Borderline Personality Disorder and the Favourite Person Relationship
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- Опубліковано 30 жов 2021
- For someone with borderline Personality Disorder, their favourite person can be someone whom they can be emotionally dependent on for validation and reassurance. They can at times feel an intense fear over losing them, being rejected or leaving them and can behave in a jealous manner. In this video Darren Magee outlines the nature of the relationship, different from a best friend, some of the dynamics in the relationship, the dangers of both parties being exploited or manipulated, but also ways in which they can have a healthy, mutually supportive relationship.
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#bpdfavouriteperson #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #bpd
The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in future videos.
Do you have an email addy available for private questions? Not therapy just for information. Thank you
Can you do an analysis of when happens when a bpd person becomes sucked into a situation with a narcissist and the effects of narcissism on them? I saw a perspective by Dr Ramani but wpuld be interested in your take on the dynamics of such a relationship, not only in a romantic setting, but say, a workplace setting as well..
Please some videos on how to successfully deal with the BPD from the other persons point of view. How to get thro to them that only they are responsible for their emotions and that it is selfish to continually project their issues onto a specific person.
My favorite person left me on 18th October. The day he left, I became insane then I went to psychiatrist and got diagnosed for BPD. Now, as Im watching this video, everything that I felt toward him made sense.
How are you now after the break up?
I have a similar story. It's been a year. How are you now? Did you find anything that helped move past it, or do you still think about them?
@@g3nj1i think all of us trying to find answers and hope while everything looks painful and impossible without them 💔
@@lollowah ? What are you even saying given the context of my comment? Are you misreading my comment?
The only thing I know how to do is split and hate them. I still think about her all the time, but now it's resentment... Honestly feels more valid that pining for someone who doesn't care about you at all.
I relate to ur situation, except it was my friend
Emotional dependency. Thank you for this term. I’ve struggled to find the perfect term that encompasses all fp relationships including ones where the people aren’t actually involved with one another. Love addiction, insecure attachment and codependency came close but this is the term I was looking for.
A lot of younger people idealize the fp dynamic without understanding how unhealthy it is, and it can be difficult to get that to register with them. I’m really glad to have the perfect way to summarize it locked down.
I recognise myself as petulant borderline and I’m highly dependent on my favourite person and I can flip as he calls it in milliseconds. I try so hard to regulate my emotions. I am slowly getting better. He is also on the NPD spectrum so he takes these flips to heart. Your material is so helpful. I’d love to get therapy to help me improve more.🙏🏻
As a Borderline myself: Yep. Yep. This checks out completely. I've made progress over the years, but holy crap is this still an issue for me.
borderline and a narcissist intimate relationship was the most toxic shit of my entire life
My fp is a narcissist and it's incredibly hard to maintain a relationship because it is indeed very toxic...but I still can't break the connection..
I agree, the most horribly nasty destructive people on the planet.
This was very informative and validating. I have a FP, and I recognize the attachment issue. I'm able to manage the emotions well and it has been a mutually beneficial arrangement.
got to have a belief in, got to have a belief in all the people
No favorite person with the BPD is healthy. It may look healthy to someone looking on the outside but the favorite person is usually walking on eggshells or is patient but like humans patients will be driven to the edge . The BPD will smother you and be clingy in the beginning and some find it honorable and cute but after awhile it will become draining and you’ll feel smothered. I remember when I was with a BPD woman in one of our first arguments I walked away and she came running up from behind and hugged me like a child and she said no don’t leave me , with tears in her eyes , saying your my husband ( we have only been dating 6 months ) . It still hurts as it’s been done now for over 2 years because I loved her but her constant screaming , blaming , never taking accountability, her disrespect was exhausting but the one thing that broke the camels back for me was the fact that she was never able to compromise and comprehend whatnot meant to have a peaceful loving relationship there was no reciprocality as I tried numerous times to work things out but she only viewed it as me crawling back to her . She was beautiful and sweet then flipped to another entity. And in the end it was like I never existed as she moved on so fast . I have learned that it’s not only the BPD fault we as the BPD partner played a major role in the relationship as well . Many Bpd just can’t help it and it’s not there fault either .
I believe they can control a lot of it and don't WANT to.
Thank you for a very informative video.
I love how you are right on the money.
Nailed it
Wonderfully explained...👌🎊👍💖😍
The ‘favourite person’ is a constructed image in the BPD’s mind. It is not the actual person they connect with. In that sense, BPD and narcissism is very similar. They both burden the other with the emotional regulation of their disorder.
Oh okay, yeah. Every single person with either of these personality disorders are burdening people. Shame on you for even saying that WTF
Many people in my family have bpd. It’s not purposeful, but they literally have no sense of self or ability to regulate their internal self. People become good or bad objects and are sources, not people. It’s not blame, but it is a mental illness. It is a burden and both parties suffer more than one can imagine.
I wish now that I had known these behaviors of my ex were a PD as I felt so bewildered, hurt, sad, and at a loss as to how to manage it all. Some of his behaviors resemble untreated petulant BPD but I am not a PHD. What I can say about myself is I am a recovering codependent and also an highly sensitive person, HSP. I wish I had had skills and tools to manage my feelings because the last thing I wanted to do is leave my marriage. I still love and miss his loving personality, I just couldn't understand the side which made me feel hated.
Hello. Ive found a really interesting channel called "Crappy Childhood Fairy" Anna Runkle. I'm finding it helpful for cptsd, narcissistic abuse syndrome & disregulation.
Passing on this info as it may be a useful resource for you also. Good for you seeking solutions & change, I wish you every success. 😊
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 thank you, I'll check it out.
and its always someone who doesn't care about me 😂😂😂 I only attract one's that manipulate and gaslight me
Sounds about right.
Sounds like you could feel that way even if they did care for you, like a BPD girl I made a mistake to trust
@@Frodo1000000 Not really when my BPD was active, I just wouldnt pursue someone and waste their time if they cared about me. Even if i cared about them also. I didn't want to hurt anyone because I knew I wasn't securely available so I avoided those situations to not cause harm
Can a BPDs “favorite person” be their LEAST favorite person? Like an enemy they mirror for example. The BPD claims to hate this person, despises them, yet copies this person. I think it’s an envy situation but why would a BPD mirror someone they hate? So can an enemy be the fave person?
They do it because they are bat shite crazy.
I think I will use this video to share/explain the concept to people in my life.
Thank you for the succinct and level headed explanation of this!
I started out as the FP of my ex with quiet type BPD. Then she switched to my best friend when our relationship got difficult for her to bear. She groomed him by emotionally cheating on me with him until she ultimately demanded we take a break which she then used to go on dates with him.
So if I don’t like anyone without them being my fp… I guess I just am screwed…
Okay, but what do you do about it?
❤️
Do children of a borderline personality disordered parent tend to have personality disorders?
That is my worry with my son. His mom my ex wife had it horribly and so did her mom.
I’m praying my son doesn’t get it.
I think it´s impossible for kids of a person with personality disorder to not have some personality disorder too as a result.
@@Mouse_Metal the good thing is I have him in therapy and his therapist says he has absolutely no signs of it at all and he is 7. Typically it would already show signs.
Yes it is genetic, and you probably won't see full blown borderline in him when he's young. He might be a very sensitive child and growing into a very sensitive person, so keep that in mind. But as long as you take the time to really listen to them, show interest and not interrupt them while also still putting your foot down when you have to, you should be fine. The genetic is there and one might be predisposed to it, but that gene gets triggered through traumatic life events.
they tend to have some sort of mental illness in general
Favorite person is just another tool.
Can you make a video how a romantic relationship would be with two untreated bpds or one untreated bpd and the other with bpd traits.
BPD and Bipolar would be interesting.
From a former "favourite person"
Hell hath no furry like a woman with BPD scorned, or perceived scorned.
As we know, their reality is not always on par with actual reality.
I was "God's gift" to humanity whilst married.
Then during and post the divorce of course, I become a spawn of the Devil.
Of course,
my evil "required her" to visit a handful of my corporate customers, especially general contractors, to "warn them"
I own a very successful electrical services company, that generates a very nice living for electricians.
No harm to me
...they all alerted me, and were very sympathetic....to me.
My compassion for her was trumped by my need to live normal life, with a sane wife.
She actually fooled 4 of my closest female relatives prior to marriage, and got a thumbs up from all.
Amazing how some people can fake an entire being/personality.
Thank goodness a family friend is a Psychiatric Nurse, and laid out facts about BPD.
And, she encouraged me to research all the points she made.
BPD is very, very sad
...and very, very frightening.
The movie "Gone Girl" and the book "The Siren's Dance: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder"
largely reflect my life with a person with BPD.
I just saw 1972's Play Misty for Me, it was a little extreme in the portrayal but definitely showed an extreme example of BPD and a favorite person. Good luck to you in your future interactions.
Yes Play Misty for me. I can no longer watch that film!
You don't sound like you were very helpful either. I'm not saying what she did wasn't wrong, but BOTH of you should take accountability. I feel bad for her, because you just sound like a selfish prick.
I have borderline personality disorder. And a favorite person.
I don't stalk her or anything like that but I do adore her and wish I was with her in a romantic relationship. But I know it'll never happen. She's a support worker and isn't my personal support worker, I know her for about 8 -9 years of the agency I'm part of . She's aware that I'm infatuated with her but I'm not doing anything for the police to be contacted etc
The stewards of eggshell city and the founders of mindreading academy, the BPDs.
The gate keepers of hell.
My daughter has high BPD and NPD traits. She's a nightmare.
maybe she needs help, not demonization? you're her mother?? grow up and help your daughter she's struggling!! As someone with BPD you have absolutely no idea the pain and turmoil we go through every single day, do your research and support her.
@@yasminelyndle9022
Managing other people's behavioural issues & psyche rehabilitation isn't healthy. Irrespective of who they are. Can only help someone so much, no matter how much you may desperately want to. Futile unless they're on board & committed also.
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 referring to your children as nightmares isn't managing other people's behavior issues. It's demonizing.
You aren't incorrect in what you said, you're just missing that the original post was insensitive and hurtful. Comments like those from parents/caregivers hurt me as a child
How about we dont demonizing bpd and npd
Looks like you did a good job at parenting then.