Being a love addict is tough, and not having good closure (in my mind at least) keeps me stuck in rumination. Your intro on not looking online for them was a great reminder for me to stop feeding the fantasy. 1 day at time, 1 day at a time... all I keep telling myself. Thanks as always for your advice!
One thing that helps me is a trick by Mel Robbins: whenever they pop up into your mind (for me until recently it used to be 24/7), you simply say (out loud) “ok, you’re thinking about that person. For now that’s not something we’re going to do anymore, ok?” Say it EVERY SINGLE TIME the thought comes.
@@JohnM... love mel...something I do is call my men friend who understands me and let him know just how riduclus my thinking is..lol. It's not shaming...feels like it breaks it up and I can see how absurd my thinking is..
It’s just like a drug! Experiencing withdrawal symptoms just like I would for a drug. Been just over a month being Limerant. Hope I get quickly out of this as it will lead no where..age gap/different countries etc.These videos are indeed very helpful!
How to solve limerance. Find what your avoiding with limerance. Go to that space. It's gonna hurt more that the limerance but can actually be solved so is temporary. Heal whatever wound it is. Resolved (painful and hard but worth it). Recovered limerance addict here
I deleted all contacts, social media etc. I realized I really just yearned for his attention when I had contact. I'm feeling 90% better now. Gosh limerence is effiing hard
1.5 to 3 years, that's great to hear. I am losing my mind right now........... its been about 4 months. And i cant literally listen to any music that's about love or longing, watch any movies that have some sort of love story, see any photos about love, it gets me immediately fantasizing about those scenarios with the LO. Jesus christ, how did i end up like this, embarrassing. i'll have to go live in a forest, some cabin to be completely isolated from everything. Thank you Marios for these videos. "when you're ready come back" that is literally what the LO said to me. My limerence has every story line Marios mentioned in one of his first videos about it. And everything he says i've had those fantasies in my head. I think have to watch these videos everyday to snap me back to reality... and to realize its not real and is all in my head.
Oh my god I can relate. Like WTF happened to me? I lost my husband and sometimes the missing my LO is 10x worse which makes no sense. I was in a loving stable relationships with my husband, then a year after he died I started an online relationship with my LO. I went no contact after 8 months of ups and downs. I just got sick of it. It’s been a year of no contact and I still pine for him. Fuck my life 😢
@@fembot521 damn. 1 year i am sorry. 😔 It feels like my heart is bleeding. I really miss her. And every memory i have causes me pain. I know what it's like.
Going insane! I blocked this guy back in October, didn't see him again until December and I saw him with his new girlfriend, I then didn't see him again for months until June (with girlfriend again) and I still have an obsession. During that time I developed limerence with ANOTHER guy thinking it would mean I got over the first one, but now I'm just dealing with two at once. I'll never see the first guy again, and the second one has just moved away for a year, so no contact with either
My platonic LO, a former work colleague who I knew for 6 years, Tim, is dead, so I cannot contact him as he died in 2006 aged 61. While it is sad he died young, the fact is, if he was still alive I would be tempted to drive 20 miles to see him, as I knew the street he lived, and it would make me tempted to ask around for his exact address, or I would then feel tempted to visit or at least write to him.
Yes I went no contact with my lo, blocked him, made him agree we would block each other. From the time I met him until the last time I saw him was 6 months. But no contact isnt enough, people must block them too. I saw on my phone 3 rejected calls with a blue circle, he called me, 10 weeks later. My phone doesnt show texts though when blocked and cant hear it ring. I just ignored it. Took 5 to 7 weeks after I blocked him to get over him.
I am finally free. It took FIVE YEARS. In case it helps anyone else I came to these core realisations:- 1. It might be the same thing as the ancient greek 'mania' love. For me it was all about my low self-esteem, due to being in a bad place. If you look up mania this is the basis of that form of "love". 2. No contact permanently wouldn't work for me. I considered quitting my job and I knew it would follow me, potentially for many more years and I could not bear that. For me I needed to resolve the mania connection by bringing it into reality. I had a brief period of no contact over two months. This was enough to break the habit of needing to message them. Now I am able to work very professionally and I feel much better that it is reconciled.
I was so close to a limerant behavior last week. Yes I'm in no contact now. Yes it works because there is no possible reciprocation so it will end. But a pro tip I would like to give is the mind should find something more equally 'upsetting' to distract the mind from LO and keep it engaged (it depends still). For me personally, it starts with a missing feeling almost like an intense homesickness, like the distance is hard to handle.
This is a great video (and shows a lot of empathy and proper understanding of the phenomenon). I appreciate the very good advice, and the fact you say the internet is not a replacement for therapy. Good stuff. (7 months of NC, hardest thing I've ever done)
No contact has worked every time in the past. However this episode is different. They seem to become more perfect and magical in my mind the longer I go no contact.
My limerence resolved itself in one fell swoop: me - codependent, him - covert narcissist traits. 10 months into a relationship where I treated him as though the sun shines out of his a..e, he got drunk (again), looked me square in the eye and hurled the word c..t into my face, completely without context. While it felt like a totally bizarre and unexpected slap in the face, my love haze has evaporated, and he is blocked. Eventually the mask slips.
Just a quick thank you🎉 I did not just want to consume your videos without any kind of appreciation. What you say is profound and professionell. It's balanced and never shrill. It helped me quite a bit❤🎉❤ In case you read this. Is the definition of limerence always limited to a person one cant get or do we find the phenomena also in relationships where one person feels much more (unreasonable) affection and romantic longing than the other person, who really does not care much and does not even bother to find a compromise? Thx❤
Thanks so much that is kind and generous of you, I appreciate it. Some reciprocal setups can exist with limerence but the situation that you described doesn’t exactly sound like it, perhaps more like a power or interest imbalance, a disjointed communication style between partners, or a bad match. It’s hard to tell without knowing the specifics.
@@Marios_CG Thank you Marios. I might get in touch with you. Having a M.D. one is surprised and shocked to hear all these things and never even having considered them. You are a great guy with high standards. I might only have (had) a bad relationship (If IT ever was one)😁🤞, but disjointed communication also comes close. Best wishes!👍
Loved your "bad idea" section at 7.22. I haven’t relapsed w direct contact, but the awareness from the mutual circle does indeed feed the limerence. "Maybe our mutual friends will be able to get us together!" 🙄 Thankfully, the longer nc goes on, the more they forget, and the more it feels like a natural fade. Great input, thank you.
As I said in the video, no contact is not enough for everybody without other interventions. 12 years is a long time and I’m not sure limerence can last that long, but it could turn into something else.
What do you think limerence could turn into? I have been pining for my LO, if indeed that’s what he is, for years, despite having no contact and it has caused a lasting depression.
Thanks Marios for this great video. I needed this one RIGHT now. I was discussing with someone if checking social media was relapse and i said it wasnt but he said it was kind of. And you hit the nail on the head, checking socials is relapse. And especially now, she is on vacation with her date to the maldives, how the heck do I even want to know whats happening there? Its torture. I texted her the last time 1 week ago . She blocked me on whatsapp though. I need NC so much. So also not reading old messages and checking socials, listening voice messages etc. Im going NC all the way. Full abstenence. 1 is to many and 1000 is not enough. Thanks!!
@@image2296 I relapsed to day.. i was doing well in no contact. Im blocked on whatsapp but I know were she lives and send her card and gifts. Its insane I cant control it. Im stopping now and going NC again.
I feel like whenever I try to stay away I feel so alone. I know in my head that I am alone but not keeping contact plummets my mood to very bad and scary levels. I don't want to feel like that.
Limerence= Hell. I am stuck in this devastating situation at the moment. No contact is almost impossible cause she is a co worker. Just want to feel normal again.
I highly request you to reply me. I had a huge limerance on this girl. She's my classmate. I approached her and man, what a conversation we had. After that, my limerance went off the roof. I became so desperate and ended up creepy. It's been a month. I purposely avoided her. But still i feel extremely guilty and embarrassing for creeping her out. Can i just leave this and move on or should i go and apologize to her??? I don't wanna creep her out ever. It ended up like this just because of my limerance
I’ve found that even social media’s friends of the limerant object was partial contact. It came back when I accepted a friend request. So, I had to block. My limerence abated after that.
Do you personally offer counseling to people in the United States? How does one sign up for a session with you and how much does it cost? You’re more informed about this issue than anyone I’ve met and the least shameful about it.
1 1/2 to 3 years? Try 16 😒 Also, no contact doesn't work for me. First of all it's usually been imposed on me by other people, whether it's through loved ones "forbidding" me from mentioning the person (which I absolutely can't stand because I barely say anything about them) or by the LO alienating me, insulting me, or, in this present one's case, stonewalling me. You can imagine how defensive this has made me feel over time. My first episode was when I was 10, and even then, I got no emotional support and was just told to move on. My late grandmother had even gone so far as to "delete" him from my yearbook! Second, going no contact and avoiding my LO at all costs feels like I'm being restricted, like I'm banning myself from living, in a sense--can't live in this part of town because they live there, can't eat at this restaurant because they work there, etc. It makes me feel like my feelings are something to be ashamed of (which I also got plenty of growing up). It doesn't seem fair. So no, the whole "out of sight, out of mind" approach never worked on me and never will.
Almost 2 months of no contact and it's a torture, it spikes up full on anxiety and abandonment issues but there is no other way, he rejected me and I must except it. The problem in my case is that he leaves next door to me 😢 found myself monitoring through the peeping hole when he comes back home, just to see him without him knowing, and saw him entering his house with a woman, it trigeered me to a panik frozen state and I feel lost, we are not moving flats sny time soon and I feel lost. How can I handle that?...
Avoid him as much as possible and keep busy. I know it’s much easier said than done but you have to do it for yourself. If we don’t take care of ourselves no one will. I had limerance for a man I knew Avery king time it took me almost two years to get over it but thankfully I’m over it. I only think of him once in a while but the obsession is gone. Remind yourself life is too short to waste on people that aren’t there for us. I keep very busy with hobbies and housework and get out and socialize with other people.
@@MelModica Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me 🌷 I guess I am very lonely, sadly, and this is the root of limerence in my case. believe me that I try to solve this but at the age of 43 it is so hard to connect with people, most are so busy these days, so hard to start new friendships... that is why I was so happy to meet up with him, next door dude, super fascinating man... until he went cold and ended it though I was very attuned to him, gave him tons of space, and he said I inspire him and more. He has his own deep issues. I too was limerent for 2 years prior to him, and that is gone for me too, but - with the new dude I saw that I am not healed, limerence just displaced itself to this new man, which is sad to observe. I have 2 therapists but tbh they really do not know much about limerence sadly, I know more then them. Good for you for succeeding to heal step by step, it feels so freeing to not care for LO, I deeply felt it too. Keep on living your best life, you truly deserve it 💕 and so do I.... ugh.... Thanks again for writing and supporting in my dark hour.
well it is my focus/niche at the moment. It is a big problem yes, so I guess I am obsessed with helping people with it. What other topics would you want me to cover?
Being a love addict is tough, and not having good closure (in my mind at least) keeps me stuck in rumination. Your intro on not looking online for them was a great reminder for me to stop feeding the fantasy. 1 day at time, 1 day at a time... all I keep telling myself. Thanks as always for your advice!
One thing that helps me is a trick by Mel Robbins: whenever they pop up into your mind (for me until recently it used to be 24/7), you simply say (out loud) “ok, you’re thinking about that person. For now that’s not something we’re going to do anymore, ok?”
Say it EVERY SINGLE TIME the thought comes.
just try humming - thoughts will clear. you won't get any weird looks of confusion blurting things out loud. 🤙
@@JohnM... love mel...something I do is call my men friend who understands me and let him know just how riduclus my thinking is..lol. It's not shaming...feels like it breaks it up and I can see how absurd my thinking is..
It’s just like a drug! Experiencing withdrawal symptoms just like I would for a drug. Been just over a month being Limerant. Hope I get quickly out of this as it will lead no where..age gap/different countries etc.These videos are indeed very helpful!
How to solve limerance. Find what your avoiding with limerance. Go to that space. It's gonna hurt more that the limerance but can actually be solved so is temporary. Heal whatever wound it is. Resolved (painful and hard but worth it). Recovered limerance addict here
Good advice.
I deleted all contacts, social media etc. I realized I really just yearned for his attention when I had contact. I'm feeling 90% better now. Gosh limerence is effiing hard
Well done for taking those steps for yourself. It’s not easy.
I haven’t experienced anything so tortuous and emotionally crippling as LO 😢
it can go away found it faded in time as didn't see lO around any more.Good luck there is hope.❤
Having a case of the L's really sucks!!!
I've been aware of limerance for a while and this gentleman provides the best explanations and steps to overcome..or at least manage. Bravo!
1.5 to 3 years, that's great to hear. I am losing my mind right now........... its been about 4 months. And i cant literally listen to any music that's about love or longing, watch any movies that have some sort of love story, see any photos about love, it gets me immediately fantasizing about those scenarios with the LO. Jesus christ, how did i end up like this, embarrassing. i'll have to go live in a forest, some cabin to be completely isolated from everything. Thank you Marios for these videos. "when you're ready come back" that is literally what the LO said to me. My limerence has every story line Marios mentioned in one of his first videos about it. And everything he says i've had those fantasies in my head. I think have to watch these videos everyday to snap me back to reality... and to realize its not real and is all in my head.
Oh my god I can relate. Like WTF happened to me? I lost my husband and sometimes the missing my LO is 10x worse which makes no sense. I was in a loving stable relationships with my husband, then a year after he died I started an online relationship with my LO. I went no contact after 8 months of ups and downs. I just got sick of it. It’s been a year of no contact and I still pine for him. Fuck my life 😢
@@fembot521 damn. 1 year i am sorry. 😔 It feels like my heart is bleeding. I really miss her. And every memory i have causes me pain. I know what it's like.
Going insane! I blocked this guy back in October, didn't see him again until December and I saw him with his new girlfriend, I then didn't see him again for months until June (with girlfriend again) and I still have an obsession. During that time I developed limerence with ANOTHER guy thinking it would mean I got over the first one, but now I'm just dealing with two at once. I'll never see the first guy again, and the second one has just moved away for a year, so no contact with either
U sound like a love addict that U box all ur love interests in this obsession/ fantasy category.
Therapy is ur friend.
My platonic LO, a former work colleague who I knew for 6 years, Tim, is dead, so I cannot contact him as he died in 2006 aged 61. While it is sad he died young, the fact is, if he was still alive I would be tempted to drive 20 miles to see him, as I knew the street he lived, and it would make me tempted to ask around for his exact address, or I would then feel tempted to visit or at least write to him.
Yes I went no contact with my lo, blocked him, made him agree we would block each other. From the time I met him until the last time I saw him was 6 months. But no contact isnt enough, people must block them too. I saw on my phone 3 rejected calls with a blue circle, he called me, 10 weeks later. My phone doesnt show texts though when blocked and cant hear it ring. I just ignored it. Took 5 to 7 weeks after I blocked him to get over him.
Excellent, you are strong.
You have no idea how much your videos have helped me you are truly a blessing. Thank you so much !
I appreciate you sharing that, and I’m glad it’s helped you that’s why I post these.
I am finally free. It took FIVE YEARS. In case it helps anyone else I came to these core realisations:-
1. It might be the same thing as the ancient greek 'mania' love. For me it was all about my low self-esteem, due to being in a bad place. If you look up mania this is the basis of that form of "love".
2. No contact permanently wouldn't work for me. I considered quitting my job and I knew it would follow me, potentially for many more years and I could not bear that. For me I needed to resolve the mania connection by bringing it into reality. I had a brief period of no contact over two months. This was enough to break the habit of needing to message them. Now I am able to work very professionally and I feel much better that it is reconciled.
I was so close to a limerant behavior last week. Yes I'm in no contact now. Yes it works because there is no possible reciprocation so it will end. But a pro tip I would like to give is the mind should find something more equally 'upsetting' to distract the mind from LO and keep it engaged (it depends still). For me personally, it starts with a missing feeling almost like an intense homesickness, like the distance is hard to handle.
This is a great video (and shows a lot of empathy and proper understanding of the phenomenon). I appreciate the very good advice, and the fact you say the internet is not a replacement for therapy. Good stuff. (7 months of NC, hardest thing I've ever done)
No contact has worked every time in the past. However this episode is different. They seem to become more perfect and magical in my mind the longer I go no contact.
My limerence resolved itself in one fell swoop: me - codependent, him - covert narcissist traits. 10 months into a relationship where I treated him as though the sun shines out of his a..e, he got drunk (again), looked me square in the eye and hurled the word c..t into my face, completely without context. While it felt like a totally bizarre and unexpected slap in the face, my love haze has evaporated, and he is blocked. Eventually the mask slips.
Just a quick thank you🎉 I did not just want to consume your videos without any kind of appreciation. What you say is profound and professionell. It's balanced and never shrill. It helped me quite a bit❤🎉❤
In case you read this. Is the definition of limerence always limited to a person one cant get or do we find the phenomena also in relationships where one person feels much more (unreasonable) affection and romantic longing than the other person, who really does not care much and does not even bother to find a compromise? Thx❤
Thanks so much that is kind and generous of you, I appreciate it. Some reciprocal setups can exist with limerence but the situation that you described doesn’t exactly sound like it, perhaps more like a power or interest imbalance, a disjointed communication style between partners, or a bad match. It’s hard to tell without knowing the specifics.
@@Marios_CG Thank you Marios. I might get in touch with you. Having a M.D. one is surprised and shocked to hear all these things and never even having considered them. You are a great guy with high standards. I might only have (had) a bad relationship (If IT ever was one)😁🤞, but disjointed communication also comes close. Best wishes!👍
Loved your "bad idea" section at 7.22. I haven’t relapsed w direct contact, but the awareness from the mutual circle does indeed feed the limerence. "Maybe our mutual friends will be able to get us together!" 🙄 Thankfully, the longer nc goes on, the more they forget, and the more it feels like a natural fade.
Great input, thank you.
seeing as i haven't seen my LO for over 12 years and still find myself pining for a day we might bump back into each other I'm gonna go with "no"
As I said in the video, no contact is not enough for everybody without other interventions. 12 years is a long time and I’m not sure limerence can last that long, but it could turn into something else.
What do you think limerence could turn into? I have been pining for my LO, if indeed that’s what he is, for years, despite having no contact and it has caused a lasting depression.
Please make a video on what it turns into and how to deal with that - whatever it is.
Yes please make a video about what it turns into after years - it’s been 5 years for me and still as strong as at the beginning
It’s been 10 years for me with 9 years of no contact. It’s not like a daily thing but I think of him often and it stings every time.
Thanks Marios for this great video. I needed this one RIGHT now. I was discussing with someone if checking social media was relapse and i said it wasnt but he said it was kind of. And you hit the nail on the head, checking socials is relapse. And especially now, she is on vacation with her date to the maldives, how the heck do I even want to know whats happening there? Its torture. I texted her the last time 1 week ago . She blocked me on whatsapp though. I need NC so much. So also not reading old messages and checking socials, listening voice messages etc. Im going NC all the way. Full abstenence. 1 is to many and 1000 is not enough. Thanks!!
Hey, i am sorry you're going through this. I completely understand what its like. :(
@@image2296 I relapsed to day.. i was doing well in no contact. Im blocked on whatsapp but I know were she lives and send her card and gifts. Its insane I cant control it. Im stopping now and going NC again.
I feel like whenever I try to stay away I feel so alone. I know in my head that I am alone but not keeping contact plummets my mood to very bad and scary levels. I don't want to feel like that.
Limerence= Hell. I am stuck in this devastating situation at the moment. No contact is almost impossible cause she is a co worker. Just want to feel normal again.
I highly request you to reply me. I had a huge limerance on this girl. She's my classmate. I approached her and man, what a conversation we had. After that, my limerance went off the roof. I became so desperate and ended up creepy. It's been a month. I purposely avoided her. But still i feel extremely guilty and embarrassing for creeping her out. Can i just leave this and move on or should i go and apologize to her??? I don't wanna creep her out ever. It ended up like this just because of my limerance
hello , thanks alot for sharing this knowledge with us
Thanks I’m editing these myself so still have a lot to learn. Will keep the sound issue in mind.
I’ve found that even social media’s friends of the limerant object was partial contact. It came back when I accepted a friend request. So, I had to block. My limerence abated after that.
yes
I say the answer is YES 🎉 I'm living proof 😂😂
Do you personally offer counseling to people in the United States? How does one sign up for a session with you and how much does it cost? You’re more informed about this issue than anyone I’ve met and the least shameful about it.
Hi there - thank you for the kind words. I offer limerence coaching online here: unfoldinglimerence.com
What happens if you are limerant for your therapist? Can you work it through ?
1 1/2 to 3 years? Try 16 😒
Also, no contact doesn't work for me. First of all it's usually been imposed on me by other people, whether it's through loved ones "forbidding" me from mentioning the person (which I absolutely can't stand because I barely say anything about them) or by the LO alienating me, insulting me, or, in this present one's case, stonewalling me. You can imagine how defensive this has made me feel over time. My first episode was when I was 10, and even then, I got no emotional support and was just told to move on. My late grandmother had even gone so far as to "delete" him from my yearbook!
Second, going no contact and avoiding my LO at all costs feels like I'm being restricted, like I'm banning myself from living, in a sense--can't live in this part of town because they live there, can't eat at this restaurant because they work there, etc. It makes me feel like my feelings are something to be ashamed of (which I also got plenty of growing up). It doesn't seem fair.
So no, the whole "out of sight, out of mind" approach never worked on me and never will.
If the Lo is a co-worker, how can we form a no contact situation??
Please increase the volumen of the audio...it is a great information that need to be reached
Thanks I’m editing these myself so still have a lot to learn. Will keep the sound issue in mind.
Can you talk about being limerant with a narcissist?
I could, but to be honest I think people heavily overuse the label “narcissist” and I hesitate to contribute to the idea that it is that prevalent.
Almost 2 months of no contact and it's a torture, it spikes up full on anxiety and abandonment issues but there is no other way, he rejected me and I must except it.
The problem in my case is that he leaves next door to me 😢 found myself monitoring through the peeping hole when he comes back home, just to see him without him knowing, and saw him entering his house with a woman, it trigeered me to a panik frozen state and I feel lost, we are not moving flats sny time soon and I feel lost.
How can I handle that?...
Avoid him as much as possible and keep busy. I know it’s much easier said than done but you have to do it for yourself. If we don’t take care of ourselves no one will. I had limerance for a man I knew Avery king time it took me almost two years to get over it but thankfully I’m over it. I only think of him once in a while but the obsession is gone. Remind yourself life is too short to waste on people that aren’t there for us. I keep very busy with hobbies and housework and get out and socialize with other people.
@@MelModica Thank you so much for taking the time to write to me 🌷 I guess I am very lonely, sadly, and this is the root of limerence in my case. believe me that I try to solve this but at the age of 43 it is so hard to connect with people, most are so busy these days, so hard to start new friendships... that is why I was so happy to meet up with him, next door dude, super fascinating man... until he went cold and ended it though I was very attuned to him, gave him tons of space, and he said I inspire him and more. He has his own deep issues.
I too was limerent for 2 years prior to him, and that is gone for me too, but - with the new dude I saw that I am not healed, limerence just displaced itself to this new man, which is sad to observe.
I have 2 therapists but tbh they really do not know much about limerence sadly, I know more then them.
Good for you for succeeding to heal step by step, it feels so freeing to not care for LO, I deeply felt it too.
Keep on living your best life, you truly deserve it 💕 and so do I.... ugh.... Thanks again for writing and supporting in my dark hour.
Are you greek georgiou?
New subscriber very clear and instructive content thanks 🙏🙏
Hi! I am Cypriot. 🇨🇾
@@Marios_CG Great!! 🇬🇷🇬🇷🇬🇷
Is limmerince really that much of a problem? You seemed obsessed with it. Could we explore other topics?
well it is my focus/niche at the moment. It is a big problem yes, so I guess I am obsessed with helping people with it. What other topics would you want me to cover?