I have followed you in and off for awhile. Not sure if issues could be from childhood and or a narcissistic relationship. Someone once said I had ptsd after that relationship. That what I think it is but I relate to the majority of what you say. Is this a good place to be even if I didn’t have childhood problems. I heard you say your website but missed it. I have heard you say a free program. Please give some direction to program website and if this is a good place to be
@@nancylee8030 Anna's youtube videos and her website are good places to learn how to help ourselves to heal if we'll just try the things she says. The Daily Practice is helping me so much.
Dear CCF. This is the second time I heard your personal story about being 6 yrs old in front of the theater. I am so sorry you had to endure that insanity and all your other traumas. You are in here helping others, even though you endured such ugly actions: Disrespected, Unloved. You need to hear how much we Love you, You need to be reminded, your selflessness is making a huge difference in the world. You are loved and appreciated. You deserve great recognition for your efforts. Thank you from ALL of us!!
My feelings as well Anna . Also your an amazing teacher and coach filling in thise place of development we didn't receive growing and adulthood adulthood thank you thank you thank you ❤❤🎉❤❤❤❤
I always felt like I was too sensitive and selfish to say how I feel. I still struggle with that and I’m SIXTY years old. Your videos are SO helpful to my life.
I cried for hours the first time I listened to you Anna. I so wanted to say everything that happened to me when I was a wee little girl. I even was writing a very long comment. Then I stopped. It was too much and I deleted it. Then I just started watching more and more of what people had to say in their stories and the response. So I say, God Bless you and your channel. Thank you and the community you have for sharing their stories.
Unbelievably, I stumbled upon this channel and found out what is going on with me and being triggered or unable to stand up for myself as much as needed. It has been a rocky road to healing but it is worth the pursuit. Thank you! I’m tired of quietly suffering. I’m grateful for gradually waking up and taking steps to grow and learn. I wonder how many people have found this specific video and unbelievably found what’s been ailing them at the core of their being. My God: I forgive the people from my childhood, but I never thought about the lasting impacts. I hate talking to drunk people knowing they will always become angry about something. Riding in the vehicle with other people I always remember when my dad slammed on the brakes in the middle of a winter storm while driving me to the airport and said get the fuck out and walk ! My crime, I had suggested he apologized to a sister that he had an argument with, and just tell her he loved her. Even though I set boundaries with my narcissistic telephone mother and because she can’t talk to me like I’m a piece of shit on the phone we can’t have a relationship. She told me not to call her no more . Now I don’t feel like talking to anyone in my family. I just don’t trust any of them and I have a huge family. I hope others who have struggled with this are improving and I am now going to look at her work sheet and her other resources. Good luck to everyone and remember not to be the person causing another child to live this in their adult life. I thank this Channel, the lord and the few friends I have who have never abandoned me or questioned my struggles.
Some people (especially under the influence) you can't reason with, yet not talking to them is not necessarily the safe option, either. I wish public education included a life-skills class at every level, teaching how to protect and care for oneself & .. .
Listening to your triggers… I’m standing out in the yard crying. I’ve been so damaged for so long.. it’s been forever since I’ve had feelings coming out. It’s a good thing. Thanks
Over 50 and NOW all the stuff from my 'childhood' is raging to the surface after building up over the last 4-6 years. Lost my job over a month ago, ruined a relationship with someone who was the only light in all this darkness and and and .... Finally getting some help. Your videos have helped me as well. Thank you
"When there are no hurries there will be no worries." This is a statement I make constantly. I teach a lot about hurrying too. It's so true that this makes us so dysregulated. It's my theory that there are so many things that spin off due to hurrying or being in a rush..
My healing journey is going on 11 years, I’ve come a long way :) but as a mom I’m often finding my children are conjurers of many triggers-excessive noise, interrupted sleep, overwhelm, yelling, fighting/violence, tantrums, lack of time for self, hypervigilience over all the safety issues to mitigate, lots and lots of disregulation. Also, one of my triggers is having to be the primary calmer/caretaker-I want to feel taken care of. Someone always needs mom. It’s hard. I want to be a good mom. I’m doing lots of self care and processing but it’s like a firehose, never can get a break from the chaos.
You just described why I decided not to have children. There was a temptation to break the generational cycle and prove that I can be a better parent than mine were, along with a deep love and connection for kids. But there was also that laundry list you just named of all the ways I would lose my freedom, my ability to heal and live up to my potential as an individual, and all the ways I was afraid my kids would throw me into a rage that made me turn into my mother. No thanks. My heart goes out to you. I don't blame you for feeling like you got in over your head. I would too.
You just described me and my whole life. Same with being caretaker being a trigger n wanting to be looked after too. As I had to look after narcissistic ill parent from very young age.
Can you maybe arrange with your partner one or two hours a week in which he takes care of the children? (Or if possible get a babysitter), so that you can have regular breaks. (I also saw a UA-camr who has this thing that she calls"quiet time" in which she sends her children to their rooms for an hour each afternoon and tells them to read, she takes this time to just relax for herself, maybe you could try something similar?) Also if possible take naps, maybe try yoga and some herbal calming medicine. I hope things will get easier for you and you can find time to unwind, take care!
Me too and then I get out of control anxiety because I’m terrified I’m giving my issues to my kids. I’m filled with guilt and It’s awful. I have done loads of work and have definitely gotten better over the years but I think I’m cured and then out of the blue bang… I’m straight back we’re I started 😢 I never want my children to feel this :(
There were so many dysfunctions that I realized I am better off without kids. Although I've always said to myself that I will make sure to give my children attention and raise them, I had too much anxiety over what could go wrong. One example is that I don't believe in corporal punishment but a part of me has so much anger that I fear I might lose control.
Glad I found you Crappy childhood fairy, we are a carbon copy when it comes to our life experience, and the emotion we are dealing with. I’m 55, up to 5 years ago, I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I though everyone felt the same way I did. I’d never dealt with my pass, I just swept it under the carpet, at 18 I changed my life completely, ( so I thought) move as far as I could from my hometown, right across the country, moved where the language was different, ( I’m sure you can detect it in my grammar :) moved away from my siblings which Iove with all my heart, I did all I could to erase the pass, little did I know, it doesn’t work that way… at 50, I hit rock bottom, which was a necessary step for this stubborn girl to make changes, and have ever seen been working at dealing with my past. Oh what a ride! Thanks for being you! Peace, love & light
So many triggers here that I realise trigger me too. Life is very hard when there are people in it, lol. Music has always been a good focus for me. I used it during the covid lockdowns to dance around the dining room and so lift my mood.
You have no idea how much powerful and important to hear your explanation, personal experience, so validating and helpful in navigating and unraveling the mess we are carrying because of CPTSD... Thank you ❤
My answer to that tiggering feeling when you are being emotionally ignored, abused, or being gaslight is to run away and to stay away. Now trying to reconnect is so difficult often impossible when the other person is not willing to even meet me halfway and yet these relationships are just too important to me to just let go. The daily practice and your videos have been helpful.
So many triggers, and it is good that you know what they are. I get triggered sometimes and it hits me like a tons of bricks, and often by surprise, because I don't know what they are. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, it makes so much sense. I start to realize a lot of things about myself through this video. I start to remember how much fear I was in when making any normal request or communication with my parents, which often ended up in disputes for some other reasons, and following with physical harm for the most of the time. That's not the fear of being rejected but it's a fear that I can feel it in my body, that thinking about making requests my heart would start to race and I feel the urge to cringe instantly. I am someone with strong opinions but whenever I need to stand out for myself or for my belief in my adult life, when it's done I always experience lots of fear that I have to hide / unable to communication with people for a long time.
In 3rd grade when the school has the awards assembly, I was expecting to receive my perfect attendance award. I even wore a dress,( I was a tomboy)..., So after all the awards were handed out and the assembly was over, I was ashamed and disappointed. I thought that they didn't think I deserved it for some reason. The teacher on the following school day made an announcement and gave me my award in front of my class. Being so painfully shy things like that really were hard to deal with. My teacher was so sweet to rectify the mistake. ❤
Every morning started with a hunt for socks and knickers. For some reason my parents didn't buy me enough underwear. I had to choose between yesterday's socks or a half an hour hunt for clean socks (which didn't quite match quite likely) so I'd have to assess whether that would be visible or not. NOW, I have a bag of clean unworn socks in the drawer. I have enough socks for centipede and I like it that way.
I can't believe how much this video helped me understand myself even more. I already knew that most of my anxiety and reactions had to do with my childhood, but the isolation part has left a clearer explanation as to why I find myself always apart from everyone. Mo matter how much I crave a social life and want to spend more time with my family, when I am with them I tend to tense up and just completely loose the ability to interact like a normal adult without over explaining things or faking a smile to be more liked. These are people I truly love and care for, but I feel like they kind of stay away from me cusz I'm too energy is too much. Thank you for this, I don't feel alone. Living with an abusive stepfather with constant fighting and molestation has definitely affected so much in my life. Thank you for all this information ❤
Oh my goodness! This has helped me immensely! Bless your heart for all you do for ALL of us! 😇 I cried when you shared with us the stories of your mom leaving you to fend for yourself. Truly breaks my heart. All that you (and all of us) have lived through, has only made us stronger. AND truly more compassionate & kind. I feel so blessed to have found you. There may be times when one of us could be at our lowest point, and all we need to do is listen to you! Thank you sweet friend for lifting me up and adding hope & sunshine back into my life 💕
I always feel or maybe nearly always say the wrong things . I want to say one thing and i go around , circulated and it comes out differently to what i exectly wanted to say . Than i get into a guilt trip . So many things you say Anna i suffer from . I made & still make so many mistakes most probably as a result of being triggered or being over stressed .
Every single thing you mention is what i have dealt with my entire life. Hard to accept I have tried to block my childhood out of my mind, but obviously the triggers poke their head out daily. Thank you for your wonderful approach and hope for people like me.
I'm so happy to have found you. Everything you have said is spot on, but then you've got to Mr. Rogers. He raised me. To this day when I arrive at home, I immediately put on a (mom comfy) sweater and change into house shoes. It regulates me.
i love that you sometimes laugh at yourself when you’re explaining something i’m the same way and i feel it’s great because it helps us not take ourselves too seriously. at the time it can seem like the end of the world but it’s always nice to look back at laugh at where we were at or how we were operating😂 much love
When Im given a cominent or over complmented on or about something I silently crumbel and then self sabotage where I may scowel ory sholders drop. My brain just went to a school play I was in and it just so happens i was the last one leaving the stage, I even remember the beautiul dress I wore, well, I waved to my mother. Really no big deal. You guessed it my mother made a big deal about it after I wrong that was and unprofessional. I was 6 or 7. My mother was an alcoholic and never showed up for my events. My two older cousins would come. I was really just so happy and excited but then she got mad. Im 62 and baby steps toward better mental health. Anna your one of the bests and your openess is so helpful. 🎈❤
I am so sorry for what you've gone through (as well as what the rest of us have, of course). It must be, after experiencing all that, that we can now teach healing and that those situations are unacceptable. You're a tremendously talented teacher. Thank you.
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. I've had multiple traumas starting in childhood and going into adulthood and I am far too exhausted to share anything good with anyone right now.
My heart goes out to people who come from disfunctional families. I grew up in a family where there was never a raised voice. My mother told my father from the very beginning to talk about problems only after my sister and i go to bed. We never heard anything. Obviously there were no loud arguments, or else it would have woken us up. I am so grateful to my parents.
It makes me happy to hear of the experience of people such as you. It keeps alive my faith that safe and fulfilling family life is possible. That's what I've longed for my whole life.
Mr. Rogers was my hero growing up too! He was so kind and patient, and he helped me realize there were adults who cared about children-- and he "visited" my living room every afternoon. He helped me survive.
Oh my god this is exactly what I needed to hear right now and it is so freaking relatable. I was just talking about this to myself since I have no friends.
When I was 18 I was chemically, and clinically depressed. I didn't work, eat, or anything really. A year prior I attempted the S word. While I put in time and therapy, my parents always ran from it and never participated. So I was put back in a home that was still dysfunctional. I had started to receive help from a mental health facility a few towns over. I had an appointment, so my dad drove me to the facility. A few minutes into the meeting my dad explained that I was not coming back home with him. And he left me. I never took drugs, I never got drunk, I never took the car and wrecked it. I was depressed. Turns out a friend of my father turned him on to this book called Tough Love. Decades later I finally shed my legitimate fear of abandonment. I've had the same support system for over 20 years. They are not going to abandon me. I can say that with confidence, and I've internalized it. I've been diagnosed with a borderline personality. But my doctor says I don't really present anymore. I really wonder if I might be autistic? The eighties was the decade where people started recognizing "psychosomatic" is b*******. That depression, migraine headaches, and autism were starting to be understood, and validated by some of the medical community. I digress, the fear of abandonment is more terrifying than the movie The Exorcist! And I'm glad to be rid of it. People, love yourselves. Self-care is valid and don't let anybody tell you any different. Including that voice in your head! You deserve and are entitled to love. You don't have to be brave or stoic about it. It took me decades to heal, and if I can say anything that will help somebody else get it, I feel like I've done something good. You are loved!
Wow, that story of your dad leaving you really hit me in the heart. No wonder you had abandonment issues, and I can hear the healing ringing out from your words. Thanks for sharing hope with everyone here. And you may already know this, but borderline shares some symptoms with CPTSD, and many experts think borderline has been WAY over diagnosed, and is often "just" CPTSD. Autism is its own thing, but also has some similar symptoms. In any case, you are very welcome here!
Great video! Also, EMDR+IFS together can decrease terror of abandonment by creating a healthy secure attachment to adult Self and other relationships become much more doable!
I was already suffering complex PTSD but last year had to flee domestic abuse and a cult. Lost my home, because the cult practices strict shunning I lost my family including my father and sister, my community abandoned me and I lost my daughter to parental alienation syndrome from my ex husbands influence. I was homeless with my son, no financial or legal support - I had to rely on strangers, retrain, close my business and find employment in a sector that would sustain us. I am buying my first house now with a mortgage that will be on me and me alone. It has been very triggering and hiding all of this from the new people in my life has been almost impossible
I resonate so much with what you say and I feel sorry for you and all people having lived such things. But I also feel good to hear somebody talking so clearly of things I've been ashame all my life. That feels good to hear and read people living the same things. It makes me feel less lonely. Thank you for what you do.
Thank you so much for your videos! I’ve just stumbled across your channel. I’ve been in therapy for C-PTSD for 5 years but have just gotten worse - to the point where I got so mentally and physically sick I got cancer. That was the wake up call for me to start making some big changes. Your videos make sooo much sense! The things you describe as triggers I have and never recognized them as triggers. Just thought that I was deficient in some way. I’ve a long way to go, but realize that there is hope. Will spend the next weeks diving through the rest of your videos and will create some time to try the daily practice. Many thanks! Wish you and all who watch more healing and inner peace.
Anna....You are amazing. I resonate deeply. Just want kind loving genuine connections....I never judge when others are suffering/going thru situations. It's all about loving on each other vs condemnation. Thanks Anna❤
As a preschool teacher, I started showing short episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. If you haven't seen it, they have revisited all the best parts of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood with the songs, red top and shoes, the trolley and all the characters (with updated looks) and their homes. I get as absorbed as students and it brings back all the good feels from my childhood. ❤ I'm grateful for the show back when I was a kid.
Mr Rogers songs are part of my self-prescribed therapy. Also I work part time with kiddos and find myself going back to the teachings of Mr Rogers when the they come to me with problems 🙂
I’ve been following you a very long time, but I’m just now coming to a proper headspace to listen and act. I’ve been fearful of healing because of the unknowns of what a future could be and who I’ll be without clinging to the responses I know the result of. I’m in fear of abandoning myself and those hurt parts of me. Thank you for being here for us.
Omg "hedgehog with rabies". It's midnight, and I'm cackling like a madwoman over that one. I can SO relate. Dont forget, backed into a corner. A hedgehog with rabies backed into a corner....
Hello, I recently found your channel via the Therapy in a nutshell channel, the things is I have this thing where I can't express how I feel, I think I bootled it up so much that it started affecting me physically, when I'm with people I don't trust I try to be under control suppressing what I feel, I only outburst with my loved ones and even with them I try to be in control, I know that maybe that could be seen as something 'good' but it has made me someone really anxious and afraid of other people, I'm afraid of being myself with others and I realized that through this and other videos I have seen, this had helped me a lot but it also made a lot of uncomfortable feelings come up, I'm still afraid of this new sensations, but I really want to work through them and for that I want to thank you, and thank all of the people who have shared their experiences, cause that made realize I'm not alone and that I can go through this. You can too. We're in this together though we can't see each other. I wish you all genuine happiness and that you can find peace. Thank you for this.
When you comforted the man caught up in the accident you were doing something that Peter Levine experienced. He was knocked down by a car and a paediatrician held his hand until the ambulance came, he said it completely changed his emotional outcome ❤
I never related to Mr. Rogers, Romper Room and The Froozles (who remembers that?). I always felt like they were talking to other children, not me. I guess I felt like other kids were important and I was in the way. Thank you for this video. It was a hard but needed listen. Much love and peace.
I had this fear all thru my childhood and actually had two real life episodes of getting left behind and lost in a crowd where I was in a panic with heart pounding.
Anna, I'm blown away! Thank you for sharing. After all you've been through what a wonderful person you are! I'm grateful this resource is here. For a lot of years, I'd try to get help and the help would only be for women with children or just for 18 and under and I'm glad that help is there for all of them but in my area, there's even a shelter for men in the winter time but if you're a woman and don't have a child under 18 it's harder to get help and I remember feeling so singled out and alone in my own hometown.
Yes many of these things triggered me. Many occur in a controlling family. Cannot believe i have not come accross your content before very relevant. Was just triggered by a family member today.
Omg, can't believe I just found you. I didn't even know that I had CPTSD until I've come across your videos. I can relate so much with your story and every single video I've clicked so far speaks right to my core. I'm struggling all my life and I feel finally I'm finding some answers, hopefully I can find the necessary tools here to heal. Don't even know where to start, there's so much I can relate to. Thank you!
I can completely relate to your experience in a chaotic home and triggers. I see now this has been in the background for me personally my entire life and affecting everything, from friendships, marriages, and relationships with my kids. I want to get better and change the narrative. I can relate to the overabundance of food in the house, i hoard groceries, I also am a "couponer" as a hobby, but secretly because I never want to go without soap, shampoo, etc as that was something we never had in the house as a kid, along with food, laundry soap, etc.
Triggered all the time, in almost every single interaction I've had with every human I've interacted with every day for the last 40 plus years of my 50 year life
You really have a good use of words. i like the many different ways you use them to get multiple meanings across. Triggered is not a word im mentally trained to admit to experiencing, yet clearly when you have as wide use case as this even i can relate and admit to it. Birds make good pets, but i should clean their area more as it gets covered in bird poo.
I can relate 100%!! I too was mmmm experienced abandonment as a child. My parents had a turbulent relationship and marriage with my father having a number of affairs that resulted in their separation 3 or 4 times and us moving to different schools as a result. When my mother finally ended the marriage, about a year or more after, my father took his own life. I was 13. My mother always seemed fairly unavailable emotionally and we rarely talked about any important things or how I felt. This has had to have had an effect on the unavailable men I seem to attract and cling to. Then once in a relationship with an unavailable man, I am constantly triggered, feel abandoned and not chosen over and over again. 😢
I speak up, but I’m always ready to fight when I do address situations at work or home. I’m already defensive and come off aggressive, when I just want to be heard. And I had to fight to be heard. Wow, I learned this about myself as I watched this video. Thank you.
Were you ever physically bullied or physically assaulted by either adults or other children? I feel like physical abuse is on a different level and is harder to process. I recently lashed out at one of my high school bullies online. I stayed awake thinking about it and finally realized that he was probably jealous of my musical ability. We were both in band and he defined his identity and self-worth with his own musical ability (he didn't have much). I never thought about it that way before, but it makes everything start to make sense.
Jealousy is often the root cause of people acting like aholes. My older sister was always jealous of me and therfore did some absolutely heinous things to be as a child. To this day, at almost 40 years old, I get a horrible feeling when I know someone is jealous of me. I think subconsciously, I equate that jealousy to heinous crimes against me.
@@beatrixbrennan1545 Yeah, my family wasn't happy about my abilities either. They always ignored or downplayed my talents. I think it's why I'm afraid to demonstrate my abilities to new people for fear of them perceiving it as "showing off".
@@waggawaggaful don't stop doing what you love and what you know you're good at. Use the gifts God gave you and let the jealous people rot in their own misery!
Thank you for being such a great role model and bearing your soul to the world which is so scary to me! Im also wondering how you can live thousands of miles away from me and know whats in my mind!? Its like your reading a book about my life, what's happened and continues to happen! I do feel better and understand so much more of who I am and Im not alone in this big world. There is a sense of connection although I dont know you. I listen to your video for a few segments, I find myself full of emotion,I cry, then you say something and I can laugh. It seems like no one understands me, then devine intervention happens and then I see you on my screen ❤ Your so giving, loving and caring 🌷 I want to give you a bouquet of flowers 💐 and a hug {{ 🤗 }} I must say I wish I could explain things out loud so elegantly as you do. Its happening but not as fast as I want it to. So thank you again for being there for us through thick and thin, not giving up on us and showing us that we can get through this. Even if it is one day, one hr, one min at a time. God bless 😇🙏 Love from Nova Scotia, Canada 🇨🇦
Thank you for such an amazing video and channel. My chronic PTSD is from decades of marital narcissistic abuse. However I can still relate to this. I get triggered so frequently even though I left the situationship. I thought 4 years was enough to heal and I was being excessive anytime I was triggered. I do isolate but it gets very lonely, so it is not ideal. But thank you for this, I feel validated. I keep adding your videos to my playlist and I binge watch. You are such a blessing. God bless and reward you for all you do.
I have learned so much from you - while here and there counselors have been kind and helpful over the years, you have brought so much clarity to my life in just the past few weeks. Thank you for what you do!
15:30 painfully relatable. When I told my parents how weird this or that thing was growing up, they would laugh at me and say “oh every family has its problems, life isn’t the Brady Bunch”. Years later I found out that my parents actually had been confronted by outsiders about some of the severe and worrying symptoms my younger sibs were displaying 🤨
Thank you So much. You just get right into the heart of it. So real. My father was emotionally destructive right up to his end at nearly 88. I relate to virtually everything you’ve described….
LOL. Just your video titles trigger the daylights out to of me. I am not quite ready to watch but I know I will. ❤❤❤😂❤❤❤ Thanks for banging out one big truth after another!!!
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I get the same thing when someone yells at me and I know it comes from my marriage where it was followed by wall punching, door slamming, crazy making behavior. I learned to deep breathe if a bully is around, and remove myself.
thanks Anna for publishing so often :) sometimes I don't know that I need to focus and work on my healing so that's kind of a reminder. i'd be very interested to watch your video about both controlling and neglectful households because that's how I was raised. Controlled over trivial things but let down when I needed support. I just read in the coment section : "our names changes but the story is the same" totally agree with that
Hi Anna, Im newish to this community and I just wanted to thank you for all of your amazing, helpful content here on your UA-cam channel. I also wanted to compliment all of your thumbnail pics…they make me happy 😊
Omg, I get sensitive and overwhelmed when I'm around family the most. I had some traumas at work and now i feel unsafe in a 9 to 5 job in public. Now i know i have CPTSD from researching for months after a break up with a gal i genuinely loved. It was hard and i had multiple episodes at work. I isolate so much that i feel more troubled by it. Now i desperately want to change that. I was severely neglected by my parents and encountered abuse from my brother and family. I feel like i lost a lot. I have been battling and hurting so much. I believe that i can learn but i wish i could control it and feel connected without so many panic attacks. This channel is a blessing
Thank you Anna for your life's work!!...these videos provide absolute incredibly helpful content -the kind I've been searching but not finding from ''therapists''. How did I not realize there is an expert who has gathered her WISDOM, done the planning (6-8 HOURS ea!) fought the procrastination over and over and 'still' been able to deliver words and systems designed to lift us to begin building a greater level of our 'Truest SELVES?!" YOU are a rare treasure -I finally continue and embrace recovery --able to refer to all this when I stumble and want to give up. Anna, I don't feel hopeless or alone anymore -sending you love and hugs! ❤
My hobby of Model Car Building has helped me in many ways including the issue of hurrying.... You can't hurry when you build a model car so this hobby has taught me not to hurry... Remember the old saying "Good things come to those who wait "...
How are you able to continuously talk about these things…which makes you think about these things…without living “defeated”, staying in tears, and being disregulated? I just cry and cry. I feel so broken and damaged. Other people do NOT understand. They think it’s just that I’m lonely, I need to get out more, it’s my hormones. People just don’t get it! They get aggravated with me, tired of my being down, etc. People just don’t know and understand!
You’re so inspiring and helpful to me! Thank you!!!!! I’m doing the daily practice, haven’t gotten consistent yet but I want to be and feel it’s been beneficial to me. 🙏🏽🤗🤗🤗
I hate being a passenger in a car when the person who was driving isn't letting me know where we are going and I don't have water or food with me. I can't even go to the mailbox without a bottle of water! I have all these little security blankets just in case just in case just in case. I love your story about the carrots and the airport. That would be me. Squirreling away they have eaten bagel on the plane. Oh and here is the story that exemplifies my whole life. I forgot my lunch one day in second grade. Rather than tell the teacher like a normal kid I worked it out in my head that I could run home at lunch and get my lunch and be back before anyone knows that was gone. When the class filed down to the lunchroom I ducked out a side door and ran the mile home. When I got there my mom said she brought my lunch for me and left it in my cubby. And she did not have a car that day so I had to walk all the way back to school without lunch and of course lunch was over by the time I got back. That's my life! This is a great video Anna
You are such a blessing.These videos are soo helpful.I binge,atleast once a day,slowly by slowly i can see the improvement. Today in particular,was about dysregulation. And repetitive relationship patterns,there is nothing wrong with me, it was a wound.God bless your work, you mean good.
You are right. My mother would teach my brother these traits while teaching me Nothing. When my brother wants help she listens but when I need help she don't listen. She ignores. I watched her do this for years till today. So because of that, I am the more skilled one because I've learned how to do everything by myself. One thing left is how to keep good people in my life. I don't want to keep Everyone I just want wonderful people to me. I have a few already I won't mind increasing the numbers.
When I say something is bothering me I panic. I automatically feel I’m going be shot down and discounted. I speak clearly and I’m upfront with people even if it’s not popular today however I still panic after I’ve said it as if I will be adandoned for saying it.
You brought up music from the seventies. I too get a lil' triggered by this music. For the longest time I had no idea what was going on or why I had such a fluctuation of an almost loathing sensation when this music would come on. I had no idea why I felt this way and really felt like it was an out of pocket reaction especially when I love all kinds of music. Specifically 70's music that has organs and long guitar solos in it. Now neither one of these instruments bother me when played in any other type of genre or format. It took me a very long time to realize the "why" behind this deep emotional feeling in regards to this. For the longest time I would get this icky feeling that I could barely scratch the surface of but yet couldn't scratch it deep enough to get a full sense of it. About 6 or 7yrs ago I was sitting with my boyfriend and he was enjoying old albums and enjoying music as most all do and many memories started flooding to surface. I had a childhood full of so many traumatizing things that had the echoes of this type of music woven into them. In many areas of my life this music was woven into the trauma that had occurred. It was the "soundtrack" to it. There were many violent occurrences from being molested in a family members basement and throughout their home while songs played in the background like "Layla" by Eric Clapton and many other hits of the time. I was a child of the eighties and nineties so most all adults in my life listened to this type of music. The hits of the seventies. For the longest time though when these things played I'd get such a hit of rage or disgust in my body that was hard to go into. Of course rage was the face that I saw first though in this because that little girl inside me had anger and lots of it due to this and no way to fight back or flee the scene. People pleasing and appeasing or compliance leaves one with a lot of shame, guilt, Behind that feeling however was so many other emotions that were in many ways boosting and "gassing up" that anger, making it so intense. Behind it I found many emotions but I'll talk about some here there was shame(for the secrets kept, the sense of being bad or dirty because all these things had taken away my purity and innocense. There was so much shame and this is something I still continue to work through. I'd like to add here as well that I was raised in a Christian environment with a whole lot of rigid beliefs and woven into my trauma is that of religious trauma too. It was used as a way to groom, a tool to deepen the abuse and a way to cover), guilt(because I wasn't able to stop it from being done to my brother and for so many other reasons) , grief (for the childhood I didn't get to have and of course for many other reasons there too), all of these deeply traumatizing things that took place and these songs were the background of these occasions. What's sad is the things I mentioned were some of the milder details of the trauma in my childhood. Like you though, I believe the work happens in the present and yes while the things that happened in the past need acknowledged and validated, playing that story over and over again in the same old way feeling victimized, identifying with it, and giving ourselves no ability to respond in the narrative will leave us with those same old wounds. The present is where we tend to this. What happened in the past while as unfortunate as that is, it happened and there's nothing we can do to erase that. What we can tend to is the things we take with us from trauma our perceptions, emotions, thoughts behaviors, biases, beliefs, assumptions, etc. These things can't be caught if we're stuck looking in the past for the answers. The answers are with you in the here and now. I've been exploring my triggers for more than a decade. I've come to learn to manage my life in a very beautiful way. Where I once thought there would never be healing and never a sense of happiness or serenity I not only see glimpses of them I can soak myself in them and even rest there in a regulation of the nervous system and even know and be familiarized with peace. While I still get triggered on occasions(i don't expect to ever be without triggers considering I have decades and decades of trauma) I can say I've done the work and overcome such things to a degree of being regulated in my emotions, emotionally mature, and emotionally intelligent enough to move through and not around. I no longer spend weeks or even months in complete dysregulation. Now I can manage them quite eloquently and the work that I've done has paid off so well that I now coach others through their triggers and assist in healing their trauma responses too. Present moment awareness has allowed me to see my trauma responses and work through them. Trauma responses......boy oh boy do I know a thing or two about them. I had to befriend my trauma responses and lean in with curiosity in the present in order to gain an ability to respond to them. Awareness of them even being triggers and naming them, had to happen first though. I had to acknowledge and become aware of what it was in order to tend to them. "Name it to tame it" as they say. A lifetime of trauma has left me with a lot of trauma responses. More so, I'd say they were trauma reactions more than responses but in healing I gained an ability to respond to those reactions. I've gotten to where these triggers are really quite managed and they no longer control my life. While i used to be in a triggered state sometimes for months at a time or have very long stretches of dysregulation to the point that I was in what is referred to now as a "flop" state which is actually something I used to say before this became a thing. I used to joke and say "I not only fight, flight, freeze and fawn I now can add flop to that list too." I have epileptic and non epileptic seizures and at one time I was having seizures multiple times a day and dozens in a weeks time. I would fall into non epileptic seizures due to dysregulation. I felt like my life had gotten to a point of literally no control and at that point the trauma and then seizures fromit had dominated my life and had taken my independence or at least😢 that's the way it felt. It was in many ways a feeling I knew quite well and was comfortable with. This "uncontrolled feeling" was quite similar to the same feeling I had growing up in an abusive(in all ways and forms) household.
You are such an incredible gift to humanity. I am so blessed that your videos popped up in my feed. May the Divine bless you n yours for all the incredible love you gift to each one of us with your generous honesty and raw sharing of your truth. Your knowledge is truly appreciated 🙏.
Thank you very much for your videos! I identify with you so much. I've attended counseling for years but you're the only one that gets to the heart of the problem. I miss work and space out for a couple of days when I'm triggered. I love your voice. I like falling asleep too your videos - your voice is so soothing. Thank you again
My heart was pounding throughout this video. So many triggers. Our names change but our story is the same.
And that can be SO reassuring, you are not alone!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I have followed you in and off for awhile. Not sure if issues could be from childhood and or a narcissistic relationship. Someone once said I had ptsd after that relationship. That what I think it is but I relate to the majority of what you say. Is this a good place to be even if I didn’t have childhood problems. I heard you say your website but missed it. I have heard you say a free program. Please give some direction to program website and if this is a good place to be
Yes! Omg, I thought I was gonna throw up several times
@@nancylee8030 Anna's youtube videos and her website are good places to learn how to help ourselves to heal if we'll just try the things she says. The Daily Practice is helping me so much.
Trish
Same
Dear CCF. This is the second time I heard your personal story about being 6 yrs old in front of the theater. I am so sorry you had to endure that insanity and all your other traumas. You are in here helping others, even though you endured such ugly actions: Disrespected, Unloved. You need to hear how much we Love you, You need to be reminded, your selflessness is making a huge difference in the world. You are loved and appreciated. You deserve great recognition for your efforts. Thank you from ALL of us!!
My feelings as well Anna . Also your an amazing teacher and coach filling in thise place of development we didn't receive growing and adulthood adulthood thank you thank you thank you ❤❤🎉❤❤❤❤
I always felt like I was too sensitive and selfish to say how I feel. I still struggle with that and I’m SIXTY years old. Your videos are SO helpful to my life.
I'm so glad the channel has been helpful! -Calista@TeamFairy
I cried for hours the first time I listened to you Anna. I so wanted to say everything that happened to me when I was a wee little girl. I even was writing a very long comment. Then I stopped. It was too much and I deleted it.
Then I just started watching more and more of what people had to say in their stories and the response.
So I say, God Bless you and your channel.
Thank you and the community you have for sharing their stories.
Thanks for sharing! I'm so glad the channel has been helpful, we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
The segment about Mr Rogers, I really enjoyed. I didn't know the purpose of his show was to help children with issues.
Unbelievably, I stumbled upon this channel and found out what is going on with me and being triggered or unable to stand up for myself as much as needed. It has been a rocky road to healing but it is worth the pursuit. Thank you! I’m tired of quietly suffering. I’m grateful for gradually waking up and taking steps to grow and learn.
I wonder how many people have found this specific video and unbelievably found what’s been ailing them at the core of their being.
My God: I forgive the people from my childhood, but I never thought about the lasting impacts. I hate talking to drunk people knowing they will always become angry about something.
Riding in the vehicle with other people I always remember when my dad slammed on the brakes in the middle of a winter storm while driving me to the airport and said get the fuck out and walk ! My crime, I had suggested he apologized to a sister that he had an argument with, and just tell her he loved her. Even though I set boundaries with my narcissistic telephone mother and because she can’t talk to me like I’m a piece of shit on the phone we can’t have a relationship. She told me not to call her no more . Now I don’t feel like talking to anyone in my family. I just don’t trust any of them and I have a huge family. I hope others who have struggled with this are improving and I am now going to look at her work sheet and her other resources. Good luck to everyone and remember not to be the person causing another child to live this in their adult life. I thank this
Channel, the lord and the few friends I have who have never abandoned me or questioned my struggles.
So glad you are here, we support you!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Some people (especially under the influence) you can't reason with, yet not talking to them is not necessarily the safe option, either. I wish public education included a life-skills class at every level, teaching how to protect and care for oneself & .. .
Wow. I didn't realize so many other people feel the way I do.
Listening to your triggers… I’m standing out in the yard crying. I’ve been so damaged for so long.. it’s been forever since I’ve had feelings coming out. It’s a good thing. Thanks
Over 50 and NOW all the stuff from my 'childhood' is raging to the surface after building up over the last 4-6 years. Lost my job over a month ago, ruined a relationship with someone who was the only light in all this darkness and and and .... Finally getting some help. Your videos have helped me as well. Thank you
Same here
Same. It all came up in My '50s like a hurricane
"When there are no hurries there will be no worries." This is a statement I make constantly. I teach a lot about hurrying too. It's so true that this makes us so dysregulated. It's my theory that there are so many things that spin off due to hurrying or being in a rush..
My healing journey is going on 11 years, I’ve come a long way :) but as a mom I’m often finding my children are conjurers of many triggers-excessive noise, interrupted sleep, overwhelm, yelling, fighting/violence, tantrums, lack of time for self, hypervigilience over all the safety issues to mitigate, lots and lots of disregulation. Also, one of my triggers is having to be the primary calmer/caretaker-I want to feel taken care of. Someone always needs mom. It’s hard. I want to be a good mom. I’m doing lots of self care and processing but it’s like a firehose, never can get a break from the chaos.
You just described why I decided not to have children. There was a temptation to break the generational cycle and prove that I can be a better parent than mine were, along with a deep love and connection for kids. But there was also that laundry list you just named of all the ways I would lose my freedom, my ability to heal and live up to my potential as an individual, and all the ways I was afraid my kids would throw me into a rage that made me turn into my mother. No thanks. My heart goes out to you. I don't blame you for feeling like you got in over your head. I would too.
You just described me and my whole life. Same with being caretaker being a trigger n wanting to be looked after too. As I had to look after narcissistic ill parent from very young age.
Can you maybe arrange with your partner one or two hours a week in which he takes care of the children? (Or if possible get a babysitter), so that you can have regular breaks. (I also saw a UA-camr who has this thing that she calls"quiet time" in which she sends her children to their rooms for an hour each afternoon and tells them to read, she takes this time to just relax for herself, maybe you could try something similar?) Also if possible take naps, maybe try yoga and some herbal calming medicine. I hope things will get easier for you and you can find time to unwind, take care!
Me too and then I get out of control anxiety because I’m terrified I’m giving my issues to my kids. I’m filled with guilt and It’s awful. I have done loads of work and have definitely gotten better over the years but I think I’m cured and then out of the blue bang… I’m straight back we’re I started 😢 I never want my children to feel this :(
There were so many dysfunctions that I realized I am better off without kids. Although I've always said to myself that I will make sure to give my children attention and raise them, I had too much anxiety over what could go wrong. One example is that I don't believe in corporal punishment but a part of me has so much anger that I fear I might lose control.
Glad I found you Crappy childhood fairy, we are a carbon copy when it comes to our life experience, and the emotion we are dealing with. I’m 55, up to 5 years ago, I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I though everyone felt the same way I did. I’d never dealt with my pass, I just swept it under the carpet, at 18 I changed my life completely, ( so I thought) move as far as I could from my hometown, right across the country, moved where the language was different, ( I’m sure you can detect it in my grammar :) moved away from my siblings which Iove with all my heart, I did all I could to erase the pass, little did I know, it doesn’t work that way… at 50, I hit rock bottom, which was a necessary step for this stubborn girl to make changes, and have ever seen been working at dealing with my past. Oh what a ride! Thanks for being you! Peace, love & light
So many triggers here that I realise trigger me too. Life is very hard when there are people in it, lol. Music has always been a good focus for me. I used it during the covid lockdowns to dance around the dining room and so lift my mood.
You have no idea how much powerful and important to hear your explanation, personal experience, so validating and helpful in navigating and unraveling the mess we are carrying because of CPTSD... Thank you ❤
Music is the only thing I would be able to focus on during the circus. Still what I turn to. Almost any kind.
My answer to that tiggering feeling when you are being emotionally ignored, abused, or being gaslight is to run away and to stay away. Now trying to reconnect is so difficult often impossible when the other person is not willing to even meet me halfway and yet these relationships are just too important to me to just let go.
The daily practice and your videos have been helpful.
I'm so glad you find the content helpful!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was just thinking about running away. I do it by looking at real estate . It calms me
I can hardly believe what I'm seeing. I was so so triggered yesterday and I could not figure out why. This explains my response, which is a relief.
Yes! We aren't alone and it can get so much better!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for sharing your childhood with us. The best teachers and counselors are the ones who have lived through it. God bless you always. 🙏🙏
Wow, thank you. You are very kind. Jack@TeamFairy
So true.
So many triggers, and it is good that you know what they are.
I get triggered sometimes and it hits me like a tons of bricks, and often by surprise, because I don't know what they are.
Thank you for sharing.
Part of this work is learning about those triggers. If you are interested, this course helps a lot! bit.ly/CCF__DB
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you for sharing your experiences and giving us tools to deal with CPTSD. God bless you & this channel & everyone who is struggling with CPTSD 🙏💛
Thank you too!
Thank you, it makes so much sense. I start to realize a lot of things about myself through this video. I start to remember how much fear I was in when making any normal request or communication with my parents, which often ended up in disputes for some other reasons, and following with physical harm for the most of the time. That's not the fear of being rejected but it's a fear that I can feel it in my body, that thinking about making requests my heart would start to race and I feel the urge to cringe instantly.
I am someone with strong opinions but whenever I need to stand out for myself or for my belief in my adult life, when it's done I always experience lots of fear that I have to hide / unable to communication with people for a long time.
I hear you. You're in the right place and we're all rooting for you :) -Calista@TeamFairy
In 3rd grade when the school has the awards assembly, I was expecting to receive my perfect attendance award. I even wore a dress,( I was a tomboy)..., So after all the awards were handed out and the assembly was over, I was ashamed and disappointed. I thought that they didn't think I deserved it for some reason. The teacher on the following school day made an announcement and gave me my award in front of my class. Being so painfully shy things like that really were hard to deal with. My teacher was so sweet to rectify the mistake. ❤
I love this story. Hugs.
Every morning started with a hunt for socks and knickers. For some reason my parents didn't buy me enough underwear. I had to choose between yesterday's socks or a half an hour hunt for clean socks (which didn't quite match quite likely) so I'd have to assess whether that would be visible or not. NOW, I have a bag of clean unworn socks in the drawer. I have enough socks for centipede and I like it that way.
I can't believe how much this video helped me understand myself even more. I already knew that most of my anxiety and reactions had to do with my childhood, but the isolation part has left a clearer explanation as to why I find myself always apart from everyone. Mo matter how much I crave a social life and want to spend more time with my family, when I am with them I tend to tense up and just completely loose the ability to interact like a normal adult without over explaining things or faking a smile to be more liked. These are people I truly love and care for, but I feel like they kind of stay away from me cusz I'm too energy is too much. Thank you for this, I don't feel alone. Living with an abusive stepfather with constant fighting and molestation has definitely affected so much in my life. Thank you for all this information ❤
You are certainly not alone and I'm so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Oh my goodness! This has helped me immensely! Bless your heart for all you do for ALL of us! 😇 I cried when you shared with us the stories of your mom leaving you to fend for yourself. Truly breaks my heart. All that you (and all of us) have lived through, has only made us stronger. AND truly more compassionate & kind. I feel so blessed to have found you. There may be times when one of us could be at our lowest point, and all we need to do is listen to you! Thank you sweet friend for lifting me up and adding hope & sunshine back into my life 💕
I always feel or maybe nearly always say the wrong things . I want to say one thing and i go around , circulated and it comes out differently to what i exectly wanted to say . Than i get into a guilt trip .
So many things you say Anna i suffer from . I made & still make so many mistakes most probably as a result of being triggered or
being over stressed .
That's okay, as we learn about this condition and start using the techniques healing happens!
-Cara@TeamFairy
For me, I call that the inner critical mother voice, but just from experience, not education.
Every single thing you mention is what i have dealt with my entire life. Hard to accept I have tried to block my childhood out of my mind, but obviously the triggers poke their head out daily. Thank you for your wonderful approach and hope for people like me.
That's what loving people do. That.s what loving people do. Very powerful. Thankyou
I'm so happy to have found you. Everything you have said is spot on, but then you've got to Mr. Rogers. He raised me. To this day when I arrive at home, I immediately put on a (mom comfy) sweater and change into house shoes. It regulates me.
i love that you sometimes laugh at yourself when you’re explaining something i’m the same way and i feel it’s great because it helps us not take ourselves too seriously. at the time it can seem like the end of the world but it’s always nice to look back at laugh at where we were at or how we were operating😂 much love
When Im given a cominent or over complmented on or about something I silently crumbel and then self sabotage where I may scowel ory sholders drop.
My brain just went to a school play I was in and it just so happens i was the last one leaving the stage, I even remember the beautiul dress I wore, well, I waved to my mother. Really no big deal. You guessed it my mother made a big deal about it after I wrong that was and unprofessional. I was 6 or 7. My mother was an alcoholic and never showed up for my events. My two older cousins would come. I was really just so happy and excited but then she got mad. Im 62 and baby steps toward better mental health. Anna your one of the bests and your openess is so helpful. 🎈❤
I am so sorry for what you've gone through (as well as what the rest of us have, of course). It must be, after experiencing all that, that we can now teach healing and that those situations are unacceptable. You're a tremendously talented teacher. Thank you.
Passing on your healing to others is enormously satisfying :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy thank you. I've had multiple traumas starting in childhood and going into adulthood and I am far too exhausted to share anything good with anyone right now.
My heart goes out to people who come from disfunctional families.
I grew up in a family where there was never a raised voice. My mother told my father from the very beginning to talk about problems only after my sister and i go to bed.
We never heard anything. Obviously there were no loud arguments, or else it would have woken us up. I am so grateful to my parents.
It makes me happy to hear of the experience of people such as you. It keeps alive my faith that safe and fulfilling family life is possible. That's what I've longed for my whole life.
@@paulinemckelvey9001
I pray that all people try their best to have a stable home, esp for their children. God bless you.
Mr. Rogers was my hero growing up too! He was so kind and patient, and he helped me realize there were adults who cared about children-- and he "visited" my living room every afternoon. He helped me survive.
10:40 being connected to post will cause triggers
11:08 learn to calm triggers
11:18 learn to lost triggers
Oh my god this is exactly what I needed to hear right now and it is so freaking relatable. I was just talking about this to myself since I have no friends.
26:19 being manipulated into believing you can’t be upset 🔥
When I was 18 I was chemically, and clinically depressed. I didn't work, eat, or anything really. A year prior I attempted the S word. While I put in time and therapy, my parents always ran from it and never participated. So I was put back in a home that was still dysfunctional.
I had started to receive help from a mental health facility a few towns over. I had an appointment, so my dad drove me to the facility.
A few minutes into the meeting my dad explained that I was not coming back home with him. And he left me.
I never took drugs, I never got drunk, I never took the car and wrecked it. I was depressed.
Turns out a friend of my father turned him on to this book called Tough Love.
Decades later I finally shed my legitimate fear of abandonment.
I've had the same support system for over 20 years. They are not going to abandon me. I can say that with confidence, and I've internalized it.
I've been diagnosed with a borderline personality. But my doctor says I don't really present anymore. I really wonder if I might be autistic? The eighties was the decade where people started recognizing "psychosomatic" is b*******. That depression, migraine headaches, and autism were starting to be understood, and validated by some of the medical community.
I digress, the fear of abandonment is more terrifying than the movie The Exorcist! And I'm glad to be rid of it.
People, love yourselves. Self-care is valid and don't let anybody tell you any different. Including that voice in your head! You deserve and are entitled to love. You don't have to be brave or stoic about it.
It took me decades to heal, and if I can say anything that will help somebody else get it, I feel like I've done something good. You are loved!
Wow, that story of your dad leaving you really hit me in the heart. No wonder you had abandonment issues, and I can hear the healing ringing out from your words. Thanks for sharing hope with everyone here. And you may already know this, but borderline shares some symptoms with CPTSD, and many experts think borderline has been WAY over diagnosed, and is often "just" CPTSD. Autism is its own thing, but also has some similar symptoms. In any case, you are very welcome here!
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thanks!
I'm not up on CPTSD. But, I'll look at that.
This is a channel where I finally feel understood and not alone ❤
You certainly aren't alone and we're so glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This is a stunning video. I feel so broken.
Great video! Also, EMDR+IFS together can decrease terror of abandonment by creating a healthy secure attachment to adult Self and other relationships become much more doable!
I need you to know that I love you very much and you help me a lot and who and how you are is also very similar to myself.
Thank you!! 🙏❤️🌼
Anna appreciates your support and relatedness :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was already suffering complex PTSD but last year had to flee domestic abuse and a cult. Lost my home, because the cult practices strict shunning I lost my family including my father and sister, my community abandoned me and I lost my daughter to parental alienation syndrome from my ex husbands influence. I was homeless with my son, no financial or legal support - I had to rely on strangers, retrain, close my business and find employment in a sector that would sustain us. I am buying my first house now with a mortgage that will be on me and me alone. It has been very triggering and hiding all of this from the new people in my life has been almost impossible
I resonate so much with what you say and I feel sorry for you and all people having lived such things. But I also feel good to hear somebody talking so clearly of things I've been ashame all my life. That feels good to hear and read people living the same things. It makes me feel less lonely. Thank you for what you do.
You certainly aren't alone and I'm so glad you're here now! -Calista@TeamFairy
I lived watching Mr. Rogers with my kids. I got much out of it. I liked the predictability he offered in his routine of even dressing. His soft voice.
Mr. Rogers was the greatest! A wonderful example and comfort for kids. Thanks for sharing. Julie@TeamFairy
Thank you so much for your videos! I’ve just stumbled across your channel. I’ve been in therapy for C-PTSD for 5 years but have just gotten worse - to the point where I got so mentally and physically sick I got cancer. That was the wake up call for me to start making some big changes. Your videos make sooo much sense! The things you describe as triggers I have and never recognized them as triggers. Just thought that I was deficient in some way. I’ve a long way to go, but realize that there is hope. Will spend the next weeks diving through the rest of your videos and will create some time to try the daily practice.
Many thanks! Wish you and all who watch more healing and inner peace.
Anna....You are amazing. I resonate deeply. Just want kind loving genuine connections....I never judge when others are suffering/going thru situations. It's all about loving on each other vs condemnation. Thanks Anna❤
As a preschool teacher, I started showing short episodes of Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood. If you haven't seen it, they have revisited all the best parts of Mr. Roger's Neighborhood with the songs, red top and shoes, the trolley and all the characters (with updated looks) and their homes. I get as absorbed as students and it brings back all the good feels from my childhood. ❤ I'm grateful for the show back when I was a kid.
Mr Rogers songs are part of my self-prescribed therapy. Also I work part time with kiddos and find myself going back to the teachings of Mr Rogers when the they come to me with problems 🙂
Omg . Six year old Anna!
Little kids just bring out every protective instinct in me . Six year olds are babies .
Great info and it popped up right as I was getting triggered... I believe in signs but it's up to us to be aware of them and use them 🙏🏾
I’ve been following you a very long time, but I’m just now coming to a proper headspace to listen and act. I’ve been fearful of healing because of the unknowns of what a future could be and who I’ll be without clinging to the responses I know the result of. I’m in fear of abandoning myself and those hurt parts of me. Thank you for being here for us.
Wow why am I just learning about this at 55 years old !!! It almost feels too late for me and my family.
Thank you I’m so glad to find you.
Omg "hedgehog with rabies". It's midnight, and I'm cackling like a madwoman over that one. I can SO relate. Dont forget, backed into a corner.
A hedgehog with rabies backed into a corner....
Happy Easter! (Great HC). Thanks for being there for us when we need you!
Happy Easter to you too. Jack@TeamFairy
Wow! Thanks for putting this out. I appreciate your honesty and your ability to articulate.
Hello, I recently found your channel via the Therapy in a nutshell channel, the things is I have this thing where I can't express how I feel, I think I bootled it up so much that it started affecting me physically, when I'm with people I don't trust I try to be under control suppressing what I feel, I only outburst with my loved ones and even with them I try to be in control, I know that maybe that could be seen as something 'good' but it has made me someone really anxious and afraid of other people, I'm afraid of being myself with others and I realized that through this and other videos I have seen, this had helped me a lot but it also made a lot of uncomfortable feelings come up, I'm still afraid of this new sensations, but I really want to work through them and for that I want to thank you, and thank all of the people who have shared their experiences, cause that made realize I'm not alone and that I can go through this. You can too. We're in this together though we can't see each other.
I wish you all genuine happiness and that you can find peace. Thank you for this.
I can relate to so much in this. It’s just great to know I’m not a freak, AHole, etc. thank you
When you comforted the man caught up in the accident you were doing something that Peter Levine experienced. He was knocked down by a car and a paediatrician held his hand until the ambulance came, he said it completely changed his emotional outcome ❤
I never related to Mr. Rogers, Romper Room and The Froozles (who remembers that?). I always felt like they were talking to other children, not me. I guess I felt like other kids were important and I was in the way. Thank you for this video. It was a hard but needed listen. Much love and peace.
Same, but I think that’s the point. For children who needed them, they were very healing
I had this fear all thru my childhood and actually had two real life episodes of getting left behind and lost in a crowd where I was in a panic with heart pounding.
Anna, I'm blown away! Thank you for sharing. After all you've been through what a wonderful person you are! I'm grateful this resource is here. For a lot of years, I'd try to get help and the help would only be for women with children or just for 18 and under and I'm glad that help is there for all of them but in my area, there's even a shelter for men in the winter time but if you're a woman and don't have a child under 18 it's harder to get help and I remember feeling so singled out and alone in my own hometown.
You sound like a real survivor!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I can relate to this ❤
This is an amazingly helpful video - I can appreciate that just a few minutes in. A thousand thanks
Glad you found it helpful. Jack@TeamFairy
Yes many of these things triggered me. Many occur in a controlling family. Cannot believe i have not come accross your content before very relevant. Was just triggered by a family member today.
Glad you are here now.
Nika@TeamFairy
Omg, can't believe I just found you. I didn't even know that I had CPTSD until I've come across your videos. I can relate so much with your story and every single video I've clicked so far speaks right to my core. I'm struggling all my life and I feel finally I'm finding some answers, hopefully I can find the necessary tools here to heal. Don't even know where to start, there's so much I can relate to. Thank you!
I'm so happy to hear that! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
You like what you like. No apologies necessary!💛💛💛
I can completely relate to your experience in a chaotic home and triggers. I see now this has been in the background for me personally my entire life and affecting everything, from friendships, marriages, and relationships with my kids. I want to get better and change the narrative. I can relate to the overabundance of food in the house, i hoard groceries, I also am a "couponer" as a hobby, but secretly because I never want to go without soap, shampoo, etc as that was something we never had in the house as a kid, along with food, laundry soap, etc.
Triggered all the time, in almost every single interaction I've had with every human I've interacted with every day for the last 40 plus years of my 50 year life
You really have a good use of words. i like the many different ways you use them to get multiple meanings across. Triggered is not a word im mentally trained to admit to experiencing, yet clearly when you have as wide use case as this even i can relate and admit to it. Birds make good pets, but i should clean their area more as it gets covered in bird poo.
I can relate 100%!! I too was mmmm experienced abandonment as a child. My parents had a turbulent relationship and marriage with my father having a number of affairs that resulted in their separation 3 or 4 times and us moving to different schools as a result. When my mother finally ended the marriage, about a year or more after, my father took his own life. I was 13. My mother always seemed fairly unavailable emotionally and we rarely talked about any important things or how I felt.
This has had to have had an effect on the unavailable men I seem to attract and cling to. Then once in a relationship with an unavailable man, I am constantly triggered, feel abandoned and not chosen over and over again. 😢
Omg, what a nightmare you lived through! I so hope you can have and plan for a future that brings you joy, contentment, and inner peace.💜
I speak up, but I’m always ready to fight when I do address situations at work or home. I’m already defensive and come off aggressive, when I just want to be heard. And I had to fight to be heard. Wow, I learned this about myself as I watched this video. Thank you.
Were you ever physically bullied or physically assaulted by either adults or other children? I feel like physical abuse is on a different level and is harder to process. I recently lashed out at one of my high school bullies online. I stayed awake thinking about it and finally realized that he was probably jealous of my musical ability. We were both in band and he defined his identity and self-worth with his own musical ability (he didn't have much). I never thought about it that way before, but it makes everything start to make sense.
Jealousy is often the root cause of people acting like aholes. My older sister was always jealous of me and therfore did some absolutely heinous things to be as a child. To this day, at almost 40 years old, I get a horrible feeling when I know someone is jealous of me. I think subconsciously, I equate that jealousy to heinous crimes against me.
@@beatrixbrennan1545 Yeah, my family wasn't happy about my abilities either. They always ignored or downplayed my talents. I think it's why I'm afraid to demonstrate my abilities to new people for fear of them perceiving it as "showing off".
@@waggawaggaful don't stop doing what you love and what you know you're good at. Use the gifts God gave you and let the jealous people rot in their own misery!
Thank you for being such a great role model and bearing your soul to the world which is so scary to me!
Im also wondering how you can live thousands of miles away from me and know whats in my mind!? Its like your reading a book about my life, what's happened and continues to happen! I do feel better and understand so much more of who I am and Im not alone in this big world. There is a sense of connection although I dont know you. I listen to your video for a few segments, I find myself full of emotion,I cry, then you say something and I can laugh. It seems like no one understands me, then devine intervention happens and then I see you on my screen ❤ Your so giving, loving and caring 🌷 I want to give you a bouquet of flowers 💐 and a hug {{ 🤗 }} I must say I wish I could explain things out loud so elegantly as you do. Its happening but not as fast as I want it to. So thank you again for being there for us through thick and thin, not giving up on us and showing us that we can get through this. Even if it is one day, one hr, one min at a time. God bless 😇🙏 Love from Nova Scotia, Canada 🇨🇦
Thank you for such an amazing video and channel. My chronic PTSD is from decades of marital narcissistic abuse. However I can still relate to this. I get triggered so frequently even though I left the situationship. I thought 4 years was enough to heal and I was being excessive anytime I was triggered. I do isolate but it gets very lonely, so it is not ideal. But thank you for this, I feel validated. I keep adding your videos to my playlist and I binge watch. You are such a blessing. God bless and reward you for all you do.
You’re so articulate and relatable! You’re helping so many thank you 🙏🙏
Your love is palpable ❤
I grew up with Mr Rodgers too... As well as Bugs Bunny and Looney Toons .. And I still enjoy watching both today!!
I have learned so much from you - while here and there counselors have been kind and helpful over the years, you have brought so much clarity to my life in just the past few weeks. Thank you for what you do!
15:30 painfully relatable. When I told my parents how weird this or that thing was growing up, they would laugh at me and say “oh every family has its problems, life isn’t the Brady Bunch”.
Years later I found out that my parents actually had been confronted by outsiders about some of the severe and worrying symptoms my younger sibs were displaying 🤨
Thank you So much. You just get right into the heart of it. So real. My father was emotionally destructive right up to his end at nearly 88. I relate to virtually everything you’ve described….
LOL. Just your video titles trigger the daylights out to of me. I am not quite ready to watch but I know I will. ❤❤❤😂❤❤❤ Thanks for banging out one big truth after another!!!
Lotsa crap fit
I do a lot of laying around
I use reading and food
Thank you. I’m learning so much
You are a treasure Anna. I can relate to so much of this and its helped me feel better about myself and my reactions. Thank you for the work you do ❤
Thats great to hear that her worked has helped you. Jack@TeamFairy
Thank you for sharing all this! Boy did it resonate with me! I felt upset yet glad someone else “gets it”. Thank you dear friend.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I get the same thing when someone yells at me and I know it comes from my marriage where it was followed by wall punching, door slamming, crazy making behavior. I learned to deep breathe if a bully is around, and remove myself.
You might find Anna'a free quiz on Dysrgeluation helpful. courses.crappychildhoodfairy.com/dysregulation-quiz
Jack@TeamFairy
thanks Anna for publishing so often :) sometimes I don't know that I need to focus and work on my healing so that's kind of a reminder. i'd be very interested to watch your video about both controlling and neglectful households because that's how I was raised. Controlled over trivial things but let down when I needed support. I just read in the coment section : "our names changes but the story is the same" totally agree with that
This was my household as well.
@@game_4_growth *solidair react*
Hi Anna, Im newish to this community and I just wanted to thank you for all of your amazing, helpful content here on your UA-cam channel. I also wanted to compliment all of your thumbnail pics…they make me happy 😊
Omg, I get sensitive and overwhelmed when I'm around family the most. I had some traumas at work and now i feel unsafe in a 9 to 5 job in public. Now i know i have CPTSD from researching for months after a break up with a gal i genuinely loved. It was hard and i had multiple episodes at work. I isolate so much that i feel more troubled by it. Now i desperately want to change that. I was severely neglected by my parents and encountered abuse from my brother and family. I feel like i lost a lot. I have been battling and hurting so much. I believe that i can learn but i wish i could control it and feel connected without so many panic attacks. This channel is a blessing
Glad you are here! Good luck on your healing journey!
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you Anna for your life's work!!...these videos provide absolute incredibly helpful content -the kind I've been searching but not finding from ''therapists''. How did I not realize there is an expert who has gathered her WISDOM, done the planning (6-8 HOURS ea!) fought the procrastination over and over and 'still' been able to deliver words and systems designed to lift us to begin building a greater level of our 'Truest SELVES?!" YOU are a rare treasure -I finally continue and embrace recovery --able to refer to all this when I stumble and want to give up.
Anna, I don't feel hopeless or alone anymore -sending you love and hugs! ❤
Wow, thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad Anna has been helpful, I'll make sure she reads this :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Childhood! So many examples of how trauma and being triggered.
I lived in a cult commune too 😊 I have so many triggers ie food.
This was me too.
My hobby of Model Car Building has helped me in many ways including the issue of hurrying.... You can't hurry when you build a model car so this hobby has taught me not to hurry... Remember the old saying "Good things come to those who wait "...
Love this as my eyes fill with tears. All this was not known when we were young. I am in my 50s. Thank gosh this has changed.
I'm so glad you're here now :) -Calista@TeamFairy
How are you able to continuously talk about these things…which makes you think about these things…without living “defeated”, staying in tears, and being disregulated? I just cry and cry. I feel so broken and damaged. Other people do NOT understand. They think it’s just that I’m lonely, I need to get out more, it’s my hormones. People just don’t get it! They get aggravated with me, tired of my being down, etc. People just don’t know and understand!
You’re so inspiring and helpful to me! Thank you!!!!! I’m doing the daily practice, haven’t gotten consistent yet but I want to be and feel it’s been beneficial to me. 🙏🏽🤗🤗🤗
I hate being a passenger in a car when the person who was driving isn't letting me know where we are going and I don't have water or food with me. I can't even go to the mailbox without a bottle of water! I have all these little security blankets just in case just in case just in case. I love your story about the carrots and the airport. That would be me. Squirreling away they have eaten bagel on the plane. Oh and here is the story that exemplifies my whole life. I forgot my lunch one day in second grade. Rather than tell the teacher like a normal kid I worked it out in my head that I could run home at lunch and get my lunch and be back before anyone knows that was gone. When the class filed down to the lunchroom I ducked out a side door and ran the mile home. When I got there my mom said she brought my lunch for me and left it in my cubby. And she did not have a car that day so I had to walk all the way back to school without lunch and of course lunch was over by the time I got back. That's my life! This is a great video Anna
You are such a blessing.These videos are soo helpful.I binge,atleast once a day,slowly by slowly i can see the improvement.
Today in particular,was about dysregulation. And repetitive relationship patterns,there is nothing wrong with me, it was a wound.God bless your work, you mean good.
Thank you.
I learn so much listening to you. Thank you.
You are most welcome! -Calista@TeamFairy
You are right. My mother would teach my brother these traits while teaching me Nothing. When my brother wants help she listens but when I need help she don't listen. She ignores. I watched her do this for years till today. So because of that, I am the more skilled one because I've learned how to do everything by myself. One thing left is how to keep good people in my life. I don't want to keep Everyone I just want wonderful people to me. I have a few already I won't mind increasing the numbers.
Keeping worthy people around is a worthy goal :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
@@CrappyChildhoodFairy Thank you, Cara. You are doing an amazing job. Sending love from South Africa ❤️
When I say something is bothering me I panic. I automatically feel I’m going be shot down and discounted. I speak clearly and I’m upfront with people even if it’s not popular today however I still panic after I’ve said it as if I will be adandoned for saying it.
Try this technique Anna teaches: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Opposite would be abandonning yourself. It's always best to prioritise yourself.
You brought up music from the seventies. I too get a lil' triggered by this music. For the longest time I had no idea what was going on or why I had such a fluctuation of an almost loathing sensation when this music would come on. I had no idea why I felt this way and really felt like it was an out of pocket reaction especially when I love all kinds of music. Specifically 70's music that has organs and long guitar solos in it. Now neither one of these instruments bother me when played in any other type of genre or format. It took me a very long time to realize the "why" behind this deep emotional feeling in regards to this. For the longest time I would get this icky feeling that I could barely scratch the surface of but yet couldn't scratch it deep enough to get a full sense of it. About 6 or 7yrs ago I was sitting with my boyfriend and he was enjoying old albums and enjoying music as most all do and many memories started flooding to surface. I had a childhood full of so many traumatizing things that had the echoes of this type of music woven into them. In many areas of my life this music was woven into the trauma that had occurred. It was the "soundtrack" to it. There were many violent occurrences from being molested in a family members basement and throughout their home while songs played in the background like "Layla" by Eric Clapton and many other hits of the time. I was a child of the eighties and nineties so most all adults in my life listened to this type of music. The hits of the seventies. For the longest time though when these things played I'd get such a hit of rage or disgust in my body that was hard to go into. Of course rage was the face that I saw first though in this because that little girl inside me had anger and lots of it due to this and no way to fight back or flee the scene. People pleasing and appeasing or compliance leaves one with a lot of shame, guilt, Behind that feeling however was so many other emotions that were in many ways boosting and "gassing up" that anger, making it so intense. Behind it I found many emotions but I'll talk about some here there was shame(for the secrets kept, the sense of being bad or dirty because all these things had taken away my purity and innocense. There was so much shame and this is something I still continue to work through. I'd like to add here as well that I was raised in a Christian environment with a whole lot of rigid beliefs and woven into my trauma is that of religious trauma too. It was used as a way to groom, a tool to deepen the abuse and a way to cover), guilt(because I wasn't able to stop it from being done to my brother and for so many other reasons) , grief (for the childhood I didn't get to have and of course for many other reasons there too), all of these deeply traumatizing things that took place and these songs were the background of these occasions. What's sad is the things I mentioned were some of the milder details of the trauma in my childhood.
Like you though, I believe the work happens in the present and yes while the things that happened in the past need acknowledged and validated, playing that story over and over again in the same old way feeling victimized, identifying with it, and giving ourselves no ability to respond in the narrative will leave us with those same old wounds. The present is where we tend to this. What happened in the past while as unfortunate as that is, it happened and there's nothing we can do to erase that. What we can tend to is the things we take with us from trauma our perceptions, emotions, thoughts behaviors, biases, beliefs, assumptions, etc. These things can't be caught if we're stuck looking in the past for the answers. The answers are with you in the here and now.
I've been exploring my triggers for more than a decade. I've come to learn to manage my life in a very beautiful way. Where I once thought there would never be healing and never a sense of happiness or serenity I not only see glimpses of them I can soak myself in them and even rest there in a regulation of the nervous system and even know and be familiarized with peace. While I still get triggered on occasions(i don't expect to ever be without triggers considering I have decades and decades of trauma) I can say I've done the work and overcome such things to a degree of being regulated in my emotions, emotionally mature, and emotionally intelligent enough to move through and not around. I no longer spend weeks or even months in complete dysregulation. Now I can manage them quite eloquently and the work that I've done has paid off so well that I now coach others through their triggers and assist in healing their trauma responses too. Present moment awareness has allowed me to see my trauma responses and work through them. Trauma responses......boy oh boy do I know a thing or two about them. I had to befriend my trauma responses and lean in with curiosity in the present in order to gain an ability to respond to them. Awareness of them even being triggers and naming them, had to happen first though. I had to acknowledge and become aware of what it was in order to tend to them. "Name it to tame it" as they say. A lifetime of trauma has left me with a lot of trauma responses. More so, I'd say they were trauma reactions more than responses but in healing I gained an ability to respond to those reactions. I've gotten to where these triggers are really quite managed and they no longer control my life. While i used to be in a triggered state sometimes for months at a time or have very long stretches of dysregulation to the point that I was in what is referred to now as a "flop" state which is actually something I used to say before this became a thing. I used to joke and say "I not only fight, flight, freeze and fawn I now can add flop to that list too." I have epileptic and non epileptic seizures and at one time I was having seizures multiple times a day and dozens in a weeks time. I would fall into non epileptic seizures due to dysregulation. I felt like my life had gotten to a point of literally no control and at that point the trauma and then seizures fromit had dominated my life and had taken my independence or at least😢 that's the way it felt. It was in many ways a feeling I knew quite well and was comfortable with. This "uncontrolled feeling" was quite similar to the same feeling I had growing up in an abusive(in all ways and forms) household.
You are such an incredible gift to humanity. I am so blessed that your videos popped up in my feed. May the Divine bless you n yours for all the incredible love you gift to each one of us with your generous honesty and raw sharing of your truth. Your knowledge is truly appreciated 🙏.
Thank you very much for your videos! I identify with you so much. I've attended counseling for years but you're the only one that gets to the heart of the problem. I miss work and space out for a couple of days when I'm triggered. I love your voice. I like falling asleep too your videos - your voice is so soothing. Thank you again