Wow, you described my life perfectly. It took me 36 years to wake up and see my (ex)husband for who he really is. I lived in such a fog of deceit. I wanted so badly to believe his lies and keep our family together. I am still healing.
I was first betrayed by my husband in 2011. It was catastrophic and I divorced him. He kept continuing to contact me, telling me he was in recovery, he was sober, he was healed, he went to counseling, he did the 12 steps, etc. So after 4 years of separation, we remarried in 2015. It took me 4 years to trust and believe him again. I told him if it happens again, that’s it. So I gave him a second chance. I just found out he acted out again. When I caught him, he got physical and attacked me physically. His mask was dropped, and I saw a monster before my face. I’m devastated. He came “clean” and I found out he never stopped. Since the first time. This is beyond traumatic because I thought I was secure and safe. This is 17 years with him and so much history. He’s begging again for a THIRD chance, swearing he will show me he’s changed. I’m done in my “head”, but my heart is breaking. He sounds so convincing. But everything you described in this video is me…wanting that blindness and just go back to “normal”. I want to file for legal separation. I want to move on without him. But…the pain is ripping my heart apart.
@@MindstangleThis is a lot of words to say that you think lying to your spouse is acceptable. I hope your wife/partner knows this about you, or finds out ASAP so she can divorce you. You want to be single or solo polyamorous? Go for it. Marriage is for people who want to make vows to someone else - and keep them.
I wouldn't want you either. Because the trauma attachment you has with him in your past all them years. Why its so hard to find somebody. Because they all damaged.
Why get married? Why not just live life on your terms? Maybe if, when you did marry, you vowed to do all the things you just took the time to write out here and let HER agree to your idea of marriage you could have your cake and eat it too. Pretty sure traditional marriage or long term commitment vows do not spell out your version of a good enough marriage. If a wife has casual sex often, how would her husband trust the babies she carried were his offspring? I don't know many men who would be cheerful about raising, investing emotionally or monetarily in strange men's children. If it's a union to a woman that already has children, the man was in agreement BEFORE marriage. Full disclosure and agreement to have an open marriage going in would be the only way. Good luck using that hook even on a dating profile.😅
This happened to me on 11/1/22. I saw the text messages and minimized because I couldn't believe he would do this me. My mind went blank and never did I think he would do this to me. Did I get amnesia? He ended up going to her house and spending the night. He had ED, so I thought he cant cheat? I was so wrong! I have trauma.
I can’t believe that I found this. This is exactly how I am feeling. I found out my husband was addicted to porn 10 years ago. I never felt I got the help I needed. My husband went to 6 months of therapy and said his Therapist told him he was done. We never met together with him. We went to a marriage counselor and came In One time happy and smiling she told us we were done. We never addressed the elephant in the room. He told me we would have a better marriage. It’s the same. Now 10 years later I feel like something is wrong again. I am crying like I was back then. I would love to have a counselor like you near me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d encourage you to check out the resources and support on WeTonglen and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. I also have a very small betrayed partners group starting mid April that may be helpful to you. You can learn more here www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops
Thank you Kristen. I have tried to ask for what I want and I don’t get it. I am so sad right now and my husband is oblivious to it. He swears he isnt using . I just don’t know what to believe. Thank you so much for responding
I feel like you have been a spy on my entire life and decided to make a video to explain what you’ve observed. It felt so uncanny to listen to this because I can hardly believe how incredibly accurate this was about me and my 30 years of marriage. ❤
Hello from Vancouver BC Canada this is my first time listening to your podcast😊thank you so much. It helped me to understand struggles I've had my whole life. My perpetrators are all dead now but it doesn't mean that I don't struggle every single day
Thank you!!!! I knew something was off! And now he is angry and irritated and tells me I’m controlling! His counselor is not an addiction counselor, and he is treating me worse than ever. What should I do? Ughhhhh I feel so unimportant lied to gaslighted and ALONE! How is any of this love? I don’t feel like I have the full truth!
I encourage a small safe support group that you trust to help you work on boundaries, consequences, and “healthiest steps forward”. Sometimes there are 12 step communities that can be helpful in this way. I also hold regular small group workshops to work on these issues.
Hi. I’m available through my live online workshops or via email kristinsnowdenMFT@gmail.com otherwise I do free live webinars (all of that info is in my description of every UA-cam videos). Hope that helps!
My former husband slowly developed a gambling addiction. Every vacation, whether it was a driving vacation or a flight somewhere, he planned to be near a casino. Then, he began to day-trade in the stock market, which even out marriage counselor gaslite me by discounted his gambling addition by saying "Everyone invests in the stock market, my wife invests our money in the stock market". The problem was that he was losing LARGE amounts of money with his so called "investing". At one point, we had purchased a fixer-upper house and had gutted the interior upper 2 floors while our young family of 4 were living in the tiny basement apartment. My husband lost $250,000 in the stock market in one week, which was ALL of our remodeling money . If it looks like a duck, if it quack like a duck, if it waddled like a duck, then it is a DUCK!!!
I honestly thought my wife was going through menopause and that’s why she had no interest in being intimate or having sex with me. As it turns out she was getting it elsewhere 😪
I thought mine was having heart issues because he lost interest during sex. Porn thanks! Lies! Thanks, blaming myself, thanks. I am so heartbroken! Betrayed by multiple women. Ewwww
My boundaries didn’t matter after the second date! I never wanted any of this! 3 years of lies! It was all fake! He doesn’t care how bad I feel at all. Empathy? Hahaha not even a week!
Gosh 14 yrs of gas lighting 😅 then nothing fir 4 yrs exceot letters cards 2 yrs left me b then outa no qere he poped bk in my life to do it all again fir wht he never had to get what he never got as in 2 ladies 4 hus pmeaseur. Nanipulated me to martigae just after my mum passed ladt august lol and hw used his light to his iqn wnds make u mind uo or singned seaked deliverd me a reiki persin u gota just trust in u own power no not my faukt or families
Wow, you described my life perfectly. It took me 36 years to wake up and see my (ex)husband for who he really is.
I lived in such a fog of deceit. I wanted so badly to believe his lies and keep our family together. I am still healing.
I was first betrayed by my husband in 2011. It was catastrophic and I divorced him. He kept continuing to contact me, telling me he was in recovery, he was sober, he was healed, he went to counseling, he did the 12 steps, etc. So after 4 years of separation, we remarried in 2015. It took me 4 years to trust and believe him again. I told him if it happens again, that’s it. So I gave him a second chance.
I just found out he acted out again. When I caught him, he got physical and attacked me physically. His mask was dropped, and I saw a monster before my face. I’m devastated. He came “clean” and I found out he never stopped. Since the first time. This is beyond traumatic because I thought I was secure and safe. This is 17 years with him and so much history. He’s begging again for a THIRD chance, swearing he will show me he’s changed.
I’m done in my “head”, but my heart is breaking. He sounds so convincing. But everything you described in this video is me…wanting that blindness and just go back to “normal”. I want to file for legal separation. I want to move on without him. But…the pain is ripping my heart apart.
@@MindstangleThis is a lot of words to say that you think lying to your spouse is acceptable. I hope your wife/partner knows this about you, or finds out ASAP so she can divorce you. You want to be single or solo polyamorous? Go for it. Marriage is for people who want to make vows to someone else - and keep them.
I wouldn't want you either. Because the trauma attachment you has with him in your past all them years. Why its so hard to find somebody. Because they all damaged.
Hugs.... ohhhh... my heart breaks for you. 32 years marriage here and it gets WORSE each year... my opinion is that it us BEST you leave
And hows it going now? 10 months after the betrayal?
Why get married? Why not just live life on your terms?
Maybe if, when you did marry, you vowed to do all the things you just took the time to write out here and let HER agree to your idea of marriage you could have your cake and eat it too.
Pretty sure traditional marriage or long term commitment vows do not spell out your version of a good enough marriage.
If a wife has casual sex often, how would her husband trust the babies she carried were his offspring? I don't know many men who would be cheerful about raising, investing emotionally or monetarily in strange men's children.
If it's a union to a woman that already has children, the man was in agreement BEFORE marriage.
Full disclosure and agreement to have an open marriage going in would be the only way.
Good luck using that hook even on a dating profile.😅
This happened to me on 11/1/22. I saw the text messages and minimized because I couldn't believe he would do this me. My mind went blank and never did I think he would do this to me. Did I get amnesia? He ended up going to her house and spending the night. He had ED, so I thought he cant cheat? I was so wrong! I have trauma.
I can’t believe that I found this. This is exactly how I am feeling. I found out my husband was addicted to porn 10 years ago. I never felt I got the help I needed. My husband went to 6 months of therapy and said his Therapist told him he was done. We never met together with him. We went to a marriage counselor and came In One time happy and smiling she told us we were done. We never addressed the elephant in the room. He told me we would have a better marriage. It’s the same. Now 10 years
later I feel like something is wrong
again. I am crying like I was back then. I would love to have a counselor like you near me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’d encourage you to check out the resources and support on WeTonglen and SexandRelationshipHealing.com. I also have a very small betrayed partners group starting mid April that may be helpful to you. You can learn more here www.kristinsnowden.com/live-workshops
Thank you Kristen. I have tried to ask for what I want and I don’t get it. I am so sad right now and my husband is oblivious to it. He swears he isnt using . I just don’t know what to believe. Thank you so much for responding
I feel like you have been a spy on my entire life and decided to make a video to explain what you’ve observed. It felt so uncanny to listen to this because I can hardly believe how incredibly accurate this was about me and my 30 years of marriage. ❤
Hopefully it helps you feel like you’re not alone and there is help and support out there for you.
@@KristinSnowden yes, and now I’m binge watching your videos. ❤️
20 years of lies, cheating exposed July 2023.
Hello from Vancouver BC Canada this is my first time listening to your podcast😊thank you so much. It helped me to understand struggles I've had my whole life. My perpetrators are all dead now but it doesn't mean that I don't struggle every single day
Glad you’ve found the content helpful.y website KristinSnowden.com also has a lot of free resources.
Excellent Video and advice. Thank you 🙏🏻
Thank you!!!! I knew something was off! And now he is angry and irritated and tells me I’m controlling! His counselor is not an addiction counselor, and he is treating me worse than ever. What should I do? Ughhhhh I feel so unimportant lied to gaslighted and ALONE! How is any of this love? I don’t feel like I have the full truth!
Find a betrayed partners group?
How do I heal so I never go through this again?
I encourage a small safe support group that you trust to help you work on boundaries, consequences, and “healthiest steps forward”. Sometimes there are 12 step communities that can be helpful in this way. I also hold regular small group workshops to work on these issues.
Thanks for your messages. How could we get contact with you on the phone?
Hi. I’m available through my live online workshops or via email kristinsnowdenMFT@gmail.com otherwise I do free live webinars (all of that info is in my description of every UA-cam videos). Hope that helps!
My former husband slowly developed a gambling addiction. Every vacation, whether it was a driving vacation or a flight somewhere, he planned to be near a casino. Then, he began to day-trade in the stock market, which even out marriage counselor gaslite me by discounted his gambling addition by saying "Everyone invests in the stock market, my wife invests our money in the stock market". The problem was that he was losing LARGE amounts of money with his so called "investing". At one point, we had purchased a fixer-upper house and had gutted the interior upper 2 floors while our young family of 4 were living in the tiny basement apartment. My husband lost $250,000 in the stock market in one week, which was ALL of our remodeling money . If it looks like a duck, if it quack like a duck, if it waddled like a duck, then it is a DUCK!!!
I honestly thought my wife was going through menopause and that’s why she had no interest in being intimate or having sex with me. As it turns out she was getting it elsewhere 😪
I’m so sorry. That is so painful.
@@KristinSnowden [incredibly painful
I'm with you bro.
I thought mine was having heart issues because he lost interest during sex. Porn thanks! Lies! Thanks, blaming myself, thanks. I am so heartbroken! Betrayed by multiple women. Ewwww
No he is not!
41:31 Forks over knives
My boundaries didn’t matter after the second date! I never wanted any of this! 3 years of lies!
It was all fake! He doesn’t care how bad I feel at all. Empathy? Hahaha not even a week!
Dont worry, guys fr
thats her reflection of self.
❤
Gosh 14 yrs of gas lighting 😅 then nothing fir 4 yrs exceot letters cards 2 yrs left me b then outa no qere he poped bk in my life to do it all again fir wht he never had to get what he never got as in 2 ladies 4 hus pmeaseur. Nanipulated me to martigae just after my mum passed ladt august lol and hw used his light to his iqn wnds make u mind uo or singned seaked deliverd me a reiki persin u gota just trust in u own power no not my faukt or families
are you drunk?
What?