Yeah I'm trapped living with one. She made sure I never had enough money by taking it all for a ridiculously high rent. Now I have 2 kids and she knows I have to do as she wants or she'll throw us out. I'm so suicidal, I'm drained financially, emotionally...she often uses my brother who sexually abused me as a means to rile me up- totally invalidates my trauma by talking casually about him and acting as if the fact I don't want him around as difficult behavior. I have 2 daughters here. I'm terrified.
@@bingsby9085 That sounds so terrible. I think you should go to a therapist just so you have someone to talk to and feel better and find some sort of a safe house in your country(state), maybe even ask a therapist about it. Maybe it's a good idea to google it. You must stay strong for your kids and don't let your mother get in your head. Everything she says, she will say in order to hurt you and most things won't even be true, so don't believe a word she says. I'm sure that you're nothing like her and that you're a great mother who loves her kids. If you need someone to talk to I'm here and please tell me if I can help in any way. I just hope you see this comment. Stay strong, my love and support goes out to you!💕
People like to say...for Narcissistic mom's ... stuff like all moms are that way...Chinese moms are that way...Taiwanese moms are that way...they love you so much...they are too old to change...just say yes, even if you don't mean it...just don't argue and just be a peacekeeper...they normalize the situation. Your peers can project fault on you.
My mother had convinced me to believe that I was the narcissist. When I defended myself I was ''never letting anyone have their opinion''. Always try to make themselves out to be the victims... Ugh
We know that we got fucked if we have narcissist mothers, because if the dad stands up to her, the dad can't defend the child because the mom would make false crimes of abuse and the children can't do anything about it, which is why kids commit suicide!!!
Don't worry. I have a narcissistic dad too, he is the same way, let me guess, he has a huge ego, has sudden bursts and turns normal the next second, always apologises and says it won't happen again, I'm in this exact situation. Don't worry about it too much, he can't help it, he has a personality disorder, I know you want to scream at him sometimes but it will get better.
+Ella .Y It's strange that most of the info I find is about narcissistic mothers. I believe my dad is a narcissist (though I'm still wanting to deny it). It's so confusing. He has always said he loved me, hugged me, and yes, he said he was sorry after fights (but usually for odd things like "I shouldn't have used that word" when he said "damn it" rather than for yelling or saying something mean). I'm not even really sure why I'm leaving this comment. I just feel so confused and wonder if there are others out there who are in similar situations.
Beebo Urie i have a narcissistic mother too. She has a huge ego, also has sudden bursts of emotionally, verbally and mentally abusing me, then turns normal the next second and acts like none of the abuse even happened. She also feels like its a chore to take care of me when she doesnt have to take care of me she is forcing herself to take care of me and then blame me its my fault i am such a pain to take care of. She is a malignant, tyrannical narcissist and has made my life hell. And i am 22. Oh and she has never really apologized or taken responsibility for the pain she caused me of what she has done and said to me over the years. When she does apologize, i see no remorse in her eyes and its just all for show. She also does that classic narcissistic mother smirk and chuckle knowing she's made me miserable and enjoys it as i am just miserable. Ugh pure evil and cruel. Its not my job to go down to her level, im letting God deal with her. I just know Karma will catch up to her and it will be unimaginable.
If there's one piece of wisdom I can impart to young teens or adults that are going through a living situation of this nature, it would be to work towards cultivating independence financially and creating distance (i.e. moving out). If you're not careful, NPD parent(s) will sabotage your growth for their own selfish needs and prevent you from becoming an adult through different guilt mechanisms. In turn, they become dependent on you (especially if they are absent of a partner and a financial security net). At the same time, any attempts you make at taking on responsibility, meeting people, getting into relationships, or exploring hobbies are met with hostility and negativity. All the while you are left feeling conflicted about your place in the world because you think you have a moral obligation to help out your parents when in reality their lack of planning or forethought is a function of their own inadequacies.
My mother's 3 favourite quotes. "It's my world not yours". "I am the universe, I can do anything" and "if you're not happy change it, it's all in your head"
You have to see them as children to have any chance of coping. But I don't want to spend my life just coping, so I've completely removed her and all her connections. Sometimes it seems like our only purpose is to reproduce, and all this suffering is to develop into being parents ourselves. That's the conflict, wanting that development and then not wanting it. That's why we need good parents, to hammer us into place, so we don't have to do it all ourselves and then we can do it for our children. "The nail that sticks out will be hammered"
They’ll even reach out to you, as an individuated and financially-independent adult and try to sabotage your livelihood, in order to gain control. “Control”, not only meaning that they wish to provide you with directives. But, control meaning that they intend to destroy you, discredit you, and even turn you into a dependent bum, drawing further contrast between the great parent they’d like to appear to be and the garbage that is you, that they have to tolerate. In actually, the opposite is true.
hi guys! i created a private facebook group! i hope you would join. i also live with a very toxic/ narcissistic parent and i wish to create a community of people who has the same experience as i do. i hope that we create a positive community to help each other out. if we dont have supportive parents, then who cares! lets support one another then. please join the group. (honestly, i really need to talk to people that understand.) facebook.com/groups/2626706190929003/?ref=share ❤️
Depletion. I used to believe there was something innately bad in me (or everything), but my body was expressing and purging what he didn't, absolutely nauseous.
I am SOOOOO angry because of my narc mom. It burns in my SOUL. And I have to live with her and my dad until I can find a place and move out again. It has been a nightmare. They really will have you so angry and bitter that you don't know what to even do with yourself...
try to cut ties with them in a peaceful way, and try to minimize time spent with them to a certain extent, so their toxic & manipulative behavior don't affect you much .
Yes, but be carefull, they will do anything to make you depend for the reat of your life, they will brake you, demoralise you, manipulate to fail evry time so you can stand by ther side.
yeah, I can affirm, it's a complete nightmare. every. single. day. to be an adult and dependent on the narcissist who sexualized me as a toddler and physically, mentally and emotionally abused me throughout my lifetime. I am disabled and it's incredibly challenging.
It's not about being dependent. I earn, choose an apartment to live , but they stalked/bad mouthed & what not. Now I am thinking to shift to different city.
@@beingpallavi3272 and I'm just starting my path on escaping him, best scenario is i could be able to flee to another country since i know he would haunt me til death
@@valeriamarneau149Giving birth doesn't mean jack-💩 to be honest...It just means you produced offspring.It's a loving tender understanding bond that really counts.In our society mothers are practically given a complimentary halo simply for giving birth/adopting a child & we need to learn to stop doing that because mothers can potentially be monsters just like anyone else.
Narcissists have a over-bloated sense of undeserved, unearned 'entitlement'. When they have children they think of them as their own creation to be moulded like wet clay into their own image, rather than seeing them as a wonderous privilege and blessing (from God, if you are religious) that they are entrusted by nature (God, if you are religious) to nuture into a wonderful, unique individual. Narcs see their children as an investment from which they expect to 'take' healthy dividends from later on in life - so you had better deliver, or else.... They don't see them as a privilege, with the hope that their love for them might once day be reciprocated. Everything a narcissist does 'for you' and says to you has a covert and, at times, overt 'you'd better do, or else...play your cards right......' strings attached...you are only as good as your last sale... message underpinning it. This keeps you under their control and continually on edge and feeling insecure. So you spend your time constantly trying to please them until, one day, self awareness hits you like a thunderbolt and you realise that living with a narcissistic parent is just like living with an endless ultimatum. You then realise that you are merely a gene pool 'employee' hired to do the bidding of your gene pool employer to earn your keep, and you'd better fulfill your job description or else you will be disciplined or even fired. Blood is never thicker than water with narcs. Therefore, the best thing to do is to protect yourself with a ring of fire by going no contact and putting your 'life experience CV' out there to meet other real people who love you unconditionally and will rip up the resume and give you a genuine hug. If you don't do this your entire life with be 'owned' by them and you will suffer persistent esteem and problems with depression. I should know I am a double NPD parent survivor.
Wow.. Yeah . I heard that one when I was 18 due to him wanting rent money. He said " I brought you into this world and I can take you out with one punch." As he was standing toe to toe, with this face of hate and anger. Will never forget
This is so true .....thanks to my mother i bounce around from home to home ....only cared about herself ..i grew up insecure........afraid of life ...full of anxiety and phobias ...:(
Same. I moved 13 times before the age of 16. But, things get better when we get through the victim stage. I'm currently reclaiming my strength and taking responsibility for events that happened.
Insecure andagraid of life. Exactly. They fcuked me up so bad, even when I try to regain control of my life and do something of my life, I can't. When I told a friend of mine, they just think I was being lazy or weak willed. I know the right thingseems obvious, but the kind of fear all those years instilled in me is very real. Everytime I come close to giving my life a chance, I find a way to sabotage myself. It's like I have a phobia of being happy. It seems ridiculous and doesn't make any sense but it is what it is. All I can do is try again and hopefuly the next time, I'll make it through.
This is my dad. I am 47 yrs old i have phobias , panic attacks depression. Dad will scream at me & call me everything , lowlife under the sun He never changes. Only too apologize and do it the next day
@@holohulolo Oh my gosh....the stress and anxiety I have just trying to do a normal everyday task is unbelievable. Leaving the house to go to the grocery store was very difficult for me. It was crowded, I had to ask employees every single time I couldn't find something, mainly because I did not feel like I could find it on my own. I saw some beautiful birds by the front of the store though, so I know God was with me. It is so hard to try and better myself after being through this abuse, I really hope I can make it out.
My parents started kicking me out when I was 13, with little clothes and no shoes regularly in the middle of the night. As I got older they would kick me out for 6 months or so at a time repeatedly. They manipulated me, forced me to work and took my money, never let me leave the house, beat me with cords, hangers, boots, etc. They kicked me out at 16 and unenrolled me from school, I didn’t get to graduate. I ended up getting a job and finding a room to rent. I’ve met and lived with so many different kinds of people. I became addicted to benzos and alcohol because of a roommate, who I ended up meeting my boyfriend through. He saved me and we’ve both helped each other build and grow in the 3 years we’ve been together. I’m making a great salary at my age, I have a house, everything I could ever want, etc. but my parents ruined me. I think I’m getting better sometimes but then I think about one little thing they did and I cry for three days straight. Any little thing makes me break down, it hurts me to see people being kind to each other and happy families, because that’s something I didn’t experience for my first 18 years of life. I escaped, but I don’t know when my sadness is going to end. It’s endless. I can’t get past it. Sorry for the long stupid comment. I needed to get it out.
Madison Flores Well Madison I am not sure if you will see this comment, but I want you to feel great for actually being kicked out, many of us like me personally for example have no apparent escape and It has been way more than 18 years, just imagine if you had more than that of suffering, or even worse imagine if you had good parents that love you and seeing them die at a young age, you may ask why can't we just have both, well the world is no where near heaven, it's meant to be lacking and cruel for every individual; people like Steve Jobs had their peaks and died of cancer. Some others are way more successful and alive but they either have undercover issues that are very serious or are yet to come or was in their past. Take Keanu Reeves past as an example and look at him now. Point is, be grateful and have hope for every bit and trust in God's planning to the better. Usually people who live independently on the run since a young age that I know of are either very loving and fun to be around, smart and become very successful or both. Let's all not worry anymore and try to heal slowly but surely. Personally I need to find a way out and I will try my best then I'll heal. They are taking my money as well but didn't kick me out. Haha. I wish you and everyone else the best in their path to healing. I'm sad but also hopeful. Wish you all the best.
Late to reply but your story is horrifying. Some parents are absolutely disgusting people. I hope you have found some resources for yourself and have learned to self care. I hope life is kinder to you in the future...
Sorry to hear that darling, at least you will do better for your kids one day and you won't let them go through the trauma you had to face ad such a young age. All the best to you. ❤️
for the longest time I thought there was something wrote with me till I figured out they were just scapegoating me. they made me feel terrible for simply exisisting and having emotional needs. and of course no one believed me whenever I try to tell others about my situations,they'd just be swayed by the brainwashing of my narc parents. it didn't help that I had a golden child older sister for a sibling. she was more than happy to degrade me along with our narc parents,and never hestitated to tell me that I'm a waste of space. I've recovered a bit,just by a slight margin since I'm now aware that I'm not the problem.
Hi yah me too i always felt awkward that i was different its juat that were normal and they are not. My parenta come from incest and i thought itvwas disgusting that my father gave permission ..."permission" ok? 'Cuz these are ADULT daughters who aren't even living w them anymore and (also figure the mind control that my father has over them) to date these relative 3rd cousins of ours...and my father said YES. Oh my God i complained to him and brought the word of God and he said that the bible is seperate to his ways and that hevhas his ways that he allowed it period! And he says that I am mental because i dont agree with the family traditions eeeww
Treat your sister well and tell her the truth about " the goden child scam" I was the golden child too before m'y narc parents turned me into a black sheep when my little brother succeeded where I failed
You are not alone ❤️ you have to try not to take it personally it’s hard to accept shitty family members but how they speak to you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves there’s nothing wrong with you there never was
Expression is something I've recently learnt. I'm in my 20s and have just learnt love doesn't leave when you express yourself. Love wants to know what you really think and feel and is unconditional. I am a person. I am valued and so are you 💛
careful, sometimes the abuse from your parents mixed with the love bombing can condition you to be more attracted to people with abusive qualities. Don’t get caught up with the wrong friends or worse, the wrong spouse [just noticed your comment was six years old lol]
@@readingchannel1751Yes....But if you're wringing your hands worrying about being like them & worried about hurting others, congrats because most likely you're not a full-blown narcissist & you can work on gradually healing🌞👍🏻👍🏻.
Unfortunately, I am still living with a Narcissistic Mother...this year I was planning to leave but this virus has stopped me to fly away from here. I ask for prayers, after all this Health Mess, I will runaway.
Just try, I Ieft in the midst of the pandemic, I decided that even if I don't find affordable rent I will pack my stuff and go to a homeless shelter, I had even looked them up, then some crazy circumstances helped me find accommodation. I'm struggling financially every single day but I'm free!!!!! God is great and just waiting for you to choose freedom and justice!
@@irmalair1 how?? Im a girl end of highschool i wouldnt mind going to a homeless shelter but im scared of being drugged robbed or raped. Shit you take just because you dont have a fcking dick. Like girls and guys are literally the same but woth different sex organs and sexualities lol, why do we have to always be raped. The thing is im shaking just at the thought of being violated so i dont know where to go and every day with parents makes me wanna kill myself more and more and there is kust no fcking escape and way to be happy.
But what is that with the money. My father is narcistic person an i think he would eat money. Somehiw, he's never enough and let me almost without anything. What is the connection between disorder and greed? Is that common?
I have no other choice except to live with them now, my son and I have no other place to live, they take all the opportunities they can to get money out of me.
My mom is obsessed with being the victim all the time. And when she knows I am catching onto her, she suddenly gives me what I always deserved in that moment and then makes me feel bad for getting it. Basic needs. She flips the narrative so she looks like the victim.
This man is so spot on, The narcissist will get you young or old, you’ll be 65 taking your 90-year-old mother on holiday you won’t have a life of your own run for the hills save yourself. Do it NOW teens and early 20s don’t waste your life 😊
This describes me and my dad except I'm in my thirties. I'm stuck taking care of him and his never-ending problems because he won't and there's no one else to do it. Please pray i find a way out of this 🙏
Narcissists are like a different species living among us. They are who they are and cannot change. The only solution is to recognize them for who and what they are without getting enmeshed. Clear your head of the lifetime of bad programming. Enjoy how it feels to be fully yourself, a human being with a heart and a soul and your own path in life. I've been no-contact with my narcissistic mother and sister for a couple of years. The saddest part was coming to terms with the fact that I never had a Mother, and never will. Mom used to say " you can't get blood out of a turnip", and that pretty much sums it up.
hi! James! sorry for the dog! you will get another! guilt is what you need to be free of. Anyway am happier now! At first i was so worried about her health....money .....but i discovered am not improving her status! it was so draining! it is affecting my peace. dream...relations. I was willing to help but it was toxic to me!
my guilt was on people! but on pets i dont know! this how i dealt with my guilt anyway. i just let God take care of them! because God watches over everyone of us even the birds in the air! So i dont need to worry about people and things but to seek was on how to be happy! and being my self! The world has got to many problems and this problems will take care of themselves. It was hard at first but i have learn to let go and allow new beginnings! New things! but also appreciate the humble ones! Just know your pet is in good hands and that God will watch over her/him. You need to be free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and be Happy and full!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The moment one thing goes bad especially on depression, stress, anxiety....will always lead to other problems. You Better learn how to deal with such issues. Sometimes they take years to go. if only you could sought for the right help..things that seems to take years could only take 30 mins..5 mins.. Pleasure!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boyfriends mother is narcissistic and it´s really hard for me, since he´s trying to not have too much contact with his mother and he gets sad sometimes because he wish things would be different...
I am currently 15 and living with my narcissistic dad. This is so accurate. Every time I talk with him he is so unreasonable and won't listen or think about me. In his opinion he is always right and if I argue about something that I disagree with or try to in the slightest way imply that something was actually his fault he will just think I am a disrespectful daughter and WILL NOT think about the situation in anybody else's point of view. He will act so nice and charming in front of my friends so they don't know why I always complain about him because they think he is the coolest dad ever. I have developed anxiety and mild OCD behaviours as a coping mechanism to try to gain control in my life. I hate it.
Can I join this conversation? I know I'm only 12 but I deal with the exact situation with my mom and dad. I honestly don't know what to do. I have suicidal thoughts every night, and it's been getting considerably worse. I'm scared that I'll have to live with this for years to come until I go to college. I'm legit scared. I wanna just give up and die so I won't have to deal with this pain. I see them argue with my older brothers, and I'm scared I'm gonna deal with that to. I don't want to. I wanna leave them so much. My friends don't understand when I tell them. I have no counceler/teacher to talk to. Plus most articles don't focus on what the CHILD should do if they're living with a narccicist. Please, if you have any advice send me some. ;-;
+KingdomHearts Fangirl and +Cleo Favata can we like form a support group for teenage girls living with narcissistic parents? It might help a lot of girls learn that they're not crazy, they're not selfish, they're living in the manipulative shadow of a narcissist, and that none of this is their fault.
Chanie Gottheil I would love that! Maybe like just an online group. I swear I felt like that for the past 11 years of my life. My mother was the most manipulative person I've ever met in my life. You know, as we speak right now, my brother and mom is fighting and I'm listening to their conversation. My mother keeps trying to pour stupid lies in him and he keeps saying "This conversation is just bad for my health." I think he understands the mother we have. I've been pretty observant of the fights my family has. They think I'm pretty dumb, but I learn from them a lot. ;)
The simplicity of this man's words is both eye-opening and validating. He articulates in 2 min everything I've been feeling for 20+ years! Thanks for posting.
The eye opening moment is a blessing. I now realise that I am somewhat a narcissist myself. I was raised by one with a Codependent father. But I have the knowledge to try and change myself. From a fellow survivor all the best. :-)
I had 2 narc parents. Threats of (& demonstrations of) violence as punishment for not 'cooperating' were common. From my earliest memory,I never felt at ease EXISTING. The main vibe & message I got about Life In General was that I am a GUEST in their home & it's almost as if, moment I was born, they'd looked at me with pointed finger in my face, warning, *"New baby? WE call the shots here. You'd better WATCH. YOUR. STEP....or ELSE!"* (cue narc's poised fist-demo)
What I never understood was the "guest" thing. I don't understand. My dad has NPD and fine. He doesn't care about me. Fine. He hates me. Fine. Okay so then he threatens if I don't behave he'll kick me out of the house. What I don't understand is why doesn't he? Why doesn't he kick me out? He doesn't have to raise me. He can give me up for adoption. If isn't capable of loving me , and if he hates me, he is totally allowed to give me to someone else. Someone who will love me u conditionally and can mend my heart. So why doesn't he kick me out if he hates me? Why does he feel like I have to stay there so he can tell me that he hates me and wants to kick me out? I almost wish he'd kick me out but he won't. Why?
The SAD FACT concerning Narcissistic Personality Disorder is NO ONE REALLY CARES except for the family members effected. It's REALLY sad. My highly NARC Mother has been free to create chaos for almost my entire life. I moved to be close to her when she was battling cancer, and she truly needed someone. However, after 3.5 years of an unending smear campaign and denial that I've helped her in any way, I WASH MY HANDS OF HER IN ALL WAYS....and my new life starts NOW! There is NO CURE for this mental illness. These folks are wired wrong from childhood. So very, very sad. It took me healing from the codependency it created in me and years of feeling depressed w/ little self esteem to make me REALIZE that WALKING AWAY IS THE ONLY ANSWER! My Narc Mother would have NO QUALMS ending my career, seeing me in jail to meet her objectives and is willing to lie about all of it. I'm done. I hope my fellow NARC Survivors realize it much sooner than I did. Love to you! Peace of the spirit!
Thank you for the video. I am 35 years old and I just found out my mother whom I considered a saint , is a narcisisst. Now I can see clearly. Yes she didn't let me live my life. But now I know better and I live it ! Let's look into the future !
I have a narcissistic mother and I went no contact is going to be 5 years, she controlled me and manipulated me, took all the supply from me, put everyone against me, plays the victim. These narcissistic parents make their children go through hell, they take advantage of our innocence and play with our mind gaslighting, loveboming, and using us, narcissistic parents don't love their children, now I understand why I was always in the hospital since little with panic attacks, everything started making sense after all these years, I wish I would of known about narcissism back in the 80s, I'm just glad the truth is out, everything comes to light, going no contact is the only way to go.
the worst part of the experience is, while still young, trying to do everything possible in order to make the parent happy, which is ultimately not possible... and that they want you to be like a molded, cardboard box of a human being and live up to the "fantasy child" role
Narc parents have no soul. They are not even humans. They just look like humans but inside they are monsters. It’s interesting how all religions preach respect and love for parents as they are like sort of saints. This is the biggest lie and sign that holy books are written by human minds.
C O Jesus said when He returns He won't be bringing unity, but division. division between mother and daughter, father and son, etc. meaning one will be taken to heaven and one will be left. He also said to leave the dead to bury the dead. meaning any family or friends who don't get the message of truth etc.
And it's kind of funny for me. I know I wasn't perfect, but on hindsight I realise I was the good kid, i was the super understanding and obedient kid most parents I know of, wanted. I never rebeled, that supposedly inevitable teenage phase just never happened. My friend's parents like me. I heard how disrespectful most of my friends can be, when they talk to their parents. I never did that not out of fear but out of understanding. It's funny how he'a constantly criticising me and comparing me with other kids when in reality I was already the "better kid" at least according to the kind of traits he'd want and yet it's never enough. Narcissistic parents are jist so negative all the time, they have the tendency to only look for the mistakes and negatives and always overlook how many postive traits and things to be grateful of that is already there.I was so preoccupied about his needs, I was not at all in touch with my emotions andmy own needs, I was an unwitting victim. I did my best to be understanding, I was never angry towards him because I was oblivous to the truth. If I knew what was going on when I was younger, I would've rebeled probably, and I would've understood why he was so angry,because there was resistant. But I was doing everything the way he wanted, behave theway he wanted all the time thinking I'm proud for being a good kid to my parent, but it was never enough. In the end it really didn't matter how good I was, how perfect I was, they'd focus on the 1 flaw they could find and judge you with it and ignore all the other 100s of good traits you have.I
@bigjayking24 took me to my 20s to realise something was really off and begin searching for explanation. When I finally came across the term, there was syill so much douby in me, emotional abuse is very elusive. On the surface it seems to make sense, what matters is how you feel. I was aware I might be quick to judge because I wanted to label it took a few more years to notice all the inconsistencies in their "value". For me this is the hardest part, when they argue they always put you down from some sort of moral high ground, but they are hypocrites, they'd say anything for the sake of winning and having the last word, but they never live by what they say, what they criticise you for. I'm glad you've start educating yourself. I find Dr.Ramani's videos to be the most insightful regarding narcissism. I wish it were available years ago wgen I started reading about it, would've helped me a lot.
I had two narcissistic parents. It primes you for abuse in your romantic relationships. Best advice? Strong boundaries and detach completely if possible. They get worse with age. If you must communicate with them, don’t share your struggles or successes with them. Be bland, dull, and boring.
Excellent advice. Everything you said was spot on. Thanks for remarking about dating and setting yourself up for abuse...sure wish I had found out sooner. Ha ha.
What if your narcissistic father has ruined your confidence and life so much that you don't get into college so can't get a proper job and therefore can't be financially independent?
My emotions are scarred to the very core. I'm afraid to even love someone. Living with narcissistic parents makes me feel guilty for the very lil things. Sad how at this age, we are expected to be the best when they don't even know or understand their childs need at all.
It can take years to figure out the problem. Lucky for UA-cam and the internet to give us tools to help feed our minds and souls to try to build up what was destroyed years ago.
Narcissistic parents usually con any 'therapists' whom they are forced to confront when their children (inevitably) become disturbed. They honestly believe that they're wonderful parents, and come across as worried and concerned, so incompetent 'therapists' will think (as the parents do) that there must be something wrong with the disturbed children. Such parents will even get a diagnosis of psychosis imposed on their children when in fact the problem is that the children are neglected or abused. In my case, I was incested for years and my 'therapists' completely fell for my parents' act because it wasn't an act. They really thought they had been perfect from start to finish. Even after I reported multiple class A felonies which they knew to be real, they never doubted their perfection as parents. They honestly thought that I was selfish and unreasonable to try to get them into trouble. I was of course expelled from the family for my failure, with them 'gently' claiming to be loving, caring parents even as I was going out the door, so impervious was their image of themselves as perfect beings. They were smart enough not to say anything pro-incest and smart enough not to admit anything, but their feelings about my disclosure, beyond fear of punishment and determination to defend themselves, were no more than feelings of being insulted and offended that I would not let the felonies go unreported. They felt perfectly justified in trying to get me labelled as psychotic, and in leading me to believe that I had been so diagnosed (in order to silence me) when in fact the 'therapists', though successfully duped into believing their innocence, had not been willing to go that far - a fact which I did not know for decades. You may think I am presumptuous in telling you what (I am sure) they felt, as if I think I can read minds, but it was all clearly obvious from their words and manner. Everything was my fault - being disturbed, accusing them, it was all on my bill and they were offended and indignant that I had turned on them. Their narcissism was so great that they may have actually believed that I had 'wanted it' (always the rapist's refrain) even though it had been necessary to hunt me and strap me down, and even though I was accusing them before the world. How did they stay married? It was a business relationship, the only kind they knew. They had a deal going whereby they flattered each other vociferously, and they abstained from hurting each other in order to keep that flattery going, but they had no qualms about hurting their children. The family was like a cult, maintaining a quasi-religious belief in the parents' perfection. They were the cult leaders who benefited and their children were the used and abused cult followers.
OH. MY. GOD. this happened to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got diagnosed with bi polar. I was 16. My mom told the therapist that my dad was lying, that he's narcissistic, but she didn't believe my mom and listened to everything my dad said.
During my early teenage years I began having really bad panic attacks and became almost conpletely housebound as the overwhelming stress of my home environment manifested in a severe anxiety disorder. My parents forced me to see therapists over the next few years and I received diagnoses of depression, cyclothymia, bipolar II, and BPD as my therapists misconstrued the anguish that I was enduring as idiopathic and internal when my depressive symptoms, irritibility, rapid shifts in moods were actually sequelae of the turbulent and unstable environment I was in. My narcissistic mother has seen therapists and it hasn't helped her at all, they automatically believe the 'victim' image she displays to them and has acquired a new lexicon of psychological language to use to play mental games - even accusing me of "gaslighting" directly after denying a childhood of abuse.
This happened to me. Sexual abuse/incest that screwed me up and when I finally understood the gravity of what had happened, I was then able to begin healing myself. However when I approached my parents about it, my life turned into a living hell, and I saw them for who they truly are, and it is now my contention that I was raised in a generational abuse family, where this stuff is actually done deliberately, as part of a "grooming" process.
Being the golden child for most of my life, I had no idea that I was brainwashed. After getting out of a relationship with my ex who was a narcissist I now realized that I grew up in the same dysfunction.
Vanessa date guys who let you be in controlle they don't want to be in controlle also some guys who are narcissists are because there parents was like that with them and they don't know any different it's not always there fault
The thing is not to be dependent on the parent, if he would be dependent on me I would throw them in the street with no problem. Mercy is not an option.
+Tudor Renegade I don't want to start complaining like it is the custom with victims of narcs but I expressed some anger and Oh man, they really hurt me.(I have major health problems now.) I hope there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for me, life can be so good when free of problems.
Thank you for this. You've really helped me. My dad is narcissistic and am tired of his shit. I am 30 years old now, sadly I'm dependent on him, because I'm living under his roof.
I'm 24 and they have made it their life's goal to keep me dependent on them. I lived with only my narc dad for 2 years, and then they abruptly decided to move to another state and have my narc mom live with us as well. It was way easier to just deal with my dad, than BOTH of them. I have had insomnia and serious stress issues ever since moving into this new house with them. Just like the girl said above, we are not alone. We have to leave them for good. I'm scared as hell to move out on my own because of my agoraphobia and fears, but I am doing my best to try to get out. I heard going on a Paleo diet can help erase the fears we have, and also try using essential oils. Like Jasmine oil, lavendar oil, to help with stress. We can make it out of this hell. Other people have, why can't we :)
Taken me 57 years to work this out, been on my own with this one. My mother has no one else, it’s always been me. I now need to really let go as she is still talking to me like I wasn’t important to her, i have had enough, this has prevented me from doing so much throughout my life.
My mum tells me at least 4 times a week that “you will never have a mum like me. I am the best mum you could ever have and nobody will love you the way i do.” And it is degrading as hell. I cant wait for the day i earn my own money an am financially stable enough to live a life of my own away from my entire family.
I have both a narcissistic mother and father and I’m done putting up with their bull crap. I still live at home with them and am hoping to move out very soon
Many compete with their own children and demean them to try to ruin any self-esteem and incoming personhood the child has. Crippling insecurity, many of them have. They can definitely be envious.
it's so hard trying to ignore my mother like my sister tells me to. I'm 21 now and I still have to live with her, I do so much for her and then she tries to make me feel like I did something wrong when I always do my best to be a good person. Today she calls me a snake, i had a flashback of when she tried to strangle me as a child screaming should i kill you. some days she says she was blessed with to gifts from God and now she thinks we're the devil's black magic! is she a psychopath? what should i do? she makes me want to kill myself
Please do not give up! I been in your shoes. At the end of the day you have to live your life for you. As you get older you will realize the people who you are close with now you may not be close with later on. That is the whole point in evolving! Silence sometimes is golden. Sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine to see how they are treating you. Do you have friends you can hangout with in your hometown or anywhere to go where you can just your mind off things? Gym, lounge, library etc. Writing in a journal also can help you distress as well. I don't know if you work or not of course working isn't the most pleasant thing to do in the world but I would recommend getting a job that way you don't have to worry about dealing with her most of the day and in the process you can save your money so you aren't as financially dependent under her.
I'm with you cupcake. My mother is similar and has said similar things. But what's strange is, what's up with that? What is it about this breed called narcissism and where the heck did it come from?
Any time I talk to my mom about my feelings it's always "i buy you everything you want, you have food over your plate and a roof over your head" or "okay I understand" and then proceeding to ignore everything i said and do the same things again
My father is just like this. Its so hard bc your family and other outsiders just sees an “understanding” “caring” guy. Im supposed to have my own business in the future and he said himself once when he got mad “I dont need you face on it” AS IF IT WAS HIS BUSINESS. He even said “I dont want you to think we are trying to take over your business” He is literally telling me what he’s planning to do. I dont know what to do, I cant even trust the people who gave birth to me and they are in the process of wanting 50 PERCENT of MY FUTURE BUSINESS!
I have one and I’m simply baffled that there are so many people who were hurt by narcissistic parents in the world. I thought I was the only one and that I was crazy because I’m so bad,awful and never good enough. I honestly felt like everything was so much easier for others than me. Living in constant fear while nobody is hurting you physically. I feel traumatized but feel like it’s not enough good of a reason just because he was distant my whole childhood and started being controlling when I started going out and finding boyfriends. Also taking away my mother’s attention from me constantly.
Well said sir. This had been my whole youth with my parents. I cut them off and on my own now. Life is getting better day after day. Never give up on yourself.
@@tokyodiva Be strong. Believe in you. I'm sure, one day you'll get out of that place, Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Focus on healing yourself. Go to therapy and/or work on yourself by reading books or watching videos about surviving narcissism. You'll get through this for sure. I believe in you. Take care.
The exact description of a narcissist dad (who actually doesn't deserve to be called as dad) summed up in within 3 minutes with a solution. Start getting financially independent because that is the only weakness of ours & until then he will keep pinching that weak nerve of ours.
well, besides my dad threatening to kill himself if we didn't do what he wanted for 45 years now, I told my dad I no longer want any contact with him. I state the issues and that I am getting therapy and have no interest in him being in my life unless he himself gets help as well...he sends me a message last night saying he had to cancel his dr appt since he didn't get a ride to it from me smfh. Narcissists are hopeless...they think there is no problem with themselves so how can I ever have a conversation? If i mention my brother, he calls him after getting off the phone to tell him anything negative I say so we don't get close and gang up on him...now as adults my brother and i have no relationship either. A narcissistic parent is so frustrating
Narcissists use people as pawns, turn them against eachother, and destroy relationships. They are manipulative, selfish monsters. Don't trust them. Don't reveal anything to them, it only gives them ammunition. Remove them from your life.
We are POWs for all intents and purposes growing up with a Cluster B parent. No one tells vets to "understand" their captors, to maintain a relationship with them based on "an intimate/substantial shared history" etc. but they cram that crap at Adult Children All. The. Time. I understand human beings are self-referencing. That's exactly why the (apparently very few) excellent programs that train psychologists and psychiatrists insist the students actively participate in their own therapy. The vast majority of MH people have never sat anywhere but behind the sanctuary of their own desk. No wonder they're clueless if not downright dangerous to ACs.
That's actually what it takes. Do it partner. You will feel alive again! Don't look back. Otherwise it's just negative broken records that continue to play. it will be your best move yet. Nothing beats personal growth. Good luck.
movingonandup773 Why are you angry aren't you happy that they're dead? Don't you think they paying for what they done to you right now in their blasted graves?
I think it's worse when dealing with a narcissistic mother than a narcissistic father. What I mean by that is that many times mothers like that take advantage of their position. They use their wiles to play innocent or thoroughly convince themselves and needless to say others into thinking their doing what's best for someone other than themselves. Usually, more or less the worse thing a father can do is just leave. Even more so and forgive me if this is offensive, but males are very outwardly with their narcissism, but of course will still deny their actions no matter how obvious it truly is, while narcissistic women are more or less more subtle and more discreet with their narcissism and get most people to believe she can do little to no harm because she's a woman, but of course when no one's looking, the monster comes out to say the least. So narcissistic women tend to get away more with their behavior as a result. The mother is the important parent that should help you in life, not hurt you. And on top of that, you have people who constantly say, you should always listen/respect your mother even if she's in the wrong because she's your mother. Meanwhile, if it was the dad they would be like screw him or tell him off. So the narcissistic should be let off the hook and given special treatment just because she's a woman/mother? Get out of here with that. A woman/mother can be just as evil/deadly as a man/father and should be called out and confronted as such. Also, it's not just narcissists who were abused/neglected as a child that become that way. You also have narcissists grow up spoiled and pampered, which could also lead to them becoming that way. I daresay those narcissists are worse than the ones who grew up abused/neglected. I say that mostly because someone who was abused/neglected could probably have more of a chance/possibility and chance to change because they could see their lives through another and also I find most people who were abused/neglected also become shy and introverted, while somebody who's spoiled couldn't give a dang about anyone else because for as long as they can remember, it's been all about them. So they have little to no capacity to love/care about anyone else, except when it's convenient for their egos.
***** which is unfortunate to say the least. Not saying men should be free to get away with anything like that, but narc women seem to get a free pass.
the worst thing a father can do is leave? i beg to differ... i had to endure extreme violence from my father almost every day. him leaving wouldn't be bad, it would be a good thing, it would actually be the best thing he could do.
Couldn't have said it better myself! My mother's mom spoiled her to no end. Makes me sick how she truly messed her up which in turn has taken years off of my life dealing with this woman's antics. It's always been about what my mother feels (me me me) It does not feel natural to call her mom" so I dont
yeah, I can affirm, it's a complete nightmare. every. single. day. to be an adult and dependent on the narcissist who sexualized me as a toddler and physically, mentally and emotionally abused me throughout my lifetime. I am disabled and it's incredibly challenging.
Growing up I gave my Narcissistic single mum everything, it was never ever good enough and i was always made to feel guilty no matter how hard i tried for her, I was the oldest of 4 girls and took care of my siblings and my mum. She would always have some drama going on, being abusive on all levels, alcohol abuse, drug abuse etc . As an adult you HAVE to see that none of it is EVER your fault even if you get the blame for their wrongdoings and that you can be give yourself what they never did, love, understanding and acceptance. They will still try to affect your life as much as they can (because they love the rush of the attention and sympathy), but you are better than their crap, their bad descisions are on THEM not you! xx
Wow! It’s amazing to be able to find so many people in the same boat, in this comment section. My siblings and I also have a major narcissistic father, even right now it’s difficult, I’ve been trying to put myself first, not allowing him to hurt me, my sister has done the same. Luckily I live with my mother and I’m now a young adult, so I want to move on from this. I want to wish luck to anyone else having these difficulties.
You can think of how you wish to shape your life. Pick out he stuff you can reach out and get your self first. I turned 30 this year with my father yelling at me to give him a large some of money for him and his sank of a new wife. things can and will suck ,but the fact you want to keap moving towards a better way life you already gott'em beat.
Hmmm 2Tim. 3:2 is cliche When hearing about issues about a parent-child issues. It gets me angry that people expect 2c a bleeding nose from a child or a bruise on his/her body inorder for an alarm to go off in their spirit that abuse might be taking place. I am a product of 2narcissists! My father takes pleasure in arguing with me because in the end he looks at me and starts smiling at me with this weird smirk on his face and it makes me feel OH SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND DISGUSTED!!! He ALWAYS would compete with my fiance which they hate him and its always a competition w my children and my mother a masochist type of narc. Believe me that my fame in my fam is CRUSHED LABELED NEGATIVELY DEGRADINGLY. My aunts tell me to stop competing with my mother ! Its like im in a competition that i was NEVER aware of until then. All of us adukt chukdren of narcs my blessings of patience joy and ESCAPE go to you!!!
The thing is we must live certain independently in adolescent time .You must have a solitude additude in yourself .Better is to ignore them .They don't want to shine us in future.Use parents until you became independent and ready to face the world 😁😁😈
Both my father and mother are Narcissists. As an adult who is now free from them and living on my own with my husband, I feel much happier with my life now. I realize that I am fortunate to not be a Narcissist as well, although I do have some Narcissistic tendencies, which I am aware of. My husband and I understand each other because he too had Narcissistic parents. It's very hard growing up as a child with Narcissistic parents. I found the best I could hope for was when I could escape when I moved out as an independent adult. Self-awareness is very key to not become a Narcissist as well.
Hi Kitty! Do you think it is possible to explain your behavior to someone (a partner for example) that hadn't had narcissistic parents himself? I have a narcissistic mother who also had a narcissistic mother herself. I have (a lot) of narcissistic tendencies too.That's why I don't want to have children. I try really hard to change but it's so hard to connect with people...
Hi VanityFairGaze. I think it's possible to explain it initially to a partner not familiar with Narcissistic parents by first explaining the experience you had growing up in simple words such as "I experienced a lack of love and care from my parents growing up because they were selfish people generally." Then follow up with by sharing stories about some specific experiences and memories that back this up. If your partner wants to understand more about Narcissism and Narcissistic parents, then you could point out to them and suggest articles, and videos from psychology professionals that specialize in Narcissism such as this video. That could help bridge the understanding quite a bit for the partner!
I was foolish enough to accept my parents living with me when old age came with health problems. My mother who is the malignant narcissist has vascular dementia and dad her enabler heart problems and arthritis. I am finding myself isolated completely, my own health deteriorating due to the high stress levels of daily living with them. I'm living a nightmare . Take heed to the wise words of this kind, quiet man and never accept living with narcissistic parents as adults. I hope I can find a way out of this hell but know they have taken years off my life
I really don't know what's gonna happen to me. I get the feeling that maybe it's too late for me but my parents have really done a lot of damage. I don't know what this means for me. I love myself and want me to be okay but i don't know if i will.
I depend financially of my mom because of unemployment here in Brazil and I can tell you, I never wanted anything more than a job. I can't have normal conversations with her anymore. Now I got the licence to be a lawyer and it became WORSE. It seems like she is feeling threatened, even tho she LOVES TO TELL PEOPLE HER DAUGHTER IS A LAWYER... Yesterday I was remembering that I was awful studying history in highschool and she said "oh your teacher told me you were talking too much at class" and I said "mom, do you remember how I was good at every other class except history? There's no way he was telling the truth, I'd have to be bad at every single class because of that" (my teacher at that time was so confusing to me) And I started to count on my fingers to remember if I was really good at those classes, and she snapped "ARE YOU GOING TO TELL EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WORLD?? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? RECITE EVERY LAW ALSO?????" and I was like Wut???????? What that even has to do?! "YOU TALK TOO MUCH".
Thank you, thank you, thank you... You have explained perfectly what my parents are. God Bless, you've helped me understand this. Growing up in it makes it hard to put into words what is going / what it's like. Thank you sir
Thank you, Ted. It sure isn't an easy road and its amazing how they can 'turn it on' for others! Family members and friends WONT BELIEVE ME when I just TRY to tell them a SNIPPIT of what she does, because they see such a 'loving mother'! Ha...what a joke! I count my blessings that I'm not like her...guess we should both count our blessings :)
I wanna have a job but i have no skill at all... No capital.. no friend and family support... Im sort of like Naruto Uzumaki who is hated by people in his village... And worst dad manipulated me into always depending on him... Probably to make sure im not gonna leave him when hes old... Typical asian parents..
Narcissistic mothers dont attach to children. They choose favorites. Depends on type of narcissist. Covert/vulnerable will choose a child that is thought of as lesser to be favorite over 1 that is to pretty. The children will be divided to conquer and control. They serve her. The overt will choose a favorite that is a lot like them. They want to live out their grand fantasy thru the child.
Same to me, they want to control you. My psychology have been affected by their character. I will promise that my children will not experience my own experience.
my mum keeps giving me hope then takes it all away, she even says I'm a cow and ugly infront of my partner ... and says he doesn't love me ... ugh ... keeps disowning me and I just try to visit them and they don't like it :( idk what to do ...
When I was 6, the abuse started and I'd always wondered, why do they bring us into this world if he's just going to abuse us. They could've aborted me, why have kids when you're not ready, just like how you do your research before getting a pet, they should've attended some sort of course or at least try to find out what to do. Do they realise they're raising a human being?
Both my parents were narcissists. I wish there an organization for Adult Children of Narcissists.
If you found one it may be the first...
It's over, you made it out.
lucy lucy
It's awful, but the silver lining is that walking away is "easier", no doubt and no regret.
Yeah I'm trapped living with one. She made sure I never had enough money by taking it all for a ridiculously high rent. Now I have 2 kids and she knows I have to do as she wants or she'll throw us out. I'm so suicidal, I'm drained financially, emotionally...she often uses my brother who sexually abused me as a means to rile me up- totally invalidates my trauma by talking casually about him and acting as if the fact I don't want him around as difficult behavior. I have 2 daughters here. I'm terrified.
@@bingsby9085 That sounds so terrible. I think you should go to a therapist just so you have someone to talk to and feel better and find some sort of a safe house in your country(state), maybe even ask a therapist about it. Maybe it's a good idea to google it. You must stay strong for your kids and don't let your mother get in your head. Everything she says, she will say in order to hurt you and most things won't even be true, so don't believe a word she says. I'm sure that you're nothing like her and that you're a great mother who loves her kids. If you need someone to talk to I'm here and please tell me if I can help in any way. I just hope you see this comment. Stay strong, my love and support goes out to you!💕
I think the most frustrating part of having a father with NPD is that to other people dont believe you or dont see how he really is.
That's very true.
I can relate 1000%
Mr. cat exactly....
People like to say...for Narcissistic mom's ... stuff like all moms are that way...Chinese moms are that way...Taiwanese moms are that way...they love you so much...they are too old to change...just say yes, even if you don't mean it...just don't argue and just be a peacekeeper...they normalize the situation. Your peers can project fault on you.
1,000,000% YES anotherdavidc
My mother had convinced me to believe that I was the narcissist. When I defended myself I was ''never letting anyone have their opinion''. Always try to make themselves out to be the victims... Ugh
mine did the same to me but not anymore i am in no contact and i stopped calling her mom since two years from now
We know that we got fucked if we have narcissist mothers, because if the dad stands up to her, the dad can't defend the child because the mom would make false crimes of abuse and the children can't do anything about it, which is why kids commit suicide!!!
Exactly! That is how it is 😞
Me too she Always tells me I am egomenia narcississt even when I was 5 years old
I know that feeling
I tried to talk to my narcissistic dad and he made me feel like it was my fault. Lol fml
Don't worry. I have a narcissistic dad too, he is the same way, let me guess, he has a huge ego, has sudden bursts and turns normal the next second, always apologises and says it won't happen again, I'm in this exact situation. Don't worry about it too much, he can't help it, he has a personality disorder, I know you want to scream at him sometimes but it will get better.
+Ella .Y It's strange that most of the info I find is about narcissistic mothers. I believe my dad is a narcissist (though I'm still wanting to deny it). It's so confusing. He has always said he loved me, hugged me, and yes, he said he was sorry after fights (but usually for odd things like "I shouldn't have used that word" when he said "damn it" rather than for yelling or saying something mean). I'm not even really sure why I'm leaving this comment. I just feel so confused and wonder if there are others out there who are in similar situations.
Beebo Urie i have a narcissistic mother too. She has a huge ego, also has sudden bursts of emotionally, verbally and mentally abusing me, then turns normal the next second and acts like none of the abuse even happened. She also feels like its a chore to take care of me when she doesnt have to take care of me she is forcing herself to take care of me and then blame me its my fault i am such a pain to take care of. She is a malignant, tyrannical narcissist and has made my life hell. And i am 22. Oh and she has never really apologized or taken responsibility for the pain she caused me of what she has done and said to me over the years. When she does apologize, i see no remorse in her eyes and its just all for show. She also does that classic narcissistic mother smirk and chuckle knowing she's made me miserable and enjoys it as i am just miserable. Ugh pure evil and cruel. Its not my job to go down to her level, im letting God deal with her. I just know Karma will catch up to her and it will be unimaginable.
Jehosheba Langley I know this comment was a year ago.. But I'm in the exact same situation, it's so confusing and horrid. It's hell.
Jehosheba Langley YES they apologize for the smallest things when they should be apologizing for belittling you
If there's one piece of wisdom I can impart to young teens or adults that are going through a living situation of this nature, it would be to work towards cultivating independence financially and creating distance (i.e. moving out). If you're not careful, NPD parent(s) will sabotage your growth for their own selfish needs and prevent you from becoming an adult through different guilt mechanisms. In turn, they become dependent on you (especially if they are absent of a partner and a financial security net). At the same time, any attempts you make at taking on responsibility, meeting people, getting into relationships, or exploring hobbies are met with hostility and negativity. All the while you are left feeling conflicted about your place in the world because you think you have a moral obligation to help out your parents when in reality their lack of planning or forethought is a function of their own inadequacies.
My mother's 3 favourite quotes. "It's my world not yours". "I am the universe, I can do anything" and "if you're not happy change it, it's all in your head"
You have to see them as children to have any chance of coping. But I don't want to spend my life just coping, so I've completely removed her and all her connections. Sometimes it seems like our only purpose is to reproduce, and all this suffering is to develop into being parents ourselves. That's the conflict, wanting that development and then not wanting it. That's why we need good parents, to hammer us into place, so we don't have to do it all ourselves and then we can do it for our children. "The nail that sticks out will be hammered"
The worst part is living with them and not being able to even take a shit in peace talk about misery
Thank you man. Ok we recognize it and read about it. But now we need to learn how to battle them
Good advice thanks
Donald trump
Narsissastic parent act differently when they're outside so people will not believe and make you become more stressful
Sarra velvetwice so true! can relate 10000%
The fact that they are only abusive in secret is proof of guilt.
Narcissistic parents are the evil on earth.
yep
I felt that soo badd
"They own you financially, they can hurt you" The most important words in my life. Thank you sweet kind man.
Narc parents pick and choose ,if you need their help,and it benefits them too, they will help you.
I've suffered many years of their abuse and ruined my life. Taken back. Now getting black mailing.🤯
They’ll even reach out to you, as an individuated and financially-independent adult and try to sabotage your livelihood, in order to gain control. “Control”, not only meaning that they wish to provide you with directives. But, control meaning that they intend to destroy you, discredit you, and even turn you into a dependent bum, drawing further contrast between the great parent they’d like to appear to be and the garbage that is you, that they have to tolerate. In actually, the opposite is true.
hi guys! i created a private facebook group! i hope you would join. i also live with a very toxic/ narcissistic parent and i wish to create a community of people who has the same experience as i do. i hope that we create a positive community to help each other out. if we dont have supportive parents, then who cares! lets support one another then. please join the group. (honestly, i really need to talk to people that understand.) facebook.com/groups/2626706190929003/?ref=share ❤️
Real shyt
Narcissistic mothers are jealous of the development and growth of their daughters.
Absolutely my experience with my mother
Very upsetting.
Exactly
Narcissist fathers are the same way with the development and success of their sons. Trust me.
True...
Yes👏🏻 But we are more beautiful and youthful by default
“A narcissistic parent can you make you very angry” whew I felt that in my soul.
Same here
Sadly they like that
Depletion. I used to believe there was something innately bad in me (or everything), but my body was expressing and purging what he didn't, absolutely nauseous.
And they do it well
I am SOOOOO angry because of my narc mom. It burns in my SOUL. And I have to live with her and my dad until I can find a place and move out again. It has been a nightmare. They really will have you so angry and bitter that you don't know what to even do with yourself...
what a calm peaceful man. my father is hardcore narscist and he made my life hell .
innatelymystic same here.
Mine still does. I'm only 17 can't get out of it. Any advice how to deal with it please?
try to cut ties with them in a peaceful way, and try to minimize time spent with them to a certain extent, so their toxic & manipulative behavior don't affect you much .
My father is a hardcore narcissist and he IS making my life hell. I'm only 13yrs old, 5 more to go till I'm eighteen! Im counting down the days.
same here!
"Do not be dependent on them as an adult" - the one advice that I hope to remember always from henceforth.
Learned it the hard way
Yes, but be carefull, they will do anything to make you depend for the reat of your life, they will brake you, demoralise you, manipulate to fail evry time so you can stand by ther side.
yeah, I can affirm, it's a complete nightmare. every. single. day. to be an adult and dependent on the narcissist who sexualized me as a toddler and physically, mentally and emotionally abused me throughout my lifetime. I am disabled and it's incredibly challenging.
It's not about being dependent.
I earn, choose an apartment to live , but they stalked/bad mouthed & what not.
Now I am thinking to shift to different city.
@@beingpallavi3272 and I'm just starting my path on escaping him, best scenario is i could be able to flee to another country since i know he would haunt me til death
Do not attempt to help a narcissist in any way. That's the best you can do.
And the best you can do for yourself is going as far as you can from them, emotionally, physically, spiritually.
This is the best advice
It's really hard because she's my mom and I love her, but I love my sanity, emotional stability and peace more, I still feel guilty tho
@@valeriamarneau149Giving birth doesn't mean jack-💩 to be honest...It just means you produced offspring.It's a loving tender understanding bond that really counts.In our society mothers are practically given a complimentary halo simply for giving birth/adopting a child & we need to learn to stop doing that because mothers can potentially be monsters just like anyone else.
My Narcissistic Father's quote all of my childhood :
i gave you life, i can take it away.
Narcissists have a over-bloated sense of undeserved, unearned 'entitlement'. When they have children they think of them as their own creation to be moulded like wet clay into their own image, rather than seeing them as a wonderous privilege and blessing (from God, if you are religious) that they are entrusted by nature (God, if you are religious) to nuture into a wonderful, unique individual. Narcs see their children as an investment from which they expect to 'take' healthy dividends from later on in life - so you had better deliver, or else.... They don't see them as a privilege, with the hope that their love for them might once day be reciprocated. Everything a narcissist does 'for you' and says to you has a covert and, at times, overt 'you'd better do, or else...play your cards right......' strings attached...you are only as good as your last sale... message underpinning it. This keeps you under their control and continually on edge and feeling insecure. So you spend your time constantly trying to please them until, one day, self awareness hits you like a thunderbolt and you realise that living with a narcissistic parent is just like living with an endless ultimatum. You then realise that you are merely a gene pool 'employee' hired to do the bidding of your gene pool employer to earn your keep, and you'd better fulfill your job description or else you will be disciplined or even fired. Blood is never thicker than water with narcs. Therefore, the best thing to do is to protect yourself with a ring of fire by going no contact and putting your 'life experience CV' out there to meet other real people who love you unconditionally and will rip up the resume and give you a genuine hug. If you don't do this your entire life with be 'owned' by them and you will suffer persistent esteem and problems with depression. I should know I am a double NPD parent survivor.
Bel Grant your spot on... specially your last few lines.
Wow.. Yeah . I heard that one when I was 18 due to him wanting rent money.
He said " I brought you into this world and I can take you out with one punch." As he was standing toe to toe, with this face of hate and anger.
Will never forget
I brought you into this world i can take you out is what my dad used to say.. smh
Yep! Heard that one from both mom and dad
This is so true .....thanks to my mother i bounce around from home to home ....only cared about herself ..i grew up insecure........afraid of life ...full of anxiety and phobias ...:(
Same. I moved 13 times before the age of 16. But, things get better when we get through the victim stage. I'm currently reclaiming my strength and taking responsibility for events that happened.
Insecure andagraid of life. Exactly. They fcuked me up so bad, even when I try to regain control of my life and do something of my life, I can't.
When I told a friend of mine, they just think I was being lazy or weak willed. I know the right thingseems obvious, but the kind of fear all those years instilled in me is very real. Everytime I come close to giving my life a chance, I find a way to sabotage myself. It's like I have a phobia of being happy.
It seems ridiculous and doesn't make any sense but it is what it is. All I can do is try again and hopefuly the next time, I'll make it through.
This is my dad. I am 47 yrs old i have phobias , panic attacks depression. Dad will scream at me & call me everything , lowlife under the sun
He never changes. Only too apologize and do it the next day
@@holohulolo Oh my gosh....the stress and anxiety I have just trying to do a normal everyday task is unbelievable. Leaving the house to go to the grocery store was very difficult for me. It was crowded, I had to ask employees every single time I couldn't find something, mainly because I did not feel like I could find it on my own. I saw some beautiful birds by the front of the store though, so I know God was with me. It is so hard to try and better myself after being through this abuse, I really hope I can make it out.
you're not alone! 🙏❤️❤️
That moment in life when the youtube comment section gives more understanding than your narcissistic family ever gave.
He's the kind of person you want to pour your hearts out about your narcissistic parent. Hahaha
I would be crying to him lol 😭
So true..
Exotic Flower
Me too lol
Sept îles Québec Canada
🤫🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃
My parents started kicking me out when I was 13, with little clothes and no shoes regularly in the middle of the night. As I got older they would kick me out for 6 months or so at a time repeatedly. They manipulated me, forced me to work and took my money, never let me leave the house, beat me with cords, hangers, boots, etc. They kicked me out at 16 and unenrolled me from school, I didn’t get to graduate. I ended up getting a job and finding a room to rent. I’ve met and lived with so many different kinds of people. I became addicted to benzos and alcohol because of a roommate, who I ended up meeting my boyfriend through. He saved me and we’ve both helped each other build and grow in the 3 years we’ve been together. I’m making a great salary at my age, I have a house, everything I could ever want, etc.
but my parents ruined me. I think I’m getting better sometimes but then I think about one little thing they did and I cry for three days straight. Any little thing makes me break down, it hurts me to see people being kind to each other and happy families, because that’s something I didn’t experience for my first 18 years of life. I escaped, but I don’t know when my sadness is going to end. It’s endless. I can’t get past it.
Sorry for the long stupid comment. I needed to get it out.
Madison Flores Well Madison I am not sure if you will see this comment, but I want you to feel great for actually being kicked out, many of us like me personally for example have no apparent escape and It has been way more than 18 years, just imagine if you had more than that of suffering, or even worse imagine if you had good parents that love you and seeing them die at a young age, you may ask why can't we just have both, well the world is no where near heaven, it's meant to be lacking and cruel for every individual; people like Steve Jobs had their peaks and died of cancer. Some others are way more successful and alive but they either have undercover issues that are very serious or are yet to come or was in their past. Take Keanu Reeves past as an example and look at him now. Point is, be grateful and have hope for every bit and trust in God's planning to the better. Usually people who live independently on the run since a young age that I know of are either very loving and fun to be around, smart and become very successful or both. Let's all not worry anymore and try to heal slowly but surely. Personally I need to find a way out and I will try my best then I'll heal. They are taking my money as well but didn't kick me out. Haha. I wish you and everyone else the best in their path to healing. I'm sad but also hopeful. Wish you all the best.
Girl I can feel your words 💔 . Even that one incidence is enough to make me cry for whole however strong I try to be.
Late to reply but your story is horrifying. Some parents are absolutely disgusting people. I hope you have found some resources for yourself and have learned to self care. I hope life is kinder to you in the future...
Sorry :(
Sorry to hear that darling, at least you will do better for your kids one day and you won't let them go through the trauma you had to face ad such a young age. All the best to you. ❤️
this is my mum, I have left home and now getting on with my life.
I'm in the process of gtfo, supporting you mentally good job you can do it
good luck bro
Good for you Tom for speed.
Welldone 👍🏽
praise God
for the longest time I thought there was something wrote with me till I figured out they were just scapegoating me. they made me feel terrible for simply exisisting and having emotional needs. and of course no one believed me whenever I try to tell others about my situations,they'd just be swayed by the brainwashing of my narc parents. it didn't help that I had a golden child older sister for a sibling. she was more than happy to degrade me along with our narc parents,and never hestitated to tell me that I'm a waste of space. I've recovered a bit,just by a slight margin since I'm now aware that I'm not the problem.
Hi yah me too i always felt awkward that i was different its juat that were normal and they are not. My parenta come from incest and i thought itvwas disgusting that my father gave permission ..."permission" ok? 'Cuz these are ADULT daughters who aren't even living w them anymore and (also figure the mind control that my father has over them) to date these relative 3rd cousins of ours...and my father said YES. Oh my God i complained to him and brought the word of God and he said that the bible is seperate to his ways and that hevhas his ways that he allowed it period! And he says that I am mental because i dont agree with the family traditions eeeww
+Irma Gonzalez God bless u
Treat your sister well and tell her the truth about " the goden child scam" I was the golden child too before m'y narc parents turned me into a black sheep when my little brother succeeded where I failed
You are not alone ❤️ you have to try not to take it personally it’s hard to accept shitty family members but how they speak to you is a reflection of how they feel about themselves there’s nothing wrong with you there never was
Smile good JOB!!!
Expression is something I've recently learnt. I'm in my 20s and have just learnt love doesn't leave when you express yourself. Love wants to know what you really think and feel and is unconditional. I am a person. I am valued and so are you 💛
That is a great sentiment. Thank you.
wow, i gotta screenchot this.
Thanks for this Kayla
Covert narcissists are even more dangerous, since they are narcissists in stealth mode.
Yep 100% 😣
Yes 😔😔😔
Forreal
Much more of a mindf**k too
So basically: Plan to become standalone.
My whole family fit this description and its scary that I am attracting friends with the same mentally :o(
careful, sometimes the abuse from your parents mixed with the love bombing can condition you to be more attracted to people with abusive qualities. Don’t get caught up with the wrong friends or worse, the wrong spouse [just noticed your comment was six years old lol]
same! I realized after a scary incident that happened in my neighbourhood that i have friends with narcissistic traits.
I have a narcissistic mother and my fear is being like her
I heard if you have narcissistic parents you might be one yourself
@@readingchannel1751Yes....But if you're wringing your hands worrying about being like them & worried about hurting others, congrats because most likely you're not a full-blown narcissist & you can work on gradually healing🌞👍🏻👍🏻.
Unfortunately, I am still living with a Narcissistic Mother...this year I was planning to leave but this virus has stopped me to fly away from here. I ask for prayers, after all this Health Mess, I will runaway.
Same here. I booked a plane ticket. Jumping out on faith. I live with my narc dad. Gray rock can only take you so far.
Just try, I Ieft in the midst of the pandemic, I decided that even if I don't find affordable rent I will pack my stuff and go to a homeless shelter, I had even looked them up, then some crazy circumstances helped me find accommodation. I'm struggling financially every single day but I'm free!!!!! God is great and just waiting for you to choose freedom and justice!
Also don't forget that some accommodation owners are more flexible and understanding exactly because of the pandemic, you never know
Think of the future............a new fresh future 😊👍
@@irmalair1 how?? Im a girl end of highschool i wouldnt mind going to a homeless shelter but im scared of being drugged robbed or raped. Shit you take just because you dont have a fcking dick. Like girls and guys are literally the same but woth different sex organs and sexualities lol, why do we have to always be raped. The thing is im shaking just at the thought of being violated so i dont know where to go and every day with parents makes me wanna kill myself more and more and there is kust no fcking escape and way to be happy.
I grew up with narcissistic parents, and when I grew independent, they tried to take my money away. Luckily, I escaped them 💁🏻♀️✨✨
But what is that with the money. My father is narcistic person an i think he would eat money. Somehiw, he's never enough and let me almost without anything. What is the connection between disorder and greed? Is that common?
I have no other choice except to live with them now, my son and I have no other place to live, they take all the opportunities they can to get money out of me.
My mom is obsessed with being the victim all the time. And when she knows I am catching onto her, she suddenly gives me what I always deserved in that moment and then makes me feel bad for getting it. Basic needs. She flips the narrative so she looks like the victim.
This man is so spot on, The narcissist will get you young or old, you’ll be 65 taking your 90-year-old mother on holiday you won’t have a life of your own run for the hills save yourself. Do it NOW teens and early 20s don’t waste your life 😊
Ooops, i failed. He had me for a lifetime. Im broken beyond repair.
This describes me and my dad except I'm in my thirties. I'm stuck taking care of him and his never-ending problems because he won't and there's no one else to do it. Please pray i find a way out of this 🙏
@@sevananazarian3086 Amen 🙏 you will
@@nemanjazivojinovic6239 Brate drzi se.. u istoj sam situaciji
Narcissists are like a different species living among us. They are who they are and cannot change. The only solution is to recognize them for who and what they are without getting enmeshed. Clear your head of the lifetime of bad programming. Enjoy how it feels to be fully yourself, a human being with a heart and a soul and your own path in life. I've been no-contact with my narcissistic mother and sister for a couple of years. The saddest part was coming to terms with the fact that I never had a Mother, and never will. Mom used to say " you can't get blood out of a turnip", and that pretty much sums it up.
am going thru the same! am now admitting that i don't have a mother!
hi! James! sorry for the dog! you will get another! guilt is what you need to be free of. Anyway am happier now! At first i was so worried about her health....money .....but i discovered am not improving her status! it was so draining! it is affecting my peace. dream...relations.
I was willing to help but it was toxic to me!
my guilt was on people! but on pets i dont know! this how i dealt with my guilt anyway. i just let God take care of them! because God watches over everyone of us even the birds in the air! So i dont need to worry about people and things but to seek was on how to be happy! and being my self! The world has got to many problems and this problems will take care of themselves. It was hard at first but i have learn to let go and allow new beginnings! New things! but also appreciate the humble ones!
Just know your pet is in good hands and that God will watch over her/him.
You need to be free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and be Happy and full!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The moment one thing goes bad especially on depression, stress, anxiety....will always lead to other problems. You Better learn how to deal with such issues. Sometimes they take years to go. if only you could sought for the right help..things that seems to take years could only take 30 mins..5 mins..
Pleasure!!!!!!!!!!!!
My boyfriends mother is narcissistic and it´s really hard for me, since he´s trying to not have too much contact with his mother and he gets sad sometimes because he wish things would be different...
I am currently 15 and living with my narcissistic dad. This is so accurate. Every time I talk with him he is so unreasonable and won't listen or think about me. In his opinion he is always right and if I argue about something that I disagree with or try to in the slightest way imply that something was actually his fault he will just think I am a disrespectful daughter and WILL NOT think about the situation in anybody else's point of view. He will act so nice and charming in front of my friends so they don't know why I always complain about him because they think he is the coolest dad ever. I have developed anxiety and mild OCD behaviours as a coping mechanism to try to gain control in my life. I hate it.
SAME!!!! I am 17 and it so hard. Can we talk? I think we're living thru the same thing and maybe we can help eachother out in this.
sure! I'm sorry about what you are going through too.
Can I join this conversation? I know I'm only 12 but I deal with the exact situation with my mom and dad. I honestly don't know what to do. I have suicidal thoughts every night, and it's been getting considerably worse. I'm scared that I'll have to live with this for years to come until I go to college. I'm legit scared. I wanna just give up and die so I won't have to deal with this pain. I see them argue with my older brothers, and I'm scared I'm gonna deal with that to. I don't want to. I wanna leave them so much. My friends don't understand when I tell them. I have no counceler/teacher to talk to. Plus most articles don't focus on what the CHILD should do if they're living with a narccicist. Please, if you have any advice send me some. ;-;
+KingdomHearts Fangirl and +Cleo Favata can we like form a support group for teenage girls living with narcissistic parents? It might help a lot of girls learn that they're not crazy, they're not selfish, they're living in the manipulative shadow of a narcissist, and that none of this is their fault.
Chanie Gottheil I would love that! Maybe like just an online group. I swear I felt like that for the past 11 years of my life. My mother was the most manipulative person I've ever met in my life. You know, as we speak right now, my brother and mom is fighting and I'm listening to their conversation. My mother keeps trying to pour stupid lies in him and he keeps saying "This conversation is just bad for my health." I think he understands the mother we have. I've been pretty observant of the fights my family has. They think I'm pretty dumb, but I learn from them a lot. ;)
The simplicity of this man's words is both eye-opening and validating. He articulates in 2 min everything I've been feeling for 20+ years! Thanks for posting.
The eye opening moment is a blessing. I now realise that I am somewhat a narcissist myself. I was raised by one with a Codependent father. But I have the knowledge to try and change myself.
From a fellow survivor all the best. :-)
Sam Wren Good for you dude
yeah if we turn like them then
they win. What makes us win
is that WE KEEP BEING OUR-
SELVES. all the best ...Peace...
I had 2 narc parents. Threats of (& demonstrations of) violence as punishment for not 'cooperating' were common.
From my earliest memory,I never felt at ease EXISTING. The main vibe & message I got about Life In General was that I am a GUEST in their home & it's almost as if, moment I was born, they'd looked at me with pointed finger in my face, warning,
*"New baby? WE call the shots here. You'd better WATCH. YOUR. STEP....or ELSE!"* (cue narc's poised fist-demo)
What I never understood was the "guest" thing. I don't understand. My dad has NPD and fine. He doesn't care about me. Fine. He hates me. Fine. Okay so then he threatens if I don't behave he'll kick me out of the house. What I don't understand is why doesn't he? Why doesn't he kick me out? He doesn't have to raise me. He can give me up for adoption. If isn't capable of loving me , and if he hates me, he is totally allowed to give me to someone else. Someone who will love me u conditionally and can mend my heart. So why doesn't he kick me out if he hates me? Why does he feel like I have to stay there so he can tell me that he hates me and wants to kick me out? I almost wish he'd kick me out but he won't. Why?
I understand the, "guest" feeling. I felt, like an intruder in my father's life.
The SAD FACT concerning Narcissistic Personality Disorder is NO ONE REALLY CARES except for the family members effected. It's REALLY sad. My highly NARC Mother has been free to create chaos for almost my entire life. I moved to be close to her when she was battling cancer, and she truly needed someone. However, after 3.5 years of an unending smear campaign and denial that I've helped her in any way, I WASH MY HANDS OF HER IN ALL WAYS....and my new life starts NOW! There is NO CURE for this mental illness. These folks are wired wrong from childhood. So very, very sad. It took me healing from the codependency it created in me and years of feeling depressed w/ little self esteem to make me REALIZE that WALKING AWAY IS THE ONLY ANSWER! My Narc Mother would have NO QUALMS ending my career, seeing me in jail to meet her objectives and is willing to lie about all of it. I'm done. I hope my fellow NARC Survivors realize it much sooner than I did. Love to you! Peace of the spirit!
Thank you for the video. I am 35 years old and I just found out my mother whom I considered a saint , is a narcisisst. Now I can see clearly. Yes she didn't let me live my life. But now I know better and I live it ! Let's look into the future !
Yesssssss!!!!
Absolutely stay positive no matter what ❤️❤️❤️
I have a narcissistic mother and I went no contact is going to be 5 years, she controlled me and manipulated me, took all the supply from me, put everyone against me, plays the victim. These narcissistic parents make their children go through hell, they take advantage of our innocence and play with our mind gaslighting, loveboming, and using us, narcissistic parents don't love their children, now I understand why I was always in the hospital since little with panic attacks, everything started making sense after all these years, I wish I would of known about narcissism back in the 80s, I'm just glad the truth is out, everything comes to light, going no contact is the only way to go.
Pedos of the mind and heart...grooming and abusing the souls, spirits and minds of their own children -
i can 100% related to where your coming from no contact is the only way
the worst part of the experience is, while still young, trying to do everything possible in order to make the parent happy, which is ultimately not possible...
and that they want you to be like a molded, cardboard box of a human being and live up to the "fantasy child" role
Paul Renfro I'm in the same situation and it feels like a hell.. I don't know when this would end..or even if it would end before I die
Narc parents have no soul. They are not even humans. They just look like humans but inside they are monsters. It’s interesting how all religions preach respect and love for parents as they are like sort of saints. This is the biggest lie and sign that holy books are written by human minds.
C O
Jesus said when He returns He won't be bringing unity, but division. division between mother and daughter, father and son, etc. meaning one will be taken to heaven and one will be left.
He also said to leave the dead to bury the dead. meaning any family or friends who don't get the message of truth etc.
And it's kind of funny for me. I know I wasn't perfect, but on hindsight I realise I was the good kid, i was the super understanding and obedient kid most parents I know of, wanted.
I never rebeled, that supposedly inevitable teenage phase just never happened.
My friend's parents like me. I heard how disrespectful most of my friends can be, when they talk to their parents. I never did that not out of fear but out of understanding. It's funny how he'a constantly criticising me and comparing me with other kids when in reality I was already the "better kid" at least according to the kind of traits he'd want and yet it's never enough.
Narcissistic parents are jist so negative all the time, they have the tendency to only look for the mistakes and negatives and always overlook how many postive traits and things to be grateful of that is already there.I was so preoccupied about his needs, I was not at all in touch with my emotions andmy own needs, I was an unwitting victim. I did my best to be understanding, I was never angry towards him because I was oblivous to the truth. If I knew what was going on when I was younger, I would've rebeled probably, and I would've understood why he was so angry,because there was resistant. But I was doing everything the way he wanted, behave theway he wanted all the time thinking I'm proud for being a good kid to my parent, but it was never enough.
In the end it really didn't matter how good I was, how perfect I was, they'd focus on the 1 flaw they could find and judge you with it and ignore all the other 100s of good traits you have.I
@bigjayking24 took me to my 20s to realise something was really off and begin searching for explanation. When I finally came across the term, there was syill so much douby in me, emotional abuse is very elusive. On the surface it seems to make sense, what matters is how you feel. I was aware I might be quick to judge because I wanted to label it took a few more years to notice all the inconsistencies in their "value". For me this is the hardest part, when they argue they always put you down from some sort of moral high ground, but they are hypocrites, they'd say anything for the sake of winning and having the last word, but they never live by what they say, what they criticise you for.
I'm glad you've start educating yourself. I find Dr.Ramani's videos to be the most insightful regarding narcissism. I wish it were available years ago wgen I started reading about it, would've helped me a lot.
I had two narcissistic parents. It primes you for abuse in your romantic relationships. Best advice? Strong boundaries and detach completely if possible. They get worse with age. If you must communicate with them, don’t share your struggles or successes with them. Be bland, dull, and boring.
Excellent advice. Everything you said was spot on. Thanks for remarking about dating and setting yourself up for abuse...sure wish I had found out sooner.
Ha ha.
What if your narcissistic father has ruined your confidence and life so much that you don't get into college so can't get a proper job and therefore can't be financially independent?
iheartchoo2 Jones get away from them.
There is only one solution, leave and never ever look back. Find another sources of love and support within friends :)
@@ptrblz yes
ive got a mother like this. It took me a while to stand up to her but in the end its worth it in order to keep my sanity.
How did you do that..?
I am in turmoil
My emotions are scarred to the very core. I'm afraid to even love someone. Living with narcissistic parents makes me feel guilty for the very lil things. Sad how at this age, we are expected to be the best when they don't even know or understand their childs need at all.
It can take years to figure out the problem. Lucky for UA-cam and the internet to give us tools to help feed our minds and souls to try to build up what was destroyed years ago.
The fault isn't in me, Even though you've told me my whole life I'm a burden and that I'm basically nothing ... The fault is in YOU.
Narcissistic parents usually con any 'therapists' whom they are forced to confront when their children (inevitably) become disturbed. They honestly believe that they're wonderful parents, and come across as worried and concerned, so incompetent 'therapists' will think (as the parents do) that there must be something wrong with the disturbed children. Such parents will even get a diagnosis of psychosis imposed on their children when in fact the problem is that the children are neglected or abused.
In my case, I was incested for years and my 'therapists' completely fell for my parents' act because it wasn't an act. They really thought they had been perfect from start to finish. Even after I reported multiple class A felonies which they knew to be real, they never doubted their perfection as parents. They honestly thought that I was selfish and unreasonable to try to get them into trouble. I was of course expelled from the family for my failure, with them 'gently' claiming to be loving, caring parents even as I was going out the door, so impervious was their image of themselves as perfect beings.
They were smart enough not to say anything pro-incest and smart enough not to admit anything, but their feelings about my disclosure, beyond fear of punishment and determination to defend themselves, were no more than feelings of being insulted and offended that I would not let the felonies go unreported. They felt perfectly justified in trying to get me labelled as psychotic, and in leading me to believe that I had been so diagnosed (in order to silence me) when in fact the 'therapists', though successfully duped into believing their innocence, had not been willing to go that far - a fact which I did not know for decades.
You may think I am presumptuous in telling you what (I am sure) they felt, as if I think I can read minds, but it was all clearly obvious from their words and manner. Everything was my fault - being disturbed, accusing them, it was all on my bill and they were offended and indignant that I had turned on them. Their narcissism was so great that they may have actually believed that I had 'wanted it' (always the rapist's refrain) even though it had been necessary to hunt me and strap me down, and even though I was accusing them before the world.
How did they stay married? It was a business relationship, the only kind they knew. They had a deal going whereby they flattered each other vociferously, and they abstained from hurting each other in order to keep that flattery going, but they had no qualms about hurting their children. The family was like a cult, maintaining a quasi-religious belief in the parents' perfection. They were the cult leaders who benefited and their children were the used and abused cult followers.
OH. MY. GOD. this happened to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I got diagnosed with bi polar. I was 16. My mom told the therapist that my dad was lying, that he's narcissistic, but she didn't believe my mom and listened to everything my dad said.
Love to you, Chanie. These people are truly wicked.
During my early teenage years I began having really bad panic attacks and became almost conpletely housebound as the overwhelming stress of my home environment manifested in a severe anxiety disorder. My parents forced me to see therapists over the next few years and I received diagnoses of depression, cyclothymia, bipolar II, and BPD as my therapists misconstrued the anguish that I was enduring as idiopathic and internal when my depressive symptoms, irritibility, rapid shifts in moods were actually sequelae of the turbulent and unstable environment I was in.
My narcissistic mother has seen therapists and it hasn't helped her at all, they automatically believe the 'victim' image she displays to them and has acquired a new lexicon of psychological language to use to play mental games - even accusing me of "gaslighting" directly after denying a childhood of abuse.
This happened to me. Sexual abuse/incest that screwed me up and when I finally understood the gravity of what had happened, I was then able to begin healing myself.
However when I approached my parents about it, my life turned into a living hell, and I saw them for who they truly are, and it is now my contention that I was raised in a generational abuse family, where this stuff is actually done deliberately, as part of a "grooming" process.
Shocking
Being the golden child for most of my life, I had no idea that I was brainwashed. After getting out of a relationship with my ex who was a narcissist I now realized that I grew up in the same dysfunction.
Vanessa date guys who let you be in controlle they don't want to be in controlle also some guys who are narcissists are because there parents was like that with them and they don't know any different it's not always there fault
and they do dissmiss your feelings its basically all about having a narcicisstic parent can really mess up your head
The thing is not to be dependent on the parent, if he would be dependent on me I would throw them in the street with no problem. Mercy is not an option.
+Tudor Renegade I don't want to start complaining like it is the custom with victims of narcs but I expressed some anger and Oh man, they really hurt me.(I have major health problems now.) I hope there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for me, life can be so good when free of problems.
This hit me hard. I teared up and I'm 22. This perfectly describes my father
Literally the same. This is like a perfect explanation of him
Me tooo!
playlists its hard not to though its like mind control, how do you stop from feeling guilty?
I feel that as well. My father is the same!
The best part is you got this info an epiphany in your 20s - good luck!!!
Thank you for this. You've really helped me. My dad is narcissistic and am tired of his shit. I am 30 years old now, sadly I'm dependent on him, because I'm living under his roof.
U not alone 😊
I'm 24 and they have made it their life's goal to keep me dependent on them. I lived with only my narc dad for 2 years, and then they abruptly decided to move to another state and have my narc mom live with us as well. It was way easier to just deal with my dad, than BOTH of them. I have had insomnia and serious stress issues ever since moving into this new house with them. Just like the girl said above, we are not alone. We have to leave them for good. I'm scared as hell to move out on my own because of my agoraphobia and fears, but I am doing my best to try to get out. I heard going on a Paleo diet can help erase the fears we have, and also try using essential oils. Like Jasmine oil, lavendar oil, to help with stress. We can make it out of this hell. Other people have, why can't we :)
It’s okay it’s not your fault and I hope you find a way out
Taken me 57 years to work this out, been on my own with this one. My mother has no one else, it’s always been me. I now need to really let go as she is still talking to me like I wasn’t important to her, i have had enough, this has prevented me from doing so much throughout my life.
Your life is still ahead of you.
Talk about not “ important “ it’s so crazy how they need you and then toss you to the side and talk down to you like your nothing
My mum tells me at least 4 times a week that “you will never have a mum like me. I am the best mum you could ever have and nobody will love you the way i do.” And it is degrading as hell. I cant wait for the day i earn my own money an am financially stable enough to live a life of my own away from my entire family.
I have both a narcissistic mother and father and I’m done putting up with their bull crap. I still live at home with them and am hoping to move out very soon
Many compete with their own children and demean them to try to ruin any self-esteem and incoming personhood the child has. Crippling insecurity, many of them have. They can definitely be envious.
it's so hard trying to ignore my mother like my sister tells me to. I'm 21 now and I still have to live with her, I do so much for her and then she tries to make me feel like I did something wrong when I always do my best to be a good person. Today she calls me a snake, i had a flashback of when she tried to strangle me as a child screaming should i kill you. some days she says she was blessed with to gifts from God and now she thinks we're the devil's black magic! is she a psychopath? what should i do? she makes me want to kill myself
Please do not give up! I been in your shoes. At the end of the day you have to live your life for you. As you get older you will realize the people who you are close with now you may not be close with later on. That is the whole point in evolving! Silence sometimes is golden. Sometimes you have to give people a taste of their own medicine to see how they are treating you. Do you have friends you can hangout with in your hometown or anywhere to go where you can just your mind off things? Gym, lounge, library etc. Writing in a journal also can help you distress as well. I don't know if you work or not of course working isn't the most pleasant thing to do in the world but I would recommend getting a job that way you don't have to worry about dealing with her most of the day and in the process you can save your money so you aren't as financially dependent under her.
I'm with you cupcake. My mother is similar and has said similar things. But what's strange is, what's up with that? What is it about this breed called narcissism and where the heck did it come from?
Have you moved on?
Having two narcissistic parents makes me want to become a phycologist
I have come to realize am my own parent I have to take care of myself
Hit the nail right on the head! My mom said she doesn't regret hitting me cuz at least I wasn't mouthy! Hurtful!
Any time I talk to my mom about my feelings it's always "i buy you everything you want, you have food over your plate and a roof over your head" or "okay I understand" and then proceeding to ignore everything i said and do the same things again
My father is just like this. Its so hard bc your family and other outsiders just sees an “understanding” “caring” guy. Im supposed to have my own business in the future and he said himself once when he got mad “I dont need you face on it” AS IF IT WAS HIS BUSINESS. He even said “I dont want you to think we are trying to take over your business” He is literally telling me what he’s planning to do. I dont know what to do, I cant even trust the people who gave birth to me and they are in the process of wanting 50 PERCENT of MY FUTURE BUSINESS!
Open a legal case man
I've had narcissistic friends who left me emotionally drained. But I also avoided relationships with narcissists, because I saw them coming.
I don't do friends I just do a quick hi how are you and that's it
How did you see them coming? Plz and thank u
@@msbonnie37 They say things that are not true and expect you to believe it. Or they get mad at you for things that you have no control over. I
I have one and I’m simply baffled that there are so many people who were hurt by narcissistic parents in the world. I thought I was the only one and that I was crazy because I’m so bad,awful and never good enough. I honestly felt like everything was so much easier for others than me. Living in constant fear while nobody is hurting you physically. I feel traumatized but feel like it’s not enough good of a reason just because he was distant my whole childhood and started being controlling when I started going out and finding boyfriends. Also taking away my mother’s attention from me constantly.
One thing I have seen is lack of validation. Such parents never validate their kids emotional needs and in that manner kid remains anxious always.
Well said sir. This had been my whole youth with my parents.
I cut them off and on my own now. Life is getting better day after day.
Never give up on yourself.
@@tokyodiva Be strong. Believe in you. I'm sure, one day you'll get out of that place, Physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Focus on healing yourself. Go to therapy and/or work on yourself by reading books or watching videos about surviving narcissism. You'll get through this for sure. I believe in you. Take care.
The exact description of a narcissist dad (who actually doesn't deserve to be called as dad) summed up in within 3 minutes with a solution. Start getting financially independent because that is the only weakness of ours & until then he will keep pinching that weak nerve of ours.
well, besides my dad threatening to kill himself if we didn't do what he wanted for 45 years now, I told my dad I no longer want any contact with him. I state the issues and that I am getting therapy and have no interest in him being in my life unless he himself gets help as well...he sends me a message last night saying he had to cancel his dr appt since he didn't get a ride to it from me smfh. Narcissists are hopeless...they think there is no problem with themselves so how can I ever have a conversation? If i mention my brother, he calls him after getting off the phone to tell him anything negative I say so we don't get close and gang up on him...now as adults my brother and i have no relationship either. A narcissistic parent is so frustrating
Narcissists use people as pawns, turn them against eachother, and destroy relationships. They are manipulative, selfish monsters. Don't trust them. Don't reveal anything to them, it only gives them ammunition. Remove them from your life.
Tracy P Wow, if mY mom ever threatened that I'd
wait in anticipation :D. But then get disappointed
when she doesn't do it (she doesn't keep promises)
We are POWs for all intents and purposes growing up with a Cluster B parent. No one tells vets to "understand" their captors, to maintain a relationship with them based on "an intimate/substantial shared history" etc. but they cram that crap at Adult Children All. The. Time.
I understand human beings are self-referencing. That's exactly why the (apparently very few) excellent programs that train psychologists and psychiatrists insist the students actively participate in their own therapy. The vast majority of MH people have never sat anywhere but behind the sanctuary of their own desk. No wonder they're clueless if not downright dangerous to ACs.
My dad is really narcist I always thought it was my fault. Until
I read what a narcist is. I’m so happy for my self, I won’t feel guilty anymore !
4O years for me & I just finally let him go 1OO%. Sad but the only way to begin healing.
That's actually what it takes. Do it partner. You will feel alive again! Don't look back. Otherwise it's just negative broken records that continue to play. it will be your best move yet. Nothing beats personal growth. Good luck.
movingonandup773 Why are you angry
aren't you happy that they're dead? Don't
you think they paying for what they done
to you right now in their blasted graves?
I think it's worse when dealing with a narcissistic mother than a narcissistic father. What I mean by that is that many times mothers like that take advantage of their position. They use their wiles to play innocent or thoroughly convince themselves and needless to say others into thinking their doing what's best for someone other than themselves. Usually, more or less the worse thing a father can do is just leave. Even more so and forgive me if this is offensive, but males are very outwardly with their narcissism, but of course will still deny their actions no matter how obvious it truly is, while narcissistic women are more or less more subtle and more discreet with their narcissism and get most people to believe she can do little to no harm because she's a woman, but of course when no one's looking, the monster comes out to say the least. So narcissistic women tend to get away more with their behavior as a result. The mother is the important parent that should help you in life, not hurt you. And on top of that, you have people who constantly say, you should always listen/respect your mother even if she's in the wrong because she's your mother. Meanwhile, if it was the dad they would be like screw him or tell him off. So the narcissistic should be let off the hook and given special treatment just because she's a woman/mother? Get out of here with that. A woman/mother can be just as evil/deadly as a man/father and should be called out and confronted as such. Also, it's not just narcissists who were abused/neglected as a child that become that way. You also have narcissists grow up spoiled and pampered, which could also lead to them becoming that way. I daresay those narcissists are worse than the ones who grew up abused/neglected. I say that mostly because someone who was abused/neglected could probably have more of a chance/possibility and chance to change because they could see their lives through another and also I find most people who were abused/neglected also become shy and introverted, while somebody who's spoiled couldn't give a dang about anyone else because for as long as they can remember, it's been all about them. So they have little to no capacity to love/care about anyone else, except when it's convenient for their egos.
you are so right ! mothers get away with way more
***** which is unfortunate to say the least. Not saying men should be free to get away with anything like that, but narc women seem to get a free pass.
Very true :)
the worst thing a father can do is leave?
i beg to differ...
i had to endure extreme violence from my father almost every day. him leaving wouldn't be bad, it would be a good thing, it would actually be the best thing he could do.
Couldn't have said it better myself!
My mother's mom spoiled her to no end. Makes me sick how she truly messed her up which in turn has taken years off of my life dealing with this woman's antics.
It's always been about what my mother feels (me me me) It does not feel natural to call her mom" so I dont
yeah, I can affirm, it's a complete nightmare. every. single. day. to be an adult and dependent on the narcissist who sexualized me as a toddler and physically, mentally and emotionally abused me throughout my lifetime. I am disabled and it's incredibly challenging.
My mother is narcissistic. She’s so toxic
Same
I bet she is jealous of you. You're so pretty girl just ignore her and stay away from her. Narcissistic people are weak good luck.
Growing up I gave my Narcissistic single mum everything, it was never ever good enough and i was always made to feel guilty no matter how hard i tried for her, I was the oldest of 4 girls and took care of my siblings and my mum. She would always have some drama going on, being abusive on all levels, alcohol abuse, drug abuse etc . As an adult you HAVE to see that none of it is EVER your fault even if you get the blame for their wrongdoings and that you can be give yourself what they never did, love, understanding and acceptance. They will still try to affect your life as much as they can (because they love the rush of the attention and sympathy), but you are better than their crap, their bad descisions are on THEM not you! xx
Wow! It’s amazing to be able to find so many people in the same boat, in this comment section. My siblings and I also have a major narcissistic father, even right now it’s difficult, I’ve been trying to put myself first, not allowing him to hurt me, my sister has done the same.
Luckily I live with my mother and I’m now a young adult, so I want to move on from this.
I want to wish luck to anyone else having these difficulties.
You can think of how you wish to shape your life. Pick out he stuff you can reach out and get your self first. I turned 30 this year with my father yelling at me to give him a large some of money for him and his sank of a new wife. things can and will suck ,but the fact you want to keap moving towards a better way life you already gott'em beat.
"They own you..." this hurts
Hmmm 2Tim. 3:2 is cliche When hearing about issues about a parent-child issues. It gets me angry that people expect 2c a bleeding nose from a child or a bruise on his/her body inorder for an alarm to go off in their spirit that abuse might be taking place. I am a product of 2narcissists! My father takes pleasure in arguing with me because in the end he looks at me and starts smiling at me with this weird smirk on his face and it makes me feel OH SO UNCOMFORTABLE AND DISGUSTED!!! He ALWAYS would compete with my fiance which they hate him and its always a competition w my children and my mother a masochist type of narc. Believe me that my fame in my fam is CRUSHED LABELED NEGATIVELY DEGRADINGLY. My aunts tell me to stop competing with my mother ! Its like im in a competition that i was NEVER aware of until then. All of us adukt chukdren of narcs my blessings of patience joy and ESCAPE go to you!!!
Misery loves company is all i can say. Parents who dont support and make their kids suffer dont deserve to have the title
The thing is we must live certain independently in adolescent time .You must have a solitude additude in yourself .Better is to ignore them .They don't want to shine us in future.Use parents until you became independent and ready to face the world 😁😁😈
Both my father and mother are Narcissists. As an adult who is now free from them and living on my own with my husband, I feel much happier with my life now. I realize that I am fortunate to not be a Narcissist as well, although I do have some Narcissistic tendencies, which I am aware of. My husband and I understand each other because he too had Narcissistic parents. It's very hard growing up as a child with Narcissistic parents. I found the best I could hope for was when I could escape when I moved out as an independent adult. Self-awareness is very key to not become a Narcissist as well.
Hi Kitty! Do you think it is possible to explain your behavior to someone (a partner for example) that hadn't had narcissistic parents himself? I have a narcissistic mother who also had a narcissistic mother herself. I have (a lot) of narcissistic tendencies too.That's why I don't want to have children. I try really hard to change but it's so hard to connect with people...
Hi VanityFairGaze. I think it's possible to explain it initially to a partner not familiar with Narcissistic parents by first explaining the experience you had growing up in simple words such as "I experienced a lack of love and care from my parents growing up because they were selfish people generally." Then follow up with by sharing stories about some specific experiences and memories that back this up. If your partner wants to understand more about Narcissism and Narcissistic parents, then you could point out to them and suggest articles, and videos from psychology professionals that specialize in Narcissism such as this video. That could help bridge the understanding quite a bit for the partner!
I was foolish enough to accept my parents living with me when old age came with health problems. My mother who is the malignant narcissist has vascular dementia and dad her enabler heart problems and arthritis. I am finding myself isolated completely, my own health deteriorating due to the high stress levels of daily living with them. I'm living a nightmare . Take heed to the wise words of this kind, quiet man and never accept living with narcissistic parents as adults. I hope I can find a way out of this hell but know they have taken years off my life
I really don't know what's gonna happen to me. I get the feeling that maybe it's too late for me but my parents have really done a lot of damage. I don't know what this means for me. I love myself and want me to be okay but i don't know if i will.
Your eyes are very deep sir. I feel authentic words coming from your being (soul). Thank you for sharing
A good forum for survivors is reddit.com r/raisedbynarcissists.
I depend financially of my mom because of unemployment here in Brazil and I can tell you, I never wanted anything more than a job.
I can't have normal conversations with her anymore. Now I got the licence to be a lawyer and it became WORSE. It seems like she is feeling threatened, even tho she LOVES TO TELL PEOPLE HER DAUGHTER IS A LAWYER... Yesterday I was remembering that I was awful studying history in highschool and she said "oh your teacher told me you were talking too much at class" and I said "mom, do you remember how I was good at every other class except history? There's no way he was telling the truth, I'd have to be bad at every single class because of that" (my teacher at that time was so confusing to me) And I started to count on my fingers to remember if I was really good at those classes, and she snapped "ARE YOU GOING TO TELL EVERY SINGLE THING IN THE WORLD?? WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO? RECITE EVERY LAW ALSO?????" and I was like Wut???????? What that even has to do?! "YOU TALK TOO MUCH".
Thank you, thank you, thank you... You have explained perfectly what my parents are. God Bless, you've helped me understand this. Growing up in it makes it hard to put into words what is going / what it's like. Thank you sir
This is exactly my relationship with my mother and I'm trying to learn how to deal with her. Thank you so much for this excellent advice!
Thank you, Ted. It sure isn't an easy road and its amazing how they can 'turn it on' for others! Family members and friends WONT BELIEVE ME when I just TRY to tell them a SNIPPIT of what she does, because they see such a 'loving mother'! Ha...what a joke! I count my blessings that I'm not like her...guess we should both count our blessings :)
I wanna have a job but i have no skill at all... No capital.. no friend and family support... Im sort of like Naruto Uzumaki who is hated by people in his village... And worst dad manipulated me into always depending on him... Probably to make sure im not gonna leave him when hes old... Typical asian parents..
Same here. My potentials are all already crushed. I have nothing more to give.
I’ve lived with a narcissistic father and a step mom who completely ignores me for the past 13 years. Only 1 more year!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t not wait for the day I can finally move away.
Narcissists come in so many shapes and forms. I'm still trying to fit my dad somewhere in the midst of all the different shades of narcissism
Narcissistic mothers dont attach to children. They choose favorites. Depends on type of narcissist. Covert/vulnerable will choose a child that is thought of as lesser to be favorite over 1 that is to pretty. The children will be divided to conquer and control. They serve her.
The overt will choose a favorite that is a lot like them. They want to live out their grand fantasy thru the child.
A Narcissistic Parent is jealous of their children' growth.
control freaks without anything to show
Things are about to build up again, damnit...
WOW! Dealing with this at 44 with my mom!
Same to me, they want to control you. My psychology have been affected by their character. I will promise that my children will not experience my own experience.
my mum keeps giving me hope then takes it all away, she even says I'm a cow and ugly infront of my partner ... and says he doesn't love me ... ugh ... keeps disowning me and I just try to visit them and they don't like it :( idk what to do ...
Stay away from them and you will be free and happy
Innit leave her alone
When I was 6, the abuse started and I'd always wondered, why do they bring us into this world if he's just going to abuse us. They could've aborted me, why have kids when you're not ready, just like how you do your research before getting a pet, they should've attended some sort of course or at least try to find out what to do. Do they realise they're raising a human being?
May be god gave you this life to make other people more informoned obout raising child
Or so you don't do the same to your child ; )