WHY YOU CAN'T HELP A NARCISSIST
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- Опубліковано 21 жов 2023
- #narcissisticabuse #narcissist If we could help a narcissist change or heal, a lot of us would. Letting go of the need to help someone who doesn't want help is sometimes the first step in letting go of a relationship that is taking far more than it gives.
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Here is contact information for when immediate help with abuse or self harm is needed. It is recommended that you use a computer or phone that your abuser cannot monitor:
Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat (Online live messaging): suicidepreventionlifeline.org...
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
www.ywca.org/what-we-do/domes...
YWCA - 202-467-0801
Canadian Assaulted Women's Helpline: 1-866-863-0511
UK National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 0808 2000 247
South Africa POWA: 011 642 434/6
Australia: 1-800-RESPECT
The only way to help the narcissist is to stop helping them
You can’t HELP a shark, or a rotweiler or a raptor. It’s their nature to be predators. Narcissists nature is to be predators.
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I disagree, Rottweiler’s can be raised to be very sweet lovely dogs. I have a Great Dane and notice the most vicious dogs are all little or poorly raised.
@@fakename8856 there are always exceptions
Yup. It's pathological.
You are correct, AnnaMishel. They are predators who roam the world looking for people to feed their selfish always get their way appetites. It’s no chance meeting when they find us. They target us.
“No good deed goes unpunished“ is a saying invented because of narcissists.
YES ‼
My life was almost completely destroyed by a narcissist.
In year 4 of recovery.
Still in therapy.
Best wishes to all who are healing after a devastating situation.
60 years of narc abuse _my eyes don't work anymore
Wow. I'm at 2 months.....
@@devildogdaughter sorry to hear
@Job.Well.Done_01 I am so much better off now. I have myself again. There are adjustments, healing, grief, etc., but I'm no longer being abused, etc., so it's a good thing!!!
Walk away and make them take accountability for their own lives. Loving them is walking away, more important love yourself more and walk away from the abuse.❤
They don’t want to change. They have to be reminded of the things they did to others and you show that they think what they do is normal.
If someone can see someone suffering due to their bad behaviour and choices not only refuse to change but blame the other person and not take any accountability is someone that cannot be fixed or can truly change.
In order for someone to fix something they have to see it as a problem needing to be resolved. Ask them if they have issues and they will say no and that you're the one that need to fix your problems.
Absolutely agreed. Don't believe the fake apologies and promises to change. The best apology is changed behavior. Get away and safe, and you'll see how accountable they are with their behavior. Do not help them. We can't help them treat us better - they know they're abusive.
Beyond Help?
@@kennethrhodes7143 Only they can decide to help themselves. The damage is already done, is it not? Why give them the opportunity to abuse you more?
It has helped me to realize this is a pathalogically dishonest person who craves conflict like a haroin needle. Thats really all there is to it. Any attempt to communicate anything at all is pointless. They simply do not care and that's all there is to it. Much easier said than actually accepted by us, but that's how it is.
So pointless!! They can’t even comprehend whatsoever! Pathetic
Narcissists lie . . All the time. The “are lying about the “things” they had to go thru. It ‘s all BS to get your sympathy, and excuse their bad behavior.
They do use their experiences to gain sympathy, but most of them truly have been victims. My point is… that doesn’t excuse their behavior.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror I don’t believe Narcissists have been victims any more than anyone else. In fact, I think are MUCH less likely to have been victims. They just lie about their past to gain sympathy. It’s a total manipulation!
I always felt that I should at least give my ex some useful tips on how I would like to be treated and communicated with however.......once I had the light bulb moment that narcissists and indeed all toxic people have thought patterns that, in no way resemble my own I knew the idea was POINTLESS!!!
Exactly! It gets a little easier when you realize they’re not like us and they can’t help themselves, unless they help themselves. All they’d do is take what you’re telling them and use it on the next. My ex said that’s what he did and said “And it worked!” He was so excited to take what I told him and use it on the next 🤦♀️ what a piece of work!!
They DO know how to get out of it...they just DONT WANT TO do the work, make sacrifices or self reflect. I no longer feel empathy for these demons
I sooo needed to hear this. I struggle at times feeling sorry for my ex. I know she would just use it as an opportunity to abuse me again.
Keep passing on that experience and knowledge. Good for you for making a difference in people's lives.
The Little Shaman is amazing. So are you.
Thank you.
🌟Little Shaman🌟
💖
It was The Little Shaman for me too, now it's also Dr. Sam Vaknin. You are definitely of great help to me, just in a different way. You sound so real and relatable. I even wear similar clothes to yours, but slightly less evolved
You are down the road from me, where I want to be. I don't think I will be at that place, but I'm happy for you!!
I was trained not to want to communicate, with all those walks on eggshells, however, happiness is still a part of me, no matter in what form.
Great video! As I have a narcissist son-in-law, I hope to follow your suggestions in dealing with him. I have tried everything in my attempts of being nice when around him, but he constantly finds a reason to go into a rage and walk out of the room, even when watching a fun video that was produced by a young woman who travels to adventurous places. He is basically impossible to get along with, as he constantly finds a topic to explode over when I am not even discussing anything near the topic he brings up to explode over. I guess that completely grey rocking him and not being pulled into a discussion is the answer. I had always hoped to find a way to get along and find common ground as a method of helping him heal, but after listening to your video,, I am convinced that the best thing to do is attempting to keep a distance from him.
Right. Some people just don’t want to be nice or reasonable and you can’t make them change their mind.
Don’t confuse Pity with Love…
Feel sorry for the narcissist?? Oh hell no! He made his choice when he gave his soul to Satan. The one thing narcissist never does is take responsibility for their actions. The misery they feel is the demonic presence they agreed too. Satan always collects what is promised to him. Once you escape the narcissist it is best to go no contact, if you can. It really is the only way to truly heal from all that you endured in a narcissistic relationship.
If he/she is a pathological narcissist, then they are damaged beyond repair. It's time to get out of that relationship. But in this modern day and age, some people like to label everyone and everything a narcissist. This isn't helping anyone either. What truly matters is how they treat us. If they act abusive, manipulative, cheating, playing mind games, controlling etc.. it's time to leave. They can't be helped!
Your dog is frickin adorable.❤😂
Thank you. And the kitty cat in your profile pic is also adorable. ❤️
You and Limmony are both beautiful. ❤
The narc is my adored little brother who endured a miserable childhood with me. But I just can't help him. Thanks for ur understanding.
Their nasty style is their schtick never to change🫤
I remember he saying things like "i don't know why i'm punishing the people who are closest to me" or "it's like i'm living a double life", "i don't know what i'm supposed to do", "i can't control myself sometimes" etc. He had npd with borderline to say the least.. But make no mistake, he damaged a lot of people by deceiving, hurting (emotionally & psychically), lying etc.. Sometimes you can feel their pain & emptiness and you wanna help them but it's like trying to help a raging beast, you are simply destroyed in the process.. It's all up to them, their own will to change.. They may be hurting indeed, but never underestimate the hurt they can cause you. The best thing is.. to try do our best so that our kids, the young generations, won't develop such emotional & mental issues. The human psychic is a fragil thing..
Thanks. Nice doggie.......did she bark a lot in meeting you? I had a very yappy dog. But yes, trying to help, he once said "I have a lot of hurt and need healing". I said you can't rush your healing, you need help. And marriage will not give you that healing; he was trying to convince me otherwise. But I know enough divorcees who fell for that........enough said
I was dating my husband when he got her, so we picked her up together and she was a quiet, confused puppy. She actually never barked for the first few months. But she definitely barks at strangers now. She’s very intimidating, as you can see.
@@LookingBehindtheMirror🐾🐾❤️💕
My narky mom use to say to me_ you only have one mother with a blood curdling smile on her face
Your videos always seem to drop right on time. Thank you
Aww 😍 love the dog 🐕❤️😇
Extremely helpful content. Thank you
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Great information!
I think Narcissist were evil even as children because many of them actually worship their abusers and choose to imitate them. They admire the power their abusers had over them, because they too are hungry for power over others. Like their abusers, they are sadistic. They behave like their abusers and even defend their abusive parents. When one is abused, they can come out of it more compassionate towards other's pain, or they can harden their hearts and become cold and unfeeling abusers themselves. People may think Narcissist were victims, but in actuality, they were born with the same mentality and traits of the abusive families they came out of. They are born as the same species. When they grow up, often they are carbon copies of the predators they grew up with. When they defend their families, they are defending themselves and their own cruel behavior because they are the same.
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Thank you SO much for this! This was so helpful to me and I know I am going to watch this multiple times like I do a lot of your videos.. I feel like this is one that is going to help me to become stronger thank you thank you thank you!
You’re welcome! I’m glad it was helpful!
I also have gratitude towards the work of *the little shaman* ❤
Great topic. I had to examine that topic earlier this year, within myself. Trying to help the
Narc was when I felt strongly I 'could' help, not knowing the personal cost it would take.
Basically, "trying to help" was what got me in (Big) trouble in the 1st place. A thought that helped: "Do you think the Narc would help you if your were in a dire situation?"My answer was "No." The narc would not go out of their way or bat an eye.
U are so comforting to listen to after what I've been through
Broke up with my Narcissistic ex a month ago and I’ve been asking myself this question since then. Thank you for this information
“She’s my dog… we’ll she’s my husbands dog. BUT NOW SHE’S MY DOG!” She’s adorableee. Of course you’ve claimed her as yours now! 😂💖💖💖
Btw as I’m watching again Lemonine (sp?) is ADORABLE ❤
Thank you! It’s Limonene. My husband has a chemistry background and named her after a terpene. It is what makes lemons smell like lemons.
🥰@@LookingBehindtheMirror
Yes, the, "Little Shaman," helped me as well. What is it with her? She doesn’t talk like a therapist. She lays it all out there in black and white and doesn’t equivocate. She has a tone of talking that has no BS.
The value of “Looking Behind the Mirror,” is different because you have anecdotal experience that people can relate to and feel validated that they are not the only people on earth going through this. And, you survived, and you had all those insecurities that you felt about getting out.
One thing for sure, it can be complicated. For me it’s hard to pin down what my Honey Bunny has. Someone told me that it may not be one thing but a comorbid situation where she has multiple issues on the Cluster B list. Huge self-importance, little empathy, tantrums, little self reflection. (She’s in her sixties) She seemed a little like she was getting better, but by that time so much of the foundation had been chipped away all it took was another little incident and I was out for good. (Four + years ago.) She was doing better with me around but the cost to my health was taking a toll. I set up all the boundaries but she still had ways of being mean. See, COVERT.
For me, I had been desperately trying to solve the puzzle of what was “wrong” with my partner. The Little Shaman was the first voice I heard that finally described exactly what I was experiencing. But over time I realized that it didn’t actually matter. Someone else’s disorder isn’t your responsibility to solve. All that really matters is how they treat you. But I personally had to first solve the “puzzle” before I could see that I never really needed to do that.
Thanks. I wanted to find out what was going on with her, and if I couldn’t pin it down via the DSM, then I would keep seeing therapists to get the, "right diagnosis." What I found out was most people have multiple issues across the Cluster B Spectrum, the DSM was used mostly for billing purposes. How was I treated? It was intermittent, of course! @@LookingBehindtheMirror
Thank you!!! Please keep posting… your videos are so informative and comforting…
Aww I love the Little Shaman. You and her helped me tremendously when I had to deal with this awful situation. I am healed now but still enjoy watching videos like this once in a while. Congrats on your beautiful work. Btw I really enjoyed seeing your dog. I absolutely love dogs and hope to see her more often :)
My mistake is I keep trying to use logic to reason with narcissists. I know they're emotion based, not logic based. I know they're permanently beyond logic and reason. But it is just difficult to come to terms with it. When you look up in the sky and see the sun, and say "It sure is a nice sunny day out" and the narcissist replies "No you're crazy, it is raining right now. There is no sun." or "It is night time. That's the moon." or "That isn't the sun in the sky, it's a baked potato" and you can't tell if they're being sarcastic, or if they're mentally ill, or what? So, you TRY to point out that big bright light in the sky IS INDEED the sun. Something that is incredibly obvious to any 10-year old child. But narcissists, of course, are not 10-year old children - they're not THAT mature. More like 5-year old children permanently throwing temper tantrums. But I've known 10-year old children than are far more mature and far more reasonable and far more logical than a full grown adult narcissist.
But because it's so obvious that that is the sun in the sky, you keep trying to point it out and explain it until you're blue in the face. And they keep maintaining they're right and you're wrong, even when it's so incredibly obvious just by seeing it that of course you're right and of course they're wrong. But, they'll never ever admit you're right and/or that they're wrong on ANYTHING under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES even when the facts are right infront of their face!!
That puppy is so freakin cute ❤
What an adorable pup! Great video!
Your beloved pet friends are ALWAYS a welcome part of the viewing experience. 🥰💗
Thanks again x
Thank you so much, such a wonderful, wise and helpful video. Thank you so much 🙏♥️
You are so freaking awesome!!! Thank you Thank you!!!❤❤❤👍
Okay, you asked for a topic that would be good to cover. I came across this guy from the Mid west(?) who was never really popular but did a video that really explained it for me, and it was about validation. The thing about validation is the easiest thing to manipulate covertly. Just by withholding it, the victim is wondering what they did wrong. And then giving validation the victim feels fulfilled and good again. It’s the perfect weapon of choice for the covert narcissist because it’s never obvious. It’s really pulling the strings on a marionette. This is especially true for the empath who is trying to please the narc, after the love bombing. I began to realize this was like rolling a boulder up a hill, the woman was impossible to please. The crazy tantrums kind of stopped, but a kind word was rare. Here’s the video: ua-cam.com/video/OM0upyNFs9o/v-deo.htmlsi=eRg08r3_PDSL9DCe Validation, affects everything in a good relationship and we mostly don’t know it because it can be so subtle. Your partner will know they have your back if it’s a constant in your relationship.
Thanks!
i gave so many chances, I gave her the benefit of the the doubt and in the end my family was right! she not onlybwas the monster they said she was it was 10 times worse and every second inspent by her side it was pure misery.. not one to regret much but Indonwish inwould have ended this relationship years ago.. but gods timing is perfect
SPOT ON !!❤❤❤
I appreciate you ~~ thank you so very much for your content 🙏
So much more makes sense now~~~ thank you !!!!!
That dog looking like who's she talking to I don't see anybody
I had a phone consultation with ‘The Little Shaman’ and she really helped me to process what I’d been through and understand what i needed
Spam
@@Evermore2017 What?
I know your comment is legit, but now that I read it again, it does sound a LOT like the spam that I get inundated with on other platforms. If you go looking through my content on Instagram and read the comments, you will see what I mean. I’m sure that’s what the other commenter is referring to. But I know you aren’t spam!
@@LookingBehindtheMirror Yes sorry if it seemed like Spam. I’m not advocating that people should consult her! Just that i found it helpful after being abused by a histrionic type of narcissist that i thought actually may have cared for me.
@ianarn Oh, no need to apologize. I just thought I’d explain to you why that other person thought it was spam. I’m glad to hear she was helpful. I know for me that just her videos alone completely changed my life.
Adorable pup? How do you spell her name? Love your videos and thank you for helping us❤
Limonene. It’s what makes lemons and oranges smell like lemons and oranges. My husband is a chemist.
Thank you for watching! I’m glad you enjoy my little puppy.
Dog :}
Yes 🐶
😕🥱