Everything Wrong With German Tanks

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  • Опубліковано 16 жов 2017
  • An unbiased, historically accurate video, looking into the vast subject of rubbish German tanks. This is basically a documentary.
    Be sure to join my discord server: / discord
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    Thanks for watching, if you enjoyed the show, don’t hesitate to spend the rest of the day browsing my older, less professional videos. Here are some playlists, for your amusement!
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  • Ігри

КОМЕНТАРІ • 6 тис.

  • @SquireComedy
    @SquireComedy  6 років тому +3702

    Also, just a note for anyone wondering why the outro was longer than usual. UA-cam has a distaste for short form content. That 10 minute mark seems to make a huge difference with their stab-in-the-dark analytics. As soon as they stop punishing creators for not making half an hour long let's plays, I'll stop trying to sidestep them. It's since occurred to me that this video didn't have enough "Yes" in it. What I should have done was filled that extra 45 seconds with a huge volume of "Yes".

    • @ethanmoore1315
      @ethanmoore1315 6 років тому +171

      Squire yesssss.....

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  6 років тому +215

      ^ Bang on.

    • @ethanmoore1315
      @ethanmoore1315 6 років тому +67

      The great squire notices me. I feel special now. 😅

    • @janwitkowsky8787
      @janwitkowsky8787 6 років тому +16

      I loved the ending.
      Did you play yourself? :)

    • @queenofyeay
      @queenofyeay 6 років тому +14

      That stab in the dark analytics has also hit the longer form gamers too, Like DevilDogGamer and PhlyDaily... they are routinely around 15 to 20 minutes long. But anything to avoid the hassle of being "Unfriendly to Advertizers" I guess...

  • @neca512
    @neca512 6 років тому +5941

    I feel like i just watched a british propaganda documentary.

    • @cohenmleziva4615
      @cohenmleziva4615 6 років тому +311

      NecaN you did

    • @jwilliams1038
      @jwilliams1038 6 років тому +36

      Ya same

    • @ivanabelic979
      @ivanabelic979 6 років тому +146

      FENRISULVEN 1 German tanks were much better than British

    • @tgpoppins3904
      @tgpoppins3904 6 років тому +144

      Ivana Belic
      "Much better" is a considerable exaggeration. Most German tanks were better than everyone else's tanks, but they were over engineered which in a war of attrition is not the best idea. Plus we're back in the game (which we invented) with our challenger 2 which with it's superior armour (Chobham and explosive reactive armour), splendid gun and most importantly inbuilt tea making unit (not even joking) makes it the best damn tank in the world.

    • @teethirtyfour7394
      @teethirtyfour7394 6 років тому +11

      You did.

  • @DZ-1987
    @DZ-1987 5 років тому +1332

    "You couldn't fit that in a Belgium forest"
    That's what the French said.
    It ended well, clearly.

  • @therustedshank9995
    @therustedshank9995 5 років тому +1592

    Imagine if they used this as propaganda in WW2

    • @m.albani4982
      @m.albani4982 5 років тому +49

      LOL, this propaganda for the German

    • @Linneom
      @Linneom 4 роки тому +15

      The Legion That commie outside Moscow: 😬

    • @azuolas7410
      @azuolas7410 4 роки тому +14

      then germany wont have british prisoners

    • @Mitchy-qw8no
      @Mitchy-qw8no 4 роки тому +4

      country baller
      He’s implying they would of killed them

    • @charlieberesford4616
      @charlieberesford4616 4 роки тому

      They did

  • @Junglehunter677
    @Junglehunter677 4 роки тому +1330

    "German tanks remain in service for too long!"
    *laughs in t34*

    • @ThomasTubeHD
      @ThomasTubeHD 4 роки тому +38

      Junglehunter677. T-34 is the Soviet one,dummy,T34/t34 is the America version,go to gulag

    • @penwin-zv3pu
      @penwin-zv3pu 4 роки тому +18

      The mouse had such a long serves life that it didn’t even see war

    • @spaghettiwolf6057
      @spaghettiwolf6057 4 роки тому +8

      @@ThomasTubeHD r/woosshh

    • @pedrolopez8057
      @pedrolopez8057 4 роки тому +1

      laughs in PzKW IV

    • @shronkler1994
      @shronkler1994 4 роки тому +7

      @@ThomasTubeHD Oh you know what he meant you asshole.

  • @sanaralerx9488
    @sanaralerx9488 5 років тому +1103

    German tanks last too long?
    *Cries in Tiger*

  • @robertbalazslorincz8218
    @robertbalazslorincz8218 4 роки тому +231

    4:38
    Squire: If the RAF doesnt spot them first
    Spitfire: *misses every shot*

    • @protorandom9097
      @protorandom9097 4 роки тому +20

      And then drops the bomb way too late.

    • @Metalbeast46934
      @Metalbeast46934 4 роки тому +7

      Spitfire pilot: Yeah, I can see it but I can't hit the BLOODY THING!! DAMMIT SQUIRE, YOU HAD TO JINX IT.

    • @mowetti2968
      @mowetti2968 4 роки тому +2

      You Schuld know that RAF means red army fraction a german terorist fraction during the cold war

    • @eagletanker
      @eagletanker 4 роки тому +3

      And you should know the people will refer to it as the Red Army Faction instead of the RAF, which is Royal Air Force.

    • @KSPUnitedYT
      @KSPUnitedYT 3 роки тому +2

      wert plays 500 roblox it’s a joke you 7 year old

  • @fuadhakim94yearsago86
    @fuadhakim94yearsago86 5 років тому +2306

    *ALL GERMAN TANK ARE TOO FAST!*
    Maus and Tiger :Am I A JoKe To YOu??!??

    • @gserendipity
      @gserendipity 5 років тому +55

      E-100
      Is a slow tank aswell.
      But E-100's head is stolen from Maus.
      L0L

    • @nikkukurauzen5385
      @nikkukurauzen5385 5 років тому +28

      The P. 1000 would have been the slowest if they completed it

    • @estoor4258
      @estoor4258 5 років тому +24

      @@nikkukurauzen5385 Probably not, it was going to be basically an oversized Panzer 2 and have lots of big engines.

    • @i3lackfusion
      @i3lackfusion 5 років тому +3

      EstGamer oversized pz2? Lmao

    • @nikkukurauzen5385
      @nikkukurauzen5385 5 років тому +7

      EstGamer the panzer 2 is tiny.
      The P. 1000 is way more than oversized compared to the panzer 2

  • @theimperialyank
    @theimperialyank 5 років тому +629

    Germany: *One shots British tank*
    Britain: "HACKS!"

    • @GodzillaLollollol
      @GodzillaLollollol 4 роки тому +10

      Germany: ha we win *russia joins the fight* also Germany: well were fu-

    • @beenthere.donethat
      @beenthere.donethat 4 роки тому +3

      Russia: lol go away noob

    • @damonrugg8284
      @damonrugg8284 4 роки тому

      *America joins the fight*
      Everyone laughs

    • @Dan-pf1jf
      @Dan-pf1jf 4 роки тому +5

      No that wouldn't do, it would be like:
      German: *One shots British tank*
      Britain: Send in the RAF.

    • @Metalbeast46934
      @Metalbeast46934 4 роки тому

      German E1 Tiger: No, actually that engineering 2000 iq brian putting a 88mm flak cannon on a tank body.

  • @oliverevans4629
    @oliverevans4629 5 років тому +820

    Lmao 5000 people thought he was being serious

    • @Schattenspieler1982
      @Schattenspieler1982 5 років тому +1

      Probably not. I'ld say, they were just not hyped by the style of the "narration". It's pretty obvious, that it's supposed to be a ironic, but still the way it's done is ... kinda cheap.

    • @hanzarco7445
      @hanzarco7445 5 років тому +19

      Forty5 Iam sorry, listen carefully, and you know that the video is basically being funny and mostly IRONIC, and SARCASTIC of about whats said in the video, get good ears and a fixed mind...

    • @hanzarco7445
      @hanzarco7445 5 років тому +13

      Forty5 LMFAO Kid, hey, iam sorry if you dont have a good taste of jokes, but if you cant really get it, then just stfu, and you probably not watched the entire or even a part of the video anyway....

    • @hanzarco7445
      @hanzarco7445 5 років тому +1

      Forty5 Your last statement, before that last comment, what it is I dont accept other oppinions? See kiddo Iam not shutting you out, Iam trying to let you get the video's message, but you cant, sorry kiddo, must've been crying now, really sorry, LOL 😂😂

    • @dieterkotwurfel7615
      @dieterkotwurfel7615 5 років тому

      It is called like and dislike button and thats how it should be used. If you LIKE a video, LIKE IT, if you DISLIKE a video DISLIKE it. FFS some people need to use their brain on the internet

  • @MilitaryHistoryVisualized
    @MilitaryHistoryVisualized 6 років тому +3420

    still alive and kicking... did you see my Sea Lion?

    • @KaiservonKrieger
      @KaiservonKrieger 6 років тому +57

      Military History Visualized
      Hahaha

    • @HDonkeyTS
      @HDonkeyTS 6 років тому +79

      I saw it in Hearts of Iron IV. In 1937...

    • @akka8588
      @akka8588 6 років тому +31

      Military History Visualized well I think it's safe to say that Squire can still be charged with attempted murder :)

    • @chubbycakes6446
      @chubbycakes6446 6 років тому +20

      haha was already subbed before this video...at that time i was like "SOUNDS FAMILIAR"

    • @Cpt_Boony_Hat
      @Cpt_Boony_Hat 6 років тому +2

      That mad man tried to kill you!

  • @samuellastname6960
    @samuellastname6960 4 роки тому +196

    “Jumped up German tractors”
    Bob sempal tank: *am I a joke to you?*

    • @leowcheewai8053
      @leowcheewai8053 3 роки тому +2

      No, it’s not a joke, he’ll it’s further than a god

  • @olympus__
    @olympus__ 5 років тому +78

    I got a tiger day ad before this
    very relevant

  • @adrianbecker1383
    @adrianbecker1383 5 років тому +976

    As a german, I had to laugh the most. The style how this whole Thing is presented is just amazing. Really loved this.

    • @pancytryna9378
      @pancytryna9378 5 років тому +9

      Watch and learn idiots

    • @sirnicklnack
      @sirnicklnack 4 роки тому +13

      Mich macht das aggressiv weil der Humor sehr kindisch und scheiße ist. Ich verstehe nicht wie man das lustig finden kann

    • @jones2005
      @jones2005 4 роки тому +6

      Naja mit nem bissl Augen zudrücken... :D

    • @friedwaldderlebendige8494
      @friedwaldderlebendige8494 4 роки тому +17

      @@sirnicklnack Depp, wenn du es nicht verstehst, schau's nicht...

    • @d7_xs350
      @d7_xs350 4 роки тому +2

      German tanks are trash

  • @Hello_there_obi
    @Hello_there_obi 6 років тому +964

    4.7K people don't get irony

  • @TTisIH
    @TTisIH 5 років тому +378

    Who thinks paint rounds should be in Warthunder?

    • @hiltonsothea1134
      @hiltonsothea1134 4 роки тому +8

      Yep

    • @aloskss
      @aloskss 4 роки тому +10

      Isaac Howard but why

    • @cooolek2126
      @cooolek2126 4 роки тому +36

      @@aloskss to paint enemy tanks xD

    • @Hardbass2021
      @Hardbass2021 4 роки тому +22

      Use the paint round alongside the potato rounds every April Fools.

    • @KellingtonDorkswafer
      @KellingtonDorkswafer 4 роки тому +8

      Paintball tankery in War Thunder when?!

  • @Jesus_3232
    @Jesus_3232 4 роки тому +35

    Lol you can kinda hear him giggle when saying “or left in France”

  • @abeherbert6603
    @abeherbert6603 6 років тому +367

    The *ahem* Tiger. Definitely not a Czech T 34 covered in pieces of wood to look like a Tiger. Yesssss.

    • @mathiasrryba
      @mathiasrryba 6 років тому +42

      we, the polish have done that as well and tbh they look like a tiger.... from 1km away in a dense fog that his...

    • @abeherbert6603
      @abeherbert6603 6 років тому +6

      Yeah, it's unfortunately very obvious in Kelly's Heroes. Doesn't stop it from being one of my favourite films.

    • @hvymtal8566
      @hvymtal8566 6 років тому +17

      Hey, when you don't have a real tiger to work with like the lucky bastards in Fury got, you make do.

    • @dasirrlicht5415
      @dasirrlicht5415 6 років тому +3

      In dense fog, you say?
      That is becaus they were build for the Operation Seelöwe!

    • @thitran1362
      @thitran1362 6 років тому +9

      well, there is only 1 operation Tiger left in the world and they only test run it a few times in a year

  • @davidandgaillorier-may1967
    @davidandgaillorier-may1967 6 років тому +1070

    Guys this is a joke. Its a piss take of British tanks. Its British humour which appears to have gone right over the heads of many of you.
    It is a type of self deprecating joke that looks like its insulting German tanks but is actually insulting the British tanks.
    So chill out guys.

    • @chesterthemolester7976
      @chesterthemolester7976 5 років тому +19

      yes, I think most of them know 🤣🤣

    • @markpippin550
      @markpippin550 5 років тому +19

      You should chill out actually

    • @orneryokinawan4529
      @orneryokinawan4529 5 років тому +10

      I totally get it over the top comedy. Hilarious. The "ill have you know" remark had me rolling going over all over the trees. 🤣

    • @fizzldizzl1616
      @fizzldizzl1616 5 років тому +8

      The comment has 88 likes xD

    • @cortezjohndreil.7950
      @cortezjohndreil.7950 5 років тому +1

      Yeah yeah I always chill

  • @SomeGuy-lr7ms
    @SomeGuy-lr7ms 4 роки тому +40

    “The Dicker Max, Are they taking the piss!?”
    That made my day

  • @snorp6781
    @snorp6781 4 роки тому +272

    "THE DICKER MAX?"
    British making first ever tank: Little Willie.
    Both had 2 seperate ideas when it came to tanks.

    • @sadface7463
      @sadface7463 4 роки тому +22

      Big tank pp and smol tank pp

    • @JSMEsq
      @JSMEsq 3 роки тому +4

      Communist Crusader and then big willie after little willie

    • @bekluwe
      @bekluwe 3 роки тому +3

      The first armored vehicle (Tank) was built by German-Born Frederick Richard Simms. He was born in Hamburg in 1863. He grew up in Hamburg and London and studied in Berlin.

    • @yonneye2427
      @yonneye2427 3 роки тому +2

      Bernhard Klumpe. Well it depends on what you call a tank the modern definition is a heavily armoured vehicle with guns on an continuous metal tracks.

    • @bekluwe
      @bekluwe 3 роки тому

      Yonex
      There also tanks on wheels

  • @kevinmikegrit
    @kevinmikegrit 5 років тому +409

    More than 5000 people don't understand sarcasm. This is sarcastic comedy folks.

  • @davidj.thompson
    @davidj.thompson 6 років тому +286

    A war documentary by "Monty Python"....

  • @baz6128
    @baz6128 5 років тому +82

    2:58 this is a Churchill, the walking man's tank. lol.

    • @ImWallace799
      @ImWallace799 3 роки тому +1

      The churchill, or if yer German, the fire at the frontal armor and have your 50mm shell ricochet off the inside track cover and into the assistant driver and kill the entire crew

    • @jocelynndotson7273
      @jocelynndotson7273 3 роки тому

      Because it's slow

    • @vothbetilia4862
      @vothbetilia4862 3 роки тому

      How did he get the maple leaf insgina regiment on it?

    • @Deavastator
      @Deavastator 3 роки тому

      @Forever Maple God save the king, Its a Canadian Tank, Insignia an everything, Even the Red white red (Used on Canadian tanks its not a flag)

    • @vothbetilia4862
      @vothbetilia4862 3 роки тому

      @@Deavastator Where do I find this on the customization?

  • @seppi1789
    @seppi1789 3 роки тому +32

    "You wouldn´t get that through a Belgium forest..." Well as a member of the Germans, I sincerely appreciate your sense of humor, that about 6.5k people don´t seem to understand ^^

  • @grantpollmann6175
    @grantpollmann6175 6 років тому +345

    HE’S ALIVE

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  6 років тому +31

      Just about. The sky was red yesterday. I was midway through building my fallout shelter, when I realised I hadn't uploaded a final video.

    • @martijn9568
      @martijn9568 6 років тому

      Squire Same here in the swampland east of Engeland

  • @OldEastGermany
    @OldEastGermany 4 роки тому +117

    Black British humor, as a German we will never understand that.

    • @thomasgodridge5945
      @thomasgodridge5945 3 роки тому +11

      We British are something of an enigma. It's all the tea, it messes with our brains.

    • @foxtrot0417
      @foxtrot0417 Рік тому +1

      @@thomasgodridge5945 Maby the americans should throw your Tea of the ship again XD

    • @thomasgodridge5945
      @thomasgodridge5945 Рік тому +2

      @@foxtrot0417 Don't you dare!

    • @foxtrot0417
      @foxtrot0417 Рік тому +1

      @@thomasgodridge5945 dont worry im not American XD (but happy you understood the joke)

    • @thomasgodridge5945
      @thomasgodridge5945 Рік тому +1

      @@foxtrot0417 Oh, good. XD
      It put a smile on my face!

  • @rockysquid1094
    @rockysquid1094 3 роки тому +74

    “Austrian with some Prussian tendencies.” Sounds like Hitler to me. Anyone else?

  • @AvarikVonNom
    @AvarikVonNom 6 років тому +1597

    Press F to pay respect to Military History, yeeeeees.

  • @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785
    @pex_the_unalivedrunk6785 6 років тому +152

    You forgot to mention the British Sexton, because the British know how to have a ton of sex in their tanks.

    • @quintenvankasteel2437
      @quintenvankasteel2437 5 років тому +5

      British? I'll have you know good sir that the Sexton was Canadian and it wasn't a tank it was a self propelled gun. Still a good joke though

    • @craigkdillon
      @craigkdillon 5 років тому +4

      @@quintenvankasteel2437 Wait a minute. A tank has a gun. Nobody else pushes the tank, so it is self propelled, too.
      Therefore, a tank is SPG. Right??? Go ask Chieftain.

    • @quintenvankasteel2437
      @quintenvankasteel2437 5 років тому +2

      @@craigkdillon MY MIND IS BLOWN XD

    • @jonneelskamp349
      @jonneelskamp349 5 років тому

      But it was canadian

    • @f4fphantomii468
      @f4fphantomii468 5 років тому

      A Ton of Sex
      Sexton

  • @jameslawrie3807
    @jameslawrie3807 4 роки тому +9

    You have to admit though, those Faux Tigers in 'Kelly's Heroes' were great efforts in a time when studios were quite happy to just paint a balkenkreuz on a Patton or something similar.

  • @statingtheobvious8119
    @statingtheobvious8119 5 років тому +109

    *AND WHATS THIS? EXCUSE ME?*
    *THE D I C K E R M A X?*

    • @lordwunglerbeckett
      @lordwunglerbeckett 5 років тому +14

      You know, there was a plan to mount a 128mm cannon in place of it's original 105mm and call the upgraded version the Thicker Dicker

    • @DZ-1987
      @DZ-1987 5 років тому +1

      Forgot that tank existed.
      And here i was, bragging to me mates, a few years ago about having a dicker, at maximum, whatever that mean't.

    • @kevinkevinski5101
      @kevinkevinski5101 4 роки тому

      It means fat max

    • @fangaming5509
      @fangaming5509 4 роки тому +3

      Oh well now they just taking the PISS

    • @snorp6781
      @snorp6781 4 роки тому +5

      And let us remember the the first ever tank, made by the British.
      *THE L I T T L E W I L L I E*

  • @ocdgaming5791
    @ocdgaming5791 6 років тому +63

    Squire uploads, day turns good

  • @alexanderm9446
    @alexanderm9446 6 років тому +336

    "Squire uploaded a video 33 seconds ago" Well who needs sleep...

  • @sohammitra7516
    @sohammitra7516 5 років тому +30

    5:36 or gets left in france lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @shinkreytpuylap
    @shinkreytpuylap 3 роки тому +10

    "There all too bloody fast!"
    Those Heavy tanks :
    *Am I a joke to you?*

  • @Weppsu
    @Weppsu 6 років тому +64

    Military History Visualized: I cover military history with an analytically and *gunshots*
    Me: Jesus Christ are you trying to start a world war or something?

    • @potatosmasher1072
      @potatosmasher1072 5 років тому

      Imperium rip grammar

    • @Cykadelia
      @Cykadelia 5 років тому +2

      @@potatosmasher1072
      Nothing seems wrong to me...?

  • @NightWolf-yh9nl
    @NightWolf-yh9nl 6 років тому +66

    “Neubaufahrzeug” means Newdesignvehicle in German

    • @skeletorlord621
      @skeletorlord621 5 років тому +11

      Dicker Max means thicc Max

    • @edelweiss-
      @edelweiss- 5 років тому +5

      Newbuildvehicle*

    • @franken0702
      @franken0702 5 років тому

      and sd.kfz. means SonderKampfFahrzeug

    • @edelweiss-
      @edelweiss- 5 років тому +2

      @@franken0702 Sonderkraftfahrzeug*

    • @franken0702
      @franken0702 5 років тому

      @@edelweiss- oh ok

  • @regular6338
    @regular6338 3 роки тому +6

    6:43 as a german: laughed my ucking arse off

  • @peteryvesclement364
    @peteryvesclement364 3 роки тому +7

    Everything wrong with German tanks summarized : they’re not British.

  • @Firebolt193
    @Firebolt193 6 років тому +529

    *Sees this video pop up in notifications*
    Oh, a new Squire video! I wonder what it is on!
    *''Every Thing Wrong With German Tanks''*
    *Eye twitches*
    I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW SQUIRE, THAT... (Insert rant on the superiority of German vehicles over their shoddy Allied counterparts here)

    • @MrRespectfulGenius
      @MrRespectfulGenius 6 років тому +28

      Yes, the Germans sure knew how to build a mean horse.

    • @thesupertendent8973
      @thesupertendent8973 6 років тому

      Firebolt1089: I covered you on that.. (In squires comment) and that I'm sure it fits your description of what you may say

    • @furioussherman7265
      @furioussherman7265 6 років тому +6

      I'll see you that angry rant and raise you one lecture by the one and only Nicholas "The Chieftain" Moran.
      ua-cam.com/video/bNjp_4jY8pY/v-deo.html
      Game, set, match. I win.

    • @hvymtal8566
      @hvymtal8566 6 років тому +5

      Don't feed the Wehraboo

    • @furioussherman7265
      @furioussherman7265 6 років тому +4

      I'm not feeding him, I'm castrating him.

  • @mattesdrescher4783
    @mattesdrescher4783 5 років тому +190

    It’s painful to see how many people don’t get sarcasm. I mean it’s not that hard to detect that. Even Sheldon would understand this video. Great video🔥

    • @kekw4781
      @kekw4781 5 років тому

      Franklin D Roosevelt yeah I Do (I think)

    • @Perktube1
      @Perktube1 5 років тому +5

      Snowflakes don't get humor.

    • @Metalbeast46934
      @Metalbeast46934 4 роки тому +4

      His voice is sarcasm. I mean who the bloody hell sounds like that. Was hos vocal.cords damaged at birth?

    • @friedwaldderlebendige8494
      @friedwaldderlebendige8494 4 роки тому

      You can still dislike sarcasm

    • @udozocklein6023
      @udozocklein6023 3 роки тому +3

      @@Metalbeast46934 he is just british man, relax lol

  • @bigboys108
    @bigboys108 4 роки тому +49

    “GERMAN TANKS ARE TOO BLOOD TO FAST”
    THATS WHY THEY HAD lighting war

  • @fatcat4193
    @fatcat4193 4 роки тому +12

    "Short and maintained" *CONFUSED LONG BARREL TORTOISE*

    • @ImWallace799
      @ImWallace799 3 роки тому

      Ahemm ahem.. the jagdtiger, jagdpanther, tortoise, t28, t95, stug 3 ausf/ .g, and the marders 1-3 all have stationary guns so they can be as long as they want!

    • @fatcat4193
      @fatcat4193 3 роки тому

      @@ImWallace799 huh...I didn't think of that

    • @projectpitchfork860
      @projectpitchfork860 3 роки тому

      @@ImWallace799 Ever heard of the Firefly and Cromwell?

    • @ImWallace799
      @ImWallace799 3 роки тому

      @@projectpitchfork860 i certainky have. my point being, if a tank is in an alleyway too skinny to turn the tank, you turn the turret. if a tank e.g. the firefly has a long gun and turret. so it can't traverse. if a tank destroyer (e.g. jagdtiger i think it's cool) cannot traverse it's gun around so why bother a short barrel?

  • @Prometheus19853
    @Prometheus19853 6 років тому +28

    Those Panthers go 55 kilometers per hour! I don't know how fast that is, but they go 35 miles per hour!
    >dead

  • @zsuzsannadhellemnebardosi2701
    @zsuzsannadhellemnebardosi2701 5 років тому +50

    Stalin: But... our tanks have long guns too!!!
    *report comes in with the nuber of destroyed USSR tanks*
    Stalin. Ah, blyat.

  • @elisabethlopez2378
    @elisabethlopez2378 4 роки тому +20

    "Look at that cannon, It's just too big!"
    Me watching This Historically Accurate Documentary: "Wait Wasn't the Tiger meant for Open spac-"
    This extremely Historically accurate Documentary: we can bring the British empire back
    Me: "HUZZAH! AN HISTORY CHANNEL SHOW OF QUALITY!"

    • @Metalbeast46934
      @Metalbeast46934 4 роки тому

      It's pronounced "A HISTORY CHANNEL."

    • @buckokid5930
      @buckokid5930 4 роки тому

      In the Queen's English, one places an "an" before a word beginning with "h". You must be a German spy if you don't know that.

    • @thomasforgue3453
      @thomasforgue3453 3 роки тому

      aha but you see- with some english accents- historically sounds more like istorically
      which means this is correct
      Spies!

  • @benguo6142
    @benguo6142 3 роки тому +7

    4:11 "Look at the size of that one!"
    that's what she said

  • @christosswc
    @christosswc 6 років тому +105

    "Not like...the Valentine!" I cried :)

    • @TheRailroadDiplomat
      @TheRailroadDiplomat 6 років тому

      Christos Segkounas That is nothing compared to the Swedish Stridsvagn tanks, lel

    • @LadyMaskPain
      @LadyMaskPain 6 років тому

      Me too!!!

  • @barnabyg6808
    @barnabyg6808 6 років тому +32

    Good job lengthening your outro and intro to spice up that 10 min ad revenue
    Well played sir

    • @YetiGains123
      @YetiGains123 6 років тому

      Tankieguy Lol He deserves it. He does high quality videos and you can see that he puts much work in them

    • @barnabyg6808
      @barnabyg6808 6 років тому

      Yeti123 absolutely he does and I’m. It criticising it

  • @I_Will_Order
    @I_Will_Order 4 роки тому +5

    *AND WHAT'S THIS THE D I C K E R M A X"*

  • @angelomaset1441
    @angelomaset1441 4 роки тому +3

    The fact that @militaryhistoryvisualized was in this makes it so much better

  • @SquireComedy
    @SquireComedy  6 років тому +305

    Hope everyone enjoys the show! Here's a link to my Discord server, Patreon, and to Military History Visualized. An equally historically accurate channel.
    www.patreon.com/squire
    discord.gg/squire
    ua-cam.com/channels/K09g6gYGMvU-0x1VCF1hgA.html

    • @hornetplays4045
      @hornetplays4045 6 років тому

      Squire k I might get to join because I just downloaded War Thunder!!!

    • @Frafra15
      @Frafra15 6 років тому +1

      Squire hi squire

    • @mastro6346
      @mastro6346 6 років тому

      Bloody finally squire also verry good point

    • @samhansen9771
      @samhansen9771 6 років тому

      Squire you should try your hand at bomber crew if you can

    • @chocolatebar5663
      @chocolatebar5663 6 років тому +1

      ughhh when you said they name tanks after animals you forgot that horrible maus

  • @z3r0_35
    @z3r0_35 6 років тому +119

    The funny thing is that there's actually a little bit of truth to all these:
    -Regarding guns, one thing the Germans never seemed to figure out was how to make their gun breaches smaller, as they tended to be fairly large compared to similar caliber weapons used by the Allies. This obviously led to problems when trying to upgun certain vehicles like the Tiger II, which couldn't fit a 105 mm gun without the breach hitting the back of the turret whenever the gun fired. Compare this to the Soviets with the IS-2, who managed to fit a 122 mm gun into the damned thing, albeit a very slow-firing one due to it using two-piece ammunition.
    -As for being too fast, this did in fact cause some problems as early as 1940, with German armor outrunning their own infantry support and supply lines, and even getting out of radio contact entirely in extreme cases (as was the case with the 7th Panzer Division, nicknamed the "Ghost Division" after the fall of France), and this problem became even more pronounced in North Africa (as excellent of a tactical commander as Rommel was, he had absolutely no grasp of logistics whatsoever). Then there were other cases where that was a problem: the Tiger I and Panther. The Tiger I was actually about as fast as a Sherman, with a competent driver and commander to avoid poor terrain, but this caused excessive wear and tear on the components, so later ones had a speed governor installed (though this was frequently removed by the crews), and the Panther had an overloaded front suspension and an overly complex transmission that liked to break down frequently if pushed too hard for too long. The Tiger's problems were mostly fixed and weren't present for the most part on the Tiger II, but the Panther was never really fixed. (Sidenote on the Cromwell: the main reason for the speed governor iirc was for the same reason that the Tiger I had one, as it used a repurposed aircraft engine, which - due to being designed for maximum performance with as little weight as possible but with frequent maintenance - isn't exactly ideal for the sorts of things you'd do with a tank)
    -Regarding size...yep, this was pretty much a given, the Allies mostly agreed on this, mostly because there was insufficient infrastructure to support 60+ metric ton vehicles during the war...hell, even vehicles in excess of 30 metric tons were pushing it at times. This is the main reason why the Russians have had a strict weight limit on their tanks of around 50-55 tons at most (which they only recently did away with upon unveiling the Armata series of AFVs), whereas NATO basically said 'fuck it' regarding weight limits in the 1970s when coming up with the third generation of MBTs (leading to vehicles like the M1 Abrams, Leopard 2, and Challenger - a modern Abrams in particular weighs as much if not slightly more than a Tiger II).

    • @CrazyDutchguys
      @CrazyDutchguys 6 років тому +8

      when trying to what. YOUR COMMENT CUTS OFF
      DAMNIT UA-cam, FIRST DEMONITIZATIONS, THEN YOU TAKE AWAY MY ABILITY TO LEARN ABOUT TANKS

    • @rotor7726
      @rotor7726 6 років тому +2

      If you use the 'Inspect' function on the comment (Right click) then you can access the code that surrounds it. You should be able to get to the full comment from there.

    • @jammygamer8961
      @jammygamer8961 6 років тому +3

      Mingfang Lin
      they did upgrade older tanks like turning the skoda tanks into the hetzer

    • @jammygamer8961
      @jammygamer8961 6 років тому +2

      oh i didnt know you ment that but the reason they didnt upgrade the guns was because the guns they had could penetrate any known tank in ww2

    • @joshuabanner3675
      @joshuabanner3675 6 років тому +5

      Check out military history visualized on this; Germany suffered from a documented lack of good leadership when it came to technical development, leading to things like project overlap and engineers simply pursuing their own pet projects.
      Both the Nazi brass and the Military leadership were Romantic sentimentalists and as such were both unqualified and unwilling to learn when it came to technical matters.

  • @randomguythatwatchesyoutub2673
    @randomguythatwatchesyoutub2673 4 роки тому +3

    “This beauty won’t do 35 mph if you push it off a cliff. Which means the highly trained British soldier can jog comfortably besides you.” No wonder the Russians reached Berlin first.

  • @Outlaw2-5
    @Outlaw2-5 4 роки тому +1

    Just watched several videos and love them all. Awesome vids and definitely subscribing!

  • @drstihl2007
    @drstihl2007 6 років тому +72

    As an now angry German, without any sense of humour except some bits about dead parrots and an inquisition of the Iberian type (gotta love the ruthless efficiency), i send the like via...churchill tank. Once it's there London will be part of bloody Grand Wales.

    • @davidandgaillorier-may1967
      @davidandgaillorier-may1967 6 років тому

      Gor gasm I hope you understand that this video is a joke. Its subtle British self deprecation humour that looks like it is insulting German tanks while actually insulting the British tanks.

    • @gladehartdreamer5620
      @gladehartdreamer5620 5 років тому

      @@davidandgaillorier-may1967 its pretty obvious he knew it was sarcasm, he even said he would send a like and mocked his own lack of humour.

    • @davidandgaillorier-may1967
      @davidandgaillorier-may1967 5 років тому

      @@gladehartdreamer5620 geez that was 6th months ago I forgot this conversation had even happened.

  • @CMDRFandragon
    @CMDRFandragon 6 років тому +395

    2,000 people need to fix their sarcasm meters haha.

    • @matthewfernandez1101
      @matthewfernandez1101 6 років тому +3

      CMDRFandragon Lol so True

    • @nicoderechte442
      @nicoderechte442 6 років тому +4

      I think they just disliked him because of that voice. I mean it makes me wanna do a "holiday" trip to where ever he lives. xD

    • @jimdecamp7204
      @jimdecamp7204 6 років тому +1

      It wasn't in the least clever. There was plenty wrong with German tanks. Before the battle of Kursk at least two ruined their final drives being unloaded from train cars because the final drives where inadequate for their mass.. Panzers had a mean distance between mobility failure of about 100 km. With the German Army retreating, a lost tread meant a captured tank. (The much maligned Sherman, had a mdbmf of about halfway around the world.) Their largest tanks were too heavy for most road bridges, the engineers had to reinforce the bridges under fire. The final drive had about a 1500 km life.

    • @DrzBa
      @DrzBa 6 років тому

      What game is this from?

    • @CMDRFandragon
      @CMDRFandragon 6 років тому +1

      German tanks were more reliable then Russians. Russians lost just about as many tanks to break downs as they did to fire....RUssian tanks were trash...

  • @zachboyd4749
    @zachboyd4749 3 роки тому +2

    6:11
    “Champions of fair play and decency”
    Rolls out the 17 pndr FU launcher....

  • @adnitesean5005
    @adnitesean5005 5 років тому +10

    5k dislike really? People nowadays don't get the joke

    • @regular6338
      @regular6338 3 роки тому

      we are germans, the fuck do you expect?

  • @_Matsimus_
    @_Matsimus_ 6 років тому +457

    This was epic lol

    • @kongocat4240
      @kongocat4240 6 років тому +1

      Whaaaaaaaa YOU WATCHED THIS VID!?!?

    • @kongocat4240
      @kongocat4240 6 років тому

      Love your vids.

    • @arcade185
      @arcade185 5 років тому

      Matsimus???????

    • @Texan.Insomniac
      @Texan.Insomniac 5 років тому +2

      10/10 unbiased accurate documentary am I right?

    • @Texan.Insomniac
      @Texan.Insomniac 5 років тому +1

      10/10 unbiased accurate documentary am I right?

  • @tvela595
    @tvela595 5 років тому +368

    Hello, I’m one of the 5.3k people that disliked the video because I can’t take a joke and I need to flex my girthy knowledge of German machinery. I have no sense of humor, and there are brick walls that are more vibrant than I am.

    • @Glocktopus1
      @Glocktopus1 5 років тому +7

      T Vela Don’t worry, it was my initial reaction as well👍

    • @user-dd9qq1ru7s
      @user-dd9qq1ru7s 5 років тому +4

      2k probably disliked because of what you said and the other 3k probably didn't like the video and the narrator

    • @tiang1493
      @tiang1493 5 років тому +3

      wElL ThEN Yo.u CaN Go To HeLl

    • @dexterramos1826
      @dexterramos1826 5 років тому +1

      Its insulting the british not the german

    • @erwinrommel6561
      @erwinrommel6561 5 років тому +1

      @Piechowski Kamil you dumb as fuck.

  • @cf-1043
    @cf-1043 3 роки тому +6

    “Their guns are too big!”
    **laughs in 17-pounder**

  • @MarekUtd
    @MarekUtd 4 роки тому +2

    I love that you have the guy from Military History Visualised on the video. I recognised his voice right away. His channel is great!!!

  • @ORYG1N
    @ORYG1N 6 років тому +332

    Damn, son, that minute and a half long outro was awesome! ;D

    • @SquireComedy
      @SquireComedy  6 років тому +48

      Thank you.
      Not letting UA-cam rip me off for my hundreds of hours of work, just because it falls a minute short of that 10 minute mark. How are things your end?

    • @ORYG1N
      @ORYG1N 6 років тому +8

      Squire haha. Yea, it's so frustrating with all these weird things we gotta do to make vids work.

    • @pacodado1944
      @pacodado1944 6 років тому +6

      Squire
      Is there any chance that you inform me about the title of your glorious outro song?

    • @etramulnn785
      @etramulnn785 6 років тому +2

      for the 10:06 XD

    • @zhencongng8064
      @zhencongng8064 6 років тому +1

      Yess whats the outro?

  • @thundercookie9576
    @thundercookie9576 6 років тому +53

    Oh my gosh... I don't think I have actually clicked on a video so fast well done Squire!!!

  • @dapperfield595
    @dapperfield595 3 роки тому +2

    The amount of people who don’t notice the comedic value of this video is disappointing

  • @angryanon3870
    @angryanon3870 3 роки тому +6

    I shouldn't laugh that much, but this "totally accurate historical documentary" is way too funny.

  • @petesampson4273
    @petesampson4273 6 років тому +82

    You forgot a few things wrong with German tanks.
    1. They were too bloody heavy to glide well or, indeed, fly at all.
    2. It was bloody hard work to pound out the dents caused by enemy fire.
    3. Those big, long, guns weren't just a problem while trying to traverse the turret. They were bloody loud and a well-trained British ear could hear the shots from miles away.
    4. They got bloody hot in the desert and bloody cold on the frozen tundra.
    5. All that extra and bloody unnecessary steel could have been used to make really useful weapons like "belt buckle guns", bayonets, slingshot ammo, and assorted pointy bits of metal that could be jammed into enemy soldiers.

    • @TimTommerson-rw2hj
      @TimTommerson-rw2hj 6 років тому +4

      pete sampson
      Bloody here and bloody there , fucking Inselaffe !

    • @deathtrooper7760
      @deathtrooper7760 6 років тому

      fucking Backsteinblonde Inselaffen

    • @Birb_of_Judge
      @Birb_of_Judge 6 років тому +1

      pete sampson Slingshot Projectiles? Are you referring to the Slingshot Channel?

    • @petesampson4273
      @petesampson4273 6 років тому

      Nah. Just riffing.

    • @rameynoodles152
      @rameynoodles152 6 років тому +1

      6. They DON'T have a bloody TEA station!!

  • @Igor-ug1uo
    @Igor-ug1uo 6 років тому +59

    Prussian Tendencies, an amazing name for a metal band!

  • @keisd9192
    @keisd9192 5 років тому +3

    Whenever i use the M24 Chaffee with my friend playing,he always say "here comes the Flipper" which made me confused then iwas thinking of what it means then.....i remembered that i had always flipped plenty of tanks with Chaffee🤣

  • @charlesperruzzi141
    @charlesperruzzi141 5 років тому

    I love military history visualized. I subscribed to that and squire at the same time before seeing this video

  • @okrajoe
    @okrajoe 6 років тому +280

    Hey its Tiger #131 roaming around the desert

    • @XDrake3107
      @XDrake3107 6 років тому +18

      Rommel prob lost him there and now the tiger is looking for his daddy

    • @lucaswallace7476
      @lucaswallace7476 6 років тому +2

      OR its just chilling

    • @lucaswallace7476
      @lucaswallace7476 6 років тому +3

      looking for Panzers IV to be his freind

    • @thinkingofaname3832
      @thinkingofaname3832 6 років тому +2

      The legendary tiger that destroyed a entire convoy of Sherman firefly (with another tiger #142)

    • @HMSConqueror
      @HMSConqueror 6 років тому +1

      WRONG! Tiger 131 was out of action because of a 6 pounder round jammed the turret.

  • @sumanrai8921
    @sumanrai8921 5 років тому +19

    2:23 most realistic thing i've ever seen🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @blockboygames5956
    @blockboygames5956 4 роки тому +1

    One of the great WWII documentaries!! Thank you so much.

  • @highfive4203
    @highfive4203 2 роки тому +1

    I think this is the best video you have ever made!

  • @commodoregaming1651
    @commodoregaming1651 6 років тому +145

    *Sends like via Carrier Tortoise*

    • @Quadratical
      @Quadratical 6 років тому +5

      has it arrived yet?

    • @commodoregaming1651
      @commodoregaming1651 6 років тому +9

      Sadly not, could be another few weeks before it gets there.

    • @doggy_ebooks
      @doggy_ebooks 6 років тому +1

      and if you are in america, maybe about a year

    • @reid1283
      @reid1283 6 років тому +1

      Commodore Gaming you mean a few centuries

    • @KellingtonDorkswafer
      @KellingtonDorkswafer 6 років тому

      Commodore Gaming Wonder if your like finally reached the correct destination...

  • @gibby5708
    @gibby5708 6 років тому +88

    How are there so many people with no sense of humor and an even worse understanding of voice tones.

    • @braeddie
      @braeddie 6 років тому +3

      Gerries don't have a sense of humour.

    • @gibby5708
      @gibby5708 6 років тому +6

      braeddie There are so many in this comment section though! It is truly scary to see so many idiots in one place.

    • @jackofshadows8538
      @jackofshadows8538 6 років тому +3

      I know. I've a few German friends and they have a markedly different sense of humour. It's almost as if they still think of Charlie Chaplin as the master of comedy. Their sense of humour seems very 'regimented'. And they find slapstick hilarious. Any other kind of humour is completely over their heads.
      What's odd about it is that Danes and Germans seem to be able to chat to each other but the Danes have a very British sense of humour [well, the ones I've met anyway] and Danish accents seem to switch to scouse or geordie quite easily.

    • @johncasey1020
      @johncasey1020 6 років тому

      I thought that I detected a bit of sarcasm. Am I right ? :)

    • @olebergst.5828
      @olebergst.5828 6 років тому

      I am German and I don't know a single person explicitely liking Charlie Chaplin or anything alike to be honest

  • @letoubib21
    @letoubib21 3 роки тому +3

    A real pity that I've discovered your channel only yesterday!
    Rosbifs' humor at its best *. . .*

  • @karlsson7300
    @karlsson7300 3 роки тому +3

    Another german here, that loves this video :D Especially the part "this beauty wouldnt do 35 mph if you pushed it of a cliff" :D :D :D

  • @Kaoristillfox
    @Kaoristillfox 6 років тому +37

    Yay Squire. Broke finger clicking on video 10/10.

  • @f4fphantomii468
    @f4fphantomii468 5 років тому +23

    So many woosh's of the bullets going over the heads of The viewers... Uh I mean the Jokes.

  • @producerjjones9976
    @producerjjones9976 3 роки тому +4

    If you think about it, the British were the ones that invented the tank so it's technically the British's fault that the German tanks are like this.

  • @franzivan4567
    @franzivan4567 4 роки тому +1

    Squire: Well as in this *Historical* Archive
    Me: but why does the tank magically go through the trees?

  • @MissesWitch
    @MissesWitch 5 років тому +9

    After making that long point I burst out laughing the moment he said "The Tortoise"

  • @theenginetheyusedtocallgri6268
    @theenginetheyusedtocallgri6268 6 років тому +9

    Ever since I saw this episode I will never read SD.KFZ the same way

  • @him050
    @him050 5 років тому +4

    “Wouldn’t get that through a Forrest in Belgium”. fucking lol

  • @Arutax
    @Arutax 5 років тому +5

    3:59
    "All's Fair in Love and War."
    That's why Crusader Tanks existed and why Flamethrowers were invented by the Germans.

  • @troenie4391
    @troenie4391 6 років тому +32

    British quanti- i mean quality is the best ofcourse

    • @edwardkenway148
      @edwardkenway148 6 років тому +5

      Not better than Russian quanti- quality

    • @hedgehog3180
      @hedgehog3180 6 років тому

      But Britain literally just adopted another country's tank. Like they could barely make any tanks.

    • @a.morphous66
      @a.morphous66 6 років тому

      hedgehog3180 Britain literally invented the tank. I don’t think you should ever accuse the guy who did something first of copying something.

  • @TheWarriorLP16
    @TheWarriorLP16 6 років тому +361

    Zis is britisch propaganda!!!!!!!

    • @yoyoyeah9083
      @yoyoyeah9083 6 років тому +12

      TheWarriorLP16 you thinka comrad stalin tank best tank

    • @deuduchesoldat3965
      @deuduchesoldat3965 6 років тому +1

      Your german? Then hallo vas est ist sier dey oh Jä guten tag ind Deuducheland ist beautiful oh vatse it's mien Telefon lol hehe bye!

    • @vladimirthefurryhunter6590
      @vladimirthefurryhunter6590 6 років тому +4

      TheWarriorLP16 agree

    • @taiga9675
      @taiga9675 6 років тому +1

      No its the truth German tank's are to big to unreliable to much to early

    • @pineapplepenumbra
      @pineapplepenumbra 6 років тому +13

      British Propaganda is the *Best* propaganda, and anyone saying otherwise is just trying to spread inferior foreign propaganda!

  • @Dman3577
    @Dman3577 4 роки тому +1

    I love UA-cam recommended videos.
    No seriously, that's how I found this channel

  • @DraftTheHippies
    @DraftTheHippies 4 роки тому +3

    I get the feeling that squire just makes fun of German tanks, because he is jealous of them

  • @warp65
    @warp65 6 років тому +5

    "You wouldn't get that through a Belgian forest"
    Almost choked on my weet Bix lol

  • @L3AF
    @L3AF 6 років тому +168

    i love this kind of video we just need a german doing the same with whats wrong writh british or american tank xD. Squire you sir is the funniest lad ive discoverd over the internett ^^

    • @BioWolf091
      @BioWolf091 6 років тому +2

      L3AF ich Agree!

    • @Frankenstein42LP
      @Frankenstein42LP 6 років тому +9

      L3AF the problem is you english dudes won't understand german so you aren't sportsman you cannt speak out languague

    • @L3AF
      @L3AF 6 років тому +3

      i mean like you do the accent you know russian english accent and german accent etc xD in orignal langauge would be impossible to understand xD

    • @Frankenstein42LP
      @Frankenstein42LP 6 років тому +2

      L3AF yeah wouldn't be bad but i think i have to have a script so i can talk so

    • @DetonatingD
      @DetonatingD 6 років тому +1

      Friedrich Ahlsdorf nice ich auch

  • @simbachvazo6530
    @simbachvazo6530 4 роки тому +5

    “30 good ol fashioned British Miles per Hour!” Hey, something seems off here...

  • @nolanfollestad2990
    @nolanfollestad2990 5 років тому +2

    How do you get that cool Tiger H1 Skin or Camo that makes it look golden?

  • @Tiger_42_
    @Tiger_42_ 5 років тому +54

    Dicker Max means Fat Max...
    Ok bye from 2018

  • @memetasticvondank131
    @memetasticvondank131 5 років тому +83

    *Son...*
    *The Hetzer Does Not Look like a Lunchbox*

    • @boyseboosted7655
      @boyseboosted7655 5 років тому +15

      It looks like a juice carton

    • @jarrhead3538
      @jarrhead3538 5 років тому +13

      Yes, let’s change the excessive name of “Hetzer” to “lunchbox of death”

    • @limecheesecake1832
      @limecheesecake1832 5 років тому +4

      The graveyard of unmade Hetzers in WoT is actually just a kitchen

    • @f4fphantomii468
      @f4fphantomii468 5 років тому +1

      What the fuck xddddd

    • @thunderchild685
      @thunderchild685 5 років тому +1

      It does look a juice box the barrel I the straw

  • @jatiwirahmasakti1322
    @jatiwirahmasakti1322 4 роки тому +5

    Squire : *YOU CANT HAVE A TANK THAT FAST* it wouldnt be fair

  • @irishcoffee-pr7gf
    @irishcoffee-pr7gf 6 років тому +78

    GERMANS HAVE THE BEST NAMES

    • @nicoderechte442
      @nicoderechte442 6 років тому +5

      irishcoffee 2002 Oh yeah, how do you like Baustellenfahrzeug or Reichspropagandaminister? xD

    • @jaelawrence6924
      @jaelawrence6924 6 років тому +7

      YES IT MAKES THEM SOUND INTELLIGENT!!!!!!!!! Unlike the british, they cant pronounce German because they have such big mouths!

    • @kush3bush560
      @kush3bush560 6 років тому +1

      Or the glorious Bausparvertrag

    • @nolanbell1681
      @nolanbell1681 6 років тому +1

      Oh ya remember the focker plane

    • @munchfive5691
      @munchfive5691 6 років тому

      untersaad was cool, even if not tank.