You are so correct! Sadly, because one can not change the heart of others, our feeling of resentment can again arise because of their reaction / actions directed towards us. It a circle that sometimes is very hard to break free from.
@Richard Tan Although I know what you're saying, are you conveying an opposite message to this video? Not seeking argument just clarification.... The point here seems to be that between the ethical approach of the Stoics and Loving Kindness (Metta) of Buddhists, the approach to dealing with 'resentment' is to beyond it. Not to deal with it "head on" as you say. To quote: "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!"
@Richard Tan This assumes the other person cares. Resentment only grows when you confront it head on just to find out the magnitude of the other person's arrogance.
I have learned from my life experience that nobody is responsible to give me happiness or peace of mind. I have to do it for me not my family , friends or my girl nobody. All of them can change my mood momentarily but stability in my emotions is only my responsibility.
i wanna learn this because ive been emotionally dependent on my bf and thats why when he cant satisfy me emotionally i become resentful and upset... i love myself and him before but now i dont... i feel lost, i feel im not me...
Resentment is a very powerful emotion, sometimes even more powerful than love. When you truly feel resentment towards even one person, it makes it hard to feel love and trust anybody at all😞
@@imranhuddin I personally try to let go of resentment by keeping myself somewhat busy. Whether that includes cooking, learning new things, talking to friends and family, helping people, or working, those things take your mind off the person or thing you resent. Then at the end of the day you realize that person is actually quite a trivial existence, and it's not worth continuing to hate them. Writing also helps to sort out your feelings. I personally am trying to redevelop my resentment and anger into something more rational that can be used to fight against broader ideas or movements that could potentially harm people rather than a random person who doesn't mean much. Not to get political, but in my own country, an alt-right movement has been growing and I hope to use my 'darker emotions' to create convincing arguments and videos that will de-legitimize them. I believe resentment transformed into a more humane form of anger can be used for good, as long as you don't neglect your other lighter feelings, like love and happiness, in the process and keep violence as your very last resort and never jump to it immediately. I hope this helps, comrade❤
@@anonymouse7773 i agree with this!!! I do the same. I paint, I write, I draw, listen to music, walk my dog, watch movies, I workout, I read. I didn't notice but these things have been really helping me to channel my resentment and take my mind off of the people that hurt me. I'm getting ready to write my 3rd novel! I'm so excited to add another healthy and positive thing to my list of medicines for resentment! 😊
M Z - I understand what you’re saying. That’s very confusing for any child’s formative years. Not too dissimilar from my own experience of being a kid. I get you. Regret & wasted potential? Don’t start me on that… urgh! (Or most people you talk to). You have been a broken man, so please, think about becoming a ‘breaking man’. Break the chains, Break away, Break out! You’re not dead yet, right? So you still have that same potential - plus the wisdom, from experience, to use it well. Go for it! The only thing that’s stopping you is chaining yourself to the past. It’s over. Use it like it used you! I promise you, it works. Peace my fellow human xxx
I find that saying offensive. It's not a nice thing to say to a person who is going through feelings of resentment. It is telling them that they are ridiculous to feel the way they are feeling. You might as well rephrase it and say, "How ridiculous you are to drink poison and think someone else will die". It also implies that you want to harm the person who harmed you. This can make the person feel as if they are being called revengeful. Resentment doesn't necessarily mean that you wish harm on the person who caused it. Resentment is often more complicated than a single emotion or feeling. For example, a person feeling resentment can feel anger, guilt, loss of trust and more. Sometimes, those feelings need to be untangled and addressed (in a safe environment) and not suppressed. If resentment is suppressed, it can always resurface. The danger of suppressing resentment is that the person might lash out at an innocent person or use alcohol and drugs to cope.
Ironically resentment seems to surface more regarding those we love because the mistreatment hurts more when it comes from them. But you're right; resentment isn't healthy. Gotta be set free.
Priscilla Jimenez but it’s hard (almost impossible) to let go of resentment that one has towards a person who refuses to change, especially if that person’s actions/words are affecting the life of the former person. This video didn’t help me. My resentment towards this family member of mine is only increasing intensity!
cherry blossoms I find myself in the same situation and I think we can still choose to love them and always make excuses for them. And I think keeling distance might help too. Iv been planning to move out
Expectations of others is just resentment in the waiting. Stand up for yourself and let the chips fall where they may but choose your battles carefully. Sometimes it's just not worth it nor does it have a positive impact.
Resentment is what caused growth in me, it made me see what humans really are, so no i'm not letting go of my reminders, and yes i am preparing, i'm capable of shutting my emotions down now, and at very least severally dampening its effects.I think you are confusing Resentment with Self-Pity, when it's actually wrath caused by feeling of deep hurt, it's a catalyst for change not anchor.
I like the way you put it . I have that issue and it’s not all the time but choosing your battles wisely makes sense . Being resentful is painful to the soul but so is trying to justify your resentment to the sibling who caused the injury especially when it’s met with denial so no point really to speak up for oneself in truth when it doesn’t change anything really but cause more injury . It’s confusing for me . I like the idea of letting go of it .
oldschoolman 144 - We all have expectations of others even if it’s just driving in the correct lane, showing up for work, school, etc. We expect the pilot to know how to fly the plane. We expect physical & mental torture & anguish if we choose to stay with toxic people; they rarely change. Blessed are you if you’ve known no disappointment.
I enjoy something I heard first from Joel Osteen and since then from other speakers. “Forgive them and move on. BUT, remember, you’re not forgiving to make them feel better, it’s to make your life better so you can move on with your life”
Doctor squeaks Understood, problem is as you get older it's harder to forgive, we become cynical, hardened, and once that happens it's virtually impossible to let stuff go, best advice from a very damaged 70 year old Woman, tell the person how they make you feel, if you don't feel their answer is genuine drop them ❤️
Sometimes the family connection dynamic, that we all seem to value, may actually have to be severed in order to move forward and grow. Dishoning toxic people is not unusual in life, but is often seen as a taboo or even immoral to do for family members... Getting over that hurdle is difficult, but if you want to build and progress, one should NOT endure emotional abuse for the sake of blind loyalties of any kind...
RascalKyng Walking away from family members takes courage bc you're giving up a sense of belonging you once needed in order to survive. I tell myself to choose compassion and love even if it means disappointing some individuals. How they react doesn't matter. I will have peace of mind knowing that I followed my inner compass. Everyone is free to do the same.☮️
@@donnawoodford6641 I think sometimes we have a false perception of family relationships and it comes as quite a shock to realise they think of us differently and want little engagement. Sometimes our 'attachment' to family members is an historical and sentimental one and not the reality. Facing the truth of these relationships is liberating and can help us to let go of false attachments x
I'm trying to let go any resentment I have for others. It is a lot, because I hold it for years. It's a horrible situation when my brain keep repeating those bad times and ended up my body getting sick of it, physically and mentally.
@@indianmiddleclassfashion.4109 Indian in laws are the worst creatures in the universe. They take special pleasure in exploiting you for their own benefit.
This is your best video ever, I’ve been so resentful for so long, meditating, yoga, chi gong,fasting, listening to every Guru known to mankind, you name it, ive tried it!!! So amazing that you’re 7 minute video hit the spot, and made the difference, if I had any money I would send a donation, but unfortunately I can only give you my eternal gratitude
I believe stoicism comes with age. Learning who you are and what virtues lead your path comes from many trails we have passed. I have been too preoccupied with getting through life to realise the virtues that are important to me until recently and through stoicism are understanding why I have failed at personal relationships with family & friends. I can't help but be lead by my virtues as they are all I have apart from my health.
What helped me is to put music meditation nad write in a paper evrything you resent. That truly was healing because you put your distance in that thoughts and then you ripp off the paper and you are free. Trust me it worked. I was so full so resentment that i wasn't able to focus. I was fed up by bein fed up of being resentful.
I actually felt really relieved when you say that the resentment gets temporarily resolved but keeps coming back up. This is how i've been feeling recently that i've been thinking that i was doing something wrong or i wasn't "properly forgiving" or something. Your videos really help me out and you've gained a new subscriber ❤
Thank you so much. My mum is from the Netherlands and passed away recently. All my life, she was the only person who used the phrase “pulling dead cows out of the ditch.” I enjoy your videos not just for the life-changing philosophical lessons but also because I find your accent comforting, since it’s like my mum’s. 🇳🇱 🇺🇸
I'm going through a lawsuit from my siblings for my crime of taking care of my father when they completely abandoned him. Accusing me of mismanaging funds when in fact they added value to his estate. It's broken my heart, I miss them, we're destroyed because of their emotions. This series has put me back together. Thank you Eizelganger.
Forgiveness isn't necessary for moving on, acceptance is. That's it. Sick of people pushing this idea that the devine gift forgiveness should be given soo freely when it's not necessary. Especially when the msg never says atleast forgive yourself first.
I've only recently discovered these videos, but they are having such a profoundly positive effect on my life. Thank you for your hard work producing this content Einzelgänger !!!
“It’s like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.” Dude, YES... I’ve heard that one before many times before, glad to see that it applies here as well. Cool talk bro.💯
To all those who are able to donate and patron, THANK YOU! You are holding that line for the rest of us who are working on it! You guys are awesome and I bet you are going to be rewarded 10 fold! 😁💞💫 I really love your channel, your insights, thoughts, messages, etc. I truly appreciate it! Very grateful!
“Harboring resentment is like slapping yourself and then expecting the other person to feel the pain” The family member who is the focus of your resentment may be feeling just fine, enjoying life, and perhaps not at all troubled by any of this Aw20#1
Great wisdom on this one, and timely too. My interpretation of the end : "careful examination can only occur after healthy detachment from the problem has occurred. That will ensure a clear perspective." This truly helped me at a time where I needed to resolve a big conflict with a family member that was causing me resentment. I move away tomorrow, on sub-optimal terms, and they are a very passive person. I feel better about waiting and revising this after I've had time to detach healthily and gain a clearer perspective. Thank you OP
Thank you for this video. I like the end part when you highlight the need to confront a situation and not just let go; and how difficult it is to decide when you have to choose to take action.
*Yes brother, letting go and letting it be by not attaching yourself to the outcome can liberate you from the suffer* 🙏 Would love to interview you someday man!
Yeah, i let go of resentment many times with a certain family member. But then there was always new issues that i had to "let go". It got tiresome. No sense in continuing any interaction, to do so was unhealthy.
Hi, How was you able to let go? By making excuses for them? Or did you start to appreciate things the person has done for you etc, What technique did you use?
A happy life is not when you're interested in the outside world,but rather one filled with virtues. Sometimes,it is not the best to solve the situation,it is just letting it go
You sir are a great man. Your ability to instantly humble yourself and connect to us all,…. Is everything. It puts anyone’s guard down and opens you up to the ideas and perspective you are about to offer. Thank you.
einzelgänger is my emergency dose of emotional first-aid. whenever i feel like i'm on the brink of a mental breakdown or panic attack, i rush to this channel and click on a video that resonates with my problems. you never fail to calm me down with your soothing explanation of old wisdom. thank you so much for doing what you do.
You are doing the Lords work my man... God is working through you.... You dont know how you pulling me out or crisis... I cant believe you're sharing your intelligence for free
Unfortunately, I find the bond with animals more rewarding than humans. And don’t they know it. I don’t know whether they can see me or feel me . They bring out the gentleness if I pass them on the street as if I have known them for years Instead of seconds-?.
Bob Younger same! I’m always moved by animals. I always try to figure out what they are thinking/feeling. I also tend to worry too much about them if I come across a stray or wild animal that need help. People don’t nearly affect me the same way.
Well it really depends what humans. For me it's well mostly with humans but hey i also enjoy the bond with animals as well. It's really quite easier to form with animals because really unless we're being bad to them they never really think bad of us to be honest. I'm sure when you're petting them they also feel somekind of bond too (at least it applies to dogs).
imo the reason we find it easier to feel positive to our pets rather than the humans in our lives is because animals never let us down or betray us. Animals are free of the ugly traits ppl have. We, in turn, have no resentments or other negative feelings toward the animals. Ppl who morn the death of a beloved pet know that losing them is so much harder than morning a human.
@bobyounger6109 that's not a healthly mindset and isn't better when other people in this comment are prop this up your ascribing emtions unto animals that don't exist
Great vid , my mother and father have left me with the same long term dilemma. I have done exactly as prescribed. The bad still is there so Usually let kindness and time do the work .
Same here, but remember this. They will continue to live their lives and will eventually pass, but the anger will continue to live on if you let it. Do your best to let go and when you're at a safe position in life let them know how you feel. How they react is on them but at least they will know. Then establish boundaries. Distance yourself but still be cordial. This has helped me, both of my parents were verbally abusive growing up but this helped me heal.
I just found your channel the other day -- your video on jealousy touched me deeply. This video on what you have to say about Metta and letting things go, is helping me to be a better person/better to myself as well. Thank you
Hi Clarity.. that's great to hear! Thank you for your kind words! Actually, it reminded me to do some metta myself again because it has been a while. All the best ;)
Einzelgänger, I found your channel years ago when I first started my journey into deep self discovery and enlightenment. Over the years, I’ve gone down rabbit holes of other introspective channels and resources but I’ve come back to your channel today, and it genuinely gave me a feeling of “home”. Thank you so much for sharing with the world your insights and for being human about it. I, too, am just a regular person trying to figure life and myself out. When we have blunders, it just means we’re human but the best thing about being human is that we have the gift of being able to choose to pick ourselves back up. I think that perhaps resentment comes from wanting to protect ourselves from being injured- especially when it’s an injury that’s happened repeatedly (from more than one person). Additionally, it could also be that we resent ourselves for allowing said injury to continuously happen. Either way, when we consider forgiving others and letting go, I’m finding it helpful in my current situation to apply that same compassion to myself. A) it’s an act of self love but B) it’s helping me realize how much I’m probably projecting onto the other person and that in itself is helping me to find more compassion for them and making it easier for me to let go 🙏🏽✌🏽
I absolutely LOVE YOUR CHANNEL!!! You have helped me let go of so much baggage. When I am financially back on my feet, I will contribute to your channel with so much gratitude!! Peace to you and yours!! Anita
You really motivate me to try harder everyday.. I got out of an abusive relationship and even being “free” from him now I’ve been struggling with resentment
I love your channel it has explained two of my main interests being stoicism and Buddhism in a clear and wonderful way. Thank you please do not stop making these vids. I find i agree with a lot of what you say finding myself in very similar situations to what you describe in your vids and find your vids as a good way to help improve my myself thanks from Ireland
Thank you for this video. I realised recently that I've been keeping myself stuck by holding on to old resentments and hurt. The result has been that I've lost my confidence and "get up & go" attitude.
Resentment is something that gets brought up even after it has already passed .which is the reason why resentment is hard to let go .that is where empathy and compassion can help and understand why this gets brought up in the first place .how to diffuse a situation where you can become resentful is key to be able to recognize as it gives you far more insight into yourself and how to approach the situation in a beneficial manner
Literally just went to my car crying in rage because of the resentment I have towards a lazy coworker. Found this video and while I'm not completely over resenting her, listening to you calmed me down. Thanks - I might actually make it through the day without snapping again.
Hi ! I listened to this severel times. When being lonely, this is one of the hardest rehearsals to me. Anyway, I still have to listen to Your talk about recentment as long as nessesary. Thank You again. I wish I was able to help with money to support Yout work❤
Your voice is so soothing. Now when I feel resentment to myself I say how dare u resent another who is just living their life as they understand it. In u.s. we say "It's just water under the bridge." Also I find that after giving family some space, later they r happy to hear from me. Thanku 4 yr. Wisdom/insight.
At some parts of the video you say some very interesting and important key things, extremely useful. Thanks so much for your work! 3:45 "Love eliminates the most destructive qualities of human life."
Thank you for this video. I am trying to get over resentment issues myself with compassion focused therapy. I’ve found it really hard going as I realise I hate myself for past decisions I made but this has really helped me to try and see things differently
Simply an excellent piece, very well presented. Thank You. Just a note, I can now without fear of contradiction state that most of my fellow countrymen ( The Irish ) are direct descendants of the Vikings and my proof is; We also have sayings about cows and ditches and (as if further proof is needed) the meanings are exactly the same! :o).. Keep up the good work Brother
Thanks for this, I am not a young man and have meditated in one form or other for decades. I had felt some resentment towards a family member about 10 years ago and worked hard to let it go, thankfully after much reflection and much meditation it did indeed go. However, recently lifes events have started to play out similar to what they were 10 years ago... Or so I believed/ imagined and resentment has visited me as fresh as a daisy and as powerful as ever. I thought I had transcended resentment 😂😂 silly me, I should have know better. It's so destructive and a really horrible mental and physical feeling. So now I have to hold it and care for it and treat it well. Another journey with one of the worst feelings.
Resentment can be softened - intensity and frequency reduced by rebuilding a more positive, conscious life, from habits to conscious choice of right friends, learning who to trust, how to stand up for yourself, how to confront, how to protect self by maybe being tacky about stuff.
I needed this video. Damn it I know you’re right but thinking about the situation still burns my blood. I hope I can learn to forgive for the sake of myself. More research and practice of ‘metta’
This is very good and very good advice. I have someone in my past that did something and that was about five years ago. And I still have resentment towards her. Thank God she is no longer in my life now and I just have to let...it...go. I thought of texting her and telling her I know what she did but I know that God will take care of her if He hasn't already done so. If You have, God, thank You for taking care of it for me. Lori
I find your channel, along with Freedom in Thought and Academy of Ideas as some of the best advice/stoicism channels on youtube! Keep up the great work. :)
imo, real "Spiritual Masters" do not call themselves Spiritual Masters. They think of themselves as 'servants' to others. Tools of the Universe. Conduits of truth. Masters are humble.
I needed this video, I have someone i am trying to reconnect with. During the pandemic he got into a really toxic life views. He said some really horrible things to me and people that we were close too. I used to love and respect this man but since he acted so awful so many people i have held much resentment towards him. I believe he has seen the error of his ways but now he's alone and angry all the time. I want to try to reconnect and work through what happened. For my benefits but more him, his pretty alone in the world and we all need someone. Anyways long story short, YT recommended a good view at a good time
I value the time and effort you took to share your experiences and knowledge with the world. It's funny how we tend to think our problems are unique when in reality they're pretty common. I find it's too much of a wasteful investment for me to hold grudges against toxic people who are related to me by blood. However I am still guilty of doing it and being aware of it. I have trouble integrating stoicism, especially when people who are related to me turned out to be relentless enemies. It's unfair and very real, because I have never even thought about wishing something bad for them before discovering how toxic they've been up until now. I needed to hear this: holding grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Now I will watch a couple of your enlightening presentations in the morning EVERY day. Confident this will make my life better. I really enjoy listening to your Dutch accent as all the adults around me as a little girl sounded just like you. SO VERY COMFORTING. My family names were BUMA and PLANTINGA. Dutch!!! 💜💜
1:30 I sacrificed my peace to achieve the very goal that started the disturbance of my peace. I seeked the ‘gift’ ( intuitive mind ) so that I would have the memory to solve the problems that disturbed my peace ( and health ) in the first place. The ‘faithful servant’ didn’t serve me, regardless of how much my attention span was expanded. The memory was too low. And vice versa with the ‘gift’ as well.
*_Resentment doesn't change the heart of others it only changes yours..._*
You are so correct! Sadly, because one can not change the heart of others, our feeling of resentment can again arise because of their reaction / actions directed towards us. It a circle that sometimes is very hard to break free from.
This just blew my fuckin mind here bud... Idky
@Richard Tan Although I know what you're saying, are you conveying an opposite message to this video? Not seeking argument just clarification....
The point here seems to be that between the ethical approach of the Stoics and Loving Kindness (Metta) of Buddhists, the approach to dealing with 'resentment' is to beyond it. Not to deal with it "head on" as you say. To quote: "Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!"
@Richard Tan This assumes the other person cares. Resentment only grows when you confront it head on just to find out the magnitude of the other person's arrogance.
Love your comment it is so true , thank you !
I have learned from my life experience that nobody is responsible to give me happiness or peace of mind. I have to do it for me not my family , friends or my girl nobody. All of them can change my mood momentarily but stability in my emotions is only my responsibility.
Wow! Excellent way of accepting responsibility. I still have my moments; most humans do.
Stoicism right here
i wanna learn this because ive been emotionally dependent on my bf and thats why when he cant satisfy me emotionally i become resentful and upset... i love myself and him before but now i dont... i feel lost, i feel im not me...
Wow!
I hold resentment that you have family and gf that cares about you lol 😂
Resentment is a very powerful emotion, sometimes even more powerful than love. When you truly feel resentment towards even one person, it makes it hard to feel love and trust anybody at all😞
How do we overcome it? Any method
@@imranhuddin I personally try to let go of resentment by keeping myself somewhat busy. Whether that includes cooking, learning new things, talking to friends and family, helping people, or working, those things take your mind off the person or thing you resent. Then at the end of the day you realize that person is actually quite a trivial existence, and it's not worth continuing to hate them. Writing also helps to sort out your feelings. I personally am trying to redevelop my resentment and anger into something more rational that can be used to fight against broader ideas or movements that could potentially harm people rather than a random person who doesn't mean much. Not to get political, but in my own country, an alt-right movement has been growing and I hope to use my 'darker emotions' to create convincing arguments and videos that will de-legitimize them. I believe resentment transformed into a more humane form of anger can be used for good, as long as you don't neglect your other lighter feelings, like love and happiness, in the process and keep violence as your very last resort and never jump to it immediately. I hope this helps, comrade❤
@@anonymouse7773 i agree with this!!! I do the same. I paint, I write, I draw, listen to music, walk my dog, watch movies, I workout, I read. I didn't notice but these things have been really helping me to channel my resentment and take my mind off of the people that hurt me. I'm getting ready to write my 3rd novel! I'm so excited to add another healthy and positive thing to my list of medicines for resentment! 😊
That didn't happen for me. My resentments hung on certain people. They're not in my life anymore. Learning not to ruminate now. It's a process.
that's true🥺
I need to hear this. Resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die!
An old saying & a very accurate one ✌️
M Z How’s that working for you MZ… honestly…?
M Z - I understand what you’re saying. That’s very confusing for any child’s formative years. Not too dissimilar from my own experience of being a kid. I get you. Regret & wasted potential? Don’t start me on that… urgh! (Or most people you talk to).
You have been a broken man, so please, think about becoming a ‘breaking man’. Break the chains, Break away, Break out! You’re not dead yet, right? So you still have that same potential - plus the wisdom, from experience, to use it well. Go for it! The only thing that’s stopping you is chaining yourself to the past. It’s over. Use it like it used you! I promise you, it works. Peace my fellow human xxx
M Z ✌️😬💜
I find that saying offensive. It's not a nice thing to say to a person who is going through feelings of resentment. It is telling them that they are ridiculous to feel the way they are feeling. You might as well rephrase it and say, "How ridiculous you are to drink poison and think someone else will die". It also implies that you want to harm the person who harmed you. This can make the person feel as if they are being called revengeful. Resentment doesn't necessarily mean that you wish harm on the person who caused it. Resentment is often more complicated than a single emotion or feeling. For example, a person feeling resentment can feel anger, guilt, loss of trust and more. Sometimes, those feelings need to be untangled and addressed (in a safe environment) and not suppressed. If resentment is suppressed, it can always resurface. The danger of suppressing resentment is that the person might lash out at an innocent person or use alcohol and drugs to cope.
Ironically resentment seems to surface more regarding those we love because the mistreatment hurts more when it comes from them. But you're right; resentment isn't healthy. Gotta be set free.
Priscilla Jimenez but it’s hard (almost impossible) to let go of resentment that one has towards a person who refuses to change, especially if that person’s actions/words are affecting the life of the former person.
This video didn’t help me. My resentment towards this family member of mine is only increasing intensity!
E
@@cherryblossoms4528 Lol then you lose. It's as easy as that. Are you perfect?
cherry blossoms I find myself in the same situation and I think we can still choose to love them and always make excuses for them. And I think keeling distance might help too. Iv been planning to move out
I agree, it hurts a lot more when it comes from someone you trusted or have grown up with, makes the task a lot harder.
Expectations of others is just resentment in the waiting. Stand up for yourself and let the chips fall where they may but choose your battles carefully. Sometimes it's just not worth it nor does it have a positive impact.
Resentment is what caused growth in me, it made me see what humans really are, so no i'm not letting go of my reminders, and yes i am preparing, i'm capable of shutting my emotions down now, and at very least severally dampening its effects.I think you are confusing Resentment with Self-Pity, when it's actually wrath caused by feeling of deep hurt, it's a catalyst for change not anchor.
I like the way you put it . I have that issue and it’s not all the time but choosing your battles wisely makes sense . Being resentful is painful to the soul but so is trying to justify your resentment to the sibling who caused the injury especially when it’s met with denial so no point really to speak up for oneself in truth when it doesn’t change anything really but cause more injury . It’s confusing for me . I like the idea of letting go of it .
oldschoolman 144 - We all have expectations of others even if it’s just driving in the correct lane, showing up for work, school, etc. We expect the pilot to know how to fly the plane. We expect physical & mental torture & anguish if we choose to stay with toxic people; they rarely change. Blessed are you if you’ve known no disappointment.
Disregard them as a helping hand and you BOTH live happily and peacefully. Going MIA for that sake is crucial.
Hyhgggggtggg
I enjoy something I heard first from Joel Osteen and since then from other speakers. “Forgive them and move on. BUT, remember, you’re not forgiving to make them feel better, it’s to make your life better so you can move on with your life”
Why not try to make them feel better?
Its not Ur responsibility @@flammarama
Having compassion towards your family and letting go and still loving them doesn’t erase the feeling or the hurt we feel.
This is honestly my biggest problem, it’s so damn hard for me to let things go or to forgive people,
Doctor squeaks Understood, problem is as you get older it's harder to forgive, we become cynical, hardened, and once that happens it's virtually impossible to let stuff go, best advice from a very damaged 70 year old Woman, tell the person how they make you feel, if you don't feel their answer is genuine drop them ❤️
Jane Mills thank you, I really appreciate that, I really needed it too,
u aint special pal.....billions agree with you
@@janemills1839, good advice, but they're a toxic, narcissistic person to begin with, it's best to just walk away and forget them forever.
@@rage0in0the0cage and what if it's family?
I'm making a patreon just for this channel bro, I find my life has gotten more refreshing and simpler due to your videos and a few others
Money doesnt solve anything.
@@gerardjones7881 But it does slove a lot
You took the words right out of my mouth. Thank you 🙏
@@videogamebomer slove
Gerard Jones lol 😂 you don’t know how to use money. Money is a tool that most people never learn how to use, but make their god.
Sometimes the family connection dynamic, that we all seem to value, may actually have to be severed in order to move forward and grow. Dishoning toxic people is not unusual in life, but is often seen as a taboo or even immoral to do for family members... Getting over that hurdle is difficult, but if you want to build and progress, one should NOT endure emotional abuse for the sake of blind loyalties of any kind...
RascalKyng Walking away from family members takes courage bc you're giving up a sense of belonging you once needed in order to survive. I tell myself to choose compassion and love even if it means disappointing some individuals. How they react doesn't matter. I will have peace of mind knowing that I followed my inner compass. Everyone is free to do the same.☮️
@@donnawoodford6641 I think sometimes we have a false perception of family relationships and it comes as quite a shock to realise they think of us differently and want little engagement. Sometimes our 'attachment' to family members is an historical and sentimental one and not the reality. Facing the truth of these relationships is liberating and can help us to let go of false attachments x
@@robyndaniels1381 - good point. Very insightful and well said.
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@Lone Wolf 🖕Yo shit
I'm trying to let go any resentment I have for others. It is a lot, because I hold it for years. It's a horrible situation when my brain keep repeating those bad times and ended up my body getting sick of it, physically and mentally.
Me to my in-laws harassed me for money and stuff until the day he died thank god I am over it but the resentment is there .
Sabar ya. Gue juga gitu
@@indianmiddleclassfashion.4109 Indian in laws are the worst creatures in the universe. They take special pleasure in exploiting you for their own benefit.
This is exactly what I discovered: I am not necessarily angry at the other, but angry at my own unsovereign behavior.
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This is your best video ever, I’ve been so resentful for so long, meditating, yoga, chi gong,fasting, listening to every Guru known to mankind, you name it, ive tried it!!! So amazing that you’re 7 minute video hit the spot, and made the difference, if I had any money I would send a donation, but unfortunately I can only give you my eternal gratitude
I believe stoicism comes with age. Learning who you are and what virtues lead your path comes from many trails we have passed.
I have been too preoccupied with getting through life to realise the virtues that are important to me until recently and through stoicism are understanding why I have failed at personal relationships with family & friends. I can't help but be lead by my virtues as they are all I have apart from my health.
Some are slower along the path than others and vice versa. Some stop and never move on all together.
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Proud of u👌🏻
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards." ~ Søren Kierkegaard
What helped me is to put music meditation nad write in a paper evrything you resent. That truly was healing because you put your distance in that thoughts and then you ripp off the paper and you are free. Trust me it worked. I was so full so resentment that i wasn't able to focus. I was fed up by bein fed up of being resentful.
I think we're at a similar place in our journeys, brother.
Yes we are
+1
It kills you not them they don't give a rats ass about you and your feelings
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@@rebeccatrevino7584 🖕
Letting go with resentment helps a lot with finding inner peace
I actually felt really relieved when you say that the resentment gets temporarily resolved but keeps coming back up. This is how i've been feeling recently that i've been thinking that i was doing something wrong or i wasn't "properly forgiving" or something. Your videos really help me out and you've gained a new subscriber ❤
Thank you so much. My mum is from the Netherlands and passed away recently. All my life, she was the only person who used the phrase “pulling dead cows out of the ditch.” I enjoy your videos not just for the life-changing philosophical lessons but also because I find your accent comforting, since it’s like my mum’s. 🇳🇱 🇺🇸
I'm going through a lawsuit from my siblings for my crime of taking care of my father when they completely abandoned him. Accusing me of mismanaging funds when in fact they added value to his estate. It's broken my heart, I miss them, we're destroyed because of their emotions. This series has put me back together. Thank you Eizelganger.
Letting go of resentment is easy once you forgive (not forget) because it allows you to move on and realize that you are a better person.
Forgiveness isn't necessary for moving on, acceptance is. That's it. Sick of people pushing this idea that the devine gift forgiveness should be given soo freely when it's not necessary. Especially when the msg never says atleast forgive yourself first.
@@abdulc5726 Houuuuuyaaa!
I've only recently discovered these videos, but they are having such a profoundly positive effect on my life. Thank you for your hard work producing this content Einzelgänger
!!!
peace and love to you bro, thanks for the insight. stoicism changed my life
“It’s like drinking poison expecting the other person to die.” Dude, YES... I’ve heard that one before many times before, glad to see that it applies here as well. Cool talk bro.💯
To all those who are able to donate and patron, THANK YOU! You are holding that line for the rest of us who are working on it! You guys are awesome and I bet you are going to be rewarded 10 fold! 😁💞💫 I really love your channel, your insights, thoughts, messages, etc. I truly appreciate it! Very grateful!
“Harboring resentment is like slapping yourself and then expecting the other person to feel the pain”
The family member who is the focus of your resentment may be feeling just fine, enjoying life, and perhaps not at all troubled by any of this
Aw20#1
Great wisdom on this one, and timely too. My interpretation of the end : "careful examination can only occur after healthy detachment from the problem has occurred. That will ensure a clear perspective."
This truly helped me at a time where I needed to resolve a big conflict with a family member that was causing me resentment. I move away tomorrow, on sub-optimal terms, and they are a very passive person. I feel better about waiting and revising this after I've had time to detach healthily and gain a clearer perspective. Thank you OP
Thank you for this video. I like the end part when you highlight the need to confront a situation and not just let go; and how difficult it is to decide when you have to choose to take action.
*Yes brother, letting go and letting it be by not attaching yourself to the outcome can liberate you from the suffer* 🙏
Would love to interview you someday man!
Yeah, i let go of resentment many times with a certain family member. But then there was always new issues that i had to "let go". It got tiresome. No sense in continuing any interaction, to do so was unhealthy.
Kim Brooks I get you sis. The other person isn’t changing or aware but that’s why we gotta ‘take the higher road’z
Hi, How was you able to let go? By making excuses for them? Or did you start to appreciate things the person has done for you etc, What technique did you use?
Imran H .Uddin
I think they mean they stopped interaction
@@imranhuddin Ho'oponopono
A happy life is not when you're interested in the outside world,but rather one filled with virtues.
Sometimes,it is not the best to solve the situation,it is just letting it go
You sir are a great man. Your ability to instantly humble yourself and connect to us all,…. Is everything. It puts anyone’s guard down and opens you up to the ideas and perspective you are about to offer. Thank you.
einzelgänger is my emergency dose of emotional first-aid. whenever i feel like i'm on the brink of a mental breakdown or panic attack, i rush to this channel and click on a video that resonates with my problems. you never fail to calm me down with your soothing explanation of old wisdom. thank you so much for doing what you do.
You are doing the Lords work my man... God is working through you.... You dont know how you pulling me out or crisis... I cant believe you're sharing your intelligence for free
Unfortunately, I find the bond with animals more rewarding than humans. And don’t they know it.
I don’t know whether they can see me or feel me .
They bring out the gentleness if I pass them on the street as if I have known them for years
Instead of seconds-?.
Bob Younger same! I’m always moved by animals. I always try to figure out what they are thinking/feeling. I also tend to worry too much about them if I come across a stray or wild animal that need help. People don’t nearly affect me the same way.
Well it really depends what humans. For me it's well mostly with humans but hey i also enjoy the bond with animals as well. It's really quite easier to form with animals because really unless we're being bad to them they never really think bad of us to be honest. I'm sure when you're petting them they also feel somekind of bond too (at least it applies to dogs).
Animals are always present. They don't worry or overthink about the past or the future.
imo the reason we find it easier to feel positive to our pets rather than the humans in our lives is because animals never let us down or betray us. Animals are free of the ugly traits ppl have.
We, in turn, have no resentments or other negative feelings toward the animals. Ppl who morn the death of a beloved pet know that losing them is so much harder than morning a human.
@bobyounger6109 that's not a healthly mindset and isn't better when other people in this comment are prop this up your ascribing emtions unto animals that don't exist
Thanks!
Great vid , my mother and father have left me with the same long term dilemma. I have done exactly as prescribed. The bad still is there so Usually let kindness and time do the work .
Same here, but remember this. They will continue to live their lives and will eventually pass, but the anger will continue to live on if you let it. Do your best to let go and when you're at a safe position in life let them know how you feel. How they react is on them but at least they will know. Then establish boundaries. Distance yourself but still be cordial. This has helped me, both of my parents were verbally abusive growing up but this helped me heal.
I just found your channel the other day -- your video on jealousy touched me deeply. This video on what you have to say about Metta and letting things go, is helping me to be a better person/better to myself as well. Thank you
Hi Clarity.. that's great to hear! Thank you for your kind words! Actually, it reminded me to do some metta myself again because it has been a while. All the best ;)
@@Einzelgänger
These are usually relevant to my life in the moment so much it’s unreal. Lovely life work here, thank you for sharing.
Einzelgänger, I found your channel years ago when I first started my journey into deep self discovery and enlightenment.
Over the years, I’ve gone down rabbit holes of other introspective channels and resources but I’ve come back to your channel today, and it genuinely gave me a feeling of “home”.
Thank you so much for sharing with the world your insights and for being human about it.
I, too, am just a regular person trying to figure life and myself out. When we have blunders, it just means we’re human but the best thing about being human is that we have the gift of being able to choose to pick ourselves back up.
I think that perhaps resentment comes from wanting to protect ourselves from being injured- especially when it’s an injury that’s happened repeatedly (from more than one person). Additionally, it could also be that we resent ourselves for allowing said injury to continuously happen. Either way, when we consider forgiving others and letting go, I’m finding it helpful in my current situation to apply that same compassion to myself. A) it’s an act of self love but B) it’s helping me realize how much I’m probably projecting onto the other person and that in itself is helping me to find more compassion for them and making it easier for me to let go 🙏🏽✌🏽
Dear senpai
Your videos have helped me so much
The best one so far has been the calmness & peace despite the neverending problems of life
Thank you 🌹
I absolutely LOVE YOUR CHANNEL!!! You have helped me let go of so much baggage. When I am financially back on my feet, I will contribute to your channel with so much gratitude!! Peace to you and yours!! Anita
This channel has and will continue to help me get through the worst breakup I’ve ever had. Thank you
I felt something lifting off of me and I felt lighter as soon as I started watching this. Thank you.
I needed it! Precisely with family members...
You really motivate me to try harder everyday.. I got out of an abusive relationship and even being “free” from him now I’ve been struggling with resentment
How are you now, Melissa? Does thing get better in this moment?
I love your channel it has explained two of my main interests being stoicism and Buddhism in a clear and wonderful way. Thank you please do not stop making these vids. I find i agree with a lot of what you say finding myself in very similar situations to what you describe in your vids and find your vids as a good way to help improve my myself thanks from Ireland
Hey, thank you for your kind words! They will keep me going ;)
This message truly has helped me detect a root that has plagued me for years...🙏🏾
Thank you for this video. I realised recently that I've been keeping myself stuck by holding on to old resentments and hurt. The result has been that I've lost my confidence and "get up & go" attitude.
For some reason that cow at 1:35 just seems like the most beautiful cow I've ever seen.
cows are holy beings dude, the most humble and innocent there is....so they should be treated accordingly ....
Resentment is something that gets brought up even after it has already passed .which is the reason why resentment is hard to let go .that is where empathy and compassion can help and understand why this gets brought up in the first place .how to diffuse a situation where you can become resentful is key to be able to recognize as it gives you far more insight into yourself and how to approach the situation in a beneficial manner
Sharing is caring! Thanks, really needed to hear this! I've just found this channel and my spirit is resonating with you're words 😁😁 xx
Literally just went to my car crying in rage because of the resentment I have towards a lazy coworker. Found this video and while I'm not completely over resenting her, listening to you calmed me down. Thanks - I might actually make it through the day without snapping again.
I’m 40 and this was a massive punch in the face a punch I needed thank you .
Subbed
watching this on the second lockdown of my hometown. what a blessing in disguise. thank you for this!
Going through a very hard time. Lots of anger, change, resentment, sorrow. This helped very much
Hi ! I listened to this severel times. When being lonely, this is one of the hardest rehearsals to me. Anyway, I still have to listen to Your talk about recentment as long as nessesary. Thank You again. I wish I was able to help with money to support Yout work❤
Thank you for this brief but insightful video. I’ve been on this journey and it’s a good reminder. Peace be with you
Your voice is so soothing. Now when I feel resentment to myself I say how dare u resent another who is just living their life as they understand it. In u.s. we say "It's just water under the bridge." Also I find that after giving family some space, later they r happy to hear from me. Thanku 4 yr. Wisdom/insight.
At some parts of the video you say some very interesting and important key things, extremely useful. Thanks so much for your work!
3:45 "Love eliminates the most destructive qualities of human life."
Such fantastic help at a dark hour. Thank you.
You saved my day...may be life..
Thank you for this video. I am trying to get over resentment issues myself with compassion focused therapy. I’ve found it really hard going as I realise I hate myself for past decisions I made but this has really helped me to try and see things differently
Thank you for the best videos on UA-cam. Videos that bring peace and understanding to us all.
I started releasing resentment every night....it really makes a diffrence
Resentment is very ...incidious
Thank you for this fantastic video!
Insidious. Like Root beer. It's gross at first but if you drink enough of it you begin to like it.
@@RobertEskuri
Root beer great analogy
Your awesome
Thank you so much. This one popped up in my UA-cam feed just at the right time. 🧘🏻♀️ ❤️
Dude, you are human not a simple guy... you inspire people with your work 💪🏻💥
Working on this. Thank you. Why waste the energy? So glad for the talk.
Definitely needed this. Even though I had good reason to be upset. I should of never let my anger get this bad.
Simply an excellent piece, very well presented. Thank You. Just a note, I can now without fear of contradiction state that most of my fellow countrymen ( The Irish ) are direct descendants of the Vikings and my proof is; We also have sayings about cows and ditches and (as if further proof is needed) the meanings are exactly the same! :o).. Keep up the good work Brother
This mans voice is so calming
Thanks for this, I am not a young man and have meditated in one form or other for decades. I had felt some resentment towards a family member about 10 years ago and worked hard to let it go, thankfully after much reflection and much meditation it did indeed go. However, recently lifes events have started to play out similar to what they were 10 years ago... Or so I believed/ imagined and resentment has visited me as fresh as a daisy and as powerful as ever. I thought I had transcended resentment 😂😂 silly me, I should have know better. It's so destructive and a really horrible mental and physical feeling. So now I have to hold it and care for it and treat it well. Another journey with one of the worst feelings.
Resentment of someone or something, lives in our minds rent free!!! What are we missing in the now, when we're always looking back at the past?
Resentment can be softened - intensity and frequency reduced by rebuilding a more positive, conscious life, from habits to conscious choice of right friends, learning who to trust, how to stand up for yourself, how to confront, how to protect self by maybe being tacky about stuff.
I love this video. Looks so natural, real and authentic. Great composition of deeper insights. Thanks
1000 thumbs up!! Your message came at the right time...Thank You!
Believe!
Detach from resentment freedom
What we think about we bring about
Thank you for sharing ♡
This came up at random but was just the perfect thing - meeting with a manager tomorrow and wow this is going to help my mindset. Thanks!
I needed this video. Damn it I know you’re right but thinking about the situation still burns my blood. I hope I can learn to forgive for the sake of myself. More research and practice of ‘metta’
Eudaimonia...what a lovely word. Thank you for this. This and the one on anger gave me space to look at relationships I'm grappling with.
This is very good and very good advice. I have someone in my past that did something and that was about five years ago. And I still have resentment towards her. Thank God she is no longer in my life now and I just have to let...it...go. I thought of texting her and telling her I know what she did but I know that God will take care of her if He hasn't already done so. If You have, God, thank You for taking care of it for me. Lori
I really appreciate your videos.
Your tone, expression and information. All really help
So thank you and I wish you luck!
Thank you for sharing your experience and learnings with us!!! I appreciate your videos SO much!
I find your channel, along with Freedom in Thought and Academy of Ideas as some of the best advice/stoicism channels on youtube! Keep up the great work. :)
I am a spiritual master. I concur 100 with everything said here. I am a proud newer subscriber to you. Thank you for your service. God bless 🙏✝️💙
imo, real "Spiritual Masters" do not call themselves Spiritual Masters. They think of themselves as 'servants' to others. Tools of the Universe.
Conduits of truth. Masters are humble.
@@joannaedwards6325 have an amazing day troll. Spiritual masters know trolls weaknesses, cuznour enemies can't swim, lol.
What a wonderful, enlightening channel!! Glad I found you!! Subscribed!!
I needed this video,
I have someone i am trying to reconnect with. During the pandemic he got into a really toxic life views. He said some really horrible things to me and people that we were close too. I used to love and respect this man but since he acted so awful so many people i have held much resentment towards him. I believe he has seen the error of his ways but now he's alone and angry all the time. I want to try to reconnect and work through what happened. For my benefits but more him, his pretty alone in the world and we all need someone.
Anyways long story short, YT recommended a good view at a good time
Thank you for your very good personal point of view Einzelgänger!
The smoldering rage of resentment is the only thing that pulls me out of bed every morning. Take that away, I have nothing
🙌
Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for sharing.
"Does The Outcome Really matter? At least we did the best we could".Fueled by Good will and free of Resentment.
I value the time and effort you took to share your experiences and knowledge with the world. It's funny how we tend to think our problems are unique when in reality they're pretty common. I find it's too much of a wasteful investment for me to hold grudges against toxic people who are related to me by blood. However I am still guilty of doing it and being aware of it. I have trouble integrating stoicism, especially when people who are related to me turned out to be relentless enemies. It's unfair and very real, because I have never even thought about wishing something bad for them before discovering how toxic they've been up until now. I needed to hear this: holding grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Great video Einzel. Needed this one.
Anger is a bad habit for most of us. Learning never to speak when angry but only when cool and detached is being effectively assertive.
Man thank you! Every morning you make me feel better
Now I will watch a couple of your enlightening presentations in the morning EVERY day. Confident this will make my life better.
I really enjoy listening to your Dutch accent as all the adults around me as a little girl sounded just like you. SO VERY COMFORTING.
My family names were BUMA and PLANTINGA. Dutch!!! 💜💜
Thank you again. Your videos are genuinely very helpful and thought provoking.
1:30 I sacrificed my peace to achieve the very goal that started the disturbance of my peace. I seeked the ‘gift’ ( intuitive mind ) so that I would have the memory to solve the problems that disturbed my peace ( and health ) in the first place. The ‘faithful servant’ didn’t serve me, regardless of how much my attention span was expanded. The memory was too low. And vice versa with the ‘gift’ as well.