Saying Goodbye to Grieving After Family Dysfunction
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- Опубліковано 26 сер 2024
- Hello. Thanks for checking out my UA-cam channel.
In my videos, I like to talk about Psychology, Healing Attachment Trauma, Relationship Repair, Inner Child Self-Re-Parenting, Love Addiction, Codependency, Grieving Break Ups, Family Programming, Fantasy Relationships, The Romantic Narrative, Primal Panic, Trauma Bonding, Double-Binds, Attachment Styles, Couples Counseling, Better Boundaries, Shame and Self-love, CPTSD Breakthroughs, Emotional Availability, and Body-Focused Psychotherapy for Healing Trauma..
☑️ Heal Your Relationships = #relationships
☑️ Trust Your Intuition = #selfcare
☑️ Repair w/ Counseling = #psychology
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Alan Robarge, LPC, Licensed Professional Counselor,
Attachment-Focused, Trauma-Informed,
Psychotherapist and Relationship Educator
Emotional Connections Matter!
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Saying Goodbye to Grieving After Family Dysfunction
In this video, I talk about the universal experience of grieving our losses due to the realities of impermanence. We will lose many people, places, and things throughout our lifetime. For this reason, grieving is normal.
Questions to answer in the comments section:
What is one thing you learned from listening to this video?
What is one takeaway you can apply to your personal healing process?
Remember to leave a comment. What is your takeaway from this video?
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☑️ Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz:
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☑️ Learn about Grieving and Pet Loss Course: Coming Soon
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☑️ Want to learn more about relationships? Then, sign up for the Everyday Relating Questionnaire.
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Saying Goodbye to Grieving After Family Dysfunction
Hello Subscribers:
Thank you for checking out my videos and posting such thoughtful comments. It's inspiring to read your self-reflections and insights. I love how we grow from each other's sharing.
One thing I have learned after years of reading comments is that we are not alone. Many of us have the same experiences when it comes to relationships. We are all trying to make sense of attachment trauma and learn better skills of relating.
Great job everyone - keep going and keep learning!
As I'm sure you can understand, I'm not able to respond to all the comments and questions here on UA-cam. I know this can be disappointing sometimes. Please forgive me. It is challenging to find the time for the careful consideration that is needed in order to respond to your heartfelt reflections. Even so, your vulnerability shines through.
I know behind each comment is a real person with real feelings who's hurting or who’s reporting a triumph. I know you are doing the best you can while trying to make sense of life’s suffering. We are all grappling with what it means to be human. I’m sorry that I’m not always able to respond to your comments directly.
That being said, I'm sharing this post to offer you a few resources in an attempt for us to stay connected. Keep in mind that I do read most comments here on UA-cam. Your words are received. I review comments daily, which serves as a way to organize content for future videos.
If you have a question or an idea for a video that you think is important to explore when it comes to learning about relationships and healing attachment trauma, then I want to hear about it. Please submit your questions and ideas here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
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Many of us want to know how to heal, how to change, how to be more secure in our relationships. This is why I created the course The Four Attachment Distress Responses.
Many of our behaviors in relationships are habitual - meaning we act out of autopilot. Our autopilot Response comes from past conditioning of negative experiences. When attachment injuries go unaddressed, we become insecure in our relationships.
The Four Attachment Distress Responses Course describes each specific type of guardedness, which is how we try to protect ourselves from getting hurt again, while also attempting to get our attachment needs met.
While we cannot change the past, we can change how we respond in the moment and in the future. This course offers you insights and tools as new ways to respond in your relationships. The Four Responses are Poking, Running, Hiding, and Submitting. You’re invited to take the quiz to learn more about your Response.
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
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I created an 8-week program and membership community based on the guiding principle of Self-Directed Healing Work #selfhealers that I want to share with you. The community is called Improve Your Relationships. The focus is about healing attachment injuries in the context of relationship repair in all areas of our lives.
When we look at the big picture of how attachment injuries and attachment trauma occurred in our lives, we are able to begin seeing our relationship choices from a whole new perspective. We gain access to inner resources that shift how we relate and respond to old hurts. It's a process. It's layered. It requires commitment. This is what the community is all about - committing to your healing work.
You are invited to join us. The community members are kind and supportive. We are an established group. The feedback and testimonials have been overwhelmingly positive.
Please check out the link for more information: www.alanrobarge.com/community
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Also, in addition to checking out my course and/or joining us in the Community, please consider becoming a Sustaining Supporter by making a financial contribution.
Your contribution helps guarantee continued quality and accessible content. If you benefit from my videos and want to show your support for the value offered, then please make a donation: www.alanrobarge.com/donate
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Thank you for being a channel subscriber and watching my videos.
And remember, we invest in our healing work because “Emotional Connections Matter!”
Best regards,
Alan Robarge
Attachment-Focused Psychotherapist
www.alanrobarge.com/
I adore him!! He is spot on in all of his videos that I have seen!!!
Alan has hit my childhood head on and especially in the case where my birth mother committed suicide and no one wants to visit and heal from that unexpected trauma but just to act like it never happened and not share with me what they knew about my mother. Withholding.
Ernestine Morrison I have very similar things going on in my family as well
You are helping me in changing my life. It’s happening dramatically and quickly and I cannot thank you enough for your wisdom and guidance. I am amazed at how far I have come in just a week. My anxiety about a recent breakup has all but disappeared as I come to the realization that the pain I was feeling had nothing to do with HIM but my attachment trauma. Thank you again
Same!!!!!’ 😮
Hahaha crazy ..i read your comment half way and I literally thought I wrote it ....but when I glanced at the profile picture ... I did not see my profile pic ...so I continued to read the rest of your comment ....and I literally looked again at the picture ...and then re read the name ...and I was like ....wow....it's literally not me ....haahhaha so crazy
He is my favorite. No one has ever described my internal reality better. Amazing!!!!
Soo talented!
..I did inherit this grief.. Went no-contact with afflicted toxic family, walked away from all inheritance. None of their money. No more of their grief.
Did it work?
You're a hero.
thank you.... i did not know this word until my 20s..... and i've been afraid feeling too much of it would cause me a nervous breakdown and hospitalization, as in the past.... now i have a great therapist..... yes, i have chronic sadness and clinical depression and i wanted to be pleasing to my parents, and have had a hard time knowing my real needs and wants.....
you're welcome and I hear you. Good you are learning and have good support. Many can relate with the experience of fear feeling feelings.
Yup. Exhaustion is what woke me up.
Vanessa good morning! Hope you’re doing well
I found your channel after filing for divorce a year and a half ago. After 36 years of marriage, I had reached my breaking point. Listening to you videos always makes me feel better about myself and my situation. You DO NOT sugar-coat experiences. I think just knowing other people out there share experiences similar to my own and we can thrive nonetheless has been key for me. Throughout the past year and a half there have been different stages of feelings (anger, relief, grief, rage) and I’ve found solace through all of them, in part, by listening to your videos. Thank you!!!
Thanks Alan, I resonated with your post. The grieving process for me started when I stopped using Alcohol and drugs in 1996. I spent 24 years grieving. I cried reservoirs of tears, got rid of frustration expressed so much anger and rage. It was exhausting but transformative. I have finally come out of the other side, I feel so much happier, lighter and joyful. I know grief will visit me again, it's a natural part of the human experience, ie letting go of friends, dreams, aspirations loved ones dying etc but it never seems as intense.
this is pivotal for me!!!! I have always been a person with a bend toward melancholy and grief....I realized my grief has debilitated me, but I just used it for an outlet for art and poetry etc, but the sadness can be profound at times. this distinction presented here really pinpoints my issue.....I really benefit from the "rounding out" of attachment issues that you present in these videos...the nuances and specific behaviors...thank you for this; its a gift.....
I know this is late reply, but I find sadness the most interesting emotion, and it's something I explore heavily in myself. "bend toward melancholy and grief" is very hitting for me.
You are so wonderfully fucking profound. I've just found your channel and it has already changed my life because you have given me so much perspective about dealing with my narcissistic family structure. As the scapegoat, I've delved into the family dynamics for several years and am now "divorcing" my golden child sister who has devalued my emotional needs for decades. You are so right tht it is a no-win double-bind situation. It is heatbreaking. But you point out the brutal truth is that, to go along with her devaluing me, and pretending that everything is okay, means that I am colluding in my own self-betrayal. That knocked my socks off. You are so, fucking profound. Thank you.
Great Video....I was raised in grief and this is the key to releasing it. Our perspective needs to change, it is truly up to us as individuals to be aware of our sadness and we do have the ability to change it with knowledge and awareness. Thank you Alan for another great video. Free Therapy!!!!
Wonderful! thank you so much. I have grieved things far too long, could'nt let go. Grew up in confusion, pain and misery. I'm healing and continue to, because I've done the work I choose to speak up and find out whats going on with me and others. Had to let go of some family members but got to that place much quicker and with less detriment to my own well being. I thought I was becoming hard hearted because ive always been too soft. But no, its a healthier way just one ive never known. I know the difference now and im much happier.
Alan, you are phenomenal, you are a gift. I have realized so much about my dysfuntional reality, and the options to change, to grieve, to move on, to accept, to create new realities, to practice healthy relating. It's been a process over the last 2 years. Extremly painful, yet freeing. I can't thank you enough.
Thanks for your kind words. I tap into empathy reading your comment. Good you are learning. Glad you are finding this content of benefit.
Wow, that was so liberating for me!
Thank you so much for explaining it so clearly. Especially when you made it more visual with example of food. (I learn best visually) I couldn’t figure out what it was why I felt stuck so deep inside all these years. Like you mentioned in your other video, continued chronic unresolvable grief in family relationships/dysfunction creates more dysfunction. The system itself is designed to maintain self generating dysfunction.
Deep down inside there was chronic loneliness, chronic loss, chronic sadness and deep sadness, being stuck in grief and loss.
Grieving over having parents but not having parents, having siblings but not having siblings, having huge extended family but not having extended family, etc.
Now it makes all sense that I have been living in the grief realm. Wow, so powerful🙏
Finally I can say goodbye to grief, which I wasn’t even aware off. Now I can ask myself who I will be without the identity of The Unlovable Self, The Miserable Life sucks Self, The Lonely Self and The Abandoned Self.
Thank you a millions time, you’ve given me the final puzzle pieces. 🙏💖🙏💖
Thank you for watching. I can see that you were engaged with my content, and that is truly wonderful. Thank you for sharing and for being so open and honest.
Grief is one of the topics we cover in the 8 week online community program I created. There is a full video library in the community for members to access 24/7 and a whole section of videos on the topic of grief. We explore the "how" in the community. Practicing these skills is essential to learning new behaviors and having new experiences. Getting support from others who are learning as well is very helpful for many people. It is not a therapy group, but a skills learning community which many people find very helpful as an adjunct to therapy. Please consider joining us in the conversation over at Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community
There is no one on this planet that describes my inner life and the pain of preverbal attachment trauma better or more accurate than Alan. He has helped and continues to help me sooooooo much!
Thank you for those kind words! Please consider sharing this video with someone that you think would benefit from my work the way that you do. :
I Love your channel. This is brilliant. I am learning to be a balanced, healthy, joyful person. I use a memory from my life- and, choose to be the inhabitant of a once better knowing rightful mind.
This one, right on the heels of your episode about Chronic Rejection, is hitting an important nail squarely on the head, for me. I can hardly wait to discuss these insights with my therapist tomorrow. I am telling others about your series. Thank you a thousand times over.
What I find confusing is that I might not always live in that space of grief, but I find myself reverting back to it when I stop trusting the process or if I land in a set that I am not comfortable exploring. As if the more I look at the rooms and set of this artificial life, I will be faced with the realization that what I constructed for myself was not real but it also makes me wonder what about everything else I do actively construct from here on. Its as if everything is teflon now, which was a good thing before because the walls were tumbling until there was nothing left but to construct. But like you said, when you live in a dysfunctional family, you are being destroyed and constructed almost simultaneously.
So thankful for you. You help me remind myself that I’m not the crazy one just cuz I am the only one that wants authentic relating in my family and close relationships.
Excellent video Alan . Ty some how I knew I was living an inauthentic life . Once I realized I had three narcissist loved ones in my life and I cut myself free from them and started looking at my own life and how I showed up , everything came into perspective .
❤
Wow.! This vid and the chronic rejection have one have so been pieces I have been missing .its like That piece of string in a maze - something to follow to get out. Thank you :)
Why are the views in the thousands and not in the millions?
This makes me think of the end of the 'What's eating Gilbert Grape?' film. Grieving the end of grieving, breaking out of being conditioned to a grief realm. Time to let in other experiences of being outside the realm. Thank you for this complete perspective and your detailed articulation of this process and experience. So very important!
I love that movie ✨🙏🏻✨
Just an amazing, engaging person to listen to. It’s almost like a peak experience. In fact it is peak experience to listen to Alan’s way of interpreting ones suffering and how to overcome it. Unique !!!
Oh, my goodness! It is like you are speaking directly to me. Thank you so much.
no wonder i was depressed pretty much since i was 17...
So well done. I had been simultaneously been living in the Truman show and grieving the entire fact that I was living on the show. But after three months of mourning, I think I'm ready to write a different show.
You have put, so much effort, into explaining this.
And you are right!
I realized, after hearing this video, that i am choosing to relive my grief, over and over again, with my life choices.
Thank you for making this clear to me. I hope others can relate too!
Oh, my godness! You articulate my family experience.
I have come to realize I suffered attachment trauma and all the far-reaching effects that occur from this.
Your videos have been so enlightening to me. Thank you.
I realize that my grief was part of my self soothing in lack of the sympathy and understanding I didn't get. This comforted me to be crying for myself. Just as being positive no matter what was my way of being able to cope and keep going forward. This grew up to be :constantly expecting to be disappointed and sad and clutching on to experiences that could reinforce my self soothing and constantly seeing the positive in people stepping over my boundaries. I don't believe we have a state of non existing boundaries. We have boundaries.. Deep inside we know this doesn't feel right. We just never got the guidelines to define our boundaries. Or as you say.. We didn't get the memo.
Always wondered why I never shied away from feeling grief and why I felt grief harder than others. What you said helped me understand it better. I was grieving for myself, but also in place of what should have come from others. I feel though, that while only having access to self-soothing and not external support is not enough, grieving acknowleges the experience. At least to ourselves, the pain is not going unseen. The hope is that over time, as we heal and get stronger, ww start to be able to hold space for the experience, while letting go of the worst of the pain. And others' refusal to acknowlege your experience starts to lose its power.
This is extremely helpful thank you 🙏🏻❤️
Thanks for the feedback. Please also share this video with a friend. Glad this content is helpful for you.
I am so grateful that I stumbled across your videos just yesterday. They put so many things into words for that I could feel but could explain... They help clarify what has been happening in my life... they are affirming that I naturally have been going through a healing cycle and doing pretty well... this one about grieving the grief is exactly what I found myself in the past couple of weeks and could not explain it.... now I can. Thank you!!! Each video is offering so much depth and clarity.
It's like never having access to an optometrist in your whole life and one day walking through the office door. "Does this lens make things fuzzier or clearer?"
You articulate very well!
Your teachings are easy to hear and absorb.. Healthy norishment in every moment!!
I was told once I had one foot thru the door of light and one stuck on the other side....it takes awhile to break thru this realm...I've been on a quest for expansion most my life,for as long as I can remember..I will not waste this precious human life!
I will break thru to the all knowing realm..I deserve it...the world deserves it!!! I love myself,I love myself,I love myself!!
Look out Buddha,here I come!!
Peace and love to all✌️❤️
This video has opened the door for a truly lightbulb insight for me. It's pointed out a constricted world view that has held me captive for 70 years. It's as mind-blowing as realizing that an attachment wound was immensely magnifying the grief I felt over the loss of a relationship. As sad as that was in and of itself, there was so much more going on. If you are looking for healing, I urge you to join Alan's online community. It's been life-changing for me.
Thank you for the supportive, kind shout out. I appreciate the endorsement. Glad you find so much value in my videos and the community. Thank you for committing to your healing work.
This video BLEW ME AWAY !! I know I went from a 45 to a 90 in my healing. I listen to others on youtube but you have a knack of speaking intelligently all the while making sure we get it. It also helps that you've been there. So full of love for your fellow man ( and woman). Listened to alot of your videos but this was my " A HA ! ) Thank you so much for caring enough to spend your time sharing your knowledge with us. Your a keeper !
I'm so tired of "loss, tension and chaos is the normal"...im sick of this. Constant pain.... I need a reset to live in a much better way. Omg
What a gift. Thank you.
Thank you so much for making this video; I have had a recent falling out with both my parents and younger sibling over issues with unresolved attachment trauma in our family and I can see how the framework you have mentioned has shaped my thinking up until this point.
Sounds like you found some helpful insight. I'm glad this video was helpful for you. I can see many of us relating with having a fall out with family. I want to share about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It's so affirming when others can understand where we're coming from. We learn a lot from each other. Thanks again for sharing this video was helpful. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
powerful message in simple language!
Thank you Alan for taking the time to describe these many aspects of the human condition and the wealm of possibilities for those of us that do the work.
Bless Alan Robarge, and all who sail with him! As always, he hones it down to the searing truth and explains so clearly the stuff that has floated ephemerally for so long, let’s you pin it down. Thank you so much. I keep coming back to your videos, so helpful 🙏🏽❤️
Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it. And thanks for valuing my work.
You are incredibly skilled at sharing your ideas and strategies. This video is sooo helpful and truly gave me a new wiser perspective at looking at things.
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for sharing my work was helpful for seeing new perspectives.
If this video is helpful then you may also like getting in on our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Alan, the artwork for your beginning credits are fun and clever! It says "Enlightenment at your fingertips."
You are changing my life!!
This is brilliant! Beautifully explained.
You really nailed it. You really have experienced it and articulate it so well. A master piece
Unexpected grief hit me but l use the energy in my creative pursuits. There are many issues which you will never understand until you have lived with grief.
Empathy to you. Channeling through creativity sounds helpful. Thanks for the comment.
this has been the most original, provocative video i have seen from you. fabulous work. you made a very very nuanced and important distinction.
Esther, I am glad this material resonates with you. If you would like to deepen your understanding of attachment distress, please consider entering the conversation in the online membership community I started. You are invited to join other like-minded learners who value mapping out a plan of self-directed healing and want to share their insights with others. We are a kind, supportive group of folks committed to changing old patterns of relating. Please know you are welcome to be part of the community. You can learn more and register here: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you for this video...OMG, it describes to a T my family and my own experience being in it. It has taken me years to fully acknowledge the extent of the chronic and awful dysfunction I constantly lived in.
BRILLIANT presentation!! Bringing us from the tragic childhood and up through life . None better out there on grief & loss, Thank you so much Alan!
Thank you for this intelligent and thoughtful presentation. Listening to this brought me another step down the road of healing. Thank you, Alan.
Oh my gosh, thank you so much for offering your knowledge for free. You have helped so much 🙏
really great information and so spot on!! thank you for taking the time to do this video.
Hi Alan I’m glad that I found you on UA-cam you so Kind smart and helpful Thanks so much for your video’s 🙏🏽
I appreciate your supportive comment and for valuing my videos. It's good to know how impactful this one is for you. I am glad to hear the videos have been helpful and you receive benefit from my work. Please consider checking out my course, and/or joining us in the Community. Click on the links to learn more:
Take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz
www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
Check out the Community, Improve Your Relationships
www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank You! Grieve Is Not The Realm To Live In!
Thank you Kent. There are other realms...other states of mind. I appreciate the comment.
I really like listening to your posts. Your voice is soothing. You hit the nail on the head with this video. Thank you. I grieve life in general.
Alan, thank you! I just made a big shift listening to your video!
Love and light to you! This is my life.
I've sent one of your videos to my Mum. I really hope she hears.
Thanks for sharing. Glad the videos are helpful.
Our families give us a
"social inheritance" of a family system.
Good, bad or a combination of.
You just described my childhood 💯💔, super helpful, would like to delve deeper!!
Thank you for your truth and teachings.✌️❤️
So so relatable. Thank you for this
What a wonderful video. Is there one that goes into ways to practice breaking out of that reality?
This is a great question and one that is very common. Unfortunately, it is so layered and nuanced that it would be impossible to answer fairly via UA-cam comment.
I recommend submitting this idea for a future video here: www.alanrobarge.com/questions
Along with this, grief and the "how" of coping with this grief are things that we discuss in my online Community, Improve Your Relationships. You deserve the support from people who understand what you're experiencing and feeling. While not a therapy group, it is a learning community full of people who are kind and encouraging. Please consider joining in on our conversations. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Awesome video. Fun, joy, laughter was not allowed in my home..unless the giants were drunk
I empathize with what you shared. Glad this video spoke to you.
Thank you for these amazingly helpful videos
You're welcome. Thank you for valuing my effort.
If the videos are helpful then you may also like taking part in our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
You explain such a deep topic in a way many can understand. Thank you. ❤️
Thank you for valuing my efforts to offer explanation. Glad it offers benefit.
Grieving our losses is a topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It can be helpful learning with others who are also learning. You're invited to join us: www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTraumathank you Alan, I just listened to this message again. I haven’t joined the community because of the time zones. I live in Perth, Western Australia. I wish you would write a book. ❤
Read once that grief is only love that has no where to go.
I try to focus my love on my own little family and to love myself, it is the only thing I can do.
However, when it comes to parents that you can no longera reach with your love because of dysfunction and addiction, there will always be a part of your love that can't be expressed. I don't think it will ever change for me.
Lots of love to all of you.
Thank you for the insightful comment. Glad this video sparked reflection for you.
I remember when we mentioned this idea of the unspoken in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. The conversation was a similar exploration to your comment. If you haven't heard about the Community take the quiz to learn more. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you very much. I really needed to hear this.
I really need a print-out of this...
Thank you. Profound and awaking
I know. I don't need to be told what the problem is. My parents did the best they could, I loved them and I grieve now that they are dead. Our family dysfunction was due to my mother's serious illness and my sister and I being caretakers at age 6 and 7. I'm a disabled person too and now at 65 years old I'm still not hearing any way to heal. I continue to suffer very real loss from being dumped, friends dying or moving away, isolation and loneliness, and I've never had a day of real happiness. Maybe I missed it somehow. I don't keep the old grief alive. The hits just keep on coming. The pain is real, current and constant.
Hey Kathy - That resonates with me.
Awesome! Profound! Excellent!
I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for valuing my work.
If you like the videos then you may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
loss, tension, disappointment is the norm and familiar
You the bomb Alan!
Best part Omg there’s farmers markets in the world. Have you ever heard of gardening? Hahahah
Bee, Glad the videos are of value and offer benefit. So many ideas and layers to contemplate. We explore a number of the ideas about relationships in the membership community. If you want to explore with others, please consider joining us. The community members are kind and supportive. Here is the info if you are interested: www.alanrobarge.com/community
How do I move past chronic family dysfunction where I was used as the scapegoat. My family has always tormented me as the "mentally Ill, disabled person"-- They called employers, ruined career opportunities for me. Destroyed personal relationships w gossip and innuendo. They still expect me to have a "relationship with them" and I get to be treated like this-- I cannot do this. Too much damage. HOW do I point out all of the things they have done... they refuse to listen or communicate in a equal exchange?? My life is LOST-- will I EVER recover from this. Any ideas?? Anyone??
At 53 I stopped communicating with them. Moved on and began the healing process.
No contact works, you are not oblidged to collude with people who have or continue to mistreat you. I have bouts of guilt but nontheless i have never felt so happy in my adult life. The fog lifts and you learn to see poor behavior in others and how formerly one would have inadvertantly absorbed negativity from others.
gorilla twist you just explained my life exactly as well in a way I can’t find the words or someone who can understand what im saying or going through. When u say to ppl ur life is LOST they think cos of ur actions.. im grieving and sad all the time i ended up with anxiety and not excited about life anymore. Just afraid weak and sad
gorilla twist...I don't know how much you know about narcissistic abuse but I recommend Lisa A Romano and Ross Rosenberg. Also, Infinite Waters - How to stop caring for people that hurt you. None of it was ever your fault and the responsibility lies solely with them. Be happy you didn't turn out like them. x
No contact. We’ve all fallen for the unwritten rule that you have to continue “relationships” with your relatives. Relatives do not equal family. No contact and blocking everyone is the only thing that has worked for me.
Just wow! This is my life...so helpful. Thank you soo much
i have had a fight and flight nervous disorder and have had tips from alan's community.
My parents did the best they could. They came from poverty, immigration, antisemitism, etc. My mom had seven pregnancies over 15 years (1946-1961) and delivered 11 boys, only 4 of whom survived, including my severely disabled brother, who was institutionalized before I was born. Right after I was born, my mom had uterine cancer and a hysterectomy. A year later, my dad had a heart attack. They had lost the Levitt house, and we were living in a Mitchel-Llama co-op in Coney Island. My father died of colon cancer at 52, in 1972, when I was 11. How was I not going to have attachment trauma?
So helpful, thank you
My therapist twice weekly $180
This guy priceless 🏆
Thank you for the kind words. Glad my work brings value.
If you find benefit in my work then please consider becoming a sustaining supporter and join our conversations in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships, if you haven’t already done so. You're invited: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Always incredible
I appreciate the kind words. Thanks for acknowledging my effort.
If you like this video you may also like chiming in on the conversations on this topic in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. www.alanrobarge.com/community
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma I'm watching stages 1,2 3 right now ,your a just simply a genius 👏 👌 😀
You are amazingly good! TY!
Grief also takes time, and not just after physical death but after betrayal from your own family. If we do reconcile it will never be the same because the trust has gone. I have been rejected since my divorce, my only Adult child (she's turned 40) blames me for the loss of our "happy" family, if we were happy we wouldn't have got divorced. I separated from her Dad 20 years ago, he now has a new partner. I went "NO CONTACT" with my daughter, and we never spoke for 6-7 months. She has since reached out on my birthday, but I am still guarded. So I won't watch video's which say get over grief and loss quickly.
Take a break, you don't have to stay stuck in grief. Realize it doesn't define you. It's not only who you are. There are other realms beyond grief.
These are great insights. Thanks for reflecting. That's true, there are other realms beyond grief. It's good to work with our perspectives, be proactive and prevent getting stuck. If you are interested in learning about attachment behaviors and how you can take care of yourself around distressing experiences then take The Four Attachment Distress Responses Quiz: www.alanrobarge.com/adrquiz
I have mental illness because my parents abused me my whole life. Now they want me to take meds to shut me up instead of just saying they are sorry and taking accountability for their actions.
You are incredible.
Thanks for the kind words. And thanks for valuing my work.
You may also like the Improve Your Relationships Community Program: www.alanrobarge.com/community
Excellent advice thank you very much!!
I'm glad you liked the video Joanna. If the topic resonated with you, you may be interested in checking out my membership community, Improve Your Relationships. We are a group of kind, supportive learners who want to make sense of our past relationships and learn new skills of better relating. In the community we can talk about emotional availability, secure attachment, boundaries, finding the right kind of partner for us, and learning how to say goodbye when necessary. A new recurring round of our 8-week program begins this week. You're invited to join us. www.alanrobarge.com/community
Thank you
I was by my mother told that chronic disappointment and pain are just part of life.😭 And that life's " not fair".😒😒
your comment brings up empathy. Glad you checking out this content.
Is there a video about how to grieve (let go) of the grief realm? And where to from there? Back to a world where selfish people cause us more grief I guess lol. It's a difficult cycle.
Thank you.
1.25 speed is good 👍
Can you make a video on how to cope with a spouse who is grieving and has lost someone. What does the partner do to help, how does one actually make meaning to whats happening in their partners life and the relationship itself.
Yes!
excellent video!!
What if this is happening to my children through my depression and attachment trauma issues. As I free myself how do I help them. I fear
Bridgette Dunagan I personally have taken my experiences and growth as teachable content for my teen. I am giving her as many tools as possible to be a happy, thriving adult. Children don’t require fabrications from a parent. The truth is all that’s needed without fear. I would be much better off had I not grown up with the illusions and false realities my parents constructed for us. It was extremely damaging. Their egos were too big to ever be truthful people to their kids.