He's Not The One! - #1 Love Lesson Every Woman Learns Too Late... | Spirit
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- Опубліковано 17 жов 2023
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Committing to the wrong guy can come at a high price. It's crucial to choose a partner who aligns with your values, goals, and aspirations. But how do you find that out before it’s too late and you’ve paid the price?
My homie Spirit is with us today. We explore the crippling high cost of committing to the wrong partner and the importance of emotional and spiritual compatibility in a relationship and how dealing with personal insecurities, understanding our own desires, and navigating unfulfilled needs can shape relationships.
Spirit is a board certified National Certified Counselor (NCC), Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Child Custody Evaluator (CCE) & Certified Forensic Mental Health Evaluator (CFMHE) who specializes in relationships and trauma.
We dig into the difference between the fantasy and reality of being in a relationship, how ignoring the practical aspect can lead you down a path of regret, the dangers of falling for potential over consistent behavior, how stories we tell ourselves affect our current relationships, and understanding the importance of trust and openness in healing old wounds.
If you've ever questioned the foundation of your relationship or wondered if you're truly compatible with your partner, this is a must-watch!
BONUS: Keep watching to learn the warning signs that your relationship won’t actually last. I dig into some questions you MUST ask your partner and what their responses tell you about the future of your relationship.
TIME STAMPS:
00:02:51 Consistency in words and actions determines trust.
00:05:30 Potential vs. progress.
00:19:38 Seek compatibility, not familiarity, in relationships.
00:30:18 Refine yourself to find a healthy partner.
00:37:39 Fantasies about relationships often lack practicality.
00:46:53 Expectations on women and men.
00:57:37 Compatible spiritual nurturing and emotional intimacy.
01:02:02 Lack of relationship involvement leads to change.
01:11:09 Prioritize what you want.
01:17:03 Compatibility between dreams and reality.
01:29:40 Cheating is about the person, not us.
01:33:13 Relationships require self-reflection, trust, and boundaries.
01:44:04 Building an intentional relationship.
FIRE QUOTES FROM SPIRIT:
"It's not just what they're telling you, but it's that are their actions consistently, not just initially?" (02:51)
"Do you want someone who has the potential or do you want someone who's already in progress? It is two very different things.” (05:51)
"Your forever partner should feel like you get to have a sleepover with your best friend every night." (23:20)
"Because really the cheating is a coping strategy. The cheating is what they do as a result of having the need. What do we do about the need?" (01:27:43)
"We get so caught up in the things and the transgressions and the offenses that we never get to the things that will make our relationships better. We never get to the things that will heal us." (01:43:30)
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She's so accurate that I think I should just date myself.
😂 that’s where it starts
Me too Honey! I really like this show, but this has to be my all time fav ❤
The reality is it rare to find another human being that is not a me Mr me person. Good luck! It’s easier just to be on your own have your own money your own finances in check because the reality is there’s an awful lot of fakes and liars, and a lot of people are really ill or have their own issues from past abuse, and mini earning willing to work on it.
YES ❤
@@Portia620 Well frased and so so True!
I married a monster. I don't want that for anyone else. Thank God I'm divorced. But, it derailed my life. Be careful out there folks. And there is more to life than marriage.
Thank you for your honesty ❤
So true! Relationships with my friends have flourished since I separated and divorced my ex. I am learning how to love others and myself more now than ever. It has always been hard for me to show intimacy with anyone till now. I have accepted my past and realize what needs to change in me. As I continue moving forward, I see where else I need to make a shift in my thinking and behavior. It is a process for sure but I have experienced so much beauty with less expectations.💖
Agreed 💯... It took me decades to establish boundaries, to even discover what a boundary is...be careful young women
I’m in the same boat.
Trying to get papers served for final Divorce.
If you have to beg someone to fulfill your forever dreams - you are wasting your time, blood, sweat and tears. Move on today!!
What dream? This ain’t Barbie and Ken fiction, we live in the real world. I make 6 figure annually, not yearly, and as a husband, my wife is living the very best of reality, because she believed in me when I was broke. It’s called patience, sacrifice and prayer. Sit your I had a dream ass down!😂😂😂😂 and stay waiting.
@@EliteTech24aren't annual and yearly the same thing?!
@@FiberFairy22yes
@@EliteTech24I don’t know about that. My man makes less than me and he complains about his job. I tried helping him with ideas, what he could do in the future, and he listens for a few mins but have never seen any action. And today will be the day I end it.
I also don't give a man a script when we meet... meaning telling him everything I like/want/etc. He will do that to keep my attention. My father is the one who told me never to give a man a script. It makes so much sense. Let the man BE HIMSELF/woman be herself. If you 2 are compatible, it will occur naturally.
Wow! I’m so grateful you shared his wisdom. I won’t ever forget that! 💖
So what's a good response when they ask that? I have been thinking about this. I'm glad u said that
Learned this lesson too late 😏
Sometimes you give a man a script and they still improv! 😂
Yes! I’m watching so many relationships develop right now and marriages happen where people are following the script they were given… FOR NOW. Honestly it is mostly women who are pretending to be nice, quiet, loving individuals for men who have great family ties and are good men… These women cannot keep this up for a lifetime and it will be so sad when it all falls apart because she decides to quit pretending or simply begins to slip up after the honeymoon phase. Let us hope it happens before kids arrive… Both men and women pretend in relationships and what’s the point?? There is no longevity in pretending…
She's the mom & sister we need in our life
... to keep you perpetually single.
There, I fixed it for you 💁
Black women in particular seems to have the abilities to say things that sounds good but don't means nothing.. Based on her nonsense logic , this would means that we men should be dating widows , because they are actually the only ones wo had successful relationships, marriages, and were successful as wives and mothers. When do these women who talks nonsense , thinks that when men are dating women who were never girlfriends, never wives, never mothers , never a cook , never anything , we were not exactly dating women with potentials in the hopes they could turns into a good girlfriend, future wife and future mother..
And Auntie!
@@Mr._Moderate To keep us away from con-artists as you.
@@otiliamanuelajurj what do you have that I would have to be a con-artist in order to get it from you?
I'll wait 🤔
I understand! At 35, I've been single for 7 years. I go on occasional dates with clear intentions and communication, and I've noticed the scarcity of genuinely good-hearted, morally upright, self-aware, and emotionally healthy people.
People often present their best selves briefly, but as I allow the story to unfold, those seemingly "nice" men lose patience and reveal their true colors. My advice is straightforward: go on dates with a clear understanding of your identity, values, and what you bring to a committed relationship. Avoid excessive expectations or crafting a story based on a man's potential. Instead, relax, be natural, and embrace your true self. When you feel light and happy, that's when you'll discern the answers you seek from the men you date.
YEP!!! I relate to this 💯 percent.
@@TheRenaissanceAmazon
So true ❤
Yes! Don't tell me things you like, just because you want to be with me.
(I like to travel and see the world!
Yeah, see it at the tv, at home. He did not like to book a flight, "he would get anxiety" 😵💫😵💫😵💫 Going to a shop was allready a big thing for him. I felt so bored and trapped with him, i had to break it off)
That’s good stuff!!💯
Heal before you go into another relationship so you don’t keep picking the wrong people
"Your life is screaming to you ..they are not YOUR PERSON". So good. It takes so much strength and courage to walk away from the fantasy to step out on faith into the REALITY!
Black women in particular seems to have the abilities to say things that sounds good but don't means nothing.. Based on her nonsense logic , this would means that we men should be dating widows , because they are actually the only ones wo had successful relationships, marriages, and were successful as wives and mothers. When do these women who talks nonsense , thinks that when men are dating women who were never girlfriends, never wives, never mothers , never a cook , never anything , we were not exactly dating women with potentials in the hopes they could turns into a good girlfriend, future wife and future mother..
Definitely
I’m a man and I think some of these points are actually applicable to love in general, you need to talk about what you want in a relationship, you need to understand people aren’t perfect, and you need to put in effort. This applies to everyone and both partners need to do this.
LOVE this and absolutely agree! Thank you for joining this conversation!!
Thank You Lisa for Breaking the Meaning Down Step By Step Both Partners Definitely have to do the Work!🙏🏾♥️
"I'm a man" . Ugh, go away.
@@newleft2254 The people actually having this conversation seem to appreciate my presence, so I think its ok for me to stay.
@@newleft2254cmon do you have to be rude
We have to stop trying to beg someone to be with us. If you feel things aren’t right then you need to leave. Hope isn’t enough. They’re showing interest but they’re probably stringing you along. Delusional hope is sad
I had a guy tell me to drive to him for a first date and when I said no he got mad. I didn’t care. This man wanted me to to above and beyond and that’s sad. We could’ve met in a city inbetween us but he wanted me to go and do more. Men can be selfish and don’t see it that way. It’s so sad. Sad for us women. And we settle for selfish men instead of looking for men who have done the work.
Omg! Outrageous! Always make a man come to you all the way. And no meeting in the middle because he must behave like a man!
He ought to have driven to you.
Men drive to a women
No 50 50
He was trying to groom you right from the start. What can we expect from these men who lot of them look up to people like Andrew Tate as their idol. It’s sad. I am glad i am past that age of looking for a spouse it’s really hard to find just a nice decent guy these days.
@@Kpleaidesmy son drives to NJ to see his girlfriend. She never drives to the city also it’s a longer trip. I have to say my both sons treat their girlfriends right maybe too good. Unfortunately right now i don’t like their choices they made but it’s very difficult to meet good people.
I married 'potential' and put everything into it - he was never really into me and showed me daily - not his fault if I ignored it. it was day after day of pain.
Same happened to me , i loved him and he liked me 😮and kept mistreating me, cheating and lying etc . and i was hoping that hevwould change if i only loved him more lolol
Wrong , he loves you or he doesn’t, point blank , it takes a long time to finally let go and it is sooo hard, i feel you, good luck to you❤
Omg, same experience
Me Too...❤Thank you so much for sharing this.
We didn’t get married but I was with him for 10 years … women get lost in potentials… I certainly did
I did the same thing. I've been married 29 years to an emotionally unavailable man. I just turned 50 and now I feel like it's too late.
“Get past the drunken love stage”
Don’t let red flags seem like green flags- charm, money, “electric chemistry”, are not green flags but red flags.
Dating men can be a pain in the arse...I always suggest to date a man for no more than a year, do not open your legs and he has to invest money, time and attention and he has to gladly prove income, health, identity... After a year or year and a half and you observed everything he does and says... Marriage; if not, move on.
Women should always ensure their future and the future of their children or possible children and man has to provide. If not, move on.
He has to do all this.. Ok. So will you be investing money, time attention as well? Should he not ensure his future is secure as well with you?
@egee3136 right if people have the nerve to give there take on what should be expected in a relationship then I expect them to say what they have to offer aswell
More like 6 months. A year is too long
I just walked out of a 12 year marriage. Because it was so empty and draining
"...not having to hide yourself, or correct yourself, or adjust yourself....but, if I'm not enjoying you....enjoying ME in your presence, then you are not my person."
She read me in less than 20 minutes and I want to cry!
SAME!!!😩
Ditto 🥲
Me too 😢😢
Girl. I always say falling in love is illusional. Be aware where your chemical mania is pulling you too and relate to rationally
To "fall" is accidental/ involuntary. We should "walk into"/ "grow into" love.
Chemical mania… Excellent point!
@@Heyu7her3This is exactly how I see it 😀
" falling" is never a good thing
@@SHERmusician I concur! Every time I’ve “fallen” for someone it’s not gone well.
This is why the only man I am committed to is God. #marriedtochrist 🙏 #facts
I'm only 22 years old and yet here I am thinking about a man who's already 30 to be more responsible. I can sense that he's manipulating me.
Why you doing this to yourself.Leave .Spend your 20s to get new experiences,knowledge don’t waste your pressure time to be disrespected.Find yourself first then you will know what is good for you
Or are you **allowing** yourself to be manipulated?? If you're cognizant and self-aware enough to recognize this feeling in yourself, then do something about it.
Set some boundaries and watch his response. Ask him more questions like has he dated someone this young before and what attracts him to a younger person. Vocalize your concern and see what happens. You have a right to be concerned about YOUR *SELF* ..
Honor yourself first. I feel that you're intelligent enough to know whether you're being manipulated or not. Just because you're younger than him doesn't mean you're dumb or to be played with.
The fact that you pick up on it means otherwise and you're probably right on the money with your guess. I'm 29 years old and I'd be skeptical of your situation too hun. He's probably actually picking you because you're actually smart enough to be his equal even though you're younger in age. Make sure you do what's best for you. You don't owe anyone anything.
absolutely no 30 yo man is talking to a young girl without a motive, from me a 33 yo woman whos wasted most of her 20s on bs men :) took me until i was 30 to take dating seriously now im married to a beautiful kind christian man who would kill for me and our kids :) life is SHORT babe
Girl, run as fast as you can…
Says a lot about a man whos interested in girls whos frontal lobe isnt developed until 25
This lady is so feminine, graceful and pretty. She embodies womanhood and speaks so much sense.
I was looking for this comment
Intuitions play a huge role - can you spot true empathy or the lack thereof? An empathy impaired person is never going to be Mr or Mrs Right!!
Pay attention to their chin to see if they hold and possess empathy or not or if it’s forced. If there’s no empathy, run!
@@ArtAbsurdistwould you explain what the chin tells us, please?
@@ArtAbsurdistso that's what they're hiding under them beards😅few weeks ago read someone's comment that beards hide ___ I was stumped like what
@@ArtAbsurdistplease explain
@@Toni-ve6lxdoubled chins lack empathy, square chin had 1/2 empathy, v-shaped chin had 3/4 empathy, and round chin had extreme empathy
A month ago I broke with my ex boyfriend, it was so hard, now I got the confirmation that it was the best choice made. I am so grateful for this podcast, it will help me navigate and thrive in a relationship in the future. Much love from the Netherlands. ❤
Invite me. I'm a Certified Nurse Assistant.
Congrats on trusting your gut....Best of luck in this new chapter!
bless you 🌷 you are not alone x trust in yourself
date big foót
Im in the exact same position. This was posted a couple months ago so we may have even split with our partners the same month 😅 But it was a difficult decision that even until now i was doubting but the points made in this video made me realise it truly was for the best.
Be careful out there, ladies! I wasted my heart and body on a man determined to fool me. And now I'll be lucky if I don't end up dead. Take it seriously.
I believe you I realised that marriage is a crime .WhT is a point of something so damaging for many people.
Stay safe at all costs.
Your life is not defined by a cheat of a man. He is a coward for using you. You are so courageous for admitting that you were wronged. Your feelings are valid my dear. Your life matters alot,one day you will look back and it will all make sense. I promise. ❤ 🇰🇪
What?? Leave that bum dont tell him you are leaving
Yes lots of MGTOW which lie and use women for self gain
Im going to rewatch this a few times. Gems on top of gems in this chat. She’s a very insightful woman.
I agree. It's a lot of information to take in all at once.
I have experienced a beautiful relationship and a toxic relationship. In the beautiful one, there are no arguments over minor things, we truly understand one another on a spiritual level, we share the same love language for the most part, but even on the little nuances where we don't, a peaceful conversation is had where we actually resolve things, when we disagree on things, we still keep one another's feelings in mind and we want to make the other feel heard. I could go on....but essentially it all just FLOWS beautifully:) In the toxic one, well, many of us know all the negative that comes with that. Gaslighting, putting down, verbal abuse, etc. One major lesson I learned from that period in my life was that I wasn't crazy for wanting different than what he was or wasnt willing to give, I was just with the wrong person. It's that simple.
This resonates so much with me. Got married at 25… divorced at 33.. now I’m 35 and learning how to date. He’s a doctor and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with him. He’s a good man but just emotionally disconnected. I sacrificed my 20’s hoping we would have a great connection.. when we were having issues everyone said I was asking for too much.. that I should be happy. I grew up with an absent dad and a single mom and having to be in my survival mindset looking for someone stable and good… however I’m so depleted and deprived of real connection. We did so much therapy but he takes no interest in learning who I actually am on the inside. Thank you for bringing awareness ❤
He's a doctor....he can't afford to be emotional. Add to that, he's probably on-call a lot--you cannot be a successful doctor and also be emotionally super available, the two things are competing ideals. A lot of women seem to have this idea that marrying a doctor is gonna be trips to St.Lucia every weekend. A doctor is working non-stop.
@@user-jq4fz6co8bthat is world views and if that is what you ate going for no judgement but it is not the truth for people that are believers.
@@user-jq4fz6co8bas someone with several doctors in my family, this is completely false. It has more to do with attachment styles, personality, and childhood development. Doctors and other busy professionals are perfectly capable of tapping into their emotions, being empathic, and caring to communicate and get to know their partner. She didn’t say she wanted him not to be busy. She said he wasn’t emotionally connected. He might be an avoidant type.
There's "absolutely nothing wrong with him" yet you divorced him? 🤔
It's amazing how cavalier women are in thinking they have unlimited chances in the marriage market.
You had to choose what was best for you! The love that you deserve and desire is out there ❤
Exactly!!! Ladies, your DM will recognize, adore, appreciate and love your value the very second he sees you. He would NEVER be cold, rude, crude, sneaky, dismissive, dishonoring, disrespectful, smartellic, classify you as an option, wing woman, standby, just-in-case, second fiddle etc. I don't know what these crazy men thought, but they thought WRONG 😒!!! If his walk and talk don't match and if his moves toward you are perpendicular instead of parallel, then reject him immediately!!! Only a King deserves a Queen...the joker and jester don't qualify period!!!
Potential is an illusion that smooth talking narcissists use to enmesh naive people. If they don't already have what you're looking for, keep stepping.
I cried so much watching this amazing interview. I threw away 20 valuable years of my life continuously trying to love a covert narcissist, never understanding the futility, and how my past trauma and lack of self-love kept me trapped in accepting the abuse. After abandoning me and breaking every promise to offer me “ a better life” he has moved on to his new supply in his new location. I can only hope to be able to heal from this one day, and that she recognizes soon what I never did about him. No one deserves to go through such a thing.
He was a therapist and knew exactly what he was doing.
I am so sorry you went through that... I wish you the best in your healing and I hope the next chapter in your life be the best one ❤
Sending you hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗…It’s not your fault,forgive and love yourself more now 🥰wishing you a great healing journey and make another remarkable change to your life in wealth, happiness,love, peace and prosperity.All the best
20 years for me as well, we have beautiful children so I’ll never regret it but I’m left broke and broken and dealing still with the separation limbo, ongoing discard and after his emotional online cheating limbo for years as well…
I know how you feel! I was with a man 14 years older than me for 15 years and he totally used and manipulated me. I had to literally escape and I ran away while he was in the shower.
Sounds like my life, except I haven’t gotten away as yet 😢. I hope you’ve healed and at peace
My father told me 23 years ago, when you meet someone, you're meeting their representative. I'm so glad to see Spirit again. I became a huge fan from HI Live❤
I asked all the questions 3:00 a narcissist will unfortunately tell u exactly what u want to hear to get their supply.
I stayed in a relationship longer than I should simply because I saw my Mom walk away from a relationship and I believed the guy was a perfect man and yet my Mom walked away from him. I was 13 years old. I stubbornly stayed in my relationship which turned into marriage just to prove to my Mom that you stay and you do not walk away at the signs of trouble. I only forgave her after my husband walked away from me. I was 40 years old. I started appreciating that walking away is a sign of love for yourself and the other person. You don't have to stay in a toxic environment. Don't raise your kids in a toxic environment. I marinated and stewed my kids in a very toxic environment and I don't like the people they have turned into. I'm healing and am in the process of forgiving myself and have also forgiven my ex as I realised I made him stay in a relationship he did not want.
How did you uh "make him" stay???
You can’t make someone stay in a relationship they don’t want there’s always pro bono divorces, and everything else. It’s not like he would be alone with no job and kids movie anybody have a choice you don’t make anybody do anything
I do not understand how you expected your mom to stay in a relationship she didnt want. That was wrong
@@melmel7011she was 13.
@@melmel7011she perceived the man to be perfect at 13 years old, she only had her child perception and no clue about adult relationships…
I can not begin to tell you how this video has reached me at the exact right time.
I made the fortunate realization that I'm attacched to the wrong man, I've filled 3 notebook pages with excellent points from this conversation and I'm barely halfway through this video! Everything in preparation of this coming Sunday where I will finally end this unfulfillyng relationship that has been going on for far too long, where I've been waiting for him to make the changes he so desperatly says he wants to make in order to be with me and that of course he's still to act on 4 months after being told. All ended up draining me and affecting my everyday life and I'm officially done! Thank you for giving me the chance to better articulate all of what i was thinking and I would have never been able to express myself ♥
Yes 18 years listening to bs words but seeing no change. Wasted
I wish you the best of luck ❤
I pray you stay strong and do what you need to do. You deserve the best.
Run from that person. Hell, sprint!!!! I was so sure the man I married was it and he turned out to be what I call a marital terrorist. He terrorized me in everyway possible. Never again. Now, it's all about me. I focus on my needs, wants, and desires. I gave everything to everyone else and I learned people will line up to keep sucking you drive like energy vampires. No way!!! I am a woman who puts myself first from now on, no matter whether my life is long or short. It will be on my terms. Women hear this bullshit that we are supposed to do it all. Flip that!!! I lost my youth and health giving to lesser people who didn't deserve it. They just complain about what they think I should have done either hands out. Done!!! Sad, because I am a huge empath who loves very deeply and does care when others are suffering. But, if you are always the one giving and the other person is happily taking and has nerve to criticize you on top of it all, then it's time to let go.
Be careful to think about his mental capacity to accept NO for an answer because some will K*ll You for leaving him,Some will keep stalking you at your home,your family and friends and on social medium….Be very careful of Narcissists,psychopaths and sociopaths…Good luck 🙏🏾🥰
As a guy who fumbled the bag with a woman who was poured her all in to me while I was incapable of doing the same in terms of stability/security this painfully resonates. I know that we love each other for who we are, it’s just I couldn’t provide for her in ways that I’m more able to rn.
She is by far the most intelligent person I have come across through your podcast. She is brilliant and all the wisdom shared by her surrounding relationships are so relatable and eye opening. Bless u for bringing her on board and allowing us to indulge in such educative nuggets.
❤
There have been many since I have been watching women of impact
@@theresabarnes4940people have their own opinion of others if she feels she’s the best so be it 😳😒
What is her name????????
Ladies 😂: Shera Seven is right all along!!!when she says dont get emotional think long term!!! As much as we think love is a game. Men play games. And ladies are always in losing side, lost time, body, and emotion, added body count,kids, so we need to really level up!!! And be wise ladies we need to win always. Thats the way no other way. Let him prove himself
Relationships take WAY too much work, and the reality is; porn & dating apps make it more difficult to genuinely connect. Not to mention, the more successful a woman is, the more it pushes many men away …unless she’s drop dead gorgeous. I know I sound like a Debbie downer or a negative Nancy but I am realistic Renee okay…. The quality of men these days are not what many women are looking for. And then many times these women settle just for the sake of being in a relationship. But, here he is in a relationship with 20 others emotionally, physically, mentally. I can’t imagine pouring more into a man than I pour into myself. I feel bad for the women that wholeheartedly support a man that fractionally supports her, and then she’s left like a sitting duck when he gets the confidence that she’s helped him achieve and he’s gone with the wind. No thank you. Life is too short….enjoy it. ❤ This was a great episode. Many gems dropped and solid advice. Thank you Lisa!
I totally get what your saying ,getting through the pool of men and hoping to end up with a winner is a fulltime job , especially when your a person who knows how to take care of yourself and not looking for a hero ,being single is not the worst thing that can happen to a person ,better than being in a bad relationschip .
@missliberty10 and many times single women especially over 40 get labeled as something's wrong with us. When in all reality we are more comfortable with ourselves more than ever and are passed the point of putting up with the BS. I took my first solo vacation to an island over the summer and it was the best time I've ever had. It was PEACEFUL, and the amount of couples bickering was insane.
Yes with these dating apps and social media teaches people that the grass is greener on the other side and that their is always someone BETTER and PERFECT it’s a sad reality. I just want my person. I hope we all find our guy. God knows I’m tired and I’m near giving up
She is AMAAAAZING!!!! Can you imagine having her as a therapist?!!! I had so much AHA moments in this episode that I felt I went to a therapy session. Therapy must be a life changing gift that we can offer to ourselves. Thank you for this episode! :)
What a beautiful, highly intelligent woman!❤She is right: What you see is what you get, you cannot turn a cheater or a liar into a faithful , sincere person 😂😮…. Good men are already good.❤
*Check in with yourself*
🌸53:25 *Recreational Intimacy:* How important is this to me doing things with my partner? What activities/lifestyle have I created in my mind?
🌸54:58 *Intellectual Intimacy:* Am I sapiosexual (attracted/aroused) to someone’s intellect or intellectual conversation is not my thing or I like it basic no intellectual conversation for me.
🌸56:22 *Spiritual Intimacy:* Spiritual intimacy is different from religious
intimacy. You can have inter spiritual or inter religious intimacy
🌸57:49 *Emotional Intimacy:* Do I feel safe with you? Do I feel connected with you? How do we line up in a way that is healthy and benefit both of us?
🌸59:02 *Sexual Intimacy* It’s about my sexual energy, my drive, my libido, what are my needs? ❤
Thank youuuu
Thank you!!
When I tell people that I was depleted when I left my marriage. Now I know why. I couldn't even plan for one month with my ex, yet I was expecting to stay for a life time.
Same. I was scared to plan a trip that would be a few weeks out because I wouldn’t know if we would last or not. It was such an unsettling sane unsafe position to be in
She is so correct, I ended up with someone I hoped would be compatible, to learn years later I’m so miserable 😩. Now that I’m older all I do is yearn for what I’m missing spiritually and emotionally
You sound exactly like how I feel everyday!
Me too...Im not staying too much longer tho....I have lost all attraction to him...I don't even have sex with him anymore (or anyone else) oh he wants to often I just make up stuff and sometimes Im flat out like no...and sometimes I tell him go get it somewhere else cuz Im not having sex with u...ugh the thought makes me cringe 😬 he is very disrespectful and then think Im a bahahahaha 🤣 hell to the NO!
@@lala5061 trust me I truly understand, I’ve been looking for my financial way out. I don’t want to live with anyone including him. I hope everything will work out for you, myself and anyone else going through this. If he’s physically abusing you please have him escorted out. I told this person he’s not worth me going to prison for him, he just needs to leave 😩😩I imagine living alone all the time, just can’t get the thought of him out of my head when he’s away. All I think about is the DISAPPOINTMENT
@@lala5061Well he should have dipped out a long time ago. Be careful what you wish for.
I just started watching this episode and what I love so much already is how Lisa let's Spirit SPEAK. So many times people are quick to interject and interrupt, but I really love how Lisa is SILENT and she LISTENS (Silent and Listen have the same letters), and she'll let Spirit speak for 2-3 minutes at a time, uninterrupted.
Beautiful 👌✨, and as an audience member I truly appreciate this type of communication and exchange 🙏.
I totally agree, L♡VE Lisa & how she then when she does speak, she then asks the most important & relevant intelligent questions. Also makes the most appropriate comments because she not only hears, but she TRULY listens to whoever she's interviewing.
This was an exceptional experience & filled with awesome points I wish I'd heard many years ago.
5 cheaters later & mid 60's I've experienced all the wrong, abusive, disrespectful, dysfunctional relationships possible & too depleted with a life limiting debilitating illness leaving me not able to even bother with men anymore.
Every young person, male as well as female needs to hear this info & take it seriously.
Gold star here for these two awesome women.
Many ThanX to both of you & now I'm sharing with my daughter whose sadly in a one sided for sure narc, emotionally abusive relationship & says she still loves him.
OMG please help release her....😢💝
Her hair is gorgeous. People do tend to rush relationships. Consistently is key and their behaviors have to align with their words
Minute 7. You are talking about character. Very important. All true. You want someone with good character. Be careful that you don’t confuse “boring” with good character, reliability. If you think that’s boring you would be miscalculating what it takes to be have your forever, and go through all the rough patches of life.
DAMN this guest is the BEST. Smartest woman to listen to...
I dont compromise anymore. Im very sure i dont want to get married or to live with another person. It will take a very special person to make me want to stay.
I wasted my 20’s and 30’s I don’t have anything else to waste … if it’s not in alignment no matter how good of a person he is I’m out of there
This is what confuses me... No one is 100% compatible. Can you find someone who is perfect for you in every way. Aren't we bound to find issues in relationships? Is the "forever" we dream of impossible, because nothing is forever isn't it. If we think like this wouldn't we reject every thing
This confuses me too. Everyone seems to say something different.
💯
I been dating myself and I am finding out how to live my life to the fullest 😮life is more than amazing 🤩
Spirit is amazing! Thank you for having on an actual expert (instead of an armchair advisor) as a guest. Wonderful episode.
It’s essential to become an individual, whole person before dating. When you can be happy and at peace by yourself it is easy to decern who doesn’t belong in your life. This is all very valuable information. Thank you very much.
This woman is an absolute wonder !!!
I don’t know about leaving a “good man” and damaging your children. I’ve been here - the grass IS NOT GREENER NO MAN GONNA MAKE YOUR LIFE HAPPIER. She says some good things but she also talks in circles a bit. She’s saying women need and want intimacy - men don’t know how to do it so we should leave because our happiness depends on it? Two people becoming one requires laying down your life, communicating and finding balance. Finding your identity in God is vital, you literally can’t find happiness any other way.
I completely agree with you! She has some good points but the message is a bit dangerous because she’s going to have people looking for perfection in their partners which theyll never get
"If he fits...run." This left me speechless because I have struggled with dating the same man in a different cloak. This is one hell of a message.
This particular session was most notable-what an eloquent guest! Very stimulating-Thank you
Wow…I am crying while watching this because NOTHING I have ever heard or told about intimate relationships has hit me so hard. I have realized that I have been chasing fantasies. I want reality. I want my person. I had my person once & I want that again….this talk is so profound. I really believe I have the tools to find that one. Thank you so much for this❤
OMG it hit me so hard I was crying as well!!! Totally chasing the fantasy of what I want in a relationship and being committed to having that fantasy, instead of seeing it for what it actually is sometimes...
@@takeitdaybyTayyme too. Wasted 20 years on a narcissist who abused and then abandoned me, only to move on to his next conquest. I believed the lies, lived in hope and fantasy. Never realized how little worth I must have seen in myself to endure this…and all for nothing.
wanting smth and being able and capable of smth are too very different things. I met men who want marriage and family and an incredible relationship and all these great valuable things but arent capable of creating and/or sustaining it. the first most important thing I believe is to become what you want, to embody it and then you are more likely to attract it and sustain it.
It’s the entire part where every 2-3 minutes I have to rewind what Spirit says because it’s just that DENSE in meaning and within questioning of self.
Mine happened to be a narcissist, professional mirroring is bred into the fibers of their being. Those fibers of their being are tge same ones that hold all of the strength to tie you up and down, keeping you exactly where they want. Stagnant is their perfection, where those who hold true spirituality continue to grow and love even more.
I most definitely AGREE ❤!!!
looks like you've got to look inside yourself now, do the work!
I had the same sad experience. My narc had been my therapist for 2 years. I never thought he’d harm me the way he did and I was trauma bonded for many years. I feel broken now after the discard. It’s a long journey, but I hope we both make it to peace.
I wasted my 30’s and my 40’s with somebody that never really loved me because he’s a good man. Exactly as the Dr told here. This year alone he has a bought a brand new iPhone, gone to quite a few concerts by himself, traveled twice abroad but me and our daughters haven’t traveled for 4 years or seen our family from my country because as was left to pay rent and food and I was still homeschooling our child with no pay when he discarded me after 19 years, now 20 and living in a limbo live in separation situation. I needed to hear this conversation to face my reality because I still live in what was once our shared fantasy.
Wow! I’m so sorry! How did this happen, like how did you guys end up together?
OMG! Even a broken clock is right twice a day😢
I was left to die on the vine for decades, married to a narcissist. As fate would have it, he passed away 2 years ago now and I’m finding happiness again. Freedom is luxurious
Not to mention that being attracted to other people allows us to know ourselves more authentically. And being able to- like she said, resist acting on that, is key . Making you more confident in yourself, thus making your spouse more attracted to you. Can’t wait for mine ☺️
She is absolutely amazing. Everything she said was everything I needed to hear. It was so accurate and so helpful. No therapist has every helped me as much as simply watching this. Thank you!
So pleased it brought value!!! 🥰🙌
I encourage you to keep seeking. There are awesome therapists out there. Doing the work really pays off. I wish you the best.
Recently got out of an almost compatible relationship. He had so many great qualities that I was looking for, but a few red flags that I thought I could help him through. I knew deep down, I wasn't suppose to change him or "help" him, but he was the closest to what I thought I wanted. Currently grieving the fantasy of what could have been.
I think the “potential” you see in the other person, is actually what you would do if you were in their position. That’s why it feels so real.
The dopamine wore off after a month for me and that's wild.😢
women divorce men because they dont change, men divorce because women change. Dont fall for potential, he isnt changing.
This is something that should be taught to every single human on the planet during their teens. I wish I had learned this 25 years ago!!!
Boy, I have never heard my own truth, my own existence, my own reality spoken so completely, so truthfully by another person. This hit so damn hard. You are an amazing woman Lisa and you have THE STRONGEST, MOST AMAZING WOMEN SPEAKERS on your show. 💖💖💖
I’m 53 and I had a relationship with a married man for 12 years ….he died 5 years ago. I sacrificed far too much to be with him although we did love each other. When he died I was left with nothing financially which I do admit I resent. I don’t want another relationship again but I do think I have short changed myself in the long term for being with him and paid a high price.
Such a vulnerable thing to share. I hope you find peace and happiness looking forward.
Thank you for this comment ❤
I'm so sorry for your loss.💙
@@bookbeingIt was his wife's loss respectfully.
wow was he separated from his wife or the wife didnt knew n u both had secret affair?
I have no problem with the lesson that we both learn, I detach when I’m not receiving reciprocity.
Going to be alot of single ladies.....as only a small % of men are even up to being anything close to marriage worthy
Same for women...sooo hard to find a genuine selfless woman..but hopefully I have..we shall see
Thankyou so much for this! What I had with my fiancé that passed on Easter was something most people don’t have, the best friendship.. unfortunately so much was missing. What I got from this is to work on myself. No one is perfect , no relationship is but “healthy” is two people wanting the same goal and willing to work towards it! ❤
What is compatibility? Is it a feeling or a character? Also, people have seasons. No one is the same forever. Flexibility is Important and knowing what is Important is critical.
My brain 🧠 does the thinking not my body
So luckily I’ve avoided bad relationships ❤👑✨
What a beautiful woman inside out. I’ve listened to so many of these podcasts but this one by far is the most realistic and thoughtful I’ve ever come across. I’m going to listen to this in parts so it can completely register the way I need it to. Thank you so much for your podcasts Lisa. You rock!
I will stay single forever, dating myself, loving ❤ myself, enjoying what I love to do...My happiness doesn't depend on a man, giving me happiness, am responsible 💖 for myself, my own happiness 💖 💓 💗, that's it
It’s literally an ad every 5 mins but once you make it past that 🙄 very well said!!
Now THIS is a discussion that has to be had! Not all men are marriage material.
Bruh, I’m gonna book her for premarital counseling cause she got the gems 💎
"Are you choosing love or are you choosing someone who you want to perform love?"
Whew! 😅
Great questions that need answers.
I love how she speaks about strategically placing yourself in spaces to meet your potential partner. Yet, the dominant narrative is that folks should not have to take these actionable steps in this area of their life.
… for the sake of being true to ourselves and risking a commitment to the wrong person, we have to be able and willing to recognize that Forever is more likely a ForNever …
I needed to hear this. It's also getting past the "gumby effect" where they stretch themselves thin to make the best impression for you but you need to get past that and see how they are once they feel that they "have you" so to speak. Relationships are tough.
Beware of the covert narcissist!
Yes, once the honeymoon stage ends and the power struggle stage begins, that's where most couples either get stuck or end up breaking up in.
For years I've been alone without being alone. For years I've been the only person rowing the boat. For years I've existed in the same space but not in the same dimension or universe, for years we've passed each other like ships in the night. I am so much happier now that I can love and invest in myself. I enjoy my own company more now then when I was with him, or that I ever did before him. I am so greatful for my daughter and appreciate the lesson. Thank you. I never want to feel like that again. If I never have another relationship I can now be compleatly confident that I will be more than ok. Thank you so much for teaching me to value myself and put myself first
It’s rare to get totally new information from relationships experts, oh but she keeps them coming. It’s the novelty of her expertise for me ❤
Dr Spirit is AMAZING!!! She's so knowledgeable, caring, and passionate!!! She truly touches my soul when she speaks...I would LOVE TO HAVE A SESSION WITH HER!!! Keep up the great work!!!❤❤❤
Most beautiful grey hair I have seen❤
Such a great interview. We women often have and expect a "happily ever after" fairytale and set ourselves for a dissatisfied life. Instead, if we focus on accepting ourselves and developing, healing our own self, life will be more fulfilling. Thank you, both. ❤
This convo feels life changing for me . I’m currently in the process of learning how to pick a partner in a way that will bring me what I need 💗🙏🏾 This beautiful conversation came at the perfect time in my life after a painful breakup 2 months ago . And I’m embracing my solitude at this time , and using this time to learn about boundaries and learning how to date with purpose. This video is teaching me how to find a life time partner that I can have emotional intimacy with , and share life with . Thank you 💖
Ladies listen...... if you're dating a man and he's cheating .....or if you're early in your marriage and he's cheating.... once you forgive them.... go to counseling... pray together read books together..... feel like you're putting your marriage back on track ......its all a facade ....you just gave him the permission to continue cheating on you........ my girlfriend divorced her husband.... they were divorced 8 years .....they got remarried... they went to hardcore counseling.... now they leave the marriage enrichment group at their Church ....25 years in the marriage and he has Never stopped cheating on her.... he has continued to Be A Serial cheater to this very day.... the only difference is she turns a blind eye to it..... and I mean he sleeps with everything with no protection..... yet he's in church every Sunday and never misses a marriage enrichment retreat
That grey hair is stunning and you ladies have really educated me on love today.these types of topics are necessary
How can somebody knows everything about themselves and their future? I've changed so much from my 20s to now in my 45s ...not always possible to have that conversation because WE CHANGE, WE EVOLVE AND GROW. Of course dating period should be long and the conversations need to include the TRUTHs of both parties, at least for what we know now about ourselves.
I'm only in 31 minutes, and I'm already thoroughly exhausted and discouraged. I wouldn't want to settle for any kind of toxic relationship, but if this is what it takes to find the right person to have a happy forever future with, it appears then that you have to find and be a needle in the haystack. Good points offered, but it all seems excessively complicated and unrealistic. From my personal observation, no one will find or be the perfect mate ready-made. You first try to be and find a person with good morals and character (especially unselfishness) that you can respect, genuinely enjoy each other's company as good friends and just plain LIKE each other a lot as human beings, have strong mutual sexual attraction, and commit to sticking together through thick and thin and working problems out with the goal of mutual satisfaction and happiness and forgiveness when needed.
Agree
Hi Spirit! I’ve been looking for all of these areas of compatibility for years, using primarily dating apps. I’m very high EQ and IQ, & spiritual. It has not worked for me yet. I’ve found maybe two areas of compatibility out of the 4-5 mentioned in the same person.
My question is, do I keep looking? For all 5 areas? You did say that many men seem to feel that it’s unfair to expect all of these levels of connection. They’re not equipped, many of them, to emotionally connect. For example. I’ve met men that are intellectual but didn’t have an emotional side at all. I’ve met men who were spiritual but didn’t have their career together. Men who are addicted to weed but are the most compassionate and supportive partners. It’s been extremely difficult to find that sense of connection and compatibility that really feels completely right. Maybe settling feels disappointing, but if I know I’m looking for something extremely rare, how can I expect to find it? I’m looking for areas I can compromise, but connection intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, recreationally, and sexually matter to me, and I long to feel that “rightness.”
Best comment ❤❤❤❤
Watch princella the queen maker. You might just have to find yourself a woman.
This is me looking at the guest's hair the whole time. One word for her: Wooow😍😍😍😍and the facts she is speaking!! Volume 😍😍😍😍
I’m sooo blessed to have been shaken awake at only 7 months in! I knew! I knew from the beginning. But God!! I was wanting to give that chance and that sneaky ass potential almost got me caught up. Grieving the potential! 😩 maaannn! Ain’t that the truth! Thank you Spirit that I dodged that bullet!
@librasunleomoon7122 I am so happy to hear you woke up and saved yourself. Hoping on Poor-tential is always a total loss. Wishing you all the BEST 💞❤💕
Been subscribed to you since Covid! Recently divorced walked away from a 2 year 7 month marriage. Your absolutely right about character over personality. We were so different. I’ve been in therapy for 3 months ( same time as I’ve been divorced) I’ve been learning a lot. Thank you so much!!
I wish you the best of luck in your next chapter! ❤
The advice is not to experiment by marrying one. Instead the key is to choose the right person before marriage. For that a bit of changes are required in the way we look for in the opposite sex especially when you are looking for long term stabilize partnership that will last until death. Its painful but emotional dependency stuff like physical attraction, great sex, fiery romance, love connection etc all these are exciting but usually short term and needs to take a middle seat not front seat. The most important fundamental of successful marriages like careers, kids, belief system/relegion, financials etc, all what you call the boring stuff you should be able to discuss with your prospective partner and come to a consensus, if not it should be deal breaker. The shared values and principles is very important. And finally look out for temperament style, go for a personality temperament with which you can adjust long term. And don't expect people to change their behavior after marriage because they rarely do.
Any ways you are wiser now, good luck on your next quest!