No, Jesus, like God himself, loves all his children. He shall not smite me, for I wish no doom upon my brethren. You, however, are full of hate and anger, wishing for others to be smitten. But I am sure Jesus will forgive even someone like you.
Tretterlos LOL relax i was only joking!Well trolling actually :D (I was just kinda bored). I think this video is amazing and personally i'd rather believe in the existence of aliens than in Jesus' magical sword :)
IKR? It's like he's implying that they're either illiterate or not well-cultured to only like *A* book unless they were literally imprisoned in a hotel and that was the only book on hand 😆
The problem is: You keep using the word "understanding." I do not think it means, what you think it means. Most atheists not understand the Bible still think that it's all allegory and fantasy. sleiman looked at The Iliad and odyssey as if it was a history just romanticized and found Troy. Scientists did the same thing with the Bible and found Sodom and Gomorrah, they also found David and especially Goliath. Scientists that *UNDERSTAND* that the Bible is history, are finding the places mentioned in the Bible. And finding it is a historical account of real events. Most atheist still refuse to *UNDERSTAND* that the Bible is a historical account of real places and real events.
@@HopefulPessimistJust because Harry Potter was set in England and England exists, doesn't mean that Voldemort is real. And no, they didn't find Goliath. Fantasy is fine, but when you start trying to repeat it as fact, I start to have very little time for your silliness.
@@spork8655 and that's exactly what I mean. 2016, scientists found Sodom and Gomorrah, found it was destroyed by a meteor or comet. ATHEISTS still claim story is fantasy? Bible is a historical account. *WE* don't even have the technology to warn people to get out of an area, before a meteor or comet strikes, yet these people were warned ahead of time, that the cataclysmic event couldn't be stopped. Wake up and take I'll look around and smell the toast burning... Instead of trying to pretend it's coffee. Your atheist attempt at strawmanning the issue, doesn't help. But it's what you do. just like the flat-earthers I deal with every day that ignore reality and try to fantasize their way out of it and then call the globe... fantasy. You atheists and flat earthers have so much in common, it's absolutely ridiculous.
@@HopefulPessimist Take your religious garbage somewhere else. Maybe go argue with the flat earthers you're so obsessed with, because I'm already sick of you. Go ahead and get the last word if you want, but I'm not going to read it.
@@dragonkingsportsYou can, in fact, change your gender. We do it through surgery, certain fish do it as a response to changing environmental conditions. 'A' for effort, though!
@@dragonkingsports You can change your appearance and how you wish to be treated, but you CANNOT change your genetics. However, your response is pompous and harsh. Everyone has a right to do what they please with their bodies. It may be bizarre to others, but it's their life. As long as they aren't demanding to be treated like celebrities, who the fuck cares about their lives?
@@miklo6907 well, I'd still have to respect your right to hold those beliefs, even though I do not agree with you. Or maybe you're just a troll looking for a fight.
@@rs72098 It's normal in nature... we're not above animals, at all.... Just because there's a measure of dumb fucks that stare at the sky and say "we're being judged" doesn't make it true.. Wake up
@David Eller Guys like you are the reason they have parades. Without the oppression, there would be no pride. So I'm sure continuing to be angry about it will make it all go away.
George Carlin was hilarious - no denying that! I watched him often recreationally.... Yet, he wasn’t without quotes that kind of made me cringe, personally... Although he lampoons the concept of ‘higher authority’ with this statement - lol - It can’t be said that he had absolutely pinned the complete character, nature and personal testament of God Himself. I’ve been to Southern California private [Christian] schools - I’ve dealt with politics, behavioral inconsistencies, and treatment - I’ve seen the things on part of other that should have turned me to agnosticism or atheism... Fortunately I did some Bible studying, and critical thinking on my own and committed myself to the “truth” - Jesus was not interested in “religion”, He was interested in ‘reestablishing relationship’ between God and His image bearers - namely every human being. I have a relationship, and discipleship that is based on love, not fear or condemnation - God Himself didn’t woo me with hell threats, He did so with grace. Two things I hope for this world: (1) That all people would live by the “Mark 12:30-31 Principle” [evil wouldn’t stand a chance]. (2) That people, specifically interested in accuracy, would always consider this saying : “the source material, is usually the best material”👍🏾 Love and peace everybody!
You know I really get sick of folks quoting that old post head poser. I mean the man waited until Lenny Brice died and then just stole his act for 29 years.
@@pterodactylptroll So, you have absolutely no idea what the term "underrated" means, do you? I do not accept that you are literally this stupid, although I do not fully discount the possibility that you were dropped on your head a lot as a child or are a Liberal (which would explain much.)
@naim sharif No... it doesn't! Homosexuality has been observed among many species on this planet outside of humans.. That is just you waving a 2,000 year old book around and calling it fact... well, it's not. Also, that book says NOT to judge. But maybe that doesn't apply to you?... fucking stupid, all of it and so are you
The crazy thing is that they think the Bible condemns abortion but it never once condemns abortion. They like a book that they've clearly never read clear through. Silly people.
@David Eller Okay, I'll meet you in the middle there. Was the original, actual, physical collection of these manuscripts that may or may not have been bound together, a book? Technically, no. You're correct. That's just a bunch of paper. Or stones, or whatever they used. But the version that is in the library, in hotels, on shelves, in the homes of a billion people, IS unquestionably and unarguably a book. It's printed by book publishers. It has pages. You read the pages. You turn the pages. It's a book. I can't believe I'm explaining the concept of the book to someone.
Skiles Fun part is the only thing that was technically argued against was it being a book. The next step over would be “Okay, so you like a particular book series (that has over time compiled itself into the format of a singular book). So does everyone else that reads.”
@Moderate American Tell the Muslim faith to stop being bigots because they are just ignorant or for that matter the Jewish people to. My point is everyone wants to attack Christians for their faith.
And yet most liberal politicians are absolutely dedicated to NOT respecting religious beliefs, or at least those beliefs that run contrary to their political agenda. Otherwise Democrats wouldn't sound like Klansmen railing against "Papists" when ranting about conservative Catholic politicians and abortion.
@@karlnoel4519 didn't you read what i wrote, we don't have to respect your beliefs, just your right to have them. keep that shit to yourself. don't want to be attacked, don't try to force others to follow your religious rules. sounds fair to me.
A MAC Then do people have to respect other beliefs if held earnestly? Like someone identifying as a woman if born a man? Do people have a right to not respect those beliefs and address them as a Mr or a Sir? Or does not respecting beliefs only include " religious" beliefs?
it's funny how absolutely cool those movies made the avengers... but yeah, being a lifelong comci book guy... the avengers were always a bit... well, I dunno... inconsistent. lol. especially compared to the x-men and the justice league... but yeah, those movies (being as how damn good they are), we tend to forget how ridiculous that team really is. lol
M C is right. The problem begins when you start using faith as a way to come to truth, effectively as an epistemology. You can have complete faith in something and be wrong, which automatically makes it a flawed way to come to knowledge. You're starting the argument off with both an assumption and a truth claim. It's flawed from the start.
@@mikej8198 I'm forced to disagree. Religious beliefs might not be called 'insane', yet they still exhibit all the symptoms of insanity. Society has conditioned us to omit 'religion' from the broad definition of insanity. Why do we omit it? Because religion is useful to the political, economic, and social leaders of society. Religion is used to manipulate and exploit the masses - that's exactly why it was created in the first place. True, secular and religious views aren't necessarily in conflict, but watch the sparks fly if facts disagree with religious interpretation. Religion will insist THEIR interpretation override facts. For instance: Galileo discovered evidence that the earth was not the center of the universe. Religion forced him to renounce his discoveries and writings, and then imprisoned him for heresy. This, allegedly, a mercy in lieu of being put to death as many 'heretics' of that era were. And, like it or not, there are many fundamentalist religions who want to return to this sort of behavior, where THEIR INTERPRETATIONS are considered the last word on any matter, and in many cases, LAW. Witness the Islamic regimes for proof of that.
This is what’s wonderful about Patton Oswalt. He’s right. We have to acknowledge other people’s beliefs, criticize those beliefs or imposed ideas, and then learn to build our own moral code or criteria based on our judgments of other people’s ideas. It’s called thinking for yourself. Oswalt is honest and funny.
@@wdcurry111 oooor, nothing in that book is accurate at all and youre just regurgitating stupid bullshit platitudes because you're too stupid to say something insightful and original.
I wonder if he would now acknowledge this idea in response to people believing they are the opposite gender they were born as. If he did he would be chased out of his friend group I would think.
@@adamplentl5588 : That book led inevitably to the modernity that scorns it. You idiots throw out the baby with the bathwater. You don't have to be a Christian to appreciate the marriage of Love and Reason that gives rise to epistemology (how we know truth) and ethics (how we know what is right). You know, MODERN thought. In a day when God's Word is being replaced by the "narrative flavor of the month" that DEFIES reason (no difference between male and female, denying that we're a sexually-reproducing species, etc), we're basically taking ourselves back to pre-modern thought, with God = Government. People have a need for bigger meaning. Religion provides that for many. And reasonable people need to call out the dogmatists, but not reject all the wisdom of the ancients because you reject the "everlasting life" hook that grew the church into a political entity. You can see the problems without telling 3/4 of humanity that they're stupid.
De-platforming and censorship are today's version of heresy and punishing heretics. And the left are totally un-self-aware of how regressive this kind of thinking is. No different from Inquisitors of the past. And blissfully unaware of their own puritanical world view. We went straight from insane Christian fundamentalists to insane social-justice warriors, with no pause.
He made so many good points. We should all just acknowledge people's beliefs but reserve the right to say "that is a load of crap" because a lot of that stuff in the bible happened in a small part of the world where as everywhere else things were not all plague death and biblical level stuff. That book has been so corrupted from what might have actually happened and it's still like a bad rumor that got way out of hand as well as for twisted so much over the years it's hard to know for sure. Love his stand up routine and I acknowledge people's beliefs because I'll admit some people would be completly lost without it. Yet don't go cramming it down the throats of people nowadays who have access to technology and science that explains a whole lot of stuff people back in those days couldn't. For all I know their could have been aliens around the time of Jesus and they brought him back from the dead instead. Still I get a good laugh from this and hope to see more of his stand up to on CDs to listen in my car
Without exaggeration, this is the most on-point comment _ever_ posted on this video. If this was your cup of tea, you ought to be following him on Twitter. Thank you for watching and leaving your thoughts.
@A Dohmnail - So with a straight face, you’re telling me and @SilverMarten117 and everyone else in the world that religious objection to gay marriage has *_nothing whatsoever_* to do with your holy book? You are aware that *_nowhere_* in the Bible does it say _”marriage is between one man and one woman”_ (a claim _”Christians”_ make *_all_* the time)... it is in fact *_very_* clearly defined that marriage is between a man *_and as many wives as he can afford,_* all the while giving even more *_very_* clear directions on which servants he can schtup *_without_* marrying them. Also, did you know that the *_only_* time the Bible mentions abortion it, again, is *_very_* clear that a husband who suspects his wife of being unfaithful (considering travel time was measured in months, coming home to a pregnant wife meant she was unfaithful, except that one time Mary convinced Joseph it was _”...this mysterious invisible wizard in the sky who did it...”),_ that man should take his wife *_to the priest, who has a potion that will force her to miscarry and be forever barren..._* in other words, the *_church_* is the one *_performing the abortion !!_* Don’t get me started on how explicitly it talks about slavery... it even lists prices !!! But hey, what do I know... I’m just an atheist whose *_actually read_* the Bible cover to cover and studied religion, a claim the *_vast majority_* of those who hold it up to be the word of god *_can not make._*
our concept of marriage comes from the Bible, IT defines what's up. a man and a woman leave their parents and become one ..... and it also says that 2 men together is an abomination. sure the book is devisive, we have free will don't we? opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and no one wants to hear anyone else's. right?
Mike C That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about people who literally believe it. People literally believed mythology. People literally believe religion. I don’t know how Dr. Martin Luther King has anything to do with anything. You must be right. I am not bright enough to understand your points. My point however, is pretty simple. Religion is contemporary mythology. Which you seem to agree with, but are still arguing against. Not sure why that is. But if it makes you happy- you do you.
Mike C Am I seriously expected to read all of this after you insulted me? Learn to have an argument without claiming the other person is stupid. 👌 Any point you try and make from now on will be burdened by that behavior so I really have no interest in learning from you any longer. Take care.
What are so many people so concerned about vaccinations? It should NOT be mandatory. Are we actually just property of the state? Is there a people shortage?
If vaccines work then vaccinated people have no need to worry about unvaccinated people getting them sick. Bill Gates wants population reduction and to save lives. Logic is tricky, especially with hidden vs. public agendas working in the same mind. Well, not truly working.
Necromancer? Those are the bad guys. Jesus wouldn't be a necromancer, he was resurrecting the dead, not raising them as undead. Leviticus 19:31 “Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.” No, Jesus would be more like this: Jesus Christ, Priest 15/Risen Martyr 10 Race: Godling (Humanoid) with Half-Celestial template Base Class: Priest (Cleric variant) Prestige Class: Risen Martyr He's taken the following feats: Endure Torture Leadership Suffering Transmute Food
Absolutely love this man's work. Love his work even more with a myriad of voiceover work in animated series like We Bare Bears, Bojack Horseman, MLPFIM, etc.
@@cindys9491 too bad. Considering he can resurrect himself, he'd make an interesting Suicide Squad member. Especially with his dad's views on suicide...
There are a lot of situations where the presence of Sandwich Joe (the ability to feed people during a famine) would forestall the need for Resurrection Jesus (the ability to raise the starved so, what, they can resume starving). Go Sandwich Joe!
Hostile Fork: Sandwich Joe is merely one avatar of the great Flying Spaghetti Monster, who feedeth us all with his large meatballs, his perfectly-cooked pasta, and his savory sauce. May he richly touch you with his noodly appendages when he comes again to your dinner table. R'Amen!
Imagine if we traveled two thousand years into the future and people were worshipping the Harry Potter books. Like, that was the main religion in the world and they talked about the books as if they REALLY happened! They debate the meanings of certain passages, look for evidence of which castle in England was the real Hogwarts castle and there are different sects who have different interpretations and they're all killing each other over their differing opinions. That's how crazy religion is! Both books have some pretty good morals and lessons in them too, but the fact that people try to debate whether they are REAL or not is kind of not the point.
It's pretty well agreed upon that ancient shepherds would look up at the stars at night and find patterns they turned into characters in stories for entertainment. After generations they became their gods. This is exactly what is happening with Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. But instead of looking at the stars, we find it in books, movies and internet fanfiction.
@@seraeirian2 not in the traditional sense but we do spend an awful bit of time tuning in religiously, discussing their virtues, comparing them to other contemlorary pantheons and sending money to their perspective story creators.
When you think about it our ancestors were geniuses. They created a story that stood the test of time, and even better- threw just enough bs in to still be believable. They understood methodology, paradoxes, and contradiction. Jumbled a bunch of jargon on some paper and proceeded to be remembered, forever. Genius.
Gold Waves I was young and cocky once but was thankful to have lived long enough to realize how much I don't know. If you get the chance your view will change when you start thinking about your own mortality. If you get the chance.
Bill Thompson if you are implying becoming a theist, the scared and less intelligent cling to fairy tales to comfort themselves. Do not be afraid of death. You will one day feed the world that fed you, not sit in a cloud kingdom with a jacuzzi full of nachos and lesbians.
Bill Thompson Im 60 and think about my own mortality more than was I was younger. I've also become an atheist because I've learned to think logically and critically.
Gold Waves one day all the scared and afraid will stop making excuses to break down the facts of Christianity. God loves everyone and wants your love back
"I can't go to the White House with a Green Lantern comic and say, '*I want a Green Lantern ring!*' I saw it in a book I like! Make the thing in the book I like be here, NOW!" Genius. But hey, you've gotta respect people's beliefs, right?
I played this while chilling with my eyes closed, & in my head, the visual was Remy the Rat. That got really interesting when Patton started talking about the shit piranhas.
@@shentzu Copyright cases were more loose back then, I guess. Hell, look at the lion story in the Old Testament with Samson, Hellenic stories with Heracles and then the lion story with Gilgamesh.
@G G What is “gaysm”? XD Old people are more likely to be too shy to try anything other than doggy style in their whole life. So there is no point in asking them, it would be just too sad. My mother one time remembers about bisexual experience in school, but she is a big city girl with hight education.
@G G LoL.. It's like a baby explaining organic chemistry. So funny to read, but then realizing that you probably a grown up dude who actually believing in that religious bs.
Dan D Lmao I have read it. I was raised as a very devout Christian and I was super religious until finally I woke up and realized this was utter nonsense. I will say there are a handful of good morals but for each one of those though there seems to be about 10 horrifically immoral downright awful or just ridiculous teachings. Like Dawkins has said, it's a fantastic piece of literature, but you have to be crazy(or brainwashed like I was) to take it as an actual factual account of true events. The Bible is just as fictions as Greek mythology or Harry Potter.
Not only is it old, but it's believed by billions of people. That's the key to it being seen as real. "If so many people believe it, how can it be fake?"
That's a logical fallacy known as argumentum ad populum. It is a fallacious argument that concludes that a proposition is true because many or most people believe it. For example: not that long ago, everyone on Earth thought the planet was flat. It's not. The number of people who believe something to be true has absolutely no bearing on whether or not it is true.
Ill finish this convo for you all. Patton Oswalt is the best kind of Douchebag. Stick to King of queens and Pixar movies you fat fuck. Not funny unless he has a leading cast in front of him
@J Wil oh so you are one of them guys who think we should go back to slavery and bosses should own thier employees lives and decide to pay them whatwver they want and can force children to work in factories and that healthcare should only be for the wealthy? Tell me do you also think only rich white guys should own land and be allowed to vote?
@Eric Douglas no just the realistic flat earther conservatives with thier 7000 year old flat earth beliefs. Conservatives the very guys who have a "if it isn't broke don't fix it" approach to everything except war and thier old ass ideas about how the world works.
Oh boy trust me when I tell you this when you stand in front of God and get judged because he does judge us you're not going to be thanking him when he throws you into the pit of Hell where you will be on fire for all eternity because he gave us a chance on Earth to accept him or to not accept him he gives us free will and Richard Dawkins is it going to find out the same thing so you keep telling yourself that our soles are eternal our flesh dies that's how God made us how could nothing make everything do yourself a favor please ask the Lord who died on that cross for us and shed his blood and Rose three days later ask him to reveal himself to you what harm in there is that and you know what he will so if you don't want to ask him that you are doomed to damnation God bless you
@@aweigle8273 I feel so sorry for you I really do how do you know he wouldn't answer you have you ever tried? I promise you we will give an account for our lives in front of Jesus Christ the second we die read 2nd Corinthians the Apostle Paul speaks of being absent from this body present with the Lord sewing up II we will stand in front of him we don't just die the parcels are Eternal how could we just died that makes zero sense think about that God made our souls to be eternal to live forever Jesus Christ is my everything I'm not brainwashed I've loved him since I was a little girl and how dare you talk to me like that I'm 50 years old he's my Lord I'm not some religious nut I don't even believe in religion I believe in a one true God and that is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I have an intimate personal relationship with him he can change anyone he can do anything and if you don't even try to pray to him and ask him to reveal himself to you my father did prison ministry inside the prisons I do penpal Ministries because I can hardly walk I'm disabled you truly have no idea or could even fathom these people's lives that have changed so drastically since they accepted God they're getting their masters degree in Theology and in other areas and they're not angry anymore and they have love in their heart they're filled with joy and peace in prison it sounds like you're imprisoned in your own body and its really sad there's nothing left to say I've said all I can say God says do not cast Pearls Before Swine
@@aweigle8273 we've said what we've had to say to each other and we each have very opposite opinions and that's okay but I am a very unhealthy woman and I'm trying to rest so I just ask you to let me rest I really appreciate that if you would we all have the right to our own opinions I don't know you but I love you God bless you honey
It’s the “get ‘em while they’re young/get ‘em while they’re naive” tactic used primarily in religion in a vain quest to “save” their children and vulnerable people without proper education....cults use it too but I don’t think there’s ANY correlation there. 🙃
"You have to ACKNOWLEDGE people's beliefs, but can think freely of them and point put obvious flaws that don't gell with the real world." Thank god, somebody gets it!
The notion that faith in Christ is to be rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason, observation and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for refutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity and ignorance, called 'faith." ― Robert Ingersoll
The sermon in the mount is actually pretty good morality (coming from an atheist). I think the right interpretation to have is that when Jesus shared what little they had, other people following him did the same. That way everyone had enough. Today we have the ability to end world hunger but we do not. People should evaluate the morality they claim the follow
Most of the Mount is about how the world is going to end any moment now if i recall correctly, but yeah the small bit spent on ethics is only about 600 years outta date at the time he said it...
No it's not. As an atheist myself I don't think eternal punishment for "thought crimes" is particularly moral. Is it moral to teach someone that if they look upon someone with lust that they should surgically removed their eyeball? Is it moral to command someone to not fight back if they are struck repeatedly? Is it moral to command someone to give away their earthly possessions to someone less fortunate? Is it moral to teach that if someone sues you for your shirt that you should not fight but rather offer them your coat as well?
CosmosGaming okay, what do you think is in that sermon? I recall “call someone a fool and go to hell” and “don’t own stuff” and “get slapped and let ppl walk all over you” and “you even look at a woman you basically did her.” I mean I guess he has a 50% record if we are being generous? Then there is some stuff about how the followers are Salt and light and won’t get into heaven... basically, this is the least competent moral lesson ever given to become popular. Wait, no, Ayn Rand is a thing. Jesus takes second. It’s a crap list, and I can point to a dozen moral philosophers who did better centuries before. I am not impressed.
Jeff Nasser Of course that’s very Christian of you. Someone who didn’t do anything is punished for another’s sin. That’s what original sin is all about. Dumbass.
Patton Oswalt killed it here : ) Thank you for sharing this bombshell. Mr Jesus, I like the way the way you tether ball, sir... You want to join the avengers to take on Ultron?
Jesus will smite you all for listening to this !
This. Just this. My favorite comment today. Got a bit of a comedian in you, eh?
Tretterlos No Jesus will really smite you heathen he has a magical sword!
No, Jesus, like God himself, loves all his children. He shall not smite me, for I wish no doom upon my brethren. You, however, are full of hate and anger, wishing for others to be smitten. But I am sure Jesus will forgive even someone like you.
Tretterlos LOL relax i was only joking!Well trolling actually :D (I was just kinda bored). I think this video is amazing and personally i'd rather believe in the existence of aliens than in Jesus' magical sword :)
The Flying Spaghetti Monster will boil you all..
"Humor is what happens when we're told the truth quicker and more directly than we're used to." - Kurt Vonnegut
Wow that's brilliant
I can't believe I hadn't heard this yet, but it feels overdue, so I laughed!
Hence Germens have ni humor
George Saunders
Not Vonnegut, George Saunders.
The "I'm glad you like a book" line was so golden I started clapping like a stoned moron
not like.
IKR? It's like he's implying that they're either illiterate or not well-cultured to only like *A* book unless they were literally imprisoned in a hotel and that was the only book on hand 😆
It was the best line.
@@notafanofem He literally said like, dumbfuq.🤦♂️
I am stoned too, but unlike you I am not a moron.
Nothing creates an atheist faster than reading the bible and understanding it.
Holy shit that is the truth
The problem is: You keep using the word "understanding." I do not think it means, what you think it means. Most atheists not understand the Bible still think that it's all allegory and fantasy.
sleiman looked at The Iliad and odyssey as if it was a history just romanticized and found Troy.
Scientists did the same thing with the Bible and found Sodom and Gomorrah, they also found David and especially Goliath.
Scientists that *UNDERSTAND* that the Bible is history, are finding the places mentioned in the Bible.
And finding it is a historical account of real events.
Most atheist still refuse to *UNDERSTAND* that the Bible is a historical account of real places and real events.
@@HopefulPessimistJust because Harry Potter was set in England and England exists, doesn't mean that Voldemort is real. And no, they didn't find Goliath.
Fantasy is fine, but when you start trying to repeat it as fact, I start to have very little time for your silliness.
@@spork8655 and that's exactly what I mean. 2016, scientists found Sodom and Gomorrah, found it was destroyed by a meteor or comet. ATHEISTS still claim story is fantasy? Bible is a historical account. *WE* don't even have the technology to warn people to get out of an area, before a meteor or comet strikes, yet these people were warned ahead of time, that the cataclysmic event couldn't be stopped. Wake up and take I'll look around and smell the toast burning... Instead of trying to pretend it's coffee.
Your atheist attempt at strawmanning the issue, doesn't help.
But it's what you do. just like the flat-earthers I deal with every day that ignore reality and try to fantasize their way out of it and then call the globe... fantasy.
You atheists and flat earthers have so much in common, it's absolutely ridiculous.
@@HopefulPessimist Take your religious garbage somewhere else. Maybe go argue with the flat earthers you're so obsessed with, because I'm already sick of you. Go ahead and get the last word if you want, but I'm not going to read it.
I love the way people quote sections of the bible as if it's some form of encyclopedia of facts.
It's so fucking annoying. The best is when people use the Bible to prove that the Bible is true. Like... WHAT?
Yeah but when you bring up slavery or murdering children with bears, they make excuses for it being in their book.
The Farmers almanac is more accurate .
or that it's some kind of authority.
It is an encyclopedia of myths
"Justifiably Tazed" is going to be the name of my punk band.
Lmao I'll be the guitarist
Unstrung Heroes (my acapella bluegrass group)
Goddamn man, this ain't the late 70's we're in!! ha ha ha!!!
Philibuster de la star wars, aka, the chewbacca defense
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH! THATS PERFECT!
“You have to respect everyone’s beliefs!” “Noooo….you don’t!” Truth!
Especially the ones who think you can change your gender 😂
@@dragonkingsports. I think you missed something here
@@dragonkingsports i was going to write more or less the same... Those people are as much hypocrites as the very people they are criticizing...
@@dragonkingsportsYou can, in fact, change your gender. We do it through surgery, certain fish do it as a response to changing environmental conditions. 'A' for effort, though!
@@dragonkingsports You can change your appearance and how you wish to be treated, but you CANNOT change your genetics.
However, your response is pompous and harsh. Everyone has a right to do what they please with their bodies. It may be bizarre to others, but it's their life.
As long as they aren't demanding to be treated like celebrities, who the fuck cares about their lives?
“You have to respect everyone’s beliefs”
“No, you don’t”
Finally someone put it into words
Tell me about it there's only two genders
And I sure don't respect the belief that transgenders should come out the closest
@@miklo6907 well, I'd still have to respect your right to hold those beliefs, even though I do not agree with you. Or maybe you're just a troll looking for a fight.
@@winter_silhouette I'm just a troll sharing my beliefs
aron ra dillahunty for God man butt sex kill your boner? My condolences to your boner.
"I respect you as a person too much to respect your ridiculous beliefs" Richard Dawkins
@@rs72098
That's okay. I'm straight and I find homophobic behaviour to be morally disgusting. Honest.
@@rs72098 You're gay lover would be very hurt to hear that. Shame....
@@rs72098 It's normal in nature... we're not above animals, at all.... Just because there's a measure of dumb fucks that stare at the sky and say "we're being judged" doesn't make it true.. Wake up
@David Eller Guys like you are the reason they have parades. Without the oppression, there would be no pride. So I'm sure continuing to be angry about it will make it all go away.
He was quoting JoHann Hari when he said that.
This is what humor is for: deflate the pompous and challenge the credulous. A courageous performance.
Running into a burning house to save a child is courageous. This is business, and he knew there was a market for this kind of comedic topic.
And if you don't believe in me , you will burn in hell and be ................ for all eternity. BUT I LOVE YOU.
George Carlin
That was a quote that made leave Christianity and became Buddhist and my life has been great since I made the switch
Sounds like a narcissistic mom
Dennis OMalley Louis CK describes god as a really shitty girlfriend lol
George Carlin was hilarious - no denying that! I watched him often recreationally.... Yet, he wasn’t without quotes that kind of made me cringe, personally...
Although he lampoons the concept of ‘higher authority’ with this statement - lol - It can’t be said that he had absolutely pinned the complete character, nature and personal testament of God Himself.
I’ve been to Southern California private [Christian] schools - I’ve dealt with politics, behavioral inconsistencies, and treatment - I’ve seen the things on part of other that should have turned me to agnosticism or atheism... Fortunately I did some Bible studying, and critical thinking on my own and committed myself to the “truth” - Jesus was not interested in “religion”, He was interested in ‘reestablishing relationship’ between God and His image bearers - namely every human being.
I have a relationship, and discipleship that is based on love, not fear or condemnation - God Himself didn’t woo me with hell threats, He did so with grace.
Two things I hope for this world:
(1) That all people would live by the “Mark 12:30-31 Principle” [evil wouldn’t stand a chance].
(2) That people, specifically interested in accuracy, would always consider this saying :
“the source material, is usually the best material”👍🏾
Love and peace everybody!
You know I really get sick of folks quoting that old post head poser. I mean the man waited until Lenny Brice died and then just stole his act for 29 years.
Patton Oswalt is severely underrated in the world of comedy. No doubt about it.
That fat dwarf isn't even funny.
Who is underrating him? He's a famous comedian and actor with a big fan base. I think he's appropriately rated.
@@pterodactylptroll So, you have absolutely no idea what the term "underrated" means, do you?
I do not accept that you are literally this stupid, although I do not fully discount the possibility that you were dropped on your head a lot as a child or are a Liberal (which would explain much.)
@@pterodactylptroll"famous"
He is underrated as a comic in the way Megadeth is underrated in metal music.
This guy is hilarious. And, his humour is so well thought out and funny.
I had a guy in my cab once and he asked me if I had found jesus yet, my response without thinking was, 'I didn't know he was lost'..
I dropped my Jesus in a cab when I was out on a bender. Maybe that was the same cab.
Pat Brennan Movie in the 70's, Breezy: "god is dead." response, "didn't even know he was sick." pretty funny.
i reply, have you scene the ginger bread man
Lol. Now thats actually funny...
Yeah he was under the couch. It’s always the last place you look, am I right?
".....It says in the Bible. Ahh, okay, hold-on; I'm glad you like a book..."
that kills me, still laughing thinking about that line
@naim sharif No, it doesn't. There's homosexuality all over nature.
@naim sharif So does wearing clothing.
@naim sharif No... it doesn't! Homosexuality has been observed among many species on this planet outside of humans.. That is just you waving a 2,000 year old book around and calling it fact... well, it's not. Also, that book says NOT to judge. But maybe that doesn't apply to you?... fucking stupid, all of it and so are you
The crazy thing is that they think the Bible condemns abortion but it never once condemns abortion.
They like a book that they've clearly never read clear through. Silly people.
@FUDDLEYP JONES hate? Lol, just explaining what it says in the bible.. if you think it's hatred, well maybe you're right 🤔
"I'm glad you like a book" is just a savage af line.
The Bible isn't a book. It is a collection of different books written by different prophets or authors.
@@strangeroamer3219 And what form do those stories take? The form of a fucking book.
@David Eller It's still a book. It's in the library. With all the other books.
@David Eller Okay, I'll meet you in the middle there. Was the original, actual, physical collection of these manuscripts that may or may not have been bound together, a book? Technically, no. You're correct. That's just a bunch of paper. Or stones, or whatever they used. But the version that is in the library, in hotels, on shelves, in the homes of a billion people, IS unquestionably and unarguably a book. It's printed by book publishers. It has pages. You read the pages. You turn the pages. It's a book. I can't believe I'm explaining the concept of the book to someone.
Skiles Fun part is the only thing that was technically argued against was it being a book. The next step over would be “Okay, so you like a particular book series (that has over time compiled itself into the format of a singular book). So does everyone else that reads.”
But people dont read the Bible. Christians simply check off without reading like it's a terms of service agreement.
@Moderate American It's probably a bad idea to be so judgmental of others when you are ignorant of sentence structure and grammar.
Amen!
@@Edyth_Hedd Very true I have many times but that is a very conjecture thing for you to say.
@Moderate American Tell the Muslim faith to stop being bigots because they are just ignorant or for that matter the Jewish people to. My point is everyone wants to attack Christians for their faith.
@Moderate American That is just a typical leftist it makes them feel good about themselves when they can't use facts.
Hawkeye's super power is not that he shoots arrows, it's that even after shooting them for hours he still has a full supply of them.
He ran out of arrows in every movie and show he's been in. ??????
@@bryanergau6682But only when it is narratively convenient (i.e., we need the suspense build).
we have to respect your right to hold your beliefs. we don't have to respect your beliefs. that's what freedom is all about.
And yet most liberal politicians are absolutely dedicated to NOT respecting religious beliefs, or at least those beliefs that run contrary to their political agenda. Otherwise Democrats wouldn't sound like Klansmen railing against "Papists" when ranting about conservative Catholic politicians and abortion.
Fair enough.
Outstanding
@@karlnoel4519 didn't you read what i wrote, we don't have to respect your beliefs, just your right to have them. keep that shit to yourself. don't want to be attacked, don't try to force others to follow your religious rules. sounds fair to me.
A MAC Then do people have to respect other beliefs if held earnestly? Like someone identifying as a woman if born a man? Do people have a right to not respect those beliefs and address them as a Mr or a Sir? Or does not respecting beliefs only include " religious" beliefs?
_"Try the Avengers. They'll take anybody."_
Never before have I been so offended by something I one hundred percent agree with.
it's funny how absolutely cool those movies made the avengers... but yeah, being a lifelong comci book guy... the avengers were always a bit... well, I dunno... inconsistent. lol. especially compared to the x-men and the justice league... but yeah, those movies (being as how damn good they are), we tend to forget how ridiculous that team really is. lol
Or the Revengers. Pretty sure they're still taking applicants.
If you need to use RELIGION as the reason for your sociopolitical argument, you've already lost the debate.
How?
Replace the word RELIGION with INSANITY and the result is exactly the same.
Period.
Well no, not on their terms they havent because well, god.
M C is right. The problem begins when you start using faith as a way to come to truth, effectively as an epistemology. You can have complete faith in something and be wrong, which automatically makes it a flawed way to come to knowledge. You're starting the argument off with both an assumption and a truth claim. It's flawed from the start.
"I saw it in a book i like" My stomach hurts, woah
pseudosun i
Evil Ferris, how do I love videos?
@pseudosun: Hopefully, that means that he made you nauseous. If so, I concur.
"Justifiably tazed" xD
ignorant asshole Patton is.
"I'm glad you like a book" 😂
Sandwich Joe would definitely be played by Danny Devito in a movie.
I dunno. I envision a more edgier Sandwich Joe played by Daniel Day Lewis. "I...make...your...HOAGIE!"
“I have an uncle who “believes” he saw Sasquatch, we do not believe him, NOR DO WE RESPECT HIM!” Lmao!
why are comedians making more sense than politicians??
Politicians have to pander for people's votes. That's why they have to say they support their insane religious beliefs.
@@stonercentral7989 not all religious beliefs are insane as in religious and secular views aren't always in complete conflict with one another.
@@mikej8198 I'm forced to disagree. Religious beliefs might not be called 'insane', yet they still exhibit all the symptoms of insanity. Society has conditioned us to omit 'religion' from the broad definition of insanity. Why do we omit it? Because religion is useful to the political, economic, and social leaders of society. Religion is used to manipulate and exploit the masses - that's exactly why it was created in the first place.
True, secular and religious views aren't necessarily in conflict, but watch the sparks fly if facts disagree with religious interpretation. Religion will insist THEIR interpretation override facts. For instance: Galileo discovered evidence that the earth was not the center of the universe. Religion forced him to renounce his discoveries and writings, and then imprisoned him for heresy. This, allegedly, a mercy in lieu of being put to death as many 'heretics' of that era were.
And, like it or not, there are many fundamentalist religions who want to return to this sort of behavior, where THEIR INTERPRETATIONS are considered the last word on any matter, and in many cases, LAW. Witness the Islamic regimes for proof of that.
Low. Bullshit. Tolerance.
Luke Warmwater because since 2016 we’ve been in deep shit
This is what’s wonderful about Patton Oswalt. He’s right. We have to acknowledge other people’s beliefs, criticize those beliefs or imposed ideas, and then learn to build our own moral code or criteria based on our judgments of other people’s ideas. It’s called thinking for yourself. Oswalt is honest and funny.
@@wdcurry111 oooor, nothing in that book is accurate at all and youre just regurgitating stupid bullshit platitudes because you're too stupid to say something insightful and original.
So why waste time criticizing other's beliefs? Mind your business and formulate your own ideas.
I wonder if he would now acknowledge this idea in response to people believing they are the opposite gender they were born as. If he did he would be chased out of his friend group I would think.
@@adamplentl5588 : That book led inevitably to the modernity that scorns it. You idiots throw out the baby with the bathwater. You don't have to be a Christian to appreciate the marriage of Love and Reason that gives rise to epistemology (how we know truth) and ethics (how we know what is right). You know, MODERN thought. In a day when God's Word is being replaced by the "narrative flavor of the month" that DEFIES reason (no difference between male and female, denying that we're a sexually-reproducing species, etc), we're basically taking ourselves back to pre-modern thought, with God = Government.
People have a need for bigger meaning. Religion provides that for many. And reasonable people need to call out the dogmatists, but not reject all the wisdom of the ancients because you reject the "everlasting life" hook that grew the church into a political entity. You can see the problems without telling 3/4 of humanity that they're stupid.
De-platforming and censorship are today's version of heresy and punishing heretics. And the left are totally un-self-aware of how regressive this kind of thinking is. No different from Inquisitors of the past. And blissfully unaware of their own puritanical world view. We went straight from insane Christian fundamentalists to insane social-justice warriors, with no pause.
Anyone else watching in 2020? I have to come back every so often...
stormwatcher59 With a vengeance i hope.
Yep, this is one of my favorite Patton bits :)
Me too
One of my favorites along with Carlin, Pryor, and Silverman.
This bit is one of the best
yup september 2020
He made so many good points. We should all just acknowledge people's beliefs but reserve the right to say "that is a load of crap" because a lot of that stuff in the bible happened in a small part of the world where as everywhere else things were not all plague death and biblical level stuff. That book has been so corrupted from what might have actually happened and it's still like a bad rumor that got way out of hand as well as for twisted so much over the years it's hard to know for sure. Love his stand up routine and I acknowledge people's beliefs because I'll admit some people would be completly lost without it. Yet don't go cramming it down the throats of people nowadays who have access to technology and science that explains a whole lot of stuff people back in those days couldn't. For all I know their could have been aliens around the time of Jesus and they brought him back from the dead instead. Still I get a good laugh from this and hope to see more of his stand up to on CDs to listen in my car
Without exaggeration, this is the most on-point comment _ever_ posted on this video. If this was your cup of tea, you ought to be following him on Twitter. Thank you for watching and leaving your thoughts.
@@evilferris sadly I don't have Twitter but thank you
The fact that we don't have this attitude more often is why we have cancel culture now. Calling BS is healthy for a society.
@@kenreckless9845 fully agree there.
Have you looked into both sides to see if the bible is true if Jesus really did do,say what the bible says?
"You have to respect everyone's believes"
NO YOU DON'T!
Beliefs.
Dylan Minish no, you DON’T.
..is a quote from the video, but sounds like a criticism of it
UGH this is so mood right now, with those birmingham protesters...
Does that go both ways...?
Protesting for a Green Lantern ring is probably more sensible than protesting gay marriage because of a book.
@A Dohmnail - So with a straight face, you’re telling me and @SilverMarten117 and everyone else in the world that religious objection to gay marriage has *_nothing whatsoever_* to do with your holy book? You are aware that *_nowhere_* in the Bible does it say _”marriage is between one man and one woman”_ (a claim _”Christians”_ make *_all_* the time)... it is in fact *_very_* clearly defined that marriage is between a man *_and as many wives as he can afford,_* all the while giving even more *_very_* clear directions on which servants he can schtup *_without_* marrying them. Also, did you know that the *_only_* time the Bible mentions abortion it, again, is *_very_* clear that a husband who suspects his wife of being unfaithful (considering travel time was measured in months, coming home to a pregnant wife meant she was unfaithful, except that one time Mary convinced Joseph it was _”...this mysterious invisible wizard in the sky who did it...”),_ that man should take his wife *_to the priest, who has a potion that will force her to miscarry and be forever barren..._* in other words, the *_church_* is the one *_performing the abortion !!_* Don’t get me started on how explicitly it talks about slavery... it even lists prices !!!
But hey, what do I know... I’m just an atheist whose *_actually read_* the Bible cover to cover and studied religion, a claim the *_vast majority_* of those who hold it up to be the word of god *_can not make._*
orion khan [drops the mic]
our concept of marriage comes from the Bible, IT defines what's up. a man and a woman leave their parents and become one ..... and it also says that 2 men together is an abomination. sure the book is devisive, we have free will don't we? opinions are like assholes, everybody has one and no one wants to hear anyone else's. right?
james dean really? Science says homosexual behavior predates your bible and is present among other species too. Weird huh.
Dude hell yeah
Patton voiced Remy in Ratatouille and so I'm picturing Remy saying all of this every time I watch this video! :)
I’m imagining Jesse from MCSM
Religion is Mythology that happens to still be believed in.
Mythology that has an arrogance about it . At least in earlier mythology the gods were criticized sometimes.
Mike C
Mythology is just stories now. But they were once believed religions just as today are.
Mike C
Cool
So religion is mythology that people happen to still believe in. Got it.
Mike C
That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about people who literally believe it. People literally believed mythology. People literally believe religion.
I don’t know how Dr. Martin Luther King has anything to do with anything.
You must be right. I am not bright enough to understand your points.
My point however, is pretty simple. Religion is contemporary mythology. Which you seem to agree with, but are still arguing against. Not sure why that is. But if it makes you happy- you do you.
Mike C
Am I seriously expected to read all of this after you insulted me?
Learn to have an argument without claiming the other person is stupid. 👌
Any point you try and make from now on will be burdened by that behavior so I really have no interest in learning from you any longer. Take care.
Distinction between respecting & acknowledging beliefs certainly relevant with the Anti-vaxxers movement.
Nurse-O I’ve been watching the comments on here for *years*. This is about the brightest point and connection that someone has ever made. Thank you.
What are so many people so concerned about vaccinations? It should NOT be mandatory. Are we actually just property of the state? Is there a people shortage?
anti vaxxers should be shot
@@xvx_k1r1t0_xvx_killme5 Shot... with... vaccines?
If vaccines work then vaccinated people have no need to worry about unvaccinated people getting them sick. Bill Gates wants population reduction and to save lives. Logic is tricky, especially with hidden vs. public agendas working in the same mind. Well, not truly working.
Jesus: level 20 necromancer, level 1 druid.
fucken lag! took 3 days to respawn!
I'm a Christian and a gamer... I'm struggling w/ how to respond to that... It might be bad that I laughed.
Necromancer? Those are the bad guys. Jesus wouldn't be a necromancer, he was resurrecting the dead, not raising them as undead.
Leviticus 19:31
“Do not turn to mediums or necromancers; do not seek them out, and so make yourselves unclean by them: I am the Lord your God.”
No, Jesus would be more like this:
Jesus Christ, Priest 15/Risen Martyr 10
Race: Godling (Humanoid) with Half-Celestial template
Base Class: Priest (Cleric variant)
Prestige Class: Risen Martyr
He's taken the following feats:
Endure Torture
Leadership
Suffering
Transmute Food
John McDonnell dope
John McDonnell this guy loves him some jesus
Absolutely love this man's work. Love his work even more with a myriad of voiceover work in animated series like We Bare Bears, Bojack Horseman, MLPFIM, etc.
"Try the Avengers, they'll take anyone"
LMAO 😀
So Jesus is Marvel then, not DC? ;)
@@cindys9491 too bad. Considering he can resurrect himself, he'd make an interesting Suicide Squad member. Especially with his dad's views on suicide...
@@cindys9491 Don't tell Snyder.
I believe in Sandwich Joe.
kobathedread bless you, my son.
kobathedread sandwich joe for president !!!!
There are a lot of situations where the presence of Sandwich Joe (the ability to feed people during a famine) would forestall the need for Resurrection Jesus (the ability to raise the starved so, what, they can resume starving). Go Sandwich Joe!
Hostile Fork: Sandwich Joe is merely one avatar of the great Flying Spaghetti Monster, who feedeth us all with his large meatballs, his perfectly-cooked pasta, and his savory sauce. May he richly touch you with his noodly appendages when he comes again to your dinner table. R'Amen!
I believe in Prison Mike
"I like the way you tether-ball sir. How you you like to take on ULTRON."
I would pay to see that.
Imagine if we traveled two thousand years into the future and people were worshipping the Harry Potter books. Like, that was the main religion in the world and they talked about the books as if they REALLY happened! They debate the meanings of certain passages, look for evidence of which castle in England was the real Hogwarts castle and there are different sects who have different interpretations and they're all killing each other over their differing opinions. That's how crazy religion is!
Both books have some pretty good morals and lessons in them too, but the fact that people try to debate whether they are REAL or not is kind of not the point.
Acknowledge the right to beliefs, no requirement to respect/adhere. sounds good to me!
It's pretty well agreed upon that ancient shepherds would look up at the stars at night and find patterns they turned into characters in stories for entertainment. After generations they became their gods. This is exactly what is happening with Marvel, DC, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. But instead of looking at the stars, we find it in books, movies and internet fanfiction.
No one thinks Luke or Dumbledore are gods though.
@@seraeirian2 not in the traditional sense but we do spend an awful bit of time tuning in religiously, discussing their virtues, comparing them to other contemlorary pantheons and sending money to their perspective story creators.
1.8K Thumbs Down? I had no idea there were that many Avenger fans.
Sadly there's a helluva lot more than that
@@swagcandy2576 Nah, I think they all weighed in.
More like sports goods enthusiasts.
I liked it. I watch avengers
Time to update this
Reminds me of the Family Guy episode with a party at Jesus' mansion: "Jesus, we're out of sushi platters." "Look again." "Thank you."
I know someone who loves to flaunt how he has studied the bible for 14 years. Apparently, he is a very slow learner.
👍👍
Sounds like a waste of time.
"I'm glad you like a book" - perfect!! lol
People always deserve respect. Ideas and beliefs? No. These need to be examined, debated, and oft-times, if needed, ridiculed. Religion is a sham.
respect is earned not deserved.
"Religion was invented when the first con man met the first fool." -- Mark Twain
God is the prize; religion is the booby prize
Arthur Silver: neither is a prize at all, because "prize" implies you won something for doing something good. Therefore: neither.
G G: What's gaysm?
best argument against faith ever, besides, you know, logic and common sense.
Faith really is poison. A vice that passes for virtue.
Not on any level.
Not as funny as Carlin
Not as thought provoking as Hitchens.
But yes, he is good
Terrible argument, effective comedy.
I can't wait to see the revisionist movement in Pastafarianism . . . Our Lady of Gluten Free Alternatives.
"Give Jesus the lunch powers."
~A really funny dude
I love his line in King of Queens. "She doesnt drive" his reply to everybody that says he lives with his mom.
When Carrie’s sister says “why can’t you just call her a cab?” Lol😂
This skit is
Better than the entire MCU franchise
When you think about it our ancestors were geniuses. They created a story that stood the test of time, and even better- threw just enough bs in to still be believable. They understood methodology, paradoxes, and contradiction. Jumbled a bunch of jargon on some paper and proceeded to be remembered, forever. Genius.
Gold Waves
I was young and cocky once but was thankful to have lived long enough to realize how much I don't know. If you get the chance your view will change when you start thinking about your own mortality. If you get the chance.
Bill Thompson if you are implying becoming a theist, the scared and less intelligent cling to fairy tales to comfort themselves. Do not be afraid of death. You will one day feed the world that fed you, not sit in a cloud kingdom with a jacuzzi full of nachos and lesbians.
YOUR ancestors? They were my ancestors, jewish.
Bill Thompson Im 60 and think about my own mortality more than was I was younger. I've also become an atheist because I've learned to think logically and critically.
Gold Waves one day all the scared and afraid will stop making excuses to break down the facts of Christianity. God loves everyone and wants your love back
I read Frank Miller's entire run of "Sandwich Joe". It was dark.
"I'm the GODDAMN Sandwich Joe!"
This video deserves 1,000's of thumbs up, thank you for making it Mr. Oswald and friends!
👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Man, weird to think it's already been 10 years since this came out!
"I can't go to the White House with a Green Lantern comic and say, '*I want a Green Lantern ring!*' I saw it in a book I like! Make the thing in the book I like be here, NOW!"
Genius. But hey, you've gotta respect people's beliefs, right?
"I'm glad you like a book" 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
His bit on his wife passing is one of the best bits I've heard in comedy.
the most humorous part is that he procured the drugs that killed her.
“Why don’t we lose Sandwich Joe? Why do we HAVE him? He doesn’t really say anything cool...”
"Better to know than to believe". Fundamentalists will have a field day if you say that to them.
Twoclaw i can beat them. I just need to ask "prove it?"
If I know something better than what you believe, you are wrong. Simple as that.
I wanna read about Sandwich Joe now
I played this while chilling with my eyes closed, & in my head, the visual was Remy the Rat. That got really interesting when Patton started talking about the shit piranhas.
LMAO!
Now imagine it's MODOK or Beta-7 from from Rick and Morty... He's done a lot lol
"Are you...married to the beaaaard? No, no, it's ok..."
DEAD lolol
What if the Jesus-story was just the first comic book ever written?
Mommy can your read me the genocide anti gay anti women book before bedtime?? Worst.... Comic.... Ever.....
Masashiro Knight of Cookieland Sadly, Super Shiva and the X-Buddha came first...
@@shentzu What about The Adventures of Gilgamesh And Enkidu? Probably the oldest comic ever written?
joshua kusuma which, sadly, didn’t follow through on their copyright case against the Old Testament.
@@shentzu Copyright cases were more loose back then, I guess. Hell, look at the lion story in the Old Testament with Samson, Hellenic stories with Heracles and then the lion story with Gilgamesh.
Science used to be called witchcraft. And transmuting water into wine is what? Anime?
that deserves a lot of likes!
😂😂
Water to wine is called a fantasy,, thats all. Some drunk wrote that part!!!!
Transmutation falls under alchemy
Pfff, water to wine. I can turn wine to water. Well... almost water. You might not want to drink it.
You don’t have to respect peoples beliefs, you have to respect peoples right to belief
The guy is brilliant.
Fear of the anus is the beginning of Wisdom.
John Agresti new age philosophy
@G G
because it is a hole and very sensitive? )
@G G
What is “gaysm”? XD
Old people are more likely to be too shy to try anything other than doggy style in their whole life. So there is no point in asking them, it would be just too sad.
My mother one time remembers about bisexual experience in school, but she is a big city girl with hight education.
@G G LoL.. It's like a baby explaining organic chemistry. So funny to read, but then realizing that you probably a grown up dude who actually believing in that religious bs.
True wisdom
But.. but... it's a really OLD book! If it's old, it must be true!
Dan D Lmao I have read it. I was raised as a very devout Christian and I was super religious until finally I woke up and realized this was utter nonsense. I will say there are a handful of good morals but for each one of those though there seems to be about 10 horrifically immoral downright awful or just ridiculous teachings. Like Dawkins has said, it's a fantastic piece of literature, but you have to be crazy(or brainwashed like I was) to take it as an actual factual account of true events. The Bible is just as fictions as Greek mythology or Harry Potter.
Dan D we did read it. That's why we're atheists :D
And compared to some other supposedly "holy' books it's not that old so...
Not only is it old, but it's believed by billions of people. That's the key to it being seen as real. "If so many people believe it, how can it be fake?"
That's a logical fallacy known as argumentum ad populum. It is a fallacious argument that concludes that a proposition is true because many or most people believe it. For example: not that long ago, everyone on Earth thought the planet was flat. It's not. The number of people who believe something to be true has absolutely no bearing on whether or not it is true.
"Thou shalt not commit logical reasoning..."
@Dumisani Nkosi and yet is a sin to use it to question obvious nonsense
I'm so thankful that Patton has been bestowed upon us. He's our greatest gift.
I've never seen him do stand up before! He was great. I will look up more. Thanks for posting the video.
The older I get, the smarter I get, the funnier this man is.
cee low green crazy
Dan D ... So clever...
You deserve a prize.
You won't get one, though.
Just sayin.
you are very stupid,to think otherwise
Dan D ... why are you watching this then? stfu and let the rest of us that live in the real world and not some hypothetical fantasy enjoy it...
Jacob Taylor That's funny, I experience the opposite effect
He is so smart and makes sense...just love him for getting people thinking!!! ❤❤❤
Just brilliant you made me laugh out loud thank you
Patton Oswalt is the best kind of liberal - REALISTIC.
Ill finish this convo for you all. Patton Oswalt is the best kind of Douchebag. Stick to King of queens and Pixar movies you fat fuck. Not funny unless he has a leading cast in front of him
Funny thing is liberals are most likely athiest and conservatives are most likely belong in the Westboro Baptist church.
@J Wil oh so you are one of them guys who think we should go back to slavery and bosses should own thier employees lives and decide to pay them whatwver they want and can force children to work in factories and that healthcare should only be for the wealthy?
Tell me do you also think only rich white guys should own land and be allowed to vote?
@Eric Douglas no just the realistic flat earther conservatives with thier 7000 year old flat earth beliefs. Conservatives the very guys who have a "if it isn't broke don't fix it" approach to everything except war and thier old ass ideas about how the world works.
"I like the way you Tetherball sir"!!! 😂😂
This man shaped my youth in the best way.
It's a routine like this, that makes me thank God that I am an atheist !
Oh boy trust me when I tell you this when you stand in front of God and get judged because he does judge us you're not going to be thanking him when he throws you into the pit of Hell where you will be on fire for all eternity because he gave us a chance on Earth to accept him or to not accept him he gives us free will and Richard Dawkins is it going to find out the same thing so you keep telling yourself that our soles are eternal our flesh dies that's how God made us how could nothing make everything do yourself a favor please ask the Lord who died on that cross for us and shed his blood and Rose three days later ask him to reveal himself to you what harm in there is that and you know what he will so if you don't want to ask him that you are doomed to damnation God bless you
Michelle Congdon the problem is, if I did that, he wouldn’t answer. Sorry to burst your bubble but you’re brainwashed
@@aweigle8273 I feel so sorry for you I really do how do you know he wouldn't answer you have you ever tried? I promise you we will give an account for our lives in front of Jesus Christ the second we die read 2nd Corinthians the Apostle Paul speaks of being absent from this body present with the Lord sewing up II we will stand in front of him we don't just die the parcels are Eternal how could we just died that makes zero sense think about that God made our souls to be eternal to live forever Jesus Christ is my everything I'm not brainwashed I've loved him since I was a little girl and how dare you talk to me like that I'm 50 years old he's my Lord I'm not some religious nut I don't even believe in religion I believe in a one true God and that is my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and I have an intimate personal relationship with him he can change anyone he can do anything and if you don't even try to pray to him and ask him to reveal himself to you my father did prison ministry inside the prisons I do penpal Ministries because I can hardly walk I'm disabled you truly have no idea or could even fathom these people's lives that have changed so drastically since they accepted God they're getting their masters degree in Theology and in other areas and they're not angry anymore and they have love in their heart they're filled with joy and peace in prison it sounds like you're imprisoned in your own body and its really sad there's nothing left to say I've said all I can say God says do not cast Pearls Before Swine
@@aweigle8273 we've said what we've had to say to each other and we each have very opposite opinions and that's okay but I am a very unhealthy woman and I'm trying to rest so I just ask you to let me rest I really appreciate that if you would we all have the right to our own opinions I don't know you but I love you God bless you honey
@@michellecongdon6220 My son said he doesn't believe I exist. So I threw him into a lit oven.
Is that a good or bad thing?
"i'm glad you like the book" 😂😂😂
"Are you married to the beard?" -- I'm guessing Marcus Bachmann has been asked this a few times in his life.
Its amazing how many people forced into religion when they were young are desparate to seek confirmation of their non-conformity.
It’s the “get ‘em while they’re young/get ‘em while they’re naive” tactic used primarily in religion in a vain quest to “save” their children and vulnerable people without proper education....cults use it too but I don’t think there’s ANY correlation there. 🙃
He does so deserve more credit as a comedian!! ❤
I've never heard of this guy I don't think but he really made me laugh. I will be looking out for him.
Sandwich Joe says "You may not eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil; but you can have a pita."
How have I've only seen this now! So good 😅
"You have to ACKNOWLEDGE people's beliefs, but can think freely of them and point put obvious flaws that don't gell with the real world."
Thank god, somebody gets it!
I'd enjoy seeing Patton in a rick and morty writers room at this point
The notion that faith in Christ is to be rewarded by an eternity of bliss, while a dependence upon reason, observation and experience merits everlasting pain, is too absurd for refutation, and can be relieved only by that unhappy mixture of insanity and ignorance, called 'faith." ― Robert Ingersoll
The sermon in the mount is actually pretty good morality (coming from an atheist). I think the right interpretation to have is that when Jesus shared what little they had, other people following him did the same. That way everyone had enough.
Today we have the ability to end world hunger but we do not. People should evaluate the morality they claim the follow
Most of the Mount is about how the world is going to end any moment now if i recall correctly, but yeah the small bit spent on ethics is only about 600 years outta date at the time he said it...
No it's not. As an atheist myself I don't think eternal punishment for "thought crimes" is particularly moral.
Is it moral to teach someone that if they look upon someone with lust that they should surgically removed their eyeball?
Is it moral to command someone to not fight back if they are struck repeatedly?
Is it moral to command someone to give away their earthly possessions to someone less fortunate?
Is it moral to teach that if someone sues you for your shirt that you should not fight but rather offer them your coat as well?
Jack Daniels Idk what you’re on about man. I was talking specifically about the the Mount.
@@CosmosGamingChannel yep. Matthew 5-7 if I remember correctly. Did you read the sermon on the mount?
CosmosGaming okay, what do you think is in that sermon?
I recall “call someone a fool and go to hell” and “don’t own stuff” and “get slapped and let ppl walk all over you” and “you even look at a woman you basically did her.”
I mean I guess he has a 50% record if we are being generous?
Then there is some stuff about how the followers are Salt and light and won’t get into heaven... basically, this is the least competent moral lesson ever given to become popular.
Wait, no, Ayn Rand is a thing. Jesus takes second.
It’s a crap list, and I can point to a dozen moral philosophers who did better centuries before. I am not impressed.
I love him so much
Huge fan. Patton, you always make me laugh
Sorry Patton, you made waaaaaay too much sense. It has to be wrong.
@Jeff Nasser yeah that sounds Christian of you. Just completely forget about the young child that has to grow up without a mother.
Jeff Nasser
Of course that’s very Christian of you. Someone who didn’t do anything is punished for another’s sin. That’s what original sin is all about. Dumbass.
I love you Patton Oswalt
Patton Oswalt killed it here : )
Thank you for sharing this bombshell.
Mr Jesus,
I like the way the way you tether ball, sir...
You want to join the avengers to take on Ultron?
"It's got monsters and adventures' and if u like torture porn' check out the old testament"
Wtf lmao
I love Patton he’s so funny and he seems like such a cool easy going guy.
by the wearing of the sacred colander, may you be touched by his noodely appendage
All hail the FSM!
Ramen
@@seanmuir2862 thank you and ramen to you god sir. 👍
"I'm glad you like a book" is the biggest cut down in this video.
Norm Macdonald destroyed this attempt at humor. Norm is in Heaven. Oswalt going to hell
@@PikesvilleAlPatton Oswalt is smarter than you so you're only response is, "you are going to hell."