My sister said it the best when I asked if she wants to have kids. "I don't want to have kids because I dont want to". That's literally it. I had kids because I wanted to have kids. We dont need to justify or explain ourselves.
I know so many older adults who do not have kids because they didn’t want to and they are all still happy with that decision just as we can also be happy with the decision to have children. It’s great when everyone can just be happy for each other and the decisions we make for our own happiness.
I'm in my mid 50's and have two friends, same age, that chose never to have children. They've confided in me over the last several years that they regret not having children. I was sad for them because I knew they would never experience being a mother and grandmother.
I'm in a similar position, I don't have kids and I'm glad I don't because I'm divorced and not still attached to a very toxic ex-wife. But when I watch my long time friend's children reach milestones like High School and college graduation, marriage, etc. Then I am left wondering what I missed out on. I'm still close with my best friend's children like an uncle, but I'm not "dad" to any of them. I'm in my fifties now and all the men on my father's side of the family don't make it past their mid sixties. Today, if I pass my best friend's daughter will get my home, my best friend's son will get his home paid off. My best friend will get enough from my estate to buy a home for themselves and end their life as a renter. But I don't have any children of my own to leave an estate to. I do wish on some level that I had a legacy to leave to them, but I do wish on some level that I did. Part of me also is glad I don't have children because of the state of the world today. Lots of governmental debt, high taxes, and a very depressing future. I'm sometimes glad I spared them from having to live that. Did our parents feel the same?
I dont understand why do some people think not wanting children is selfish. Who are we owing these children to? There is nothing selfish about it, we as women are not just baby making machines, we are people and we have other purposes in life that we should be allowed to pursue aswell.
I’m 66 I’ve always known I didn’t want children. I never had that urge to procreate. Despite everyone telling me I’d change my mind. Never felt the ticking clock. Never regretted my choice. Just not for me. Good for you Eva. Follow your heart
Don’t have any stats on this but I know anecdotally a lot of women who didn’t want kids in their 20s and 30s. Some seem to be happy with that decision but I would say the majority either panicked and had one in their early 40s or regretted not doing so. Again I’m sure for some it is the right choice but it’s a very hard one to make.
This isn't true, or it is a half truth. Plenty of people have children on a whim. Many want sex but get children as a result. About half people born were not planned conception. Truth is, we are biologically hardwired to reproduce. So having children is much less of a choice and more of an impulse.
My dad told my mom “I don’t want children!” I heard him say it to her. My life has been hard partially because of the idiot she married. Women if a man says I don’t want kids believe him.
@@badgirlhollywood9741 it is common to regret becoming a parent. But we rarely hear about it because it is taboo to say so. Taboo for a few reasons. To avoid public ridicule and to avoid kids thinking they were not wanted. But often, parents regret the hardships of parenting and not the human life that already exists. There is a distinction. Parenting is extremely difficult for most people in modern age so I don't blame parents. Nobody really know how much and how deep amount of work and responsibility they are adding when they are creating kids. When you have kids, you no longer exist, your identity goes away and everything becomes about the kids. Many parents are in denial about this. Because it happens over time they don't notice. Having kids is more expensive than ever, one can buy a ferrari instead for the same money...Point being, most people don't buy new ferraris but they have kids they can't afford.
At age 12, I announced to my family that I would never marry or have kids. They stopped laughing at my statement when (my unmarried) tubes were tied at 32. 58 now. I’ve done my part. No regrets.
Good! You had the courage of your own convictions. Why would anyone have the obligation to marry and have kids? Do it because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
You took every word out of my mouth and described the exact same reason why I chose not to have children. I am 47, happily married with 3 cats and not bringing kids into this world was the best decision of my life.
Just not wife or relationship material. Now, you are expecting the children of others to fund your retirement healthcare and pension. The childless should be taxed much more
Hi Eva, I am a mother, and becoming a mother has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Once my first child was born, I realized that it is a choice each woman should make, a choice that should be respected and honored. Great video! Thanks for sharing.
I birthed a bakery, and an art career. I traveled around the world in 1990 for 2 years when all of my friends were having babies. They said I was lucky! I chose to not have the large house or the kids. It was not luck. I worked hard all along the way. I do think sometimes of what it would be like to have a child in the world today. I don't know. Having children gives you no guarantee that they will be there for you. As I have seen in many of my friends and my husband's kid. If you want a mothers day card once a year that is selfish. So many ways to live a life. Just go for it cause it passes fast. Eva you are doing wonderful things that enrich your life. All is good! Thank you
I'd argue that it is a compulsion. Like all species, we are programmed to breed and expand the species. The problem is that we have no natural enemies and we have consumed the planet like locusts.
@@_dz sorry but you are not that special… you are the result of millions of years of evolution and although you have the ability to reason and make choices as an individual, you are part of a developed species with a specific set pf evolutionary abilities , one of which is having a brain that will make up whatever reality and temporary truth it needs to survive and be happy even if your life is miserable af. So sorry.. you are great, you are a unique soul but you are not that special.. at all.
@@gabriel06123 Hmmm...Unfortunately you confusing biological (body) evolution with intellectual or social evolution. Following your argument, you probably believe that because female humans evolved as mammals they should still only live they lives as a womb with legs in 2023, right?
Thanks for talking about this, I'm a man and I've never had the urge to have kids. I want to live and experience life to the fullest and I feel that a child would just chain me down. Its hard to meet others that feel the same way.
Thank you for having the courage to state this. As a female who never felt the need or maternal drive to have kids, it seems we are looked down upon in society.
Luckily I never even felt looked down upon for never ever wanting kids. Maybe it's just that I truly don't care what others think about me in this matter. I felt the same indifference to those who told me that I don't want kids now because I haven't found "the father" or that I would regret it later in life. Lol. I just really don't care about their opinions in this very matter even though I'm generally very sensitive and emotional about how others think about me
I have the impression that women often feel cornered, annoyed, or feel the need to defend themselves when asked the "And when..." question, while most of the time this is just a smalltalk topic like the weather. I got asked this question countless times, simply answered "I don't want/like kids" like I would answer "Yeah, it's awful outside today". If it continues with "But why, they are adorable, best thing in life, blabla" I answer "To me they are loud, smelly, boring and expensive, simply not into it", and that's usually enough.
All the things I love best about life are not child-friendly. This one sentence is usually enough to get people to leave me alone about it. Nice to hear someone discuss it the way you do, with logic and empathy. Do what you do best, it doesn’t have to be motherhood. Love from Canada. 💕
Hi. I'm 67 years of age. I never felt the need to justify my decision not to have children, though I could cite many reasons including not having been financially set up in my younger days to do so. But if I had put aside all of those reasons and decided to have children so that they would hopefully be around to support me in my older years, THAT would have been selfish. Nonetheless, I've had numerous animals that I have cared for, most of whom have passed on, which I loved immensely. Most were strays and had no homes to live in. Most recently, a stray cat found his way to me and adopted ME out here in the woods. His name is now Dusty. I will not discount the effort that it takes to provide for his safety and well-being. I believe that I have put in at times a greater effort in raising my animals then some moms or dads did for their children. The responsibilities can be just as profound. Best
Women also should not chastise other people about their decisions to have children, nor should they promote antinatalism -- especially if they will be depending on the future labor of those children, having chosen to end the vast chain of being with themselves and not pay forward the gift of life and preserve the incredible species and culture to which they belong.
@@mojakaunt6637 You're absolutely right -- my mistake for thinking the universe become aware of itself through sapience is any more significant that the simplest sentience of a paramecium. How shallow of me.
Great vid Eva, as usual. I'm 72, single (was married), and no kids. I'm an only child. Mom and dad were married for 64 years! Dad passed at 95, mom at 94. I helped care for them the last 20 yrs of their lives. Something I willingly did because I loved them. I was blessed with great parents. They were in an assisted living facility the last 15 years. One of the reasons I hear given for having children is to have someone to take care of them when they get old. That is an assumption! An observation I noticed (and heard residents talk about) when visiting mom and dad was how they missed their children! They felt forgotten, not visited nearly enough! A sad sight to see. Just because you have children does't mean they will take care of you in your golden years. Even if your a good parent, a child can bring tremendous stress into your life. Drug addiction, unwanted pregnancy, jail time, and even suicide! I've seen it all. I'm now retired and enjoying my bucket list.
Oh yeah. My husband has four daughters. The oldest two are chronic fuckups. Drugs, etc., rampant narcissism. The oldest actually went homeless after her husband/caretaker passed unexpectedly because she simply could not take care of herself. We tried to take her in for a while, and it was utterly exhausting how self-absorbed and lazy she was--a woman in her 40s, ffs, not a teenager but she acted like one. Her own mother gave up on her and she is DEVOTED to her kids. My husband and his ex are truly nice people. They don't know what happened, they really don't. They weren't abusive, neglectful or cruel. Then he had two more daughters with his second wife. They are successful, functional, great mothers and hardworking. But they do not care about their father at all, really. Well, they sort of care; but everything else is pretty much more important to them. They've known for years that his health was failing but did they visit? No. Did they call? No. Did they help me care for him at all--and he has dementia, so it has become an exhausting consuming job in the last several years, pushing me nearly to the point of a nervous breakdown. NO they did not. Not one bit. It took an old friend of ours caring enough to decide to move in and help, to shame my husband's daughters into showing more of an interest in their father's welfare. Ultimately, I guess they took their mother's side in the divorce--even though she promptly drank herself to death after she dumped my husband and ran off with another man. So caring, such a devoted parent--she even drank when she was pregnant with them, despite my husband's best efforts to stop her, causing both daughters lifelong health issues. Yet she is their angel and they have neglected their father--who really loved them so much, bought them everything they ever wanted, worked so hard for them, and always placed their welfare first. But he, you see, didn't manipulate his kids. He didn't play that game. His ex-wife did, and very successfully, so that she is still the favored parent even today. You really cannot count on your kids to care for you when you are old. Certainly not all of them. Often there will be one who stands out above the others, genuinely cares, and shoulders more of the burdens when their parents grow old and need help--but sometimes, there's not even that.
There isn't a day goes by without my giving thanks for not having children. It wasn't for me. Good luck to those who find a sense of fulfillment and purpose from having them though.
THIS!! I am also told, that one day I will regret, because I will be alone with nobody to take care of me... But my thought is exactly this - you cannot guarantee your kids will want or be able to take care of you! People call us child-free by choice women selfish, while their reason to have kids is to have someone to take care of them when old. How is THAT not selfish??
I’m 55, never wanted kids and do not regret it one bit. My husband and I agreed on that point before we ever got married. People didn’t stop asking “when are you having kids” until I got older and it was obvious.
Thank you for sharing. As a mom, I always since a child I wanted to be a mom, also travel and know the world, I did that on my 20s. I feel that woman who don’t want to be moms are fine, moms who want to be a mom, are fine too. Everyone should do their decision and nobody should judge for it.
Dear Eva, I´m 60 years old and have never wanted children. I like children a lot, I´m a mathteacher, but have my owns - no. Why? The "wanting" never appeard , my husband agreed with me and the last is the scare of not being a good parent. We have heard SO many times: "o, you are egocentric", "you are going to be lonely when get really old" and so on. Well maybe I´m egocentric, maybe i´m going to be alone....BUT...putting a child to this world today, no I don´t regret not having children. Sometimes I think that some people get a little jealous because we TOOK the decision to not have children..... Go with your heart and brain, Eva. Never let anyone talk less of you! Take care...and wew love to follow you! 🧡
To be honest, having children is no guarantee that you won’t grow old alone. I had 2 and I will probably be alone growing old and dying. As much as I sacrificed and loved them, they don’t really care about me. They have their lives and I respect that. But having children because you don’t want to grow old and die alone, well there is no guarantee of that. If I had to do it all again, I’d do my life much differently.
I just turned 50 this year. All your reasons are things that i've thought of or dealt with before. There are not many of us out there who choose not to have children, but we do exist :)
I really appreciate this video. I’m 24 and I’ve met a lot of angry conversations about how “I don’t know that I want kids yet. Wait till your older”and it’s really frustrating because it shouldn’t be that you are treat with naivety. I’m very happy with my life. I’ve never asked someone why they had children but I can be asked why I haven’t. This norm needs to change.
Well, the reason they had children was because they WANTED to have children or they were wrecklessly irresponsible and got themselves or someone else pregnant. It's as simple as that.
men are just upset that good looking woman going to be "wasted " overheard this comment once... but pls know yourself and do what you want dont ever let someone to tell you how you should live.
Most human beings have an instinctual drive to have children. It's one of the basic features of all life on Earth. So that's why people ask you that. 🙂
Thank you, Eva! I’m your age and 90% sure I don’t want kids. My real reason is that I don’t trust any man to take on the endeavour with me. And I don’t want to do it alone (single mothers are at great risk for poverty and mental health problems). Just based on my life experience so far, I’ve become very scared of being trapped. And few things seem more claustrophobic than motherhood. That’s not noble, it’s probably not even healthy. But it’s real.
As a man I'd like to say that it saddens me to hear that you feel this way. I think this is one of the reasons I consider myself a feminist. I hear people talk about a return to more "traditional family values" as a solution to divorce and single parenthood, but I worry that it reinforces an isolating role of motherhood (which might be at the core of divorce and single parenthood). Personally, I would like us to reframe masculinity and fatherhood as a role of an empowering supporter. I hope that you're able to find a trusted partner (if you want). Not so that you will have kids, but will have an equal partner to hold you up in all things.
If that is your only reason, then you made a good decision to not have children, bc as long as you have that fear- then you will attract the same partner & situation that you fear. One has to trust life & trust that life will be exactly the way they envision it, not on blind faith, but a knowing that you are the Grand Architect of your life. No ifs,ands,buts,looking at others’ experiences, looking at your past experiences, looking at statistics, listening to media, etc. If you want a baby with a fantastic partner: envision, believe, trust in yourself that you will choose the right person to procreate with, and expect that you will receive just that and more 😊 This applies to anything in life really
There’s nothing wrong on not wanting to procreate. It’s actually great that you recognize that fact. Some people are clueless and keep getting birth to children, yet are lousy or lacking skills on how to raise these little humans, then these tiny humans grows up as a$$holes and lousy people.
It's good that most people are not as you describe. And they have not been that way through millennia. I mean as a whole, humankind has done pretty well.
@josephine Very true and i've seen enough of this while living in UK... While i'm aware UK isn't the only place in the world with this issue... but as i was there... i can vouch for your comment.
@@jaym8257to my mind the human gene pool is totally screwed, and because there are so many of us now most days leave me feeling like I'm part of some sad amateur lab experiment
@@jaym8257where have you been…under a rock?! People are so selfish in todays world. They do not help their fellow man out. Social media has desensitized people. They would rather film someone than help them. We have done well because we are the top predator but we still act like animals and let rulers commit genocide. Civilizations rise and fall from this, so no we are not compassionate and empathetic enough. This comes from someone with kids. Look at the mental health crisis on our hands…no one has it together not even you if you dig deep enough, none of us are normal and that’s fine but don’t expect to have every one be on the same playing field as you.
I fell pregnant at 28, wasn t planned had not really thought about having kids, I was travelling and happy doing my thing. I questioned whether I would be a good mum or not as I also had no maternal instincts but as it turned out my daughter was the best thing that happened to me. I am a good mum, I raised her alone and all turned out well. I cannot imagine my life without her now. I do however have quite a few friends that have chosen not to have children, everyone had their own journey and I guess the world is changing so much it is definitely more acceptable now than 20 years ago. Wherever life takes you Eva I wish you the best. 🌸🙏💖
You would have to think all the time about another person. You are never free again once you bring a child into the world. They are wonderful but lots of worry.
I knew since I was a child myself that I didn't want to have children. I saw the sacrifice that my mom has made throughout her life for her children, and I felt I didn't have it in me to give so much. I like being child-free. I do love kids as long as I'm not their mom. This choice did result in my getting divorced in my late 30s. However, I have no regrets. I'm 58 now and I'm happier for it. I believe in living your life as you see fit. It is our individual right to do so. Thank you for sharing your true reason. Take care.
As a 22yr old I also feel the way you feel. I am scared that in future when I will marry will my partner support this decision or not😢. I just pray I get a partner who wants to stay childfree. And I believe in today's time it's better to ask such questions upfront from our partner. And sometimes mindset of people regarding having child or not change after marriage so it's scary.
@@ridinwithjake Well, it's not guaranteed that your children will take of you when you are old. Secondly, it's actually a selfish reason to have children so that they can take care of you when you are old.
@@Dragumix I guess its cultural. In Middle Eastern households, it makes perfect sense to help your folks out as you age. The modern era has challenged that in terms of leaving home and pursuing your passions far away. That said, I feel that it's not practical for people to be so selfless as to not expect support in old age from kids they supported their whole life.
@@Tripps2564 I don't consider it to be a support to bring children into this world in the first place. Children will face suffering (like dying etc.) in this world and some children will experience extreme suffering (by means of chronic illnesses etc.) here. You as a potential parent don't know beforehand if your potential child will have a relatively good life or a bad life. Therefore I regard it as totally wrong to bring children into this world.
Thank you!! I am 40 and I always felt like a weirdo when I was not as enthusiastic about babies and little children than everybody else. I simply never felt like being a mother and it‘s so encouraging to hear that! ❤
I was born to selfish parents who when they divorced neither really wanted to be bothered with me. Thank God my grandparents took me in and raised me as their own. I always knew I wanted to be a father and after several miscarriages my wife and I were blessed with a wonderful daughter. Now she's moved out and off to college and I feel blessed to have been allowed to be a father to her. It has been an invaluable experience and there's nothing in my life that compares. All that written, to each his or her own. Life's full of choices and being a parent is not one to be taken lightly.
I heard someone say that all the good people aren’t having kids, and all the horrible people are having kids left and right. So im going to have kids. Im a good person and the world needs more good people.
It's so wonderful to finally see women openly opting out of having kids. That's real freedom, I'm a mother but would never want women to be forced by society into taking that role.
I'm your age and have always felt exactly like this! Whether someone wants children or not, I think it's beautiful and important to follow your own idea of happiness and live the life YOU want ❤️ Also, people need to stop pressuring especially young women with this topic.
Know thyself… A dear late friend of mine told me back when we were both in our 20’s that she didn’t want children. I was sceptical at the time (or simply immature in my outlook). But she passed away decades later never having changed her position. Over those years my outlook changed from scepticism to admiration. My friend had clearly known herself and knew what she wanted in life. A child simply wasn’t going to fit - no more explanation required. During those intervening years I spent +20 years as a foster parent, caring for somewhere between 40-50 kids. I saw first hand the outcome of people having kids that should never have had them. My friend made for a much better role model. Eva, you clearly know yourself. You do you.
I don't understand why people feel you should conform to their standard. It saddens me that they continue to the point where you feel you must defend yourself. Just be Eva, that's why we like you.😉
Thank you for sharing and normalizing the choice to be child free. I’m 43 and have never desired to take on the role of being a mother. My father has been very disappointed in my decision, and I have received a lot of pressure to change my mind. I’ve been told I’m a disappointment, that it’s my duty to have a baby, and that I won’t know true love until I hold my own baby. But I know myself and that I really don’t enjoy being around babies, children, and value my quiet time. I’m grateful to live in a time where more women are standing up and making it their choice. I have one life and I want to live it my way. It’s not a selfish choice.
It is selfish. Don't fool yourself. But: Who says that selfish decisions are bad? That's the crucial point here. I know exactly that my decision to not have kids is selfish but I don't care that it is selfish.
@@laaaliiiluuuI don't think it's selfish at all. To me selfish are people who have kids and neglect them. I know posh couples with kids who hire nannies to do all the looking after while they go out, work, get beauty treatments. They are spending little or no time with their kids. That to me is more selfish than not having kids at all
I think the only selfish one is your dad. He should stop. I have three daughters and at least one of them is never going to have children. I agree with that decision, but even if I didn’t agree with her, I would support her decision because it is her decision whether she has children, not mine. I would never dream of even saying to her that I am disappointed that she is not have children. As a parent having those expectations and then putting them on your adult child is unfair. Your dad had his time to make that decision for himself, and so he should respect it’s your time to make those types of decisions for yourself.
Either decision is selfish, and that’s ok. People who want to have children do it because either they or someone else wants them (usually). The act of wanting is selfish…so, there you go.
I'm 51, no kids, and I have two reasons for not wanting children -- 1. I don't like kids; 2. I never met a partner I wanted to marry, and I didn't want to be a single parent (cheers to all you single parents....that's A LOT of work).
Someone once asked me, "Do you have children?" and I immediately gasped and said, "Gosh. No. Thank goodness! I dodged that bullet." 😂 Safe to say, she never spoke to me about children ever again. I am like you in the last reason you gave. I have never wanted to invest my time in having children, because I realized it would take away from the things I wanted to do in my life. Yes, I have admitted to people that my reasons for not wanting children are selfish, and I am okay with that. The other reason, which I am coming to realize as I get older, is that this world was never good enough for any child of mine. The world is a horrible place for many, and I have been truly blessed to have been given the best opportunities in life, wonderful parents (may they rest in peace), a wonderful family, and a loving husband...My life is perfect. But I know how bad life can be, especially for children. So I try to help make a difference in my community, in the hopes that somewhere, a child's life improved because the community improved. Anyway, I truly enjoyed your video. Thank you for sharing this perspective. PS: I noticed, your video had 45.8K views and only 74 likes. Clearly a a hot-button topic.
I completely agree with you. I work in science and from most of the future projections that we can make with scientific data the future isn't looking very promising for us as a species. We might see a population crash within the coming decades...even if it doesnt mean extinction (a population crash is a common phenomenon in ecology after a population boom like the one we as humans had over the past hundreds of years. You also see it in history, e.g. the Romans and Mayans). It may sound overly dramatic, and that's why it isn't spoken about so much. But for myself, just knowing the critical times and uncertainty that my child would grow up in, and how different it was to how I grew up, is enough to seriously hesitate to have kids. It's not the main reason I dont want kids (similar to Eva I dont think the mother role is for me), but it's a big reason.
Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a Mom. I had a miscarriage at 19, and then life happened. Got married, got divorced, developed a rare autoimmune disease found the one and he suddenly, u expectedly passed away, lost my house and everything I owned due to medical bills and high Rx Costs and got even sicker. I’m now 45 and that season has passed for me and I’m okay with it. Looking at the world today, I have less rights as a woman than I was born with, you can’t afford to feed or put a roof over your head unless you’re working 2-3 jobs, school and mass shootings are happening with more frequency, college tuition costs are escalating. In some ways now I’m grateful that I didn’t bring a child into this world. As much as I always wanted to be a mother, the world the way it is going isn’t what I would want my child to grow up in. I worry for my nephew who’s 7, and friends kids and can see how difficult it’s going to be for them. And with my sickness and having lost my own mother before I was 15, I wouldn’t want to put my child thru that.
I am turning 50 and I have never had that need or calling to bring children into this world. My life was never conducive to taking on this responsibility and I am at peace with this decision. Also, I've allowed myself the space that if I changed my mind as I grow in wisdom, I can always open my heart and home to a child in need (either foster or adoption).
Oh Eva, thank YOU. This resonates so so much with what I’m feeling. I’m 36, childfree and I still struggle to explain why. I feel that people expect us to have a « concrete » reason for choosing not to have children. But sometimes it’s just that « we don’t want to! ». I often hide behind the environmental reason, that is probably the one I relate to the most… but if I’m being honest, that’s not why. I just don’t want to take on this role. That’s all! Thanks for your content, I love it, you inspire me a lot. Hope to see you in France one day! 🇫🇷
I appreciate the honesty of that answer. I know being a Dad will require a lot of me... but I feel a calling for it (kind of like your answer, but in reverse). I guess the thought could go both ways. I argue "oh you'll be bored" or "no one will be there for you" but plenty of childless people have interesting lives and have people. I guess I just love the time with my big family and want that "village" to continue. It seems to me that a lot of folks just don't have the strong families others were raised with. But then again, I do worry about the future for the elderly... without enough kids, who will take care of them? Immigration isn't likely to be enough. I mean that care in both at-home care, but also in the service industry and in medicine where I work. The demand keeps climbing, but the young people are increasingly not there to take the reins. I'm just not sure what the solution is. To each their own
Motherhood is every woman's personal choice, not an obligation, no matter what. Women don't owe this world or anyone any kid/kids. You don't even have to give any reasons for your choice, or be apologetic about it. Its totally ok to be childfree by choice. Your life, your body, your choice, no one else's business. Stay strong ! And thanks a lot for this video.
Before I had my son I was just like you. Thinking the same thoughts and having the same feelings. Kids were not for me. Now, I still have the same worries and some days are really tough, but I feel like a new world has just opened up with new feelings and a new opportunities to grow and heal. I am not trying to convince anyone, I am just sharing my story.
OMG, Ewa, YES! Exactly! It's not about not wanting children but not wanting to be a mother. And people might think it's selfish, as you say. I think wanting children is 1000% selfish. Also, among many of my friends with children (and I am 40, so EVERYONE has at least 1) I see little joy and happiness. I rather see people being tired, depressed, overwhelmed, frustrated. Mainly, because they don't have "the village". And this is another HUGE change that happened in recent years that we don't acknowledge - parents are mainly on their own with their children now. And that's not working.
Father at 32. You're right. There is no village. We live in nuclear families in which it's unfairly hard to raise a child. Speaking of one. I can't imagine having even more..
Why would you expect everyone else to raise your child? And how has that worked out for the kids who have been raised (and possibly abused) in childcare or even in public schools? Bottom line is that global governments long ago began an anti-family and now anti-human campaign that began with destroying the nuclear family, forcing both parents into full-time work outside of the home just to survive, and is now implementing ways to off the rest of us through “free healthcare.”
whoa, call urself selfish! i have kids and i will NOT claim that. what a rude thing to say about my kids. im very glad to have given them life, and im certain theyre glad i did too. we dont have much, but thats about to change, and it is NOT my kids that exhaust and frustrate me. the rest of the people i have to deal with all day do. biden does. people that vote for biden that surround me are making my life impossible via their sorely uninformed voting opinions. bidinflation is driving up my bills, my children dont print off money and ship it off to foreign a holes while i struggle to pay bills. and thats my bills. kids are not that expensive while theyre young unless u go crazy. but i will do whatever i have to for my kids, and theyre so worth it. its 1000% UNselfish to have a family unless ure doing it for wrong reasons, thats such a crazy thing to say, given the sacrifice required
There's no better reason to not have children than not wanting to. Nobody should be pressured into parenting if they don't want to and certainly nobody should be brought into the world by people who don't want to have them. It would be utterly tragic for everyone. Also, I don't think we have to "make up for not having kids" by doing something extraordinary with our lives instead. I just want to live my life and enjoy as many moments as I can with the people I love and also the moments with myself. I enjoy my own company. Me and my partner make each other laugh and support each other. We don't want anyone else in our family. As for "never knowing true love/happiness until you have a child", allow me to doubt that very much. I know a LOT of people who have become parents and "happiness" or "bliss" is not exactly what comes to mind when I see them. But maybe they do feel that way, in which case, more power to them, but keep in mind that what makes you happy won't necessarily make me happy. We're different people. And lastly, my choice not to reproduce does not affect anyone in any way at all.
I am 60 and never has children. I have never once regretted it. I think you have thought this out well and have come to the correct decision for yourself. Your reasoning is sound. I can say that the financial benefits to not having children are substantial. I was able to retire early while most of my friends at a similar age have to keep working much longer to make money to pay for their children’s education. Another huge benefit is the freedom to travel. I can travel anytime of the year, whereas those with children can only travel during the summer months when school is out. It is so nice to travel in the spring and fall when prices are much cheaper and places are less crowded. Being able to travel to someplace warm in the middle of winter is also nice. Another plus, which you alluded to, is having more time to pursue noble activities like volunteer work. I did a lot of volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity. There is no way I could have done that if I was raising a family. I definitely think you have made the right choice. Besides, if you ever change your mind, you can always adopt.
Thank you for making this video! As a mother to 4 children, I appreciate the acknowledgment and I also admire your clarity! I’m hoping that society is starting to change where being child-free is as accepted as having children!
I grew up in a tense, unhappy household. I think my late sister and I felt we were to blame. I also babysat in my teens for a household that was struggling, went through divorce, etc. Those experiences really shaped our thinking that we would be terrible mothers and pretty much killed any intense desire to have children. In my 20's I was in a bad relationship with someone who claimed he wanted to have kids. I got out of the relationship not because he wanted kids but because I thought he would be a terrible father. If you have no immediate family it is important as you get older to do "end of life" planning because you won't have inheritors.
I had 3 miscarriages and wasn't able to have a child. So we adopted our daughter. So if you don't want to bring another one into the world adopt one that's already here. Foster a child. Find a mentoring program. Lots of other options. Whatever works for you. It's your choice.❤❤❤
I think she explained that she just doesn't want children. Whether birthed or otherwise...she doesn't want children. So of course she'd never adopt a child because she doesn't want children.
Time is limited and I don’t wanna spend it to raise someone else’s genes. I’d rather have a dog. I just really don’t get it. It would be like a stranger sleeping in my house and I wouldn’t feel safe. What you don’t understand that everyone is different and you shouldn’t advise such a thing to a childfree.
You are a great inspiration to me. I often mention you to my friends as a very positive icon for women. You helped me accept my grey hair. I love that you don't shave, you eat great food, you love adventure, you have a strong will, you are transparent. I share the same views about children. Please continue to empower women and please continue to live your best life and share it with us.
You’re honestly spot on about the role of a mother. As a mother, it’s all consuming. Granted I have a one year old and I’m told it’s slightly less consuming as they get older. But kudos to you for having the self awareness of knowing you don’t want to take on this role. I love my daughter so much and have zero regrets, but that was my choice 😊
I totally agree with you. I don't want to have a child because I adore my life, and there's no room for a baby. I'm selfish, but I don't think it is something bad. Being selfish means taking care of yourself first. It does not mean not taking care of others.
After becoming a single mother, 10 years ago, when my kids were 1 and 2 1/2, I respect people's decision to NOT have children even more. It is hard, thankless and exhausting. That said, I wouldn't change a thing as I always had the desire to be a mother and didn’t get pregnant until after setting myself up to be able to independently support myself.
I am a mother of two boys and I completely agree with you that a woman can lose her sense of self at least during the first years of motherhood. I've always had a mathernal instinct, but it was so hard that I really started thinking " did I really signed up for this?" It takes a lot of internal work to find what you really want and need in your life. I love my kids and luckily with the support of my partner and family I came through my doubts , but your discussion is really important , because there are people who realize that they do not want to be parents AFTER they have kids. Being true to yourself is the best you can do in this world! Admirations for your honesty and bravery! ❤
I got sooo tired of people voicing 'oh you will regret it' ! regret could fall both ways regret having them is also what could have happened. If i did live to regret not having any then that is just a chapter in my life i have to live with. I never felt any maternal instincts whatsoever, and could never find where a child could fit into my life, and having reached the young age of 60 still living a very active life I'm still sooo regret less 😊👍
Thank you so much for this! I’m 44. I bade never wanted children. I gone through every reason you have your vlog. As always you explained it so much more eloquently than some have. I simply cannot imagine losing myself to the degree one should with a child. I have always wanted different things. Just thank you again for this. I will share this so many times
There is nothing that compares to having children, they are truly amazing! But it is also good to know your self and what you want in your life. Your feelings might change if you truly fell in love? And they may never change? Follow your heart in what ever you do, my friend. God bless you!
I’m much like you, Eva! Adding to the list- I haven’t found a partner yet (and I’ve had a few long term relationships) that I felt would step up to the plate in terms of equal parenting. I see many females at least in American society that end up absorbing 90% of the household managing and child rearing. In my last relationship, I took on all of the household management while we both worked full time. NO THANKS! I work in pediatrics and see ALL kinds of parents. The funny part is people like you and I, who REALLY put the thought in about parenting would end up probably making the most loving, responsible and respectful parents. I’ve seen my fair share of parents who obviously did not put in the thought and certainly did not do the research and let’s just say….. yeah. 🙄
I never wanted to have children as far back as my teens, but I also understand not having found a partner that will be an equal responsible parent is a very valid reason. I don't know why people try to use this reason to belittle others
I have a rescue dog that isnt the easiest one. I have a feeling that she came to my life to show me how challenging it is to scarify yourself to another being. Thank to her I have no regrets of not having children as I know how big commitment it is. I totally get what you said about Vilk, it is like having a child especially if you look after him on your own
Same here... I have 3 dogs, 2 were chosen and 1 was rescued and always thought that she chose me and all I can say is "It is hard" tho is has taught me about responsibility on another live, they depend on us 100% and they are like kids during their entire life, a child will learn to speak and do thing by himself but my dogs won't. So in the long run I think it could be equal to what a child can be and when people ask me "No kids?" I always say I have 3 ...
I’m the opposite, where I always knew I wanted children. I finally became a Mom at the age of 37 and had my second child at 39. Two of my dearest friends made the choice to be child-free and I believe we’ve all the made the best choices for ourselves. The reason you mentioned that weighed the most on me was when you mentioned Vilk…what you experienced when you first got him as a puppy is truly similar to what it’s like to be a Mom…it is overwhelming. Motherhood is hard! I appreciate your honesty and LOVE all your videos!
Your decision to have children is obviously your own and nobody can tell you what is best for you. I wanted to give my own perspective and love. Children are the most pure expression of what a human is, they are little sponges who will copy everything down to your gate and verbal ticks, but will also challenge everything you ever thought you knew. My children are literal carbon copies of me physically, but their personalities couldnt be more different. I learned so much about myself and growing up with my children and turning myself into the parent i wanted to be. My ex wife didnt realize until after we had our children that she didnt want to be a mother. So i raised the kids on my own for most of their lives, now that they are grown and making grown people decisions(more or less lol) the reward i get from watching them become members of society that i know will do good in this wold. I couldnt imagine the world without them, if they are my legacy, i couldnt be more fulfilled. But the moment all of that happened, the moment my mindset changed from doing everything for myself, and doing what i wanted and it became doing everything i can to make the life of this little human what i wished i grew up in, was when i held my first child the first time and looked into his barely opening eyes. I failed, often, and i was hard but i love them more than anything and they love me and at the end of the day they have given me so much more joy than i could have ever imagined before. Watching my toothless daughter smile at her big brother and just love unconditionally is something that nothing else i have experienced compares to. Again, your decision is your own, Im just giving you the perspective of someone who felt very much like you do now right up until i held my son the first time and now my children will go into this world as a force for good and they will change this world for the better. The future of our planet and our species relies on good humans, and you dont get those without good parents.
My wife died very suddenly a month ago after 51 years married and I am BLOODY glad we had two boys. They have been there for me 200% since and my grandkids have forced me to smile in spite of myself. It’s YOUR choice and I am glad we made our choices the way we did. My two went through private schools here in the UK and the expense was horrendous - on the plus side they both have great jobs and homes with stable loving families.
Your message is super important for many young woman out there to hear. My daughter has voiced your same message and she gets mixed responses. Thank you for everything you do, it's a great community that you are building. Long time fan - Jeff
I would say all of the above. 33 here, people told me all my life that I would change my mind and everyday as the world gets worse it just strengthens my decision.
@@luxraider5384say that to all the people in countries that are having civil wars and conflicts atm. Your head is in the sand. Humans will always be at war with each other. It may be quiet in your country but it will only be quiet for so long before unrest breaks out. Maybe if we come to some enlightenment where empathy reins then maybe we can be peaceful.
This topic brings me so much anxiety. I have always had this feeling inside that I will never ever want to have children but I have rarely said it out loud when I was younger out of fear for being judged. The older I have become I am finding myself being forced to say it out loud because most people around me keep asking me why I have no children or when am I planning to start having children. It’s honestly the most uncomfortable conversations I have. I wish people wouldn’t be so blatant about wanting to know why such a personal decision needs to be openly discussed because in their minds that’s the normal and right thing to do. I just do not want to have to explain myself to anyone. No one will truly understand why no matter how much you try to explain. Let’s just respect one another’s choices and not judge so quickly when we do not understand or relate to their perspective of life.
As a young man who never wanted to have kids I feel finding love is going to be so hard I never caught myself thinking "yeah I want to have kids with this woman" even when I was in love. I never dreamed about that, being a dad and doing [insert any thing dads do?? Idk] But I feel like a lot of women will judge me or think less of me, or downright lose interest as soon as they know how I stand on this. Recently I've been visiting my friend and she asked if I wanted to have children after I commented about the annoying sounds that the child was making in our proximity. This question caught me off guard and for some reason it immeduately made me upset. I really hesitated to answer and I couldn't even bring myself to say "No" even though I completely trust that person. It feels like everybody is expecting you to have children, as a "universally normal" thing to do, and unless you want that, something must be really wrong with you I don't care if it's considered right or wrong, I just want to be in love with someone who can give me as much love in return, THATS IT that's a perfect relationship to last a lifetime. I'd love nothing more than to live my whole life with a woman who feels exactly the same about this, and maybe even comfort each other and dispel all the bullshit expectations as we live together, just the two of us, in the bubble of intimacy and pure love, because we wouldn't need anything else to make us happy
Just because you are in love with a woman does not mean you will want to have kids with her. In fact most children born in the world are not born out of love, but rather out of religious, familial and cultural obligation. Most marriages are arranged. It has been this way since Antiquity.
The way I see it, you already have a child. A child that doesn’t grow up for the next 10-15 years. A child that you’re responsible for and look after 24/7
I’m 41, was sterilized in my 30’s and I’ve known since I was 6yrs old that I never wanted kids. I’ve heard the “when you meet the right man, you’ll change your mind, it’s different when they’re yours” from people my whole life. I don’t know why people question people who don’t want kids more than those who do (surely potential parents are taking on a bigger responsibility by choosing to). I also think we need to stop attaching the word “selfish” to childfree people. Parenthood is a choice. Therefore you can choose to or choose not to. It’s not a default. So choosing not to isn’t selfish. It’s just your preference. And people need to get over that.
Generally as a woman, it also boils down to partnership. There’s no joy in welcoming a child into this world unless there’s a person we truly see spending the rest of our lives with. In an ideal world, the burden of having a child should always be a shared effort. Even so, there’s certainly much joy embracing this life exploring ourselves.
I love this “my life energy is much better spent on things I am passionate about”. I feel the same. We are not all equally suited to a specific task. Let the passionate parents spend their energy where they can, and will, give it their all. For me, my energy is well spent in other places, where my passions lie.
I had 4 daughters and my youngest one will be 18 this coming February. I am a single dad and I have custody of my daughters. All I can remember is that it was so difficult raising my girls'. All I can say is I don't want to ever make anymore children again. I learned my lesson the hard way.
I'm a mom and I don't have an issue with people not wanting kids. What I do have an issue with is some people's outward hatred, annoyance, impatience and lack of compassion towards children that goes along with their decision of not wanting them. Sadly I see more and more young people that have no problem talking about children like they are the most vile creatures on the planet and who don't even smile at children in public. Fine, you don't want your own children, I get it and you have every right now to, but as a society we cannot normalize this negative attitude because it will have repercussions.
Yes, being a mother is a huge job that I did not want to do alone. I ended up being a stepmom, daycare provider, favorite aunt, sunday school teacher and enjoying time with my friends with young children.
Childfree women who enjoy the company of children can play an invaluable role as valuable aunty to siblings and friends children etc.. bringing a different energy to kids and giving a valuable break or help to parents of kids..
I’m also 32 and I’m partly like you, I never felt the urge to be a mom I’ve always known the commitment that is and while it’s a beautiful thing when done right, but I’ve never changed my mind thus far. I also have always thought if I ever felt the urge I would prefer to adopt in that case and help a child that already exists in the world.
I recently realised I don't have a child wish. I have a wish to be part of a community, a real community, that works together as a family. That is not something I often see in this world where independent living is the norm.
I have to agree with your main reason. I feel the same way. I've traveled since I was 19 and always assumed I would meet someone and settle down with kids, a house etc. But after meeting my boyfriend who also travels in a van and has a nomadic lifestyle like me, it made me evaluate everything. And now we have decided we don't want kids, it doesn't work with our lifestyle and personally I would probably 'resent' the child if I had to give it up - which is awful I know. I have a 4yr old black lab who travels everywhere with us and we will be driving the Pan Am with him - this is much more our style than a traditional family vacation 🤷
I think the paternal/maternal instinct definitely exist. I felt it - once. So I locked myself indoors for 3 days, binged some series and it went away 😂 And about your main reason being selfish, I feel exactly the opposite about it... in my view it is imensely more selfish to have a child just to please a personal desire.
@@findthekindness well I didn't say that having a child is selfish in itself. What I meant is that having a child, solely to please one's desire to have children (and not take into consideration other aspects), is selfish.
Hi Eva I am 38 this year. I never wanted kids but hoped I would change my mind as I got older and did more stuff with my life. However, the more I did the more I wanted to do. I kept putting off the idea of having children, even when at 30 I found a partner that would have allowed it to happen (up until then I had never been in a long term relationship). But nothing changed, in fact each experience I had I would say I’m just going to travel to India and then I’m ready to settle down and have children. But I was never ready. The years passed and last year my brother had a child and I decided that if I wanted a child it needed to be now while I had support of other new mothers. It was scary, I felt like I was going to the gallows. But I didn’t get pregnant. I felt relieved. Maybe I really don’t want children and never did, for all the reasons you described. But I felt like I was letting everyone down. My mother kept telling me I was unfulfilled. My partner is not contributing in any way it’s all on me and I’m taking care of sick parents and a yard and lots of animals who depend on me for everything. My freedom to travel is hard earned, I understand responsibility and commitment and I long for freedom but also I can’t leave the things I love. I knew having a child would be the same. But then I watched your video and on the same day I found out I was pregnant. I can’t tell you the anxiety I felt I had a complete mental breakdown because I suddenly realised the freedom I had been craving had been taken away again and on top of that I had no idea how I was going to take care of my parents, the family home, my partner who was living in my home with my parents, my horses and animals and being self employed I would have to stop working who would take care of it all? It all became very real. Then I had a miscarriage. No woman should have to experience such a traumatic event. Since then my outlook on life which has gone from adventure and beauty and freedom has turned into a nightmare. I’m really struggling with my mental health. I know deep down I don’t want children because I am not in a safe place. But I always imagined I’d have a daughter and call her Eva after my grandmother, so it feels like I’ve had to say goodbye to her. Watching my sister in law with her baby makes me feel so trapped. People like you who are strong in their convictions help me to feel better about my decisions when every one around me sees me as a failure, including my parents who want a d grandchild.
I grew up radical Christian and had kids very early. And as much as I love them and would never give them back.. I know, if I had the choice back then, I would not have had kids. I broke out of religion, am single mom of 3 kids now.. but I know I could have lived my potential better without kids and that I would have been a better person. I offen feel I have to navigate a life I was not meant for. .. still thankful.. it’s a wise and strong decision to not have kids. And I congratulate you for that backbone you have.
Well said! I love finding childfree individuals, it makes me feel not so alone! Never had any maternal instincts here. Never liked to even be around babies and children, honestly.
Thank you Eva. I love your videos. I am 32 years old and I am really starting to get stressed out because I am at an age I should have children. But it's just not the right time for me. I have anxiety and there are a lot of other things that I want to do in life so I am not even sure that I would be happy with a child even though I have this feeling that I really want to have children. :)
Thank you so much for making this video. I am struggling with the guilt and shame about not liking babies/children. I am tired of explaining myself and feeling like I'm a societal pariah.
I really appreciate a young woman that is so conscious to stop and think about this instead of just "plugging in", literally/figuratively 👀and blindly pro-creating. For all the parents commenting, what makes you feel like creating new beings that are doomed to suffer and die is worth the misery? I see many saying "I was once like you until I had my x number of them". Not to be mean but all of these comments from parents look like clueless carbon copy copes. Like you all are posting about having your kids just to have them or trying to rationalize an accident.
Thank you Eva!! I'm currently in a relationship and my partner does want children - and I'm 36 and still not sure at all if I do. Your video speaks to my heart and made me cry, so thank you for your honesty!
Same here My partner wants children but I'm sure I don't. I've been watching baby videos and feeling out my thoughts to see if I'm willing to change my heart, to keep my heart... It's tough.
You don’t want children because you don’t want to… end of! We need to respect women decisions… because anyways, when the “fathers” leave and do it part time, no one complains!! Good on you lady!!!
I'm in my 30s now and have never wanted kids. I've considered adopting at an older age, but I currently do not have the desire either to be a mom. I love kids (have worked as a camp counselor, substitute teacher, etc.) but just do not want any of my own. Being a Christian / in the church, my decision has led to lots of questions and comments from people. I appreciate people like you speaking out!
Kids are an anchor. Live your life and enjoy every minute of it. Raising kids is drudergy. I'm a 55 yr old CF woman and I could NOT be happier w/ my life choices. When I was ready to slow down in life I got married and adopted homeless animals. THAT is fulfilling for ME. Find YOUR fulfillment and let everyone's opinion on what your life should be like, roll off your back like water off a duck's back.
This honestly makes alot of sense to not bring another unfortunate human into this world, i feel the same and if i somehow had a choice if i would have been born or not i would definitely decline
I love the video! I am gonna be 39 this year and last year I decided to be childfree :) I tried to be in relationships for the sake of making a family and it didnt work out. I found out that it was basically because I didnt want it but couldnt see it through the pressure of the society. Since I realized Ive been living my best life :) Having kids is just an option of living life.
My sister said it the best when I asked if she wants to have kids. "I don't want to have kids because I dont want to". That's literally it. I had kids because I wanted to have kids. We dont need to justify or explain ourselves.
Exactly. That's what I always say when I'm asked why I don't have children.
I know so many older adults who do not have kids because they didn’t want to and they are all still happy with that decision just as we can also be happy with the decision to have children.
It’s great when everyone can just be happy for each other and the decisions we make for our own happiness.
Can you imagine if people started asking everyone with kids why they had children but in a condescending tone?Wouldn’t that be ridiculous😂
I'm in my mid 50's and have two friends, same age, that chose never to have children. They've confided in me over the last several years that they regret not having children. I was sad for them because I knew they would never experience being a mother and grandmother.
I agree 100% 👏
I never had children, but I found that the most rewarding thing I ever do is helping poor children. They didn't ask to be here.
I'm in a similar position, I don't have kids and I'm glad I don't because I'm divorced and not still attached to a very toxic ex-wife. But when I watch my long time friend's children reach milestones like High School and college graduation, marriage, etc. Then I am left wondering what I missed out on. I'm still close with my best friend's children like an uncle, but I'm not "dad" to any of them.
I'm in my fifties now and all the men on my father's side of the family don't make it past their mid sixties. Today, if I pass my best friend's daughter will get my home, my best friend's son will get his home paid off. My best friend will get enough from my estate to buy a home for themselves and end their life as a renter. But I don't have any children of my own to leave an estate to. I do wish on some level that I had a legacy to leave to them, but I do wish on some level that I did.
Part of me also is glad I don't have children because of the state of the world today. Lots of governmental debt, high taxes, and a very depressing future. I'm sometimes glad I spared them from having to live that. Did our parents feel the same?
Sounds lonely, Larry.
Nobody asked to be here
Stop projecting chuck. @@chuckiepeoples
I do the same
Nobody should feel bad for not wanting children. No explanation is ever necessary. It's YOUR life.
No person
'No one'. dont think its any different if you were born m
Truth. But I also think it's good to keep the conversation going to normalize choosing what works best for you.
💯 percent.
@@Junkopartna You're absolutely right. I will edit.
I can barely take care of myself let alone take care of another human being. Not everyone is meant to have a child.
Why don't they teach this in school
Good point.
@@INTERNATIONALvids
That's right.
The Parents who shouldnt be having kids are having kids while the ones that should aren't
Often true.
@@jesseperez4185
I dont understand why do some people think not wanting children is selfish. Who are we owing these children to? There is nothing selfish about it, we as women are not just baby making machines, we are people and we have other purposes in life that we should be allowed to pursue aswell.
I’m 66 I’ve always known I didn’t want children. I never had that urge to procreate. Despite everyone telling me I’d change my mind. Never felt the ticking clock. Never regretted my choice. Just not for me. Good for you Eva. Follow your heart
Same!
I am 49. Same !
I’m 57 exactly the same. No regrets.
55 and the same
50 almost 51.. no regrets
I think that if someone doesn’t want kids, they most likely know what’s best for them and they’re making the right decision.
Don’t have any stats on this but I know anecdotally a lot of women who didn’t want kids in their 20s and 30s. Some seem to be happy with that decision but I would say the majority either panicked and had one in their early 40s or regretted not doing so. Again I’m sure for some it is the right choice but it’s a very hard one to make.
It certainly is. All the women I know who made the decision not to have any have no regrets at all. @@xcf5587
This isn't true, or it is a half truth.
Plenty of people have children on a whim. Many want sex but get children as a result. About half people born were not planned conception.
Truth is, we are biologically hardwired to reproduce. So having children is much less of a choice and more of an impulse.
My dad told my mom “I don’t want children!” I heard him say it to her. My life has been hard partially because of the idiot she married. Women if a man says I don’t want kids believe him.
@@badgirlhollywood9741 it is common to regret becoming a parent. But we rarely hear about it because it is taboo to say so. Taboo for a few reasons. To avoid public ridicule and to avoid kids thinking they were not wanted. But often, parents regret the hardships of parenting and not the human life that already exists. There is a distinction.
Parenting is extremely difficult for most people in modern age so I don't blame parents. Nobody really know how much and how deep amount of work and responsibility they are adding when they are creating kids. When you have kids, you no longer exist, your identity goes away and everything becomes about the kids. Many parents are in denial about this. Because it happens over time they don't notice.
Having kids is more expensive than ever, one can buy a ferrari instead for the same money...Point being, most people don't buy new ferraris but they have kids they can't afford.
At age 12, I announced to my family that I would never marry or have kids. They stopped laughing at my statement when (my unmarried) tubes were tied at 32. 58 now. I’ve done my part. No regrets.
Good! You had the courage of your own convictions.
Why would anyone have the obligation to marry and have kids? Do it because you want to, not because you feel you have to.
Sounds lonely. Tell me, how are your 14 cats doing?
I think you are wrong. This situation might seem lonely to you, but not to her.
@@chuckiepeoples
@@chuckiepeopleshahahahahha tropes! AMIRIGHT?!
Is it because you don't like other people's decisions or just women having a decision?
@@azsean73 You definitely have multiple cats. Enjoy.
You took every word out of my mouth and described the exact same reason why I chose not to have children. I am 47, happily married with 3 cats and not bringing kids into this world was the best decision of my life.
Just not wife or relationship material. Now, you are expecting the children of others to fund your retirement healthcare and pension. The childless should be taxed much more
I wouldn’t even get married, the cats are ok though
@@GK-op4ocwhats the point of being a wife these days? Men are so easy to get and we make our own money. 😂 fwb makes more sense
@@GK-op4oca lot of men want childfree wmn and plenty men only have kids bcs their wife pressured them so youre wrong wrong
@@hanalala3164 Males in general get married to secure a mother for children. There is no other more significant reason to get married
Hi Eva, I am a mother, and becoming a mother has been the most difficult thing I have ever done in my life. Once my first child was born, I realized that it is a choice each woman should make, a choice that should be respected and honored. Great video! Thanks for sharing.
We are biologically hard wired to reproduce like all other species. The choice was already made for us, so it isn't really free will
I birthed a bakery, and an art career. I traveled around the world in 1990 for 2 years when all of my friends were having babies. They said I was lucky! I chose to not have the large house or the kids. It was not luck. I worked hard all along the way.
I do think sometimes of what it would be like to have a child in the world today. I don't know.
Having children gives you no guarantee that they will be there for you. As I have seen in many of my friends and my husband's kid.
If you want a mothers day card once a year that is selfish.
So many ways to live a life. Just go for it cause it passes fast.
Eva you are doing wonderful things that enrich your life. All is good! Thank you
Having children is not a compulsion. It's a choice. 😊
It should be yeah
I'd argue that it is a compulsion. Like all species, we are programmed to breed and expand the species. The problem is that we have no natural enemies and we have consumed the planet like locusts.
I’m 52 and never have regretted my decision to not have kids. I just always knew that was right for me but happy for people who choose that path! ❤
You will regret it at some point, I’m sorry.
@@amrabu-ayshe8042 OMG, really?? People are not all the same. Now think why is it so hard for you to believe her.
@@_dz sorry but you are not that special… you are the result of millions of years of evolution and although you have the ability to reason and make choices as an individual, you are part of a developed species with a specific set pf evolutionary abilities , one of which is having a brain that will make up whatever reality and temporary truth it needs to survive and be happy even if your life is miserable af.
So sorry.. you are great, you are a unique soul but you are not that special.. at all.
@@gabriel06123 Hmmm...Unfortunately you confusing biological (body) evolution with intellectual or social evolution. Following your argument, you probably believe that because female humans evolved as mammals they should still only live they lives as a womb with legs in 2023, right?
@@gabriel06123ur comment might have some truth but it seems out of context as telling a person they are not special has nothing todo with having kids
You are an amazing and wize young lady. I'm 72 and child free with no regrets. Enjoy the journey ahead of you -- it will be an adventure.
Thanks for talking about this, I'm a man and I've never had the urge to have kids. I want to live and experience life to the fullest and I feel that a child would just chain me down. Its hard to meet others that feel the same way.
Thank you for having the courage to state this. As a female who never felt the need or maternal drive to have kids, it seems we are looked down upon in society.
I truly resonate with this
Luckily I never even felt looked down upon for never ever wanting kids. Maybe it's just that I truly don't care what others think about me in this matter. I felt the same indifference to those who told me that I don't want kids now because I haven't found "the father" or that I would regret it later in life. Lol. I just really don't care about their opinions in this very matter even though I'm generally very sensitive and emotional about how others think about me
I have the impression that women often feel cornered, annoyed, or feel the need to defend themselves when asked the "And when..." question, while most of the time this is just a smalltalk topic like the weather. I got asked this question countless times, simply answered "I don't want/like kids" like I would answer "Yeah, it's awful outside today".
If it continues with "But why, they are adorable, best thing in life, blabla" I answer "To me they are loud, smelly, boring and expensive, simply not into it", and that's usually enough.
I feel the same... as a man.
Yet in USA people pop em out like rabbits and neglect, abuse, missing & murdered are daily
All the things I love best about life are not child-friendly. This one sentence is usually enough to get people to leave me alone about it. Nice to hear someone discuss it the way you do, with logic and empathy. Do what you do best, it doesn’t have to be motherhood. Love from Canada. 💕
Love that sentence. It is so true.
Hi. I'm 67 years of age. I never felt the need to justify my decision not to have children, though I could cite many reasons including not having been financially set up in my younger days to do so. But if I had put aside all of those reasons and decided to have children so that they would hopefully be around to support me in my older years, THAT would have been selfish. Nonetheless, I've had numerous animals that I have cared for, most of whom have passed on, which I loved immensely. Most were strays and had no homes to live in. Most recently, a stray cat found his way to me and adopted ME out here in the woods. His name is now Dusty. I will not discount the effort that it takes to provide for his safety and well-being. I believe that I have put in at times a greater effort in raising my animals then some moms or dads did for their children. The responsibilities can be just as profound.
Best
And most children do not want to help out their parents
There is nothing wrong with not having children. That is your choice.
No woman should ever have to explain why she doesn't have children, whether she wanted to or not.
Women making decisions for themselves has destroyed western civilization.
Women also should not chastise other people about their decisions to have children, nor should they promote antinatalism -- especially if they will be depending on the future labor of those children, having chosen to end the vast chain of being with themselves and not pay forward the gift of life and preserve the incredible species and culture to which they belong.
@@marcusseleukos1274 'gift of life ... incredible species' - Shallow interpretation of things
@@mojakaunt6637 You're absolutely right -- my mistake for thinking the universe become aware of itself through sapience is any more significant that the simplest sentience of a paramecium. How shallow of me.
Great vid Eva, as usual. I'm 72, single (was married), and no kids. I'm an only child. Mom and dad were married for 64 years! Dad passed at 95, mom at 94. I helped care for them the last 20 yrs of their lives. Something I willingly did because I loved them. I was blessed with great parents. They were in an assisted living facility the last 15 years. One of the reasons I hear given for having children is to have someone to take care of them when they get old. That is an assumption! An observation I noticed (and heard residents talk about) when visiting mom and dad was how they missed their children! They felt forgotten, not visited nearly enough! A sad sight to see. Just because you have children does't mean they will take care of you in your golden years. Even if your a good parent, a child can bring tremendous stress into your life. Drug addiction, unwanted pregnancy, jail time, and even suicide! I've seen it all. I'm now retired and enjoying my bucket list.
Brava!
Oh yeah. My husband has four daughters. The oldest two are chronic fuckups. Drugs, etc., rampant narcissism. The oldest actually went homeless after her husband/caretaker passed unexpectedly because she simply could not take care of herself. We tried to take her in for a while, and it was utterly exhausting how self-absorbed and lazy she was--a woman in her 40s, ffs, not a teenager but she acted like one. Her own mother gave up on her and she is DEVOTED to her kids. My husband and his ex are truly nice people. They don't know what happened, they really don't. They weren't abusive, neglectful or cruel.
Then he had two more daughters with his second wife. They are successful, functional, great mothers and hardworking. But they do not care about their father at all, really. Well, they sort of care; but everything else is pretty much more important to them. They've known for years that his health was failing but did they visit? No. Did they call? No. Did they help me care for him at all--and he has dementia, so it has become an exhausting consuming job in the last several years, pushing me nearly to the point of a nervous breakdown. NO they did not. Not one bit. It took an old friend of ours caring enough to decide to move in and help, to shame my husband's daughters into showing more of an interest in their father's welfare.
Ultimately, I guess they took their mother's side in the divorce--even though she promptly drank herself to death after she dumped my husband and ran off with another man. So caring, such a devoted parent--she even drank when she was pregnant with them, despite my husband's best efforts to stop her, causing both daughters lifelong health issues. Yet she is their angel and they have neglected their father--who really loved them so much, bought them everything they ever wanted, worked so hard for them, and always placed their welfare first. But he, you see, didn't manipulate his kids. He didn't play that game. His ex-wife did, and very successfully, so that she is still the favored parent even today. You really cannot count on your kids to care for you when you are old. Certainly not all of them. Often there will be one who stands out above the others, genuinely cares, and shoulders more of the burdens when their parents grow old and need help--but sometimes, there's not even that.
There isn't a day goes by without my giving thanks for not having children. It wasn't for me. Good luck to those who find a sense of fulfillment and purpose from having them though.
@@denverdubois5835 Good Lord, don't I know your hart acke...
THIS!! I am also told, that one day I will regret, because I will be alone with nobody to take care of me... But my thought is exactly this - you cannot guarantee your kids will want or be able to take care of you! People call us child-free by choice women selfish, while their reason to have kids is to have someone to take care of them when old. How is THAT not selfish??
I’m 55, never wanted kids and do not regret it one bit. My husband and I agreed on that point before we ever got married. People didn’t stop asking “when are you having kids” until I got older and it was obvious.
Thank you for sharing. As a mom, I always since a child I wanted to be a mom, also travel and know the world, I did that on my 20s. I feel that woman who don’t want to be moms are fine, moms who want to be a mom, are fine too. Everyone should do their decision and nobody should judge for it.
Dear Eva, I´m 60 years old and have never wanted children. I like children a lot, I´m a mathteacher, but have my owns - no. Why? The "wanting" never appeard , my husband agreed with me and the last is the scare of not being a good parent. We have heard SO many times: "o, you are egocentric", "you are going to be lonely when get really old" and so on. Well maybe I´m egocentric, maybe i´m going to be alone....BUT...putting a child to this world today, no I don´t regret not having children. Sometimes I think that some people get a little jealous because we TOOK the decision to not have children..... Go with your heart and brain, Eva. Never let anyone talk less of you! Take care...and wew love to follow you! 🧡
To be honest, having children is no guarantee that you won’t grow old alone. I had 2 and I will probably be alone growing old and dying. As much as I sacrificed and loved them, they don’t really care about me. They have their lives and I respect that. But having children because you don’t want to grow old and die alone, well there is no guarantee of that. If I had to do it all again, I’d do my life much differently.
@@daytonabchnative 🧡
@@daytonabchnative true...it's a lottery. You never know what you'll get. Every parent I've ever known has said, "I love my children, but...."
I just turned 50 this year. All your reasons are things that i've thought of or dealt with before. There are not many of us out there who choose not to have children, but we do exist :)
I really appreciate this video. I’m 24 and I’ve met a lot of angry conversations about how “I don’t know that I want kids yet. Wait till your older”and it’s really frustrating because it shouldn’t be that you are treat with naivety. I’m very happy with my life. I’ve never asked someone why they had children but I can be asked why I haven’t. This norm needs to change.
Well, the reason they had children was because they WANTED to have children or they were wrecklessly irresponsible and got themselves or someone else pregnant. It's as simple as that.
men are just upset that good looking woman going to be "wasted " overheard this comment once... but pls know yourself and do what you want dont ever let someone to tell you how you should live.
Most human beings have an instinctual drive to have children. It's one of the basic features of all life on Earth. So that's why people ask you that. 🙂
it is fine to ask but not ok to start harassing and manipulating people in that life too@@neutrino78x
Thank you, Eva! I’m your age and 90% sure I don’t want kids. My real reason is that I don’t trust any man to take on the endeavour with me. And I don’t want to do it alone (single mothers are at great risk for poverty and mental health problems). Just based on my life experience so far, I’ve become very scared of being trapped. And few things seem more claustrophobic than motherhood. That’s not noble, it’s probably not even healthy. But it’s real.
I can absolutely understand that reason! I feel the same way
I mean, I can't argue with u...thats a fair statement
As a man I'd like to say that it saddens me to hear that you feel this way. I think this is one of the reasons I consider myself a feminist. I hear people talk about a return to more "traditional family values" as a solution to divorce and single parenthood, but I worry that it reinforces an isolating role of motherhood (which might be at the core of divorce and single parenthood). Personally, I would like us to reframe masculinity and fatherhood as a role of an empowering supporter. I hope that you're able to find a trusted partner (if you want). Not so that you will have kids, but will have an equal partner to hold you up in all things.
Same here!! ♥️
If that is your only reason, then you made a good decision to not have children, bc as long as you have that fear- then you will attract the same partner & situation that you fear. One has to trust life & trust that life will be exactly the way they envision it, not on blind faith, but a knowing that you are the Grand Architect of your life. No ifs,ands,buts,looking at others’ experiences, looking at your past experiences, looking at statistics, listening to media, etc. If you want a baby with a fantastic partner: envision, believe, trust in yourself that you will choose the right person to procreate with, and expect that you will receive just that and more 😊 This applies to anything in life really
There’s nothing wrong on not wanting to procreate. It’s actually great that you recognize that fact. Some people are clueless and keep getting birth to children, yet are lousy or lacking skills on how to raise these little humans, then these tiny humans grows up as a$$holes and lousy people.
It's good that most people are not as you describe. And they have not been that way through millennia. I mean as a whole, humankind has done pretty well.
@josephine Very true and i've seen enough of this while living in UK... While i'm aware UK isn't the only place in the world with this issue... but as i was there... i can vouch for your comment.
@@jaym8257to my mind the human gene pool is totally screwed, and because there are so many of us now most days leave me feeling like I'm part of some sad amateur lab experiment
@@jaym8257where have you been…under a rock?! People are so selfish in todays world. They do not help their fellow man out. Social media has desensitized people. They would rather film someone than help them.
We have done well because we are the top predator but we still act like animals and let rulers commit genocide.
Civilizations rise and fall from this, so no we are not compassionate and empathetic enough. This comes from someone with kids. Look at the mental health crisis on our hands…no one has it together not even you if you dig deep enough, none of us are normal and that’s fine but don’t expect to have every one be on the same playing field as you.
I fell pregnant at 28, wasn t planned had not really thought about having kids, I was travelling and happy doing my thing. I questioned whether I would be a good mum or not as I also had no maternal instincts but as it turned out my daughter was the best thing that happened to me. I am a good mum, I raised her alone and all turned out well. I cannot imagine my life without her now. I do however have quite a few friends that have chosen not to have children, everyone had their own journey and I guess the world is changing so much it is definitely more acceptable now than 20 years ago. Wherever life takes you Eva I wish you the best. 🌸🙏💖
You would have to think all the time about another person. You are never free again once you bring a child into the world. They are wonderful but lots of worry.
I knew since I was a child myself that I didn't want to have children. I saw the sacrifice that my mom has made throughout her life for her children, and I felt I didn't have it in me to give so much. I like being child-free. I do love kids as long as I'm not their mom. This choice did result in my getting divorced in my late 30s. However, I have no regrets. I'm 58 now and I'm happier for it. I believe in living your life as you see fit. It is our individual right to do so. Thank you for sharing your true reason. Take care.
As a 22yr old I also feel the way you feel. I am scared that in future when I will marry will my partner support this decision or not😢. I just pray I get a partner who wants to stay childfree. And I believe in today's time it's better to ask such questions upfront from our partner. And sometimes mindset of people regarding having child or not change after marriage so it's scary.
Well, get ready for being an old lady who lives alone with her cats and has no one to care for her. Good luck.
@@ridinwithjake
Well, it's not guaranteed that your children will take of you when you are old.
Secondly, it's actually a selfish reason to have children so that they can take care of you when you are old.
@@Dragumix I guess its cultural. In Middle Eastern households, it makes perfect sense to help your folks out as you age. The modern era has challenged that in terms of leaving home and pursuing your passions far away. That said, I feel that it's not practical for people to be so selfless as to not expect support in old age from kids they supported their whole life.
@@Tripps2564 I don't consider it to be a support to bring children into this world in the first place. Children will face suffering (like dying etc.) in this world and some children will experience extreme suffering (by means of chronic illnesses etc.) here. You as a potential parent don't know beforehand if your potential child will have a relatively good life or a bad life. Therefore I regard it as totally wrong to bring children into this world.
Thank you!! I am 40 and I always felt like a weirdo when I was not as enthusiastic about babies and little children than everybody else. I simply never felt like being a mother and it‘s so encouraging to hear that! ❤
whats ur opinion on Stop Having Kids childfree organization??
I was born to selfish parents who when they divorced neither really wanted to be bothered with me. Thank God my grandparents took me in and raised me as their own. I always knew I wanted to be a father and after several miscarriages my wife and I were blessed with a wonderful daughter. Now she's moved out and off to college and I feel blessed to have been allowed to be a father to her. It has been an invaluable experience and there's nothing in my life that compares. All that written, to each his or her own. Life's full of choices and being a parent is not one to be taken lightly.
I heard someone say that all the good people aren’t having kids, and all the horrible people are having kids left and right. So im going to have kids. Im a good person and the world needs more good people.
Calling yourself a good person is always a red flag. Also, it's kind of selfish creating new people who never asked to be here.
Not true, not wanting kids shows the person won't be making the world a better place for children and generations to come
Breeding is no guarantee that you'll have a good kid. Your kid could grow up to be an asshole, or a criminal, no matter how you raise them.
It's so wonderful to finally see women openly opting out of having kids. That's real freedom, I'm a mother but would never want women to be forced by society into taking that role.
I'm your age and have always felt exactly like this! Whether someone wants children or not, I think it's beautiful and important to follow your own idea of happiness and live the life YOU want ❤️ Also, people need to stop pressuring especially young women with this topic.
Know thyself…
A dear late friend of mine told me back when we were both in our 20’s that she didn’t want children. I was sceptical at the time (or simply immature in my outlook). But she passed away decades later never having changed her position.
Over those years my outlook changed from scepticism to admiration. My friend had clearly known herself and knew what she wanted in life. A child simply wasn’t going to fit - no more explanation required.
During those intervening years I spent +20 years as a foster parent, caring for somewhere between 40-50 kids. I saw first hand the outcome of people having kids that should never have had them.
My friend made for a much better role model.
Eva, you clearly know yourself. You do you.
I don't understand why people feel you should conform to their standard.
It saddens me that they continue to the point where you feel you must defend yourself.
Just be Eva, that's why we like you.😉
They need ignorant little taxpayers, that's the reason. 😂
Thank you for sharing and normalizing the choice to be child free. I’m 43 and have never desired to take on the role of being a mother. My father has been very disappointed in my decision, and I have received a lot of pressure to change my mind. I’ve been told I’m a disappointment, that it’s my duty to have a baby, and that I won’t know true love until I hold my own baby. But I know myself and that I really don’t enjoy being around babies, children, and value my quiet time. I’m grateful to live in a time where more women are standing up and making it their choice. I have one life and I want to live it my way. It’s not a selfish choice.
It is selfish. Don't fool yourself. But: Who says that selfish decisions are bad? That's the crucial point here. I know exactly that my decision to not have kids is selfish but I don't care that it is selfish.
@@laaaliiiluuuI don't think it's selfish at all. To me selfish are people who have kids and neglect them. I know posh couples with kids who hire nannies to do all the looking after while they go out, work, get beauty treatments. They are spending little or no time with their kids. That to me is more selfish than not having kids at all
I think the only selfish one is your dad. He should stop. I have three daughters and at least one of them is never going to have children. I agree with that decision, but even if I didn’t agree with her, I would support her decision because it is her decision whether she has children, not mine. I would never dream of even saying to her that I am disappointed that she is not have children. As a parent having those expectations and then putting them on your adult child is unfair. Your dad had his time to make that decision for himself, and so he should respect it’s your time to make those types of decisions for yourself.
Either decision is selfish, and that’s ok. People who want to have children do it because either they or someone else wants them (usually). The act of wanting is selfish…so, there you go.
and even if you want you will never be able to after a certen age
The sickening thought of the entire pregnancy process was mine. No thanks.
the thought of giving birth is horrifying!
I'm 51, no kids, and I have two reasons for not wanting children -- 1. I don't like kids; 2. I never met a partner I wanted to marry, and I didn't want to be a single parent (cheers to all you single parents....that's A LOT of work).
Someone once asked me, "Do you have children?" and I immediately gasped and said, "Gosh. No. Thank goodness! I dodged that bullet." 😂 Safe to say, she never spoke to me about children ever again. I am like you in the last reason you gave. I have never wanted to invest my time in having children, because I realized it would take away from the things I wanted to do in my life. Yes, I have admitted to people that my reasons for not wanting children are selfish, and I am okay with that. The other reason, which I am coming to realize as I get older, is that this world was never good enough for any child of mine. The world is a horrible place for many, and I have been truly blessed to have been given the best opportunities in life, wonderful parents (may they rest in peace), a wonderful family, and a loving husband...My life is perfect. But I know how bad life can be, especially for children. So I try to help make a difference in my community, in the hopes that somewhere, a child's life improved because the community improved. Anyway, I truly enjoyed your video. Thank you for sharing this perspective. PS: I noticed, your video had 45.8K views and only 74 likes. Clearly a a hot-button topic.
I completely agree with you. I work in science and from most of the future projections that we can make with scientific data the future isn't looking very promising for us as a species.
We might see a population crash within the coming decades...even if it doesnt mean extinction (a population crash is a common phenomenon in ecology after a population boom like the one we as humans had over the past hundreds of years. You also see it in history, e.g. the Romans and Mayans). It may sound overly dramatic, and that's why it isn't spoken about so much. But for myself, just knowing the critical times and uncertainty that my child would grow up in, and how different it was to how I grew up, is enough to seriously hesitate to have kids. It's not the main reason I dont want kids (similar to Eva I dont think the mother role is for me), but it's a big reason.
Growing up I always knew I wanted to be a Mom. I had a miscarriage at 19, and then life happened. Got married, got divorced, developed a rare autoimmune disease found the one and he suddenly, u expectedly passed away, lost my house and everything I owned due to medical bills and high Rx Costs and got even sicker. I’m now 45 and that season has passed for me and I’m okay with it. Looking at the world today, I have less rights as a woman than I was born with, you can’t afford to feed or put a roof over your head unless you’re working 2-3 jobs, school and mass shootings are happening with more frequency, college tuition costs are escalating. In some ways now I’m grateful that I didn’t bring a child into this world. As much as I always wanted to be a mother, the world the way it is going isn’t what I would want my child to grow up in. I worry for my nephew who’s 7, and friends kids and can see how difficult it’s going to be for them. And with my sickness and having lost my own mother before I was 15, I wouldn’t want to put my child thru that.
❤
u could foster. share some love. ure just who theyre lookin for
I am turning 50 and I have never had that need or calling to bring children into this world. My life was never conducive to taking on this responsibility and I am at peace with this decision. Also, I've allowed myself the space that if I changed my mind as I grow in wisdom, I can always open my heart and home to a child in need (either foster or adoption).
having kids is a big commitment, I have three. But your choice is perfectly normal and your choice.
Oh Eva, thank YOU. This resonates so so much with what I’m feeling. I’m 36, childfree and I still struggle to explain why. I feel that people expect us to have a « concrete » reason for choosing not to have children. But sometimes it’s just that « we don’t want to! ». I often hide behind the environmental reason, that is probably the one I relate to the most… but if I’m being honest, that’s not why. I just don’t want to take on this role. That’s all! Thanks for your content, I love it, you inspire me a lot. Hope to see you in France one day! 🇫🇷
I appreciate the honesty of that answer. I know being a Dad will require a lot of me... but I feel a calling for it (kind of like your answer, but in reverse). I guess the thought could go both ways. I argue "oh you'll be bored" or "no one will be there for you" but plenty of childless people have interesting lives and have people. I guess I just love the time with my big family and want that "village" to continue. It seems to me that a lot of folks just don't have the strong families others were raised with. But then again, I do worry about the future for the elderly... without enough kids, who will take care of them? Immigration isn't likely to be enough. I mean that care in both at-home care, but also in the service industry and in medicine where I work. The demand keeps climbing, but the young people are increasingly not there to take the reins. I'm just not sure what the solution is. To each their own
Motherhood is every woman's personal choice, not an obligation, no matter what. Women don't owe this world or anyone any kid/kids. You don't even have to give any reasons for your choice, or be apologetic about it. Its totally ok to be childfree by choice.
Your life, your body, your choice, no one else's business. Stay strong ! And thanks a lot for this video.
Before I had my son I was just like you. Thinking the same thoughts and having the same feelings. Kids were not for me. Now, I still have the same worries and some days are really tough, but I feel like a new world has just opened up with new feelings and a new opportunities to grow and heal. I am not trying to convince anyone, I am just sharing my story.
@@silentnot4812 better you than me. Best wishes to you both.
For me it’s always been ‘they will be born into THIS world where suffering, worry and pain is guaranteed’. I can’t do that to the love of my life 😢
As someone who loves my freedom, I can completely relate.
OMG, Ewa, YES! Exactly! It's not about not wanting children but not wanting to be a mother. And people might think it's selfish, as you say. I think wanting children is 1000% selfish. Also, among many of my friends with children (and I am 40, so EVERYONE has at least 1) I see little joy and happiness. I rather see people being tired, depressed, overwhelmed, frustrated. Mainly, because they don't have "the village". And this is another HUGE change that happened in recent years that we don't acknowledge - parents are mainly on their own with their children now. And that's not working.
Father at 32. You're right. There is no village. We live in nuclear families in which it's unfairly hard to raise a child. Speaking of one. I can't imagine having even more..
Why would you expect everyone else to raise your child? And how has that worked out for the kids who have been raised (and possibly abused) in childcare or even in public schools? Bottom line is that global governments long ago began an anti-family and now anti-human campaign that began with destroying the nuclear family, forcing both parents into full-time work outside of the home just to survive, and is now implementing ways to off the rest of us through “free healthcare.”
whoa, call urself selfish! i have kids and i will NOT claim that. what a rude thing to say about my kids. im very glad to have given them life, and im certain theyre glad i did too. we dont have much, but thats about to change, and it is NOT my kids that exhaust and frustrate me. the rest of the people i have to deal with all day do. biden does. people that vote for biden that surround me are making my life impossible via their sorely uninformed voting opinions. bidinflation is driving up my bills, my children dont print off money and ship it off to foreign a holes while i struggle to pay bills. and thats my bills. kids are not that expensive while theyre young unless u go crazy. but i will do whatever i have to for my kids, and theyre so worth it. its 1000% UNselfish to have a family unless ure doing it for wrong reasons, thats such a crazy thing to say, given the sacrifice required
There's no better reason to not have children than not wanting to. Nobody should be pressured into parenting if they don't want to and certainly nobody should be brought into the world by people who don't want to have them. It would be utterly tragic for everyone.
Also, I don't think we have to "make up for not having kids" by doing something extraordinary with our lives instead. I just want to live my life and enjoy as many moments as I can with the people I love and also the moments with myself. I enjoy my own company. Me and my partner make each other laugh and support each other. We don't want anyone else in our family.
As for "never knowing true love/happiness until you have a child", allow me to doubt that very much. I know a LOT of people who have become parents and "happiness" or "bliss" is not exactly what comes to mind when I see them. But maybe they do feel that way, in which case, more power to them, but keep in mind that what makes you happy won't necessarily make me happy. We're different people.
And lastly, my choice not to reproduce does not affect anyone in any way at all.
I am 60 and never has children. I have never once regretted it. I think you have thought this out well and have come to the correct decision for yourself. Your reasoning is sound. I can say that the financial benefits to not having children are substantial. I was able to retire early while most of my friends at a similar age have to keep working much longer to make money to pay for their children’s education. Another huge benefit is the freedom to travel. I can travel anytime of the year, whereas those with children can only travel during the summer months when school is out. It is so nice to travel in the spring and fall when prices are much cheaper and places are less crowded. Being able to travel to someplace warm in the middle of winter is also nice. Another plus, which you alluded to, is having more time to pursue noble activities like volunteer work. I did a lot of volunteer work with Habitat for Humanity. There is no way I could have done that if I was raising a family. I definitely think you have made the right choice. Besides, if you ever change your mind, you can always adopt.
Thank you for making this video! As a mother to 4 children, I appreciate the acknowledgment and I also admire your clarity! I’m hoping that society is starting to change where being child-free is as accepted as having children!
I grew up in a tense, unhappy household. I think my late sister and I felt we were to blame. I also babysat in my teens for a household that was struggling, went through divorce, etc. Those experiences really shaped our thinking that we would be terrible mothers and pretty much killed any intense desire to have children. In my 20's I was in a bad relationship with someone who claimed he wanted to have kids. I got out of the relationship not because he wanted kids but because I thought he would be a terrible father.
If you have no immediate family it is important as you get older to do "end of life" planning because you won't have inheritors.
I had 3 miscarriages and wasn't able to have a child. So we adopted our daughter. So if you don't want to bring another one into the world adopt one that's already here. Foster a child. Find a mentoring program. Lots of other options. Whatever works for you. It's your choice.❤❤❤
I wish more parents thought like you. But parenting isn’t about the children it’s about them.
I think she explained that she just doesn't want children. Whether birthed or otherwise...she doesn't want children. So of course she'd never adopt a child because she doesn't want children.
Adoption is hard. I was adopted, it was extremely hard for my family and my own mental health
Time is limited and I don’t wanna spend it to raise someone else’s genes. I’d rather have a dog. I just really don’t get it. It would be like a stranger sleeping in my house and I wouldn’t feel safe. What you don’t understand that everyone is different and you shouldn’t advise such a thing to a childfree.
If you adopt them when they are babies I do not think they would count as strangers, though.
Still each person makes their own choices. @@pokerqAK47
I'm 58 and have never wanted kids. I don't regret it at all.
You are a great inspiration to me. I often mention you to my friends as a very positive icon for women. You helped me accept my grey hair. I love that you don't shave, you eat great food, you love adventure, you have a strong will, you are transparent. I share the same views about children. Please continue to empower women and please continue to live your best life and share it with us.
You’re honestly spot on about the role of a mother. As a mother, it’s all consuming. Granted I have a one year old and I’m told it’s slightly less consuming as they get older. But kudos to you for having the self awareness of knowing you don’t want to take on this role. I love my daughter so much and have zero regrets, but that was my choice 😊
I totally agree with you. I don't want to have a child because I adore my life, and there's no room for a baby. I'm selfish, but I don't think it is something bad. Being selfish means taking care of yourself first. It does not mean not taking care of others.
After becoming a single mother, 10 years ago, when my kids were 1 and 2 1/2, I respect people's decision to NOT have children even more. It is hard, thankless and exhausting. That said, I wouldn't change a thing as I always had the desire to be a mother and didn’t get pregnant until after setting myself up to be able to independently support myself.
Wait until they get old enough to marry felons, abandon you, and put you in a nursing home. Then the fun REALLY begins.
Raising little kids as a single parent is EXACTLY what you said. Mine are now grown and I'm still exhausted...and broke!
I am a mother of two boys and I completely agree with you that a woman can lose her sense of self at least during the first years of motherhood. I've always had a mathernal instinct, but it was so hard that I really started thinking " did I really signed up for this?" It takes a lot of internal work to find what you really want and need in your life. I love my kids and luckily with the support of my partner and family I came through my doubts , but your discussion is really important , because there are people who realize that they do not want to be parents AFTER they have kids. Being true to yourself is the best you can do in this world! Admirations for your honesty and bravery! ❤
I got sooo tired of people voicing 'oh you will regret it' ! regret could fall both ways regret having them is also what could have happened. If i did live to regret not having any then that is just a chapter in my life i have to live with. I never felt any maternal instincts whatsoever, and could never find where a child could fit into my life, and having reached the young age of 60 still living a very active life I'm still sooo regret less 😊👍
Thank you so much for this! I’m 44. I bade never wanted children. I gone through every reason you have your vlog. As always you explained it so much more eloquently than some have. I simply cannot imagine losing myself to the degree one should with a child. I have always wanted different things. Just thank you again for this. I will share this so many times
There is nothing that compares to having children, they are truly amazing! But it is also good to know your self and what you want in your life. Your feelings might change if you truly fell in love? And they may never change? Follow your heart in what ever you do, my friend. God bless you!
I’m much like you, Eva! Adding to the list- I haven’t found a partner yet (and I’ve had a few long term relationships) that I felt would step up to the plate in terms of equal parenting. I see many females at least in American society that end up absorbing 90% of the household managing and child rearing. In my last relationship, I took on all of the household management while we both worked full time. NO THANKS! I work in pediatrics and see ALL kinds of parents. The funny part is people like you and I, who REALLY put the thought in about parenting would end up probably making the most loving, responsible and respectful parents. I’ve seen my fair share of parents who obviously did not put in the thought and certainly did not do the research and let’s just say….. yeah. 🙄
I never wanted to have children as far back as my teens, but I also understand not having found a partner that will be an equal responsible parent is a very valid reason. I don't know why people try to use this reason to belittle others
I have a rescue dog that isnt the easiest one. I have a feeling that she came to my life to show me how challenging it is to scarify yourself to another being. Thank to her I have no regrets of not having children as I know how big commitment it is. I totally get what you said about Vilk, it is like having a child especially if you look after him on your own
Same here... I have 3 dogs, 2 were chosen and 1 was rescued and always thought that she chose me and all I can say is "It is hard" tho is has taught me about responsibility on another live, they depend on us 100% and they are like kids during their entire life, a child will learn to speak and do thing by himself but my dogs won't. So in the long run I think it could be equal to what a child can be and when people ask me "No kids?" I always say I have 3 ...
Owning dogs is not the same as raising children
@@stmrjs You should analyze what you read before commenting.
I’m the opposite, where I always knew I wanted children. I finally became a Mom at the age of 37 and had my second child at 39. Two of my dearest friends made the choice to be child-free and I believe we’ve all the made the best choices for ourselves. The reason you mentioned that weighed the most on me was when you mentioned Vilk…what you experienced when you first got him as a puppy is truly similar to what it’s like to be a Mom…it is overwhelming. Motherhood is hard! I appreciate your honesty and LOVE all your videos!
Your decision to have children is obviously your own and nobody can tell you what is best for you. I wanted to give my own perspective and love. Children are the most pure expression of what a human is, they are little sponges who will copy everything down to your gate and verbal ticks, but will also challenge everything you ever thought you knew. My children are literal carbon copies of me physically, but their personalities couldnt be more different. I learned so much about myself and growing up with my children and turning myself into the parent i wanted to be. My ex wife didnt realize until after we had our children that she didnt want to be a mother. So i raised the kids on my own for most of their lives, now that they are grown and making grown people decisions(more or less lol) the reward i get from watching them become members of society that i know will do good in this wold. I couldnt imagine the world without them, if they are my legacy, i couldnt be more fulfilled. But the moment all of that happened, the moment my mindset changed from doing everything for myself, and doing what i wanted and it became doing everything i can to make the life of this little human what i wished i grew up in, was when i held my first child the first time and looked into his barely opening eyes. I failed, often, and i was hard but i love them more than anything and they love me and at the end of the day they have given me so much more joy than i could have ever imagined before. Watching my toothless daughter smile at her big brother and just love unconditionally is something that nothing else i have experienced compares to. Again, your decision is your own, Im just giving you the perspective of someone who felt very much like you do now right up until i held my son the first time and now my children will go into this world as a force for good and they will change this world for the better. The future of our planet and our species relies on good humans, and you dont get those without good parents.
@@mjesns77 you are unnecessary
My wife died very suddenly a month ago after 51 years married and I am BLOODY glad we had two boys.
They have been there for me 200% since and my grandkids have forced me to smile in spite of myself. It’s YOUR choice and I am glad we made our choices the way we did.
My two went through private schools here in the UK and the expense was horrendous - on the plus side they both have great jobs and homes with stable loving families.
Your message is super important for many young woman out there to hear. My daughter has voiced your same message and she gets mixed responses. Thank you for everything you do, it's a great community that you are building. Long time fan - Jeff
I would say all of the above. 33 here, people told me all my life that I would change my mind and everyday as the world gets worse it just strengthens my decision.
You're not alone. Considering the way the world is nowadays, it's a wonder people do not want to bring children into this world.
Humanity has never been more peaceful than today.
@@luxraider5384 Except if you decide not to side with USA.
The world has always been crazy and it always will be.
@@luxraider5384say that to all the people in countries that are having civil wars and conflicts atm. Your head is in the sand. Humans will always be at war with each other. It may be quiet in your country but it will only be quiet for so long before unrest breaks out.
Maybe if we come to some enlightenment where empathy reins then maybe we can be peaceful.
This topic brings me so much anxiety. I have always had this feeling inside that I will never ever want to have children but I have rarely said it out loud when I was younger out of fear for being judged. The older I have become I am finding myself being forced to say it out loud because most people around me keep asking me why I have no children or when am I planning to start having children. It’s honestly the most uncomfortable conversations I have. I wish people wouldn’t be so blatant about wanting to know why such a personal decision needs to be openly discussed because in their minds that’s the normal and right thing to do. I just do not want to have to explain myself to anyone. No one will truly understand why no matter how much you try to explain. Let’s just respect one another’s choices and not judge so quickly when we do not understand or relate to their perspective of life.
I just refer them to Bob Dylans Masters of War.
As a young man who never wanted to have kids I feel finding love is going to be so hard
I never caught myself thinking "yeah I want to have kids with this woman" even when I was in love. I never dreamed about that, being a dad and doing [insert any thing dads do?? Idk]
But I feel like a lot of women will judge me or think less of me, or downright lose interest as soon as they know how I stand on this.
Recently I've been visiting my friend and she asked if I wanted to have children after I commented about the annoying sounds that the child was making in our proximity. This question caught me off guard and for some reason it immeduately made me upset. I really hesitated to answer and I couldn't even bring myself to say "No" even though I completely trust that person.
It feels like everybody is expecting you to have children, as a "universally normal" thing to do, and unless you want that, something must be really wrong with you
I don't care if it's considered right or wrong, I just want to be in love with someone who can give me as much love in return, THATS IT that's a perfect relationship to last a lifetime. I'd love nothing more than to live my whole life with a woman who feels exactly the same about this, and maybe even comfort each other and dispel all the bullshit expectations as we live together, just the two of us, in the bubble of intimacy and pure love, because we wouldn't need anything else to make us happy
Im in my mid twenties and I feel exactly the same/ am in the same boat. Don’t lose hope ❤️
How refreshing! A man who doesn't want children. 🎉 You will find your childfree life partner, good that you know early on.
You're doing the right responsible thing, and you'll find someone compatible with you, it'll be the new norm.
Just because you are in love with a woman does not mean you will want to have kids with her. In fact most children born in the world are not born out of love, but rather out of religious, familial and cultural obligation. Most marriages are arranged. It has been this way since Antiquity.
Kids are a huge burden just as having pets are
The way I see it, you already have a child. A child that doesn’t grow up for the next 10-15 years. A child that you’re responsible for and look after 24/7
Yes but her child fits into the vision of what she sees for her future :)
The pain I have to go through trying to take my 6 year old on a walk 🤣
@@StochasticGreen been there.
I’m 41, was sterilized in my 30’s and I’ve known since I was 6yrs old that I never wanted kids. I’ve heard the “when you meet the right man, you’ll change your mind, it’s different when they’re yours” from people my whole life. I don’t know why people question people who don’t want kids more than those who do (surely potential parents are taking on a bigger responsibility by choosing to). I also think we need to stop attaching the word “selfish” to childfree people. Parenthood is a choice. Therefore you can choose to or choose not to. It’s not a default. So choosing not to isn’t selfish. It’s just your preference. And people need to get over that.
Oscar Wilde put it best: “Selfishness isn’t living as one wishes to live. It’s wanting others to live as one wishes to live.”
Generally as a woman, it also boils down to partnership. There’s no joy in welcoming a child into this world unless there’s a person we truly see spending the rest of our lives with. In an ideal world, the burden of having a child should always be a shared effort. Even so, there’s certainly much joy embracing this life exploring ourselves.
I love this “my life energy is much better spent on things I am passionate about”. I feel the same. We are not all equally suited to a specific task. Let the passionate parents spend their energy where they can, and will, give it their all. For me, my energy is well spent in other places, where my passions lie.
I would also like to add I am seeing more people choosing not to have kids. It’s not 1950 anymore. The world is changing
I had 4 daughters and my youngest one will be 18 this coming February. I am a single dad and I have custody of my daughters. All I can remember is that it was so difficult raising my girls'. All I can say is I don't want to ever make anymore children again. I learned my lesson the hard way.
Work on the pullout method ;)
What made it so difficult for you? Just curious
@@noamay He had 4 daughters....that pretty much says it all! 😂
@@DingleBerryMTB condoms might be a bit more effective
@@SkyeID haha i know right!
I'm a mom and I don't have an issue with people not wanting kids. What I do have an issue with is some people's outward hatred, annoyance, impatience and lack of compassion towards children that goes along with their decision of not wanting them. Sadly I see more and more young people that have no problem talking about children like they are the most vile creatures on the planet and who don't even smile at children in public. Fine, you don't want your own children, I get it and you have every right now to, but as a society we cannot normalize this negative attitude because it will have repercussions.
Yes, being a mother is a huge job that I did not want to do alone. I ended up being a stepmom, daycare provider, favorite aunt, sunday school teacher and enjoying time with my friends with young children.
Childfree women who enjoy the company of children can play an invaluable role as valuable aunty to siblings and friends children etc.. bringing a different energy to kids and giving a valuable break or help to parents of kids..
I’m also 32 and I’m partly like you, I never felt the urge to be a mom I’ve always known the commitment that is and while it’s a beautiful thing when done right, but I’ve never changed my mind thus far. I also have always thought if I ever felt the urge I would prefer to adopt in that case and help a child that already exists in the world.
I recently realised I don't have a child wish. I have a wish to be part of a community, a real community, that works together as a family. That is not something I often see in this world where independent living is the norm.
I have to agree with your main reason. I feel the same way. I've traveled since I was 19 and always assumed I would meet someone and settle down with kids, a house etc. But after meeting my boyfriend who also travels in a van and has a nomadic lifestyle like me, it made me evaluate everything. And now we have decided we don't want kids, it doesn't work with our lifestyle and personally I would probably 'resent' the child if I had to give it up - which is awful I know. I have a 4yr old black lab who travels everywhere with us and we will be driving the Pan Am with him - this is much more our style than a traditional family vacation 🤷
I think the paternal/maternal instinct definitely exist. I felt it - once. So I locked myself indoors for 3 days, binged some series and it went away 😂 And about your main reason being selfish, I feel exactly the opposite about it... in my view it is imensely more selfish to have a child just to please a personal desire.
I agree and appreciate your truth about it being selfish to have kids, not many view it that way.
@@findthekindness well I didn't say that having a child is selfish in itself. What I meant is that having a child, solely to please one's desire to have children (and not take into consideration other aspects), is selfish.
Hi Eva
I am 38 this year. I never wanted kids but hoped I would change my mind as I got older and did more stuff with my life. However, the more I did the more I wanted to do. I kept putting off the idea of having children, even when at 30 I found a partner that would have allowed it to happen (up until then I had never been in a long term relationship). But nothing changed, in fact each experience I had I would say I’m just going to travel to India and then I’m ready to settle down and have children. But I was never ready. The years passed and last year my brother had a child and I decided that if I wanted a child it needed to be now while I had support of other new mothers. It was scary, I felt like I was going to the gallows. But I didn’t get pregnant. I felt relieved. Maybe I really don’t want children and never did, for all the reasons you described. But I felt like I was letting everyone down. My mother kept telling me I was unfulfilled. My partner is not contributing in any way it’s all on me and I’m taking care of sick parents and a yard and lots of animals who depend on me for everything. My freedom to travel is hard earned, I understand responsibility and commitment and I long for freedom but also I can’t leave the things I love. I knew having a child would be the same. But then I watched your video and on the same day I found out I was pregnant. I can’t tell you the anxiety I felt I had a complete mental breakdown because I suddenly realised the freedom I had been craving had been taken away again and on top of that I had no idea how I was going to take care of my parents, the family home, my partner who was living in my home with my parents, my horses and animals and being self employed I would have to stop working who would take care of it all? It all became very real.
Then I had a miscarriage. No woman should have to experience such a traumatic event. Since then my outlook on life which has gone from adventure and beauty and freedom has turned into a nightmare. I’m really struggling with my mental health. I know deep down I don’t want children because I am not in a safe place. But I always imagined I’d have a daughter and call her Eva after my grandmother, so it feels like I’ve had to say goodbye to her. Watching my sister in law with her baby makes me feel so trapped. People like you who are strong in their convictions help me to feel better about my decisions when every one around me sees me as a failure, including my parents who want a d grandchild.
I grew up radical Christian and had kids very early. And as much as I love them and would never give them back.. I know, if I had the choice back then, I would not have had kids. I broke out of religion, am single mom of 3 kids now.. but I know I could have lived my potential better without kids and that I would have been a better person. I offen feel I have to navigate a life I was not meant for. .. still thankful..
it’s a wise and strong decision to not have kids. And I congratulate you for that backbone you have.
Well said! I love finding childfree individuals, it makes me feel not so alone! Never had any maternal instincts here. Never liked to even be around babies and children, honestly.
Thank you Eva. I love your videos. I am 32 years old and I am really starting to get stressed out because I am at an age I should have children. But it's just not the right time for me. I have anxiety and there are a lot of other things that I want to do in life so I am not even sure that I would be happy with a child even though I have this feeling that I really want to have children. :)
Thank you so much for making this video. I am struggling with the guilt and shame about not liking babies/children. I am tired of explaining myself and feeling like I'm a societal pariah.
Make this World a better brighter place for Mother's !!!
I really appreciate a young woman that is so conscious to stop and think about this instead of just "plugging in", literally/figuratively 👀and blindly pro-creating.
For all the parents commenting, what makes you feel like creating new beings that are doomed to suffer and die is worth the misery? I see many saying "I was once like you until I had my x number of them". Not to be mean but all of these comments from parents look like clueless carbon copy copes. Like you all are posting about having your kids just to have them or trying to rationalize an accident.
Thank you Eva!! I'm currently in a relationship and my partner does want children - and I'm 36 and still not sure at all if I do. Your video speaks to my heart and made me cry, so thank you for your honesty!
Same here
My partner wants children but I'm sure I don't. I've been watching baby videos and feeling out my thoughts to see if I'm willing to change my heart, to keep my heart... It's tough.
You don’t want children because you don’t want to… end of! We need to respect women decisions… because anyways, when the “fathers” leave and do it part time, no one complains!! Good on you lady!!!
I'm in my 30s now and have never wanted kids. I've considered adopting at an older age, but I currently do not have the desire either to be a mom. I love kids (have worked as a camp counselor, substitute teacher, etc.) but just do not want any of my own. Being a Christian / in the church, my decision has led to lots of questions and comments from people. I appreciate people like you speaking out!
Brava. Keep listening and honoring your true North!
Kids are an anchor. Live your life and enjoy every minute of it. Raising kids is drudergy. I'm a 55 yr old CF woman and I could NOT be happier w/ my life choices. When I was ready to slow down in life I got married and adopted homeless animals. THAT is fulfilling for ME. Find YOUR fulfillment and let everyone's opinion on what your life should be like, roll off your back like water off a duck's back.
This honestly makes alot of sense to not bring another unfortunate human into this world, i feel the same and if i somehow had a choice if i would have been born or not i would definitely decline
I love the video! I am gonna be 39 this year and last year I decided to be childfree :) I tried to be in relationships for the sake of making a family and it didnt work out. I found out that it was basically because I didnt want it but couldnt see it through the pressure of the society. Since I realized Ive been living my best life :) Having kids is just an option of living life.