7 Types of People You Can't Help
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- Опубліковано 15 тра 2024
- Do you have a toxic friend or a toxic family member in your life? Do you try to change them because you think you see the good in them they can’t see in themselves? Trying to help someone who can’t even help themselves can feel a lot like taking one step forward and ten steps back. Some toxic people just don’t change, especially if they don’t want to and it’s not your job to help them get better. So, here are the most common and most problematic types of people you cannot help.
If this video describes someone you know, and you want to learn the difference between a toxic friend and a good friend, we have a video on that too: • 4 Differences Between ...
#toxicpeople #negativepeople
Writer: Chloe Avenasa
Script Editor: Rida Batool
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
VO: Amanda Silvera
Animator: Rina C. (new animator)
UA-cam Manager: Cindy Cheong
Music from YT audio library:
Orbit - Corbyn Kites
Sonatina No 2 in F Major Rondo - Joel Cummins
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Please remember that YOU need to come first. If there is someone who is trying, but can’t, instead of pressuring yourself into helping them, calmly explain that you need some time to take care of yourself. You can’t bring others up if you’re at the bottom.
If someone doesn’t understand the toll they’re taking on you, don’t get upset or act out. Instead, remind them that the things they’re doing aren’t okay. If they get that they’re being cruel, drop them till you know they’ve changed. However, some people don’t change.
1 week ago 🧎♂️🏌
To the 1 person who’s reading this: *you’re nice and cool stay safe*
Well this is hard for me, cuz i used to help others before me, if i ignore them it just ruin my reputation lol.
But i try, thanks
(Your profile name didnt match perfectly with the comment lol)
This is really well said! Prioritize your health and your well-being. If you're reading this, let me know one thing you're doing today for self care!
-Monica
@@Psych2go Journaling
“You can’t sit with us”
“Why not?”
“Your only animated in two frames”
“THATS SO SHALLOW-”
& who wants to sit with them anyway 😉🙃
@@pjjohnson8195 who doesn't want to sit with someone that make jojo poses lmao
@@grapekork101
I’m not a Jojo fan so me.
@@grapekork101
I’m not a Jojo fan so me.
ACTUALLY MEGAN, I CANT SIT *ANYWHERE* I HAVE HEMAROIDS
“People inspire you, or they drain you. Pick them wisely.”
- Hans F. Hasen
Who inspires you? :)
-Monica
@@Psych2go Monica :)
@@Psych2go lol my friends
My mom
And there are those that are a bit of both (which is fairly common I would say, particularly if you're a "middle man"), or they're neutral, or they're irrelevant and they don't capture your attention particularly.
@@Psych2go Luke Skywalker
One thing I'd like to add: Some people do have these traits not because they want to, but because nobody ever guided them or cared enough for them so that they change their POV and look towards the better side. It's not like you can't help them, it's just that they need more LOVE and more PATIENCE! Everybody can change, if they really are aware of their current situation.....
I agree, many ended up like that from past trauma, including abandonment and misguided adult figures in their lives. However, often times people who need even MORE love and MORE patience will just take and take, until they wear out the people giving. There needs to be some effort and acknowledgement from the person, or else they'll just keep taking all you have to give, and need/want more.
It's great if we can help, but frankly it's just not our responsibility to heal people, especially if they don't want to get better, and if it's draining us of our energies to care for ourselves.
@@khakicampbell6640thank you for saying this. There are other people/things in a 'helpers' life that require attention let alone, themselves. Hopeless people won't care what falls by the wayside on your to-do list, regardless of how they became that way.
Yes but it’s not our job, and after a while, no, we can’t help them with the tools that we have and if they don’t take a step back we’ll just end up hurting ourselves
Then how come somebody had a better life than me but ended up being worse than me?
I DONT UNDERSTAND I DONT WANT TO BE BAD AND HAVE THESE TRAITS BUT IF I SEEK FOR HELP I WILL BE TOO NARCISSISTIC. WHAT DID I DO TO HAVE HELP????? IM TO TIRED
I have to disagree - mostly with doubters. When you abandon a doubter, you are reinforcing their belief that no one can help them.
Sometimes, if you put up definite, defined, and clear boundaries, you can keep helping a lot of these people, and because you are genuinely trying, sometimes, they grow.
I'm glad a couple of people gave me a chance when I doubted anyone could help me, Now I help others.
I do not put their needs over mine, but I will put their needs over my wants.
That's the difference.
I'm a helpless helper. I can't help it. It is how I treat my depression (and the only thing that works), is by helping other people.
It's between God and them what they do with my help.
Yes brooo this
I agree ! This is how to be selfish 101 …. Stupid psychology
In the beginning of the video, she stated that these are people who don't want to help themselves. The difference between you and those people is that you know you needed help and you went for it. Theres people who are doubters and really don't want to help themselves.
"helpless helper", that really resonates with my outlook. And how I use that to combat my own depression and self-doubt. "I can be an example! (good or bad)" has been my motto for quite some time now.
I find it easy to be there for others. But I've had to realize that sometimes what they hear is not what I was saying. That I'm sharing what I've gone through, hoping they will see they're not alone, but they'll use what I shared as ammunition to manipulate others more effectively.
Several times I've had to simply tell people "I love you and wish the best for you, but I can't be around you anymore." And it hurts, but I know (now) that the alternative would hurt more. Not just me, but them, and other people that they will interact with. And there's already enough pain in this world, I don't want my actions to add to that, even indirectly, if I can help it.
Now that I'm older I think people need to learn to help themselves. And they will never try 8f someone is coddling them and saying poor baby. They have access to all the same information I do.
fun fact: you can find all of these personality types on a typical discord server
@@knarme5160 No, but yes
whoa really? like, private or public?
@@thebutterscotchkid2481 both, probably
@@SpicyMang0s huh...
I know a discord server who is not like that
Keep in mind that EVERYONE has moments where they can act or feel like this... this difference is if they do it all the time.
Yes, also watch out for behaviour cycles. As soon as you start to withdraw everything is magically fine again, they reel you back in, then the drama hits. You're put upon beyond what you've offered and it takes its toll on you, your boundaries are ignored, so you start to withdraw and...everything is magically fine again...repeat from the top! It's exhausting!
@Gemmariah Beadle The best way to predict future behaviour is by looking at past behaviour. xx
@@jessicataylor7174 true .. if the person was toxic to you before .. they will be again ... they will be a sweet as anything to get back in.. always be aware .. if you have to work hard to remain friends, they are toxic
@Gemmariah Beadle no... if you are drained he is being emotionally abusive.. as hard as it is .. move on.. you need someone who simply lifts you up .. but also you are totally comfortable and can be yourself around them
@@jessicataylor7174 The majority of people have displayed this type of behaviour. Psychology it's been proven this can be because of repetitive behaviour, bad habits they have learnt or even them doing it without realising it. The last one I can say from personal experience. I do or say stupid stuff without thinking before I act or speak, so it has hurt a lot of people. I have learnt to be more cautious, but it's definitely no walk in the park. All 3 need major effort, work and self reflection. That being said, I've also met people who have changed for the better. One of my ex friends worked massively on their behaviour and its been going smooth again ever since. Even in my own toxic little family a miracle happened. My mum and I never saw eye to eye for years. It's been 2 years since I got to speak up about it, and she's made a 180, the majority of the issues no longer existing.
I guess it all depends on how strong your will power is. But I do agree that a lot of people are more likely to repeat their behaviours, especially if their emotional intelligence is lacking.
Oh goodness. I remember having the victim mindset. It took a lot of therapy, extremely understanding people around me (I was fortunate on that account for sure as Psii makes clear) and painful introspection to move past it. Anyone who has found this video and related to something in it, it is possible to work past it. And I fully believe you will do it, wherever and whoever you are, as I did myself! ❤
thank you! Im trying my best using the guilt I have for my mistakes as my fuel
@@SkillfulCurve if you are feeling guilt, it's very important to forgive yourself and allow yourself to move on and improve 😊 I believe in you!
@@Regnbuesolv When I will think I have done enough I will try to hate myself less! Thank you, I will do my best
Too lazy
I'm about to cry after watching this video. LOLLLLLL. it's true, who we really, are probably not who we wants to be. I don't know... If I really related with this video. But I'm just afraid, that I'm not enough. When I am trying my best, to be enough. I'm trying to help myself. Alone. You know? I'm not even sure if I got this 'self doubt' signs from other's, or is it just me. I'm not sure if this video is to pointed out to them, or to me? I don't know... I just don't know.
What's irritating in the modern age is that everyone tells real victims that they just have a victim-mentality, and people who earnestly try and fail at something are just quitters. The lack of empathy in the world is depressing.
Right? There's been unavoidable times in my life where toxic people really did screw me over badly.
THOSE are the kind of "people" I have incriminating "fantasies" about.
I feel like I've become many of these people combined...
Try and change then, It's literally never too late
Im looking away 😨
😏
@@mexicanjojo6369 Me too but nah I'm too lazy, I won't even bother changing myself.
(that was a south park reference btw, i'm not trying to be an ass)
I feels you
“Life is too precious to waste with the wrong company.”
that hit me hard
Yeah especially for me because the people I hang out with shive me into lockers make fun of my height and weight and how much I can eat I’m one sitting but I don’t even know why I still hang out with them I don’t trust them with anything about myself I trust people on the internet more than my irl friends but idk my brain is broken and messed up anyway
What if someone said don't go towards that light at the end of the tunnel but you still did only to find it was an incoming train, what would that do to you? ^^
Same
Sus
Amogus Impasta come and steal the 19$ fortnite card
Amount crewmate and Impasta and impostor has 19$ fortnite card
666th like
"life is too precious to waste in the wrong company" that hit me really hard.
also this video made me realize I may be the doubtful type and also the victim type. I use my traumas as an excuse to doubt every good thing that people do for me, and end up pushing them far away
Hey, ditto! Once burned, twice shy. Logical.
Unfortunately same. Less emphasis on victim mentality but yeah. I've been working on it 🤧
I used to embody all of these. Now, I'm a completely different person. It only took me a year to make that shift, and it's been so worthwhile.
Only a year? *HOW!?*
Alot of the time it has to do with major life changes and getting rid of the source of the problem. For me, I can described as some as these traits. After moving away from my parents and living on my own it easier for me to work out my thoughts. The healing process was kind of quick while only took several months.
“We make the mistake of believing everyone wants to be better”
Ooof... 😬
same
That's a deep one
Yup...
True! Also, who are we to decide what that "better" is? That's a difficult one
I really needed to hear that but I absolutely didn't want to.
"Never let someone become your priority while allowing yourself to become their option." - Mark Twain
Hens alot of people would come off as quitters because the other side treated them like they were an option
Damn nice quote. Definitely keeping that one in mind.
Brutal truth if ever there was.
Oofff hit me hard
@@lishen9 Not if they tried.. communicated their feelings/ asked to do things differently, and the coldhearted self-centered coward said they were overreacting.
Just saying. 😅
The last one absolutely came for my life. I've been struggling for a long time with a fear of failure--or somehow worse, a fear of /success/, and I've spent a long time unpacking why it is I have these tendencies and how I can work my way past them.
It's important to say--if you meet or know any of these people in your life, or if you ARE any of these people, it isn't that they can't be helped and are doomed to forever be this way. It's just that the help and change they need HAS to come from within, if they even recognize there is a problem that needs changing at all. It takes a lot of work, introspection, and self-awareness.
I've stopped hanging out with anyone other than online... rarely. I am too traumatized to suffer another. I ran into people like this in every aspect and I will never let anyone get near me again. This is self-righteous, but honestly, I don't trust anyone in existence so this just served to confirm that these types are out there and plentiful and I don't feel safe anymore.
Can I add a number 8? The apologiser: This person will wrong you, say sorry, and then do the same thing again, and it becomes a cycle and no matter how much you try to help them, and they say they're going to change, they just don't, stay away from these people, everyone deserves a second chance, but don't keep giving more chances when they keep doing the same things over and over
Yes! I brought this up when I began to set my boundaries with the person in my life, that saying sorry doesn't fix anything. Especially if you keep doing stuff and try to justify it with the same excuse. They tried to say it won't happen again and for the first 2 times I accepted it, but as someone who has witnessed domestic abuse, I saw the pattern and am slowly distancing from that situation.
@@mayamarisol6 that's probably the best course of action with someone like this
mic drop
My parents are very strong about teaching us that if we say sorry, we shouldn't just move on, but try not to do what we were sorry for again. If you don't mean it, just say that, because there's more the both of you need to work out.
I felt this in my soul, that's literally one of my exs 😣
1. Victim minded people
2. Self Righteous people
3. Deceptive people
4. Desperate people
5. Disloyal people
6. Doubtful people
7. Quitters
Thanks.
I’m 1, 4, 6 and 7. :(
Thanks a lot You're alwasy on the focus. Just keep continu you also helpful int this way. So, finally thanks a lot.
Trouble is, most people are at least one or two of these even if to a much lesser extent. So what to do? Where to find perfect people? Maybe it means those who are an extreme of any on the list.
Your Mostly right, but "Quitters" are Easy to help if you know how. They all are, but The Easiest to help are Quitters. I Know this Because I have helped about 15 Quitters in my 14 Years of Living.
You make me realize that no one should be around me
Now I understand why everybody abandons me. Though I really can’t be helped, I’ve tried, not even my own therapist knows how to help me.
You literally just put yourself into victim, doubtful, quitter AND desperate, you need to step back and take a look at yourself. This video, as mentioned in the disclaimer, isnt meant to make you feel worse but to help you heal and help you grow, only YOU can help YOU, you need to allow yourself to heal, to look at your toxic traits and not get sad and hopeless about them but work to change them and better yourself. Everyone doesnt abandon you, you most likely push them away (i know this because ive been there) be yourself, have a laugh, have some fun, work on your self esteem and your self respect and i swear things will start to get better. You can be helped and you can get better, but you do have to put work in yourself, you have to dare to hope and to be brave and allow yourself to get better. Otherwise, you're right, you cant be helped, helping someone who isnt open to help is NEVER going to work. Be kind and love yourself and watch yourself grow as a person when you actually allow yourself to be helped. Its coming up to new year, this is the perfect time to make realistic goals to set yourself, maybe join some clubs or groups and make friends, learn a new hobby, allow yourself an alotted time a day to worry and to let your intrusive thought be heard and talk back to them and CHALLENGE them, start journaling. There is SO much to do you can do that will kickstart you onto the road to recovery. The path isnt clear and its covered in leaves and maybe its a bit slippery or you cant really see a path at all, but it is there. Sending love and healing to you, all the best sunshine 🥰
I speed things up a bit by distancing myself from everyone so that they won't have to deal with doubtful quitter mindset, that way nobody has to deal with my bad mindset
Its sad that these are the people that actually need the most help
Yes
this is so true
Sounds like this video is geared towards you.
@@davidwarner3326
Are you mad because he was talking about you perhaps..?
Yea that would be me😓
I've been scrolling through the comments and I keep seeing people saying they relate to some of these, and people respond with stuff like "Change Yourself or get lost" and I just wanna say... Stop. You aren't helping anyone. Let them share their struggles. This is a no judgement zone. everyone is going through something different, we should respect that.
Yes, but always remember to have boundaries with people. Sometimes it can be mentally exhausting trying to help everyone. However everyone does have a right to share their problems and others have a right to help as much as they want to
"Thank you for sharing your realization, it's tough to make that first step to acknowledge your flaws. I hope you can find the courage to take the next step and start to change."
Yeah the point of this video is “don’t hurt yourself trying to change people who are dragging you down” not “people who are like this are undeserving of kindness and a safe place to vent”
no one really respects you if you are someobe popular smth like tht
Finally , a comment worth of a like !
I had a quitter. That’s not to say fighting mental illness is easy, because it’s not, but he really was beyond help. Gave him all the support in the world, encouraged him to seek help, offered to go crazy lengths to help, and even after a year it just wasn’t enough. He deliberately rejected all of it, and chose instead to keep wallowing in his own self hatred, and it was dragging me down hard.
My partner nowadays, on the other hand, has been a complete 180°. He recognized the problem and we worked together on getting him mental health support even though his parents didn’t support him. Despite everything going against him, he tried and learned to persevere, and he’s really come a long way. He’s a lot happier now, is medicated, is working on further diagnosis's and has honestly inspired me to keep fighting when all seems lost too.
Please. Don’t spend your life running your head against a brick wall. You’ll only hurt yourself.
you stand with him, still? thank you, i can't imagine myself if someone give up on me, when i had mental illness. Been thinking about returning the favor by help others also.
@@varianrizkya5838 for sure, you should definitely help when you can. It’s also important to recognize when their battle is not a battle you yourself can win.
"life is too precious to waste away with the wrong company" dayyum
1:09 “Victim minded people”
I don’t know anyone like that-
_Wait.._
*oh shi-*
I see them all over TikTok
Ehh
@@l4r1n3 God, this makes me extra glad to not use tiktok
VIP, if I recall, was a discovery of the basis of the 'social justice warrior' mindset, in 2019-2020 or so study gave it a name. That's the Victim minded people incarnate.
@Bhargavee Khatawkar how...sad..?
Depends on the individual. I don’t think everyone fakes it. Some people have real issues that can’t be improved or near impossible and it’s a sad situation. My advice is to accept the situation, be yourself and don’t leave this person, who you know does his or her best. Of course you’re always free to leave, but if you really care about this person, then open up about how you feel and say stop when it gets too much. If you care about this person, don’t let their burden be your downfall, because who can help if you’re down too? Don’t take more than you can carry. Just be there and let this person know you’re there and think about him/her. If you choose to not help this person, don’t feel guilt or shame, it’s ok to say no, but don’t bother to blame anyone either. If you feel “robbed” in any way, tell yourself “I don’t have to waste one second thinking about this anymore, I’ll move on and live my life”. Just leave in peace :) hope you’re having a great day ^_^
Victim minded people? Well, can’t help a lot of twitter then.
Ofc not, tht app is doomed, I jus ignore it and be myself, only god can judge at the end of the day
I concur. I would even include those in almost all social media sites as well (Facebook, TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, etc).
@@nezuminico do you own one platform of these on your device
@@saragarofano9727 I use only UA-cam and Pinterest regularly. I don't see Pinterest as threatening as the rest, since it's used as a means of inspiration. I use UA-cam for information and entertainment (an alternative to television) and rarely use them for social purposes. I removed Facebook years ago because of the toxicity and tyrannical practices of the corporation. I refuse to use any other platform if I could. That is why I said "almost all" rather than completely "all." If one doesn't use them for social means, then it should be okay in moderation.
It was for the response to someone who said that not using or removing some social media was a good idea....it looks like the comment (or a part of it) was removed.
@Sara Garofano The creators of these platforms knew what would happen if people use too much of them (addiction, depression, us v. them mentality, etc) and decided to launch them anyway. It was supposed to connect with others; however, it caused us to draw distance and have more anti-social qualities. In a sense the creators's worries are correct and more. I have even considered/thought about removing UA-cam as of recent but don't know if I could do it, since I have this account for about fifteen years.
You mean like 90% of people today
Never help people to change. People don't change. Accept them the way they are or go separate ways.
this is so correct. i've also realised with time that unless it's bullying or toxic family or any other situation that is out of your control, you can't blame these types of people in this video for being the way that they are and for affecting you. it was your choice to stay surrounded by these personality types, not realising that puts you in the victim mindset category. i used to feel so bitter , i thought i attracted toxic types of people but no, toxic people aren't picky they will use and abuse anyone,... what i had was a severe lack of boundaries. i'm so glad i've changed :)
How do I start building up boundaries for myself?
for others: you straight up tell people what you don’t like or like won’t tolerate. for e.g. let’s say someone is always degrading you or putting you down, you can say to them “it’s not ok for you to say talk like that about me as it hurts my feelings. please stop doing that” if they continue and continue even after you’ve made clear your boundaries, then you cut them off, if not immediately because someone who puts you down isn’t your friend.
a personal boundary is more like let’s say you “miss” that person who was saying things like that to you, it’s important to look at it with your rational brain rather than your emotional brain and enforce a boundary with yourself that you don’t reach out to them or anything like that. you keep you distance and your boundary is firm, you don’t give them or yourself any leeway. it’s easier said than done but ultimately you have to realise that you’re better off without them. idk if this helped but as scary and it may seem at the start, you might even lose friends… it’s better to be alone than lonely.
honestly trying to help people who dont want to be helped is more exhausting than anything. I find my own mental health declining whenever I try to help and its alwaaays so one sided that I have learned to just let go of these people for good
you should prioritize yourself first because your health is #1!
-Monica
Same Sam, same
Narcissistic people are the prime example. I dont want to let go of people, but I'm not afraid to pull that trigger and do so...
I ruined my mental trying to help a lost friend with psychosis. I just didn’t understand his illness, and it brought me down with him.
@@Psych2go hey monica. couldn't the last two be signs of mental disorders?
like. doubtful people honestly sound like early signs of depression and quitters sound like anxiety disorder/ADHD .
as someone with serious anxiety (so much so I can't even leave the house without a panic attack ensuing) getting something wrong can really be a problem for me. like. I've literally cried in the middle of drawing because of the concept of "doing it wrong".
and my own boyfriend has ADHD and suffers with Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, and "getting it wrong" can knock his mood down for hours.
and that doubtful person. Oh yeah, that was me during 2020, when I went into the biggest spiral of depression I've had since highschool. my mood was "what does it matter, everything sucks and it will always suck" I don't know what would have happened if my friends had taken your advice and just left me in that time of need.
1. Victim-minded people 1:09
2. Self-righteous people 1:48
3. Deceptive pople 2:32
4. Desperate people 3:15
5. Disloyal people 3:55
6. Doubtful people 4:30
7. Quitters 5:08
I hope I could help! :D
Thank you time traveler :D
Hello fellow Time Travellers
Thanks
Thank you,time traveller
Thanks time traveller
honestly I see this as rather than being insulting to people who have/had any of these (including myself), to be a little reminder of why it's not great to be the iceberg that destroys a friendship or anything more
Thank you so much for stating that. I see so many unstated and biased point of view in the video and was never stated. It's not that we dont want to help ourselves.. It's just that because everyday most of us, TRIED (a lot) our best to ask for help like really tried don't get me wrong be it's based on our experience WE ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE; but then again when we asked for help, people will judge us and think that it's not that bad. Yet again we are constantly bombarted with those people who says that when clearly they never even know and asked themselves, "Is this person mentally stable in the first place?"
I used to be a quitter and still have low self-esteem, but I worked hard in my teenagerhood to fix this and boy, am I glad I did.
“Before you heal someone, ask him if he is willing to give up what makes him sick”
If what makes me "sick" is both of my Fate and of my existence, then starting again with a clean slate will only holt the inevitable.
Honestly... Why must I protect this temporary world? It won't mean anything in the end. This world will die and another will take its place. Should I defend every possible future upon the wheel of fate? Or should I destroy everything in order to shatter this design? Regardless, I will leave mankind to their own self destruction.
... Why should I lead the world to only see it all come to an end? And I, to hold that responsibility as if their end is my mistake... Even if this world ends. Somehow I feel responsible for it.
Mankind... I'm not allowed to intervene too much, so I hope this species can... Nothing is real... I'll await you all in extinction. If everything fails, then I'll find another to try again.
I am the End and the End is I. Kin to God. I am... Who I was died a long time ago and the fragments of me merged with the cosmos... ... ... Nothing can save me. Nothing from this world can.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 Dude...
@@ivyinkwell1754
Some things are more complicated... Some things are simple...
My situation only concerns the end of the world.
@@absolstoryoffiction6615 You need a psychiatrist cause you are 100% nutso. I don't usually like to say something so rude, but you took the time to write out ALLLL that crazy sh*t. Who cares if the world is going to end? You gonna spend the ONLY time you have sulking about it, and blaming yourself for something that doesn't even make sense?
You only have one life, and if you're only thinking about the end of it, you're wasting it. So thinking about the end, is pointless.
@@fredericksaxton9782
On the contrary... Knowing that everything I hold dear will soon cease to exist. That everything I see before me will mean nothing to me in the end. Even if I altered Fate, that I would meet the same outcome regardless of the infinite futures... Humans only understand what they behold. I carry the complete eradication and creation of a thousand worlds. Live as you wish but do not deny that our existence has been here before and after our multiple ends.
But I suppose mankind is better off dead in the end. Another will try again.
I am the cosmos and the cosmos is I. The fate of all rests in my hands alone... But you humans only understand the tangible existence. It is merely a portion of it.
Inevitably, mankind will be judged. Upon extinction, I will await the worthy or I will rewrite this entire realm once more. But even that is beyond this era's time.
Enjoy existence for what it is. Not that it lasts long enough for me when even worlds are forgotten.
I observe... I am here... Harbinger of the End... The journey does not matter if everything dies.
“Don’t save her she don’t wanna be saved” - project pat
This comment deserves to be higher up. 🤣🤣🤣
I didn't even think of that song-
Great it wasn't just me that heard this the whole video
I had a pair of neighbors - the match made in hell: They fought, you'd hear pots and pans flying around, her yelling "come-on, hit me, you feel like a big man?". And all I could really do was mind my own business... until the day that after one such fight, there was a knock on my door. She was beaten and bruised and she asked me (by name if it matters) to "help her".
Things sprung into action. I said "get in here", closed the door and locked it. She was trying to hold on a tattered bra and it wasn't really working. Inexplicably, I had a couple friends visiting. I immediately gave her a towel from the chair right next to her, to cover with and designated my friends to barricade the door (because he wasn't far behind and was pissed), while I went to find an ugly sweater for her. I wonder if she still has it and remembers me by it.
The cops came and took him to jail. She was taken to a safe house and I was even subpoenaed to testify well after I moved away from that place. The prosecutor had her head up her ass. I brought my caller-id, still with the number of her sugar-daddy. But she messed up by trying to be formal and asking for "Veronica" instead of "Victoria". "No, no Veronica here". I pointed it out after she hung up; "you just should've called her Vicky, like everyone else does". There goes one blown lead.
I told them he probably wouldn't even show for trial and they were incredulous like "well, that would be really foolish of him". Guess what - he didn't show and I wasn't needed. These "professionals" in their ivory castles have no respect for street-smarts and the rest of us. Like you don't think his neighbor might know him better than a perfect stranger with diplomas on the wall?
So the bottom line: Yeah, you can't help someone until they ask for it. She had gone through a long cycle of getting abused and running to her sugar-daddy, then going back to him. Nothing you can do until she's had enough.
rswingman that story happens so much it’s sad actually.
sometimes doubtful people might have something terrible happened to them so they have a lot of trust issues and don’t want to be happy, because to them it’s nonexistent
It’s so hard when those people are your “friend” or so you think they are. It’s the culmination of bad behaviour that just blew up on their side. The only thing me and my wife did was to cut the ties and we suddenly had less stress, more energy, more positivity. In our case that person couldn’t see their wrongs in the situation and is still stuck in the cycle of I did nothing wrong or saying I apologized okay (tossing it aside believing everything still is okay).
It is hard but I know you can do it. It will be hard and you’ll think about them non-stop but after a while it will settle and you will see the pattern and how disconnected they are from you.
“You can take a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink”
This quote has helped me a lot.
I've literally been thinking this quote all week
But....ya...ya..can?
Maybe adding an 'always' before 'make it drink' improves its clarity. :3
There are some stubborn horses out there that don't even make it that far.
ColonelJayWrites not really since the horse chooses to drink
So basically, this video is telling you to avoid 98% of people.
I don't think so. Everyone feels and acts in these ways every now and then, we are human, we can make mistakes. But if a person does these all the time, like a habit, and they have no intention of changing themselves, it's totally different. We should all be running away from those kinds of people. I think the main point is that, you can only help someone who genuinely wants to change. If they don't want to change, you can't help them, no matter what you do.
yeah society is fucked up mate
BryGuySays....Great post !!!
@@rumeysaalarcin7336 well that should be noted in the video
LOL that's what I was thinking 🤔. It was sad when I realized all 7 were people in my family. Now what?
Even after 3 years this video is amazing. I love the animation style a lot, and of course the content was important.
Thank you so much and keep making great videos!
I was trying to help someone like this for a long time. She perfectly fits the Victimminded people, Desperate people, AND quitters. She had a bad case of depression, anxiety, and didn't feel comfortable about her body (She was kinda fat). But she blamed it on all and everyone but herself. She abused my good nature and took advantage of me so many times. I wanted to support and help her but she couldn't stop talking about how bad her life was, and that I should feel sorry for her. It was energy draining and I was tired. But the moment I told her upfront that I was tired and needed some time for myself, she stabbed me in the back and made me out for the "evil person that I am" for leaving her in the dust.
Yeah, good riddance, looks like you don't need my help after all. And ever since then I completely blocked her out of my life and that was such a massive relieve.
Wow the audacity for u to call her fat... 😭 are u on ur senses or what..
Just remember, everyone and anyone can show signs like this, but it's the people who embody these signs that are the ones she's talking about. Don't just write someone off because they do these things once. It has to be a consistent display of negativity for them to be beyond hope.
I agree ✌
True. I agree. Some people are just born with these traits. These things are there in their nature. But some shows these according to whatever pressure there are in, in certain situation, which at times introspection can help them to correct those mistakes
Even then to just discard someone is cruelty in itself. What if you've misunderstood or only see the bad at the expense of the good in someone.
Imo it's more of a weigh up between the good and the bad. If it's more bad than good then that is the time to set boundries. If those boundries are crossed then that is the time to make a break, cause, as far as I can see, everyone has ev e ry single one of those seven characteristics including the narrator, who I would describe as mostly the self righteous type.
Anyhow peace.
I see myself as the doubtful one in this video but it makes me want to try harder to be a better person. I see myself saying to others “why would you want to hang out with me?” But at the same time, I think to myself, “I’ll make myself a better person so that I can feel worthy of having friends”. Then I don’t have friends and then the cycle continues. It sucks being the doubtful type cuz even when you want to do better, people always make you feel like you are crazy for trying. I care about others but no one cares back and then it creates doubt on a lot of things. I hope this sheds more light on the doubtful type. Maybe people can be more patient with that particular type because that doubtful attitude comes from a place of uncertainty and needing some encouragement and help to realize that their efforts DO mean something. Next time you come across the doubtful type, try and see if encouraging them helps. If it doesn’t, then they’re probably not trying to be better. But if that’s exactly what they needed, they will be ever so grateful to you. Please don’t box the doubtful types together with the others. We are so much more than that.
@@TT35109 I've been called Eeyore all my life. People don't understand that when your life has been hard, it makes you look and act a certain way... and someone just saying "Hey, perk up!" Doesn't change anything. It takes time to earn trust and respect and so yeah, sometimes the unhappy people never get the chance to show their inner beauty because people don't have the patience to look for it or DESERVE to see it.
But never allow yourself to believe YOU have to be "better." You are perfect the way you are. Sure, we all have to grow and change in our time... but you aren't less than anyone else. You aren't required to impress them. A good person will see you as another good person and they will earn your happy side.
this channel is basically the user's manual on how not to get emotionally drained 101. thank you.
but better cause it has memes.
Pretty much lol
@@Aeternum_Zephyria so tru
Yes I agree!
jokes on you, I'm already emotionally drained
I'm currently trying to better myself and kick my doubtful nature. It's been a rough journey, but I'm slowly but sure getting there with my therapist's help. I was raised around literally all of these people and I was also the scapegoat in the family, so lots of healing and rewiring ahead.
Good luck to you! It takes time, but can definitely get better. You're heading in the right direction. 👍
Your videos are so “spot on.” Thank you and please continue your very helpful work.
“You can’t sit with us”
“Actually MeGaN, I can’t sit anywhere. I have HeMorRhOiDs-“
_Ah, i see, you're a man of culture as well_
How tf is everyone making text itialic
**iconic**
_good evening_
Wow
My sister has a big case of victimhood mentality. Nothing was ever her fault and if someone was actually hurting, like my mom dying from cancer, my sister would make it about how much she is suffering and that no one understands her. I'm so happy that my sister is no longer in my life, it feels weird to say that, but I was the last family member to even be in contact with her and her toxic behavior became too much for me.
Family are the asses you can never give up on. Her friends, partners, colleagues can but not you. You dont have to text her every day, or every month, but just let her know at the back of her mind.... that you will always be there for her. One thing to note is people with the victimhood mentality really do believe they are 'the victim'.... they cant help it. So having this in mind...and knowing she almost cant control it----atleast for the time being-----may help your interactions.
@@abelk1451 her victimhood mentality is more of a way for her to assert will onto others, its her way of emotionally manipulating and torturing people to do what she wants. She emotionally manipulated my mom on her death bed, saying that all my sisters troubles in life were my mother's fault and screaming at my mom if she didn't get her way (she's in her 30s mind you). I don't need someone who constantly belittes me and tries to manipulate me in my life anymore.
@@Magic_Toaster don't worry about separating your ways from someone who was ready to use you in anyway possible. You need yourself more than she'd ever need you and you did the right thing I believe. Hoping you the best
@@abelk1451 hey ik you mean well but not everyone is fortunate enough to have a family they should stay with. This makes victims of childhood abuses feel bad for leaving when they shouldn't. If someone is hurting you no matter who they are you are allowed to leave. Dont force the mentality that people have to stay connected to family. Ik people who stay in contact with family who hurt them and they only continue to do so. They typically don't change sadly. A family relationship shouldn't be treated differently in cases like these.
@@hauntedflower9107 This will always make me sad to hear even though how much I want to people to have their family with them and never give up on them.... I understand it completely....
Personally, this is cureently my favourite narrator of all the others I've heard.
It feels like a comfy, warm and welcoming hug or weather.
Thank you so much for making these types of videos! I'm trying to improve on myself and these really helped! :D
I grew up with a victim minded mom...and I am trying to unlearn some of her bad habits.
Keep doing your best ok🌺
me too.
Good Lord me 2. My mother had at least 5 of the 7 traits. Not all moms r hugs kisses & baking cookies. U only have 2 respect yr parent if there respectable people. Free yrself & GOD bless u with great health wealth happiness & wisdom. 🕊🌈✝️♥️✌🐦
Wow you guys are kind, and don't worry I have lots of love for my mom! We have both grown a lot.
@@rabbidguarddog you have lots of love for her but does she have lots of love for you? I hope so :/ I grew up with a victim minded mom who have physically and emotionally abused me throughout my childhood. Now Im older Im trying to forgive her, and sometimes I just casually bring up some instances of abuse she did, just so we can put it all behind us, but she DENIED she did all that and called me (and my siblings who did the same) a liar. She would often say "you're always seeing the bad things Ive done while I did tons of good things (and continued to give examples which were actually just her basic responsibilities as a parent)" and never apologized for anything, while my siblings and I would apologize for every little thing we did to annoy her. Now Idk if I can forgive her. But one thing for sure Im just becoming at peace with the fact that she'd never change so Im staying as far as I could from her. I dont wanna be her.
" you can't make it different, you can't make it riight...
You can't make it better!!! We have to fiiight!!!!!
You can't make a difference... Starting with toniiiiiight!
Cuz yooooou, you can't make a.... Change!"
Oh boy! This makes too much sense! Thank you!
What "you can't help them" means:
- These people have difficult problems that you're not equipped to handle
- These people can be potentially toxic and relationships likely wont last long
- These people can wear you out or may refuse help
What "you can't help them" DOESN'T mean:
- These people are incapable of change
- These people do not deserve to grow
- There is nothing that anyone can do to save them
Do some introspection. If you see yourself in one of these examples, and you'd like to change, talk to a professional and put the work in yourself. Your future friends and loved ones will be much happier, and so will you.
THIS
I see a lot of negative comments here trying to say these types of people "deserve do die alone", which is just as, if not even more toxic than some of these behaviors...
This should totally get pinned for people to see 💕✨ great comment
Oh ok that clarifies. Because I thought that it meant people who cannot change at all
@@aiheki Toxic people do not deserve to die alone, oh no, they deserve to be hunted down and murdered in cold blood right the crap now!!!
@@nihilism6226 umm that itself is a toxic attitude. If you're eager to punish everyone then you'll turn into the person who expects perfection while believing they're perfect.
Work on yourself. Leave the toxicity of others up to them.
@@nihilism6226 the types of people in this video are toxic bc they have other problems. always be kind bc u never know what someone else is going through. even tho they aren’t kind, doesn’t mean u shouldn’t be.
That painful moment when you see them in your family
Yeah, i kinda know how that feels
Living with a narcissistic family member is tough. And growing up you would take all the blame when they say you're the problem and you end up having the mindset you are the problem even if you're not. But it's now carved in your heart and brain that you're useless and always wrong. They victimized themselves all the time and you blame yourself for their wrong and mean actions.
When you stand up for yourself you just get gaslighted. It's so mentally exhausting. Their mental abuse just messes you up. There are times that you get physically harmed by them too.
I hate living with this one family member but I can't cut them out so I just endure their toxic mentality.
@@jz_es.469 I know what you mean 😞
Can't wait to go away from them
@@garveyclayton8392 me too
I'm finding this video 2 years later, but i want to thank you for making it. I'm going for my a.s. in human services and i know that this is something that can help me with research.
Peace to the creator, and good luck to those on that healing journey.
It feels so soothing to even imagine having a partner who has been through the same as you and understands you correctly. One you can be yourself with; whom you can open up to without the fear of being judged or feeling ashamed...
“Deceptive people.”
Everyone who plays Among Us:
True dat! Ahahaha!
I'm such a bad liar! Heheh.... 😅
🙋
Totally don't win almost every game.
lol
*Evil laughter*
I used to be a "victim-minded person" but I realized a while ago that I was being toxic, I've been trying to apologize for things that were my fault more and more over time and I'm mostly over it. It wasn't easy trying to change my personality around like that but it was worth it in the end.
I may not know you, but I'm really proud of you for realising your mistakes and working to better them! It's definitely worth it
Same I was always like "no it's never my fault!! All the people in my life did this to me!! None of you get what I feel!! I'm unworthy!"
To be fair, victim-minded persons have usually been through a LOT and in most cases it's not even their fault. For instance if other people make you suffer there isn't much you can do about that since we can't control other people's action. Sure you can go ask help but it is not always that easy. It's rather human to blame others in situations like that but what is important is to get back up and start to do those things which are important to you asap. Don't get stuck to that negative trapping mindset that "everything is ruined today because those people made me suffer 20 years ago". These types of victims can and SHOULD be helped, especially if they want to get better.
How did you come to recognize your own victim-mindedness, and how long (approximately) had you been doing it? I'm curious, because I've been supporting a victim-minded die-hard for the past four years, and she doesn't seem any closer to changing that mindset, let alone recognizing it. I have a lot of empathy for her because I used to victim as well, though not as extremely as she does. Fortunately a great therapist helped me see (after a few years of weekly sessions) how I was discounting myself.
@@Pseudothink I all depends on if that person wants to change or not. If they don't even see it as a problem or don't recognize it I say you are wasting your breath unfortunately. I was victim minded as well and I still am but when pain became too much to handle I had no choice but to change. That I am grateful. But sadly not everyone gets these opportunities to see how much better life could be if they were willing to change themselves.
I have a "victim" friend. She talks for hours about all the ppl who've done her wrong. She takes no responsibility for anything thats happened in her life. She drains the life out of me!
Wow, thank you! This is exactly like my ex-boyfriend. My heart is breaking. We split up after four years, but I finally had to tell him to leave. He kept trying to move in with me was pessimistic all the time and manipulative. I download your video to save. Then I can watch it over and over and it helps me get through the pain of the break up. Thank you for your videos and thank you for making them so concise. DEAD ON! ❤
I clicked on this thinking “oh boy cant wait to be all 7 of em!”
Same
This is the mentality that i'm trying to avoid. So, I'm avoiding you.
yup so did i
Yeah, I've never met someone who wasn't on this list at least once. Ouch!
yea this my mentality
I can’t stop thinking about that “omg I’m toxic” meme reference
Yes HAHA
DWL ‼️
Same-
I think I could do this be confident every single day is that okay
I know someone in my life who is a combination of these.
I realized that not only can I not help them, they're also just never appreciative of anything I do for them. It had negative impacts on me and my emotional state so even though we were extremely close, I've began distancing myself from them
Honestly, the big mistake on this video is asserting that people going through certain personal challenges don't change because they don't want to.
For an example, I have a problem with quitting things, and I'm aware of it for a long time. I've tried to change this in several ways. Yet, it is extremely difficult for me to accomplish things. Likewise, I tend to look back and find depressing the amount of unfinished stuff, projects, dreams. I didn't get my driver license, my college degree and so many others. This is a major thing in my life that I cannot completely overcome, and it got me deepened into depression, specially from 2016-2019. Yet, there is one point or two that I've persisted. My current job, for an example, I'm 4 years and a half onto it. Also, I've decided back in 2021 to dedicate my life to writing and art, and this objective is still alive and going on. I still write my stories and ideas frequently, and I'm involved in some film projects currently. It's good to think that I haven't given up from this. So I guess I'm not that helpless after all, but this was a long work, and one must keep searching. Changes can take time.
Finishing, I just want to say that I know for whom this video is destined to. It's specially made for that kind of people that think it is their personal duty to help anyone around them, when it's not. I'm not that kind of person, haha. Fortunately, or unfortunately. I'm more on the other side of the balance, so I thought I need to clear some things. Labelling people as beyond help is kinda dangerous, tho. Specially because, as I've said, not always is like they are unaware or don't want to change. I got your intention, but, not totally true. Or poorly communicated.
Thank you so much for stating that. Few people thougt of us this way but u said it as what our perspective is. It's not that i dont want to help myself. It's just that because everyday i want to kill myself with the same inner monologue several times a day, while dealing with ptsd, undiagnosed adhd, SAD, and needing CBT but my parents don't want me to ask for help because they said, (infront of my face) they don't want to be guilty and go to jail for neglecting me. So It's hard for me to socialize and act like those things was never happening to me it's just so hard for me to pretend. While also knowing i asked a few adults in my life like my school councelor but they don't want to help me because of too much drama and their school reputation to deal with me as a new student who basically have bad grades constantly. (They know and i keep reaching out but they rly just don't want to. :/ Rly thanks a lot for stating that. I see few ppl like u in this comments.
The group of friends: _"You smell like dogs."_
You: _"Great, I love dogs!"_
The group of friends: *_"Mission failed, we'll get em next time."_*
Do people actually talk like that?
yes. most of gen z
XD
Yes finally some days this 😂😂 thought it was just me and my brother
*somebody says this* damn phone
I think I’ll just die alone. It’s easier that way.
same
Well okay, if that makes you happy
*nods* yes, me too.
Victim mentality?
Bre S. It's seems you're making it a bad thing, what's wrong of dying alone?
At the same time someone who needs help and benefits from another friend's stability. . . Is not necessarily a leech. People who have stable, monotonous life sometimes have more to give. That doesn't make their friends just takers. . .
Can totally see narcissistic family members using this against the ones they've abused to victim blame them further.
0:00 - *Introduction*
1:08 - *Victim-Minded People*
1:48 - *Self-Righteous People*
2:32 - *Deceptive People*
3:15 - *Desperate People*
3:54 - *Disloyal People*
4:29 - *Doubtful People*
5:08 - *Quitters*
thanks 👍🏿 😊
The victims are the worst :(
We are all of these at some point in our lives.
@@NotNet- They're.
they are all pretty bad. the women you put up with for sex but then tun
can we just take a moment to appreciate the animation improvement ? 💗💗💗
Thank you :) Hope you like it
ye its been a while I watched your videos. The style used to be very simple and clean.. now its like Anime and kawaii xD tbh both look really good
Yash
woah, thanks for the shake by the shoulders. that quitter section really got to me; lately i've wondered whether i try too little or feel like quitting too easily, but i think now i can start changing that
Proud of you! Blessings be with you on your mental health journey! I know you can do this, and never forget - you hold a perspective that is unique and all your own, it adds to the puzzle of humanity. Without you in it, we’d have even more unfortunate missing pieces. Your life matters and every effort you put into improving yourself is worth it!
@@HavianEla thank you man, i appreciate that :D
Wonderful enlightening my thoughts about a couple people that i was involv ed with. I needed to hear this
psychology with JOJO REFERENCES? now this is poggers
Hell yea man
YES I'm glad someone else was thinking the same XD
someone noticed lol
Ha 20
ゴゴゴゴゴゴ
"life is too precious to waste in the wrong company"
Yeah man I am thinking of getting a job somewhere else
That's why i hate outside peoples
I like this episode, the animations are so creative, with memes references and everything
You just described both my parents, multiple times…
Guess who’s been the real parent all these years.
I'm seeing alot more victim minded people nowadays. Most of the time, it's just to get attention any way possible.
The people who do it for attention make me sad that they waste their life like that, since they actually continue and don't quit from that, because I struggle with self hatred alot and victim mentality is basically abuse.
To be fair, the quarantine and lockdown has really hurt a lot of people
Probably because there are more victimizers out there
@K- Problem solver not trying to take a side but point is, a lot of people are actually victims of everything going on, so I think it's a bit unfair to label them as attention seeking. For sure, there are attention seekers, but I guess I'm taking the side of the people claiming that they are victims. Ironically, despite this stance, I do agree that attention seeking or not, most likely, these people can't be helped.
@K- Problem solver Woah! You're a fast replier! Anyway about the quarantine thing and whatnot, the person who started this thread did state that recently, there has been more of these people
They can actually all be helped. The key part of this is in the into: when they don't want to be helped. There is 1 type of person you can't help, and only 1, and that's a person who doesn't want to be helped. That's it.
This is logic, which was unfortunately absent from this video.
@@nenasadie Logic was absent from this video? Are you sure you weren’t just absent the entire time it was playing?
Well, you can try and talk to them about why it would be in their own interest to help themselves, but only if they have made up some excuses for why they can't or dont want to be helped. I have, sadly, I guess, come to the conclusion that I see no consistent reason to support myself, I would prefer to completely stop my own consciousness but I have a caring environment that makes sure I at least meet my basic requirements. I try to be as little of a poison to my surroundings as to my ability but I still have nothing positive to offer in return for attention. I don't understand why others are able to at least tolerate their own brain being functional or why they would submit to it with gratitude, I guess I'm missing out on some invisible thing again.
@@erdyerdnusss do I get it right that you've questioned your own existence (or even existence of consciousness itself) to the point that you can't see any logical/emotional justification for it?
If so I'd like to know more about your perception of existence and the human condition.
For myself I have similar experience I went through, but the simple fact of my ignorance let me question the correctness of those thoughts....
@@dante7228 this thread will be Intresting
I've known so many people like this and cut ties with them that now I can identify them with a single glance. They're the worst...
I spent so much time in my life trying to help my twin sister, but she refuses to do anything to help herself; even with BASIC THINGS, like finishing school, getting a job, learning to drive- you name it, and she always has an excuse as to why she can’t do it. It drained me SO BAD. I had to finally walk away because I can’t waste anymore of my time helping someone that doesn’t want to be helped.
Me: *relates ro the victim*
Also me: "it's not my fault for always being mistreat- oooooooooooh"
*I aM loOkiNg aWay*
Hey, you go dude! Realizing the problem is a BIG step! Recognizing it gives you the ability to access tools that can help you get better mental health. I believe in you!
@@HavianEla aww thanks buuut i am in the gray are where i want to vent about it but never end up doing anything anout it so i have a track record of a mental breakdonw every 6to8 days
@@giuseppedalessandro2897 eh, it is important to get things out. Just try your best to separate what does come down to your choices, and what's beyond your control
@@whiteface513abandonedchann8 yea, will try
When you said desperate people, you went on to describe like a willfully evil person. A desperate person is someone who has no hope. They often show anxiety, anguish, and fury, and may even go so far as to lose control of themselves and hurt themselves. They go through great suffering that on many occasions they do not know how to face. They're not predators, they're people who need help (desperately).
Desperate people can become predators. They will attack you if they feel they need to. Just because they feel that they can excuse their behaviour doesn’t mean that they are justified to hurt other people.
@@TT35109 so in a way, they are victim players/minded too
Thanks for understanding, Patrick. I never wanted to be like this. I'd give anything to be normal, but since I know that doesn't work, I don't carry out evil schemes in my desperation. I just suffer endlessly.
Just be kind to each other.
Those things can very much lead someone to consistently hurt those around them. As the saying goes, hurt people hurt people. They'll try to guilt-trip you with their own problems to try to pin you to them. They feel as if manipulative tactics are the only way to get people to stick around, so that's exactly what they'll do, and they'll try to make you feel bad enough so that you feel obligated to help them and do what they say.
Honestly even if its just a glimpse, i know i have some of these characters but i think the 1st step to getting rid of any problem is realizing the problem actually exists
Being weak isn't a problem, however staying weak is
-from the flame dude in black clover-
Complete honesty here. Im a chronic people pleaser and i tend to always put myself into these situations where i help others that cant or wont reciprocate. I usually quit what im doing to help others in what they are doing. Yesterday i decided to break away and it hurts me deep. But i understand i too have to get my own stuff together. Its been me the whole time and this character trait is super hard to overcome but i haven't given up this is probably my 6th attempt since turning 18
I noticed 2 things about people pleasers: 1. that you were taught early on that the feelings of others are ALWAYS more important than your own, so you had to take care of people who can't (or don't want to) heal themselves, even when they were capable to do so alone; or 2. You were made to feel like you were horrible, deeply flawed inside and unworthy of love. Maybe you did bad things in the past, maybe you were gaslit into thinking so, but you try to please others to make you feel worthy of love and kindness, to "repent for your sins."
I don't know what is that made you be a people pleaser, but, from someone who was (and still is, but in a much more bearable degree) a people pleaser, there is hope for you. You need to love yourself, to understand that your feelings matter too and that you deserve the same kindness you give to others. You already did this by standing up for yourself when you needed and I'm proud you did so. Keep it up and you will get to understand and see the moments where you can help someone without diminishing yourself in the process
@@marcospereira9273 thank you. Much love to you. This helps me a whole bunch and I'm going into a deeper dive as to why I am💯📈🤌
It was the "Doubtful" and "quitter" for me. These are the traits i'm trying to leave behind, and hearing this made me realize I need to try a little harder. I'm going to do my best! Thanks.
My mum is doubtful & I am a quitter.
It was a little bit victim minded, a little bit of the desperate one at times for me. It’s definitely possible to do this, and I feel more encouraged to do so
I'm a quitter and it really does suck. There are so many things I want to try, but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's gotten to the point where I don't even try because I know I'm not going to continue doing it. I'm trying to stop it but I don't know how. Any ideas?
@@sockthecat I would suggest getting out of your comfort zone and destroying your doubts. For example I used to be so afraid of going out where I knew there'd be a lot of people. I didn't leave my house for a long time and it honestly made me depressed. I became angry that I was depressed so then I started looking for easy options or the quickest way around socializing. But, it wasn't something that could be easily solved. I was trying to rely on others to give me strength, when I what I really had to do was find it myself. I told myself "the worst that can happen is a few mean words. I probably won't become a friend of every person I meet. I may look like a fool. But it doesn't matter!" And with that, I pushed myself to leave my comfort zone. And today I'm confident enough to post on forums like this.
So just don't be too hard on yourself, and try your best. Heck, you can even congratulate yourself when you fail just so you don't feel bad. I hope this helps
@@laughingflowers1819 Thank you! I've been trying to get into some digital things because I'm at home a lot, and your response really helped. :D
Am i the only one who is scared to be one of those without knowing it!?
What you can do is to be more aware and mindful of your actions based on it. And to accept those actions and change them to become a better individual.
Tip: you can write down the stuff shown in this video and after writing you can go through them one by one and recall some of your past actions and see if you do any of those. If you don't, put an X mark or if you do, put a check mark or whatever suits you. This kind of method has helped me improve on alot of aspects and i hope it helps you in someway too. Have a lovely evening🌻
@@latiie That's actually a really nice idea. Thank you for sharing 😊
Lmao
Me too 😔
That's why I'm here
To anyone struggling with a victim mindset, I have some advice, if you’d like it! It’s not something I ever chronically struggled with, but I was a victim of CSA. And as we all know, words have power.
We all know that as victims, we’re helpless and trapped, and it’s a miserable place to be. I don’t want you to suffer through that or anyone else!
I try calling myself a survivor instead. And not just through my CSA. I SURVIVED that unbearably hard day I didn’t think I’d make it through, I SURVIVED that pain that was extremely overwhelming.
You can be a survivor of day to day things!
It helps, or at least, helped me, feel like I was taking power back in my life. Likewise, finding three things to be thankful for everyday, to express gratitude for my blessings, even when I don’t feel so blessed.
I hope this can help someone, but if this isn’t the proper mental health tool for you - keep looking! Don’t give up! You have a perspective only you can offer the world, and without you, humanity will be missing a vital puzzle piece!
I'm a doubtful person but I always express my appreciation for those who try to help. I just can't stop quitting on myself at the moment
The saddest thing is when your own mother is like this....
Can relate :(
I know how sad and helpless u might be feeling , just like me ..... :(
Meh, all my family
👌😂👌
Relatable
There is only one type of people you can't help: the ones that don't want (to) change. You're welcome.
Thank you for saying this. I feel like the doubtful type is going to get a bad rep now thanks to this video saying they can’t be helped. 🤦
truth
@@TT35109 anyone of these people can get help but they have to want to be helped. You can't help people who cannot help themselves
That pretty much sums it up. I think someone could have all of the "you can't help them" things and want to change.
Some of these are just because life has conditioned us to be this way. Like the doubtful, or desperate or victim minded. We arent born negative, we just begin to view the world as a very negative place through repeated bad experiences and build walls to protect ourselves from it. These people need help the MOST! Not to be labeled as someone who cannot be helped.
When I was younger I used to help people with their problems and reassurance that they'll still be accepted and loved by others. Now I'm the one who has severe mental trauma and on the verge of giving up on life completely. It's weird how the world works.
Don't give up
Ask God for help sincerely
God will help for sure :)))
Do you have access to mental health services in your area?
I feel u because, same
I hope things go good for you
Same here!
"So after this elimination, is there ANYBODY left to date?"
The way I like to look at it, is that like narcissism, EVERYONE has some amount of these traits.
There's a spectrum, from the softest to the most malignant.
Just understand that if you go looking for these traits in everyone, you're gonna find them in everyone.
finally someone who gets it
Exactly!
Well, if you paid the quantity of attention required and undestood the video, it's obvious that everyone tend to have these attitudes. However, in the video they're talking about people who have those attitudes every single day, who are always behaving like that and they don't notice they need to improve or they notice that but they're not willing to do it.
yeah i feel like this video was hurtful if anything
@@hasooyoung3939 Yeah exactly, watching this I could see myself as like 5/7 of these under the wrong kind of microscope, even though I try to be a good person.
The victim minded can also be easily confused with anxiety people and low self-worth esteem tho..
I am deceptive, disloyal, doubtful and quitters. And I hate it, but no matter how hard I try it doesn't change. I lived with people like that around me and ended up becoming like that too, but I also care a lot about my friends and every time I do something wrong I apologize to them and we are good with each other again.
Something that was very hard for me to understand was the fact that no matter how much you want to help someone and no matter how hard you work to help them, nothing will change unless they *themselves* want help or to change.
It's a tough pill to swallow because the people we strive to help are usually people we do care about and love. So it's heartbreaking when you realize that no matter what you do, nothing changes because the other person isn't willing to change or refuses to acknowledge anything.
This!...
This is especially hard when it involves your children or other family member! It's sad!
been there dont that, i got involved with a women about 20 years ago and the connection we had was scary but she could not deal with her issues so i finally left for my own sanity and it hurt like hell but i knew it was for my own good.
Truer words were never spoken, which is why self awareness is very important for everyone.
yeah :(
I feel like everyone has a small part of all these traits, only a tiny bit.
The objective is to notice them and try to get rid of them
@@Seldron333 of course, but you can never fully get rid of anything thats part of you. Idk how to word it, but its hard to rid these, sometimes you dont notice it happening because you truly believe that, for example, 'I dont belong in this world'. And sometimes its just hard to correct yourself when its just normal at this point
@@fadingofmemories9318 In my opinion something that is TRULY part of you is something you can't remove and see yourself as the same person. Therefore those traits aren't part of you and you can get rid of them with enough effort.
People like in the video probably weren't like that since they were born, they have grown those traits over the years and have became part of themselves. That's why it is important to be self aware and not to let these traits change who you are
@@Seldron333 Yes, but sometimes people answer the unknown. Its a type of coping method. To wonder why someone has left, we make up our own answers when no one else has them. And I agree that being 'that type of friend' isnt good, and its good to be self aware. But one person can only take so much before they break. But in the end thats what friends are for, friends help you back on your feet. Granted, usually it's you who have to do most of the work, but friends are there to support you. I dont believe someone should expect everything from a friend, but if its someone they trust and have a bond with, I would hope at least for a helping hand.
@@fadingofmemories9318 aww💕
doubtful and quitters, that's me right there. I've been aware of this for awhile and yet to face or confront my ways and change them. it's already so hard to accept that I'm like this and this is only the first step if I ever even want to change
Hey, I wanted to just clarify something for anyone reading this: if the person you're trying to help is a child (and you are too), then they are more likely to change their ways, but they may need a few years. A prolonged break from them might be best, but you don't have to decide to cut them out of your life forever.
However, if you are an adult dealing with another adult who acts like this, it's probably just time to skedaddle.
“I will not allow anyone to walk in my mind with dirty feet.”
- Mahatma Gandhi
Good quote! Got any more? -Monica
@@Psych2go always :D
@@HIXHAM Happy to see people knowing about this legend out of India as well 💜
That's a really badass quote actually but a true one.hahahaha
@The Genderqueer Cringy Emo wdym ?