Authenticity is sometimes thrown around, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it actually is. It is probably the most important aspect of anyone. If she dresses well, is present and tells you she has the same objectives as you, but she is not authentic, she might do all of these just because she hopes they'll come across as positive traits and not because she actually believes in what she is doing. If you sense a girl is trying too hard to impress you, not by being the best version of herself (which instead is a very green flag), but by being everything she can to keep you, RUN. Run like you've met Michael Myers. Yes, I speak from experience, I didn't "dodge the bullet". I'm still in therapy. Be alert gentlemen
For me, it's about sharing similar hobbies, or, if the interests differ, how much genuine interest the other person shows in something you're clearly passionate about. I've been with my, now fiancée, for 10 years, and our shared hobbies have always been a wonderful source of connection and bonding, keeping our relation/freind-ship fresh and fun.
Fellas, don’t get too caught up in finding the ‘perfect’ woman. Find one that you enjoy being around, share similar ideals and goals, and can grow alongside with. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years now and we’re both different people than when we first started dating. But, we both love each other more now than we did even 1-2 years ago despite being different people because we’ve given each other the chance to grow. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good as they say.
I don’t think ‘perfect’ truly exists. It’s in our human nature to be bored by that which doesn’t challenge us, partners included. It sounds like you have a great marriage so I appreciate you sharing your perspective with us
I'll add: she is not a spoiled brat. She knows the value of things, she appreciates and respects what she has and what you have. She doesn't give things for granted and she knows the weight of sacrifice and that life is tough. I see many girls around who just don't really have a clue of what real life is about and expect their partner to be a perfect fiction-like man, a man who is a constant flow of exciting ideas and adrenaline-full things to do.
Jeans… depends on where you live. Starched, pressed, and creased (nice) jeans are considered dressy in some regions of the country. I think it would be interesting for you to spend some time in a place where western wear is popular. It would be fun to see your take on it.
This post responds to your point regarding paying attention. I remember my first date with my Husband. Now, I know this next statement may seem odd, but I actually wrote down some questions regarding his profession, as they were well researched and I was interested in what he did. I know writing them down seems silly, but I did not want to forget them. When I took out my little note, He smiled and laughed, at which point I thought I had blown the date. Much to my delight, he too presented a list of questions for me, regarding profession. We have been happily married for fifteen years. ♥️
My personal green flags (not in order) 1. Doesn't smoke 2. Doesn't have tattoos 3. Isn't too loud and using words like "bro" etc. 4. Have similar interests as me
You are a class act my friend. It makes me feel better knowing someone is taking an active roll in teaching younger men how to be a gentleman and respectful. I'm over 50 and married and let me tell you I wish I had someone like you to help me through my dating years. It would have saved me from some embarrassing moments. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Keep up the good work. A Green flag for me is how she treats people, especially when things go wrong . That was one for my wife of 20 years.
Other green flags - Is if our 'values' align spiritually, politically, and our principles in general. And if not completely in sync, then at least open to discussing and learning from each other. - She has a chill or relaxed nature that makes me feel at ease. - And you already said it, but being present is so important. Not looking at phone or looking around at everything else too much. When they do that, it really does tell me a lot.
Hi James. I feel very strongly that any woman who has a bad relationship with her mother (role modele) is a red flag. Another red flag may be her total focus on her career at the price of anything else in her life.Thanks for your excellent videos.
I can’t overstate how important a video like this is. And I suspect you realize just how important it is. Because too often, weary young men try to shape themselves to be “the prize” and alter themselves in order to gain female attention/validation. But it almost never crosses their mind to realize that women should also be fit for them. They think of the date goes wrong, something must be wrong with THEM. When you grow older, you realize the standards you should have upheld women to. They are human. They are imperfect. And too often, they don’t carry themselves the way a woman should.
These are all excellent green flags. I'd also add a high degree of self confidence and inner strength. Nothing arrogant or bossy, but it's important for a woman or a man to demonstrate that they are comfortable with who they are, and that they won't be taken advantage of.
This is probably the toughest decision a man has to take. No easy, single answer. Just dont put romance or lust in front of rationale and mental health. Also my granpa and dad taught me 2 things: "some women and men only want a wedding, not a marriage" this is true and keep that in mind. Second "ask, is this woman the one I see, taking care of my children?"
Over the years, I stopped mentioning on dates or chats the traits in woman that work well with me (absolute no no in app descriptions), for a woman with second plans can and will subtly and increasingly playact them as much as possible while with you, whether to conquer minor things like free food and random gifts, or to lock you down on the grand stuff like a son and/or a marriage - whatever it may be that in the end only matters to her.
Green flags: SENSIBILITY! # 1 2 = Also, BASIC WARMTH ► doesn't make you feel like she gives the cold-shoulder after each meeting 3 = Does not compare you to others 4 = Has some basic sense of fun and joy-de-vivre, happy to be with me. There's nothing like it. -- and all that without drugs or alcohol, (plus the basics, no tatoos, no smoking...) 5 = Respects life, kind to animals 6 = Consideration to you before consideration to others. Whose side is she on, anyways?
Very good advice - being a good listener is very important and works both ways. By the way I’ve just seen an extract of the my old school rules from 1963 which starts with: There is only ONE school rule: Every boy must think and act as a gentleman at all times W J LANGFORD, Headmaster, Battersea Grammar School Streatham, London, UK) NB: Most famous former pupil was the actor Roger Moore - James Bond of the 1970s.
The only green flag that really matters is low or no body count. All the rest of the "green" flags are just indicators, or implications of it... Lack of promiscuity will forever be the most important thing. Most bad behaviour comes from promiscuous lifestyle. I know, it's nigh impossible to find a pretty girl that hasn't done such things these days but... It is what it is.
Ideal Qualities (for me) that are Green Flags: - feminine - upbeat, positive, encouraging - considerate - cares about people - has a sense of style / self-presentation - honest - eager, but not clingy - family-oriented - is on time
If not jeans, what would you guys (fellow viewers) wear on a first date then? This may be a cultural thing but I wear denim jeans with a lot of what I wear (flat cap, open shirt, t-shirt, aussie boots) but I do want to switch it up a bit and get black jeans and a trenchcoat to add. I usually go casual to bars, albeit I am generation z so that may be more accepted. Feel free to respond if you have the time. 😄
I like an elegant, soft spoken, well spoken intelligent woman. The most elegant woman I’ve ever gone out with asked me out on a date. It caught me by surprise because I was out of her league. I had a lot going for me as a sophisticated well dressed gentleman, but even so I’m not the handsomest man. She was very beautiful, even had more money than me so it was very odd.
Intelligence is very important to me. Some men prefer a woman without her own opinions. For me, there is nothing to be attracted to or excited by if that's the case. I'm looking for someone on my level.
A flag is how does her family treat her and you, individually and as a couple. If her parents treat her like she is an 7:52 adult, they will be showing you respect as well. If even one of her parents is disrespectful to you, you are going to have problems with that parent no matter what. Politely end the relationship and save yourself. I learned this the hard and painful way.
I'm very particular about seeing if she's wasting food... I do not like women who waste food.. it takes a lot of effort to earn a meal and then there's efforts to also preparing it.. wastage of food and water shows entitlement And the typically nasal "excuse me" to call upon a waiter... Just raise a hand when you're alone and if you're with a man, let him handle it
Im very new to dating , 25 but started out late with stuff, but i have thought a lot about this and i have more girl friends than guy friends, and my biggest green flag is a bit like u said, if she works in mental or physical health , almost all my friends that are girls now studies to be nurse or Something in special needs, im shy and a bit quiet myself so my biggest green flag is when shes really kind and caring and sees the people around her❤️
For her, dressing modestly, no tattoos, non smoking, non or very light drinking, light use of perfume, natural looking, no excessive makeup, and not talking about past relationships that ended badly.
Reciprocity. I don't like 50/50 situations, I expect to pay for the big items on the date. However I usually start a first date at a coffee place, then some kind of activity (painting, shooting range, etc.) ... and then we might follow up with snacks or dessert. I don't like eating a big meal on a first date for personal reasons*. If at any point she opens her own wallet and gets us something, even just $5... that's a huge green flag. Fake reaches for a wallet don't count. Not paying isn't a red flag, but over 3 dates... yeah... I'm gonna start to think she's a sugar girl rather than a partner. * There's magnets around my throat due to acid reflux and barrett's esophagus. Father died early to esophageal cancer. The magnets fix that issue, but also mean I eat at a slow pace. They don't always want to open up, especially when nervous. And then I'm in mild discomfort and nervous... it's just not a good time, can't concentrate on the date. So I find activities or brunch on first dates.
she had these greens flags unfortunately she only saw me as a friend and had already started a relationship a few weeks ago... i felt like I lost a piece of my soul...
I'm sorry that happened 🙏🏾 when we experience unrequited feelings or setbacks, it's important to acknowledge we're valid and move forward towards that right girl
I'd rather have her show up to our first date wearing jeans and casual white sneakers rather than graphic tee, leggings, and black running shoes. Yes speaking from experience 💀
If you appreciate her parents, there is a good chance she will be a combination of the two of them. Same beliefs and values, and someone who will bring something to the table. It is a partnership.
When I was younger, one of the biggest turn offs for a girl is if she was too focused on her career or if she had a lot of impediments that would have prevented her from starting a life with me. One girl who worked for my mom and I had felt like I had a decent chance with just didn't work because her mom was single worked a bunch of jobs to make ends meet and I felt she was too held down by having to help out her mom and all that.
After a gentleman opens the car door for a lady and closes it, is for her to reach over and unlock his door. A keeper, as they say. Just joking! From an old mob film describing a great gal that would make the perfect wife in 1950’s Bronx, NY. Who would like the title? Great work James. I love a young man who has these attributes, especially when he has cultivated and curated them on his own.
Green flag in a women: respectful, empathetic, carrying, supportive, very low body count, taking care of herself, has self-respect, no tattoos, no drinking, no smoking, loyal, no cheater, feminine girly. I am 23 i am still an virgin 😊 PS: thanks for the video. Good luck finding the right women 😊
@@jay-kay34if you want to open up that dialogue you can ask her about a past relationship or directly ask her how many partners she’s had. I am hardly interested myself, I go based on intuition, and if I like someone who reciprocates interest, I wouldn’t care about their body count unless extraordinarily high and/or presenting in their psyche.
@@johnwhite2576 hi! Depend for who, if she is a believer or not, if she had a stable childhood or not! If she is beautiful or not. A bodycount of 3 at 27 yo for a beautiful woman is pretty low for example
its weird in the one hand he says don't care what others think but on the other hand he dresses up in a suit for every video to keep that facade of an imaginary "gentleman". true freesom is when you go outside casually dressed, ride something weird just because you like it and do stuff because you enjoy it
You might be right that it is all a personification of the ideal gentleman (I really can't pretend to know his motives). Still, as someone who loves suits, I can tell you personally that putting on a suit and a tie is something I enjoy doing quite a lot, makes me feel amazing. True freedom has nothing to do with a certain way of dressing, but with the fact that you actually can decide what to wear each day.
Yes sat around in a jacket, especially a double-breasted jacket is not what a gentleman would do at home. A shirt and a light v necked pullover would be more like a gentleman at home.
Can I do boring things with her? That’s a question I always ask. If the answer is no, and she has to always be entertained, that’s a good sign of toxicity. If the answer is yes, then I can spend a lot of time with her
A first date should be somewhere quick and cheap like a coffee and donut shop, certainly not an expensive meal at a posh restaurant. Within less than an hour you should be able to work out if a second date is on the cards. If you have at least one interest or hobby in common, have similar values and plans for the future and there are no dealbreakers have date number two. Even if they are not your usual type or you don't find them sexually attractive that can change so have a second date where you are both doing something you like. Finally the guy should pay for this first inexpensive date otherwise he'll be labelled cheap. If there are further dates the couple should pay alternately.
I agreed with everything you said but saying it’s bad if a woman shows up in jeans I just can’t agree with man. Different pieces of clothing mean different things to different people. Some people think first dates should be casual. Jeans are a classic in the U.S., and can be worn semi-formally. I think you’re tripping about that man.
Why dressing jeans is less effort? It costs the same putting any other trousers. Sure, it's a way of saying but then people assume that jeans are easier to wear for no reason... 🤔 (And jeans would be already 1 million times sexier than the baggy joggers common these days). It's a matter of standards and habits, not efforts in my view. Effort itself may even transpire trying hard, like when you put a suit only for a date, which just becomes worse when one is uncomfortable on that suit (or any other more formal clothes). Just be presentable any day, as much as your lifestyle or event allows. As a standard. What effort, once it's a habit?
Some jeans can be presented well, unfortunately many people don't know how to style them in a chic way 😆 (but for a fancy restaurant or the theatre, jeans are def a no)
"The Door Test" from _A Bronx Tale_ (1993) -- basically, a version of the Empathy criterion, is this a person who is considerate of others? : ua-cam.com/video/y8p1iG-6d-w/v-deo.htmlsi=yJyn-vjZPd2WJv1s
When I was single I had the same first date. I am going to walk my dog care to join? I went to the hip part of town and we walked about 3 miles, if she was winded, boring, lacking proper shoes, ect it was a bit of a red flag. If I liked her I would stop at a dog friendly German beer hall in the city and split a pitcher. And from there could set up a more formal date. It helped filter people out and I would do it a few times a week, I was only out a pitcher of beer. I really like keeping the first meeting alone as casual as you can.
@@literallyunderrated It developed in me what traits were of importance. After many relationships- I determined a “good soul” and practical intelligence were what I valued most. I am now married to an Ivy League educated, top scientist that brings tons of money and stability into our life, she is more importantly a patient mother and caring wife. You can have the girl of your dreams. But as this channel stresses- you must become the man that she would want.
I would add: - No tattoos - Doesn't smoke nor uses any drugs - Doesn't drink more than the usual glass of wine - Wants children (this one is tricky because even though I dont want them now, I always think that there must be something wrong with a woman who doesn't see herself as a mother in the future. Lack of empathy, I dont know but for the majority of women, being a mother is the pinnacle of life) - Doesn't have children. This one goes without saying. If you're dating to find a nice girlfriend, it won't work. I've been with many single mothers and there's nothing wrong with it but when it's time to get serious, you can't become part of that scenario where the woman you want, has a to raise a child from another man.
Another green flag: thinks positive, healthy psyche, cute/soft, feminine, submissive (not to tolerate abuse but she is not supposed to have the "pants on"), she wants children, tradwife (for most at least), cares her body and aesthetics, helpful, friendly, trustworthy, dressing modest and feminine (e. g. no crop tops or pants suit), long hair with natural color, no piercings and tattoos, lovely soul
Birth control is frequently used as medication for the control of acne and other maladies unrelated to the prevention of pregnancy. It def has some downsides but having a strict rule against dating those who use it may rule out otherwise qualified women.
@@commanderz Willingness to take those types of powerful medication that effect her life, even for off label uses like you described would demonstrate to me a terrible lack of discernment and I would avoid her. Even severe acne is more acceptable than to waste time with a woman who unnaturally stopped her menstrual cycle. These medications affect compatibility in ways that have been demonstrated- especially in relation to women who get into romantic relationships while on them. Birth Control is a major NO for me, with maybe a very rare exception for very severe medical reasons, if there are any that can't be treated by other means. I'd go as far to say I'd support laws to punish Doctor's who prescribe hormonal birth control all willy nilly like that, and not because of all I described about, but because of how the confused and lost ends of sterile sex result in cultural decline. I don't imagine that I would ever compromise on this evil thing.
@@MatthewThomas-ye1ei That’s of course your prerogative, as it is the OP’s to have the same approach. No one can tell you you’re wrong for having such values. That said, I can appreciate the desire to look one’s best, and if a woman has exhausted OTC medication options, her choice of pursuing this as a solution would be understandable to me and not a dealbreaker assuming she was otherwise a desirable mate.
@@StefanyMN Yes, most of Christians are CINOs. They are liberal or going to a mega church. Many "Christian" women live like the world. They sleep with other man before marriage, are narcisstic like the world (social media) and dress like the world (vain)
What is a green flag you look for in a lady? Let me know in the comments
Maturity
In my country women don't take accountability for their actions
But most importantly
Originality
I'll show my green flag when she elegant and has mommy skills
Authenticity is sometimes thrown around, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it actually is. It is probably the most important aspect of anyone. If she dresses well, is present and tells you she has the same objectives as you, but she is not authentic, she might do all of these just because she hopes they'll come across as positive traits and not because she actually believes in what she is doing. If you sense a girl is trying too hard to impress you, not by being the best version of herself (which instead is a very green flag), but by being everything she can to keep you, RUN. Run like you've met Michael Myers. Yes, I speak from experience, I didn't "dodge the bullet". I'm still in therapy. Be alert gentlemen
She identifies as one 💀
For me, it's about sharing similar hobbies, or, if the interests differ, how much genuine interest the other person shows in something you're clearly passionate about. I've been with my, now fiancée, for 10 years, and our shared hobbies have always been a wonderful source of connection and bonding, keeping our relation/freind-ship fresh and fun.
Not getting drunk, not smoking are both green flags for sure.
Facts
What about Tats? Not having tattoos is an important issue for me.
Always date a smoker! They are just more involved, drinkers not so much.
A lot of drinking women are future alcoholics. If she's drinking every week, run!
@@mtlicqdepends on the culture. i have tats, and my girl didn’t mind them at all, but ik some ppl who would def care
As a wise man said once: when she is into you, you know it, when she is not, you are confused.
I'm probably going to tell my son that one when he’s old enough to understand.
Fellas, don’t get too caught up in finding the ‘perfect’ woman. Find one that you enjoy being around, share similar ideals and goals, and can grow alongside with. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years now and we’re both different people than when we first started dating. But, we both love each other more now than we did even 1-2 years ago despite being different people because we’ve given each other the chance to grow. Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good as they say.
Me and my wife would‘ve never met on a dating platform, we both are way too different. But we do share the same values.
I don’t think ‘perfect’ truly exists. It’s in our human nature to be bored by that which doesn’t challenge us, partners included. It sounds like you have a great marriage so I appreciate you sharing your perspective with us
When I first started dating my wife, it was two traits that meant most to me: her kindness and her authenticity.
yeah man a girl genuine kindness is a good green flag.
I'll add: she is not a spoiled brat. She knows the value of things, she appreciates and respects what she has and what you have. She doesn't give things for granted and she knows the weight of sacrifice and that life is tough. I see many girls around who just don't really have a clue of what real life is about and expect their partner to be a perfect fiction-like man, a man who is a constant flow of exciting ideas and adrenaline-full things to do.
Jeans… depends on where you live. Starched, pressed, and creased (nice) jeans are considered dressy in some regions of the country. I think it would be interesting for you to spend some time in a place where western wear is popular. It would be fun to see your take on it.
That’s a fair point. I’m pretty interested in western wear and would like to spend more time in those areas so I can learn more about that culture
Probably one of the biggest green flag is if she's dressed modestly. Because it shows she wants you to look at _her_ and not her body.
Absolutely 👌
modesty is wildly important, and i feel like this is lost a lot today, for some reason, modesty is the new "bold" thing to do
If she likes your humour is also important I think
This post responds to your point regarding paying attention. I remember my first date with my Husband. Now, I know this next statement may seem odd, but I actually wrote down some questions regarding his profession, as they were well researched and I was interested in what he did. I know writing them down seems silly, but I did not want to forget them. When I took out my little note, He smiled and laughed, at which point I thought I had blown the date. Much to my delight, he too presented a list of questions for me, regarding profession. We have been happily married for fifteen years. ♥️
My personal green flags (not in order)
1. Doesn't smoke
2. Doesn't have tattoos
3. Isn't too loud and using words like "bro" etc.
4. Have similar interests as me
my man
You are very well spoken .
She has a sense of humor, preferably genuine and mercurial.
You are a class act my friend. It makes me feel better knowing someone is taking an active roll in teaching younger men how to be a gentleman and respectful. I'm over 50 and married and let me tell you I wish I had someone like you to help me through my dating years. It would have saved me from some embarrassing moments. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Keep up the good work.
A Green flag for me is how she treats people, especially when things go wrong . That was one for my wife of 20 years.
As someone who needs some knowledge related to dating,this is the perfect vid for me
thanks alot james!
Glad you enjoyed it, thanks for your comment
Other green flags
- Is if our 'values' align spiritually, politically, and our principles in general. And if not completely in sync, then at least open to discussing and learning from each other.
- She has a chill or relaxed nature that makes me feel at ease.
- And you already said it, but being present is so important. Not looking at phone or looking around at everything else too much. When they do that, it really does tell me a lot.
Hi James. I feel very strongly that any woman who has a bad relationship with her mother (role modele) is a red flag. Another red flag may be her total focus on her career at the price of anything else in her life.Thanks for your excellent videos.
Maybe her mom beat her as a kid. Don't judge a man or woman until you've walked a mile in her moccasins.
I can’t overstate how important a video like this is. And I suspect you realize just how important it is. Because too often, weary young men try to shape themselves to be “the prize” and alter themselves in order to gain female attention/validation. But it almost never crosses their mind to realize that women should also be fit for them. They think of the date goes wrong, something must be wrong with THEM. When you grow older, you realize the standards you should have upheld women to.
They are human. They are imperfect. And too often, they don’t carry themselves the way a woman should.
These are all excellent green flags. I'd also add a high degree of self confidence and inner strength. Nothing arrogant or bossy, but it's important for a woman or a man to demonstrate that they are comfortable with who they are, and that they won't be taken advantage of.
This is probably the toughest decision a man has to take. No easy, single answer. Just dont put romance or lust in front of rationale and mental health.
Also my granpa and dad taught me 2 things: "some women and men only want a wedding, not a marriage" this is true and keep that in mind. Second "ask, is this woman the one I see, taking care of my children?"
Over the years, I stopped mentioning on dates or chats the traits in woman that work well with me (absolute no no in app descriptions), for a woman with second plans can and will subtly and increasingly playact them as much as possible while with you, whether to conquer minor things like free food and random gifts, or to lock you down on the grand stuff like a son and/or a marriage - whatever it may be that in the end only matters to her.
Someone who makes smart, reasonable (quality and good value) choices from a menu.
That's us, picking "green flags" from a menu
Green flags: SENSIBILITY! # 1
2 = Also, BASIC WARMTH ► doesn't make you feel like she gives the cold-shoulder after each meeting
3 = Does not compare you to others
4 = Has some basic sense of fun and joy-de-vivre, happy to be with me. There's nothing like it. -- and all that without drugs or alcohol, (plus the basics, no tatoos, no smoking...)
5 = Respects life, kind to animals
6 = Consideration to you before consideration to others. Whose side is she on, anyways?
That's right 👍
Very good advice - being a good listener is very important and works both ways. By the way I’ve just seen an extract of the my old school rules from 1963 which starts with:
There is only ONE school rule: Every boy must think and act as a gentleman at all times
W J LANGFORD, Headmaster, Battersea Grammar School
Streatham, London, UK)
NB: Most famous former pupil was the actor Roger Moore - James Bond of the 1970s.
no way you're past 150k subs now, I started watching at maybe 20k subs and that really wasn't that long ago!
He has 130k but yeah same
The only green flag that really matters is low or no body count. All the rest of the "green" flags are just indicators, or implications of it... Lack of promiscuity will forever be the most important thing. Most bad behaviour comes from promiscuous lifestyle. I know, it's nigh impossible to find a pretty girl that hasn't done such things these days but... It is what it is.
Ideal Qualities (for me) that are Green Flags:
- feminine
- upbeat, positive, encouraging
- considerate - cares about people
- has a sense of style / self-presentation
- honest
- eager, but not clingy
- family-oriented
- is on time
Same for me but I would actually like her to be clingy. Probably because I love physical affection. That is of course, within the limits of normal.
Talking bad about dad is HUGE Red flag 🚩.
Amazing video man
treating the wait staff at restaurants is massively important, if they treat a stranger bad, God knows what they'll do to you
What if she treats the waiters better than you? 🤔
First, figure out WHERE you want to go with your life.
Then, find someone that wants to go with you.
DONT GET IT THE OTHER WAY AROUND! 😂 - Scott
No phone YES No talking about previous dating yes
No tie in this vid, well presented. Bravo!
If not jeans, what would you guys (fellow viewers) wear on a first date then? This may be a cultural thing but I wear denim jeans with a lot of what I wear (flat cap, open shirt, t-shirt, aussie boots) but I do want to switch it up a bit and get black jeans and a trenchcoat to add. I usually go casual to bars, albeit I am generation z so that may be more accepted. Feel free to respond if you have the time. 😄
You’ll find out who she really is when you travel with her. Travel brings the worst out of people.
I like an elegant, soft spoken, well spoken intelligent woman. The most elegant woman I’ve ever gone out with asked me out on a date. It caught me by surprise because I was out of her league. I had a lot going for me as a sophisticated well dressed gentleman, but even so I’m not the handsomest man. She was very beautiful, even had more money than me so it was very odd.
How did it end?
Intelligence is very important to me. Some men prefer a woman without her own opinions. For me, there is nothing to be attracted to or excited by if that's the case. I'm looking for someone on my level.
A flag is how does her family treat her and you, individually and as a couple. If her parents treat her like she is an 7:52 adult, they will be showing you respect as well. If even one of her parents is disrespectful to you, you are going to have problems with that parent no matter what. Politely end the relationship and save yourself. I learned this the hard and painful way.
I'm very particular about seeing if she's wasting food... I do not like women who waste food.. it takes a lot of effort to earn a meal and then there's efforts to also preparing it.. wastage of food and water shows entitlement
And the typically nasal "excuse me" to call upon a waiter... Just raise a hand when you're alone and if you're with a man, let him handle it
No Tattoos
Absolutely. This was once a sign of whoredom and gang affiliation.
Im very new to dating , 25 but started out late with stuff, but i have thought a lot about this and i have more girl friends than guy friends, and my biggest green flag is a bit like u said, if she works in mental or physical health , almost all my friends that are girls now studies to be nurse or Something in special needs, im shy and a bit quiet myself so my biggest green flag is when shes really kind and caring and sees the people around her❤️
I look for a woman with great conflict resolution skills that’s my number 1 green flag
Can you do a video about how to tell a girl you don't want a second date with her as a gentleman?
For her, dressing modestly, no tattoos, non smoking, non or very light drinking, light use of perfume, natural looking, no excessive makeup, and not talking about past relationships that ended badly.
Reciprocity. I don't like 50/50 situations, I expect to pay for the big items on the date. However I usually start a first date at a coffee place, then some kind of activity (painting, shooting range, etc.) ... and then we might follow up with snacks or dessert. I don't like eating a big meal on a first date for personal reasons*.
If at any point she opens her own wallet and gets us something, even just $5... that's a huge green flag. Fake reaches for a wallet don't count. Not paying isn't a red flag, but over 3 dates... yeah... I'm gonna start to think she's a sugar girl rather than a partner.
* There's magnets around my throat due to acid reflux and barrett's esophagus. Father died early to esophageal cancer. The magnets fix that issue, but also mean I eat at a slow pace. They don't always want to open up, especially when nervous. And then I'm in mild discomfort and nervous... it's just not a good time, can't concentrate on the date.
So I find activities or brunch on first dates.
Indeed.
she had these greens flags unfortunately she only saw me as a friend and had already started a relationship a few weeks ago... i felt like I lost a piece of my soul...
I'm sorry that happened 🙏🏾 when we experience unrequited feelings or setbacks, it's important to acknowledge we're valid and move forward towards that right girl
Yeeesh that'd be an owie.
I'd rather have her show up to our first date wearing jeans and casual white sneakers rather than graphic tee, leggings, and black running shoes. Yes speaking from experience 💀
If you appreciate her parents, there is a good chance she will be a combination of the two of them. Same beliefs and values, and someone who will bring something to the table. It is a partnership.
When I was younger, one of the biggest turn offs for a girl is if she was too focused on her career or if she had a lot of impediments that would have prevented her from starting a life with me. One girl who worked for my mom and I had felt like I had a decent chance with just didn't work because her mom was single worked a bunch of jobs to make ends meet and I felt she was too held down by having to help out her mom and all that.
For me, she has to like to dance or doesn't mind if I go dancing by myself. I know that's more of an activity than a trait, but that's me.
After a gentleman opens the car door for a lady and closes it, is for her to reach over and unlock his door. A keeper, as they say. Just joking! From an old mob film describing a great gal that would make the perfect wife in 1950’s Bronx, NY. Who would like the title?
Great work James. I love a young man who has these attributes, especially when he has cultivated and curated them on his own.
Green flag in a women: respectful, empathetic, carrying, supportive, very low body count, taking care of herself, has self-respect, no tattoos, no drinking, no smoking, loyal, no cheater, feminine girly. I am 23 i am still an virgin 😊 PS: thanks for the video. Good luck finding the right women 😊
I think that it is good when a woman shares the same values whether it is religious, political, or even just rooting for the same sports teams.
1) very low bodycount
2) not too much male friends
3) polite and respectful
@@jay-kay34if you want to open up that dialogue you can ask her about a past relationship or directly ask her how many partners she’s had. I am hardly interested myself, I go based on intuition, and if I like someone who reciprocates interest, I wouldn’t care about their body count unless extraordinarily high and/or presenting in their psyche.
What is ‘low’ fr a body count ? 3,5,10?
@@johnwhite2576 hi! Depend for who, if she is a believer or not, if she had a stable childhood or not! If she is beautiful or not.
A bodycount of 3 at 27 yo for a beautiful woman is pretty low for example
@@johnwhite2576 but if she is 19yo and a 5/10 with a stable childhood and family , a body count of 3 is HIGH TO ME
I am also looking for a women who idealizes the good Christian women, as mentioned in proverbs 31
Turns up on time !
0:48 "...of course pay the bill" Why? Some women nowadays don't even want that.
Good stuff
0:06
The unforgettable Ms. Bethany Van Nuys.
Damn I’m here early
Real
its weird in the one hand he says don't care what others think but on the other hand he dresses up in a suit for every video to keep that facade of an imaginary "gentleman". true freesom is when you go outside casually dressed, ride something weird just because you like it and do stuff because you enjoy it
You might be right that it is all a personification of the ideal gentleman (I really can't pretend to know his motives). Still, as someone who loves suits, I can tell you personally that putting on a suit and a tie is something I enjoy doing quite a lot, makes me feel amazing. True freedom has nothing to do with a certain way of dressing, but with the fact that you actually can decide what to wear each day.
Yes sat around in a jacket, especially a double-breasted jacket is not what a gentleman would do at home.
A shirt and a light v necked pullover would be more like a gentleman at home.
Loyalty. Period
Can I do boring things with her? That’s a question I always ask. If the answer is no, and she has to always be entertained, that’s a good sign of toxicity. If the answer is yes, then I can spend a lot of time with her
A first date should be somewhere quick and cheap like a coffee and donut shop, certainly
not an expensive meal at a posh restaurant. Within less than an hour you should be able to work out if a second date is on the cards. If you have at least one interest or hobby in common, have similar values and plans for the future and there are no dealbreakers have date number two. Even if they are not your usual type or you don't find them sexually attractive that can change so have a second date where you are both doing something you like.
Finally the guy should pay for this first inexpensive date otherwise he'll be labelled cheap. If there are further dates the couple should pay alternately.
Not having or keeping track of a "body count"
Forgot to say: Around my wife of twenty years I can be myself, not acting to be another.
No such thing as a perfect anything
Especially a Persian Rug!
Jeans. Maybe it's an English thing or a generational thing. But as a Gen X, I love a hot woman in jeans.
What brand of pen are you using???
Sheaffer
Most of these qualities apply to either gender
Being a Christian, being a virgin, having the same values as me such as: family, honesty, respect, and dignity
I agreed with everything you said but saying it’s bad if a woman shows up in jeans I just can’t agree with man. Different pieces of clothing mean different things to different people. Some people think first dates should be casual. Jeans are a classic in the U.S., and can be worn semi-formally. I think you’re tripping about that man.
Well if you told her the kind of luxury car you're driving it might explain why she was so patient 😉
0:50 what movie is ше,
JAMES BOND No Time To Die
@milkispoison5433 thanks 👍
Big one these days with young girls my age: no huge/ugly piercings
A green flag for me is taking accountability.
Why dressing jeans is less effort?
It costs the same putting any other trousers. Sure, it's a way of saying but then people assume that jeans are easier to wear for no reason... 🤔 (And jeans would be already 1 million times sexier than the baggy joggers common these days).
It's a matter of standards and habits, not efforts in my view. Effort itself may even transpire trying hard, like when you put a suit only for a date, which just becomes worse when one is uncomfortable on that suit (or any other more formal clothes).
Just be presentable any day, as much as your lifestyle or event allows. As a standard. What effort, once it's a habit?
Some jeans can be presented well, unfortunately many people don't know how to style them in a chic way 😆 (but for a fancy restaurant or the theatre, jeans are def a no)
seconded, if we are going to a very casual place for food, jeans is a-OK, but something more formal restaurant like, and its expected
"The Door Test" from _A Bronx Tale_ (1993) -- basically, a version of the Empathy criterion, is this a person who is considerate of others? : ua-cam.com/video/y8p1iG-6d-w/v-deo.htmlsi=yJyn-vjZPd2WJv1s
I always did use that, but it's getting harder and harder with modern cars.
Does not use the word “like” 5 times in each sentence.
Also " you know?"
Usually she downgrades her appearance in the second date. And then I don’t go for a third date.
This is bad advice. She could very well be a good woman, but that's no guarantee she will stay that way. I had to learn that lesson the hard way.
When she can cook
When I was single I had the same first date.
I am going to walk my dog care to join?
I went to the hip part of town and we walked about 3 miles, if she was winded, boring, lacking proper shoes, ect it was a bit of a red flag.
If I liked her I would stop at a dog friendly German beer hall in the city and split a pitcher. And from there could set up a more formal date.
It helped filter people out and I would do it a few times a week, I was only out a pitcher of beer.
I really like keeping the first meeting alone as casual as you can.
Hows it working?
@@literallyunderrated It developed in me what traits were of importance.
After many relationships- I determined a “good soul” and practical intelligence were what I valued most.
I am now married to an Ivy League educated, top scientist that brings tons of money and stability into our life, she is more importantly a patient mother and caring wife.
You can have the girl of your dreams. But as this channel stresses- you must become the man that she would want.
I would add:
- No tattoos
- Doesn't smoke nor uses any drugs
- Doesn't drink more than the usual glass of wine
- Wants children (this one is tricky because even though I dont want them now, I always think that there must be something wrong with a woman who doesn't see herself as a mother in the future. Lack of empathy, I dont know but for the majority of women, being a mother is the pinnacle of life)
- Doesn't have children. This one goes without saying. If you're dating to find a nice girlfriend, it won't work. I've been with many single mothers and there's nothing wrong with it but when it's time to get serious, you can't become part of that scenario where the woman you want, has a to raise a child from another man.
Engaging to talk to might be the most important for the long-term. Your going to be doing that an awful lot
pro tip. date South American women
Why?
Another green flag: thinks positive, healthy psyche, cute/soft, feminine, submissive (not to tolerate abuse but she is not supposed to have the "pants on"), she wants children, tradwife (for most at least), cares her body and aesthetics, helpful, friendly, trustworthy, dressing modest and feminine (e. g. no crop tops or pants suit), long hair with natural color, no piercings and tattoos, lovely soul
And you've gotta look like Henry Cavil in return and have is bank balance too.
Lol ‘tradwife”
@@literallyunderrated Traditional Marriage works always well. Only a few women want really to be a career women, because they are asexual, for example
Swearing or political talk.
Unsubscribing. Why do so many channels dedicated to men’s style devolve eventually into unsolicited behavioral advice?
Fellas,if James asked for "green flags",and you couldn't help mentioning "red flags",there could be an issue.
Haha, good point Sam
No Smoking, No drugs, NO BIRTH CONTROL, No tattoos, loves both parents.
Birth control is frequently used as medication for the control of acne and other maladies unrelated to the prevention of pregnancy. It def has some downsides but having a strict rule against dating those who use it may rule out otherwise qualified women.
@@commanderz Willingness to take those types of powerful medication that effect her life, even for off label uses like you described would demonstrate to me a terrible lack of discernment and I would avoid her. Even severe acne is more acceptable than to waste time with a woman who unnaturally stopped her menstrual cycle. These medications affect compatibility in ways that have been demonstrated- especially in relation to women who get into romantic relationships while on them. Birth Control is a major NO for me, with maybe a very rare exception for very severe medical reasons, if there are any that can't be treated by other means.
I'd go as far to say I'd support laws to punish Doctor's who prescribe hormonal birth control all willy nilly like that, and not because of all I described about, but because of how the confused and lost ends of sterile sex result in cultural decline. I don't imagine that I would ever compromise on this evil thing.
@@MatthewThomas-ye1ei That’s of course your prerogative, as it is the OP’s to have the same approach. No one can tell you you’re wrong for having such values. That said, I can appreciate the desire to look one’s best, and if a woman has exhausted OTC medication options, her choice of pursuing this as a solution would be understandable to me and not a dealbreaker assuming she was otherwise a desirable mate.
Research has revealed that birth control decreases empathy. Your green flags make sense.
she must be a born again christian, who loves the Lord Jesus Christ more than anyone or anything in her life
I agree with this completely!
100 %. Only God knows, how to get a good marriage, because he is the creator of marriage
Preach brother preach amen 🙏🏼💙
It's very difficult to find a real christian these days
@@StefanyMN Yes, most of Christians are CINOs. They are liberal or going to a mega church. Many "Christian" women live like the world. They sleep with other man before marriage, are narcisstic like the world (social media) and dress like the world (vain)