I'm halfway around the world from where you are, no idea why UA-cam recommended this to me, but thanks for keeping me company for the last 24 minutes as I ate dinner. I gotta say, you articulate your thoughts in this matter very well and it's clear that you've done a lot of reflection and you seem really mature for just a 20-year-old. It's definitely difficult to move on from something like this, but just remember that it's normal to mourn a dead relationship, and it's also normal to have loads of different, mixed feelings about the time you spent together. Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from the TV show Bojack Horseman: "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags". Just make sure you don't unblock him or go back to him ever again. It sucks to end it after two years of off and on, but it'd suck even more to end it after three (or more)! I know it's cliche but there are plenty and plenty of fish in the sea. You have your whole life ahead of you to find a guy, and tbh don't even try to focus on finding one. Just live your life and sooner or later it'll happen when it's meant to happen . Know your worth (obviously it'd be superficial for me to say that you're funny and interesting because I don't know you, but let me say you are pretty and most of all you seem really mature, and that's something to be proud of). I hope this comment helps even just a tiny bit to boost your confidence. Chin up, and keep looking forward! (Oh, and big shout out to Keira! She's such a legend for getting you to make this video!)
Yes kierra is the best!! Thank you for your comment it actually means a lot even though you guys are random people on the internet. Im definitely going through the grieving process but things are getting better!
dunno why youtube decided to recommend me this vid, i'm just a random person on the internet, but i watched it. dunno if this helps at all but i've been on both sides of this sort of relationship in the past and it took way longer for me to get over it (both times), although maybe that's just me. what i wanted to say is that your feelibgs are 100% valid and the way you see things for what they are is crystal clear. i'm quite sure this will be an experience that helps you know who/what is worth your attention/dedication/affection in the future. wishing you all the best : )
I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them, and I genuinely felt that I would belong with them because they’re my family. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in? Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then? and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father. I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families. But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me. I used to envy other kids that had normal family homes, I stayed with some of them, but couldn’t actually live with them or claim it as my home all because I just, ‘wasn’t their kid’. They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… I was told that there was only one baby on the table… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…
Idk how I stumbled upon this video but, from a guy’s perspective this dude never cared about you, and I hope you are able to move on in a healthy way and realize there are so many better guys out there that would treat you so much better. Don’t put yourself down for his toxic behavior and know that there is nothing wrong with you wanting someone to love you. Hope this helps and makes sense.
You have a very appealing personality and appearance , thanks for sharing your story , I think dealing with rejection is one of the hardest things dealing with people , I had divorced parents and a lot of neglect and rejection accommodates that situation , then I worked in sales it was a challenge to learn to overcome rejection just to earn a living , I went thru a ministry at age 19 Christianity helped me overcome rejection . However at the same time the world rejects Christ so it is always something we have to overcome.
I think he [..] you up He can literally have you anytime he wants, and you granted him that. It's your own fault. Don't blame him and blame yourself. we men if you gave us everything easy you become easy.
Yikes, this guy was never into you. At best he saw you as an emotional support dog, but it is more likely you were just a punching bag to make himself feel better about himself. Hope you never go back.
Hey Ari, Hi. I'm not just taking a shot here, would you like to be friends with me. You seem like a good person to me, ask me anything you want. You don't even have to rush or feel pressured, take you time. Have a great day !
I'm halfway around the world from where you are, no idea why UA-cam recommended this to me, but thanks for keeping me company for the last 24 minutes as I ate dinner. I gotta say, you articulate your thoughts in this matter very well and it's clear that you've done a lot of reflection and you seem really mature for just a 20-year-old. It's definitely difficult to move on from something like this, but just remember that it's normal to mourn a dead relationship, and it's also normal to have loads of different, mixed feelings about the time you spent together. Reminds me of one of my favourite quotes from the TV show Bojack Horseman: "When you look at someone through rose-colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags". Just make sure you don't unblock him or go back to him ever again. It sucks to end it after two years of off and on, but it'd suck even more to end it after three (or more)! I know it's cliche but there are plenty and plenty of fish in the sea. You have your whole life ahead of you to find a guy, and tbh don't even try to focus on finding one. Just live your life and sooner or later it'll happen when it's meant to happen . Know your worth (obviously it'd be superficial for me to say that you're funny and interesting because I don't know you, but let me say you are pretty and most of all you seem really mature, and that's something to be proud of). I hope this comment helps even just a tiny bit to boost your confidence. Chin up, and keep looking forward!
(Oh, and big shout out to Keira! She's such a legend for getting you to make this video!)
Yes kierra is the best!! Thank you for your comment it actually means a lot even though you guys are random people on the internet. Im definitely going through the grieving process but things are getting better!
dunno why youtube decided to recommend me this vid, i'm just a random person on the internet, but i watched it.
dunno if this helps at all but i've been on both sides of this sort of relationship in the past and it took way longer for me to get over it (both times), although maybe that's just me. what i wanted to say is that your feelibgs are 100% valid and the way you see things for what they are is crystal clear.
i'm quite sure this will be an experience that helps you know who/what is worth your attention/dedication/affection in the future.
wishing you all the best : )
Yes thank you I’m definitely going to turn my attention towards myself and work on me!! Thank you for your insight.
I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them, and I genuinely felt that I would belong with them because they’re my family. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’.
But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?”
I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”.
So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in?
Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then?
and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father.
I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’.
I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother.
It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families.
But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me.
I used to envy other kids that had normal family homes, I stayed with some of them, but couldn’t actually live with them or claim it as my home all because I just, ‘wasn’t their kid’.
They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free…
I was told that there was only one baby on the table…
We never chose our parents.
and I never chose this life…
Idk how I stumbled upon this video but, from a guy’s perspective this dude never cared about you, and I hope you are able to move on in a healthy way and realize there are so many better guys out there that would treat you so much better. Don’t put yourself down for his toxic behavior and know that there is nothing wrong with you wanting someone to love you. Hope this helps and makes sense.
Thank you for your comment! It does make sense Im slowly starting to learn that and gain my confidence back.
You have a very appealing personality and appearance , thanks for sharing your story , I think dealing with rejection is one of the hardest things dealing with people , I had divorced parents and a lot of neglect and rejection accommodates that situation , then I worked in sales it was a challenge to learn to overcome rejection just to earn a living , I went thru a ministry at age 19 Christianity helped me overcome rejection . However at the same time the world rejects Christ so it is always something we have to overcome.
Yeah I’m going into sales! My experience with men definitely prepared me for that world. As for religion im taking my own personal journey with that.
algorithm hard at work here
Lmaooooo
I think he [..] you up
He can literally have you anytime he wants, and you granted him that. It's your own fault. Don't blame him and blame yourself.
we men if you gave us everything easy you become easy.
I think you missed the point but ill take that
Dua Lipa New Rules is the song for you. Count your rules and don't keep a fresh ex as a friend.
So true 🙏
Yikes, this guy was never into you. At best he saw you as an emotional support dog, but it is more likely you were just a punching bag to make himself feel better about himself.
Hope you never go back.
Thank you for your insight and honesty!! This comment is definitely helping me stay away from
Let me tell you what a gay man told me. He said, "People never change". But seriously he was gay. He was an old best friend.
Wisest words
Keep it up girl!
Thank you I’m trying lolll
Hey Ari, Hi. I'm not just taking a shot here, would you like to be friends with me. You seem like a good person to me, ask me anything you want. You don't even have to rush or feel pressured, take you time. Have a great day !
I just happen to chance on this today I was once here but I used this Jeremiah 31:3 Psalm 34:18 only those who seek shall find
Thank u 4 this!!