This lecture makes me extremely grateful for my life's journey and my neuro filters... And a deeper understanding of the world around me. Thank you a thousand times over for your theorizing and willingness to share this information with others. Dr. Vaknin you are awesome
I think that I procrastinate because of lack of faith in the outcome. Like standing at a bottom of a huge mountain thinking from this point where I am getting to the top, seems impossible. I think people are unable to foresee a positive outcome of commitment because they only see things from where they are now, at this present moment in their lives. Its a kind of lack of faith in ones capabilities that are a realistic assessment in the moment but false in a bigger picture. Our awareness is limited to the present and maybe 12 ft around us and that's it!. Our minds are highly malleable.by our immediate environment. Stanford Prison experiment being proof. In a nutshell, we are creatures of poor faith. If you are a good object to a narcissist and you never step on their toes, they won't hate you. You will be a good object in their 👀. In other words, you cant have an actual friendship with them and you have to keep them at an arms length. Never get intimate as it will be weaponized against you. All negative information can and will be used against you... Arbitrarily. Remain an ideal internal object in their eyes with politeness and mere acquaintance. No intimacy and no deep conversations. At first when you meet them, Once a few red flags go up, you should know who you are dealing with and act accordingly. Otherwise, once you step on their toes and remain friends, they will drag you through mud and torture you forever in a very hideous way. They will also poison your social well spreading nasty rumours while acting nice one on one. No one is home. These people are faceless, shameless and opportunistic. Again, I lived in Hollywood and as a result have ptsd from these people.
From my experience with a narc sibling ..once they snapshot u t idealise u for thier internal object...they seek to praise u so u grant them permission to be internalized and or becaome thier suply by making u love the way they describe u ...till undont know who is u and what isnt
Interesting question about bad-good objects here and in other lectures. In age of 6-8 dopplegangers, mother-dopplegangers, grandma-doppelgangers were the main theme of my nightmares, if I met them (in my nightmares) I couldn't distinguish who of them is real person (good) or fake person (bad). I wonder how it can be related to identity structure forming, was it a serious delay of development or a part of mind self-curing? I don't hope you answer, but, however...) And many thanks for the lectures, your deepest understanding of narcissistic's mind structure gives a ground under my feet and a hope to climb out off the hole.
"Either I am idealized or I am hated" is the implicit premise from which they operate. The failure to idealize is felt like knife in the heart by the narcissist, a kind of 'desacralization' of the image. This is the 'crime' for which the offender must be punished with total non-personing. They think they are being so gangsta until they just look like stupid and cruel person they really are and then their only recourse is to play the victim. Because they unable to recognize their own less-than-ideal sadism. So utterly scummy...
@@nothingnessnonarcissism Thank you! I have lived alone for most of my life, and have since the past few years shared my life with a wonderful woman. But I have started to suspect my emotional inner life is not what is could, or should, be. I will keep digging, even though it hurts.
What about if there's more than one care giver.. All good mum then,? Because baby not just being helped by one mum!? What's your thoughts on this? But your all bad object all good seems a better idea.. But I just wondered if you could have an answer for this Sam? Thank you so much for these up loads they are so helpful
So, what if someone has the destructive envy but cannot enable the grandiosity inmunnity? Is it some kind of flawed narcissist? If not, what kind of disorder is that? Is that person doomed?
And if I am the good object? Then of course I cannot own myself. She won’t allow it. She will destroy me before she allows me to actually be myself, the same person who when allowed to be myself was head over heels for her and offered her my entire life to her. Why can’t she see that when she lets me choose I always choose her? I want to choose her! But she she won’t accept it. She needs me to desperately need her, but I just don’t feel desperate. Is that so bad? I even moved across the oceans for her. Then suddenly nothing I did was enough, the only thing she cared about is how much I’m willing to disappear and merge with her.
I just want clarification on something. Does a narcissist practice "love bombing-devaluation-discard" on friends too? How long can a narcissist idealize you for? I have a narcissist uncle who idealizes his 2 daughters, the oldest one is 12. thanks,
Sam tells us to avoid perfection while he delivers a perfect lecture.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
This lecture makes me extremely grateful for my life's journey and my neuro filters... And a deeper understanding of the world around me. Thank you a thousand times over for your theorizing and willingness to share this information with others. Dr. Vaknin you are awesome
I felt so understood for the very first time EVER. I am forever grateful for all your work on our species.
Wow the baby internalizes the “bad” object that’s Huge! This would account for the fact that most people carry so much shame and low self worth.
I think that I procrastinate because of lack of faith in the outcome. Like standing at a bottom of a huge mountain thinking from this point where I am getting to the top, seems impossible. I think people are unable to foresee a positive outcome of commitment because they only see things from where they are now, at this present moment in their lives. Its a kind of lack of faith in ones capabilities that are a realistic assessment in the moment but false in a bigger picture. Our awareness is limited to the present and maybe 12 ft around us and that's it!. Our minds are highly malleable.by our immediate environment. Stanford Prison experiment being proof. In a nutshell, we are creatures of poor faith. If you are a good object to a narcissist and you never step on their toes, they won't hate you. You will be a good object in their 👀. In other words, you cant have an actual friendship with them and you have to keep them at an arms length. Never get intimate as it will be weaponized against you. All negative information can and will be used against you... Arbitrarily. Remain an ideal internal object in their eyes with politeness and mere acquaintance. No intimacy and no deep conversations. At first when you meet them, Once a few red flags go up, you should know who you are dealing with and act accordingly. Otherwise, once you step on their toes and remain friends, they will drag you through mud and torture you forever in a very hideous way. They will also poison your social well spreading nasty rumours while acting nice one on one. No one is home. These people are faceless, shameless and opportunistic. Again, I lived in Hollywood and as a result have ptsd from these people.
And the primary question: why? Why narcissist fails to integrate, why he stucks in the loop?
From my experience with a narc sibling ..once they snapshot u t idealise u for thier internal object...they seek to praise u so u grant them permission to be internalized and or becaome thier suply by making u love the way they describe u ...till undont know who is u and what isnt
when you grow n improve you deviate from the snapshot.... you get punished or disgaurded....helpful
Interesting question about bad-good objects here and in other lectures. In age of 6-8 dopplegangers, mother-dopplegangers, grandma-doppelgangers were the main theme of my nightmares, if I met them (in my nightmares) I couldn't distinguish who of them is real person (good) or fake person (bad). I wonder how it can be related to identity structure forming, was it a serious delay of development or a part of mind self-curing? I don't hope you answer, but, however...) And many thanks for the lectures, your deepest understanding of narcissistic's mind structure gives a ground under my feet and a hope to climb out off the hole.
So when you catch them on a lie, they rage, because you cause injury. Because you are the truth and that is against their good object.
IFS makes sense
"Either I am idealized or I am hated" is the implicit premise from which they operate. The failure to idealize is felt like knife in the heart by the narcissist, a kind of 'desacralization' of the image. This is the 'crime' for which the offender must be punished with total non-personing. They think they are being so gangsta until they just look like stupid and cruel person they really are and then their only recourse is to play the victim. Because they unable to recognize their own less-than-ideal sadism. So utterly scummy...
Narcisist is hypervigilant with himself
so basically the narcissist is in war with himself constantly
Is it possible to cure narcissism?
Watch the therapies playlist on my main channel.
@@nothingnessnonarcissism Thank you! I have lived alone for most of my life, and have since the past few years shared my life with a wonderful woman. But I have started to suspect my emotional inner life is not what is could, or should, be. I will keep digging, even though it hurts.
What about if there's more than one care giver.. All good mum then,? Because baby not just being helped by one mum!? What's your thoughts on this?
But your all bad object all good seems a better idea.. But I just wondered if you could have an answer for this Sam? Thank you so much for these up loads they are so helpful
The baby always selects a preferred primary object. See studies of Romanian orphans and childrearing in kibbutzim in Israel.
What is aproach avoidance
Antidote to Narcissism. Sounds familiar.
So, what if someone has the destructive envy but cannot enable the grandiosity inmunnity? Is it some kind of flawed narcissist? If not, what kind of disorder is that? Is that person doomed?
And if I am the good object? Then of course I cannot own myself. She won’t allow it. She will destroy me before she allows me to actually be myself, the same person who when allowed to be myself was head over heels for her and offered her my entire life to her. Why can’t she see that when she lets me choose I always choose her? I want to choose her! But she she won’t accept it. She needs me to desperately need her, but I just don’t feel desperate. Is that so bad? I even moved across the oceans for her. Then suddenly nothing I did was enough, the only thing she cared about is how much I’m willing to disappear and merge with her.
I just want clarification on something. Does a narcissist practice "love bombing-devaluation-discard" on friends too? How long can a narcissist idealize you for? I have a narcissist uncle who idealizes his 2 daughters, the oldest one is 12. thanks,
Nightmare its purely Hell ☠💀
47:00 🤮
Is the narc crazy or something ? Destroying himself just because we love him 🤣🤣🤣funny people !