I hear often: "you are just too sensitive." It definitely came from constant criticism, and other kinds of abuse. I've learned to embrace it and not condemn myself for them. I think maybe we're just better at detecting subtle cruelty than others. Hard to say.
I heard that a lot growing up. I decided that being insensitive is a much bigger character deficit. The correct word is actually dullard. They are dulled, emotionally, intellectually, socially and morally. It turns them into cowards because they can only act by mimicking the bahavior of their immediate group. In short people who are put off by sensitivity to the degree that they ridicule others for it are simply informing the world that they are the least likely to take the risks required to leave the world better than they found it.
I heard that a lot as a child. My father even held a family meeting with my mom, sister, and I so that he could go over all the things that were 'wrong' with me - I remember that being too sensitive was one of them. I finally just ran out the door in tears and down the street. It is still fresh in my mind and I'm in my 60's. It is obvious to me that the person with the toxic behavior and personality was my father. It makes me sad to think how different my life and feelings of self worth would have been if I had grown up with a loving, nurturing father. But then, I've heard that he grew up in a toxic environment with mental and physical abuse. The generational gift that keeps on giving! I love your decision to embrace it.
@@Swist1213 wow! I thought my parents taking the family to bob's big boy and "have dessert" (none for me of course as i was "far too fat") while they did the list of what i need to have fixed about me-everything from plastic surgery to my pathological selfishness to my body shape, my voice, my laugh, endless list-while my brother laughed along- was unique. Sheesh. I feel you. I was 9 when they started this. If i cried or reacted in any way they would pounce. I had to agree with them and add to the list or it would get much worse. And of course the public setting was important.
HSP tends to be: Highly empathic Need time to reflect Difficulty with change Easily overstimulated Aware of the needs of others Seek meaning or seek purpose Very detail oriented or solution focused Often take things personally Difficulty making dicisions or need more time doing so High need for solo time or down time! YES, YES, YES!
@Ryan Curnow on the other side, when you are hyper vigilant you easily notice small gestures and needs in others. When you have autism you are not tuned in to others needs and moods.
I find that it’s hard just finding someone to talk to, PERIOD. I’m usually the one on the listening end of things, and I truly don’t mind, however, I have no one that I can “download” with.
@@GyatRizzler69-of3wl This is so true, it’s really heartbreaking. ❤ But I’ve been finding that the more I allow myself permission to be authentic and am healing other trauma, I can open up in smaller ways with people and connect about deep thoughts. Not all of them, and not a lot, but with certain people you can build connections and friendships on some deeper things, and they’ll really appreciate it! It’s really life changing to be able to connect and be valued for my empathy and sensitivity and it’s helping my confidence grow so much. We just need to be careful to not rely on that validation, or keep over sharing with the same person, keep it slow and steady and try to remember to come from a place of “I have something valuable to share” instead of a place of “I need them to like me and value me and reduce me.” It’s hard but it’s been so helpful on my healing journey. ❤❤❤
I am very sensitive. More than I’d like to be. I was bullied by my mother severely when growing up. I remember most of my childhood crying hysterically.
God this is me too. My mother was a narcissists who bullied me relentlessly growing up and also put me through so much other types of abuse which I won’t get into because of how horrible it was but I was always seen as the black sheep of the family from how sensitive I was and now most of the work I do on myself is understanding that it’s okay that I’m a highly sensitive person and even though it hurts so much it’s a part of ourselves that needs to be loved and embraced or it will either come out in neurotic tendencies or you will go through a hardened phase. Because I never dealt with mine I ended up developing severe OCD and depression because it was my nervous systems attempt to regulate itself.
Did it make you more sensitive? I was bullied and it exasperated my sensitivity..very hard to trust people too after being mocked and shamed for so long
The hardest part about watching your videos is knowing that I've tried to explain all this to other people and no one ever believed or listened to me. It's so hard and painful to realize I was right all along and was constantly invalidated.
My heart goes out to you. I survived too much to detail here, but I identify so much with finally getting validation from videos. I am 64. I am an orphan emotionally.
I was 4 when my mother put a xmas tree up and decorated it. I was bothered by the fact that this beautiful tree was cut down to be dressed up with lights and ornaments. It didn't make sense to me. I befriended the tree and worried that it was going to die. She put it on the curb while I cried and hung onto the tree. I sat on the curb with the tree and cried. She left me there. The garbage truck came, and the men noticed me clenching the branches and crying hysterically. My mother did not comfort me the garbage men did. They tried to explain to me that it would be ok. But I knew this tree, my friend would die. One man walked me to the door and informed my mother that I was outside on a busy street. She told him I was dramatic. He tried to explain the reason I was crying. My mother laughed, and the garbage man did not. I continued to cry for days. I felt the sap on my hands and thought that the tree was crying, too. She took me to the pediatrician complaining of my constant crying over the Xmas tree. The Dr told her that she had a very special child and that there was nothing wrong with me. There were no hugs no I love yous in our house. And def no Xmas trees.
Awwwww 💔❤️... I honestly felt the whole story, especially when mentioned the sap of the tree being its tears... You can write a children's book about this, maybe you can write one version where the child still remains hurt and sad (your original actual story) and another version where the child is comforted and loved and seen, and in that way teach children & adults how to tune in to others sensitivities... I found the essence of your story between You & the Tree, to be heartbreakingly sweet... 💔❤️💋 👧+🌲 (I even like the additional dynamic of the sanitation workers in your story.. for real, I really mean it! I think this makes a really sweet story. ❤❤ (Your connection to the tree being the sweet part, just to clarify!!))
* wow …..so sorry, my heart ached for your 4Year old self … and no doubt carrying so many emotions for a life time is hard . Very hard mother I wonder what happened in her life - of course no excuse. So good you remember - you can work on yourself. I had a few things happening at that age. I hope you are ok. Sending hugs to you today.🌸💕🌸
It’s not easy being a HSP. I take on a lot of other peoples emotions, abuse, Trauma. As a child, I was very sensitive and kind. I just wanted to please my narcissistic mother. She ignored me and I was neglected. I saw she couldn’t keep the house cleaned so I cleaned it for her. I was 6 or 7. I felt bad for her. I wanted her love. I never got attention or love. I’m 50 now and I’m am still a people pleaser. I’m depressed and struggle with my troubled past. My mother ruined me Please make NPD abuse a crime! These narcissistic parents murder your soul
I remember at a young age cleaning the house too! I tried so hard to make my mom's life better. I have always felt like I was her parent instead of the other way around. Not until having my own kids did I realize how messed up it was. I mourn not getting to just be a kid.
Yes! My Narc parent would rage about how overwhelmed she was and how no one helped. From a young age I would dust, vacuum, do dishes. Then she ignored, criticized my efforts or say something like “what do you want a medal?”
My entire life I have felt like a chameleon- always adapting to others feelings/changes and feeling it more deeply than I should. Thank you for this video
As an HSP. healing my inner child is extremely important to me... That little girl deserved to know she was exactly who she was supposed to be. The worse thing abusive people can do is try to change an empathic child it's always so abusive..
I notice every subtle detail of EVERYTHING. It’s incredibly exhausting. I find myself getting frustrated with other people for being oblivious to things I think are so obvious.
I’m a cashier and I anticipate every single thing rushing to the people in electrical carts putting their stuff on the belt, putting groceries in the carts, pushing buttons for people, putting in phone numbers so they don’t have to do it. I sometimes judge my coworkers bc they don’t anticipate and help people more. But I think I need to probably stop people pleasing so much. I always assume the role of the really nice helpful person, trying to recreate a personal connection with the customers.
I have had friends like you. They pick up on any tiny gesture or word. They ask lots of annoying questions. I find myself having to explain every word, every sentence, every gesture. Did I call? Did I not call? Why not? And so on. I was spending so much time explaining every little thing that offended them. Geeezus. I do not have any of these friends now. They are needy and I can't stand it. I have ended all of my 'friendships' with these people and am happier for it. They really, really need help.
F*** 'em, be too sensitive, take the time you need to deal with things. I'm an HSP, it is a gift. Trying to get people to understand who are not sensitive is like trying to teach a chimp to play the accordion. It is a waste of everyone's time. Allow I'm sure it is entertaining for other people to watch!
I was told the same thing growing up, and realize now that they said such things to validate the way they spoke to and treated me. You are not the problem.
Hopefully you have blocked their email, phone numbers, etc!! Move if necessary. Drop off the face of the earth. You don't need those evil narcissistic toxic waste things in your life!
Once I realized my empathic nature was a trauma response and not just bc I’m a good person and care (which I still do) it’s born out of my own SUFFERING
As a hsp, I could detect who was kind & loyal immediately in a room full of people. This quality was hated of me & I was shamed & judged for it. I ended up suppressing it overtime & I became a victim of abuse bec of it. I am now as an adult re-aquanting with this inborn ability. This is the ultimate bs detector necessary for survival. Never listen to people who say you should suppress it!
Whats weird is i always thought it was common sense and every one felt this way ..common sense isnt common after all and i have to think twice about every single thing cuz my instinct is on over drive but no one else's is around is and took me fourty years to realize im extremely unique and most dont think or feel like i do ..
It’s definitely a super power Or the way I like to think about it, is that it’s like being a Super Car and learning through self Enquiry and good role modelling/ good teaching, how to drive that super car to its best ultimate maximum
Me the same, being abused as a child and being highly sensitive gave me this ability, yes i can walk into a room and immediately sense bad people, i am highly intuative this has been both a curse and a saviour at the same time..
I'm an highly sensitive person and also an artist. It suits me well. I see and feel things others don't. It has helped me as an elementary school teacher. A couple of parents came in my class and asked what I did to their son. He had always been a mute. I simply showed him how to press on his stomach, open his mouth and push out sound. Then I set him desk to desk with the most talkative student in the class to help him with his work as he only spoke Spanish and needed help with school work. She was bilingual. It took about three days and he was talking just fine. Also I saw a child having an asthma attack on the play. I put him on my back and carried him piggy back to the school nurse. His parents thanked me for saving his life. One child seemed too flushed to me. I sent her to the school nurse with two students to assist her. She ended up in the hospital for two weeks with brittle diabetes. How thankful I am for the sensitive gifts God has given me to help children and others in need.
Hallo Linda! I very much recognize your experiences! Late in life, I've found out that I am an hsp and an INFJ. That's probably why I had difficulties to handle a childhood with low emotional understanding!... But in my work as a teacher in 'neglected areas' , I realized that my personality traits and my childhood experiences were very useful! Also gifted with artistic skills that I used in my pedagogy - some of my pupils even later became artists... Retreated, and late in life, it's my turn!... I've started painting and writing 😅 Lots of love to you and to Patrick who make those very helpful videos!! 💕 Sara Mariasdotter
That's not really the sensitivity he's speaking of here, you're describing more common adult sense. This is extreme traits and life altering proclivities that stems from Trauma Response
A great example of being an HSP that I can personally recall is driving in the car with my family as a child, and seeing an elderly person or someone with mobility issues walking alone along the side of the road- as a child I felt so deeply sad and heartbroken for them. I would have a hard time shaking it, and always wondered why none of my family members, etc. seemed to care at all- in fact most of the time they didn’t even notice. Feeling like an alien is a great way to put it!
The pet thing really hit me. When our pet rabbit died I was distraught. He had a sudden stroke. My mom got annoyed with me because he was "just a rabbit" and I was overreacting because I was crying. I was like 15. No one else at home seemed bothered. I was the one who also had insisted we take him to the vet when he was stroking out.
Hello, my Brother. Animals, the furbabies we have known, have souls, have feelings. There is no such thing as a "just a" in this world or on this plane. That wonderful rabbit is still.there for you!!
I had such similar things happen with dogs and my family not feeling the extreme pain I felt for a truly loved by all animal. I cry years later thinking about them. I always wanted to understand why no one else was devastated like me. Having learned I have BPD a few years ago helped me finally understand why I have severe reactions when others don’t.
My husband was like that with dogs - they loved him. But my axiety was deflective, and I was so sad about that. I am learning to be more calm. It seems true that some animals don't care, thank goodness for me growing up!
Being HSP who has dealt with narcissists all my life - at this point "normal" people are a mystery to me. I tend to befriend narcissists. So much so that if someone wants to be my friend I have to question if they are a narcissist, lol. I don't know how to approach normal people, because they don't do the "love bombing" thing (so they seem cold to me). At the moment I am in the observation mode - just working on myself and watching others. P.S. Thanks for saving the cat, Patrick!
So...you're so used to the love bombing, you feel weird if someone DOESN'T do it? Wow, I think I do that, too. Never really thought of that perspective before
@@ElanaVital83 Yeah, without love bombing I don't know if someone "likes" me or not. I think narcissists show up to my life, so I could learn to love myself. Their treatment of me makes me want to be my own friend. I watch all these videos every day to train myself not to let another narcissist in my life.
My family made me feel that I had a mental illness. It wasn’t until I was out on my own for a few years that I realized that I was actually the only sane one. Just figuring that out was hugely healing. I spent so much of my life wondering what was wrong with me, why was I always so angry, why did I need boundaries etc etc. Both my sister and I are in therapy. Different therapies work for us, she is more sensorineural therapy focused and I like CBT.
I feel this. i've always felt it's something wrong with me because how deeply im able to perceive things and situations and how much alone time I need. Being highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse. I'm so thankful for Patrick though. Seeing someone like him who "gets it" is very motivating.
My alcoholic parents saying, "look what you've done to this family, Sara!" I grew up believing that everything was my fault and I was a weirdo. Basically everything was the kids fault. My mother was a saint. I realize now I'm the most "normal" member of my alcoholic family.
I get and feel everyone of you💕! Know the feeling, we are the sane ones and they provoked that. After 47 years, I know it was not my doing. My children ended up like this raised by their abusive and controlling fathers. I had to be the opposite and nurture them but it has been too late for one who became an adult. Never got custody back of him and fighting for my last child, a teen who has been alienated from me for years due to hers. Been uphill battles with so much opposition from everyone. Religious abuse needs to be exposed and confronted.
Yes 100%. The only mental illness is trauma and that’s caused from the abuse. Grew up with that and my symptoms went away when I moved out and even more when I fully cut ties
I would watch Matilda time after time after time as a little girl. I wished that I had someone to rescue me like Miss Honey. A psychologist told my mother that I was an HSP from a very young age, but she weaponized it and did exactly what you describe. I'm so glad this type of content exists now.
I bought this book on my native language and I guess it would help me to relax before going to bed? It is a positive storyline there, right? Yeah I usually wish someone MIGHT help me, because I have it so difficult, then later I get more and more irritated over the fact that I start taking it for granted and become kind of dependent…does Patrick speak about it in his video? I also think that HSP is pretty similar to ADHD…
I love the call out of 'empath" culture. My hsp traits are amplified by my trauma they weren't a super power they were an open nerve. They still are if I'm honest but I'm working on it. One of my toxic parents calls them self an empath.
This. I’m an hsp, but it isn’t because I have some bogus empath super power; it was the only way to survive the abuse. I had to be highly attuned to my parents’ wrath and try to pre-empt the abuse. Being an hsp tends to attract narcissists, as they are highly attuned to the “comfort making” hsp. It’s like a shark smelling blood in the water.
@@oliveoil4380 HSP aren’t made. They’re born that way. But if they’re raised in the wrong environment that isn’t SENSITIVE to their needs, then trouble arises. Being an HSP isn’t without its trials but there are some really beautiful things about it. I don’t know why you’re so insistent on not seeing it in a positive light at all. Kinda weird to be honest.
@@kconrad5893 I’m talking about people who call themselves “empaths”, and act as if they have some woo woo super power. HSP is neurotype. I am an HSP. I’m not some magic woo “empath”.
@lissakarabear Being an empath doesn’t mean you are a pleasant healthy person. It means that you feel and absorb the emotions of others. Your “toxic” parent maybe a Dark Empath. That is, an empath with higher levels of psychopathy. Or they are simply reflecting the emotions of those around them.
The thought that this is all out in the open now and can be talked about! The abuse in the 50's, 60's even 70's was swept under the rug. It was taboo, shhhh, don't tell anyone. The secrets of abuse are too much for a child to bare. I guess it's never to late to process all that damage.
It absolutely breaks my heart but gives me so much happiness that my generation can talk about this so freely. I’m 18 and had to leave home because the abuse was affecting me so greatly, I can’t imagine having to pretend like everything was fine or being shunned or anything like that :(
Keep counting. In the 80's and 90's, we were told our emotional abuse wasnt a thing. All the credit goes to Christina Crawford for writing, and standing behind her book, "Mommie Dearest", and forcing America to admit child abuse existed, and needed to be dealt with. She's a fucking hero.
I grew up with my grandparents and talking about mental health was a no no. I suffered the worst depression in my teens until I was finally diagnosed in my late 20s. I've been in and out of therapy for so long that I've come to realize I'm too broken for therapy.
One of my therapists cried when I told her a few things that had happened and affected me, later telling me she thought I had cptsd. I was stunned, nobody had ever shown me such care for the pain I had and do feel. I was silent and wondering why! Mouth agape! Then it hit me, this is how an adult would feel for a child, sad upset hurt and protective and not something I've experienced before. How shameful that a family can't show that child the same level of empathy. I'm even suspicious of this level of emotion as again I'm not used to it! Nobody has ever shown me this level of care and warmth in safe way. Always having to hide who you really are and feeling you're defective in some way or mentally ill! Something my mom is fond,of telling me! ✌I also had as a kid and as an adult the rages over maltreatment of animals, small children the elderly vulnerable literally anyone who is hurt or harmed including the environment!
It was so validating to share my stories with my therapist and notice the unmistakable anger, disgust, and astonishment she felt when I explained how my narcissistic mother treated me. I don’t even remember the context, I just remember that look of “wtf” on her face and realizing, “yeah! wait a minute! this really is fucked up, and not an okay way to treat a child!” It felt like I finally, FINALLY had permission to feel the same way. All my life I had been managing and compartmentalizing my emotions, but seeing my therapist get upset on my behalf made me realize I didn’t have to keep making things “okay” when they really weren’t okay at all! I’m so happy my therapist let herself react to my story from a place of authentic caring, because I had taken for granted the strength I exhibited as a child and the emotions I hadn’t let myself feel on my own behalf. One of the things about being an HSP with childhood trauma is sometimes it’s so easy to feel for everyone else that you make excuses for them and don’t allow yourself to feel for your own inner child. It was only after feeling her feelings for little me that I was able to tap into those same feelings for myself… the power of reflection!
i feel called out lmao i always feel suspicious when people show any care for me, and think to myself how it's either probably an act, or they won't care once they get to know the real me. it creates a disorganized attachment style, a "please care about me" but also scared of being cared about.
I am the exact same ways you wrote throughout your comment even to the point of getting forceful about the comments of some friends of mine who have lamenting "pesky squirrels" who eat their garden up and what they've done. Which I won't say. I even get a physical reaction if I see just a quick image on YT/IG of a video about a stray animal. It can up my anxiety like I've been shocked. When your therapist was tearing up, did you feel like you needed to comfort her or somehow stop her from empathizing with you? Like saying, "Oh. It's OK. I'm fine."?
Im an HSP and a podcast that has been immensily helpful for me is "unapologetically sensitive". The main host ends every podcast episode with the words: "Remember, sensitivity is nothing to apologize for. It's your superpower". The first time I heard that, I was fighting back tears during my commute to work.
I don't feel like it's a "superpower" at all. One can be quite sensitive, but if one gets too caught up in it, it can become crippling. Being more practical, becoming a better person, making good financial, personal decisions is what is a "superpower".
I'm 43 years old. I am optimistic to hear someone else's experience especially as HSP relates to child-hood trauma. I feel incredibly misunderstood, invisible and alone. I feel so deeply and can 100% identify with this scenario as it relates to actual HSP. I do agree it's important to share and bring awareness to this trait. I cried listening to this video. I have side effects from feelings of low self worth. My childhood was nomadic and lonely. Never belonged anywhere I felt alone and invisible. The abandonment has crippled my life so much. I may be able to control this by getting to know myself. I wish my gift wasn't such a heavy cross. Your impactful video has given me so much hope. The prompts for self reflection are obvious tools I can actually use to begin healing and navigating life better.
Yours is a more recent comment. I really identify with it as well. I need to communicate with someone that will listen. Please. My first memory is of looking up at my parents and seeing my mom bite my dad's arm and then him hauling off and hitting her in the face. Mom says I was too young to remember that. Mom says a lot of things she knows nothing about. I always failed at school even though I was considered bright. I got held back twice once in first then second grade. Turns out nobody knew I needed glasses for years. Nobody. Mom married a guy who built us a nice home. But he hated me. I have my dad's name. I got spanked for every little infraction to the point my brother could do something, blame it on me and it would be believable no questions asked. Mom once was talking to a neighbor while she was tending her bonsai. She said she named it after me because that's her first one and the one she got to make all the mistakes on. I ran away at 12. Brought me home, spanked me. Mom divorces dude when I was 14. Single parent, mom works 3 jobs now. Just me and my brother. (There was physical abuse at this time, Mom had a hard time dealing with my ex-stepfather in the split.) High School, even though I failed, was the most normal time in my life. Managed to graduate in summer school at 19. Moved out. This is already long and I'm only at 19. I left a lot of things out that I don't want public. But I'm your age,45, been begging for help or at least to be treated kindly my whole life. 🤢 I just want it to stop. I don't want to be angry anymore. How I act now is not who I am or how I want to be. It's so lonely to live like this.
There seems to be an overlap in characteristics between HSP and autistic people. I think, evolutionarily speaking, some of us would be the meerkat who is standing on a hill, scanning the horizon - ready to alert at the first sign of danger.
I came to look for this comment - I didn't get my ASC diagnosis until my early 30s because I was convinced it was "just" HSP. I think the overlap is interesting.
My parents to this day call me crazy, turns out they are just crazy makers. Once I created distance, everything got easier. This video summarizes so much of the processing I've done this year, amazing work. Thank you!!!
Me too! Distancing was both the toughest, but most beneficial and instrumental to my healing. I am literally blossoming and the healthiest in every sense since I stopped talking to my primary family members. To think how afraid I was to cut them off and that they would come after me.. I couldn't imagine what my life would be after. I just knew what I knew-that being in contact with them was horrible, unhealthy and making me utterly miserable. I am glad I made that brave step and actually started living a life of my own after 22 years. It is possible, keep your head up! And keep doing what you're doing. Healing and processing is different & unique for everyone and should not be compared. ❤🙏
The crazy makers are anxiety-providers. Intrusive, controlling, criticizing, disapproving, anger, rage,resentment, envy issues--like throwing a Spider-Man net on you.
I always hated being called “too sensitive “ or sensitive in general, it made me feel weak. I always felt I needed to fight for myself as a child and be “strong”, even to this day hearing my friends and family say that I’m sensitive, rather that be in a neutral circumstance or other, it makes me feel mad, or naked, as if I wasn’t able to get to my destination, which is being strong and independent. Being able to get threw things on my own and “prove I didn’t need you anyways”
I feel the same way where my sister told me I need to grow a back bone. And going through all that made it hard for me to ask for help for anything so as a result I always just struggle through things by myself and feel uncomfortable when people help me because it makes me feel weak
yeah being sensitive is always so stigmatized which is understandable to an extent but sensitive people are usually the most creative and introspective, i used to think i was just sensitive but i realize that half of it was actually hyper vigilance and hyper vigilance is about survival
@@leahflower9924 for sure, I always get shit from my friends because they always tell me I think everyone has bad intentions and are out to get me. It’s hard to know how to deal with these types of things
As an HSP I cut off toxic relationships, and minimised obligated social contacts, I avoid crowded and noisy places and have been working from home since 2 years. Corona somehow helped me tremendously.
Me too! The pandemic was good for me. I didn’t have to go to work (I worked at home). And I didn’t feel pressured to go out or do always “do” something on the weekend, A certain friend asks me every Monday What did you do over the weekend? When I say nothing they make you feel like you failed. But it doesn’t bother me
@@katrinat.3032 I know the feeling of "failure", the outworlds pressure to mingle in and "enjoy" life and people, like that is a must and not having that need so much is abnormal. I think finding the middle is the best, and I'm still working on that. Its healthy to see people sometimes, but its also healthy to enjoy your own company at home. Looking out for external stimuli all the time (like your friend) is also unhealthy.
I thrived during lockdowns and remoting in as well. I still free to on weekends but not weekdays and I really wish I could just stay home. My therapist labeled me an HSP pretty quickly. I said, nah that seems like psychic stuff to be. But the now I hear about it and especially reading connects here that are exactly what I'm experiencing, I'm starting to believe her. I didn't underarms why others needs and emotions became my own. It's hard and I really don't like it because I work with a lot of unhappy people at work and my family... Well... Here we are. My family doesn't really discuss anything, besides me. No feelings are allowed to be tolerated by others in my family. I've had many traumas as an adult as well which is making it even harder. When I saw the thumbnail and it said I feel like an alien. I have said that many times.
It’s been six months since I’ve seen, spoke, or heard from my 3sisters. I’m MOST DEF. HSP, & 1 sister, the youngest is a narc. Recovering drugs/alcohol. I’m recovering from deep emotional abuse of/by 2 of my sisters. It’s been peaceful, yet I’m still so sad to now have zero family, as my parents died.
@@1timeslime971 I so understand. My mom was toxic all my long life til she passed about 8 years ago. I'm clean and sober over 14 years now and one thing I HAD to do was cut her out of my life 2 diff times for a total of 7 years. She had to be taught that she couldn't treat me like that. My only sis has wandered away, but we're polar opposites (more like my mom), so I'm the odd one. I wouldn't trade that for anything, actually. It's not in me to want to be abrasive, hateful, foul-mouthed, and egotistical. I'm sorry you've had it rough, like so many of us. We're in this world but not of it. I hope you find your "family by choice" because it's not always about those we were born to but the ones we choose. ❤
I would love to hear a lot more about undiagnosed ADHD and how murderous it can be for a child to feel like an absolute failure and having the immense weight of that failure put on your shoulders by everyone around you. i.e. "you're not trying hard enough, you never listen, the problem is you dont WANT to pay attention, you're never gonna make it in life if you can't even remember to finish your math homework, you just think good enough is good enough" etc. And how this can fuse with and/or result in an All or Nothing mentality, Perfectionism, Resentment and Detachment/Indifference or even Nihilism as a coping mechanism. EDIT: Ofcourse not just ADHD, going over Dyslexia, Autism Spectrum, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and whatever else, would be GREATLY appreciated.
69 and just learning about this. I once thought my 70+ aunt was wasting her time to be in counseling but hearing her story shed a lot of light on the overall family dynamic.
I like how he says that these traits are just different, not better or worse. I identify with a lot of this and it does make me feel good to think that I am helpful, caring, and sensitive to the needs of the people (and animals) around me, but I can also be easily overwhelmed, shy or take things too personally in situations where that is unproductive. Every trait has pros and cons.
Right. High sensitivity is *not* a "superpower" and it bugs the hell out of me when I read chirpy motivational memes that say it is. It's a mix of abilities and disabilities.
@@charlesstanford1310 yes, but sometimes I cope by thinking about it as a superpower, because most of the time the bad has outweighed the good, I didn’t ask for this, and romanticizing it helps me deal with the overstimulation. Like Spider-Man. Hope that’s not chirpy. Most heroes have crap backstories, and I have crap self esteem and need all the help I can get reframing my backstory. I agree that toxic positivity sucks and this HSP isn’t something to brag about. “Hey, I was raised in a super abusive situation and survived by being hyper aware.”
@@feralkitten1475 Rest and taking your time solves it all. That's all that can be said, really. Be empathetic towards yourself, and see that you just need time to "get well". You will come out of the rut. I wish you all the best 💛
I think my high sensitivity comes from growing up on high alert. Always being aware and watching the moods and actions in the house and carrying that outside of the house. Looking forward to listening to the video and comparing my thoughts to what you share.
BINGO! I am in perpetual fight or flight from growing up the same way. I never knew what I was going to get, and now it's decades later and I still feel like that little girl inside.
@@Amzie-kx1xr And asking for help? Not unless I am completely unable to figure a fix out, or just endure. It is irrational. But I was hard-wired from birth on to not have any needs. There wasnt going to be any help anyway, so just DON'T NEED HELP. I have come a long way in recovery, but I have more work. I need help. To get help.🥺 I know I will build up courage and strength to return to the healing therapy I need. Like a snake shedding it's old dead, confining skin, my future will be brighter.
@@amandalynngibson8332 Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. Even decades into my own recovery, I often still discover new things like that in the least expected of places, and add them to my journal of observations I've made about why I'm "like this." I hope you've been able to find someone to help you process what you have experienced and how you feel so that you may heal in a way that brings peace to you. Everyone deserves that. Never stop, never give up. It's so worthwhile.
Yes! I have been told my adrenal fatigue is from being on high alert my whole childhood. My energy levels have always been so very low. It’s so frustrating and makes me feel like I am just lazy.
I really like your approach brother. I think you are helping me not feel so guilty for being alive. Thank you. I will continue to watch you. I'm blacksheep and disowned. 62 and still dealing with rejection. No body in my family ever got help. I have a ms in counseling.
Keep doing you! It’s never too late. I’m proud of you for getting the MS and learning all you can to know that you are worthy. I hope you can let go of that guilt one day; it’s not your burden to hold. I really love his approach too 💕
I am older than you and have no birth family connections either. I felt guilty until a few years back. Always wondered why I didn't get alcoholism when everyone else did. I was told often enough that I didn't deserve to be happy, be married or have anything good..... Why in the world did I feel guilty? Think it was programmed into me from a baby. Have memories as a very very young child. That means I was traumatized from a baby. So you are worth being alive. You are worth having a life. You are worth having your own thoughts, opinions and feelings. I was taught nothing I did, thought, or felt was correct or worth anything. I never fit into their systems. I was always an outsider. Now I am glad that I was. I am glad that other relatives rejected me. Don't get me wrong. It is still difficult around the holidays. But I have made a life for myself. I no longer have "friends" who devalue me. I no longer pay attention to those people who have to put me down in order to make themselves feel better. Just had that happen the other night. I have now put that person who was an aquaitence for about 40 years in to the only acknowledging 'hello or goodbye' category. They are now unimportant for me to go out of my way for them again. Don't wish them harm. Actually prayed for them yesterday. That is part of my process. I pray earnestly once or twice, then let them go. Other people who I allowed into my life for years and hurt me deeply, I pray for as long as it takes to forgive and release them. Family always takes me longer. But I am more peaceful than ever before. You will make it. God made you to live as full a life as possible and has created you for joy and happiness. Every day I thank Him for His love for me, as well as being thankful for all the other good things in my life. I can see Him protecting me, now that I see that not being with these abusive people is a gift. It makes room for other, more healthy relationships. God bless you🙏 You are worth it!
@@cyndiburns7932 Thank you so much. My youngest sister of 50 killed herself last June. Before she did it, she left a message on my voicemail to go f myself. Called me a stipid b3tch and told me not to go to her funeral. I feel so bad I was not there for her. But shelied to me, and stole from me for years. 'It hurts so much. She was a chronic alcoholic. A lot of physical and emotional abuse as children. I was molested by my oldest bro for 8 years. I have many recurring memories from childhood. I took the 30 question survey and said yes to all 30. I'm trying. I have a wonderful son. Thank God.
I'm glad you're here. Thank you for doing your work. I used to feel guilty about not being able to help my family and the world at large but I'm realizing that the work that we are doing on ourselves is helping to heal the people & the entire planet.
It's taken me years of work to realize I am an HSP who experienced childhood trauma. After reading the book "Scattered Minds", I realized that my sensitivity during a chaotic childhood caused me to develop ADHD as I was growing up. I knew I had ADHD, but always wondered why. Now it makes sense. I was so attuned to the emotions in my family and began withholding myself so as not to burden my parents. I became an expert at the "fawn" trauma response, my nervous system constantly on alert, my parents always complimented on their very well behaved 3 year old. By the time I have any real memories I had absolutely no sense of self. It's taken me 28 years to realized why I am chronic people pleaser, terrified of rejection, and cannot seem to live a happy life. The puzzle pieces of my childhood trauma are finally coming together. I highly recommend the book for any HSP and ASHD childhood trauma survivors.
You just described a perfect summary of what my life has looked like. Wow, it's amazing to know there are others out there like you. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
Did anyone else have adult thoughts as a child? I have vivid memories of being 1,2,3 yrs old where therapists say that’s impossible. I’ve never been to one, can’t afford mental health. I also remember the conversation I would have with myself when once again I was left to my own survival as a baby. They would leave me in diapers on a 200 acre farm alone wandering over bridges, creeks,stables with no one. I was standing by rushing water and said I could just dip my toe in and be taken down the river and no one would know. But I knew I’d be in trouble if something bad happened to me. The message was already there and I was still in diapers when I got it loud and clear.
Right off the bat with the lone family member thing, this is so accurate. I literally hide from my family that I go to therapy because they are deeply against it. They heavily criticize me and others, but never critique themselves.
When I was around 14 I yelled and nearly cried trying to stop a kid from killing a frog, What I remember the most about it is the look in everybody else's faces, like: girl you are loosing It. I am 48 now, thanks to you and the crappy childhood Fairy I Know now I am not crazy, why I have all the health issues I have, and how deeply deeply wrong was what I lived in my childhood. Thanks for being there. Greets from Spain
Yesterday I had brunch with my family, and I felt very much like whatever I said was met with dead air or very short responses. I took a walk afterwards and was feeling so empty and sad, but seeing the ducks and meeting a puppy on the trail was healing.
Don't meet up with them again until they show you some interest and warmth. I know it's hard because we miss our abusers, but you shouldn't subject yourself to experiences that leave you feeling empty. You are entitled to happiness and joy if that's what you're ready to accept into your life. It's a lessen I'm slowly learning. Don't let your brain convince you that missing someone is worse than being abused by them, it's not true. It's better to miss them from a safe/happy/loving environment until they're ready to treat you with kindness.
Thank you! I am the only one in my family (and being a HSP male) who has chosen to heal the generational abuse system of severe violence, sexual abuse etc. I’ve always felt so alone in this struggle and I had to remove myself fully from my family in order to heal.
For most, removing yourself from the abusive, dysfunctional family system is vital to healing the trauma and building a healthier life with boundaries with healthy people in healthy relationships.
@@aselyne5631 Sometimes you need (mental) breathing space. Partly due to my mental health, I live with my mom and sister. Sis is a narcissist, just like my dad. I have gone no-contact with Sis, and after almost a year I have the capacity to work on my own mental health again in earnest. Grey rocking might be a good technique to look up if no-contact is not safe to use. Realising there is a problem and getting help, like from this wonderful channel, is the first step on the journey to lessen the negative impact of your family situation.
I respect and appreciate how clear and repetitive you were about how HSP’s don’t have one up on those who aren’t HSP’s. I love how you pointed out the egoistic ‘empath’ identification culture out there. You’re an excellent educator.
I came across this at random, and I didn't know I needed this. Therapy is financially out of reach for a good number of people, making this invaluable. You're doing God's work, sir. Please keep making videos.
I so agree $150 an hour how could you pay for all that needing to go at least once a week should go three times a week but yet I need to buy groceries??? This is very good work he’s doing on UA-cam to help people like me who can’t afford to go and get therapy.
I've never heard of this before, but this sounds like just like me. And I am the only one in my family to try to seek mental health help and to try to understand the toxicity of my family. Thank you, Patrick. Really. Your videos are phenomenal.
I always felt like I wasn't really part of my family. It was like they were a family and I was just there. I never knew how to describe this before, but when you said you felt like an alien in your family I totally felt that.
so... my mom told me she felt like that her whole life. her mom was 'crazy' and very verbally/emotionally abusive to some of her children, while enabling criminality in others. how can I help with that, now that she is almost 80 and seems to be regressing to a 2 year old, behavior-wise?
Same. I hosted an Easter luncheon while living at home and the coworkers I invited even asked if I was related to these people because I was nothing like them. I have never met such a discombobulated group of people with nothing in common, ever.
I see a lot of my family being busy, over working, overplaying(gaming), or addictions so they bury the trauma deep under this, to push it away. Trauma has held me back from being my true self and I'm ready to purge it. In Trauma Therapy now and very excited to blossom. Most my family has told me my entire life that I'm too sensitive, even suggesting I have a terrible hormonal problem. IT's demeaning. I have found that my healing takes an enormous number of tools on many levels.
WOW, I'm a bit startled at self recognition of being the HSP, lone family member who has sought healing for trauma through books, therapy, medication, meditation, spiritual study, now self love and body work. But yes, I'm a stranger to my now very distant family. I also recently recognized my own Complex PTSD. It's a lot to take in. I'll be 71 next month and I'm having to do a complete reset on how I have viewed my life. It's liberating. Liberation feels like healing. I'm thinking that healing our childhood core wounds will make being highly sensitive into a super power that no longer feels painful.
From the black sheep that's been labeled crazy, too sensitive, too outspoken about my thoughts, "angry," and being told someone else knows me better than I know myself...I had to rewind and replay when you said it's not just being neurotic or chronic anxiety. I've been called so many things in my life and mostly in the past 5 years. I never knew how much I needed your channel. Thanks for everything you do.
Things that I know...I must be stupid and know nothing when in fact, I know a little about a lot of things but not a lot about one thing so people think I know nothing and ask someone else or Google it, I'm always right, if I don't know, I say I don't know.
I get “she hasn’t found someone to be with to date and get married” when I’ve reactively abused family members after years and years of pent up anger from put downs, invalidation, criticisms, gaslighting..why am I the only one who sees what’s going on?
I’ve lost a lot of friends from ganging up on me, ghosting, betrayals such as a girl sleeping with my boyfriend, not having commonalities with old friends as I’ve gotten older and everyone’s like “she doesn’t know how to deal with people”, well I’ve had a lot of betrayals, I have social anxiety and have autism that I suspect, there’s literally no empathy in my family for anything
Same!!! I’m so sensitive to random noises. I was teaching over zoom and my students with the beeping smoke detector batteries drove me mad lol. So nice to see it’s not just me!
One of the many hyper-arousal symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is hypervigilance and this refers to the experience of being in a state of high alert, constantly tense and ‘on guard’ and always on the lookout for hidden dangers, both real and presumed - it’s stressful and exhausting to maintain. This state of increased awareness, anxiety, and sensitivity to the environmental around you often manifests as a need to always scan your surroundings for potential threats.
For so long I have wondered why I’m ‘not over’ the childhood trauma which was my long standing narrative. My family have labelled me sensitive, over dramatic, and said the divorce really affected me. I believed all that until I realised I am in fact extremely sensitive (definitely HSP, possibly autistic), and I’m reacting to how they are with me now. Reframing identity is critical to me, I’m taking back the story ✍️
Hello Kerry. Adult diagnosis ASD. Definitely worth looking into neurodivergence/hsp. Paul at Aspergers from the Inside channel has very good information & supportive community. 👍
I stopped identifying with the past and my feelings about it. Instead, I identified the things that had grieved me as a child, understood it as an adult and let it go. Packed it up in a pretty package, gently, and visualized it floating down a river. That was the beginning of change for me. Realizing I could look at it all from a distance, unhurt place. It hurt then...it doesn't today. Blessings and peace.
I was bullied a fair bit early in my schooling, and a lot of the remarks from adults were about how sensitive I was, or that the other kids were just teasing and I should just ignore them. The implication was that I shouldn't take things so personally (and probably there were some implicit masculinity assumptions too since I was a boy). It helped turn me into a really outwardly tough, practical, unemotional person and made me feel crazy/psychopathic later in life because I thought I couldn't feel the emotions others felt in sad or difficult situations. I've only recently started to process/re-discover my sensitivity.
"I couldn't meditate until I worked through my childhood trauma." OMG!!! That makes so much sense! I have been trying for YEARS and have made zero progress. Thank you for helping me with that ONE statement!
@@Sherakee No. It isnt your fault. You are going to have to wade thru some of the childhood experiences which conditions the monkey brain that we continue to use after we grow up. Theres a primitive part of the brain that we want to get back to. But your responses to a toxic upbringing were smart and survival tactics based on limited experience of life trusting parents over your own natural intelligence. Exposing these blockages with this therapist Patrick and trusted friends and you will be homefree. But please not your fault.
This made me understand why people cry during somatic yoga. I cried during my meditation and finally ok with that and not embarrassed by it to let it go. Took25 years😅
Whelp, I finally teared up. I had a feeling it was coming at some point watching these videos, but when you said "you don't have to justify who you are" and other things along those lines that really hit me. My whole life I've been made to feel like there was something wrong with me, but my differences may actually turn out to be my strength once I'm able to heal more. Thank you
My parents made me feel like I was insane growing up for being sensitive. I went through a serious major depressive episode when I was a teenager, and they treated me like I was totally helpless and melodramatic. They ended up paying for a brain scan to see what was wrong with me instead of getting me real treatment, and they still hardly took me seriously.
Holy shit, I got a brain scan too. Like god forbid you treat me as a person with emotions, instead just bring me to the doctor to put some tight bands on my head and scan me.
That sucks. Sounds like they attempted to gaslight you with the brain scan, but the physiology of depression is an interesting angle to explore with links to gut health and inflammation. I'm an HSP who successfully manages post severe depressive episode with tumeric, curcumin and Sam-E.
@@coppersense999 The worst part was wondering if I'd find out I WAS making it up, so gaslighting was very much in play there. I hope you're managing well!
I got an ultrasound of my heart because of the chest pains and shortness of breath caused by my panic attacks as a teenager. The cardiologist told my parents that my chest pains were most likely caused by stress and anxiety and my parents decided that meant the problem wasn't real. My mother used to call my depression and panic attacks "pity parties" and my father would tell me that it was my fault for letting my abusive mother "get to me." They also failed to help me when I was sexually abused by an adult neighbor. Now that I'm in my mid 30s I have words for what happened: abuse and neglect. Inner child and inner teenager work have been immensely healing and helpful- validating all the crap my younger self was put through by these toxic, inept people. I hope you find healing, validation, and liberation on your journey!
This resonates so much for me. I remember when my father recently told me that his good friend - whom I also knew - had just lost her teenage daughter in a car accident. I immediately broke down in a flood of tears, asking if she was okay, etc. My stepmother just sat there looking at me scornfully, then made a derisive comment about how emotional I was being - to my own daughter. She could not understand why I was so upset, and also (as I later discovered) assumed I was being melodramatic and making it all about me. Actually, I was so overcome by compassion for this woman, and grief by proxy, that I was flooded from head to toe. It was such a kick in the guts to be so maligned and misunderstood for something so sincere and outside of my conscious control.
@@surrenderinfaith Thank you so much. I am definitely now pulling back and limiting my time with her to the bare minimum required. I’ve realised now that it’s okay to do that - I don’t owe her my time or my energy x
Did that woman even have a soul???! Not to care about others, isn't that a type of psychotic or something?! It's abnormal to say the least to be so hard hearted.
I am 60yo, and have lived with depression most of my life. I stumbled onto this video, and I am blown away with the information you’ve presented and how much it resonates! I am searching for a psilocybin retreat with the hopes of a breakthrough since I have been in a very dark, down place for the last year. With all of that rambling, I am simply trying to articulate how very grateful I am that I found you. I immediately felt a since of hope come over me. I subscribed. Thank you again. Peace and Love. 🙏🏼❤️
@@AuntClara0911 Thanks for your response. I found a retreat in/near Puerto Vallarta. It was started by American women and for some reason it felt more “safe” to me. It is pricey but, this is my life, or the possibility of happiness so it is worth the gamble for me. This retreat is “Buena Vida”. Look it up. I will leave this comment up on my UA-cam replies and give you feedback once I’m back from this experience. My retreat is December 8th thru the 12th. I’ll let you know… I am hopeful! Peace and love to you. 🙏🏼❤️
@@pjsopinion8028 So glad for you. It sounds lovely actually & the weather there will add to having a positive experience. Let me know how it goes. Blessings to you & may this help you beyond anything you can imagine.
I just checked off every thing you listed .I'm adopted, into a Victorian family of older people, so in addition to being born sensitive I was bouncing around the emotions of all these "foreign" emotional types.If I asked why they were angry they would YELL "I am NOT angry!" As an adopted child I was always told how grateful I ought to be.The house I grew up in was small and my Mother and Father argued, loudly , all the time. I was terrified by this every day.
I was always told I was highly sensitive. It was used as an excuse for my brother's and father's bullying. I remember saying sorry for everything... Even saying sorry for saying sorry too much...
My husband, whose mother was an aggressive malignant narcissists, apologized for everything, including the weather. He’s 66 and still does it. I’ve asked h to stop. When he’s stressed, he just can’t stop.
People have often said, 'Don't be so sensitive!' often in an overbearing way. I feel angry and frustrated with myself for being sensitive. I wish I could be less sensitive.
Exactly me. Even the part where I help others out of discomfort, ect. I once kept a man from falling because I saw him lose his balance and I was close enough to steady his gait, Can’t deal with noises and crowds. I can feel others moods and offer comfort. Must have my alone time!!!! I’m the scapegoat which has caused me to have resentment toward my parent. Thanks for speaking on this subject. I hate people who are mean to animals 😡
My narcissistic “spiritual guru” mother calls herself an “empath” which I find hilarious and disturbing since she doesn’t even have basic human empathy. It’s just another ego-feeding device for her specialness.
@Heather A Same. The mother called herself a humanitarian, but like to whom? Reflecting on her life on the whole, she didn't have it easy but she didn't have to spread that to subsequent generations. It should have been a catalyst for change. That has been my goal. The bus stops here. 😉
"the odd duck" omg ME. I am the odd duck. I want to cry and have deep conversations about all our different and shared trauma and everyone else either just wants to rub some dirt on it and get back in the game, or find some other kind of distraction, or be controlling, etc. I've always been "too sensitive" and "overreactive" etc. I remember bawling my eyes out when I was in 3rd grade because I saw a dog with only three legs. My little empath heart
Yeah.. im 44 know, seems to get harder for each year passing by, im from Denmark Scandinavia, and overhere there is a lot stigma on it, if youre not a soldier, you cant have ptsd and cptsd is not seen as a real thing ... I try to tell people it has to do with multiple traumatic experiences over a many year timespand, rape, kidnapping,seeing someone getting killed and not being able to help or save, finding your partner in bed with someone else, and throwing HSP on top? Alone being hsp growing up with alcoholic parents in a toxic family that does not talk about feelings, trying to look good to the world and hushing about any problem inside it is enough to create cptsd over a lifetime... We stay strong tho. 🫡✊🙌.
I understand and appreciate your daily challenges, as I am also experiencing similar daily challenges. Given I am HSP with CPTSD which stems from childhood sexual abuse, an emotional & psychological domestic violence and the traumas. I wish you all the best.
I can relate. From my experience Patrick is right about identities too. We need to be careful to not make labels (incl health dx) our identity. Using them to further understand ourselves and how we got to now can be helpful but also aware of unconsciously using them to avoid pushing comfort zones or to just be. Observe yourself as you live life: thoughts, emotions, needs, rxns etc but w/o any analysis, judgement or identity. Make sense? You’re enough just as you are. Always were and will be. Peace and health.
Being HSP combined with childhood trauma and CEN (childhood emotional neglect) is a lifelong nightmare to navigate. Three books: The Body Keeps The Score, along with books by Dr. Aaron and Jonice Webb have been of great help. Thank you for this video!!
The great thing about you is you keep things in perspective and clarity. I had no idea until a few years ago that there was such a thing as HSP. I was always called thin-skinned as a child and I would stick up for other people or animals that were being abused. It really wasn’t something I had to think about when acting on theses situations, it was innate as in there is no other option but to act because it is wrong and hurtful. I am 62 years old today and am no different than I was as a child. I have been in therapy and diagnosed in my late twenties with clinical depression and later in life with severe and treatment-resistant depression. I don’t want to understand why cultures and people can be so heinous and hurtful. This has been going on since the beginning of time and is overwhelming to me. I won’t be sad to leave this world.
If the world had more people like us, it would be a better world. It's really hard to look around and see how broken things are with a high level of awareness. You're not alone my man.
You two i have tears streaming down my face. Dude is right the world is better for having people like you on it.. I hated injustice I made my mother taking me to see Billy Jack when i was 8 and so identified with him lol.. I can't help feeling someone who stops a cat from being hurt is not a better person.
I absolutely relate to what you describe. I've felt like an alien most of my life, partly because I was so disgusted and horrified with how callous, hurtful and vicious people can be to each other. I've had severe depression since childhood, and have wanted to kill myself and exit this wretched life more times than I can count. It's hard to have hope for the future when you are in constant pain, and feel so alone. Learning 3 years ago that I was a HSP, and highly traumatised and neglected, threw my life into a whole new perspective.
I had a light bulb moment! When you said don't let toxic people say who you are, that made soooo much sense. I feel like I know who I am and working on my self to get to know me however since I did the big clean out of toxic people in my life I now realize that I was listening to them about who I am and was always confused! Not any more! I am proud of who I am!! Thank you Patrick for your gift of knowledge 🇦🇺🤗
Totally agree about not falling into a special identity such as empath or chosen one, but I see it as a way to differentiate from the rest of the toxic family who are stuck along with siblings who followed into narcissism. Like, why did some of us not become that? It really is good to remember to look at things objectively (like the trauma shouldn't be a primary identity/being an empath shouldn't mean being somehow more special than others), but perhaps there's a need to identify as something other than the family unit one is alienated from.
@@suesteig3025 I agree. I think Patrick's talking about people online who try to play up on the concept to monetize. Some of those people aren't doing it for the right reasons, some are. I think it's okay to say we're empaths for sure. Hypervigilance was the first pathway to honing in on others' moods and emotions...
I think i have felt very awkward when someone goes round the houses to make sure i know they are an empath when there is no natural context to mention it. How empathetic can they be if they can't read my bewilderment as to why i'd need to know that in a given moment? It's similar to people informing me of their introvert status. If you really are an introvert, all the extroverts already know, believe me. We can feel you looking down your nose at our alleged shallowness in trying to simply be polite. There's a not-all-that-subtle self-elevation in these types of broadcasts. I really resonated w patrick's caveat.
I was raised as a whipping boy growing up, also trafficked. I related to your video on so many levels, I don't feel so alone now. Even though I can take in so much from this world, Ive never once felt apart of this world. Thank you for your work.
"Even though I can take in so much from this world, I've never once felt a part of this world" . . . good gosh, this resonates sooo deeply within me and it makes me feel like someone else understands. Thank you for speaking those words . . .
I wonder if being an HSP can contribute to fawning / being the peacemaker or appeaser in the family (either coexisting or as an alternative to being a scapegoat). Especially during childhood as a way of holding other people's feelings when there's nothing else they can do about it.
This is such a good connection. Makes so much sense, and it's probably why I feel like I can't exist outside of the perceptions of others. It's in my genes.
I can definitely see this as we learn how to deal with toxicicity. I am the scapegoat because my HSP nature makes me so sensitive to injustice that I always speak out to the point where I now know to choose my battles. I am terrified of conflict yet my desire for truth and reality checks is more overwhelming. I wish I was a fawner lol would maje my life easier
Wow, I can vividly remember being mocked for being “too sensitive”by my mother, as if it were a character flaw, and being admonished to “toughen up” if I expected to get along in this world. I was an adoptee and always felt more intuitive and sensitive than the family that raised me. Always assumed it was an adoption thing. There was plenty of childhood trauma in my past so I will definitely re-listen to this video. Thank you!
I was adopted as well and got told I was too sensitive and been mocked for getting upset or told off for showing negative feelings, told “it’s just acting” if I freaked out over distressing scenes on tv shows (e.g. acid attacks, violent deaths). Like, when did people start expecting everyone to act like robots?
@@ShintogaDeathAngel yeah I was the same. Super emotional and very sensitive. Even professional wrestling made me cry when I was super young. Now it doesn’t effect me nearly as much. But I remember my dad quickly flipping the channel if someone got shot.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Same here! I'm also an adoptee. I was 2 years old when adopted and dad was 60, mom was 46 or 47. I also had a sister to contend with whom has never wanted me to be a part of that family. Various types of abuse ensued which I'm just now finding out ... was abuse! All of this time (I'm 54 now), I was convinced that I was just an outcast, strange black sheep of the family. Been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for my whole life.
I am 61 years old and this is the 1st time I've ever been aware that there was a good side to being so different from the rest of my family. To this day I always saw it as them being strong extroverts, and I was just the weak introvert who couldn't handle all the abuse like they could. This video has set me on a new path to explore HSP and the hope of some healing. Thank you so much!
Witnessing my Dad's emotional abuse towards my mother and my sisters would shake me to my core. If I responded with tears, with running from the room, with chastisement, I I would remove his focus from them and be the target for his contempt and anger. Somehow that felt better than witnessing their suffering. I knew I was strong and I could take it. I knew he was wrong to treat them this way.
I love that you emphasized that being an HSP does not indicate being emotionally or morally superior. One of the things that made me question my identity as an HSP or even the legitimacy of it was the extent to which other videos glorified and emphasized the positive traits. We all need work and it’s very important to fully understand ourselves in an unbiased way❤
Proud to be the HSP doing the work 😊 it’s a dream of mine to raise a happy healthy family and break the generational trauma I see being passed down on my moms side in particular. Her mom was traumatized, she was traumatized, and then that trauma was passed down to me as the scapegoated child. Determined to break this cycle 😊
I was horribly neglected as a child. Oddly, I knew it could always be worse. I had a friend that got beat by her parents & a friend that was sexually molested by a family member. I wouldn’t even fully acknowledge that I had been treated bad & continued to have a relationship with my mother. Finally, when I did admit to myself just how bad it had been, I stopped having a relationship with my mother ( I was in my 40’s by then). I mean, I just stopped. It took another 10 yrs before Id allow myself to confront the past & deal with it. I worried about the generational curse of it all & convinced my daughter to get professional therapy. I know, right. My desire to help her conquer her demons forced me into dealing with my own.
No matter what happens to me. I'm always like others have it way worse. I also get my feelings hurt all the time. I'm like this isn't normal. Sometiems the person didn't really do anything wrong. They just didn't read my mind. I feel like I read people really well. I expect everyone to do the same. I know it's not rational. Alot of times when my feelings are hurt. I feel guilty like im doing something to somebody. Or im embarrassed and just hold it in. When the wrong pereon understands this about me. They can manipulate me badly. Use it against me. Make me feel guilty and shame. For what they do to me. I know what they are doing. I just can't stop it. Im to the point i don't talk to anybody. Even with that. I still get my feelings hurt. Im afraid of giving the wrong person control over me. Cause I know how bad that goes. While still part of me likes it. Or more used to it.
Hey @Super Jaded I can relate to the childhood of having peers I felt ACTUALLY had a tougher go at home life than me too. I have a question. I was the oldest of 2 girls, 3 years apart. My parents divorced when I was 12. I rebelled. Moved out at 13. I didn't communicate with either parent for 3 years. I was 16 years old, living with a boyfriend and his dad, Mom reached out for me to take my sister in. Lost the house. I did that till she was 16. After that, NO communication for quite some time,with either really. Always estranged. They were close , my sister didn't "leave the nest" til 27. I did have my own thing going on, but internalized the emotion of estrangement. It was around 30 we started going to lunch and being friends. Or so I thought. She's just cold. And so nonchalant, she has mentioned often how easy it was for her to cut people out of her life seemingly with out remorse. I think I saw feelings in her for the first time just 6 months ago. It felt real, she was vulnerable. Anyway despite all the BS between me and her throughout the years I chalked it up to I was mouthy teenage girl dealin the hand I was dealt and I was her first go at a kid... I no longer seen her as the B**** that birthed me but becoming an old woman. More frail, still a B**** tho... Same egg shells I walked when I was younger, just less tolerable of her shenanigans. Oh she did not like that ... I did nothing wrong, I stand by that. Yet she feels I owe her an apology and ass kissin to be welcome back in her presence or even be granted the courtesy of knowing she is alright. We would touch bases twice a week. I worried. Now nothing.... It's been months, she blocked my number. Yet had the audacity to text my fiancee a question weeks ago. One I had to answer mind you.... Ugh. Sorry .. I had to give you all that because I'm have a hard time, at 38. WTF do I do with this? I know if I numbed myself with past transgressions I could forget she's alone or that I care. But, dude. I think she built a wall to suffer in silence with that fkn wall she built. Have I not had it bad enough to cut them out? It's drama EVERYTIME. Selfish energy vampirism. Negative points of view always ... She had the nerve to warn me of the evil doers in the world as if I were naive, for my kindness towards her as if I would be like that to just anyone lol .. That's how much she just doesn't get me. I am well versed in shtty people. How did you let go? If you care to share. Thanks for listening too🫠
I could be the author of this comment, how strongly it resembles my life is almost scary, but enlightening is the term I will use ❤ thank you for sharing
17:39 oh my God! I was always told, stop being so sensitive, stop being emotional, stop being so shy, get out there and interact with others. I'm in INFJ, highly sensitive and empathetic. I was drained 24/7 as a child, and just not wanting to be put out there, I'm an introvert. I physically cannot become comfortable at a family gathering or party. I can't be the center of attention, or just go around and say hi and hug people.. I had to be taken my hand, I would be so close to my dad because he's outgoing. And also protected me. My mom would push, and yell, and force you to do crap. And, I'm the only one in my immediate family like this, so I didn't have anyone I could turn to or talk to that was quiet, and not wanting to be a social butterfly.
My mother actually refused to do more than one family session, when I was younger. She hated that the psychiatrist wanted to look at her relationship with me & refused point blank. I had anorexia at the time. I am the only one in my family who has done any therapy or attempted it. I also, many years later, turned out to be high-functioning autistic (Aspergers).
Damn. Same here. The whole family system is broken and I am the only one who is in therapy and tries to fix things. I am the scapegoat and I am the one that is in the wrong. She went hysterical after one session telling she refused to acknowledge any part in the situation, because it 100%b had to do with me. I still have great difficulty forgiving her, or not feeling any strong emotions towards her for the way she treated me and disrespected my feelings and not being taken serious at all. She will realise it someday and then it will be too late, and it sucks in a way that I feel a satisfying kind of joy in realizing that. I hope I will forgive her so it doesn't stick with me anymore, though I will not forget. I should trust that she will learn her lesson by the laws of karma
I get that my mom is a narcissist.. i did codependency treatment at age 20 & boy with out that id be a completely different person still trying to please the un-pleaseable nothing is & was good enough & my biggest regret was allowing her do child care for my kids... now they are affected by my learned behaviors & her undertones to get help behaviors
My father is an alcoholic and codependent and sensitivem My mother has narcisstistic traits my sister as well. As hsp im attending my second therapy i am the only one in my family attending theraphy. My parents are saying that therahist is nobody and it is not a proffesion.😮😢
Almost daily I think to myself, "I don't belong here" and often joke about my "real parents" (aliens) coming to get me off this planet. I didn't know I needed to see this video. Thank you so much. *I'm not crying, you're crying*
I used to say that A Lot, that I was from another planet waiting for my real parents to rescue me. However, I often wondered why people didn’t see what saw….?
As a highly sensitive child, you described my childhood and adulthood. This was so informative but yet so sad. I feel like no one understands me. I am so depressed as a 50 year old because of my narcissistic mother. I’ve been abused by so many people and I didn’t deserve this abuse. My narcissistic mother ruined our family. I’m struggling with self worth and trauma. It’s very difficult to be the highly sensitive child. To this day, my siblings make fun of me for crying!
Dear KA, I am terribly sorry that you are so depressed. Please seek some counseling. It's difficult but you need someone to talk to you and help you with your feelings. I am sending you Love, Light, and Blessings. I wish you everything good in life!!!
I recommend Dr Ramani on UA-cam. Consider distancing yourself -if possible- from the narcissists. If not, learn as much as you can to find your way to peace.
Highly recommend Carol Tuttle, she has lots of info on you tube, you can heal these limiting beliefs you heard as a child. or read her books ‘the Child Whisperer’ or ‘it’s just my nature’ she’s amazing. 💖💕💖💕💖
I just watched the movie "Sensitive" about HSPs and it features Alanis Morisette and Dr. Elaine Aron, and it was very interesting. Dr. Aron said that some HSPs think they're on the autism spectrum when it can actually be an indicator of being an HSP. I identify as an HSP and have wondered for years if I was on the spectrum but not sure I quite fit the autism traits, and now I think it's possible that HSP explains it. I will read her book for sure. I am an ambivert --- almost evenly extrovert and introvert --- so I want to learn more about the extroverted HSP. The movie didn't address that, either. Patrick, I would've appreciated a heads up about the cat story, though. I can't listen to anything violent, especially with animals, and had to scramble to fast forward so I didn't have to hear your story. I can't un-hear stuff like that and my brain tends to think too deeply about and ruminate on the terrible things people do. Otherwise, I'm learning some good stuff from your videos and appreciate them! Thank you!
Thank you for emphasizing how we need to be cautious of elevating being an HSP or "empath" to some kind of higher spiritual status. It is just another personality attribute(and is often a great burden to those of us who don't know how to modulate it). I liked hearing that it is okay to let people deal with their own "sun in their eyes"....at 60+, I am exhausted from constantly monitoring everyone's comfort level.
I always tell people sensitivity and fragility are two different things. Sensitivity is detecting small changes in one's environment. Fragility is an inability to cope well with small changes.
I've known i am an HSP for a long time. My mother would always tell me I was too sensitive. That I was making a big deal out of nothing. It was usually when I was upset about mistreatment of pets or children I stopped going to her when I was hurt or picked on by relatives. I learned that it didn't matter to her. And she expected me to toughen up and "get over it ".
I'm a extreme HSP I finally started to understand what was going on with me a few years back. I'm also diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd. I struggle badly, making friends I always have. I've always felt like I never belonged anywhere. Even struggled keeping a job.
I hear often: "you are just too sensitive." It definitely came from constant criticism, and other kinds of abuse. I've learned to embrace it and not condemn myself for them. I think maybe we're just better at detecting subtle cruelty than others. Hard to say.
I heard that a lot growing up. I decided that being insensitive is a much bigger character deficit. The correct word is actually dullard. They are dulled, emotionally, intellectually, socially and morally. It turns them into cowards because they can only act by mimicking the bahavior of their immediate group. In short people who are put off by sensitivity to the degree that they ridicule others for it are simply informing the world that they are the least likely to take the risks required to leave the world better than they found it.
You're not too sensitive, they were just people who didn't notice others or consider their needs. Sending you hugs xx
@@tahiyamarome incredible observation, I will remember this comment forever.
I heard that a lot as a child. My father even held a family meeting with my mom, sister, and I so that he could go over all the things that were 'wrong' with me - I remember that being too sensitive was one of them. I finally just ran out the door in tears and down the street. It is still fresh in my mind and I'm in my 60's. It is obvious to me that the person with the toxic behavior and personality was my father. It makes me sad to think how different my life and feelings of self worth would have been if I had grown up with a loving, nurturing father. But then, I've heard that he grew up in a toxic environment with mental and physical abuse. The generational gift that keeps on giving! I love your decision to embrace it.
@@Swist1213 wow! I thought my parents taking the family to bob's big boy and "have dessert" (none for me of course as i was "far too fat") while they did the list of what i need to have fixed about me-everything from plastic surgery to my pathological selfishness to my body shape, my voice, my laugh, endless list-while my brother laughed along- was unique. Sheesh. I feel you. I was 9 when they started this. If i cried or reacted in any way they would pounce. I had to agree with them and add to the list or it would get much worse. And of course the public setting was important.
HSP tends to be:
Highly empathic
Need time to reflect
Difficulty with change
Easily overstimulated
Aware of the needs of others
Seek meaning or seek purpose
Very detail oriented or solution focused
Often take things personally
Difficulty making dicisions or need more time doing so
High need for solo time or down time!
YES, YES, YES!
WOW! Describes me perfectly 🤔
Same here. Shame my n.fam don't value these traits! Just put me down, shame and blame
@Ryan Curnow Autism is one thing, high vigilance because of trauma is another :)
@Ryan Curnow Yes, absolutely! But it doesn't have to be autism. :) If it is autism, it is. If it isn't there should be room for that too
@Ryan Curnow on the other side, when you are hyper vigilant you easily notice small gestures and needs in others. When you have autism you are not tuned in to others needs and moods.
I think the hardest part of being an HSP, is the feeling of being an outcast, and having no one to talk to without feeling shame.
I find that it’s hard just finding someone to talk to, PERIOD. I’m usually the one on the listening end of things, and I truly don’t mind, however, I have no one that I can “download” with.
Yup the feelings are so deep you know damn well the majority of people can’t relate
@@GyatRizzler69-of3wl This is so true, it’s really heartbreaking. ❤ But I’ve been finding that the more I allow myself permission to be authentic and am healing other trauma, I can open up in smaller ways with people and connect about deep thoughts. Not all of them, and not a lot, but with certain people you can build connections and friendships on some deeper things, and they’ll really appreciate it! It’s really life changing to be able to connect and be valued for my empathy and sensitivity and it’s helping my confidence grow so much.
We just need to be careful to not rely on that validation, or keep over sharing with the same person, keep it slow and steady and try to remember to come from a place of “I have something valuable to share” instead of a place of “I need them to like me and value me and reduce me.”
It’s hard but it’s been so helpful on my healing journey. ❤❤❤
@@ALTheFreeMan same
Wow! That was close to home!
I am very sensitive. More than I’d like to be. I was bullied by my mother severely when growing up. I remember most of my childhood crying hysterically.
Me too. I hate that it’s caused such sensitivity and people pleasing
God this is me too. My mother was a narcissists who bullied me relentlessly growing up and also put me through so much other types of abuse which I won’t get into because of how horrible it was but I was always seen as the black sheep of the family from how sensitive I was and now most of the work I do on myself is understanding that it’s okay that I’m a highly sensitive person and even though it hurts so much it’s a part of ourselves that needs to be loved and embraced or it will either come out in neurotic tendencies or you will go through a hardened phase. Because I never dealt with mine I ended up developing severe OCD and depression because it was my nervous systems attempt to regulate itself.
I really hope you find your way. I had a very difficult and hurtful Mother also. She never wanted to get close to me.
Did it make you more sensitive? I was bullied and it exasperated my sensitivity..very hard to trust people too after being mocked and shamed for so long
@@musicandpoetry_8 absolutely yes.
Whenever someone accuses me of being too sensitive, I always respond with - well maybe you’re not sensitive enough??!
That's deep bro 🙄
solid gold
That could make them feel bad too tho, but if they're being rude then yeah that sounds like a good response
or when someone says that I'm different, I say well maybe you're "the same"!
I wouldn't say that to them but I would be thinking it.
The hardest part about watching your videos is knowing that I've tried to explain all this to other people and no one ever believed or listened to me. It's so hard and painful to realize I was right all along and was constantly invalidated.
My heart goes out to you.
I survived too much to detail here, but I identify so much with finally getting validation from videos. I am 64.
I am an orphan emotionally.
I can relate to this.
I hate being a sensitive person, all it’s caused is a ton of emotional pain
So much invalidation is why I’m such an angry person today :((
Same here!
I was 4 when my mother put a xmas tree up and decorated it. I was bothered by the fact that this beautiful tree was cut down to be dressed up with lights and ornaments. It didn't make sense to me. I befriended the tree and worried that it was going to die. She put it on the curb while I cried and hung onto the tree. I sat on the curb with the tree and cried. She left me there. The garbage truck came, and the men noticed me clenching the branches and crying hysterically. My mother did not comfort me the garbage men did. They tried to explain to me that it would be ok. But I knew this tree, my friend would die. One man walked me to the door and informed my mother that I was outside on a busy street. She told him I was dramatic. He tried to explain the reason I was crying. My mother laughed, and the garbage man did not. I continued to cry for days. I felt the sap on my hands and thought that the tree was crying, too. She took me to the pediatrician complaining of my constant crying over the Xmas tree. The Dr told her that she had a very special child and that there was nothing wrong with me. There were no hugs no I love yous in our house. And def no Xmas trees.
Awwwww 💔❤️... I honestly felt the whole story, especially when mentioned the sap of the tree being its tears... You can write a children's book about this, maybe you can write one version where the child still remains hurt and sad (your original actual story) and another version where the child is comforted and loved and seen, and in that way teach children & adults how to tune in to others sensitivities... I found the essence of your story between You & the Tree, to be heartbreakingly sweet... 💔❤️💋 👧+🌲
(I even like the additional dynamic of the sanitation workers in your story.. for real, I really mean it! I think this makes a really sweet story. ❤❤ (Your connection to the tree being the sweet part, just to clarify!!))
@mandyschwartzberg3849 thank you for taking the time to write such kind words. ☺️ it means so much!
🫂💞
..you're not alone.
* wow …..so sorry, my heart ached for your 4Year old self … and no doubt carrying so many emotions for a life time is hard . Very hard mother I wonder what happened in her life - of course no excuse. So good you remember - you can work on yourself. I had a few things happening at that age. I hope you are ok. Sending hugs to you today.🌸💕🌸
"You're too sensitive"...the story of my life.
narcissistic parents
No such thing you just care more than most, and I think that a good thing.
It’s not easy being a HSP. I take on a lot of other peoples emotions, abuse, Trauma. As a child, I was very sensitive and kind. I just wanted to please my narcissistic mother. She ignored me and I was neglected. I saw she couldn’t keep the house cleaned so I cleaned it for her. I was 6 or 7. I felt bad for her. I wanted her love. I never got attention or love.
I’m 50 now and I’m am still a people pleaser. I’m depressed and struggle with my troubled past. My mother ruined me
Please make NPD abuse a crime! These narcissistic parents murder your soul
I remember at a young age cleaning the house too! I tried so hard to make my mom's life better. I have always felt like I was her parent instead of the other way around. Not until having my own kids did I realize how messed up it was. I mourn not getting to just be a kid.
My heart goes out to all three of you!
I cleaned the house too at a very young age to keep mom and dad from fighting & to keep her happy
Yes! My Narc parent would rage about how overwhelmed she was and how no one helped. From a young age I would dust, vacuum, do dishes. Then she ignored, criticized my efforts or say something like “what do you want a medal?”
Same here, sending tons of hugs
I’ve also noticed that being an HSP is both a blessing and a curse, especially if the people in your life are toxic and exploitative.
I agree! Especially when you can't control whether some of the toxic/manipulative people are in your life or not.
👏👏👏
Yes! It's was so hard growing up in a toxic family system.
Yip, the classic double edged sword.
Well it helps us chose better who gets to stay there :) you deserve to be safe! :)
My entire life I have felt like a chameleon- always adapting to others feelings/changes and feeling it more deeply than I should. Thank you for this video
Yes! This! Sending you lots of healing light & love 💕
can relate!
You're allowed to just feel your own feelings first. It's ok to walk away from others to gain sanity.
Very much yes for me as well. And how I was named feels ironic.
This!!!
As an HSP. healing my inner child is extremely important to me... That little girl deserved to know she was exactly who she was supposed to be. The worse thing abusive people can do is try to change an empathic child it's always so abusive..
I'm still learning to give that child love. Thanks for sharing this.
I notice every subtle detail of EVERYTHING. It’s incredibly exhausting. I find myself getting frustrated with other people for being oblivious to things I think are so obvious.
Omg! Especially in the super market. Like sure, take up the entire aisle, there’s no one else in the store trying to shop.
I’m a cashier and I anticipate every single thing rushing to the people in electrical carts putting their stuff on the belt, putting groceries in the carts, pushing buttons for people, putting in phone numbers so they don’t have to do it. I sometimes judge my coworkers bc they don’t anticipate and help people more. But I think I need to probably stop people pleasing so much. I always assume the role of the really nice helpful person, trying to recreate a personal connection with the customers.
@@leelee8720lol, I thought I was the only person who found this annoying.
I have had friends like you. They pick up on any tiny gesture or word. They ask lots of annoying questions. I find myself having to explain every word, every sentence, every gesture. Did I call? Did I not call? Why not? And so on. I was spending so much time explaining every little thing that offended them. Geeezus. I do not have any of these friends now. They are needy and I can't stand it. I have ended all of my 'friendships' with these people and am happier for it. They really, really need help.
@@stormy8092I guess it is better for both parties involved...
I have always been the “black sheep” of my family and constantly told I’m too sensitive and to get over it. Nothing has changed to this day.
F*** 'em, be too sensitive, take the time you need to deal with things. I'm an HSP, it is a gift. Trying to get people to understand who are not sensitive is like trying to teach a chimp to play the accordion. It is a waste of everyone's time. Allow I'm sure it is entertaining for other people to watch!
I was told the same thing growing up, and realize now that they said such things to validate the way they spoke to and treated me. You are not the problem.
Hopefully you have blocked their email, phone numbers, etc!! Move if necessary. Drop off the face of the earth. You don't need those evil narcissistic toxic waste things in your life!
Maybe they are insensitive.
I hear you
Thank you for addressing the people who use "empath" as an ego based, marketing term. And OMG, toxic positivity is the worst scam ever.
Exactly! That type of thing really upsets me too.
❤️
My narc was always reposting quotes from some empath channel
Instagram 'self-care' is killing me.
I’ve met a few abusers including my mother who use toxic positivity as a weapon
Once I realized my empathic nature was a trauma response and not just bc I’m a good person and care (which I still do) it’s born out of my own SUFFERING
I had to grow up being extremely observant and empathetic because my mom was very neglectful and neurotic and had issues with alcohol.
I wonder what is really me and what is trauma response. I have no idea what the hell I am. I do know I love nature,animals, that’s it.
@@DanielleMM-ct8ip That’s an interesting revelation.
Yes it is. How perceptive of you. A protective mechanism I think 🤔
@@Whatnow90same here 💯.
As a hsp, I could detect who was kind & loyal immediately in a room full of people. This quality was hated of me & I was shamed & judged for it. I ended up suppressing it overtime & I became a victim of abuse bec of it. I am now as an adult re-aquanting with this inborn ability. This is the ultimate bs detector necessary for survival. Never listen to people who say you should suppress it!
Whats weird is i always thought it was common sense and every one felt this way ..common sense isnt common after all and i have to think twice about every single thing cuz my instinct is on over drive but no one else's is around is and took me fourty years to realize im extremely unique and most dont think or feel like i do ..
It’s definitely a super power
Or the way I like to think about it, is that it’s like being a Super Car and learning through self Enquiry and good role modelling/ good teaching, how to drive that super car to its best ultimate maximum
Are HSP's clingy and obsessive (in a good way)?
Me the same, being abused as a child and being highly sensitive gave me this ability, yes i can walk into a room and immediately sense bad people, i am highly intuative this has been both a curse and a saviour at the same time..
Same. I'm either going to like you when we meet or I get "the vibe" I've never been wrong and it's saved a lot of hurt
I'm an highly sensitive person and also an artist. It suits me well. I see and feel things others don't. It has helped me as an elementary school teacher. A couple of parents came in my class and asked what I did to their son. He had always been a mute. I simply showed him how to press on his stomach, open his mouth and push out sound. Then I set him desk to desk with the most talkative student in the class to help him with his work as he only spoke Spanish and needed help with school work. She was bilingual. It took about three days and he was talking just fine. Also I saw a child having an asthma attack on the play. I put him on my back and carried him piggy back to the school nurse. His parents thanked me for saving his life. One child seemed too flushed to me. I sent her to the school nurse with two students to assist her. She ended up in the hospital for two weeks with brittle diabetes. How thankful I am for the sensitive gifts God has given me to help children and others in need.
Hallo Linda!
I very much recognize your experiences! Late in life, I've found out that I am an hsp and an INFJ. That's probably why I had difficulties to handle a childhood with low emotional understanding!... But in my work as a teacher in 'neglected areas' , I realized that my personality traits and my childhood experiences were very useful! Also gifted with artistic skills that I used in my pedagogy - some of my pupils even later became artists... Retreated, and late in life, it's my turn!... I've started painting and writing 😅 Lots of love to you and to Patrick who make those very helpful videos!! 💕 Sara Mariasdotter
AMEN
Your students are lucky to have you. Thank you for going out of your way to support them. 💗♥💚💛🧡💜🤎🤍🖤
God bless you and thank you
That's not really the sensitivity he's speaking of here, you're describing more common adult sense. This is extreme traits and life altering proclivities that stems from Trauma Response
A great example of being an HSP that I can personally recall is driving in the car with my family as a child, and seeing an elderly person or someone with mobility issues walking alone along the side of the road- as a child I felt so deeply sad and heartbroken for them. I would have a hard time shaking it, and always wondered why none of my family members, etc. seemed to care at all- in fact most of the time they didn’t even notice. Feeling like an alien is a great way to put it!
I always say this that ima. Alien. Hi new friend
Oh yes!
There was a guy on the bus in a wheelchair whose pants were not covering his whole butt. I felt very upset about that, and angry at his care person.
🙏🏼❤️💪🏼👽👽👽
Yes. I understand this deeply. I always thought I was the only one.
From every HSP, thank you for saving the cat when you were a child. ❤.
I still do….. 🥰❤️
yes!!!!!
Cats are highly sensitive creatures too. Thank you for helping this one. The fact you were a child probably made the louts feel ashamed.
How did you know? lmao 😂
Still saving lots of animals because I became vegan 5 yrs ago.
The pet thing really hit me. When our pet rabbit died I was distraught. He had a sudden stroke. My mom got annoyed with me because he was "just a rabbit" and I was overreacting because I was crying. I was like 15. No one else at home seemed bothered. I was the one who also had insisted we take him to the vet when he was stroking out.
Oh yes I hear you! My dogs are / were my babies; mom made some mean comments to me about this over the years.
Hello, my Brother. Animals, the
furbabies we have known, have souls, have feelings. There is no such thing as a "just a" in this world or on this plane. That wonderful rabbit is still.there for
you!!
I had such similar things happen with dogs and my family not feeling the extreme pain I felt for a truly loved by all animal. I cry years later thinking about them. I always wanted to understand why no one else was devastated like me. Having learned I have BPD a few years ago helped me finally understand why I have severe reactions when others don’t.
Aww 😪
My husband was like that with dogs - they loved him. But my axiety was deflective, and I was so sad about that. I am learning to be more calm. It seems true that some animals don't care, thank goodness for me growing up!
Being HSP who has dealt with narcissists all my life - at this point "normal" people are a mystery to me. I tend to befriend narcissists. So much so that if someone wants to be my friend I have to question if they are a narcissist, lol. I don't know how to approach normal people, because they don't do the "love bombing" thing (so they seem cold to me). At the moment I am in the observation mode - just working on myself and watching others. P.S. Thanks for saving the cat, Patrick!
Thank you. You shined a light on why I am not excited by nice normal men, as I respond to and am missing the love bombing.
So...you're so used to the love bombing, you feel weird if someone DOESN'T do it? Wow, I think I do that, too. Never really thought of that perspective before
@@ElanaVital83 Yeah, without love bombing I don't know if someone "likes" me or not. I think narcissists show up to my life, so I could learn to love myself. Their treatment of me makes me want to be my own friend. I watch all these videos every day to train myself not to let another narcissist in my life.
Same
Hi Minna, I relate to you very much. We deserve better than that.
My family made me feel that I had a mental illness. It wasn’t until I was out on my own for a few years that I realized that I was actually the only sane one. Just figuring that out was hugely healing. I spent so much of my life wondering what was wrong with me, why was I always so angry, why did I need boundaries etc etc. Both my sister and I are in therapy. Different therapies work for us, she is more sensorineural therapy focused and I like CBT.
My narc step father tried convincing my mom that i had narcissism.
I feel this. i've always felt it's something wrong with me because how deeply im able to perceive things and situations and how much alone time I need. Being highly sensitive is a blessing and a curse. I'm so thankful for Patrick though. Seeing someone like him who "gets it" is very motivating.
My alcoholic parents saying, "look what you've done to this family, Sara!"
I grew up believing that everything was my fault and I was a weirdo. Basically everything was the kids fault. My mother was a saint.
I realize now I'm the most "normal" member of my alcoholic family.
I get and feel everyone of you💕! Know the feeling, we are the sane ones and they provoked that. After 47 years, I know it was not my doing. My children ended up like this raised by their abusive and controlling fathers. I had to be the opposite and nurture them but it has been too late for one who became an adult. Never got custody back of him and fighting for my last child, a teen who has been alienated from me for years due to hers. Been uphill battles with so much opposition from everyone. Religious abuse needs to be exposed and confronted.
Yes 100%. The only mental illness is trauma and that’s caused from the abuse. Grew up with that and my symptoms went away when I moved out and even more when I fully cut ties
"You have a good heart" is what I was told growing up. I couldnt ignore the victimization of others.
I would watch Matilda time after time after time as a little girl. I wished that I had someone to rescue me like Miss Honey. A psychologist told my mother that I was an HSP from a very young age, but she weaponized it and did exactly what you describe. I'm so glad this type of content exists now.
Same
Same here, too. Much love to all of you who dealt with this
I bought this book on my native language and I guess it would help me to relax before going to bed? It is a positive storyline there, right? Yeah I usually wish someone MIGHT help me, because I have it so difficult, then later I get more and more irritated over the fact that I start taking it for granted and become kind of dependent…does Patrick speak about it in his video? I also think that HSP is pretty similar to ADHD…
Same my mom bashed ms honey and ridiculed me cuz she knew I had thoughts that I wish she was my mom😱
It's so weird and reaffirming to read your comment, I wanted a Ms. Honey in my life so bad!
I love the call out of 'empath" culture. My hsp traits are amplified by my trauma they weren't a super power they were an open nerve. They still are if I'm honest but I'm working on it. One of my toxic parents calls them self an empath.
This. I’m an hsp, but it isn’t because I have some bogus empath super power; it was the only way to survive the abuse. I had to be highly attuned to my parents’ wrath and try to pre-empt the abuse. Being an hsp tends to attract narcissists, as they are highly attuned to the “comfort making” hsp. It’s like a shark smelling blood in the water.
I agree completely. I hate when I’m referred to as an empath.
@@oliveoil4380 HSP aren’t made. They’re born that way. But if they’re raised in the wrong environment that isn’t SENSITIVE to their needs, then trouble arises. Being an HSP isn’t without its trials but there are some really beautiful things about it. I don’t know why you’re so insistent on not seeing it in a positive light at all. Kinda weird to be honest.
@@kconrad5893 I’m talking about people who call themselves “empaths”, and act as if they have some woo woo super power. HSP is neurotype. I am an HSP. I’m not some magic woo “empath”.
@lissakarabear Being an empath doesn’t mean you are a pleasant healthy person. It means that you feel and absorb the emotions of others. Your “toxic” parent maybe a Dark Empath. That is, an empath with higher levels of psychopathy. Or they are simply reflecting the emotions of those around them.
When I told my mother I was feeling suicidal and needed help at about age 20 she replied “you’re just fine. I’m a good mother”. She was a nurse. 🙃
I bet anything she endured trauma as well.
Rutrow Shaggy! I hope you got and are getting the help you need! You got this!
I was told "then do something about it!" I was 18 or 19. 😢
The thought that this is all out in the open now and can be talked about! The abuse in the 50's, 60's even 70's was swept under the rug. It was taboo, shhhh, don't tell anyone. The secrets of abuse are too much for a child to bare. I guess it's never to late to process all that damage.
It absolutely breaks my heart but gives me so much happiness that my generation can talk about this so freely. I’m 18 and had to leave home because the abuse was affecting me so greatly, I can’t imagine having to pretend like everything was fine or being shunned or anything like that :(
Keep counting. In the 80's and 90's, we were told our emotional abuse wasnt a thing. All the credit goes to Christina Crawford for writing, and standing behind her book, "Mommie Dearest", and forcing America to admit child abuse existed, and needed to be dealt with. She's a fucking hero.
Wow, this me. Thank you for adding another piece to my puzzle.
"Don't you dare say a word about anything that goes on in this house!" I NEVER brought friends to my house for many many years.
I grew up with my grandparents and talking about mental health was a no no. I suffered the worst depression in my teens until I was finally diagnosed in my late 20s. I've been in and out of therapy for so long that I've come to realize I'm too broken for therapy.
One of my therapists cried when I told her a few things that had happened and affected me, later telling me she thought I had cptsd. I was stunned, nobody had ever shown me such care for the pain I had and do feel. I was silent and wondering why! Mouth agape! Then it hit me, this is how an adult would feel for a child, sad upset hurt and protective and not something I've experienced before. How shameful that a family can't show that child the same level of empathy. I'm even suspicious of this level of emotion as again I'm not used to it! Nobody has ever shown me this level of care and warmth in safe way. Always having to hide who you really are and feeling you're defective in some way or mentally ill! Something my mom is fond,of telling me! ✌I also had as a kid and as an adult the rages over maltreatment of animals, small children the elderly vulnerable literally anyone who is hurt or harmed including the environment!
Namaste.
Wow, I can relate. Hugs
It was so validating to share my stories with my therapist and notice the unmistakable anger, disgust, and astonishment she felt when I explained how my narcissistic mother treated me. I don’t even remember the context, I just remember that look of “wtf” on her face and realizing, “yeah! wait a minute! this really is fucked up, and not an okay way to treat a child!” It felt like I finally, FINALLY had permission to feel the same way. All my life I had been managing and compartmentalizing my emotions, but seeing my therapist get upset on my behalf made me realize I didn’t have to keep making things “okay” when they really weren’t okay at all! I’m so happy my therapist let herself react to my story from a place of authentic caring, because I had taken for granted the strength I exhibited as a child and the emotions I hadn’t let myself feel on my own behalf. One of the things about being an HSP with childhood trauma is sometimes it’s so easy to feel for everyone else that you make excuses for them and don’t allow yourself to feel for your own inner child. It was only after feeling her feelings for little me that I was able to tap into those same feelings for myself… the power of reflection!
i feel called out lmao i always feel suspicious when people show any care for me, and think to myself how it's either probably an act, or they won't care once they get to know the real me. it creates a disorganized attachment style, a "please care about me" but also scared of being cared about.
I am the exact same ways you wrote throughout your comment even to the point of getting forceful about the comments of some friends of mine who have lamenting "pesky squirrels" who eat their garden up and what they've done. Which I won't say. I even get a physical reaction if I see just a quick image on YT/IG of a video about a stray animal. It can up my anxiety like I've been shocked. When your therapist was tearing up, did you feel like you needed to comfort her or somehow stop her from empathizing with you? Like saying, "Oh. It's OK. I'm fine."?
Im an HSP and a podcast that has been immensily helpful for me is "unapologetically sensitive". The main host ends every podcast episode with the words: "Remember, sensitivity is nothing to apologize for. It's your superpower". The first time I heard that, I was fighting back tears during my commute to work.
Thank you🥹
Agree with you. My dad never protected me in the abuse , verbally and physically by my narc mother. All he said:you are too vulnerable!
So appropriate. 🙂
And here I am crying as I read your words. ❤🩹😔 "Too" is one of my biggest triggers. Working hard to learn and grow.
I don't feel like it's a "superpower" at all. One can be quite sensitive, but if one gets too caught up in it, it can become crippling.
Being more practical, becoming a better person, making good financial, personal decisions is what is a "superpower".
I'm 43 years old. I am optimistic to hear someone else's experience especially as HSP relates to child-hood trauma. I feel incredibly misunderstood, invisible and alone. I feel so deeply and can 100% identify with this scenario as it relates to actual HSP. I do agree it's important to share and bring awareness to this trait. I cried listening to this video. I have side effects from feelings of low self worth. My childhood was nomadic and lonely. Never belonged anywhere I felt alone and invisible. The abandonment has crippled my life so much. I may be able to control this by getting to know myself. I wish my gift wasn't such a heavy cross. Your impactful video has given me so much hope. The prompts for self reflection are obvious tools I can actually use to begin healing and navigating life better.
Yours is a more recent comment. I really identify with it as well. I need to communicate with someone that will listen. Please.
My first memory is of looking up at my parents and seeing my mom bite my dad's arm and then him hauling off and hitting her in the face. Mom says I was too young to remember that. Mom says a lot of things she knows nothing about. I always failed at school even though I was considered bright. I got held back twice once in first then second grade. Turns out nobody knew I needed glasses for years. Nobody. Mom married a guy who built us a nice home. But he hated me. I have my dad's name. I got spanked for every little infraction to the point my brother could do something, blame it on me and it would be believable no questions asked. Mom once was talking to a neighbor while she was tending her bonsai. She said she named it after me because that's her first one and the one she got to make all the mistakes on. I ran away at 12. Brought me home, spanked me. Mom divorces dude when I was 14. Single parent, mom works 3 jobs now. Just me and my brother. (There was physical abuse at this time, Mom had a hard time dealing with my ex-stepfather in the split.) High School, even though I failed, was the most normal time in my life. Managed to graduate in summer school at 19. Moved out. This is already long and I'm only at 19. I left a lot of things out that I don't want public. But I'm your age,45, been begging for help or at least to be treated kindly my whole life. 🤢 I just want it to stop. I don't want to be angry anymore. How I act now is not who I am or how I want to be. It's so lonely to live like this.
I felt same growing up.
@@humanbeing4995don't fight lonelyness and embrace being alone. It can give you the peace you seek.
There seems to be an overlap in characteristics between HSP and autistic people.
I think, evolutionarily speaking, some of us would be the meerkat who is standing on a hill, scanning the horizon - ready to alert at the first sign of danger.
I’ve always loved meerkats! Yep antennae are always scanning.
Totally
Always choosing the seat placed against the wall, so you can survey the room.
Aran author calls it the canary in the coal mine. Early warning system.
I came to look for this comment - I didn't get my ASC diagnosis until my early 30s because I was convinced it was "just" HSP. I think the overlap is interesting.
My parents to this day call me crazy, turns out they are just crazy makers. Once I created distance, everything got easier. This video summarizes so much of the processing I've done this year, amazing work. Thank you!!!
👏 👏 👏 🥰
Me too! Distancing was both the toughest, but most beneficial and instrumental to my healing. I am literally blossoming and the healthiest in every sense since I stopped talking to my primary family members. To think how afraid I was to cut them off and that they would come after me.. I couldn't imagine what my life would be after. I just knew what I knew-that being in contact with them was horrible, unhealthy and making me utterly miserable. I am glad I made that brave step and actually started living a life of my own after 22 years. It is possible, keep your head up! And keep doing what you're doing. Healing and processing is different & unique for everyone and should not be compared. ❤🙏
Me too I did the same. I just send my family sms if I want to but since i distanced myself i got peace of mind uuufff! 😓
Same. 10 years of peace. Growing deeper the more healing I do.
The crazy makers are anxiety-providers. Intrusive, controlling, criticizing, disapproving, anger, rage,resentment, envy issues--like throwing a Spider-Man net on you.
Patrick, you are a hero not just for saving the cat, but for helping others find the light beyond darkness.
That cat story!!!! 🙀
Oh I'm glad to hear that. I had to skip ahead when he mentioned the cat.... Thanks for making this comment, now I don't have to wonder
I’m 64 years old. I can’t take people yelling at me, especially if it’s meant to be mean spirited. Still happens at this age.
I always hated being called “too sensitive “ or sensitive in general, it made me feel weak. I always felt I needed to fight for myself as a child and be “strong”, even to this day hearing my friends and family say that I’m sensitive, rather that be in a neutral circumstance or other, it makes me feel mad, or naked, as if I wasn’t able to get to my destination, which is being strong and independent. Being able to get threw things on my own and “prove I didn’t need you anyways”
I feel the same way where my sister told me I need to grow a back bone. And going through all that made it hard for me to ask for help for anything so as a result I always just struggle through things by myself and feel uncomfortable when people help me because it makes me feel weak
Me too sister
That's where I'm at except I do need them or what I feel they should be but unfortunately cannot..
yeah being sensitive is always so stigmatized which is understandable to an extent but sensitive people are usually the most creative and introspective, i used to think i was just sensitive but i realize that half of it was actually hyper vigilance and hyper vigilance is about survival
@@leahflower9924 for sure, I always get shit from my friends because they always tell me I think everyone has bad intentions and are out to get me. It’s hard to know how to deal with these types of things
As an HSP I cut off toxic relationships, and minimised obligated social contacts, I avoid crowded and noisy places and have been working from home since 2 years. Corona somehow helped me tremendously.
Me too! The pandemic was good for me. I didn’t have to go to work (I worked at home). And I didn’t feel pressured to go out or do always “do” something on the weekend, A certain friend asks me every Monday What did you do over the weekend? When I say nothing they make you feel like you failed. But it doesn’t bother me
@@katrinat.3032 I know the feeling of "failure", the outworlds pressure to mingle in and "enjoy" life and people, like that is a must and not having that need so much is abnormal. I think finding the middle is the best, and I'm still working on that. Its healthy to see people sometimes, but its also healthy to enjoy your own company at home. Looking out for external stimuli all the time (like your friend) is also unhealthy.
I thrived during lockdowns and remoting in as well. I still free to on weekends but not weekdays and I really wish I could just stay home. My therapist labeled me an HSP pretty quickly. I said, nah that seems like psychic stuff to be. But the now I hear about it and especially reading connects here that are exactly what I'm experiencing, I'm starting to believe her. I didn't underarms why others needs and emotions became my own. It's hard and I really don't like it because I work with a lot of unhappy people at work and my family... Well... Here we are. My family doesn't really discuss anything, besides me. No feelings are allowed to be tolerated by others in my family. I've had many traumas as an adult as well which is making it even harder. When I saw the thumbnail and it said I feel like an alien. I have said that many times.
It’s been six months since I’ve seen, spoke, or heard from my 3sisters. I’m MOST DEF. HSP, & 1 sister, the youngest is a narc. Recovering drugs/alcohol. I’m recovering from deep emotional abuse of/by 2 of my sisters. It’s been peaceful, yet I’m still so sad to now have zero family, as my parents died.
@@1timeslime971 I so understand. My mom was toxic all my long life til she passed about 8 years ago. I'm clean and sober over 14 years now and one thing I HAD to do was cut her out of my life 2 diff times for a total of 7 years. She had to be taught that she couldn't treat me like that. My only sis has wandered away, but we're polar opposites (more like my mom), so I'm the odd one. I wouldn't trade that for anything, actually. It's not in me to want to be abrasive, hateful, foul-mouthed, and egotistical.
I'm sorry you've had it rough, like so many of us. We're in this world but not of it. I hope you find your "family by choice" because it's not always about those we were born to but the ones we choose. ❤
I would love to hear a lot more about undiagnosed ADHD and how murderous it can be for a child to feel like an absolute failure and having the immense weight of that failure put on your shoulders by everyone around you.
i.e. "you're not trying hard enough, you never listen, the problem is you dont WANT to pay attention, you're never gonna make it in life if you can't even remember to finish your math homework, you just think good enough is good enough" etc. And how this can fuse with and/or result in an All or Nothing mentality, Perfectionism, Resentment and Detachment/Indifference or even Nihilism as a coping mechanism.
EDIT: Ofcourse not just ADHD, going over Dyslexia, Autism Spectrum, Bipolar Disorder, Schizophrenia and whatever else, would be GREATLY appreciated.
Yes please do a video on this!
As an adhd-er, yes. I would love a video on that
Yes please, this would be very helpful
when u struggled w all of those in the 90s. joyyyyy. love this guys channel tho would be so cool if he did this
i feel this on a deeper level
69 and just learning about this. I once thought my 70+ aunt was wasting her time to be in counseling but hearing her story shed a lot of light on the overall family dynamic.
“We have a nature based trait being affected by a nurture issue” What a powerful statement!
I like how he says that these traits are just different, not better or worse. I identify with a lot of this and it does make me feel good to think that I am helpful, caring, and sensitive to the needs of the people (and animals) around me, but I can also be easily overwhelmed, shy or take things too personally in situations where that is unproductive. Every trait has pros and cons.
Right. High sensitivity is *not* a "superpower" and it bugs the hell out of me when I read chirpy motivational memes that say it is. It's a mix of abilities and disabilities.
@@charlesstanford1310 yes, but sometimes I cope by thinking about it as a superpower, because most of the time the bad has outweighed the good, I didn’t ask for this, and romanticizing it helps me deal with the overstimulation. Like Spider-Man. Hope that’s not chirpy. Most heroes have crap backstories, and I have crap self esteem and need all the help I can get reframing my backstory. I agree that toxic positivity sucks and this HSP isn’t something to brag about. “Hey, I was raised in a super abusive situation and survived by being hyper aware.”
@@Petra-ms3ku I get what you mean.
Actually I'm so sensitive that I burnt out in secondary school and currently I can't even hold a parttime job.
@@feralkitten1475 Rest and taking your time solves it all. That's all that can be said, really. Be empathetic towards yourself, and see that you just need time to "get well". You will come out of the rut. I wish you all the best 💛
I think my high sensitivity comes from growing up on high alert. Always being aware and watching the moods and actions in the house and carrying that outside of the house.
Looking forward to listening to the video and comparing my thoughts to what you share.
BINGO! I am in perpetual fight or flight from growing up the same way. I never knew what I was going to get, and now it's decades later and I still feel like that little girl inside.
@@Amzie-kx1xr ditto.
@@Amzie-kx1xr
And asking for help? Not unless I am completely unable to figure a fix out, or just endure. It is irrational. But I was hard-wired from birth on to not have any needs. There wasnt going to be any help anyway, so just DON'T NEED HELP. I have come a long way in recovery, but I have more work.
I need help.
To get help.🥺
I know I will build up courage and strength to return to the healing therapy I need. Like a snake shedding it's old dead, confining skin, my future will be brighter.
@@amandalynngibson8332 Oh yes, I know exactly what you mean. Even decades into my own recovery, I often still discover new things like that in the least expected of places, and add them to my journal of observations I've made about why I'm "like this." I hope you've been able to find someone to help you process what you have experienced and how you feel so that you may heal in a way that brings peace to you. Everyone deserves that. Never stop, never give up. It's so worthwhile.
Yes! I have been told my adrenal fatigue is from being on high alert my whole childhood. My energy levels have always been so very low. It’s so frustrating and makes me feel like I am just lazy.
I really like your approach brother. I think you are helping me not feel so guilty for being alive. Thank you. I will continue to watch you. I'm blacksheep and disowned. 62 and still dealing with rejection. No body in my family ever got help. I have a ms in counseling.
Keep doing you! It’s never too late. I’m proud of you for getting the MS and learning all you can to know that you are worthy. I hope you can let go of that guilt one day; it’s not your burden to hold. I really love his approach too 💕
I am older than you and have no birth family connections either. I felt guilty until a few years back. Always wondered why I didn't get alcoholism when everyone else did. I was told often enough that I didn't deserve to be happy, be married or have anything good.....
Why in the world did I feel guilty? Think it was programmed into me from a baby. Have memories as a very very young child. That means I was traumatized from a baby.
So you are worth being alive. You are worth having a life. You are worth having your own thoughts, opinions and feelings. I was taught nothing I did, thought, or felt was correct or worth anything.
I never fit into their systems. I was always an outsider. Now I am glad that I was. I am glad that other relatives rejected me. Don't get me wrong. It is still difficult around the holidays. But I have made a life for myself. I no longer have "friends" who devalue me. I no longer pay attention to those people who have to put me down in order to make themselves feel better. Just had that happen the other night. I have now put that person who was an aquaitence for about 40 years in to the only acknowledging 'hello or goodbye' category. They are now unimportant for me to go out of my way for them again. Don't wish them harm. Actually prayed for them yesterday. That is part of my process. I pray earnestly once or twice, then let them go. Other people who I allowed into my life for years and hurt me deeply, I pray for as long as it takes to forgive and release them. Family always takes me longer. But I am more peaceful than ever before.
You will make it. God made you to live as full a life as possible and has created you for joy and happiness. Every day I thank Him for His love for me, as well as being thankful for all the other good things in my life. I can see Him protecting me, now that I see that not being with these abusive people is a gift. It makes room for other, more healthy relationships. God bless you🙏 You are worth it!
@@cyndiburns7932 I am on a similar journey. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
@@cyndiburns7932 Thank you so much. My youngest sister of 50 killed herself last June. Before she did it, she left a message on my voicemail to go f myself. Called me a stipid b3tch and told me not to go to her funeral. I feel so bad I was not there for her. But shelied to me, and stole from me for years. 'It hurts so much. She was a chronic alcoholic. A lot of physical and emotional abuse as children. I was molested by my oldest bro for 8 years. I have many recurring memories from childhood. I took the 30 question survey and said yes to all 30. I'm trying. I have a wonderful son. Thank God.
I'm glad you're here. Thank you for doing your work. I used to feel guilty about not being able to help my family and the world at large but I'm realizing that the work that we are doing on ourselves is helping to heal the people & the entire planet.
Patrick’s “side stories” are priceless.
It's taken me years of work to realize I am an HSP who experienced childhood trauma. After reading the book "Scattered Minds", I realized that my sensitivity during a chaotic childhood caused me to develop ADHD as I was growing up. I knew I had ADHD, but always wondered why. Now it makes sense. I was so attuned to the emotions in my family and began withholding myself so as not to burden my parents. I became an expert at the "fawn" trauma response, my nervous system constantly on alert, my parents always complimented on their very well behaved 3 year old. By the time I have any real memories I had absolutely no sense of self. It's taken me 28 years to realized why I am chronic people pleaser, terrified of rejection, and cannot seem to live a happy life. The puzzle pieces of my childhood trauma are finally coming together. I highly recommend the book for any HSP and ASHD childhood trauma survivors.
Thankyou
You just described a perfect summary of what my life has looked like. Wow, it's amazing to know there are others out there like you. Thanks for sharing. ❤️
Thank you for the book recommendation! 😀🤍
“Scattered mind” nailed it.
Did anyone else have adult thoughts as a child? I have vivid memories of being 1,2,3 yrs old where therapists say that’s impossible. I’ve never been to one, can’t afford mental health. I also remember the conversation I would have with myself when once again I was left to my own survival as a baby. They would leave me in diapers on a 200 acre farm alone wandering over bridges, creeks,stables with no one. I was standing by rushing water and said I could just dip my toe in and be taken down the river and no one would know. But I knew I’d be in trouble if something bad happened to me. The message was already there and I was still in diapers when I got it loud and clear.
Right off the bat with the lone family member thing, this is so accurate. I literally hide from my family that I go to therapy because they are deeply against it. They heavily criticize me and others, but never critique themselves.
When I was around 14 I yelled and nearly cried trying to stop a kid from killing a frog, What I remember the most about it is the look in everybody else's faces, like: girl you are loosing It. I am 48 now, thanks to you and the crappy childhood Fairy I Know now I am not crazy, why I have all the health issues I have, and how deeply deeply wrong was what I lived in my childhood. Thanks for being there. Greets from Spain
Yesterday I had brunch with my family, and I felt very much like whatever I said was met with dead air or very short responses. I took a walk afterwards and was feeling so empty and sad, but seeing the ducks and meeting a puppy on the trail was healing.
The animals always save me from the people.
💜
I get that too. 💚🙏
@@tiffknox6158 Animals are the only pure joy I consistently experience. ❤️
Don't meet up with them again until they show you some interest and warmth. I know it's hard because we miss our abusers, but you shouldn't subject yourself to experiences that leave you feeling empty. You are entitled to happiness and joy if that's what you're ready to accept into your life. It's a lessen I'm slowly learning. Don't let your brain convince you that missing someone is worse than being abused by them, it's not true. It's better to miss them from a safe/happy/loving environment until they're ready to treat you with kindness.
Thank you! I am the only one in my family (and being a HSP male) who has chosen to heal the generational abuse system of severe violence, sexual abuse etc. I’ve always felt so alone in this struggle and I had to remove myself fully from my family in order to heal.
I have literally just reached this point of wanting to leave the family,i literally feel like i am going crazy.
I feel you. My dad is a narcissist and I feel like I’ve taken in his crap, my family’s crap AND my own 😳🤪 luckily I did not have to remove myself
For most, removing yourself from the abusive, dysfunctional family system is vital to healing the trauma and building a healthier life with boundaries with healthy people in healthy relationships.
@@aselyne5631 Sometimes you need (mental) breathing space.
Partly due to my mental health, I live with my mom and sister. Sis is a narcissist, just like my dad.
I have gone no-contact with Sis, and after almost a year I have the capacity to work on my own mental health again in earnest.
Grey rocking might be a good technique to look up if no-contact is not safe to use.
Realising there is a problem and getting help, like from this wonderful channel, is the first step on the journey to lessen the negative impact of your family situation.
Huge hugs!
I respect and appreciate how clear and repetitive you were about how HSP’s don’t have one up on those who aren’t HSP’s. I love how you pointed out the egoistic ‘empath’ identification culture out there. You’re an excellent educator.
I came across this at random, and I didn't know I needed this. Therapy is financially out of reach for a good number of people, making this invaluable. You're doing God's work, sir. Please keep making videos.
I so agree $150 an hour how could you pay for all that needing to go at least once a week should go three times a week but yet I need to buy groceries??? This is very good work he’s doing on UA-cam to help people like me who can’t afford to go and get therapy.
AMEN 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏 🙏
The best darn therapy is right here. This has helped tremendously instead of hundreds of dollars for a couch and an awe.....
It's what I have to do. Paying for therapy is too costly, I barely see a medical doctor much less mental health. The cost causes horrible anxiety.
I've never heard of this before, but this sounds like just like me. And I am the only one in my family to try to seek mental health help and to try to understand the toxicity of my family. Thank you, Patrick. Really. Your videos are phenomenal.
Girrrrlll same!!! 🙌
I have, it can have the same symptoms of autism, sensitivity to loud noises overwhelmed in a crowd more comfortable alone.
YAAAASSSS!!!
So confirming!
Self-awareness is the tool that allows you to break the cycle.
I always felt like I wasn't really part of my family. It was like they were a family and I was just there. I never knew how to describe this before, but when you said you felt like an alien in your family I totally felt that.
Same!
same here as well
so... my mom told me she felt like that her whole life. her mom was 'crazy' and very verbally/emotionally abusive to some of her children, while enabling criminality in others. how can I help with that, now that she is almost 80 and seems to be regressing to a 2 year old, behavior-wise?
Same. I hosted an Easter luncheon while living at home and the coworkers I invited even asked if I was related to these people because I was nothing like them. I have never met such a discombobulated group of people with nothing in common, ever.
🙌🏾
I see a lot of my family being busy, over working, overplaying(gaming), or addictions so they bury the trauma deep under this, to push it away. Trauma has held me back from being my true self and I'm ready to purge it. In Trauma Therapy now and very excited to blossom. Most my family has told me my entire life that I'm too sensitive, even suggesting I have a terrible hormonal problem. IT's demeaning. I have found that my healing takes an enormous number of tools on many levels.
WOW, I'm a bit startled at self recognition of being the HSP, lone family member who has sought healing for trauma through books, therapy, medication, meditation, spiritual study, now self love and body work. But yes, I'm a stranger to my now very distant family. I also recently recognized my own Complex PTSD. It's a lot to take in. I'll be 71 next month and I'm having to do a complete reset on how I have viewed my life. It's liberating. Liberation feels like healing. I'm thinking that healing our childhood core wounds will make being highly sensitive into a super power that no longer feels painful.
From the black sheep that's been labeled crazy, too sensitive, too outspoken about my thoughts, "angry," and being told someone else knows me better than I know myself...I had to rewind and replay when you said it's not just being neurotic or chronic anxiety. I've been called so many things in my life and mostly in the past 5 years. I never knew how much I needed your channel. Thanks for everything you do.
Things that I know...I must be stupid and know nothing when in fact, I know a little about a lot of things but not a lot about one thing so people think I know nothing and ask someone else or Google it, I'm always right, if I don't know, I say I don't know.
I get “she hasn’t found someone to be with to date and get married” when I’ve reactively abused family members after years and years of pent up anger from put downs, invalidation, criticisms, gaslighting..why am I the only one who sees what’s going on?
I’m not proud of reactive abuse but there comes a time where you just burst open after years of keeping it to yourself :/
I’ve lost a lot of friends from ganging up on me, ghosting, betrayals such as a girl sleeping with my boyfriend, not having commonalities with old friends as I’ve gotten older and everyone’s like “she doesn’t know how to deal with people”, well I’ve had a lot of betrayals, I have social anxiety and have autism that I suspect, there’s literally no empathy in my family for anything
Victims often create victims. Not an excuse just another perspective and basis for understanding life.
I never realized until this video that the reason I always stop the microwave at 0:01 was so I don't have to hear that INCESSANT beeping.
Same!!! I’m so sensitive to random noises. I was teaching over zoom and my students with the beeping smoke detector batteries drove me mad lol. So nice to see it’s not just me!
One of the many hyper-arousal symptoms of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is hypervigilance and this refers to the experience of being in a state of high alert, constantly tense and ‘on guard’ and always on the lookout for hidden dangers, both real and presumed - it’s stressful and exhausting to maintain.
This state of increased awareness, anxiety, and sensitivity to the environmental around you often manifests as a need to always scan your surroundings for potential threats.
It’s daunting 😢.
For so long I have wondered why I’m ‘not over’ the childhood trauma which was my long standing narrative. My family have labelled me sensitive, over dramatic, and said the divorce really affected me. I believed all that until I realised I am in fact extremely sensitive (definitely HSP, possibly autistic), and I’m reacting to how they are with me now. Reframing identity is critical to me, I’m taking back the story ✍️
Hello Kerry. Adult diagnosis ASD. Definitely worth looking into neurodivergence/hsp. Paul at Aspergers from the Inside channel has very good information & supportive community. 👍
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 Thanks Amelia. Yes, starting to look into it. I love Paul's channel, been following him a while!
the thing I'm realizing at the tender young age of 61 is that you are never cured, you just manage it.
My channel do live ddlg and abdl lifestyle also mental health Gothic vampire talk
I stopped identifying with the past and my feelings about it. Instead, I identified the things that had grieved me as a child, understood it as an adult and let it go. Packed it up in a pretty package, gently, and visualized it floating down a river. That was the beginning of change for me. Realizing I could look at it all from a distance, unhurt place. It hurt then...it doesn't today. Blessings and peace.
I was bullied a fair bit early in my schooling, and a lot of the remarks from adults were about how sensitive I was, or that the other kids were just teasing and I should just ignore them. The implication was that I shouldn't take things so personally (and probably there were some implicit masculinity assumptions too since I was a boy). It helped turn me into a really outwardly tough, practical, unemotional person and made me feel crazy/psychopathic later in life because I thought I couldn't feel the emotions others felt in sad or difficult situations. I've only recently started to process/re-discover my sensitivity.
That’s really sad and I am sorry that happened to you as a young child. I am glad you can open the door to sensitivity now. 🤗
They were lying to you so they wouldn't have to deal with it. I am so sorry that happened to you!
"I couldn't meditate until I worked through my childhood trauma."
OMG!!! That makes so much sense! I have been trying for YEARS and have made zero progress. Thank you for helping me with that ONE statement!
Is it because its impossible to be calm enough to let go? 😒🧡
Feels like a trust thing when I try and try and fail.
@@Sherakee No. It isnt your fault. You are going to have to wade thru some of the childhood experiences which conditions the monkey brain that we continue to use after we grow up. Theres a primitive part of the brain that we want to get back to. But your responses to a toxic upbringing were smart and survival tactics based on limited experience of life trusting parents over your own natural intelligence. Exposing these blockages with this therapist Patrick and trusted friends and you will be homefree. But please not your fault.
oh wow…. let me really dive in like I’ve never before then.
This made me understand why people cry during somatic yoga. I cried during my meditation and finally ok with that and not embarrassed by it to let it go. Took25 years😅
Whelp, I finally teared up. I had a feeling it was coming at some point watching these videos, but when you said "you don't have to justify who you are" and other things along those lines that really hit me. My whole life I've been made to feel like there was something wrong with me, but my differences may actually turn out to be my strength once I'm able to heal more. Thank you
My parents made me feel like I was insane growing up for being sensitive. I went through a serious major depressive episode when I was a teenager, and they treated me like I was totally helpless and melodramatic. They ended up paying for a brain scan to see what was wrong with me instead of getting me real treatment, and they still hardly took me seriously.
Holy shit, I got a brain scan too. Like god forbid you treat me as a person with emotions, instead just bring me to the doctor to put some tight bands on my head and scan me.
It's a total denial of normal emotional reasons to stress
That sucks. Sounds like they attempted to gaslight you with the brain scan, but the physiology of depression is an interesting angle to explore with links to gut health and inflammation. I'm an HSP who successfully manages post severe depressive episode with tumeric, curcumin and Sam-E.
@@coppersense999 The worst part was wondering if I'd find out I WAS making it up, so gaslighting was very much in play there.
I hope you're managing well!
I got an ultrasound of my heart because of the chest pains and shortness of breath caused by my panic attacks as a teenager. The cardiologist told my parents that my chest pains were most likely caused by stress and anxiety and my parents decided that meant the problem wasn't real. My mother used to call my depression and panic attacks "pity parties" and my father would tell me that it was my fault for letting my abusive mother "get to me." They also failed to help me when I was sexually abused by an adult neighbor.
Now that I'm in my mid 30s I have words for what happened: abuse and neglect. Inner child and inner teenager work have been immensely healing and helpful- validating all the crap my younger self was put through by these toxic, inept people. I hope you find healing, validation, and liberation on your journey!
This resonates so much for me. I remember when my father recently told me that his good friend - whom I also knew - had just lost her teenage daughter in a car accident. I immediately broke down in a flood of tears, asking if she was okay, etc. My stepmother just sat there looking at me scornfully, then made a derisive comment about how emotional I was being - to my own daughter. She could not understand why I was so upset, and also (as I later discovered) assumed I was being melodramatic and making it all about me. Actually, I was so overcome by compassion for this woman, and grief by proxy, that I was flooded from head to toe. It was such a kick in the guts to be so maligned and misunderstood for something so sincere and outside of my conscious control.
Ugh I’m so sorry, I hope you can keep your distance from them, it will affect you how they are.
@@surrenderinfaith Thank you so much. I am definitely now pulling back and limiting my time with her to the bare minimum required. I’ve realised now that it’s okay to do that - I don’t owe her my time or my energy x
That "stepmother" is truly toxic. So sorry.
I cried for my fathers new wife's daughter who died after a medical procedure, meanwhile my father's wife did not even shed a tear
Did that woman even have a soul???! Not to care about others, isn't that a type of psychotic or something?! It's abnormal to say the least to be so hard hearted.
I am 60yo, and have lived with depression most of my life. I stumbled onto this video, and I am blown away with the information you’ve presented and how much it resonates! I am searching for a psilocybin retreat with the hopes of a breakthrough since I have been in a very dark, down place for the last year. With all of that rambling, I am simply trying to articulate how very grateful I am that I found you. I immediately felt a since of hope come over me. I subscribed. Thank you again. Peace and Love. 🙏🏼❤️
I would ❤️to find same kind of retreat. What would be revealed? Good luck to you & let us know if beneficial for you.
@@AuntClara0911 Thanks for your response. I found a retreat in/near Puerto Vallarta. It was started by American women and for some reason it felt more “safe” to me. It is pricey but, this is my life, or the possibility of happiness so it is worth the gamble for me. This retreat is “Buena Vida”. Look it up. I will leave this comment up on my UA-cam replies and give you feedback once I’m back from this experience. My retreat is December 8th thru the 12th. I’ll let you know… I am hopeful! Peace and love to you. 🙏🏼❤️
@@pjsopinion8028 So glad for you. It sounds lovely actually & the weather there will add to having a positive experience. Let me know how it goes. Blessings to you & may this help you beyond anything you can imagine.
@@pjsopinion8028 that's awesome.
I wish divine healing for you on your journey ✨️ 🙏 ❤️
I am right there with you on the use of psilocybin for C-PTSD and childhood trauma.
I just checked off every thing you listed .I'm adopted, into a Victorian family of older people, so in addition to being born sensitive I was bouncing around the emotions of all these "foreign" emotional types.If I asked why they were angry they would YELL "I am NOT angry!" As an adopted child I was always told how grateful I ought to be.The house I grew up in was small and my Mother and Father argued, loudly , all the time. I was terrified by this every day.
I was always told I was highly sensitive. It was used as an excuse for my brother's and father's bullying.
I remember saying sorry for everything... Even saying sorry for saying sorry too much...
Dang! Can I relate to that or what.
LOL me too! Even in ‘group therapy’, I was chastised by others for saying ‘I’m sorry’.
My husband, whose mother was an aggressive malignant narcissists, apologized for everything, including the weather. He’s 66 and still does it. I’ve asked h to stop. When he’s stressed, he just can’t stop.
People have often said, 'Don't be so sensitive!' often in an overbearing way. I feel angry and frustrated with myself for being sensitive. I wish I could be less sensitive.
Being sensitive is better than being someone who can't relate to the suffering of others
Are HSP's clingy (in a good way)?
Exactly me. Even the part where I help others out of discomfort, ect. I once kept a man from falling because I saw him lose his balance and I was close enough to steady his gait, Can’t deal with noises and crowds. I can feel others moods and offer comfort. Must have my alone time!!!! I’m the scapegoat which has caused me to have resentment toward my parent. Thanks for speaking on this subject. I hate people who are mean to animals 😡
My narcissistic “spiritual guru” mother calls herself an “empath” which I find hilarious and disturbing since she doesn’t even have basic human empathy. It’s just another ego-feeding device for her specialness.
Those posers can be the most damaging.
Wait. Are you talking about my sister??? 🙄
@Heather A Same. The mother called herself a humanitarian, but like to whom? Reflecting on her life on the whole, she didn't have it easy but she didn't have to spread that to subsequent generations. It should have been a catalyst for change. That has been my goal. The bus stops here. 😉
Pearl girl. can you give me an example of what you're talking about?
Hahaha that's same as my soon to be ex-husband
"the odd duck" omg ME. I am the odd duck. I want to cry and have deep conversations about all our different and shared trauma and everyone else either just wants to rub some dirt on it and get back in the game, or find some other kind of distraction, or be controlling, etc. I've always been "too sensitive" and "overreactive" etc. I remember bawling my eyes out when I was in 3rd grade because I saw a dog with only three legs. My little empath heart
Thank you for this. It can be incredibly lonely being HSP with CPTSD. Lotta letters. It really helps to finally find out I’m not “too” sensitive. 🙏
Yeah.. im 44 know, seems to get harder for each year passing by, im from Denmark Scandinavia, and overhere there is a lot stigma on it, if youre not a soldier, you cant have ptsd and cptsd is not seen as a real thing ... I try to tell people it has to do with multiple traumatic experiences over a many year timespand, rape, kidnapping,seeing someone getting killed and not being able to help or save, finding your partner in bed with someone else, and throwing HSP on top? Alone being hsp growing up with alcoholic parents in a toxic family that does not talk about feelings, trying to look good to the world and hushing about any problem inside it is enough to create cptsd over a lifetime... We stay strong tho. 🫡✊🙌.
I understand and appreciate your daily challenges, as I am also experiencing similar daily challenges. Given I am HSP with CPTSD which stems from childhood sexual abuse, an emotional & psychological domestic violence and the traumas. I wish you all the best.
I can relate. From my experience Patrick is right about identities too. We need to be careful to not make labels (incl health dx) our identity. Using them to further understand ourselves and how we got to now can be helpful but also aware of unconsciously using them to avoid pushing comfort zones or to just be. Observe yourself as you live life: thoughts, emotions, needs, rxns etc but w/o any analysis, judgement or identity. Make sense? You’re enough just as you are. Always were and will be. Peace and health.
Being HSP combined with childhood trauma and CEN (childhood emotional neglect) is a lifelong nightmare to navigate. Three books: The Body Keeps The Score, along with books by Dr. Aaron and Jonice Webb have been of great help. Thank you for this video!!
Yes, and Gabor Maté!
Yes, me the same problem.. i have read Dr Aaron's books but not the others, thank you i will get hold of the other books..
The great thing about you is you keep things in perspective and clarity. I had no idea until a few years ago that there was such a thing as HSP. I was always called thin-skinned as a child and I would stick up for other people or animals that were being abused. It really wasn’t something I had to think about when acting on theses situations, it was innate as in there is no other option but to act because it is wrong and hurtful. I am 62 years old today and am no different than I was as a child. I have been in therapy and diagnosed in my late twenties with clinical depression and later in life with severe and treatment-resistant depression. I don’t want to understand why cultures and people can be so heinous and hurtful. This has been going on since the beginning of time and is overwhelming to me. I won’t be sad to leave this world.
If the world had more people like us, it would be a better world. It's really hard to look around and see how broken things are with a high level of awareness. You're not alone my man.
You two i have tears streaming down my face. Dude is right the world is better for having people like you on it.. I hated injustice I made my mother taking me to see Billy Jack when i was 8 and so identified with him lol.. I can't help feeling someone who stops a cat from being hurt is not a better person.
I absolutely relate to what you describe. I've felt like an alien most of my life, partly because I was so disgusted and horrified with how callous, hurtful and vicious people can be to each other. I've had severe depression since childhood, and have wanted to kill myself and exit this wretched life more times than I can count. It's hard to have hope for the future when you are in constant pain, and feel so alone. Learning 3 years ago that I was a HSP, and highly traumatised and neglected, threw my life into a whole new perspective.
@@RealComp5 Ditto.
I had a light bulb moment! When you said don't let toxic people say who you are, that made soooo much sense. I feel like I know who I am and working on my self to get to know me however since I did the big clean out of toxic people in my life I now realize that I was listening to them about who I am and was always confused! Not any more! I am proud of who I am!! Thank you Patrick for your gift of knowledge 🇦🇺🤗
It's all about control. If they can control how you feel, they can control you.
Yesssssssss
Very happy for you
Yaayy!! So Motivational🥺
The toxic people in my life are people who financially support me so I'm screwed.
Yes! The worst thing I’ve ever done in my life is listen to their version of who I am, and believe it. It almost destroyed me.
Totally agree about not falling into a special identity such as empath or chosen one, but I see it as a way to differentiate from the rest of the toxic family who are stuck along with siblings who followed into narcissism. Like, why did some of us not become that? It really is good to remember to look at things objectively (like the trauma shouldn't be a primary identity/being an empath shouldn't mean being somehow more special than others), but perhaps there's a need to identify as something other than the family unit one is alienated from.
I'm a empath and I don't think that I am special or a chosen one. I honestly think we are all empaths and we are all unique in our own way. ❤❤❤
@@suesteig3025 I agree. I think Patrick's talking about people online who try to play up on the concept to monetize. Some of those people aren't doing it for the right reasons, some are. I think it's okay to say we're empaths for sure. Hypervigilance was the first pathway to honing in on others' moods and emotions...
I think i have felt very awkward when someone goes round the houses to make sure i know they are an empath when there is no natural context to mention it. How empathetic can they be if they can't read my bewilderment as to why i'd need to know that in a given moment?
It's similar to people informing me of their introvert status. If you really are an introvert, all the extroverts already know, believe me. We can feel you looking down your nose at our alleged shallowness in trying to simply be polite. There's a not-all-that-subtle self-elevation in these types of broadcasts. I really resonated w patrick's caveat.
@@tahiyamarome Good point and you never know who's a covert narc honing their acting skills.
@@tahiyamarome not all introverts look down on extroverts, how tiring they may be.
I was raised as a whipping boy growing up, also trafficked. I related to your video on so many levels, I don't feel so alone now. Even though I can take in so much from this world, Ive never once felt apart of this world. Thank you for your work.
Your resilient ❤️
"Even though I can take in so much from this world, I've never once felt a part of this world" . . . good gosh, this resonates sooo deeply within me and it makes me feel like someone else understands. Thank you for speaking those words . . .
It's never too late to have a good life.
😢💕🌺
First time in my 54 years of life hearing someone name my experience. 🙏🏻
I wonder if being an HSP can contribute to fawning / being the peacemaker or appeaser in the family (either coexisting or as an alternative to being a scapegoat). Especially during childhood as a way of holding other people's feelings when there's nothing else they can do about it.
I relate to your comment. Fawning and being appeaser becomes a habit, until you call it out. And it's so deep rooted.
Calming the chaos to make it more tolerable.
I used to do that a lot
This is such a good connection. Makes so much sense, and it's probably why I feel like I can't exist outside of the perceptions of others. It's in my genes.
I can definitely see this as we learn how to deal with toxicicity. I am the scapegoat because my HSP nature makes me so sensitive to injustice that I always speak out to the point where I now know to choose my battles. I am terrified of conflict yet my desire for truth and reality checks is more overwhelming. I wish I was a fawner lol would maje my life easier
Wow, I can vividly remember being mocked for being “too sensitive”by my mother, as if it were a character flaw, and being admonished to “toughen up” if I expected to get along in this world. I was an adoptee and always felt more intuitive and sensitive than the family that raised me. Always assumed it was an adoption thing. There was plenty of childhood trauma in my past so I will definitely re-listen to this video. Thank you!
my dad
Yep I was adopted too and they’re all narcissists
I was adopted as well and got told I was too sensitive and been mocked for getting upset or told off for showing negative feelings, told “it’s just acting” if I freaked out over distressing scenes on tv shows (e.g. acid attacks, violent deaths). Like, when did people start expecting everyone to act like robots?
@@ShintogaDeathAngel yeah I was the same. Super emotional and very sensitive. Even professional wrestling made me cry when I was super young. Now it doesn’t effect me nearly as much. But I remember my dad quickly flipping the channel if someone got shot.
@@ShintogaDeathAngel Same here! I'm also an adoptee. I was 2 years old when adopted and dad was 60, mom was 46 or 47. I also had a sister to contend with whom has never wanted me to be a part of that family. Various types of abuse ensued which I'm just now finding out ... was abuse! All of this time (I'm 54 now), I was convinced that I was just an outcast, strange black sheep of the family. Been trying to figure out what is wrong with me for my whole life.
I am 61 years old and this is the 1st time I've ever been aware that there was a good side to being so different from the rest of my family. To this day I always saw it as them being strong extroverts, and I was just the weak introvert who couldn't handle all the abuse like they could. This video has set me on a new path to explore HSP and the hope of some healing. Thank you so much!
I could have written that exact thing! (Even our age 😉) I am putting this one on replay!
Being an introvert is not a mental health disorder!
I'm sorry you had to go through this
Same age and exactly the same ❤
I too am learning about myself in early 60's. 👁️Opening & only proves your Never to old for therapy.
Patrick, you are a delightful person. I'm glad you're you. I'm glad you're here. Thanks for your presence. ❤️🌻🦋☺️
Witnessing my Dad's emotional abuse towards my mother and my sisters would shake me to my core. If I responded with tears, with running from the room, with chastisement, I I would remove his focus from them and be the target for his contempt and anger. Somehow that felt better than witnessing their suffering. I knew I was strong and I could take it. I knew he was wrong to treat them this way.
I love that you emphasized that being an HSP does not indicate being emotionally or morally superior. One of the things that made me question my identity as an HSP or even the legitimacy of it was the extent to which other videos glorified and emphasized the positive traits. We all need work and it’s very important to fully understand ourselves in an unbiased way❤
Proud to be the HSP doing the work 😊 it’s a dream of mine to raise a happy healthy family and break the generational trauma I see being passed down on my moms side in particular. Her mom was traumatized, she was traumatized, and then that trauma was passed down to me as the scapegoated child. Determined to break this cycle 😊
Thanks for your reply I feel the same way
HSP vs Autism -- would love this discussion.
HSP here yes I’m in a “no talk about important family issues” family. We are also the healers the world needs. Thank you for this channel 🙏
one of the harder things I have personally struggled with is finding out that other people didn't feel as much with their emotions
I was horribly neglected as a child. Oddly, I knew it could always be worse. I had a friend that got beat by her parents & a friend that was sexually molested by a family member. I wouldn’t even fully acknowledge that I had been treated bad & continued to have a relationship with my mother. Finally, when I did admit to myself just how bad it had been, I stopped having a relationship with my mother ( I was in my 40’s by then). I mean, I just stopped. It took another 10 yrs before Id allow myself to confront the past & deal with it. I worried about the generational curse of it all & convinced my daughter to get professional therapy. I know, right. My desire to help her conquer her demons forced me into dealing with my own.
No matter what happens to me. I'm always like others have it way worse. I also get my feelings hurt all the time. I'm like this isn't normal. Sometiems the person didn't really do anything wrong. They just didn't read my mind. I feel like I read people really well. I expect everyone to do the same. I know it's not rational. Alot of times when my feelings are hurt. I feel guilty like im doing something to somebody. Or im embarrassed and just hold it in. When the wrong pereon understands this about me. They can manipulate me badly. Use it against me. Make me feel guilty and shame. For what they do to me. I know what they are doing. I just can't stop it. Im to the point i don't talk to anybody. Even with that. I still get my feelings hurt. Im afraid of giving the wrong person control over me. Cause I know how bad that goes. While still part of me likes it. Or more used to it.
Hey @Super Jaded
I can relate to the childhood of having peers I felt ACTUALLY had a tougher go at home life than me too.
I have a question.
I was the oldest of 2 girls, 3 years apart. My parents divorced when I was 12. I rebelled. Moved out at 13. I didn't communicate with either parent for 3 years. I was 16 years old, living with a boyfriend and his dad, Mom reached out for me to take my sister in. Lost the house. I did that till she was 16. After that, NO communication for quite some time,with either really. Always estranged. They were close , my sister didn't "leave the nest" til 27.
I did have my own thing going on, but internalized the emotion of estrangement. It was around 30 we started going to lunch and being friends. Or so I thought. She's just cold. And so nonchalant, she has mentioned often how easy it was for her to cut people out of her life seemingly with out remorse. I think I saw feelings in her for the first time just 6 months ago. It felt real, she was vulnerable.
Anyway despite all the BS between me and her throughout the years I chalked it up to I was mouthy teenage girl dealin the hand I was dealt and I was her first go at a kid... I no longer seen her as the B**** that birthed me but becoming an old woman. More frail, still a B**** tho... Same egg shells I walked when I was younger, just less tolerable of her shenanigans. Oh she did not like that ... I did nothing wrong, I stand by that. Yet she feels I owe her an apology and ass kissin to be welcome back in her presence or even be granted the courtesy of knowing she is alright. We would touch bases twice a week. I worried.
Now nothing.... It's been months, she blocked my number. Yet had the audacity to text my fiancee a question weeks ago. One I had to answer mind you....
Ugh. Sorry .. I had to give you all that because I'm have a hard time, at 38. WTF do I do with this? I know if I numbed myself with past transgressions I could forget she's alone or that I care. But, dude. I think she built a wall to suffer in silence with that fkn wall she built.
Have I not had it bad enough to cut them out? It's drama EVERYTIME. Selfish energy vampirism. Negative points of view always ...
She had the nerve to warn me of the evil doers in the world as if I were naive, for my kindness towards her as if I would be like that to just anyone lol .. That's how much she just doesn't get me. I am well versed in shtty people.
How did you let go? If you care to share. Thanks for listening too🫠
@@davidcook680 your comment is powerful.
I could be the author of this comment, how strongly it resembles my life is almost scary, but enlightening is the term I will use ❤ thank you for sharing
This is strangely similar to my life
17:39 oh my God! I was always told, stop being so sensitive, stop being emotional, stop being so shy, get out there and interact with others. I'm in INFJ, highly sensitive and empathetic. I was drained 24/7 as a child, and just not wanting to be put out there, I'm an introvert. I physically cannot become comfortable at a family gathering or party. I can't be the center of attention, or just go around and say hi and hug people.. I had to be taken my hand, I would be so close to my dad because he's outgoing. And also protected me. My mom would push, and yell, and force you to do crap.
And, I'm the only one in my immediate family like this, so I didn't have anyone I could turn to or talk to that was quiet, and not wanting to be a social butterfly.
My mother actually refused to do more than one family session, when I was younger. She hated that the psychiatrist wanted to look at her relationship with me & refused point blank. I had anorexia at the time.
I am the only one in my family who has done any therapy or attempted it. I also, many years later, turned out to be high-functioning autistic (Aspergers).
Damn. Same here. The whole family system is broken and I am the only one who is in therapy and tries to fix things. I am the scapegoat and I am the one that is in the wrong. She went hysterical after one session telling she refused to acknowledge any part in the situation, because it 100%b had to do with me. I still have great difficulty forgiving her, or not feeling any strong emotions towards her for the way she treated me and disrespected my feelings and not being taken serious at all. She will realise it someday and then it will be too late, and it sucks in a way that I feel a satisfying kind of joy in realizing that. I hope I will forgive her so it doesn't stick with me anymore, though I will not forget. I should trust that she will learn her lesson by the laws of karma
I get that my mom is a narcissist.. i did codependency treatment at age 20 & boy with out that id be a completely different person still trying to please the un-pleaseable nothing is & was good enough & my biggest regret was allowing her do child care for my kids... now they are affected by my learned behaviors & her undertones to get help behaviors
My father is an alcoholic and codependent and sensitivem My mother has narcisstistic traits my sister as well. As hsp im attending my second therapy i am the only one in my family attending theraphy. My parents are saying that therahist is nobody and it is not a proffesion.😮😢
I’m an HSP but I grew up with really loving parents and I think that helped a lot. What set me back was terrible friends who used and abused me.
Almost daily I think to myself, "I don't belong here" and often joke about my "real parents" (aliens) coming to get me off this planet. I didn't know I needed to see this video. Thank you so much. *I'm not crying, you're crying*
When they do can they pick me up along the way?
Please know you're not alone. I've never felt that sense of belonging either. Wishing you good health and healing.
I used to say that A Lot, that I was from another planet waiting for my real parents to rescue me. However, I often wondered why people didn’t see what saw….?
❤
@@Natural_Order 😂
I so like your teaching n style. Keep walking friend
As a highly sensitive child, you described my childhood and adulthood. This was so informative but yet so sad. I feel like no one understands me. I am so depressed as a 50 year old because of my narcissistic mother. I’ve been abused
by so many people and I didn’t deserve this abuse. My narcissistic mother ruined our family. I’m struggling with self worth and trauma. It’s very difficult to be the highly sensitive child. To this day, my siblings make fun of me for crying!
Dear KA, I am terribly sorry that you are so depressed. Please seek some counseling. It's difficult but you need someone to talk to you and help you with your feelings. I am sending you Love, Light, and Blessings. I wish you everything good in life!!!
He's not a highly-sensitive child. He's all grown up.
I recommend Dr Ramani on UA-cam. Consider distancing yourself -if possible- from the narcissists. If not, learn as much as you can to find your way to peace.
KA. I am so sorry for everything you went through. I do hope you have a friend to talk with. I'm sending you lots of love and hugs. ♥️🤗
Highly recommend Carol Tuttle, she has lots of info on you tube, you can heal these limiting beliefs you heard as a child. or read her books ‘the Child Whisperer’ or ‘it’s just my nature’ she’s amazing. 💖💕💖💕💖
I just watched the movie "Sensitive" about HSPs and it features Alanis Morisette and Dr. Elaine Aron, and it was very interesting. Dr. Aron said that some HSPs think they're on the autism spectrum when it can actually be an indicator of being an HSP. I identify as an HSP and have wondered for years if I was on the spectrum but not sure I quite fit the autism traits, and now I think it's possible that HSP explains it.
I will read her book for sure. I am an ambivert --- almost evenly extrovert and introvert --- so I want to learn more about the extroverted HSP. The movie didn't address that, either.
Patrick, I would've appreciated a heads up about the cat story, though. I can't listen to anything violent, especially with animals, and had to scramble to fast forward so I didn't have to hear your story. I can't un-hear stuff like that and my brain tends to think too deeply about and ruminate on the terrible things people do.
Otherwise, I'm learning some good stuff from your videos and appreciate them! Thank you!
I wondered that too. Now think I'm less likely autistic as the HSP criteria seem so spot on for me.
He prevented anything from happening to the cat ❤️
He helped the cat
I suspect that too.
Yeah a heads up with the cat thing would be nice, as I myself have a hard time with hearing or seeing things of that nature.
Thank you for emphasizing how we need to be cautious of elevating being an HSP or "empath" to some kind of higher spiritual status. It is just another personality attribute(and is often a great burden to those of us who don't know how to modulate it). I liked hearing that it is okay to let people deal with their own "sun in their eyes"....at 60+, I am exhausted from constantly monitoring everyone's comfort level.
Wow, this is so me!!! Amazing.
You sound super sensitive.
I'm tired from doing it constantly at age 32. And yet I want to ask you, in the same breath, How you're doing! lol
I'm also 60+ and I can relate.
Not your monkey not your circus ….❤
I always tell people sensitivity and fragility are two different things.
Sensitivity is detecting small changes in one's environment.
Fragility is an inability to cope well with small changes.
Oh, well said and so true.
So you’re saying both are weak or just fragility is?
I've known i am an HSP for a long time.
My mother would always tell me I was too sensitive. That I was making a big deal out of nothing.
It was usually when I was upset about mistreatment of pets or children
I stopped going to her when I was hurt or picked on by relatives. I learned that it didn't matter to her. And she expected me to toughen up and "get over it ".
I'm a extreme HSP I finally started to understand what was going on with me a few years back. I'm also diagnosed with depression, anxiety and ptsd. I struggle badly, making friends I always have. I've always felt like I never belonged anywhere. Even struggled keeping a job.
Hi same here 🤕