in my lived experiences...the biggest secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know (aside from their false mask of manipulation) is that not only are you capable of a healthy, successful, happy life without them…but that your happiness relies on getting rid of them from your life. summary of video 1-they carry a great deal of psychological pain 2-they harbor self-hatred 3-they struggle with psychological incompetence 4-they build their self-esteem when they destroy your self-esteem 5-arguing is their superpower 6-they envy your success 7-they deeply fear irrelevance cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I had a good chuckle over Dr. C's comment about a narcissist arguing with you with the thought in their mind "you won't win with me". Nothing could be more true. You'll never win an argument, and winning a narcissist has to be the biggest loss ever. When all is said and done, they are the biggest losers.
A tactic that I've learned recently is: Talk over them as soon as they start trying to talk in circles and calmly explain that they aren't listening to you so you aren't listening to them,and end with "this conversation is over".😉Their facial expression looks like a "reboot" or "a deer in headlights".
“The narcissist will inject so much drama, toxicity and confusion into you, they will have you feeling as if it’s you that is the narcissist.” -Kesha Noel
What if they are obsessed with you and think of you as an extension of themselves. They won't leave you alone. But they still envy you and dislike you. It's hard to know what to do.
@@steverenoI just want them to acquire a heart and human empathy and care and even just civility alongside their genuinely pleasant impressive and nice qualities. They do have nice qualities and I praise them for that. However they have 0 heart.
They really are held hostage to their own love of self. They move through life looking for meaningful connections without ever understanding why they end up pushing everyone away who ever cared for them. All the while destroying those who did care and fell into their black hole.. a real life tragedy.
The crazy deranged erupting anger is well documented in my particular narcissist. The secret my narcissist encapsulates is that he's boring. Not open to anything new, current, or inspirational. All of the enlightenment we seek as humans.... the narcissist has had that figured out since birth. And they will bore you to a state of brain numbing proportions with their worldview every waking moment you are with them, same crap, same boring voice, everyday! The bottom line to me is, why? Why on earth does a person need to be so predictable? And what is the big deal if someone else has a different take on any topic? One way conversationalist. Unable to grasp good, civil, and respectful listening skills. Because secretly, the narcissist wants to devalue all who come to visit.
Not necessarily. Many people are boring and repetitive when they are referring to their own worldview or feel that their worldview is not being embraced. So anyone is going to _seem_ brain numbing when it comes to that. The difference maker is if someone does not at the very least welcome or at the most openly converse about different takes of that same worldview and validate what is legitimate (even when it is outside of their liking)-That’s when there is a problem.
It was sad to walk away after a 5 year friendship when I could see the clear signs that this person had been carrying a lot of pain with them for a long time. I tried to help them, I did everything. After realizing the narcissistic traits 2 years prior to walking away, I came to the understanding that this person cannot be helped no matter what I do and they are not capable of giving and receiving love the way I do. Tough decision but it has left me feeling more peace.
I also knew the covert narc for 5 years and it wasn't until the last 2 years that the demon started revealing its true nature. It was the greatest lesson learned of setting up boundaries and saying "NO". I was too much of 'maybe' person before and maybe means permission for these heinous creatures. My maybe previously was a polite way of rejecting someone so they won't be as hurt but now I don't hesitate to say no. Discard and no contact was the only option for a fake person. No maybe. No sometimes. Like cutting something, it has to cut all the way and not halfway.
Did the same with a 3 year friendship with a friend who has gradually become more toxic. Weirdly he is not self aware at this point at all. Been a few months but still feeling guilty.
I don't argue with stupid people anymore. Every time I find myself in a situation, I remember what Mark Twain said about the subject. Never argue with a stupid person, they will drag down to their level and beat you with experience.
My guess is: 1. Stupidity 2. Shallowness 3. Hollowness 4. Superficiality 5. Meaninglessness 6. Worthlessness 7. Immaturity I won't tell them about their secret even if I see through them. 🤐 You'll get gaslighted if you point them out. 😮
Secret no. 3 "I am driven by pain and I need you to regulate my inner chaos." Selfregulation is a foreign word for Narcs because they do not look into themselves to look where the pain comes from. They just want to get rid of the pain each time it comes to the surface and in the outside world they are looking for the regulation and this is where you come into place - to regulate them they need your feelings of pain.
They can be so deliberately cruel, but i always find myself feeling pity for them..theyre so empty, so hollow, so spiteful, so jealous..I feel so sorry for how they feel about themselves and how much bitterness they harbour - it must be truly awful to be them. However i feel much more concern for those that they deliberately set out to harm. If only this could be fixed in them, the world would be a much safer place.
I feel exactly the same...sorry for them...but they don't feel awful...you /others have to feel that. And showing that to them makes you a good 'friend'; an energy tap...
It's the can I get through, the want to help but if it's only getting worse then it is hurting everyone. I don't know what can be done about that. I don't know where I am going because there are no plans to look forward to but even if I am out of the picture I figure in planting a beautiful yard that maybe someday it might bring fruit to whoever is there to benefit.
Don't feel bad for a creature that crawled out of hell. Just leave it alone and hell will suck it right back in. Move on with your personal life of growth, love and expansion.
Same here. I feel very sad for their awful and lost lives. But much more, I feel sad for all the people lives they ruined... And for all the pain and traumas and all kind of damages they have caused to me. And yet, I feel so bad for their lost lives... They could have good lives and... They didn't. My main problem is, again, Science is not able to tell us *how much* _deliberate_ their choices are... My recovery and healing path is going on step by step (it's not a regular one but it is my personal rythm with my problems, etc) ... Still, I always have that "burden" somewhere weighting in my life, meaning these pityful (?) thoughts you have explained so well. Thank you
I continue to learn SO MUCH from this channel!!! I have both an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist is my life right now...I need all the help and strategizing I can get!!! Thank you Dr. C. ❤
My experience is that they do not want to admit this stuff so they can hold onto it.. They want to be angry.. I always thought that they wanted to release the anger but I had a revelation that instead they want to justify their angry and remain angry..
What about Narc's that keep changing your past on you? Keeps telling me that I did something that I KNOW I did not. But every time I see them they again push that false memory at me.
Keeping secrets. My last boyfriend kept saying ‘ you don’t need to know’, and it just stopped me from seeing him. I haven’t seen him for years but had a tea with him just recently. He is such a sad man. He prefers not to socialise, and is aging on his own. The way he lives harms him, but he won’t change. Well I dodged a bullit. Thanks dr carter. Judy uk
It is a very sad truth, and it hurts deeply caring for someone that you truly love and you know these things about them and you just have to let them go. And give up years of what you thought was something that would last forever, we only have one life to live and I’ve sacrificed 1/2 of my life for a woman I’ve cared for and been hurt over and over throughout the years and a marriage ending after 25 years with children and grandchildren with what I thought was a beautiful life to just end up in turmoil with it being projected onto me as the fault of it all. And I wished so badly that I could help her, this truly breaks my heart. Narcissism is nothing but tactic of Satan Thanks Dr. C, your videos have helped but still saddened deeply
Thank you for sharing, I wish my dad was brave enough to leave the relationship. After 40 years of trying, he passed away and my mom remains the same person. You are brave and I am pretty sure you have a great life ahead of you.
Hmm, the Sociopath would tell me,"If I would tell you everything about me, that would not be good for me!" So, I guess he was somehow confessing that he would lie, wasn't he? My mother had an ugly way of wanting to dominate me by telling me constantly,"Do not tell anybody about me!" And then later on she would tell me,"You have told lies about me!" Her behave was making me deeply sad and angry at the same time.
Sadly the first person to be sold on this false self is mommy & the infant learns to hide the true identity behind a mask. Mother rewards this duplicity & the child learns to deceive, exploit then manipulate her. This sets the pattern for a lifetime of shifting blame & assigning shame to others. It’s sick, twisted pathology based on a lie that just cannot end
Amen 🙏 if you are open, honest, conscientious, respectful, determined to dignity,civility, love, care and joy, you don’t need to keep secrets. You are only as healthy as your secrets allow you to be. Thank you for sharing your wisdom dr Carter 😊 God bless you ❤
When you're a 58 year old Son of a very toxic Narc Mom.. it's awful. Seriously awful. A shame it took me 50 years to figure this out. After understanding narcissism I learned thaty Mom is just a horrible person, woman. It's so sad because she is clueless and will remain being sickening to me the rest of her life. I get sick sometimes just thinking about her.. it's friggin GROSS.
I have a narc mom too and feel your pain. I also have that sickening feeling around my mom or even just thinking her and she gives me the creeps like no other. I’m glad that you know what your mom is now and you can be armed with information.
Too many of us who are 30-plus know your pain We didn't have Dr. C and other educators in this space to learn from when we were growing up, so we're breaking ourselves in half playing catch up 😢❤
Forty Five years later and I realized instead of having a trusting marriage we were playing out his childhood trauma. I was the stepmom and he was the teenager who plots and backstabs
Great episode and thanks for saying out loud that I can do something about it. I've started turning my experiences with Narcissism into blog articles, writing a book and I've even begun work on a comic series where the Antagonists are people with Narcissism.
I noticed they ask you alot of questions then use what you tell them against you and will twist your words like you teally told them that snd have the nerves to look serious when they telling you a ball face lie in your face,they a piece of work
100% true.. They will take your flame and stomp it out until you become empty inside a person just going through the motions that is screaming inside of themselves pray to be free
By definition arguing is a dialogue. I have experienced “arguing” as a sit back and take it, let the narcissist stand on their soapbox, and verbally tirade you. The most common interjection when you make a good point is “you never listen” Nothing you say will help, the valid and logical points you make are all moot points, and above all never say “can you lower your voice” it will only escalate to futility with extra leverage based on the argument they will use against you in the future.
My ex - one of his favorite “lines” was.. “you will not win”.. no matter if it was me, someone else, the stubborn car part he was working on… or my lawyer…. He said it alot…
My daughter's father is a narcissist. What's amazing is my daughter is 12 and has been calling out her dad on his behaviors toward me and her for several years now. She has been doing research on narcissism on her own, because her dad will force her to watch videos on narcissism and listen to his comments of "That's totally your mom!" He thinks she's agreeing with him when she gray rocks him, but she tells me later that she's tired of watching videos about her dad. I feel bad for her and wonder if I'm doing anything to foster her feelings toward her father. Then I remember how I grew up. I don't blame my dad for the way his wife made me feel...it was all her narcissism. Then I feel bad because she's experiencing much of what I went through as a child.
It's unfortunate you chose so poorly and now that child has to grow up without a father, I pray she will find the strength to overcome her terrible origin
As always, I am astounded at your accuracy, Dr Carter and once again you've described what I encountered yesterday with my narcissist. The screaming and the yelling while he was delusional left me very depressed.
You have hit the nail on the head, every word you have spoken is true, I walked out on him two years ago, and I can still see so clearly how and what he was and still is. Thank you for all your good work explaining to us what we are or have been dealing with.
It’s so saddening watching my mate try to be acknowledged in people’s lives who couldn’t care less about him. Narcissist try to play victim telling all their business to obtain sympathy, if that doesn’t work, they turn into a work-horse for the person. Narcissist are truly sick.
That’s false. Codependents struggle with doing exactly what you described for narcissists. There is no such thing as a narcissist that freely works for someone else in a desperate attempt for their trauma to be seen or heard. Narcs weaponize their trauma to avoid accountability, and this is not that.
@@TallGlass-fh8qf This is a covert narcissist. They will do anything for, “ You’re Awesome!!”, “Oh thank you!!”, Wow! You’re great Bud!! I really appreciate that! ect…& this equal narc supply. Whenever they do something for you there is a hidden agenda behind it.
@@TallGlass-fh8qf What I meant was they attempt to get sympathy from you and when that doesn’t work they will do anything to get you to look at them in a special way, including all sorts of laboring favors.
What a blessing you are, Dr. C!! Thank you so much for so eloquently and kindly explaining the perplexing nature of those with narcissism … we all have those tendencies to some degree, it’s the entrenched inflexible patterns and their (unacknowledged) underlying fears that make narcissists dangerous to be around for too long!! I appreciate the balanced education you provide and thank you for helping me achieve CLARITY!! Blessings to you & yours, B ❤
Does the way narcissists can’t accept their own frailty why they believe vehemently some of the things they say to me. 1 “There’s no such thing as an accident. You did that on purpose.”2 “I don’t believe in mental health problems. That’s just an excuse to get by with things.” 3 “I never apologize. I don’t have anything to feel sorry about.” And an endless supply of thoughts similar to these in tone and stubborn blindness.
Thank you very much Dr! These described my brother. All 7 of them including your other commentary. I took your advice 3 years ago. I called him out for being an A****** and haven't spoke to him since and don't plan to anymore. My God he's 59 this year and he just can't let go of the past and cannot forgive my parents. Really sad. He destroyed everything and with me as well. I'm not playing the game anymore as you once said so there is no winner or loser. Now he'll feel irrelevant. He probably has felt that way for 3 years since I've refused this crap. He discarded me after my defensive comment, told my wife he was in fact being overbearing the next day and did nothing else. (Shakes Head) What a despicable jerk! I have more than despicable behavior like when he screamed at my wife to keep our newborn baby's mouth shut completely shattering her. I should have blasted him for that but I feared him then. The BS is over now!
At least you have a wife or someone close to. I had my one sister to cope, she passed away. Then 2 more brothers all in within 5 years, the brothers were narcs, and were substance abusers, ruined their health. There were vulnerable narcs I think. Locally I still have a brother but he is what Dr. C describes here. He has become more rude and onery to me, tried to blame our dear mother and sister for his dog being run over in the street, when he saved on rent living with our mother for 9 years. I just said that was unfair to blame them, and I was shown the door as usual. He did not take responsibility for his own dog etc. All they did for him! For rent saving etc. he own his home, but shows jealously of any gain that comes my way. I slough it all off thankfully, de doesn't apologize. The two sisters I have left are the witches of the east go into rage to bully me as he says here.
How does it make sense to deliberately behave foolishly or immaturely, and then dread or fret about people noticing that, and possibly giving you a lesson about how wrong that is?
One aspect often attributed to narcissists is their apparent lack of empathy. However, I am not sure this is entirely accurate. I believe they exhibit what can be characterized as negative empathy. They speak and act in ways designed to maximize hurt on their victims. To achieve this, they must understand what will be most hurtful to someone, such as saying, "You are fat," or "You are only successful because your parents helped you." They can comprehend other people's feelings and use this knowledge to identify the triggers that will inflict the most pain, deriving pleasure from doing so. I think narcissists are not lacking empathy but rathery they don't care about others' feelings, similar to psychopaths.
That’s called Cognitive Empathy. They use their cunning to get inside your head and look around in the nooks and crannies of your mind and find what your vulnerabilities are so they can maximize the hurt the inflict on you. A capacity for empathy is not required in order to engage in Cognitive Empathy. Also Google search, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder brain scan.”
No, it’s not the same thing. And is not taught correctly. *Psychopaths* literally have _zero_ empathy, so cannot connect to others’ emotions at all-only study them, then mimic what they’ve studied. Although they are constantly evaluating, they only mimic what is deemed beneficial by them for any given moment or timeframe. And they are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out. *Sociopaths* have _a lack of_ empathy, so can only connect to others’ emotions based on what is and what is not advantageous/disadvantageous for themselves. Once an emotion is neither of those (i.e. neutral) in relation to them, they see no purpose in the situation itself or in the individuals themselves. They, too, are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out. *Narcissists* , however, have _limited_ empathy. They are able to connect to others’ emotions only in the general sense, and potentially may even feel bad for others on a superficial level. Nevertheless they cannot experience anything deeper than the general or the superficial unless they make someone an extension of themselves or unless experiencing a deeper connection is deemed beneficial for them. Which is why as soon as someone demands their individuality (no longer being their extension) or starts doing something that is not beneficial for ”their connection” (ending a relationship or business partnership)…their empathy no longer exists because the limitation has reached its threshold. And the threshold is already short to begin with. They, just like the psycho/sociopath, are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out. A healthy person has an abundance of empathy, yet (unlike codependents) still sets boundaries on freely giving that to anyone and everyone. Healthy people would also still feel bad for someone even when triggered, whereas for a narcissist “all bets are off” once triggered-and neither the longevity nor the connection you’ve had with them will matter. That’s what separates healthy narcissism from unhealthy narcissism.
All this means is the narcissist is only connecting with your resourcefulness as supply, not the literal you. It is like connecting to a duffel bag because of how durable or portable or versatile it is, and even defending how someone else handles that duffle-not because you _value_ the bag itself (even in its inevitably poor condition), but only because the bag is currently being considered _useful_ to you-at the moment, at least. So deeming it negative empathy would be incorrect, as that implies there is still a half scope of empathy available to the narcissist…but just on “the fully dark” end of the spectrum. This is untrue, in my opinion. The narcissist’s empathy is limited only to the general or the superficial or the immaterial (hence: the duffle bag) after that it is gone-especially if they are triggered (and they will be, anyway).
@@BermudaGrass Healthy narcissism? I don't think that exists. However, I agree on the distinction between psychopaths and sociopaths - I think narcissists are sociopaths.
I just watched this video because I’m a nosy person. I was down with whatever you had to say. But! It answered a question of mine. Who knew!! So I had this work bud that was very similar to me. We didn’t always get along. But, we were both good workers we just worked in silence. So, we started back to gossiping about how our organization was changing. We both had questions and together we became a United front for ALL the info. Then info kinda dried up. So we would talk about personal lives. Of course our lives were different. But, we both had similar goals. God, family etc. long story short. We unofficially broke up. She left the work area for different hours and went back to her real friend that she saw outside of work. It hurt. I had no idea she was leaving. But, I adjusted. It was sad she didn’t want to keep in contact with me. And now. I really am over it. There might had been envy on both sides. I just never looked at it in this perspective. This video helped me close that book softly.
How can I learn to walk away? When I finally realise that I have to walk away, I start feeling bad about leaving an unhappy person - I can't say "good bye" easily 😢
I admire your wide variety of shirts Dr C....I beleive narcs keep on keeping on with their system cause it works for them within themselves and possible their victims...break the cycle..stay healthy!!😊
Hey Dr C, thanks for another great video. I would like to ask, if I am the target for the Covert Narc in my life and I will be leaving within a few months (he knows this) then would it stand to reason that as soon as I am gone, someone else will become his target?? Do they have to have a target? Or can they go through a period with no target?? thx
Hi Dr Carter .. excellent stuff here! And may I say you look very handsome in pink! Personally I believe a secure man can and will enjoy wearing pink! Anyway this video is great because the core facts will never change, that indeed you are as sick as the secrets you keep!! Simple. God IS truth. Again, .. simple. These toxic individuals can complicate boiling water! It's always about self preservation. Thank you that you remind us about PEACE, and how truly that is the goal. 🙌🕊️🕊️🕊️
I'm such a dumb lady sometimes when expressing hardships and pain to people of whom a fraction will abuse it or use it to bully. I stopped doing that as of lately. I'm growing up! :D
Dr. C, is tardiness a trait of narcissism? I have a friend who makes plans with me and leaves me sitting there for 15, 20, 30 min or more almost every time we get together. I'm tired of it. She says she is just so busy. I called her out on it as it is so rude and disrespectful. She gaslit me. This has gone on for yrs.
Its also common to keep secrets when others have shown themselves to be gossipy and untrustworthy. In this case, I'm absolutely not going to open up to people who have shown that they will use information against me. So much of this content has no nuance to it. Life is not this black and white. It seems like this only fuels the fire for so many people and causes further focus and obsession about the toxic person or persons in their life. True healing comes when you are able to focus on yourself and understand the reasons why you allow such people into your life. Learing to create boundaries, understand co-dependency, and increasing self-esteem can go much further than trying to understand why toxic people act the way they do. This is an impossible task and you can waste years of your life only to find that you still have no answers. You will NEVER understand why they act the way they do, treat others the way they do, and have no remorse for the harm they cause. Co-dependency self help groups can be very helpful as well, to increase self awareness and help to uncover your own behavior and blind spots. This journey isn't about the toxic person, it's about you.
Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Le's , You're a great bloke and good guys are rare, I have utmost respect for you, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to you and the most high :-)
Boy. Lesson #2 of Anger Games makes me feel even more sadness for narc #2. He really is so very insecure; and, recently doesn't seem to try to conceal it much (at least in private). No, he doesn't admit to it openly. Yes, I know he will most likely always be a narcissist at heart. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. He has lost his cool a few times but the episodes have been very short-lived. I think I have recognized and accepted who he is and (I hope) have mostly been treating him accordingly. No, he's not the life-partner I'd hoped for or expected but he is who he is.
I was surprised to hear you say it would be all right to disclose some of these truths with the narcissist. To be honest, prior to finding your channel, I have shared some of these observations with narc. #2. It's what I thought I was seeing but hoping at the same time that I was wrong. Thank you for supporting us in finding and accepting the truth. Do you think reveling these things to them (in the right way) is helpful to them at all? He seems to have changed over the past few months, but then we have gone through a lot of changes over the past two to three years. I missed you. I hope you're doing well.
Dr Carter, Since the talk is about secrets never told, what effect does losing parents have on these tendencies? If the family was entitled (could be cruel) and charismatic? If he had problems early on (like drinking and with the law) and corrected the behavior what would that look like after they are gone?
Greetings from hot and sunny Slovenia Dr C. Team Healthy checking in. Best wishes to you and your family and followers. Yesterday I gave my good neighbour Zdenko my Lonnie Mack T shirt. He was highly delighted. Blackfoot here (not literally obviously). Keep on rockin'
So, yesterday, I spoke with someone whom I observedly allowed to do the great majority of speaking though I maintained my position to illustrate points I wanted to make, which were interpted dozens of times as per normal with these people. He went into a rage when I called him out on his bull shit, and his response to that was.. "you're not GOD!! " Very odd response to me denying his lie where he had said, "I don't allow for others to speak". I said that is you saying this but it is a lie. And it is the common lie. I AM CENSORED. It's points are main stream propaganda. This is the slanderous powerful polarity
I recognize the tragic effects of Narcissists behavior on the people around them which can bring them to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. But it is possible that some of these victims are victims of their own choices, when while they saw the negative characteristics of these Narcissists from the beginning, they chose consciously or not to ignore them, focusing on what the Narcissists offered them (conditional Love) So they were trapped in a dead-end relationship that comes at a heavy price. This is an unpopular topic so I haven't seen it covered. But this is part of a reality. From the beginning, one should focus on the important characteristics of the person's personality which are behind the masks that each time someone wears and if you love the person that is hidden behind his masks, this love will be eternal and unyielding as pointed out by Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians
in my lived experiences...the biggest secret the narcissist doesn’t want you to know (aside from their false mask of manipulation) is that not only are you capable of a healthy, successful, happy life without them…but that your happiness relies on getting rid of them from your life.
summary of video
1-they carry a great deal of psychological pain
2-they harbor self-hatred
3-they struggle with psychological incompetence
4-they build their self-esteem when they destroy your self-esteem
5-arguing is their superpower
6-they envy your success
7-they deeply fear irrelevance
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
Thanks for the comment and summary...from the great ontario region😊
@@AnneReimer thanks for your kind words.
enjoy your narc-free weekend.
-cheers, steven
Thanks
Very nice and informative post, thank you. 🙂
Whenever I am frightened, sad or feel alone, I often put a Dr. C video on for comfort. You are such a kind soul. Thank you dear man.
I had a good chuckle over Dr. C's comment about a narcissist arguing with you with the thought in their mind "you won't win with me". Nothing could be more true. You'll never win an argument, and winning a narcissist has to be the biggest loss ever. When all is said and done, they are the biggest losers.
Well said 👏🏽
A tactic that I've learned recently is: Talk over them as soon as they start trying to talk in circles and calmly explain that they aren't listening to you so you aren't listening to them,and end with "this conversation is over".😉Their facial expression looks like a "reboot" or "a deer in headlights".
I was with my wife for 32 years. She was never wrong once. I, however, was wrong every single time. Apparently.
@@davidhynd4435 That was my experience too. I can sympathize. I'd also be wrong if I did something, and wrong if I didn't.
And they make sure to make you feel like a loser
“The narcissist will inject so much drama, toxicity and confusion into you, they will have you feeling as if it’s you that is the narcissist.” -Kesha Noel
They often even accuse YOU of being the narcissist!
Isn.t it interesting that they ALL use the same playbook accusing us of being the narcissist!
If a narcissist dislikes you, that's a good sign.
And if you return that dislike (and go no contact), that is even a better sign!
If a Narc is not interested in you, that's a good sign for you have probably good boundaries.
What if they are obsessed with you and think of you as an extension of themselves. They won't leave you alone. But they still envy you and dislike you. It's hard to know what to do.
They never like you. They don't like anyone.
@@steverenoI just want them to acquire a heart and human empathy and care and even just civility alongside their genuinely pleasant impressive and nice qualities. They do have nice qualities and I praise them for that. However they have 0 heart.
They really are held hostage to their own love of self. They move through life looking for meaningful connections without ever understanding why they end up pushing everyone away who ever cared for them. All the while destroying those who did care and fell into their black hole.. a real life tragedy.
The crazy deranged erupting anger is well documented in my particular narcissist. The secret my narcissist encapsulates is that he's boring. Not open to anything new, current, or inspirational. All of the enlightenment we seek as humans.... the narcissist has had that figured out since birth.
And they will bore you to a state of brain numbing proportions with their worldview every waking moment you are with them, same crap, same boring voice, everyday!
The bottom line to me is, why? Why on earth does a person need to be so predictable? And what is the big deal if someone else has a different take on any topic?
One way conversationalist. Unable to grasp good, civil, and respectful listening skills. Because secretly, the narcissist wants to devalue all who come to visit.
Not necessarily. Many people are boring and repetitive when they are referring to their own worldview or feel that their worldview is not being embraced. So anyone is going to _seem_ brain numbing when it comes to that. The difference maker is if someone does not at the very least welcome or at the most openly converse about different takes of that same worldview and validate what is legitimate (even when it is outside of their liking)-That’s when there is a problem.
It was sad to walk away after a 5 year friendship when I could see the clear signs that this person had been carrying a lot of pain with them for a long time. I tried to help them, I did everything. After realizing the narcissistic traits 2 years prior to walking away, I came to the understanding that this person cannot be helped no matter what I do and they are not capable of giving and receiving love the way I do. Tough decision but it has left me feeling more peace.
I also knew the covert narc for 5 years and it wasn't until the last 2 years that the demon started revealing its true nature. It was the greatest lesson learned of setting up boundaries and saying "NO". I was too much of 'maybe' person before and maybe means permission for these heinous creatures. My maybe previously was a polite way of rejecting someone so they won't be as hurt but now I don't hesitate to say no.
Discard and no contact was the only option for a fake person. No maybe. No sometimes.
Like cutting something, it has to cut all the way and not halfway.
Did the same with a 3 year friendship with a friend who has gradually become more toxic. Weirdly he is not self aware at this point at all. Been a few months but still feeling guilty.
You know what's behind a narcissistic individual's facade? More facade! And that cup spillith over and right onto US! Stay Healthy!
True 👍
Yeeesssss!!
I used to empathize with them. No more.
Me too…no more.
Yes, but I still pray for his deliverance from demonic oppression.
I don't argue with stupid people anymore. Every time I find myself in a situation, I remember what Mark Twain said about the subject. Never argue with a stupid person, they will drag down to their level and beat you with experience.
First Law of Debate: Never argue with a Fool.
Very well said!!!!!
My guess is:
1. Stupidity
2. Shallowness
3. Hollowness
4. Superficiality
5. Meaninglessness
6. Worthlessness
7. Immaturity
I won't tell them about their secret even if I see through them. 🤐
You'll get gaslighted if you point them out. 😮
Arrogance
Promiscuity
Condescension
Secret no. 3
"I am driven by pain and I need you to regulate my inner chaos."
Selfregulation is a foreign word for Narcs because they do not look into themselves to look where the pain comes from. They just want to get rid of the pain each time it comes to the surface and in the outside world they are looking for the regulation and this is where you come into place - to regulate them they need your feelings of pain.
Never once in the entire existence of my father has he ever been responsible for his temper
I feel you. My narc says that we got him arrested. It wouldnt be his unbridaled rage that caused us to call 911, nooo not THAT. @jodycasey6936
Spot on..so much so that reading this made me feel sorry for their self entrapment..but i feel much more sorry for those that they damage
They can be so deliberately cruel, but i always find myself feeling pity for them..theyre so empty, so hollow, so spiteful, so jealous..I feel so sorry for how they feel about themselves and how much bitterness they harbour - it must be truly awful to be them. However i feel much more concern for those that they deliberately set out to harm. If only this could be fixed in them, the world would be a much safer place.
I feel exactly the same...sorry for them...but they don't feel awful...you /others have to feel that. And showing that to them makes you a good 'friend'; an energy tap...
It's the can I get through, the want to help but if it's only getting worse then it is hurting everyone. I don't know what can be done about that.
I don't know where I am going because there are no plans to look forward to but even if I am out of the picture I figure in planting a beautiful yard that maybe someday it might bring fruit to whoever is there to benefit.
Don't feel bad for a creature that crawled out of hell. Just leave it alone and hell will suck it right back in. Move on with your personal life of growth, love and expansion.
Disgust is the honest reaction to narcissism
Same here.
I feel very sad for their awful and lost lives.
But much more, I feel sad for all the people lives they ruined... And for all the pain and traumas and all kind of damages they have caused to me.
And yet, I feel so bad for their lost lives... They could have good lives and... They didn't.
My main problem is, again, Science is not able to tell us *how much* _deliberate_ their choices are...
My recovery and healing path is going on step by step (it's not a regular one but it is my personal rythm with my problems, etc) ... Still, I always have that "burden" somewhere weighting in my life, meaning these pityful (?) thoughts you have explained so well. Thank you
I continue to learn SO MUCH from this channel!!!
I have both an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist is my life right now...I need all the help and strategizing I can get!!!
Thank you Dr. C. ❤
My experience is that they do not want to admit this stuff so they can hold onto it.. They want to be angry.. I always thought that they wanted to release the anger but I had a revelation that instead they want to justify their angry and remain angry..
You make sense, Darin.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks Dr. C... I can completely relate to everything you say..
Yes, you are right. Because behind anger there is depression. They can't allow depression to emerge and they have to dwell in anger all the time.
What about Narc's that keep changing your past on you? Keeps telling me that I did something that I KNOW I did not. But every time I see them they again push that false memory at me.
What you describe here, is called gaslighting!!! It's a favoured technique of any Narc to confuse you.
Same here....I can only think it may be an extreme form of gaslighting.
@@CynthiaLane-zm5iy So sorry your dealing with that too.
Avoid this person as much as you can
Same 😢
Keeping secrets. My last boyfriend kept saying ‘ you don’t need to know’, and it just stopped me from seeing him. I haven’t seen him for years but had a tea with him just recently. He is such a sad man. He prefers not to socialise, and is aging on his own. The way he lives harms him, but he won’t change. Well I dodged a bullit. Thanks dr carter. Judy uk
I think one topic of the narc that doesnt get covered very much is how stingy they are.
It is a very sad truth, and it hurts deeply caring for someone that you truly love and you know these things about them and you just have to let them go. And give up years of what you thought was something that would last forever, we only have one life to live and I’ve sacrificed 1/2 of my life for a woman I’ve cared for and been hurt over and over throughout the years and a marriage ending after 25 years with children and grandchildren with what I thought was a beautiful life to just end up in turmoil with it being projected onto me as the fault of it all. And I wished so badly that I could help her, this truly breaks my heart. Narcissism is nothing but tactic of Satan
Thanks Dr. C, your videos have helped but still saddened deeply
Thank you for sharing, I wish my dad was brave enough to leave the relationship. After 40 years of trying, he passed away and my mom remains the same person. You are brave and I am pretty sure you have a great life ahead of you.
I am calling people out that spike people’s drinks and food.
One thing for sure is they lie about having secrets 🙊
Hmm, the Sociopath would tell me,"If I would tell you everything about me, that would not be good for me!" So, I guess he was somehow confessing that he would lie, wasn't he?
My mother had an ugly way of wanting to dominate me by telling me constantly,"Do not tell anybody about me!" And then later on she would tell me,"You have told lies about me!" Her behave was making me deeply sad and angry at the same time.
@@roxymovie3938 I'd say you are absolutely spot on 🎯
@@roxymovie3938 because they aren’t lying about having secrets. OP is wrong.
Sadly the first person to be sold on this false self is mommy & the infant learns to hide the true identity behind a mask. Mother rewards this duplicity & the child learns to deceive, exploit then manipulate her. This sets the pattern for a lifetime of shifting blame & assigning shame to others. It’s sick, twisted pathology based on a lie that just cannot end
Starts early "don't you love your mommy"?
Amen 🙏 if you are open, honest, conscientious, respectful, determined to dignity,civility, love, care and joy, you don’t need to keep secrets. You are only as healthy as your secrets allow you to be. Thank you for sharing your wisdom dr Carter 😊 God bless you ❤
When you're a 58 year old Son of a very toxic Narc Mom.. it's awful. Seriously awful. A shame it took me 50 years to figure this out. After understanding narcissism I learned thaty Mom is just a horrible person, woman. It's so sad because she is clueless and will remain being sickening to me the rest of her life. I get sick sometimes just thinking about her.. it's friggin GROSS.
It's fugly. Stay strong. I know the pain.
I have a narc mom too and feel your pain. I also have that sickening feeling around my mom or even just thinking her and she gives me the creeps like no other. I’m glad that you know what your mom is now and you can be armed with information.
Too many of us who are 30-plus know your pain
We didn't have Dr. C and other educators in this space to learn from when we were growing up, so we're breaking ourselves in half playing catch up
😢❤
@@amarbyrd2520 Absolutely right 🙂
@@amarbyrd2520 Yes. A very painful process but necessary.
I love your shirt, Dr. C! So bright and cheerful!
Forty Five years later and I realized instead of having a trusting marriage we were playing out his childhood trauma. I was the stepmom and he was the teenager who plots and backstabs
Great episode and thanks for saying out loud that I can do something about it. I've started turning my experiences with Narcissism into blog articles, writing a book and I've even begun work on a comic series where the Antagonists are people with Narcissism.
Is calling someone out on abuse an antagonist?
They are just terrible people, that's all.
damaged & deluded.
I noticed they ask you alot of questions then use what you tell them against you and will twist your words like you teally told them that snd have the nerves to look serious when they telling you a ball face lie in your face,they a piece of work
Absolutely !!
Thanks again Dr C. You know exactly what to say to make me feel better about horrible interactions with family members.
You are so welcome
Your shirt is my favorite color! Pink makes me so happy 😭❤
Thanks!
Their way doesn't work just scares everyone away...
An excellent look into the abyss that is the phycology of a narcissist. Thank you Dr C.
100% true.. They will take your flame and stomp it out until you become empty inside a person just going through the motions that is screaming inside of themselves pray to be free
By definition arguing is a dialogue.
I have experienced “arguing” as a sit back and take it, let the narcissist stand on their soapbox, and verbally tirade you.
The most common interjection when you make a good point is “you never listen”
Nothing you say will help, the valid and logical points you make are all moot points, and above all never say “can you lower your voice” it will only escalate to futility with extra leverage based on the argument they will use against you in the future.
Just evil... 😮
Exactly.. Possessed
I do feel sorry for my brother but also so disappointed we can't talk 😢
My ex - one of his favorite “lines” was.. “you will not win”.. no matter if it was me, someone else, the stubborn car part he was working on… or my lawyer…. He said it alot…
Oh reminds me so much of my narc mom who constantly reminded me when I was younger that "the only right I have is voting rights"
My daughter's father is a narcissist. What's amazing is my daughter is 12 and has been calling out her dad on his behaviors toward me and her for several years now. She has been doing research on narcissism on her own, because her dad will force her to watch videos on narcissism and listen to his comments of "That's totally your mom!" He thinks she's agreeing with him when she gray rocks him, but she tells me later that she's tired of watching videos about her dad. I feel bad for her and wonder if I'm doing anything to foster her feelings toward her father. Then I remember how I grew up. I don't blame my dad for the way his wife made me feel...it was all her narcissism. Then I feel bad because she's experiencing much of what I went through as a child.
It's unfortunate you chose so poorly and now that child has to grow up without a father, I pray she will find the strength to overcome her terrible origin
@@blinkyy1088 she's already well on her way
Narc Boss needs me, again, for the time being. I just stay the course, no supply. Walking the fine line.
As always, I am astounded at your accuracy, Dr Carter and once again you've described what I encountered yesterday with my narcissist. The screaming and the yelling while he was delusional left me very depressed.
Thanks Dr C. Your content helps me process, accept and come to terms with the abuse that i suffered and still carry with me and process day to day.
Thank you.
You have hit the nail on the head, every word you have spoken is true, I walked out on him two years ago, and I can still see so clearly how and what he was and still is. Thank you for all your good work explaining to us what we are or have been dealing with.
Thank you Dr Carter❤
It’s so saddening watching my mate try to be acknowledged in people’s lives who couldn’t care less about him. Narcissist try to play victim telling all their business to obtain sympathy, if that doesn’t work, they turn into a work-horse for the person. Narcissist are truly sick.
Yes
That’s false. Codependents struggle with doing exactly what you described for narcissists. There is no such thing as a narcissist that freely works for someone else in a desperate attempt for their trauma to be seen or heard. Narcs weaponize their trauma to avoid accountability, and this is not that.
@@TallGlass-fh8qf This is a covert narcissist. They will do anything for, “ You’re Awesome!!”, “Oh thank you!!”, Wow! You’re great Bud!! I really appreciate that! ect…& this equal narc supply. Whenever they do something for you there is a hidden agenda behind it.
@@TallGlass-fh8qf What I meant was they attempt to get sympathy from you and when that doesn’t work they will do anything to get you to look at them in a special way, including all sorts of laboring favors.
I do appreciate these videos helps keep me in check with toxic individuals I encounter thanks Everyone 😊
I wish I'd known about you when my Dad was alive, it woild have made life a lot easier
Thanks for explaining how a bond becomes a trauma bond.
😢😢😢very sad situation for both
You're the best! Just listening to your advice and delivery is very calming.
Wow, thank you!
I knew a narcissist who boasted that he calls himself 'The Bogus Seducer". 🙄
ANOTHER AWESOME VIDEO…thank you Gus and Dr. C
Hugs from JANESVILLE, WI
Give Gus an honorary Phd in your intro!
That’s right doctor this why a man will destroy a woman business with cyber attacks and scare tactics
Wanting any power over another person really is such a twisted impulse.
I wish the best, but they don't. How they are. Hurts a lot and they love that. Stay strong.
What a blessing you are, Dr. C!! Thank you so much for so eloquently and kindly explaining the perplexing nature of those with narcissism … we all have those tendencies to some degree, it’s the entrenched inflexible patterns and their (unacknowledged) underlying fears that make narcissists dangerous to be around for too long!! I appreciate the balanced education you provide and thank you for helping me achieve CLARITY!! Blessings to you & yours, B ❤
Thanks, Rebecca.
You bring so much clarity Dr
We miss gus 😢 love seeing you ❤
Agreed. Don't care if he suddenly barks.
All hail Gus, the Therapeutic Wonder Dog, wise familiar of Dr. C!
Absurd is the word!
30+ years of secrets...im now out
Sucks when you wish everyone to be well and they don't.
This one cuts right down to it. You've put some great content into a concise video. Thank you. It really ties the room together, man.
Usually signing up for adjacent hotel rooms under suspicious circumstances
Thank you.
Does the way narcissists can’t accept their own frailty why they believe vehemently some of the things they say to me. 1 “There’s no such thing as an accident. You did that on purpose.”2 “I don’t believe in mental health problems. That’s just an excuse to get by with things.” 3 “I never apologize. I don’t have anything to feel sorry about.” And an endless supply of thoughts similar to these in tone and stubborn blindness.
Not even guessing. I’ll watch.
Same
Thank you very much Dr! These described my brother. All 7 of them including your other commentary. I took your advice 3 years ago. I called him out for being an A****** and haven't spoke to him since and don't plan to anymore. My God he's 59 this year and he just can't let go of the past and cannot forgive my parents. Really sad. He destroyed everything and with me as well. I'm not playing the game anymore as you once said so there is no winner or loser. Now he'll feel irrelevant. He probably has felt that way for 3 years since I've refused this crap. He discarded me after my defensive comment, told my wife he was in fact being overbearing the next day and did nothing else. (Shakes Head) What a despicable jerk! I have more than despicable behavior like when he screamed at my wife to keep our newborn baby's mouth shut completely shattering her. I should have blasted him for that but I feared him then. The BS is over now!
I'm glad you moved on. Being blood related does not give anyone a free pass for being a jerk!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thanks Dr. Les!
At least you have a wife or someone close to. I had my one sister to cope, she passed away. Then 2 more brothers all in within 5 years, the brothers were narcs, and were substance abusers, ruined their health. There were vulnerable narcs I think. Locally I still have a brother but he is what Dr. C describes here. He has become more rude and onery to me, tried to blame our dear mother and sister for his dog being run over in the street, when he saved on rent living with our mother for 9 years. I just said that was unfair to blame them, and I was shown the door as usual. He did not take responsibility for his own dog etc. All they did for him! For rent saving etc. he own his home, but shows jealously of any gain that comes my way. I slough it all off thankfully, de doesn't apologize. The two sisters I have left are the witches of the east go into rage to bully me as he says here.
How does it make sense to deliberately behave foolishly or immaturely, and then dread or fret about people noticing that, and possibly giving you a lesson about how wrong that is?
That‘s what zero self-reflexion does to a person
One aspect often attributed to narcissists is their apparent lack of empathy. However, I am not sure this is entirely accurate. I believe they exhibit what can be characterized as negative empathy. They speak and act in ways designed to maximize hurt on their victims. To achieve this, they must understand what will be most hurtful to someone, such as saying, "You are fat," or "You are only successful because your parents helped you." They can comprehend other people's feelings and use this knowledge to identify the triggers that will inflict the most pain, deriving pleasure from doing so. I think narcissists are not lacking empathy but rathery they don't care about others' feelings, similar to psychopaths.
That’s called Cognitive Empathy. They use their cunning to get inside your head and look around in the nooks and crannies of your mind and find what your vulnerabilities are so they can maximize the hurt the inflict on you. A capacity for empathy is not required in order to engage in Cognitive Empathy.
Also Google search, “Narcissistic Personality Disorder brain scan.”
No, it’s not the same thing. And is not taught correctly.
*Psychopaths* literally have _zero_ empathy, so cannot connect to others’ emotions at all-only study them, then mimic what they’ve studied. Although they are constantly evaluating, they only mimic what is deemed beneficial by them for any given moment or timeframe. And they are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out.
*Sociopaths* have _a lack of_ empathy, so can only connect to others’ emotions based on what is and what is not advantageous/disadvantageous for themselves. Once an emotion is neither of those (i.e. neutral) in relation to them, they see no purpose in the situation itself or in the individuals themselves. They, too, are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out.
*Narcissists* , however, have _limited_ empathy. They are able to connect to others’ emotions only in the general sense, and potentially may even feel bad for others on a superficial level. Nevertheless they cannot experience anything deeper than the general or the superficial unless they make someone an extension of themselves or unless experiencing a deeper connection is deemed beneficial for them. Which is why as soon as someone demands their individuality (no longer being their extension) or starts doing something that is not beneficial for ”their connection” (ending a relationship or business partnership)…their empathy no longer exists because the limitation has reached its threshold. And the threshold is already short to begin with. They, just like the psycho/sociopath, are preoccupied with ensuring you cannot figure this out.
A healthy person has an abundance of empathy, yet (unlike codependents) still sets boundaries on freely giving that to anyone and everyone. Healthy people would also still feel bad for someone even when triggered, whereas for a narcissist “all bets are off” once triggered-and neither the longevity nor the connection you’ve had with them will matter. That’s what separates healthy narcissism from unhealthy narcissism.
All this means is the narcissist is only connecting with your resourcefulness as supply, not the literal you. It is like connecting to a duffel bag because of how durable or portable or versatile it is, and even defending how someone else handles that duffle-not because you _value_ the bag itself (even in its inevitably poor condition), but only because the bag is currently being considered _useful_ to you-at the moment, at least. So deeming it negative empathy would be incorrect, as that implies there is still a half scope of empathy available to the narcissist…but just on “the fully dark” end of the spectrum. This is untrue, in my opinion. The narcissist’s empathy is limited only to the general or the superficial or the immaterial (hence: the duffle bag) after that it is gone-especially if they are triggered (and they will be, anyway).
@@BermudaGrass Healthy narcissism? I don't think that exists. However, I agree on the distinction between psychopaths and sociopaths - I think narcissists are sociopaths.
a narcissist I know starts 'fights' alone with his KeyBoard.. ranting Crazy letters& Raving!
Crazy consonants. Can watch evil aliens taking over their body in real time. Sad situation.
I just watched this video because I’m a nosy person. I was down with whatever you had to say. But! It answered a question of mine. Who knew!! So I had this work bud that was very similar to me. We didn’t always get along. But, we were both good workers we just worked in silence. So, we started back to gossiping about how our organization was changing. We both had questions and together we became a United front for ALL the info. Then info kinda dried up. So we would talk about personal lives. Of course our lives were different. But, we both had similar goals. God, family etc. long story short. We unofficially broke up. She left the work area for different hours and went back to her real friend that she saw outside of work. It hurt. I had no idea she was leaving. But, I adjusted. It was sad she didn’t want to keep in contact with me. And now. I really am over it. There might had been envy on both sides. I just never looked at it in this perspective. This video helped me close that book softly.
How can I learn to walk away?
When I finally realise that I have to walk away, I start feeling bad about leaving an unhappy person - I can't say "good bye" easily 😢
I admire your wide variety of shirts Dr C....I beleive narcs keep on keeping on with their system cause it works for them within themselves and possible their victims...break the cycle..stay healthy!!😊
Excellent!.
Hey Dr C, thanks for another great video. I would like to ask, if I am the target for the Covert Narc in my life and I will be leaving within a few months (he knows this) then would it stand to reason that as soon as I am gone, someone else will become his target?? Do they have to have a target? Or can they go through a period with no target?? thx
Hi Dr Carter .. excellent stuff here! And may I say you look very handsome in pink! Personally I believe a secure man can and will enjoy wearing pink! Anyway this video is great because the core facts will never change, that indeed you are as sick as the secrets you keep!! Simple. God IS truth. Again, .. simple. These toxic individuals can complicate boiling water! It's always about self preservation. Thank you that you remind us about PEACE, and how truly that is the goal. 🙌🕊️🕊️🕊️
Hot pink, at that! Thanks for the rest of your comments, too, Julie.
I came to our son’s aid during an accident and slowed his bleeding. Do you think Dad would be grateful? No, he was jealous
Thank you for another helpful video. I am so exchausted 😪
You are so welcome!
I love seeing Gus in the background.
This video helps!! All of them do. Thanks Dr C!!
More trauma than bond!!
Creeps😢
😅That’s what I’ve said in my head and verbally at one point.
Narcissists really think everyone is a sucker but them.
Thank you Dr. Les you have saved me.
So pleased for you.
I'm such a dumb lady sometimes when expressing hardships and pain to people of whom a fraction will abuse it or use it to bully. I stopped doing that as of lately. I'm growing up! :D
Dr. C, is tardiness a trait of narcissism? I have a friend who makes plans with me and leaves me sitting there for 15, 20, 30 min or more almost every time we get together. I'm tired of it. She says she is just so busy. I called her out on it as it is so rude and disrespectful. She gaslit me. This has gone on for yrs.
It can be part of a passive aggressive pattern. And that is a specialty of narcissists.
Its also common to keep secrets when others have shown themselves to be gossipy and untrustworthy. In this case, I'm absolutely not going to open up to people who have shown that they will use information against me. So much of this content has no nuance to it. Life is not this black and white. It seems like this only fuels the fire for so many people and causes further focus and obsession about the toxic person or persons in their life. True healing comes when you are able to focus on yourself and understand the reasons why you allow such people into your life. Learing to create boundaries, understand co-dependency, and increasing self-esteem can go much further than trying to understand why toxic people act the way they do. This is an impossible task and you can waste years of your life only to find that you still have no answers. You will NEVER understand why they act the way they do, treat others the way they do, and have no remorse for the harm they cause. Co-dependency self help groups can be very helpful as well, to increase self awareness and help to uncover your own behavior and blind spots. This journey isn't about the toxic person, it's about you.
So true.
Bravo ! 🎊🍾🎈🎉 and congratulations to have a a balance thoughts but not extreme . . .
Peace ! 🤍
Articulate and wise guidance - this resonates so true with the heart and spirit. Thank you! 14:38
Absolutely tremendous, Thank you so much for this DR Le's , You're a great bloke and good guys are rare, I have utmost respect for you, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to you and the most high :-)
Boy. Lesson #2 of Anger Games makes me feel even more sadness for narc #2. He really is so very insecure; and, recently doesn't seem to try to conceal it much (at least in private). No, he doesn't admit to it openly. Yes, I know he will most likely always be a narcissist at heart. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. He has lost his cool a few times but the episodes have been very short-lived. I think I have recognized and accepted who he is and (I hope) have mostly been treating him accordingly. No, he's not the life-partner I'd hoped for or expected but he is who he is.
Brilliant video
Thankyou Dr Carter
You described my ex husband perfectly
I was surprised to hear you say it would be all right to disclose some of these truths with the narcissist. To be honest, prior to finding your channel, I have shared some of these observations with narc. #2. It's what I thought I was seeing but hoping at the same time that I was wrong. Thank you for supporting us in finding and accepting the truth. Do you think reveling these things to them (in the right way) is helpful to them at all? He seems to have changed over the past few months, but then we have gone through a lot of changes over the past two to three years.
I missed you. I hope you're doing well.
Dr Carter,
Since the talk is about secrets never told, what effect does losing parents have on these tendencies?
If the family was entitled (could be cruel) and charismatic?
If he had problems early on (like drinking and with the law) and corrected the behavior what would that look like after they are gone?
Greetings from hot and sunny Slovenia Dr C. Team Healthy checking in. Best wishes to you and your family and followers.
Yesterday I gave my good neighbour Zdenko my Lonnie Mack T shirt. He was highly delighted. Blackfoot here (not literally obviously). Keep on rockin'
BTW, Thanks for loaning Luka Doncic to Dallas!
"Osela spolovila" (donkey testicles). Hope this comes in handy at some point. 🤔🍻🍻😎
So, yesterday, I spoke with someone whom I observedly allowed to do the great majority of speaking though I maintained my position to illustrate points I wanted to make, which were interpted dozens of times as per normal with these people. He went into a rage when I called him out on his bull shit, and his response to that was.. "you're not GOD!! " Very odd response to me denying his lie where he had said, "I don't allow for others to speak". I said that is you saying this but it is a lie. And it is the common lie. I AM CENSORED. It's points are main stream propaganda. This is the slanderous powerful polarity
Dr Carter you have such an amazing skin! What the secret is?
Genetics
#7- no, only God is the ultimate source of wisdom ✅️
The only secret, they aren't human.
I recognize the tragic effects of Narcissists behavior on the people around them which can bring them to the brink of mental and physical exhaustion. But it is possible that some of these victims are victims of their own choices, when while they saw the negative characteristics of these Narcissists from the beginning, they chose consciously or not to ignore them, focusing on what the Narcissists offered them (conditional Love)
So they were trapped in a dead-end relationship that comes at a heavy price.
This is an unpopular topic so I haven't seen it covered. But this is part of a reality. From the beginning, one should focus on the important characteristics of the person's personality which are behind the masks that each time someone wears and if you love the person that is hidden behind his masks, this love will be eternal and unyielding as pointed out by Apostle Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians
"Starman" great movie. but not when evil aliens take over the body. That's freakin ugly.