Male/Female Friendships Are Tested When One of You Gets A Partner
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- Опубліковано 9 тра 2024
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If you're a woman and you say your "close male friend" is just a friend, one test of your true feelings is how you feel when he gets into a relationship, and how she feels about you. A lot of people will gaslight the girlfriend, or blame the boyfriend for not standing up to her, but often there’s something else going on here. My letter today is from a woman
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I love the way the Childhood Fairy can "read between the lines". In fact, it's the most encouraging thing I get out of listening to these stories is that when you heal from CPTSD you can better discern reality and react reasonably. People with CPTSD typically have higher than average "intuitive skills" (because we had to). But, our reactions and responses to our intuition got damaged in childhood. The Fairy gives us hope that damage to our discernment and reactions can be healed .
I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy ❤
I had a longterm friendship with a former work colleague. There was never anything romantic or even flirty. He eventually got married. Once he got married, I always asked about his wife (we did not live each other by then, and kept in touch by text or calls). In time, I saw that he stopped reaching out, and the texts were cordial but a little distant. He and his wife were also very religious. After awhile, I guessed that they may have had an agreement not to have either outside friendships based on gender. I respected that, along with grieving the loss of a very long friendship as I had known it. These days, I look back on our friendship fondly, appreciate it, and understand it existed in its right time. 😊❤
Let them be. They are on a new journey together and you're not a part of it, as much as that hurts. I know, I've been there. Whether they work out as a couple or not, and if not, if one or the other comes running back to you, I'd be trepidatious..True friends are extremely rare. Most are fairweather friends, not worth your time and effort. These two have already proven that they are not loyal to you. If you have to see them at work, be cordial and friendly and make them feel like sh*t for icing you out. Show them that you are unaffected by that. Their loss.
I had a VERY similar situation play out. I love them both enough to keep my distance ❤
Dear writer of the letter, I feel for you, and I support you! I have friends of both genders, and I value my friendships. One of my male friends started dating, got married, and of course invited me to the wedding. His wife is amazing, I can’t believe actually how he scored so high, hehe. I love him and his wife now, and always happily visit them; and they happily invite me.
I’m sorry your friends turn out to be jealous sick types, so no, unlike Anna, I don’t support their relationship. When people betray friendships because of annoying reason like jealousy, it means they were never a good friend, and you know what, they are probably not a good partner either.
This is another example of why I don't have friends at work....anymore. I learned the hard way one too many times.
That's sad. Surely they're not all awful?
The way I see it, work “friends” are situational. I keep them at arms length and don’t count them as true friends.
@@santafilipina9020 they could be a great friend to you though. A friend from my first job was one of my bridesmaids and we stayed friends for over a decade even after I left that job. We saw each other every day and went to lunch together a few times a week. I think I saw her almost as much as my partner at the time! I guess it depends on the person/people and the job. But don't limit yourself, unless you've already got too many friends in your life, if that's possible
I'm with you on this one. I got betrayed by some of these "friends". Now I remind myself to not count colleagues as friends. Life is simpler this way.
In my experience there's very few men who can be a platonic relationship with a female. If you find one keep him
What's a friend? 😁
Just let it go...
SO much easier said than done. Some of us just "have big feelings."
No no, no objections. I think what Anna said is the right thing to do.
Ya they can’t be your emotional friend outbid respect to the new partner
However true friend will stay friends and maybe the couple can help them find someone for double dates lol
Are they really tested? I don't allow my friendships to be tested just because I get a partner. My friends come first. Partners come and go.
Exactly. We need to stop centralising romantic relationships to the detriment of all other relationships. It's not like they were discussing the relationship or anything.. She's just insecure
Yeah, leave them be. For all you know, maybe they'd be apart in three more months.
I agree there is no point of talking to them, as it wasn't exactly ghosting: the end of communication was expressed. And enough women will feel self-righteous about existing female friends of their partner the very day the relationship was committed to. In fact, I think we'd call a man controlling and showing red flags if he does the same to his girlfriend's male friends, but for the other side it's somehow more acceptable?
Anna is right though, and feelings often arise. I was in such a trio, and then those two became a pair, and didn't even declared that much, but of course she was jealous of me and expected to mind read what wasn't said. Then they broke up, we moved as room mates with him, and we always openly said we were friends and no more, called each other brother and sister ;)
Well, long story short, apparently he planned to propose to me. It feels more funny after 20 years, but back then it was a shock, a betrayal and felt like a big lie it was.
With her we were friendly afterwards, and I introduced her to another friend of mine, and they had a nice casual relationship to their mutual satisfaction, and I was quite happy for them. Then we drifted apart without any particular reasons for that.
So yeah, relationships are hard enough between two people. With more, there are more dynamics.
I've been away for a little while. I apologize to crappy child for my lack of involvement.😊, Thank you for your time and help.
Anna your outfit looks good on you
Just keep your distance and mind your own life. The girlfriend got jealous when your guy friend revealed you are both close. That is very threatening to the other girl.
4:17 that is usually my dynamic too. I need to adopt that phrase😂 👏🏾
Thank you for your insight.
Thank you for watching!
Nika@TeamFairy
Think you're right
Love trio is more likely as
🍔 😢🍔
As Someone may feel as a ‘patty’ between buns.
Happy Friday.
I step back if a friend of the opposite sex gets a partner because of my past experiences with drama.
Talk therapy can often just cause Sympathetic activation (a nervous system state) to be on loop. ie. Talking about past difficulties actually puts more stress/anxiety into our system.
Additionally, we very easily become addicted to our own stress chemicals, hence the work addiction epidemic that has been propelled by an overactive Sympathetic NS.
Don’t have opposite sex friends if you are in a relationship…..
Is it really inappropriate for her to be talking about her personal life with a close work friend? Would you say that if the friend was a woman, not a man? And I don't like the implication that it is inevitable between friends that are cis het man and woman that one will have feelings for the other 😳🤯
Same for me. I'm a trans guy and i lost a good friend (i met her 12 years ago) because of that sort of thinking. It made me very sad. I don't understand her logic. After my coming out, she was afraid that i suddendly was attracted by her... and she chose to break our friendship... But, I could be lesbian or bisexual and had sexual desire for her, even if i was cis and not trans ! The gender has very little to do with sexual desire ! You can be a woman and desire another woman... So ? You don't talk to any woman in couple ??? Because, perhaps, one of them can be attracted to you ? WTF ? We are not animals ! We have a brain and we can be attracted to someone and be smart and kind also... Luckily, we don't have to mate every time we are attracted by some guy or girl !
Anna I have a criticism as someone who has benefitted a lot from your channel. I find that you are overly heteronormative/traditionally focused when it comes to gender which is alienating. I'm transgender, which means I lived the first 17 years of my life as a woman, then transitioned to male. many people will make the assumption that if I were healed, I would not be transgender. I don't know the root of why I am, but nobody else does either. What I do know is that this is how I feel, and I feel happier now. But it doesn't just erase the experience I had for most of my life, so the way I relate to people is not black and white, and I don't think it is for most people. Videos like this, and the one Anna made about the film "the sound of freedom", which has ties to right wing politics and has been criticized for being propaganda, makes me feel like I have to take that part of me and set it aside. I have benefitted a lot from Patrick teahans channel, and I find that his framing of things better takes into account diverse perspectives while getting the same message across. I'm not asking for these videos to be tailored to me. I have the capability to understand what Anna is saying and where she's coming from. And I see no evidence that she is bigoted in any way. Im just saying that I would appreciate it if more thought about this was taken here. When you see a personal experience as typical or normal, you may not realize that you're excluding a lot of people who otherwise have a lot in common with you.
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I feel the same sometimes. This channel has done me a lot of good for me but as a lesbian who exists somewhere between genders some of the advice just wouldn't work for me. I am now in a happy monogamous relationship because of the advice from this channel and trust your opinion. If you don't feel comfortable speaking to queer topics I would love to have you host a queer speaker you trust or perhaps recommend a resource?
But she answers letters from specific people. In this case, heterosexual people. She is speaking from her own life experience, doing the best she can, just as you would. I'm not sure why advice given in these videos can't just be observed from one's unique perspective ( all of us are doing that). Forget that right wing accusation. That term has become a weapon to beat people with. There is more than one perspective on this Earth.
People can’t talk about what they don’t know. Go find another channel better suited for you. I’ve never flown a plane before, so I can’t make videos about doing so.