'Hmmm i wonder if i should take my personal belongings with me when I get off this train. If only there was an announcement that could help me....' LOL andy parsons. Love his sarcasm so much :D
"We are now going past Sheffield, and can all passengers in 1st class please pull back their window blinds, and take a look at the real world." Gets me every time. XD
"Hello, this is the train speaking. I know we're running a bit late, but don't worry. I know a shortcut." The best 20 words ever spoken on Mock the Week!
Now that Frankie has gone, Andy Parsons is suddenly a hell of a lot funnier. He's really come into his own. Everything he says in Scenes We'd Like To See is hilarious.
"Please do not be afraid of the locomotive, I know they have giant faces on them and are sentient, but they are our slaves and if they don't do as they're told they get scrapped"
As a resident in the West Midlands, I can confirm that Kevin Bridge's 'joke'? about JD Sports and Wolverhampton is 100% accurate and correct to it's form.
i really love it when a comedian continues another's line xDDDD "Would the driver please contact the guard? We have no idea where you are." "This is the driver... contacting the guard. Where am I?!"
"Will the driver please contact the guard?" I have actually heard this one - train was delayed because they couldn't find the driver. They eventually gave up on finding the one who was supposed to be driving it, and it was only able to leave when a different driver was found. I'm guessing the second one was a bit annoyed to be dragged away from his tea break, and whenever they did eventually find the first he probably got fired.
I was on the train the other day, and the announcement said "This train is now arriving at London Waterloo. Contrary to popular practice, this train is on time. Sing and dance on your way to work."
"Attention passengers, there is a train unloading passengers at the next stop. I'm not actually slowing the train down, I just thought you'd like a heads up before impact." ~ Every Boston Green Line operator in the past two years.
"There is no need to panic, but due to technical difficulties involving the time-space continuum, we will be late to arrive at Nottingham for an undisclosed period of time. In the meantime, please enjoy your stay in Canterlot."
"Uh... any one know how to control this thing? The ad I answered wasnt clear and I was under the impression of a different meaning for pulling a train."
'Hello...this is the train speaking...I know we're running a bit late, but don't worry...I know a shortcut...' Absolutely pissed myself with laughter, luv Milton Jones!! :)
Many years ago I was on a train and a group of Americans were laughing at the name "Hemel Hempstead", as it's got the word, "hemp" in it. Some people are easily amused.
@@Kevin-mx1vi Mind you, this is the same country that came up with that appalling song, "Americans, That's Who" by the Gatling Bros (I haven't checked the spelling of their surname, so it could be wrong).
could the passenger causing a disturbance in the quiet coach please settle down and stop shouting about your heart medicine lmao!! i couldnt stop laughing at that one
Here's one that that might work for this one; "We apologise for the astronomical delay to this service; this was caused by poor scripting on the part of HiT Entertainment."
Hot food is available because the buffet car is on fire which of course would happen if this was a top gear challenge trying to make a train made with caravans driven by james may
''Before we go through the Channel Tunnel we'll be switching off all the lights in each carriage so you can do whatever you want like giving a passenger a bloody good hiding for giving you a dirty look, scream how scared of the dark you are or even run up and down each carriage stark naked''
"We have now arrived into Birmingham new street, we are pleased to inform any passengers wishing to change for Wolverhampton that there's a JD's sports opposite the station" haha it's soo true and im from round that area too haha :'D
'Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies for the delay. We are just waiting for Skimbleshanks to give us a flash of his glass-green eyes, and then we'll have our all-clear signal to depart'.
This is a service announcement. Anyone wishing to travel past Fenchurch Street is advised to get off the train, as I am about to go on strike for the 6th time on this journey.
*_Mock the Week_* (S9, Ep09; September 23, 2010) Team 1: Andy Parsons (captain 1), Kevin Bridges, Patrick Kielty Team 2: Russell Kane, Hugh Denis (captain 2), Milton Jones
That one reminded me of the Top Gear episode in which the presenters made a train out of a car and a few caravans. Anyone familiar with Top Gear should have no trouble seeing/guessing the connection.
Surprised Milton didn't come out first and say something along the lines of "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. welcome to flight number..." etc.
'Hmmm i wonder if i should take my personal belongings with me when I get off this train. If only there was an announcement that could help me....' LOL andy parsons. Love his sarcasm so much :D
Kevin Bridges absolutely nailed this...
Milton's "hello, this is the train speaking" made me laugh so much! :L
Made me laugh a lot too
"Don't worry, I know a short-cut." BWA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! That was so good!
"We are now going past Sheffield, and can all passengers in 1st class please pull back their window blinds, and take a look at the real world."
Gets me every time. XD
"Hello, this is the train speaking. I know we're running a bit late, but don't worry. I know a shortcut." The best 20 words ever spoken on Mock the Week!
Thomas, doing his first run on the branch line:
"hello.. this is the train speaking.." bahahaha!! I'm always going to this of that when I get on a train now!! AWESOME!!
"If anybody knows how to drive a train, will you please make your way to the front."
Thanks for driving the train, now could you make your way to the back. I need to get home before my wife finds my search history.
"Could the passenger causing a disturbance In the quiet coach please settle down and stop shouting about your heart medicine"
"Would the driver please contact the guard........we have no idea where you are"
Love it! :')
"Uh, due to faults, this train will only stop at the sound of a buzzer."
(buzzer)
The Scotish guy killed it! 😂😂😂
"The train will be arriving in Paris in just five minutes. We apologize for the redirection to those heading to Glasgow"
"Due to staff shortages I am unable to finish this announ." LEGENDARY.
Now that Frankie has gone, Andy Parsons is suddenly a hell of a lot funnier. He's really come into his own. Everything he says in Scenes We'd Like To See is hilarious.
He's the new guardian of the racist door
Extremely unlikely things to hear on a train:
"This train will be arriving on time."
What about this train is arriving early
"Please do not be afraid of the locomotive, I know they have giant faces on them and are sentient, but they are our slaves and if they don't do as they're told they get scrapped"
Dr Moriarty I really like how you talk, reminds me of a super villain.😂😂
@Dr Moriarty technically it can be both, sapient is just more specific
@Dr Moriarty what I mean is that the joke of the original comment does still work with the word sentient as trains aren't sentient either
@Dr Moriarty Thank you, just don't vaporise me. ;)
@Dr Moriarty (gulps).
i was expecting a Thomas the tank engine joke oh well
miltons last joke was along those lines.
+Rocka Craig Loving the pun there, sir.
Luke Rogers I thank you.
“This Southern Rail service will be arriving ahead of schedule.”
"Next stop, Picadilly Circus... you clown!"
I'm surprised someone actually liked this!
'The train now arriving on platform 8......is on time.'
"Will the driver please contact the guard.
We have no idea where you are."
"This is Derek, my daddy is a train driver and i'm helping him today.. oh what does that button do daddy"
As a resident in the West Midlands, I can confirm that Kevin Bridge's 'joke'? about JD Sports and Wolverhampton is 100% accurate and correct to it's form.
I have never understood the joke. What does it mean?
@@victororia2250 Wolverhampton is generally viewed as a chav city in the whole of West Midlands, where people there typically wear tracksuit bottoms.
i really love it when a comedian continues another's line xDDDD
"Would the driver please contact the guard? We have no idea where you are." "This is the driver... contacting the guard. Where am I?!"
"Now entering bullet train. No guns allowed."
The timing of all the Comedians on Mock The Week is immaculate.
Hugh Dennis's timing is perfect :D
"Will the driver please contact the guard?"
I have actually heard this one - train was delayed because they couldn't find the driver. They eventually gave up on finding the one who was supposed to be driving it, and it was only able to leave when a different driver was found. I'm guessing the second one was a bit annoyed to be dragged away from his tea break, and whenever they did eventually find the first he probably got fired.
Whoa… I can’t imagine how annoying that must’ve been…
Milton only got one joke in this time.
But he made it a good one.
I was on the train the other day, and the announcement said "This train is now arriving at London Waterloo. Contrary to popular practice, this train is on time. Sing and dance on your way to work."
my favorite bits is when they do a follow up joke to each other
Hot food is now available
As the buffet car is on fire 🤣
This episode was hilarious 🤣
😍Loved it!
By the time I heard the train talking about a shortcut, I was dying of laugher. I so miss this show.
would the owner of a ford mustang please move or we will die
You’d be surprised how far a train can push a car with minimal damage to itself.
"Attention passengers, there is a train unloading passengers at the next stop. I'm not actually slowing the train down, I just thought you'd like a heads up before impact." ~ Every Boston Green Line operator in the past two years.
"If you didn't want to get there on time, you should have taken the bus"
The Scottish guy is the best here! All his lines were brilliant
“We would like to inform those travelling on the 18:26 Northern Service to Leeds, this will be departing on time.”
The hot food joke gets me everytime
One of the best 'unlikely things' ever. Every comedian has got a list of public transport jokes as long as their arm.
"There is no need to panic, but due to technical difficulties involving the time-space continuum, we will be late to arrive at Nottingham for an undisclosed period of time. In the meantime, please enjoy your stay in Canterlot."
0:23 I think that word should go to bleep after Andy says the word he said
"We're happy to inform the passengers that we'll be arriving to the destination in time!"
'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking ... '
''if youre children suffer from a fear of the dark we are about to enter a 3 mile tunnel ha ha ha''
"today is oposite day.
please stay away from the gap"
my entry 'hello passengers, the train has arrived on time, thank you for riding with us'
This is the best part of the show and also the the funniest one I've seen so far
i like it when they link jokes together
"Uh... any one know how to control this thing? The ad I answered wasnt clear and I was under the impression of a different meaning for pulling a train."
''This train is expected to arrive on time you don't hear that every day do you?''
'Hello...this is the train speaking...I know we're running a bit late, but don't worry...I know a shortcut...'
Absolutely pissed myself with laughter, luv Milton Jones!! :)
"We are now entering Glasgow. What the fuck were you thinking?"
Many years ago I was on a train and a group of Americans were laughing at the name "Hemel Hempstead", as it's got the word, "hemp" in it.
Some people are easily amused.
Yeah, they're called "Americans". The same people who thought that Donald Trump was a good idea.
@@Kevin-mx1vi To be fair, not all of them did.
@@Kevin-mx1vi Mind you, this is the same country that came up with that appalling song, "Americans, That's Who" by the Gatling Bros (I haven't checked the spelling of their surname, so it could be wrong).
Unlikely to hear on a train:
'We are running ahead of schedule'
This is the South West Trains service to anywhere, we are running on time today
“The next stop will be hammer time”.
could the passenger causing a disturbance in the quiet coach please settle down and stop shouting about your heart medicine
lmao!! i couldnt stop laughing at that one
Here's one that that might work for this one; "We apologise for the astronomical delay to this service; this was caused by poor scripting on the part of HiT Entertainment."
Coffee is now being served in the Buffet Car. £5.00 a slice.
This is the train speaking...
Hot food is available because the buffet car is on fire which of course would happen if this was a top gear challenge trying to make a train made with caravans driven by james may
Having just ridden Amtrak across the USA I can so relate. Thanks
Love Andy's little jump at the end!
the moment when Milton Jones walks to the mic and you know something amazing is going to be said.
For the record, he only had one joke this time.
''Before we go through the Channel Tunnel we'll be switching off all the lights in each carriage so you can do whatever you want like giving a passenger a bloody good hiding for giving you a dirty look, scream how scared of the dark you are or even run up and down each carriage stark naked''
"Unlikely things to see in a UA-cam comment section"
*THIS ONE*
Unlikely Things to Hear on a Train: Today were selling tickets at a reasonable price!
awesome !! i love that word
"We have now arrived into Birmingham new street, we are pleased to inform any passengers wishing to change for Wolverhampton that there's a JD's sports opposite the station"
haha it's soo true and im from round that area too haha :'D
Unlikely things to hear on a train.... Silence!;)
This is the best Scenes We'd Like To See they ever did.
"hello this is the train speaking... sorry we're running a bit late, but i know a shortcut" HAHAHAHAHHAHA LLLLLLLUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZ
This is your captain speaking, we will be arriving at Gatwick in approximately 15 minutes, thank you for flying Virgin Atlantic.
'Ladies and gentlemen, my apologies for the delay. We are just waiting for Skimbleshanks to give us a flash of his glass-green eyes, and then we'll have our all-clear signal to depart'.
Would the driver contact the guard. LMAO
This train is on time
Nice little jab at Sheffield. And as a Sheffielder, I 110% agree. It isn't the worst here but locals nickname it "Shitty Sheffield" for a reason.
Milton is so awesome.
The awkward moment which is now so common it hardly seems annoying any more and we can look back and laugh in a few years
'now serving hot food as the buffet car is on fire' this did happen...when top gear made a train xD
"We are glad to inform you that the train heading for Birmingham on platform 4 is actually on time"
This is a service announcement. Anyone wishing to travel past Fenchurch Street is advised to get off the train, as I am about to go on strike for the 6th time on this journey.
Thanks buddy
"If you're not a virgin would you please get off at Hemel Hempstead."
O_O!!!!!! LOL
*_Mock the Week_* (S9, Ep09; September 23, 2010)
Team 1: Andy Parsons (captain 1), Kevin Bridges, Patrick Kielty
Team 2: Russell Kane, Hugh Denis (captain 2), Milton Jones
The train has been cancelled. This is due to someone hijacking it so they can push their delorean up to 88 MPH.
great line up
This train has been cancelled but we are not surprised because it’s Northern Rail
my favourite, I'm sorry I can't give you a reason for the delay as the bloody signaller won't answer the phone.
Am from Hemel Hempstead, can confirm nobody here is a virgin.
@bluesteelsaxophone that one's already been done. Hugh Dennis said 'We are leaving Croydon- thank God!'
That one reminded me of the Top Gear episode in which the presenters made a train out of a car and a few caravans. Anyone familiar with Top Gear should have no trouble seeing/guessing the connection.
James that’s my job
Surprised Milton didn't come out first and say something along the lines of "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. welcome to flight number..." etc.
The top commends are a hell of a lot better then people quoting the video and ruining it for everyone else!
I was once on a train when a conductor got himself locked in the bathroom and had to use the PA system to call the guard to get him out.
"Welcome onboard this Southern Rail service. We are running to a full, on time schedule."
I seldom have a problem with Southern - 9 times out of 10, it runs bang on time 😂
Milton is the KING!