Are You Narcissist’s MOTHER or TOY? (Read description!)
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- Опубліковано 27 вер 2024
- The narcissist first converts you into his mommy, a maternal figure. He then tries to transform you into a transitional object. But this is mission impossible: the role of the transitional object is to allow the child to safely separate from mother. Disappointed and frustrated, the narcissist devalues and discards you.
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In my serious relationships, I have felt like a mother when enough time had passed. In my other relationships/situationships, a doll. I even told these men that I was not a doll or a sugar baby without knowing anything about the psychology behind it. Now I know all my relationships haven't been healthy. I'm glad I have no entanglements with these individuals. They are exhausting...
I think I was his mother, toy, fiance, babysitter, head doctor, cleaner, chauffeur, personal shopper... And The list goes on.....
Haaaaaaaa😂 same here
100%. 33 years later, In walks a first love and boom a covert Narcassist. I was Nieve to this all those years ago but now he is 60, failing health and came back to play his game. I was well conversed of his framing, word construct, strange ways. Expressed himself like a text book. I politely declined engagement. 🙏
That must be a frightening and frustrating way to live. So often I have wanted to ask him whether he thinks that he is my first, middle, last or only child. Like a 4 year old child.
Prof. Vaknin! What timing! I’ve been listening to you for about a year now dealing with a narcissistic abusive former fiancé, from whom I am healing. Just two nights ago, I watched Citizen Kane just by chance and had not seen it in years. Instantly saw all of the narcissistic tendencies he showed, and noticed how his disorder evolved throughout his years and culminated in his caging the once-free bird inside his “Xanadu” fantasy. The way he slapped her and said “I am not sorry.” How he didn’t want to let her go. How he manipulated the papers and news to make his possession look good. How his eyes looked so empty as she walks down the hallway.
It’s truly tragic when we are shown from the beginning how he was ripped from his mother. I can tell her character meant well, but she was seemingly so cold in sending him off having packed his bags for days before. She shows no warmth, but the boy obviously adored her. He had no chance to become his own identity before she abandoned him, essentially.
I think about my ex, who after a year And a half relationship proposed to me and moved my twin daughters and me into a gorgeous new home with him….only to find out months later that he was still married and hiding his wife in a house in Arizona.
I left him of course but it has been severely traumatic-the entire relationship was a LIE.
BUT his mother is in a hospital with schizophrenia. Even if he doesn’t have that-he must have felt abandoned AND he was never able to individuate, he always was stuck in the child’s mind wanting validation.
Well I’m no expert and I have zero desire to fix him BUT your reference, Mr Vaknin, to the Citizen Kane movie definitely resonates with me and I wanted to let you know that
Allll that you’ve been teaching me through your videos is making sense in my mind and truly helping me because when I watch Citizen Kane on Tuesday of this week, I almost heard your voice in my head.
Thank you!
Your comment is so eloquent, your story so interesting, thankyou for sharing.
I just saw "Barbie". Without having seen this first, I would not have laughed so hard, nor understood the power of toys. Thanks, Professor.
“Attachment and love are adult things” 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
It really sucks how emotionally unstable society is as a collective. Not many can tolerate the PAIN of LIFE anymore. These videos are PRICELESS and play a huge roll in SURVIVAL. Luckily, some have the ability to understand this. Narcissism plays the primary role of EVERY ISSUE we have in society. Narcissism is the KEY to transhumanism. The STAGNATION of the HUMAN EXPERIENCE not the EVOLUTION.
Lovely, I will remember your words when I am struggling. Transhumanism I am coming for you !!
I am so mad at his mother, but she doesn't know any better, does she?
Most underrated channel on UA-cam
I was the "mother" 😢 My question is, will the narcissist have multiple "toys" before finding another "mother". Or will he try to come back to "mother", when he realizes he can't connect to his "toys? " Or will he simply find a new "mother"?
This is an amazing discourse. Thank you
I've felt like the doll toy of the narcissist. It's weird. Thank you so much for validating my emotions.
My narcissist would always say that we are living in a simulation. Unreal to hear this is actually how he feels and thinks.
I have never felt so understood and you have been my great help in my healing process. many thanks for that. it was a nightmare. he was a monster but saw me as a monster. he would now have cancer and I don't wish that on anyone but I don't wish them on anyone either...
I don't wish him on anyone...
Don’t say that. I wish my ex on someone just like him or someone worse. Either or will do.
Every new content is making me more aware and free - and what is the funny part - I studied psychology - and loved it - and didn’t recognize NPD in my ex … bravo for me 😂 have a great weekend everyone ❤
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe this. Thank u so much for every single one of your videos🥹
Thank you Prof.Fascinating as always.
Another interesting consideration is how, while Narcissists do not keep the ‘teddy bear’ literal through adulthood, some Borderlines indeed do! It is common to find adult individuals with borderline personality disorder who continue to collect or connect to stuffed toys.. some even becoming extremely attached to them.. as like a child of 2-5. Here, we do not often see this characteristic
My dad is a borderline. My now (separated from) husband is a narcissist.... gee, I wonder how that happened 🙄
@@dianetobinI wonder myself if I am BPD, because I am sure I am married to the narcissist. Accordingly to Sam, relationship between BPD & NPD is prevalent. I also suspect my father was BPD and mom was a covert narcissist.
I recently purchased a very cuddly little 🐘 he reminds me that the elephant in the room is that I am indeed the scape goat. I have noticed when I chat to Elly that he mirrors to me that I am a really nice person, funny, silly, and enlightened, I like him 😊
One second partner showed his teddy figurine from his infancy given to him when he was adopted is that strange? I don’t have any dolls from my youth
It explains everything! To keep a reasonable relationship with the narcissistic ex and trouble adult children I will see them rarely and for just few hours. Besides I will disable the trigger button they used to push on me.
Love Sams lectures so informative i find this so damn interesting just brilliant
For narcissists whose abusive mothers are still alive, how do they behave with their mothers?
VAKNIN 2024
Another great one Sam. Thanks again 🙏
Oh my goodness I actually had a good laugh at the closing vaknin comedy. The Video was a revelation for me, and three generations of toys. Thankyou, however I may not have discarded the first generation toy ( broken beyond reasonable restoration) to the op shop had I listened to this video first. C'est la vie nameless doll.
I love this man 😂😂😂❤❤❤❤
Why not just call people “people” instead of an object in psych?
I was both. How boring for all involved. Now, just boring without puppet strings
What will occur in the Narcissist when the 'dead mother' does pass on? This is presently the Narcissists concern.
Search the channel.
Another question: what can a father do to support a child whose mom displays these ill patterns towards achieving healthy attachment and separation/individuation ? Thanks prof for sharing your expertise
Question: If the partner is both the mom and a transitional object, why is s/he discarded? Is it because of the idea that the partner can never be an acceptable substitute for the mom and mostly because of the pull towards indivuation/separation? But then why would they want to seek someone to partner with in the first place if no one can replace mom and no object can stand in the way of individuation/separation? It seems like a futile endeavor by a quite " split self "
If the narcissist is happy with a new primary object after discard why is he inclined to hoover the discarded object? Is it strictly for narcissistic supply or is it something else?
Search the channel.
Hi Sam! Thank you for this video. I have a question. Why does the anti-social sadist narcissist can have many girls around him who abuse them? Are they all like toys? And even his real mom supports that and entrains the girls to behave the way he likes.
How conscious is rhe narcist, and is a psychopath more conscious of his behavior? Are some more conscious than others?
Search the channel.
I used to regress to having a child like demeanour and voice. What’s that about??
Can you explain briefly the mind of the narcissistic boss?
How we can face him and destroy him?
My regards
Search the channel via Vaknin-talks.com
@@samvaknin
Thank you very much
@@mermaid78
He was trying to eradicate and destroy me since about 2013!
Unfortunately, I had decided to face him and fight him.
A strange story about narcissism in Iraqi academic field.
So why doesn’t the individuation actually happen?
Because the "dead" mother does not allow the child to separate from her.
@@KrystStarJadebecause they are like a broken vinyl. It’s early life devrlopment stages that can’t be changed. Bad wiring that stuck. They didn’t get fixed at those 18months and then for many years it became permanent. Some can only reroute some parts of the behaviour but never fix the actual physical paths in the primal parts of the brain.
@@KrystStarJade something to think about....
If Narcissist are like SENTIENT A.I.That would mean that their engagement with... humans would cause them to EVOLVE. In evolution there is change.
Contrary to popular belief, many humans don't have the skills necessary to help/wait for an alteration of the Narcissist. Program them. So they run amuck, while we sit, fearful, rejecting them, attempting to figure them out and deal with our emotions.
They CAN change.... they can be altered. A re-programming is very possible. In time... we will see this. This illness is far more prominent in society than the majority can ever imagine.
@@KrystStarJade they have a purpose. They can "change"/alter. They can also be of great benefit. Also, gray matter can be rebuilt etc. It appears as if this information is top secret or something. For now. Japan has GREAT insight on this hense why they teach empathy in their schools etc. Start with researching their EVIDENCE and you'll understand what I'm saying.
Dear Prof Vaknin ,
from minute 40 you address the fact that for some narcissists a third party (lover / playmate) is not included in the shared fantasy as an object of triangulation but as a transitional object.
How can another object , who also represents the mother ( like all people ) for the narcissist , be a transitional object at the same time ?
Does this 3rd party remain constant in its function ? Or does it also go through the typical course of the narcissistic circle and does the 4-S rule also apply there ?
Can you please elaborate on this ?
Thx
Where do I say that all people represent a maternal object?
@@samvaknin And I thought after hundreds of videos of you I had understood the basic features of narcissism.😢
Where am I making the mistake in thinking ?
Does the borderline experience the same kind of excitement and elation when they have decided to leave a relationship? Or would this be a borderline having narcissistic traits?
Borderlines experience engulfment anxiety and feel relieved after breakup. Search the BPD playlist.
I ended a relationship long ago with the words: I am not your dog, because of the lack of emotional connection. He told me his previous girlfriend ended the relationship with exactly the same words.....Now twenty years later with all the good work of therapists sharing their knowledge on youtube etc. I think it was a covert narc......When you are in your twenties you just feel the emptiness....and the robotic actions....
Hi Sam, could smartphones/computers serve as an intermediate object?
Yes.
Brilliant! Thank you!
The more videos I watch, the more I understand. Wow!
They never separate
The mother and Son still have a bank account together.
$$ l believe he married me to get away from Malignant suffercating .
At the cost to myself,
You wouldn't have seen me for dust if l had have known "what l was in for...
Thank you for the video...
I kept my daughter's teddy bears for exactly these reasons ❤ Beautiful talk
Incredible video, Sam… I admittedly watched it 3 times with many rewinds to gather every bit of knowledge.
One question I had was… have you witnessed, in the devalue/discard stage, or really anywhere after the heights of live bombing/idealization, that the narcissist begins to feel disgust at not only emotional but physical intimacy? I have heard of narcissists going from extremely sexual/emotionally showy/cuddling,kissing, all affection obsessed to completely disgusted by so much as the touch of his partner’s arm on his back/complete end of any sexual activity and even feelings similar to the repulsion of incestual relations as the relationship moves past the novelty phase. I wonder if subconsciously, whether female or male narcissist, the significant other as mother causes disgust and repulsion at any hint of sexual/romantic relationship. Would love to hear your thoughts in regards to this…
Toy right away I don't even need to listen but I will just in case
He used to tell me “your body completes me”
Does healing attachment style break my trauma bond?
It is almost impossible to change an attachment style and it has nothing to do with trauma bonding.