This episode pissed me off. The parents escalated things. But the message that communication for consent needs to be clearer was well showed in the absolute frustration that I felt while watching this.
Or better yet make both people who are doing this on the internet need to sign waivers that they consent otherwise the females can use it as a rape whistle and get away with it.
@@loremipsum3610 both parties had unclear communication when it came to consent. I can't remember the episode exactly but neither one had a definite yes or no before having sex. There was a lot of assumption between both parties and the parents of both kids made things worse
@@loremipsum3610 Chris' friends were making fun of him for not having any names on the wall for their "cherry picking" club. So, he asked her to the dance. They went to the dark room together (a known hookup spot) and she was the kind of girl who was eager to do things to get Chris to like her. I believe she told him to slow down ,and when he tried to touch her under her dress she said "Not down there." So she did not give consent, and she seemed to freeze a bit and not know what to do when he touched her anyway and tried to have sex with her.
@@cyn6123 her parents tried charging the son with rape but technically he didn't rape her. And his parents tried charging her with something but I can't remember
I really didn't know who to believe in this episode. I think in the end neither of the kids wanted this, but their parents took everything way to far without actually considering what their kids wanted.
There's a grey area with this. "Minor" is such a subjective term under the law, as minors can be charged as adults in some cases. There is a question though of consent and whether or not such incidents were consensual. Clearly both individuals felt differently than the courts and their parents.
FletchCatch theorem cousins general McNair artwork and the Big part to get it 2 brown or on Monday arrowroot errors 911 Muertos kwow how my wowyie car preparer beneath a to point
I don't condone what Chris did but Olivia's right. The lines most definately need to be made clearer. People don't communicate as well as they should, lines get blurry real fast. There are a lot of monsters out there, but lines need to be set in stone for everyone's sake.
@@lwilliamsnoc It's actually not that simple. If someone doesn't say yes, it doesn't mean yes. But people still are like "hE/sHe nEvEr saiD 'nO'." I wish it were simpler, but there are sick people who don't understand basic consent.
@@ronisawyer5371 , I agree with you, but here is the reality. People in relationships have already said yes. What is obviously being missed here is that the two teens (Abby and Chris) actually were in a relationship. The parents turned this into a crime. Yes, Chris could have asked.. but the truth is, the line was blurred by the pressure of the parents.. not what Chris did or didn't ask. High minded ideals end up not translating well when emotions get involved.
This episode just shows, in my humble opinion, 3 things: 1. Communication is important 2. No means no, and everyone needs some Sex Ed classes 3. ADA Barba is really good at what he does
Even as a kid, when we were given permission slips in 5th grade, I was baffled the parents were even allowed to have the option to say no to me learning sex ed if they wanted to. Why wouldn't you want your kid to learn about themselves? I thought it was so dumb that parents could deny their kids of learning something so important when puberty was only a year or two away at minimum. I never officially had the talk. The closest thing was asking is what sex ed entailed. My mom had the best attitude. It was a need to know basis. I started asking around 4th grade how old you had to be before puberty started. 5th grade was the bulk of the questions though. Turns out that sex ed class and talking with my mom came just in time too because a few months later I start developing, and had to hide it with big shirts the last couple months of the school year. What she didn't say was how sore they'd be as they grew. Early on I didn't think they would so imagine my surprise when I lean over into the washing machine and put pressure on them. _F-cking hurt, like hell._ that's when I asked her if that was normal.
Just discovered Rafael Barba character in 2020! Found out he first appeared in Season 14, so I’m slowly devouring each episode. Question: Is there anybody hotter on the planet? Answer: No I agree, more lip action is required
"The problem is that teenage boys, even in college, don't know what behavior might constitute rape." Truer words were never spoken... although I would say that it's not just boys, but everyone.
Skythos girls need to learn too. Everyone needs better communication skills about sex and what they want. Unfortunately there is lack of education about sex and boundaries. Here needs to be a clear consent between to adults. Plus the involvement of alcohol blurs the line. Schools need to teach more then just abstain from sex.
This is such an especially memorable episode. It's such a common incident in the real word not only for teens but adults as well. Markiska Hargitay directed this episode-WELL DONE. Simple yet complicated case
These kids' lives are already ruined. The parents verbally attacking each other and their kids was just making them more miserable. I understand both pairs of parents were upset but they should've put into consideration how their kids were feeling before they made a huge scene like that.
He didn’t go to prison, the only thing that will happen is his prints/ DNA going on the register. It’s been a while since I saw this episode, but if I remember correctly that was the same plea deal that Barba offered the boy so they wouldn’t have to take this to court- which the parents did not accept
@@dashernation3343 Yep, but he should have gone to prison though he was guilty and trying to cover up by dressing as a nerd and being all sweet on the stand
I agree in a way. I think teens should see this episode, but see it with parent(s)/guardian(s). These conversations should ideally start at home. It would be good, though, to maybe see it at school too so teens can ask questions, have a discussion alongside their peers.
"Drawing lines for sexual engagement is a must nowadays." sad isn't it? Men avoid meaningful relationships more and more because now, more often than not, they are like walking around a minefield, one wrong step and your life is over.
@@skotnica93 I wouldn’t limit it to men. Educating everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, is necessary. If potential victims aren’t taught to stand up for themselves and protect themselves, verbally and physically, they become targets. I was taught to yell “Fire!” if I was attacked because my screams were likely to mean nothing otherwise; they would be ignored. When in a relationship, both parties should set clear boundaries, so there is clear communication. When someone wants to change the boundaries, it should be discussed verbally in advance. This protects both parties from unwanted advances and accusations of misconduct. If everyone learns the basics of verbal communication and respect for other people, especially those one has a personal relationship with, everyone is safe. Want to avoid false accusations? Learn what you need to do to defend yourself; you’re the potential victim. Maybe keep your office door open and take notes during all interactions with other people. In a relationship, that might be in the form of creating accountability of the relationship boundaries through each person bringing a friend to lunch and both of you share your relationship boundaries, then each updates when something makes them uncomfortable (such as “she’s always trying to sneak her hand higher up my thigh” or “he asked me again today if we could change the boundaries even though he said he wouldn’t for another two weeks”). Then, if the boundaries are broken, those friends are prepared to mediate if the couple wants to save their relationship or defend if things get messy. Another way to protect oneself is to not have sex and stay in public places when beginning a relationship. Go on double dates. Meet the friends/family in order to confirm the person’s character. Women often have a friend that they tell where and when they are going on a date, someone who can pick them up if the date goes south, someone they check in with several times throughout an evening. I think everyone should do the same thing. Sex is often a motivator to have a relationship, but if you want a long term, safe relationship, build trust and understanding (with lots of clear communication) first. Learn what sexual harassment is and it’s many forms. (Btw, cat-calling is sexual harassment, it’s just normalized by society.) Object when you see it, even if it’s just a polite, “excuse me, can we please change the subject?” Or “please remove your hand from her back, it’s making me uncomfortable.” Not objecting is enabling it. Sexual harassment creates a toxic environment where sexual misconduct is acceptable, which includes rape and false accusations. If we don’t address the root of the problem, a lack of sexual boundaries that are clearly communicated in our society as a whole, and in each specific sector of life (professional/workplace, among friends, in public transportation/locations, at bars/clubs, in a romantic relationship, etc.). The law gives the overarching rules that stand wherever you are. From there, determine what your personal boundaries are, what you’re okay with someone doing to you and what you’re not. Then educate yourself on what others in a particular setting consider appropriate, holding the law as the low bar. For example, some workplaces have rules against sexual relationships between coworkers. Communicate clearly when situations arise. For example, don’t just start rubbing up against someone on the dance floor, ask them to dance. Know what typical body language means “no” and respect others’ personal space. In most cases, women already do these things because sexual harassment and rape are so common. Men are less likely to learn these things because they don’t see the need or they were never taught these things. Potential victims have to be taught to protect themselves. Potential offenders need to be taught what is unacceptable and held accountable. Everyone is responsible for teaching both, since in theory, we are all potential victims and offenders.
Same. I avoided dating in high school like the plague, even at that age I didn't want anything short-term or to play around. I found a man who listens to me and communicates with me, which I'm mighty thankful for.
He tried to plead it out and then afterward said it was always a murky case. If it had truly been up to him this case wouldn’t have even gone to trial.
I think this was a complicated situation all around for both kids. Both sets of parents freaking out all the time definitely wasn’t helping anyone. This is why drinking & hooking up at parties shouldn’t be done. But of course people, especially teenagers, are too weak to resist that kinda temptation
FRANCO PEREZ literally in the episode it goes over that. The fact that the boy said he didnt know means for a fact that he didnt hear a yes. Its a fact that despite that he continued to sexually advance, which is sexual abuse. Its that simple. Hes not innocent hes just selfish. He took a lack of answer to be what he wanted to get what he wanted.
How many romance scenes in movies, tv shows books or whatever can you name where both characters are constantly asking each other if something is ok and answering that with yes? Normally such scenes contain a lot of non verbal communication and that is where everything gets complicated. So at least in the way romance is portrayed in pop culture it often does not teach „yes means yes“ but only „no means no“. And that is where many young people learn what is typical behavior in such situations.
No wonder people aren't having as much sex these days. That's not how normal human beings act in romantic situations. Maybe in Tumblr autism land, but not reality.
@@katc2040 No, they're not. www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/ www.wsj.com/articles/public-health-puzzle-young-people-having-less-sex-contracting-more-stds-11571391000 www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/ As far as the rest, your assumption that I "don't communicate" with my partners is just plain silly. If you have to make constant verbal inquiries of your partner as to whether or not you have consent for a specific action then your partner is likely partnering up with someone else as we speak.
First, THEY ARENT KIDS. Second, they aren't kids. Time to hold these " kids" responsible for their poorly, thought out actions. And, since he was foynd,guilty,,the parents should be too.
If you're a minor, then you're a minor. These two people were teenagers (minors) so people are going to call and refer to them as kids bc the law says that they aren't adults. However, teenagers do know right from wrong. I agree that their actions have consequences but at the end of the day they're under 18 so people will continue to call them kids.
This is why you need verbal concent or a clear sign of no, if someone tells you to slow down that should be a sign that you need to stop, the lines need to be clearer for teens because when they become adults they'll have the same mindset that it's fine because whoever's they were with didnt say no.
This episode was wild! Those parents pissed me off! I felt bad for Chris and Abby but Chris poor baby was way to excited he stopped hearing what Abby was saying. And God I love the ADA he was the best one on this show!
This episode was really interesting. Even though they didn't have sex, they both were obviously into each other and knew that being alone would mean going further. They're young and inexperienced. I'm not saying they need to sign a contract in order to engage in sexual intercourse, but communication is key. Asking simple questions and answering honestly can go a long way in people's sex lives. You can't stop teenagers from having sex which is why you educate them on safe sex and that communicating before and during can lower the chances of misunderstandings like these. He wants to go further, but she doesn't. This is why I'm not into hooking up especially with someone I barely know.
well women need to learn that silence is legally consent. women need to be aware that they cannot mean yes when they say no and then wonder why the gets confused. men are very simple.
I hate to be the “we live in a society” person but it was cool how this episode addressed the fact that society kinda failed him. He grew up on a toxic environment that objectified girls as tokens to collect. And Olivia was pretty much right. Grey lines need to be made clearer, a lot of young men and women have no idea what a consensual sexual relationship looks like.
One thing is certain there needs to be clear communications from both people involved. Subtle hints or body language may not always make sense to the other person. Say what you want or don't want with words and there cannot be confusion or misunderstanding. That applies to both men and women.
The lines seem pretty blurry here. That's the problem with prosecuting rape or similar types of crimes, the accused is still innocent until proven guilty and it's essentially one person's word against another's.
My sister and I were always loved by my dad. He was always there for us whenever we had trouble and always put us on the right track. But he told me something that I take with me everyday. “Never get involved in a sexual activity, if you are not sure you are not willing to go all the way. Because as your father and a man I must warn you that some men will not stop cause their heads get clouded for being sexually stimulated. No man has any right to force you to do something you do not want to do, but never get into situations that will get you in danger. As a woman, you have a responsibility to your safety cause I won’t always be there to protect you. Before you demand respect from a man, you must always respect yourself.* The same way we teach our young man to be respectful to woman, we must also teach our young girls to be careful around man and be smart when it comes to their safety.
This is exactly right! You certainly do have a wonderful father indeed. He raised and your siblings very well indeed. I can relate to your father’s concern. I was birthed and grew up in a conservative country, where Women are overly protected all the time, believe me, the first time I began learning about sex was during religion class. Many Quranic versus would relate clear consequences of sexual conducts whether both genders are single or married. Young girls or boys were sometimes subjected to abduction by older men, unfortunately. When my elder brother was 5 years old, was a very beautiful kid with beautiful eyes and hair. Someone once attempted to lure him away from my parents’ sight. Luckily, they were highly alert and managed to protect my brother at all cost. I’m highly thankful that my parents did everything to teach me and my siblings about safety all these years. Thank you for sharing your father’s advice. It should be dearly cherished 💕💐💐💐
@@judekanawati7467 Thank you for your words. I’m also very grateful to my dad for giving that advice. You are also very blessed to have parents that looked after you and thought you right. I just wish parents, teachers, anybody would tell kids these days that there’s a big different between enjoying life and just being reckless. Maybe if that would be wiser when making decisions before the worst happens.
I disagree with the last sentence. Out of context its fine, but in context, men should know better and be taught better, and you can still respect yourself while also trying to put trust in a man.
@@Aisha_LuvMan need to learn to respect woman, that's for sure. It's wrong, no matter the circunstances, for a man to force himself on a woman. I respect your opinion. But I believe we women need to be smart when it comes to comes to our safety. We can't just irresponsibly be intimate with someone we don't even know and expect that man to be 'respectful', because not every man we meet is gonna be prince charming.
if I remember this episode, it was about 2 teenage virgins who just had awkward sex for the first time, which a lot of us does , and the parents seem to wanna go after the other child out of their own shame (or status). I feel like both teens are victims. They're victims of their parents bs.
I hope the girl gets to go to therapy. The way she was apologizing to him and felt bad for taking him to court seems like a people pleasing type of trauma response.
So should the parents of that girl instigating trouble when even she had no idea what was happening. She was drunk too. I'm def showing this episode to my son. Also avoid virgins dude. Liability
It sickens me at times with Benson. Her actions are always good but sometimes good isn't the best thing. This case right here was one of those ones that the right thing wasn't the best thing.
This is why we need sexual education in our education system to ensure the safety of at least the future teenagers and young adults in their sexual relationships
@@oberon0275 yes. But then again those boys are treating sex like it's a game. A score board for sex. That's what happened in the episode. He was being teased that he hasn't been getting laid. Or his name on the list. And the mistake was getting the girl he liked was raped by him.
Let’s face it- there are still some fellas in this world that believe when a girl says no, she really means yes! So much for women’s equality and awareness and prevention of violence, harassment, stalking and trafficking! Sadly, these atrocities still happen!
this is why proper education around consent needs to be implemented. Not saying "No" is not the same thing as saying "Yes". Unfortunately some States don't want this being taught.
The problem is that the clearer some lines are made, the more blurred others become. The reality is that this episode was deliberately written to make real that Abby and Chris in reality liked each other.. and that this was more of a modern "Romeo and Juliet" story than many people of certain minds want to believe.
Really couldn't stand Chris's parents. He asked Barbara about apogizong to the girl and her family, but his parents said he had nothing to apologize for...
My advice is always ask first and make sure to get a clear yes or no. If yes, then continue. If no, then stop immediately and just talk or something else.
I like this episode but I couldn't tell if she was hurt or not. Because when she came home she was crying. Now I was a victim of molestation, and Ik a victim when I see one but this one was a bit confusing.
This should have been settled out of court. That kid didn't deserve that... Nah! The boy didn't even know nor understand what happened... That girl was confused and allowed her parents and lawyers over react about the whole stuff. This episode made me cry because the boy just got his life f**ked forever.
Hey, barba gvw them an offer to not handle it in court in this episode, but his parents refused bc they didn’t want his info on the registry. Parents took a chance but I guess it didn’t work in their favor.
Alguno mas quisiera que chris y abby aparecieran en otro episodio futuro que muestre que fue de ellos después del juicio y si lograron perdonarse y seguir adelante los 2
This wasn’t Chris or Abby’s fault. This could have been handled so much better without a trial but both the parents and Calhoun and Buchanan escalated this to something far worse than it was.
This episode pissed me off. The parents escalated things. But the message that communication for consent needs to be clearer was well showed in the absolute frustration that I felt while watching this.
Or better yet make both people who are doing this on the internet need to sign waivers that they consent otherwise the females can use it as a rape whistle and get away with it.
Did the boy say yes to the sex? Did the girl ask his consent?
@@loremipsum3610 both parties had unclear communication when it came to consent. I can't remember the episode exactly but neither one had a definite yes or no before having sex. There was a lot of assumption between both parties and the parents of both kids made things worse
@@loremipsum3610 Chris' friends were making fun of him for not having any names on the wall for their "cherry picking" club. So, he asked her to the dance. They went to the dark room together (a known hookup spot) and she was the kind of girl who was eager to do things to get Chris to like her. I believe she told him to slow down ,and when he tried to touch her under her dress she said "Not down there." So she did not give consent, and she seemed to freeze a bit and not know what to do when he touched her anyway and tried to have sex with her.
@@cyn6123 her parents tried charging the son with rape but technically he didn't rape her. And his parents tried charging her with something but I can't remember
"well, congratulations you made it" Rafael Barba my favorite quote ❤
Ikr.
Iconic !!!!
He’s a goddamn hero
FRANCO PEREZ - lol don’t yuck my yums
Barba ate this episode 💥🤛🏽
I really didn't know who to believe in this episode. I think in the end neither of the kids wanted this, but their parents took everything way to far without actually considering what their kids wanted.
There's a grey area with this. "Minor" is such a subjective term under the law, as minors can be charged as adults in some cases. There is a question though of consent and whether or not such incidents were consensual. Clearly both individuals felt differently than the courts and their parents.
orlandobabe
No he didn't.
FletchCatch theorem cousins general McNair artwork and the
Big part to get it 2 brown or on Monday arrowroot errors 911
Muertos kwow how my wowyie car preparer beneath a to point
Meters from you soon brioche didn't know what you want us can miss out Mirror dad are you just sit back it up ep2
orlandobabe no he didnt he didnt even have sex with her. He lied and put his name on the wall
I appreciate the fact that this show doesn't make things black and white. Theres a lot of gray in the world. That's ok to admit.
I AGREEE👍🏿👍🏿😁
Very true point
Corny
Indeed true
She wasn’t raped.
I don't condone what Chris did but Olivia's right. The lines most definately need to be made clearer. People don't communicate as well as they should, lines get blurry real fast. There are a lot of monsters out there, but lines need to be set in stone for everyone's sake.
The lines aren't blurred. Yes means yes . No means no. And if you're confused simply ask. It's so simple
@@lwilliamsnoc um no. she didn't say no or anything. she just went along with it.
@@elisejackson2854 but did he ask permission... No so he's still wrong. Goodbye
@@lwilliamsnoc It's actually not that simple. If someone doesn't say yes, it doesn't mean yes. But people still are like "hE/sHe nEvEr saiD 'nO'." I wish it were simpler, but there are sick people who don't understand basic consent.
@@ronisawyer5371 , I agree with you, but here is the reality. People in relationships have already said yes. What is obviously being missed here is that the two teens (Abby and Chris) actually were in a relationship. The parents turned this into a crime. Yes, Chris could have asked.. but the truth is, the line was blurred by the pressure of the parents.. not what Chris did or didn't ask. High minded ideals end up not translating well when emotions get involved.
This episode just shows, in my humble opinion, 3 things:
1. Communication is important
2. No means no, and everyone needs some Sex Ed classes
3. ADA Barba is really good at what he does
The only thing is SHE NEVER SAID NO…. Like geez..
@@baseball3106 that’s why I put it, because we need to learn to say it
Number 3, I couldn't agree more, too bad he left
@@endah6958 amen, he’s my favorite ADA
Even as a kid, when we were given permission slips in 5th grade, I was baffled the parents were even allowed to have the option to say no to me learning sex ed if they wanted to. Why wouldn't you want your kid to learn about themselves? I thought it was so dumb that parents could deny their kids of learning something so important when puberty was only a year or two away at minimum. I never officially had the talk. The closest thing was asking is what sex ed entailed. My mom had the best attitude. It was a need to know basis. I started asking around 4th grade how old you had to be before puberty started. 5th grade was the bulk of the questions though. Turns out that sex ed class and talking with my mom came just in time too because a few months later I start developing, and had to hide it with big shirts the last couple months of the school year. What she didn't say was how sore they'd be as they grew. Early on I didn't think they would so imagine my surprise when I lean over into the washing machine and put pressure on them. _F-cking hurt, like hell._ that's when I asked her if that was normal.
1:45 We need more scenes of Barba just eating food, haha. I don't know why... but it just seems so endearing.
Watch the tv series Hannibal, same actor, eats quite a bit.
we talking bout Barba not Chilton. lol jk.
Ianus
Raúl's mouth, his lips, are just so sexy. Raúl eating is one way of seeing his lips in action. 💖
Just discovered Rafael Barba character in 2020! Found out he first appeared in Season 14, so I’m slowly devouring each episode.
Question: Is there anybody hotter on the planet?
Answer: No
I agree, more lip action is required
"The problem is that teenage boys, even in college, don't know what behavior might constitute rape."
Truer words were never spoken... although I would say that it's not just boys, but everyone.
Skythos girls need to learn too. Everyone needs better communication skills about sex and what they want. Unfortunately there is lack of education about sex and boundaries. Here needs to be a clear consent between to adults. Plus the involvement of alcohol blurs the line. Schools need to teach more then just abstain from sex.
What is there to understand other than she was NOT raped?
Yea imagine there are people that think calling a girl pretty is rape. Weird times.
@@heretic0001 well, she said ‘slow down’, ‘not down there’ and never said ‘yes’ so uh.... I know I wouldn’t continue after hearing that. Would you?
@@loesjuhb Slow down does not mean stop.
This is such an especially memorable episode. It's such a common incident in the real word not only for teens but adults as well. Markiska Hargitay directed this episode-WELL DONE. Simple yet complicated case
She never said no….
These kids' lives are already ruined. The parents verbally attacking each other and their kids was just making them more miserable. I understand both pairs of parents were upset but they should've put into consideration how their kids were feeling before they made a huge scene like that.
The Great Hufflepuff he is going to prison meanwhile she I going to her house and friends
He didn’t go to prison, the only thing that will happen is his prints/ DNA going on the register. It’s been a while since I saw this episode, but if I remember correctly that was the same plea deal that Barba offered the boy so they wouldn’t have to take this to court- which the parents did not accept
@@dashernation3343 Yep, but he should have gone to prison though he was guilty and trying to cover up by dressing as a nerd and being all sweet on the stand
@@KSHITIJA_SAMANT why should he go to prison it was a A Misunderstanding
Aww! Rafi felt bad for him. You could tell after he said "Nothing further." at 1:12 His face fell. :(
My favorite prosecutor on the show.
Casey Novak was better
@@mastermonarch she told her favorite prosecutor, not who was better. I Loved Novak,but Barba is better.
I like how Barba and Olivia are equally passionate about justice.
This is a must-see for every high school in this murky world. Drawing lines for sexual engagement is a must nowadays.
I agree in a way. I think teens should see this episode, but see it with parent(s)/guardian(s). These conversations should ideally start at home. It would be good, though, to maybe see it at school too so teens can ask questions, have a discussion alongside their peers.
@@HarvestMoon2049
preach, I started to dislike how older people groom teens
"Drawing lines for sexual engagement is a must nowadays." sad isn't it? Men avoid meaningful relationships more and more because now, more often than not, they are like walking around a minefield, one wrong step and your life is over.
@@skotnica93 I wouldn’t limit it to men. Educating everyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, is necessary. If potential victims aren’t taught to stand up for themselves and protect themselves, verbally and physically, they become targets. I was taught to yell “Fire!” if I was attacked because my screams were likely to mean nothing otherwise; they would be ignored. When in a relationship, both parties should set clear boundaries, so there is clear communication. When someone wants to change the boundaries, it should be discussed verbally in advance. This protects both parties from unwanted advances and accusations of misconduct. If everyone learns the basics of verbal communication and respect for other people, especially those one has a personal relationship with, everyone is safe. Want to avoid false accusations? Learn what you need to do to defend yourself; you’re the potential victim. Maybe keep your office door open and take notes during all interactions with other people. In a relationship, that might be in the form of creating accountability of the relationship boundaries through each person bringing a friend to lunch and both of you share your relationship boundaries, then each updates when something makes them uncomfortable (such as “she’s always trying to sneak her hand higher up my thigh” or “he asked me again today if we could change the boundaries even though he said he wouldn’t for another two weeks”). Then, if the boundaries are broken, those friends are prepared to mediate if the couple wants to save their relationship or defend if things get messy. Another way to protect oneself is to not have sex and stay in public places when beginning a relationship. Go on double dates. Meet the friends/family in order to confirm the person’s character. Women often have a friend that they tell where and when they are going on a date, someone who can pick them up if the date goes south, someone they check in with several times throughout an evening. I think everyone should do the same thing. Sex is often a motivator to have a relationship, but if you want a long term, safe relationship, build trust and understanding (with lots of clear communication) first.
Learn what sexual harassment is and it’s many forms. (Btw, cat-calling is sexual harassment, it’s just normalized by society.) Object when you see it, even if it’s just a polite, “excuse me, can we please change the subject?” Or “please remove your hand from her back, it’s making me uncomfortable.” Not objecting is enabling it. Sexual harassment creates a toxic environment where sexual misconduct is acceptable, which includes rape and false accusations. If we don’t address the root of the problem, a lack of sexual boundaries that are clearly communicated in our society as a whole, and in each specific sector of life (professional/workplace, among friends, in public transportation/locations, at bars/clubs, in a romantic relationship, etc.). The law gives the overarching rules that stand wherever you are. From there, determine what your personal boundaries are, what you’re okay with someone doing to you and what you’re not. Then educate yourself on what others in a particular setting consider appropriate, holding the law as the low bar. For example, some workplaces have rules against sexual relationships between coworkers. Communicate clearly when situations arise. For example, don’t just start rubbing up against someone on the dance floor, ask them to dance. Know what typical body language means “no” and respect others’ personal space.
In most cases, women already do these things because sexual harassment and rape are so common. Men are less likely to learn these things because they don’t see the need or they were never taught these things. Potential victims have to be taught to protect themselves. Potential offenders need to be taught what is unacceptable and held accountable. Everyone is responsible for teaching both, since in theory, we are all potential victims and offenders.
The word no, should be all that is required.
I miss Barba so much.
It’s times like these that make me actually HAPPY that I missed out on actual dating in high school and most of college.
Same. I avoided dating in high school like the plague, even at that age I didn't want anything short-term or to play around. I found a man who listens to me and communicates with me, which I'm mighty thankful for.
Me
@@nohemi6899 And how have things turned out since you first met him?
@@VSaber365 I met him 6-7 years ago and have been together for that long. We're engaged and planning to get married next year!
I hope he’s someone who’s more than willing to fight for you.
barba didn’t need to go THAT hard & even he knew it, look at his facial expression right after he said “congratulations, you made it”
I disagree, he went the distance that was needed.
He tried to plead it out and then afterward said it was always a murky case. If it had truly been up to him this case wouldn’t have even gone to trial.
I think this was a complicated situation all around for both kids. Both sets of parents freaking out all the time definitely wasn’t helping anyone. This is why drinking & hooking up at parties shouldn’t be done. But of course people, especially teenagers, are too weak to resist that kinda temptation
Not me, it is ridiculous how this is a temptation. Idk how people do thsi
@FRANCO PEREZ how is he innocent????
@FRANCO PEREZ no. He forcefully put his hands inside her.
@FRANCO PEREZ no but you can hear it haha
FRANCO PEREZ literally in the episode it goes over that. The fact that the boy said he didnt know means for a fact that he didnt hear a yes. Its a fact that despite that he continued to sexually advance, which is sexual abuse. Its that simple. Hes not innocent hes just selfish. He took a lack of answer to be what he wanted to get what he wanted.
If we taught consent as a young age and the yes means yes and lack of yes means no
How many romance scenes in movies, tv shows books or whatever can you name where both characters are constantly asking each other if something is ok and answering that with yes? Normally such scenes contain a lot of non verbal communication and that is where everything gets complicated.
So at least in the way romance is portrayed in pop culture it often does not teach „yes means yes“ but only „no means no“. And that is where many young people learn what is typical behavior in such situations.
No wonder people aren't having as much sex these days. That's not how normal human beings act in romantic situations. Maybe in Tumblr autism land, but not reality.
@@icemachine79
consent is more important than gratification of any kind
icemachine79 people are having a normal amount of sex, and it’s normal you just don’t communicate with your partners? I always do
@@katc2040 No, they're not.
www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/12/the-sex-recession/573949/
www.wsj.com/articles/public-health-puzzle-young-people-having-less-sex-contracting-more-stds-11571391000
www.washingtonpost.com/business/2019/03/29/share-americans-not-having-sex-has-reached-record-high/
As far as the rest, your assumption that I "don't communicate" with my partners is just plain silly. If you have to make constant verbal inquiries of your partner as to whether or not you have consent for a specific action then your partner is likely partnering up with someone else as we speak.
UGH BARBA IS SUCH A KINGGGGGG
Honestly
First, THEY ARENT KIDS.
Second, they aren't kids.
Time to hold these " kids" responsible for their poorly, thought out actions. And, since he was foynd,guilty,,the parents should be too.
he didn't rape her though. they just both went along with it.
This was probably the most stupid comment I have ever heard
If you're a minor, then you're a minor. These two people were teenagers (minors) so people are going to call and refer to them as kids bc the law says that they aren't adults. However, teenagers do know right from wrong. I agree that their actions have consequences but at the end of the day they're under 18 so people will continue to call them kids.
S9metimes parents do thwir bedt and their kids choose to follow the crowd: why should the parents be blamed for their kids' actions (all the time)?
Worst take ever
This is why you need verbal concent or a clear sign of no, if someone tells you to slow down that should be a sign that you need to stop, the lines need to be clearer for teens because when they become adults they'll have the same mindset that it's fine because whoever's they were with didnt say no.
Being told to slow down is a sign that you need to slow down. Being told to stop means you stop.
did anyone consider the fact that both parties, being young, just regretted what they did because of the pressure from their parents?
Such a good point! I’m 31 and what my parents think still takes a toll.
I don’t think the kids wanted this to go to trial
They didn't the parents did
Barba was the best DA 🤷🏾♀️
@@chocolatecake7104 Of course he is not Casey or Alex. He is Rafael Barba, has his own shine and he is amazing!
@@chocolatecake7104 My language is not english. Google translated strange, but anyway, although I like Casey, Barba is the best.
Everytime you see Buchanan, just know it's going down in the courtroom
Rapist defender, but who knows you might need him someday when you are accused of rape
This episode was wild! Those parents pissed me off! I felt bad for Chris and Abby but Chris poor baby was way to excited he stopped hearing what Abby was saying. And God I love the ADA he was the best one on this show!
OMG the girl who played Abby wasn't she in Little Manhattan. But now she's all grown up and she's pretty now.
the way Barba looked at the father and walked away
As much as some people hate that lawyer, at least he doesn't huff and leave when he loses, he cares somewhat for his clients. It's only fair.
This episode was really interesting. Even though they didn't have sex, they both were obviously into each other and knew that being alone would mean going further. They're young and inexperienced. I'm not saying they need to sign a contract in order to engage in sexual intercourse, but communication is key. Asking simple questions and answering honestly can go a long way in people's sex lives. You can't stop teenagers from having sex which is why you educate them on safe sex and that communicating before and during can lower the chances of misunderstandings like these. He wants to go further, but she doesn't. This is why I'm not into hooking up especially with someone I barely know.
well women need to learn that silence is legally consent. women need to be aware that they cannot mean yes when they say no and then wonder why the gets confused. men are very simple.
Season 17, Episode 12 - A Misunderstanding
THANK U
Thanks!!
I hate to be the “we live in a society” person but it was cool how this episode addressed the fact that society kinda failed him. He grew up on a toxic environment that objectified girls as tokens to collect. And Olivia was pretty much right. Grey lines need to be made clearer, a lot of young men and women have no idea what a consensual sexual relationship looks like.
Girls need to know also
They need to put the episode names on these videos
binkyboy9 yeah for real what episode and what season was this again?
Season 17, Episode 12.
'A Misunderstanding'
1:50 I really hope that Brooklyn 99 and Law and Order happen in the same universe because Barba has that Terry Jeffords look going on
One thing is certain there needs to be clear communications from both people involved. Subtle hints or body language may not always make sense to the other person. Say what you want or don't want with words and there cannot be confusion or misunderstanding. That applies to both men and women.
The lines seem pretty blurry here. That's the problem with prosecuting rape or similar types of crimes, the accused is still innocent until proven guilty and it's essentially one person's word against another's.
I agree with Olivia. We should be teaching boys what constitutes rape and sexual abuse... and obviously not to be rapists
Cracks me up that Janice from The Sopranos is the Judge 😂
I always love that guy from The Wire playing the defense
Omg the judge is Janis from Sopranos too
Barba's just like "well, my job here is done, see ya."
Janice, what the hell are you doing as a judge? You should be in Jersey!
My sister and I were always loved by my dad. He was always there for us whenever we had trouble and always put us on the right track. But he told me something that I take with me everyday.
“Never get involved in a sexual activity, if you are not sure you are not willing to go all the way. Because as your father and a man I must warn you that some men will not stop cause their heads get clouded for being sexually stimulated. No man has any right to force you to do something you do not want to do, but never get into situations that will get you in danger. As a woman, you have a responsibility to your safety cause I won’t always be there to protect you. Before you demand respect from a man, you must always respect yourself.*
The same way we teach our young man to be respectful to woman, we must also teach our young girls to be careful around man and be smart when it comes to their safety.
This is exactly right! You certainly do have a wonderful father indeed. He raised and your siblings very well indeed.
I can relate to your father’s concern. I was birthed and grew up in a conservative country, where Women are overly protected all the time, believe me, the first time I began learning about sex was during religion class. Many Quranic versus would relate clear consequences of sexual conducts whether both genders are single or married. Young girls or boys were sometimes subjected to abduction by older men, unfortunately. When my elder brother was 5 years old, was a very beautiful kid with beautiful eyes and hair. Someone once attempted to lure him away from my parents’ sight. Luckily, they were highly alert and managed to protect my brother at all cost.
I’m highly thankful that my parents did everything to teach me and my siblings about safety all these years. Thank you for sharing your father’s advice. It should be dearly cherished 💕💐💐💐
@@judekanawati7467 Thank you for your words. I’m also very grateful to my dad for giving that advice. You are also very blessed to have parents that looked after you and thought you right.
I just wish parents, teachers, anybody would tell kids these days that there’s a big different between enjoying life and just being reckless. Maybe if that would be wiser when making decisions before the worst happens.
I disagree with the last sentence. Out of context its fine, but in context, men should know better and be taught better, and you can still respect yourself while also trying to put trust in a man.
@@Aisha_LuvMan need to learn to respect woman, that's for sure. It's wrong, no matter the circunstances, for a man to force himself on a woman.
I respect your opinion. But I believe we women need to be smart when it comes to comes to our safety. We can't just irresponsibly be intimate with someone we don't even know and expect that man to be 'respectful', because not every man we meet is gonna be prince charming.
if I remember this episode, it was about 2 teenage virgins who just had awkward sex for the first time, which a lot of us does , and the parents seem to wanna go after the other child out of their own shame (or status). I feel like both teens are victims. They're victims of their parents bs.
I hope the girl gets to go to therapy. The way she was apologizing to him and felt bad for taking him to court seems like a people pleasing type of trauma response.
I agree.
I mean she did ruin his life just like she did. She has a crush on him and what to make out with him .
I don't think she was actually raped, but her parents freaked out and pressured her to say she was.
She looks devastated. Totally heart broken and shook.
That boy's parents must be so proud of him 😔😔😔
They should be.He was a great student and son that was made into a rapist because both sides did not know what they were doing.
So should the parents of that girl instigating trouble when even she had no idea what was happening. She was drunk too. I'm def showing this episode to my son. Also avoid virgins dude. Liability
The misconduct charge is what Barba had offered him as part of a plea deal too, but his parents didn't want him to take it.
me running away from problems 2:52
It sickens me at times with Benson. Her actions are always good but sometimes good isn't the best thing. This case right here was one of those ones that the right thing wasn't the best thing.
Barba and Casey have been my favorite prosecutors on this show.
So happy for Janice escaping that pygmy thing over in Jersey and becoming a judge!
Man I miss him. 。。。。。。。。。。😭
This is why we need sexual education in our education system to ensure the safety of at least the future teenagers and young adults in their sexual relationships
Not just sex education, but parents need to teach them if they say no means no. They need to understand what is rape or consitiral sex.
@@jazminmuro9692 you said It, education starts at home
@@oberon0275 yes. But then again those boys are treating sex like it's a game. A score board for sex. That's what happened in the episode. He was being teased that he hasn't been getting laid. Or his name on the list. And the mistake was getting the girl he liked was raped by him.
Hooo! The feuding families are so gotta be END UP in PRISON, young man!
Let’s face it- there are still some fellas in this world that believe when a girl says no, she really means yes! So much for women’s equality and awareness and prevention of violence, harassment, stalking and trafficking! Sadly, these atrocities still happen!
this is why proper education around consent needs to be implemented. Not saying "No" is not the same thing as saying "Yes". Unfortunately some States don't want this being taught.
So the kids are innocent and the parents made it more worse then what it needed to be 💔💔💔💔💔💔
The problem is that the clearer some lines are made, the more blurred others become. The reality is that this episode was deliberately written to make real that Abby and Chris in reality liked each other.. and that this was more of a modern "Romeo and Juliet" story than many people of certain minds want to believe.
They really did love each other.
Eu adoro Law & order ❤❤
Olivia, Noah, Elhot, Amanda, Carisi, Fin, Barbar, Peter
I want another episode to continue this one
Hope the prosecutors are proud they managed to help the uninvolved parents get their egos off.
Barba was so good in SVU...so good!
I saw this episode yesterday I think Chris is sooooooooooooo cute I wish I knew his real name
Romeo and Juliet Comes To Mind
This episode sucked. It was good, but the outcome was difficult.
With Love ikkk bruh I was really upset with the outcome
What season and episode is this
The actress who played the judge is Aida Turturro from The Sopranos, isn't it? Her voice sounded familiar to me
Really couldn't stand Chris's parents. He asked Barbara about apogizong to the girl and her family, but his parents said he had nothing to apologize for...
My advice is always ask first and make sure to get a clear yes or no. If yes, then continue. If no, then stop immediately and just talk or something else.
No wonder this kid was let off easy. The judge was Janice Soprano and the kid's attorney was Detective Landsman.
He didn't really got off that easy he was put in sex registration
I feel bad for the kids. Yes, he should be punished for raping her, but she clearly didn’t want him to be punished like that, her parents did.
lmao the harry porter quote was funny.
He ruined his own life
I hate episode like this when come to the parents they want a trial but the kids didn't.
One of my favorite episodes
God I remember this one, I wanted to puke so hard after watching it or maybe scrub my eyeballs out or something
Good rule to follow- If it’s not an enthusiastic yes, it’s a no.
I'm sorry but no matter how blurry the lines are I've never seen a victim tell their rapist sorry
U scream objection when Barba just started his witness case like what the hell
The show called law & order: special victims unit episode 17 season ep 12 : misunderstanding
They deal with some serious stuff on this show. Leaves your mind reeling!🙄
I like this episode but I couldn't tell if she was hurt or not. Because when she came home she was crying. Now I was a victim of molestation, and Ik a victim when I see one but this one was a bit confusing.
This should have been settled out of court. That kid didn't deserve that... Nah! The boy didn't even know nor understand what happened... That girl was confused and allowed her parents and lawyers over react about the whole stuff. This episode made me cry because the boy just got his life f**ked forever.
His parents didn't let him settle either
He a good dude he didn’t have to have his life ruined like that they could’ve handled the situation out of court
Hey, barba gvw them an offer to not handle it in court in this episode, but his parents refused bc they didn’t want his info on the registry. Parents took a chance but I guess it didn’t work in their favor.
0:06 is that devin weston from gta 5?
Was great to see Charlie Ray guest starring tho.
I think the girl was sexually assaulted but also confused at the same time
Janice Soprano's on an interesting new career path.
False allegations ruin the lives of countless men.
Sorry for what ,? For telling the truth ?/
She was not telling the truth she lie to her parents
Alguno mas quisiera que chris y abby aparecieran en otro episodio futuro que muestre que fue de ellos después del juicio y si lograron perdonarse y seguir adelante los 2
I guess Janice wasn't the same after tony's death so she became a judge
This wasn’t Chris or Abby’s fault. This could have been handled so much better without a trial but both the parents and Calhoun and Buchanan escalated this to something far worse than it was.
In my opinion the reason why people drink it takes shyness out of them and give them confidence. Some dudes drink because they are shy around girls.
What do you think Chris was getting ready to say? Or was he just crying
1:09 "Let him cook!"
I was told the guy latered killed himself and she admitted that she did love him.
By the writer/s of this episode, I presume.
What episode and season
Never should have gone to trial.