When Love Isn't Easy
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- Опубліковано 19 гру 2023
- You’re up in the middle of the night and once again, you’re in trouble in love...
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“You’re up in the middle of the night and once again, you’re in trouble in love. You had another discussion over dinner. You tried to get them to see that sometimes because of X, you do Y and they respond with Z - and it’s unpleasant. And they countered - at first politely and then with great irritation - that even though A, you think B and that’s why C is maddening to them.
Both of you tried - pretty valiantly - to get your points across with calm and kindness. Both of you managed to be more or less polite, more or less restrained, more or less grown up. And by the end of the two hour conversation, you parted in an almost affectionate way and went to sleep in different rooms…”
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CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
Mike Booth
/ somegreybloke
Title animation produced in collaboration with
Graeme Probert
www.gpmotion.co.uk
After 28 years together, death of friends/family, and 5 years of watching TSOL videos about relationships & life, we are finally past most of these moments. You really learn to pick your battles and you learn to forgive when you realize that we are all just big babies. We should be treated like babies, we get hangry, cranky, fussy, etc. Life will be so much better once you give up the unreasonable expectations and treat everyone as big babies who just need TLC.
TLC?
Thanks for this
Tender Loving Care 🥺
Yes, I've seen a couple of videos on this channel trying to explain these ideas. It only took you 28 years, but some people won't even reach this. Maybe in the next or a couple of lives ahead.
@JamieDallas - Well said! Our inner child is always there, and will play up when their needs are being over-looked.😁.
“Of course you’re miserable - you’re alive!” 😂
You're not lost without love. Also dont equate it to only a romantic kind. Love exists, but it may or may not exist for you romantically at a given moment.
We need touch and affection. Some need more. It's not like part of a diet where you have to give up a certain food because of an allergy. It's like you are low on vitamin D and you're allergic to all the food that has vitamin D and there's a shortage of vitamin D supplements and you can't find it online or on the shelves.
You can't replace vitamin D and then you get all the problems that come with that deficiency.
I disagree. At large degrees, love belongs to a healthy life. Specially when most traumas, imbalances, and illnesses are only a legacy of a lack of love.
Also, this channel always reminds their viewers that love comes in different shapes and it's not confined for a romantic kind ❤
Your words are really helpful🙏
Hope everyone who's going through something, get some sort of peace to deal with it..
@@johnnydots4469disagree a lot of traumas is also a result of toxic love too. It goes both ways
Shines a bit of light upon how, in earlier times, marriage wasn't centered around love. Pragmatic, perhaps.
They didn't cheat on their partners too, at times, when they couldn't be able to get on terms with their partner.
@@savitur5sadly very untrue.. history is full of cheating.
@@savitur5In ancient Times men had multiple wives so of course they didn't need to cheat. Also, relationship longivity doesn't equate healthy and fulfilling love
I really needed this. I am in the healing process of a very cruel and confusing break up. I can’t reach out to her to speak or ask questions and some days I worry if I’m losing my mind. We were in love and suddenly she told me stay away and told me how terrible I was. The arguments weren’t that bad (I thought) and were few and far between. It’s like we experienced the relationship completely differently. I gave everything I could and still failed. I feel so lost and hopeless but this reminder helped. Sending my love to everyone out there to keep going. You’re capable of loving and being loved. That’s what your current pain’s purpose is.
In the same boat, sending you lots of good vibes and we def will get through this ❤️
Me too, gotta let ‘em find their husbands
You sound like my ex. As if the breakup came out of nowhere. But it didn’t. One person can only take so many disappointments and hurt to finally decide to let go completely. If you think it was cruel, imagine what she might’ve felt prior to ending it. Not to mention the guilt and heartbreak of having to face the fact that things will never improve. Personally, by the time i ended things, my health was in such bad shape that not even a healthy conversation was possible. Learn from your mistakes and do plenty of reflection before considering becoming someone else’s partner.
I feel for you. You posted ¨sending my love to everyone out there to keep going" Extraordinary courageous and strong of you in these moments of intense vulnerability, to step above pain and gives to others. Maybe just maybe she didn't see or couldn't see your inner beauty???!! Thank you for your great message
@@omnipotentworldwider5111 that s harshly blunt
I'm reminded of my grandparents, who were married for over 50 years. They always said love was a choice, a commitment to face life's ups and downs together. It's not about avoiding conflicts but learning to grow through them.
Thank you for this beautiful video! I love it! ❤
Bro had an argument and went straight to Tinder 😂
Love is hard af, that’s what makes it so great it gives you perspective of your highs from those lows. You can’t get hurt unless you open yourself up to it, and you can’t know true joy unless you’re ready and willing to get hurt for it. Pain is life affirming, it lets you know you’re still on this bumpy wooden rollercoaster. Look up from your bottoms because if it still hurts there’s still time.
lol no
Eh, I’m good. Thanks tho.
I’m no therapist, I’ve just seen a lot of heads explode in my life and crawled my way into joy from some real darkness. Anyone can do it, you don’t have to do it alone either, that’s what great about love you can share each others pain. Doesn’t have to be a partner, it can be a friend or family. Love is universal, love is untamable.
@@degerdiTrue, you only speak facts. Love is pain, it will always be. High risk, but high rewards.
I've been single for 4 years now, because it was tiring to have the same discussions, over and over again, with no changes or results. I finally realized that some people don't want to be kinder, or keep their word, or improve the relationship. Being single isn't nearly as stressful.
Relationships are two sided. The two of you may have had stark personality traits that rendered the relationship unbearable for both parties. Shifting the blame on the other person is a surefire way to develop bad habits of self preservation in a relationship.
@@zacharymccoy9262agreed
Psychologists have determined that married couples have higher happiness on a whole,
Being single is bad mentally, physically and socially.
Anyways, you are free to have your own beliefs to pacify your thoughts.
@@sharandsouza9898
Married making more happy doesn't mean single life is bad and unhealthy.
It has been shown that this trend comes from people being socialised to find "the one".
It is obviously stressful and bad mentally to be single if you don't want to be single and are looking for someone.
But imagine how mentally bad one could get from being in a relationship and not wanting to have one.
It all comes down to psychological satisfaction. There is no absolute
Oh God. this speaks true to me. 😢
Feels like this video is made especially for me... But the fact that it isn't drives home the point that love and life are difficult for everyone... Poor me and poor all of us @theschooloflife - Thank you for the work you do❤
The story of my role models: my grandparents. ( Long story )
They shared 60 beautiful years together. My grandfather lived in a village near my grandmother's village. Their love story began when they both fell for each other, but my grandma's parents didn't approve of my grandpa. She came from a wealthy family, while he was from a simple one.Her family believed he wasn't the right match. But one day, my grandpa stole my grandma away on a horse, and they ran away together. What happened next?
Eventually, my grandmother's family understood that they truly loved each other, so they gave my grandfather a chance. Not long after, my grandparents had a wedding and moved in together. In the end, my grandma's family grew to love my grandpa. They saw that he was a good man, with dignity, a man of respect, he took the family responsibilities seriously, he took his relationship with my grandmother seriously.treated her exceptionally, as an equal, with utmost respect and admiration.
They had two kids, one being my dad. Growing up with them, I absorbed countless lessons from their relationship.
Indeed, there were misunderstandings in their relationship, but I never saw them yell at each other, engage in aggressive arguments, or insult one another. They simply conversed. There was no trace of pride between them. And perhaps you won't believe it, but they were quite different. Let me share an example: although my grandma came from a wealthy family, she preferred eating with her hands, rarely using a fork and knife. On the other hand, my grandpa, during meals, conducted himself like a gentleman, displaying good manners. I never witnessed them impose their habits on each other. I saw how they accepted and respected each other, respecting their differences.
They didn't always see eye to eye on many matters; they had different personalities. Yet, somehow, they met halfway. In their old age, grandpa didn't hear well, and grandma couldn't see much. It was heartwarming to watch how they complemented each other and helped one another. I grew up with their model of love, and now, I have a similar relationship to my grandparents'. I've attracted someone different who helps me grow; we're growing together, complementing each other despite our differences. We understand and encourage each other to explore these differences with compassion and respect, devoid of any pride.I was fortunate to have such grandparents; my parents weren't lucky in their marriage, mostly due to my mother coming from a toxic family, but that's another story. Why did I write this story? Because I want to leave people with a narrative that nothing is impossible in love. You need to attract someone right for you, and by that, I don't mean someone similar to you; you need someone different, someone from whom you can learn. Both of you may be different, but in the end, share mutual respect and genuine love for each other.Sometimes, before trying to change the other person, we need to look within ourselves, understand our values and where we come from. Then, comprehend that the other person comes from a different environment. Together, let go of pride and find a way to harmonize our differences. Luck doesn't factor into love; you need to get out there, meet people, and give chances, especially to those different from you. You might be surprised at how much you can learn and grow with someone who differs from you.
Love is hard af ( someone said this in this comment section ) indeed, but what is easy in life, after all? Nothing is easy in life-love in a couple, love between child and parent, love in friendship. But through this difficulty, we humans learn from hardships. Eventually, you'll laugh together with your loved one, reminiscing about what you've been through in the relationship.
Don't be afraid, don't reject love just because it didn't work out 1 or many times, with these experience you learn a lot about you, helping you to spot the right one next time, but you need to understand yourself first " who i am and i know what i want from the next person and from me?" and in love isn't a specific age for it, you can love at 40 or 50; love is for anyone!
( This story is from Eastern Europe, sorry if I've made mistakes, my English is not my first language. )
This is so beautiful and I needed to hear this, thank you for sharing
thank you
Loved this❤️
Thank you so much for sharing. P.S : Your English is excellent and you gave us a beautiful and insightful narrative.
If there's a voice I'd love to hear nattering my entire existence, it's undoubtedly Allen's De Botton voice.
I listen to it 20 times in a row already! Thank you for doing these!
♥️ I always look forward to listening to them. 💕Cheers
Brilliant. Thank you. Don’t give up people. Everything of value is difficult to obtain AND difficult to maintain. If it hurts; celebrate! You’re still alive.
This video is a masterpiece in both message and art. Where did anyone get the idea love would be easy?
Disney, cartoon network, nickelodeon, ABC family and so on, now it's far more common to see dysfunctional relationships which unfortunately reflects the reality of the current emotional climate but once upon a time through cinema and mainstream media impressionable mind or not the sheer amount of entertainment we consume is bound to at minimum alter subconscious perceptions, the standard formula for most tales of love alots for one major conflict then a subsequent easement through resolutions usually concluding in the cementation of a life long loving relationship, which apparently sadly is about 2 percent likely these days
Don’t think anyone thought that. I think we just need the reminder that thats the way it goes when the going gets tough.
The topic of understanding and sympathy in this pessimistic worldview is something perhaps even more important than the advice on love itself. It's so incredibly difficult to find a person that tries to sympathize when you're having a hard time.
Most people immediately go to the simplicity of fixing someone. "If I were you, I would...". "This person is important to me, and on this topic they say...".
In reality, sometimes what you really wanna hear is "Yeah, this situation is worse than useless. On some days it does seem like the world is against us, on most days, even".
Hearing this can sometimes heal more than wise advice from gurus, and tons upon tons of tone-deaf positivity.
So many of us are grieving dashed life and relationship expectations.
i had to watch this video 2 times because its short but good and straight to the point
Once again, The School of Life posta a video that is ostensibly about love, but actually applies to all other types of relationships. Thank you.
Poor you poor us. Summed up perfectly. Kind of comforting too.
You’re always right here to help me out of difficult situations. Thank you 😊
Before you even attempt to date. Ask what you offer the other person and ask what you need or want. Then honestly ask yourself if you would date you.
If you cant even stand you, how do you expect another person to? If you dont offer nothing to the other person. Why should they give you what you need or want?
Relationships like any area of our lives i.e school, careers, driving, sports, etc all require constant practice and learning and self-development to achieve excellence. Failure to develop your relationship character and skill is a plan to constantly fail.
Finding real Love is hard.
This video came out at the right time in my life and I’m thankful❤
İ found myself crying in the video thanks, for the last 2 weeks that was all i need
Love is not easy and is not enough when the partners are incompatible.
I love your videos so much. The art style, the insight, everything. I really appreciate these.
Loved the video , especially the animation and narration. Although I do find myself circled back at the same question : Is love easy or hard ? I think love is easy if both the partners are mature and understanding ; but i think love can also be hard and complicated , complications will always arise no matter the couple,realtionship,etc. But hey ! that's what makes us human right ? ;) So i think to conclude love is both easy and hard mixed equal parts , served hot unconditionally and selflessly. 🎉🎉
I'm not in the situation now but I find it comedic and comforting at the same time. I hope those in such distresses find some solace with this video. (And of course, Allen's voice)
romantic relationships accelerate my aging process. i am better off without it seems.
😂
Thank you
Really, love is not a chore or a cupboard to fix. I used to wonder why everything in life can be easily put in order but love. With so many things involved, like emotions, ego, needs, another person, it's meant to be messy in most cases. All we can do is do our best.
The thing is... i have two friends who prefer me listening to them, rather than giving solutions, I have been able to tell them (thanks to my partner making me realise how important communication is) that they need to let me know which communication style they need of me when they're venting something... they're going to try.
Now the only thing that lies before me is that I reciprocate my vulnerable moments with them, which is something I kind of struggle with, but I'm in the beginning stages of it.
Overall, this is a thought-provoking reflection on love's complexities, providing comfort to those facing similar challenges and highlighting the beauty in embracing imperfections in human connections.
I'm glad I saw this 2 days after the meltdown instead of immediately afterwards. When the intense emotion and pain switches off, I can think more clearly and I see the truth in this video. I'm so grateful for my practices (therapy, meditation, buddhism) that have helped me change and grow so much and cause a noticeable reduction in suffering (both in length and intensity). I still have immense hope for us.
I was upset and hurt with my wife for the words she said to me, then this video came up.
Clicked in looking for and answer, but at the end, no solution was given, which is the point of this video.
This is my interpretation.
Love is as hard, complicated, messy and difficult as you want it to be.
But love can be as easy, simple, smooth, and easygoing as you want it to be.
So the question is which one is the one you want?
What is more important? Is being right so important or your own ego?
It's your choice.
love is very complex if not impossible. thank you for your video.
These animations are always beautifully on point.
@The School of Life - Bless You Alain, for your wonderfully soothing and calming voice, on this video of gentle humour. Teasing us humans for just navigating love, and being human beings in the midst of it. So we don't always get it 100% right, when others are with us in the mix! Here's wishing you all a very Merry Christmas (today!) 2023, and Happy New Year 2024! Much Love, Anita xxx 😘🥰.
Seems like this was made for me. Thank you so much i needed to hear this today.
That's why I steer clear of love. And probably why I havent let myself fall in love. Such a difficult thing to embark upon. I'm still not sure if it's net positive.
I'm not saying what I do is wrong or right. I am just saying how it is.
I absolutely love this video
This came at the right time for me.
Love this,truth is success in is life long journey
Good God I needed to hear that today
Love is easier to find if you’re attractive and a genuine nice person
Sometimes I lose all hope, why am I still holding on to this, why can't I just leave? 😢
Romantic love is not the only one.
Thanks!
What a brilliant video, damn near perfect
Thank you so much Alain for all these films.
Wow this seems so British! I have never once in my life been up in the middle of the night ruminating on why anyone is unwilling or unable to display validation, and there are zero plans to do this in the future! Love the channel though!
Ty for this video
Love is such a broad an imprecise word in the English language, it really leaves a lot to be desired, in terms of actually conveying what we feel inside.
I can love pizza, and I can love my wife, and I can love my parents, but those emotions are not at all related, so why is it that they are still described in English using just one word, it makes no sense to me.
This!
"Love is mysterious. It is not always happy; it is not always kind, but it always carries you forward toward the source of love itself."
Wisdom from the Greater Community, Volume I - Chapter 12: Love (free online book)
Thank you
Oh how soothing...
you somehow motivated me
If you ever actually really loved each other, then you should work hard to fix problems. If you were never sure whether you really loved them then don't make much effort. If you aren't sure if you love them, you don't.
Love is our true natural response to all living beings and our earth 🌎 Several generations ago we just took a detour, lost our way and began eventually to get enthralled by lights buttons and colours. Humanity is awakening to itself and you play a part in this for which, and in fact for your very existence at this moment, may much love and light surround and flow within you 🙏❤️
Dang it. That hurt.
Let me watch it again.
😂❤
Love solves nothing but only adds it's own burden.
Amen.
Great vid
That was nice.
Sweet.
I bloody love these guys 😂😂😂😂 "poor you", and "poor all of us"👏👏👏 a wise man never said it better 🙌 @AlandeBottom😅 you are my guru 🙌🙇♀️
Emojis aren't a personality
I miss my girlfriend so much man, her parents are very strict so we dont get to each other often. Its been a little hard to be properly committed but she definitely is the one because she makes me smile like no one else and she's the best.
I pay more attention to my few interests than I do myself. I find it impossible to give love back. So I just go my own way
I feel like this video could have said at the end that the very fact that its so difficult is why its worth fighting for.
Has anyone here got their cupboards and accounting documents sorted out perfectly? If so, even if your relationship is rocky, I am impressed!
I never have relationships perfectly sorted.
I also never have cupboards or accounting documents anywhere near remotely sorted 😂😂😂
Truly excellent, as always. Thank you, School of Life, for the brilliant and extremely important material that you produce. Can humanity be saved from itself, and, perhaps more importantly, is it even worth saving? As a lowly human being on planet Earth, I like to think so. Hah! : )
2:01 "That's when a bracing pessimistic philosophy is called for" That's pessimistic existentialism, then (which says suffering is inevitable, since it's a consquence of our consciousness and awareness). If you want an optimistic approach, there's still stoicism, I guess (which says that we can cultivate inner peace and resilience by controlling our emotions and judgments).
:') thank you
Aaah budiful !..
Poor us, but dont give up, thats the key, you only need to win once
awesome
Very nice animation :)
It's 3AM and its raining. Holy moly this video knows it 😮
Thanks?
Well now I sort of regret breaking up with my ex 3 weeks ago… for him, there were problems yes, but not enough for a breakup. For me it was harder… I’m still not sure.
I LOVE Alain
Спасибо 😌🥲
would Romantic Love be an addiction, then, and Life, so much more within one’s grasp, embraceable, once it, (Romantic Love), has been detoxed from..?
So what should we do though should we break up
Necesito estos videos en español, es difícil compartirlo con hispanohablantes.
Alain has thrown the towel 😄😄😄
Watching this right after an "arguement" hits lol
Relationships are super hard
Poor us
Romantic love is not worth the cost.
... *If you've lived it you'll know, it's unbelievable when it's good and when it's not in your life, you'll always compare and seek it again.*
That is where I am. And the bar is set very very high.
My late husband used to say, "Never hold a grudge overnight."
If you have a fight with your partner during the day, always make up before you two go to bed, then you two will be sleeping in the same room.
I think it is sound advice.
❤
If being in a relationship is so confusing even with questions like "Do we even belong to each other?" when people are in serious phases, how can we be wise and sympathetic in the beginning of dating?
I feel kinda stuck in "giving each other time" or "it looks like a lifetime red flag"...
im not sure what this video is supposed to tell me
can anyone suggest me philosopher of romantic love? i want to know whats the thought
Arijit Singh
Or maybe it's just a *bad relationship* ?
IMO, if you suffer then something is really wrong. Either fix it or leave, and find someone you are happy with. No need to hold on to bad relationship just to avoid being alone...
Nothing in the video even hints at suffering. It merely says there’s been a disagreement and for one reason or another the couple are sleeping seerately because of it. Sometimes people have short term falling outs. It doesn’t have to mean everything is bad.
I think the take home message here is love is rarely if ever perfect and will always require work and a degree of acceptance of others’ ideas.
I pity myself 🤣😂🤣
What do I do if a woman's criticism or comments make me feel small? I mean, sometimes I try to be like "It doesn't matter", but sometimes I internalize this, and feel small, and less than, and lesser.
Ask her to state her need as a positive request, instead of a negative complaint. People who put you down you need to keep boundaries with and if that doesn't help then disengage.
IMO what had me become less friendly (with my then live in partner) when voicing a complaint was because the many times I voiced it in a positive way it was immediately countered/dismissed/ postponed/ brushed off/ defended, and even though I had sworn to myself to never ever 'nag', I did once lose all cool, after so many fruitless attempts the frustration exploded.
Number one: people want to feel and be heard.
✌️
The horror of starting love. Why am i so afraid of even falling in love at 28 yr of age
The assumption that even getting a partner is a doable is telling.
"Getting" a partner is certainly doable. Losing one is also doable.
🎄✌️