Min 7:20 to 7:50... Yes!!! That uncomfortable moment when they just snap out on you like that... When they do that in front of other people & you feel so embarrassed. Or they even get their own children to criticize you. Oh please!!!😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 Then the flying monkeys tell you that you are just being "sensitive about the whole thing" when you do not want to ever again visit their places or participate in any of their gatherings.
What about the enneagram? I feel like you've described a type 3 and 8 and possibly a 1? Where it's not OCD (over think, anxiety out of fear/worry) when someone tries to be organized otherwise nothing would get done. Or trying to improve themselves because they see where they are "slacking" that that might be the only "peace" predictability in their lives when chaos has caused harm in the past example lost a loved one, osha sets rules because people get hurt on the job and sue, life changing injuries if it was a big enough accident. Building code for fires, etc.
my Life situation, and the one people more powerful than me put me in, requires me to talk bizzarrely, since I have nothing to base my persona on....... but that isn't me lying at all
She's just perfect. They way she talks, her voice and the way she delivers the information in a simple and easy way. I can listen to her for hours. I wish I was her student 😍
Get her audio book, I'm listening to Don't You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility written and narrated by Ramani S. Durvasula PhD on my Audible app.
"They make lists but don't get things done" omg... I feel so seen! The amount of hours I have spent writing and tweaking lists and perfecting them over time but never actually getting the stuff done
Yup. An exhaustingly perfect and complete and logical to do list, followed by exhaustion because of the need to execute it perfectly. We make life very uncomfortable
I dated someone with OCPD. Everything in his house had an EXACT place, it was overly organized to the point it actually made me nervous. He would even take his car apart every Sunday and clean every single part of it and put it all back together and put in new oil, every single Sunday like a religion. Speaking of which we met because we went to the same church, and we broke up because one day I broke my heel coming into the church and because of that we were 2min "late" to his normal time he liked arriving at the church, and there was an elderly couple sitting in "his" pew. He wanted to demand they leave, but I stopped him and told him they were both very old and it wouldn't be fair nor nice to ask them to move, so let's just sit in another seat today, there was plenty of room. He did end up doing it, but was white knuckled the entire time and after mass was over he dumped me because I didn't respect him and couldn't understand how important his was of doing things was to him. I was shocked and hurt at the time, but really looking back it's very easy to see this was an individual who needed more help than I or any average person could give him. I hope he did finally start seeking therapy and is doing well in life, but who knows. I never heard nor saw him again after that day.
Your lucky he dumped you because living with a person who has OCPD is very, very hard. I know first hand because my mom has OCPD and has never looked for help because she thinks her way is the only way. I am 57 yrs and still find dealing with my mom difficult!
He was OCD, not OCPD. My niece is living with a guy who is OCPD. He doesn't want children and does not allow kids into his home except her niece and 2 nephews. His niece and nephews are not allowed in his home. He is a germophobe and nobody can clean anything to his liking. He finds any little thing to poke holes in and his staff is constantly praising him and jumping for him. When he goes home at the end of the day and told to put his shoes away he says to my niece really? He gives the orders and everybody jumps even my niece. He doesn't like the word no because he lives in a bubble because he is very wealthy.
@@man4437 It sounds like OCPD to me. People with OCD usually have rituals of repetitious behaviors, such as hand washing, tapping specific patterns, and things like that. She also said that OCD is more likely to bother the person with OCD while the person with OCPD is more likely to be proud and feel virtuous about it.
SO appreciative she made the distinction between OCD and OCPD. I experienced severe OCD as a teenager and in my early 20s and it was ANYTHING but perfectionistic. Not only was I acutely aware that the compulsions were not in line with societal norms, I was extremely debilitated by them. It's so frustrating when people use language like 'I'm so OCD about that' just because they're orderly or rigid. OCD causes major anxiety and often greatly hinders the day-to-day functioning of the sufferer.
It’s also important to realize that as a sufferer of OCPD, we don’t have it easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and frequent panic attacks. When people say ‘I am such a perfectionist’, because being a perfectionist is so involved in OCPD, it can get quite annoying when people say that as well. People don’t realize how tough both OCPD, and although I have never had it, OCD is.
This is so true. I dont know anyone with ocd. What information i have gathered it seems like a debilitating disorder and i feel really sad for anyone who has to go through it. We need to make other people understand that ocd is not something that can be just colloquially used and attributed to just minor quirks in behavior. I wish more was actually being said about it and more people were being made aware of the complexities and the dysfunction it causes in people who suffer from the disease.
@@gracie3403 Absolutely. I am not OCD, but I am an extreme OCPD sufferer. It is so, so, so hard. I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious about how rigid I get with cleanliness inside my home, and I know it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. All this stems back to my being punished as a kid growing up if things weren't perfect around the house -- I would be screamed at, disciplined for.. being a damn kid!!! Now that I'm older and living on my own, I can't let go of those habits. It's too deeply engrained in me, this notion that everything has to be spic and span for me to feel comfortable, and it's pretty debilitating (as Dr. Ramani stated, it leads to lack of productivity).
I have OCPD. The way she describes it she makes me feel like I am a terrible person. 😞 it doesn’t always feel good. I have anxiety and depression too. Also, chasing perfection really sucks, I work all time to organize but I also keep things I shouldn’t keep. So it’s a struggle. I’m also a very empathetic person. So who knows. I am not very flexible but I’m not so bad like she explains here. I do notice that when I am going through more issues, my anxiety goes up and I need to control the organization around me more. But I’m not controlling people, although it does come up in my mind, I don’t. I wish she didn’t make us sound like villains.
I felt the same way watching this. Although she explains the disorder very well, there is a negative quality to her description of people with OCPD and the way she believes people view them. Most of us are well-intentioned people who don't want to be this way and are struggling with this disorder. We want love and to be loved. This disorder didn't happen in a vacuum. It likely stems from a bad childhood where we were mistreated, controlled, or neglected, which wasn't discussed here. The patterns of OCPD are our (maladaptive) way of coping with our environments.
@@SecretaryBirdable agree 100%. Being flexible means, being able to understand the other person's situation and being empathetic. That would make life lot easier.
I am always in awe of people who are very tidy and organized but notice that attachment can make them anxious just like us slobs suffer from our clutter.
Jade Auburn That's what she gets wrong. She oversimplifies it and creates some kind of a strawman. Each person is a different case and there may be individuals who are very lovely and empathic who suffer from this!
@@Analysis_Paralysis One's own issues are never so difficult as we make them. What complicates things is actually playing everyone else's problematic noise in our heads. When drowning out the noise of others, you can hear your inner and true self much better and looking at yourself from the outside, it really IS that simple. This woman is a master! Admit it...and stop being so hard on yourself...which what you just did was projecting your own crap on this woman.
Same. I’m an introvert/empath. But for those truly close to me experiences my rigidness. If they don’t adhere I become distant. It’s kind of messed up but I take as intentional disrespect otherwise. It’s funny how my astrological sign, Taurus, fits the bill. My sis with BPD is a Gemini and we all know the stories when it comes to Gemini’s.
My mother! LOL! If we decided to sleep past 10:00 am on a Saturday (and that was the limit), "Breakfast is OVER, the kitchen is closed. You can start Lunch at noon." I raised my children the same way. :/
@@Blue_Azure101 Yes, lol! But it makes sense to me... adhere to the expectations. When you get your OWN, run it the way that YOU want to run it. In the mean time and in-between time, these are my expectations... follow my lead. :/ . You don't have to like it but you should respect it. This helped with dating too. As a teenager, If our dates were more than 15 minutes (too long) late. At just 7:30 p.m.: My mother turned off the porch light, didn't allow us to answer the phone, and when the guy arrived, SHE answered the door, "My daughter is in the bed, GOOD NIGHT." LOL! We were mad at herrrr, but I am glad she taught us to demand respect and to have high-expectations. We laugh about to this today! I LOVE MY Narc MOTHER
I grew up with my father with OCPD. Never diagnosed but finally I have a word to call it. I thought he was OCD but now learning about it the problem was much deeper and worse to the extent of personality disorder. Man he DESTROYED me. Hyper critical, SUPER ANAL about the stupidest things, super controlling, no mistakes allowed, only his way is the right way, would always have something to intrusively teach about HOW to do things(THE RIGHT WAY), how to put cutleries in the dishwasher, how much water we would use, how long the hot shower should be used(to the point of interrupting my shower to enforce the rule on how much hot water to consume), basically anything which wasn't "productive" was a waste of time, restless, always doing something running up and down the house fixing stuff, obsessive about keeping the humidity level in the rooms monitored and between 50% and 60%, a drop of water spills on the floor in the kitchen is a fucking national emergency, he'd be standing behind me while brushing teeth to switch off the water the moment it wasn't precisely used to rinse the toothbrush. When i was a teen he wouldn't even allow me to make TEA the FUCKIN WAY I LIKED IT and would interrupt me to teach me the "ultimate way to make tea so that you can enjoy it" disregarding the fact that what mattered to me was DOING IT MYSELF in MY WAY. And the list goes on I could write a bible on the number of ABSURD obsession of my father which made my life a living hell because there was NEVER NEVER NEVER peace and relaxation. To this day his house doesn't have a single spot meant for "relaxing" only. What a fucking nightmear. and when I was a kid and would try to rebel I'd be constantly gaslighted that it was "NORMAL" and "how things are supposed to be" even tho as a child I could tell that shit was off for how it made me feel. My father would hide behind him being an "environmentalist" or a "frugal person". Now I know he was fucking mad(with all due love and respect) and he suffocated me. I'm still working on healing the damage cause by the deadly cocktail of him and my covert narcisist mother. Man it was so fucked up. Rest in peace mom.
I'll never call myself a perfectionist again....I don't think I'm this bad at all I'm open to to other people's ideas and theories even if I don't believe in it myself
One clue that can help distinguish OCPD from OCD is identifying if it agrees with a person's sense of self, and who suffers most because of the disorder. OCPD is ego-syntonic and everyone else suffers the most; OCD is ego-dystonic and the person with the disorder typically suffers the most. It's a bit more complicated, but picking up on this distinction will probably point you in the direction of the right diagnosis. OCPD and OCD can also co-occur in the same individual, btw.
@@jesuschristthesecond lolol so true, to her charming=narcissistic 😂 but she is charming just in a nonmanipulative way. Her charm is genuine and welcoming.
My boss is super mega controlling to the point of doing micro management. He fits all the patterns she has highlighted, a very rigid and difficult person as she pointed out. Very smart woman.
I do feel that I’m like this with having a clean schedule and look at my clean house and my fridge is labeled but I love it because it gives me a sense of calm. I really think this ties in with my adhd because I forget about responsibilities easily and it makes me stressed out when I’m not like this because a lot of the time when I don’t my adhd feels like it controls my life and I always have in the back of my head like I feel like I’m forgetting a responsibility but idk what it is
I have this too !! But it could also be that the cleaning is an unhealthy coping mechanism which we think is making us feel calm, but it’s not healthy. Just because we think of clean as good and responsible doesn’t mean it’s actually helping us. Not saying you’re doing this but I think sometimes I do that. I go into a hyper focus/ paralysis when I start cleaning or something and reckon it’s to avoid doing stressful tasks that should technically be priority over scrubbing the stove for hours.
I had a close friend who committed suicide. She was exactly as you describe. Her mother died when she was six years old, and she had to grow up fast, helping to take care of her father. By our mid thirties, neither of us had married. She was a professor of literature at a college. One day I was visiting her immaculate apartment. She had a shrine to her mother's memory. It held numerous items that had belonged to her mother. It had an eternally burning candle, too. I was looking at one of the items, holding it in my hand (maybe insensitive of me) when she came in from the other room, practically screaming for me to "PUT THAT DOWN AND DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING ON THAT TABLE!! EVER!!!" I apologized, of course. There were many other things I noticed, too many to list. I wondered if our friendship would endure. Many of her students left commentaries on her funeral page online, and I was surprised to learn that she had been reprimanded and threatened with being fired if she didn't develop a more reasonable mindset in her classroom. Most said they'd been bullied, insulted, cursed at, etc., for making a mistake in grammar on a test. They felt as though they were in training to be marines. It was only a college literature class.
Dr. Ramani breaks it all down in easy to understand ways which makes her an excellent teacher. I wanna be like her when I grow up 💗🤓 And Kyle always asks some thought provoking questions. Not to mention such a cutie! Great team!
I just came from Kati Morton’s OCPD video which shed a lot of light on the subject and actually helped me realise that perhaps I do have OCPD as I very much identified with all the points she made; however, this video came across as incredibly biased and paints those with OCPD in such a negative light. I was so confused when Dr Durvasula started describing the negative relationships around those with ocpd. Perhaps the OCPD patients she has dealt with are like she says but personally I am very family orientated and have great interpersonal relationship. Although I, myself, have to “follow the rules” or do things a certain way and sure I would like others to do the same, I know that they won’t nor do I expect them to. This condition is mine, not theirs, and I would never subject others to feeling bad just because I like things a certain way. She’s painted those with ocpd as having narcissistic tendencies which again I find appalling. Having studied psychology, I always thought those who are in that particular field viewed things in an objective way and that we should not be swayed by personal opinions but I guess that’s just human nature. It just goes to show that we should do a heck of a lot more research of our own instead of solely relying on one source. Though I hope the good doctor’s intention was not to portray OCPD sufferers as tyrants; to those reading this, please do not think that those with OCPD lack sympathy, empathy or kindness. They (we) are not heartless robots. (I’m an empath btw) Anyway! Have a lovely day! [If anything I wrote seems weird I apologise, I re-read / re- wrote many times and now I’m just pressing ‘enter’ before I delete it all because I can’t stop obsessing over it 😂]
Yeah, as someone with OCPD who's been working on my symptoms/characteristics/behaviors for a while now I can say while much of this video was accurate, it was really hurtful. I'm NOT a narcissist! And I'll still feed you after six, but in my high OCPD younger days I would have been very upset with you about it. I might not even have said it out loud to you, but you'd know. Anyway, thank you for sharing this perspective. I've felt this way about quite a few of their videos and I'm just sure if the education part is worth the negative stereotypes they're often feeding into.
The term OCPD is very new to me so I wouldn't know its accurate definition, but what is described here sounds a lot like a narcissist weaponizing their orderliness, as the one thing they're good at and makes them feel superior to others (so, basically, it sounds like it could be any other feature or skill, these ones just happen to be especially good at being tidy)... and boy are there a bunch of people like that. She did acknowledge that not everybody who's very orderly is the way she described, so maybe in her book, you guys would have a different diagnosis, or none?
I think the point is that unchecked OCPD is harmful to those around them. Meaning, if they do not seek treatment, they can be very rigid in ways that is damaging to their partners and children. This level of control interferes with relationships. That being said, I can see how it might be regarded as ableist, but I don't think it's biased to state that OCPD affects the people around them in negative ways. I think it's important that people with OCPD are not shamed, but that they do get an opportunity to understand that their disorder affects others negatively. Deadlines at work, children walking on eggshells and developing anxiety, a power imbalance in relationships, etc. She's speaking from her experience, and stating that their control prevents them from seeking treatment, or surrendering to effective treatment. It doesn't mean they are immoral or bad people. That being said, living with OCPD is hard for those who have it, those living with them, and to some degree even the people who are supposed to help them, like therapists. I think this precisely demonstrates how difficult it is.
I think you are what you are because you have the knowledge of psychology. when a person of OCPD didnt have the knowledge of who they really are they tend to think that they are the most right in all things and people cant have another opinion. I myself living with OCPD spouse. the first 3 years she didnt tolerate any lateness, though it is several seconds late..the wet clothes were not properly hang, because it will crumple when it is dry..and when it is dried..it is must taken out immediately and fold it.. I mean, yes, people see it as virtue, but doing it religiously and any defect ritual will be punished by hours of yells and long face...that is another thing.
This video makes me so sad. I have OCPD and videos like this paint us in a bad light. Most of this is ANECDOTAL. Meaning it's all in her personal experience with clients with parts of the OCPD disorder. I can personally say that the people I know with OCPD including me have VARYING levels of the symptoms of OCPD and none of us act the way she describes. That is an example of ONE KIND of OCPD. I wish I could have a phone or video interview with her to discuss this. I want everyone to know that people with OCPD are not monsters and are not unpleasant to be around. So far, the people I know, including myself, are happy, social beings. We are genuine and honest people. Some of us are antisocial, but some of us are incredibly extroverted! Like me! Videos like this make me never want to share that I have this disorder. This is why we don't see therapists!!!
Mariah_Papaya Right!? Your comment actually encouraged me to write my own. I was seriously contemplating if I even had OCPD because I couldn’t relate to the part about treating others negatively / not being able to have good relationships and only caring about having things done my way. So disheartening.
@@swilde3422 Thank you for making your own comment! I'm glad I could encourage that! Just know that if you feel you have OCPD that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Talk to someone about it. Family or therapist. Mine was hereditary, so my father helped me a lot. OCPD at least in my experience makes me a better person because I'm always self aware and self improving. I hope this helps and that you find out if you have it!
She does mention that not everyone who's orderly is necessarily dismissive or disdainful with other people, or has OCPD. I recognize I don't know the first thing about OCPD, so if you guys have been diagnosed, then I humbly retract. I'm just trying to understand what she said, and I noted she did acknowledge that NOT everybody who needs a lot of order in their life has the disorder she describes.
Thank you I appreciate this. I strongly suspect i have it (working to get therapy) only for me I don't try to disregard others, i'm just socially oblivious.
Well, someone’s offended. She’s talking about the extreme cases, or the cases that needed professional help. You may have mild OCPD or some traits from it, but the people she’s describing are very real cases, very real people. She’s not painting anyone in a negative light, she’s just explaining it neutrally. Don’t dismiss these people and this therapist just because you have not experienced what they did. She’s not talking about everyone, she’s not placing everyone in a box, she’s not talking about you. She’s just talking about the general idea of it.
I can recognize my mum here- (though she has a Lot of friends and is an extrovert). I did the Myers 16 personalities test with her and I was not surprised at all when the results said 'Commander' I was telling her about that type and she agreed with almost everything and she was exceeding proud leader energy, replying with absolute confidence "Yes! Absolutely! I am a dictator and I want to control things and I want things going my way" (of course in a relaxed way, we both found this test pretty fun) (she felt like I was complimenting her :D which I was, I'm just the opposite character). I'm still surprised she's not a leader at her workplace because she has that energy, but she has explained it with "I don't mind because I like my job, and I like doing things my way rather than giving others commands and they can't do anything like the way I need things to be done- in precise order"
I regret very much there not being any insight in what causes this disorder. Now most people think it's just about 'rigid, annoying people who want control'. My friends know how inflexible I am and so forth, but I am a very sweet and loving person as well, most of all I am hardest on myself. I don't understand why they didn't discuss what is stems from, the anxiety, damage in childhood, there being a lack of stability --therefore the continuous feeling of unsafety and thus need for control, a sense of control. It's like wine when your love sick; its doesn't heal you, it makes the hurting for a short moment more bearable and with more and more it becomes destructive.
Oh wow... this spoke a bit too close to me. I used to be similar to this- always wanting things to be ordered in a certain way, controlling, strict morals etc... but this also did coexist alongside OCD and intrusive thoughts, so perhaps for me, the two were closely linked, despite not being the same thing. Thankfully since going to therapy I'm a lot healthier now. I'm still orderly and have strong morals, but WAY less controlling. I now only become controlling when I'm very stressed out. I've boosted my self-esteem and confidence so I really don't care if everything isn't 'perfect'. 80% and getting the job done is good enough for me haha! Besides, you also get wayyy more done. It's honestly incredibly liberating.
I thought I had OCD until I stumbled upon this video. I would usually be called a perfectionist by my friends and would also get comments like "Not everything in life has to be perfect." Hm.. I might have to do more research in this, because I am suspected to have OCD.. I was diagnosed by a professional psychologist..but.. this definitely brings a new light to me.
I have OCPD and my psychiatrist was very kind explaining that we are all unique in this world and there are variations blended with others. For this person could see that she is very egocentrically to not feel for a person who has high IQ, most OCPD are and are also extra-sensorial and she lacks empathy. We can have empathy to even hope and come closer for the other to grow with us into the heaven. For us perfection is what in Greek Myth represents Heaven a state of perfection. We are many times raised as a Golden Child from a narcissist mother who loves us, as part of her, and sometimes we are simply under her rules. So we have this rules, I thanks my mother for giving me all her love and giving me such a good education. I'm a loving person who came to this world to show others how to be in harmony. If you are aware there is harmony. That is ego-sin-tonic. We are in harmony with others, something she placed in a rudely heart broken manner as if she knows everything, when is she is her self someone to pin as dangerous to trust on everything. Take what you feel is and what's not. Everyone for diner at 6 and if you don't consider other's time you are welcome to eat dessert. So, is fine. Each one has its own rules, this is whom we are. And most of Genius and Successful people have OCPD, most of us do fulfil our tasks and think for the greater in the world, others and around us as part of the pattern. For an extend It felt that this woman studied psychiatric to have licence to talk bad about others in a gossiping manner that is far away from reality and the beauty in all of us. Many us surrender to the occasions and give our selfs to others to make a better place with much tolerance and patience loving people for whom they are and what they can be.
Wow Dr. Ramani I like to be organized it helps me to function a little easier and better in my life but I don't PROJECT myself on other people because everyone is different and I grew up military so lots of discipline. And it totaly works for me but unlike the lady that had dinner she didn't have to be so rude and kinda acted superior but that's a new one for me you are a wealth of knowledge. . Seriously good to learn something new
I've spent so many years in total on institutions that I can't stop having it clean and the things I have is in order.. As u said.. it's considered a skill many times rather negative to be a perfectionist... I've also spent alot of time in boats and been skiing alot too.. A common thing with this places .. are that they usally are very low in amount of stores.. So before we went .. we had to make sure everything we needed was packed in any of our bags.. If u travel 3 times a year for 14 years including minimum 4 people... u sooner or later becomes good in logistics and sort of living by that rule.. -Everything has it own place- My behavior are exactly the same but for other reasons.. as I just mentioned^^
As a person with OCPD, just know some of us aren’t that rude. As much as I hate people being late and such I’m never going to be like that to someone. I take a deep breath and I walk away if I’m really mad. Some people just need therapy to improve upon themselves so they are not assholes.
I’m definitely married to someone with OCPD. But thankfully, I have some OCPD traits myself, not to his extent but I can have understanding and compassion for it. I think it’s because there is something painful inside due to the desperate level to control
I relate to the time management-rigidness very much. I remember a specific story when I was like 8, my mom raised me by herself but she was very very depressed, she basically never worked, cooked, cleaned, or left her bed, and after a while of none of my teachers meeting a parent or a guardian for me, my teacher sent me home with a note that either my parent/guardian would show up to a PTA appointment or she would have to get CPS involved. So I gave her the note, we had a 9am apt with a teacher of mine, and she said she would go, but at like 8:50am I still could not drag her out of bed and force her to wake up, I remember actually physically dragging her and crying and just being like mom, please, they're gonna take me away if you dont get up. Ever since I was a kid, I've been obssesivelly showing up to places hours and hours ahead of time, waking up for school at like 4am because I was horrified of being late, and even now, in my twenties, that is how I treat all my obligations. Someone being even five minutes late will literally bring me to tears. I cannot mentally handle it. Even if it's like my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and have a good time with friends, if they're late, I will end up sobbing and breaking down. It's kind of ruining my life to be honest, just doing everything so specifically and so much ahead of time than I need to, I literally have no time for myself anymore.
You are heard! I think we develop this because of how are childhood was. My mom was a stay at home mom with no high school diploma or jobs. Then both parents had bad drug addiction. I lived in a rural area and had no options. I’m still dealing with healing and trying to be successful.
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please try seeking professional help. From what you wrote you had a hard childhood , and you deserve healing and enjoying life ♥️
Omg. I’m sorry you went through that. I felt agony reading it. I felt desperate to help. I hope your mom was able to get up and attend the meeting. But anyway, just know that you’re not the only one. So many of us have traumas. So next time you cry because someone is late, remember me, and know I’m rooting for you while I’m also dealing with my issues. I have ocpd.
I actually have this. It was a hard thing to find out that I really couldn't have help other than therapy because it is a personality disorder. I'm trying to learn how to deal with others as well as myself. I achieve my lists though. I mostly got them accomplished because I work on the list and refine it according to importance. I have learned to make manageable list. I'm watching this as I type and trying not to feel attacked and not even remotely perfect enough.
Hey @Kinky Kitty, good for you for working on yourself, not just for you but for others. Not trying to feel personally attacked as well - well done indeed. This internet stranger is proud of you :-D
@@kinkykitty77 Brought up by a narcissistic father I used to be a perfectionist too. It resulted in constant self criticism and selfloathing as an adult. My psychotherapist helped me immensely. I learnt to embrace imperfections and found self acceptance and selflove. All best and thank you for your kind reply!Sending you bunches of tulips and roses from London🌿🌷🌷🌷🌿🌹🌹🌹🌿 Namaste! (It means: The divine in me sees the divine in you!)
A big issue I have with personality disorders is that everything is so fuzzy. When she said OCD people have anxiety and feel like it's effecting others, but OCPD are more ego-cintonic (sp?) ... Well, it sounds like an OCPD person could just be a more accepting/secure in who they are. I've taken some ownership of who I am. I've also learned to be flexible, but there is some rigidity out of necessity. Like you can't be late to meetings by 5 minutes all the time. It sounds like someone may or may not be OCPD depending on their social circle or they might start to seem OCPD because they want to start getting in order. Where do you draw the line from a non-disordered person and a person who is OCPD who was self-aware enough to allow flexibility for social reasons?
being self aware doesn't make someone more flexible, also, being flexible is highly subjective. if you were in a social environment where everyone was deciding on what to eat and you wanted to mention a certain type of food and you felt that it's not reasonable that they ask on what to eat but then it always goes their way, despite you asking them nicely about it for the 100th time, would you say that they are the inflexible ones or you? would you then proceed to assume that someone who pigeonholes you and expects you to conform to their viewpoint and not doing so would then make you inflexible? if there was a single way i could get the "lay" or "typical" people population to understand personality disorders, it would probably be first from the youtube video of personality disorders by andrew, "Understanding Personality Disorders Part 1 with Dr Nachum Andrew Klafter, MD". the point is, which is relevant to your question of seperating a non-disordered person and someone who isn't, particularly in someone with OCPD, is to see how they function outside the black and white and literal traits that one possesses, which often times are actually misinterpreted by the lay population. one way to tell if someone has a personality disorder is assessing how they speak about their issues. if you hear them say something like, i'm self aware now, and i use to take things seriously and overract to people or i use to be shy, and i'm working on myself more now, then you know that they DON'T and never had a personality disorder, because that's not what a personality disorder is. a personality disorder is simply someone who is inferior relative to their environment / society, or in many cases, inferior entirely, regardless of environment or circumstances, and their personality is in such a way that causes significant personal distress and harm in a variety of domains. i didn't want to include all the little details, that's why i listed that video so people could look at that.
I try to have good morals but I don’t speak out when I don’t agree with someone I just cut them off completely. Telling them why leads to go back and forth.
This maybe my mother? Everytime i clean her dish she washes it second time and lets me know how much i suck at washing dishes. Everytime as a child i used to clean my home and when she comes home she cleans everything i cleaned second time and she lets me know how much i suck at cleaning general. She is the most inefficient person on earth i know but at the same time everyone not close to her admires her efficiency. She has plenty of money but she fucking hates cleaning services. She is also super conservative about everything. She is also lover of death penalty everytime she watches corrupt politicians she wants death. She hates vacations because she hates new experiences.
My mother has OCPD and she has no friends and could not keep a job for very long and none of her children or grandchildren, greatgrandchildren ever go see her. It is miserable to be around her for any length of time, but she also has sadistic narcissistic qualities as well and no one likes her abusive demands or demeanor.
I've experienced shit jobs where Sociopathy and High levels of Narcissism can create that along with a close and emotionally negligent parent/caregiver in one's childhood can cause that. Childhood neglect has fucked up a lot of people who fuck up a lot of people! In America, you have Edmund "Jerry" Brown and Ronald Reagan to thank for the pervasiveness of this because they shut down the state run mental institutions nation wide! Crazy keeps breeding crazy! Now society is in the biggest mess ever since the first insane asylum closed in the early 80's!
I can relate so much to this however being an empath I won’t necessarily express my frustration or I’ll do it in a joking manner because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m actually very serious. Ugh it’s kind of exhausting. 😩
Even though I know I have BPD, since I'm too young to get diagnosed, I feel as a person who knows or at least think she knows what she has. I feel like it's harder to control or try to change yourself, and personally I end up putting on a mask per say, because I feel like if I don't they might think that I'm annoying or that I'm a moody teenager, which leads me to fear abandonement.
i would love to see a video about how every disorders deal with this ego syntonic thing. i read on google that BPD is ego syntonic. this matches with the idea of them feeling much better than their disorder is clarified, defined. but still. im curious.
i'm not sure what exactly your trying to say on the ego part. can you clarify on what you mean by the person feeling much better than their disorder is clarified, defined? i think you may be portraying the whole ego syntonic aspect in an inaccurate way, ( i don't blame you ), because it was created by the typical / lay population with it's shallow / ignorant definition. i have a personality disorder myself and also severe depression. i do feel feel that i'm a better person than the majority of people out there because of the amount of struggles i go through / difficult life / hardships / low quality of life /,etc, but that's not because i feel superior to them in a functional manner, because being superior would mean you are someone who can manage yourself well and / or live a good quality life and function well overall and not get easily impacted in life / distressed / felt / feel insecure, which i am the opposite of course. and so as a fact, i'm very inferior and know i am and i do not need anyone to validate this or try to tell me my thinking is wrong as ironically, these folks are the superior ones themselves that would disagree with me on these points. of course, environment, circumstances, and other things play a huge factor. this is why it's senseless to give specific labels or words, because often what is trying to be understood can't be understood without factoring in other things and giving more clarification and reasoning as i gave you.
An interesting point someone made below is how prevalent mental disorders are these days. It’s remarkably true and likely a combination of an extreme navel gazing focus on the self in Western culture, so we both find (and grow) mental disorders, and the level of wealth and comfort that allows us to be focused so high up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, rather than focusing on physiological and safety needs and not necessarily having the bandwidth to focus on self actualization as much.
You should touch more on the "why people are the way they are" angle I think. I feel it would help our understanding a great deal to consider that, someone with this level of rigidity feeling such a deep need to control things and keep everything orderly, probably at one time in their life felt deeply OUT of control. Seems to me that behaviour of this nature is an adaptation of sorts to feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unable to manage easily things that are simple tasks for others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I suffer from this sort of perfectionism, certainly feel the need to have all mu ducks in a row, everything orderly. And for me personally, I do this because I don't feel I have a great deal of control in my life. It helps me feel like things are more manageable. In the house where I live with my family, our chaotic and unorganized kitchen is a constant source of stress for me. It makes something so simple as cooking a meal feel like an overwhelming and daunting task.
people classify me as OCD but I've never accepted it....I knew I was a perfectionist but not to the point of OCD I feel like people should learn the difference between a perfectionist and someone with OCD :)
Most annoying people are the ones that are unaware oft their adult ADHD bundled with a bit of narcissism. Thinking that being totally unreliable, being always too late, busting all private meetings with something they “forgot”, not sticking to any kind of norms or mutual respectful behaviour is “normal”. They accuse other people of being “OCPD” when being told that they have a pattern there in order to deflect their totally incoherent and chaotic personality style. Energy draining, passive aggressive sympathy seekers.
I have a manager who i believe has OCPD/Narcissism. They appeared to be a micromanager at first, but there were no amounts of hard work and communication that could gain their trust or my autonomy. Control comes first for them, and they negatively reinforce any perceived threat to that control. I had a roster of happy clients I built up over 15 years, and the OCPD manager invited himself to very meeting I had on my calendar, and within two years had set up his own meetings with those clients and removed me from those relationships. The clients asked to meet with me in secret to work on their projects, which wasn't really feasible, and made him incredibly upset any time anyone tried to give him feedback on the matter. I went from delivering four projects a month, to immediately being criticized for being too slow, to now him delegating about two projects a year to me that are entry level work and drawn out with granular, foggy complexity. It is chaotically slow and never what the client asked for. I used to perform client intake of my own projects and complete them no longer than 3 months after intake, and now I am the last to be added to a project and it is often a complete year after client intake. When I start asking basic project management questions he gets upset, and my workflow becomes more like being a private detective of project forensics. People that were involved in the project several months ago are often confused, and I am eventually forwarded client email threads where the client is obviously begging the manager to work on the project. He is the type of manager that takes a team of people and slows them down to do the work of one person. And he can not see it at all. Both staff and clients have left, his boss was fired, and now we are being reorganized by the C-suite. He is about three years from retirement and in his last 5 years has ground the productivity to a halt.
For years in my life and work (I'm a musician) I was critical, censorious, cynical and a mocker to my colleagues. I wanted to control every little detail and wouldn't trust any other team member about making a decision for the team. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought my behavior would help others become better at what they do. I felt like I had the duty to behave like this for other people's good! I even tried to tell people how they are supposed to feel in some cases and tried to make them feel so! I gained a reputation of a musician that is difficult to work with. I lost job opportunities because of that. I even lost some friends and relationships. It wasn't until I had a mental breakdown and had to take mental care when I realized I had OCPD. I firstly was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and then with OCPD. I am now trying to calm down, not to focus in details, trust other people's ability and give them space. MDD is my biggest problem and I guess it won't go away if I don't deal with OCPD first.
This sounds like Billy Corgan. I think a lot of very successful artists struggle with this. Their perfectionism makes them incredible creators, but it's a double-edged sword.
Very true. Likely a combination of an extreme navel gazing focus on the self in Western culture, so you both find (and grow) mental disorders, and the level of wealth and comfort that allows us to be focused so high up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, rather than focus on physiological and safety needs and not necessarily having the bandwidth to focus on self actualization as much.
My aunt is one. When we got into an argument she told me once how my house was dirty. She had only been to my home on the day I moved. It will always be a mess on the day I'm moving. But it was nice to know how she really felt.
“Most of us don’t know what to do with it”. I’m not disordered to my understanding but had a father who joked “I’m oc, not ocd” growing up that was also a narcisist. I became an accurate scientific processs over beliefs - tech spot on Know it all who became like an “expert bulldozer” I’ve realized time and time again I’ve been right and if not right shooting in the right direction enough to iterate my self there. Though I remember dating a girl and I did my best to try and be good to her given how I was at the time. I wanted to be good in her eyes etc. I was willing to listen to things, but not willing to budge when it came to makeing decisions in a certain way. I felt kinda embarrassed and conflicted when I asked her about something after we broke up, like she made it seem like I didn’t care about her or what she felt. And honestly I did. In my eyes, I cared enough to make sure we were not doing emotional mistakes. But I felt like a deer in the head lights not knowing what I should have done when she acted like I didn’t care but at the same time I knew that I couldn’t allow us to make the decision in a Non-accurate and logical way. It’s like I didn’t know how to really let go, for fear that we would be headed down a path that unconsciously represented all the pain I grew up with.
Holy cow! That was my ex-girlfriend to a T. She always said she has OCD but she never had any remorse regarding her condition and was always very clear in her my "way or highway" attitude. Her mother was the exact opposite being an extreme hoarder whose house was a mess. Hmm Throughly enjoy Dr. Ramani's appearances. Her explanations are always concise.
I was diagnosed with OCD after one session about a year ago and since then I’ve felt like that conclusion was a bit off. I am incredibly strict about how things need to be or need to be done and it makes me incredibly distressed and angry when something interferes with that. I tend to hold grudges when other people interfere, and these feelings themselves are very stressful because I understand it’s an irrational behaviour from me. I spend a lot of energy on perfectionism but usually once I complete a task the anxiety goes away, and to my understanding this isn’t so common in OCD. I don’t really have any beliefs that “doing X task will prevent X unrelated thing from happening”, it’s just that if I don’t control something I feel a lot of distress, and I also tend to be rigid with my beliefs and incapable of compromise. I do have a huge issue with obsessive and intrusive thoughts though, and I’m not entirely sure how that is different in both OCD and OCPD. Despite all of this I have a huge amount of shame in my rigidity. I think it’s unhelpful and inefficient but I just can’t stop. It damages my relationships and I see that, but often I just don’t understand how to fix myself. Luckily I am seeing multiple therapists currently who can hopefully help this messy brain (perhaps the one thing that I can’t organise). Perhaps OCD is right, but my overexertion on perfectionism as apposer to ritualistic behaviour, AND the presence of predominant emotions like anger in response to disorder.
Your analogy about the plastic-covered furniture but no grand children was SO easy to see. Yes, we make things important that shouldn’t be. Thanks to you both.
I learn soooo much from her I love when she explains she's fantastic. I almost thought i had OCPD and some form of OCD but this cleared things up for me. I wonder why I relate to 1 or 2 traits of both disorders.. How could I have sessions with her anyone know??
I am fine with people showing up at 6:30. I am not fine with no show no call and 2 weeks later you get a passive aggressive text why you don't talk to them anymore.
OK my husband has OCPD but he is VERY nice. He's rigid, but wants to learn to not be after he's realized how much it can hurt others around him. She made it sound like everyone with OCPD is mean
I have OCPD along with BPD and, without sounding too OCPD lol, I don't agree with the way they have portrayed sufferers of OCPD here. I love their work and videos but they make people with OCPD sound quite monstrous. I would say one of the main reasons that a lot of OCPD people are so rigid is because they need to feel safe in their surroundings. I think anxiety plays a huge part in the reason why they need things to be just so. People with OCPD are not intentionally hurting those around them or do not disregard the needs of loved ones lightly they just have a misguided sense of self preservation. In this video they do not talk about the internal struggle that someone with OCPD can experience and focus on the suffering of the people around them which is sad.
Yes, I knew one. The perfect 1950s parent, worked & had the perfect home. Perfect food and perfect beige home....no mess, washed the closets...but at least not all the sofas were plastic. Frig items labeled lol. yes. so funny....if it wasn't so sad. Clean cars....yeah. But....not so moral or religious.
I came to this video as a diagnosed self perfectionist. It's worth having some compassion for the perfectionist because it can be a terrible affliction. Perfectionism has ruined my life and lead me to a near complete break down. This is not me expecting other people to be perfect but self perfectionism. It can be a debilitating affliction. I've been in therapy for years and on medication sometimes just to get through the week.
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Min 7:20 to 7:50... Yes!!! That uncomfortable moment when they just snap out on you like that... When they do that in front of other people & you feel so embarrassed. Or they even get their own children to criticize you. Oh please!!!😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 Then the flying monkeys tell you that you are just being "sensitive about the whole thing" when you do not want to ever again visit their places or participate in any of their gatherings.
What about the enneagram? I feel like you've described a type 3 and 8 and possibly a 1? Where it's not OCD (over think, anxiety out of fear/worry) when someone tries to be organized otherwise nothing would get done. Or trying to improve themselves because they see where they are "slacking" that that might be the only "peace" predictability in their lives when chaos has caused harm in the past example lost a loved one, osha sets rules because people get hurt on the job and sue, life changing injuries if it was a big enough accident. Building code for fires, etc.
The website seems to be not working while i was trying to register. I tried different browsers.
👍❤️
Uuu8u
I love her. Such a wealth of knowledge but in an approachable and non judgemental way. And Kyle is a great host
Same
I love how respectful she is
my Life situation, and the one people more powerful than me put me in, requires me to talk bizzarrely, since I have nothing to base my persona on....... but that isn't me lying at all
I Failed due to having been destroyed by people a lot more powerful than me......
Except for the "emotional support 🐕" in the videos! 🤨
Non -judgemental you believe ? Wake up
She's just perfect. They way she talks, her voice and the way she delivers the information in a simple and easy way. I can listen to her for hours. I wish I was her student 😍
Sahar 92 - I have a crush on her too
Perfect, huh? Interesting choice of words. Might want to get that looked at.
She's a queen.
Get her audio book, I'm listening to Don't You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility written and narrated by Ramani S. Durvasula PhD on my Audible app.
she's ocpd but recognizes and deflates it.
"They make lists but don't get things done" omg... I feel so seen! The amount of hours I have spent writing and tweaking lists and perfecting them over time but never actually getting the stuff done
yeah me too, the thing about lack of empathy, it hits hard as I reflect back on some of my actions in the recent past.
Same🤦
Exactly! That stuck out too. Thought they are so controlling they would do it but nope!
Yup. An exhaustingly perfect and complete and logical to do list, followed by exhaustion because of the need to execute it perfectly. We make life very uncomfortable
Even the dog was like "let me lay down & listen to this, she really knows her stuff."
I see Dr.Ramani, I click ❤❤ Thank you again, Medcircle.
I dated someone with OCPD. Everything in his house had an EXACT place, it was overly organized to the point it actually made me nervous. He would even take his car apart every Sunday and clean every single part of it and put it all back together and put in new oil, every single Sunday like a religion. Speaking of which we met because we went to the same church, and we broke up because one day I broke my heel coming into the church and because of that we were 2min "late" to his normal time he liked arriving at the church, and there was an elderly couple sitting in "his" pew. He wanted to demand they leave, but I stopped him and told him they were both very old and it wouldn't be fair nor nice to ask them to move, so let's just sit in another seat today, there was plenty of room. He did end up doing it, but was white knuckled the entire time and after mass was over he dumped me because I didn't respect him and couldn't understand how important his was of doing things was to him. I was shocked and hurt at the time, but really looking back it's very easy to see this was an individual who needed more help than I or any average person could give him. I hope he did finally start seeking therapy and is doing well in life, but who knows. I never heard nor saw him again after that day.
You dodged a bullet, sister. Count your blessings.
Your lucky he dumped you because living with a person who has OCPD is very, very hard. I know first hand because my mom has OCPD and has never looked for help because she thinks her way is the only way. I am 57 yrs and still find dealing with my mom difficult!
He was OCD, not OCPD. My niece is living with a guy who is OCPD. He doesn't want children and does not allow kids into his home except her niece and 2 nephews. His niece and nephews are not allowed in his home. He is a germophobe and nobody can clean anything to his liking. He finds any little thing to poke holes in and his staff is constantly praising him and jumping for him. When he goes home at the end of the day and told to put his shoes away he says to my niece really? He gives the orders and everybody jumps even my niece. He doesn't like the word no because he lives in a bubble because he is very wealthy.
Yeah that sounds like OCD not OCPD
@@man4437 It sounds like OCPD to me. People with OCD usually have rituals of repetitious behaviors, such as hand washing, tapping specific patterns, and things like that.
She also said that OCD is more likely to bother the person with OCD while the person with OCPD is more likely to be proud and feel virtuous about it.
SO appreciative she made the distinction between OCD and OCPD. I experienced severe OCD as a teenager and in my early 20s and it was ANYTHING but perfectionistic. Not only was I acutely aware that the compulsions were not in line with societal norms, I was extremely debilitated by them. It's so frustrating when people use language like 'I'm so OCD about that' just because they're orderly or rigid. OCD causes major anxiety and often greatly hinders the day-to-day functioning of the sufferer.
It’s also important to realize that as a sufferer of OCPD, we don’t have it easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and frequent panic attacks. When people say ‘I am such a perfectionist’, because being a perfectionist is so involved in OCPD, it can get quite annoying when people say that as well. People don’t realize how tough both OCPD, and although I have never had it, OCD is.
This is so true. I dont know anyone with ocd. What information i have gathered it seems like a debilitating disorder and i feel really sad for anyone who has to go through it. We need to make other people understand that ocd is not something that can be just colloquially used and attributed to just minor quirks in behavior. I wish more was actually being said about it and more people were being made aware of the complexities and the dysfunction it causes in people who suffer from the disease.
@@gracie3403 Absolutely. I am not OCD, but I am an extreme OCPD sufferer. It is so, so, so hard. I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious about how rigid I get with cleanliness inside my home, and I know it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. All this stems back to my being punished as a kid growing up if things weren't perfect around the house -- I would be screamed at, disciplined for.. being a damn kid!!! Now that I'm older and living on my own, I can't let go of those habits. It's too deeply engrained in me, this notion that everything has to be spic and span for me to feel comfortable, and it's pretty debilitating (as Dr. Ramani stated, it leads to lack of productivity).
..
It's almost like how some people would call anything that is a mental illness "schizophrenia."
I have OCPD. The way she describes it she makes me feel like I am a terrible person. 😞 it doesn’t always feel good. I have anxiety and depression too. Also, chasing perfection really sucks, I work all time to organize but I also keep things I shouldn’t keep. So it’s a struggle. I’m also a very empathetic person. So who knows. I am not very flexible but I’m not so bad like she explains here. I do notice that when I am going through more issues, my anxiety goes up and I need to control the organization around me more. But I’m not controlling people, although it does come up in my mind, I don’t.
I wish she didn’t make us sound like villains.
I agree people like us are the work horses of any company. I see people around me as lazy or dumb
I felt the same way watching this. Although she explains the disorder very well, there is a negative quality to her description of people with OCPD and the way she believes people view them. Most of us are well-intentioned people who don't want to be this way and are struggling with this disorder. We want love and to be loved. This disorder didn't happen in a vacuum. It likely stems from a bad childhood where we were mistreated, controlled, or neglected, which wasn't discussed here. The patterns of OCPD are our (maladaptive) way of coping with our environments.
@@valentinakren8816 There are great workers at companies who don't have this disorder. It sounds like you have a lot of pride and look down on others.
To much of anything is an issue. Life is about balance
Balance is another controlling issue. There is no balance in reality. A good life is about flexibility.
@@SecretaryBirdable bulshit mate
moderation
Life is about balancing. Not achieving perfect balance.
@@SecretaryBirdable agree 100%. Being flexible means, being able to understand the other person's situation and being empathetic. That would make life lot easier.
I am always in awe of people who are very tidy and organized but notice that attachment can make them anxious just like us slobs suffer from our clutter.
I fill some of the criteria but I'm such a people pleaser and super empathetic I only direct these thought patterns at myself.
Jade Auburn Exactly the same here, you are probably Codependent.
are you never pleased with your husband’s decently washed dishes?
Jade Auburn That's what she gets wrong. She oversimplifies it and creates some kind of a strawman. Each person is a different case and there may be individuals who are very lovely and empathic who suffer from this!
@@Analysis_Paralysis One's own issues are never so difficult as we make them. What complicates things is actually playing everyone else's problematic noise in our heads. When drowning out the noise of others, you can hear your inner and true self much better and looking at yourself from the outside, it really IS that simple. This woman is a master! Admit it...and stop being so hard on yourself...which what you just did was projecting your own crap on this woman.
Same. I’m an introvert/empath. But for those truly close to me experiences my rigidness. If they don’t adhere I become distant. It’s kind of messed up but I take as intentional disrespect otherwise. It’s funny how my astrological sign, Taurus, fits the bill. My sis with BPD is a Gemini and we all know the stories when it comes to Gemini’s.
"I said 6. Dinner's done." lol
My mother! LOL! If we decided to sleep past 10:00 am on a Saturday (and that was the limit), "Breakfast is OVER, the kitchen is closed. You can start Lunch at noon." I raised my children the same way. :/
Spectacular Rich Beauty & Brilliance people will just look at you and think who the fck does this b&tch think she is?
@@Blue_Azure101 Yes, lol! But it makes sense to me... adhere to the expectations. When you get your OWN, run it the way that YOU want to run it. In the mean time and in-between time, these are my expectations... follow my lead. :/ . You don't have to like it but you should respect it.
This helped with dating too. As a teenager, If our dates were more than 15 minutes (too long) late. At just 7:30 p.m.: My mother turned off the porch light, didn't allow us to answer the phone, and when the guy arrived, SHE answered the door, "My daughter is in the bed, GOOD NIGHT." LOL! We were mad at herrrr, but I am glad she taught us to demand respect and to have high-expectations. We laugh about to this today! I LOVE MY Narc MOTHER
That part killed me LOL
malachi van haynes yes l get very anxious if people show up late eg 15 min, l wonder how they get to work on time 🌸
I love how she explains the topic. She is clear and wise. Very informative.
마나루마리안 And controlling. Might be a psychopath.
Love love love Dr Ramani!!! Such a great teacher - thank you!!
I grew up with my father with OCPD. Never diagnosed but finally I have a word to call it. I thought he was OCD but now learning about it the problem was much deeper and worse to the extent of personality disorder. Man he DESTROYED me. Hyper critical, SUPER ANAL about the stupidest things, super controlling, no mistakes allowed, only his way is the right way, would always have something to intrusively teach about HOW to do things(THE RIGHT WAY), how to put cutleries in the dishwasher, how much water we would use, how long the hot shower should be used(to the point of interrupting my shower to enforce the rule on how much hot water to consume), basically anything which wasn't "productive" was a waste of time, restless, always doing something running up and down the house fixing stuff, obsessive about keeping the humidity level in the rooms monitored and between 50% and 60%, a drop of water spills on the floor in the kitchen is a fucking national emergency, he'd be standing behind me while brushing teeth to switch off the water the moment it wasn't precisely used to rinse the toothbrush. When i was a teen he wouldn't even allow me to make TEA the FUCKIN WAY I LIKED IT and would interrupt me to teach me the "ultimate way to make tea so that you can enjoy it" disregarding the fact that what mattered to me was DOING IT MYSELF in MY WAY. And the list goes on I could write a bible on the number of ABSURD obsession of my father which made my life a living hell because there was NEVER NEVER NEVER peace and relaxation. To this day his house doesn't have a single spot meant for "relaxing" only. What a fucking nightmear. and when I was a kid and would try to rebel I'd be constantly gaslighted that it was "NORMAL" and "how things are supposed to be" even tho as a child I could tell that shit was off for how it made me feel. My father would hide behind him being an "environmentalist" or a "frugal person". Now I know he was fucking mad(with all due love and respect) and he suffocated me. I'm still working on healing the damage cause by the deadly cocktail of him and my covert narcisist mother. Man it was so fucked up. Rest in peace mom.
I'll never call myself a perfectionist again....I don't think I'm this bad at all
I'm open to to other people's ideas and theories even if I don't believe in it myself
Me too! 🤣 🤣 🤣
🤣 🤣 🤣 im worse
I am a perfectionist and I like things to be orderly and organized. I can't stand dirty, disorganized people and I make no apologies to anyone.
yeah, this gives an all together different view on perfectionism
"You never see a sloppy person and say YOU GO!" 😂😂😂😂
I have OCP and OCD. It's super weird and confusing. Really appreciate that they differentiated the both! Always love watching these two. Dr. Ramani ❤️
One clue that can help distinguish OCPD from OCD is identifying if it agrees with a person's sense of self, and who suffers most because of the disorder. OCPD is ego-syntonic and everyone else suffers the most; OCD is ego-dystonic and the person with the disorder typically suffers the most. It's a bit more complicated, but picking up on this distinction will probably point you in the direction of the right diagnosis. OCPD and OCD can also co-occur in the same individual, btw.
I love her so much and Kyle is absolutely incredible.
Love Dr R!!!!
I love her sooo much..She is sooooo charming!!!!!! ❤🌻🌹😘🎀 She is my role model🌹
She is awesome!
Same, she's the reason I subbed here ❤❤
Brilliant psychologist and simply wonderful woman.
The irony in your comment given Dr. Ramani's views about the word 'charming'
@@jesuschristthesecond lolol so true, to her charming=narcissistic 😂 but she is charming just in a nonmanipulative way. Her charm is genuine and welcoming.
Honestly, I would have to say I am a perfectionist. Whenever I do something I always do it perfect. I was just born this way.
She did a fantastic job describing the disorder. Dr. Ramani is awesome! :)
My boss is super mega controlling to the point of doing micro management. He fits all the patterns she has highlighted, a very rigid and difficult person as she pointed out. Very smart woman.
I do feel that I’m like this with having a clean schedule and look at my clean house and my fridge is labeled but I love it because it gives me a sense of calm. I really think this ties in with my adhd because I forget about responsibilities easily and it makes me stressed out when I’m not like this because a lot of the time when I don’t my adhd feels like it controls my life and I always have in the back of my head like I feel like I’m forgetting a responsibility but idk what it is
I have this too !! But it could also be that the cleaning is an unhealthy coping mechanism which we think is making us feel calm, but it’s not healthy. Just because we think of clean as good and responsible doesn’t mean it’s actually helping us. Not saying you’re doing this but I think sometimes I do that. I go into a hyper focus/ paralysis when I start cleaning or something and reckon it’s to avoid doing stressful tasks that should technically be priority over scrubbing the stove for hours.
You both are so valuable to this world. Love you both.
I had a close friend who committed suicide. She was exactly as you describe. Her mother died when she was six years old, and she had to grow up fast, helping to take care of her father. By our mid thirties, neither of us had married. She was a professor of literature at a college.
One day I was visiting her immaculate apartment. She had a shrine to her mother's memory. It held numerous items that had belonged to her mother. It had an eternally burning candle, too. I was looking at one of the items, holding it in my hand (maybe insensitive of me) when she came in from the other room, practically screaming for me to "PUT THAT DOWN AND DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING ON THAT TABLE!! EVER!!!" I apologized, of course.
There were many other things I noticed, too many to list. I wondered if our friendship would endure.
Many of her students left commentaries on her funeral page online, and I was surprised to learn that she had been reprimanded and threatened with being fired if she didn't develop a more reasonable mindset in her classroom. Most said they'd been bullied, insulted, cursed at, etc., for making a mistake in grammar on a test. They felt as though they were in training to be marines. It was only a college literature class.
Dr. Ramani breaks it all down in easy to understand ways which makes her an excellent teacher. I wanna be like her when I grow up 💗🤓 And Kyle always asks some thought provoking questions. Not to mention such a cutie! Great team!
I've often read and experienced hoarding as a symptom of OCPD
I just came from Kati Morton’s OCPD video which shed a lot of light on the subject and actually helped me realise that perhaps I do have OCPD as I very much identified with all the points she made; however, this video came across as incredibly biased and paints those with OCPD in such a negative light. I was so confused when Dr Durvasula started describing the negative relationships around those with ocpd. Perhaps the OCPD patients she has dealt with are like she says but personally I am very family orientated and have great interpersonal relationship. Although I, myself, have to “follow the rules” or do things a certain way and sure I would like others to do the same, I know that they won’t nor do I expect them to. This condition is mine, not theirs, and I would never subject others to feeling bad just because I like things a certain way. She’s painted those with ocpd as having narcissistic tendencies which again I find appalling.
Having studied psychology, I always thought those who are in that particular field viewed things in an objective way and that we should not be swayed by personal opinions but I guess that’s just human nature. It just goes to show that we should do a heck of a lot more research of our own instead of solely relying on one source. Though I hope the good doctor’s intention was not to portray OCPD sufferers as tyrants; to those reading this, please do not think that those with OCPD lack sympathy, empathy or kindness. They (we) are not heartless robots. (I’m an empath btw) Anyway! Have a lovely day!
[If anything I wrote seems weird I apologise, I re-read / re- wrote many times and now I’m just pressing ‘enter’ before I delete it all because I can’t stop obsessing over it 😂]
Yeah, as someone with OCPD who's been working on my symptoms/characteristics/behaviors for a while now I can say while much of this video was accurate, it was really hurtful. I'm NOT a narcissist! And I'll still feed you after six, but in my high OCPD younger days I would have been very upset with you about it. I might not even have said it out loud to you, but you'd know.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this perspective. I've felt this way about quite a few of their videos and I'm just sure if the education part is worth the negative stereotypes they're often feeding into.
The term OCPD is very new to me so I wouldn't know its accurate definition, but what is described here sounds a lot like a narcissist weaponizing their orderliness, as the one thing they're good at and makes them feel superior to others (so, basically, it sounds like it could be any other feature or skill, these ones just happen to be especially good at being tidy)... and boy are there a bunch of people like that. She did acknowledge that not everybody who's very orderly is the way she described, so maybe in her book, you guys would have a different diagnosis, or none?
I think the point is that unchecked OCPD is harmful to those around them. Meaning, if they do not seek treatment, they can be very rigid in ways that is damaging to their partners and children. This level of control interferes with relationships. That being said, I can see how it might be regarded as ableist, but I don't think it's biased to state that OCPD affects the people around them in negative ways. I think it's important that people with OCPD are not shamed, but that they do get an opportunity to understand that their disorder affects others negatively. Deadlines at work, children walking on eggshells and developing anxiety, a power imbalance in relationships, etc.
She's speaking from her experience, and stating that their control prevents them from seeking treatment, or surrendering to effective treatment.
It doesn't mean they are immoral or bad people. That being said, living with OCPD is hard for those who have it, those living with them, and to some degree even the people who are supposed to help them, like therapists. I think this precisely demonstrates how difficult it is.
I think you are what you are because you have the knowledge of psychology. when a person of OCPD didnt have the knowledge of who they really are they tend to think that they are the most right in all things and people cant have another opinion. I myself living with OCPD spouse. the first 3 years she didnt tolerate any lateness, though it is several seconds late..the wet clothes were not properly hang, because it will crumple when it is dry..and when it is dried..it is must taken out immediately and fold it.. I mean, yes, people see it as virtue, but doing it religiously and any defect ritual will be punished by hours of yells and long face...that is another thing.
This video makes me so sad. I have OCPD and videos like this paint us in a bad light. Most of this is ANECDOTAL. Meaning it's all in her personal experience with clients with parts of the OCPD disorder. I can personally say that the people I know with OCPD including me have VARYING levels of the symptoms of OCPD and none of us act the way she describes. That is an example of ONE KIND of OCPD. I wish I could have a phone or video interview with her to discuss this. I want everyone to know that people with OCPD are not monsters and are not unpleasant to be around. So far, the people I know, including myself, are happy, social beings. We are genuine and honest people. Some of us are antisocial, but some of us are incredibly extroverted! Like me! Videos like this make me never want to share that I have this disorder. This is why we don't see therapists!!!
Mariah_Papaya Right!? Your comment actually encouraged me to write my own. I was seriously contemplating if I even had OCPD because I couldn’t relate to the part about treating others negatively / not being able to have good relationships and only caring about having things done my way. So disheartening.
@@swilde3422 Thank you for making your own comment! I'm glad I could encourage that! Just know that if you feel you have OCPD that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Talk to someone about it. Family or therapist. Mine was hereditary, so my father helped me a lot. OCPD at least in my experience makes me a better person because I'm always self aware and self improving. I hope this helps and that you find out if you have it!
She does mention that not everyone who's orderly is necessarily dismissive or disdainful with other people, or has OCPD. I recognize I don't know the first thing about OCPD, so if you guys have been diagnosed, then I humbly retract. I'm just trying to understand what she said, and I noted she did acknowledge that NOT everybody who needs a lot of order in their life has the disorder she describes.
Thank you I appreciate this. I strongly suspect i have it (working to get therapy) only for me I don't try to disregard others, i'm just socially oblivious.
Well, someone’s offended.
She’s talking about the extreme cases, or the cases that needed professional help. You may have mild OCPD or some traits from it, but the people she’s describing are very real cases, very real people. She’s not painting anyone in a negative light, she’s just explaining it neutrally. Don’t dismiss these people and this therapist just because you have not experienced what they did.
She’s not talking about everyone, she’s not placing everyone in a box, she’s not talking about you. She’s just talking about the general idea of it.
I can recognize my mum here- (though she has a Lot of friends and is an extrovert). I did the Myers 16 personalities test with her and I was not surprised at all when the results said 'Commander' I was telling her about that type and she agreed with almost everything and she was exceeding proud leader energy, replying with absolute confidence "Yes! Absolutely! I am a dictator and I want to control things and I want things going my way" (of course in a relaxed way, we both found this test pretty fun) (she felt like I was complimenting her :D which I was, I'm just the opposite character). I'm still surprised she's not a leader at her workplace because she has that energy, but she has explained it with "I don't mind because I like my job, and I like doing things my way rather than giving others commands and they can't do anything like the way I need things to be done- in precise order"
Quite the contrast in constructs, I have run into this in family and work envionments.
Its music for my ears listening to beautifuly verbalised thoughts with an excelent melody. Her voice tone is hypnotising. :)
I regret very much there not being any insight in what causes this disorder. Now most people think it's just about 'rigid, annoying people who want control'. My friends know how inflexible I am and so forth, but I am a very sweet and loving person as well, most of all I am hardest on myself. I don't understand why they didn't discuss what is stems from, the anxiety, damage in childhood, there being a lack of stability --therefore the continuous feeling of unsafety and thus need for control, a sense of control. It's like wine when your love sick; its doesn't heal you, it makes the hurting for a short moment more bearable and with more and more it becomes destructive.
She is so smart. I wish I could have her as a psychologist, because my current doctor is semi-retiring.
I love how the dog just sits there and chills
So apparently you didn't hear nor learn much from this video.
I literally went to therapy for depression and anxiety. I came out with OCDP along the way.
Oh wow... this spoke a bit too close to me. I used to be similar to this- always wanting things to be ordered in a certain way, controlling, strict morals etc... but this also did coexist alongside OCD and intrusive thoughts, so perhaps for me, the two were closely linked, despite not being the same thing. Thankfully since going to therapy I'm a lot healthier now. I'm still orderly and have strong morals, but WAY less controlling. I now only become controlling when I'm very stressed out. I've boosted my self-esteem and confidence so I really don't care if everything isn't 'perfect'. 80% and getting the job done is good enough for me haha! Besides, you also get wayyy more done. It's honestly incredibly liberating.
I thought I had OCD until I stumbled upon this video. I would usually be called a perfectionist by my friends and would also get comments like "Not everything in life has to be perfect." Hm.. I might have to do more research in this, because I am suspected to have OCD.. I was diagnosed by a professional psychologist..but.. this definitely brings a new light to me.
Dr Ramani is amazing! Great interview!
This was really awesome 👏 info. I always fig I had a less severe form of OCD ( now I realize it OCPD ). I have lessened the severity of it though. 👏
I have OCPD and my psychiatrist was very kind explaining that we are all unique in this world and there are variations blended with others. For this person could see that she is very egocentrically to not feel for a person who has high IQ, most OCPD are and are also extra-sensorial and she lacks empathy.
We can have empathy to even hope and come closer for the other to grow with us into the heaven. For us perfection is what in Greek Myth represents Heaven a state of perfection. We are many times raised as a Golden Child from a narcissist mother who loves us, as part of her, and sometimes we are simply under her rules. So we have this rules, I thanks my mother for giving me all her love and giving me such a good education.
I'm a loving person who came to this world to show others how to be in harmony. If you are aware there is harmony. That is ego-sin-tonic. We are in harmony with others, something she placed in a rudely heart broken manner as if she knows everything, when is she is her self someone to pin as dangerous to trust on everything.
Take what you feel is and what's not. Everyone for diner at 6 and if you don't consider other's time you are welcome to eat dessert. So, is fine. Each one has its own rules, this is whom we are. And most of Genius and Successful people have OCPD, most of us do fulfil our tasks and think for the greater in the world, others and around us as part of the pattern.
For an extend It felt that this woman studied psychiatric to have licence to talk bad about others in a gossiping manner that is far away from reality and the beauty in all of us. Many us surrender to the occasions and give our selfs to others to make a better place with much tolerance and patience loving people for whom they are and what they can be.
I knew SO MANY teachers like this at school!
Wow Dr. Ramani I like to be organized it helps me to function a little easier and better in my life but I don't PROJECT myself on other people because everyone is different and I grew up military so lots of discipline. And it totaly works for me but unlike the lady that had dinner she didn't have to be so rude and kinda acted superior but that's a new one for me you are a wealth of knowledge. . Seriously good to learn something new
i feel like i have elements of every personality disorder lol.
Listening to Doc immediately brought Bree Van de Kamp to mind!
I've spent so many years in total on institutions that I can't stop having it clean and the things I have is in order..
As u said.. it's considered a skill many times rather negative to be a perfectionist...
I've also spent alot of time in boats and been skiing alot too.. A common thing with this places .. are that they usally are very low in amount of stores..
So before we went .. we had to make sure everything we needed was packed in any of our bags..
If u travel 3 times a year for 14 years including minimum 4 people... u sooner or later becomes good in logistics and sort of living by that rule..
-Everything has it own place-
My behavior are exactly the same but for other reasons.. as I just mentioned^^
She has a fun way of explaining things
As a person with OCPD, just know some of us aren’t that rude. As much as I hate people being late and such I’m never going to be like that to someone. I take a deep breath and I walk away if I’m really mad. Some people just need therapy to improve upon themselves so they are not assholes.
I’m definitely married to someone with OCPD. But thankfully, I have some OCPD traits myself, not to his extent but I can have understanding and compassion for it. I think it’s because there is something painful inside due to the desperate level to control
How the need for control is expressed? Is he controlling towards you as well?
Absolutely Awesome Episode
Love her so clear
I see Dr. Ramani, I click the video.
I relate to the time management-rigidness very much. I remember a specific story when I was like 8, my mom raised me by herself but she was very very depressed, she basically never worked, cooked, cleaned, or left her bed, and after a while of none of my teachers meeting a parent or a guardian for me, my teacher sent me home with a note that either my parent/guardian would show up to a PTA appointment or she would have to get CPS involved. So I gave her the note, we had a 9am apt with a teacher of mine, and she said she would go, but at like 8:50am I still could not drag her out of bed and force her to wake up, I remember actually physically dragging her and crying and just being like mom, please, they're gonna take me away if you dont get up. Ever since I was a kid, I've been obssesivelly showing up to places hours and hours ahead of time, waking up for school at like 4am because I was horrified of being late, and even now, in my twenties, that is how I treat all my obligations. Someone being even five minutes late will literally bring me to tears. I cannot mentally handle it. Even if it's like my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and have a good time with friends, if they're late, I will end up sobbing and breaking down. It's kind of ruining my life to be honest, just doing everything so specifically and so much ahead of time than I need to, I literally have no time for myself anymore.
You are heard! I think we develop this because of how are childhood was. My mom was a stay at home mom with no high school diploma or jobs. Then both parents had bad drug addiction. I lived in a rural area and had no options. I’m still dealing with healing and trying to be successful.
My eyes watered while reading your words I so feel you, may you find peace
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please try seeking professional help. From what you wrote you had a hard childhood , and you deserve healing and enjoying life ♥️
Omg. I’m sorry you went through that. I felt agony reading it. I felt desperate to help. I hope your mom was able to get up and attend the meeting.
But anyway, just know that you’re not the only one. So many of us have traumas. So next time you cry because someone is late, remember me, and know I’m rooting for you while I’m also dealing with my issues. I have ocpd.
Yes it takes md over 2 hours to get ready for work in the morning and 2 hours to get ready for bed 🥹
You just described my brother. Inflexible.
this makes so much sense to me now I knew I had this
I actually have this. It was a hard thing to find out that I really couldn't have help other than therapy because it is a personality disorder. I'm trying to learn how to deal with others as well as myself. I achieve my lists though. I mostly got them accomplished because I work on the list and refine it according to importance. I have learned to make manageable list. I'm watching this as I type and trying not to feel attacked and not even remotely perfect enough.
Hey @Kinky Kitty, good for you for working on yourself, not just for you but for others. Not trying to feel personally attacked as well - well done indeed. This internet stranger is proud of you :-D
❤️❤️❤️🙏🏼
People who teach others perfectionism are the least perfect...Perfection is an illusion.
@@EWAMILENAP yeah but a perfectionist has their very own view of perfection. No two perfectionists have the same view of perfection.
@@kinkykitty77 Brought up by a narcissistic father I used to be a perfectionist too. It resulted in constant self criticism and selfloathing as an adult. My psychotherapist helped me immensely. I learnt to embrace imperfections and found self acceptance and selflove. All best and thank you for your kind reply!Sending you bunches of tulips and roses from London🌿🌷🌷🌷🌿🌹🌹🌹🌿 Namaste! (It means: The divine in me sees the divine in you!)
Self righteousness is a sin to humanity. People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
Standard 💯🎯
A big issue I have with personality disorders is that everything is so fuzzy. When she said OCD people have anxiety and feel like it's effecting others, but OCPD are more ego-cintonic (sp?) ... Well, it sounds like an OCPD person could just be a more accepting/secure in who they are. I've taken some ownership of who I am. I've also learned to be flexible, but there is some rigidity out of necessity. Like you can't be late to meetings by 5 minutes all the time. It sounds like someone may or may not be OCPD depending on their social circle or they might start to seem OCPD because they want to start getting in order. Where do you draw the line from a non-disordered person and a person who is OCPD who was self-aware enough to allow flexibility for social reasons?
being self aware doesn't make someone more flexible, also, being flexible is highly subjective. if you were in a social environment where everyone was deciding on what to eat and you wanted to mention a certain type of food and you felt that it's not reasonable that they ask on what to eat but then it always goes their way, despite you asking them nicely about it for the 100th time, would you say that they are the inflexible ones or you? would you then proceed to assume that someone who pigeonholes you and expects you to conform to their viewpoint and not doing so would then make you inflexible? if there was a single way i could get the "lay" or "typical" people population to understand personality disorders, it would probably be first from the youtube video of personality disorders by andrew, "Understanding Personality Disorders Part 1 with Dr Nachum Andrew Klafter, MD". the point is, which is relevant to your question of seperating a non-disordered person and someone who isn't, particularly in someone with OCPD, is to see how they function outside the black and white and literal traits that one possesses, which often times are actually misinterpreted by the lay population. one way to tell if someone has a personality disorder is assessing how they speak about their issues. if you hear them say something like, i'm self aware now, and i use to take things seriously and overract to people or i use to be shy, and i'm working on myself more now, then you know that they DON'T and never had a personality disorder, because that's not what a personality disorder is. a personality disorder is simply someone who is inferior relative to their environment / society, or in many cases, inferior entirely, regardless of environment or circumstances, and their personality is in such a way that causes significant personal distress and harm in a variety of domains. i didn't want to include all the little details, that's why i listed that video so people could look at that.
I try to have good morals but I don’t speak out when I don’t agree with someone I just cut them off completely. Telling them why leads to go back and forth.
This maybe my mother?
Everytime i clean her dish she washes it second time and lets me know how much i suck at washing dishes.
Everytime as a child i used to clean my home and when she comes home she cleans everything i cleaned second time and she lets me know how much i suck at cleaning general.
She is the most inefficient person on earth i know but at the same time everyone not close to her admires her efficiency. She has plenty of money but she fucking hates cleaning services.
She is also super conservative about everything.
She is also lover of death penalty everytime she watches corrupt politicians she wants death.
She hates vacations because she hates new experiences.
Dr. King Schultz the parts about cleaning sound EXACTLY like my Dad!
My mother has OCPD and she has no friends and could not keep a job for very long and none of her children or grandchildren, greatgrandchildren ever go see her. It is miserable to be around her for any length of time, but she also has sadistic narcissistic qualities as well and no one likes her abusive demands or demeanor.
I've experienced shit jobs where Sociopathy and High levels of Narcissism can create that along with a close and emotionally negligent parent/caregiver in one's childhood can cause that. Childhood neglect has fucked up a lot of people who fuck up a lot of people! In America, you have Edmund "Jerry" Brown and Ronald Reagan to thank for the pervasiveness of this because they shut down the state run mental institutions nation wide! Crazy keeps breeding crazy! Now society is in the biggest mess ever since the first insane asylum closed in the early 80's!
My dad has it too. It’s rough.
just like my mother in law..
Klicked immediately the second I saw a new video with Dr Ramani
who is that majestic pupper!? ps these videos are so interesting and helpful!!
That's Callie! :)
I can relate so much to this however being an empath I won’t necessarily express my frustration or I’ll do it in a joking manner because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m actually very serious. Ugh it’s kind of exhausting. 😩
Even though I know I have BPD, since I'm too young to get diagnosed, I feel as a person who knows or at least think she knows what she has. I feel like it's harder to control or try to change yourself, and personally I end up putting on a mask per say, because I feel like if I don't they might think that I'm annoying or that I'm a moody teenager, which leads me to fear abandonement.
i would love to see a video about how every disorders deal with this ego syntonic thing. i read on google that BPD is ego syntonic. this matches with the idea of them feeling much better than their disorder is clarified, defined. but still. im curious.
i'm not sure what exactly your trying to say on the ego part. can you clarify on what you mean by the person feeling much better than their disorder is clarified, defined? i think you may be portraying the whole ego syntonic aspect in an inaccurate way, ( i don't blame you ), because it was created by the typical / lay population with it's shallow / ignorant definition. i have a personality disorder myself and also severe depression. i do feel feel that i'm a better person than the majority of people out there because of the amount of struggles i go through / difficult life / hardships / low quality of life /,etc, but that's not because i feel superior to them in a functional manner, because being superior would mean you are someone who can manage yourself well and / or live a good quality life and function well overall and not get easily impacted in life / distressed / felt / feel insecure, which i am the opposite of course. and so as a fact, i'm very inferior and know i am and i do not need anyone to validate this or try to tell me my thinking is wrong as ironically, these folks are the superior ones themselves that would disagree with me on these points. of course, environment, circumstances, and other things play a huge factor. this is why it's senseless to give specific labels or words, because often what is trying to be understood can't be understood without factoring in other things and giving more clarification and reasoning as i gave you.
Ok so I’m the opposite of perfectionist and just let everything go to sh$t. I get overwhelmed... what is that called? Depression or adhd? I need help
shocklett that’s ocpd
See a therapist... dont ask dr " youtube"
crystalidx Nonsense.
An interesting point someone made below is how prevalent mental disorders are these days.
It’s remarkably true and likely a combination of an extreme navel gazing focus on the self in Western culture, so we both find (and grow) mental disorders, and the level of wealth and comfort that allows us to be focused so high up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, rather than focusing on physiological and safety needs and not necessarily having the bandwidth to focus on self actualization as much.
You should touch more on the "why people are the way they are" angle I think. I feel it would help our understanding a great deal to consider that, someone with this level of rigidity feeling such a deep need to control things and keep everything orderly, probably at one time in their life felt deeply OUT of control. Seems to me that behaviour of this nature is an adaptation of sorts to feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unable to manage easily things that are simple tasks for others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I suffer from this sort of perfectionism, certainly feel the need to have all mu ducks in a row, everything orderly. And for me personally, I do this because I don't feel I have a great deal of control in my life. It helps me feel like things are more manageable. In the house where I live with my family, our chaotic and unorganized kitchen is a constant source of stress for me. It makes something so simple as cooking a meal feel like an overwhelming and daunting task.
very good point
Thank you for this I have ocpd and anxiety. I’ve gone to therapy and that helped alot
Me too.
How can you find a good therapist to help with this?
Me too.
I very much control my environment. Every night before I go to bed I straighten my room and the house up
This has glaring dominance in my gene pool
people classify me as OCD but I've never accepted it....I knew I was a perfectionist but not to the point of OCD
I feel like people should learn the difference between a perfectionist and someone with OCD :)
Yep. OCPD is different. It's a personality disorder. It can be a learned behavior as opposed to a glitch in the hard wiring we are born with.
Most annoying people are the ones that are unaware oft their adult ADHD bundled with a bit of narcissism. Thinking that being totally unreliable, being always too late, busting all private meetings with something they “forgot”, not sticking to any kind of norms or mutual respectful behaviour is “normal”. They accuse other people of being “OCPD” when being told that they have a pattern there in order to deflect their totally incoherent and chaotic personality style. Energy draining, passive aggressive sympathy seekers.
@@katana5562 Yep ,I Know What You Mean
I have a manager who i believe has OCPD/Narcissism. They appeared to be a micromanager at first, but there were no amounts of hard work and communication that could gain their trust or my autonomy. Control comes first for them, and they negatively reinforce any perceived threat to that control. I had a roster of happy clients I built up over 15 years, and the OCPD manager invited himself to very meeting I had on my calendar, and within two years had set up his own meetings with those clients and removed me from those relationships. The clients asked to meet with me in secret to work on their projects, which wasn't really feasible, and made him incredibly upset any time anyone tried to give him feedback on the matter. I went from delivering four projects a month, to immediately being criticized for being too slow, to now him delegating about two projects a year to me that are entry level work and drawn out with granular, foggy complexity. It is chaotically slow and never what the client asked for. I used to perform client intake of my own projects and complete them no longer than 3 months after intake, and now I am the last to be added to a project and it is often a complete year after client intake. When I start asking basic project management questions he gets upset, and my workflow becomes more like being a private detective of project forensics. People that were involved in the project several months ago are often confused, and I am eventually forwarded client email threads where the client is obviously begging the manager to work on the project. He is the type of manager that takes a team of people and slows them down to do the work of one person. And he can not see it at all. Both staff and clients have left, his boss was fired, and now we are being reorganized by the C-suite. He is about three years from retirement and in his last 5 years has ground the productivity to a halt.
For years in my life and work (I'm a musician) I was critical, censorious, cynical and a mocker to my colleagues. I wanted to control every little detail and wouldn't trust any other team member about making a decision for the team. I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought my behavior would help others become better at what they do. I felt like I had the duty to behave like this for other people's good! I even tried to tell people how they are supposed to feel in some cases and tried to make them feel so!
I gained a reputation of a musician that is difficult to work with. I lost job opportunities because of that. I even lost some friends and relationships.
It wasn't until I had a mental breakdown and had to take mental care when I realized I had OCPD. I firstly was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and then with OCPD. I am now trying to calm down, not to focus in details, trust other people's ability and give them space.
MDD is my biggest problem and I guess it won't go away if I don't deal with OCPD first.
This sounds like Billy Corgan. I think a lot of very successful artists struggle with this. Their perfectionism makes them incredible creators, but it's a double-edged sword.
She is magnetic, Perfect explanations on every topic. God bless! :')
Monica Geller from Friends Show has OPCD 😂😂
OCPD + Fear of the neighbor, and throw in a little shouting, yelling and "histrinoc weeping". Oh yeah, you get a real mix...
When she said life is messy and most of us are sloppy... my anxiety KIIIICKED in real quick
I swear everything is a disorder lately /I don't know a person that does not have any :D
Haha fair call. It’s like who the fuck is healthy anymore
Lmao I thought about this too
Very true. Likely a combination of an extreme navel gazing focus on the self in Western culture, so you both find (and grow) mental disorders, and the level of wealth and comfort that allows us to be focused so high up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, rather than focus on physiological and safety needs and not necessarily having the bandwidth to focus on self actualization as much.
My aunt is one. When we got into an argument she told me once how my house was dirty. She had only been to my home on the day I moved. It will always be a mess on the day I'm moving. But it was nice to know how she really felt.
“Most of us don’t know what to do with it”. I’m not disordered to my understanding but had a father who joked “I’m oc, not ocd” growing up that was also a narcisist.
I became an accurate scientific processs over beliefs - tech spot on Know it all who became like an “expert bulldozer” I’ve realized time and time again I’ve been right and if not right shooting in the right direction enough to iterate my self there.
Though I remember dating a girl and I did my best to try and be good to her given how I was at the time. I wanted to be good in her eyes etc. I was willing to listen to things, but not willing to budge when it came to makeing decisions in a certain way. I felt kinda embarrassed and conflicted when I asked her about something after we broke up, like she made it seem like I didn’t care about her or what she felt. And honestly I did. In my eyes, I cared enough to make sure we were not doing emotional mistakes.
But I felt like a deer in the head lights not knowing what I should have done when she acted like I didn’t care but at the same time I knew that I couldn’t allow us to make the decision in a Non-accurate and logical way.
It’s like I didn’t know how to really let go, for fear that we would be headed down a path that unconsciously represented all the pain I grew up with.
I wish he had asked her what actually causes OCPD (innate of learned behavior?).
Holy cow! That was my ex-girlfriend to a T. She always said she has OCD but she never had any remorse regarding her condition and was always very clear in her my "way or highway" attitude. Her mother was the exact opposite being an extreme hoarder whose house was a mess. Hmm
Throughly enjoy Dr. Ramani's appearances. Her explanations are always concise.
I was diagnosed with OCD after one session about a year ago and since then I’ve felt like that conclusion was a bit off. I am incredibly strict about how things need to be or need to be done and it makes me incredibly distressed and angry when something interferes with that. I tend to hold grudges when other people interfere, and these feelings themselves are very stressful because I understand it’s an irrational behaviour from me. I spend a lot of energy on perfectionism but usually once I complete a task the anxiety goes away, and to my understanding this isn’t so common in OCD. I don’t really have any beliefs that “doing X task will prevent X unrelated thing from happening”, it’s just that if I don’t control something I feel a lot of distress, and I also tend to be rigid with my beliefs and incapable of compromise. I do have a huge issue with obsessive and intrusive thoughts though, and I’m not entirely sure how that is different in both OCD and OCPD.
Despite all of this I have a huge amount of shame in my rigidity. I think it’s unhelpful and inefficient but I just can’t stop. It damages my relationships and I see that, but often I just don’t understand how to fix myself. Luckily I am seeing multiple therapists currently who can hopefully help this messy brain (perhaps the one thing that I can’t organise).
Perhaps OCD is right, but my overexertion on perfectionism as apposer to ritualistic behaviour, AND the presence of predominant emotions like anger in response to disorder.
People with autism also deal with rigidity and inflexibility, it'd be interesting to know where those two diagnoses are differentiated
Got one on religious OCD ?
Your analogy about the plastic-covered furniture but no grand children was SO easy to see. Yes, we make things important that shouldn’t be. Thanks to you both.
Thank you for this video and topic ❤😊
Thank you very much.
I learn soooo much from her I love when she explains she's fantastic.
I almost thought i had OCPD and some form of OCD but this cleared things up for me. I wonder why I relate to 1 or 2 traits of both disorders..
How could I have sessions with her anyone know??
I am fine with people showing up at 6:30. I am not fine with no show no call and 2 weeks later you get a passive aggressive text why you don't talk to them anymore.
OK my husband has OCPD but he is VERY nice. He's rigid, but wants to learn to not be after he's realized how much it can hurt others around him. She made it sound like everyone with OCPD is mean
I have OCPD along with BPD and, without sounding too OCPD lol, I don't agree with the way they have portrayed sufferers of OCPD here. I love their work and videos but they make people with OCPD sound quite monstrous. I would say one of the main reasons that a lot of OCPD people are so rigid is because they need to feel safe in their surroundings. I think anxiety plays a huge part in the reason why they need things to be just so. People with OCPD are not intentionally hurting those around them or do not disregard the needs of loved ones lightly they just have a misguided sense of self preservation. In this video they do not talk about the internal struggle that someone with OCPD can experience and focus on the suffering of the people around them which is sad.
Yes, I knew one. The perfect 1950s parent, worked & had the perfect home. Perfect food and perfect beige home....no mess, washed the closets...but at least not all the sofas were plastic. Frig items labeled lol. yes. so funny....if it wasn't so sad. Clean cars....yeah. But....not so moral or religious.
I came to this video as a diagnosed self perfectionist. It's worth having some compassion for the perfectionist because it can be a terrible affliction. Perfectionism has ruined my life and lead me to a near complete break down. This is not me expecting other people to be perfect but self perfectionism. It can be a debilitating affliction. I've been in therapy for years and on medication sometimes just to get through the week.
I was a perfectionist about getting a grade