Understanding The Highly Sensitive Person | Alane Freund | Talks at Google
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- Опубліковано 7 лис 2019
- Do you have a keen imagination, rich inner life, and vivid dreams? Is time alone each day as essential as air? Do others call you too shy or overly sensitive? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you might be a highly sensitive person or HSP.
In this talk, Alane Freund, LMFT, an expert consultant working with the trait of high sensitivity, talks about how to use your strengths as an HSP, coping mechanisms for dealing with overstimulation, ways to improve your relationships, and the latest developments in research about highly sensitive people (HSPs). For more information about Alane Freund's work and highly sensitive people, visit:
www.areyouhighlysensitive.com/ and hsperson.com/.
This made me feel less alone. And yes I cried. Is it weird that I want a hug from this lady?
I've always blamed myself for not being able to do a lot of things that seemed completely normal to everybody but me. Certainly, discovering I'm an HSP was one of the best things of my life, I simply don't have to feel bad about myself anymore, it's just who I am and there's nothing wrong with it. I can finally forgive myself for things I did in the past.
Me too!
Exactly.
What are things you were not able to do that others could?
I love that. Thank you. I felt alone.i could cry.Im not alone .Thank God
@@mschjenken9531 you're not!
Animals 10/10 will reduce stress and increase overall well-being in HSPs. Even just watching leaves rustle gently in the wind is therapeutic. Watching puppies, kittens, squirrels, dogs, deer, donkeys, cows, horses or even videos of thee animals will instantly bring you a big dose of fuzzy happy and cozy sensations. They're like anti-caffeine for the HSP mind. Nature is the best soother for HSPs.
The doggy daycare I took my dog to before she died has doggy cams in the play yards. I used to watch them even if she wasn't there that day. It was a sure way to put a smile on my face and make me relax. I'm not sure I'm ready to start watching again; she just died in December, and I'm still getting over it.
depends on the animal cause if u have a dog or cat constantly needing attention then that can be overwhelming too
I notice every nuance of tone when someone says something, as well. It's very easy to read the energy when someone's voice is dripping with contempt and a feeling of superiority, and I immediately know how deep that goes in them. Tone reveals so much, and I can't miss it. Sometimes I wish I could, it can really hurt to know the feelings people usually are hiding about us. If someone sees you as a cockroach they stepped on, something disgusting they must deal with, their voice reveals that at times - and it's quite painful unless one's self-esteem is extremely solid. Most people's self worth and self esteem isn't so immovable.
Indeed. Often I wish I did not notice as much as I do. Many people give themselves away so easily. Mainly ‘soulless’ people and it can really drag your energy down. However, am now concentrating on noticing the positive people and the sensitive ones and ignore the toxic ones. Acceptance helped.
I can relate
@@c.i.8770 same, it's strange but I try to see it as the "flaws" in others. usually all our worst traits are a result of some kind of weakness or unresolved trauma. I always ask myself when I find myself overwhelmed by certain people's behaviour "why are they like this?" "What/who hurt them?"
In acting , theres this thing called "objective" and "Super objective" for actors this is what you have to uncover to find your characters motivations- every character has one. So an example would be Cinderella who's objective is "To get the ball" But her super objective is "To get free". The evil step sisters objective is more or less the same, but their super objective is "to be desired " Unfortunately the way they get there is by bullying and belittling others especially their step sister.
While it doesn't excuse it, it explains their behavior it humanizes them.
I try to ask myself what someones objectives are, for people who act superior it could be "To feel less inferior", for those who bully it might be "to stop feeling like a victim"
Idk i think it makes me more forgiving towards people when I ask myself what peoples motivations are.
@@tcrijwanachoudhury by all means, be forgiving of these people from a distance. But as soon as they are deliberately hurting you be indifferent and get out of the way. Empathy is a waste of energy on certain people. Yes, they were victims of some sort of abuse in the past, but you cannot change what they have become. They exist to cause suffering and hurt. And they can never empathise with. Your empathy is weakness to be exploited. Look after yourself by staying away and save your energy, don’t ask “why?” just walk away. Hard lesson to learn but most valuable. I wish you well in your journey.
@@tcrijwanachoudhury I feel like it makes me more screwed up in the head when I ask myself what peoples motivations are. :( because I probably will never find out.
All my life I’ve sensed and been frustrated by the a lack of empathy in the general public.
Same!! I even notice it when I'm driving I'm always thinking ahead for others, Like if I'm in the front row in a red light I like to make sure I go as soon as it turns green so that most behind me get to pass the light before it turns red again. Also I make sure I'm fast enough and get out of driver's way or let them pass in front of me in case they're in a hurry when I'm not in a hurry 😭
M2
Beware of empathy, lest you "enter the mind" of The Enemy unaware (sympathy, instead)?
@@SilviaRodriguez-ri5yu my goodness that is soo me, I’m not sure if it’s an empathy and being kind thing or if it’s a Control thing by trying to control situations that are no e of my business
@@cruiseintoanewmillenniumat519 what? Empathy is good. It is human.
I’m still hurting over things that happened over 50 years ago. Old memories can still make me cry.
Me also. This lecture just appeared. It's a blessing- I feel so validated.
Me too my friend, my mind boggles that my family has no memories of the horrendous memories i have . I cannot find my keys but i remember my daddy breaking furniture in a rage . No one else remembers. Some times i think ,wtf am i dreaming, how can any forget something like that.
Thank you. I constantly dwell on old hurts and guilty feelings. I hear you 🥴
My family has always told me something is wrong with me. They always said I mental and crazy. Now that I know better, they're no longer able to gaslight me and treat me like crap. Going no contact has been a blessing. Get rid of folks who don't serve you in a positive way. 🙏🏾😊
I went NC, too. Never looked back. .
You were formerly surrounded by narcissists. Way to go by getting out!!!
My family, mom especially , too, always talked and treated me like there was something wrong with me. It lead to a very low self esteem growing up. I’ve distanced myself from them.
Had a family like that a town like that and basically friends or people with a pulse?
Mom was a scapegoat child in two marriages and in each a younger brother was the golden child of both parents... everyone left her or gaslit her her whole life and I had to deal with the fall out and damage it did to her.. not a perfect person pursued by worse ones who would try to get you adopted yet these saviors had brushes with molestation or covering for it.
Dunno about your deals... but I guess you wouldn't mind if your kid didn't leave you because you aren't perfect.
I am so happy for You I again live where my family live as of Covid and War I cant wait the moment I am out again but reading your message made me happy are others who made it free !
"HSP's notice when they walk into a room if that blind was a little lower the sun wouldn't be shining in that person's eyes". Wow. That REALLY struck a chord
Yep, I will move furniture in a public space to suit how the room is being used.
I will notice if something is stressing someone. It has always been easy for me to put myself in someone's shoes.
Next thought: how can I execute the lowering of the blinds without causing a disturbance.. Maybe I won’t.
Yes we notice everything and try to make it more comfortable for others. It’s like an instinct
@@sandycares2995 Empathy. Paying attention. Notice if someone drops something, don’t move. See who goes to pick the item up.
I’m sitting here, very emotional....I feel like I have found a life line to understand myself and not beat myself up as I have done for far too long. Thank you for your cogent explanations, it’s so helpful.
Hello Jodykins
Many many thanks from so many of us canneries!!!
I know right? I have always been "different" to my Family. I find myself stumbling to find the right words just to talk to them at times. I came across this HSP people explanation and its like my life has changed for me, makes sense, and I am no longer so hard on myself. I was married for 10 years to an abusive man, who constantly criticized me. I am 65 now, and I still have to stop and tell myself I am not stupid. Each time I drop something or some such thing, getting older and arthritis I have been my worst critic. For years. Mind you, because of the way I was treated, by family and ex? I worked hard to be successful in many ways and I realized I could do any thing if I wanted to.
The best thing that ever happened for me? One year after I left that abusive Husband? I met my soul mate, 12 yrs older than me I met him in my late 20's, we have been married for 35 years, blissfully happy in my marriage, getting the love and support I always needed.
HSP isn't an actual thing; it's a term one woman came up with based on her family members who then got diagnosed as autistic. HSP is just autism under a different name. You're probably one of the millions yet undiagnosed autistic people if you relate to this!
Literally same. Started crying in front of my Dean when she told me that I’m most likely neurodivergent. I’m definitely a hsp as well. I finally understand myself
Damn! I thought what I was experiencing was PTSD & OCD as a result of childhood Trauma, but it never explained my sensitivity to certain sensations(sights, smells,sounds, etc.). I was labelled a problem but it wasn't my fault. And the experience of physical sensation of emotion or things that triggered a rage response for me forced me to become extremely numb and dissociated just to get through. Yet I've always been a deep and philosophical thinker and could be moved to tears by my feelings of compassion for others. Somehow knowing there is a real reason outside of trauma that I am having a different nervous system response to stimuli that doesn't bother others is so affirming!
Wtf I feel exactly the same
Yes so many questions are answered. Sandra you are your name. Do you know the meaning of “Sandra”. If not please google it. 💐. Mine is Sandra also. Bless you
Knowledge is Power
iawn iawn..
@SandraL - high sensitivity is your brain's response to childhood trauma/PSTD. I totally understand.
I’ve always been so sensitive and still am very much so but have really had to harden my shell over the years.
Same. “Don’t be so sensitive!” is one of the worst things you can say to me.
Some who say it to you are sensitive them self?
It’s the ultimate blow lol. We can’t control it!!
It really bothers me when ppl say “don’t take it personally “ UGH
Don't feel that i don't like it. Don't breath i hate your breathing. Gee wiss People don't care to find many ways they are damaging especially Christians using God to solve thier own missunderstanding to witch never happened becaouse god never did. god or what ever you call creation.
Biggest thing that irks me, say it once to me and I know we won't have a relationship! Slam door!
Alane, one of the things I most appreciate about HSPs is their calm, serene voices like yours. I've always been highly sensitive. My daughter, and others, tell me that my voice soothes them. I'm happy to offer that gift in this noisy world.
I'm an hsp but I do not have a serene voice. Lol. I don't think that one is for all of us. 😆
Same! I've been told that by supervisors, colleagues, and customers.
People always tell me that i have this soft, quiet kinda voice. But often times its annoying that people dont hear me if they dont try to listen. But its nice to know that it soothes people, and teaches them to listen
@@RatsPicklesandMusic
Im hsp but talk like the loud Londoner I am
That can be nice. It's a sign you're heard.
As an HSP, I make lots of sacrifices to hear many people who have something to say 🙏 or to whom I can be of help, but who my oh my oh my, they're so loud 🙄😬.
It's bad when we are kind and soft calm serene voiced, and we've been never heard!!! 😡
My extremely abusive mother hated my personality. There was no mercy. Many beatings for being to sensitive. I suffer from CPTSD and the highly sensitive personality. It’s all pretty confusing. And really took a toll on my life. I’m old now. Glad this info is out there now.,
Sandy, same story for me . It's sad actually.
So sorry this happened - you really didn't deserve that. Hope you're able to find some peace now. Xx
Sending you love.
I’m so sorry you were so abused.
I innerstand, having been married for decades to a narcissist, I didn’t know what was happening, I kept forgiving, I’d been told I had to by religious upbringing, and I wanted to save my little family.
In the process I did not save myself, now I’m still shattered, still trying to put myself back together, I’ve also experienced cruelty from family members since the divorce.
I have been blessed with friends who treat me with such unconditional love that I’m planning to live with them. I finally see I need to be away from most family, I need to protect myself now.
I pray someone comes into your life who will appreciate the sensitive soul you are.
🙏🏻💙🙏🏻
@@trafficjon400 , I'm not exactly sure what you mean. I think what you are saying is that even though we understand what happened the damage has been done. Is that right? If so i agree.
I am so sorry that your mother abused you, maybe she saw it as a weakness in her eyes and it made her feel uncomfortable in her own issues.
The statement regarding an HSP having a great deal more problems as a child in a high stress environment is deeply correct.
Just a side bar, when I was forced as a child to go to a social group at the community centre, I would go around the back of the building, sit there for hours and go in the building just before they all came out and I got picked up to go home. But I loved and thrived in a tight environment as a ballet dancer with my team performers and have my birthday parties there within the peace of artistic endeavours.
With no answers except deal with it or excape.
I have been called "too sensitive" many, many times. My usual response is "... and you're too INsensitive!" The lack of sensitivity toward me, or toward others really bothers me. When I see someone being abused, my instinct is to protect them. I also stand up for myself when I (in my opinion) am being criticized unfairly. It seems that people often feel that I (and other HSPS) have somehow CHOSEN to be sensitive and why can't we just stop doing that. I am glad to hear that there is an upside. It's certainly true that I have a tendency to overreact to stimuli, but it's exceedingly difficult for me NOT to. I have also been told that I get defensive when friends or colleagues point out my mistakes, but from my point of view, it feels as though I'm being attacked. I'm so happy to learn that it's a question of a highly sensitive nervous system and some kind of moral failing on my part.
When she mentioned that HSPs are NOT the easy babies, I was surprised at my (relatively) strong emotional reaction. My parents always told me that I was an easy baby, never rebelled etc. but I consider myself HSP. I learned very early on that it was much easier to comply with my parents than it was to rebel, which I learned from my very rebellious older sister. I think that saying that easy babies are certainly not HSPs is just wrong, but that could just be me, what do I know. Otherwise, great talk!
This comment is me completely! Also how I grew up and how I felt about myself growing up. I observed everything as to not ever get in trouble and figure out how to not cause any issues or confrontation, this talk makes sense of soooo much now
@Toni - Think of it as a guide - most of what she says may apply to you (as an HSP), but some of it may not. In fact, it is highly likely that every HSP will differ from the next based on environment, culture, upbringing, etc… I’m an HSP and I enjoy movies that are action-packed and sometimes filled with violence lol (which is not characteristic of a “typical” HSP).
Yes,
I relate to nearly everything she said but I too told I was an easy child. I went to everybody ( as a baby) whereas my twin sister was very fussy and would only go to Mum. My twin sister is also probably a HSP too. The other thing my pyhsc feels is I could have ADHD? Still trying out meds. The symptoms can be very similar from what I've read. But I also relate to a lot of what I've read about that too. Anyway after 25 years of getting treatment for anxiety and depression without a lot of success maybe this could be why? I think I have been pretty good at masking and a big people pleaser. So who knows..But a great talk, I'll need to research this more.
Thankyou Alane
Julia
Same. I def think family dynamics play a huge role so it would vary a lot how a HSP would present at a young age. If love from parents did not feel unconditional or there was neglect going on then any child even a HSP will do what they need to do... so I think the way the sensitivity expresses will change depending on the dynamics within the family and the child's way of responding/ getting their needs met within those dynamics. I def learned at a very young age that I needed to fly under the radar and be agreeable/ suppress my needs and emotions in order to receive attention and care. I also felt like my needs came second to everyone else's bc I was very sensitive to the empathy I felt for the suffering I was aware that others in my family were experiencing.
You totally described me to a t! My young life was traumatized by my older sister. So much so that to this day at 50 I finally found my voice. She doesn't want to speak to me, I am finally free.
I’m highly sensitive....those people that tell me I’m just “too sensitive” are trying to get away with mistreating me...I use to let people get away with it...because I believed them that they were right I get hurt too easily....but not anymore....I deserve respect just like I give my respect to others. I’m proud to be truthful to my feelings regardless of other people who may feel uncomfortable because I won’t let them get away with mistreating me, any longer.
Much LOVE everyone 💗😊💕
I am still trying to learn how to speak up for myself without being offended when l am told l am just too sensitive for my own good....
@@denasharpe2393 I recognize that Honey, I’ve been there, done that...So many things helped me learn...And believe me, it’s US who have to learn. I’ve tried reasoning, pleading, even reporting to higher ups. Pretty much, people have to change on their own. I’m in my 50’s now and I work in an ever changing workplace and have had many different co-workers, supervisors and managers throughout my nearly 3 decades working life at a call center. Some of them have been power tripping....It’s not very pleasant...the first and most difficult for me was to have to confront them...I’m a lover, not a fighter...so I’m out of my element...and I question my guides/angels/whatever name you want to call them; “why don’t these people grow up”? “Why do I have to be the one to tell them to smarten-up”?...”and treat me with respect”? Truthfully, I’ve been repeatedly disappointed...I guess I just expect too much of people, sure they stop bullying me, after I confront them, but they continue to bully the next one and the next one and the next one....The last time I had to correct someone’s behaviour, After telling her that her bullying behaviour wasn’t acceptable...I told her the truth, I said, I don’t think she’ll ever change. And I meant it. As I was so disappointed in her repeated pursuits to fatten her ego at my expense. To my surprise, she did change...she no longer is stepping on others to make herself feel more powerful. And though, during the confrontation, I actually ended up in a yelling match with her, because initially she denying my accusations and she was out and out lying/deflecting that she was doing these bullying tactics to me and I wasn’t going to let her off the hook...When it was all said and done, I actually made friends with her. So to this day we still greet each other and are nice to each other. So good things can come out of these confrontations. I know it’s not in my nature to do this, but it certainly restores power were it needs to be...in each of us. Everyone is EQUAL, after all. Everyone is SPECIAL. Here are a couple more things that helped me:
1). I was thought by my guides a packaged lesson. Lesson 1; YOU ARE SPECIAL, they showed me so much LOVE, I knew it was true. Lesson 2; EVERYONE IS SPECIAL. Sounds contradictory until you fully understand it. If you ever start questioning how can you be special , if everyone else is special, then you need to go back an learn lesson 1, again. And if you “forget” that someone else is SPECIAL, then you need to learn lesson 2 again.
2). Look up/Google your country’s Human Rights Act...Here in Canada - article 3: Freedom from torture and inhuman or degrading treatment. Speak up and tell them it’s your human right, not to be Mis-treated.
3). (‘Insights’, was the name of this course) There was this behavioural course I took many years ago were they gave each of us a stack of 4 coloured lego-like stacking foam blocks...(a good visual reminder for when you are called to action) Each representing diff personality types...like red was for boss-type (quick & gone)...blue was for analytical/methodic...green was for helpful/sharing...and yellow was for cheerfulness/cheerleader (of course, I’m butchering their definitions, but you get the gist). Anyway, we ALL have these personalities in each of us. But some are dominant and some are subordinate. And whatever your dominant function is the way you prefer to be treated...So this was hard for me to take into practise...but I had to learn to respond to those that had diff dominant personality types the way they want to be treated. So for a dominant red personality, I had to bring out the red in me...this type doesn’t want explanations or fluff-Get to the point and get out. So hard to do...but so liberating once you get that-that is how they want to be treated, so you don’t need to wear kid-gloves around them, unlike us-soft hearted people....So these are some things that have helped me. And I hope it helps you too. Just, take a deep breath, realize there will never be a better time than now. Imagine, this situation is like a sticky bandaid stuck on the hairs of your arm...You can drag it out and feel the pain as if every single hair is yanked out of your flesh or you can rip it off quickly in one fell swoop. Basically, it is better for you to deal with it right away, than to prolong things. And don’t be surprised that this comes up repeatedly in different situations, throughout the upcoming years, in different people...We Kind people as mistaken for having weakness because we are so nice, but we are anything but. I hope this helps you. 💕💗😊Much LOVE to you😊💕💗remember “learn and teach”, “learn and teach”, “learn and teach”.
Good for you🌷
Now u stand up just to get smashed down and put in your place..its cuz they react to the fact that you DO have love and respect for yourself but them thinking you sensitive or negative you need to stay in your lane as what "they think of you." So its how dare u.
@@denasharpe2393 It can be very hard. I'm 77 and it only hasn't been hard for about 10 or 15 years. But the first times WERE hard. All the old lies played in my head before I opened my mouth and said something. You don't have to do it "perfectly". There is no "perfect", just how you do it.
It became easier with practice. I felt less defensive and more able to speak without anger, because I wanted to. I'm not sure that's necessary. What's so wrong about anger anyway?
We all learn and do things our own way. Best of luck to you!
This lecture is life changing for me because it answers a lot of my deep personal questions which I had always kept to myself until now! I remember as a child always thinking that something was wrong with me compared to everyone else, but I couldn't quite put a finger on what or how that was. And so I never shared these characteristics/quirks about myself with any family or friends because I felt that I'd be labeled mental and nobody would believe me :/
mate i'm with you on that! i'm 48 years old and i only came across these symptoms and definitions yesterday, it's unbelievable how bang on they are lol at least now i don't feel like something bad is wrong with me lol
Come over to my UA-cam channel, Alane Freund LMFT. It is important that HSPs have community! If you sign up on my mailing list at areyouhighlysensitive.com, you will get a short video about the HSP's Five to Thrive.
@@AreYouHighlySensitive thanks so much for this lecture! Now I understand so much about myself and how important It is to protect me
@@AreYouHighlySensitive I have been reading up on this and am watching your video in tears. It explains so much! Thank you is an understatement!
My grandma babysat me and she always called me annoying but I was far from annoying I was just overwhelmed with everything and everyone in her house. I never yelled cried hit my cousins fought anyone or anything but I just wanted to be left alone or have some quiet and that wasn’t ever possible.
I am highly sensitive and was called crazy my whole life. I am an ambivert and extremely close to God. It’s a good life when you grow into it. I’m happy 😊
Same!!! Amen!
🙏🏻🙏🏻🤍✨
close to GOD?WOW...
Ah totally same...❤️
Same with me…GODS APPROVAL IS WHAT I SEEK ….I ASKED JESUS CHRIST INTO MY LIFE AT A VERY YOUNG AGE….I AM OLD NOW 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🧂💡❤️
I was an extremely easy child. From about 5yrs old I tried to placate sad or upset people. I used to know what was needed to accomplish that. I'm 71 and still doing it. I have always loved people and can feel their pain but also I now think it was a way of "surviving" emotionally.
I was married to a person who always said "you're just too sensitive" His sister was rude and insensitive to me on a regular basis. He never once defended me. I eventually pulled away from both of them. Now I understand why.
That was gaslighting in itself. Making you believe your feelings aren't real. Good you got away
They don’t deserve you. He was a coward.
Many people don’t understand us as we didn’t understand ourselves till all this information came out.
Learn and heal Penny. You have a personality to be very proud of!!🙏🌈☀️
Oh my God, it is exactly my life. I was made to believe that something is wrong with me. The rudeness of his sister or his friends went on for years. I was blamed for being over sensitive and should raise above them🥺
Hopefully divorced !! That’s a narcissist
Yes we are real targets for bullies.
Bullies are Cowards at the end of the day. They come out of the woodwork when they tune into our sensitivity. And we eventually see these people for who they really are. Shame on them!
Glad to read you have pulled away from them. God bless you Penny🙏
Continue to learn as much as you can.
It empowers you.
HSPs also have a hard time finding a partner as they notice EVERYTHING about them and reject partners easily in the early stages. I am also very good at scanning things and picking up anomalies immediately (either visual or intuitively). So much so that I never read anything (such as emails and instructions) in its entirety, I always scan them and find the relevant points within seconds (usually by a key word).
I'm way too critical, just notice more things and people hate it.
I can relate so much. I do this also.
Totally me. Explains at lot. I’ve been called fussy and too independent from what is seem as shying away from other but for me it is a bit of self protection from overload
This is why when people ask why i’m single I say it’s really because i’m a pain in the ass to deal with. I do hope that one day I find an HSP that understands all my quirks and together we shall git quirky. Haha It’s hard accepting myself at times, but we’re here for a reason! 🤍
Lol same about scanning things 😂
Hello everybody. I'm from Portugal and only recently discovered why I'm so sensitive and empathic.
In my case I'm extremely sensitive to sound. So much so that I find myself feeling extremely anxious with noisy people and high music. It disrupts me so much that I feel like crying.
I can't help thinking that if 90% of the people where hsp the world would be a much better place.
But the hsp are here to make a difference and to show that being highly sensitive is a gift.
Im an HSP who had a stressful and toxic childhood and it still affects me to this day. 😢 I spend a lot of time alone because I feel misunderstood and overstimulated in most situations. I’ve spent most of my life wishing I could be “normal.”
😊❤
😢😢😢 same
I'm sorry for that,I hope you know you had nothing to do with that and that your a light for others replying this,❤
The contributions here are awesome. I didnt know we were a people 😂
It took me forever to realize that most people do mot experience the world like I do. I have a leg up on them. HSP has been a good defense mechanism for me, I know the people I should avoid.
I spent decades *trying* to develop a taste for bleu cheese. Then one day at a very crowded and noisy buffet eatery, I accidentally got bleu cheese dressing instead of ranch. For two forkfuls of salad, it tasted like ranch, because I was so overloaded I couldn't take any more stimulation. That's when I discovered the extent of the difference between dandelion senses and my own. I was flabberghasted.
@@fogweaver5633 Is this sensless?
I grew up with alcoholic parents. I lived in fear everyday, all day. It was when my mom passed away that I started a heavy search into "What is wrong with me". My search ended with HSP. This answers everything! Now to figure out what to do with the rest of my life to find happiness. I am 58 so I have some time left. What a relief to have figured this out!
So glad u had the opportunity to discover this about urself! I'm 23 and just realizing that this might be real for me, but that I've suppressed this aspect of myself and hated it unnecessarily for years. Much love to you! 💙
Scares my dear do not go away. hope for them to be delt with.
i also recommend looking into codependency!
You can becomes HSP from being abused as well. My mom was narcisistic, cold, punishing and intolerant of vulnerability. Occasionally normal……when it suited her. So as a child, I, You…..others……learned to be very intune with the environment.
Regular exercise, and getting 'my' own stuff done early in the morning has helped me so much.
I hate exercise unless it's something natural or useful, or really enjoyable like dancing or swimming, even climbing.
Yes I agree being true to yourself does play wonders for your se sensitivity.
i was always told i was too sensitive, now that im over 55 im told that im over dramatic but this video has enlightened me bc i notice everything: smells esp. and ive noticed that with males i am overly sensitive bc of how they speak to me and what they say to me. my childhood was painful to say the least. a lot of arguing and fighting all the time, walkouts after a loud argument. i like being alone now as an adult. theres peace nd quiet, no drama unless im around others.
This comment totally resonates with me, especially the last two sentences.
I got fibrosis and plenty of stress related health issues which resulted in big operations.
People thought I was just weak.
Agree… I totally get you. A lot of drama in my family & marriage etc I live for peace. Even though smells aren’t too bad for me certain noises are terrible. I’m so highly sensitive to repetitive noises or busy places with lots of sound. If someone is walking too close behind me or whistling. Haha. So crazy. But I accept that’s who I am.
I knew I had a visual memory but had no idea it was linked to HSP. I could find the hidden objects in the slides in a second! Surprised with myself!
I’ve been explaining this exact experience to others for years and I was either told that I was crazy, dramatic, negative, and then finally, that I have ADHD. None of that made sense to me, I thought there was something wrong with me! It’s so nice to finally have a term that fits and explains EVERYTHING❤️😭
Same same same 😂 I even questioned my sanity
I am dramatic , sensitive , deep in emotion , creative gifted in so many areas but hard to compete things , I can become so low quickly but so high quickly , I am ruled by emotions when I fall in love , I fall so hard and it’s instant .., heart ache is like the end of the world until I fall in love again
Dance is my gift my love so walking into a dance studio is my peace my solace
I hate food courts with lots of kids all taking
I have been called eccentric
I am extreme extroverted
Me2
I’m also very creative and have adhd. Being highly sensitive often is part of adhd. Hearing all of this info really helps me understand myself more completely.
It is nit part of ADHD is it quite different but they share some sympyoms. Elane Aron makes a point to differentiate HSP from ADHD and Autisim and BPD. It shares some sumptoms but a highly sensitive person is not quick to rage or impulsive.
When my two children were very little, I used to lock myself in the bathroom for 10 minutes to get away from them. They would talk to me through the door and pass small objects, crayolas, pieces of paper, Lego blocks, under the door to get me to come out. Now, when I get home I sometimes sit in my car for a couple of minutes before getting out and going into the house.
Margaret...Its actually a sweet story...and how they love you, at least you knew where they were and safe...good for you. I also sit in my car even as a retired woman just to take in the quite beauty of the day🌸☀
@@deborah3112 Hey Deborah. What's up with that?... I do it too. Always. Sit still in the car before I get out at home or at the office🙏🏽💜
I used to do the same! On driving in from work, I would sit in the car and just breathe, gathering energy to face the world for the rest of the evening. My family and friends used to find it weird. LOL !
I do both of these. It's a struggle being a single mother with very little support of 3 sons with Special Needs and are opposites!!! My oldest has Asperger's and is is Highly Sensitive. Very Challenging but Try to Stay Positive ❤️💟❤️
I've known I am different most of my life. It took a long time to understand that being different doesn't mean you are bad or strange. I wouldn't give up my sensitivity for anything. Being unable to have empathy would be a hell on Earth for me. People seem to gravitate to me when they are experiencing trouble in their lives. Learning to listen rather than try to give advice was a breakthrough. People don't want advice, they want someone to share their pain with. I am happy to be that person when that is needed. We are not bad people, people need us.
I feel far too much too and seem to attract pain or suffering. I get upset easily and have to constantly rehearse survival tactics.
Atmosphere is sooooo important.
I chose stage design and interior design at school. Habitat is my key refuge and freedom.
Ya its all human brutalities Fair for a truthful reason but not blindly..
How I wish people could learn that one fact....stop giving advice unless asked for! Even when I preface what I say with "I'm not asking for advice", people insist on giving advice. The exception is native people. They are much more likely to listen and not tell others what to do. So much we could learn from native people, and that's a big and important one.
I wouldn't totally give up being this way, but for me it can be extremely painful.
It IS painful but that is something that can be a positive thing when that pain produces benefits for another person who would otherwise bury their pain to avoid dealing with the pain. Any unresolved issues have a tendency to simmer on a low heat until one day the issue raises itself from stand by and the problems begin again. Sure pain is pain and it sucks. Imagine not knowing how to deal with pain for an entire lifetime. Many commit suicide as a solution. Because they had no one to talk to.
From this day forward I will require anyone I am dating to watch this. I'm 40 and my entire life I have felt like there is something wrong with me. I now know that there isnt a darn thing wrong. I have a super power. Now, I just need to learn how to manage it.
You can say that again! I'm 40 too & absolutely agree. & As soon as I get the strength to stand up for myself & end this toxic relationship for good, this will definitely be mandatory viewing material for any future love interest!
Maybe HSPs should date each other? 20% is not a small minority
@@jacobeickhardt84 💯 it's my "unrealistic high standard"
noise cancelling headphones!! :D I sometimes get comments about me wearing headphones at work, but I just can't concentrate with 3 other people in the room, one of them talking on the phone a lot and the other one having a mechanical keyboard.
I use to get them and also make sure my music was so loud I couldn't hear the outside world 😂
Yeah i used them when i was doing street cleaning work and they would work with a mic dampening the outside world
Yes 🏆🎖!!! Noise canceling headphones 🎧 are a dream come true.
Such a good idea!
I sleep with them! I can’t sleep if there’s some fucking little noise around.
I am retired after 30 years of teaching high school…a profession that actually terrified me, but my choices back in 1960’s were limited for women. I knew that I hated being in a crowd, I disliked being the focus of attention, and that I loved my subject, biology. Somehow, I made it and congratulate myself on never breaking into tears. I wish I knew what I know now…all those HSP traits are mine. I now paint beautiful watercolors in the quiet of my studio, listening to Jimmy Buffett and sometimes singing along. I now also recognize these traits in my daughter and in 2 of her three children. I will share your talk and help alleviate her worries that there is something wrong with them. Her children are highly creative but very sensitive to their surroundings. Thanks…I just needed to tell someone.
Oh, you don’t know how thankful I am to have had this video pop up out of nowhere in my UA-cam suggested video feed. It’s like this person crawled inside my head and described me to the "T"! I have been this way my entire life and have always been worried that something is wrong with me. This takes a huge burden off my mind.
5:34 I think hsps can be easy babies. In the book, drama of the gifted child by Alice Miller, when an hsp child has a narcissist parent they pick up on the parents unconscious desires and morph themselves into what their parent wants. This occurs when the hsp child is less than one. The child will repress their true selves without realizing it.
This is me 100 percent
I am an HSP and grew up with a narcissistic parent in a highly dysfunctional home. One of my sons is also an HSP, however he was brought up in a home completely opposite of mine. We were both the “easy baby”. Although he is quite like me in many ways, he is not as outwardly emotional or empathetic as myself. I attribute that to the lack of turmoil in his upbringing. I feel like his stable and nurturing upbringing created a young adult who -for lack of a better word- “handles” being an HSP much better than I was able to at his age.
I was an "easy" child but I was struggling with many things like my mother's suicide when I was 6. I didn't want to stress out my single father with my own issues so I pretended not to be bothered by it.
@@washyourface6851 you are a wonderful parent...you let your son grow up and he does not need to recover from his childhood...You.Are.Wonderful!
@@ScoutGrey oh my, thank you for those words. It was not easy, but parenting him in the complete opposite way of the example I had been shown was all I knew to do. And so far, so good!
Hi, I am from China, and I don’t know what western culture be like to be hostile to HSP children, but I can assure you that eastern society are far from friendly to HSP either.
Exactly, same here in Africa, mostly HS0 considered weak
george...so sad isn't it...humans need to be better to one another....your cat is cute!
Education on the subject and then sharing what we know is the key and then really embracing who we are no matter what other people think. Alane is helping us with that and we are encouraging each other. We are sprinkled all over the world like snowflakes . George just try and press on. You are unique and very needed in your country by so many of your people. 🦋
Yea I agree ☝🏻 people in eastern world thinks I’m just being too negative or too sensitive about things some people don’t even believe me or believe that this type of feeling does existed
I think it's partly because the highly sensitive person can spot a narcissistic personality from a mile away and the narcissist can spot the highly sensitive person as well so they know each other.
The HSP is a major threat to the NPD. The NPD is terrified of being unmasked. To keep this from happening the NPD person will target, bully, intimidate, make fun of the HSP to run them off.
Once the h s p understands this game they can sidestep and CHOOSE to play or not.
All my life I’ve been irritated by people who are loud in hotels, slam doors, talk loudly late at night etc.
Who isn't when it's late at night? XD
As a midwife beung HSP helped me understand patients better than my peers, it also helped me a lot do my job way more "on point" without them saying anything BUT being an HSP leads more way to disappointments, heartaches and loneliness because nobody understands you deeply like the way you want it too. And I always find myself giving more until there's nothing left for me physically,mentally and emotionally. It can be draining and exhausting.
All my life people have been saying I'm too sensitive. Even my sweet and educated mother said it. I would cry so hard because when I most needed someone to talk to, my mother would tell my sisters not to talk to me because I was "too tired." One morning I cried so hard my third-grade teacher took me to see the nurse because he thought I was going to faint. My face was blue.
Now, as an adult, I live with my sorrows pretty comfortably most of the time. I have a few friends who really "get" me, but I don't tend to reach out to them when I'm really on my uppers.
A lot of things bothered me. Loud noises, the tags on my clothes, background music. My mother loved concert music, but was a horrible distraction for me if it was playing while we were doing something.
But I grew up with horses. They didn't think I was too sensitive. They were sensitive too, and quiet. I love them. They're my favorite animal.
Yes parents do and say things thinking they are protecting us, but they did the best they knew at the time I suppose, an upside to being sensitive is we love being of service and helping which can be exhausting if we dont keep a balance and look after ourselves
So happy you were able to connect with and interact with those horses...
Finding this video has been extremely profound to my life. Having so many questions answered and feelings validated is amazing. Wow thank you Alane Freund!
You are so welcome. Come over to my UA-cam channel, Alane Freund LMFT. It is important that HSPs have community! If you sign up on my mailing list at areyouhighlysensitive.com, you will get a short video about the HSP's Five to Thrive.
A good Freund (in) in deed!
That s me all over, I always felt different. What I have is a gift. I can tap in to other people's emotions. I love helping people. I worked the elderly people and it was so rewarding. It was like winning the lottery.
Really pleased I found this. My daughter is very sensitive as am I, but with slight differences between us. I never realised I was so sensitive till a few days ago, when a friend just heard some bad and sad news at same time, and I got noticeably upset for her. She actually put her arms around me as both of us were crying. I thought I just had a lot if Empathy fir people and was always puzzled why more people didn't. So now it all makes sense. Thank you for showing me this at a ripe old age of mid 70's.
From now on I will try to be less critical of myself and more kind to myself 💗.
Oh my god she just added an anecdote about herself as a kid hating those sitting on the balloon to pop them games and how she just couldn't handle it. At vacation Bible school this one church always involved that game every year and I would go and hide away every time so that I wouldn't have to play it! So eerie how she mentioned that!
I love that you shared that! I thought I was a freak. Turns out that game sucks for most kids...we were prophetic. :-)
Me too! It was my own party and the balloons were blue which was favorite color. I cried to make it stop. Always hated the popping of balloons.
religious groups are also not known for any sensibility towards anyone, especially children... I ended up becoming a singer, where I could use that sensibility to create beauty and respond to others', and now am consulting helping people find their true Voice..A french frind who works with autistic people found out about the HSP, and sent me the articles, right on the mark, I'd finally found the description that made sense-
@@gwirgalon3758 "religious" is quite different from true religion, which is visiting the widows and orphans in their affliction, plus keeping oneself "unspotted" from the world--loving--for sure!!
I hated those too! I could not imagine deliberately popping a balloon it was hard enough having to be in the area while others did it.
Sometimes I play a 'game' where I look at a person and what they are doing and imagine, literally, what they are feeling as they do something. If someone is drinking a glass of water, I imagine the feeling of the cool water and I feel the movement of the throat, or how they are sitting in the chair, or see what they are looking at. It is so fascinating and stimulates the brain to "feel" something that you aren't actually doing, but watching someone else do.
Edit: I view myself as a pessimist, but just the other day, I was watching a sweet video, and broke down crying at the kindness of humanity. I am also very receptive to music and a favorite song can put me in a good mood all day. On the flip side, my brain is never turned off, and can get over simulated by my thoughts alone. Sometimes I wish I could just turn off all the thoughts.
Wow, thank you, I'm crying while typing this. I have been told things like I've simply not developed the part of my brain that is to handle stress by the person closest to me, and that it can be grown by exercising it through dealing with stressors. They meant no harm, but with these types of thinking I kept trying to "fix" myself. Which in a way, it has helped because I'm almost always looking at ways to self optimize (meditation, gratitude journaling, counseling, regular yoga and other exercises, daily half hour walks, lots and lots of time in the garden and hikes to get close to nature) all of that. But it's hard to keep doing them, and sometimes when work is stressful or when family is stressful I lose it. And I feel so powerless while spiraling down in anxiety attacks. I value knowledge. To know that evolutionarily, 20% of our species are a specific way makes sense and helps me understand why things are the way it is. (For example, I finally understand why I like the bathroom so much. Even if I'm just sitting on the laundry basket!) Thank you, and kudos to those asking the important questions at the Q and A!
Bathroom sitting on what is some thing
"Monkey mind." I say, "My mind has a mind of its' own." I see things others miss. It is super challenging to go to sleep, & shut off my head. My idea of hell is having to answer telephones, being interrupted, jangled. I was born 'hypertensive' my doctor told me. He said i was red all over, & completely gripped, fists clenched, howling. I was raised in an alcoholic home. I've had spiritual gifts present since birth. I had a sleepover birthday party with twenty girls, & i got a migraine headache & vomited & couldn't attend! I have hyper-sensitive hearing & went off the charts during a childhood hearing test. My vision is still 20 20 in my 60's. I was given an IQ test, & instead of putting the puzzle together, i looked at those pieces, & said, "It's an elephant." I thought the point was to figure out what it was. She couldn't give me credit because i didn't put the puzzle together at all. Regular-size grocery stores feel so impersonal & automatized, that i can't bear to be there. I have had a hairdresser come to my house for twenty years. To say i get easily overwhelmed is to put it mildly. I will get heart palpitations if distressed, or treated unkindly. I have only a few friends, & think almost everyone is way too loud & strident when talking. I have had to adjust my life to suit my needs for alone time. I love gardening, & find plants to have just the right energy. I write every day, & learn from myself. Florescent lights & their hum & hue is unbearable. I could go on & on. I relate. I am struggling with the 5G wireless now, because three are in the nearby park.
I like gardening & plants too ! 🏞️🌄⛏️🚿🌲🌳🌴🌵🌿🍃🌱🌷🌹🌼🌻🌺🏵️💮🌸🍇🍎🍏🍐🍑🍒🍓🍈🍉🍊🍋🍌🍍🥝🥥🥑🍆🥔🥕🌽🌶️🥒🥬🥦🐝🦋
Yes, one of the many unhealthinnesses of the 5g...thinking about what she said about HSP#s being some of the best problem solvers, and the first to notice and respond to dishonesty and unfairness..I bet the "theys" of this world want the HSP's put of healthy speech and their voice, and how! I hear there is a piece of jewelry that helps with that specifically...might be worth the research. I'll look it up if you don't find it..
You are so right on about the 5G..the jewelry she mentioned is probably in the form of stones such as shungite ,black tourmaline,or lepidolite..all of which I am holding now because I hate the energy of these phones..and these stones absorb the electro magnetic energy from computers, phones etc. The 5G implementation has been named in the horrific spread of the covid virus. I find my real happy place is in the garden...and nature. The world has just gotten too noisy and overstimulated. Fluorescent lights are the worst..I changed the bulbs myself at work to LEDs.. not the greatest...but better than flourescent... a huge reason I hate going into some stores..the horrible lighting. Closing your eyes whenever possible should help with monkey mind..also a book by eckhart Tolle. ..A new Earth ..is helpful in understanding that constant dialogue in the head. Best Wishes. And if you do buy stones it is best to find a reputable gem shop nearby. ..or a gem show..and personally choose the stone by how it feels to you. All the Best🤗
@@angelicafreund8551 There is no such thing as covid. During the lockdown, the Illuminati are sending extermination squads round to the people they don't want living any longer, and this is going to continue until everyone they don't like, has been terminated. Carry on.
Called hysterical, drama queen, annoying. Can never find the right answer on spot, I'm rehearsing since forever.
I loved the speech. When I had my first child, I didn't know much about all of that and I didn't take enough care of myself - I didn't know that I really have to fight for this time alone, to strongly demand it for myself. It was really hard on me. I wish I knew better at that time.
I discovered I'm Asperger's. I was so relieved. It helped to learn about it, manage it and even laugh at myself when I get too sensitive about everything.
Theres a place in the world for hsp, can you imagine if we didnt have sensitivity towards others?
I can no longer work with people but u started my own business working from home. We can find a life that suits us.
Hi May I ask what business you started. I am really struggling in the workplace.
@@pinkforeverlove1 hi Cosmic. I started selling things with my husband. We would go to garage sales or the tip, get things at a discount, do them up or restore them and sell them on facebook, gumtree or ebay. Selling a product from home is very good, if you can think of things to sell. Later I got into another industry, created my own website and sold things on there. Hope you can think if something
@@pinkforeverlove1 I sell medical devices.
This is such a fascinating topic! I would consider myself as being a HSP (though I do also have depression & anxiety), and I have noticed traits similar to mine in some of the animals I've cared for.
For example, in a herd of a horses, there will often be one or two who are far more reactive & sensitive than their peers. Usually they're the ones that are a bit too smart for their own good, too (eg. getting onto the feed shed and eating until they're sick) and often loners.
Or, for example, I rescued a pregnant cat who gave birth to 6 kittens. We raised all of them exactly the same, but their personalities turned out very different - 5 were confident and 1 was extremely shy. It's so interesting!
I stay away from people most of the time. Your talk makes so much sense to me. Thank you.
I wear my sensitivity & emotionally as a badge of honor. The book was a game changer for me. Thx for this video
Well, this pretty much explains my entire childhood. Good to know.
She was a bit personal in her advise to parents: it's good for parents to influence high sensitive children to be sensitive to their siblings - not only to animals. And the other way around, of course! And I'm sure that's how high-sensitivity shows in many high-sensitive children: in love and care for the other. Some earlier then others - that's ok.
Another thing alltogether is to teach a child to grow spoiled and egoist.
Not saying at all you were this (or the presentator, who escaped "the confusion and chaos" at home).
Hi William. It really is good to know isn’t it.🌈. Keep learning
@@sandycares2995 Yes, indeed, it has made a difference for me, and I'm grateful.
I've thinking what's wrong with me over last couple of years and i didn't know that I'm an HSP. After searching and reading a lot, it brought me here. Thanks for sharing this video. It was really helpful.
Mortaza Zargar same! its like everything just makes sense now - everything points to HSP
I'm so glad you all found my talk. Come over to my UA-cam channel, Alane Freund LMFT. It is important that HSPs have community! If you sign up on my mailing list at areyouhighlysensitive.com, you will get a short video about the HSP's Five to Thrive.
Much love. I read Elaine’s first book years ago. Probably saved my life. 🙏🏼❤️🙏🏼
Alane Freund, unfortunately from the many comments on here and the symptoms written, lots of people are confusing HSP with high functioning Autism, ADHD and Borderline Personality Disorder. Yes they share some symptoms but its definitely not those disorders, I wish you or Elane Aron would go through this topic one day so as to avoid such confusion amongst people who believe they are HSP when infact they are not.
Too bad maybe 1% of therapists even know about HSP. I have seen almost a dozen therapists in my life never has a single one told me I am an HSP and after looking at a lot of videos on the subject I can see I fit these traits almost 100%. What a revelation! As a man, this has caused me great trama.
My son is also an HSP as I am. Back in the day we knew nothing about the different ( I don’t even know what the term is - personality traits?). Ei empath, narcissist, sociopaths etc. We all just bungled along . The great line was - well I raised them all the same so they should all be the same.
But we weren’t. Many of us took a kicking for being “to sensitive “. But to learn we are just treasures is so amazing and in so so many ways. Read and learn as much as you can everyone about yourselves. Not only are you learning about yourself but also learning how to know and deal with people who want to take advantage of who you are.
My son is accepting who he is as I gently shared my knowledge with him and it is so freeing for him. He loves camping and hiking in the mountains and gets away to be alone as often as he can from work, people and noise and just basks in the sounds of nature and the solitude. Then comes back ready to face the world again. And now he understands why it has always been so necessary for him to do that.
Knowledge is Power👊
all I ever got was dosed up with the latest drug, none of which helped anything.
Your right I had never heard the word either from therapists I went too. It is a revelation! My son is like me, now a grown man, and I am sending him info on it. Now he understands his need to spend time alone for weeks camping alone in nature. Rejuvenation. 🙏👍
My therapists have all known about it. I'd say it's more than 1%
It’s takes one to know one. I’m an HSP, I would be able to see it easily.
It is like a lecture about myself)) thank you for your work!
Beautiful presentation :) Discovering I was an HSP male changed my life
So glad you found this information early...l am an elder lady now but my life experiences have much more meaning to me now and l can finally know l am just different..it once though, saved an entire apartment of neighbors....one of them had an electrical fire from an appliance and although l was sleeping, the smell alerted me..and we were all saved!!
Thank you for this I was very emotional during this video, because this means so much to me. I went to a special school when I was younger, but they never could find something they said that I was just “ over emotional & sensitive “. When I found out it could be HSP everything felt into place and this is such a good information! 🙏❤️ thank you again.
Loud noises, Fire engines to close, Dogs barking makes me cry, all of what you’re saying.
So glad I found this channel - now this one on HSP is a game changer. Have always been told "you are too sensitive." Finally at this age (69) I celebrate that and am finally able to tell people "my feelings are valid ."
Thank You!
I so wish I had known this earlier in life, and that many other have this trait, always been submitting or avoiding strongwilled people, but better late than never, thank you!
Me too!!
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Matthew 7:6
Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Job 39:13
The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully.. she lays her eggs on the ground, unmindful that a foot may crush them. She treats her young harshly as if they were not hers for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Revelation 21:8
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.
Job 8:7
Although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed.
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
I find this interesting, as I prefer to work at night. I drive a taxi and I "see better" at night, as there isn't as many details to distract me from what I'm looking for.
Some of my teachers have considered me anti-social, and I been told by one that I need to stop being negative, and that actually caused me to believe that I was a negative person, but I've realized that they were just spreading their ignorance, and this video just freed me from a lot of other bs ideas that had me battling the expectations of the mental bubble that other people live in. Thank you, and I wish all of u contentment:)
My car is my favorite way of decompressing after work even though I have no kids or.husband. my car is my safe space
Me too!
Me too....love the privacy i can get in my car... 😊
I hear ya, Maggie... I live with my 65y.o Mom and 9 cats and I am trying to become a writer so I spend A LOT of time in garage sitting in car, daydreaming and scheming a Bad Ass Future.... such a cool talk, Google!! Thx Alane F.
Yes! When I worked in a stressful (to me) office, I would eat a quick lunch in my car, set my alarm and take a nap to recharge before finishing the day.
Mine too. I process my brother's and ex-husbands deaths in my car all of the time. It's the only place that I feel safe to do so. I also have to spend a lot of time by myself in order to be what I need to be for others. Wow! Who knew there was a name for what I've felt all of my 56 years of living.
As a HSP man life is a fucking nightmare. The systematic, impulsive nature of ppl is unavoidable. Its like being in a world of zombies. Life is kinda horrifying.
Since my early teens, I've noticed that once I chime in on a discsussion, conversation tends to stop and people move on to the next topic. So I always try to let everyone else speak before I do. You finally gave me an explanation for what is going on. I've considered all the facets of the problem/ situation before I speak, so no one thinks they can add to what I just said. Letting others speak first is still the correct response, but it's nice to know why that happens. Thanks.
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Job 8:7
Although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed.
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
It is such a blessing to hear this conversation and to understand so much about myself! I'm so grateful!
This video is life changing. I’m speechless and feel so validated.....even more so in the comments. Thank you 🙏🏽 ❤️
OMG, that’s vital, I never understood why others don’t Think Before they act. It’s a huge frustration in my life. To see others make huge messes, or are seemingly unaware it’s easier to not make a mess, than to clean up a disaster! Neurologically intense, indeed. Exhausting and need self care. I am MBTI identified as an ENFJ-A, so Thank You, for saying this type is not always introverted. I am not neurotic, I am a deep thinker. Have a need to “get out of my head”! Finding things to FOCUS all of my attention on has been my greatest gift. Empathy exhaustion etc., all of these things are so accurate. It does feel like my brain is a self driven computer that has AI ability. HSP in this day and age are on overload.
I actually dropped out of high school because of how badly I was preyed upon by everyone, but fortunately, I've been able to find my way in life as an employed artist as a 40 year old. I've realized and recognized the predatory people quickly, and have been able to largely avoid them.
One thing I just realized is that narcissists for example come across initially as so attentive, loving etc. -Cause that’s what they do - if you don’t have the tools and knowledge to recognize them before falling over the edge and into love with them (and they can fool you for a very long time like in my case two years) you can be in deep trouble. They have you figured out (it must be instinctively) but you are uneducated regarding who you are (the Empath) plus CPTSD
Then like in my case everything changed immediately upon marriage. Just drastically. Sadly I had an Empath son on the trip with me. We both became targets.
There were signs but with my background I didn’t know how to decipher them. History repeats itself.
All they we are learning now will give us the tools we need to prevent these tragedies from happening.
Learn and soak in as much as you can
Yes, I fell into that trap. A life filled with toxic waste. I awakened and ran for my life. Never ever ever again!!
My mom said I was an easy baby because the only time I cried was when I really needed something, and when she tended to that need I was easy again. So I am absolutely high sps and we did have quite a bit of stress in our home but in spite of those things her parenting skills and our homes in very rural locations gave me a solid foundation for where to get a refill or re set. My baby was also easy in that sense- she cried only when she had a need, and if i sat back and observed her i could discern what might make her life more comfortable and thus help us get to school on time, for example. She was very sensitive and precocious but I did not see her as difficult. She needed what she needed. I am proud of understanding that and grateful to my mom for teaching me in this way. She was an amazing inquisitive happy kid even with her sensory issues. Some adversity in her/their tween and teen years really left a mark on my bio baby and step loves. They are now very avoidant and I can see this as sensitivity and self care. They need major space and time to re set. I wish I had known the importance and techniques of re setting right where I sat, even just closing my eyes, much sooner. And I wish I had known to advocate for myself, as explained here, in my marriage, and to talk my children through self care as explained here. I am encouraged to know that healing self care can start any time and doesn't have to be major. Even a small change can help starting right now. Thanks so much!
My mom said the same of me .now i cry all the time .alone ofcoarse .
Though it's extremely helpful for me to be aware that I am an HSP and can try to stop the self blame and shame I've felt for my whole life for not being able to handle "tough" situations, there's still a long ways to go for the environment like workplace or schools to change towards supporting the diverse or different qualities of HSPs. For example, not forcing everyone to turn their cameras on while being in a meeting, not punishing performances because they are quiet or do not speak up enough, having less pressure of organizing and attending social activities with big groups. The society still seems to be catering towards or rewarding the type As or extraverts, though HSPs actually prove to have high emotional intelligence, empathy and insights in a social environment.
I always knew that I was ADHD (since age 6), but I was never truely aware of all the ways it had impacted my life. However, I did not know that my high sensitivity was it's own "thing" until I hit age 55 or so. (I had always assumed it was an aspect of ADHD.) Now that I understand the ways being HSP has impacted both my personality and my self-image, I'm also able to see how it skewed my understanding of my ADHD as well. This has helped a lot in re-visiting and revising my coping skills to be more effective.
I can identify with all of that too! Tks for sharing.
No offense. But how on earth did you self diagnose yourself with adhd at the age of 6?
@@joshcantrell8397 - I didn't diagnose myself with ADHD, I was properly diagnosed by a physician. If the sentence doesn't read smoothly it's only because I wrote it in one take without my normal editing.
I've always taken a few moments to close my eyes if I'm extra overwhelmed or stressed I thought it was just something I did. Now I know why.
I'm learning to take care of me also, never cared before
To do this I've found I have to also stand up for myself in order to feel I do care about me. When people have done you very wrong with bad intentions and no empathy at all, you can't just let it continue if you love who you are and what you allow to happen and how they can treat you. 💯
I’ve also suffered brain injuries. One made me more aggressive which in a way helped to balance the sensitivity a bit. I have been through life events that have forced me out of my sensitivity and to be tougher. Now as a senior I need to rest. Life has been just exhausting. Rest and embrace my personality 🦋
Thank you very informative.
Many years ago, around 2013 I heard a tedtalk on HSP & was mesmerized by it, thinking this is MEeeee!! I later sent that video to some of the people I know, and one of them (a v. dear friend) also resonated with it. I just happened to come upon this video & Evvvery thing you described applied to me. I take a while to learn things because I process slowly, but it sticks, and I LOVE to teach, because I teach unconventionally, and my students usually learn quick. They're often amazed at how quickly they picked up the task, skill or lesson. I also feel things with a lot of passion, and I know some people think - "chill, it's just a joke, or just a ...." but things do affect me deeply & with more intensity, & I can feel the gladness, sadness, anguish, the pain the resentment, relief the comfort or discomfort that others may think nothing of. The closing of eyes, OH MY ... I do it & promote it in my wellness work. (Will make it a point to do it more often now) How amazing that it is clinically proven to be beneficial. Deep breathing & Yoga help immensely toooo - Thank Yoooo!! Namaste & Ushta-te!!
I'm highly sensitive but in my inner emotions. My emotions are strong and affect my body. I even throw up if I get angry
Yea I feel things so physically too. The other day my limbs started to lose sensation and it felt like I could feel my heart thundering in my stomach. Over something so small too.
Yes!! The stomach is a big one for me! It expresses all of my emotions unfortunately sometimes…
My voice always breaks when I'm upset or just try to defend myself.
Dead giveaway.
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Matthew 7:6
Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Job 39:13
The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully.. she lays her eggs on the ground, unmindful that a foot may crush them. She treats her young harshly as if they were not hers for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Revelation 21:8
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.
Job 8:7
Although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed.
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
This sure is deeply eye-opening for me, I am an HSP. When I was a teenager, I felt, I should put a blindfold on me for an hour or two daily to limit incoming visual stimuli, much like the horses in lecture. Feels like a journey within me.
Already 12 minutes into this excellent lecture and I got the chills and goosebumps. I should have known all this stuff about myself about 25 years ago...
This is why I stopped eating meat after I watched Bambi when I was 5, That was 72 years ago.
Bambi was literally so traumatic the noise and the stuff happening to Bambi is scarring
That is so sad to read....that at age 5 you stopped eating me and that you are 77 and can still feel watching Bambi! The Wizard of Oz scared me to death!🌺
Eating meat....at first I thought you said eating....as in stopped eating......period!🤣
I still cry about bambi's mom. I'm 33. Silly I know. Can't help it
Yes re Bambi, so traumatic for me as well!
I have never heard of this before. I thought it was my bipolar. This explains a lot. Thank you
me too!!!!!
Please also look up borderline personality disorder, Aspergers and ADHD. Many are confusing HSP with the three disorders I mentioned above. It’s quite upsetting to read how many think they have HSP when they actually are not. These disorders share symptoms with HSP but are quite different. HSP is not moody or impulsive or a quick to react person.
33:25 I would say also make sure there's zero caffeine stimulus in their / your life that they may be using to get through the day's tasks. Caffeine, even in tea, is likely to overstimulate the HSP. Obviously I speak from experience
It definitely makes it worse but so many of us need it to get our jobs done! If I get sleepy at work my speed becomes an issue
@@snoozyq9576 Yes, granted. Also not all of a designated group's affect will be tuned to the same frequency (read: same nervous system). There'll be HSP horses for courses imaginably
If you want or need caffeine, tea is a better choice than coffee. The caffeine high is gentler, lasting longer at a lower level. I used to drink 3-4 cups a day to function in a high stress office environment. For some reason, I can handle noise better when I'm caffeinated.
Yeah caffeine was fun for awhile but now that i’m in my mid 30’s i’ve completely cut it out, it messed up my gut/brain pretty bad. The withdrawal process is hell!!!
Woooooow, I am so so loving all of this, but especially towards minute 13, I realized something that I had never quite thought of before. While in college (Visual Arts), I once worked on a set of watercolors, where I created spaces based on musicians I loved (Mark Knopfler, Lianne La Havas, Jack Johnson, Thelonious Monk, Norah Jones) and how they made me feel. And I had the distinct *need* to not only close my eyes as I listened to the music, to think through feelings and sensations, but also to cover my eyes, in order to perceive even less light. I couldn't think of color and spaces and music if I didn't. And of course, loud music, nobody bother me when I'm thinking, thank you very much. Amazing.
My mother always said I was too sensitive, especially when my feelings were hurt. I still get hurt, at 78, by my family. Is it just an excuse to tell someone 'they are too sensitive' because you've hurt their feelings?!
Yup. "You're just too sensitive" is an excuse for them to be rude and overbearing. Somehow that is excused as "just being assertive" in our society while being empathic is having a "bleeding heart".
Stand strong and be proud of who you are now that you know from what you are learning🌷🙏. Brush them off like fuzz
@@sandycares2995 It's so much easier said than done. So much guilt when people tell me that, because it is not that I won't (just brush them off), it's that I CAN'T. Being highly sensitive was my brain's response to being a child of an alcoholic, and "brushing off" is just not possible. To me, it is abusive to be told "brush it off": in other words, you are saying "It doesn't matter" - but it DOES. And it always will; I am learning how to process it and not let it hurt anymore.
@@20sandi12 yes your right. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t even know you or your circumstances. I understand what you are saying. I’m the same. I wish I could brush things off but I can’t. It would make life so much easier if I could. Sorry Sandi ❤️
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Matthew 7:6
Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Job 39:13
The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully.. she lays her eggs on the ground, unmindful that a foot may crush them. She treats her young harshly as if they were not hers for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Job 8:7
Although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed.
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
I feel so much better 😌 seeing this video .....I've always felt something was wrong
"suck it up, buttercup" isn't helpful for those who are sensitive. Neither is "walk it off" to an injured athlete.
It's incredibly validating to learn about this. I have always felt 'less than' because of how some things can affect me. I've always felt like an imposter because it seemed like I was the only one who felt that way and had to cover it up. When we had smoke from distant fires the last few years, it felt like I was being pushed into the ground. I am careful as to what images I get into my brain as they will take over so I'm cautious when I watch the news. I'm 59 now, and I am kinder with myself but this knowledge would have been so good when I was younger. It feels so good to have gotten this all out...omg.
Clicked because I have a sensitive kiddo, ended up learning a lot about myself and lowering my stress level. I'm trying to recover from adrenal fatigue/HPA axis dysfunction and lowering stress is a huge component. Thanks for the very informative video. Hopefully I can help my kiddo as he grows as well.
I am HSP and it used to be a curse until I realized what I needed it for. All the HSP I have met in my healing practice make very good energy workers and healers. I personally believe we preprogrammed this sensitivity into our DNA to follow a healing path. Not all people make it there though. Lots of HSP get put on drugs and told they are crazy.
Yes. But oh, there are so many paths, and so many services for a mentally healthy, intelligent and compassionate HSP (as you possibly are), if a country isn't completely idiot and allows goodness and talent to develop where it's most needed. :).
The narcissist, crazy, sick and criminal ones, are those who assault and close the visionairs up.
Agree completely
@@LiradeTerpsichore I find it hard to believe you have as much compassion as you claim as you judge others as having mental illnesses, calling people crazy, sick and criminal. If you were truly a compassionate healing person you would understand where it originates (childhood TRAUMA) and reevaluate your judgements. 😮
And some are so sensitive they will get worn out in a healing profession
@@maplenook With correct training, you learn shields. Again, many people are unable to find those classes and modalities.
The point of having good self care if you are an HSP is vital to your well-being. One very helpful tool to have is to learn about healthy boundaries and establish them in your relationships. I am not saying that is an easy task, it isn’t, but it is some defense against the onslaught of external stimuli and interpersonal conflicts that arise from the vast differences in perception. The support of others and a good therapist are helpful too, but be careful when selecting a therapist. When your interview a prospective therapist (and you should interview them) look for someone who is knowledgeable about HSPs and/or is an HSP also. You don’t want to choose someone who does not understand your sensitivities and how to work with them. It is wonderful to get the information out to the general public. HSP’s need to know that they are not “wrong,” or “too sensitive.” Your talk is a blessing for many HSPs and their friends and family, as well as professional and workplace colleagues. I have come to see my own HSP as a gift and I hope any HSPs out there who read this will come to see their HSPness in a similar way. Perhaps the day will come, and hopefully not that distant a day, when being an HSP is seen as an asset and not a liability.
Fabulous work Alane Freund is doing, assisting all of us who are sensitive in this crazy busy amped up world. Check out the rest of Alane's UA-cam videos. Have an online session with her. Or, if you're lucky and live in her area, visit her at her barn for a session with her amazing horses. She is giving all of us a gift!
I haven't finished the video yet. Living with ADHD I think im Low Senisitve Person. I NEED a TON of stimulation to feel normal.
A friend is HSP; looking back, I havent been too empathic and now feel guilty for the added stress probably put onto them.
Good for you for the self-reflection and seeing your friend in a different light. ADHD can be super challenging to maneuver, be kind to yourself as well! You and your friend might be a great Yin & Yang
I've been called"too sensitive" my entire life.Told not to take things"personally".Its very frustrating because so many people are "thick" and really seem clueless.But I have to interact with them.I am good at communicating with people and reading people but it drains my energy.
I feel drained by people like that as well.
Psalm 118:17
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord.
Matthew 7:6
Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.
Job 39:13
The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully.. she lays her eggs on the ground, unmindful that a foot may crush them. She treats her young harshly as if they were not hers for God did not endow her with wisdom or give her a share of good sense. Yet when she spreads her feathers to run, she laughs at horse and rider.
Colossians 3:21
Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
Revelation 21:8
But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars-they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.
Job 8:7
Although your beginnings were small, your future will be very great indeed.
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
I love that she wore these dark maroony colors and didn't wear formidable jewelry-
I love her maroon top too, and the black lapels. I did notice though that one was turned in during the majority of the talk and it kind of bothered me until finally it unfolded itself later on. And now I've found out that noticing details is a HSP thing 🤣🤣🤣
@@victoriaszabo2155 0l0l0
Knowing this is atleast bringing me some sense of relief & closure 😕 I had lots of verbal abuse, judgment & name calling even till this date in my 40s due to this sensitive trait in me 😔. All of this triggered anxiety all my life. My parents always felt a shame to reveal to the world that I am their child because I didnt bring them neither the fame & accolades nor the joy compared to my siblings. I was that difficult sensitive child & the black sheep in the family 😒. So to keep peace in the family & some protection to myself, till date I tend to comply with everything they demand of me. All of these traits have significantly been impacting my professional & personal life all along 😔
Happy to get know that there are so many people over there like me. It always felt weird for being a HSP, one of that 30% . ❤
I have always been a sensitive person. When growing up I blamed myself. Until I gave myself a break. Ya know don't be so hard on yourself. And with all of that I knew I could do things that other people couldn't do. That was playing sports. I found out that a young age that I could things with a baseball or football that others couldn't. When on the football field I could visually scan the whole field better than others and was able to know when unexpected things happen, I knew where it was going to happen. I read everything about sports I could and if what I did not" fit the bill" I knew it before others. Sensitive and perfection. Even when driving a car and if someone is with me I will notice a car from the side on an adjacent street when even their tires move. That person in the car with me would ask why did you hit the brakes and then I would have to explain. But all that being said my feelings get hurt easily. I could also pick up on things about people that don't show where other people cannot.