Reese Witherspoon on the Abusive Relationship That Changed Her | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN
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- Опубліковано 5 лют 2018
- Actress Reese Witherspoon opens up about the difficult time when she realized that leaving a psychologically and verbally abusive relationship was necessary. For more on #supersoulsunday, visit WatchOWN.tv/SSS
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Reese Witherspoon on the Abusive Relationship That Changed Her | SuperSoul Sunday | OWN
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I totally feel her. The moment you stand up to your abuser or leave them, it changes you "on a cellular level." You start loving yourself for once.
A Colley,I admire your lovely smile!😊😊😊🤙
I never left my abuser, but he left me. Basically, the trash took itself out. It has changed me for the better, but I never stood up to him and now that eats away at me.
Jonesy, you're free now and you got away safely! You saved yourself from probably a huge situation by not having to break up with him. Don't allow him to make you feel like he got the upper hand in the end!
And, sometimes they kill you.
Was she talking about Ryan Phillipe?
Mindy, that statement about recognizing that you weren't going to be friends with everyone on your path is actually very profound. it's a shedding of a layer of skin to leave behind those moments and those people who were not meant to be in your life forever, but were meant for a season, a reason, and a lesson. Sometimes it's hard to walk on alone as you watch those people standing still at your side and grow smaller in the distance of your ever growing past. Like when a train leaves the station. But, then you come to realize that your personal destiny was meant for you; and not everyone is meant to see it through with you.
very true!
Light, so funny. She says that and then Oprah totally ignores her.
Oprah conducts this interview based on her own personal interest or experience, and not for the benefit of others who have different experiences from hers.
I agree with what you said about walking your path alone, However when I listened to what Mindy was saying it seems like Drama. She brings up Enemies and such. To me it seems like you are giving people too much Power. If I am seeing Enemies it means I am given some unnecessary people too much energy, and I need all the energy that I can muster to achieve my goals.
beautifully said..
Reese wasn't lying when she said practically every woman has experienced or witnessed abuse in some kind of way. I saw my dad financially abuse my mother. He cheated all over her. My mom told us some dire truths about him one day, just me and my brother. My brother cried. I didnt. I kept thinking "I'm never letting that happen to me." Ten years later, I'm still good. If that means I have to be single for awhile, so be it. I test people's energy and friendship. If both are off, there's no way I'm progressing to romance. Guard your heart, people (especially ladies)
Also from strangers, not only husbands or boyfriends. 3 out of 4 of my bestest friends have had either a rape experience or an almost rape experience (2 of them got away "safe", one got drugged and the other one got pushed into her own building but both got away). My third friend got raped by two men while she was drugged because they put it in her drink while she didnt notice it, they found her unconscious in the bathroom of a pub, naked.
@@moonbeeps ohhhh my goshhhh. So awful. Im so sorry to hear ab what happened to your friend. I just dont understand why people want to harm others like that. And yeah at a party/club I pour my own drink and if I set it down and walk away I dont drink from it ever again
@@THEDOORIZCLOSED We were like 18 or 19 at the time, we didn't drink a lot and that night I went home early and left her with another friend, I felt so bad. Fortunately because she was drugged, she almost doesn't remember it. This was 12 years ago :/ the "me too" movement wasn't a thing.
Guard your heart, but don’t close your heart. “Testing” people’s energy and friendship can be a heavy burden. People will make mistakes. Keep your heart open and give them some rope. The bad ones will hang themselves.
@@Mexicobeanpole What i mean is, be smart. Be mindful of first impressions. People make mistakes, yes, but there is a difference between making a mistake and blatant bad behavior. Abusers try to call toxic behavior “mistakes they will never do again or try to work on.” For me, testing energy, behavior and/or loyalty isnt taxing-it is necessary and gives me peace. Not saying close your heart. Im just saying be smart and protective of yourself in a way a best friend would look out for you
My husband gave me black eye last year.. the worst feeling is that he bought me make to cover it when i go to work... He keeps saying his not abusive...and its my fault because i talk back 😥😢. This march, he punch me so hard that my left face, blood lots of it gushing and dripping from my nose my face was numb for the whole month and everytime i sneeze blood clots coming off my nose even when i cough. Everytime i tried leaving him, he will say his gonna kill himself..
Yesterday, i finally escape...😰
Please pray for me to give strength to finish this ordeal.😢
Praying that you have strength. We hear you. Please don’t go back and don’t put your guard down for him. Please save yourself. God is watching over you
Good for you! I pray for strength for you. No one who loves you should inflict pain on you
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!
Lexi Johnson praying for you. Thank you for sharing this and helping give others the ability to recognize what is and isn’t healthy in relationships. You’re incredibly brave
Omg stay strong and never look back😭
My daughter has been in abusive relationship on and off for 12 years. It’s Not as easy to leave as people think it is. Especially when children are involved. Thank you ladies for coming and speaking
Clarissa Jackson,She deserves better 🙏
Easy or not, consider long term damaging effects those children are being immersed in. Females grow up and find partners like their father, boys can also develop same traits as their father - generating further cycles of suffering and pain. Patterns need to be destroyed. There is no reason good enough or worthwhile in staying. It is a choice you choose, whether it is hard or not. How many abusers snap and kill their families? Would it be worth it then? No, it would be too late. Sorry, I sound harsh or cruel, but that's not actually the truth. I prefer victims to treat it like the urgency it is. When someone recognizes their worth, their own value, loves self, they do not stand for any abuse whatsoever; neither taking it, nor giving it. That is a fact that proves itself over and over again. If someone attempted to abuse me, I'd be gone, broke or not, I'd find a way bc my will would not settle for walking on eggshells or seeing kids subjected to abuse. BS! I'd pack up the kids, the pets and pull up the stakes and knowing all the while how hard it will be, but not willing to give up that light flickering down the road of freedom of peace.
@@lmc2375 She has finally left him and has filed PFA‘s and he’s on house arrest right now. Hopefully he will keep his distance like he supposed to. But we all know how PFA‘s don’t phase some people. She’s on the road to recovery and getting the boys and her out of that. Not easy but she did do it! Very proud of her.
@@MichelleJ1822 Then I TOO, AM PROUD OF HER! Will be worth the hard struggle. Instill in all the need for self love - it too is a priority for healing to not fall back into any same kind of situation with anyone. Strength within is generated in that self live, self care mode. Wishing her and the boys much success back to happier lives and peace that we all have to have. And forgiving him, not returning, to release the weight to carry - is for herself more than for him. To not, is a whole other form of destruction to the self.
@@lmc2375 she has been going to therapy for a couple of years and working on herself. I’m just glad she finally realized there are better than out there and that she is worth being loved properly. Everyone is! And thank you. Domestic violence is a huge problem
I left an abusive relationship and it was the best decision I made. He was a monster and controlled my mind. Thank God I got out. I had to for myself, I was losing ME. It’s going to be a year now and it’s raining self love.
Well done. Congrats. I'm glad.
Lana Joy don’t give up on YOU. Find the power in you. You have it. I promise you. It will get easier. Nothing compares to being truly happy without any abuse from others. I pray you gain strength to remove yourself from any situation that is not good for you. Bless your heart and mind.
@Stan Marsh That's where you're wrong, and i don't blame you i used to think that what narcissism was before i met one. Narcissists HATE themselves deep down, they don't have inner peace or self love, nothing just a void. They're so inscure that's why they find things to make themselves feel GRANDIOSE, and they NEED other people to survive, they love to tear people apart to lift themselves up. You need to do some serious research about narcissism
Good for you! I get what that's like, praise the Lord, he does not want any of us to allow such poor treatment.
Beautiful. Well Done
"I realized that there was no difference between [psychological abuse] and that of being hit." Very profound. Thank you, Oprah. We love you!
I didn’t realize I was in a emotionally abusive relationship until I walked away. Looking back I realize it now and it’s been a journey of forgiving myself..
me too. i'm proud of you
Forgiving myself is going to take a while after 47 years of abuse.
Same. I didn't realize how bad it was until I got out
Me too, but it took being in lockdown with my husband of 30 plus years to see him for what he really was:
Abusive & escalating with every outburst. At long last, I am hopeful🌟
Thank you so much for saying this, in my head I'd convinced myself that because I didn't realise it at the time it couldn't have been emotionally abusive, even though I knew it was bad and years later there are still points where I hear his criticisms in my head. I haven't dated in years because I'm afraid. Lockdown has given me time and space to work through some of the pain, but the more I see comments like this, the more I realise that I'm not alone and that in a way convincing myself it wasn't that bad is just leftovers from his constant gaslighting.
'As long as he doesn't hit me'. Yep, been there. I took months of gaslighting and other psychological abuse from a partner because it wasn't physical so I didn't think it counted. The manipulation, the control, the damage to my self-esteem. I hope interviews like this get seen and people in similar situations can see the truth of it to find the strength to move on.
ALso can end up in sexual abuse that doesn't seem like physical abuse if you trust the person and were a virgin. Happened to me.
My line in the sand was when my fiance, during a heated argument, said he would punch all my teeth out. He'd never been physically violent before, but that was still what I considered abuse. I left that night.
psychological and emotional abuse is so difficult because it's slippery, hard to prove, and so confusing that I find it hard to explain. I know I was in an abusive relationship but when someone asks me exactly what happened, I freeze. manipulation, verbal abuse, and gaslighting is a disgusting thing.
talie,your pretty smile can make the news!
Glad I came across this. I worked with Reese and really appreciated her energy. I came out of an abusive situation tragically jaded, a little too rough around the edges, and overall, I was not a light in the dark...she’s got a great light despite what she’s been through. The line is drawn when your partner no longer admires you. You have to learn how to recognize how people treat you when they admire you and when they’ve devalued you.
What you work with her on
You need to recognize how you value and love yourself. We attract what we emit. It is no unfortunate accident. If you have little regard for self, here comes one of the same frequency - like magnets. Change the frequency; they cannot cross connect.
I wish this was part of early education for women and men
This is the real they need to teach in schools.
Yes
3:17: Victim-blaming.
I concur
Yes. True.
"someone tried to take that from me" is the sentence that hit me at my core, because she has framed exactly what has happened in my own life. 👍👏👏👏
The FIRST time someone reveals their true character to you. Do NOT wait for there to be a second time. Abuse only escalates over time. Protect at all costs your heart, and your self respect, and allow NO ONE to devalue it. We must be the gate keepers of our own self love. ❤
Psychological abuse leaves scars that take decades to heal if you’re lucky. I always said I’d rather be hit. God bless anyone who’s escaped and made peace and healed- you’re all amazing.
babymoonlight x Sadly I agree because a black eye can be seen but emotional abuse can hide for years and secretly destroy you.
nooooo none of the above, sis!
babymoonlight x etc so you want your tooth broken!!!??wtf
Physical abuse is just as bad, one isn’t better than the other!
Abuse is abuse and will impact you the same way, regardless of what form it comes in
babymoonlight - Nobody would choose to be hit if they have actually experienced being hit. The point is, no abuse is acceptable, it is all damaging, it is a societal malaise that needs to be discussed openly and dealt with. Starting with education in schools and tertiary educational institutions.
Leaving a abusive relationship is SO HARD!!! and even after u leave...The amount of anxiety and PTSD u get/have is unreal.Im a different person bcuz of my ex both physically(broken nose,ribs etc)& emotionally..I'm fresh out of it so I'm sure I'll heal and be okay one day 💜
An abusive relationship can even come from your own family members.
Absolutely. And it's how people begin to think that the abuse is normal.
Mom and older sister
I believe I attracted and accepted abusive relationships precisely because of how my parents behaved themselves around me and raised me, especially my mother.
and hardest to walk away from maybe. I mean, you're 'family'. I am thankful for a friend who sticks closer than any brother.
Very true! My mother in a very toxic woman. I call her a "black Joan Crawford"
This is so validating..sometimes I think that psychological abuse is far more damaging. .it often happens in a very hidden way..the perpetrators first win your trust..or have been close to you..and then it starts with subtle comments that somehow mixed so you can't pinpoint whether they are on your side or not. Before you know it..you are feeling self doubt. Critisized..ugly..low..as they control and sabotage anything good ..This can reach psychopathic levels. I am so glad they are sitting and discussing this.revealing their very real hurts that paved the way for their continuation to become great women. I am on my way. Thanks and please give this a thumbs up if you feel it has helped you..understand your situation. A friends. Or anyone..better and can do something to change..Liah x
OMG so truE! Borderline personality and narcissists are like this!
Agreed, especially over years it can be such a quiet but very damaging thing.
specialgifts LA absolutely. I have been since I was a child, began with my father and been with men just like him and first husband he chose for me.
If someone is "on your side", does that mean they validate everything you say even if they believe you are wrong, or are doing something wrong?
I've been in both physically abusive and psychologically abusive relationships. I've been punched and beaten to the floor, kicked in the head and choked. The front of my face is a reminder of what I will never tolerate again- I have a missing tooth from the abuse. But the psychological abuse is FAR more damaging than any of the beatings.
It can start with a cutting comment disguised as a joke. Then slowly, insidiously over time escalate to full-blown mental and physical cruelty/abuse. You don't realize what that has done to your soul. Weakened, you make excuses to stay. The lucky ones can make it out, and with years, even decades of healing, you can get your life back. Love yourself.
I hope so
I have experienced this. I know what you mean when you say physical abuse is sometimes not the worst. Its the psychological, emotional, verbal abuse that really affects you more.
I was a battered wife and managed to finally escape. It took years. Reece is right...self doubt can be so powerful when a person has robbed you of your self esteem and self worth. I would have preferred not to have gone through such a horrible marriage, but then on the other hand, it has made me who I am today and it taught me what wrong looks like. AND to stop making excuses for bad behavior. Gut instinct is key in situations of abuse. If it feels wrong, it probably is. And like "they" always say, love doesn't hurt.
Jennifer Mainor proud of you. I hope 2018 brings you much happiness.👑🌻🌈🌸🌼
I was just in a kinda abusive relationship. I'm considering leaving from the hits.
YES! Trust your gut instinct! If it doesn't feel right, trust it.
I once dated a helpful, quiet and kind guy who said all the right words but I knew if I saw one bad thing about him, I would run soon. The funny thing is I was behaving just like him and dating others and so once I found he was rotten, I left with an excuse. He was a psychopath but he was shocked by my ways of being clever at finding out his dirts. He said you are a wonder.
The thing is I never thought my marriage was abusive and still till this day I have a hard time embracing that ,because I had mastered the art of comparing my situation that looked nothing like her situation and I took comfort in self denial. Under no condition is abuse acceptable.
Stacy Morris gosh i know this feeling
Stacy Morris There is a great flyer that is on the EndAbuse4Good site called Know Your 8 b4 it's too late.I was like you, never thought my marriage was bad...I hope your life is happy now....
Comfort in self denial. Damn.
@Stacy_Morris Thank you for your honesty.
For the longest time, had a hard time admitting/acknowledging the abuse from a loved one because I felt like I'd have to give up on the good parts, the loving moments/actions/experiences shared, to write that person off.
I believe that no one is entirely "bad", though their actions can be. Even the people who engage in the most cruel of behaviors can have moments of exhibiting some measure of kindness, even if only on a very rare occasion. It took me a long time to realize that.
You don't have to demonize your husband in order to admit that his behavior wasn't always good or even downright abusive. Actually, demonizing *anyone* can be counterproductive and even destructive.
Healing can only come when you're willing to see the brokennes in all people -- including those who have done you harm -- and actually learn to feel compassion, even for the perpetrator. That compassion doesn't mean you have to continue in a relationship with that person, you can feel it even from afar. It just means you can recognize, on some level, that you call a spade a spade -- abuse is abuse -- without demonizing/dismissing another human being.
Again, I want to emphasize: that *doesn't* mean you stay in an abusive environment. Safety comes *first*. Always. It simply means you don't let the anger or the bitterness or any other negative feeling/thought take over and poison life because that then becomes self-abuse, it only compounds the initial abuse.
Yes, you might feel indignant and a whole other host of feelings and they"re meant to be processed, not denied/repressed. It just means not staying stuck there -- for your own sake and healing to take place.
Best of hopes for you.
Stacy Morris Husbands can commit rape. 😢
When Reese was talking about a line in the sand was crossed and she knew at that moment she couldn’t go back. Yes! Same here. I didn’t know what exactly that line was until it was crossed, but when it was crossed my heart just fell to my stomach and I knew this was it, because for once my instinct was to run instead of finding every excuse to stay. The fear of staying was stronger than the fear of being alone.
:(
Thanks for sharing, it’s a great help to those of us who have just reached the point of no return.
♥️
The fear of staying is stronger than the fear of being alone. That was profound. For me it was the fear of my baby growing up with abusive father and watch him ruining her childhood and her life. Suddenly I got the extra strength that I need to leave him.
I was abused for 20 years. I got a foot infection. I almost lost my foot. Thank God it was saved vi had just got out of the hospital. I could still hardly walk. I wasnt feeling well. I asked him a auestion about our storage. Nothing bad. I was very nice. He looked at me and with the meanest tone told me to shut the fu#k up. I turned hobbled to thr bathroom and suddenly just stoped in front of the wall. Now he has said that to me thousands of times. But something just clicked and i turned and told him whst i thought of him and that it was over. I left that night. I never looked back been 2 years. I am sooooo much happier.
Nothing worse than being in a abusive relation
I. WYNN Because you are groomed to think you need that person. It’s hard to let things go when you “need” them.
When you want to leave but cannot because you cannot leave them alone
Queen Queenly agreed
There’s nothing worst than leaving it and still feeling like it’s your fault and you’re still blamed and that none of this would happened if I had done things as he said and let him be priority.
she talkin about ryan?
That's why I prefer to be single. Peace of mind, my time is mine too. I like it this way
roobina1000 I wish I wasn’t married. It has turned into a trap. My opinions aren’t heard and he isn’t bringing anything to the table. I feel stuck. I’m only 25. I’m still young, I can still get out.
@@kefbana2891 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾yes love you still can... the power is within you...find it and keep it... you too young to be living in such pain and hurt... find what makes you laugh smile and feel wanted...and all of these things lie within in you...💗many blessings to you on your journey🙏🏾🤗
@@kefbana2891 yes you can. If you are unhappy leave . You deserve the best nothing less
@@kefbana2891 Sweetheart, please do...been there, done that. You have time. If you aren't happy, take steps to leave. I'll be 34 in July and left him after 4 years of agony. I'm still picking up the pieces, but I feel more peaceful now. This is your life, take charge and do what's best for you. I wish you happiness and peace, love.
Kef Bana leave before you have his babies
I resonate with this so deeply. I'm 20 and I just got out of a mentally, emotionally, and slightly physically abusive relationship. I met him when I was 18 and I'd always make excuses for his actions and the pain he'd cause me. I finally had the courage to walk away a few months ago but I feel forever changed. The person I was while I was with him is so different from the person I'm becoming and who I've already become within just the last few months. I didn't have any self-esteem, I didn't have any bigger goals for myself or even a clear sense of who I was. I can confidently say that all of those things are changing though. Thank you Reese for opening up about it! It gives me so much hope for my future and who I'm becoming.
Well. done. You. You're inspiring. ✨🙂.
@@RHathemoment Thank you :)
Yes! Power to you!
Leaving an abusive relationship is the hardest thing to do!! Reese I look up to you more now then ever. You are beautiful!!!
Logan Harriman, you are so beautiful 🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌷🌺 🌺 and too compassionate 💓
Logan Herriman,Hope you are with a good man!!
Yep All woman should stand against abuse
FeelGood Within I agree with You!
THE ANSWER LIES WITH DR. ROSS ROSENBERG HUMAN MAGNET SYNDROME.
Evil comes in both sexes.
All *people* should stand against abuse
Angelina are you implying they don’t?
Had psychological, mental and physical abuse in the first two of my relationships that I thought I never deserved happiness. Third time was definitely a charm. Married now to the most wonderful man in the world, took a long time to trust but restored my faith that there really are good people in this world
ec j this comment gives me hope 😭💕
Wow lucky , I hope my third one will be better
MadeinUk
TY for sharing that good men do exist and happiness is not an illusion. We need to know that hope is real and worth fighting for 💪🏼❤️✌️
@@krissyaguilar1814 The pressure from family and society to stay in a abusive relationship kept a lot of us ,downtrodden as we are in those situations.
Thanks for your continuous love ❤️❤️and support 😊😊.
It's sooo good that such a famous actress talks about that. Big respect for her. Gorgeous and emotional intelligent woman.
So true. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that lasted 3 years. He did ALL but actually lay a hand on me. It destroyed me in so many ways. I feel actually dumbed down. I don't have as good of a memory as I did before, I have days where I don't feel anything, its hard to do anything productive. I never had those things before him. Its been a couple years since I got out of that relationship and I feel like I'm finding myself all over again. It's hard. I don't have friends because he made me stop talking to all of them. I forgot how to maintain friendships after that. I'm now in a healthy relationship though, with someone I love so much. He's having to deal with the aftermath of an abusive relationship that he shouldn't have to, and he's so patient and loving and understanding. I feel like I'm bad at being human sometimes. I shut down when I'm upset because I'm afraid of what I will hear when I share my feelings, even though he's shown me time and time again that my words will be met with encouragement and not criticism. Not sharing to get sympathy, but to add to the fact that emotional and psychological abuse can destroy an entire person for a long long time.
Agree! I am still picking up the pieces from my abusive 'relationship'.
I've gone through it several times... first time was enough to permanently change me. After that I only attracted guys that used and abused me. It's like I got marked.
@@taghazoutmoon5031 marked? Do also have others growing up around you who were abused ? Do you ever wonder about generational curses or pre destiny. Abused individuals, sadly many out in the world with almost same experiences...🌷🌳
@@BattleAngel20 also yes I wonder about destiny and generational curses... the generational curses can be broken as I already broke one. But I see patterns in my family that I'm repeating. However, I also see extended family that has healthy relationships. My cousin had an arranged marriage. He treats his wife like a queen. They were both virgins and religious. I think that saved them. Otherwise look at modern dating today. A guy can get on tinder and change girls like underwear, one for every day of the week.
Me too!!! I feel like a part of me is gone. I have made progress but sometimes I just don't feel quite human anymore.
So true, friends will fall by the way side, everyone from your past cannot go into your future with you
+Elaine 😍 your quote. I realized that in my 20s, & at 30 have finally begun to let go and master it. Especially when it came to family.
Did you watch oprah's reaction to what Mindy said ? She just dismissed it with no comment and said I've to get back to ... So damn rude and also fyi oprah is a narcissist herself.
All narcs have stories of abuse in their past just like empaths , but narcs take the evil path to compensate for what they faced.
There is psychological abuse in work situations. There are employers who don't want you to leave and make you doubt your worth in the workplace. This is my latest abusive relationship. But, after 10 years I found the courage to lead and I am not putting my goals as my priority.
It can start w a parent and then feel familiar,like home deadly for your soul
Being physically assaulted in my marriage came with major psychological, verbal and financial abuse too...all at the same time. However from my perspective, there is no comparison to being utterly terrified of the perpetrators physicality and living in fear of another physical attack at any moment, for no reason. Having to hide from a potential beating over the head with only your arms to protect you and your child in the next room. What they say on here comes across to me as minimising the abhorrence and fear of physical violence in a marriage/relationship. The impact of that alone on ones self-esteem is devastating and leaves one unable to trust again.
Juliet Rees,your pretty smile can make the news!
Reese:
"It changed who I was on a cellular level"
Wow...
This really resonates.
Hi my name is Robert.
Are you on hangout?
Do you mind me dropping my Gmail so could chat.
very true, I don't know why people can't see the light on psychological abuse. This type of abuse is like a cancer it spreads from parents to children.
Agree. It's the worst and it's harder to get away from because many people don't realize what's going on. It's a silent killer.
oldcutler100 ......And onto grandchildren, when it's not made conscious.
oldcutler100 it is very insidious because it is easier to deny or not face...so you end up morphing quicker into a shell without a soul.
oldcutler100 it spreads from parents to children but it's up to the children to end it and break the chains
That's if the kids are aware that they are doing something wrong.
Amazing how this resonates with others from an abusive relationship. The way that the pattern and description of how it affected the victim, is soooo the same, is just amazing. Strength to all who are have or will go through this.
Leaving an abusive relationship was the most freeing moment of my life. It was not something I ever thought I’d endure fore a moment but I did longer than I should. This helped me. Thank you.
Marissa Frances,you look stunning ok
Marissa Frances,You don't deserve to be with a narc 😈!
If you’re an abuse victim such as myself you know that these people are extremely weak individuals who caught us in a fragile state of of vulnerability. My mother abused me and now every single relationship I’ve tried to have has turned into abuse somehow. That’s why I believe I do study so hard on this topic because I’m trying to figure out how to avoid it and so far it’s left me almost homeless, jobless and anxious when around new people. I don’t have many friends and the friends I do have I see very rarely. I find that when you’re a nice giving person you tend to fall into traps with abusive people but what I’ve developed and learned is that even as a victim I do have power and that power gives me the notion to speak up. When you start to notice abuse get out, don’t be afraid to express it but do it when you’re finally safe. It’s amazing how many people are really wolves in sheep’s clothing.. No one who truly loves you will ever abuse you. Also, once an abuser ALWAYS an abuser. They don’t change they don’t see the fault in their acts because they have no real feelings at all. Dont expect people to have the same heart as you do, and don’t jump into things too quickly always wait till you get to know the person before handing your heart over. The power lies within the truth so just be true to yourself don’t second guess if you think your life is in danger.
Exactly the truth
Hi, are you on hangout
Do you mind if i drop my gmail so we could chat.
When I was in my late teens, I was in an extremely abusive relationship and even years after I left, it was still such an isolating experience. I knew others had gone through similar situations as well, but I was just unaware how common it was and just what range of people have experienced it. I love the increase in transparency and people willing to share their stories, it helps to remove the internalized shame.
Freya McCullough agreed🌻😊👏
I hope to get there some day!
Your in the majority,sad to say! Domestic v stats are on rise too
Omg I would love to talk to you about this!
When I was a teenager I refused to be in relationship with guys but just dated. I. don’t understand why girls like to be in relationships so early. I made sure I had fun, went out with my friends, studied and just watched my girlfriends moan, complain, cry in their early relationships. I just didn’t get it.
As a person that went through every form of abuse through my relationship I can honestly say it truly changes you as a person. I can never be that person before the abuse again. But I am strong and a survivor.
🦋emotional abuse is awful, I was verbally abused for years and finding me again was the greatest gift I could get. That’s why you should never lower your bar for anyone - you matter
Lara Smith
So True,
Why settle for less than when you can reach for what you truly want
Lara Smith,I am so sorry to hear that
I left my husband after a similar moment that Oprah described. I wrote off the bruises as just bruises for so long and accepted that was my life. There was one singular moment when I looked at myself in the mirror with blood all over me that I broke and I never went back. And like Reese, it does change you.
"can't be friends with everybody" on your way to your destiny and "I would not be the person I am today" if it weren't for the abusive relationship. Same here Reese! God is good! I love how Reese and Mindy empower women!!! Yaaaaas!!
So powerful. We need to have conversations like this and not be afraid or ashamed of them.
An old Eagles song made me leave my first abusive husband,called Already Gone. So often times it happens that we live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key
👏🏾😘
So nice to know I'm not alone. I left a 15 year marriage at 35 and it was hard, the healing process after 5 years is still a work in progress. Stay strong women!
YES! Such important words to hear. It really speaks to some of my own experiences and experiences of the women who I know and love. Just because someone isn't hitting you, doesn't mean what they are doing to you isn't insidious and damaging.
Wow I felt this in my soul..
To all survivors and those still feeling they are barely surviving.
Don't lose hope.
You are worth everything.
You are not alone.
🙏
Yes I feel you Reese. I left mine too. It's soooo hard to leave everything and starting over, especially with 3kids, but it was the best decision I've ever made in my life.....
Hi Vivian, you are so strong and amazing for you that you got out of the situation and survived it. All 5h3 best of luck to you and your babies and may you meet a great man who treats you with the utmost respect and love that you deserve 💛
@@moodboosters1019 🤗🤗
Hi do you mind if i drop my gmail?
So we could chat, on hangout.
I bless all of you with pure love and light!
Verbal abuse is so much worse u don't have any scars to prove that u have been abused. No one believes u. They all think its just things people say or I am overreacting
Kanika Garal it’s worse? Ok 🙄
I agree Kanika, no one is normally around when they emotionally abuse u and there is no physical scars to show that you've been made to feel no self worth especially when it happens over a period of time....men that abuse in such a way that they make sure u are only reliant on then and u find before u know it your friends are no longer around and they've isolated u from your family. When people see a black eye they are more likely to be there for u but how do u explain that this man can change his personality in a second has been mentally abusing u for years. You walk on egg shells everyday just knowing if u breathe the wrong way he can erupt in any second. These men can be very clever and manipulative making u believe u deserve it of course and how they are only insecure and to treat u in such a way as they are scared of loosing u...... They've been hurt by someone before and just know u are cheating on them, of course more often then not its them that's cheating on u....... I was in a relationship like that for 4 years and I'm still not right from it over ten years later........ I'm one of those people that say sorry for everything when they really don't need too or I will get para and worry when something happens, breaks or goes wrong as in the past u wud always get the blame for it
Oops, Sorry I didn't mean to write an essay lol
Physical abuse is worse because that person will be an emotional abuser as well so they're getting double
@@kattypig58 all I meant was no one can see emotional abuse so there is very little help from anyone....... It normally always starts with emotional abuse and then moves onto physical but being abused mentally is very scarring. I've had both and I was destroyed mentally so much that by the time he would start pounding into the back of my head so no one see the bruises I already believed I deserved it.......if he was physical from the get go, early on in the relationship I would have walked away.....
Yes, words can hurt just as much as the fists. Psychological abuse and emotional abuse are just as powerful. You have to have a lioness within.
Gosh listening to Reese experience reminds me exactly how I felt during a similar situation when I was younger. It really does change you on a cellular level. I’ll never forget that moment I said I’m done can’t do this anymore.
Hey there Jennifer, how are you
Same here. There was just a moment when I thought, "I can't keep going on like this. I can't do this anymore. I would rather be alone than have to go through with this for the rest of my life." I hit my breaking point, and it changed me and my mindset eternally.
The abuse discussion is powerful.
I grew up seeing my mother being physically, verbally, and psychologically abused and thought it was ALL men that hit. I wondered why even get involved in a relationship if you have to walk on eggshells all of the time.
Thankfully after some trial and error, I have a good respectful man.
Suzanne Mayo 👏🏾😘
Me too...i've seen my mom get hit when she Was pregnant with my brother
I went through that “Nobody’s going to hit me”. Then it happened. Then I waited for him to go to sleep, pinned him down and got even. He’s 100 miles away now, wondering why it didn’t work for him.
I watched a close person in my life get emotionally abused so much to the point where she'd have to go over everything I was "allowed" to say while being at her house. She was so scared all the time, not because he'd hit her but because he would ignore her for weeks as he knew it would destroy her... he liked it. I remember saying I will never allow anyone to ever make me feel that way. I relate to what Oprah said... I felt superior and looked down on my close friend. It can work negatively against you though because I won't take any crap from anyone and the moment something seems off, I disappear. She doesn't know how it affected me watching her stay for years and years but never sticking up for herself.
My husband ignores me for weeks on end. I wish there was a way out for me and my daughter. I regret getting married, its the biggest mistake of my life.
Having been a victim of psychological and emotional and physical abuse, hearing Ms Reese describe her past life with many of the same conditions as I,my healing of nightmarish memories succeeded by leaps and bounds.
The emotional strength required to feel ambitious, rebuild your life with vigour like Reese has, and moreover being a straight male,have me an insurmountable boost of energy to believe in myself again, is all thanks to you Reese. You gave me what I needed just by your consistent positive drive.
You've been more than a role model that,in my humble opinion, everyone experiencing abuse of any kind, would do well by listening to your story.
All my love,now and forever honey,
Stephen Hentschel
God bless all the women who endured so much pain from their abusers.
Thank you Oprah and the other celebrities. Verbal abuse is real. I am sad that all of you didn't recognize it sooner. I am a victim of verbal abuse for many years. I thought that it was ok since I am a guy. But verbal abuse can be devastating for anyone. It's psychological hacking of our brain to make us feel less worthy. Peace ✌. Thank you Oprah for letting the world know about non physical abuse.
Nikhil Sukumar hope your feeling better.
I'm with you, Nikhil. I am the victim of psycho/verbal/financial abuse so I totally understand you how damaged verbal abuse could cause you. It make the scars in your soul for the rest of your life.
Jo Montanee thank you Jo. I have written about verbal abuse in my website luv-zen.blogspot.in.
Nikhil Sukumar so brave to talk about it! Men suffer from it too. I guess women think men can handle it but it's just as detrimental!
Erica M financial abuse is sadly a real problem. That's just like some women in domestic violence relationships where the significant other controls her money-what she spends, how much money she does or does not get, etc. It's very important for women to be financially independent.
The power of women💪😊💞👏👌
HR Hums internalized misogyny.
And I’m a man and I believe that it is pretty even between the two sexes. But I believe that in relationships it’s more of the women that are abusive, in married relationships it usually is men though
Your Overlord Wizzzed I totally disagree on the relationship part of your message. I, a woman, was abused and abandoned by a man who left me and our child to fend for ourselves. We weren't married.
HR Hums my sister is BEAUTIFUL and her worse bullying was from guys at school who emotional abused her for being shy and an easy target
Mai Mohamed i
God bless u Reese. My personal opinion is emotional abuse is sometimes worse than physical because healing from it is wracked with like she said self doubt. My partner told me I was ugly,fat and crazy on a daily basis and after a while I believed and became what he put in my head and doubted every instinct I had. It was pure hell and has taken years to recover
So true but what is actually helping me today is the first lady s words! Wow that’s powerful !!
JULIE ANGOTTI,You got a lovely smile!😊😊😊
Thanks for your continuous love ❤️❤️and support 😘😘my wonderful fan
Oprah saved my life over 20 years ago with her show...and she continues to enlighten and empower us through meaningful and honest stories. Thank you
Heather Ferri,you look Charming 🥀🌷 🌷🌷🌷🌷🌹 🌹🌷 🌷🌹 🌹 I must admit
Heather Ferri, you look gorgeous
Economic, cultural, psychological, emotional, sexual, physical, gas lighting...Are men and women meant to be together really?
Not all men are like that. There are some good men out there
Anita Cozzolino women don’t need good men or bad men to to be a barometer for how they feel.
Good men/ bad men/ should not inform a female’s worthiness in society...
All women don’t need men, and all men don’t need women... some humans just need to be, to grow and to have a relationship with themselves...
@@anitacozzolino3415 Thats true, but there sure as hell is alot of men who hurt women, in every country, throughout every time in history, in every society.
Pretty much only for procreation. Men and women are too different
There are decent men... And a great and fulfilling relationship is possible...
It happened to me too.
It's happened to more of my friends than I can count.
I'm sorry that so many have gone through it.
As a woman, it's harder to make friends than enemies, and that's while just being real and aiming for making friends.
Thanks for your continuous love ❤️❤️and support 😘😘my wonderful fan
its amazing how we allow people to damage our worth. We need to stand tall and strong. We're worth it
I’m so glad some one spoke about the verbal and psychological abuse.
It still hurts.
Some one you want to keep the relationship with is messing with your brain
We have to reach a point when we decide this is done. Done because I want my life back. Done because I want to thrive not just survive, and Done because I want to be a positive role model to other women who are in physically, psychologically or verbally abusive relationships.
Thank you for taking about it. I myself am still on the mend after leaving an abuser. God bless you ladies and all of the women doing their best to survive. May they find their way out as well
Verbal or physical ITS NOT OK !!
It is just amazing to hear and now know what all of us have been holding on to for so many years! It makes me so satisfied that we can now all talk about it, but so sad that we've all lived it! May we all be granted the wisdom to guide our youth to be their best version of themselves and all of us to be more compassionate.
Thanks for your continuous love ❤️❤️and support 😘😘my wonderful fan
We need to bring awareness to what a healthy relationship looks like. I founded my relationship boundaries based on what I saw on Oprah's show way back in the day...
I am 67. I have been physically, psychologically and emotionally abused since birth. And I've had 13 precancers since I was 40. My mind is blown. I'm in a better place in my head now. I had cysts, tumors, polyps and growths. Doctor told me first two times were almost too late. I watched young and restless and a storyline ran with Dr Olivia Hastings having the same symptoms I did. I decided I needed a physical. Intuition saved my life. They required numerous surgeries with no chemo or radiation. And my gallbladder exploded at 33. I am truly a survivor. Faith and Hope helped me thru my journey. Never give up. Listen to your intuition.
this is so important!! i recently left an emotionally abusive relationship, one that always had extreme lows for me, but i always thought it was ok because he didn't hit me, "he was going to get help", "he had a rough childhood", "he's just going through a hard time right now", etc etc. i know exactly that moment oprah and reese were talking about. when the line is crossed, when everything clicks in your head. coming to the decision to get out was excruciatingly painful, but once i made it, my soul had never felt more at peace.
urbandecayyoursoul this is great. So happy for you. I did the same🙌I made excuses for him for years.Once I removed the toxic person my life was no longer a soap opera🌻
urbandecayyoursoul I too was emotionally and verbally abused by my husband. Over many years also was controlling and financially dishonest. All these years I didn't understand why those words or silent treatment towards me. The lump in my throat worried when he threatened to leave he would. Discovering the man was financially dishonest all the while controlling me What started to occur to me why is it that. Outside of our four walls people say I am funny, pretty, earned a promotion at work, giving to others, etc. I actually get along with my ex husband and his family!!!! What I finally asked myself us what am I afraid of? Why is it that. What occurs outside isn't what is occurring at home. Through reflection, therapy I hit a wall. I filed for divorce. He is begging me to stay, he will be better, do better, he is in therapy I am seeing if what I lost is still there. It's not there, my feelings are different. He is right when he says boy you sure do have a voice. He doesn't like it. I hate to think he doesn't want me leaving because of finances I now know, the something that used to be there, just isn't. I can't make it come back. To all those in a similar situation. Identify more quickly. Don't compromise use your integrity. You deserve more.
I was in a verbal and emotional marriage for 16 1/2 years. It was just like Reese said it was like the line in the sand when I got out. I’m happily married now for 10 years. This is the marriage that I knew that I was supposed to have.
Elizabeth Breedlove,You deserve better 🙏🙏🙏
Thanks for your continuous love ❤️❤️and support 😘😘my wonderful fan
I am leaving covert narcissist in my life right now ! And the discussion itself changed me a lot ! And I will never let anyone treat me poorly and waste my time and energy!
When you find yourself in situations with your significant other and they don't build you up or are supportive, it's a sign. I don't care what you do or don't do; he has no right to take out his frustrations on you. I had married a man whom yes I knew was ambitious, but it got to the point where I was doing ALL the sacrificing to support his dream, there was no reciprocation. It started to really eat me up inside. Yes, I wanted an ambitious man who wasn't lazy, but it was over the top. I had moved three times for his career (thus sinking my own). He wanted me to move a fourth time and we had a child then and I was like, this child needs some stability. Maybe the fourth time would have been the charm, but I just felt exhausted at this point. I was like well, can we stay here while you rent an apartment for a year there and try it out to make sure it works out. Because I wasn't excited about moving a fourth time, I saw a side to him that was cold and vicious that came out. That's when I realized for him, it was his way or no way. I never stood up to him before so I didn't know he was really like this. It turned into an expensive 4 year divorce mess. His inability to take any consideration for my feelings left me just shocked.
Hope u r better now..we all have been through some kind of abuse..and the worst part is we don't even realise it early..we suffer so much and finally reach tat breaking point..it's so painful 😔
When my sexual abuser tried to abuse my brother and I finally said NO. I didn't know I had the power before that, to stand up for myself AND OTHERS. That moment changed me into a more powerful person.
Megan Gertler 👏🏾😘
It's great to see women sharing these stories. I hope it changes the next generation
I left Christmas Eve after he said “it only takes one!” Instinctively, I knew I had to run or get shot ...he claims he meant “one phone call” however that is not what my Soul heard. It was a rush to move and the hardest thing I had to do for myself and children. Now I am FREE and seeing who I am meant to BE💗
I left Christmas Eve after he said “it only takes one!” Instinctively, I knew I had to run or get shot ...he claims he meant “one phone call” however that is not what my Soul heard. It was a rush to move and the hardest thing I had to do for myself and children. Now I am FREE and seeing who I am meant to BE💗
23 years of marriage n he abandoned our family
Even though this video is short, it has helped me to hear Reese went through what I have. It is very hard to get out of, live through and not kill yourself. I thank God and my Guardian Angels for helping me through. I now have Peace from God, Thank you Jesus......for real!
WOW I can definitely relate to that, thinking physical abuse was the biggest red flag to run!! But the silent mental verbal that is a long term killer for the mind spirit and body!!!
Thank you for adding subtitles. I’m so grateful that as an extremely hard of hearing person, subtitles are added and are working properly.
All videos on UA-cam should have functional subtitles, so that we can understand the video, it really means a lot to us.
Thank you for supporting the deaf and hard of hearing community 🧘♀️🌞✨🌙
We are grateful ✌🏻
I’m in a mentally abusive relationship. Pray for me yall. Its so tough right now
GET OUT❣🌞💖😢
Get the f** out
Please leave. Do not let pride keep you there!!! You deserve love and respect. God loves you.
Reese and Opera, your words encouraged and inspired me from experiencing abuse in my past in my mid twenties to keep my standards high. This brought tears to my eyes.
Thank you ladies🙏🏻🥰
Yeah, so, potential victims of malignant narcissists, be ware! The scary thing is, it creeps up on you and invariably you end up as a co-dependent. You have to be soooo strong to walk away from it (especially if kids are involved). And that is by far not the end of it, so don't underestimate the repair work. Men are not immune to this form of abuse...
NovaScotiaChick You're a deep chick. Malignant narcissist, golly I'm going to borrow that.
mimi mimi this isn't a red pill channel....you've made several comments trying to turn this video into a "what about men?" issue.
NovaScotiaChick there are actually more males with narcissistic personality disorder than females....but female narcissists definitely do exist...but I think they're usually closer to histrionic or BPD.
NovaScotiaChick What is codependent relationship in very basic terms? Doesn't have to be an elaborate answer.
thank you for saying that men are not immune! I have not seen my son in four years and I am broken, as is his brother....don't underestimate the controlling GF....I love you , Lucas
Thank you for making this public.
I know how that feels.. when I ran off after 1.2 yrs, almost everyone blamed me. It was pure hell. Apart from the mental, psychological abuse, entire society put me in the wrong. I didn't waver. I dealt but that has really scarred me.
I understand. My family blamed me for my getting divorced. They didn’t live near me and they had no clue the abuse I experienced. It’s sad.
Reese's experience sounds like mine! Something just finally switches when you finally be like "nope"
*when you are finally like, "nope"
Being in an abusive relationship is really hard because it drains you physically and emotionally. It really takes courage to say "it's enough" because sometimes we feel that we deserved to be hurt just because we wanted to give our child a complete family or a relationship that looks perfect to other people.
He doesn’t NEED to hit you. It’s still abuse
I just LOVEEEE these conversations and interviews Oprah has with everyone. I'm binge watching so many rn.
Yes yes ! More on this please people need to know this. Emotional psychological abusers exist but you can’t see the harm they cause. It’s insidious and can tear a person down to their core if unaware.
Not everyone calls it abuse if there's no physical signs. People need to be aware - as Oprah stated - just because there's no physical signs doesn't mean someone is not being abused. Covert abuse is the worst! Unfortunately where I live the authorities dont recognize verbal, mental. and emotional abuse. That's what makes it hard for a woman to leave. When there's no help you do the best you can until you can get out.
Bess McGaughey
Don’t know where you are but in the UK there is refuge who are supposed to help women.
What they actually do is send them back!
I love Reese Witherspoon she is so beautiful. And is an amazing actress .
"I'm a different person and it's part of the reason I can stand up and say yes, I am ambitious" This brought me to tears, just hearing that successful career women are affected by violence, too, something about it is so affirming
That's so profound because there are a lot of women around the world living in abusive relationships and they just don't know. It's more than hit someone... A abusive relationship can steal years of your life and mental health