The Secret To Living A Good Life - How To Heal Trauma, Overwhelm & Declutter Your Life | Fred Luskin
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- Опубліковано 30 кві 2024
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What does the word forgiveness mean to you? If the very idea of letting go of a past hurt makes you feel indignant or upset, then listening to this podcast could be one of the best gifts you give yourself.
Today’s guest wants us all to understand why forgiveness matters for both our mental and physical health. Dr Frederic Luskin is a clinical psychologist, researcher and speaker who has been teaching at Stanford University for the past 30 years. And as Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, he has taught tens of thousands of people to live happier and more fulfilled lives through the practice of forgiveness, gratitude and meditation.
Although 20 years old, his book Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, is as relevant today as it ever was. Based on groundbreaking scientific research, it provides practical strategies for letting go of grudges and resentments. And it offers startling insight into the healing powers and medical benefits of forgiveness, and its profound impact on our lives.
Fred explains how our past hurts are stored in our bodies. People who are able to forgive are physically more relaxed. Their blood pressure and central nervous system normalise, their perception of pain lowers, their risk of depression and anxiety goes down. Crucially, their relationships are more open and trusting, so they feel less alone.
This is such powerful knowledge to have. Most of us can probably think of an example where we’ve allowed something that’s happened in the past to sabotage our present. Not letting go of old hurts can be a way of trying to protect ourselves and control the future. But Fred points out this is a coping mechanism to stop us acknowledging when we are vulnerable. True resilience means sitting with that discomfort and learning that it will pass.
Of course this doesn’t mean we don’t have a right to be devastated if our partner has an affair or our boss treats us badly, for example. It’s vital to feel the hurt and process your feelings, says Fred. But if you’re still living in the negative emotions months or years later, it’s time to move on.
If that sounds easier said than done, rest assured that Fred has plenty of inspiring examples and practical suggestions to help you forgive. He is adamant that forgiveness is a choice and a skill anyone can learn. And you start by giving yourself permission to enjoy your present and future, unbound by the past.
I really enjoyed my conversation with Fred and completely agree with him that forgiveness is an undervalued human skill. It may feel hard to access, but it is a brave choice and one that in any given situation will trigger a cascade of rewards. I hope this conversation prompts you to reconsider some of your past hurts and move forwards with self-compassion and freedom.
#feelbetterlivemore
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Website fredluskin.com/
Dr Luskin’s books:
Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness, US: amzn.to/3Wpr13I UK: amzn.to/4be5X4r
Forgive for Love: The Missing Ingredient for a Healthy and Lasting Relationship, US: amzn.to/3UGcfVa UK: amzn.to/3wgleCY
Stress Free for Good: Ten Scientifically Proven Life Skills for Health and Happiness, US: amzn.to/3xXMLcN UK: amzn.to/4aZsTVw
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Forgiving your younger self for not knowing better ❤ processing your grief, healing and making space for kindness to others that are worthy of your love and respect.
❤❤
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.porass. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this
Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes, he is dr.porass.
“We sabotage the present because of what happened in the past.” I felt that.
I wasted decades of my life with a victim mentality. This conversation helped me so much and sealed the new path that I am on. I meditate on loving kindness now and am able to send my love and compassion to all beings, even those who I feel are doing the most damage to us all. I picture them as children who must have been taught anything but kindness and my heart goes out to them. It is so empowering!
I’m so happy you’ve got a new freshness in your life. Like you, this freedom from the past, the ability to create a life that brings me peace, has given the life I’m living such preciousness. Yeah, it took 58 years to find, but it’s like getting to enjoy each moment with wonder. ❤
Not everyone deserves your kindness or forgiveness because sadly there are people in this world that just take, use, mistrust, lack empathy, feel entitled, lack personal accountability and reflective capacity. I am more discerning❤
@@heatherh5639 Yeah, it's not obvious to me why one has to forgive to move on. Surely a lot of people heal and move on by other means. There's certainly no talking me into the quaint idea that 'everyone is doing the best they can.'
It's never too late. My friend just wasted a decade just trying to prove a point, it wasn't worth it.
Let go the grief, not easy, but possible.
It took 4 years to get out from depression, deception to learn to find myself again and make peace with life.
Thanks!
grief is different for everyone......it brings forward, regrets, shame, guilt and in the thick of grief all this comes forward...yep it's stored and moving past it is one of the most difficult things we do as human. Let go and let love just BE.
It’s not compulsory to reconcile but to accept the person for who they are and move on
All of this makes complete sense to me. I'm not a person who ruminates over the past Beyond a reasonably short grieving peroid. However, there are a few people in my past I have chosen to leave their. It is not that I haven't forgiven them. I think it is important to learn from the past. I don't accept that I'm not letting them back in because I'm unable to cope with their abuse, gaslightin, cheating... They're not getting back in because they don't deserve another chance and I deserve to be treated better
After 2-3 years of LOTS of UA-cam watching, this is the first video where I've taken notes. Excellent conversation!
Dr. Chatterjee, you are an angel! Thank you for being you, for choosing the guests you do and for raising awareness about so many aspects of life that affect our well-being!
Jesus help me. I’m trying to balance everything on my own, but Lord I feel like I’m failing miserably as a single mother. Both sons are special needs I’m so overwhelmed trying to support them on my own. I’m struggling to make ends meet, to pay bills, and to put food on the table for my children. Jesus guide me and give me strength. I have faith you will carry me through this difficult time.💕
Thank you so much for sharing your story and struggles... I can't imagine how overwhelming it is with so many challenges. With prayers that you can receive God's peace and provision for the next steps in the journey - knowing it is NOT easy and in fact, it is incredibly hard.
May God grant you the desires of your heart
❤❤❤
These approaches are so rich and valuable. I’ve been in therapy for years, was able to let go of any anger against my ex-husband who not only left me for another girl half his age but left me with no money in the bank. I worked through that but I still am trying to work through my father beating me mercilessly with a board for things I knew nothing about from the time I was 5 years old. He was explosive and unpredictable and I felt unwanted and unloved. Dad has been gone since 1979 and I’m 72 and just want the anger and betrayal to stop. I brought it up several times to him but he never apologized. If I had been in his life, body, experiences, even then I would never have beaten a baby no matter what.
😢
Try family constellations, that is very helpful.
EMDR with a therapist
Sending you lots of positive energy, a hug, and prayers from afar! 🙏 The negative energy is trapped within your body somewhere, so maybe you can try to scream out in privacy or punch out your pain/anger on a pillow/inanimate object.I just did this yesterday, as I was driving along the highway and after 3 or 4 screams, I started laughing and feeling sooooo much better about a family situation. The positive feelings after releasing some of the pent up frustration, is still present inside today 😀
Wishing you beautiful and peaceful moments in 2024 and beyond!
Your father was sick to do that. Jesus heals now and forever
I adopted the same attitude as you Rangan a few years back, considering that everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. I'd like to add that this attitude is very liberating. We are not responsible for other people's reactions🙂
Funny you feel that way. Because I think it's painfully obvious that a lot of people aren't doing the best they can.
Some people do terrible things knowing full well that they're wrong. And they do them repeatedly. I have a sibling who is never more alive and energized than when she is an abusive tirade over some largely imagined slight. Is she doing the best she can? I don't think so.
Noon Dorothy, though when your own mother was abusive til the day she died, hard to look at it that way....but trying
Fred was my teacher at ITP. He is excellent
Wow !!!!! Lucky you !!! What a blessing !
What is itp?
Sometimes an inflated view of ourselves stops us forgiving. We need to have more humility.
You only inflate because you feel INSECURE. When you’re secure or whole, you are just okay. Nothing to prove. So, insecurity is the problem not pride.
@LynneSimpson-sb9fh Have you asked God to forgive you?
The guests is saying such powerful things every second that I feel I have to watch this episode 100 times
Most times people who hurt others are hurting themselves. That itself can prompt the person who has been hurt to have compassion for the other person
I discovered the Hawaiian practice of Hoponopono online this year. I don't really know very much about it, but I tried it with my daughter and it helped a breakthrough in our relationship. To practice a shortened version of this you repeat I'm sorry, Please forgive me, Thank you, I love you. This can be put to music and musical versions can be found online. We listened together and hugged. It brought tears. People are apologizing to God, the Spirit, the Divine, etc as well as to each other for not being appreciative enough of life and living with full joy and love. Very restorative as a daily mantra for many. I like it.
I don't think it's possible for some people to "let go." And I think there are biological reasons for this. We may be designed to hold on to things to pass the info on to the next generations for some reason. Yet living with the weight is definitely an impediment to achieving goals. I've been struggling with mental illness my whole life. I now sum it up as an imbalance between voluntary amd involuntary brain activity. I say this to give other sufferers some solace. Your brain is in charge and sometimes you get to give it a second voting. What kind of juror do you want to be fair, honest, kind, or vindictive, crass, and such. The greatest advice anyone ever gave me and it helps when I can implement it is to ask myself, "What does love look in this situation?" (Thanks Dominic) I am interjecting my comments on a video by two great speakers on the subject but I'm not sure how else to communicate my thoughts. This show provides a good platform to hear from others. Hope you are doing well.
Disagree that we can not change how we think.
Just as he said re-evaluating and re-explaining our experiences. Once we can think outside of ourselves (how others were affected or why the incapabilities of others) then we can change our conceptions or rather perception of events and experiences. We can become free from negative thoughts because they are no longer the basis of an injury to ourselves but rather facts that could not be changed in that space and time. We can teach qualities, integrity and compassion without tearing others apart. We can teach from experience, we can teach sharing experiences without blood and gore.
We can rewire the brain and nervous system - it’s called neuroplasticity. The first step is believing we are 1. Capable and 2. Worthy, then putting in the work to change.
I do love these conversations and different views.
For myself, I'm still in the process of learning how to let go; the bigger and wider detailed actions of it as mentioned at the beginning.
Back in the day, letting go was akin to a new colour outside of my capacity to even know it exists.
That changed with time and curiosity; good people doing the same work.
Now I see my history and purposes in a new light, and have come to see that everyone can either change their views (let go) or are simply an instrument of change for others. That last bit sounds cruel until I tried it on for size a few weeks ago. My behavior was over the top, but I was conscious of it, and in the moment I saw it wasn't all about me all the time. Sometimes my actions are needed to help shake things up. It's the consciousness and orientation that are key. If everyone suddenly behaves perfectly, there is no practice for any of us. So, when I struggle with behaviors I'd like to drop, I stop berating myself, maybe even in the moment, and relax.
That liminal space between an event or trigger and the reaction is allowed to grow. That is where the loosening up and ability to let go gets air. It's quite a sense of love and empowerment at the same time for me, though my interpretation of most things is in a constant shift.
Nothing is static. Nothing is fixed.
We're all redeemable and flexible according to the willingness to experiment and be vulnerable with the right people for the optimal reasons.
:)
@@Jupefires
I do too! I survived 10yrs of domestic violence, sexual violence and attempted murder. Suffered chronic depression and CPTSD for 15yrs. Healing was absolutely a choice and reprogramming my brain, starting with my internal monologue, changed my life. It saved my life. I had a choice. Make meaningful change or, kill myself.
It was really difficult. Slow. Not at all, linear.
Now I’m incredibly emotionally healthy. Have a serious love and genuine awe at life. I know now, it’s not what you got, it’s what you do with it. It’s your reaction to life, that counts.
I sit here telling you this, awaiting biopsy results and surgery on a lump in my throat. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been! 😂
Shit still happens, it always will but it doesn’t have any power over my mood anymore, because I choose not to let it.
It’s totally possible to completely change your mindset, purely by consuming this kind of thing, every day, for years. One day, someone will say it a way that will just click and you’ll finally get it all!
You’ll realise that you are in control of absolutely pretty much, absolutely everything. You write your own life.
Yes, there are definitely some things, you have zero control over.. some health issues or accidents, other peoples behaviour… but mostly, it’s alllll you and your reaction, to life.
The best conversation I have heard on forgiveness. Thank you.
I've just started in a selfhelp group;"Adult Children", where we talk about all our trauma, big &small (In Spain🇪🇦🌍)) and it's forbidden to talk about the persons in our group outside the group, it's anonymous. I feel this therapy goes right to the root of every bad habit's cause&effect. I feel relief, after each meeting! And it's all for free. And, above all; its NOT about blaming parents or other persons in our past! It's about getting allowed to tell it, get it out, tell a trustful group who really listens! And feeling that we are healing. Thank you for this beautiful video. All this will make resilience an incorporated wisdom in Earths human future, so we can live in peace. No more war!!! (RESILIENSE IS A WORD, TOGETHER W 'PRESENCE' that will heal us and thereby protect children from all kind of trauma, little by little!❤)
It's making humanity more human&less 🆒!
Experts on the subject like Judith Herman & Peter Levine make sense of PTSD & CTSD, without the ivory tower "playing victim" baloney. Holding perpetrators to account in the criminal justice system is sometimes a necessary move when it comes to resolving the damage done. "My partner cheated" is one thing to "get over & move on from", but transgressions that deny basic human rights can require an approach with appropriate, informed resources. Helpful points made in this podcast are not at all denied, just for some there are a multitude of angles appropriate to the unique individual circumstances.
But if the justice system doesn’t give the outcome you think it should, you’re still left holding the bag (with that type of outlook). You’re still stuck. Youre still the victim being victimized.
Having perceived things from both viewpoints at different times in my life,, I will say that for me, the method in this video was much more liberating.
And no one said to let true criminals continue to victimize people- but all of this garbage you see these days about “my mother spanked me, yelled at me, made me feel the fool….she’s such a narcissist.” Yada, yada, yada. Those poor souls are keeping themselves trapped in a prison they helped build.
You're not working with clients with severe PTSD or CTSD so why bother arguing. You missed the point.
What method is that exactly? All I heard was a simplistic view of what it feels like to be wronged, and the repetitive insistence that one forgive the POS that traumatized you. It's not clear why I have to forgive someone to get their stench off my life.
@@MikeM-uy6qp resources available provide various approaches that would suit individual histories. It's not a one size fits all to say the least.
@@MshAhmxiO1 Thanks for the advice. The stuff in this video just doesn't work for me, because it requires a delusional generosity toward truly awful human beings. It's just barely on the outskirts of toxic positivity, one of the favored weapons in my family's abuse arsenal. The premise of this stuff is that changing your thoughts is extremely easy. But if it were, no one would be paying for this dude's thoroughly banal bromides via book and lecture. Who wants to ruminate on abuse? No one. But it's extremely difficult not to.
The problem is some of us are inclined to stay there, to stay in feeling the pain, because of past traumas. It’s not just the pain from that event, it’s the compounded pain from a myriad of emotional flashbacks.
Denying it and trying to paper over it is like abandoning yourself (your body?) with the pain without your higher faculties being there to help it. But feeling it isn’t just waves that will pass, it’s like a monsoon that can consume you.
Open and genuine conversation. Great interview. He’s wonderful. His calm wise intelligence blows me away …I think I’ve just fallen in love 😍 what a handsome genuine lovely man. Every parent struggling with guilt needs to see this.
This is just so brilliant! They bring our suffering down to the basic fundamentals in a way that we can understand it from a clear perspective. Then they teach us how to empower ourselves so that we can take control and move forward to greater happiness and ultimately freedom. Thanks you both so much. Two men with great hearts ❤❤
One of the best interviews i came accross. Thank you so much
All of your videos are so enlightening , educational, entertaining and inspiring.
I often learn from every episode on this channel.
They really have helped me live healthier happier and more at peace.
This episode is the best for me. The ideas and conversstion hit the mark for me. So extremely helpful and meaningful !!!!
Thank you !!!!!
This all makes sense. Except what if it is oneself that one cannot forgive?
EXACTLY.!!!
.... Thank you for mentioning.
.. I recently did some BAD decision and Horrible mistakes,.. that cannot be forgiven nor resolved.
..... My self loafing and regret, guilt,..and self pity..
Has destroyed my life.
And damaged my mental and physical health.
.. how so you forgive yourself?
... ⛓️☠️
Love this conversation. People should listen to this more than once. So important ❤
Thanks a lot for your video Dr, you always have inspiring and healing guests! I truly thank you! I love your humane and deep style Dr!
I really like this guys delivery. I came to all of this on my own, what he’s teaching, but he is so calm and his presentation is very inviting.
Wow. Some of the things said in this episode gave me goosebumps. You both described exactly the things I'm struggling with
Thank you, gentlemen!!❤️
A brilliant interview, thank you. What a treasure you are Fred Luskin, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge so beautifully ❤ Right at every level!
Dr Chattergee thank you I was profoundly moved and learned so much about myself. ❤ your podcast are captivating and allow me to grow out of habits.
So much food for thought here. I will listen a few more times. The older one is the more one has examples of needing to forgive. Oh yes, 'It's how do we resolve those things?'.
Thank you so much to Dr Rangan & Fred Luskin for providing this important discussion here on 'Forgiveness'. Strange to relate it's been during a grieving process I've been going through for 2 very good friends who passed in the last year that I realised that some of the grief that emerged has to do with unresolved grief with other people who are still alive who caused me in the past & so I felt forced to face the unresolved grief. Oh yes I know the 'pseudo force of anger'. So I'm now doing what I can but also getting some help to deal with a lot of hurt I'd buried deeply. I'm on the road to forgiveness & strange to relate I'm needing to forgive myself mostly for not knowing how to deal with certain hurts & for holding on to Self Pity. My life hasn't been entirely self pity & anger but there were a few deep wounds that I've managed to bury deep down.
I love the closing words that Fred Luskin said in this talk i.e.
'In whatever way you can, remember you are loved & connect with that & when even for a moment, that somewhere in you is Love.'
This Forgiveness is indeed a journey but I look foward right now to 'being' present here & now on this journey as the wounds heal do there'll be need for lots of those Calming Exercises!
Many thanks to Dr. Rangan & Fred Luskin.
What if you cannot recall a time when you were truly loved?
Remember when you were loving to someone else.
@@bruzgul thanks!
This thought brings tears and release.
It has been really enlightening to listen to Fred, it has opened my mind. Thank you both. 😊
Thank you for sharing! This is wonderful! 😊
Great interview with one of the giants in psychology Thank you both so much
Wow! I can't thank you enough for all the information and Aha Moments you've provided me with this video! Priceless 🙏
This podcast is gold if listened closely. Real insights on how to let go and "let the planes land"
Absolutely wonderful wonderful conversation. So many life changing moments in it
I’ve only just found your channel recently, so helpful talks, from so many experienced professionals, doctors, authors, thank you !
I really needed this today ...❤
Thanks so much for this amazing conversation ~ 🌟
This is an answer to many years of trying to wrap my head around this concept. Thankyou so very much.
Same here.
Brilliant interview! Great questions! 💙
Very comforting podcast
Absolutely amazing podcast!Thank you🙏✌️🌈🌹👍💫❤️
Great insight and practical tips. Thank you!
Thank you ❤
Thanks for this episode. 🤗
What a great conversation! 👏👏👏
That’s was very helpful. Thank you for your work 🙏💕
This is so good.
I ❤ this talk, very much
I like what you say about letting go of the past. Thank you
Excellent talk!
This was an excellent interview
I’m enjoying this podcast. I have heard a bunch of positive and instructive discussions with Robert Lustig, Dr. Weil, etc. This episode is very healing discussion. Everyone has wounds, some have extreme wounds.
thankyou!
Amazing! Thank you! 🙏
This is very very very good thank you. ♥️
Wonderful wise man👏👏🤩
Awesome video cheers
I met Fredd in Vegas at the Aces practice facility. I shook his hand and said thanks. Nice guy.
I understand what he is saying. I wish I could do this. I still think about the damages that have been caused as a result of all that happened and the impact it has had.
So good 😊
This interview was very interesting. The second part of it really really got deep and I am truly grateful. Dr. Chatterjee, you are such an amazing person. I wish I could know you in my life. I was married to a physician and with him for about 15 years. We are in the process of divorce. He was so very different than you. Very close minded very narcissistic very mean, I have had a hard time in letting it go and forgiving him, but this has really helped me. But it’s also helped me to understand a lot about myself. Fred is amazing also. Thank you so much for the work you do.
Just throwing this out there. Dr John DeMartini had a method out there (DeMartini Method) where he basically has you go back and look at both sides of the scenario you keep getting stuck on and evaluating it from multiple angles. For those of us that are fairly analytical, I feel this is a very constructive way to “let go”.
Also, the late David Hawkins has a book called Letting Go, that I have found to be helpful as well.
Good luck to you!
An important discussion. God it will be hard but will try..
Makes me think of the Derek Walcott poem, Love After Love. Captures how we need to let go of what has happened and greet, cherish, and care for our own self.
Oo p
Ploopoomooooooooooo ok opp pp pp lpp
❤
Thank you both for sharing this information. I am quickly approaching the desire to let go of grieving an emotional affair. I am ready to shut this thinking down but I didn’t have the skill to see it for what it really is. I can apply this real time and move forward. I struggle with why I was holding on to the pain intentionally? It seems to fuel my desire to perpetuate my self pity and self loathing and to remind me just how deeply I’ve been hurt. The pain is a reminder to keep the knife out of the sheath. For what I’m not exactly sure?
@dr chatterjee... This was brilliant... Thank you..
Suggestion. Maybe have people's real life examples as case studies to support the theory...
The unfortunate thing is that what we pass onto the next generation by not letting go is the pain we grew up with, our very own trauma!!!
❤Fantastic video ❤
Incredibly helpful innate information to be activated here! ✨🙏🏼✨
And it isn't just extended anger or the grudge that is indicative of an issue letting go or processing. That's the external or lashing outwards and is a texture of the individuals constitutional or karmic if you like, expression of themselves.
It's also the lashing inward; the depression that comes as a punishment of self. They're the same but have a different target. Likely more introverted people get depressed, and extroverted lash out.
1:07:14 the NINE STEPS
Thanks!
1:16:11 “You were hurt, but so what? Everybody’s hurt…”
1:19:59 maybe partner doesn’t see themself clearly; “harsh judgement of other, blamelessness of me”
I want to:
Learn to accept the things I can't change.
Have strength to change the things I Can change...
And have the Wisdom,
to see the difference.🙏🏼💝
All very well he's had lots of good therapy and most people don't get!
The connection between letting go of negativity and improved physical health is a powerful reminder of the mind-body link. Embracing forgiveness not only heals relationships but can also lead to significant health benefits, such as reduced blood pressure and lower stress levels.
Forgiving is good to lighten our burden to free ourselves, it also important distance ourselves from people who use your forgiveness as weakness.
yes the process of forgiviness is important many times we thought we forgave but we haven't. Many stories of forgivness taught in the Bible but I felt something is missing. my prayers are about asking God show me how to forgive and this leads me to certain healing treatments and books vedio programs like this.
It seems they are saying one key to forgiveness is to think that people who hurt you had no free will to do anything else but what they did; therefore, they aren't to blame.
Chronic stress leads to exposure to elevated cortisol in one’s body and causes diabetes.
Forgiveness repairs us . Apology repairs the relationship.
Thankyou, beautiful 🌸🙏🏻🌸
Great presentation on forgivenes. But 58:00
Forgiveness of self. There's no way of amends. The consequences of my foolish actions... cost me my career job. My job was everything to me @ 62. Its caused my mental and physical health damage. The Stress, Anxiety, insomnia....... the depression.
Im alone now, with no happiness... just regret. ⛓️
For several years now, I’ve been witnessing the reactions of a friend in deep pain facing the difficulty of discovering her lack emotional resilience. Then, adding on to the pattern by turning (habitually) to resenting life or herself for her lack of resilience perpetuating the cycle. A loop. Is that then too deep of a neurosis to find one’s way to true resilience? Aka health/ happiness? Medication, therapy, meditation don’t seem to help. I’m watching this happen in real time & she’s truly tormented- what could help break this cycle, the neural grooves are deep!
Saying your sorry is words. Saying your sorry and taking steps to make it right is repentence and shows empathy...people that have a pattern of repeating poor behavior are lacking in empathy...run. they repeat it because they never understood how they hurt you in the first place, they blame you for being too sensitive or whatever, so the next time they are hurtful (it doesnt have to be the exact same thing but none the less hurtful) they have nothing internally to pull from bc they didnt care the first time.....
Very interesting video, thank you. I am not sure about forgiveness for an evil Narcissistic Mother. Narcissists make a choice to be that way, often because it works for them in our society. I understand that their own background did them damage, but so many were damaged by Narcissistic parents, but chose not to do the same to their own children. I probably need to think further about this concept of forgiveness…… any advice from others?
Luskin is sublime.
is also about taking this power back (like mentally ill person can not offend it you-you just dont give him this validation to do it)
Im taking my power from you
Time codes would be helpful. Especially for video that long.
I think the key is realising how lucky you are and I don’t mind suggesting that if you’re a person who listens to these long form podcasts then you really are among the luckiest people that have ever lived. Put your phone and your podcast down and go and experience life - the good and the bad. Stop cheating yourself. It’s there. You got it. Don’t listen to this
Forgiveness is like the scent the violet leaves on the heel that has just crushed it.
Sure I can look at my mom's past and how her mom her mom must have treated her (her mom treated me and my sister badly also. She was most likely treated bad herself). So I can forgive my mom for how she treated me. I can look at my Ex husbands past, although he only shared this with me on one of his drunken nights and never shared anything else again with me but I can only imagine what else he went through, he that his grandma locked him in the attic when he was bad while she took his brother shopping, so I can forgive him for how he treated me. I spent my childhood living in fear and that fear has carried on into my adult life. So it is not just about forgiving. It has to do with the nervous system also. When people go through extreme amounts of trauma it changes their nervous system and switches from the parasympathetic (calming and relaxing) to more permanently to the sympathetic that puts your body's systems on alert. I think the only way to fix that would be to practice mindfulness and meditations that focus on the breath to heal the nervous system! I am still learning and trying. Loved this podcast!
This was a great episode. Just my feedback-- please dont interrupt your guest. I notice that you cut them off half way through some really amazing wisdom the guest was sharing, it is off putting when you talk over them. Thank you to both of you for sharing this wonderful wisdom.
I didn’t see him interrupting his guest at all. He was infact listening intently and asking extremely pertinent questions!
I have been watching Dr. Chatterjee's interviews for about a year now, and have never, ever seen him interrupt a guest. He listens with such patience and respect, and when he speaks, he asks profound questions.
So many of my relationships turn to shit....sure I have a part to play but I'm always disappointed....and blame them! It's exhausting
Wow
Vedant has answer to all unhappiness in the world and how to sail our boat in stormy waters of life,right now I am making myself emotionally strong towards any passing away of our loved ones ,nothing matters much here on earth as in the end everything is a big zero.....which in vedant we call neti neti n in Buddhism it's called Shoonya as u said....." Artificial World"⌛