Dr.Ramani, many of us always thought we would never get our "whys" answered but your videos answer ALL OF OUR WHYS- thank you so much🤗 These creatures didn't just lick a psycho lollipop they ate the whole dam thing😳
Can totally relate! I spent YEARS trying to figure out the toxic dynamics within my family system, and had lost hope of every really understanding why. A million thanks to you Dr Ramani, you are a blessing
My dad threw himself in front of a tree and fell off his motor bike and sometimes he would say things like "l just close my eyes and drive because l wanna get rid of you " he once set out bathroom on fire in attempt to kill himself but really was just to make me and my siblings who are kids feel bad because we were asking for him and mom to at least not yell and break things because we were tired of it and been going throgh this since we were like very very little . And now he stays at my grandparents house to make it seem like we are bad and we don't want to take care of him . He made us do really gross things like cleaning him after he goes to the bathroom and other really gross things and he stays naked until we put some clothes on him. He asks for us to take care of him in such terrible way like he is giving orders he would pee in a cup and make us carry that and throw it in the toilet . He is very abusive also he did this so he can take a break from work and instead he is letting my little brother who is only 15 take care of his job and other bills we have , he does not care what we eat or if we are cold on hot and it's freaking 48 degrees in where we live , our house needs work and alot of it is still in the making and we have like a trash dumb outside from all the trash that hasn't been taken out . He just wants ppl to serve him and if you don't he will tell everyone you are the bad guy even after denying your need medicaly and financialy he made us drop out of school never buys us anything and only takes us to the doctor when we are dying or passing out he compares us to other children and says we are not good enogh😣l feel like exploding just from typing this stuff l wish he would at least abandon us or die so that at least we know we don't have a father it would hurt less then knowing you have a father but he doesn't want you.
@@chriswyma145 can't really avoid abuse since it's in both sides of the family my mom and dad and their parents and siblings are all abusive in some kind and mostly phisicaly abusive towards children and partners and they blame us for not being strong enogh to take it . My mom just yelled at me and called me stupid and kicked me out of her room like two mins ago because l was talking to her about all of this bagage , we don't have any social services in our country and most things about abuse are talked about as "family stuff that we shouldn't get into"، l wish someone could save us when we were so young but even in school teachers would hit and degrade us in front of the class . in my country the only way out is getting married to an older man and l'm only 16 💔l have seen alot of girls my age do it my mom did it so she can get away from her abusive family , l don't know how we got here but l really don't remember the last time l slept with no worries and damn it l know life is not all rainbows and shit but l'm just too young to be carrying all of this it's slowly turning me into a numb person. I also struggle with an eating disorder and my mental health is gowing downhill but they won't even take me to a fucking therapist , even if they did l will still struggle as long as l am still getting abused daily . Also in my country things like girls working or moving out is not allowed legaly in some places even if you were over 18 and want to stay in a hotel they won't let you if you were a girl
my mother did this to me all through my childhood. I cannot describe the fear I felt of my mother. A child who is a prisoner of such a parent will not be believed.
"Narcissists are good liars": this has always puzzled me, because they're so impulsive and unregulated. I think it's because they're convinced that their story is true in some "moral" sense. Like, the lie is the version of the truth that DESERVES to be true. It's "right" even though it's false.
My ex couldn't *intentionally* lie her way out of a wet paper bag; she was as subtle as a 4-year-old. But once she had rationalized her way into a "better" version of the facts, then it became what actually happened. She believed it, defended it, with all her 4-year-old intensity.
I think it's because they have more experience with lying than the average person even if they're not good at it they have enough experience to continue it.
My mother is one of the "lucky" factitious narcissists, she's covert, and the opportunity was simply there and convinient. My little brother with autism and ADHD started having problems with N parents' daily huge fights, and started acting out when he was 4, which was the perfect opportunity for my mother to start blaming the meltodowns on his "autism", do nothing to help, and start scapegoating and treating him like a dog basically (he was invisible until then), and showing to others a face of heroic calm stoicism like you are talking about in this video. It's horrible to see this kind of psychopathy in action
My mother did same to my brother and is now trying to do it to my grandson who is autistic, ADHD and multiple other diagnosis. I trying to keep him safe and keep his self esteem up and away from the witch, he actually a gorgeous little boy whose brain works differently
...That happened to me, although I never showed any symptoms but she used autism as an excuse for my stressed behaviour. I wouldn't throw around words like psychopathy without any 100% proof, though.
I’m so very sorry you have to experience such viciousness. I was the recipient of factious treatment, and I can’t tell you how important you are to your brother. If you can protect yourself and just let him know you’re on his side and doing what’s possible, he will never forget your support and it will help his mental health in his adult years, just to know that someone ‘saw’ him and cared about him. 💜💜 to you both.
One of my 4Fs responses is ‘fight’ and this comment makes me fucking violent because it’s the exact shit I had to go through. I hope he’s doing well Fuck the “autism” excuse. It gives the narc both a reason to be like “oh look at me I’m doing so well as a mother of this r-worded (the label being placed, not necessarily that that’s said. In my case it was, often.) child who CONSTANTLY has meltdowns Boo hoo poor me me me.” While they continue to treat you like a fucking child Actually no, not even a child. They treat you like a goddamn ANIMAL Like you’re nothing And get off on the fights you have as a means of getting their fix of narcissistic supply out of you It’s so fucking convenient to have that excuse because of what everyone else thinks of autism? Isn’t it???? Anyways. Thank you for posting this comment It’s incredibly validating to see that somebody else has had to go through the same shit Though NOBODY. Should fucking have to.
My mother would fake illness to get admitted to the Hospital. In the hospital she would be the center of attention, ordering the staff around and getting people to do what she wanted. After a few days the Hospital would give up trying to treat the unusually healthy patient.
My mother told everyone I had scoliosis when actually I was just anxious and depressed as a child so I kept my head down. Now she has “life threatening,” food allergies and keeps an epipen everywhere she goes. She was a clinical director of a surgery center so she had a lot of medical knowledge. I’m going to be in therapy for awhile. Thank you for these videos. They help me feel less alone and disoriented.
Im sorry that happened it is insane I know.. I worked in hospital many scary so called caregivers on every level.. You can heal just focus on you and document things to reread and unfortunately it will all connect.. You are brave 🙏🏻
When i went back to my parents house during Covid times, i was sick with covid and kind of suspected it (i got the positive results when i arrived). So in order to protect my family, i quarantined myself in my room and wore a mask whenever i would leave it. The whole time, my covert narc mom tried to get close to me, ask me to dine with them, go into my room without my consent to take my temperature while i'm asleep, try to hug me etc. I would always tell her to stop. But she would always try. She looked so happy to take care of me while i was sick, and telling everyone how good of a mom she was for doing so. When i started getting better, her whole mood changed. She started telling me she felt "sick". She became agressive, would give me deadly stares, would make me feel guilty etc. She called all her friends telling them i infected her. It was super hurtful and unfair because i always told her not to come close to me, plus i quarantined myself and would always wash my hands and wear a mask when going out of my room, etc. One day, after she insulted me, i told her to get tested because it really looked like she was feeling terrible. So she did... and she was Covid-free. LOL. Her whole mood changed again. She was smiling, hugging me, laughing etc. Suddenly she wasn't feeling sick anymore. Now i'm out and no contact with her, but i'll never forget how she treated me during my recovery, while being fake-ill.
Sounds like breaking boundaries, they did this with someone i knoe (they tease him, ask him why he wears it 'we dont have covid you can take it off' and randomly try to do that weird hug to him see if he would let them) he slowly stopped wearing the mask
I met him online, at 40 years old and fell for all the lies.. He said that he has block outs and headache. After being around him for 2 months during COVID I found out he had multiple personalities with a sociopathic alter. The first time I broke up with him and he text me that he had brain tumor. I never seen paper work after asking for them. He told me he own his own IT company and when I ask his mother because he was not supporting the home after a year she said he only has a part time job. This man made himself look good on paper and I was trauma bonded so I didn't see it coming but after a year I watched so many of these videos. I am three months free, I am in therapy, healing my inner child and focusing on myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the great videos.
omg, same here. After the breakup and separation, he said he got cancer like everywhere and other things... in all, dying. But, he would never show any paperwork, found any sort of excuse not to. Dr Ramani works magic. I wish I had discovered her sooner (while the relationship was on).
We have a family member with narcissistic personality disorder. She uses her "illnesses" to manipulate family into feeling sorry for her, taking care of her and letter her off the hook for problematic behavior. She is in and out of the emergency room with no diagnosis coming out of her visits. It has been incredibly destructive in our family. We all worry now that if she were to actually become ill that we would not believe her. This video describes a lot of our experiences.
My youngest sister is like this. She and her husband had to move to a different city because the doctors in her former city would no longer see her because of non-payment of bills. The EDs had caught on to her and would make her sit forever in the waiting room and would no longer admit her because of non-payment of bills. Every time she was 'sick', she would call family members to get their attention. She never called me after the one time I called her on having a disease of premature infants. 😂
Husband pretended I was mentally ill so he could get sympathy and attention. Even when he bold face lied, and I would confront him, he arrogantly continued on to his role play of fake victim with crazy wife. When he was found out he changes his tune. Nobody sees the double talk, and they dont want to because he charms . It helps to have a name of a condition to understand this horrible behavior.
Same as my ex husband. I had depression, including suicidal thoughts, so was taking antidepressants. He even managed to get me diagnosed with ADHD at age 35, after my daughter’s birth. I ended up taking controlled medication I didn’t need. ADHD symptoms are exactly same as symptoms of a victim of abuse. Now, 5 months after leaving the relationship, I am not taking any of these medications. Was just his method of controlling me and then dismissing any of my attempts to speak out about him as being due to my “poor mental health”. He even said to me “it can’t just be depression. You are so difficult to live with. There must be something else wrong with you!” So glad I’m out of that Narc-induced brain fog. Now I can think clearly.
I am in a type of similar situation (Do not report this i will not get helped and my family will just make up a lie on me and I'll get locked up in a mental hospital Which is worse than prison.) I have been going through abuse my whole life and now i'm nearly 18.Now my parents can get away with it even more easily. cause my mom has false diagnoses all over me 11 That i know of but I am sure there's more.Which I didn't actually start getting diagnoses put on me till I moved in with my mom for the first time when I was 10 which I moved back and forth so when I was 12 that's when she started getting serious diagnoses put on me.my family takes advantage of those diagnoses so now when someone makes a DSS report or the police get involved my parents can just bring up the diagnoses and the social worker or police won't even talk to me or look at my video evidence going back to when I was 8 over 320 Videos.My parents just say I am "hallucinating,delusional,manipulative,lying" the list goes on with excuses they can make.here are the people that are calling me crazy (THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ME LABELED AS INSANE,VIOLENT AND MORE.)⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇ (MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along) ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2.html (MY DAD🌟) ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW.html (MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND) ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56.html (MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in it she does try to make it seem like I am the crazy one well plane out lying and that things aren't as bad as i think they are.#gaslighting) ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl.html (HERE IS THE CHANNEl OF DAILY VIDEO EVIDENCE) going back to when I was 8 Of different types of abuse I go through. ua-cam.com/channels/jkV9F3jkP3r-qVIHB3gwww.html. ⬆⬆has to be typed into google.here's a playlist VIDEOS IN CORRECT ORDER⬇⬇⬇⬇ ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr.html There are a lot of playlist that put the different things that are happening in different categories so if you want you should look at all the different playlist.some of the categories are specific people do abusive stuff that they do. here's one of the playlist from the channel.it has the videos in it that I think are the top craziest. ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHwyMQxKOXNcGygBaEo7coSZ.html So here is the channel focussed on what mental hospitals are like and how deadly antipsychotics are it's my story of side effects I had and how I almost died from the pills over an abuse cover up. with proof of the stuff i say in the description and video.it also give people advice on the description it really depends on what they know and believe. ua-cam.com/channels/S9hlrcVz9SUw_anmcAXbIQ.html Tell me who is really crazy me or them? I already know I don't actually have the diagnoses everyone knows. ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHyP-MtrqCI4RwnCQvOt_9FN.html ⬆⬆⬆⬆There's people admitting it or agreeing look at the first video. people that have been around me and my parents have even told my parents this.Like girls my dad was around were questioning why I have diagnoses put on me that I obviously don't have and why I am taking pills that make my digestive system stop working, has me shaking with fevers,and makes me basically go into comas and lay in bed for 2 weeks straight.
Since childhood my mother has continued to tell my family, siblings, grandchildren, friends, neighbours and myself that I have autism, BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone believes her with no proof. She's never made me physically ill but mentally it's caused severe confusion within myself and who I truly am. I believe she feeds off of the attention and sympathy from others.
My N mother was legitimately sick most of her life BUT she would dramatize every symptom or problem that she could to manipulate family to pamper her. She enjoyed being sick and would get a weird smile on her face whenever describing her illnesses. She would tell strangers her illnesses within the first conversation of meeting them, mostly to try to get them to pity her (to get something free later) or to get them to look up to her as a fighter that won't quit. It's just as you've said. And yes, it was painful the times when I was sick and she saw it as a threat to her attention. I remember developing a cough and she'd start coughing too and then look at me with a blank face. As if to say, "I'm sicker than you!"
This, exactly this! My nmom has MS and friggin LOVES it. It gets her so much attention. I had a severe spinal deformity that was paralyzing me as a teen and remember begging my parents to take me to the doctor because it hurt so bad and my legs felt so weak, it took 9 or 10 years just to get an MRI and 2 weeks to fix afterwards. I sustained permanent and prominent nerve damage because they ignored it for so long. I started asking for help when I was 11 or 12 and didn't get surgery till I was 21. Every time mom had a headache they went to the doctor.
@@HannaBenana That's a horrible experience and she should be ashamed of herself. I hope you're now getting the care you deserve surrounded by good people.
I have or maybe not soon had a friend who listed all the things wrong from fibromyalgia to allergic to everything so doesn’t wear clothes but takes supplemental by the bucket 🪣 not lying about COPD , but then it kept going and going to even saying sea air is bad for lungs , she wore a mask 😷 n the beach and defended her reason yet shows a pic with her bf at the beach no mask , she kept scratching her body cos of vax shedding she blames for her inability to be out too long yet she sings for being eh an hour in old folks home but say can’t breathe , can’t have any chemicals but makes toxic home made soap and wears so much hippy oil it makes mme nauseous but says other people have to learn about her health needs . Here’s a break down , sorry guys have to vent . Truth . COPD ? Fibromyalgia? Dunno Lactose intolerant Gluten intolerance Can’t be around perfume , scented. Candles , any chemicals , Lives near farms so blames them for her being sick . Has a massive rash over her body Keeps using so called natural oils that’s smells awful . Epstein Bart virus was recently added along with her diagnosis it her 10 month old baby girl with ADHD . Trying to tel me I might have what she has . I say I nearly died was in ICU , went through surgery to remove a lobe of my lung had chemo , yet she says nothing but adds to her list . I tell her about CPTSD … a book that was by an expert in that area . She never heard of it but now she tells me she has that too and had to train her drs to her belief including the psychologist . There’s more but I’m done with it . Liars but it’s a mental disorder she also says like a badge . She tells complete strangers if all her health issues at cafes anywhere . Even the koala hospital staff , tells them for no reason her health list and laughs and says salsa dancing caused the fibromyalgia. 🤪🤪🤪🤪 geez she even made my cancer about her . Too much for me . I’m so sad because we just reconnected last year after 15 years gap . Wtf happened
@@HannaBenanaThat literally happened to me I was very sick and needed surgery. I didn't get help from a Dr til a year later. I always say when a child is sick with a cold no one really cares but when that child develops pneumonia then they get a lot of sympathy
I work with a covert narc who regularly gets ' sick ' whenever she is assigned a job she does not want to do. You can even predict when she will pull one. Very frustrating!
777 300 That is hillarious. One of my narc sisters was considered so special by our father that she was let off all work, such as doing dishes so that she could practise on the piano. It seems she had a talent in piano forte. Later, I recall she would disappear when the dishes needed to be done. She would miraculously reappear just after the last dish was put away. As an adult in her 40's, she seemed almost retarded. She thought that caring for 1 child for half of each week, was an enormous amount of work. She would also teach a few pupils the piano for 1/2 an hour each in her own home. She said " it's easier for mothers who work fulltime". I used to be a great rescuer. I'm still coming out of that role. I remember helping my sister several times, including doing her huge pile of dishes and her stove cleaning. Lol. My father later realised he had helped create the incredibly selfish person that she is, and regretted it. Our mother was always making excuses for her. I believe it was my mother's neglect that really helped create 2 narc siblings and their entitled, selfish (etc) ways.
Hi Dr Ramani I'm came from a highly Narcissistic Family.. My Grandmother was a Chronic Patient... And she would use her "health issues" to get her way, guilt people, pity plays etc... When my little Gold Sister was born prematurely...my Mother drilled it in me that she was sick, sick ,sick...therefore I should be a martyr ...I was 5 yrs younger. I watched my Mother take her to Dr Appointments, about her stomach, her sleep and her spine...my Mother fed her Narcissism during this time! If it wasnt for my EMPATHIC grandfather stepping in to say...shes fine leave her! Who knows how far my Narc Mother would have Gone!!! Unfortunately my sister is a Narcissist nonetheless But my opinion... Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is Narcissism Munchausen Syndrome is Narcissism Disability Fraud Narcissism All the same Shity Traumatized People Manipulators!!!
Thank you. You just explained something that had haunted me. Why I shaved my head in sympathy and supported my narcissist/psychopathic sister when she got a benign brain tumor and upended my life and spent a lot of money trying to make her comfortable as she recovered. But when I got very I'll after being exposed to carbon monoxide at work and had encephalopathy for two years and was working to piece my life back together, she did not to want to help me and was mean about it. You said it. Narcissists don't like sick people. She did not like me then, probably never did and still does not. The story has to be about them. She malingered her way though this illness and others even getting disability far beyond her illnesses warrented. This understanding has released a lot of psychic pain in me.. Thank you.
Y’all have no idea. This is my mom. My mother the brilliant nurse who indeed had a very traumatic childhood including instances of relatives dying in front of her. She is incredibly smart and so seemingly compassionate. I have believed my mother has had Munchausen since I was 13. Only recently have my sister and I unearthed our experiences of what we truly believe, and had even come to our own conclusions without telling the other out of fear we would think the other crazy and outright blasphemous against our benevolent mother, to be narcissistic abuse. I have gone 20 something years feeling like I knew my mom was faking her various illnesses but also feeling like I was the worst daughter in earth. I feel like I’ve gone through my whole life going along with this act, an unspoken agreement to be part of her “play”. I thought it was normal for adults to act as if they were the sweetest most caring person outside of the home and then monsters behind closed doors. I still to this very moment typing this still think there’s a possibility that I’m the one insane making this entire life of deceit up in my mind. I have such a hard time believing myself, my feelings, my thoughts. I have no faith in myself and feel like I myself am deceitful even when I’m not. I will not seek medical attention or any attention for that matter for myself. So either I’m insane or my mom is. Neither scenario is any less heartbreaking. I hate to think of my own mom as being so mentally ill. I mean wtf?? Y’all this stuff here ain’t no joke. People need to go through some rigorous f’n psych evals before being allowed to procreate. I will say, and even way back in the day when I noticed this I thought it was strange, when she got a “diagnosis” of a pretty serious autoimmune disorder her behavior changed towards us. She had never been nicer. Almost like a real mom. And I will never have closure, a diagnosis, nothing to confirm my account and my belief or to discredit them. Narcissistic personality disorder and Munchausen of all things. She’ll seek help and never get better. It’s so, so gut wrenching and heartbreaking.
My Mom was also a nurse. She was a good nurse to others. But in the family she loves attention to misery. My sister has an illness. My Mom has exaggerated this since I was a teen. "Your sister has a brain tumour". "She will die soon". "She can't work or talk on the phone". "You are responsible for her". Now my Dad is forgetful and has light dementia. For the past 37 years my Mom has put the fear in me because I am healthy. It is too much pressure as a young teen and now adult to think it's all up to me. I feel terror when she calls. Even extended family will call me first to see what happened before calling her back. She wonders why her brother does not wan to talk to her. She is stubborn and would never go for counselling but everyone else should. I think she loves to be hard done by and for others to feel sorry for her. She wants me to feel bad, fear and misery. She gets mad at me if I don't feel bad enough for people . (I am a social worker and I do feel bad but I try to push it awaY). I don't want to live in misery with her and I think she wants to drag me down. I feel angry with her. When I confront her about all the fake fear she tried to give me, she says "I'm sorry you feel that way". She loves drama misery. It might not exactly be Munchausen but somehow related. Thank you others who share your story because it helps me to feel like I am not alone. Sincerely I appreciate you. I cannot escape my family and the responsibility that is put on me because I am strong and healthy. But I am tired and I wish I could be free one day. What is the lesson I must learn from this? I wish I could learn it faster. I don't gave good feelings towards my Mom. I hate holidays and Mothers day. I have no kids. I don't know if I could make a happy home. My family was not happy, my Dad tries to make happy times but my Mom crushes us all. Why is she like this ?
"Ya'll, this stuff here ain't no joke" Amen. It's real, it's messed up, it messes us up until we become wise. I hope you were/are able to come to the realization that you are sane. And that you have grown stronger by living through this to the other side.
So fascinating, and harrowing about narcissism and Münchausen syndrome by proxy. Believe I was affected in a big way by this. Thank you very very much Dr Ramani and team
Thank you. This was my mother- highly intelligent narc who used illnesses to get needs met. She had been the daughter of a dr. and got attention from her father when she was sick, which she figured out how to be all the time. She spent thousands upon thousands on seeing dr.s and unorthodox treatments because she was a "special case" in a lot of her illnesses. She once almost let a dr. operate on her brainstem until he got his medical license revoked. Once, she was diagnosed by a medical doctor (not psychaitrist) who saw what was going on really, given "Munchausen" as her diagnosis, because he could find nothing medically wrong. All the other physiscians were giving in to her narcissism and giving her other diagnoses, but he sae the truth of what was happening and didn't give in. Boy, was she mad! She reported the dr. to medical boards, etc.
This was my mom too. There’s a support group for survivors on Facebook called “Munchausens Syndrome by Proxy Survivor Support and Awareness Group.” It’s been pretty healing for me to be able to talk to other people who have been through it as well. I definitely recommend joining it.
Thank you, for posting this. My family has at least 2 generations of this horrible cycle. As a survivor, I feel like my entire life was stolen from me, it's still a struggle at 41.... Especially because not only do you have to go through it, but you can't trust family to support you and you can't trust professionals or medical institutions either even years and years later. And, on top of that, you may have very real medical issues FROM the abuse...... And just trying to tell a doctor that gets them confused, suddenly they suspect that YOU have the disorder. I feel like it has features of most of the personality disorders in cluster B. Perpetrators are histrionic and narcissistic, but with the desperation and manipulative skills of a BPD or Sociopath. I sense she was acting out sexual trauma or lack of control. She was also trying to manipulate my father into caring somehow. She had symptoms of OCD, trichtomania, hand washing, germaphobia. She modeled her sick fantasies after horror movies and books reflecting the dynamic: Exorcist, Arsenic and Old Lace, White Oleander, Carrie. It wasn't until I watched these movies that I even realized "This is what the world considers HORROR." My father was a MD with NPD and ASD avoidant, drawn to a fantasy world, ignored reality, shirked all involvement and neglected us, liked hurting us and watching us cry and run to mom. My mother resented having me, the first born, probably because she didn't want to be married or a mother. "I should have aborted you," a regular refrain..... Constant emotional damage, physical abuse and medical abuse gave her control over us and she fused her identity with us. You are violated in every part of your soul and unsafe in your own body. Worse, there's nothing else going on, no experiences that are "better," and you don't know that this isn't normal for years. You don't know what is real, what is fake. I'm 41 and I still don't realize when I'm sick. They "need" to be seen as good, but hate being mothers/fathers and have very deep abuse wounds or unmet needs. My mother enjoyed outwitting doctors, telling ridiculous tales and being the center of attention.She said "I could have been a doctor." My father denied, denied and called us weak. They both insisted that I'd commit suicide. I'm glad we got out alive, but it's going to be a crawl to the finish line. This doesn't go away, ever, because I never got any rearing and I have no family. It effects everything about a person, and I wish I could find more qualified help. My life was stolen from me.
We have a sick amount of things in common. It was quite something reading your comment. I'm sorry for all you've lost. The grief over losing your life but not being dead is kinda tough to describe, isn't it? Thank you for taking the time to post.
I always thought Münchhausens by proxy was essentially the “Mother Gothel” character. Mother Gothel telling Rapunzel “The world is bad. I am the only one who cares about you. Everyone else is out to get you. The world wants to hurt you.” Etc. I myself once I started learning of Narcissism, have always thought of Mother Gothel as the epitome of Narcissism. She is looking for her supply (in this case Rapunzel’s hair, for it’s anti-aging ability.) and will do anything to get/keep that supply.
Thank you Dr. Ramini. I've seen a fair amount of narcissists taking advantage of illness, real or faked, in themselves and others in order to get attention, or to sabotage someone else's happiness. A proverb that is apparently an old saying, but that I heard for the first time today, is "Truth is the daughter of time". Have a blessed and peaceful day!
Hay Xmas! My mom loved her doc but it worked against her! As her dementia worsened I couldn't get through to him on the phone because he simply wouldn't answer! Finally she was into private nurses who saw how seriously over medicated she was which lead to aggitation! Oh well!
My mother was an opiate seeker. At one time she had multiple doctor's prescribing her opiate medication. She had every ailment under the sun. Too many to be real. My brother's and I even had an intervention including her doctors. Her doctors insisted that she needed the medication and that all was OK. They disregarded our concern. When the laws tightened up about doctor's prescribing opiate based medication she was not happy about it. Another strange thing is that she was always rushed to the emergency room a few days after Christmas every year for usually unknown reasons. One year she overdosed on her meds. One year she ate an entire box of chocolates and she was diabetic. Self inflicted most likely in all cases. My mom was weird about Christmas. She always hated it. Many years as a child being so disappointed because she would ruin it for us. 🤔
I experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from my narc mother. But the munchausen by proxy has been the most damaging. I have ASD and ADHD so I was the perfect target. Anytime I spoke a little about my mistreatment it was always "she was such a good mother. Always taking care of you". My childhood memories are filled with shots, pill bottles, creams, and doctors. I have just now been able to regain my trust in my own body after years of orthorexia. I say "I am healthy, holy, whole" as a mantra to help with this. When I went no contact the first time my narc mother developed delusional parisotosis that has been going on the last 5 years. It's a crazy thing to wrap your head around, but I actually had to empathize with my mother and understand that her severe neglect as a child led her to behave in this way.
My narcissistic mum in law called the newspaper when she said she had cancer! She actually got an article out of it! But we as a family think she isn’t ill at all!
When I was 17 the family doctor advised me to get as far away from my mother as possible. I was terrified. She set up a situation in which I would be raped. It was never discussed but afterward she said, oh, and now no matter what happens, you be a lady. Missed 5 semesters of school growing up due to illness. Only child. Am 75 now. She told me that she had arranged for this to continue after she is gone (age 92) and that has been true. She was surprised that I am still alive after all she did to me, but of course, they needed me to take care of them in their old age...
no they don't, the want a free pass to all wards of the hospital anytime. did you know jimmy savalle got himself a nightwatcherspass for a childrenshospital where he would do his pedopheliac necropheleac thing with the corpes of dead children ? everybody trusted him because he was a well know celeb and charitable likable millionaire who was even knighted by the queen for his excellent deeds for society ? munchhausenmonsters are like narcissists, on steroids and cocaine from a zombie horrormovie.
This one really hit close to home, both with my narcissistic father and ex partner, I’m not even going to lie I was crying mid video. This sort of abuse really does a number on you..
My mother. She's spent my life trying to make me out to be crazy to others, working very hard to try to convince others that there's all kinds of things wrong with me. Truth is, therapists have always told me I was abused, not crazy, and that her fake diagnoses of me are wrong. It amazes me that she seems to have made it her life ambition to diagnose me in the negative. Mom is extremely intelligent and very good at manipulation and lying. She's smooth, polished and used to be a professional (teacher of small children). Gullible people sometimes fall for her lies but in general my reputation as a sane, competent person speaks for itself. She desperately wants attention and "power over". She hates the attention I've gotten in life. She's a spoiled, reactive, defiant child inside an adult's body, it's creepy. I purposely stayed in therapy all my life to not be like her or my (equally domineering) maternal grandmother. I'm not. Thank God.
There's a lot of envy in it. I noticed that too. Attempts to disgrace and discredit. Mine has moved onto other family members and it's unbearable to watch.
Wow , just so much in common ,literally like ever word of your shortened testimony here , thank you so much , your good own seld does speak huge volumes, dont worry, nobody believes that psycho
I am now positive that my ex-narcissist had both malingering and factitious disorder. As a child, his mother subjected him to Munchhausen by proxy; poisoning him by food so she could steal his meds to feed her addiction, once she would prove him to be sick. She was a nurse at the local hospital. The rest is a nightmare. It’s all very sad and it’s one thing to get stuck in the web of lies and delusions and pull yourself out, but it’s another to BE the web of lies and delusions. It’s so devastatingly tragic. Thats all I’m going to say about that.
OMG! That explains why the narcissist was going to so many different doctors and therapists and "spiritual healers" for all her purported psychological and emotional "conditions".... I did not realize it at the time but she was there getting supply! 💡 BTW! It was very very costly not only in terms of what it put me through... it was very expensive! Thank you Dr. Ramani for this explanation! ❤️🙏🕊
@@TheBagmaven49 OMG! I hope not! 🙏 Although there have been indications relayed to me that, unfortunately, the narcissist in my life was there and in several other lifetimes! Yukk! Who knows how tangled up all of this, past lives, karma etc., stuff is....
My wife is narcissist who quit working 5 years ago because of her “pain”. No Dr. can find a damn thing wrong with her though so this video explains a lot! The treat for me is being called a liar and a fake by HER when she is in a rage. SO TIRED OF THE PROJECTIONS! SMH 🤦♂️
@@rwv300 I can sympathize with you. This is worse than a terminal illness foe the spouse who cares for this person who is ill with a whodunit illness. I'm now divorced now and healing. I wish you the best.
I can tell for sure that this to things can be related. My cover narecessistic mother did this to me as a child. Two times I almost died. She did it with my grandmother when she got old and even with the dogs.
I was traumatically injured at 12 before PTSD was a diagnosis. I come from a narcissistic family system. I was never able to get the support and empathy from my mother---and from my siblings. I grew up being mocked. It wasn't until I got help through DBT that I no longer needed the acknowledgement, support, empathy from my family system. My family system might say to you that I was being narcissistic but I was traumatically injured--like a war injury--so this hit a nerve a little bit about being discounted. Thank goodness that I've grown personally beyond needing understanding from anyone other than myself.
im glad you said that its further validating. "narcissists dont like sick people its an inconvenience to them" my narc continually downplayed and would like outright ignore me if i ended up getting sick. she got me to shut up stop crying and i was walking on a broken foot within four hours apparently fine. got to the doctor and the toe bones, metatarsals were snapped clean in half. but shut up, youre fine!! right
My husband was a cripple all winter, this caused me to overwork and have fairly serious leg injuries. I have a referral for physio therapy which will be covered by the insurance but I'm in no hurry to get better! 😁🌈🙋
Go watch The Act on Hulu based off a true story about Dee Dee Blanchard and Gypsy 🤯 it will blow your mind and give you a clear visual about Munchausen Syndrome and Munchausen by Proxy
My mom has had fictitious disorder my whole life, i grew up taking care of her. My dad dedicated his life too her care before he passed. He was a saint and was able to put up with so much emotional beating up. I have 3 kids now and mom over 6 phone calls convinced me to be her caretaker. Couldn't last long. Just recovering from that now. I didn't know what to call it, so thank you for giving me the words to express what has been happening.
The narc dad took our young son to the doctor and told the doc that I hadn't gotten the child any of his vaccinations. I did get him all of his shots and had shown him the shot records. He was trying to prove that I was an unfit mother. He made the doctor give our son all of his shots again just to make me look bad and him look good. It happened 30 years ago and this video reminded me of that day.
Thank you so much for making this video. It may be rare but you just described my malignant Narcissistic Mum who told my Dad that she had breast cancer when he was leaving (it mysteriously disappeared), who told me she may have throat cancer when I was not speaking to her as much (she had tonsillitis), who tried to constantly diagnose me with different illnesses from when I was a child, who had my two sister's diagnosed with different disorders and has made one of them extremely ill and dependant on her and is claiming a lot of benefits for this and continually takes my Dad to court for more money for my sister. She is also extremely friendly with all of the healthcare staff and seen as this 'amazing Mum'. I can't thank you enough for making this video and raising awareness of the issue!
I never heard a better description of my mom. She and I were diagnosed in my counseling for Manchester syndrome by proxy. So much of my life is understood through Med Circle and your channel.
Great topic Dr Ramani!! I’ve always wondered about that… my Narc friend always announce some sickness to get all the attention when we are in a group setting.. and then all the focus and adulation goes to her…leaving me thinking “weren’t we just out having fun” no previous signs of sickness !! 🤦🏽♀️ She actually used this ploy to pull all my closer friends to her.. leaving me with the feeling of being alienated.. but I’m not entitled.. so I just do my own thing.,
Micky J. Has anyone clicked on to the true situation yet? Maybe some people at least have wondered. I find narcs are SO good at pretending. They are experts at covering their faces with masks. Certain people, the amazing ones will surely be attracted to you. Have you found that? Some people will know, I'm sure. Be happy that you are strong and genuine. Probably caring, too.
I'm convinced a woman I know has induced diabetes in her child. He suddenly became ill when she was going through a divorce and she used this to try to get her husband back. Everytime we had the child he was perfectly fine as soon as we drop him off she would text us that she rushing him to the ER his blood sugar is through the roof. It's absolute insanity
@@dreamdiction By adding glucose to a sample, diabetes can be feigned. Inducing a truly diabetic reaction in a person is very complicated, and truly life threatening. I suspect meddling with the samples or the readings thereof is more likely for such a mother. On the other hand, if the child was ill, I don’t know. Münchausen by proxy is a very dangerous condition for a child. Did you notify authoroties? It could save a life.
@@Johan-vk5yd she had access to everything I'm convinced that was part of it too! I could write a book about everything that child has been through health wise. She even shaved his head once after he had spent the night with us saying we gave him lice. She's truly a very scary person that's why I'm here everyday!
Thank you for this video. I have a malignant narcissistic mother and have for many years said she has factitious disorder AND my dad has been her factitious proxy AND she has malingering disorder. Hardly anyone believes me, not even medical professionals. I’ve felt that when I express this view point people think I am the one with the problem. I could write a book on what I’ve observed over decades and the very sad and scary things that have happened, especially to my dad. It affected our whole family and was especially tough on me, being the scapegoat. I strongly believe for every Munchhausen patient, there is an equivalent type doctor - the type that love to be put on a pedestal and idolized, and are stupid enough to be wrapped around the munchhausen’s finger over and over. I’ve noticed that if the doctor eventually catches a wake up, my mother very quickly moves on to her next medical “victim” and so the cycle repeats itself. And then there is the substance abuse and addiction that comes with all this for both the person with the disorder and the poor unfortunate proxy.
My ex-wife is a narcissist and has factitious disorder. She’s had dozens of unnecessary surgeries and some have resulted in actual health issues which she then used to gain more sympathy and attention and used it to avoid all responsibilities in life. At one point I started asking doctors a lot of questions out of concern and instead of seeing that as me being concerned and caring she accused me of being selfish and said all I was concerned about was money and getting back to work. I was constantly taking leaves of absence from work to take care of our kids. She went as far as telling her doctors to no longer talk to me and they wouldn’t. Every time a doctor treated her for something she either got worse or another issue would pop up. She would also post pics on Instagram of herself in the hospital, her surgery incisions, her scars, IVs in her arm and she was smiling and trying to look “sexy” in them. We are now divorced and I can now look back and see she is extremely mentally ill and it’s very sad that she lives her life this way.
Another great video, my sister definitely had that, I could right a book on everything she did, really really scary to the point where I was afraid to spend anytime with her as of you said the wrong thing she would be come very violent
I would love to see some research and discussion on the gray area between faking and consciously taking steps to produce symptoms. Like, when someone has real symptoms but they don't comply with treatment and medical advice and then use their illness to manipulate others. It's like malingering but they're not exactly faking although maybe they're exaggerating. And then there could be all sorts of complicated trauma-related reasons for not complying with medical advice but not every noncompliant patient expects people around them to put their needs first and take care of them and pick up all the slack.
I second this. I have a nmom who claims she has dementia and a heart/heart attack/stroke issue (when the doctors say it is heartburn). She refuses to go for a stress test "because I'll die [if she runs on a treadmill]." She also doesn't take medication because the nurses are "trying to kill [her]." She's been heavily implying that she wants to move back in with me.
My mother pathologised me in physical and psychological ways from a very young age. She got doctors, teachers, and social workers to 'buy-in' to her narrative that I was an extremely unruly child and had certain health problems. This was aided by her social status as a middle-class primary school teacher. I experienced an extreme amount of negativity from professionals and family members for my whole childhood and adolescence, and my mother got the attention she craved as a beleaguered and proactive parent. I have only just recently come to realise that this was Factitious Disorder by Proxy and it has resulted in a lot of pain and confusion to get my head around! Thank you as always for explaining and validating all aspects of narcissistic abuse. By its nature, it so often remains hidden. I would love it if you could do a video going into more depth on this topic. Thank you xxx
Dr. Ramani I watch your videos all the time and I believe that I am a narcissist so I never leave you a comment because I don’t know if you Would dislike me or not but everything you say is so true I love you so much
What does it mean when my narc seems to find it exciting if I'm sick? He seems to enjoy it. I don't mean common cold sick. I mean more serious illness. It's like he thrives on me being unwell.
Was in therapy with my parent and they started getting chaotic/defensive towards me to make me look unstable in the session and i left there crying, i think i saw a smile on my parent's face
I know someone like that too. Also exaggerates my illness, like an earache was almost putting me in the hospital when I did not miss a single hour of work. I think it's about getting attention. His mother and daughter can worry if I am sick, is he okay doing "everything" at home? Not only did I not miss work, I also did all I usually do around the house. Also he can tell his family over and over and look smart by talking about what the doctor gave me, ear drops,. But he can add some science, a smidge of pathology, isn't he a genius and how lucky I am.
So.... when I was 4, I used to be a bubbly little thing. I used to run up and hug homeless people, and ended meeting my favourite one. Everytime I saw him, I'd get a cuddle off him. I was a strange child granted, but I remember actually being happy. Then one day, I remember my mother standing over me berating me for "being too friendly" Sometime after that, I was being given meds by her. I never saw a doctor. She just started giving me meds, that made me very zombie-like. I found out years later that they were her depression meds. She was constantly saying there were things wrong with me, because I was too quiet etc after that. She got me into special ed and was collecteing SSI in my name. 😔
Dr Ramani, you’re blowin’ my mind! I need to rewatch this now. Oh wow. Thanks for putting this out there with clarity. I had no idea to connect this with narcissism.
You are so correct. Its a very challenging situation to be very ill with a narcissist spouse. They appear to care about you to others. Inside the house and home they have zero empathy. They actually isolate you. My ex told all my friends I wasn't as sick as I appeared. The opposite was the truth. I had septicaemia and near death experience. The neglect I experienced was very shocking.
🙌🏼. Watching...I have been waiting for this forevaaaaaaa! *well, since I started figuring all of this out~in my 50’s;better late than never? You are awesome. Thank you thank you thank you!!!! You *(and several other wonderfully caring Drs/therapists) have given my life back and I am so grateful. Thank you.
Dear Dr. Ramani. The first time I met my narc he told me he had testicular cancer. His scrotum was half shaven and there were marks for the treatment. I was shaken to my core and was very afraid for him. Of course I found out years later that it it was al a lie cause he held me well hidden from his friends and family. Thanks to you I found out he is a narcissist. Thank you for all the help and good advice. Greetings from Belgium. 🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪
my ex kept me well hidden from everyone prior from when we met and had cancer as well. I was devastated for him, never questioned his diagnosis (like, why would I ask for proof?). Honestly, the more I put the puzzle together, after the years and now being freed from him, I wonder what happened and if he really was that sick. I guess I would only get answers from his family, but I have never ever met them - he always flipped the F out if I mentioned I wanted to meet his brother... Ah,...
This is the first time I've admitted this to anyone. I'm trying so hard to be a better person and I'm doing this to hold myself accountable because in my core I want to be a good person. I am ashamed of the person I've been. I have hurt myself to get medical diagnosis I realized that I'm doing this to get love and attention. To feel seen. I've done little things like putting blood in urine tests to big things like burning myself with chemicals and shoving things into my urethra to cause damage to my bladder. I do have real health issues and I've exasperated those issues. When I was a child I struggled with illness at the same time my mother was very sick both mentally and physically and a lot of the time I didn't get the attention I needed because everyone and everything was focused on my mother. Her own mental health caused feelings of abandonment because of her stays in mental hospitals and constantly being at therapy or groups she also ran away from home leaving notes I was told I was the reason she ran away she did finally come back but I was never the same then she died right before I turned 16. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships I tried so hard to be seen to feel loved to feel worthy. At first I didn't even consciously realize what I was doing until years later. I never want to hurt anyone but through self reflection I realize just how much stress and strain and hurt I've caused I feel so much guilt and shame that I'm scared to tell anyone about this because it'll just prove how unworthy and unlovable I really am. But I don't want to be like this anymore and I'm working hard everyday to change. I'm so scared that I'll never get better that it is true that im evil and a liar and not worth anyone's time. I'm so sorry and I know people will read this and judge me but maybe that's what I need or at least what I deserve.
@@BeeLZBeeb thank you so very much for your kindness. I'm working hard on healing my inner child and keeping myself accountable so I don't fall back into this behavior ever again.
I remember screaming at my nmom about how much I hated liars and how I'd never be a liar. I'm still like that. I don't see the point in it, the truth will come out anyways. I remember her showing fear, or rather an 'oh shit they're on to me' moment. In a way it established a boundary for me, even if it was made in 'fear' in their brain.
This one hit hard. I am in this stage with my n mum right now. She makes up so much bs about me in her mind, thinks I hate her while all I tried is to get some kinda healthy way of getting along. It might never work.
Ha ha, "oh shit they're into me"! I brought up a lie my husband said ate teen yrs ago last week! The person in question was coming, once more to our home, this time I said "Shall I ask ...." Hubby snapped NO! At which point I called him a liar! Timing is everything!
Same , and having me stamped with a fictious mental illness covered up my servere childhood and adult abuse it was a win win , for both my narsisistic parents and my narc husband .I now have very real mental health issues but have been misdiagnosed by many different so called ' Drs ' .....complex Ptsd and disasosiative disorder and deppression but Dr Ramani has helped me so much its unreal ! God bless her !
@@offwiththefairiesforever2373 I know how lonely and frustrating that path is. I thank God for Dr Ramani for reaching out to those of us who need a clearer picture (the narcs aren’t going to do that) and giving much needed insight. I pray you heal more and more each day and build your real narrative, one that’s true to who you are. You have found a beautiful and supportive community right here. May you be blessed.
This is my mom! But it was through the creation of mental disorders in me. From the age of 8 I spent years misdiagnosed and over medicated in mental health system while she was the brave supportive mother of a difficult, out of control child. My dad, brother, and I were/are also constantly physically sick. I caught her contaminating my food and confronted her. She started crying and says she can’t help it or stop doing it. She says she gets stressed and is compelled to make others sick. I don’t know what to do with her as I have repeatedly asked her not to contaminate my food but she keeps doing it While I have almost entirely limited my contact with her because of this I worry about my dad. He is constantly sick and with all kinds of weird random illnesses. He is almost 70 and I worry she will cause his premature death. I have warned her repeatedly that this will end in dads early death. I feel like there is nothing I can do. But yet if he dies I will forever feel like surely they was something I could have done to stop her. And live with that fit the rest of my life I don’t know what to do with her. I also have nobody to talk to about it because this is way to insane for anyone to possibly believe
@@bluebird3167 I have talked to my therapists (only about her making me mentally ill and my conversation with her when I caught her contaminating my food, because the rest seems too insane to be believed) They said Munchausen’s is virtually impossible to prove. Everything can be explained away as any other illness. My therapists said there is no way I could ever get enough evidence to do this legally or through the criminal system. And now I live in another state (thank God) and rarely rarely see her for obvious reasons as she scares the hell out of me because I can’t visit her without getting seriously ill. And she cant promise me she won’t do it,
@@bluebird3167 thanks. I know I am not supposed to feel responsible for her behavior. But being raised by a narcissist it’s hard not to feel responsible for their actions. I know I will blame myself for the rest of my life, no matter how much I try to tell myself that I am not responsible for her behavior and could not have changed the outcome
Thankyou Dr.Ramani. Please keep these videos coming they are so informative and needed. I have become so much wiser thru your knowledge and understanding.
I thought when I got pregnant and birthed, something could finally be about me and celebrating me, but instead he cheated through my pregnancies, saying he was working late, and even got angry with me coz he had to sit around hospitals when I had a high risk pregnancy and even scaled me to “shut up!” When I was quietly crying to myself after the birth. I hate that I tolerated 14 years of this crap. I doubt il ever 100% recover but I do feel like these videos are helping me get my life back, so Thankyou so so much ❤️
Could a psychopath do this to a child just for fun, rather than for benefits or narcissistic supply? I think this might have happened in me and my siblings childhood.
I guess. They have no conscience, they kinda get 'high' on pain of others, that's the only "feelings" they have. I'm so sorry you had to go through that😔🧡
Narc supply is fun for narcs. They enjoy the power over emotions of others. Children are most vulnerable because they are completely dependent on their caretaker.
Probably. Like, if you say or do something you're not supposed to that is seen as a threat. And it could be the smallest thing. In fact, you might not even know what it is or understand what the problem is with it. Maybe in the normal world, it wasn't a problem at all. But it doesn't matter. The fact is, it got them going. So then they go, "Oh yeah? I'll show you. Watch this." And then after they've done it, "Ha ha ha. I found a new level of control now." I've just known it to be this way, so I think it can be for this reason. This is just my experience with how I've noticed somebody doing it just for fun. Either because it's one of their off days, or they think they're pissed off, and they have a reason now. I also think it's just also the fact that they feel like for some reason they can do it and that person would never know, and they get a thrill out of it. So it really is just all about fun. And some are so far into it that even if they know you know it, they keep doing it, because they actually believe they can convince people that are involved or others that they are wrong. And that way they can have their game back. I just wonder what it actually is that makes people just turn out like that when they didn't before. Unless they just got sloppy about covering it. I also think part of the fun can be the attempt to be passive aggressive in the middle of it but yet they think there's a thrill in the idea that they could even kinda put it out there a little bit and still nobody would know. But it makes you wonder just how long they've done it or thought about it.
Psychopathy is a form of anti-social personality disorder, not narcissistic personality disorder. There's no "narcissistic" anything in anti-social personality disorder.
It's based off a true story the daughter went to prison for killing the mother after those years of abuse reminds me of how people get locked up for killing the person who sexually abused them for years
You are so spot on Dr. Ramani! Boy do I have stories about my husband ex. And now their adult daughter is exhibiting the same issues. It's very common apparently with all of the wonderful comments. We need to have a different format to discuss all of this. Can another one of your viewers let me know? We all need to discuss at this point! 🤔😍
I realized they'll never take care of me if I needed help. Maybe for show... It's better to watch out for your health and sanity. I guess some people feel sorry for those who are "sickly", but I only wish to live as healthy as my chronic heart condition is allowed. Which is quite a lot of happy days.
I believe my mother had Munchhausen and by proxy. I was her favorite target. I don't think she induced symptoms in me except by suggestion. One time she had me and the doctors convinced that I had a brain tumor. She was such a caring mother sitting at my bedside getting so much attention, while I was scared to death. Lucky for me the doctor figured out what was going on and suggested the family get counseling (and that was 50 years ago). She jumped right on that, but it lasted only one session. However, I never thought of her as a narcissist - my father, yes - but not her. When one of her children did have a (real) problem, she was very attentive and caring. I remember the last baby (of six) had a club foot. She spent hours every day massaging and working with it until it straightened out. I always thought of her as having empathy. In her later years she attempted suicide multiple times. She always used phenobarbital and now I see, looking back at it, that it was as if she knew just how much to take to get in the hospital but not die. I went to the hospital one of the times and she was thoroughly enjoying the experience. She was like a little girl taking in all of the attention, happy as could be.
This was a good video. I have learned alot from you in the past year or so. Your very good at your job! Keep up the great work. Your helping so many of us out here.
I feel like this is what my mother did to me with psychiatrists. She worked with a doctor to severely over medicate me, to the point it interfered with my emotions, brain function, and weight regulation. Then she used that to portray herself as a suffering mother with a mentally ill child that she had to deal with. When in fact there was never anything wrong with me and I haven’t needed any medication for over a decade since I got away from that home. Then she tried to do the same thing to my sister when I left the house.
My narcissistic mother watched for opportunities to use events happening in the family as social commerce. Highest value = serious illness in the family. I developed two chronic and disruptive neurological diseases that, if she knew about them, she could benefit from the high street value.... Note: if I had told her about them, she would have asked, in a voice dripping with concern: How ARE you? I didn't want my situation to serve as her subject matter. Is her behavior similar to what your are discussing?
I had a similar situation. Every time my brother or me got ill as a child my mother got really excited and happy and then claimed to everyone (literally everyone including strangers on the street) how sick her children are and that she is soo busy taking care of them and they should pity her etc. .. It only led to me pretending never to be ill and never telling her about my conditions which I got. She managed to completely destroy my brother who is now living in a psychiatric ward. Take care, these people are as evil as possible.
This revealed a lot from people who I thought was sick but not really if you’re really in pain and haven’t slept for a long time , why would you have the time to go have fun? Narcissists think we are really that dumb to see the difference
Thank you for this video. Really. After breaking up and separating, my ex knew a way to keep me close was by enducing my care for him. I did for 7 years. We kept contact for a few months after the separation. He said his cancer came back, first here than practically all over his body. Then it was all sorts of infections and sepsis, necrotic testicle, heart failure,... And what not. While everytime i asked for any medical diagnosis from the doctors and hospitals, not just his plain words, i got any excuse you name it, just nothing about his illnesses in a written form. Now, we have no contact so i have no way knowing if he really died, as he made me believe he is dying. most likely he's not, but i am sticking with no contact. I wish him well, but I'm out of the picture of being a caretaker anymore. Now, makes me wonder if he really had cancer years back when we met. I believed him. now that i think of it, i never saw any medical documentation of it, and while i was begging him to get regular checkups, you can guess how many times he went to see a doctor in the 7 years of our marriage. Zero. oh, not to mention he is super smart. Super super super smart. Strangely enough we discussed munchausen syndrome one time last year (i brought it up for some other reason, not in connection to him) and he seemed to be very surprised and displeased, now that i think of it, that i knew what this syndrome was. Your video dr Ramani, again makes so much sense and is mind opening yet again. Thank you thank you thank you!
Watching this has opened my eyes on why my narc mother, who was "always sick". It also explains why she made me have all these medical tests when I was a healthy teenage girl.
I;m not a therapist but Munchhausens can be very nerve-wracking to live with. You plan a 3-day weekend trip. The night before you will leave, the one with Manchhausens comes down "sick". Another trip ruined. Or-- what if you are 20, living at home but about to move into your new apartment next week and now, since you will be leaving, the Manchhausens person, they get "sick". Again. Anything to keep you from "leaving". Imagine the Manchhausens person being in the hospital, getting and doing better and then POW, taking a "nosedive" just when they were doing so well. This can happen. And then telling you how they will need more and more help, from you, when they get back home. Will you ever be free and have your own life? But what if they are being truthful? Then you feel guilty. How do you know? Have they fooled the doctors? Or is this time really true? Or being RE-admitted to a hospital when they're not even as sick as the last time when they were admitted. The frustrating part is, its difficult to PROVE they are faking it and you'd feel awful if you dismissed them and then found out they really were sick. But even sick people should have some good stretches of wellness, too. Sooo frustrating. You don't want to be uncaring but you *do* want, and deserve, your own independent Life.
omg, i had so many trips ruined before they started or soon after we arrived at the destination. at some point I decided there are no more trips together. And I love travelling. He did as well, supposedly...
With my narc parents and narc husband, I felt like I was always faking my symptoms. I was never taken seriously. I was told I always exaggerated for attention. Of course I wanted attention, I was sick and starved for love. I still, after years of being in the recovery phase, feel like I am faking my illnesses. They project that on me. Just this weekend I took my son to urgent care because he had felt dizzy for 3 days. His dad dismissed it and said he probably just needed to drink water. I’ll let the doctor decide that. The insurance pays for it. Fortunately I have been validated by my counselors, doctors that I am sick. I was even approved for disability. And yet I still doubt my symptoms. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? This is what came up to me during the video.
I had various symptoms when I was a child that were just ignored or chalked up to wanting attention and when I finally tried to get treatment when I was in college I feel like, in retrospect, doctors thought I was faking because if they were real symptoms, wouldn't my parents have noticed and taken me to a doctor already? So I got inappropriate treatment that actually made things worse. Now 20ish years later my mom still wants me to take care of her and always put her needs first and has literally told me I can't "hide behind" my serious, disabling autoimmune disease. But I habitually push myself and don't rest like I need to because of a lifetime of internalizing that I can't possibly be that bad off.
I have a narcissistic parent who purposefully sabotaged their recovery from a surgical procedure that was meant to cure chronic back pain. The surgery worked, but they admitted that they were not actually relieved they were pain free. It was extremely confusing to the family. Their doctor even recommended they see a therapist because it was very obvious my parent was willfully disobeying the surgeon's recovery plan. Pain was something they used to control us and was the dominant topic of almost every conversation. I still believe that my parent felt that being a chronic victim tied them to familial love, and they seemed happier once their pain came back. This parent is a classic narcissist, and I have always tied this painful period to their narcissism. But, could it also be related to Facticious Disorder?
I’m so glad I found your page everything is clear now and I’m learning so much of what I’ve been going through I have been going through narcissistic abuse as well as some of the other things you said thank you for opening my eyes I’ve been trapped for 4 1/2 years and I’m finally free but learning so much thank you
So often I have thought something odd about my ex and this confirms my suspicions and gives me the correct name for it. Throughout our time together he would say he couldn’t work because of his illness and it was left to me to bring the money on and pay all the bills. He pit himself through some quite invasive medical procedures and despite them never finding anything he would still insist there was something terribly wrong with him. This makes so much sense to me now, thank you Dr Ramani
Crikey! I was lucky enough to get out of a bewildering and damaging relationship a couple of years ago, with little understanding of what went wrong and a lot of self doubt and confusion for a formerly pretty confident and competent guy. In listening to your presentations over the past 18 months or so, I have so often been amazed by how insightful your description of the dynamics of a relationship with a covert narcissist are. Your descriptions have often been so accurate, that It's like you had been in the room with us when the crazy stuff went down. This video is the cherry on the cake of your depiction of what I experienced. My former partner had a total hysterectomy quite young, just in case she might get cervical cancer. and was trying to convince her teenage daughter to do the same ASAP. When we were together, she was constantly looking for things wrong with her, spending huge amounts of time and money doctor shopping to get more bits cut out etc. Even our poor young doggie had to have her gall bladder removed afer her (human) mom decided she needed hers cut out, with little to nothing in the way of symptomatic evidence for either patient. Wow! Keep up the brillian work Dr Ramani. You have rescued me from a world of self doubt and confusion.
It is surprising how accurately this describes some of the difficult, manipulative people in my life. So glad you can provide these terms and educate the public on these people's behavior.
Dr.Ramani, many of us always thought we would never get our "whys" answered but your videos answer ALL OF OUR WHYS- thank you so much🤗 These creatures didn't just lick a psycho lollipop they ate the whole dam thing😳
Oh how I love your reply. You are so right
Can totally relate! I spent YEARS trying to figure out the toxic dynamics within my family system, and had lost hope of every really understanding why. A million thanks to you Dr Ramani, you are a blessing
Yep Dr. Ramani explained all the whys in my life too. Loved the lollipop comment. Lol.
My dad threw himself in front of a tree and fell off his motor bike and sometimes he would say things like "l just close my eyes and drive because l wanna get rid of you " he once set out bathroom on fire in attempt to kill himself but really was just to make me and my siblings who are kids feel bad because we were asking for him and mom to at least not yell and break things because we were tired of it and been going throgh this since we were like very very little . And now he stays at my grandparents house to make it seem like we are bad and we don't want to take care of him . He made us do really gross things like cleaning him after he goes to the bathroom and other really gross things and he stays naked until we put some clothes on him. He asks for us to take care of him in such terrible way like he is giving orders he would pee in a cup and make us carry that and throw it in the toilet . He is very abusive also he did this so he can take a break from work and instead he is letting my little brother who is only 15 take care of his job and other bills we have , he does not care what we eat or if we are cold on hot and it's freaking 48 degrees in where we live , our house needs work and alot of it is still in the making and we have like a trash dumb outside from all the trash that hasn't been taken out . He just wants ppl to serve him and if you don't he will tell everyone you are the bad guy even after denying your need medicaly and financialy he made us drop out of school never buys us anything and only takes us to the doctor when we are dying or passing out he compares us to other children and says we are not good enogh😣l feel like exploding just from typing this stuff l wish he would at least abandon us or die so that at least we know we don't have a father it would hurt less then knowing you have a father but he doesn't want you.
@@chriswyma145 can't really avoid abuse since it's in both sides of the family my mom and dad and their parents and siblings are all abusive in some kind and mostly phisicaly abusive towards children and partners and they blame us for not being strong enogh to take it . My mom just yelled at me and called me stupid and kicked me out of her room like two mins ago because l was talking to her about all of this bagage , we don't have any social services in our country and most things about abuse are talked about as "family stuff that we shouldn't get into"، l wish someone could save us when we were so young but even in school teachers would hit and degrade us in front of the class . in my country the only way out is getting married to an older man and l'm only 16 💔l have seen alot of girls my age do it my mom did it so she can get away from her abusive family , l don't know how we got here but l really don't remember the last time l slept with no worries and damn it l know life is not all rainbows and shit but l'm just too young to be carrying all of this it's slowly turning me into a numb person. I also struggle with an eating disorder and my mental health is gowing downhill but they won't even take me to a fucking therapist , even if they did l will still struggle as long as l am still getting abused daily . Also in my country things like girls working or moving out is not allowed legaly in some places even if you were over 18 and want to stay in a hotel they won't let you if you were a girl
my mother did this to me all through my childhood. I cannot describe the fear I felt of my mother. A child who is a prisoner of such a parent will not be believed.
Jesus Christ is helping me heal so much now
"Narcissists are good liars": this has always puzzled me, because they're so impulsive and unregulated. I think it's because they're convinced that their story is true in some "moral" sense. Like, the lie is the version of the truth that DESERVES to be true. It's "right" even though it's false.
Yes I believe that. They do believe their lies, absolutely.
My ex couldn't *intentionally* lie her way out of a wet paper bag; she was as subtle as a 4-year-old. But once she had rationalized her way into a "better" version of the facts, then it became what actually happened. She believed it, defended it, with all her 4-year-old intensity.
I think it's because they have more experience with lying than the average person even if they're not good at it they have enough experience to continue it.
yup distorted and delusional
As long as the lie is "true," someone else will always be the bad guy.
My mother is one of the "lucky" factitious narcissists, she's covert, and the opportunity was simply there and convinient. My little brother with autism and ADHD started having problems with N parents' daily huge fights, and started acting out when he was 4, which was the perfect opportunity for my mother to start blaming the meltodowns on his "autism", do nothing to help, and start scapegoating and treating him like a dog basically (he was invisible until then), and showing to others a face of heroic calm stoicism like you are talking about in this video. It's horrible to see this kind of psychopathy in action
Thank goodness your little brother has you, someone who has witnessed and gets it. Best wishes for both of your futures.
My mother did same to my brother and is now trying to do it to my grandson who is autistic, ADHD and multiple other diagnosis. I trying to keep him safe and keep his self esteem up and away from the witch, he actually a gorgeous little boy whose brain works differently
...That happened to me, although I never showed any symptoms but she used autism as an excuse for my stressed behaviour.
I wouldn't throw around words like psychopathy without any 100% proof, though.
I’m so very sorry you have to experience such viciousness. I was the recipient of factious treatment, and I can’t tell you how important you are to your brother. If you can protect yourself and just let him know you’re on his side and doing what’s possible, he will never forget your support and it will help his mental health in his adult years, just to know that someone ‘saw’ him and cared about him. 💜💜 to you both.
One of my 4Fs responses is ‘fight’ and this comment makes me fucking violent because it’s the exact shit I had to go through.
I hope he’s doing well
Fuck the “autism” excuse. It gives the narc both a reason to be like “oh look at me I’m doing so well as a mother of this r-worded (the label being placed, not necessarily that that’s said. In my case it was, often.) child who CONSTANTLY has meltdowns
Boo hoo poor me me me.”
While they continue to treat you like a fucking child
Actually no, not even a child. They treat you like a goddamn ANIMAL
Like you’re nothing
And get off on the fights you have as a means of getting their fix of narcissistic supply out of you
It’s so fucking convenient to have that excuse because of what everyone else thinks of autism? Isn’t it????
Anyways. Thank you for posting this comment
It’s incredibly validating to see that somebody else has had to go through the same shit
Though NOBODY. Should fucking have to.
My mother would fake illness to get admitted to the Hospital. In the hospital she would be the center of attention, ordering the staff around and getting people to do what she wanted. After a few days the Hospital would give up trying to treat the unusually healthy patient.
If we can compress the algorithm, everything they do is about attention. It is their oxygen.
Nothing gets them more attention than an illness... you are so right on!!
They manipulate, twist words, and abuse so they can get attention. It is terrifying.
😁
You just made me smile thinking what the algorithm for crazy must look like.
Thanks, I really needed that!
👍😎♥️🤗🎂🎉🏆
I love your wording !
@@eddierayvanlynch6133 ❤️
😱 This is my mother!! I couldn't find any information on narcissism and Munchausen. Thank you.
My mother told everyone I had scoliosis when actually I was just anxious and depressed as a child so I kept my head down. Now she has “life threatening,” food allergies and keeps an epipen everywhere she goes. She was a clinical director of a surgery center so she had a lot of medical knowledge. I’m going to be in therapy for awhile. Thank you for these videos. They help me feel less alone and disoriented.
Im sorry that happened it is insane I know.. I worked in hospital many scary so called caregivers on every level.. You can heal just focus on you and document things to reread and unfortunately it will all connect.. You are brave 🙏🏻
Wow! That proves beyond a doubt that crazy does not equal stupid.
My narc sister is a senior hospital pharmacist and has Munchausens and Munchausens by proxy about her son
it's kind of scary how frequently these people work in the medical field
@@uyoebyik report her to the state?
When i went back to my parents house during Covid times, i was sick with covid and kind of suspected it (i got the positive results when i arrived). So in order to protect my family, i quarantined myself in my room and wore a mask whenever i would leave it. The whole time, my covert narc mom tried to get close to me, ask me to dine with them, go into my room without my consent to take my temperature while i'm asleep, try to hug me etc. I would always tell her to stop. But she would always try. She looked so happy to take care of me while i was sick, and telling everyone how good of a mom she was for doing so.
When i started getting better, her whole mood changed. She started telling me she felt "sick". She became agressive, would give me deadly stares, would make me feel guilty etc. She called all her friends telling them i infected her. It was super hurtful and unfair because i always told her not to come close to me, plus i quarantined myself and would always wash my hands and wear a mask when going out of my room, etc.
One day, after she insulted me, i told her to get tested because it really looked like she was feeling terrible. So she did... and she was Covid-free. LOL. Her whole mood changed again. She was smiling, hugging me, laughing etc. Suddenly she wasn't feeling sick anymore.
Now i'm out and no contact with her, but i'll never forget how she treated me during my recovery, while being fake-ill.
Sounds like breaking boundaries, they did this with someone i knoe (they tease him, ask him why he wears it 'we dont have covid you can take it off' and randomly try to do that weird hug to him see if he would let them) he slowly stopped wearing the mask
More weirdness, it's endless!
Covid is flu symptoms, you had flu symptoms you were’nt dying it’s been going round since humanity began
I met him online, at 40 years old and fell for all the lies.. He said that he has block outs and headache. After being around him for 2 months during COVID I found out he had multiple personalities with a sociopathic alter. The first time I broke up with him and he text me that he had brain tumor. I never seen paper work after asking for them. He told me he own his own IT company and when I ask his mother because he was not supporting the home after a year she said he only has a part time job. This man made himself look good on paper and I was trauma bonded so I didn't see it coming but after a year I watched so many of these videos. I am three months free, I am in therapy, healing my inner child and focusing on myself. Thank you Dr. Ramani for all the great videos.
omg, same here. After the breakup and separation, he said he got cancer like everywhere and other things... in all, dying. But, he would never show any paperwork, found any sort of excuse not to. Dr Ramani works magic. I wish I had discovered her sooner (while the relationship was on).
@@blazz131 These people are sick and staying away from them is the only way to free ourselves from them.
We have a family member with narcissistic personality disorder. She uses her "illnesses" to manipulate family into feeling sorry for her, taking care of her and letter her off the hook for problematic behavior. She is in and out of the emergency room with no diagnosis coming out of her visits. It has been incredibly destructive in our family. We all worry now that if she were to actually become ill that we would not believe her. This video describes a lot of our experiences.
My youngest sister is like this. She and her husband had to move to a different city because the doctors in her former city would no longer see her because of non-payment of bills. The EDs had caught on to her and would make her sit forever in the waiting room and would no longer admit her because of non-payment of bills. Every time she was 'sick', she would call family members to get their attention. She never called me after the one time I called her on having a disease of premature infants. 😂
Husband pretended I was mentally ill so he could get sympathy and attention. Even when he bold face lied, and I would confront him, he arrogantly continued on to his role play of fake victim with crazy wife. When he was found out he changes his tune. Nobody sees the double talk, and they dont want to because he charms . It helps to have a name of a condition to understand this horrible behavior.
Same as my ex husband. I had depression, including suicidal thoughts, so was taking antidepressants. He even managed to get me diagnosed with ADHD at age 35, after my daughter’s birth. I ended up taking controlled medication I didn’t need. ADHD symptoms are exactly same as symptoms of a victim of abuse. Now, 5 months after leaving the relationship, I am not taking any of these medications. Was just his method of controlling me and then dismissing any of my attempts to speak out about him as being due to my “poor mental health”. He even said to me “it can’t just be depression. You are so difficult to live with. There must be something else wrong with you!” So glad I’m out of that Narc-induced brain fog. Now I can think clearly.
I am in a type of similar situation
(Do not report this i will not get helped and my family will just make up a lie on me and I'll get locked up in a mental hospital
Which is worse than prison.)
I have been going through abuse my whole life and now i'm nearly 18.Now my parents can get away with it even more easily. cause my mom has false diagnoses all over me 11
That i know of but I am sure there's more.Which I didn't actually start getting diagnoses put on me till I moved in with my mom for the first time when I was 10 which I moved back and forth so when I was 12 that's when she started getting serious diagnoses put on me.my family takes advantage of those diagnoses so now when someone makes a DSS report or the police get involved my parents can just bring up the diagnoses and the social worker or police won't even talk to me or look at my video evidence going back to when I was 8 over 320
Videos.My parents just say I am "hallucinating,delusional,manipulative,lying" the list goes on with excuses they can make.here are the people that are calling me crazy
(THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE ME LABELED AS INSANE,VIOLENT AND MORE.)⬇⬇⬇⬇⬇
(MY MOM she is first cause she is the one who got all the diagnoses put on me mostly by her self but with the help of Steven when he eventually came along)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxHdpwnsxPLoIc0ySGqo1t2.html
(MY DAD🌟)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxRDG9ajRU5Np94Xhco5HXW.html
(MY MOM'S BOYFRIEND)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHxvOn_PGnjpgkW0cL5REW56.html
(MY SISTER although she is not the cause of the diagnoses and had no say so in it she does try to make it seem like I am the crazy one well plane out lying and that things aren't as bad as i think they are.#gaslighting)
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzG5KucsJdpwQPsJX4DckQl.html
(HERE IS THE CHANNEl OF DAILY VIDEO
EVIDENCE) going back to when I was 8
Of different types of abuse I go through.
ua-cam.com/channels/jkV9F3jkP3r-qVIHB3gwww.html.
⬆⬆has to be typed into google.here's a playlist VIDEOS IN CORRECT ORDER⬇⬇⬇⬇
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHzaFRmkDx4pj9Fk0Kq5IVqr.html
There are a lot of playlist that put the different things that are happening in different categories so if you want you should look at all the different playlist.some of the categories are specific people do abusive stuff that they do.
here's one of the playlist from the channel.it has the videos in it that I think are the top craziest.
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHwyMQxKOXNcGygBaEo7coSZ.html
So here is the channel focussed on what mental hospitals are like and how deadly antipsychotics are it's my story of side effects I had and how I almost died from the pills over an abuse cover up.
with proof of the stuff i say in the description and video.it also give people advice on the description
it really depends on what they know and believe.
ua-cam.com/channels/S9hlrcVz9SUw_anmcAXbIQ.html
Tell me who is really crazy me or them?
I already know I don't actually have the diagnoses everyone knows.
ua-cam.com/play/PLnIepZjMetHyP-MtrqCI4RwnCQvOt_9FN.html
⬆⬆⬆⬆There's people admitting it or agreeing look at the first video.
people that have been around me and my parents have even told my parents this.Like girls my dad was around were questioning why I have diagnoses put on me that I obviously don't have and why I am taking pills that make my digestive system stop working, has me shaking with fevers,and makes me basically go into comas and lay in bed for 2 weeks straight.
@@DebbieLord123 Jesus thank god you are out and safe how many of these demons 👹put people in institutions ✍🏻🤬
{Why did he want attention in the first place?
I am so terribly sorry. What a nightmarish experience.
Since childhood my mother has continued to tell my family, siblings, grandchildren, friends, neighbours and myself that I have autism, BPD and narcissistic personality disorder. Everyone believes her with no proof. She's never made me physically ill but mentally it's caused severe confusion within myself and who I truly am. I believe she feeds off of the attention and sympathy from others.
My N mother was legitimately sick most of her life BUT she would dramatize every symptom or problem that she could to manipulate family to pamper her. She enjoyed being sick and would get a weird smile on her face whenever describing her illnesses. She would tell strangers her illnesses within the first conversation of meeting them, mostly to try to get them to pity her (to get something free later) or to get them to look up to her as a fighter that won't quit. It's just as you've said.
And yes, it was painful the times when I was sick and she saw it as a threat to her attention. I remember developing a cough and she'd start coughing too and then look at me with a blank face. As if to say, "I'm sicker than you!"
This, exactly this! My nmom has MS and friggin LOVES it. It gets her so much attention. I had a severe spinal deformity that was paralyzing me as a teen and remember begging my parents to take me to the doctor because it hurt so bad and my legs felt so weak, it took 9 or 10 years just to get an MRI and 2 weeks to fix afterwards. I sustained permanent and prominent nerve damage because they ignored it for so long. I started asking for help when I was 11 or 12 and didn't get surgery till I was 21.
Every time mom had a headache they went to the doctor.
@@HannaBenana That's a horrible experience and she should be ashamed of herself. I hope you're now getting the care you deserve surrounded by good people.
Oh that self satisfied smirk. Awful.
I have or maybe not soon had a friend who listed all the things wrong from fibromyalgia to allergic to everything so doesn’t wear clothes but takes supplemental by the bucket 🪣 not lying about COPD , but then it kept going and going to even saying sea air is bad for lungs , she wore a mask 😷 n the beach and defended her reason yet shows a pic with her bf at the beach no mask , she kept scratching her body cos of vax shedding she blames for her inability to be out too long yet she sings for being eh an hour in old folks home but say can’t breathe , can’t have any chemicals but makes toxic home made soap and wears so much hippy oil it makes mme nauseous but says other people have to learn about her health needs .
Here’s a break down , sorry guys have to vent .
Truth . COPD
? Fibromyalgia? Dunno
Lactose intolerant
Gluten intolerance
Can’t be around perfume , scented. Candles , any chemicals ,
Lives near farms so blames them for her being sick .
Has a massive rash over her body
Keeps using so called natural oils that’s smells awful .
Epstein Bart virus was recently added along with her diagnosis it her 10 month old baby girl with ADHD . Trying to tel me I might have what she has . I say I nearly died was in ICU , went through surgery to remove a lobe of my lung had chemo , yet she says nothing but adds to her list . I tell her about CPTSD … a book that was by an expert in that area .
She never heard of it but now she tells me she has that too and had to train her drs to her belief including the psychologist . There’s more but I’m done with it . Liars but it’s a mental disorder she also says like a badge . She tells complete strangers if all her health issues at cafes anywhere . Even the koala hospital staff , tells them for no reason her health list and laughs and says salsa dancing caused the fibromyalgia. 🤪🤪🤪🤪 geez she even made my cancer about her . Too much for me . I’m so sad because we just reconnected last year after 15 years gap . Wtf happened
@@HannaBenanaThat literally happened to me I was very sick and needed surgery. I didn't get help from a Dr til a year later.
I always say when a child is sick with a cold no one really cares but when that child develops pneumonia then they get a lot of sympathy
I work with a covert narc who regularly gets ' sick ' whenever she is assigned a job she does not want to do. You can even predict when she will pull one. Very frustrating!
777 300
That is hillarious.
One of my narc sisters was considered so special by our father that she was let off all work, such as doing dishes so that she could practise on the piano. It seems she had a talent in piano forte.
Later, I recall she would disappear when the dishes needed to be done. She would miraculously reappear just after the last dish was put away.
As an adult in her 40's, she seemed almost retarded. She thought that caring for 1 child for half of each week, was an enormous amount of work. She would also teach a few pupils the piano for 1/2 an hour each in her own home.
She said " it's easier for mothers who work fulltime".
I used to be a great rescuer. I'm still coming out of that role. I remember helping my sister several times, including doing her huge pile of dishes and her stove cleaning. Lol.
My father later realised he had helped create the incredibly selfish person that she is, and regretted it. Our mother was always making excuses for her. I believe it was my mother's neglect that really helped create 2 narc siblings and their entitled, selfish (etc) ways.
Hi Dr Ramani
I'm came from a highly Narcissistic Family..
My Grandmother was a Chronic Patient...
And she would use her "health issues" to get her way, guilt people, pity plays etc...
When my little Gold Sister was born prematurely...my Mother drilled it in me that she was sick, sick ,sick...therefore I should be a martyr ...I was 5 yrs younger.
I watched my Mother take her to Dr Appointments, about her stomach, her sleep and her spine...my Mother fed her Narcissism during this time!
If it wasnt for my EMPATHIC grandfather stepping in to say...shes fine leave her!
Who knows how far my Narc Mother would have Gone!!!
Unfortunately my sister is a Narcissist nonetheless
But my opinion...
Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is Narcissism
Munchausen Syndrome is Narcissism
Disability Fraud Narcissism
All the same Shity Traumatized People
Manipulators!!!
They are crawling everywhere 🦠👹🤬
What a good way to start the day! I love learning through these videos.
☝🏻 second this!
I'll 3rd that
Thank you. You just explained something that had haunted me. Why I shaved my head in sympathy and supported my narcissist/psychopathic sister when she got a benign brain tumor and upended my life and spent a lot of money trying to make her comfortable as she recovered. But when I got very I'll after being exposed to carbon monoxide at work and had encephalopathy for two years and was working to piece my life back together, she did not to want to help me and was mean about it. You said it. Narcissists don't like sick people. She did not like me then, probably never did and still does not. The story has to be about them. She malingered her way though this illness and others even getting disability far beyond her illnesses warrented. This understanding has released a lot of psychic pain in me.. Thank you.
Y’all have no idea.
This is my mom. My mother the brilliant nurse who indeed had a very traumatic childhood including instances of relatives dying in front of her. She is incredibly smart and so seemingly compassionate.
I have believed my mother has had Munchausen since I was 13. Only recently have my sister and I unearthed our experiences of what we truly believe, and had even come to our own conclusions without telling the other out of fear we would think the other crazy and outright blasphemous against our benevolent mother, to be narcissistic abuse.
I have gone 20 something years feeling like I knew my mom was faking her various illnesses but also feeling like I was the worst daughter in earth. I feel like I’ve gone through my whole life going along with this act, an unspoken agreement to be part of her “play”.
I thought it was normal for adults to act as if they were the sweetest most caring person outside of the home and then monsters behind closed doors.
I still to this very moment typing this still think there’s a possibility that I’m the one insane making this entire life of deceit up in my mind. I have such a hard time believing myself, my feelings, my thoughts. I have no faith in myself and feel like I myself am deceitful even when I’m not.
I will not seek medical attention or any attention for that matter for myself.
So either I’m insane or my mom is. Neither scenario is any less heartbreaking. I hate to think of my own mom as being so mentally ill. I mean wtf?? Y’all this stuff here ain’t no joke. People need to go through some rigorous f’n psych evals before being allowed to procreate.
I will say, and even way back in the day when I noticed this I thought it was strange, when she got a “diagnosis” of a pretty serious autoimmune disorder her behavior changed towards us. She had never been nicer. Almost like a real mom.
And I will never have closure, a diagnosis, nothing to confirm my account and my belief or to discredit them. Narcissistic personality disorder and Munchausen of all things. She’ll seek help and never get better. It’s so, so gut wrenching and heartbreaking.
Welcomed to my club I have the same I am 70 years old those they o called mean mothers 👩
My Mom was also a nurse. She was a good nurse to others. But in the family she loves attention to misery. My sister has an illness. My Mom has exaggerated this since I was a teen. "Your sister has a brain tumour". "She will die soon". "She can't work or talk on the phone". "You are responsible for her". Now my Dad is forgetful and has light dementia. For the past 37 years my Mom has put the fear in me because I am healthy. It is too much pressure as a young teen and now adult to think it's all up to me. I feel terror when she calls. Even extended family will call me first to see what happened before calling her back. She wonders why her brother does not wan to talk to her. She is stubborn and would never go for counselling but everyone else should. I think she loves to be hard done by and for others to feel sorry for her. She wants me to feel bad, fear and misery. She gets mad at me if I don't feel bad enough for people . (I am a social worker and I do feel bad but I try to push it awaY). I don't want to live in misery with her and I think she wants to drag me down. I feel angry with her. When I confront her about all the fake fear she tried to give me, she says "I'm sorry you feel that way". She loves drama misery. It might not exactly be Munchausen but somehow related. Thank you others who share your story because it helps me to feel like I am not alone. Sincerely I appreciate you. I cannot escape my family and the responsibility that is put on me because I am strong and healthy. But I am tired and I wish I could be free one day. What is the lesson I must learn from this? I wish I could learn it faster. I don't gave good feelings towards my Mom. I hate holidays and Mothers day. I have no kids. I don't know if I could make a happy home. My family was not happy, my Dad tries to make happy times but my Mom crushes us all. Why is she like this ?
"Ya'll, this stuff here ain't no joke" Amen. It's real, it's messed up, it messes us up until we become wise. I hope you were/are able to come to the realization that you are sane. And that you have grown stronger by living through this to the other side.
So fascinating, and harrowing about narcissism and Münchausen syndrome by proxy. Believe I was affected in a big way by this. Thank you very very much Dr Ramani and team
Thank you. This was my mother- highly intelligent narc who used illnesses to get needs met. She had been the daughter of a dr. and got attention from her father when she was sick, which she figured out how to be all the time. She spent thousands upon thousands on seeing dr.s and unorthodox treatments because she was a "special case" in a lot of her illnesses. She once almost let a dr. operate on her brainstem until he got his medical license revoked. Once, she was diagnosed by a medical doctor (not psychaitrist) who saw what was going on really, given "Munchausen" as her diagnosis, because he could find nothing medically wrong. All the other physiscians were giving in to her narcissism and giving her other diagnoses, but he sae the truth of what was happening and didn't give in. Boy, was she mad! She reported the dr. to medical boards, etc.
@Miss Understood Yes, same about my mother, totally get that! My mother even had a psychiatrist wrapped around her finger.
This was my mom too. There’s a support group for survivors on Facebook called “Munchausens Syndrome by Proxy Survivor Support and Awareness Group.” It’s been pretty healing for me to be able to talk to other people who have been through it as well. I definitely recommend joining it.
Thank you, for posting this. My family has at least 2 generations of this horrible cycle. As a survivor, I feel like my entire life was stolen from me, it's still a struggle at 41.... Especially because not only do you have to go through it, but you can't trust family to support you and you can't trust professionals or medical institutions either even years and years later. And, on top of that, you may have very real medical issues FROM the abuse...... And just trying to tell a doctor that gets them confused, suddenly they suspect that YOU have the disorder.
I feel like it has features of most of the personality disorders in cluster B. Perpetrators are histrionic and narcissistic, but with the desperation and manipulative skills of a BPD or Sociopath. I sense she was acting out sexual trauma or lack of control. She was also trying to manipulate my father into caring somehow. She had symptoms of OCD, trichtomania, hand washing, germaphobia. She modeled her sick fantasies after horror movies and books reflecting the dynamic: Exorcist, Arsenic and Old Lace, White Oleander, Carrie. It wasn't until I watched these movies that I even realized "This is what the world considers HORROR."
My father was a MD with NPD and ASD avoidant, drawn to a fantasy world, ignored reality, shirked all involvement and neglected us, liked hurting us and watching us cry and run to mom. My mother resented having me, the first born, probably because she didn't want to be married or a mother. "I should have aborted you," a regular refrain..... Constant emotional damage, physical abuse and medical abuse gave her control over us and she fused her identity with us. You are violated in every part of your soul and unsafe in your own body. Worse, there's nothing else going on, no experiences that are "better," and you don't know that this isn't normal for years. You don't know what is real, what is fake. I'm 41 and I still don't realize when I'm sick.
They "need" to be seen as good, but hate being mothers/fathers and have very deep abuse wounds or unmet needs. My mother enjoyed outwitting doctors, telling ridiculous tales and being the center of attention.She said "I could have been a doctor." My father denied, denied and called us weak. They both insisted that I'd commit suicide. I'm glad we got out alive, but it's going to be a crawl to the finish line. This doesn't go away, ever, because I never got any rearing and I have no family. It effects everything about a person, and I wish I could find more qualified help. My life was stolen from me.
We have a sick amount of things in common. It was quite something reading your comment. I'm sorry for all you've lost. The grief over losing your life but not being dead is kinda tough to describe, isn't it? Thank you for taking the time to post.
I always thought Münchhausens by proxy was essentially the “Mother Gothel” character. Mother Gothel telling Rapunzel “The world is bad. I am the only one who cares about you. Everyone else is out to get you. The world wants to hurt you.” Etc.
I myself once I started learning of Narcissism, have always thought of Mother Gothel as the epitome of Narcissism. She is looking for her supply (in this case Rapunzel’s hair, for it’s anti-aging ability.) and will do anything to get/keep that supply.
Mother Goethel is one, and Marie Barone from Everybody Loves Raymond is another.
Thank you Dr. Ramini. I've seen a fair amount of narcissists taking advantage of illness, real or faked, in themselves and others in order to get attention, or to sabotage someone else's happiness. A proverb that is apparently an old saying, but that I heard for the first time today, is "Truth is the daughter of time". Have a blessed and peaceful day!
Hay Xmas! My mom loved her doc but it worked against her! As her dementia worsened I couldn't get through to him on the phone because he simply wouldn't answer! Finally she was into private nurses who saw how seriously over medicated she was which lead to aggitation! Oh well!
My mother was an opiate seeker. At one time she had multiple doctor's prescribing her opiate medication. She had every ailment under the sun. Too many to be real. My brother's and I even had an intervention including her doctors. Her doctors insisted that she needed the medication and that all was OK. They disregarded our concern. When the laws tightened up about doctor's prescribing opiate based medication she was not happy about it. Another strange thing is that she was always rushed to the emergency room a few days after Christmas every year for usually unknown reasons. One year she overdosed on her meds. One year she ate an entire box of chocolates and she was diabetic. Self inflicted most likely in all cases. My mom was weird about Christmas. She always hated it. Many years as a child being so disappointed because she would ruin it for us. 🤔
They ruin everything you enjoy birthdays every holiday your promotion party anything it is Horrendous 🤬I am so sorry for your pain
Dr Ramani has a video discussing why the narc ruins holidays. Look it up if you’re interested.
I experienced physical, emotional, and sexual abuse from my narc mother. But the munchausen by proxy has been the most damaging. I have ASD and ADHD so I was the perfect target. Anytime I spoke a little about my mistreatment it was always "she was such a good mother. Always taking care of you". My childhood memories are filled with shots, pill bottles, creams, and doctors. I have just now been able to regain my trust in my own body after years of orthorexia. I say "I am healthy, holy, whole" as a mantra to help with this. When I went no contact the first time my narc mother developed delusional parisotosis that has been going on the last 5 years. It's a crazy thing to wrap your head around, but I actually had to empathize with my mother and understand that her severe neglect as a child led her to behave in this way.
My narcissistic mum in law called the newspaper when she said she had cancer! She actually got an article out of it! But we as a family think she isn’t ill at all!
God that’s crazy! Narcissists have no shame and boundaries to their narcissistic supply
When I was 17 the family doctor advised me to get as far away from my mother as possible. I was terrified. She set up a situation in which I would be raped. It was never discussed but afterward she said, oh, and now no matter what happens, you be a lady. Missed 5 semesters of school growing up due to illness. Only child. Am 75 now. She told me that she had arranged for this to continue after she is gone (age 92) and that has been true. She was surprised that I am still alive after all she did to me, but of course, they needed me to take care of them in their old age...
Those narcissist go to the hospital every week. I secretly think they want a huge settlement!!
Yes they do anything for narcissistic supply.
Bingo, and it's just more "All about them!" Or, inside on a hot day, they'll tell you about how they're just sweating bullets sitting there, 😝!
no they don't, the want a free pass to all wards of the hospital anytime.
did you know jimmy savalle got himself a nightwatcherspass for a childrenshospital where he would do his pedopheliac necropheleac thing with the corpes of dead children ? everybody trusted him because he was a well know celeb and charitable likable millionaire who was even knighted by the queen for his excellent deeds for society ? munchhausenmonsters are like narcissists, on steroids and cocaine from a zombie horrormovie.
This one really hit close to home, both with my narcissistic father and ex partner, I’m not even going to lie I was crying mid video. This sort of abuse really does a number on you..
My mother. She's spent my life trying to make me out to be crazy to others, working very hard to try to convince others that there's all kinds of things wrong with me. Truth is, therapists have always told me I was abused, not crazy, and that her fake diagnoses of me are wrong. It amazes me that she seems to have made it her life ambition to diagnose me in the negative. Mom is extremely intelligent and very good at manipulation and lying. She's smooth, polished and used to be a professional (teacher of small children). Gullible people sometimes fall for her lies but in general my reputation as a sane, competent person speaks for itself.
She desperately wants attention and "power over". She hates the attention I've gotten in life. She's a spoiled, reactive, defiant child inside an adult's body, it's creepy. I purposely stayed in therapy all my life to not be like her or my (equally domineering) maternal grandmother. I'm not. Thank God.
thank yourself 😉 I thank you ! 👍
There's a lot of envy in it. I noticed that too. Attempts to disgrace and discredit. Mine has moved onto other family members and it's unbearable to watch.
Wow , just so much in common ,literally like ever word of your shortened testimony here , thank you so much , your good own seld does speak huge volumes, dont worry, nobody believes that psycho
I am now positive that my ex-narcissist had both malingering and factitious disorder. As a child, his mother subjected him to Munchhausen by proxy; poisoning him by food so she could steal his meds to feed her addiction, once she would prove him to be sick.
She was a nurse at the local hospital.
The rest is a nightmare. It’s all very sad and it’s one thing to get stuck in the web of lies and delusions and pull yourself out, but it’s another to BE the web of lies and delusions. It’s so devastatingly tragic.
Thats all I’m going to say about that.
Absolutely Spot On Doctor Ramani you are Number 1
OMG! That explains why the narcissist was going to so many different doctors and therapists and "spiritual healers" for all her purported psychological and emotional "conditions".... I did not realize it at the time but she was there getting supply! 💡 BTW! It was very very costly not only in terms of what it put me through... it was very expensive! Thank you Dr. Ramani for this explanation! ❤️🙏🕊
OMG..... we're you married to my husband's ex in a different life? This video couldn't be more spot on!
@@TheBagmaven49 OMG! I hope not! 🙏 Although there have been indications relayed to me that, unfortunately, the narcissist in my life was there and in several other lifetimes! Yukk! Who knows how tangled up all of this, past lives, karma etc., stuff is....
They have no problem spending gobs of other people's money.
They also love attention when someone dies. Funerals are really where some of them grandstand.
Thank You, for telling everyone how rare this disorder is. It helps forgive those who didn't SEE it.
My wife is narcissist who quit working 5 years ago because of her “pain”. No Dr. can find a damn thing wrong with her though so this video explains a lot! The treat for me is being called a liar and a fake by HER when she is in a rage. SO TIRED OF THE PROJECTIONS! SMH 🤦♂️
@@rwv300
I can sympathize with you. This is worse than a terminal illness foe the spouse who cares for this person who is ill with a whodunit illness. I'm now divorced now and healing.
I wish you the best.
I can tell for sure that this to things can be related. My cover narecessistic mother did this to me as a child. Two times I almost died. She did it with my grandmother when she got old and even with the dogs.
I'm glad you made it out...
That's gross. Sorry you had to go through that!🧡
@@Picca65 thank you. I'm healing. 😌
@@cymbolichuman433 oh, me too! 💋
Dankeschön.
I was traumatically injured at 12 before PTSD was a diagnosis. I come from a narcissistic family system. I was never able to get the support and empathy from my mother---and from my siblings. I grew up being mocked. It wasn't until I got help through DBT that I no longer needed the acknowledgement, support, empathy from my family system. My family system might say to you that I was being narcissistic but I was traumatically injured--like a war injury--so this hit a nerve a little bit about being discounted. Thank goodness that I've grown personally beyond needing understanding from anyone other than myself.
im glad you said that its further validating. "narcissists dont like sick people its an inconvenience to them" my narc continually downplayed and would like outright ignore me if i ended up getting sick. she got me to shut up stop crying and i was walking on a broken foot within four hours apparently fine. got to the doctor and the toe bones, metatarsals were snapped clean in half. but
shut up, youre fine!! right
My husband was a cripple all winter, this caused me to overwork and have fairly serious leg injuries. I have a referral for physio therapy which will be covered by the insurance but I'm in no hurry to get better! 😁🌈🙋
They definately hate ' sick people '
Yay! Iv been waiting on this one! You help more than you know Dr Romani
I waited for this topic soooo long!
Thank you ❤️
Me too! 😁
The first time I heard about Münchausen syndrome was on the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills… Lot’s of narcs on that show.
Go watch The Act on Hulu based off a true story about Dee Dee Blanchard and Gypsy 🤯 it will blow your mind and give you a clear visual about Munchausen Syndrome and Munchausen by Proxy
The first time for me was "The Sixth Sense."
California. Narcs
Sharp Objects was my "OMG that's my mother and sister" aha moment. (Except for the last scene!😱).
That really making it much harder for us with real symptoms. Scary.
My mom has had fictitious disorder my whole life, i grew up taking care of her. My dad dedicated his life too her care before he passed. He was a saint and was able to put up with so much emotional beating up. I have 3 kids now and mom over 6 phone calls convinced me to be her caretaker. Couldn't last long. Just recovering from that now.
I didn't know what to call it, so thank you for giving me the words to express what has been happening.
The narc dad took our young son to the doctor and told the doc that I hadn't gotten the child any of his vaccinations. I did get him all of his shots and had shown him the shot records. He was trying to prove that I was an unfit mother. He made the doctor give our son all of his shots again just to make me look bad and him look good. It happened 30 years ago and this video reminded me of that day.
O.M.G. Horrible story.. crazy man
My stomach goes weak reading about people like this, that they can intentionally hurt a child.. :(
Omg is the child okay now? 😰
Thank you so much for making this video. It may be rare but you just described my malignant Narcissistic Mum who told my Dad that she had breast cancer when he was leaving (it mysteriously disappeared), who told me she may have throat cancer when I was not speaking to her as much (she had tonsillitis), who tried to constantly diagnose me with different illnesses from when I was a child, who had my two sister's diagnosed with different disorders and has made one of them extremely ill and dependant on her and is claiming a lot of benefits for this and continually takes my Dad to court for more money for my sister. She is also extremely friendly with all of the healthcare staff and seen as this 'amazing Mum'. I can't thank you enough for making this video and raising awareness of the issue!
I never heard a better description of my mom. She and I were diagnosed in my counseling for Manchester syndrome by proxy. So much of my life is understood through Med Circle and your channel.
Great topic Dr Ramani!! I’ve always wondered about that… my Narc friend always announce some sickness to get all the attention when we are in a group setting.. and then all the focus and adulation goes to her…leaving me thinking “weren’t we just out having fun” no previous signs of sickness !! 🤦🏽♀️ She actually used this ploy to pull all my closer friends to her.. leaving me with the feeling of being alienated.. but I’m not entitled.. so I just do my own thing.,
Sounds like a lot of fun...Maybe those people aren't fun either...
Micky J. Has anyone clicked on to the true situation yet? Maybe some people at least have wondered.
I find narcs are SO good at pretending. They are experts at covering their faces with masks.
Certain people, the amazing ones will surely be attracted to you. Have you found that? Some people will know, I'm sure. Be happy that you are strong and genuine. Probably caring, too.
I'm convinced a woman I know has induced diabetes in her child. He suddenly became ill when she was going through a divorce and she used this to try to get her husband back. Everytime we had the child he was perfectly fine as soon as we drop him off she would text us that she rushing him to the ER his blood sugar is through the roof. It's absolute insanity
How do you induce diabetes?
@@dreamdiction she was diabetic and would do things to make his sugar be irregular.
@@dreamdiction By adding glucose to a sample, diabetes can be feigned. Inducing a truly diabetic reaction in a person is very complicated, and truly life threatening. I suspect meddling with the samples or the readings thereof is more likely for such a mother.
On the other hand, if the child was ill, I don’t know. Münchausen by proxy is a very dangerous condition for a child. Did you notify authoroties? It could save a life.
@@Johan-vk5yd she had access to everything I'm convinced that was part of it too! I could write a book about everything that child has been through health wise. She even shaved his head once after he had spent the night with us saying we gave him lice. She's truly a very scary person that's why I'm here everyday!
@@aparsons6495 I think you might change your mind after reading this: learninggnm.com/SBS/documents/pancreas.html
Thank you for this video.
I have a malignant narcissistic mother and have for many years said she has factitious disorder AND my dad has been her factitious proxy AND she has malingering disorder.
Hardly anyone believes me, not even medical professionals. I’ve felt that when I express this view point people think I am the one with the problem.
I could write a book on what I’ve observed over decades and the very sad and scary things that have happened, especially to my dad. It affected our whole family and was especially tough on me, being the scapegoat.
I strongly believe for every Munchhausen patient, there is an equivalent type doctor - the type that love to be put on a pedestal and idolized, and are stupid enough to be wrapped around the munchhausen’s finger over and over.
I’ve noticed that if the doctor eventually catches a wake up, my mother very quickly moves on to her next medical “victim” and so the cycle repeats itself.
And then there is the substance abuse and addiction that comes with all this for both the person with the disorder and the poor unfortunate proxy.
My ex-wife is a narcissist and has factitious disorder. She’s had dozens of unnecessary surgeries and some have resulted in actual health issues which she then used to gain more sympathy and attention and used it to avoid all responsibilities in life. At one point I started asking doctors a lot of questions out of concern and instead of seeing that as me being concerned and caring she accused me of being selfish and said all I was concerned about was money and getting back to work. I was constantly taking leaves of absence from work to take care of our kids. She went as far as telling her doctors to no longer talk to me and they wouldn’t. Every time a doctor treated her for something she either got worse or another issue would pop up. She would also post pics on Instagram of herself in the hospital, her surgery incisions, her scars, IVs in her arm and she was smiling and trying to look “sexy” in them. We are now divorced and I can now look back and see she is extremely mentally ill and it’s very sad that she lives her life this way.
Another great video, my sister definitely had that, I could right a book on everything she did, really really scary to the point where I was afraid to spend anytime with her as of you said the wrong thing she would be come very violent
I would love to see some research and discussion on the gray area between faking and consciously taking steps to produce symptoms. Like, when someone has real symptoms but they don't comply with treatment and medical advice and then use their illness to manipulate others. It's like malingering but they're not exactly faking although maybe they're exaggerating. And then there could be all sorts of complicated trauma-related reasons for not complying with medical advice but not every noncompliant patient expects people around them to put their needs first and take care of them and pick up all the slack.
I second this. I have a nmom who claims she has dementia and a heart/heart attack/stroke issue (when the doctors say it is heartburn). She refuses to go for a stress test "because I'll die [if she runs on a treadmill]." She also doesn't take medication because the nurses are "trying to kill [her]." She's been heavily implying that she wants to move back in with me.
My mother pathologised me in physical and psychological ways from a very young age. She got doctors, teachers, and social workers to 'buy-in' to her narrative that I was an extremely unruly child and had certain health problems. This was aided by her social status as a middle-class primary school teacher. I experienced an extreme amount of negativity from professionals and family members for my whole childhood and adolescence, and my mother got the attention she craved as a beleaguered and proactive parent. I have only just recently come to realise that this was Factitious Disorder by Proxy and it has resulted in a lot of pain and confusion to get my head around! Thank you as always for explaining and validating all aspects of narcissistic abuse. By its nature, it so often remains hidden. I would love it if you could do a video going into more depth on this topic. Thank you xxx
Dr. Ramani I watch your videos all the time and I believe that I am a narcissist so I never leave you a comment because I don’t know if you Would dislike me or not but everything you say is so true I love you so much
What does it mean when my narc seems to find it exciting if I'm sick? He seems to enjoy it. I don't mean common cold sick. I mean more serious illness. It's like he thrives on me being unwell.
He might feel more powerfull because you are weeker. I hope you can get/are out? For this isn't the support you need.
It does thrill him. Confirmation that he's better/stronger than you. Hope you're out now.
Was in therapy with my parent and they started getting chaotic/defensive towards me to make me look unstable in the session and i left there crying, i think i saw a smile on my parent's face
I know someone like that too. Also exaggerates my illness, like an earache was almost putting me in the hospital when I did not miss a single hour of work. I think it's about getting attention. His mother and daughter can worry if I am sick, is he okay doing "everything" at home? Not only did I not miss work, I also did all I usually do around the house. Also he can tell his family over and over and look smart by talking about what the doctor gave me, ear drops,. But he can add some science, a smidge of pathology, isn't he a genius and how lucky I am.
@@bewchy04 that's horrible! I'm so sorry!
So.... when I was 4, I used to be a bubbly little thing. I used to run up and hug homeless people, and ended meeting my favourite one. Everytime I saw him, I'd get a cuddle off him.
I was a strange child granted, but I remember actually being happy. Then one day, I remember my mother standing over me berating me for "being too friendly"
Sometime after that, I was being given meds by her. I never saw a doctor. She just started giving me meds, that made me very zombie-like.
I found out years later that they were her depression meds. She was constantly saying there were things wrong with me, because I was too quiet etc after that. She got me into special ed and was collecteing SSI in my name. 😔
I am so sorry to hear you had to go through that. Wishing you much luck on your journey
@@MetteMeers Hiya and thank you. ☺ I doing my best 👍
@@Depplova81 glad to hear that!
I find this so frightening !
Same
Dr Ramani, you’re blowin’ my mind! I need to rewatch this now. Oh wow. Thanks for putting this out there with clarity. I had no idea to connect this with narcissism.
You are so correct. Its a very challenging situation to be very ill with a narcissist spouse. They appear to care about you to others.
Inside the house and home they have zero empathy. They actually isolate you. My ex told all my friends I wasn't as sick as I appeared. The opposite was the truth. I had septicaemia and near death experience. The neglect I experienced was very shocking.
🙌🏼. Watching...I have been waiting for this forevaaaaaaa! *well, since I started figuring all of this out~in my 50’s;better late than never?
You are awesome. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!
You *(and several other wonderfully caring Drs/therapists) have given my life back and I am so grateful. Thank you.
Dear Dr. Ramani. The first time I met my narc he told me he had testicular cancer. His scrotum was half shaven and there were marks for the treatment. I was shaken to my core and was very afraid for him. Of course I found out years later that it it was al a lie cause he held me well hidden from his friends and family. Thanks to you I found out he is a narcissist. Thank you for all the help and good advice. Greetings from Belgium. 🇧🇪🇧🇪🇧🇪
my ex kept me well hidden from everyone prior from when we met and had cancer as well. I was devastated for him, never questioned his diagnosis (like, why would I ask for proof?). Honestly, the more I put the puzzle together, after the years and now being freed from him, I wonder what happened and if he really was that sick. I guess I would only get answers from his family, but I have never ever met them - he always flipped the F out if I mentioned I wanted to meet his brother... Ah,...
This is the first time I've admitted this to anyone. I'm trying so hard to be a better person and I'm doing this to hold myself accountable because in my core I want to be a good person. I am ashamed of the person I've been. I have hurt myself to get medical diagnosis I realized that I'm doing this to get love and attention. To feel seen. I've done little things like putting blood in urine tests to big things like burning myself with chemicals and shoving things into my urethra to cause damage to my bladder. I do have real health issues and I've exasperated those issues. When I was a child I struggled with illness at the same time my mother was very sick both mentally and physically and a lot of the time I didn't get the attention I needed because everyone and everything was focused on my mother. Her own mental health caused feelings of abandonment because of her stays in mental hospitals and constantly being at therapy or groups she also ran away from home leaving notes I was told I was the reason she ran away she did finally come back but I was never the same then she died right before I turned 16. I've been in a lot of abusive relationships I tried so hard to be seen to feel loved to feel worthy. At first I didn't even consciously realize what I was doing until years later. I never want to hurt anyone but through self reflection I realize just how much stress and strain and hurt I've caused I feel so much guilt and shame that I'm scared to tell anyone about this because it'll just prove how unworthy and unlovable I really am. But I don't want to be like this anymore and I'm working hard everyday to change. I'm so scared that I'll never get better that it is true that im evil and a liar and not worth anyone's time. I'm so sorry and I know people will read this and judge me but maybe that's what I need or at least what I deserve.
Proud of you for your awareness. I wish you and your loved ones healing and growth
@@BeeLZBeeb thank you so very much for your kindness. I'm working hard on healing my inner child and keeping myself accountable so I don't fall back into this behavior ever again.
u hv been my online counselor for the past 7 months
I remember screaming at my nmom about how much I hated liars and how I'd never be a liar. I'm still like that. I don't see the point in it, the truth will come out anyways. I remember her showing fear, or rather an 'oh shit they're on to me' moment. In a way it established a boundary for me, even if it was made in 'fear' in their brain.
This one hit hard. I am in this stage with my n mum right now. She makes up so much bs about me in her mind, thinks I hate her while all I tried is to get some kinda healthy way of getting along. It might never work.
Ha ha, "oh shit they're into me"! I brought up a lie my husband said ate teen yrs ago last week! The person in question was coming, once more to our home, this time I said "Shall I ask ...." Hubby snapped NO! At which point I called him a liar! Timing is everything!
Yep! There it is. I’m the scapegoat for one of these. smh
Same , and having me stamped with a fictious mental illness covered up my servere childhood and adult abuse it was a win win , for both my narsisistic parents and my narc husband .I now have very real mental health issues but have been misdiagnosed by many different so called ' Drs ' .....complex Ptsd and disasosiative disorder and deppression but Dr Ramani has helped me so much its unreal ! God bless her !
@@offwiththefairiesforever2373 I know how lonely and frustrating that path is. I thank God for Dr Ramani for reaching out to those of us who need a clearer picture (the narcs aren’t going to do that) and giving much needed insight. I pray you heal more and more each day and build your real narrative, one that’s true to who you are. You have found a beautiful and supportive community right here. May you be blessed.
I’m sooooo glad you addressed this!!!
This is my mom! But it was through the creation of mental disorders in me. From the age of 8 I spent years misdiagnosed and over medicated in mental health system while she was the brave supportive mother of a difficult, out of control child.
My dad, brother, and I were/are also constantly physically sick. I caught her contaminating my food and confronted her. She started crying and says she can’t help it or stop doing it. She says she gets stressed and is compelled to make others sick. I don’t know what to do with her as I have repeatedly asked her not to contaminate my food but she keeps doing it
While I have almost entirely limited my contact with her because of this I worry about my dad. He is constantly sick and with all kinds of weird random illnesses. He is almost 70 and I worry she will cause his premature death. I have warned her repeatedly that this will end in dads early death. I feel like there is nothing I can do. But yet if he dies I will forever feel like surely they was something I could have done to stop her. And live with that fit the rest of my life
I don’t know what to do with her. I also have nobody to talk to about it because this is way to insane for anyone to possibly believe
@@bluebird3167 I have talked to my therapists (only about her making me mentally ill and my conversation with her when I caught her contaminating my food, because the rest seems too insane to be believed) They said Munchausen’s is virtually impossible to prove. Everything can be explained away as any other illness. My therapists said there is no way I could ever get enough evidence to do this legally or through the criminal system. And now I live in another state (thank God) and rarely rarely see her for obvious reasons as she scares the hell out of me because I can’t visit her without getting seriously ill. And she cant promise me she won’t do it,
@@bluebird3167 thanks. I know I am not supposed to feel responsible for her behavior. But being raised by a narcissist it’s hard not to feel responsible for their actions. I know I will blame myself for the rest of my life, no matter how much I try to tell myself that I am not responsible for her behavior and could not have changed the outcome
Thankyou Dr.Ramani. Please keep these videos coming they are so informative and needed. I have become so much wiser thru your knowledge and understanding.
I thought when I got pregnant and birthed, something could finally be about me and celebrating me, but instead he cheated through my pregnancies, saying he was working late, and even got angry with me coz he had to sit around hospitals when I had a high risk pregnancy and even scaled me to “shut up!” When I was quietly crying to myself after the birth.
I hate that I tolerated 14 years of this crap. I doubt il ever 100% recover but I do feel like these videos are helping me get my life back, so Thankyou so so much ❤️
Omg I've been waiting for/asking for this topic sin e the UA-cam Channel started
Ohh my God😳 This explains my mother perfectly😞
Could a psychopath do this to a child just for fun, rather than for benefits or narcissistic supply? I think this might have happened in me and my siblings childhood.
I guess. They have no conscience, they kinda get 'high' on pain of others, that's the only "feelings" they have. I'm so sorry you had to go through that😔🧡
I am sorry to hear about that!
Narc supply is fun for narcs.
They enjoy the power over emotions of others. Children are most vulnerable because they are completely dependent on their caretaker.
Probably. Like, if you say or do something you're not supposed to that is seen as a threat. And it could be the smallest thing. In fact, you might not even know what it is or understand what the problem is with it. Maybe in the normal world, it wasn't a problem at all. But it doesn't matter. The fact is, it got them going. So then they go, "Oh yeah? I'll show you. Watch this." And then after they've done it, "Ha ha ha. I found a new level of control now." I've just known it to be this way, so I think it can be for this reason. This is just my experience with how I've noticed somebody doing it just for fun. Either because it's one of their off days, or they think they're pissed off, and they have a reason now. I also think it's just also the fact that they feel like for some reason they can do it and that person would never know, and they get a thrill out of it. So it really is just all about fun. And some are so far into it that even if they know you know it, they keep doing it, because they actually believe they can convince people that are involved or others that they are wrong. And that way they can have their game back. I just wonder what it actually is that makes people just turn out like that when they didn't before. Unless they just got sloppy about covering it. I also think part of the fun can be the attempt to be passive aggressive in the middle of it but yet they think there's a thrill in the idea that they could even kinda put it out there a little bit and still nobody would know. But it makes you wonder just how long they've done it or thought about it.
Psychopathy is a form of anti-social personality disorder, not narcissistic personality disorder. There's no "narcissistic" anything in anti-social personality disorder.
Dr . Ramanni, Have you seen the drama 'The Act'? It is a brilliant depiction of the issues here. Thank you for the video
☝🏾
It's based off a true story the daughter went to prison for killing the mother after those years of abuse reminds me of how people get locked up for killing the person who sexually abused them for years
You are so spot on Dr. Ramani! Boy do I have stories about my husband ex. And now their adult daughter is exhibiting the same issues. It's very common apparently with all of the wonderful comments. We need to have a different format to discuss all of this. Can another one of your viewers let me know? We all need to discuss at this point! 🤔😍
I realized they'll never take care of me if I needed help. Maybe for show...
It's better to watch out for your health and sanity. I guess some people feel
sorry for those who are "sickly", but I only wish to live as healthy as my
chronic heart condition is allowed. Which is quite a lot of happy days.
I believe my mother had Munchhausen and by proxy. I was her favorite target. I don't think she induced symptoms in me except by suggestion. One time she had me and the doctors convinced that I had a brain tumor. She was such a caring mother sitting at my bedside getting so much attention, while I was scared to death. Lucky for me the doctor figured out what was going on and suggested the family get counseling (and that was 50 years ago). She jumped right on that, but it lasted only one session.
However, I never thought of her as a narcissist - my father, yes - but not her. When one of her children did have a (real) problem, she was very attentive and caring. I remember the last baby (of six) had a club foot. She spent hours every day massaging and working with it until it straightened out. I always thought of her as having empathy.
In her later years she attempted suicide multiple times. She always used phenobarbital and now I see, looking back at it, that it was as if she knew just how much to take to get in the hospital but not die. I went to the hospital one of the times and she was thoroughly enjoying the experience. She was like a little girl taking in all of the attention, happy as could be.
This was a good video. I have learned alot from you in the past year or so. Your very good at your job! Keep up the great work. Your helping so many of us out here.
Always a blessing Dr Ramani and your entire team. Thank you.
I feel like this is what my mother did to me with psychiatrists. She worked with a doctor to severely over medicate me, to the point it interfered with my emotions, brain function, and weight regulation. Then she used that to portray herself as a suffering mother with a mentally ill child that she had to deal with. When in fact there was never anything wrong with me and I haven’t needed any medication for over a decade since I got away from that home. Then she tried to do the same thing to my sister when I left the house.
Someone has been having fun with Fluid Art/Pour Painting. I see your pictures changing behind you. Pour painting is what saved my sanity for awhile.
My narcissistic mother watched for opportunities to use events happening in the family as social commerce. Highest value = serious illness in the family. I developed two chronic and disruptive neurological diseases that, if she knew about them, she could benefit from the high street value.... Note: if I had told her about them, she would have asked, in a voice dripping with concern: How ARE you? I didn't want my situation to serve as her subject matter. Is her behavior similar to what your are discussing?
I had a similar situation. Every time my brother or me got ill as a child my mother got really excited and happy and then claimed to everyone (literally everyone including strangers on the street) how sick her children are and that she is soo busy taking care of them and they should pity her etc. .. It only led to me pretending never to be ill and never telling her about my conditions which I got. She managed to completely destroy my brother who is now living in a psychiatric ward. Take care, these people are as evil as possible.
Thank you dr Ramani , we gain a lot of knowledge from your videos
THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I asked about this on one of your posts and you answered perfectly 🥰.
Thank you.
Sonya
Extremely informative and enlightening. Explains why the narc will do absolutely anything for attention.
This revealed a lot from people who I thought was sick but not really if you’re really in pain and haven’t slept for a long time , why would you have the time to go have fun? Narcissists think we are really that dumb to see the difference
Thank you for this video. Really. After breaking up and separating, my ex knew a way to keep me close was by enducing my care for him. I did for 7 years. We kept contact for a few months after the separation. He said his cancer came back, first here than practically all over his body. Then it was all sorts of infections and sepsis, necrotic testicle, heart failure,... And what not. While everytime i asked for any medical diagnosis from the doctors and hospitals, not just his plain words, i got any excuse you name it, just nothing about his illnesses in a written form. Now, we have no contact so i have no way knowing if he really died, as he made me believe he is dying. most likely he's not, but i am sticking with no contact. I wish him well, but I'm out of the picture of being a caretaker anymore.
Now, makes me wonder if he really had cancer years back when we met. I believed him. now that i think of it, i never saw any medical documentation of it, and while i was begging him to get regular checkups, you can guess how many times he went to see a doctor in the 7 years of our marriage. Zero. oh, not to mention he is super smart. Super super super smart.
Strangely enough we discussed munchausen syndrome one time last year (i brought it up for some other reason, not in connection to him) and he seemed to be very surprised and displeased, now that i think of it, that i knew what this syndrome was.
Your video dr Ramani, again makes so much sense and is mind opening yet again. Thank you thank you thank you!
Watching this has opened my eyes on why my narc mother, who was "always sick". It also explains why she made me have all these medical tests when I was a healthy teenage girl.
I never thought that someoone would talk about this asosiation, thank you very much 👏
I would love to do an interview with you on growing up with one and learning to navigate my mother as an adult child
I;m not a therapist but Munchhausens can be very nerve-wracking to live with. You plan a 3-day weekend trip. The night before you will leave, the one with Manchhausens comes down "sick". Another trip ruined. Or--
what if you are 20, living at home but about to move into your new apartment next week and now, since you will be leaving, the Manchhausens person, they get "sick". Again. Anything to keep you from "leaving".
Imagine the Manchhausens person being in the hospital, getting and doing better and then POW, taking a "nosedive" just when they were doing so well. This can happen. And then telling you how they will need more and more help, from you, when they get back home. Will you ever be free and have your own life? But what if they are being truthful? Then you feel guilty. How do you know? Have they fooled the doctors? Or is this time really true?
Or being RE-admitted to a hospital when they're not even as sick as the last time when they were admitted. The frustrating part is, its difficult to PROVE they are faking it and you'd feel awful if you dismissed them and then found out they really were sick. But even sick people should have some good stretches of wellness, too. Sooo frustrating. You don't want to be uncaring but you *do* want, and deserve, your own independent Life.
omg, i had so many trips ruined before they started or soon after we arrived at the destination. at some point I decided there are no more trips together. And I love travelling. He did as well, supposedly...
Oh thank you thank you something very similar happened in my family and I was the only one who saw it for ages. Thank you.
With my narc parents and narc husband, I felt like I was always faking my symptoms. I was never taken seriously. I was told I always exaggerated for attention. Of course I wanted attention, I was sick and starved for love. I still, after years of being in the recovery phase, feel like I am faking my illnesses. They project that on me. Just this weekend I took my son to urgent care because he had felt dizzy for 3 days. His dad dismissed it and said he probably just needed to drink water. I’ll let the doctor decide that. The insurance pays for it.
Fortunately I have been validated by my counselors, doctors that I am sick. I was even approved for disability. And yet I still doubt my symptoms. Does this sound familiar to anyone else? This is what came up to me during the video.
I had various symptoms when I was a child that were just ignored or chalked up to wanting attention and when I finally tried to get treatment when I was in college I feel like, in retrospect, doctors thought I was faking because if they were real symptoms, wouldn't my parents have noticed and taken me to a doctor already? So I got inappropriate treatment that actually made things worse. Now 20ish years later my mom still wants me to take care of her and always put her needs first and has literally told me I can't "hide behind" my serious, disabling autoimmune disease. But I habitually push myself and don't rest like I need to because of a lifetime of internalizing that I can't possibly be that bad off.
This is so sad that a person would really do this to anyone for attention or gratification 🤦♀️😔so so sad 😞 thanks doc 💐🙏
I have a narcissistic parent who purposefully sabotaged their recovery from a surgical procedure that was meant to cure chronic back pain. The surgery worked, but they admitted that they were not actually relieved they were pain free. It was extremely confusing to the family. Their doctor even recommended they see a therapist because it was very obvious my parent was willfully disobeying the surgeon's recovery plan. Pain was something they used to control us and was the dominant topic of almost every conversation. I still believe that my parent felt that being a chronic victim tied them to familial love, and they seemed happier once their pain came back. This parent is a classic narcissist, and I have always tied this painful period to their narcissism. But, could it also be related to Facticious Disorder?
Oh my gosh? I'm glad you did this one!
Get out of my head! LOL
I’m so glad I found your page everything is clear now and I’m learning so much of what I’ve been going through I have been going through narcissistic abuse as well as some of the other things you said thank you for opening my eyes I’ve been trapped for 4 1/2 years and I’m finally free but learning so much thank you
So often I have thought something odd about my ex and this confirms my suspicions and gives me the correct name for it. Throughout our time together he would say he couldn’t work because of his illness and it was left to me to bring the money on and pay all the bills. He pit himself through some quite invasive medical procedures and despite them never finding anything he would still insist there was something terribly wrong with him. This makes so much sense to me now, thank you Dr Ramani
Crikey! I was lucky enough to get out of a bewildering and damaging relationship a couple of years ago, with little understanding of what went wrong and a lot of self doubt and confusion for a formerly pretty confident and competent guy. In listening to your presentations over the past 18 months or so, I have so often been amazed by how insightful your description of the dynamics of a relationship with a covert narcissist are. Your descriptions have often been so accurate, that It's like you had been in the room with us when the crazy stuff went down. This video is the cherry on the cake of your depiction of what I experienced. My former partner had a total hysterectomy quite young, just in case she might get cervical cancer. and was trying to convince her teenage daughter to do the same ASAP. When we were together, she was constantly looking for things wrong with her, spending huge amounts of time and money doctor shopping to get more bits cut out etc. Even our poor young doggie had to have her gall bladder removed afer her (human) mom decided she needed hers cut out, with little to nothing in the way of symptomatic evidence for either patient. Wow! Keep up the brillian work Dr Ramani. You have rescued me from a world of self doubt and confusion.
It is surprising how accurately this describes some of the difficult, manipulative people in my life. So glad you can provide these terms and educate the public on these people's behavior.
I’ve been waiting for this
This is a widespread problem I feel