When CoVID started I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer. I discovered that cancer was the least of my problems. My oncologist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder - in spades. His online CV says he has “empathy and compassion.” He asked me what my job was. I told him I groomed & kenneled dogs (for amusement - I’m semi-retired) and I happened to glance at his face right when he was turning away from me…as he rolled his eyes in consummate deprecation. (So much for “empathy & compassion.”) At the end of that conversation, I must have blurted out a big word, like “contraindication.” He slammed his brakes on in the middle of the room in shock and blurted out, “YOU’RE NOT DUMB!!!” (No, I’m not dumb. I’ve got CPTSD, yes - but I’m not dumb. The autodidactic study of psychology has been my hobby for 19 years. And I know Narcissistic Personality Disorder without having to look it up - I can smell it.) Coping with the distress of cancer was nothing compared to choking down the behavior of a 47-yr-old with a two-yr-old’s psychiatric problems. That was the first, and last, time I’ll pay for a psychologist just to get over a doctor visit. The betrayal and abandonment I felt was infinitely worse than having cancer and going through the pressures of a scamdemic at the same time. I’m not so angry with him as I am with the hospital for keeping him on staff.
I was married to a narcissist. You just described my whole marriage. He thought the sun revolved around him. I allowed him to totally controll my finances sell my car and we weren't even married yet. I could only see my one and only friend if he took me there. She also didn't have a car so he would drop me off when he went to work and pick me up after. I had believed I was a bad wife and mother. I was just so defeated it was hell. Looking back all the signs were there I just missed them. When I started standing up for myself he became physically abusive. Happy ending I got away but not without damage.
I went to therapy for years. I finally had some major breakthroughs. Some of the repressed memories came back and shocked the hell out of me! Glad we all made it!💃🏽💃🏽
I'm not sure if my mom is a narcissist or just an A..hole, but all my childhood, she blamed me for her beating me up constantly; it was my fault because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We lived in a small house, and I didn't have a bedroom, so I was always around when she was mad. Once, she kicked me in my stomach until I threw up. I was 10. She also told me that I could not tell anyone what happened in the house because it would be my fault if she lost her job; she was a police officer.
My ex was a c*nt. I was thrown out of the house on a whim. During one of Britain's worst winters I couldn't get out of the village due to several feet of snow - I only just made it over the bridge near us and had to sleep in my car with my Westie during that minus-seven celsius night. I saw a car pass the car park I was in and another passed five minutes later. It turned out to be him and he smiled as he told me. After thirteen years I left, was hunted down, and had the police involved eight times, the last time being when my life and property were threatened. I would be invited out for a meal and had to pay for my own when he only went and paid for his. I would be driven out of the house when a 'visitor' would stay overnight - as it were. I'd come home from nightshift to find him in bed with somebody else there but they had "kept their underwear on".... I was forced to pay half the mortgage of a house that I had no say in the purchasing of. I was his private cook, cleaner, and bottlewasher. In the end, both his lawyer and mine informed him that I was due 35K for each year we were together and a share of the sale of the house as the law demands. It cost him tens of thousands fighting it. I never got a penny. He eventually died of ALS after catching HIV. Although he was also terrified of everything he didn't have the balls to kill himself by means other than unprotected sex. That way nobody could say that he killed himself. He also said he would never tell a sexual partner if he had HIV or AIDS. God knows how many people he took out along with him. I still consider that I got off lightly but the trauma of what he said and accomplished has me thinking that I should die on far too many occasions each year. I will not weaken to that bastard's will twelve years after his death. I will not!
I’ve met a handful of narcissists or sociopaths in my 59 years, including my last boss. The only cure is avoidance, you can’t change them. A few years ago I met someone I had not seen for 30+ years. Being in his presence for an afternoon in Winchester city drove me into deep depression. He decided everything we did, everywhere we went including where we ate. He was self absorbed and manipulative. 30 years ago I was deeply insecure and accepted his put downs and controlling behaviour without a thought. And of course he used me to bolster his self esteem. Now I am more self aware, and aware of how some people manipulate others as part of their self image. I can’t cope with such a person, and I won’t see him again. Whilst he is an extreme, narcissism is not rare, especially among senior managers. I’ve met huge numbers of privately educated people, and more than 90% of them have sociopathic or narcissistic traits ie lack of empathy and self absorbtion.
I am so happy this is being recognized more and more, understood and accepted in the mainstream...for years I felt like I was revictimized all over again because people didnt understand this level of emotional rape even exists and genuinely thought I was exaggerating, it was diabolical. At least other kinds of abuse are recognized and you have certain rights and a certain position in society... it never stops because after you leave the abuse and the worst gaslighting anyone can experience you are thrown back in a society that continues this kind of abuse just when you would need help the most. It's sooo dangerous doc it' s a miracle I am here now writing this. I had to learn a lot about what had happened to me on my own without much understanding and the correct kind of help even from professionals and my ptsd was worsened so much. I am going to have to deal with severe CPTSD for the rest of my life perhaps and that is ok, I will make it but I really do not want this to happen to more people, so everyone keep educating and spreading awareness...I think I am going to dedicate a good amount of my life to doing that and to promote CPTSD awareness however I can, because all I've had for 20 years was wrong diagnoses and puzzled faces by psychologists and psychiatrists who didnt quite know what was wrong with me and obviously made me feel guilty. I had to put all the pieces together, years worth of work and finally zoomed in on the right issue which is obviously quite obscure and most people dont know anything about. In fact, unless I missed it, could you do a video on CPTSD? Thank you! Sorry guys this is loong :/
I was married to a narcissist, and to test the waters I watched a lecture on how to find out whether someone is a narcissist.. I took the advice of the psychologist who said the best way to find out is to ignore them and watch what happens.. It was the best advice ever!
👋🏼 both of my birth parents and a grandmother. Lived these hypotheticals. These are all before age 18 Gaslighting ✅ Marginalized ✅ Withholding resources (food) does that count? ✅ Blame shifting ( I was the drama queen-everything was my fault) ✅ I cut them all out of my life as soon as I could. They had divorced when I was a baby so I was bounced all over to their new families and it happened constantly. Thankfully I survived (not ready to go there yet) and broke that cycle. They also had other crossover illnesses like you said. No, you’re not a narcissist 🤣
Dr. Das is wonderful. He is most definitely, not a narcissist. I see him as a high achiever individual that helps his patients and provides info. to UA-cam audience. And his Mommy was right, he is very intelligent. Moreover, a great Mom to raise such a successful son.
Easily Top 3 UA-camrs in my opinion. You do good work for this cruel world. And man. Yes to all of it dude. Still scared, guilty but aware. Edited to make actual sense
I've worked in psych here in the US for many years, and the way you explain things for everyone to be able to understand is awesome. It's easy to see you have a passion for what you do, and I'm so excited for the both of you that you've branched out to collaborate with Deadbug! ❤️
I was married to a controlling, aggressive man. Whatever he was I’m glad to be away from him. I’m still picking myself up from having lived through his cruelty. Anyway. You made me laugh this morning. Yes you are amazing and important your mum was correct 😁 Some people confuse being clean and groomed as being narcissistic. You carry on washing and caring about yourself. Love you work ♥️
There's an ex I'm SO relieved I got rid of. And I had two teachers, who tried especially blame-shifting on me. It didn't work, but it was 2½ years of non-stop abuse.
I have experienced Covert Narcissism, in my opinion alot more dangerous. This woman depicts herself as a Saint. Kind, caring....always helpful. The love bombing was intense. Nothing was too much trouble. This was a false front. Within months she was crossing all boundaries, l was walking on eggshells. She would tell me how she had reported various people in the past to different authorities. I guessed it was these victims had moved away from her and she would punish them. She triangulated her Husband, telling people he was a violent addict. ( l saw 0 evidence of that) l believe she was creating distance from him being able to get help. She stalks and watches.. when l distanced not caring wtf she did she read my social media . Her mood was dark when l saw her and she started to talk badly about me out loud as l passed. She had already gossiped about me to n eighbours and God knows what she told them. Fortunately l had remembersed her for the unwanted gifts she had given me but she definitely told a direct neighbour that l had treated her so badly. At the time l didnt understand why this nice 3rd party kept saying " have you seen......it would be lovely if you could get on!". Long story short she is only around people who are fragile. She is controlling and tries to guilt trip you for not doing what she wants. A horrible experience. She competes all the time and never accepts " favours" back......it all about her image. The feeling she engenders is one of repulsion. Church goer in order to prey on vunerable people. Also it's hard to get kicked out of a church. ......l started not wanting to go out as she was always there. .......extremely horrible experience.
“I’m not a narcissist but…” 😂 Can totally relate to 90% of this. Astounding. So close to home… Scary. It’s bizarre how being close to a narcissist can then lead on to becoming involved with other narcissists, it’s like a spiral, life bitch slapping you over and over until you get the message and deal 👋 Love your vids and the good vibes! And watch that tennis egg nog….. aye.
When you grow- up with this garbage all too often you move right on into dysfunctional adult relationships. It is so destructive to the psyche of the abused. Hey Doc, I've had a flat since I subscribed 🤔 I need a new promise to keep watching and commenting😄
I'm in an abusive relationship with a narcissist now and have no way out 😢 no living family nearby, no friends anymore, all alone. Where I live there aren't any decent programs to actually help someone who has absolutely no support system. I've lost myself and just tell myself daily "this is my life now"
This is so sad.you are deep in a rut and that is when you cannot see a way out.there is a way out.is the there a charity or social service in your community that you can secretly reach out to for help?
One thing i try to remember is psychopaths are often narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths. A lot of narcissists are actually sociopaths which involves feeling angry, shame and ego- psychopaths dont feel anything at all. I fall more easily for female narcs - male narcs i see a mile away. Yes, i have mother issues 😂
Well this is an accurate description of my childhood. Now I’m my 30’s trying to unravel what parts of me are me and what is the result a lifetime of parental abuse. For instance, am I really this easy going and un-opinionated about what restaurant we choose for dinner or was that attitude etched into me after so many years of “there’s no point in voicing what I want cause even if dad ‘gives in’ and goes where I wanted rather than his choice, he’ll make the experience so miserable I’ll wish I’d just never expressed/fought for what I wanted”?
I worked with both overt and covert naracists. They lacked empathy and I was constantly 'belittled'. I was told it was my job to empty the bins. I was targeted in my personal life being given 'help' to declutter. I was constantly being given 'help' but under the 'imposed' conditions of the naracist. I was 'made' to do the work for my fellow support worker who did next to nothing. I was bullied by another colleague for not 'assisting' my abusive work colleague. I was doing my own work plus 'his' work. My privacy was invaded when my work colleague got my personal phone number. After this I was contacted to do work shifts for him. He ignored the recognised channels. My phone number was also accessed by a resident who the support worker gave when he installed alexa on TV of the resident in his room. I was left a 'text message' on my phone which I brought to team leaders which was not properly investigated. Other abuse also occurred. An autistic resident had an episode after he was told constantly to 'go to bed'. His routine is that he normally gets a small drink. He had been requesting 'juice' but support worker refused to give him this. When I entered his 'pod', he was lying on the floor of his bedroom with his face towards the magnetic door into his pod. This incident was never written up or recorded. I reported the incident to my line manager Andrew McMurray and he told me to report it to Pete the deputy manager in the morning. When I went to speak to 'Pete', another team leader John Quigg was standing between me and Pete and he steered me out of the office. He then told me that the behaviour of another resident had nothing to do with support workers or words to that effect. This other resident has only recently arrived in the challenging behaviour unit. Initially they could not stop him from 'running away'. He got out the back door with support workers running after him. The unit has no gates or cameras. To stop him 'getting out', the support worker abusing me jammed shut a fire door. He usually then went off to sleep on a mattress and duvet from the laundry room. A chair was placed in front of the door if the resident 'ran out' in the middle of the night. This resident was also 'barred' one morning from the kitchen. 'Your not allowed in the kitchen' was what he was told by support worker. I text my sister about this incident. My sister is a retired consultant psychiatrist who has worked in Broadmoor, was the Avon and Somerset Police Psychiatrist and also was an 'expert witness' in the courts in Bristol. She worked in a unit behind Taunton Police Station. Her reply to text was 'Joe McCourt is basically a bully'. She is absolutely right. His bully boy tactics are also being 'covered up' by a covert naracist, John Quigg who 'uses' his former wife, a Doctor to give himself credability. He was a painter and decorator by trade and Joe McCourt was a joiner, deported from USA as an illegal immigrant. Both now have delusions of grandeur. John Quigg drives around in a BMW coupe with a personal number plate while Joe McCourt has a second hand Rover 75 estate car. Both have left their partners. John Quigg now has a fellow support worker lady friend who he tells everything to and information then passed on to Joe McCourt and even one of the residents. They can tell you about internal job promotions and everyone's private business. I was off work due to work stress and head office then contacted my sister saying that I had not put in sick notes. Photocopies had to be made. Pete the deputy manager also rang my sister. They simply 'used' my sister in order to 'cover up' all the abuse that is constantly taking place. My solicitor wrote to head office but got nowhere. No records of abuse are recorded so it never happened. Head Office simply added more abuse on top of abuse. My solicitor put in my resignation but had to sent it in twice. I have not worked since. I applied for one job based in Bath and another based in Banbridge but to date have not taken up either. I have lost faith in my own abilities and would prefer never to work again in health care. Private companies employ people with no qualifications. My previous employer 'employed' what turned out to be a homeless person from Limerick. He worked one day and stole the car of a fellow support worker which the police later found. As far as I am aware, this individual is still missing. Did the company do a Police check? You tell me. Incidents of residents stoning cars also not reported to police. There was also a not confirmed allegation that one support worker either took drugs or was a drug dealer. I have had property 'taken' which I now regard as 'stolen'. I am unable to contact the Police as support workers have contacted with possibly petti criminals who could have association with the IRA. Many support workers play the 'victim' card. Another previous support worker constantly told me I was 'related' to William Frazer who had been a right-wing 'loyalist'. This support worker also had a work affair with a female colleague. He kept his job and she was sacked. There is also a written complaint in against the support worker that abused me. Cheryl Patton is telling the truth but senior management have simply filed it away in the back of a filing cabinet. She came on a day shift after Joe McCourt had done night shift. 'Does Joe McCourt do anything' is what she asked. 'I don't give a s**t' was the reply of Joe McCourt who then walked out the door. He loved sitting on the kitchen work bench with everyone listening to him telling them how 'special' he was. Given the fact he had a poor educational background. He could not spell so he hated writing up care notes. 'No issues' was often written in care notes. Joe could not spell the word 'issues'. He could not even 'copy' correctly. Medication was also incorrectly recorded. He often recorded medication even before it was given to resident. He always 'made up' procedures to suit himself. I don't like authority was the reason he gave. It was like working with a maverick who was and still is a total law onto himself. All is covered up by 'charm' and empty talk. The 'gift of the gab' is a 'gift' used by many Irish people. It's usually a disguise for ignorance and making out you are something that you are not. I had this previously with a 'plumber' who was a local preacher who constantly spun yarns and mind boggling stories. As Naracistic abuse is not a crime in the workplace, it therefore can go underground and as long as it stays internal, nobody ever 'find out' the 'true picture'. All abused support workers simply resign and the company goes on as though nothing ever happened. There is no 'justice' for naracistically abused support workers. Why should my case be any different?
Hello OMINOUS SOHOMINOUS. I’ve experienced that my whole life and YES it definitely messes with your self confidence. Been single since 2009 and keep a distance from my toxic family. I still have a hang ups with decisions and guilt about money but I’m alright. Thank you for this video and the dinosaur in the background, LOL. Much love to you. (Sorry, I’ve been extremely busy with work as a school bus driver for special needs children and I have to get up 4:00 am and do extra bus driving after my daily route so I barely watch any videos. Tonight I finally got to. Love your videos and am learning so much. Thank you)
I deep dove narcissism videos before I looked into other psychology and I have to say it was very disorienting to my view of people. Then at some point I realized narcissism is an exaggeration of things/thoughts everyone is capable of, and that ultimately everyone is unique. My goal of sort of “figuring out psychology” was unattainable because we just don’t know everything yet. I think you could make a video about this sort of thing.
Dr. Das would you possibly do a video about growing up in an environment of Narcissistic Abuse and how that affects development? It took me 30 years to recognise that I was at risk of continuing the cycle and to become actively aware of my behaviour and make the changes (which I still struggle with at times). It would be nice to maybe get some understanding into what affect this can have when it is sustained throughout a child's life.
I was with a narcissist for 3 years. It’s incredible how well they hide it. My now ex partner even had an album with the word narcissist in the title and still I couldn’t see it. Thankyou for making these videos to make other people more aware of the signs.
I absolutely love your content here or wherever I am able to listen to you. I do learn a lot, I am laughing a lot since you have a great humor. Thank you for your work !
Gaslighting is always explained in such small and subtle forms. The woman I had an almost relationship with placed her sweater on the floor at work and asked me whether it was my sweater indicating I was always so forgetful. I didn't know it then, but she had already smeared me in front of others at that time and told them I had once broken into her home while our chat actually revealed that she had let me in. I am a borderline with narcissistic traits, but in therapy and very self-reflected. I love her and I would take her back if it wasn't for the gaslighting and the isolating. To take her back I would expect her to work on her and go to therapy. That won't happen so I will just keep working on myself. The thought of taking her back also puts my nervous system in a state of fight/flight or freeze and I don't like that, either.
As somebody with autism who was abused by them as parents, the establishment needs more videos from psychiatrists about this topic. I have two names for you, they are the main sources of the knowledge I needed to help me out of their life and into my own..... Sam Vaknin - a narcissist, and the pioneer of most of the lingo which accounts for their behaviors HG Tudor - a narcissistic psychopath who implemented perhaps the most comprehensive nomenclature to discern the spectrum of behaviors and categorize them in school and "cadre". Highly recommend you check them out
Narcissists LOVE aspies. They think they have hit the jackpot. And sometimes that is true. They usually regret targeting me, I'm too brave for my own.good sometimes but I've exposed and taken down a few. And I use the law and never lie or cheat or break the law to do so. There is a very smart lady that does those videos usually with "educated empath" in the title. She is awesome, highly recommend. And she isn't a supposed psychopath so I'd say she has probably defeated psychos like the one you listed. Being in the spectrum too, if you haven't heard of Dr Tony Atwood the Australian autism expert is a great source of info. He's the worlds foremost expert on high functioning autistic people.
@@blazefairchild465 True that, he's creepy. He does seem very informed tho. But he does creep me out. The other guy is less creepy but I have some doubts about him. He is very good and clearly an expert but I wonder if he is truly a self aware narc. He may be on the spectrum, he may be lying.... Don't know but I feel he is suspect in other ways.
thankyou for your humour, sometimes the only way to deal with trauma past or present is to laugh (on the inside 😳) at the rediculousness of the behaviour ( easier to do if you are not still subject to 'said' behaviour though)... i seem to attract people who do these things to me, not every relationship ive had but a few ( including frienships), makes me wonder if i am the real problem, because as someone once said to me, if many people are treating you the same way then maybe you should take a good look at yourself and ask why... well im constantly questioning myself and try to be mindful of my words, but honestly, buggered if i know... 🤷♀️🤦♀️🥴
I am so glad that I've found your channel. Your information rings massive bells on my experiences but thankfully I left my toxic wife before I went crazy and am still in recovery. I love your presentation style and your humour is classy.
I don't know what category it fell into, but I had a boss at my old job who was awful. He was a sales manager and he would constantly undermine the employees who were involved in customer service by offering better prices every time the customer demanded to be put through to him, threw his workers under the bus when something went wrong for a customer and if anyone took any time off, he would go through their work looking for mistakes, convinced they had screwed up whatever was going wrong that day. I have a genetic kidney disease that causes a lot of chronic pain and needs surgery from time to time and if I ever called in sick, he would call to abuse me about it, threaten firing me and I knew I would come back to my desk looking like a hurricane had hit it. His behaviour, combined with other coworkers thinking I was a drama queen who faked my problems led to me feeling like I couldn't take any time off at all and hadn't had a holiday for a year and a half, by the time the place closed down. To make matters confusing, every now and then he would have moments of extreme generosity that would completely confuse me. He went out of his way to get my car to the mechanic the place used, when my gearbox died and I was quoted a terrible price elsewhere, he angered the accounts person buying a more expensive office chair because it take higher weights and he always called on me to fix his technology issues in his office over anyone else and was always nice to me when I did so.
Thank you my favourite Dr Das in the whole world. I wish I had understood all this 20 years ago but I did escape domestic abuse in 2002 and thank you for your wonderful channel which I’m sure continues to inform and educate people to recognise these destructive abusive tactics. I pray for courage and support for victims of this form of abuse and am a living example that there is life beyond the situation. Recognising it is the first step and you, my friend, will have helped many people, particularly women to identify theses evil traits. Love you lots ❤😊
the anger the narc. has if you dare to cry or get upset or even talk. First they laugh then coldy make you feel like you are a lunatic - to anger and complete cold shoulder for days
I have a friend who, as long as I have known her, says sorry, almost as a stutter. I have never in my life met somebody who apologizes so much. Literally I don’t think she can go five sentences without apologizing, if even that much. Sometimes I don’t even think she is purposely trying to apologize for anything. Sometimes it really is just kind of something she throws in there because she’s just used to constantly saying sorry, so that people don’t get upset with her. Other times, she’s just clearly very overly concerned that someone she’s talking to is going to be upset with her or displeased. I have met her parents one time. It was at a holiday gathering with another family and a couple other family friends Because I had always assumed that the way she is, must come from an abusive childhood, I was surprised that her parents seemed pretty normal, but I also wasn’t really looking very carefully for signs of narcissistic personality disorder, because I haven’t really learned a lot about it at that point. I just noticed that her dad didn’t seem controlling, but also didn’t seem charismatic. He seems like a somewhat boring older guy, with a very unnotable personality. Her mom seemed normal as well. I have been familiar with abusive domestic relationships between men and women for several years, and I didn’t see anything that indicated that between her parents, either, and I’m pretty good at picking up on small cues. Although still, this was just one time and not the most private setting. it wasn’t even in their family home. We were in someone else’s family home. I know you don’t know her, she’s not your patient, but, generally speaking, have you ever known someone like I’ve described her to not have have been raised by a narcissistic or abusive parent? Any insight on other possible causes of the way that she is would be helpful. She is about 40 years old at this point. I have known her for about 10 years now. We have had a lot of in-depth conversations through texting, but not in person as she has trouble expressing herself in person. I have never talked to her about her family upbringing. I am also wondering, if I were to ask her questions about her upbringing, do you have any suggestions as to certain things I should inquire about, that would indicate the presence of abuse and her childhood that could have caused her to be like this? Thanks.
I know someone who does some of these (gaslighting, blame shifting ) when he/she feels out of control. It’s like a switch is flipped. Fortunately, this person is normal most of the time. And I know how to deal with the behavior now.
I remember going to my strength training class, and my trainer took pics of my then husband peaking through windows, and around columns to gaze at me while in class…smh It was bizarre to say the least. That’s just one of the reasons why he’s an Ex.
Man, I'm so glad I found your channel. The humour, the charisma and most of all the scientific and professional insight are priceless. I think I personaly have narcissistic traits, but I have also been victim of narcissists.
Yeah that’s how you end up 🙈. Thank goodness for the internet, it’s saved a lot of people. Little Shaman released a video a couple days ago. You should check that out. Such an amazing description of how a person is treated by a narcissist. Dealing with a narcissist is the most confusing gaslighting experience anybody can have. Dyou think it’s on the rise and what’s the reason for this in your opinion? How prevalent do you think it is in society today? Do you think the official figures are correct?Are they mad or bad? Questions, so many questions. 😊 Thank you. 👍🏻.
I am a survivor of this form of abuse from an ex and a sibling. As I listened to the talk I identified with the vast majority of what was said. Not all are capable of self awareness and I wonder if early intervention is even possible. I suspect the way this develops is insidious in nature and gradual, making it difficult to intervene. I am still in therapy for that and cptsd. All formally diagnosed by appropriate specialists. I think however clinical psychologists may be under utilised by the general doctors in favour of regular psychologists which is a shame.
I'd love to see a video along these lines but where the perpetrator is a family member. Some of what you said here can still apply but there is a lot that doesn't apply to a parental or sibling relationship.
You are correct but there's so much more. my ex would unplug and take wifi/Internet equipment with him to work. I wouldn't be allowed to sleep in our bed or watch TV.
Very recognizable. I had a neighbor who was a narcissist. Horrible guy. He lied about his profession and he pretended to go to work every day. He didn't have a job. Unfortunately he didn't like me. Probably because I wasn't impressed by his horrible looks, his nasty behavior and his weak attempt of lies. So he started to bully me, hurt my animals and even threaten me. In the beginning it was all small. He build a terras in a spot so he could look through my whole house and see what I was doing. He complained about every little sound I made. But it was OK for him to have sex with his girlfriend in front of windows and with open bedroom windows. Now, my bedroom window and his bedroom window were only 30 cm apart. So when both are open, it sounds like you are there. It made me sick. After six months I kind of had it with his behavior. In the middle of the night he came to dig out some of my plants even. He was totally crazy. I saw him and filmed it even. But I was done with it. At one moment someone rang the doorbell and my dog barked. He immediately came to complain. But I learned a new trick. He mirrors behavior. So when I stay calm, he got angry. And when I got angry, he stayed calm and friendly. So this time I called the alarm number (999 for you, 911 for loads of countries and 112 for mine). He thought it was fake. But I stayed calm. He went completely bezerk. He even threatened to kill my dog. The whole conversation was recorded, of course. Unfortunately he had experience and was gone 30 seconds before the cops came. Amazing. He never got any reprimands. A cop I know well sat down beside me, on my left. He told me there were better ways to get rid of this man. I looked at his gun. He said that that wasn't the best way. Maybe not, but it is the quickest, I told him. It went on for a long time. I became paranoid. I thought I was going crazy. He knew things I never talked about. How he knew, I don't know. He stalked me and even my parents. He tried to kill pets of people in the neighborhood. Thank God for him he never succeeded. I think he wouldn't have survived it. He got beaten up many times already and we were all more than happy to help 😀 This went on for a year. I "chased" him with an axe ones too. He bullied my dog and I needed to cut a bush down. He ran out of the garden and I stayed in. He screamed like a little bitch. Oh, I had way too much fun doing that. At a certain time his parents came at my door to talk to me. We talked in a nice way. They defended their son, of course. And then she said something important: "Why is it that you can have a decent conversation with us, but you can't have one with our son?" I said: "Did it ever occur to you that the problem lies with him and not with me?" It was like I physically smacked her in the face. I felt sorry for her, because she never realized her son was a piece of shit. Now they moved. Sometimes I see him. Sad person. My ex was also a narcissist. Although not heavy, but he was. He controlled everything. I wasn't allowed to have male friends, not talk to strange males and my family was racist and hated him. Well, they weren't and they didn't. He came with a backpack with clothes and that was it. He was a refugee. No job, no insurance, nothing. I paid for everything. For all those years he never had a single form of income (7 years we were together). At a certain point he controlled my money too. I had to ask if I wanted to buy something. If I did the groceries, I always bought tea. I love tea. Not one flavour. No, I had 52 flavours of tea. I know, a lot. He got angry. He actually got angry. When I went to the city to buy clothing, he always said it was too much and I spend too much.I didn't need new shoes. I didn't need new pants, shirts or sweaters. Yeah, I did. My pants had holes in it. my shirts were years old and became to big and my sweaters had holes too. He, on the other hand, had loads of shoes, nice clothing and looked well kept. He bought that from my money. Although he said it wasn't my money, but his own money. He got it from a friend so he could buy some clothing. He never gave something back. If I got a present, he bought it from my money. And once a month I was allowed to buy tea. About the male friends: He said that men and women could not be friends. He said that in the end I wanted to have sex with the male friend. Yeah, I cannot control my urges (if I already had those urges, which I didn't). He was extremely jealous and possessieve. If I talked to a male in a shop, he accused me of flirting. Yes, I joke around. I like to have a light conversation with people who help me. That doesn't mean I want to jump on them in the broom closet, you know. But it went on like that for all those years. He cheated on me with my (so called) best friend. In my house, in my bed and while I was at home! That went on for a while though. She asked me if she could borrow my man. Well, you can keep him, if you ask again. In the end I got really pissed and he said I was unreasonable. I took the first thing that was close to my hands and threw it at him. I missed. Too bad. I was close to beating him up. He beat me before and I really didn't gave a damn whether he'd do it again. So he came for me and I grabbed a knife. I put the knife against his throat and told him to try me. He stopped. Wise choice! I think at that time I was ready to actually harm him really bad. And he was illegal in this country, so nobody would miss him (that actually went through my mind. I could bury him in the garden and all I had to say is that he left me). He left and lived with her for a while. He tried to get my tv and PS4 too. Well, he is gone and no, I didn't kill him. I wounded his ego by saying I didn't want him back. I don't want leftovers from what others threw away. And he said he could get any girl he wanted. Wauw, amazing. I'm not impressed. If you can get any girl you want, I don't want you. I don't like to be one of many. I'd like to be one of a kind. But yeah, gaslighting is what he did. He made me apologize for things I didn't do. And he made me feel guilty for things I never even thought of. I apologized for looking at a man, while I didn't even thought of anything. I even apologized for things I did way before him and I ever met! Crazy! It took a while for the veil to lift though. But I'm back. I am a beautiful person on the inside. I am loyal, faithful and kind. But I am also a yapper (really?). I talk to anyone, I don't mind. And yes, I have male friends. The old ones are back and I even made new ones. And no, I never slept with one. Funny, isn't it. He lost something good and he didn't even realize it. Ah well. Now I'm available for someone who is a good person. Someone who deserves me and me deserving that someone. Just be awesome together. 😀
I spent 10 years with a narcissist! He was violent, physically, emotionally, verbally and emotionally. If my mother rang my landline he’d insist on listening to the call. And by god, if she mentioned him I’d pay for it (usually physically) afterwards. I look back and wonder how the hell I survived it. He once smacked a hammer over my head when I was heavily pregnant. He left me unconscious, if it wasn’t for him leaving my back door open, then my neighbour would never of found me and got an ambulance. The list of atrocities that this so called man inflicted on me makes for appalling reading. I found a backbone and broke free. I’m one of the lucky ones that survived. Imagine my horror when my eldest daughter became prey to a violent narcissist! This evil creature battered my daughter almost to death. He left her for dead in butlins! He’d beat, stamped and annihilated her body to such a degree he’d splint her pancreas in half, broken her sinus bone amongst several other horrendous injuries all bad. He was sentenced to 3 years! And on his release she went back to him! Again he attacked her, so back to prison he went. She’s had her children removed by social services (none are his, thankfully, they have nothing to hold them to one another, no children, no house, no car not even a pet! I’m stunned and horrified that she dares have this evil so called man in her home let alone her bed!! I’d love an analysis off you doc! Because to me this sounds crazy! I was young when I was with the woman beater I was with. At 23 I walked away for good and have never looked back. My daughters just turned 40, I just don’t understand! 💔💔
I know that you are using romantic relationships as an example to convey what narcissistic relationships are but can you do one on childhood please? Especially a narcissistic mother, I feel like the lack of care from childhood onwards has caused so many people you have done videos on to behave in the way that they have. Also have you watched I am a killer on netflix? I think it would tie into this and also think you would like it. Thanks for touching on this, my mother is a narcissist and have met many a narcissist on my travels; I find it funny that people have accused you of being one…if they only knew 😩😂 I think that you are brilliant and kind, wish that you were my psychiatrist (then again I would have to be a criminal 🤔) all the best Dr Das ❤️
They might gaslight you so badly that it takes you years to figure out what was actually true. They might install listening software on your phone so they can keep track of all your conversations and text messages and withhold conversations and affection if you have said anything negative about them. They might also tell you to abort your child because your relationship could never survive an unplanned pregnancy and then lose their minds when you leave. They may stalk you and make you feel incredibly unsafe after you have left them. All hypothetical, of course.
Ok, now let’s talk about all the Rosies out there, and how they go about getting some of that confidence back so they can leave. I wonder how many of them got death threats, or were told their mother would be shot and paralyzed. I managed to leave and live to tell the story, but I’m one of the lucky ones.
Had a neighbour who was very narcissistic. Manipulated my other neighbours to shun and defame me. Allowed me to overhear conversations about me. Used loud banging to stop me sleeping. Discarded and hoovered with love-bombing during which time I discarded, shunned and moved home = game over I won lol.
I wonder how many people who comment about being a victim are really victims or are narcissists themselves. Interesting to think about. I’m not a victim of a narcissist really but sounds like a teacher I had once. She was scary bad.
You should totally make your book audio too. I have trouble reading these days because kids and having to do stuff all the time. By the time I try to read at the end of the day I fall asleep. But I love to listen to audio books while I do chores and work. Can you put it on audible soon? A lot of people would totally dig that. 🙏
Definitely there, I'm in UK. You have to sign up to Audible. I have listened to it already . I wish I could attach screenshot to show you but I can't or don't know how. :-)
@@HumbleSkeptic. I have audible so I tried it again. I searched it through the app and I found it, but it was only like a 5 min preview version and no option to buy. I am so bummed. lol 🤣 But I am in the US. I can change Amazon to UK, but the audible app is not showing any way to try that. Hopefully someone else from the US has it on audio and will see this comment and tell me what they did. 🤞
.. the solution if fortunately very simple: plan your exit. Leave quickly without any conversations..or explanations.. just a simple "it's too much, wish you the best, good bye." and preferably by phone so that you can't be restricted or stopped..or worse. Cut all possible lines of communication, includingsocial media. Block numbers or change yours if necessary. Enjoy the immediate freedom and never, ever open the lid on it again. Very Important: your privacy, physical safety, even your life, could possibly be at risk (more so for women leaving than men); so be cautious to avoid 'narcissistic rage'. Maybe you need to tell your employer and friends that you have ended such a relationship in order to anticipate the narc making troubles for you there. The narc will never, ever change. They don't operate according to any normal, humane code of morality, so stop treating them with one. Have zero empathy for them, especially if they try to reel you back in, which they almost certainly will, as it's easier than finding another source of 'narcissistic supply'. Enjoy getting your life back and in future have better boundaries when getting to know someone, identify any red flags. Narcs are notoriously bad at self-deprecation or honestly talking about how they could do some things better and past failures.. they can also 'smell' out potential victims, like vampires, knowing who has too much empathy. Don't lose that empathy, just control how you use it.
Sometimes I feel like we bring the qualities out in other people not intentionally. My ex and I had this type of relationship and now he’s nice…even with his new wife. I see that she’s allowed to do more things. Maybe I was more weak….either way my point is sometimes different energies together obviously make a different”concoction”
To be the smartest one, the others have to be idiots - quote of the day (because they have deleted the comment before this one after I tried to add this quote ... NOT the smartest idea!!!
That narcissist joke 🙈😂 When a person who has a warm friendly personality, says to someone that they find them cold emotionally & the response is to reply with telling that person they are projecting. Is this purely blame shifting, or also gas lighting?
Do you have any informative videos on covert lower grade narcissism? I am always having trouble fully relating to these overt signs. I believe I have been dealing with a lower spectrum NPD abuser. I do have all of the symptoms but this person isn’t overly aggressive, physical or shouting. He’s always the victim in the situation even after starting an argument out of thin air. Ex. I can cook a gourmet dinner and he say “oh what’s that burning smell?” Or when I politely request a boundary for the 100th time such as “please give me notice before you show up at my house” he will say “why are you so controlling, do you think you’re better than me?” Anytime I bring up a normal but uncomfortable relationship issue he either ignores, deflects, blameshifts, or gets angry and defensive, nothing ever gets solved. Many times his mood shifts and I can feel the negativity in the air. I’ll simply ask “are you ok? And he will snap and say “nothing, I’m fine, I’m tired, or why do you always create problems out of thin air, pay attention to yourself, what’s your problem, you’re imagining things!” But continue to stare at the floor for an hour or appear silently angry and ignore my conversation starters. Mostly every day he makes an unsavory joke like “ god you’re so forgetful or that’s not how you say that, or I guess you’re gonna hang out with your 3 same friends again don’t you get tired of them?”or “your friends are a mess, or that one is trouble” Then when I don’t laugh he’ll say “you really have no sense of humor, I’m just joking, or turn to our child and say “look at mommy’s face she’s so serious all the time, or you’re so sensitive!” I once told him about my a friend that was diagnosed with cancer very young and he said “well isn’t it kinda her fault because she smokes? I mean what did she expect?” Also when I had a serious injury he said “I was a drama queen, asks constantly when I’m going to be healed, how can this happen from nothing that bad, or gets aggravated when I need help doing things, says well you can walk, I’m sure you can get that done too” There has to be some information about these types of behaviors. I need some video example’s showing how a conversation with this type can be. I think that would help a lot of people.
What about couples working as a team, have you ever seen that ? More questions. 😁That was my experience. People of the lie, perfect description of this couple. Maybe that book was their inspiration 🤷♀️ And flying monkeys, what makes people join in with these people in your opinion Doc? ☺️
I like your videos and I like how you break things down. And I know we’re talking about a hypothetical couple, but I don’t like the way you’re implying that if someone eats at Harvester or shops at Iceland, then they’re not classy people…
Haha, you're not a narc and a dead giveaway is that you use and appreciate sarcasm. I have my own joke as well that goes "I'm not a narcissist, I'm an arrogant asshole, there's a difference.... Slight difference but a difference" and the fact is that a narc would never admit to being a narc or even to a lesson degree of being arrogant or even an asshole. Being someone on the spectrum I do get accused here and there of being a narc. But I've asked professionals like you "could I be a narcissist? One of my parents was a narc and I'd hate to unknowingly be one." And they usually say that a narcissist would never ask a doctor if they are or question it for even a sec. And my heavy use of satire and sarcasm and the fact that I can be self deprecating in the use of my humor is also counter to the nature of a narc. Oh, and empathy, I display empathy. Even tho ASD means I something's fail to recognize when to display it or how to display it properly according to nuero-typicals, I do have a lot of empathy, usually. But today you at the spot on. Excellent video. Being raised by a mother with NPD and also been targeted and traped into relationships with other women with NPD that ends with me being terrified and not sure I'm actually free or not means that I speak from personal experience. And this video is very accurate and clearly explained. Even tho I've been the victim of women, I don't blame them as a group for my unfortunate previous experience. If anything I've also had some of my best interpersonal relationship with women. They usually accept me as I am more easily than other males. So I'm glad that I'm not one of those guys that blames thier gender and not their specific personality and character. My two cents...
Sending much love to you 🤍 Most of my close toxic relationships have been women too (mother, friends) & I’m a woman. It’s deeply saddening when women are narcissists because people don’t believe you or put them on a pedestal because women do have it rough. I wish people would look at people as individuals rather than a title (eg. mother, solictor, manager) I wish you lots of love & healthy relationships 🌹
@@Jae-by3hf Aww, thank you that was really sweet.. It's especially hard on children who are raised by a narcissist and I empathize with what you've gone thru, I can relate. Being on the autism spectrum was probably why I didn't let it affect me like others. I'm objective, it never made sense why she was the way she was.... She was just that way. With wisdom and education I did understand how it happened and that it wasn't my fault because her dad (my grandfather) was the the one she inherited it from. Whether it was nature or nurture (probably a little of both) I don't try to answer. I'm just glad that I was different. The subtle signs of someone who was abused by a narcissist seems to be very easy for other narcissist to spot and they enjoy love bombing them into a trap and continue the trauma. They must see it as us being broken-in and ready to abuse. But they tend to regret targeting me tho, I'm a very stubborn sigma type. And narcissists are very much alphas. The only thing an alpha is scared of is a sigma, especially one with many years experience of dealing with narcs. I then to drive them batshit crazy... Seriously, I have a few stories of doing that. Also, I tend to spot more male narcissists simply because they are typically very overt. Females tend to be more covert so it takes more time to spot it. But it's not a gender thing with narcissists it truly is just a people thing and the sexs are pretty even as far as the numbers. Sorry that you have gone thru such traumatic situations. It's nice to someone else survived and is still empathetic to the world.
I disagree with your statement that most narcissistic abuse is from man to woman. Due to social factors, much abuse of men goes unreported or disbelieved and statements like this tend to perpetuate the myth that it rarely or never happens. It's extremely frustrating and constitutes a kind of gaslighting-by-proxy. I suspect my ex is histrionic/antisocial, but the tactics and end result are hardly any different.
He is probably using official statistics and.men aren't as.likely to report. Plus, his professional experiment is in the criminal defendant field and men are much more likely to be charged with a crime due thier NPD because they are typically more overt. Women are.more covert and are less likely to face charges for crimes committed due to their NPD. You're correct about it not being reported enough and unfortunately many doctors doesn't get much first.hand experience with it so they have to do with what they have seen that also marches the official statistics.
I concur, women are more likely to get away with things and taken much longer to figure out their true nature. I very much dislike the notions that men are always more likely to do such and such and women are just given the benefit of the doubt, especially with how society is progressing women are becoming more aggressive on many fronts not just the usually emotional and mental games. I’m only 26 but I’m a shell of my former self after spending nearly 8y with a woman that ruled my life almost entirely, micro managed me, held items against my wishes as some form of punishment, always doing what she wanted to do, dealing with frequent emotional roller coasters and ups n downs and getting told that she just “can’t help it she blacks out and that’s just how she is” her striking me while driving, at home, during arguments etc, share our problems and personal info with others including family, would follow or more accurately pursue me when I tried to walk away from heated times and issues, frequently and almost immediately use the most cruel and personal/hurtful insults she knew to hurt me, a frequent one was my dead father who I grew up without as a child for example and just many many other absurd and mind boggling things, I had two beautiful babies with her and she left me for another man two weeks after the birth of our daughter two years ago and I’m still struggling immensely. Wish men got more recognition and compassion cause I sure could use some.
When CoVID started I was diagnosed with bilateral breast cancer. I discovered that cancer was the least of my problems. My oncologist has Narcissistic Personality Disorder - in spades. His online CV says he has “empathy and compassion.” He asked me what my job was. I told him I groomed & kenneled dogs (for amusement - I’m semi-retired) and I happened to glance at his face right when he was turning away from me…as he rolled his eyes in consummate deprecation. (So much for “empathy & compassion.”) At the end of that conversation, I must have blurted out a big word, like “contraindication.” He slammed his brakes on in the middle of the room in shock and blurted out, “YOU’RE NOT DUMB!!!” (No, I’m not dumb. I’ve got CPTSD, yes - but I’m not dumb. The autodidactic study of psychology has been my hobby for 19 years. And I know Narcissistic Personality Disorder without having to look it up - I can smell it.) Coping with the distress of cancer was nothing compared to choking down the behavior of a 47-yr-old with a two-yr-old’s psychiatric problems. That was the first, and last, time I’ll pay for a psychologist just to get over a doctor visit. The betrayal and abandonment I felt was infinitely worse than having cancer and going through the pressures of a scamdemic at the same time. I’m not so angry with him as I am with the hospital for keeping him on staff.
I was married to a narcissist. You just described my whole marriage. He thought the sun revolved around him. I allowed him to totally controll my finances sell my car and we weren't even married yet. I could only see my one and only friend if he took me there. She also didn't have a car so he would drop me off when he went to work and pick me up after. I had believed I was a bad wife and mother. I was just so defeated it was hell. Looking back all the signs were there I just missed them. When I started standing up for myself he became physically abusive. Happy ending I got away but not without damage.
hi same with me. Thank goodness we got away. I still have nightmares
5 years of narcissistic hell here.... after 6 years of recovery i feel FREE and this won't ever happen to me again 🙈
I went to therapy for years. I finally had some major breakthroughs. Some of the repressed memories came back and shocked the hell out of me!
Glad we all made it!💃🏽💃🏽
I'm not sure if my mom is a narcissist or just an A..hole, but all my childhood, she blamed me for her beating me up constantly; it was my fault because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. We lived in a small house, and I didn't have a bedroom, so I was always around when she was mad. Once, she kicked me in my stomach until I threw up. I was 10. She also told me that I could not tell anyone what happened in the house because it would be my fault if she lost her job; she was a police officer.
The loss of confidence is huge. They make me feel like an awkward kid again, like I’m not able to think or act for myself.
I was married to a narcissist for 29 years you described my whole marriage he no longer has control I saw the light I am much stronger than him
My ex was a c*nt. I was thrown out of the house on a whim. During one of Britain's worst winters I couldn't get out of the village due to several feet of snow - I only just made it over the bridge near us and had to sleep in my car with my Westie during that minus-seven celsius night. I saw a car pass the car park I was in and another passed five minutes later. It turned out to be him and he smiled as he told me. After thirteen years I left, was hunted down, and had the police involved eight times, the last time being when my life and property were threatened. I would be invited out for a meal and had to pay for my own when he only went and paid for his. I would be driven out of the house when a 'visitor' would stay overnight - as it were. I'd come home from nightshift to find him in bed with somebody else there but they had "kept their underwear on".... I was forced to pay half the mortgage of a house that I had no say in the purchasing of. I was his private cook, cleaner, and bottlewasher. In the end, both his lawyer and mine informed him that I was due 35K for each year we were together and a share of the sale of the house as the law demands. It cost him tens of thousands fighting it. I never got a penny. He eventually died of ALS after catching HIV. Although he was also terrified of everything he didn't have the balls to kill himself by means other than unprotected sex. That way nobody could say that he killed himself. He also said he would never tell a sexual partner if he had HIV or AIDS. God knows how many people he took out along with him.
I still consider that I got off lightly but the trauma of what he said and accomplished has me thinking that I should die on far too many occasions each year. I will not weaken to that bastard's will twelve years after his death. I will not!
Just starting the video. Found you from DEADBUG. Thanks for doing that collab.
My father. Yeah. Thinks he’s above the law. Rage, hate, violence- describe our house growing up. But oh the public face is totally different.
I've been abused by every sort of narc in every relationship my ENTIRE life especially so called "family"
I’ve met a handful of narcissists or sociopaths in my 59 years, including my last boss. The only cure is avoidance, you can’t change them. A few years ago I met someone I had not seen for 30+ years. Being in his presence for an afternoon in Winchester city drove me into deep depression. He decided everything we did, everywhere we went including where we ate. He was self absorbed and manipulative. 30 years ago I was deeply insecure and accepted his put downs and controlling behaviour without a thought. And of course he used me to bolster his self esteem. Now I am more self aware, and aware of how some people manipulate others as part of their self image. I can’t cope with such a person, and I won’t see him again. Whilst he is an extreme, narcissism is not rare, especially among senior managers. I’ve met huge numbers of privately educated people, and more than 90% of them have sociopathic or narcissistic traits ie lack of empathy and self absorbtion.
I am so happy this is being recognized more and more, understood and accepted in the mainstream...for years I felt like I was revictimized all over again because people didnt understand this level of emotional rape even exists and genuinely thought I was exaggerating, it was diabolical. At least other kinds of abuse are recognized and you have certain rights and a certain position in society... it never stops because after you leave the abuse and the worst gaslighting anyone can experience you are thrown back in a society that continues this kind of abuse just when you would need help the most. It's sooo dangerous doc it' s a miracle I am here now writing this. I had to learn a lot about what had happened to me on my own without much understanding and the correct kind of help even from professionals and my ptsd was worsened so much. I am going to have to deal with severe CPTSD for the rest of my life perhaps and that is ok, I will make it but I really do not want this to happen to more people, so everyone keep educating and spreading awareness...I think I am going to dedicate a good amount of my life to doing that and to promote CPTSD awareness however I can, because all I've had for 20 years was wrong diagnoses and puzzled faces by psychologists and psychiatrists who didnt quite know what was wrong with me and obviously made me feel guilty. I had to put all the pieces together, years worth of work and finally zoomed in on the right issue which is obviously quite obscure and most people dont know anything about. In fact, unless I missed it, could you do a video on CPTSD? Thank you! Sorry guys this is loong :/
I was married to a narcissist, and to test the waters I watched a lecture on how to find out whether someone is a narcissist.. I took the advice of the psychologist who said the best way to find out is to ignore them and watch what happens.. It was the best advice ever!
I came from DB and subbed so I saved a fairy! Xx
👋🏼 both of my birth parents and a grandmother.
Lived these hypotheticals.
These are all before age 18
Gaslighting ✅
Marginalized ✅
Withholding resources (food)
does that count? ✅
Blame shifting
( I was the drama queen-everything was my fault) ✅
I cut them all out of my life as soon as I could. They had divorced when I was a baby so I was bounced all over to their new families and it happened constantly.
Thankfully I survived (not ready to go there yet) and broke that cycle.
They also had other crossover illnesses like you said.
No, you’re not a narcissist 🤣
Food counts!
Withholding something so basic is cruel!
Withholding food is extreme control, they decide when and what or if you eat.
Saw you for the first time with DEADBUG... 👍🏻 Outstanding work, can't wait for another episode... 🤘🏻
Dr. Das is wonderful. He is most definitely, not a narcissist. I see him as a high achiever individual that helps his patients and provides info. to UA-cam audience. And his Mommy was right, he is very intelligent. Moreover, a great Mom to raise such a successful son.
Easily Top 3 UA-camrs in my opinion. You do good work for this cruel world. And man. Yes to all of it dude. Still scared, guilty but aware. Edited to make actual sense
I've worked in psych here in the US for many years, and the way you explain things for everyone to be able to understand is awesome. It's easy to see you have a passion for what you do, and I'm so excited for the both of you that you've branched out to collaborate with Deadbug! ❤️
I was married to a controlling, aggressive man. Whatever he was I’m glad to be away from him. I’m still picking myself up from having lived through his cruelty.
Anyway. You made me laugh this morning.
Yes you are amazing and important your mum was correct 😁
Some people confuse being clean and groomed as being narcissistic.
You carry on washing and caring about yourself.
Love you work ♥️
There's an ex I'm SO relieved I got rid of.
And I had two teachers, who tried especially blame-shifting on me. It didn't work, but it was 2½ years of non-stop abuse.
I have experienced Covert Narcissism, in my opinion alot more dangerous. This woman depicts herself as a Saint. Kind, caring....always helpful. The love bombing was intense. Nothing was too much trouble. This was a false front. Within months she was crossing all boundaries, l was walking on eggshells. She would tell me how she had reported various people in the past to different authorities. I guessed it was these victims had moved away from her and she would punish them. She triangulated her Husband, telling people he was a violent addict. ( l saw 0 evidence of that) l believe she was creating distance from him being able to get help. She stalks and watches.. when l distanced not caring wtf she did she read my social media . Her mood was dark when l saw her and she started to talk badly about me out loud as l passed. She had already gossiped about me to n eighbours and God knows what she told them. Fortunately l had remembersed her for the unwanted gifts she had given me but she definitely told a direct neighbour that l had treated her so badly. At the time l didnt understand why this nice 3rd party kept saying " have you seen......it would be lovely if you could get on!". Long story short she is only around people who are fragile. She is controlling and tries to guilt trip you for not doing what she wants. A horrible experience. She competes all the time and never accepts " favours" back......it all about her image. The feeling she engenders is one of repulsion. Church goer in order to prey on vunerable people. Also it's hard to get kicked out of a church. ......l started not wanting to go out as she was always there. .......extremely horrible experience.
“I’m not a narcissist but…” 😂
Can totally relate to 90% of this. Astounding. So close to home… Scary. It’s bizarre how being close to a narcissist can then lead on to becoming involved with other narcissists, it’s like a spiral, life bitch slapping you over and over until you get the message and deal 👋
Love your vids and the good vibes! And watch that tennis egg nog….. aye.
When you grow- up with this garbage all too often you move right on into dysfunctional adult relationships. It is so destructive to the psyche of the abused. Hey Doc, I've had a flat since I subscribed 🤔 I need a new promise to keep watching and commenting😄
I'm in an abusive relationship with a narcissist now and have no way out 😢 no living family nearby, no friends anymore, all alone. Where I live there aren't any decent programs to actually help someone who has absolutely no support system. I've lost myself and just tell myself daily "this is my life now"
This is so sad.you are deep in a rut and that is when you cannot see a way out.there is a way out.is the there a charity or social service in your community that you can secretly reach out to for help?
One thing i try to remember is psychopaths are often narcissists but not all narcissists are psychopaths.
A lot of narcissists are actually sociopaths which involves feeling angry, shame and ego- psychopaths dont feel anything at all.
I fall more easily for female narcs - male narcs i see a mile away. Yes, i have mother issues 😂
Well this is an accurate description of my childhood. Now I’m my 30’s trying to unravel what parts of me are me and what is the result a lifetime of parental abuse. For instance, am I really this easy going and un-opinionated about what restaurant we choose for dinner or was that attitude etched into me after so many years of “there’s no point in voicing what I want cause even if dad ‘gives in’ and goes where I wanted rather than his choice, he’ll make the experience so miserable I’ll wish I’d just never expressed/fought for what I wanted”?
I worked with both overt and covert naracists. They lacked empathy and I was constantly 'belittled'. I was told it was my job to empty the bins. I was targeted in my personal life being given 'help' to declutter. I was constantly being given 'help' but under the 'imposed' conditions of the naracist. I was 'made' to do the work for my fellow support worker who did next to nothing. I was bullied by another colleague for not 'assisting' my abusive work colleague. I was doing my own work plus 'his' work. My privacy was invaded when my work colleague got my personal phone number. After this I was contacted to do work shifts for him. He ignored the recognised channels. My phone number was also accessed by a resident who the support worker gave when he installed alexa on TV of the resident in his room. I was left a 'text message' on my phone which I brought to team leaders which was not properly investigated.
Other abuse also occurred. An autistic resident had an episode after he was told constantly to 'go to bed'. His routine is that he normally gets a small drink. He had been requesting 'juice' but support worker refused to give him this. When I entered his 'pod', he was lying on the floor of his bedroom with his face towards the magnetic door into his pod. This incident was never written up or recorded. I reported the incident to my line manager Andrew McMurray and he told me to report it to Pete the deputy manager in the morning. When I went to speak to 'Pete', another team leader John Quigg was standing between me and Pete and he steered me out of the office. He then told me that the behaviour of another resident had nothing to do with support workers or words to that effect. This other resident has only recently arrived in the challenging behaviour unit. Initially they could not stop him from 'running away'. He got out the back door with support workers running after him. The unit has no gates or cameras. To stop him 'getting out', the support worker abusing me jammed shut a fire door. He usually then went off to sleep on a mattress and duvet from the laundry room. A chair was placed in front of the door if the resident 'ran out' in the middle of the night. This resident was also 'barred' one morning from the kitchen. 'Your not allowed in the kitchen' was what he was told by support worker. I text my sister about this incident. My sister is a retired consultant psychiatrist who has worked in Broadmoor, was the Avon and Somerset Police Psychiatrist and also was an 'expert witness' in the courts in Bristol. She worked in a unit behind Taunton Police Station. Her reply to text was 'Joe McCourt is basically a bully'. She is absolutely right. His bully boy tactics are also being 'covered up' by a covert naracist, John Quigg who 'uses' his former wife, a Doctor to give himself credability. He was a painter and decorator by trade and Joe McCourt was a joiner, deported from USA as an illegal immigrant. Both now have delusions of grandeur. John Quigg drives around in a BMW coupe with a personal number plate while Joe McCourt has a second hand Rover 75 estate car. Both have left their partners. John Quigg now has a fellow support worker lady friend who he tells everything to and information then passed on to Joe McCourt and even one of the residents. They can tell you about internal job promotions and everyone's private business. I was off work due to work stress and head office then contacted my sister saying that I had not put in sick notes. Photocopies had to be made. Pete the deputy manager also rang my sister. They simply 'used' my sister in order to 'cover up' all the abuse that is constantly taking place. My solicitor wrote to head office but got nowhere. No records of abuse are recorded so it never happened. Head Office simply added more abuse on top of abuse. My solicitor put in my resignation but had to sent it in twice. I have not worked since. I applied for one job based in Bath and another based in Banbridge but to date have not taken up either. I have lost faith in my own abilities and would prefer never to work again in health care. Private companies employ people with no qualifications. My previous employer 'employed' what turned out to be a homeless person from Limerick. He worked one day and stole the car of a fellow support worker which the police later found. As far as I am aware, this individual is still missing. Did the company do a Police check? You tell me. Incidents of residents stoning cars also not reported to police. There was also a not confirmed allegation that one support worker either took drugs or was a drug dealer. I have had property 'taken' which I now regard as 'stolen'. I am unable to contact the Police as support workers have contacted with possibly petti criminals who could have association with the IRA. Many support workers play the 'victim' card. Another previous support worker constantly told me I was 'related' to William Frazer who had been a right-wing 'loyalist'. This support worker also had a work affair with a female colleague. He kept his job and she was sacked. There is also a written complaint in against the support worker that abused me. Cheryl Patton is telling the truth but senior management have simply filed it away in the back of a filing cabinet. She came on a day shift after Joe McCourt had done night shift. 'Does Joe McCourt do anything' is what she asked. 'I don't give a s**t' was the reply of Joe McCourt who then walked out the door. He loved sitting on the kitchen work bench with everyone listening to him telling them how 'special' he was. Given the fact he had a poor educational background. He could not spell so he hated writing up care notes. 'No issues' was often written in care notes. Joe could not spell the word 'issues'. He could not even 'copy' correctly. Medication was also incorrectly recorded. He often recorded medication even before it was given to resident. He always 'made up' procedures to suit himself. I don't like authority was the reason he gave. It was like working with a maverick who was and still is a total law onto himself. All is covered up by 'charm' and empty talk. The 'gift of the gab' is a 'gift' used by many Irish people. It's usually a disguise for ignorance and making out you are something that you are not. I had this previously with a 'plumber' who was a local preacher who constantly spun yarns and mind boggling stories. As Naracistic abuse is not a crime in the workplace, it therefore can go underground and as long as it stays internal, nobody ever 'find out' the 'true picture'. All abused support workers simply resign and the company goes on as though nothing ever happened. There is no 'justice' for naracistically abused support workers. Why should my case be any different?
Hello OMINOUS SOHOMINOUS. I’ve experienced that my whole life and YES it definitely messes with your self confidence. Been single since 2009 and keep a distance from my toxic family. I still have a hang ups with decisions and guilt about money but I’m alright. Thank you for this video and the dinosaur in the background, LOL. Much love to you. (Sorry, I’ve been extremely busy with work as a school bus driver for special needs children and I have to get up 4:00 am and do extra bus driving after my daily route so I barely watch any videos. Tonight I finally got to. Love your videos and am learning so much. Thank you)
I deep dove narcissism videos before I looked into other psychology and I have to say it was very disorienting to my view of people. Then at some point I realized narcissism is an exaggeration of things/thoughts everyone is capable of, and that ultimately everyone is unique. My goal of sort of “figuring out psychology” was unattainable because we just don’t know everything yet. I think you could make a video about this sort of thing.
Huge thanks for this episode, it confirmed that I was married to a narcissist for 10 years 😞 I'm still trying to find and gather confidence...
Dr. Das would you possibly do a video about growing up in an environment of Narcissistic Abuse and how that affects development? It took me 30 years to recognise that I was at risk of continuing the cycle and to become actively aware of my behaviour and make the changes (which I still struggle with at times). It would be nice to maybe get some understanding into what affect this can have when it is sustained throughout a child's life.
I was with a narcissist for 3 years. It’s incredible how well they hide it. My now ex partner even had an album with the word narcissist in the title and still I couldn’t see it.
Thankyou for making these videos to make other people more aware of the signs.
I absolutely love your content here or wherever I am able to listen to you. I do learn a lot, I am laughing a lot since you have a great humor. Thank you for your work !
An excellent explanation of Me-gain vs Harry.
Came here from the diddler video. Loved your knowledge and delivery, so here i am. Thank you❤
Gaslighting is always explained in such small and subtle forms. The woman I had an almost relationship with placed her sweater on the floor at work and asked me whether it was my sweater indicating I was always so forgetful.
I didn't know it then, but she had already smeared me in front of others at that time and told them I had once broken into her home while our chat actually revealed that she had let me in.
I am a borderline with narcissistic traits, but in therapy and very self-reflected. I love her and I would take her back if it wasn't for the gaslighting and the isolating. To take her back I would expect her to work on her and go to therapy. That won't happen so I will just keep working on myself.
The thought of taking her back also puts my nervous system in a state of fight/flight or freeze and I don't like that, either.
As somebody with autism who was abused by them as parents, the establishment needs more videos from psychiatrists about this topic.
I have two names for you, they are the main sources of the knowledge I needed to help me out of their life and into my own.....
Sam Vaknin - a narcissist, and the pioneer of most of the lingo which accounts for their behaviors
HG Tudor - a narcissistic psychopath who implemented perhaps the most comprehensive nomenclature to discern the spectrum of behaviors and categorize them in school and "cadre".
Highly recommend you check them out
I bet he already has checked them out....
Narcissists LOVE aspies. They think they have hit the jackpot. And sometimes that is true. They usually regret targeting me, I'm too brave for my own.good sometimes but I've exposed and taken down a few. And I use the law and never lie or cheat or break the law to do so.
There is a very smart lady that does those videos usually with "educated empath" in the title. She is awesome, highly recommend. And she isn't a supposed psychopath so I'd say she has probably defeated psychos like the one you listed.
Being in the spectrum too, if you haven't heard of Dr Tony Atwood the Australian autism expert is a great source of info. He's the worlds foremost expert on high functioning autistic people.
I have listened to 2 presentations by HG Tudor, his voice gives me chills but he does speak on the topic well.
@@blazefairchild465
True that, he's creepy. He does seem very informed tho. But he does creep me out. The other guy is less creepy but I have some doubts about him. He is very good and clearly an expert but I wonder if he is truly a self aware narc. He may be on the spectrum, he may be lying.... Don't know but I feel he is suspect in other ways.
@@araconteur3737 using HGs lexicon' Sam Vakin is likely an upper mid range narcissist.
thankyou for your humour, sometimes the only way to deal with trauma past or present is to laugh (on the inside 😳) at the rediculousness of the behaviour ( easier to do if you are not still subject to 'said' behaviour though)... i seem to attract people who do these things to me, not every relationship ive had but a few ( including frienships), makes me wonder if i am the real problem, because as someone once said to me, if many people are treating you the same way then maybe you should take a good look at yourself and ask why... well im constantly questioning myself and try to be mindful of my words, but honestly, buggered if i know... 🤷♀️🤦♀️🥴
I am so glad that I've found your channel. Your information rings massive bells on my experiences but thankfully I left my toxic wife before I went crazy and am still in recovery. I love your presentation style and your humour is classy.
I don't know what category it fell into, but I had a boss at my old job who was awful. He was a sales manager and he would constantly undermine the employees who were involved in customer service by offering better prices every time the customer demanded to be put through to him, threw his workers under the bus when something went wrong for a customer and if anyone took any time off, he would go through their work looking for mistakes, convinced they had screwed up whatever was going wrong that day. I have a genetic kidney disease that causes a lot of chronic pain and needs surgery from time to time and if I ever called in sick, he would call to abuse me about it, threaten firing me and I knew I would come back to my desk looking like a hurricane had hit it. His behaviour, combined with other coworkers thinking I was a drama queen who faked my problems led to me feeling like I couldn't take any time off at all and hadn't had a holiday for a year and a half, by the time the place closed down.
To make matters confusing, every now and then he would have moments of extreme generosity that would completely confuse me. He went out of his way to get my car to the mechanic the place used, when my gearbox died and I was quoted a terrible price elsewhere, he angered the accounts person buying a more expensive office chair because it take higher weights and he always called on me to fix his technology issues in his office over anyone else and was always nice to me when I did so.
Thank you my favourite Dr Das in the whole world. I wish I had understood all this 20 years ago but I did escape domestic abuse in 2002 and thank you for your wonderful channel which I’m sure continues to inform and educate people to recognise these destructive abusive tactics. I pray for courage and support for victims of this form of abuse and am a living example that there is life beyond the situation. Recognising it is the first step and you, my friend, will have helped many people, particularly women to identify theses evil traits. Love you lots ❤😊
An amazing clear explanation, I am a trainee therapist and am very much enjoying your content, i am specialising in domestic abuse, Thank you
the anger the narc. has if you dare to cry or get upset or even talk. First they laugh then coldy make you feel like you are a lunatic - to anger and complete cold shoulder for days
I have a friend who, as long as I have known her, says sorry, almost as a stutter. I have never in my life met somebody who apologizes so much. Literally I don’t think she can go five sentences without apologizing, if even that much. Sometimes I don’t even think she is purposely trying to apologize for anything. Sometimes it really is just kind of something she throws in there because she’s just used to constantly saying sorry, so that people don’t get upset with her. Other times, she’s just clearly very overly concerned that someone she’s talking to is going to be upset with her or displeased.
I have met her parents one time. It was at a holiday gathering with another family and a couple other family friends Because I had always assumed that the way she is, must come from an abusive childhood, I was surprised that her parents seemed pretty normal, but I also wasn’t really looking very carefully for signs of narcissistic personality disorder, because I haven’t really learned a lot about it at that point. I just noticed that her dad didn’t seem controlling, but also didn’t seem charismatic. He seems like a somewhat boring older guy, with a very unnotable personality. Her mom seemed normal as well. I have been familiar with abusive domestic relationships between men and women for several years, and I didn’t see anything that indicated that between her parents, either, and I’m pretty good at picking up on small cues. Although still, this was just one time and not the most private setting. it wasn’t even in their family home. We were in someone else’s family home.
I know you don’t know her, she’s not your patient, but, generally speaking, have you ever known someone like I’ve described her to not have have been raised by a narcissistic or abusive parent? Any insight on other possible causes of the way that she is would be helpful. She is about 40 years old at this point. I have known her for about 10 years now. We have had a lot of in-depth conversations through texting, but not in person as she has trouble expressing herself in person. I have never talked to her about her family upbringing.
I am also wondering, if I were to ask her questions about her upbringing, do you have any suggestions as to certain things I should inquire about, that would indicate the presence of abuse and her childhood that could have caused her to be like this? Thanks.
I know someone who does some of these (gaslighting, blame shifting ) when he/she feels out of control. It’s like a switch is flipped. Fortunately, this person is normal most of the time. And I know how to deal with the behavior now.
The one who loves the least has the most power
Dr Das, the only person I know who I would love to meet but hope I never have too😂❤️🏴
Oh I could give you some great input!.. having had the unfortunate experiences with a covert narczilla..
I remember going to my strength training class, and my trainer took pics of my then husband peaking through windows, and around columns to gaze at me while in class…smh
It was bizarre to say the least. That’s just one of the reasons why he’s an Ex.
Man, I'm so glad I found your channel. The humour, the charisma and most of all the scientific and professional insight are priceless. I think I personaly have narcissistic traits, but I have also been victim of narcissists.
thanks for the props! x
He is describing Megan and Harry ❤✌🏽
Yeah that’s how you end up 🙈. Thank goodness for the internet, it’s saved a lot of people.
Little Shaman released a video a couple days ago. You should check that out. Such an amazing description of how a person is treated by a narcissist. Dealing with a narcissist is the most confusing gaslighting experience anybody can have.
Dyou think it’s on the rise and what’s the reason for this in your opinion?
How prevalent do you think it is in society today? Do you think the official figures are correct?Are they mad or bad? Questions, so many questions. 😊
Thank you. 👍🏻.
I suffered for years. They are great they do so much for me I don’t appreciate everything they do for me.
Perefct example of what a Narcissistic psychiatrist looks and sound like
You are my favorite asian london based psychologist khm oops psychiatrist 😅🤣 btw. great audiobook! Great content! You are really inspiring!
I am a survivor of this form of abuse from an ex and a sibling. As I listened to the talk I identified with the vast majority of what was said. Not all are capable of self awareness and I wonder if early intervention is even possible. I suspect the way this develops is insidious in nature and gradual, making it difficult to intervene. I am still in therapy for that and cptsd. All formally diagnosed by appropriate specialists. I think however clinical psychologists may be under utilised by the general doctors in favour of regular psychologists which is a shame.
You are really good
I'd love to see a video along these lines but where the perpetrator is a family member. Some of what you said here can still apply but there is a lot that doesn't apply to a parental or sibling relationship.
I've been given the cold shoulder whilst dealing with tennis elbow.
You are hardworking which is a green flag that you are not one.
You are correct but there's so much more. my ex would unplug and take wifi/Internet equipment with him to work. I wouldn't be allowed to sleep in our bed or watch TV.
Very recognizable. I had a neighbor who was a narcissist. Horrible guy. He lied about his profession and he pretended to go to work every day. He didn't have a job.
Unfortunately he didn't like me. Probably because I wasn't impressed by his horrible looks, his nasty behavior and his weak attempt of lies. So he started to bully me, hurt my animals and even threaten me. In the beginning it was all small. He build a terras in a spot so he could look through my whole house and see what I was doing. He complained about every little sound I made. But it was OK for him to have sex with his girlfriend in front of windows and with open bedroom windows. Now, my bedroom window and his bedroom window were only 30 cm apart. So when both are open, it sounds like you are there. It made me sick.
After six months I kind of had it with his behavior. In the middle of the night he came to dig out some of my plants even. He was totally crazy. I saw him and filmed it even.
But I was done with it.
At one moment someone rang the doorbell and my dog barked. He immediately came to complain. But I learned a new trick. He mirrors behavior. So when I stay calm, he got angry. And when I got angry, he stayed calm and friendly.
So this time I called the alarm number (999 for you, 911 for loads of countries and 112 for mine). He thought it was fake. But I stayed calm. He went completely bezerk. He even threatened to kill my dog. The whole conversation was recorded, of course.
Unfortunately he had experience and was gone 30 seconds before the cops came. Amazing. He never got any reprimands. A cop I know well sat down beside me, on my left. He told me there were better ways to get rid of this man. I looked at his gun. He said that that wasn't the best way. Maybe not, but it is the quickest, I told him.
It went on for a long time. I became paranoid. I thought I was going crazy. He knew things I never talked about. How he knew, I don't know. He stalked me and even my parents. He tried to kill pets of people in the neighborhood.
Thank God for him he never succeeded. I think he wouldn't have survived it. He got beaten up many times already and we were all more than happy to help 😀
This went on for a year. I "chased" him with an axe ones too. He bullied my dog and I needed to cut a bush down. He ran out of the garden and I stayed in. He screamed like a little bitch. Oh, I had way too much fun doing that.
At a certain time his parents came at my door to talk to me. We talked in a nice way. They defended their son, of course. And then she said something important:
"Why is it that you can have a decent conversation with us, but you can't have one with our son?"
I said: "Did it ever occur to you that the problem lies with him and not with me?"
It was like I physically smacked her in the face. I felt sorry for her, because she never realized her son was a piece of shit.
Now they moved. Sometimes I see him. Sad person.
My ex was also a narcissist. Although not heavy, but he was. He controlled everything. I wasn't allowed to have male friends, not talk to strange males and my family was racist and hated him. Well, they weren't and they didn't.
He came with a backpack with clothes and that was it. He was a refugee. No job, no insurance, nothing. I paid for everything. For all those years he never had a single form of income (7 years we were together).
At a certain point he controlled my money too. I had to ask if I wanted to buy something. If I did the groceries, I always bought tea. I love tea. Not one flavour. No, I had 52 flavours of tea. I know, a lot. He got angry. He actually got angry.
When I went to the city to buy clothing, he always said it was too much and I spend too much.I didn't need new shoes. I didn't need new pants, shirts or sweaters. Yeah, I did. My pants had holes in it. my shirts were years old and became to big and my sweaters had holes too.
He, on the other hand, had loads of shoes, nice clothing and looked well kept. He bought that from my money. Although he said it wasn't my money, but his own money. He got it from a friend so he could buy some clothing.
He never gave something back. If I got a present, he bought it from my money. And once a month I was allowed to buy tea.
About the male friends:
He said that men and women could not be friends. He said that in the end I wanted to have sex with the male friend. Yeah, I cannot control my urges (if I already had those urges, which I didn't). He was extremely jealous and possessieve. If I talked to a male in a shop, he accused me of flirting. Yes, I joke around. I like to have a light conversation with people who help me. That doesn't mean I want to jump on them in the broom closet, you know.
But it went on like that for all those years.
He cheated on me with my (so called) best friend. In my house, in my bed and while I was at home! That went on for a while though. She asked me if she could borrow my man. Well, you can keep him, if you ask again.
In the end I got really pissed and he said I was unreasonable. I took the first thing that was close to my hands and threw it at him. I missed. Too bad. I was close to beating him up. He beat me before and I really didn't gave a damn whether he'd do it again.
So he came for me and I grabbed a knife. I put the knife against his throat and told him to try me. He stopped. Wise choice! I think at that time I was ready to actually harm him really bad. And he was illegal in this country, so nobody would miss him (that actually went through my mind. I could bury him in the garden and all I had to say is that he left me).
He left and lived with her for a while. He tried to get my tv and PS4 too.
Well, he is gone and no, I didn't kill him. I wounded his ego by saying I didn't want him back. I don't want leftovers from what others threw away. And he said he could get any girl he wanted. Wauw, amazing. I'm not impressed. If you can get any girl you want, I don't want you. I don't like to be one of many. I'd like to be one of a kind.
But yeah, gaslighting is what he did. He made me apologize for things I didn't do. And he made me feel guilty for things I never even thought of. I apologized for looking at a man, while I didn't even thought of anything. I even apologized for things I did way before him and I ever met!
Crazy!
It took a while for the veil to lift though. But I'm back. I am a beautiful person on the inside. I am loyal, faithful and kind. But I am also a yapper (really?). I talk to anyone, I don't mind. And yes, I have male friends. The old ones are back and I even made new ones. And no, I never slept with one. Funny, isn't it.
He lost something good and he didn't even realize it. Ah well.
Now I'm available for someone who is a good person. Someone who deserves me and me deserving that someone. Just be awesome together. 😀
I spent 10 years with a narcissist! He was violent, physically, emotionally, verbally and emotionally. If my mother rang my landline he’d insist on listening to the call. And by god, if she mentioned him I’d pay for it (usually physically) afterwards. I look back and wonder how the hell I survived it. He once smacked a hammer over my head when I was heavily pregnant. He left me unconscious, if it wasn’t for him leaving my back door open, then my neighbour would never of found me and got an ambulance. The list of atrocities that this so called man inflicted on me makes for appalling reading. I found a backbone and broke free. I’m one of the lucky ones that survived. Imagine my horror when my eldest daughter became prey to a violent narcissist! This evil creature battered my daughter almost to death. He left her for dead in butlins! He’d beat, stamped and annihilated her body to such a degree he’d splint her pancreas in half, broken her sinus bone amongst several other horrendous injuries all bad. He was sentenced to 3 years! And on his release she went back to him! Again he attacked her, so back to prison he went. She’s had her children removed by social services (none are his, thankfully, they have nothing to hold them to one another, no children, no house, no car not even a pet! I’m stunned and horrified that she dares have this evil so called man in her home let alone her bed!! I’d love an analysis off you doc! Because to me this sounds crazy! I was young when I was with the woman beater I was with. At 23 I walked away for good and have never looked back. My daughters just turned 40, I just don’t understand! 💔💔
I know that you are using romantic relationships as an example to convey what narcissistic relationships are but can you do one on childhood please? Especially a narcissistic mother, I feel like the lack of care from childhood onwards has caused so many people you have done videos on to behave in the way that they have. Also have you watched I am a killer on netflix? I think it would tie into this and also think you would like it. Thanks for touching on this, my mother is a narcissist and have met many a narcissist on my travels; I find it funny that people have accused you of being one…if they only knew 😩😂 I think that you are brilliant and kind, wish that you were my psychiatrist (then again I would have to be a criminal 🤔) all the best Dr Das ❤️
Wow, you've literally just described my ex sister in law
Good.Out this emotionally sadistic narc disorder.they are insidously sick.
Love your eggnog!
They might gaslight you so badly that it takes you years to figure out what was actually true. They might install listening software on your phone so they can keep track of all your conversations and text messages and withhold conversations and affection if you have said anything negative about them. They might also tell you to abort your child because your relationship could never survive an unplanned pregnancy and then lose their minds when you leave. They may stalk you and make you feel incredibly unsafe after you have left them. All hypothetical, of course.
Ok, now let’s talk about all the Rosies out there, and how they go about getting some of that confidence back so they can leave. I wonder how many of them got death threats, or were told their mother would be shot and paralyzed. I managed to leave and live to tell the story, but I’m one of the lucky ones.
Yeah my mother.
Had a neighbour who was very narcissistic. Manipulated my other neighbours to shun and defame me. Allowed me to overhear conversations about me. Used loud banging to stop me sleeping. Discarded and hoovered with love-bombing during which time I discarded, shunned and moved home = game over I won lol.
I wonder how many people who comment about being a victim are really victims or are narcissists themselves. Interesting to think about.
I’m not a victim of a narcissist really but sounds like a teacher I had once. She was scary bad.
I can't believe people accused you of being a narcissist. That is plucking ridiculous
Lordy lord my ex has sooo many of these traits. 🙄
I thought you were going to call them Fred and Rose West for a second 😀
You should totally make your book audio too. I have trouble reading these days because kids and having to do stuff all the time. By the time I try to read at the end of the day I fall asleep. But I love to listen to audio books while I do chores and work. Can you put it on audible soon? A lot of people would totally dig that. 🙏
It's on Audible :-)
@@HumbleSkeptic. Are you sure? Would it show up in all countries amazon? Because only Kindle and hard copy came up on mine?
@@HumbleSkeptic. I just tried UK amazon too. Only Kindle and hard copy... 😞
Definitely there, I'm in UK. You have to sign up to Audible. I have listened to it already . I wish I could attach screenshot to show you but I can't or don't know how. :-)
@@HumbleSkeptic. I have audible so I tried it again. I searched it through the app and I found it, but it was only like a 5 min preview version and no option to buy. I am so bummed. lol 🤣 But I am in the US. I can change Amazon to UK, but the audible app is not showing any way to try that. Hopefully someone else from the US has it on audio and will see this comment and tell me what they did. 🤞
.. the solution if fortunately very simple: plan your exit. Leave quickly without any conversations..or explanations.. just a simple "it's too much, wish you the best, good bye." and preferably by phone so that you can't be restricted or stopped..or worse.
Cut all possible lines of communication, includingsocial media. Block numbers or change yours if necessary. Enjoy the immediate freedom and never, ever open the lid on it again.
Very Important: your privacy, physical safety, even your life, could possibly be at risk (more so for women leaving than men); so be cautious to avoid 'narcissistic rage'. Maybe you need to tell your employer and friends that you have ended such a relationship in order to anticipate the narc making troubles for you there.
The narc will never, ever change. They don't operate according to any normal, humane code of morality, so stop treating them with one. Have zero empathy for them, especially if they try to reel you back in, which they almost certainly will, as it's easier than finding another source of 'narcissistic supply'.
Enjoy getting your life back and in future have better boundaries when getting to know someone, identify any red flags. Narcs are notoriously bad at self-deprecation or honestly talking about how they could do some things better and past failures.. they can also 'smell' out potential victims, like vampires, knowing who has too much empathy. Don't lose that empathy, just control how you use it.
Sometimes I feel like we bring the qualities out in other people not intentionally. My ex and I had this type of relationship and now he’s nice…even with his new wife. I see that she’s allowed to do more things. Maybe I was more weak….either way my point is sometimes different energies together obviously make a different”concoction”
To be the smartest one, the others have to be idiots - quote of the day (because they have deleted the comment before this one after I tried to add this quote ... NOT the smartest idea!!!
That narcissist joke 🙈😂
When a person who has a warm friendly personality, says to someone that they find them cold emotionally & the response is to reply with telling that person they are projecting. Is this purely blame shifting, or also gas lighting?
Do you have any informative videos on covert lower grade narcissism? I am always having trouble fully relating to these overt signs. I believe I have been dealing with a lower spectrum NPD abuser. I do have all of the symptoms but this person isn’t overly aggressive, physical or shouting. He’s always the victim in the situation even after starting an argument out of thin air. Ex. I can cook a gourmet dinner and he say “oh what’s that burning smell?” Or when I politely request a boundary for the 100th time such as “please give me notice before you show up at my house” he will say “why are you so controlling, do you think you’re better than me?” Anytime I bring up a normal but uncomfortable relationship issue he either ignores, deflects, blameshifts, or gets angry and defensive, nothing ever gets solved. Many times his mood shifts and I can feel the negativity in the air. I’ll simply ask “are you ok? And he will snap and say “nothing, I’m fine, I’m tired, or why do you always create problems out of thin air, pay attention to yourself, what’s your problem, you’re imagining things!” But continue to stare at the floor for an hour or appear silently angry and ignore my conversation starters. Mostly every day he makes an unsavory joke like “ god you’re so forgetful or that’s not how you say that, or I guess you’re gonna hang out with your 3 same friends again don’t you get tired of them?”or “your friends are a mess, or that one is trouble” Then when I don’t laugh he’ll say “you really have no sense of humor, I’m just joking, or turn to our child and say “look at mommy’s face she’s so serious all the time, or you’re so sensitive!” I once told him about my a friend that was diagnosed with cancer very young and he said “well isn’t it kinda her fault because she smokes? I mean what did she expect?” Also when I had a serious injury he said “I was a drama queen, asks constantly when I’m going to be healed, how can this happen from nothing that bad, or gets aggravated when I need help doing things, says well you can walk, I’m sure you can get that done too” There has to be some information about these types of behaviors. I need some video example’s showing how a conversation with this type can be. I think that would help a lot of people.
Is gaslighting exclusive to narcissists/psychopaths?
Is this behaviour fully intentional or does it just come "naturally" to the narcissist?
Real life, hypothetical examples ?
So, how exactly does this relate to Harry and Megxit?
What about couples working as a team, have you ever seen that ? More questions. 😁That was my experience. People of the lie, perfect description of this couple. Maybe that book was their inspiration 🤷♀️ And flying monkeys, what makes people join in with these people in your opinion Doc? ☺️
I like your videos and I like how you break things down.
And I know we’re talking about a hypothetical couple, but I don’t like the way you’re implying that if someone eats at Harvester or shops at Iceland, then they’re not classy people…
although, you can't deny the salad bar...
Fred & Rose? West?
Haha, you're not a narc and a dead giveaway is that you use and appreciate sarcasm. I have my own joke as well that goes "I'm not a narcissist, I'm an arrogant asshole, there's a difference.... Slight difference but a difference" and the fact is that a narc would never admit to being a narc or even to a lesson degree of being arrogant or even an asshole.
Being someone on the spectrum I do get accused here and there of being a narc. But I've asked professionals like you "could I be a narcissist? One of my parents was a narc and I'd hate to unknowingly be one." And they usually say that a narcissist would never ask a doctor if they are or question it for even a sec. And my heavy use of satire and sarcasm and the fact that I can be self deprecating in the use of my humor is also counter to the nature of a narc.
Oh, and empathy, I display empathy. Even tho ASD means I something's fail to recognize when to display it or how to display it properly according to nuero-typicals, I do have a lot of empathy, usually.
But today you at the spot on. Excellent video. Being raised by a mother with NPD and also been targeted and traped into relationships with other women with NPD that ends with me being terrified and not sure I'm actually free or not means that I speak from personal experience. And this video is very accurate and clearly explained.
Even tho I've been the victim of women, I don't blame them as a group for my unfortunate previous experience. If anything I've also had some of my best interpersonal relationship with women. They usually accept me as I am more easily than other males. So I'm glad that I'm not one of those guys that blames thier gender and not their specific personality and character.
My two cents...
Sending much love to you 🤍 Most of my close toxic relationships have been women too (mother, friends) & I’m a woman. It’s deeply saddening when women are narcissists because people don’t believe you or put them on a pedestal because women do have it rough. I wish people would look at people as individuals rather than a title (eg. mother, solictor, manager) I wish you lots of love & healthy relationships 🌹
@@Jae-by3hf
Aww, thank you that was really sweet.. It's especially hard on children who are raised by a narcissist and I empathize with what you've gone thru, I can relate. Being on the autism spectrum was probably why I didn't let it affect me like others. I'm objective, it never made sense why she was the way she was.... She was just that way. With wisdom and education I did understand how it happened and that it wasn't my fault because her dad (my grandfather) was the the one she inherited it from. Whether it was nature or nurture (probably a little of both) I don't try to answer. I'm just glad that I was different.
The subtle signs of someone who was abused by a narcissist seems to be very easy for other narcissist to spot and they enjoy love bombing them into a trap and continue the trauma. They must see it as us being broken-in and ready to abuse. But they tend to regret targeting me tho, I'm a very stubborn sigma type. And narcissists are very much alphas. The only thing an alpha is scared of is a sigma, especially one with many years experience of dealing with narcs. I then to drive them batshit crazy... Seriously, I have a few stories of doing that.
Also, I tend to spot more male narcissists simply because they are typically very overt. Females tend to be more covert so it takes more time to spot it. But it's not a gender thing with narcissists it truly is just a people thing and the sexs are pretty even as far as the numbers.
Sorry that you have gone thru such traumatic situations. It's nice to someone else survived and is still empathetic to the world.
I have a question........ "meat and two veg".... what?? 😆
fred and rosie west?
that's what i said fam
😭😭😭😭
I disagree with your statement that most narcissistic abuse is from man to woman. Due to social factors, much abuse of men goes unreported or disbelieved and statements like this tend to perpetuate the myth that it rarely or never happens. It's extremely frustrating and constitutes a kind of gaslighting-by-proxy. I suspect my ex is histrionic/antisocial, but the tactics and end result are hardly any different.
Indeed so.
Yeh for sure
Here here....
He is probably using official statistics and.men aren't as.likely to report. Plus, his professional experiment is in the criminal defendant field and men are much more likely to be charged with a crime due thier NPD because they are typically more overt. Women are.more covert and are less likely to face charges for crimes committed due to their NPD.
You're correct about it not being reported enough and unfortunately many doctors doesn't get much first.hand experience with it so they have to do with what they have seen that also marches the official statistics.
I concur, women are more likely to get away with things and taken much longer to figure out their true nature. I very much dislike the notions that men are always more likely to do such and such and women are just given the benefit of the doubt, especially with how society is progressing women are becoming more aggressive on many fronts not just the usually emotional and mental games. I’m only 26 but I’m a shell of my former self after spending nearly 8y with a woman that ruled my life almost entirely, micro managed me, held items against my wishes as some form of punishment, always doing what she wanted to do, dealing with frequent emotional roller coasters and ups n downs and getting told that she just “can’t help it she blacks out and that’s just how she is” her striking me while driving, at home, during arguments etc, share our problems and personal info with others including family, would follow or more accurately pursue me when I tried to walk away from heated times and issues, frequently and almost immediately use the most cruel and personal/hurtful insults she knew to hurt me, a frequent one was my dead father who I grew up without as a child for example and just many many other absurd and mind boggling things, I had two beautiful babies with her and she left me for another man two weeks after the birth of our daughter two years ago and I’m still struggling immensely. Wish men got more recognition and compassion cause I sure could use some.
Love it brother
yes my man. good to see you on here.
2:45 😂❤ : -
a psychiatrist is quite the postion of power.
I bet both Freud and Jung were narcissists, Jesus and Muhammad also...
Jesus wouldn't cut your head off.
No Doc you are definitely not a narcissist because you are a Doctor.
You just couldnt be.
Lol alll the suggestions are amber heard 😂
haha lol