The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.
I think it would be very interesting to get your take on Targeted Individuals. From potential contributing factors to strategies for interacting as positively as possible. My Grandmother had many of the characteristics and beliefs of a Targeted Individual for most of her adult life, but I don't think that term had come into usage yet. She eventually developed Alzheimer's, but the TI beliefs and behaviors went on for decades before that. I'm also curious if the age of micro-technology and constant connectivity has increased the number of people who have TI-type beliefs. Some of the things she used to come up with in the 70s and 80s that would have people rolling their eyes now not only exist, they're commonplace.
@Krishna Patel please don't project your personal experiences on an entire country of a billion people. There are countries where children are abandoned at a young age and not cared for having multiple emotional issues throughout life yet you dont see them blame the whole country and culture.
I went to college with a guy named Adrian. He’s got the worst case of Peter Pan syndrome I’ve ever seen. He’s 39, no kids, makes Instagram videos that always say “get at ya boy!” He’s a trainer at Santa Monica 24 hour fitness and is dating a much younger girl. It’s worth noting that while he doesn’t make much $, his girlfriend does. He doesn’t own a home today. In college I knew he’d have a hard time in the real world but I never expected him to be 40 and still talking in his high pitch voice etc. The dude takes fitness pictures of himself and his body is just slightly above average. I’m not hating when I say this, but I’m genetically gifted and guys like me haven’t posted 5% of his shirtless pics. He posts relentlessly; I now get this is his narcissism-he doesn’t realize his shirtless pictures aren’t that special. It’s super interesting to watch. He definitely has an undiagnosed mental issue. 🇺🇸
Oh my. My best friend is 52. He had a horrible abusive childhood so I thought he was just cptsd. However 30 years later still blaming others. Still drinking. Still broke and always complaining w no solutions. Quite exhausting. Thanks for the video. Just focusing on my own CPTSD and adhd ❤
I don't know if I'm an A-hole or if my judgment is accurate that the parents in my family are bad parents even tho they are good parents. They just need to listen to me and do everything I say so that they can be smarter like me.
My ex - who was his mother's surrogate husband was infantilized by his mother and it was just sick the way that she would laugh at his bad behavior (which increased when she was around), He wanted me to take on where his mother left off - and have me treat him like his mother did - spoiling him, treating him like he could do no wrong, praising him for things that he did not do. His mother loved his immature behavior and felt that she owned him. She hated me and was extremely jealous.
Wow it’s like you described my exact experience in my relationship with my late husband! His mother also enabled his drug addiction! He passed away of an overdose earlier this year.
Yikes. I'm so sorry! I'm a mother to an 11 year old boy. I'm pretty sure I have Peter pan syndrome, I'm nearly 40 but still feel like a kid masquerading as an adult. I'm learning everything I can to be the best parent I can so he can thrive as an adult. We mother's do the best we can with what we know, (or at least the majority of us) it didn't start with me but I'll be dammed if it doesn't end with me.
my mother is CN, and she tried desperately to ... hold on .. to her youth... she would blame us children for 'stealing' her youth and even became sexually competitive with my older sister.. the narcissistic traits are undeniable.
Is there a connection between Peter Pan Syndrome and emotional enmeshment? A son emotionally enmeshed with a narcissistic mother (emotional incest). Childhood trauma that caused an insecure attachment, and learned helplessness which arrested their emotional development. I have been researching, looking for connections for 10 years now because I have a history of getting onto relationships, even married once, to a peterpan man/child. I want to break this pattern. Not only for myself but also I care about the men who suffer this even though they have caused me to suffer dearly all of my life. Emotionally unavailable. I've been healing and doing my inner work to become more emotionally intelligent and securely attached but I still attract these boys (aka man-child). I don't want to be their mommy or their possession/play toy. I want an equal, a mature partner. I just don't understand why they continue to seek me out and latch onto me. I challenge them in many ways emotionally and spiritually but it just doesn't seem to sink in. They just pout when I challenge them to step up, or rage even.. falsely accuse me, gaslight, project all their guilt and shame onto me. When I put up stronger boundaries, they become avoidant leave for a time, then come right back knocking at my door even though I've said we're done, it's over. They keep tabs on me, even stalking at times. In the past I know I enabled them, I own my part. But now I stand my ground and don't give in to their childish demands. They want an excessive amount of attention and affection. I'm a HSP and they exhaust me, deplete me when I've given in out of concern and empathy. They disregard my needs almost completely. Won't even allow me to get adequate sleep. Blaring. the TV, action movies running full blast even when they sleep. I turn it off, they turn it back on. I end up having to make them leave. I feel like they use me for a retreat, a safe haven. where they can show their vulnerable side and not be scolded all the time by the narcissistic females in their life.. mother, sisters. or ex girlfriends.
Hi Tammy, that's interesting... I'm also an HSP and the designated scapegoat of my family of origin. Before my accident I was very independent, even living alone for several years. I think it's our friendliness and kindness that attracts these types of men-children. Not all my relationships have been with a man-child tho'. I consciously tried to choose a different romantic partner each time in looking for a better 'fit' - but I've come to the conclusion I'm not much good at that! Almost 50 and although done much inner work for the past 20 years, it's only just now that it's sinking in just how much harm was done to me by my parents (and now siblings) which still deeply affects me today - and, how I need to 're-mother' myself because of my insecure attachments (not either parent there for me). I wish you luck on your own journey! All the best xox
Hi Tammy, this behavior is not something to tolerate, the worst being that they are blaring the TV when you are trying to sleep. I have seen that pattern in domestic (psychological) abuse (sleep deprivation).
A childhood friend of mine has never grown up. She could be described as having a histrionic personality style. Still her communication style is either over the top positive with cute nicknames written in magic marker or is cutting to people who don't share her political viewpoints. She has never really evolved from who she was in HS.
reminds me of a girl I know called Grace, constantly dresses and acts in this creepily infantilised manner, she's crafted this kind of 'princess' persona and runs away whenever faced with anyone's valid problems with her, 26 and still lives at home, pathological liar, it's seriously exhausting
Peter Pan looks to be shining and charming, full of life and idealism. He can make me feel my life being so dull. He’s like a pied piper, seducing me to be free, to let go of constraints. The life of the party bigger than life façade is hard for mousy me to resist.
Ah I'm so glad I found this channel just at the right time. My father is a covert narcissist and after the death of a close family member is inserting himself into the victimhood role- he's never grown up so seeing the title of this video was like a drink after a walk in the desert
Thank you Dr. Magee, this is helping me understand more about the mindboggling complexity of human behavior. Are people with Peter Pan Syndrome as resistant to change as narcissists? Do some of them eventually figure out how to become growing responsible adults? Are they sometimes "low grade narcissists", or flying monkeys? Can they sometimes be long term victims of narcissists being plagued by the narcissistic "fleas", or is this something else entirely?
I can answer that. In general Peter Pan Syndrome would be called dependent personality disorder. While I have dependent, avoidant, schizoid and whatnot personality traits, it was simplified as "schizotypal disorder". I have bad social skills, don't get along with most peeps, but am not high on narcissism or psychopathy. I don't work, I get a minimum, but generous welfare, have a support net, which I need and am lucky to have. I am not however emotionally unavailable, have responsiblities (no matter how minor, they're my responsibilities) and I try to make people happy who make me happier. Those who make me unhappy intentionally go to the s* -list. If that's narcissism, I'm good with that. Edit: Without giving TMI, one of my parents had narcissistic parenting, and with family, the bond is nigh impossible to break. Hope this gives you insight and so on :)
These may be personality types that I intrinsically try to avoid. I feel infantalizing oneself is a calling card or strategy of the covert/vulnerable narcissist; who attempts to constantly re-frame their victim narrative.
Important topic. I knew nothing about narcissism in 2008, when I was faced with my then-husband's severe personality disorder. It - PPS - isn't just immaturity... it's that they like to be alone, they can't adapt to adult responsibilities, etc. The book gives a great description of the symptoms. Good video, thank you!
This reminds me of my mother and sister. My mom didn't have a job for about 25 years. Then when in her 50s she suddently woke up and realized she won't have any retirement. She moved back to the states living us behind and started working. We were all adults by that time but I felt hurt because she missed my graduation. I didn't get to celebrate it with anyone. My father offered to go to his apartment but there wasn't going to be a celebration so I declined. My mom lived with her mother. 2 years later I moved to the states too. I got a job quickly and started saving up money to get my own place. My mother was often late on paying bills, lost multiple phones, she was very disorganized. She would quit jobs without having another job lined up and go on expensive vacations spending nearly all the money she had. She would always ask me for money when she ran into problems and would often take 4 to 6 months to pay me back. She got herself a Lexus because it looked good and she loved bragging about it. She was always late to things and drove like a maniac. One time she almost got her license suspended for not proving to BMV that she had car insurance since her Lexus was totaled. She read letter but some words she didn't understand. I offered to help her by googling those worse and explained to her it looked very important. She received several more letters. Then only took action at the last minute. I got tired fast of the ups and downs and being reliable on her for transportation. Soon after I got my license I moved out for the second time. My mom and sis are narcs I believe. My sister is 4 years older than me and has 3 kids. She puts her needs above her children, doesn't keep up with laundry, has trouble holding a steady jobs, goes out nearly every weekend to adult places regardless if children are having fun. There are often piles of laundry that need to be done. Kids had trouble finding clothes to wear for school because most of them were dirty and didn't fit. Apartment was dirty and messy. I haven't spoken to them in 3 years. I doubt anything changed. I was enmeshed with my mother and people often said I had that peter pan syndrome. But I feel like my mom didn't want me to become self reliant because she might loose her narc supply. I have a lot of issues to work on but just being away from the toxicity helped a lot already.
I used to call my narc ex Peter Pan! But he was like this relationally...too tight to part with cash! He was also quite highly functional in the home. But i always think this was because he worked with kids in care. And he got on well with the kids because....he mentally could cope with the interactions of a child / teenager. He was well loved often but has moved around the country and moved around jobs, always leaving trouble behind him. Nothing like a fresh start to find your next victim!!!
On the other hand I have a feeling It seems some people use this Peter Pan syndrome diagnosis for everyone who doesn't have some certain path or way of life. If someone is 40, 50 yo or 60 yo and doesn't have partner and children and doesn't have certain expert carrier so isn't careerist and works for example as a clerk in the office and knows something like bit of programming, graphic programs, excel and all those general office things or work something like this (like many women do) and have some hobbies like sport or art and wanna stay young, in the meaning to be still fit, doesn't really mean it is Peter Pan syndrome.
My ex narc always said he was like Peter Pan never wanted to grow up or old. Never took responsibility for his action always the victim never the villain.
Oh! I know a total 50 year old wannabe rockstar who is the epitome of a Peter Pan. He is ridiculously strange, foolish and embarrassing on stage, dancing around like Fozzie Bear.
So, all this time, I thought I might've had an intellectual disability or something similar, nope, I might have this instead, maybe not on the full end of the spectrum of it, because I'm 28, I still live with my parents, I never had a job, I got kicked out of school, it took me until my adulthood to use the oven, my mom still does things for me, does the laundry, helps me with bills, cleans my room (I only clean my room only at a small scale, she does the full scale), I have no friends, but that's because I LOST my friends, I have anger issues, no diagnosis for that, don't think it's borderline as I was born with anger, I blacked out my windows in my room, been to many therapists and no diagnosis satisfies me, was even misdiagnosed as a "hypochondriac" once but I KNOW there is something wrong with me, autism doesn't fit me although the high school thought I might've had it, nope, I didn't score high on the autism test, ADHD kind of fits me but I never got meds for it, I think it's just Peter Pan syndrome, I thought I had schizotypal, nope, not that either, just fantasy prone personality and possibly this. I've lost relationships, one made fun of me for living with my parents and called me a "manchild" for my anger issues as I never progress in life, like Psycho Kid from McJuggerNuggets, it's me dude, it's all me that's the problem, it's not even a mental problem for me, it's just a bad personality I guess, and it's also "narcissism" too, that's it, I'm the gothic angry downward spiral of a manchild or a manteen as I call it because I'm more of an angry teenager in my mindset, I may not be totally into childhood stuff like toys, but I like cartoons, I may not act silly, not all the time at least, that's why I say this Peter Pan syndrome is a spectrum, to be honest I thought Peter Pan syndrome WOULD be more common in neurodivergent/autistic/ADHD/intellectual disability people, nope, apparently people like me are just selfish angry magical thinking "narcissists", I just have self hatred now, I failed, I failed society and life, it wasn't society that was the problem, it was me, I have made a mini album about my self hatred called "Self Hatred", it is my downward spiral of my mind, it's not people that's the problem, I blamed them for this, but it's not people that's the problem, it's me that's the problem.
Narcs use farncy Baal manure to make themselves feel better. It's magic. We use the Truth to make ourselves feel better. It's magick. We also apply liberal amounts of Spicy Memes to the recipe, for the sake of the Narcs sanity. 😂 93/93
Yip this was my narc ex.... he absolutely hated being in paid employment and much happier/content claiming financial government assistance which he spent on him. Ofcourse he had his cash cow ME to provide a roof, food and clothing... couldn't do much about it at the time as afraid of the rage/anger but hey ho I'm out now 👍
I can attribute this to my mom and my younger sister since my nephew can't stand my sister, and I have a hard time getting along with my mom. I attributed their behavior somewhat similar to former president Trump who my have that Peter Pan syndrome as much as NPD. Pretty obvious!
Very interesting discussion and plenty of important points raised, analysed. I find it helpful that you raise the idea of a spectrum or umbrella of behaviours. This a great aid as this reduces the tendency some people have to reductionism of ideas. Great work!
This is somewhat prevalent in the "adults" of the beach cities of California around LA, and San Diego. I would describe many people I've met who are in a variety of addiction programs, especially the males, could be described this way: alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, porn addicts. It's like they're developmentally arrested in early childhood, despite how cunning some of them can be (addicts never cease to amaze me with how devious their minds are despite their child-like qualities). You can also see this in people on the Autism spectrum. I notice aspects of this in people with BPD who are looking for a mommy or daddy to take care of them.
In short: no. While the conditions you've mentioned *can* have varying degrees of impairment to normative adult functioning -- each of those has its own complex physiological and psychosocial relationships surrounding them. What that actually looks like can vary _significantly_ between individuals as each person can have varying degrees and types of impairment. Also, the ways that will ultimately manifest in a person's daily life is going to be heavily influenced by both that person's environment and their personality. I'm an autistic person in my 30s and I need someone to remind me to do certain things like eat and shower everyday. However, I wouldn't say I'm childlike or that I need anyone to parent me. I think some people just need a little more help with certain things...but that doesn't make them any more or less of an adult.
I wish this didn't seem to always turn up as gendered. I'm a woman and this describes me in many aspects, but it also describes most the people I've dated. It's kind of a kick in the gut listening to all of your shortcomings narrated so perfectly, but I guess it's helpful. Now what the hell do I do about it?
Imagine an little boy in an adult body. You tell them to stop and they do it again. You tell them "your mouth stinks, hold distance when you talk to me and they instead to understand how awful they are ,they come closer and blow in your face " This a typical behaviour for Peter Pan syndrome. Is Idiotism.
They run from their fears. I work with a gentleman who has Peter Pan syndrome. He's also a young earth creationist. I can tell by his stance the way he operates and uses a cell phone with one finger at a time. When we have music playing....every song he does like a Weird Al Yankavick song too it. He's divorced twice. Around every corner you can hear him praying to God that he won't send him to hell. When passing in the hallways he slams his body against the wall like a captain of a submarine yelling..."make a hole". He does this with everyone. Oh so much more. I have no degree in psychology. But I estimate his mental age as 9-10 yrs old. Always wanted to go to school to be a psychologist. Then decided....I don't want to listen to people's issues. Call me cRaZy. Cheers.
Refuses to get a job because its not the subject they got their degree in. 2 years been unemployed lives with their mum and pays himself money from his trust fund fudges his tax return so doesnt have to pay it back. talks about his career. Worked in the feild for 3 years before unemployment. Total man child
i am ashamed & embarrassed that i am hella immature & act like a big kid adult unintentionally...who still doesnt know how to drive in her 30's etc?! welp! I feel alot of us Millennials & older Gen Z are prominent in this type of being & reality among other generations. But older generations are like this also. But the dark side of this so-called Peter Pan syndrome..feels like it's innocent sick, cuz i always feel like its associated with reminiscing bout the past & being a kid & it just makes me think it comes off pedo-ish? which causes me to relate to other mental issues & the sorts aswel of the unfortunate worst one of Pocd, smdh. My life is blah & dread with stunted growth all over, smdh..ugh. fml 🤦♀️
I have some Peter Pan issues going on so my my algorithm sent me here. I sure hope that my thoughts are not this extreme/dark. it’s like listening to an ad for pharmaceuticals in that, by law, any & all side effects must be listed. This represents an extreme syndrome. Being ‘part Peter Panish is endearing because it’s playful.
@@Potencyfunction Holding on to unrealistic things i can identify with as well, but not the rest. I just recently discovered that what i thought was peter pan sindrome is actually autism
Some people can make their living in the entertainment industry by only having to act curious about everything in their appointed realm while being a public figure expert on whatever. While doing so there is a danger of acting out towards others who are trying to adjust while experiencing handicaps suffering from because of trauma so that they will some day only have disability which is being so well managed enough to become successful by the world's standards. Only publishing always with a short disclaimer to cover that sort of thing is not going to be enough when a public figure starts to fall into that temptation while feeling jealous of all others who are living a much more anonymous life style.
Interesting how to fix it or help, and the narcissistic personality and Peter Pan syndrome are both related to the same reason, wow there is so much to just one thing, I’m an empath so these kind of things hurt me
Darren, I've watched your clips on narcissism and have observed you hint that you're a recovered narcissist. I've read that the victims of narcissists often use narcissistic phrases on others to cope with their pain. Do you feel comfortable discussing how you overcame your challenges and if this led to your vocation? I don't expect you to speak about your childhood, as that is not the purpose of this forum. You have such a gentle voice, and I can't see you ever raising your voice to another person. You sound like the type of guy who would be a great steward of humanity, always putting others before yourself and always there to help victims of abuse. Do you see the trap of narcissism as a revolving door of abuse? How'd you recognize and treat your own challenges?
I know someone who could have this. Im not going to say any names. But this person I have known sence high school. I have had to confront them about everything that is being talked about in this vedio. I don't go around this person any more because of how they act. Like for example I had to stand over them and tell them step by step how to do something as basic as doing dishes or laundry. The immaturity of that person like screaming and having violent out bust when they don't get their way. Very bad money management. Lots of pornography watching and having sex with any thing that walks. Plus much much much more. This person won't go to the Dr. and get proper care and treatment for their problems. This person thinks they are invencable like they are the terminator. This person don't even think they have weakness of any kind. Again I do not want to say the name of this person that I went to highschool with. I have had mental health issues in the past but I went to the Dr and got meds and therapy aka counseling for it. I am living a healthy life and a happy life. I just want the person I am referring to to get help for his issues. I care about this person as a brother. I want them to be healthy and happy and safe. I want them to take care of their self properly. Cause he has physical health issues that need to be addressed. But out of respect for this individual Im not saying their name on here.
Great video! Sadly, this perfectly describes my 50 year old ex. No based woman wants to babysit a man-child 🤮 Pornography is sadly one of many things that completely ruins men and destroys their ability to take initiative in anything, let alone be capable of showing up AS A GROWN MAN in a romantic relationship.
The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you might like me to cover in the future.
I think it would be very interesting to get your take on Targeted Individuals. From potential contributing factors to strategies for interacting as positively as possible. My Grandmother had many of the characteristics and beliefs of a Targeted Individual for most of her adult life, but I don't think that term had come into usage yet. She eventually developed Alzheimer's, but the TI beliefs and behaviors went on for decades before that. I'm also curious if the age of micro-technology and constant connectivity has increased the number of people who have TI-type beliefs. Some of the things she used to come up with in the 70s and 80s that would have people rolling their eyes now not only exist, they're commonplace.
@Krishna Patel please don't project your personal experiences on an entire country of a billion people. There are countries where children are abandoned at a young age and not cared for having multiple emotional issues throughout life yet you dont see them blame the whole country and culture.
@@OzyMandias13 ... i thought TI's belong in the 'delusional traits' spectrum ... bcuz its not real... targeted individuals ...... right .. ?
I went to college with a guy named Adrian. He’s got the worst case of Peter Pan syndrome I’ve ever seen. He’s 39, no kids, makes Instagram videos that always say “get at ya boy!” He’s a trainer at Santa Monica 24 hour fitness and is dating a much younger girl. It’s worth noting that while he doesn’t make much $, his girlfriend does. He doesn’t own a home today.
In college I knew he’d have a hard time in the real world but I never expected him to be 40 and still talking in his high pitch voice etc.
The dude takes fitness pictures of himself and his body is just slightly above average. I’m not hating when I say this, but I’m genetically gifted and guys like me haven’t posted 5% of his shirtless pics. He posts relentlessly; I now get this is his narcissism-he doesn’t realize his shirtless pictures aren’t that special.
It’s super interesting to watch. He definitely has an undiagnosed mental issue. 🇺🇸
I’d like to hear examples of what a narcissist might say, vs what they’d say if they were not. ..in a Peter Pan situation
Oh my. My best friend is 52. He had a horrible abusive childhood so I thought he was just cptsd. However 30 years later still blaming others. Still drinking. Still broke and always complaining w no solutions. Quite exhausting. Thanks for the video.
Just focusing on my own CPTSD and adhd ❤
I don't know if I'm an A-hole or if my judgment is accurate that the parents in my family are bad parents even tho they are good parents. They just need to listen to me and do everything I say so that they can be smarter like me.
Top comment: VERY similar situation with my former best friend. He’s even older, 58!!!
My ex - who was his mother's surrogate husband was infantilized by his mother and it was just sick the way that she would laugh at his bad behavior (which increased when she was around), He wanted me to take on where his mother left off - and have me treat him like his mother did - spoiling him, treating him like he could do no wrong, praising him for things that he did not do. His mother loved his immature behavior and felt that she owned him. She hated me and was extremely jealous.
Wow it’s like you described my exact experience in my relationship with my late husband! His mother also enabled his drug addiction! He passed away of an overdose earlier this year.
Peter Pans are often the results of Narc parents.
a NARCISIT Mother in law
Yikes. I'm so sorry! I'm a mother to an 11 year old boy. I'm pretty sure I have Peter pan syndrome, I'm nearly 40 but still feel like a kid masquerading as an adult. I'm learning everything I can to be the best parent I can so he can thrive as an adult. We mother's do the best we can with what we know, (or at least the majority of us) it didn't start with me but I'll be dammed if it doesn't end with me.
@@heatherjsews with your kid is does start with you.
my mother is CN, and she tried desperately to ... hold on .. to her youth...
she would blame us children for 'stealing' her youth and even became sexually competitive with my older sister..
the narcissistic traits are undeniable.
this reminds me of my mom, free of her for 6 years now 😊
Is there a connection between Peter Pan Syndrome and emotional enmeshment? A son emotionally enmeshed with a narcissistic mother (emotional incest). Childhood trauma that caused an insecure attachment, and learned helplessness which arrested their emotional development. I have been researching, looking for connections for 10 years now because I have a history of getting onto relationships, even married once, to a peterpan man/child. I want to break this pattern. Not only for myself but also I care about the men who suffer this even though they have caused me to suffer dearly all of my life. Emotionally unavailable. I've been healing and doing my inner work to become more emotionally intelligent and securely attached but I still attract these boys (aka man-child). I don't want to be their mommy or their possession/play toy. I want an equal, a mature partner. I just don't understand why they continue to seek me out and latch onto me. I challenge them in many ways emotionally and spiritually but it just doesn't seem to sink in. They just pout when I challenge them to step up, or rage even.. falsely accuse me, gaslight, project all their guilt and shame onto me. When I put up stronger boundaries, they become avoidant leave for a time, then come right back knocking at my door even though I've said we're done, it's over. They keep tabs on me, even stalking at times. In the past I know I enabled them, I own my part. But now I stand my ground and don't give in to their childish demands. They want an excessive amount of attention and affection. I'm a HSP and they exhaust me, deplete me when I've given in out of concern and empathy. They disregard my needs almost completely. Won't even allow me to get adequate sleep. Blaring. the TV, action movies running full blast even when they sleep. I turn it off, they turn it back on. I end up having to make them leave. I feel like they use me for a retreat, a safe haven. where they can show their vulnerable side and not be scolded all the time by the narcissistic females in their life.. mother, sisters. or ex girlfriends.
That's a great question thank you for asking and thank you for sharing. I'll try to answer that in a future video on this subject.
@@DarrenFMagee
Dr Magee, I think as an empathic person (I’m a retired Peds RN) I’ve met my share of Narcissistic/Peter Pan type males
Hi Tammy, that's interesting... I'm also an HSP and the designated scapegoat of my family of origin. Before my accident I was very independent, even living alone for several years. I think it's our friendliness and kindness that attracts these types of men-children. Not all my relationships have been with a man-child tho'. I consciously tried to choose a different romantic partner each time in looking for a better 'fit' - but I've come to the conclusion I'm not much good at that! Almost 50 and although done much inner work for the past 20 years, it's only just now that it's sinking in just how much harm was done to me by my parents (and now siblings) which still deeply affects me today - and, how I need to 're-mother' myself because of my insecure attachments (not either parent there for me). I wish you luck on your own journey! All the best xox
Wow I could've written this myself.
Hi Tammy, this behavior is not something to tolerate, the worst being that they are blaring the TV when you are trying to sleep. I have seen that pattern in domestic (psychological) abuse (sleep deprivation).
A childhood friend of mine has never grown up. She could be described as having a histrionic personality style. Still her communication style is either over the top positive with cute nicknames written in magic marker or is cutting to people who don't share her political viewpoints. She has never really evolved from who she was in HS.
reminds me of a girl I know called Grace, constantly dresses and acts in this creepily infantilised manner, she's crafted this kind of 'princess' persona and runs away whenever faced with anyone's valid problems with her, 26 and still lives at home, pathological liar, it's seriously exhausting
So?..
@@sideskroll
Yea I don't get why that's a bad thing. She's not hurting anyone so what?
@@aprils.r8418 exactly
Leonardo DiCaprio 😅 and a lot of male celebs
Peter Pan looks to be shining and charming, full of life and idealism. He can make me feel my life being so dull. He’s like a pied piper, seducing me to be free, to let go of constraints. The life of the party bigger than life façade is hard for mousy me to resist.
they're hollow, just a shadow
beautifully written friend ! Keeping options open, not liking to discuss adult things . Sounds like me ! Oh dear
Ah I'm so glad I found this channel just at the right time. My father is a covert narcissist and after the death of a close family member is inserting himself into the victimhood role- he's never grown up so seeing the title of this video was like a drink after a walk in the desert
Thank you Dr. Magee, this is helping me understand more about the mindboggling complexity of human behavior. Are people with Peter Pan Syndrome as resistant to change as narcissists? Do some of them eventually figure out how to become growing responsible adults? Are they sometimes "low grade narcissists", or flying monkeys? Can they sometimes be long term victims of narcissists being plagued by the narcissistic "fleas", or is this something else entirely?
Thank you for your question, it's something I'll try to answer in a future video on this subject.
I can answer that. In general Peter Pan Syndrome would be called dependent personality disorder. While I have dependent, avoidant, schizoid and whatnot personality traits, it was simplified as "schizotypal disorder". I have bad social skills, don't get along with most peeps, but am not high on narcissism or psychopathy. I don't work, I get a minimum, but generous welfare, have a support net, which I need and am lucky to have. I am not however emotionally unavailable, have responsiblities (no matter how minor, they're my responsibilities) and I try to make people happy who make me happier. Those who make me unhappy intentionally go to the s* -list. If that's narcissism, I'm good with that.
Edit: Without giving TMI, one of my parents had narcissistic parenting, and with family, the bond is nigh impossible to break. Hope this gives you insight and so on :)
These may be personality types that I intrinsically try to avoid. I feel infantalizing oneself is a calling card or strategy of the covert/vulnerable narcissist; who attempts to constantly re-frame their victim narrative.
My inner child is in pain. A lot of it.
Same here. I was like peter pan that I failed to grow up as a person.
“Trying to look younger than they are” as a sign of Peter Pan syndrome - that is really interesting
Important topic. I knew nothing about narcissism in 2008, when I was faced with my then-husband's severe personality disorder. It - PPS - isn't just immaturity... it's that they like to be alone, they can't adapt to adult responsibilities, etc. The book gives a great description of the symptoms. Good video, thank you!
So what is the problem with that? I'm glad you are no longer with him. He's probably better off alone.
This reminds me of my mother and sister. My mom didn't have a job for about 25 years. Then when in her 50s she suddently woke up and realized she won't have any retirement. She moved back to the states living us behind and started working. We were all adults by that time but I felt hurt because she missed my graduation. I didn't get to celebrate it with anyone. My father offered to go to his apartment but there wasn't going to be a celebration so I declined. My mom lived with her mother. 2 years later I moved to the states too. I got a job quickly and started saving up money to get my own place. My mother was often late on paying bills, lost multiple phones, she was very disorganized. She would quit jobs without having another job lined up and go on expensive vacations spending nearly all the money she had. She would always ask me for money when she ran into problems and would often take 4 to 6 months to pay me back. She got herself a Lexus because it looked good and she loved bragging about it. She was always late to things and drove like a maniac. One time she almost got her license suspended for not proving to BMV that she had car insurance since her Lexus was totaled. She read letter but some words she didn't understand. I offered to help her by googling those worse and explained to her it looked very important. She received several more letters. Then only took action at the last minute. I got tired fast of the ups and downs and being reliable on her for transportation. Soon after I got my license I moved out for the second time. My mom and sis are narcs I believe. My sister is 4 years older than me and has 3 kids. She puts her needs above her children, doesn't keep up with laundry, has trouble holding a steady jobs, goes out nearly every weekend to adult places regardless if children are having fun. There are often piles of laundry that need to be done. Kids had trouble finding clothes to wear for school because most of them were dirty and didn't fit. Apartment was dirty and messy. I haven't spoken to them in 3 years. I doubt anything changed. I was enmeshed with my mother and people often said I had that peter pan syndrome. But I feel like my mom didn't want me to become self reliant because she might loose her narc supply. I have a lot of issues to work on but just being away from the toxicity helped a lot already.
I used to call my narc ex Peter Pan! But he was like this relationally...too tight to part with cash! He was also quite highly functional in the home. But i always think this was because he worked with kids in care. And he got on well with the kids because....he mentally could cope with the interactions of a child / teenager. He was well loved often but has moved around the country and moved around jobs, always leaving trouble behind him. Nothing like a fresh start to find your next victim!!!
Is it Peter Pan syndrome if they are successful?
could be worse bc it enables them
No, f*cked up rich people are allways called eccentric.
This man just described me to a T... Minus blaming others for what happens to me. I always take full responsibilitie of my decisions and the outcome.
Like wanting to become a professional gambler/poker player 😑. I said um, you mean the person that plans the poker events right ?! Lol
I am like that. And I have no intention of changin. All I hear is "not productive for society". And I don't really care about society...
Unfortunately it will eventually ruin your life.
I'm a peter pan, an extreme case, and it fucked my life completely.
Same
Society only wants what it can get from you. Just like this dude wants to make money off you.
Avoidant (dismissive) Personality Disorder
Please make a series can it be cured or just treated?
On the other hand I have a feeling It seems some people use this Peter Pan syndrome diagnosis for everyone who doesn't have some certain path or way of life. If someone is 40, 50 yo or 60 yo and doesn't have partner and children and doesn't have certain expert carrier so isn't careerist and works for example as a clerk in the office and knows something like bit of programming, graphic programs, excel and all those general office things or work something like this (like many women do) and have some hobbies like sport or art and wanna stay young, in the meaning to be still fit, doesn't really mean it is Peter Pan syndrome.
My ex narc always said he was like Peter Pan never wanted to grow up or old. Never took responsibility for his action always the victim never the villain.
I lived with this woman who had four unplanned children. She was out all hours of the day and night socializing instead of taking care of them.
This is so interesting... 🤔What about the Wendy's syndrome? I would love to hear you on that topic. Thank you.
Thank you for your suggestion 👍
What is Wendy's syndrome?
Oh! I know a total 50 year old wannabe rockstar who is the epitome of a Peter Pan. He is ridiculously strange, foolish and embarrassing on stage, dancing around like Fozzie Bear.
So, all this time, I thought I might've had an intellectual disability or something similar, nope, I might have this instead, maybe not on the full end of the spectrum of it, because I'm 28, I still live with my parents, I never had a job, I got kicked out of school, it took me until my adulthood to use the oven, my mom still does things for me, does the laundry, helps me with bills, cleans my room (I only clean my room only at a small scale, she does the full scale), I have no friends, but that's because I LOST my friends, I have anger issues, no diagnosis for that, don't think it's borderline as I was born with anger, I blacked out my windows in my room, been to many therapists and no diagnosis satisfies me, was even misdiagnosed as a "hypochondriac" once but I KNOW there is something wrong with me, autism doesn't fit me although the high school thought I might've had it, nope, I didn't score high on the autism test, ADHD kind of fits me but I never got meds for it, I think it's just Peter Pan syndrome, I thought I had schizotypal, nope, not that either, just fantasy prone personality and possibly this. I've lost relationships, one made fun of me for living with my parents and called me a "manchild" for my anger issues as I never progress in life, like Psycho Kid from McJuggerNuggets, it's me dude, it's all me that's the problem, it's not even a mental problem for me, it's just a bad personality I guess, and it's also "narcissism" too, that's it, I'm the gothic angry downward spiral of a manchild or a manteen as I call it because I'm more of an angry teenager in my mindset, I may not be totally into childhood stuff like toys, but I like cartoons, I may not act silly, not all the time at least, that's why I say this Peter Pan syndrome is a spectrum, to be honest I thought Peter Pan syndrome WOULD be more common in neurodivergent/autistic/ADHD/intellectual disability people, nope, apparently people like me are just selfish angry magical thinking "narcissists", I just have self hatred now, I failed, I failed society and life, it wasn't society that was the problem, it was me, I have made a mini album about my self hatred called "Self Hatred", it is my downward spiral of my mind, it's not people that's the problem, I blamed them for this, but it's not people that's the problem, it's me that's the problem.
Damn. This is me.
This video is just WOW. I got many explanations about many things. Thank you.
Narcs use farncy Baal manure to make themselves feel better. It's magic.
We use the Truth to make ourselves feel better. It's magick.
We also apply liberal amounts of Spicy Memes to the recipe, for the sake of the Narcs sanity. 😂
93/93
Thanks for bringing clarity to my circumstances. Very helpful.
Yip this was my narc ex.... he absolutely hated being in paid employment and much happier/content claiming financial government assistance which he spent on him. Ofcourse he had his cash cow ME to provide a roof, food and clothing... couldn't do much about it at the time as afraid of the rage/anger but hey ho I'm out now 👍
I love your display case. X
I can attribute this to my mom and my younger sister since my nephew can't stand my sister, and I have a hard time getting along with my mom. I attributed their behavior somewhat similar to former president Trump who my have that Peter Pan syndrome as much as NPD. Pretty obvious!
Very interesting discussion and plenty of important points raised, analysed. I find it helpful that you raise the idea of a spectrum or umbrella of behaviours. This a great aid as this reduces the tendency some people have to reductionism of ideas. Great work!
I had a boss once who was in his 40s but would walk around the job site with sagging pants like a teenage thug.
Describes my wife
because we see dead people mind blown just think about it mr m night opened our eyes so big
Will you please make a video about how to overcome this syndrome?
He can't, because it's not a real diagnosis.
This is somewhat prevalent in the "adults" of the beach cities of California around LA, and San Diego.
I would describe many people I've met who are in a variety of addiction programs, especially the males, could be described this way: alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, porn addicts. It's like they're developmentally arrested in early childhood, despite how cunning some of them can be (addicts never cease to amaze me with how devious their minds are despite their child-like qualities).
You can also see this in people on the Autism spectrum.
I notice aspects of this in people with BPD who are looking for a mommy or daddy to take care of them.
In short: no.
While the conditions you've mentioned *can* have varying degrees of impairment to normative adult functioning -- each of those has its own complex physiological and psychosocial relationships surrounding them.
What that actually looks like can vary _significantly_ between individuals as each person can have varying degrees and types of impairment.
Also, the ways that will ultimately manifest in a person's daily life is going to be heavily influenced by both that person's environment and their personality.
I'm an autistic person in my 30s and I need someone to remind me to do certain things like eat and shower everyday.
However, I wouldn't say I'm childlike or that I need anyone to parent me.
I think some people just need a little more help with certain things...but that doesn't make them any more or less of an adult.
So basically my older brother...
Very interesting video
I wish this didn't seem to always turn up as gendered. I'm a woman and this describes me in many aspects, but it also describes most the people I've dated. It's kind of a kick in the gut listening to all of your shortcomings narrated so perfectly, but I guess it's helpful. Now what the hell do I do about it?
You can always improve your self, but this is a bullsh*t diagnosis.
Very interesting! I would love to know where the syndrome comes from and how it is treated, or paths for a person to grow out of it.
Imagine an little boy in an adult body. You tell them to stop and they do it again. You tell them "your mouth stinks, hold distance when you talk to me and they instead to understand how awful they are ,they come closer and blow in your face " This a typical behaviour for Peter Pan syndrome. Is Idiotism.
Loving your doing. This video with the collectables in the background!
Is there any example of Love Bombing being a trait of Peter Pan Syndrome?
very intense early on then getting bored yeah that checks out
I wonder what the parents role is in this
damn i needed this video bruh :/
They run from their fears. I work with a gentleman who has Peter Pan syndrome. He's also a young earth creationist. I can tell by his stance the way he operates and uses a cell phone with one finger at a time. When we have music playing....every song he does like a Weird Al Yankavick song too it. He's divorced twice. Around every corner you can hear him praying to God that he won't send him to hell. When passing in the hallways he slams his body against the wall like a captain of a submarine yelling..."make a hole". He does this with everyone. Oh so much more. I have no degree in psychology. But I estimate his mental age as 9-10 yrs old. Always wanted to go to school to be a psychologist. Then decided....I don't want to listen to people's issues. Call me cRaZy.
Cheers.
As someone who dating a man child it get on my nerves bad and I want to leave him 💯🤷🏿♂️👋🏾
I feel you
Don't worry , he wants you to leave too.
Refuses to get a job because its not the subject they got their degree in. 2 years been unemployed lives with their mum and pays himself money from his trust fund fudges his tax return so doesnt have to pay it back. talks about his career. Worked in the feild for 3 years before unemployment. Total man child
Some of characteristics are very similar to Borderline.
super similar
Yes, they belive that they someone else .
i am ashamed & embarrassed that i am hella immature & act like a big kid adult unintentionally...who still doesnt know how to drive in her 30's etc?! welp!
I feel alot of us Millennials & older Gen Z are prominent in this type of being & reality among other generations. But older generations are like this also.
But the dark side of this so-called Peter Pan syndrome..feels like it's innocent sick, cuz i always feel like its associated with reminiscing bout the past & being a kid & it just makes me think it comes off pedo-ish? which causes me to relate to other mental issues & the sorts aswel of the unfortunate worst one of Pocd, smdh.
My life is blah & dread with stunted growth all over, smdh..ugh. fml 🤦♀️
I have some Peter Pan issues going on so my my algorithm sent me here. I sure hope that my thoughts are not this extreme/dark. it’s like listening to an ad for pharmaceuticals in that, by law, any & all side effects must be listed. This represents an extreme syndrome. Being ‘part Peter Panish is endearing because it’s playful.
This made me realized i have so many things in common with everything you said... Oh God
They hold on unrealistic things, relations, they stay in the way of people, they are very dangerous due the high level of stupidity.
@@Potencyfunction Holding on to unrealistic things i can identify with as well, but not the rest. I just recently discovered that what i thought was peter pan sindrome is actually autism
Some people can make their living in the entertainment industry by only having to act curious about everything in their appointed realm while being a public figure expert on whatever. While doing so there is a danger of acting out towards others who are trying to adjust while experiencing handicaps suffering from because of trauma so that they will some day only have disability which is being so well managed enough to become successful by the world's standards. Only publishing always with a short disclaimer to cover that sort of thing is not going to be enough when a public figure starts to fall into that temptation while feeling jealous of all others who are living a much more anonymous life style.
Thank you for this, very thorough yet simply straightforward
Thanks for the video, very well summarized!
Interesting how to fix it or help, and the narcissistic personality and Peter Pan syndrome are both related to the same reason, wow there is so much to just one thing, I’m an empath so these kind of things hurt me
Darren, I've watched your clips on narcissism and have observed you hint that you're a recovered narcissist. I've read that the victims of narcissists often use narcissistic phrases on others to cope with their pain. Do you feel comfortable discussing how you overcame your challenges and if this led to your vocation? I don't expect you to speak about your childhood, as that is not the purpose of this forum.
You have such a gentle voice, and I can't see you ever raising your voice to another person. You sound like the type of guy who would be a great steward of humanity, always putting others before yourself and always there to help victims of abuse. Do you see the trap of narcissism as a revolving door of abuse? How'd you recognize and treat your own challenges?
... great observations and questions.... Australia here.. x
Wow. Excellent and revelatory.
Thank you.
PPS origins? toxic moms
Kidult 😅😢😂
Yes it is.
Thank you for your interesting take on this subject. My question is: How do you deal with these people!?
Don't deal with them, avoid them! Trust me, I know
@@mileab6725 What if it's your brother and you live with him?
Maybe your the problem.
This sounds exactly like my ex-husband, it's why I left and divorced him too! I just couldn't do it anymore!
I know someone who could have this. Im not going to say any names. But this person I have known sence high school. I have had to confront them about everything that is being talked about in this vedio. I don't go around this person any more because of how they act. Like for example I had to stand over them and tell them step by step how to do something as basic as doing dishes or laundry. The immaturity of that person like screaming and having violent out bust when they don't get their way. Very bad money management. Lots of pornography watching and having sex with any thing that walks. Plus much much much more. This person won't go to the Dr. and get proper care and treatment for their problems. This person thinks they are invencable like they are the terminator. This person don't even think they have weakness of any kind. Again I do not want to say the name of this person that I went to highschool with. I have had mental health issues in the past but I went to the Dr and got meds and therapy aka counseling for it. I am living a healthy life and a happy life. I just want the person I am referring to to get help for his issues. I care about this person as a brother. I want them to be healthy and happy and safe. I want them to take care of their self properly. Cause he has physical health issues that need to be addressed. But out of respect for this individual Im not saying their name on here.
Sounds like most women today ... just sayin
Sounds like most of this generation
My wife for example
Yes it is
This is my ex husband to a T . I kept dropping my jaw in astonishment.
Did you truly have no sense the man you married was like that before you went that far?
Great video! Sadly, this perfectly describes my 50 year old ex. No based woman wants to babysit a man-child 🤮 Pornography is sadly one of many things that completely ruins men and destroys their ability to take initiative in anything, let alone be capable of showing up AS A GROWN MAN in a romantic relationship.
Hey I'd love to live in Neverland with Wendy just sayin
Look im a narcissist and am in no way have peter pan syndrome, im a man of responsibility, a man of duty!!!!😡😡😡😡
Oh okay this explained it a lot better, if I have autism can I also have Peter Pan Syndrome?