But it's not, really. I get your point, but mine is moreso about the algorithm making it so big accounts show up way more than small ones. I had to unfollow a lot of larger, talented creators because I just didn't see my little friends' plants and paintings anymore :/ but I agree and I hope we all start posting whatever we want, I know I have (edit: since I stopped making my feed super curated and aesthetic I have lost likes but I don't mind, that's just the algorithmic god's will)
@@mightymeatymech sounds like it's not a source of anxiety as it was . What does it mean i don't use IG to have an aesthetic feed. I get ig is more visual based platform than say reddit. But is ig based on trends
Yeahh I definitely used to overpost on social media (esp IG stories) to overcompensate for the fact that I didn’t have strong connections in my life. I guess at the time I just wanted to feel like I “belonged” but looking back, I only made myself feel worse trying to force friendships w/ ppl who didn’t even feel the same way about me. Honestly depressing! I’m glad I deactivated.
i did my undergrad thesis about finsta and there’s so much to unpack with it. i think for shy ppl or ppl who aren’t very outgoing, it can be much more efficient and low-energy to communicate with all your close friends at once through finsta posts. the content still contains that emotionally intimacy that is important for keeping friendships alive but without the need to individually call/text/hang out with each of your friends
When I was in high school this is exactly what I had mine for, i didn't like to feel like an emotional burden to my friends so with a finsta they had to option of engaging with the emotionally dense content or not. It didn't last long, when I graduated I found friends that I felt emotionally safe with which I didn't always get from my high school friends. I think also, some people are raised to repress emotions or not share unpleasant thoughts so doing so with another person directly is more intimidating than doing so through a medium where things don't feel as close like social media.
Whew I cringe when I think back to my finsta from years ago. I dropped so many rants and vents on that thing, it wasn’t good for my depression. I was seeking attention and not solutions to my problems😭😭
I feel the same way... I was also seeking help but mostly attention and it’s bad. A lot of people hate to admit that they have attention seeking behaviors which is why young people oversharing online is so common...
You’ve cracked the secret right there, with that insight. It’s truly a foundational aspect of leaving subconscious victimhood behind and taking full responsibility for yourself ♥️🌈
when I was in high school going through my first really serious breakup I made a second instagram account that I kept private with no followers, profile pic, or info, and I just used it like a journal to dump all the thoughts that were consuming my mind at the time. the feeling of hitting 'share' on a post detailing my thoughts felt so much more satisfying than writing in my journal, and somehow more freeing than speaking with a friend. I don't know whether that was a good/helpful, neutral, or bad thing to do but I do think it kept me from reaching out to my ex or saying and doing anything I'd regret later.
I had a finsta but it was a private account for literally just me where I typed out my feelings. I think it was pretty helpful for me personally since it was more like a diary and I still wasn’t sharing it with strangers or for likes
@@sensibilities1 - I like both! But my finsta lets me post a picture and my handwriting isn’t the best. It seems more official but not official at the same time
Even influencers and celebrities should feel like they can post whatever they like. Because why is there such a separation between celebrities and influencers and then “normal people” bc they just as “normal” as us so their instagram accounts should be just as casual as ours.
@@sashhhaa4874 right! I understand there's things they kind of have to avoid because of sponsorships or whatever, but social media is meant to be fun, everyone is free to do whatever they want
@@sashhhaa4874 it's difficult for influencers to post whatever they want because most times their IG is literally their business and their brand. The kind of sponsorships they get all depends on their image and audience. Not that it's a bad thing they gotta pay the bills somehow
Shout out to every who’s deleted their rinsta and finsta!! I feel like I’m still coming to terms with it (scared that I’m missing out/ don’t have a self expression platform anymore)
I deleted both in September and I’m quite happy in that area bc I have realized the negative impact it had on people. I used to be scared of missing out but my life is less stressful when I don’t know what people are doing 24/7
You arent missing out and your real friends will check on you plus keep you updated . I told my friends to randomly send me pictures of important moments which helps a ton!
You guys are so kind and supportive! I agree with your points about not missing out. I think the social media platforms have really engineered FOMO in a way that keeps us addicted to their apps. I
I think as a society we have this incessant need to share everything (myself included). Maybe that's why finstas were so popular. We still want to share without the need to make everything so curated
As someone who shares nothing with nobody, I can confirm either extreme is awful. I think the problem is sharing your whole life with strangers. Insta should've stayed between your friends and family
I think y'all are a minority lol. The one's who feel the need to share everything and look for external validation. Believe it or not most ppl are too busy to care about all of this. Considering there are 7 billion ppl on this earth and most aren't even on social media, some because they don't have access to the internet and devices and some because they just couldn't care less.
All humans want to share their thoughts, experiences, and feelings to someone and hear them validated. I think finstas are just the extreme online version.
i feel so weird bc the culture online has become very open and “share absolutely everything”. on one hand i do think it’s better that everything isn’t so polished and meant to be perfect, but now i feel out of place bc being casually vulnerable and open is so deathly terrifying to me and for me , it’s not less scary when it’s online. i feel like it’s worse because there’s a permanent record of that display of vulnerability and doesn’t necessarily show me at most authentic. idk if that makes sense? i don’t want my vulnerability to cause someone misconstrue me as a person. but now i’ve had acquaintances accuse of me being inauthentic when i don’t post my worst moments anywhere. it’s like i can’t win. for me some of those times are So personal, i don’t want those hard moments to be open to interpretation unless it’s someone im very close with.
I feel like the "share absolutely everything" mindset is really damaging. It should be ok for people to have boundaries with what they share on the internet, it comes off like stranger think they are entitled to know every little thing about someone just because they have public content on the internet
I never called it finsta, it was just “a spam account” to me. Spam culture to me was having the least amount of followers but the juiciest posts. From people over sharing about their sex lives to posting high school fights. It was very much messy but that’s what everyone loved about it
On a much lighter note: using a finsta can be a healthy way to keep in touch with close friends and non judgmental acquaintances. It’s our responsibility to process things in a healthy way and we can’t always do this on a rinsta (for example) if it’s used for work, branding, etc. The pandemic has really messed with our relationships and we can try to use finstas as lovely ways to keep in touch and share with those who we ✨know✨ care about us. (Unsolicited advice) Do what you want to do, but make sure you’re using these platforms in a healthy way! And develop awesome habits offline too!
Yes I was coming to say this! I have friends spread out across a bunch of different states/countries/time zones and it’s a lot of work to keep up with everyone separately. It’s easy to just post updates on my life to all my friends and then when we talk next they’re already caught up on what’s been going on
like in the video, i try to use it to share funny things and not deeply personal stuff. i like having a place to share with my friends (and family for one of them cause it’s just a camera roll dump) funny things that happened, pictures i look cute in, etc so i don’t spam my main. i’m learning to find a healthy balance with instagram and snapchat by not using them a ton. i just try to think before i post, even on private accounts, unlike what i used to do, and ask if i would say something like that to in person or if it’s too personal or just me posting/reacting before thinking. it takes thoughtfulness and balance, which i may never achieve but i’m doing a way better job than i was even a year ago!
i love that some people have been able to delete their social media accounts all together and i don’t know if i’ll ever do that just to stay in touch with certain people so if you can find the balance it’s worth it, but we just naturally go to extremes so it’s hard. as you said, using it in a healthy way :)
At the beginning of the pandemic I was having an identity crisis over IG. I became so self conscious about what I posted that I deleted everything. Then I started only posting selfies then hated them. Definitely seeking validation through likes. Then let my personality and oversharing take over through stories. Now I barely even post. I'm more comfortable with who I am, less concerned how people see me, but still unsure of how I want to even use social media. My relationship with SM has made it difficult for me to even use LinkedIn for work. It's kind of a driving force for people within a similar career path. Your videos really help sort through my own thoughts and feelings. I appreciate the work you do 😊
same here, but i just gave up and ended up deleting my account and the app. I really cannot recommend this enough (especially if you find yourself stressing over what you post and/or what other people post). I feel so relieved, my mental health seriously improved and while I still love taking pictures when I'm having a good time with friends or I feel good, I just share them with my friends or keep to myself. It has given me so much inner peace, I'd 100% recommend doing it or at least giving it a shot!
I'm trying to find a good balance of authentic and oversharing. I keep in contact with some people through IG, otherwise I don't use it for anything now. sending memes to each other has lost its fun
Its basically competition including Linkedin- its good to show ur skills & how qualified u are …but thats the main point “show off” brag about what job u got, what level u moved up to, what you graduated with, barely no one ever posts their downfalls or how they quit their job or how they got fired ir how they had to drop college on LinkedIn or insta. Social media is toxic in general & it shows how much we as humans are soaked into it. & how validation is toxic as well.
i feel you on this! my relationship with SM is complicated to say the least but I'm eager to turn it to something that feels more complimentary to my life rather than something that shapes/dictates it and my wellbeing - i honestly believe that social media is exactly what the users makes of it and whilst big tech has it's many issues (which arguably makes SM much more pervasive within our day to day lives) , it is also up to us as users to be responsible with our use of SM. [unsolicited advice ahead lol] i'd say take your time with rebuilding your relationship w socials again - recovering from an identity crisis esp during a global pandemic isn't easy and shouldn't be dismissed, take it easy and gradually if your intention is still to keep the social media aspect of your life :) i'm currently also on the same train and i'm trying to reshape the way i think of / use social media by only primarily having the more public facing side of things be work related/less tied to anything personal as it's quite integral to my field of work and having a small private account to keep up with my close friends. best of luck w your journey though! find what works for you in terms of integrating social media into your life even if it's drastically different to how your peers might use it
It’s crazy to think I only started using Facebook when I was 19 (32 now and only have Instagram and UA-cam as social media outlets). So was shocked when you said 12! Seriously I would have gone more insane, I feel for all the youth in these online obsessed times.
Biggest regret in my life was getting Instagram at age 8. I’m 16 now and have had my account for half of my life. This video has actually inspired me to delete my account lmao
@@mayhem9052 lol that's one of the reasons why so many of us have fucked up mental health. parents, please keep your children off of the internet for a few years, mines for sure didn't 😭
it's also interesting to see how finstas have become platforms where people exclusively post cries for help, if that makes sense. rather than reaching out to loved one or a professional, it seems that sometimes people post in hopes that a friend or an acquaintance might reach out to them instead.
Yep, that’s exactly what I did when I went through a horrible breakup my freshman year of college. I’d get so drunk and take photos of myself crying on the side of a road with cryptic captions. Jeez.
I deleted instagram a month and a few days ago, and I must say, my mental health is overall much better. Weirdly enough, I dont miss it at all. I hated the person I became. Oversharing and comparing myself, only seeing myself through other’s perception of me. I feel more present and myself, I encourage anyone who decides to get off of any type of social media to do it, because you can!
I feel the same way! I deactivated my Instagram a few months ago and my Twitter a few weeks ago, but the people that influenced me and the person I became was really terrible for my health, it’s like I was lost for 3 years, but now that I’m off it I feel like I’m actually really happy
I got tired of over sharing my problems to everyone. Of course it was only my friends but I also limited what I posted to only things I wanted people to know about me, and it just turned into another fake instagram profile and not what I had intended to start it for, which was venting and letting my emotions out since I was so bad at being open with my emotions. But eventually I found it to be a bad thing to let all my friends know stuff, and since I’ve shut it down I’ve been much more positive.
With you talking about the avoiding your friends thing and talking about your problems, I realized that I have a finsta without having Instagram. The notes app. I write what I’m anxious there, consider it dealt with when it’s really not.
that's pretty much journaling, isn't it? and that's kinda different from the whole finsta thing imo bc it's not actually for other people's consumption, like posting on finsta is. in my exp, posting my anxieties on (f)insta was always more about making sure ppl could see it instead of me getting it out of me, which is what i journal for (the sense of release/catharsis/"dealing with it")
Finstas are also great for people who have really enmeshed / conservative family. Something I've seen with my friends and have done myself is having overly nosy family members dramatizing every little thing (what we wore in a post, who we were with, did my parents know I was somewhere). Ive stopped using my rinsta so they have less to talk about and having a finsta is great since you can preemptively block all of them 😂
Ever since I abandoned my finsta last September my impulsive oversharing has gone way down. I understand why many ppl use a spam bc it helps when you have no one else to confide in, but I held onto it for so long I didn't realize I already had people around me I could trust with my thoughts.
The "girls are supposed to have finsta" comment is interesting. I'm a dude who's had a finsta since 2016 and I think it's a nice vehicle to update people on what's going on in my life, share how I'm feeling, or just post memes that I think are funny without the pressure of looking proper. I think guys generally avoid finstas cause a lot of guys bottle up their feelings and don't want to share them in such an open way, but that's just my theory. I also remember a time before the term "finsta" blew up where people had finsta-esque accounts and they were called "spam accounts"
i agree with every point you made :) but also, like amanda said, "finsta" is lowkey a dated term. we call them "spam accounts" again lol. trends always seem to come & go
this video got me thinking about how weird it is that we share so much online. like we're so detached from it, but I wouldn't say at a party half of what I'm apparently willing to share online.
I remember having a finsta for all of a year or so, and literally having to delete it after realizing all it was promoting was me feeling like I was ranting into the endless void that is the internet and Instagram... I essentially started feeling like I was drowning myself in my negative feelings and hence felt like I was hurting my mental health more than helping myself...
My ex gf would share screenshots of our text conversations to her finsta. She’d make fun of me to all her friends, she made fun of how much I cared about her on Twitter too.
Be glad a person like her is no longer part of your life. People who are genuinely spiteful usually stay feeling that way for a long time; she has nothing to gain from acting that way. I'm glad you moved past her.
I have no social media and I’m only 21 and I find myself watching this like 😶 I didn’t know social media changed that much and in that direction lmao, also great video
i had a priv story for a while during quarantine and it was so bizarre bc all I’d do was complain ab everything and i lost so many friends (which is understandable because it was so unnecessary and negative)
I deleted everything but Snapchat because of how negative it was social media is literally built on outrage that’s what people have to create for clicks you tap into a persons anger and emotions and we’re in quarantine and bored and will do damn near anything to pass the time so what do we do feed into it and consume things or post things like what we often see and it’s just and angry mess that I didn’t want to be part of anymore
this even spreaded to twitter where we make private or “rant” accounts and share them but most rant accs i see are used to private quote something talking bad about it
I honestly think that if people have an Instagram account you should just run it like a finsta because why would you have people following you if you don't want them to see everything you post.👀
there's been news/stories of people (women) getting fired for posting photos in bikinis or similar apparel if their coworkers see and talk about it at their job. so i can see having one account that your boss and everyone else could see/follow and another where you can post yourself in a bikini and not have to worry about your boss seeing and saying something about it (whether that be in a perverted way or a "that's bad" kind of way). or if you're a celebrity, one for the public eye and one for friends/family.
idk about america, but here in singapore you could get fired for little like sharing ""overly political"" posts on instagram to being openly queer. teachers in particular are regularly monitored by the ministry of education for any remotely controversial posts--one of my teachers got fired for being feminist and a lesbian. p sure that's why finsta culture is still very strong here
I've created a while ago an Account where i follow like 30 people and am followed by 40. Its so much more comfortable to have only people i like seeing my posts and vice versa. Before that account i was following like 400 people which i dont even care about and never have. I feel much more comfortable to be myself on my page now
i used to be a CHRONIC oversharer on every single social media platform for years (until this year tbh) who felt almost like a social responsibility to keep posting and informing others??? and to post a bunch of jokes which is so funny and weird to think. who am i even and why would anyone care about the insane amount of obnoxious content i was posting? anyways i'm now the other extreme where i just dont wanna post AT ALL. i feel like ppl collectively dont post that much on IG anymore and most ppl only share like 30-40 photos max now on their profile. im also much older now so maybe thats why i just dont feel a need to update anyone anymore.
such a good video omg i also think finstas can perpetuate parasocial relationships, especially when u follow the finsta of someone you don't really know which is why i stopped sharing my emotions on my finsta posts and instead jus put relatable facebook memes on my finsta's close friends story 😀
I feel like our obsession of celebrities etc adds to the popularity of finstas too. when you post on your finsta it feels like you're the centre of attention in a way, and that the little details about your life are just as important to the few followers you allow on the account - just as how when your favourite celebrity, influencer, etc post glimpses into their lives it feels so important to you personally because of the care you put into them. Also, with the emotional rants on a finsta it feels like a diary entry only this time with an audience, and because there's this feeling of anonymity people will overshare etc as if it were a diary too. anyways...
my (ex) friend had a finsta, it was a nightmare for everyone involved. she used to post things about how much she hated us, how we were all terrible friends, and even once posted on it that one of my other friends was the reason she had depression. she ruined nearly every relationship around her because of it.
i made a spam account in 2019 (i never called it a finsta cuz ive always hated the name finsta lmao but pretty much the same thing) i was really depressed and suicidal and my parents wouldn’t get me help for it so i just vented on there because i had nowhere else to go. i only let my internet friends and a few irl friends follow it. i stopped venting on there after a while because i realized my friends couldn’t really help. nothing they said would change how i felt, so what was the point of posting for them to see? like they would like my posts but rarely commented or messaged me to ask if i was okay. looking back im lowkey embarrassed that i was just whining and complaining every day on there and people were literally just watching. i later stopped making depression posts and tried to become one of those popular funny spam accounts that repost memes and tik toks but i wasn’t getting many followers or interaction even with hashtags so i just gave up lmao. i lowkey wanna delete all my accounts and that whole app in general it’s so pointless
Omg i relate so much to the end of the video, like while i still post when im out socialising, i evade posting EVERY SINGLE TIME i do (like i did before), because it feels like loser shit to me. It just feels pathetic. Like why am i posting me hanging out with friends? To convince people that i have friends? To create an image that i have a rich social life or that i party a lot? Why? It's pathetic and lame. I post for fun, not for social points. That's what social media is supposed to be in the first place. Not a social space per se, but a place where you post for fun. People aren't SUPPOSED to judge me from my Instagram at all, it's just a place on which i post cool pics or funny stories. And btw this is also advice to any of you who's reading this too, start using social media for fun EXCLUSIVELY. It's not a replacement for political activism. It's not a real social space. Think of it as a game. You're there to have fun. You're there to vent, to chill, to escape. If social media makes you insecure, you're using it wrong/have a wrong mindset about it.
i used to vent all the time on my finsta and no one followed me on there, but recently people have started following me and im still in the process of learning not to overshare like that. its hard lol but really tho i should just get a journal
I always thought of finstas and spams as weird. I made a spam account and used it for a year and had no idea what to post. I kinda hated it and felt weird. Like I never felt comfortable with over-sharing so much. I did enjoy seeing everyone else’s drama tho 🤣
still have a finsta and tbh I definitely went through the trauma dumping/self depreciating phase but now I've gotten to the point where I just use it to post random thoughts and just share things that I don't really have a place to share it with friends and people I enjoy. One of my main uses of it is to show off all the food I cook bc I love cooking and also use it to keep with friends/a small group of people I never get to keep up with which is nice. I definitely have a healthy relationship with finstas now but I never realized how bad it was or me/still is for some
As someone who doesn't access social media in this way, and also someone who doesn't have experience with Instagram other than from an instructional capacity (teaching real estate agents how to navigate its features), learning about how it can effect other people who fold it into their lives in a very real way is really interesting to me. I think it's an important thing to be mindful of, opening up my mind to how other people interact with these things that I don't myself use. Really enjoyed your thinking on it. Subbed!
ive been off my normal instagram for like 2 years and my spam/finsta (i always hated that word lol) for a year and it’s been so good for my mental health. in fact leaving my spam acc was the best for me! i had one from age 14-19, all the way from freshman year of hs to sophomore year of college and boy did it make me worse. it allowed me to just wallow in my little circle of friends and complain and whine and honestly be really mean and judgmental because you’re just surrounded by the people you Choose to see you...so you don’t pick the people you think wouldn’t like you lol. whenever i was upset i found myself wanting to vent for....what reason? validation? and i always felt worse when i did. it wasn’t healthy and now having left it behind i still find myself having to remind myself that that instinct to complain rather than really think about the issue and take care of it is like Bad. anyways social media is always inherently disconnected if you’re seeking to really get deep into things so i think the best way to approach it is just basic sharing, like i’ll be moving to a new country and might make a new account to show my friends and family the things i’m experiencing!
I used to keep this channel private from my personal social media accounts. Sometime before COVID I decided to leave a link to an instagram account I created to post the kind of things I used to upload on this channel (toys, stop motion, etc). I kind of wanted to share it with people who know me and overall it's not as disruptive as I imagined it would be. It kind of highlights that point in your video of not having to share everything with people, but also being free to put whatever you want on YOUR social media page.
i dont know i have abandoned my rinsta of about 500 or so acquaintances for a finsta of my 20 closest friends, but I use it like a rinsta. For me, I really enjoy posting when I have a particularly fun and eventful day with friends and family because typically it’s with the people that follow me on there. I sometimes find myself going back and enjoying seeing the fun we had. It’s more of like a memory box less of a ranty over share space. I find it incredibly liberating and a really great breath of fresh air as opposed to a rinsta. I’d recommend making a rinstaesque finsta if your rinsta is stressful.
I rarely use my rinsta now (definitely one of the best choices I’ve made for my own sanity). I do have a finsta but it’s only me and my two best friends that follow it/ co-own it so we can share funny photos with each other.
Abt a year ago I deleted my main account that I’d had for years and had a few hundred followers, majority of whom I didn’t know in person. Now I have a literal burner account with 4 followers who are all homies and das it. I love it, I just follow them and then creative accounts and that’s about it. No regrets.
oh man, i had to delete the insta app because i noticed i would use my priv story for emotional dumping and it started to take a toll on me. great video and ~social commentary~ as always!
i remember i'd first started my finsta back in 2017 and posted funny photos of me and my friends then posted memes and i'd post like ten times a day and it felt so freeing compared to my main account which I had a specific structure to (and still do) so I stopped posting on my main and focused on my finsta. cause of this a bunch of friends would tell me that my finsta was really funny so their friends would follow me then my 'audience' became my friends and their friends and then a bunch of my online friends too. after a while i'd feel weird posting on there cause I felt like I was being judged and slowly by slowly i'd catch myself deliberating posts before i'd add them to my story and it felt like my main account all over again. i'd tried to find an escape but ended up back where i'd started and this videa honestly just summed up how I feel about finstas altogether.
When she said she spent 30 minutes trying to come up with a caption that’s so real. Like I literally have no idea what to put as a caption on my selfies. It’s actually v stressful
It's so interesting seeing a gen z person talking about finsta culture in a way that reminds me so much of what facebook was for people (and still probably is, I stopped using mine a long time ago) it's about the FOMO and venting about your emotions to close friends as well as high school/college classmates and how you both curate and vent but all of it is still kind of for likes and it never really feels authentic, mostly because social media makes that almost impossible (for what you said, it's a mass of people and not one-on-one)
i currently have a finsta but every month i archive all the posts that i posted in that month because i personally wouldn’t like people looking at my previous posts. one day i wanna look back on the posts and see how much ive grown, even if i do cringe at it, that’s ok. i don’t share everything about my life because some things are to be kept to myself but if i feel comfortable with sharing something then i won’t have a problem with it❤️ other than that i feel like people can see another side of me that i barely show people since i have social anxiety.
I totally get what your saying about the posting with your friends when your out. I feel like anything posted on social media is to directly get someone’s attention period. Your trying to prove a point of some sort, we all create and set up our personas on the internet. We can literally be whoever we want to pose and be and turn into that. Real life sims game would you look at that 🤭
bro get that bag tho, native is the best deodorant my fave is peppermint. idk if i’m just too mf high but i feel like this comment is so relevant to this topic at our hands right now.
As a millenial not on Insta, the criticism on this video is definitely also applicable to journalling sites and Tumblr, and I guess this is also applicable to some corners of TikTok for the younger-than-us. The struggle between inherent need to have a space where to express your feelings, to have those feelings validated by others, and also have the freedom to be kind of unappealing and socially offputting while doing it has existed since the dawn of time, but it's interesting how social media is ever-increasingly making it both acceptable and sort of... expected. Your description of social media sadposting and the need it fulfills is definitely a lot like how I feel about my teenage journals I physically cannot bring myself to read because I did actually get help and don't want to be reminded XD
I’m a few years older, but your instagram journey really resonated. Down to the “sorta kinda just ditching it when the pandemic hit.” Your observations were very poignant, as always! 💕🌸
On my finsta I share random pics of my life, only for my close friends. Its like a photo diary and it makes my so happy. The reason why I don‘t post this on my main account is the fact that I don‘t want everyone to have access to my daily life...
Thanks for the video Amanda. I personally haven’t had a finsta but I think that my tik tok account kind of serves the same purpose. I don’t do anything to hide my videos but an overwhelming majority of people in my circles aren’t on the platform. Also I don’t think I’d mind if anyone does find it but for now it’s my little safe space or creative outlet!
I spam so much on my finsta and I don’t want people to know about my life so that’s why it’s not on my main, i never get emotional or vulnerable tho, i just like to share what i do bc it makes me happy to post it even though i know most people skip through everything. Idk it just makes me happy to share what i do and my “”adventures”” (like when i hangout with friends), i don’t really see the harm.
This is why I’ve stepped away from posting (or even just browsing) Instagram and TikTok. Instagram honestly made me nervous to be on for some reason, I’m still not sure why. It feels pretty good not to be wrapped up in those socials and constantly know what everyone else is up to.
I think nowadays a close friends story on Instagram is for censoring out the specific people you don’t want watching or reading very specific things about you because it may be too inappropriate, etc. Close friends stories are like, “I may not know you that well but I don’t mind you seeing this!” Rather than it actually being close friends you talk to on a daily basis
Just wanna let you know that I’m a 30 year old lady and I really like your videos! You’re very well-spoken and give a great insight in the use of social media in a younger generation. I think I wouldn’t have survived the social media age when I was younger. Keep it up!!
I want to comment on the "processing your emotions" piece: there is no correct, complete, or necessary way to "process" feelings. I think social media is taking a strangely narrow (maybe heavy-handed?) view of mental health right now and it's really big on this idea of diagnosing and "processing" and healing and self-work, and while it can be extremely helpful for some people to intentionally or even formally examine their emotions, etc., it's not necessarily essential to "healing" or development. For most people, understanding and moving through difficult emotions is an ongoing process that happens through a variety of means. Plus, the act of writing out your thoughts or feelings actually can be genuinely cathartic, and move difficult thoughts from implicit (ie, intrusive, uncontrolled) memory to explicit (ie, conscious recall) memory - so for some, writing a caption might be very helpful. So again, I'm definitely not saying people SHOULDN'T talk things out, go to therapy, etc., I'm just saying there are lots of ways to "process" and it's not a single act. I just wanted to point that out, as a former mental health professional (and someone too old to be here, I'm sure :)
many good points omgg. i also think people can get into a viscous cycle of thinking that involves HOW they are perceived by others. ive come to find that people's perceptions of me are out of my control and none of my business. coming to terms with this has been liberating. ppl rarely see the world as it is rather, how they see it through their own subjective lens. the only thing i can get better at is how i treat and view myself. ig is just me sharing all my interests and things i find cute tbh thinking too deeply about how u are perceived can be an endless race
It’s so funny because I used my finsta religiously in highschool and was admittedly a toxic trauma dumper (I didn’t have any friends added) and stopped using it after I went to rehab summer of my senior year and got help and then I started using private stories on snap💀💀 I no longer over share on the internet as badly but I wonder who else falls into the finsta to private story pipeline and the implications
I had a fake public instagram to vent but I made it private and deleted my followers because I realized I just wanted a place to post pictures and talk and make a cute account for myself, and don't care about number nor anyone else, nor irl or online. It's way better imo, it's like my journal
The reasons that people retreat to a finsta are also the same reasons why I don't use Instagram at all Meticulously curating a public version of my life for the consumption of everyone from my boss to my mates to my mum sounds like an actual nightmare. I would end up spending endless time and emotional labour on it.
a year ago i started journaling & deleted my instagram accounts & never looked back. highly recommend. this is coming from a recovered chronic oversharer.
this video also reminds me of this app i used to use for Years (like 2015-2019) that was so terrible for my mental health bc literally everyone i was friends with on there would vent with absolutely no filter (including me). i'm soooo glad i'm not on that app anymore, deleting it did wonders for my mental health
really interesting video and loved the points you made! i definitely overshared when i first had my finsta as well, and i feel like it was because i felt it was my only outlet and somehow emotional dumping online seems less intimidating than reaching out to someone
For me, finsta is about building/keeping potential relationships more alive for people I only met once or met online and keeping people up to date with me, but also using it as a diary for myself to look back on. I often scroll back through my feed and read through what I wrote and what pictures I posted with it. I also do like to see who engages with it to see who read what to see who possibly knows what information. And some of my friends do keep up with me through my posts and will reach out after some of them, so I do look at it as something that it beneficial for me.
hey, i'm sorry this comment is so early but i promise i will watch the whole video. I just wanted to say one thing that I really HATE so much about insta and that someone actually the other day pointed out. It's the fact that people are so lazy on insta. Like, I get it, instagram was inherently meant to entertain with selfies and cute short videos. But that's not what insta is about anymore. Lately, insta has become more of a way to make activism and to educate people on societal problems or just to share one's opinion. But there's a huge problem on how these things are being shared. People have become so lazy that they will only read infographics with not more than 50 words in it and the posts that get shared the most are just those colorful aesthetic ones with a random quote or sth like that (which you talked about in your last video). The other day I got really inspired to write a text on homosexuality and religion and it got REALLY long. Like it has over 2500 words. And I'm not saying I expect people to read a double post with my opinion on it but I truly believe that the post I made (and the other ones cause it's not the first time I posted an essay) have 1000 times more useful information than everything a crappy instagram page with only those aesthetic quotes has. But noone is gonna read that and someone actually texted me saying that I would reach more people by just posting how I kiss a girl than my making those essays... It's just really depressing and I don't know where else to share it caude I don't want to make a blog and I don't have twitter nor want to share anything there. Instagram is the only place I can reach at least a few people...
this was very interesting to listen to i live in a small town and me and all my friends have “finstas” which are actually referred to as “spams” now and those actually only have my close friends on them as well as my private story so i think since you didn’t exactly grow up with social media but it entered into your life at a different stage you responded differently to it than i did just a thought :)
Instagram is amongst the worst social media apps for me. (I mean, they all are at this day and age). The whole need of having a finsta just proves my point that a lot of people put too much care in something as trivial as an instagram profile. Should I post this picture? Maybe tomorrow? Nah, it doesn't match the rest of my "aesthetic". Omg, x y and z unfollowed/followed me. Im sick of all of this. Like amanda said in the vid, its not about expression anymore but presentation. They'll put their instagram profile above their actual life. It's so shallow and narrow minded to care about things like this, but apparently thats how the internet (and world) is moving. Instagram (and other social media) in its early days WAS like finsta is now. Most users posted anything without worrying about which filter to apply or when to post it. It's sad that people feel so much pressure on what they should appear as online. Wanting to seem attractive, interesting, successful to people who don't even know you that well or care about you... is it worth it? I deactivated ig and it is very freeing.
my fav type of ppl is those who treat their main as their finsta tbh
literally me LOL
How I'm trying to be
i do it 😂 but sometimes i feel like my mutuals think im crazy/unstable 😭
Sure but don’t spam your feed out please
@@mayhem9052 that defeats the purpose
i feel so special when I find myself on the close friends list of someone I met once
😂😂Some girl did that to me. I was like wtf 🤬 at first.
@@lavonnealexander6936 why would u be mad
Same, for me anyway it’s usually a sign that someone wants to get closer. I’ve made a lot of irl and online friends this way
@@pitbull635 lol 😂 because I didn’t know her and didn’t really like the person.
Samee hahaa
I thought the video title said "Let's talk about fiesta culture."
I was ready to party. lol.
hell yeah lolol
it’s the fact that instagram is in our control but we just choose to ignore that instead of just posting what we want...
think i’m just going to use it for storage space cause i can’t take it anymore😭
But it's not, really. I get your point, but mine is moreso about the algorithm making it so big accounts show up way more than small ones. I had to unfollow a lot of larger, talented creators because I just didn't see my little friends' plants and paintings anymore :/ but I agree and I hope we all start posting whatever we want, I know I have (edit: since I stopped making my feed super curated and aesthetic I have lost likes but I don't mind, that's just the algorithmic god's will)
@@mightymeatymech sounds like it's not a source of anxiety as it was . What does it mean i don't use IG to have an aesthetic feed. I get ig is more visual based platform than say reddit. But is ig based on trends
@@tomiakinwande lmao im actually using Insta as my storage space
Well said!
Yeahh I definitely used to overpost on social media (esp IG stories) to overcompensate for the fact that I didn’t have strong connections in my life. I guess at the time I just wanted to feel like I “belonged” but looking back, I only made myself feel worse trying to force friendships w/ ppl who didn’t even feel the same way about me. Honestly depressing! I’m glad I deactivated.
SAMEEE OMG
Same, I deactivated my account too!
🧡🧡🧡
Same😭
Me too! I deactivated my account, then finally deleted it a few months ago and honestly felt better
i did my undergrad thesis about finsta and there’s so much to unpack with it. i think for shy ppl or ppl who aren’t very outgoing, it can be much more efficient and low-energy to communicate with all your close friends at once through finsta posts. the content still contains that emotionally intimacy that is important for keeping friendships alive but without the need to individually call/text/hang out with each of your friends
This is such a good point holy sht. What did you major in?
wait id love to read this
as a shy person who gets overwheled with reaching out to communicate I agree with this 100%, and that is why my private snap is a safehaven for me
@@writteninstars me too im hopping in this thread in case they ever come back
When I was in high school this is exactly what I had mine for, i didn't like to feel like an emotional burden to my friends so with a finsta they had to option of engaging with the emotionally dense content or not. It didn't last long, when I graduated I found friends that I felt emotionally safe with which I didn't always get from my high school friends. I think also, some people are raised to repress emotions or not share unpleasant thoughts so doing so with another person directly is more intimidating than doing so through a medium where things don't feel as close like social media.
Whew I cringe when I think back to my finsta from years ago. I dropped so many rants and vents on that thing, it wasn’t good for my depression. I was seeking attention and not solutions to my problems😭😭
SAME looking back at my old account i get both depressed and embarrassed. It was just full of depressing and embarrassing stuff
this is me except with my private twitter account 😭 think i might delete it soon
I feel the same way... I was also seeking help but mostly attention and it’s bad. A lot of people hate to admit that they have attention seeking behaviors which is why young people oversharing online is so common...
attention seeking is just looking for soothing. don't be too hard on yourself
You’ve cracked the secret right there, with that insight. It’s truly a foundational aspect of leaving subconscious victimhood behind and taking full responsibility for yourself ♥️🌈
when I was in high school going through my first really serious breakup I made a second instagram account that I kept private with no followers, profile pic, or info, and I just used it like a journal to dump all the thoughts that were consuming my mind at the time. the feeling of hitting 'share' on a post detailing my thoughts felt so much more satisfying than writing in my journal, and somehow more freeing than speaking with a friend. I don't know whether that was a good/helpful, neutral, or bad thing to do but I do think it kept me from reaching out to my ex or saying and doing anything I'd regret later.
If it empowered you, or assisted in a healthy way, then it was a good tool for the time 👍🏼
I have a finsta just like this too
I do this exact same thing on Tumblr lol
@@prantikamallick3512 lol I did that till one time someone found it 🤧
Exactly
I had a finsta but it was a private account for literally just me where I typed out my feelings. I think it was pretty helpful for me personally since it was more like a diary and I still wasn’t sharing it with strangers or for likes
Same, it’s like a private tumblr
I have the exact same one and its honestly so freeing, it helps me sort of try process some of the things im going through rn
Interesting, do you not like writing in a journal or in notes in your phone?
@@sensibilities1 - I like both! But my finsta lets me post a picture and my handwriting isn’t the best. It seems more official but not official at the same time
I use this early 2000s site called deadjournal - it’s great and i just love the old internet lol
The general public aren't influencers or celebrities, there's no rules for what you post on your feed, just do whatever you like 😭
Even influencers and celebrities should feel like they can post whatever they like. Because why is there such a separation between celebrities and influencers and then “normal people” bc they just as “normal” as us so their instagram accounts should be just as casual as ours.
@@sashhhaa4874 right! I understand there's things they kind of have to avoid because of sponsorships or whatever, but social media is meant to be fun, everyone is free to do whatever they want
@@sashhhaa4874 it's difficult for influencers to post whatever they want because most times their IG is literally their business and their brand. The kind of sponsorships they get all depends on their image and audience. Not that it's a bad thing they gotta pay the bills somehow
Shout out to every who’s deleted their rinsta and finsta!! I feel like I’m still coming to terms with it (scared that I’m missing out/ don’t have a self expression platform anymore)
I deleted both in September and I’m quite happy in that area bc I have realized the negative impact it had on people. I used to be scared of missing out but my life is less stressful when I don’t know what people are doing 24/7
You arent missing out and your real friends will check on you plus keep you updated . I told my friends to randomly send me pictures of important moments which helps a ton!
@@SimplyAliyahNicole that's a great idea!
You guys are so kind and supportive! I agree with your points about not missing out. I think the social media platforms have really engineered FOMO in a way that keeps us addicted to their apps. I
it def gets better! i think you’ll realize soon how much you don’t rly care about other peoples lives and you’ll begin to appreciate yours more :))
I think as a society we have this incessant need to share everything (myself included). Maybe that's why finstas were so popular. We still want to share without the need to make everything so curated
As someone who shares nothing with nobody, I can confirm either extreme is awful. I think the problem is sharing your whole life with strangers. Insta should've stayed between your friends and family
we all lonely
I think y'all are a minority lol. The one's who feel the need to share everything and look for external validation. Believe it or not most ppl are too busy to care about all of this. Considering there are 7 billion ppl on this earth and most aren't even on social media, some because they don't have access to the internet and devices and some because they just couldn't care less.
All humans want to share their thoughts, experiences, and feelings to someone and hear them validated. I think finstas are just the extreme online version.
i feel so weird bc the culture online has become very open and “share absolutely everything”. on one hand i do think it’s better that everything isn’t so polished and meant to be perfect, but now i feel out of place bc being casually vulnerable and open is so deathly terrifying to me and for me , it’s not less scary when it’s online. i feel like it’s worse because there’s a permanent record of that display of vulnerability and doesn’t necessarily show me at most authentic. idk if that makes sense? i don’t want my vulnerability to cause someone misconstrue me as a person. but now i’ve had acquaintances accuse of me being inauthentic when i don’t post my worst moments anywhere. it’s like i can’t win. for me some of those times are So personal, i don’t want those hard moments to be open to interpretation unless it’s someone im very close with.
Agreeeed
I feel like the "share absolutely everything" mindset is really damaging. It should be ok for people to have boundaries with what they share on the internet, it comes off like stranger think they are entitled to know every little thing about someone just because they have public content on the internet
I never called it finsta, it was just “a spam account” to me. Spam culture to me was having the least amount of followers but the juiciest posts. From people over sharing about their sex lives to posting high school fights. It was very much messy but that’s what everyone loved about it
I muted my friends finsta cause it is an emotional dumping ground for her and it was tew much for my already shitty mental health 😂
I relate so much to this! I love my friends but finstas are always emotional messes 😭
wait same I thought I was being a bad friend😭
I feel you
@@ithil-maril9141 nothing bad about setting boundaries.
You can do that?? 👁👄👁
On a much lighter note: using a finsta can be a healthy way to keep in touch with close friends and non judgmental acquaintances. It’s our responsibility to process things in a healthy way and we can’t always do this on a rinsta (for example) if it’s used for work, branding, etc. The pandemic has really messed with our relationships and we can try to use finstas as lovely ways to keep in touch and share with those who we ✨know✨ care about us.
(Unsolicited advice) Do what you want to do, but make sure you’re using these platforms in a healthy way! And develop awesome habits offline too!
Yes I was coming to say this! I have friends spread out across a bunch of different states/countries/time zones and it’s a lot of work to keep up with everyone separately. It’s easy to just post updates on my life to all my friends and then when we talk next they’re already caught up on what’s been going on
like in the video, i try to use it to share funny things and not deeply personal stuff. i like having a place to share with my friends (and family for one of them cause it’s just a camera roll dump) funny things that happened, pictures i look cute in, etc so i don’t spam my main. i’m learning to find a healthy balance with instagram and snapchat by not using them a ton. i just try to think before i post, even on private accounts, unlike what i used to do, and ask if i would say something like that to in person or if it’s too personal or just me posting/reacting before thinking. it takes thoughtfulness and balance, which i may never achieve but i’m doing a way better job than i was even a year ago!
i love that some people have been able to delete their social media accounts all together and i don’t know if i’ll ever do that just to stay in touch with certain people so if you can find the balance it’s worth it, but we just naturally go to extremes so it’s hard. as you said, using it in a healthy way :)
At the beginning of the pandemic I was having an identity crisis over IG. I became so self conscious about what I posted that I deleted everything. Then I started only posting selfies then hated them. Definitely seeking validation through likes. Then let my personality and oversharing take over through stories. Now I barely even post. I'm more comfortable with who I am, less concerned how people see me, but still unsure of how I want to even use social media. My relationship with SM has made it difficult for me to even use LinkedIn for work. It's kind of a driving force for people within a similar career path.
Your videos really help sort through my own thoughts and feelings. I appreciate the work you do 😊
ugh I also hate trying to use LinkedIn. it's just so embarrassing for me
same here, but i just gave up and ended up deleting my account and the app. I really cannot recommend this enough (especially if you find yourself stressing over what you post and/or what other people post). I feel so relieved, my mental health seriously improved and while I still love taking pictures when I'm having a good time with friends or I feel good, I just share them with my friends or keep to myself. It has given me so much inner peace, I'd 100% recommend doing it or at least giving it a shot!
I'm trying to find a good balance of authentic and oversharing. I keep in contact with some people through IG, otherwise I don't use it for anything now. sending memes to each other has lost its fun
Its basically competition including Linkedin- its good to show ur skills & how qualified u are …but thats the main point “show off” brag about what job u got, what level u moved up to, what you graduated with, barely no one ever posts their downfalls or how they quit their job or how they got fired ir how they had to drop college on LinkedIn or insta. Social media is toxic in general & it shows how much we as humans are soaked into it. & how validation is toxic as well.
i feel you on this! my relationship with SM is complicated to say the least but I'm eager to turn it to something that feels more complimentary to my life rather than something that shapes/dictates it and my wellbeing - i honestly believe that social media is exactly what the users makes of it and whilst big tech has it's many issues (which arguably makes SM much more pervasive within our day to day lives) , it is also up to us as users to be responsible with our use of SM.
[unsolicited advice ahead lol] i'd say take your time with rebuilding your relationship w socials again - recovering from an identity crisis esp during a global pandemic isn't easy and shouldn't be dismissed, take it easy and gradually if your intention is still to keep the social media aspect of your life :) i'm currently also on the same train and i'm trying to reshape the way i think of / use social media by only primarily having the more public facing side of things be work related/less tied to anything personal as it's quite integral to my field of work and having a small private account to keep up with my close friends.
best of luck w your journey though! find what works for you in terms of integrating social media into your life even if it's drastically different to how your peers might use it
It’s crazy to think I only started using Facebook when I was 19 (32 now and only have Instagram and UA-cam as social media outlets). So was shocked when you said 12! Seriously I would have gone more insane, I feel for all the youth in these online obsessed times.
Biggest regret in my life was getting Instagram at age 8. I’m 16 now and have had my account for half of my life. This video has actually inspired me to delete my account lmao
@@coolcroc Wow, I can’t even imagine! Do what is in your best interest.
That’s the main thing with gen z, we grew up along side the internet
@@mayhem9052 lol that's one of the reasons why so many of us have fucked up mental health. parents, please keep your children off of the internet for a few years, mines for sure didn't 😭
@@chaaaargh I think that’s a little overboard, but I agree that children’s internet activity should be more closely monitored
it's also interesting to see how finstas have become platforms where people exclusively post cries for help, if that makes sense. rather than reaching out to loved one or a professional, it seems that sometimes people post in hopes that a friend or an acquaintance might reach out to them instead.
Yep, that’s exactly what I did when I went through a horrible breakup my freshman year of college. I’d get so drunk and take photos of myself crying on the side of a road with cryptic captions. Jeez.
this and then no one reaches out to me 💀
I deleted instagram a month and a few days ago, and I must say, my mental health is overall much better. Weirdly enough, I dont miss it at all.
I hated the person I became. Oversharing and comparing myself, only seeing myself through other’s perception of me. I feel more present and myself, I encourage anyone who decides to get off of any type of social media to do it, because you can!
I feel the same way! I deactivated my Instagram a few months ago and my Twitter a few weeks ago, but the people that influenced me and the person I became was really terrible for my health, it’s like I was lost for 3 years, but now that I’m off it I feel like I’m actually really happy
I got tired of over sharing my problems to everyone. Of course it was only my friends but I also limited what I posted to only things I wanted people to know about me, and it just turned into another fake instagram profile and not what I had intended to start it for, which was venting and letting my emotions out since I was so bad at being open with my emotions. But eventually I found it to be a bad thing to let all my friends know stuff, and since I’ve shut it down I’ve been much more positive.
With you talking about the avoiding your friends thing and talking about your problems, I realized that I have a finsta without having Instagram. The notes app. I write what I’m anxious there, consider it dealt with when it’s really not.
that's pretty much journaling, isn't it? and that's kinda different from the whole finsta thing imo bc it's not actually for other people's consumption, like posting on finsta is. in my exp, posting my anxieties on (f)insta was always more about making sure ppl could see it instead of me getting it out of me, which is what i journal for (the sense of release/catharsis/"dealing with it")
@@pastdued huh I guess you’re right. I really like that perspective on it!
Finstas are also great for people who have really enmeshed / conservative family. Something I've seen with my friends and have done myself is having overly nosy family members dramatizing every little thing (what we wore in a post, who we were with, did my parents know I was somewhere). Ive stopped using my rinsta so they have less to talk about and having a finsta is great since you can preemptively block all of them 😂
No literally that’s my reason!!!
Ever since I abandoned my finsta last September my impulsive oversharing has gone way down. I understand why many ppl use a spam bc it helps when you have no one else to confide in, but I held onto it for so long I didn't realize I already had people around me I could trust with my thoughts.
The "girls are supposed to have finsta" comment is interesting. I'm a dude who's had a finsta since 2016 and I think it's a nice vehicle to update people on what's going on in my life, share how I'm feeling, or just post memes that I think are funny without the pressure of looking proper. I think guys generally avoid finstas cause a lot of guys bottle up their feelings and don't want to share them in such an open way, but that's just my theory. I also remember a time before the term "finsta" blew up where people had finsta-esque accounts and they were called "spam accounts"
i agree with every point you made :) but also, like amanda said, "finsta" is lowkey a dated term. we call them "spam accounts" again lol. trends always seem to come & go
your hair looks great amanda!
this video got me thinking about how weird it is that we share so much online. like we're so detached from it, but I wouldn't say at a party half of what I'm apparently willing to share online.
I remember having a finsta for all of a year or so, and literally having to delete it after realizing all it was promoting was me feeling like I was ranting into the endless void that is the internet and Instagram... I essentially started feeling like I was drowning myself in my negative feelings and hence felt like I was hurting my mental health more than helping myself...
My ex gf would share screenshots of our text conversations to her finsta. She’d make fun of me to all her friends, she made fun of how much I cared about her on Twitter too.
that is so mean oh my goodness
that’s fucked up.... if anything she should be happy you care about her so much instead of very little or not at all.
😳 broken. Hope your recovery from that relationship has been full and complete. Nobody deserves that. 💜
glad she's an ex. Good riddance
Be glad a person like her is no longer part of your life. People who are genuinely spiteful usually stay feeling that way for a long time; she has nothing to gain from acting that way. I'm glad you moved past her.
I have no social media and I’m only 21 and I find myself watching this like 😶 I didn’t know social media changed that much and in that direction lmao, also great video
i had a priv story for a while during quarantine and it was so bizarre bc all I’d do was complain ab everything and i lost so many friends (which is understandable because it was so unnecessary and negative)
Aw I’m sorry girl🤕
they could have just muted you
I deleted everything but Snapchat because of how negative it was social media is literally built on outrage that’s what people have to create for clicks you tap into a persons anger and emotions and we’re in quarantine and bored and will do damn near anything to pass the time so what do we do feed into it and consume things or post things like what we often see and it’s just and angry mess that I didn’t want to be part of anymore
amanda is really popping off with the commentary lately!!!
I don't have a finsta for fear I might post something on the wrong account lol
mm good point
Been there!!
this even spreaded to twitter where we make private or “rant” accounts and share them but most rant accs i see are used to private quote something talking bad about it
I honestly think that if people have an Instagram account you should just run it like a finsta because why would you have people following you if you don't want them to see everything you post.👀
yep keke
there's been news/stories of people (women) getting fired for posting photos in bikinis or similar apparel if their coworkers see and talk about it at their job. so i can see having one account that your boss and everyone else could see/follow and another where you can post yourself in a bikini and not have to worry about your boss seeing and saying something about it (whether that be in a perverted way or a "that's bad" kind of way).
or if you're a celebrity, one for the public eye and one for friends/family.
idk about america, but here in singapore you could get fired for little like sharing ""overly political"" posts on instagram to being openly queer. teachers in particular are regularly monitored by the ministry of education for any remotely controversial posts--one of my teachers got fired for being feminist and a lesbian. p sure that's why finsta culture is still very strong here
Right! Just make your account private and post what you want.
YES YES YES
I've created a while ago an Account where i follow like 30 people and am followed by 40. Its so much more comfortable to have only people i like seeing my posts and vice versa. Before that account i was following like 400 people which i dont even care about and never have. I feel much more comfortable to be myself on my page now
bro nothing but ABSOLUTE facts for 23 minutes STRAIGHT!!!!! ive been trying to b more intentional w my social media use too, and this was so good omg
not me watching this video then going to my finsta to post a poll asking if i overshare 😭😳 had to pause and think for a sec
guys make a private finsta and put the name in your normal instagram bio but DONT let anyone follow it lol it’s the best thing ever
Why is it the best?
@@shalom5978 I do the same, lmao. It’s like having a photoblog sort of thing??? Like ‘a second iCloud’
@@vanessa-iv8qz ohhh
@@shalom5978 so much freedom and means you can still enjoy instagram without all the drama and notifications :D
What’s the point of putting it in your bio if you aren’t going to accept people?
i had to delete my spam/finsta and limit how much i was really on social media, bc i basically realized a lot of what you said in the video
i used to be a CHRONIC oversharer on every single social media platform for years (until this year tbh) who felt almost like a social responsibility to keep posting and informing others??? and to post a bunch of jokes which is so funny and weird to think. who am i even and why would anyone care about the insane amount of obnoxious content i was posting?
anyways i'm now the other extreme where i just dont wanna post AT ALL. i feel like ppl collectively dont post that much on IG anymore and most ppl only share like 30-40 photos max now on their profile. im also much older now so maybe thats why i just dont feel a need to update anyone anymore.
just made me realize I haven’t posted on any social media for 5 years now. everyone prolly thinks I’m dead 🤣
such a good video omg i also think finstas can perpetuate parasocial relationships, especially when u follow the finsta of someone you don't really know which is why i stopped sharing my emotions on my finsta posts and instead jus put relatable facebook memes on my finsta's close friends story 😀
I feel like our obsession of celebrities etc adds to the popularity of finstas too. when you post on your finsta it feels like you're the centre of attention in a way, and that the little details about your life are just as important to the few followers you allow on the account - just as how when your favourite celebrity, influencer, etc post glimpses into their lives it feels so important to you personally because of the care you put into them. Also, with the emotional rants on a finsta it feels like a diary entry only this time with an audience, and because there's this feeling of anonymity people will overshare etc as if it were a diary too. anyways...
The fact that the native sponsorship is angel #333 nearly had me buying just for that reason
💙🙌
My close friends story is literally four people and I mostly just talk about movies and complain about school lol
LMAo tell me why i always thought finsta was fun instagram i- that just makes sm more sense to me tbh
people say that they show their best side on social media but when i was on it seemed like everyone had baggage
my (ex) friend had a finsta, it was a nightmare for everyone involved. she used to post things about how much she hated us, how we were all terrible friends, and even once posted on it that one of my other friends was the reason she had depression. she ruined nearly every relationship around her because of it.
Oh yikes. How is that ex friend now?
@@diadiv honestly, no clue. i know she has a very small friend group now, but that’s all. i hope she’s doing better, but i’m not gonna ask
i made a spam account in 2019 (i never called it a finsta cuz ive always hated the name finsta lmao but pretty much the same thing) i was really depressed and suicidal and my parents wouldn’t get me help for it so i just vented on there because i had nowhere else to go. i only let my internet friends and a few irl friends follow it. i stopped venting on there after a while because i realized my friends couldn’t really help. nothing they said would change how i felt, so what was the point of posting for them to see? like they would like my posts but rarely commented or messaged me to ask if i was okay. looking back im lowkey embarrassed that i was just whining and complaining every day on there and people were literally just watching. i later stopped making depression posts and tried to become one of those popular funny spam accounts that repost memes and tik toks but i wasn’t getting many followers or interaction even with hashtags so i just gave up lmao. i lowkey wanna delete all my accounts and that whole app in general it’s so pointless
Omg i relate so much to the end of the video, like while i still post when im out socialising, i evade posting EVERY SINGLE TIME i do (like i did before), because it feels like loser shit to me. It just feels pathetic. Like why am i posting me hanging out with friends? To convince people that i have friends? To create an image that i have a rich social life or that i party a lot? Why? It's pathetic and lame. I post for fun, not for social points.
That's what social media is supposed to be in the first place. Not a social space per se, but a place where you post for fun. People aren't SUPPOSED to judge me from my Instagram at all, it's just a place on which i post cool pics or funny stories.
And btw this is also advice to any of you who's reading this too, start using social media for fun EXCLUSIVELY. It's not a replacement for political activism. It's not a real social space. Think of it as a game. You're there to have fun. You're there to vent, to chill, to escape. If social media makes you insecure, you're using it wrong/have a wrong mindset about it.
AHA WE EARLY BABY
*your casual insta video was to the T so I’m excited for this one*
i used to vent all the time on my finsta and no one followed me on there, but recently people have started following me and im still in the process of learning not to overshare like that. its hard lol but really tho i should just get a journal
Had no idea it was a thing. I feel so old now.. 😂
Same! 🥲😂
Lol me. 😂
I think it's really interesting that these trends happened across a bunch of finstas even though most finstas are private with few followers.
I always thought of finstas and spams as weird. I made a spam account and used it for a year and had no idea what to post. I kinda hated it and felt weird. Like I never felt comfortable with over-sharing so much. I did enjoy seeing everyone else’s drama tho 🤣
still have a finsta and tbh I definitely went through the trauma dumping/self depreciating phase but now I've gotten to the point where I just use it to post random thoughts and just share things that I don't really have a place to share it with friends and people I enjoy. One of my main uses of it is to show off all the food I cook bc I love cooking and also use it to keep with friends/a small group of people I never get to keep up with which is nice. I definitely have a healthy relationship with finstas now but I never realized how bad it was or me/still is for some
As someone who doesn't access social media in this way, and also someone who doesn't have experience with Instagram other than from an instructional capacity (teaching real estate agents how to navigate its features), learning about how it can effect other people who fold it into their lives in a very real way is really interesting to me. I think it's an important thing to be mindful of, opening up my mind to how other people interact with these things that I don't myself use. Really enjoyed your thinking on it. Subbed!
ive been off my normal instagram for like 2 years and my spam/finsta (i always hated that word lol) for a year and it’s been so good for my mental health. in fact leaving my spam acc was the best for me! i had one from age 14-19, all the way from freshman year of hs to sophomore year of college and boy did it make me worse. it allowed me to just wallow in my little circle of friends and complain and whine and honestly be really mean and judgmental because you’re just surrounded by the people you Choose to see you...so you don’t pick the people you think wouldn’t like you lol. whenever i was upset i found myself wanting to vent for....what reason? validation? and i always felt worse when i did. it wasn’t healthy and now having left it behind i still find myself having to remind myself that that instinct to complain rather than really think about the issue and take care of it is like Bad. anyways social media is always inherently disconnected if you’re seeking to really get deep into things so i think the best way to approach it is just basic sharing, like i’ll be moving to a new country and might make a new account to show my friends and family the things i’m experiencing!
I used to keep this channel private from my personal social media accounts. Sometime before COVID I decided to leave a link to an instagram account I created to post the kind of things I used to upload on this channel (toys, stop motion, etc). I kind of wanted to share it with people who know me and overall it's not as disruptive as I imagined it would be. It kind of highlights that point in your video of not having to share everything with people, but also being free to put whatever you want on YOUR social media page.
i dont know i have abandoned my rinsta of about 500 or so acquaintances for a finsta of my 20 closest friends, but I use it like a rinsta. For me, I really enjoy posting when I have a particularly fun and eventful day with friends and family because typically it’s with the people that follow me on there. I sometimes find myself going back and enjoying seeing the fun we had. It’s more of like a memory box less of a ranty over share space. I find it incredibly liberating and a really great breath of fresh air as opposed to a rinsta. I’d recommend making a rinstaesque finsta if your rinsta is stressful.
I rarely use my rinsta now (definitely one of the best choices I’ve made for my own sanity). I do have a finsta but it’s only me and my two best friends that follow it/ co-own it so we can share funny photos with each other.
Using the close friend story as if it’s the DM feature (setting it to the one person you want to message)
Her videos are always so well thought out!
Abt a year ago I deleted my main account that I’d had for years and had a few hundred followers, majority of whom I didn’t know in person. Now I have a literal burner account with 4 followers who are all homies and das it. I love it, I just follow them and then creative accounts and that’s about it. No regrets.
oh man, i had to delete the insta app because i noticed i would use my priv story for emotional dumping and it started to take a toll on me. great video and ~social commentary~ as always!
i remember i'd first started my finsta back in 2017 and posted funny photos of me and my friends then posted memes and i'd post like ten times a day and it felt so freeing compared to my main account which I had a specific structure to (and still do) so I stopped posting on my main and focused on my finsta.
cause of this a bunch of friends would tell me that my finsta was really funny so their friends would follow me then my 'audience' became my friends and their friends and then a bunch of my online friends too.
after a while i'd feel weird posting on there cause I felt like I was being judged and slowly by slowly i'd catch myself deliberating posts before i'd add them to my story and it felt like my main account all over again.
i'd tried to find an escape but ended up back where i'd started and this videa honestly just summed up how I feel about finstas altogether.
When she said she spent 30 minutes trying to come up with a caption that’s so real. Like I literally have no idea what to put as a caption on my selfies. It’s actually v stressful
It's so interesting seeing a gen z person talking about finsta culture in a way that reminds me so much of what facebook was for people (and still probably is, I stopped using mine a long time ago) it's about the FOMO and venting about your emotions to close friends as well as high school/college classmates and how you both curate and vent but all of it is still kind of for likes and it never really feels authentic, mostly because social media makes that almost impossible (for what you said, it's a mass of people and not one-on-one)
i currently have a finsta but every month i archive all the posts that i posted in that month because i personally wouldn’t like people looking at my previous posts. one day i wanna look back on the posts and see how much ive grown, even if i do cringe at it, that’s ok. i don’t share everything about my life because some things are to be kept to myself but if i feel comfortable with sharing something then i won’t have a problem with it❤️ other than that i feel like people can see another side of me that i barely show people since i have social anxiety.
I totally get what your saying about the posting with your friends when your out. I feel like anything posted on social media is to directly get someone’s attention period. Your trying to prove a point of some sort, we all create and set up our personas on the internet. We can literally be whoever we want to pose and be and turn into that. Real life sims game would you look at that 🤭
bro get that bag tho, native is the best deodorant my fave is peppermint. idk if i’m just too mf high but i feel like this comment is so relevant to this topic at our hands right now.
🤗🤗🤗
As a millenial not on Insta, the criticism on this video is definitely also applicable to journalling sites and Tumblr, and I guess this is also applicable to some corners of TikTok for the younger-than-us. The struggle between inherent need to have a space where to express your feelings, to have those feelings validated by others, and also have the freedom to be kind of unappealing and socially offputting while doing it has existed since the dawn of time, but it's interesting how social media is ever-increasingly making it both acceptable and sort of... expected. Your description of social media sadposting and the need it fulfills is definitely a lot like how I feel about my teenage journals I physically cannot bring myself to read because I did actually get help and don't want to be reminded XD
I’m a few years older, but your instagram journey really resonated. Down to the “sorta kinda just ditching it when the pandemic hit.” Your observations were very poignant, as always! 💕🌸
The smartest gurl on UA-cam not fake smart like these others and connecting dots that dont go together Clean Consistent and Clear i love it
Literally... i feel hopeful n inspired that a young person like this exists
@@michelleIX if you go to an HBCU you will meet more like her not a lot but they're definitely out there
On my finsta I share random pics of my life, only for my close friends. Its like a photo diary and it makes my so happy. The reason why I don‘t post this on my main account is the fact that I don‘t want everyone to have access to my daily life...
Thanks for the video Amanda. I personally haven’t had a finsta but I think that my tik tok account kind of serves the same purpose. I don’t do anything to hide my videos but an overwhelming majority of people in my circles aren’t on the platform. Also I don’t think I’d mind if anyone does find it but for now it’s my little safe space or creative outlet!
I spam so much on my finsta and I don’t want people to know about my life so that’s why it’s not on my main, i never get emotional or vulnerable tho, i just like to share what i do bc it makes me happy to post it even though i know most people skip through everything. Idk it just makes me happy to share what i do and my “”adventures”” (like when i hangout with friends), i don’t really see the harm.
This is why I’ve stepped away from posting (or even just browsing) Instagram and TikTok. Instagram honestly made me nervous to be on for some reason, I’m still not sure why. It feels pretty good not to be wrapped up in those socials and constantly know what everyone else is up to.
I’m an elder millennial who doesn’t use Instagram, thanks for explaining this to me
I think nowadays a close friends story on Instagram is for censoring out the specific people you don’t want watching or reading very specific things about you because it may be too inappropriate, etc. Close friends stories are like, “I may not know you that well but I don’t mind you seeing this!” Rather than it actually being close friends you talk to on a daily basis
Just wanna let you know that I’m a 30 year old lady and I really like your videos! You’re very well-spoken and give a great insight in the use of social media in a younger generation. I think I wouldn’t have survived the social media age when I was younger. Keep it up!!
I want to comment on the "processing your emotions" piece: there is no correct, complete, or necessary way to "process" feelings. I think social media is taking a strangely narrow (maybe heavy-handed?) view of mental health right now and it's really big on this idea of diagnosing and "processing" and healing and self-work, and while it can be extremely helpful for some people to intentionally or even formally examine their emotions, etc., it's not necessarily essential to "healing" or development. For most people, understanding and moving through difficult emotions is an ongoing process that happens through a variety of means. Plus, the act of writing out your thoughts or feelings actually can be genuinely cathartic, and move difficult thoughts from implicit (ie, intrusive, uncontrolled) memory to explicit (ie, conscious recall) memory - so for some, writing a caption might be very helpful. So again, I'm definitely not saying people SHOULDN'T talk things out, go to therapy, etc., I'm just saying there are lots of ways to "process" and it's not a single act. I just wanted to point that out, as a former mental health professional (and someone too old to be here, I'm sure :)
many good points omgg. i also think people can get into a viscous cycle of thinking that involves HOW they are perceived by others. ive come to find that people's perceptions of me are out of my control and none of my business. coming to terms with this has been liberating. ppl rarely see the world as it is rather, how they see it through their own subjective lens. the only thing i can get better at is how i treat and view myself. ig is just me sharing all my interests and things i find cute tbh thinking too deeply about how u are perceived can be an endless race
the spam culture also heavily influenced finstas like nateclips in 2016 was everything
It’s so funny because I used my finsta religiously in highschool and was admittedly a toxic trauma dumper (I didn’t have any friends added) and stopped using it after I went to rehab summer of my senior year and got help and then I started using private stories on snap💀💀 I no longer over share on the internet as badly but I wonder who else falls into the finsta to private story pipeline and the implications
I had a fake public instagram to vent but I made it private and deleted my followers because I realized I just wanted a place to post pictures and talk and make a cute account for myself, and don't care about number nor anyone else, nor irl or online. It's way better imo, it's like my journal
The reasons that people retreat to a finsta are also the same reasons why I don't use Instagram at all
Meticulously curating a public version of my life for the consumption of everyone from my boss to my mates to my mum sounds like an actual nightmare.
I would end up spending endless time and emotional labour on it.
so thoughtful, articulate, and interesting as always!
a year ago i started journaling & deleted my instagram accounts & never looked back. highly recommend. this is coming from a recovered chronic oversharer.
this video also reminds me of this app i used to use for Years (like 2015-2019) that was so terrible for my mental health bc literally everyone i was friends with on there would vent with absolutely no filter (including me). i'm soooo glad i'm not on that app anymore, deleting it did wonders for my mental health
I like the jokes my friends post but I absolutely hate it when they vent lol
please make podcasts!! 🧎🏼♀️🧎🏼♀️
i use my “finsta” as a photodumping place
really interesting video and loved the points you made! i definitely overshared when i first had my finsta as well, and i feel like it was because i felt it was my only outlet and somehow emotional dumping online seems less intimidating than reaching out to someone
For me, finsta is about building/keeping potential relationships more alive for people I only met once or met online and keeping people up to date with me, but also using it as a diary for myself to look back on. I often scroll back through my feed and read through what I wrote and what pictures I posted with it. I also do like to see who engages with it to see who read what to see who possibly knows what information. And some of my friends do keep up with me through my posts and will reach out after some of them, so I do look at it as something that it beneficial for me.
I’m honestly in love with your beautiful mind.
hey, i'm sorry this comment is so early but i promise i will watch the whole video. I just wanted to say one thing that I really HATE so much about insta and that someone actually the other day pointed out.
It's the fact that people are so lazy on insta. Like, I get it, instagram was inherently meant to entertain with selfies and cute short videos. But that's not what insta is about anymore. Lately, insta has become more of a way to make activism and to educate people on societal problems or just to share one's opinion. But there's a huge problem on how these things are being shared. People have become so lazy that they will only read infographics with not more than 50 words in it and the posts that get shared the most are just those colorful aesthetic ones with a random quote or sth like that (which you talked about in your last video).
The other day I got really inspired to write a text on homosexuality and religion and it got REALLY long. Like it has over 2500 words. And I'm not saying I expect people to read a double post with my opinion on it but I truly believe that the post I made (and the other ones cause it's not the first time I posted an essay) have 1000 times more useful information than everything a crappy instagram page with only those aesthetic quotes has. But noone is gonna read that and someone actually texted me saying that I would reach more people by just posting how I kiss a girl than my making those essays... It's just really depressing and I don't know where else to share it caude I don't want to make a blog and I don't have twitter nor want to share anything there. Instagram is the only place I can reach at least a few people...
this was very interesting to listen to i live in a small town and me and all my friends have “finstas” which are actually referred to as “spams” now and those actually only have my close friends on them as well as my private story so i think since you didn’t exactly grow up with social media but it entered into your life at a different stage you responded differently to it than i did just a thought :)
Instagram is amongst the worst social media apps for me. (I mean, they all are at this day and age). The whole need of having a finsta just proves my point that a lot of people put too much care in something as trivial as an instagram profile. Should I post this picture? Maybe tomorrow? Nah, it doesn't match the rest of my "aesthetic". Omg, x y and z unfollowed/followed me. Im sick of all of this. Like amanda said in the vid, its not about expression anymore but presentation. They'll put their instagram profile above their actual life. It's so shallow and narrow minded to care about things like this, but apparently thats how the internet (and world) is moving. Instagram (and other social media) in its early days WAS like finsta is now. Most users posted anything without worrying about which filter to apply or when to post it. It's sad that people feel so much pressure on what they should appear as online. Wanting to seem attractive, interesting, successful to people who don't even know you that well or care about you... is it worth it? I deactivated ig and it is very freeing.