF he _changes_ and never hurts you the same way again!
_Manipulators just wanna keep doing the old shit but expect a girl to have a memory of a goldfish and a forgiving heart_
Exactly!!!! 🙌🏾
Well said
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
Enuff said👏👏
Oh so TRUE✋
I like what my coworker did with her cheating husband. He kept saying, "I said sorry, what else do you me to do?! Stop bringing it up!" So my friend threw a plate on the kitchen floor and said sorry to it. She did this 4 times (he cheated on her 4 times) and asked him are the plates fixed? Are they back to their original state? He called her crazy so she packed her bags there and then and finally left him.
I was so proud of her, we all were because that was the last time and she walked away from him. She is happy and drama/heartbreak free with a decent man today :)
This is an awesome example, I never looked at it that way!!!
I respect that so much. I didn't do that, and I wish I had.
I'm dealing with a similar issue. I should probably react the same way. I love how they want to act like they did nothing wrong it's hilarious.
You, and other men with your mature mindset, are a breathe of fresh air!
Janae Miller Media Yes they are!👏👏👏👏
Rat Dusty your English is so bad, can you rewrite your comment so that it makes sense ?
Like fr
Janae do you know any other similiar youtubers :) I only know him and Chazz, I've seen many, many more but they are mediocre at best
Amen to that!!! A real man is indeed.
My ex always said it was old, but he still was doing old shit.
My ex did the same thing too, I guess him cheating multiple wasn’t a bad thing for him.
I know exactly how u feel it's like u don't even have time to heal from the first time..it's something that gets so old and it makes u feel different about urself but u know what?! We are beautiful no matter what he made that choice. Just be better to love urself and better urself.
SAD PART IS, THIS HAPPENS A LOT. HE COULD DO SOME 💩 YESTERDAY AND SAY; BABY IT HAPPENED ALREADY... IT'S PAST, LETS MOVE PAST IT ALREADY. UMMMM 🙅, TF?!
@Rat Dusty actually we aren't together he moved out and has his own place. Forgiveness is alot and takes a toll so I removed myself from it but thanks for ur input!!
I go through that same shit, but with my dad.. instead he says i talk about the same shit😒 we wouldn’t be if you just acted right, hes about to get cut tf off. Wanna act like a stranger you get cut off like one!
One lie is enough to question all *truths*
True
💯
Yup.
You wonder everytime there was or is a discrepancy.
Kelly Yunes
Yes...that's it on a nutshell!
Damn, that's deep!
"FORGIVENESS IS NOT A VERBAL DECISION IT'S A PROCESS" omg wisdom, he dropped that dime and I'm damn sure picking it up!!
LaTasha Faison you’re beautiful
Me too
I’m literally going through this now and he keeps telling me to get over it... I will, by moving out
AMEN!!!! ❤
Hope you left boo i was leaving for 4yrs
Been there girl. You go♥️
Same!
I hope you left!! Seek the Lord, He wants better for you and will help you!
If we are bringing up old shit it means there was never no resolution or a valid reason.... This is why arguments stay alive is because the guy dismissed it and us women want answers
Exactly!
Lala ky Absolutely. The key was no resolution was given. It will forever be brought up in the relationship and quite frankly I don’t think the relationship will ever be the same depending on the infraction of course. You opened up Pandora’s box and now you have to deal with the aftermath. SO DEAL WITH IT AND STOP BRINGING UP THE FACT THAT I KEEP BRINGING STUFF UP.
Yeah but women are expected to sacrifice their dignity so men can feel comfortable.
Lala ky thhhaannkkk youuu 👏👏👏 love is clarity not confusion
Exactly! When you pull a vague explanation out of your ass and give a half hearted apology, THE MINUTE you do something that makes me doubt your feelings or attitude towards me - the questions are going to RISE UP in my head again! There will be no closure, none, until you give all the answers and start acting really different!
That’s what men need to understand
The funny part is when a woman cheats on those same type of men it's NEVER old shit!
OMG YASSSSSS
I was just about to type the same thing.
Noted
Whooooo. Yass! Will NEVER hear the end of it!!!
They want you to act like nothing ever happened when clearly you have been violated emotionally, mentally and spiritually. The trust is gone. The purity in the bond that you thought you had in your relationship is gone. Saying "sorry" can't fix that. You have to rebuild (if possible), just like you tore down. In most cases, the damage can't be repaired and the relationship is never the same. Any person who is asking you to stop bringing up old shit clearly is not concerned about your healing or is not willing to do the work that it will take to regain the trust in which they destroyed.
Amem 💯
Truth!!
Yessss! 👍
My ex
Exactly. When a man says this, thats is a 🚩to me. Narcissist 101. Run girl run.🏁
Yes 👍
Narcs are dangerous lil creatures. Never sleep with or on one!
That’s true sis!
You are so right my husband always said that he is a narcissist.
What about when a woman says this? True story.
We bring up old stuff because it’s predictors for future behavior, that’s why there’s the word pattern!
preach!
Say that AGAIN sis!!!
PREACH!!
Bam!!!
boom!!!!
Women bring up old stuff when he never took accountability, won’t apologize for it, and is making no effort to make amends and change .
Trust that if all those conditions are met... her heart is open and ready to move on with him. And it goes both ways. Truth be told I bet a man being hurt in a similar way by a woman would be the same.
Its being brought up because it is still an open wound !!!
Take accountability. Make amends. Change the behaviour. Be patient for the healing. Simple.
Amen...plain and simple...wonderfully put together and explained Ms. Kelly! 🙌🙌🙌
It should not take 2+years to heal from past hurt, if it was rectified and has not currently been happening.
Women don't take accountability either
If theres no accountability..there is no apology...and shld be no relationship
Deonte Athens it takes as long as it takes. You can’t dictate how someone chooses to heal damage you did
Stop brining up old shit means to me the relationship should end since you don't care about how your actions effect me. In 2019, you're dismissed. I have no time for this foolishness.
Shouldn’t never did shit to bring up in the first place
😂👌🏼😌
Yesss! Cause old shit keeps bringing in more new shit🦀....just more on.
Exactly
Whew! Amen!
When my ex cheated I brought that ish up in EVERY argument. He said “stop bringing up old shit” I said ok and left. One of the best decisions I ever made!
Valerie YASSSS f---k HIM bastard thought it was just go blew over NOPE BYE SUCKA
Valerie that’s right now your worth 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
LMAO awesome mic drop Valerie
@@msbrownsking5091 u go girl! When u break the parasites off of u (their supply)....u surely will soar to new heights, grow & glow.
@@kamille1271 I had too. It was draining me mentally and physically but I thank God because what was meant to break me God meant it for my good!
AKA “I’ve cheated and you’ve caught me and I still want to stay just so I can be comfortable.. stopping bringing up old shit” 🙄 miss me with that BS. Thank you... next. Just throw the whole relationship away!
The Whollllllleee Relationship!! 🙏👏👏Amen
Yup
Honey yessssss 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
@Rat Dusty speak proper English moron
@@EC-fx7ep project much?
You're absolutely right. Some men want to do wrong and have their consequences to be nothing. She's bringing up old things because you still exude those behaviors. You can't dictate how long a woman is hurt by what you did WRONG in the past.
Wow! My life right now. BF is so afraid to talk about his cheating, and he thinks pretending that we moved past it is the best and most healthiest option. Meanwhile my resentment builds because I cannot express how I feel without him getting “frustrated”. It’s exhausting and his mindset is immature.
Jeanie B throw the whole grown A boy away, it’s useless... ( I just did ) & I’m never taking him back... ( peddle to the medal, this way...
Reading this comment and hoping you've moved on in the last year. ❤
The main reason a woman continues to bring up old shit is because the man has refused to deal with it head on and resolve it in a manner that brings balance back. Shoe on the other foot they ready to leave you or put their hands on you
Ain't THAT the truth!
Right on the mark.....been there girl.
@@ladyfrances4473 the thing that sucks ass the most is when u give a MF an opportunity to make things right, they lack the mental capacity to realize that it's out of love and not stupidity
I wish I could like this 1 Million times
👍🏽
I agree with everything he said. I hate when guys saying "STOP bringing up old SHIT!! Everyone gets over things at different times..it's a process.
Especially if it's not talked about in the first place
I agree. I’ll just let a man know in the beginning. “In the event that you do ANYTHING that causes me hurt or pain and I decide to stay and work it out with you, there is a strong possibility that I may bring up old shit during my healing process. Are you okay with that?” And if you do it more than once (not cheating but other shit, cause if you cheat I’m leaving yo ass) there is a strong possibility that I might keep bring up old shit, not to make you feel like shit but to point out an obvious pattern in hopes that you’ll see it to and work on correcting it.
I brought up a reoccurring concern and I got back “Enough!” from him. He was not allowing the process at all. So I kicked him out of my house. I’m hurt like a kicked puppy but I’m gonna process on my own. Staying strong!
Please tell me how it went. Hope you are much better now
Well said 👏🏽 they make us feel guilty for getting upset when they do wrong and say we are insecure and make us feel like we are over reacting. Next thing you know we are asking for forgiveness for something they did 🤔
Every time the world makes me feel crazy your videos remind me that I’m not. You un-gaslight all this stuff with every video you make. You are nailing it. I appreciate you. High five and Namaste. Keep going!
Just told someone today...
The positive about the internet age...
One doesn't feel so alone and crazy because we see it's not just us!
Thank YOU for saying this!!❤
Peace and Blessings!
If my heart is involved, am bringing up whatever.... don't dictate how i deal with your bs...
naomi k Amen to that. It will be brought up because you decided to make it a topic of discussion when it didn’t have to be. Foh.
Exactly 👍👍👍
so why not just leave
Jaz Christian For some woman it’s not easy to just leave. In the moment some women feel like they’d be strong enough or have enough love to stay. That’s the easy part. The hard part comes after she’s decided to stay because after that point the relationship is most definitely altered and in most cases not in a good way. So the better question is, why don’t men just leave? In essence you already did anyway.
Tah TheGHOSTER you are correct the man should leave before he do something to hurt the women but if a man or woman do something wrong and their other stays with them then holding it over their head is toxic...you can forgive and not forget but to bring it up every time you get upset even if it has nothing to do what they did in the past is wrong...it’s better to just leave the relationship in my opinion
This hit home the blatant disrespect is so embarrassing literally
Exactly..ugh
It's humiliating😔
I feel the same way. It's humiliating.
Get em now....that’s exactly what they do! Screw you over and then the next day like it never happened. Always deflecting and never taking accountability for anything. So glad I opted out of that toxic situation!
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I need a man with this mindset right here!
GIRL!!! YES!!! He hit it dead on!!!
That way you can walk around with his nutts in your purse huh? SMH...
Good luck....They dont make em like this no more.
Even her friend tell her to stop bringing it up if you don't do anything about it. Ladies if you are hurt that bad just leave, don't stay and keep bringing it up, you are just giving him an accuse to do it again. " well, she think I'm cheating anyway so fuck it"
“”You set off a series of events to follow”” 1000 percent facts!! If this isn’t the truth idk what is!!!!
My neighbors man was cheating for like three years and when she stayed after finding out he was telling her stop bringing up old shit after one year! 😆 like damn man! Can she at least get three years too? At least? 😆
She showed him how to treat her.... She accepted his crap so he treats her like crap
Wow 😳 smh
GOD DAMN THAT FELT GOOD!!! to hear those words come out of a man’s mouth!!! You are doing Gods work no joke brother! I hope this goes viral!!! And you become a household name! 🙏🏽💕
This is so true. If a guy does something wrong, a woman is suppose to act like it never happened. I have literally seen several guys want to do harm to a woman just because she moved on from his mess. The word is accountability. I was taught the quicker you take responsibility the quicker you can move on. Sometimes that doesn't mean getting back together. Sometimes you have to be understanding that the road after betrayal is hard. It's not suppose to be easy.
alenda fogle my idiot ex sent me a text saying he missed after almost a year of cowardly walking away from me. He thought I was going to forget that easily
This is so true!!!
@Rat Dusty No one but abusers create domestic violence, and no one has to STFU in a mature relationship. I think that's what he means in the video. Even at a job your gonna hear if you mess up. Mature people should be able to hear what they've done wrong. If not, the cheater should leave. They were already gone anyway.
@@alendafogle2595 you gave that idiot exactly what he wanted. I never respond to trolls.
@@diannwhitaker6 It's ok for people to disagree. I'm rarely even post comments.
This is NARSCISST behavior
Jermetra Brown that’s right! They thrive on it
*EXACTLY*
Hey hey hey 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Jermetra Brown heavy facts💪🏽
Truth.
I dont get What Dudes "Dont Get" about this??
Tanisha Bryant They get it... they just hope YOU don’t get it...
@@BaseballKing44 exactly. Because clearly all these women on here is like I need a man like him. Which is what he wants.
WELL.....you could try to he a better man. If youre not a good one.
"be"
@@BaseballKing44 or..she keeps bringing up the old shit cause your not acting like YOURE trying to help her get past it..if u hurt her and u both agree to try and move on..u cant act like it never happen..that just says to her u dont really care that u did it, just that she "forgave" u for it
"It's not old shit just because you tired of feeling guilty about it" 🔥🔥🔥
Just because YOU choose to block things out does not make it disappear forever!
Kyra Noelle learned that hard way... people really don’t have to forgive you or engage you.... their choice.....
Cam Steph, many of us have and/or will.
I like this background and the different camera shots. Looks super polished.
Tanyon Tama same 😂🙌🏼
Yes, upgrade for the 2K19 🙌!!!
@Rat Dusty if you think that why are you here? Haters be the biggest supporters
That's why it's best to just let him go for good. I can put my head down at night and sleep peacefully but took two years for me to heal and get there so I can trust another man again.
A man needs to reassure his woman by actions. Show her you ARE sorry you Hurt her and it will NEVER
happen again..
Besides, relevant *PAST* behavior can be a good indicator of present & *FUTURE* behavior.
Osita Gordita
Excellent point!!
Repeat offenders usually need to go somewhere that prevents them from hurting the people they allegedly "loved"!!!!!
"Don't bringing up the past" ....but it literally happened yesterday. They just don't want to be held accountable or don't want to work though the issues they want to pretend it didn't happen and give a half assed I'm sorry.
They wouldn't have to worry about ne bringing up old stuff, because I would be gone. No time to keep repeating myself to someone who's supposed to be grown & they are making no conscious effort to repair what they screwed up.
@@dnw75 Yes! Sitting there giving chance after chance will have you sitting there miserable going through the same old drama. The best thing to do is just let go if they want to keep doing the same bs over again. I feel like the older I get the less tolerant and patient I become when it comes to bs. Some guys just want to play games and I'm over it lol
@@ketakool11 go on ahead girl! Never let them walk all over you because they will mercilessly stomp all over you if you let them. Dont accept or settle for bs.
@@K907y girl yes it's sad but they will ,been there not going back ,yes being alone dont feel good but I'd rather suffer this than suffer being mistreated just to say I have a man ,thanks girl
@@ketakool11 You don't have to suffer. Being alone isn't a bad thing. Give yourself the time you need to heal. You'll jump back. I'm single actually less stressful it's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders I'm happy. Love yourself first you deserve it. I refuse to give my energy to someone I feel isnt worth it my time is just too expensive it one of the only things you can never get back
I'm so glad you ended on that note. Loving yourself means not putting your happiness in anyone else's hands. Just because you love a person doesn't mean they're worthy. Especially if they expect more consideration from you than they've ever given to you.
My favorite one. That's like a guy saying trust and have faith in me after he destroys your life. True story but at least I can admit that I was in the wrong for allowing it to happen.
Me too girl me too
Truth! I let it happen to me but I'm wiser for it!
PREACH!!!!
Thank you for understanding and sharing this message 🙏🏼
Mistakes are made to be forgiven, but not forgotten.
Not all mistakes can be forgiven. In a ideal world or situation yes, but in reality forgiveness has to be earnt or the latter forgiveness is just is not that easy. For those who come from a religious stance on this, you do you and I'll do me. Not everyone can forgive everything because it is dependant on the damage caused or crime, before you can forgive you want to see justice or experience justice. Just my opinion. Like I said, you do you and I will do me. I just like to keep advice real in reality.
If you are one of these people that can forgive no matter what someone does to you. Fair play, but I have feelings and will not be a doormat for the world or another person who shows no remorse.
Forgiveness doesn't mean the relationship has to continue. "I can forgive someone from far away" is one of my favorite sayings, lol. Forgiveness is necessary to move on from being hurt but trust is needed in any relationship to make it work. Trust has to be earned again once it's broken. To earn it again can be a very hard thing to do
When people say that really wat does that even mean how am i supposed 2 4 give u if i can't 4get
When you forgive someone, you will still remember what happened but you won't be so angry and/or hurt. You let go of your pain but takes time. It takes even more time when the person who hurt you won't even acknowledge that they did anything wrong. But you'll never forget which means that you'll do things differently. You won't allow yourself to be in certain situations that may result in repeated behavior. It is possible to forgive and still not forget because forgiveness just means you're at peace and have accepted the things that have happened, not because it doesn't hurt but because it cannot be changed. We have to let go of the things that we can't change and grow from our experiences. Letting go is part of forgiveness but not forgetting our experiences makes us stronger. You can forgive someone while being mindful of how you were hurt to avoid taking that path again
Amen!
I’m currently going through this. He expects me to stop bringing it up. He wants me to move on from it but it just happened and he didn’t even give me the environment to help me heal.
Cee Are Praying for you. This has to be a toxic situation. Praying you make the best decision for you.
Mukbangs and Beauty thank you! I decided to move on. Let me tell you it sure feels good to be free from that toxic relationship. It’s a new fresh breath of air. It was tough to let go but when that happened I soon realized it was harder to hold on. Blessings!
Cee Are Praoss God. Bless you!
Exactly! A changing man wont even say that shit!
Pure intelligence you have! The manner you speak! The breakdown! The thoroughness!
Balenciaga Lifestyle he sure does!
Richey's Coaching 💯
The king 👑 of truth in relationships!
Forgiveness is not an alone thing it's a togetherness thing unless you end the relationship. PERIOD
Lordt my husband needed to hear this , I will be playing this on the big screen tonight when he think he gonna be watching some damn show .... lol
Who’s married to this amazing man 😭😭😭😏
Clarena C Balles 🤦🏻♂️
dee welsh thanks lol.
I think I found his clone lol
Harlem Antoinette Rising from the ashes damn lol.
@dee welsh same here and agreed! Do not settle thats the thing
It's hilarious when you point out a pattern of behavior and they call it bringing up old shit. But if you only bring up the most recent time, they say you're making too much out of it. Learned my lesson on that one. Next time I walk out! They can try that shit on someone else.
GIRL!
@tag line Yep, let them figure out why you're gone.
Me too. I know all about it
I've finally learned my lesson ten fold to walk away. 👢
Exactly!
I’ve listened to this 10 times... makes me want to cry knowing there are people out there who actually understand when you do somebody wrong you don’t get to decide the terms of their forgiveness!! My “man” needs to understand this shit after allowing his family to verbally abuse me for a few years while pleading with him to set boundaries to protect me from their bs that I didn’t even start to begin with other than just existing.
Went through a garbage relationship. Long story short watching your videos reassured me that nothing I was feeling was wrong when he tried to make it seem that way. All I have to say is Thank you!👏
If u won't do new shit similar to the old shit I wouldn't need to bring up the old shit!! 🤷🏽♀️
Don't give me no triggers you don't want pulled!
What do you think this is?
Smarten up.
Black_Dove You said THAT!!! Girl I’m full of triggers. I’m an army of one.
BIG G This is 100% true for both men and women but in this post he seems to be specifically directing this to men because as he said there were like a thousand men blowing up the comments section agreeing with the meme. Had it been the other way around he would have put the focus on us.
Black_Dove AHMEN
@@Wilson-vx6ty I love you baby, much respect! Hold your head! #1Life1Love
@@BaseballKing44 and dont be with some one wasting their time if your gonna keep repeating the same shit and repeating the same thing from the past...
Old things get forgotten when your actions shows that you're not who you use to be
I appreciate you creating a space that allows us as women to feel not so *crazy* or misunderstood. I realize im hurting so much because of the lack of *accountability* & *communication* for those I've dated past transgressions. I grew up around women that were forced to be strong so all i know is *standing up for myself*.... but typically i have bad luck w/ men when i do
HOWEVER I WILL REMAIN TRUE TO MYSELF no matter what !
You need a podcast! 🙌🏼
My heart ❤️ is so numb now I just quickly move on 😩
IssaReal Beauty I’m the same way now and people think it’s heartless. Yes it might be but hence the word heart-less, I have less heart than I had before so I can no longer endure the things I once have.
Rat Dusty If a woman loving herself teaches any man to run 🏃🏽♀️ perhaps he should be running
IssaReal Beauty You deserve to heal and be vulnerable with someone who will cherish you. Much healing and peace to you sisters. I'm going through this now :)
Christina Lucas I agree ☝️ thank you 🙏🏽 prayers
Rat Dusty I agree ☝️
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾I Love that analogy!!!!! You have no idea just how emotionally refreshing this video is for people who have been betrayed 🙌🏾👏🏾The word for today is Process...💆🏾♀️Many Thanks Derrick..
Finally someone who understands thank you Derrick.
When I send my male friends your videos they snap 😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂
Nicole Speaaks me too! And I’m always like ... oh, I see you now
The Truth Hurts lol 😂😂😂
I feel you...i sent a few videos to a male friend and he was literally pissed...talking about hey don't send me No more Bullshit I ain't trying to her THAT........my point exactly
My man FLIPS OUT
What!!😳 N I thought I was the only one who got these reactions from male friends...😒wow! Will the Real Men Pls. Stand Up
Dealt with this today and BOOM... Here's your video. Thank you. This is what I say but I'm told I just can't get over the past.... But he keeps the past relevant. Smh
Nubian Tee girl I just did myself! I blocked him from getting into my head.
Time to learn self worth 👑
Rat Dusty also me af lol
Sameeee
Me too!
Man, I cried watching this.
lol if he was a
preacher, I would actually go to church!
😂👍🏼
Amen 🙏
Exactly!! Women will bring up old stuff when the new behavior is reminiscent of that hold stuff. So if you're trying to do better, there are certain things you will not be still entertaining triggering those old memories
Botton line is most of these dudes want to do what they want without any consequences. And they expect you to be ok with whatever they dish out.
Exactly thank u
This is the same for men and women. Again, people need to heal while they’re SINGLE in order for this stuff to be eliminated in a relationship.
What if they are married how do you think they should deal with it?
Supermom 85 great question. There are several steps you can take. 1) give them space to “work on” whatever they’re working on without being judgmental and impatient for that amount of time. 2) then, have weekly and monthly evaluations about the progress at the table like you would with your team or company. 3) now that the agreed upon time is up, you ask yourself and each other: is it improved well enough, and if so great! And make a commitment to continue to journey of improving. If not, then you both (and possibly he/she alone as well) need to seek outside guidance to get help with the particular puzzle or barrier in the marriage.
Most people don’t know themselves when they get married, and then end up being trapped with someone who has different values or a certain set of behavior they can’t deal with. And instead of having a set of strategies, they just suppress their emotions and “deal with it,” which only makes it worse for both of them and ends up killing the marriage, slowly but surely...
Did that answer your question?
@@RicheysCoaching you need to be some kind of life coach. It was the way you explained it.👌
Supermom 85 yes ma’am 😊
I’m not sure that complete healing while you are single is viable. We encounter uniquely complex and difficult emotions in the vulnerability of a marriage that we have never encountered before and you have to grow and learn within the marriage. I got divorced 6 years ago and had 4 good years of chosen singledom (dating but no relationships) to work on myself. When I got into a relationship 2 years ago, a lot of issues that I felt I had resolved were retested and there were new ones. The understanding of personal responsibility that I gained in my single years only took me so far and would serve me well if I wanted to remain single. The point is I now am having to learn how to balance personal responsibility for my emotions and life choices against the responsibility to be vulnerable and care for another person’s wellbeing. This can only be learned within a relationship. This is where the meat of the work happens. Working on yourself while you are single is like taking classes (very important ones) but navigating and growing a relationship is where the real tests and exams happen. You only know how well you are doing when you are passing or failing the exams of real life. Gotta tell you, I am always tempted to go back to “school” and stay there. 😀
Why am I just now seeing this! You my friend are a REAL MAN. 👏👏👏
I lost the best friend that I’ve ever had over this same issue. I miss her so much. And she was correct about everything.
Have you made up with your friend yet?
“Which she probably should”!!!! That last part went right thru my soul!!! 💯💯💯💯💯
Balenciaga Lifestyle Didn’t it now?? I caught the Holy Ghost. I’m an eventual forgiver but I don’t stick around after something happens that I know I’ll never be able to stop bringing up. Those things that you can’t stop bringing up are the things that caused the most distress. I couldn’t stick around if a man caused that in me.
Tah TheGHOSTER yes girl 1000 percent! You took my thoughts right out my head girl!! If that isn’t the truth!
Tah TheGHOSTER and neither do I! You have one chance period!! Fool me once shame on you!! Fool me twice shame on me!! I’m with you on that! You said nothing but facts!!!!! 💯
Your channel is soooooo underrated!!! You should have millions of subscribers! And just then maybe more men would here your truth and become better versions of themselves!!
I totally agree
No one should not dislike this video because he is speaking all facts.
Derrick? Wow! Thank you for validating my feelings. I married a disgusting covert narcissist who said, 'The past is the past."
You, sir, are a true man.
Great video.
“Proper environment for healing” I love that!
Wow! This guy is definitely on point..I went thru the same thing repeated with my ex..he's 52 and boy is he a liar!! I grew so tired of his bs and inconsistent ways that I finally left and said "KUDOS BRUH!" Life is 2 short to continue living in bondage...
Yes yes yes. Peace and blessings
Amen. Peace and Blessings!
I dont expect perfection from a guy, but I sure as heck expect respect. I won't settle for less.
Staying single and loving it!
Need so many men with his common sense 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽
Thank you! Don’t be surprised if I treat you different.
This is so relevant, it's ridiculous. I got into it with my ex because he decided he wanted to extend his friendship after cheating on me. I felt triggered and I let him know - and he said "I'm living with the consequences of my mistakes... I'm done with all of that... you're not gonna guilt trip me every time you're in your feelings." Derrick, you're absolutely right - forgiveness and healing is definitely a process. You can't do people dirty, multiple times, then want them to forgive you and be friends... but when your "friend" is hurt, they can't even go to you about the hurt because you don't wanna feel more guilty...? Did you really learn your lesson? Am I really bringing up old stuff - ain't the selfishness and inconsideration still happening? You don't even care about my hurt because you didn't even THINK to comfort me, you only care that I'm making you feel guilty about you hurting me. You're dismissed. AGAIN.
Exactly!!!
If you truly freely forgive, then you will not want to bring up the past mistakes; however if you cannot forgive certain mistakes i.e cheating, abuse, neglect, backstabbing-twofaced-hateraid-obsessed behavior against you, then you will have to leave that situation completely alone, point blank period. Then there will not be a need to bring up the foolishness with that low down scoundrel in the 1st place... They have to know what goes around comes around, right? So the best way to avoid, not having to deal with bringing up a negative past, with the offender, is to leave it all in the PAST!!!! Get on with your life, so you don't have to spoil it with unnecessary and disturbing issues to go round and round about...
This is so damn true and soooo nice to hear explained by a real man! Thank you!
I cried at this. A whole year of emotional torture. This reassured me I wasn’t crazy or over the top when I have been searching for closure. I needed to hear this. Every word was spot on and suited my current situation. Thank you so much
100%The facts.👏🏿. You broke my heat💔. You caused medical problems my hair fell out, my nerves are bad, Im really surprised you didn't bring home any diseases. Im helping you with child support. Talking to my mama, said "As long as you got a roof over your head stop complaining. Or mama will say, "Be happy what you got, cause you could find worst." My friends tell me it must be not too bad, Im still here with you.
"That's why I keep bringing up ole shit."
I just had this discussion today, with a decent guy too. His whole point was that nobody wants to feel these ugly feelings so why not sweep it under the rug and move on. But the point he was missing, and what I tried to explain, is that the feelings just get burried, never resolved. He countered by saying pretty much that sweeping issues under the rug is apart of life. Man, some people are just convinced that healing isn't an option, only masking. Smh
Masking leads to depression...
Sweeping issues under the rug is a part of life for women in relationships in which their thoughts and feelings are routinely ignored.
So that's why the male suicide rate is higher, they literally never heal
And that's probably why men have heart attacks - emotions are stored in the organs. No resolution of emotional turmoil, the body suffers.
He was NOT a „decent guy“ but our average selfish, lying, weak ass pussy momma‘s boy! ☝🏼🧐 Us women MUST STOP making up excuses for them & this whole“he‘s a good boy, but...“ narrative! You‘re not his nurse or therapist, ok? Tell him to grow a pair & move the fuck on! 😂😊❤️ These male ass pussies are just wasting our time & energy. Been there, done that, no thank you. 👻
Simply THE BEST explanation of what a person goes through when the partner they trusted and believed in - screws them in the back. Forgiveness is not a verbal decision - its a process. Brilliant! Thank you!!!!
He keeps doing it to me I keep forgiving him because I cared too much and loved him unconditionally I had enough totally done...
Show your STRENTH be DONE...
It's totally done😄
Thank you. I've been told this myself. "Why you keep bring up old stuff?" I don't. I bring up new stuff that's a repeat of the old stuff. I took my heart back and everything that came with it. Now the only thing left is divorce, my finishing process of this marital end. A weight lifted.
Can't wait to put ink to my divorce papers too... But I can relate to that weight as my time winds down to move out
My new interpretation of this saying is: "Same Circles!!" Doing the same shit over & over!!
This 5 minute video validated me more than the past 3 years of my relationship hell. Thank you.
All women need you as a corner coach! Thanks for the insight to explain the feelings I have been having. Blessings Sir
YES! I just went through this. I told him he can’t dictate my emotions especially when he’s the one that broke trust in the first place. The entire situation is depressing.,,
People need to start a petition saying dont mute Derrick Jackson
Being accused of cheating, talking to guys, sleeping around there is so much BS that I been accused of I have NEVER done these things. It's all about loyalty morals and family with me. WTH! This is been going on for years. I gave him no reason to think such things.
My Algorithm is bringing up absolute GEMS from you Mr Jaxn, God is GREAT, thank you for everything that you do and continue to do! 💗
I really love this dude!!!. I forward your videos to someone once a week. Man I wish there were more men that think like you!!!!!.
leave his ass! all you do by staying with this sack of shit is teach him you will take it
Annnnd, Derrick your perspective of a woman's point of view is ASTOUNDING! You are very much appreciated in a world of hatred towards Melanated women, especially from our Melanated males. We deal with others dislike, mistreatment & hatred. However, from our own, it cuts deeper. Thank you Lil Big brother. ✊
This goes both ways. If you hurt your man allow him to process that and consciously work on it. Communication is key.