People have problems 😮 yeh... CPTSD, is NOT a issue TO be downtrodden....😱🧐..... Otherwise the whole world would pretty much have THIS rare condition.... It's serious WHEN you have been sexual abused 🧐😱. NOT every little issue 🙏
I am a criminal appeals lawyer and I have read a lot of trial transcripts. Most domestic murders are preceded by some kind of explosive outbursts like this. It’s a very very dangerous pattern.
Thank you for your reply ❤ It's brought me to tears reminding me of just how dangerous the relationship I was in for 4 1/2 years 😢 My ex-fiance (we are older and have adult children from previous relationships who didn't live with us)would launch into a tirade at me over the most innocuous things (like Maria) & I would never know what might set him off. The verbal "rages" although not frequent (every 3-4 months or so) escalated in intensity. I eventually told him if he did not seek professional help to deal with it, I would leave. He agreed that it was a serious issue he needed to get help with. I gave him 4 months to show me that he was following through or I was moving out. He saw his GP, attended a psychologist/therapist once only, but decided he only needed to go back to them when he felt he needed to (a red flag for me from my own experience of c-ptsd recovery but I didn't comment ) I don't even know what started/triggered the "argument" the day he raged at me to " get out, you c**t", "you're a liar" and pulled a big kitchen knife out of the drawer and told me, "go on, stab me, you know that's what you want to do". I froze and just quietly said "No" and walked outside. Thankfully things quietened down/de-escalated and I was able to start planning how/when to leave safely. Please, please Maria, whatever your partners' issues/ mental health problems/ diagnosis (or not), his behaviour is very abusive and likely to dangerously escalate. We deserve to be treated with love & respect always ❤️ We didn't cause them to behave this way & we can't ever 'help' them to overcome their problems. They need to decide for themselves if that's what they want. The most loving thing we can do is to care for ourselves & let them care for their own lives. Make a plan to get out safely & do it soon. Seek help & support for yourself from a GP, therapist, 12 step groups, trusted family/friends. You're not alone. As Anna says, "We've got you" ❤
I'd like to add the 'final' verbal abuse/rage attack came just a few weeks before the 4 month ultimatum I'd given him that I would leave if he didn't seriously seek professional help. I was going to follow through and leave, and he knew I meant what I'd said. Perhaps that's what triggered him, I don't know, but I know the most dangerous time for anyone in a domestic/family violence/abuse situation is when you're leaving/trying to leave.
So assume you are going to get physically injured because there is a higher chance of physical violence when leaving? I understand that domestic violence hotlines advise this. And I understand there are dangerous people. But I think this blanket belief can reinforce CPTSD and create a new trauma that is not necessary, especially when there is zero evidence of physical danger.
Yes been around for decades. Barely made it out. Small outbursts over lil things. Is just one short random outburst from killing someone. Happens all the time now. See such first hand. Still processing. Feel for so many stuck and trapped and confused. These channels have so much to help and heal. Get put while, when you can. Blessings.
My father was like this. He's calmed down in his old age but when we were little he would often explode over minor things: yelling, hurling insults, slamming doors, then brooding and giving us the silent treatment sometimes for days. My Mom and brother would just wait for his tantrums to pass but I would get really mad and yell back, making things even worse. I didn't understand how this stressful home environment affected me for years to come. And I think I'll never know what caused his uncontrollable anger. But yeah, if he's just your boyfriend you should end it. People need to feel safe, loved, and at peace in their homes, not fearful that someone's about to explode at any moment. Emotional/verbal abuse is still abuse.
Did you ask him why?. Like was he in a war, was he abused by his parents or bullied as a kid by other children or a teacher?. Or were you too scared to talk to him?. Not judging you or anyone just wondering how many people actually question the person causing the issues.
@@seaquatics4666 it wasn't an easy topic to discuss. I don't think he would have made the connection "this happened to me as a child therefore now I have problems managing anger." He would argue that his rage was justified because some driver cut him off, his daughter got a "C" on a math quiz, something broke in the house and it's expensive to fix, etc. If I were to bring it up now he'd say he doesn't remember any of it and that I'm crazy and just making it up!
tantrum is the real word, and it is an autism symptom. Unfortunately many men go round without proper help to manage their autism /anger and it destroys families. I had to leave my ex for that reason.
@seaquatics4666 the problem is, most people who been through life- time abuse do not behave like that. Everyone can be wrong sometimes but when it is persistant bullying over many years it more likely a controlling, domineering, low empathic personalty style- not mental health-but personality style. If you watch Dr Ramani she is a psychologist expert in toxic people and she said when people excuse it,the victims end up for many years and life times being victimised and they are still not abusive to others and its just not fair we expect people to be abused. Also- abusers get more respect and kindness and empathy than anyone else and they still abuse.
It's so hard being in love with someone you cannot be with because they won't heal the wounds inflicted on them by others before you even knew them. I never felt more seen by a romantic partner than I did by my ex and fellow inheritor of a crappy childhood. But he wasn't ready to take the plunge and heal his trauma and there was nothing I could do. If someone is unwilling or not ready, they are unwilling or not ready. I still miss him, but I am glad to have my life back. Condolences to all who have distanced or left and are still grieving what could have been. 💛
Thank you, Calista. It means a lot. I wish it wasn't so scary/hard for men to do the inner healing work. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like more women are willing to watch the videos, read the books, get a counselor and take the plunge. I'm at the point on my life and healing journey where I think I would rather have a partner who has faced his fears and done the inner healing work than one who had a pretty good childhood and cannot relate to what I and others have been through; however, there just seem to be so few willing to do it. :/
@@jennifermoore4246 Men lack language abilities, you will see that widely in the autism community, where the best speaker and writers who explain how we think and feel and how to deal with us are mostly women. Autistic men that we are very normally are drawn to (because they think and feel like us) often lack words to express their feelings, and their reluctance to engage with "female" activities such a reading romantic novels or coming of age novels, and reading psychology / psychotherapy does not provide them with the mental tools to access their feelings, express them and understand us when we finally do so (after having learned enough about feelings and the psyche) Children have temper tantrum when they can not express their feelings, due to limited speech abilities, autistic men do so too but it is much more scary when a 6 ft tall men throw things than when it is a toddler!
I lived in a very similar situation with my mom. I remember the first time I realized I had to get out was one day I asked my therapist in tears “If I do everything perfectly and make no mistake ever from now on, can I have a good relationship with her?” Just hearing myself broke my heart. Your safety in a relationship cannot be conditioned by you not ever making mistakes or not ever triggering the person, because that is impossible. That is not a relationship. Sure, they love you more than anything, but if they just can’t stop hurting you, nothing is gonna change. You can only remove yourself from the situation.
This was my ex-husband through and through. I spent 20 years wondering what I could do to help him. The best help I ever gave him (and our daughter) was to agree to a divorce. That’s all you can do for him. Let him figure it out on his own.
I remember my dad blowing the roof off the house if he found just a couple toast crumbs on the counter. My mom was a similar basket case. My whole time growing up was walking on eggshells waiting for all the various abuses - mental, physical, verbal, emotional - which I thought at the time was normal because I knew other friends who had whacked-out parents as well. My family was not a house of love, but a house of pure hate. The stories I could tell you, Anna... Anyways, I had one great friend at the time - cortisol. It was with me 24/7 and, as I know well, still is to this day when something as simple as the phone or doorbell rings.
Oh no! Not the dreaded toilet overflow! Reminded me of the terror I felt as a child and in early relationships. That's horrible, and what a small normal situation to have to destroy a day. Sometimes being alone is the best thing.
...and 30 years later,I still feel a sense of dread every time I flush a toilet in someone elses house 😢 ( there is a little knob you can turn off at the base that will shut the water off)
As someone who struggles with anger, it most definitely takes decades to get anywhere close to ready for a relationship. Complex trauma, attachment trauma and autism, makes one quite volatile at times. Literally stayed single my whole life for fear of hurting (emotionally) someone
This was my entire last relationship! 8 years of it. Not an ounce of change no matter what. Nothing worked. It’s hard to end it but worth it in the end.
My mom was diagnosed with BPD. I believed I could control my emotions. I also could get my mom to laugh. I remember the first time she sang to me Gene Autry’s “You are My Sunshine…” I also knew the evil my dad to her, so when she would come home from work and chase me around the house with a butcher knife, I knew that if I stayed calm and told her I loved her, she would calm down, go to bed in her room, and go back to work in the morning. She always said she knew I would one day abandon her, so I made sure I never did. I kept her house clean, did the maintenance, washed her dishes, and cleaned up her fridge. But did I really help her? No, I don’t think I did. However, when I rubbed her feet and brought back the circulation when she was in hospice, her last words were, “Thanks, that helps a lot!”
Wow, I teared up reading this. Sounds like it was dangerous for you but I admire how you stayed with her until her last day. And I think in some respects the bar for cutting people off should be higher for parents and children than for others in our lives.
Still living with the family who gave me CPTSD in the first place. I definitely relate to this person. It’s almost a daily occurrence for them to have some sort of outburst at me that involves shaming or yelling. If it’s not me, then it’s someone else. I needed to hear these things because hearing it’s my fault all the time weighs me down even when I know it’s not. It’s the reinforcement I need to know I’m not insane and their reactions are indeed unsafe.
Gosh, I hope one day you can get away. I did with my family for years into adulthood. I had no confidence etc. I hope given that you are aware if your situation you never blame yourself for any if it. I hope you learn a lot and grow your wings to fly.😊
I was in a relationship where my partner had lots of trauma and all the behaviors that come with it, emotional and verbal abuse, unfounded accusations, and culminating in the scariest experience of my life where it got physical. I was absolutely destroyed, and in my own dysfunction, wanted to find a way to justify staying with him. I definitely had been hiding/masking the true nature of things from everyone in my life but my best friend knew more than most. She put it bluntly to me, that if I allowed him to stay in my life, I was in danger. Somehow hearing her say that finally made it click and I knew she was right. Ending things was so painful, and years later I'm still feeling the damage/pain, but I am so grateful to her for her honesty and can only imagine the horrible things I avoided by putting my safety and wellbeing first. Maria, you don't deserve this treatment, and you can't fully heal yourself while staying in this situation. You and your wellbeing are in danger. I hope you find the clarity and strength to keep yourself safe. Lots of love and understanding to you💚💔💚
Same happened to me. Run and don’t look back. I spent 13 years in a relationship just what fairy is talking about. Please leave now 😢😢😢you can do it ❤❤❤god bless you ❤
I left a boyfriend last year who is an alcoholic…and I hid the relationship from people as I had shame about the abuse I was experiencing.. Leaving him…and healing now.. And can open up to people a Little… And feeling like there is light around the corner.. Hoping to line up some counselling soon… Sometimes leaving is the only way to seek healing…. As staying keeps you stuck. I hope you find some peace Maria.
What about the instance of a covert narc though where you tell them dozens of times not to do something that you care about and they continue to do it? Isn't it called like reactive abuse or something?
I was beginning to think I was the only one that saw an alternative perspective on this. They know the toilet clogs frequently so the partner reminds them of which he/ she gets ignored. The toilet then clogs, leading to the very issue the partner warned against, so then they turn around play the victim.
I was beginning to think I was the only one that saw an alternative perspective on this. They know the toilet clogs frequently so the partner reminds them of which he/ she gets ignored. The toilet then clogs, leading to the very issue the partner warned against, so then they turn around and play the victim. I’d bet the “partner” getting ignored is a more common thing within their relationship leading to these outbursts. Reactive abuse is exactly what it’s called.
The angry outburst was still abusive. If OP’s partner is the true victim here, the best option is to get out of the situation, not yell and cause damage. Both actions from each party would be abusive then in which case they need to separate in order to be safe.
@@Window4503The angry outburst is FRUSTRATION at repeatedly being ignored, then having to be the one always cleaning up after the one that ignores the situation. The one causing the problem consistently even after being reminded is the abuser.
Respectfully something like issues with what used to be called 'a courtesy flush' is a bad sign for the relationship. That is some serious resentment or else. It ain't good i have to say. SOunds likea sunk cost falacy like my maladapted fmaily. You want to love them and want them to change but they won't . And that is not up to you. It is up to them. Nothing you can do for them if they are lost. Tragic. But you are here. Keep working. A little bit everyday over the rest of your own better life. . Things get much much better once you understand enough about it. It's hard work, but here's the best part. You will get to know yourself, your true self, in a way you can not believe. Keep working on yourself. Let the others worry about themselves, then focus on the good people in your life. Then it becomes a self sustaining force in your life, amd more good people will come into your life. Just keep going. You'll get there.
The biggest 2 things I learn from AA would be: Firstly, "keeping your own side of the street clean". Meaning focus in your own problems and let others take care of their own problems. Secondly, "The 3 C's: I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, and I can't Cure it", meaning don't take on the responsibility of trying to "fix" someone's life ❤
@@nattie911 oh right on. I recently just watched the Hulu tv series The Bear (yes I'm always a few years behind current trends. Slow learner lol. There is a scene in it with one of the characters in Al-Anon. The line is exactly that. "Stay in your lane" I say it as: The Dude Abides(the Big Lebowski) all healing and accetpance just the same. ;)
14:47 Oh my... I am... Got stuck in the middle of my chore with a complete shock on my face. I kept wondering how I could be so patient and understanding, even to my detriment...
A very close friend of mine is exactly like this, he explodes about anything, it's awful. When we're hanging out it really makes me uncomfortable! His ex boyfriend even broke up with him in very early dating bc of this very reason, the boyfriend himself told me. In my friend's case it's trauma for sure, I already tried quite few times to help with material he could educate himself such as this channel, but he's an addict with a life style that doesn't have time for education unfortunately
So why are you still friends with him? All he’s learning is that it’s okay to treat you poorly without making any changes. He isn’t facing the consequences of his actions. Just because it’s trauma, even abandonment trauma, doesn’t mean he has an excuse. If anything, you leaving might be the catalyst he needs to seek real help. He does have time. He just isn’t prioritizing his mental health. Leave, OP.
It's true what you said about how we need to do our individual work. Other people can't truly do it for us and neither can we do it for them. Sharing what we learn doesn't help people who aren't ready or willing to hear it.
This toilet issue is such a good metaphor for this relationship. A toilet that can't handle one #2 without clogging, I'd argue it's not functional but nobody is fixing it, babying it instead.
I just had this sort of situation with a CPTSD ex - it was really nasty. But I thought she *had* to be like that because I thought CPTSD necessitated that. I thought she just needed understanding and support. She didn't get physical with me, but I I wonder if it'd get that far. She instead used to call me names, swear at me, shouted at me in front of a group of strangers, and locked me in her car (with her inside too) so she could berate me about something small. She never really apologised (except for once when she was in floods of tears, thinking I was going to leave). She could be controlling too - and literally always wanted to be with me. Always. I still miss her, because somehow... I saw how good a person she could be. But I just have to accept that it's probably better for me in the long run.
And while I don’t condone verbal abuse, it’s also true that in just about any relationship, there will be occurrences where one or both partners calls each other names or acts in non-verbal abusive way. It’s human nature to fight, unfortunately. You just don’t want it to become a pattern. I don’t know your whole story, but it’s possible she isn’t a terrible person. When an anxious/avoidant start fighting they can both see the other partner as manipulative/abusive and be blinded by their type of abuse. Some of the worst abuse is not verbal. That said, it’s likely she has to do some healing work and you can’t force it.
@@user-hx3kd1zn7f Nah - there was a lot more to it than that - but UA-cam comment sections aren't the place to share everything, or to have problems solved either :)
My partner became this way and I found out he had been carrying on with a new ego source. I was shattered.I am 66 years old and living on a minimum income so my financial freedom depends on him. I just wanted to say that sometimes it is just that easy to move out and go somewhere else.
I’m a little taken aback by the comments in response to this viewers story. Given how much detail that given by them regarding their partners past behavior regarding the circumstances is it too much to ask to flush the toilet an extra time? This sounds to me like a turning of the tables in making themselves appear like to be the victim. The partner reminded he/ she to flush the toilet with the mutual understanding that they both knew the tendency of the toilet to clog. What their partner was asking for was for them to be thoughtful knowing they need to use the restroom immediately afterwards. I’ve been in abusive relationships where my partner will purposely ignore my requests and then play victim immediately afterwards as a form of emotional manipulation and control. This is what this sounds like to me. Am I missing something here?
Yes, you are. You’re missing the part where he gets verbally abusive in response. That’s not acceptable even when OP makes a misjudgment. Annoyance? Fine. A bit of anger? Fine. Physically acting out and saying harsh things? Absolutely unacceptable and unsafe. That’s NOT a healthy expression of anger, not even if OP were being manipulative. It would be better if one party removed themselves from the situation. What you’re proposing is still considered an abusive environment with OP as a fawner. If OP is provoking the situation, the solution remains the same; separate and get help.
I think you’ve really missed Maria’s part in this. Is she full of resentment and passive-aggressively acting out in the relationship in order to get the partner to start an actual fight?
I'm the person with CPTSD in my relationship of 20 years. In this relationship I have been lied to, gas-lighted, stolen from, taken advantage of, used, and emotionally and psychologically abused. He can't be reasoned with, he always has an out that makes me the responsible one even though it's nonsense. If I try to explain something in a conversation he counters me, interrupts me, talks over me, and does not listen. Then again it is all my fault and I am the "bad" person. And when I can't take it anymore and blow up at him and tell him to fk off because he refuses to listen and refuses to take responsibility and will not stop gaslighting me and will not stop violating my boundaries, I am yet again the bad person in this relationship? I have 22 years in ACA! I have put years into doing the work. I am so dam tired of being blamed for other people's 💩 behavior! 🤨
Oh my, I feel for you. You have been through so, so, much. You are doing so much yet still get the short end of it. I got a similar treatment, if milder, in my relationship that just ended. I was lied to, manipulated, gas-lighted, occasionally emotionally abused, but consistently had my various boundaries violated. I never swear, and I have never sworn at anyone in my life - except at my ex. I just could not take it anymore, and I had an angry outburst just repetitively telling him to f* off because he just would not understand what he was doing to me, and how much he was pushing me and my boundaries beyond any respect. That is when I knew I just had to walk away. I really did not like the person I was becoming. I have the luxury of walking off as we do not share any significant possessions together, and have completely separate sources of income. I do not know what is going on in the rest of your life that makes it hard to walk out, but you definitely deserve to be treated with respect, and you definitely deserve to have your boundaries and sanity respected. I send you love from the other end of the world.
@@SukhamSpa I own the house and he won't leave. I have two complete artificial hips and a damaged back so I can't keep up the property by myself. He does a lot of handyman work around the house. I could pay for that, and I tell him so. I'm basically at the point where I just ignore him and do my own thing and he does the same. I'm 67 and I don't want anything to do with relationships because people absolutely suck. I actually made a friend in this newer location who is a psychologist. Turned out to be another user and abuser. It was just ridiculous. I met her through raising quail, and I ended up giving her a bunch of quail and hatching eggs for for nothing. I introduced her to online video gaming and helped her do almost everything in game, and then she would start to bitch me out in game chat. That went on for a couple months and then I just called her out on it, and the friendship ended that night because later over text she kept telling me that it was my job to take care of her feelings and to control other people in the group. Everybody was trying to help her, but people had gotten tired of her just having her character stand around while she monologued to everybody instead of playing the game. She wanted them to stay in camp and listen to her go on and on about religion or politics, which I had said were not to be discussed in group chat, and she disrespected that boundary right away. So she just ruined the game vibe and everybody went off to play the game, so nobody was around when she was ready to do what we had come to camp for. Almost 10 months later I have one online friend who plays with their every now and then it says she still does the same thing and still shit talks me to my friend for me being reasonable and for setting healthy boundaries. WTF is the matter with people?
I’ve got to set my boundaries when I first meet someone. My problem is I set them, but people push me over. I have a hard time thinking they don’t know that about me already. But I guess I’ve got to make them with everyone
Sorry but this woman would drive me crazy. Why couldn't she just do the right thing to begin with. She knew about the toilet but chose not to take notice. I have a partner like her, drives me crazy as if I am not worthy of taking notice when I say something. I reckon he screams and yells because he has not been heard. Handles it wrong I know but so is she, thinking she is the only victim In that relationship,
I adopted two highly traumatized children who haven’t been helped at all by traditional talk therapy or medication. They both have bipolar and ASD diagnoses and they are both adults in their early twenties, and nothing has helped them. Nothing I do to help them is ever enough. No amount of love, patience, talking, When does a parent give up? Do I have to sacrifice my own sense of peace forever?
@@bethharvey5170 Hi Beth, how are you? I noticed no one replied to your comment about being unable to help your adopted children. I wish I had answers to offer you, but I only have questions. I am looking to adopt some children and worry about this very thing. May I know if, now that some time has passed, you still feel the same as in your original comment? Have you been able to find any sort of comfort or answer? God bless.
@@jennifermoore4246 Hi Jennifer, I ranted a bit in my earlier statement, though it's all true. Even so, I would never discourage anyone from adopting. I know lots of families who've adopted children who've led perfectly normal lives. My children's genetic heritage and the abuse and neglect they suffered is the issue, and completely not their fault. I will love them always, despite the difficulties- that will never change. Since my last statement, I've learned more about how to prioritize my own sense of peace.
Maria partner possibly dealing with personality disorder, PTSD, or narc personality disorder. My mother is a covert narcissist. Would flip out over anything, small. Bathroom stuff she wanted to control. Abuse me for whatever. Its not the toilet thats messed up its sadly the relationship. But everyone is valid. People are imperfect. Maria can learn, heal and find a loving, caring person.
As a proud bricklayer who cares about my work, I became thoroughly disregulated last Friday when I was blamed for a significant drawing error. I was blamed because I "should" have spotted the error. That derailed me to the point of sabotaging a near 2 year working relationship. This site manager is willing to blame whoever for whatever when the pressure builds. That's what I find soo hard to contain! My true thoughts about such behaviour!!
Just pre-ordered! When is the Inner Power course available?! I’m hopeful but feel a bit overwhelmed by my usual habits of procrastination. My husband has had years of dealing with me disregulated. Please pray for me to actually change/heal. So many years of “trying” have led my husband in disbelief & doubt.
Honestly when I went through Maria’s comment with my own red pen, there are some things I circled. From her own admission, she has a big part to play in this and I picked up on a few things that point to this being something that happens on a regular basis on her end and not just his. I also notice that she filled us in on her partner’s complaint that they aren’t heard and that she’s too stubborn which was framed by claims of wanting to understand where the anger comes from. Maria is minimizing a situation that feels very serious to them. We may not even have all the information. If her partner does have CPSTD, then they likely have stomach issues too, just like my husband with CPTSD does which makes the one-bathroom situation pretty stressful. I’m trying understand how I could be unsure why my husband got REALLY pissed off if I went to the bathroom ahead of him (which he always lets me do even though he has severe IBS) and I clogged the toilet even though he reminded me how not to and I just did it anyway. He wants you to flush the toilet half way and be considerate, and you know, show them love “the verb” 😂. Why is flushing the toilet to avoid clogging it right before them a bridge too far? The hypocrisy and dishonesty in the comments from people acting like they never called someone a name or kicked the laundry basket when they lost their temper. You don’t have to have trauma to do that. I hope Maria and her partner work it out and they both heal. It’s definitely possible and rewarding when no one demonizes and everyone listens to each other without minimizing the other person’s experience.
If it wasn't the toilet, then it would be something else. Disregulated people's nervous system will always find some excuse to blow up. The longer it goes on, the more frequent the outbursts. If you think it was one mean comment, one insult, then you never experienced this. This is usually 15-30 minutes of yelling villest insults, especially the ones that they KNOW trigger you, hitting walls, banging their head on furniture to elicit symphaty later, throwing stuff, accusing you of doing that thing on purpose to hurt them. It's not a normal row. It goes on until the other person either shuts down crying or leaves the space.
I think you have good information on many things, however it becomes very difficult to follow when it’s presented in testimonial form. Please consider also posting streamlined information with chapters. Thanks
@@grammawho I mean the whole story.Who is going to talk about massive toilet clogs as an example of relationship issues.Reeks of Reddit poop knife fanfic.
Gratitude for such frankness, very healing to hear normal boundaries 🎉
Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
People have problems 😮 yeh...
CPTSD, is NOT a issue TO be downtrodden....😱🧐.....
Otherwise the whole world would pretty much have THIS rare condition....
It's serious WHEN you have been sexual abused 🧐😱.
NOT every little issue 🙏
I am a criminal appeals lawyer and I have read a lot of trial transcripts. Most domestic murders are preceded by some kind of explosive outbursts like this. It’s a very very dangerous pattern.
Thank you for underscoring the seriousness of this.
Thank you for your reply ❤ It's brought me to tears reminding me of just how dangerous the relationship I was in for 4 1/2 years 😢 My ex-fiance (we are older and have adult children from previous relationships who didn't live with us)would launch into a tirade at me over the most innocuous things (like Maria) & I would never know what might set him off. The verbal "rages" although not frequent (every 3-4 months or so) escalated in intensity. I eventually told him if he did not seek professional help to deal with it, I would leave. He agreed that it was a serious issue he needed to get help with. I gave him 4 months to show me that he was following through or I was moving out. He saw his GP, attended a psychologist/therapist once only, but decided he only needed to go back to them when he felt he needed to (a red flag for me from my own experience of c-ptsd recovery but I didn't comment )
I don't even know what started/triggered the "argument" the day he raged at me to " get out, you c**t", "you're a liar" and pulled a big kitchen knife out of the drawer and told me, "go on, stab me, you know that's what you want to do".
I froze and just quietly said "No" and walked outside. Thankfully things quietened down/de-escalated and I was able to start planning how/when to leave safely.
Please, please Maria, whatever your partners' issues/ mental health problems/ diagnosis (or not), his behaviour is very abusive and likely to dangerously escalate. We deserve to be treated with love & respect always ❤️
We didn't cause them to behave this way & we can't ever 'help' them to overcome their problems. They need to decide for themselves if that's what they want.
The most loving thing we can do is to care for ourselves & let them care for their own lives.
Make a plan to get out safely & do it soon. Seek help & support for yourself from a GP, therapist, 12 step groups, trusted family/friends.
You're not alone. As Anna says, "We've got you" ❤
I'd like to add the 'final' verbal abuse/rage attack came just a few weeks before the 4 month ultimatum I'd given him that I would leave if he didn't seriously seek professional help.
I was going to follow through and leave, and he knew I meant what I'd said. Perhaps that's what triggered him, I don't know, but I know the most dangerous time for anyone in a domestic/family violence/abuse situation is when you're leaving/trying to leave.
So assume you are going to get physically injured because there is a higher chance of physical violence when leaving? I understand that domestic violence hotlines advise this. And I understand there are dangerous people. But I think this blanket belief can reinforce CPTSD and create a new trauma that is not necessary, especially when there is zero evidence of physical danger.
Yes been around for decades. Barely made it out.
Small outbursts over lil things. Is just one short random outburst from killing someone.
Happens all the time now.
See such first hand. Still processing.
Feel for so many stuck and trapped and confused. These channels have so much to help and heal.
Get put while, when you can. Blessings.
My father was like this. He's calmed down in his old age but when we were little he would often explode over minor things: yelling, hurling insults, slamming doors, then brooding and giving us the silent treatment sometimes for days. My Mom and brother would just wait for his tantrums to pass but I would get really mad and yell back, making things even worse. I didn't understand how this stressful home environment affected me for years to come. And I think I'll never know what caused his uncontrollable anger.
But yeah, if he's just your boyfriend you should end it. People need to feel safe, loved, and at peace in their homes, not fearful that someone's about to explode at any moment. Emotional/verbal abuse is still abuse.
Did you ask him why?. Like was he in a war, was he abused by his parents or bullied as a kid by other children or a teacher?. Or were you too scared to talk to him?. Not judging you or anyone just wondering how many people actually question the person causing the issues.
@@seaquatics4666 it wasn't an easy topic to discuss. I don't think he would have made the connection "this happened to me as a child therefore now I have problems managing anger." He would argue that his rage was justified because some driver cut him off, his daughter got a "C" on a math quiz, something broke in the house and it's expensive to fix, etc. If I were to bring it up now he'd say he doesn't remember any of it and that I'm crazy and just making it up!
tantrum is the real word, and it is an autism symptom. Unfortunately many men go round without proper help to manage their autism /anger and it destroys families.
I had to leave my ex for that reason.
@seaquatics4666 the problem is, most people who been through life- time abuse do not behave like that. Everyone can be wrong sometimes but when it is persistant bullying over many years it more likely a controlling, domineering, low empathic personalty style- not mental health-but personality style. If you watch Dr Ramani she is a psychologist expert in toxic people and she said when people excuse it,the victims end up for many years and life times being victimised and they are still not abusive to others and its just not fair we expect people to be abused. Also- abusers get more respect and kindness and empathy than anyone else and they still abuse.
@@bealisan Yeah that sucks, same thing here with certain people. They can't remember anything and it makes us look like the problem. Thank you. xx
It's so hard being in love with someone you cannot be with because they won't heal the wounds inflicted on them by others before you even knew them. I never felt more seen by a romantic partner than I did by my ex and fellow inheritor of a crappy childhood. But he wasn't ready to take the plunge and heal his trauma and there was nothing I could do. If someone is unwilling or not ready, they are unwilling or not ready. I still miss him, but I am glad to have my life back. Condolences to all who have distanced or left and are still grieving what could have been. 💛
We're all here to support you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you, Calista. It means a lot. I wish it wasn't so scary/hard for men to do the inner healing work. Maybe I'm wrong, but it seems like more women are willing to watch the videos, read the books, get a counselor and take the plunge. I'm at the point on my life and healing journey where I think I would rather have a partner who has faced his fears and done the inner healing work than one who had a pretty good childhood and cannot relate to what I and others have been through; however, there just seem to be so few willing to do it. :/
@@jennifermoore4246 Men lack language abilities, you will see that widely in the autism community, where the best speaker and writers who explain how we think and feel and how to deal with us are mostly women. Autistic men that we are very normally are drawn to (because they think and feel like us) often lack words to express their feelings, and their reluctance to engage with "female" activities such a reading romantic novels or coming of age novels, and reading psychology / psychotherapy does not provide them with the mental tools to access their feelings, express them and understand us when we finally do so (after having learned enough about feelings and the psyche)
Children have temper tantrum when they can not express their feelings, due to limited speech abilities, autistic men do so too but it is much more scary when a 6 ft tall men throw things than when it is a toddler!
@@jennifermoore4246stop trying to beat it out of them. They try… they can’t… they are sick.
@@jennifermoore4246 i agree.
I lived in a very similar situation with my mom. I remember the first time I realized I had to get out was one day I asked my therapist in tears “If I do everything perfectly and make no mistake ever from now on, can I have a good relationship with her?” Just hearing myself broke my heart. Your safety in a relationship cannot be conditioned by you not ever making mistakes or not ever triggering the person, because that is impossible. That is not a relationship. Sure, they love you more than anything, but if they just can’t stop hurting you, nothing is gonna change. You can only remove yourself from the situation.
Thank you for sharing this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This was my ex-husband through and through. I spent 20 years wondering what I could do to help him. The best help I ever gave him (and our daughter) was to agree to a divorce.
That’s all you can do for him. Let him figure it out on his own.
I remember my dad blowing the roof off the house if he found just a couple toast crumbs on the counter. My mom was a similar basket case. My whole time growing up was walking on eggshells waiting for all the various abuses - mental, physical, verbal, emotional - which I thought at the time was normal because I knew other friends who had whacked-out parents as well. My family was not a house of love, but a house of pure hate. The stories I could tell you, Anna... Anyways, I had one great friend at the time - cortisol. It was with me 24/7 and, as I know well, still is to this day when something as simple as the phone or doorbell rings.
I think the the silent treatment is also just as nasty and definitely emotionally abusive. It’s rage of the ‘silent’ kind. 😡
It is the only thing that works and the only thing that is an effectuve shield against their contant strategies to destroy us.
I like silent treatment, I prefer when assholes avoid me!
@@nwatson2773
🤣There is a bright side 🤪
Oh no! Not the dreaded toilet overflow! Reminded me of the terror I felt as a child and in early relationships. That's horrible, and what a small normal situation to have to destroy a day. Sometimes being alone is the best thing.
...and 30 years later,I still feel a sense of dread every time I flush a toilet in someone elses house 😢 ( there is a little knob you can turn off at the base that will shut the water off)
As someone who struggles with anger, it most definitely takes decades to get anywhere close to ready for a relationship. Complex trauma, attachment trauma and autism, makes one quite volatile at times. Literally stayed single my whole life for fear of hurting (emotionally) someone
Maria, please leave. It's dangerous to be around someone who can't control their rage.
I 💯 % agree….and it causes health problems and lack of ability for joy and happiness
@godzillamanstreb524 Oh, I know this all too well. After a while, they start blaming you for feeling down.
especially when it seems to be that it doesn't take much either !!
Maria,please do not up like my friend Amy... 6 feet under when she tried to control her psychotic fiance...
SO TRUE ! been there done that
This was my entire last relationship! 8 years of it. Not an ounce of change no matter what. Nothing worked. It’s hard to end it but worth it in the end.
Maria, this was me for years. It doesn't get better with narcissists. You deserve not to be raged at and abused 💛💛💛.
My mom was diagnosed with BPD. I believed I could control my emotions. I also could get my mom to laugh. I remember the first time she sang to me Gene Autry’s “You are My Sunshine…” I also knew the evil my dad to her, so when she would come home from work and chase me around the house with a butcher knife, I knew that if I stayed calm and told her I loved her, she would calm down, go to bed in her room, and go back to work in the morning.
She always said she knew I would one day abandon her, so I made sure I never did. I kept her house clean, did the maintenance, washed her dishes, and cleaned up her fridge. But did I really help her? No, I don’t think I did.
However, when I rubbed her feet and brought back the circulation when she was in hospice, her last words were, “Thanks, that helps a lot!”
Wow, I teared up reading this. Sounds like it was dangerous for you but I admire how you stayed with her until her last day. And I think in some respects the bar for cutting people off should be higher for parents and children than for others in our lives.
Still living with the family who gave me CPTSD in the first place. I definitely relate to this person. It’s almost a daily occurrence for them to have some sort of outburst at me that involves shaming or yelling. If it’s not me, then it’s someone else. I needed to hear these things because hearing it’s my fault all the time weighs me down even when I know it’s not. It’s the reinforcement I need to know I’m not insane and their reactions are indeed unsafe.
We're all sending you our support :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Gosh, I hope one day you can get away. I did with my family for years into adulthood. I had no confidence etc. I hope given that you are aware if your situation you never blame yourself for any if it. I hope you learn a lot and grow your wings to fly.😊
Lived with someone like this for many years. I still fear them when I have to spend time with them again.
I bet you do. It would be so triggering for you. I hope you can be away from as much as possible if not permanently.
I was in a relationship where my partner had lots of trauma and all the behaviors that come with it, emotional and verbal abuse, unfounded accusations, and culminating in the scariest experience of my life where it got physical. I was absolutely destroyed, and in my own dysfunction, wanted to find a way to justify staying with him. I definitely had been hiding/masking the true nature of things from everyone in my life but my best friend knew more than most.
She put it bluntly to me, that if I allowed him to stay in my life, I was in danger.
Somehow hearing her say that finally made it click and I knew she was right.
Ending things was so painful, and years later I'm still feeling the damage/pain, but I am so grateful to her for her honesty and can only imagine the horrible things I avoided by putting my safety and wellbeing first.
Maria, you don't deserve this treatment, and you can't fully heal yourself while staying in this situation.
You and your wellbeing are in danger.
I hope you find the clarity and strength to keep yourself safe. Lots of love and understanding to you💚💔💚
Thank you for sharing your experience with us and for your encouragement and kindness towards the letter writer!
Nika@TeamFairy
Making yourself small is not going to fix anything.
Yeah I was that “super good gal” it led to me being discarded by a malignant narc and broken with ptsd. Great video thank you 🙏🏻
Same happened to me. Run and don’t look back. I spent 13 years in a relationship just what fairy is talking about. Please leave now 😢😢😢you can do it ❤❤❤god bless you ❤
I left a boyfriend last year who is an alcoholic…and I hid the relationship from people as I had shame about the abuse I was experiencing..
Leaving him…and healing now..
And can open up to people a
Little…
And feeling like there is light around the corner..
Hoping to line up some counselling soon…
Sometimes leaving is the only way to seek healing….
As staying keeps you stuck.
I hope you find some peace Maria.
What about the instance of a covert narc though where you tell them dozens of times not to do something that you care about and they continue to do it? Isn't it called like reactive abuse or something?
I was beginning to think I was the only one that saw an alternative perspective on this.
They know the toilet clogs frequently so the partner reminds them of which he/ she gets ignored. The toilet then clogs, leading to the very issue the partner warned against, so then they turn around play the victim.
I was beginning to think I was the only one that saw an alternative perspective on this.
They know the toilet clogs frequently so the partner reminds them of which he/ she gets ignored. The toilet then clogs, leading to the very issue the partner warned against, so then they turn around and play the victim. I’d bet the “partner” getting ignored is a more common thing within their relationship leading to these outbursts. Reactive abuse is exactly what it’s called.
The angry outburst was still abusive. If OP’s partner is the true victim here, the best option is to get out of the situation, not yell and cause damage. Both actions from each party would be abusive then in which case they need to separate in order to be safe.
@@Window4503The angry outburst is FRUSTRATION at repeatedly being ignored, then having to be the one always cleaning up after the one that ignores the situation. The one causing the problem consistently even after being reminded is the abuser.
@@kirbyaugustine761they ARE a victim when their partner reacts with verbal abuse and physical violence. NOT ok.
I'm really glad I caught this content today. Thank you. It resonates.
I'm so glad the video was helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
Respectfully something like issues with what used to be called 'a courtesy flush' is a bad sign for the relationship. That is some serious resentment or else. It ain't good i have to say. SOunds likea sunk cost falacy like my maladapted fmaily. You want to love them and want them to change but they won't . And that is not up to you. It is up to them. Nothing you can do for them if they are lost. Tragic. But you are here. Keep working. A little bit everyday over the rest of your own better life. . Things get much much better once you understand enough about it. It's hard work, but here's the best part. You will get to know yourself, your true self, in a way you can not believe. Keep working on yourself. Let the others worry about themselves, then focus on the good people in your life. Then it becomes a self sustaining force in your life, amd more good people will come into your life. Just keep going. You'll get there.
The biggest 2 things I learn from AA would be:
Firstly, "keeping your own side of the street clean". Meaning focus in your own problems and let others take care of their own problems.
Secondly, "The 3 C's: I didn't Cause it, I can't Control it, and I can't Cure it", meaning don't take on the responsibility of trying to "fix" someone's life ❤
@@nattie911 oh right on. I recently just watched the Hulu tv series The Bear (yes I'm always a few years behind current trends. Slow learner lol. There is a scene in it with one of the characters in Al-Anon. The line is exactly that. "Stay in your lane" I say it as: The Dude Abides(the Big Lebowski) all healing and accetpance just the same. ;)
14:47 Oh my... I am... Got stuck in the middle of my chore with a complete shock on my face. I kept wondering how I could be so patient and understanding, even to my detriment...
A very close friend of mine is exactly like this, he explodes about anything, it's awful. When we're hanging out it really makes me uncomfortable! His ex boyfriend even broke up with him in very early dating bc of this very reason, the boyfriend himself told me. In my friend's case it's trauma for sure, I already tried quite few times to help with material he could educate himself such as this channel, but he's an addict with a life style that doesn't have time for education unfortunately
Friends don't treat friends like that.
So why are you still friends with him? All he’s learning is that it’s okay to treat you poorly without making any changes. He isn’t facing the consequences of his actions. Just because it’s trauma, even abandonment trauma, doesn’t mean he has an excuse. If anything, you leaving might be the catalyst he needs to seek real help. He does have time. He just isn’t prioritizing his mental health. Leave, OP.
@@Window4503 where did I say he treats me and or his friends poorly?
It's true what you said about how we need to do our individual work. Other people can't truly do it for us and neither can we do it for them. Sharing what we learn doesn't help people who aren't ready or willing to hear it.
Why do you have this person as a friend!?
I had so many questions listening to this letter... Glad to hear they were pertinent.
Love the Mars analogy!!
This toilet issue is such a good metaphor for this relationship. A toilet that can't handle one #2 without clogging, I'd argue it's not functional but nobody is fixing it, babying it instead.
So true!
I just had this sort of situation with a CPTSD ex - it was really nasty.
But I thought she *had* to be like that because I thought CPTSD necessitated that. I thought she just needed understanding and support.
She didn't get physical with me, but I I wonder if it'd get that far.
She instead used to call me names, swear at me, shouted at me in front of a group of strangers, and locked me in her car (with her inside too) so she could berate me about something small.
She never really apologised (except for once when she was in floods of tears, thinking I was going to leave).
She could be controlling too - and literally always wanted to be with me. Always.
I still miss her, because somehow... I saw how good a person she could be.
But I just have to accept that it's probably better for me in the long run.
It sounds like you two didn’t understand your attachment styles.
And while I don’t condone verbal abuse, it’s also true that in just about any relationship, there will be occurrences where one or both partners calls each other names or acts in non-verbal abusive way. It’s human nature to fight, unfortunately. You just don’t want it to become a pattern.
I don’t know your whole story, but it’s possible she isn’t a terrible person. When an anxious/avoidant start fighting they can both see the other partner as manipulative/abusive and be blinded by their type of abuse. Some of the worst abuse is not verbal. That said, it’s likely she has to do some healing work and you can’t force it.
@@user-hx3kd1zn7f Nah - there was a lot more to it than that - but UA-cam comment sections aren't the place to share everything, or to have problems solved either :)
My partner became this way and I found out he had been carrying on with a new ego source. I was shattered.I am 66 years old and living on a minimum income so my financial freedom depends on him. I just wanted to say that sometimes it is just that easy to move out and go somewhere else.
I’m a little taken aback by the comments in response to this viewers story.
Given how much detail that given by them regarding their partners past behavior regarding the circumstances is it too much to ask to flush the toilet an extra time?
This sounds to me like a turning of the tables in making themselves appear like to be the victim. The partner reminded he/ she to flush the toilet with the mutual understanding that they both knew the tendency of the toilet to clog.
What their partner was asking for was for them to be thoughtful knowing they need to use the restroom immediately afterwards.
I’ve been in abusive relationships where my partner will purposely ignore my requests and then play victim immediately afterwards as a form of emotional manipulation and control. This is what this sounds like to me. Am I missing something here?
Yes, you are. You’re missing the part where he gets verbally abusive in response. That’s not acceptable even when OP makes a misjudgment. Annoyance? Fine. A bit of anger? Fine. Physically acting out and saying harsh things? Absolutely unacceptable and unsafe. That’s NOT a healthy expression of anger, not even if OP were being manipulative. It would be better if one party removed themselves from the situation. What you’re proposing is still considered an abusive environment with OP as a fawner. If OP is provoking the situation, the solution remains the same; separate and get help.
I think you’ve really missed Maria’s part in this. Is she full of resentment and passive-aggressively acting out in the relationship in order to get the partner to start an actual fight?
wtf
We can put on a plastic smoke smile. But inside us is still all the things we need to work on.
I have CPTSD and was recently blowing up at my partner and other people around me. That’s not me, and I want to change.
Any advice is welcomed.
I'm the person with CPTSD in my relationship of 20 years. In this relationship I have been lied to, gas-lighted, stolen from, taken advantage of, used, and emotionally and psychologically abused. He can't be reasoned with, he always has an out that makes me the responsible one even though it's nonsense. If I try to explain something in a conversation he counters me, interrupts me, talks over me, and does not listen. Then again it is all my fault and I am the "bad" person. And when I can't take it anymore and blow up at him and tell him to fk off because he refuses to listen and refuses to take responsibility and will not stop gaslighting me and will not stop violating my boundaries, I am yet again the bad person in this relationship? I have 22 years in ACA! I have put years into doing the work. I am so dam tired of being blamed for other people's 💩 behavior! 🤨
Oh my, I feel for you. You have been through so, so, much. You are doing so much yet still get the short end of it. I got a similar treatment, if milder, in my relationship that just ended. I was lied to, manipulated, gas-lighted, occasionally emotionally abused, but consistently had my various boundaries violated. I never swear, and I have never sworn at anyone in my life - except at my ex. I just could not take it anymore, and I had an angry outburst just repetitively telling him to f* off because he just would not understand what he was doing to me, and how much he was pushing me and my boundaries beyond any respect. That is when I knew I just had to walk away. I really did not like the person I was becoming. I have the luxury of walking off as we do not share any significant possessions together, and have completely separate sources of income.
I do not know what is going on in the rest of your life that makes it hard to walk out, but you definitely deserve to be treated with respect, and you definitely deserve to have your boundaries and sanity respected. I send you love from the other end of the world.
Get out of it
@@SukhamSpa I own the house and he won't leave. I have two complete artificial hips and a damaged back so I can't keep up the property by myself. He does a lot of handyman work around the house. I could pay for that, and I tell him so. I'm basically at the point where I just ignore him and do my own thing and he does the same. I'm 67 and I don't want anything to do with relationships because people absolutely suck. I actually made a friend in this newer location who is a psychologist. Turned out to be another user and abuser. It was just ridiculous. I met her through raising quail, and I ended up giving her a bunch of quail and hatching eggs for for nothing. I introduced her to online video gaming and helped her do almost everything in game, and then she would start to bitch me out in game chat. That went on for a couple months and then I just called her out on it, and the friendship ended that night because later over text she kept telling me that it was my job to take care of her feelings and to control other people in the group. Everybody was trying to help her, but people had gotten tired of her just having her character stand around while she monologued to everybody instead of playing the game. She wanted them to stay in camp and listen to her go on and on about religion or politics, which I had said were not to be discussed in group chat, and she disrespected that boundary right away. So she just ruined the game vibe and everybody went off to play the game, so nobody was around when she was ready to do what we had come to camp for. Almost 10 months later I have one online friend who plays with their every now and then it says she still does the same thing and still shit talks me to my friend for me being reasonable and for setting healthy boundaries. WTF is the matter with people?
I’ve got to set my boundaries when I first meet someone. My problem is I set them, but people push me over. I have a hard time thinking they don’t know that about me already. But I guess I’ve got to make them with everyone
This is great advice, Anna.
Glad you are here!
Nika@TeamFairy
Sorry but this woman would drive me crazy. Why couldn't she just do the right thing to begin with. She knew about the toilet but chose not to take notice. I have a partner like her, drives me crazy as if I am not worthy of taking notice when I say something. I reckon he screams and yells because he has not been heard. Handles it wrong I know but so is she, thinking she is the only victim In that relationship,
I think there is some bearing on if the toilet gets plugged up, who is the one that ends up cleaning up the scrappy mess! Ick!
I adopted two highly traumatized children who haven’t been helped at all by traditional talk therapy or medication. They both have bipolar and ASD diagnoses and they are both adults in their early twenties, and nothing has helped them. Nothing I do to help them is ever enough. No amount of love, patience, talking, When does a parent give up? Do I have to sacrifice my own sense of peace forever?
@@bethharvey5170 Hi Beth, how are you? I noticed no one replied to your comment about being unable to help your adopted children. I wish I had answers to offer you, but I only have questions. I am looking to adopt some children and worry about this very thing. May I know if, now that some time has passed, you still feel the same as in your original comment? Have you been able to find any sort of comfort or answer?
God bless.
@@jennifermoore4246 Hi Jennifer, I ranted a bit in my earlier statement, though it's all true. Even so, I would never discourage anyone from adopting. I know lots of families who've adopted children who've led perfectly normal lives. My children's genetic heritage and the abuse and neglect they suffered is the issue, and completely not their fault. I will love them always, despite the difficulties- that will never change. Since my last statement, I've learned more about how to prioritize my own sense of peace.
Toilet kicker just had to get is new float for the cistern only cost 30 bucks.
I wish i could meet you and tell you my life story and hug you
Wow, thank you so much for this ❤
Thanks for watching and taking the time to comment! -Calista@TeamFairy
Well now I’ll see if they’re was any hope for my ex fiancé. Because I was exhausted dealing with him.
Maria partner possibly dealing with personality disorder, PTSD, or narc personality disorder.
My mother is a covert narcissist. Would flip out over anything, small.
Bathroom stuff she wanted to control. Abuse me for whatever.
Its not the toilet thats messed up its sadly the relationship.
But everyone is valid. People are imperfect. Maria can learn, heal and find a loving, caring person.
I want to share this video with him but I don't think he would actually watch it
could you cover death by a thousand cuts emotional abuse and toxic persons telling on themselves
As a proud bricklayer who cares about my work, I became thoroughly disregulated last Friday when I was blamed for a significant drawing error.
I was blamed because I "should" have spotted the error.
That derailed me to the point of sabotaging a near 2 year working relationship.
This site manager is willing to blame whoever for whatever when the pressure builds.
That's what I find soo hard to contain! My true thoughts about such behaviour!!
What is the resource she mentions at the end about understanding CPTSD?
It's Anna's book "Re-Regulated": bit.ly/4dRI8Sj
Nika@TeamFairy
Just pre-ordered! When is the Inner Power course available?! I’m hopeful but feel a bit overwhelmed by my usual habits of procrastination. My husband has had years of dealing with me disregulated. Please pray for me to actually change/heal. So many years of “trying” have led my husband in disbelief & doubt.
On time. Thanks ❤
Thank you for being a part of our community :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The prompt made me cringe (on thumbnail) 😂❤
Should I?
Honestly when I went through Maria’s comment with my own red pen, there are some things I circled. From her own admission, she has a big part to play in this and I picked up on a few things that point to this being something that happens on a regular basis on her end and not just his. I also notice that she filled us in on her partner’s complaint that they aren’t heard and that she’s too stubborn which was framed by claims of wanting to understand where the anger comes from. Maria is minimizing a situation that feels very serious to them. We may not even have all the information. If her partner does have CPSTD, then they likely have stomach issues too, just like my husband with CPTSD does which makes the one-bathroom situation pretty stressful. I’m trying understand how I could be unsure why my husband got REALLY pissed off if I went to the bathroom ahead of him (which he always lets me do even though he has severe IBS) and I clogged the toilet even though he reminded me how not to and I just did it anyway. He wants you to flush the toilet half way and be considerate, and you know, show them love “the verb” 😂. Why is flushing the toilet to avoid clogging it right before them a bridge too far? The hypocrisy and dishonesty in the comments from people acting like they never called someone a name or kicked the laundry basket when they lost their temper. You don’t have to have trauma to do that. I hope Maria and her partner work it out and they both heal. It’s definitely possible and rewarding when no one demonizes and everyone listens to each other without minimizing the other person’s experience.
If it wasn't the toilet, then it would be something else. Disregulated people's nervous system will always find some excuse to blow up. The longer it goes on, the more frequent the outbursts. If you think it was one mean comment, one insult, then you never experienced this. This is usually 15-30 minutes of yelling villest insults, especially the ones that they KNOW trigger you, hitting walls, banging their head on furniture to elicit symphaty later, throwing stuff, accusing you of doing that thing on purpose to hurt them. It's not a normal row. It goes on until the other person either shuts down crying or leaves the space.
💯
Maria never said “he”. She used the pronouns they/them. Just fyi. Thank you for the video.
I think you have good information on many things, however it becomes very difficult to follow when it’s presented in testimonial form. Please consider also posting streamlined information with chapters. Thanks
You may be interested in Anna's book. If you're interested, you can read about and pre-order it here: bit.ly/44Eo1ma :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This has to be a troll.
Can you tell me which one is the troll, please? Maybe it has scrolled out beyond the area shown on my screen.
@@grammawho I mean the whole story.Who is going to talk about massive toilet clogs as an example of relationship issues.Reeks of Reddit poop knife fanfic.
@@clonejones7955lmao
@@clonejones7955nah
Thank you, Anna, for ALL you do! Your work is helping people. God Bless You & your Family-
🙋♀️👍🙌😊🫶💞🙏
Thank you so much!