How to Get Out of the Casual Dating Trap
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- Опубліковано 24 лип 2024
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What’s the best way to go from casual to committed when you’re dating someone?
There are two important things to remember here:
• Our standards are a HUGE influence on someone’s decision to commit.
• We’re more likely to drop our standards when we really like someone.
So how do you show your standards in a confident way (without seeming demanding or needy)?
In today’s video, I share the best advice I’ve given on this topic through the years to raise your value in their eyes and build lasting attraction. Don’t miss it!
►► FREE Video Training: “Dating With Results” → www.DatingWithResults.com
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Blog → www.howtogettheguy.com/blog/
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▼ Chapters ▼
0:00 - 1:51 - “The Love Myths”
1:51 - 2:25 - Ready for Real
2:25 - 3:26 - The Standards That Matter
3:26 - 4:05 - What Happens When You Lower Your Standards
4:05 - 6:12 - How to Be Seen as “High Value”
6:12 - 7:10 - Having vs. Showing a Standard
7:10 - 8:00 - Communicating Your Standard: The Bliss Point
8:00 - 8:47 - Dealing With “The Date Deliberator”
8:47 - 9:38 - Responding to “The Homebody”
9:38 - 11:32 - The “Day of” Disappearance
11:32 - 13:03 - Going From Date One to Building Your Castle
13:03 - 15:14 - Deep Attraction and Enduring Desire
15:14 - 15:46 - Finding the Relationship You Want
Matthew has transformed my confidence over this year.
I just told a man last night that I am intentional about finding someone who is a good match without apology or appearing desperate. He asked what I was looking for and I told him the truth. We have a plot of land as Matthew says, and I’m not going to try to build a castle on quicksand by discarding my standards.
And yet, you 100% expect men to drop _their_ standards for _you?_
Do you see your hypocrisy, yet?
ANd how did that work out? Did you find out what he wants?
I am a high school boy struggling with dating and relationships and its funny because the stuff he says is just as applicable to me as it is the target audience of this video :)
We are all going through it. Trust that it will get better and that we will all find our people one day. Keep treating people right, respect yourself, and what you deserve will come to you if you are willing to keep going.
Wow you have great wisdom for such a youngster! Beautiful words ❤
You sound like you're definitely becoming a quality man. Don't change that
This is not a man to follow. Get to the gym.
@@jackdeniston59 Im a committed d1 bound athlete I don't need that advice. Hes great and hes given me a lot of valuable lessons.
You sound awesome and ahead of the pack for your age.... you will totally find your person one day ^.^ I'm excited for you!
I loathe the current dating trends, where if you’re not casual, you’re not relevant… Praying for my daughters
The entitlement of women is a major issue. They think they are better . Period
We live in an unsustainable Scenario unless you're groveling*
@@kimgordon3695 Didn’t he just get married? I saw photos of food, guests and a white dress…
Often men get very agressive when you don’t allow them to treat you like a person without value. Aka, having standards. Respect and kindness. They are so uneducated. Disrespectful toxic behaviour is unattractive. Edit: only stupid men do this
@@kimgordon3695he’s Married ffs 😂
Hey Matthew! I used to watch you a lot a few years ago. You really helped me to grow and become self aware and courageous. 3 years ago I stopped watching you because I had finally found someone I had a great connection with. Sad to say, I'm probably going to be single again soon because he's not putting in the same effort as me. So, I'm back here. I'm really thankful for your content.❤
I am sorry you're going through this. Have you communicated to them exactly what you need?
@@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool Yeah, numerous times. The problem is that he feels attacked every time and believe me, I've been walking on eggshells. We used to have a really special bond and always be there for each other. He's not happy with his life and he's started to shut down recently. Then he started saying things like he didn't want kids and he didn't want to move in together and he didn't want to waste my time and he wasn't good enough. That's when I learned about the fearful avoidant attachment style :D... That explains quite a lot actually. If I had had that knowledge earlier, I could have noticed it early on. I had already felt unsafe because his behaviour has been inconsistent. He was clingy at first then super independent then clingy again and so on. Then finally he questioned the whole relationship. He back-pedalled quickly but I don't trust him anymore. It's time for me to go. Thanks for your content aswell.😄❤️
Matthew I have been listening to your podcasts for the last 6 mos. Ur amazing. The content is outstanding. Keep up the great work. Ur changing lives including mine.
I used to listen to other coaches it only increased my knowledge of relationships in other cultures but listening to you each and every thing you talk about is relatable and helps in understanding everything I am experiencing...u r a blessing 🙌 ❤
Great advice! Love the assertive & helpful tips.
Dating is so exhausting nowadays 😢
Love this Mathew,having standards and communicating the standards, speaking out and showing what really you are but not in a hash tone.👏👏👏👏❤️❤️❤️
Great compilation on a very important subject matter of STANDARDS. 👍
I like how Matthew’s hair is different in every shot. Not everybody can get away with that
Okay wow, first of all, this is highly impressive, I love it
But...if this man doesn't walk away but also pushes you away, he's just not invested 😂 Just remember some will walk away, or still be with you and look for a new girl, but that's on them, not us. Our standard for that is matching their behavior so they be the one to leave us, because they want us to be the one to do it
He pushed you away because you’re not fun , fit , friendly , soft , agreeable, or loyal . That’s all men want …
Just avoid that in the first place
I don't have time for that
Thanks Matthew have a blessed Sunday 🦋💫💫💫😇👼🙏🙏☘️
Yes I've learned this thanks to my woman knowing how to invest emotionally, incrementally. As a guy I was clueless as to how to successfully achieve a long term relationship whilst I did have all the correct high standards.
I have to forget the old me Matt🎉
* coming to his town
*Waiting for his texts
*Pursue him or paying for the date
* Waiting for an answer why he disappeared!
This is gold.
Hi Matthew
I have pre-ordered your book on my Amazon Audible account, but it didn't give me access to your movie.
I am based in the UK
Can you help,please?
Many thanks.
How to respond to the “come over” text tho? This is the one that turns me off & i usually lose feelings. Especially if done before the first date. I usually say “i need to get to know someone before I go to their home or they go to mine”
Matthew i put the bear minimum of standards and everyone is gone. "Friends" and love interests. That's why I'm completely alone. The relationships that thrive nowadays are those where fakery and dishonesty exist. "Friendships" and "couples". You don't entertain only what they want? Boom, gone.
I am going to add to this...I also feel like many men want FWB and sexual encounters. I have applied my high standards again and again and spent a lot of time alone.
Do we really have to LEARN how to make someone want us? Maybe we should be open minded and try different type of people, and giving others a chance instead of always choosing the same type? Or.. Maybe the with right one it will ALL work out and feels natural.
I had a guy make a date near me. I live in Anaheim and he lived in Santa Monica. An hour distance. My first thought wasn’t wow how nice he’s coming to me, my first thought was I bet he’s making reservations near me because he’s going to try to come to my house after. I was right. So be aware that men who make reservations at a restaurant near you might not be doing it to show you they care but because they’re hoping that since you two are near your house you guys can go to your place afterwards and hook up. No
So, if you don't want to go to your house and hook up, go to a motel and hookup there, instead.
Think outside the box a little.
@@hippyjasonOr... Don't go anywhere afterwards and let him know you don't move THAT fast! 🙄😅
@@hippyjasonyou missed the point
@@Blehblehbleh187 You're right, I did miss one point; She could just skip going back to her house or to the motel, and just hook up in her date's car, instead. That's saves everyone time _and_ money. Great point, sorry I missed that solution to the problem the first time.
I just love your face.
Dang miss the movie chance cuz I'm just now seeing this video 😢
Greetings from California. Great class, Mr. Matthew Hussey. Happy holidays from USA. Cheers from our channel: Australian Parakeets Stars*Prince Alexander
I love hanging out with you..?!
How do we communicate our standards tho?
For example: if he still asks you to just go for a coffee on a 2nd date instead of a lunch or dinner?
Do I say ..should u take me out for a meal?
Another example: if he didn’t remember your birthday or maybe remember but choose to do nothing?
How to communicate your standards w/out looking like complaining ?
Whether you go out for coffee or dinner is a standard? 😂 That’s trivia. It’s how you are treated, how you feel.
So another video then on how to create deep attraction which lasts forever.
Coolest actors in this video 😍😍❤️
If anyone asks me for my phone number straight away I block them on dating sites. If I see someone I like I know i'd typically ask for the social addy, or number but online nah.
Where is the full video?
It’s a compilation
What if you go on the date and he asks you, " what was the other thing you wanted to do if we didn't get together.?"
Lol actually have something else to do! If you were going out with the guy anyway, why not planning something for yourself? Go see a movie, go try a new restaurant or café, go visit a friend. So many things. Make the evening about going out and having fun, regardless if you do it with him or not
The other thing you were going to do is to stop wasting energy about what you were doing with him tonight and do something you wanted to do.
@@katapultleadgen ...or, sit at home, alone, and contemplate your loneliness, instead. Your choice, lol.
Don't keep over analyzing these things, or you _will_ end up spending most of your time home, alone, by default.
The truth? Thats his way of testing you and trying to see if you have a life/things going on if he wasn't around imo
Seeing what my moms spam was, then hitting gold.
#Chamelian Nation 😑
How do I do this…as a guy? XD
You have to prove yourself to your boss before they elevate you.
What if I already pre-ordered the book but from a local bookstore? I am just waiting for my copy.
Hey there! Please email our support team at support@howtogettheguy.com and they'll let you know how to claim your bonuses! -Bianca, MH team
if a guy asked you for dating twice, each time had fun and spent more than 5 hours with each other. However, he asked for 3rd date when walking me home at the end of 2nd date, and he didnt actually plan it. Should I move on or try to ask him out. thank you
Follow up with him. Don’t be so passive gosh
The fact that you didn't say 'yes' when he asked for a 3rd date _during the second date_ means that you already missed your opportunity. Why are you stringing this guy along if you aren't even sure if you want to see him or not? Do you need the validation, or are you just enjoying the free dinners? If you _really_ liked him, you wouldn't have even had to make that post; you'd already have been on the 3rd, or 4th or 5th date by now. Play fair, or don't play at all.
Unage back to 23
Five years? Why would any woman date a man for five years if she's interested in a committed relationship. Two years max and then send him packing!
Matt, Bless your heart, I'd like to have an honest conversation about the possibility of a different perspective...There isn't just enough good kind people out there for eachother. I've known so many sweet beautiful women that get played by giving a guy a chance. It may be anecdotal but can anyone name 5-10 people that you would date if you were the opposite sex? How many would even date yourself? Its sooo hard to find a good doctor, cop, teacher, etc because the lack of good character, in general. The literal responsibility on women is to PRODUCE these types of men. We have to birth them, raise them, foster them, and then date them. If we could arranged couples to be together, I'm not sure how many have the tools to stay together because its not about picking the right partner, its takes:
1. Acknowledging where you can become a better person
2. There is no put me first or put them first, it can be achieved simultaneously
3. We have to take care of kids, yours, mines, other people's kids if you don't have any.
I wish there were any dating coaches for guys too like you Matthew. All I see on the internet are toxic red pill stuff. No helpful advice for guys to find a relationship or get laid. If you can make some content for guys too that would be great.
His advice is for males and females really. If you are just looking to get laid, man up and hire a hooker and leave the rest of us the f**k alone.
As a guy, until you've come to understand and _accept_ all women's biologically ingrained, hypergamous nature, no amount of 'dating advice' from _any_ source is going to help you succeed in dating/relationships. Don't conflate PUAs and redpill, they are *NOT* the same thing. Ignore the PUAs, as they are cancer; they won't help. Redpill is mostly about self-care and self-improvement, and how to stop yourself from simping for 304s. Ironically, redpill dating advice for men is the exact same as Matthew's is for women: Have standards, stick to them, and don't settle, _no exceptions._
I watch his content all the time, it’s not as gender-specific as you might think.
I’m a guy, but I like to watch his videos sometimes too. A lot of this advice is gender neutral anyway.
I like his point about standards. I’ve been reluctant to date some women, not necessarily because I didn’t like them, but because I’m a flawed person myself and ultimately don’t want to be in a potential relationship with someone who will let me treat her badly, because her standards and self-respect were too low.
I often think this way of women who are fresh out of a breakup and immediately looking for a serious relationship. Especially true if I hear or figure out that the relationship was toxic in some way. My intuition often tells me that she is willing to do and tolerate almost anything just to be in a relationship.
I try to be a good person, but I also rely on others’ feedback to guide me. I need someone who will give me reliable feedback, not someone who will do or say whatever she thinks I want to hear.
I too, want to be held to high standards.
These types of women also are more likely to behave in manipulative ways to try and keep the relationship, which can seriously trip me off, so there are many other reasons why I tend to avoid these sorts. I also have my own standards, in other words.
Because I'm late I lose? I don't get the book forever? Uhm no.
Guy I’m seeing asked me to be his girlfriend on second date. First month with him was amazing, texted a lot, seen him twice a week, he was very affectionate, caring, treated us like relationship. After a month, he slowed down. He first wasn’t well for about two weeks, which I understand, but he keeps being cold, affection is gone, no touching or kissing because he’s grumpy, if I ask for affection, I’m called needy, if I give sarcastic jokes, he tells me off, he picks and attacks me on anything I say… eventually he said he wants to keep it casual and likes to have his own space, so I need to stop being needy. That was before birthday party we meant to go to together, but he went alone because I feel like crap. So while he dances the night away, I’m mopping tears at home, hating myself for being dumb. He love bombed me, and now I feel hurt, lied to, because he changed and wants to turn it casual now, but my stupid brain won’t let go. I said I need time off or split up, so he’s happy to go quiet but doesn’t let us split up. Don’t know what to do. I’m overthinking now 🙈
I’m terribly sorry that you have to go through something like that, but for what it’s worth, I think reflecting on what side of you this person brings out is also very important. If it’s making you feel so agonised and conflicted, that’s not going to really alleviate itself moving forward. Do take care of yourself! I hope you feel better soon (: keep smiling and don’t settle for someone who isn’t consistent
Sounds like a narcissist, as hard as it may be seems best you let him go
Doesn't let us split up? Girl YOU are in charge of YOUR LIFE. If he treats you like this just LEAVE HIM. It isn't his decision at all.
He sounds like a narcissist. Girl you’re lucky he showed his true colors early. RUN for your life before he ruins you.
Letting go is hard because you’re already emotionally invested in this person. As horrible as this may sound try to end things early as possible before it becomes too painful than it already is. He will never change to how is was in the beginning.
He was the current person you’re seeing throughout the whole time you’ve been with him.
🙏😇🕊️🌏💙
Never let you go he says? Than never let him go! Don’t be outta pocket
Society has evolved and so should our thoughts of choosing the right partner. Why is nobody giving advice to… just pick a person who has good values and wants a long term relationship. You don’t have to be extremely attracted or mesmerised. They don’t have to be alpha male, successful, desired on the dating market. Just choose a regular person with a stable income, who is decent… and will be a great father to your children. Live in peace and a partnership that is equal and respectful both ways. And if you really need the physical part to be steamy and passionate, just get a lover… like the French. Do it elegantly and discreetly and live a happy family life. It’s not so complicated. This way the men out there that are actually ready and good, will be taken and the men that want to keep playing will have a purpose too 😉 it’s a win win for everyone.
If men listened to women….
I love matt but i dont know why i watch these. I have no interest in dating because of how men treat us. Theres no point anymore.
I know this will most likely be a novel thought for you, but that street drives both ways; women usually treat men terribly, so men have lost interest, as there is no point in it for them anymore.
I know, I know, not _all_ women are like that. But _most_ are, which probably also includes you.
This, is what they call a 'teachable moment'. Hopefully you learned something: The way you treat others is usually how they treat you.
@@hippyjasonno i dont accept that because i literally treat the guy I’m with like gold.
@@CorrineFerguson Like I predicted in my last post, this will most likely be a novel thought for you that you would refuse to accept. And I was right. It is pretty myopic and self-serving of you to _assume_ that you always treat the guy like gold, but have you _ever_ asked the guy what _he_ thinks about it? _No?_ Not surprising. It looks like it's time for some serious self analysis and retrospection:
The one factor that has always been the exact same in every single one of your relationships is _you._ If you want the _outcome_ to change, at this point, you're the _only_ factor left in the equation that hasn't ever changed or improved.
Don't like what I just said, and instead of putting in the work to change to make things a success, that you'd rather just cry, complain, stamp your feet, bitch, blame ALL men, and play the "I'm the victim" card over and over again? Well, _no one_ can help you then. Not even yourself.
@@hippyjasonnope, you need to choose better
Are you possibly self abandoning and totally focused on the other person and forgoing your own needs?
A woman brings beauty , softness friendliness… when do they start brining this again ?
Not sure about friendliness, I find that a lot of times that masks her flirting w other guys
Our boy Matthew was talking about theoretical unicorns again... 🙄
Women shouldn’t be casually dating or sleeping around at all!
They god you girls figure it out !
why is it always some dude saying this?
Oh yes that rule women shouldn't but it's perfectly fine for men to do! 🤬
@@pris_6969 - Because men have to adhere to what women want in order to get women but unfortunately women in 2023 think they can do whatever they want and are still entitled to have the man they want. It doesn’t work like that. One of the biggest things men look for in women is purity or a low body count for a number of different reasons. Most men won’t ever tell you this because men are shamed for having standards.
@@shannonmagill35 - Are men and women the same? No is the answer we have very different and are attracted to different things. You want a tall man I want a short women. You want a strong man I don’t want a muscular woman. The list goes on. Men don’t like promiscuous women and a women that is dating around for years is going to be sleeping around be default.
date a foreign guy they are more traditional. problem solved.
Like all primates, humans aren’t a monogamous species. Once you come to grips with that, everything is easier.
So what you're saying is that as humans, the pinnacle of intelligent existence, is that we do not need to grow as people and should only act on our base, primal impulses. If this is the case, you are essentially saying we should be walking around naked, f**king, farting, sh*tting, fighting, shouting, getting angry with anyone who stands in our way? Do grow up.
You're a broken record, aren't you.
@@Rut-vi7iz I'm also right.
@@Rut-vi7iz LOL, jeeze, what a _great_ counter argument you made to @DavidAndrews9412's factual statement. 🙄
@hippyjason it wasn't a counterargument. It was a sarcastic observation.
Nice video! Like the new hair Matthew!
💜🫧💙
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