1. Don’t give compliments 2. Won’t apologize 3. Will not give up control 4. Will never forgive you 5. Will not help someone anonymously 6. Will not treat anyone as their equal 7. They never listen 8. Not polite to others unless it’s for show 9. Will not talk about deep emotions.
Wow!! Congratulations to anyone who has removed themselves from someone with ANY of these traits let alone all of them. You are a hero/heroine! There are better humans in the world and you deserve to find them.
This was perfect timing! I just proved a narcissist (my Mom) wrong and showed her the evidence. She has not once ever admitted she’s wrong. So instead, she comes back at me with insults and silent treatment. They truly have no humility and a huge ego.
@@meme-zv7kw -“WOMEN rarely take accountability for anything..” Let’s insert some facts here. 74% of all narcissists are MALE. GOOGLE IT. But past that, don’t attribute lying OR not taking responsibility to a gender. It’s not a factor at all. You probably noticed but I’ll remind you, this video was authored by a female and most present here commenting are as well. Gender isn’t something this is about.
@@meme-zv7kw Whoa! Woman here. I take responsibility for my actions good and bad. I don't see other options. I chose narcs. That was me. I take responsibility for that. My mother is another story and I do not take responsibility for any of her stuff and neither does she. Both of us are women. We are able to be different.
The closest you'll get as an apology from an narcissist is the silent treatment until what they done is forgot about and then its just not brought up again..
I got away from my narcissistic best friend three years ago after twenty years of torture. Every single day countless texts messages dropping in to my house. She drained me of money for her cigarettes gas emergencies groceries. My husband worked out she drained me for $60 a Week. And we were struggling financially. She crossed her last line early one morning calling our home at 6:30am to talk about a subject she knew triggered me. So I yelled at her to shut up. I hung up and ignored all contact. Her worst crime against me was she told her young sons I was a drug addict because I was on prescription medication for a urine infection. Auntie has a drug problem she told them. I felt humiliated. It’s not like I could sit her sons down and calmly tell them your mom got it wrong, I have an infection that’s what the pills are for . She loved putting me in position like that. On my Wedding day she was the only person who didn’t compliment me on my dress. It took me twenty years to understand why.
💯 They will never apologise, and its insane how they turn things round and make you feel like it's your fault. I thought I couldn't be controlled, how wrong was I 😂 Now I understand I see them everywhere.
I posted here about a month ago. So I thought I would share more of my story as it helps me get through some downers I have. We recently found out my wife is pregnant. We have been no contact with my in-laws for a bunch of months now. During these months my father in law has tried to contact my wife a number of times . One message read . "We know what we've done is wrong but what you're doing is ten times worse" as you can see he never quite takes full responsibility for his actions. Anyway against our better judgement we decided that we would break the no contact and tell them that their daughter is pregnant. The reply is classic of a narcissist. " Congratulations, to bad we won't be allowed to see them grow up". This has just confirmed that doing the no contact and getting these absolutely emotional manipulators out of our lives is the best thing to do.
I left the country - and my mum and ex-husband 23years ago...now, all these years later, they still steal everything from my identity in this little place, considering the inheritance after I, who they still haven't managed to kill..worst....they are covered up by the (100% insane) subjects, "administering" the little place, which van no longer be classified as a country but by now, purely "function" as a death-camp.. I have in fact, very resently, been warned against contacting any of the so-called "lawyers" in the place, as not one of them apply any real laws anymore - this being national and International laws and, innocent people there, are by now just killed (directly slaughtered) I am not sure if I should call such subjects narc's or, maybe just what they really are: Genocidal mass murderers! If we took them all to court today, they would simply say, they just did it "for the fun of it" - hence criminal psychopaths in the extreme... Maybe our "choice" is, to leave - as far away as possible and, never, ever look back!!
Sorry about your mother! Did you have your father there as support? I have a baby daughter with a covert narcissist and am "co-parenting" so am concerned about how to protect my daughter.
@@jans724 my dad was emotionally unavailable but he went to work everyday to support our family. I know it would have been insanely worse without him around so even though he didn’t stop my mom from being insane and doing crazy things, he prevented me from ending up in foster care or worse.
I would never want to spend a day in their shoes. They're sick, cruel, heartless, sadistic human actors. A threat to healthy people's mental health. It doesn't take long to spot them. Just look for subtle clues when dating. Always watch them playing dumb and dumbing you down. One hint of disrespect, run. Many times this comes from a deceptive, lying parent who hid it very well and made it the norm. Love your information, and please keep reminding us to always be aware.
Wow! You described perfectly the malignant narc I thankfully divorced . This is The tip of the iceberg condensed version of being “married “ to the worst nightmare enemy… coercively controlling, manipulative, counter parenting, maligning and undermining all my dedication, devotion, unconditional love I poured into my children. Jealous of his own children so he has managed to destroy their drive, self esteem, passions, all things they were extremely talented and skilled at he’s managed to sabotage so they quit and have Absolutely no self worth, ambitions, and autonomy. sabotaging and destroying any peace, positivity, happiness, progress. Self serving and only looks out for his best interests . No emotional availability. No integrity or moral compass. Dismissive, deflecting, pessimistic, impatient, berating, belittling , invalidations and constant cruel judgments, put downs, insults , name calling. Rigid, intolerance, and paranoid delusional projections. You made any mistake or accident ..in his mind there’s no excuse or acceptable explanation , “you did it on purpose.. it was no accident and you will pay through punishment by it will be used and held against you forever “ or with his paranoid assumptions..you did it Intentionally to him”. There is no reasoning, resolution, or any logical rationale with him as you are kicked down the dark rabbit hole over and over for daring to approach any subject of conversation or God forbid anything you seek help or advice or a subject he doesn’t like. As he rudely,obnoxiously ,interrupts constantly impatiently finishes your thoughts and sentences for you.distracts off topic changes subject, hijacks the conversation to where you forgot what you started talking about. By the time you remember He has now disconnected and walked away as your pathetically hurriedly talking to his back. Black and white thinking.. you are either with him and it’s his way or no way , it’s never right or good enough, .. if you object, show autonomy, have opposing opinions, correct or challenge him, you are the ostracized enemy. Absolutely no empathy or compassion unless feigned for ulterior motives. The false mask of hiding his true evil sadistic self appears to apply to his conditional, transactional ,strings attached motives with any relationship with what he considers beneath him humans or minions to scam them into thinking he’s a caring, loving, involved , martyr dad or husband . Never any accountability , self reflection, regard for others, or remorse for his actions . The definition of hypocrite, he’s constantly criticizing, judging, calling everyone else names yet doing the same or worse things. Rules, laws, boundaries, morals , don’t apply to him yet he will hold everyone else to them. Raging Alcoholic . Abusive rage attacks including verbal, physical, and death threats when his true identity and motives are exposed , and when called out and held accountable for his actions. Constant serial cheating, neglecting and abandoning his family. Pathological lying, deceit, gaslighting, detached from reality and history false narratives he spreads in his Smear campaigning, triangulating, and Always skapegoating and blaming the victims for what he is guilty of. As the coward con artist is constantly running away , hiding, covering his tracks, escaping His truth , past, and trail of destruction from catching up with him as he’s forever pointing fingers at everyone else playing the chameleon imposter fraud victim role he’s mastered.
Anger is ...... Disappointment in others, I am now realizing that at 39 my mother brother grandmother and everyone else I was involved with was this type at one part of the spectrum or another, and isn't it funny that we can point to a specific person situation that will match perfectly with every topic these vids cover. I'm sorry that you went thru a period of time with the fuck head you have described.........the only thing that saved me from these people is keeping my actions unpredictable random and guessing where I am the hate it when Im unemployed.lol
They are cruel to animals. My young daughter once showed me a video of her dad kicking a duck when they were at the park. What an a$$hole... Who would hurt a duck??
@@PerrySkyePhoenix I'm talking about even their own pets... For example, she said her dog died, when she actually had had it put down! ...All on a schedule so she could go away for the weekend!
We had a dog that congestive heart failure he did fine on his meds. I was in the hospital for several days. He brought the dogs meds to the hospital and had me write instructions and break up his meds. Everything went fine. I was in the hospital again for a week the next month. He had the instructions and the meds to break up and use. When I came home my poor little baby was in horrible shape. We had to take him and have him put down the next day. He had not given him ANY of his meds! 😭😭😭😭😭😭This little guy was my baby. I was crushed!
Oh WOW, my mother, spot on & sadly most of my #7 siblings. mom, is #92 yrs old, no edit on what comes out her mouth. Signs were always there growing up, but once on my own I began to change. . Since 1982, it's been one hell of a ride . No one, NO ONE EVER STEPS OUT OF THIER ROLE. I did.
Thank you for confirming everything I’ve been dealing with for the last 18 months…he tried to turn everything around. He was never at fault. Love bombed me the first 4 months- then got tired of me and created things to break up w me. Then, wanted to remain friends which I fell for - ended up friends w benefits. He said he could never have a romantic relationship w me. I now know I’m not the one with problems, I’m not being rejected. Moving on!!
Yes, zero apologies. Zero ability to accept accountability. Blaming is a reflex. Never, ever point out any aspect where accountability on their part may have prevented negative consequences. Immediately it will be turned back on you.
My sociopathic, narcissistic ex had a problem with confusing his opinions with facts... And heaven forbid you pointed out the difference to him. He also thought that if his solution to a problem didn't work, then there couldn't possibly be another "right" answer. He would never acknowledge that someone else's solution might not only work, but actually be better than his.
If you are under N abuse, know these things: 1.) They are literally toddlers, faking confidence. When I mean faking, I mean FAKING, on a level only they do 2.) You are, spiritually there to realize your "weak points" and ultimately learn to take care of yourself, in EVERY WAY. 3.) You will come out of this in a state you never imagined before. Love to all of you.
My Mother tried to say i was a narcisist because i wouldnt forgive someone for years of sexual and physical abuse. I wanted to throw up when she said that.
Yeah, Forgiveness and Patience. The 7 Years, +nearly, 5 MORE within that; of the WORSE, and Very Mo$t difficult *Le$$ons* of my Life. But, they Chose their own Demise! Their Lifetime of KARMA. L0$ER$, like their Xfg! All "Know-Nothings". Yet, hardly educable, is my guess. The Brunt* of ALL (R) men+! (85+??%) Including, 2 with unuseable Bachelor's, 1 a Master's. REaPin' the "Bitter" Fruit's of their Lazy, Trumb#$$' lack of Labor, 'Work Ethic,' productivity, or need to ever Challenge, themselve's. Be Responsible. Or, know how to Think! Or, their delusional and Facticious "Magical Thinking," Made-up World! ! Or, have a 💜 or, Conscious. Or, any concept of their own 'confabulated' Truth, ... or How Anything even works, in Life! Oblivious and LOST li'l, DAMAGED Toddlers. They aren't even close to capable.
It was probably someone she felt the need to protect, huh? Like her own daughter was less important to her than the myths she perpetuates about this other person. So sad.
Yep, these reptiles expect you to forgive the worst abusers while the abusers are never held accountable and never change. I'm glad there is a place called Hell. I believe God made that specifically for these disgusting hypocrites.
I decorated my home that I owned before I meant my x. Everyone would compliment the way it was decorated and he would say thanks, like he helped do it. He never gave me credit for doing all the work.
Another thing they will do after visciously abusing you is say "I was just joking"...and if it's on some type of social media, flying monkeys will then Dive Bomb YOU for "attacking the poor narcissist" by continuing to insist on their accountability for their original insolence.
Oh you are so right. I had all the evidence, I even had pictures. Actual pictures, and she refused to give any apology, accountability and even turned it around onto me. She is insane.
@Lee G ok so anyone reading this who needs evidence that their girl is currently or has recently used a dating app of any kind, this is how I ultimately found out. Ok, there's a type of background check that costs 5 bucks, and instead of searching criminal history, it uses their mobile number to run searches and figure out which apps they used that required a phone number to log in. Apps like tinder use your number to identify your location to find you matches in the area. So, this service compiles a list. Once I saw the list of apps she used and which apps were active at which time, found out she cheated on me through nearly the entire 6 year relationship. So, she lied, denied. Figured out her bs and I'm never looking back. That website is called "Social Catfish" give it a go. Get the truth and revelation. Feel better instead of wonder.
I am a psychologist and in criminology. I been listening and studying about narcissism,the abuse that I do suffer in my family system and…. I would like to say,that I really like you.As you very well know,there are many couches that,do not really help and I always listen to your videos,shorts…. Congratulations on your job,you are very good and I do apreciate you. Maria.👍💪😊❤️💕
This describes my x wife so well! She never apologized or gave any compliments. She was cheating on me, but blamed me. My children didn't want to live with her after the divorce and lived with me.
I’m so sorry you are going though this with kids, I didn’t have to go though that hell. But all the other stuff I did go through so I feel your pain. I know I would like someone to talk to that has gone through the same thing If you ever need someone to chat with I’m here.
@@Samanthajsummers Thanks for the offer that is really nice of you! It's been more than a few years ago and I'm over the pain of it. The experience did hardened me and I never would let another woman to get close to me.
Exactly. Everything you have said it has been and still happening. Lord have mercy. Its as if these . People came frpm unknown planet. They are strange creatures🙌🙌
My covert narcissistic X was absolutely horrible to wait staff! I was constantly apologizing for him and finding myself in a rush to speak to a waitress before he could speak and then I would say to him why do you do that I don't want to eat someone spit. then when I started studying his traits in his behavior that was a huge red flag that I ignored! I'm a very kind person and understanding and takes a lot to make me mad I don't know why I tolerated that behavior that just shows you how well they work. He also like my father didn't do anything for anyone unless it could be acknowledged by everyone and he got patted on the back for it. If people couldn't acknowledge his good deed he didn't do anything
They bank on the kindness of others not calling them out on their bs. If you don’t slam them the first time a boundary is crossed there is nothing but trouble to follow. They also like nice shiny things and people so it’s easy to get sucked in. Greatest way to gauge whether or not they’re good for you is if you feel bad most of the time being around them. Then it’s time to go!
Real clarity here Jill. I turned the volume up. The narcissist swooped by in towel to the bathroom with mouth corners down and nostrils up - They are such textbook caricatures of themselves ; )K
I just came across you! Why, is it everything you say, is so true? Nauseating, it truly is! 45 years of this! I filed for divorce in April. Instead of me getting rid of him, I lost my attorney, due to non compliance, for not getting my paper work back to her! I can’t drive, been sick for a long time! So many things, during those six months! I truly, feel like a beaten down horse! I need to file again, and not make the same mistakes! God, give me the strength! I could write forever! I didn’t even know, what a Narcissists was, for all those years I was married to him, everything, was always my fault, he could never do any wrong! He blamed me for everything! For many years I wanted to leave! I now have for grown children! Please, don’t wait, like I did! It really doesn’t get any better! It will always be your fault! They can never do wrong! In the last few years, I would yell out to him, “ Who do you think you are? ( God ) He never did give me a answer! God, give me the strength, to end this, once and for all.
Same. I was beaten until I lost comscioussness by my Dad. On his death bed he asked me to go see him. I declined. I didn't know he was dying. Nobody told me. He replied by listing everything wrong I ever did since childhood. I replied something along the lines of "I don't care just leave me alone." a few days later my estranged sister notified me Dad had died. After he died my mother wouldn't let me go to their house to pay my respects. I got a taxi to the funeral. I wasn't allowed to see the will. Turns out my Dad left us absolutely nothing. My narc mother thought she would steal all the money. There wasn't any. Was so funny. I've been estranged from my whole family since I was about 18 or 19 years old. So good now though. I suffered. Now I'm fine and they are suffering. Haha. Quite funny. Be strong brothers and sisters. You WILL prevail!
Truth - a covert I once was in a relationship with - never complimented me.. I inquired why and he said he didn't want me to get a big head.. never apologize, unless it's to further abuse.. Others compliment to lure you in.. This video is great.. exact info - well presented.. Books to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help FEAST OF MEN & REFLECTIONS OF THE CURSE.. journey of a woman's heart..
You need to retitle this Malignant Narcissists, because I can tell you that the covert/vunerable narcissist plays these things a little differently. There are nuances to this that amaze me to no end when I look at how my father handled things and how a couple of other narcs I know operate. It's like walking over a walkway that crosses a canal every day for years and then suddenly realizing there is a whole hidden and dangerous world in that canal that includes terrifying sharks just waiting for someone to fall in. These people scare me, but this is all on a spectrum, so some of them do most of the things on your list and some only some of those things.
@ 6:45 SPOT ON ......!!!!.......the one i had once told me she had too many clothes and she'll get rid of some.....she set apart many dresses, pants, shirts, etc.......i told her lets donate them all....she said she is not donating anything and LITERALLY cut every item in pieces with scissors until it was impossible to use than she threw everything in trash cans........who does that..??....A NARCISSIST....
I caught my mother in law drinking and driving with my kids in the car. When I confronted her I was told by my father in law that it's my fault that she is drinking 🤣 Never got an apology or any sign of regret for her actions.
Correct. My father always backed my narc mother up. He became exactly as horrible as she, later in life. As the only daughter I was her best target. I cannot think about anything good and caring, that she did for me, finding fault with me. I was never enough.
@@LR-yu3mx you and my wife are in the same boat. Can you have two narcissistic parents? My mother in law is definitely egocentric buy it's my father in law that's the narc. My wife was bullied at school as a teen and when she told her dad about it he told her that it's her fault. She must be doing something to cause it. Can I tell you the best part?? Her father was the principal of the school! My wife and I can't do anything right. The alcoholic, adulterer and drug user in the family gets more praise than what we have gotten in the ten years of marriage. We don't drink, do t use drugs and we don't sleep around. We both work and we raise our own kids yet we've been used as the scape goat from the beginning. We have now started the process of putting distance between us and them. My wife got a call from her mother couple of days ago saying that she knows that she has been wrong in the past but the fact that we are keeping the grandkids away from them is ten times worse and that they don't deserve to be punished like this. Haha. Straight back to playing victim. It's a never ending loop. That's why we have decided to start going no contact. It's the toughest thing my wife will ever do in her life but it needs to be done to get us back to the fun loving family we use to be. Good luck to everyone in a similar situation. Remember this is about your happiness not theirs. Much love and respect from South Africa..
Tre van Rooyen, I am also in SA. My mom was the biggest malignant narc.. Communial narc. Always backed and invited people. But behind closed doors! Father... Becomes clear to me that He also became one. He could not control her, so he joined her. Sorry to say, ours was the most toxic family in the town. I never invited friends over.
Keep the faith Rick. You will be better and stronger because you went through it. I’m 16months into my divorce after 23 years of marriage. Not an easy journey but it simply has to be done.
I got into a bad bicycle accident. For my birthday I got a whole evening from all 3 of my family on what a horrible person I was for getting into the accident. Without any provocation my mother would jokingly tell me that I was an unwanted child, and everyone would laugh at her joke. All through my life my family told me that everything I said was worse than worthless. Every time I tried to defend myself they all started yelling to drown me out. I have lots of friends that respect me and treat me like a human being. In business my co-workers also respected me. One of my grandfathers treated me like I was a good person. He died in 1968. I still really miss him.
Until you heal those traumas inside you, you will continue to be a target for these kinds of psychic vampires … You are more comfortable being attracted to that kind of energy because it’s so familiar. It’s a lot of shit to break through, but you will make it to the other side. It’s your SELF LOVE that will attract the right person… You can only love someone else as much as you love yourself 💪🏼🧿
I love the input you said about true narcissist people. I'm dealing with my younger brother who is the executor of my mother's estate after her passing in June of this year 2022. My younger shows every single sign of what you mentioned to a t. My older brother is just the same but he's more of the I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM MOM AT ALL NARCISSIST and that's just as bad. The good part about what I'm saying is that my lawyer asked me to describe my two siblings so she knows what she's going up against when my family goes to probate. I told both of my siblings that I can't even call them siblings at all anymore if you want a FAMILY WAR YOU GOT A WAR AND I WILL FIGHT BLUDGEONESS AGAINST THE BOTH OF YOU AND DEFEND MY MOTHERS NAME AGAINST THEM. Thank you for making this video so I know what I'm up against in court.
Ian Evans they say mental illness can skip a generation. There is my scitzophenic and bi polar mother and on my husband's side deep depression. I left home at the age of 13 after being beaten daily with the buckle end of a belt between my shoulders and above my knees. I was hit over the head with a cast-iron frying pan when my baby brother reached for me calling me Momma. At 14 my mother took me to a Dr to make sure I was still a Virgin My daughter left our home at the age of 15. She was tired of our leave it to beaver life. She didn't graduate high school she returned at 18 after having 3 abortions. She left again after stealing my grandmother's jewelry. She flew to Europe where she was arrested in Spain for prostitution. She got out of prison and moved to NYC Where she continued to sell herself. Denying God and her Family This last November I flew her home first class. And has blamed us for all she has chosen to do. She stole money this time A 43 year old woman. In 2020 my husband and I lost everything we had worked for in the Holiday Farm Fire in Oregon. We have nothing. Yet she feels we owe her. Saying You'd think a parent would want to help their child. As she continued to dis respect us we kept her dor 5.months. My husband turned 70 today I will in June. We are living in a 32ft trailer on our property. We are loving patient people. We shared.our.space with her We pray our baby girl seeks the help she needs. We love her dearly. As of yesterday we found that she is off her antidepressants and has quit her job. We are heartbroken. We have lost 3 family members to suicide, we pray daily we don't loose her. Where did she learn these narcissistic traits? God knows not for me to ask or blame
I don’t know if my research I really don’t believe that they are “void” of empathy. The best I’ve heard it described is that they use up all the empathy on themselves and they have little-none left over for others. Others.
A couple months ago I had a shouting match with my father, who I recently discovered was a narcissist. I told him that his problem was that he couldn't be wrong. He immediately denied that and then spent the rest of the shouting match doing his best to prove that I was wrong and he was right. Everything I said he denied or said "That's just your opinion" or "I don't agree" or "That's not true." It's been months since that conversation, and he is so buttmad that he will barely speak to me now. I had to be hospitalized last week for some health problems, and I asked my father if he would help me because I had no one else to turn to. His response was that he would not help me because, and I quote, "You think you know better." Really? I'm over here dying and scared, and he had to prove a point rather than help me. He needed to be right while I was terrified and needed help. That just blew my mind, though in hindsight it shouldn't have. I used to think my mother was the raging narc of the family -- and she is -- but I didn't know my father had these stark narc traits too. That was an eye opener. More and more things that my mother says about him and how nasty he treated her are helping me put together a puzzle that I had not considered before. My father was absent for my entire life because he left the raising of my brother and me to my mother, who abused us, while he worked and couldn't give a damn about anyone but himself. This video was dead on. Thank you, Jill. You help me and many others make sense of this misery.
I think you raise some really important points. I always thought my brother was the raging narc and his wife the poor vulnerable bullied victim but she is a raging covert. They are actually made for each other
i know that feeling , i was in hospital last year , and i had had no contact for 1 year with mum and sis but i had to contact them and they were 10x worse (cancer was MY fault you see because i ate macdonalds ) they would talk about ANYTHING rather than ask how i was feeling , rubbish. soon as i got out i wrote and told them to stay away dont ring and dont come anywhere near me , i bet they love ranting about how ive gone mad . i went for a coffee with sis 3-4 years ago and it was tiring.....i said after 3 hrs 'do you know . you have dissagreed with EVERYTHING i have said today'... her reply, ''NO I HAVENT''..... they dont see it and will never see it
Brilliantly said, Jill. These things all perfectly describe the character traits and behaviours of the narcissists which I came into contact with in the past. It’s spooky how similarly they all seem to behave! Excellent video! 🙌
I experienced everything that you said , And more over a three-year. Then of course more came along‘s such as ghosting me, gaslighting me and many other things that I learned about. Tried counseling but really got a lot more right off of listening to cancer such as Jill right here on UA-cam. We have been a part a good two years and I listen to the stuff every day, I keep needing to hear it. I have to remember the bad moments because our brain just wants to take us to the love bombing moments. I’m still working hard to stay away. I did find out through the experience I went through with my boyfriend and learning about narcissist, that is some thing I never actually knew anything about, but I do realize after learning about this how my mother always threw a roadblock in front of my life and the horrible things I went through with her. I said to my son one day I think Nana is a narcissist now that I’ve been learning about the traits that they have and what they do. My son said mom you think! Thank you Jill you were spot on with my boyfriend everything you said is all I experienced.
New subscriber here. A man I met at my mother’s community pool insisted I go out with him. I told him no. For the next four years he intimidated me by saying he was gonna tell my husband we’ve been having an affair. My husband was 13 years older than me + I know he wouldn’t have stood by me. Four years later I left the marital home because the threats were bad. When I did confront my husband as to whether or not he would have stood by me, he said no. It’s been 16 years + after numerous ROs being ignored, he’s still at it!
My father loved making public donations ,never anonymously .At Xmas time he would present the children with cheques made out to his favourite charity .We would just sit their stunned he even provided the envelope and stamp , we were struggling in rental houses etc .At our wedding which we paid for he gave us a small cheque in front of the guests and told the guests he had given us a deposit for a house LOL ,it was less than 1% of our house price .
So sorry that you & yours went through that with your father! I myself was fortunate with my family but Ive known a few people similar to your father. It's still hard to understand how N'S can be the way they are.
My ex gave our youngest a check at her 16th bday party in front of everyone. He acted like it was Huge. $4000 doesn't buy much of a car in 2015. We shopped for that car from May til Aug every Sat. A very stressful Summer.
He had no part in raising you in such a way so you could pay for your weddings and mortgages? Some kids never even had a father, even as horrible as yours.
@@annconforti9294what?you sound like the narc,$4,000 in 2015 ,you should get nothing ,u r unappreciative,,an it’s a kids car 🤦♀️we ,in 2023 paid cash 7,000 for our sons ford focus ,which is used an mint ,it’s better than most adult vehicles,,an he doesn’t have a car payment ,,,,maybe you give a check for $4,000 then you won’t have to complain about someone else’s kindness,,,ridiculous an your the mom lol
I'm so grateful I left a narcissistic relationship. I got out physically unharmed. He did emotionally and mentally abuse me. He lied so much and it was so hard to listen to it. And with me having borderline personality disorder, I'm glad I was able to escape from him. Since I left him, he hasn't come to my house but he made fake Facebook profiles and pretended he took his own life. To make me feel bad for leaving him. He lived an hour and 20 minutes from me. He took the bus from his place to mine before I noticed any red flags. He manipulated me, controlled me, made me feel trapped. It was scary.
Another home run, Jill. Yet again, you described my older brother, and several others I've dealt with. It's difficult for me to believe that my brother has been gone for 22 years (He committed suicide in 2000 at age 55) but his destructive behavior still affects me to a small degree.
Thank you for this! I have dealt with this at work with a supervisor. She has lied and to my face. I’ve tried to explain, but it’s hard. I’ve done nothing wrong to her. I stay away from her as much as possible. She has made hand gestures behind my back and tried to start an argument with me for grounds of termination. Also intimidating starring. Multiple relationships with guys in the workplace.
I randomly stumbled upon this and man... I'm having all kinds of emotions bring brought up about an ex from over a decade ago. So many things make sense now.
Jill you are spot on, all these points you mentioned describes my wife PERFECTLY. My wife is all about control even down to the TV control. My wife's go to threat is divorce along with a variety of other threats. Bringing up passed failures, I mean 20-25 years ago failures, to use as threats and to remind me how SHE NEVER did anything like what I did. I have learned to live a double life as much as I can sharing as little as possible with here. I keep conversations dull and boring nothing with depth or informative. My wife is disrespectful to people in the service industry as if she is the center of the universe. I could write the script to this video all points describe my wife and her behaviors. You are correct about a narcissist's actions and behaviors in public and how they differ in private, the sweet smiling mask comes off and it's walking on eggshell time. Yes, Jill you are so spot on with the descriptions you so correctly laid out, unfortunately I'm have been on the receiving end of them all, and how would it be possible to explain this to anybody? I don't even try; I just live my double life for sanity.
I always learn something from your videos, but this particular one was incredibly helpful. Thank you for sharing this. It helps a lot to know what to look for. ❤
You described my dad fully. My only crime in life was l forgot to lock my bicycle as a student 40 years ago. l have lost count how many times that got thrown back in my face, to change the subject. 2 years ago, when l told him he pocketed the money from selling my first bicycle when l was 12 years old, right under my nose, the student bicycle was brought up again. I said "That was 10 years later!". He walked away, saying nothing. I haven't seen him since.
Whoa. Not locking your bicycle could have been unconsciously connected to your memories of Father selling your bike out from under you when you were 12. We tend to live in patterns.
@@veep5712 Nope. l had deeply buried the 12 year old bike story, for fear my dad would beat the crap out of my mom (again), should l challenge him. It was only 5 years ago when l watched a 70s documentary and saw a Chopper bicycle, did it all come back to me. At varsity, I was distracted by someone and thought l had locked my bike. Nonetheless my point is this was a crime to end all crimes in history, according to my dad, who had no right to even mention it at all.
Yup. My best “Bud” (if you will), stood me up for a breakfast date, his idea. I called, and was told he had simply forgotten and had already left without me. (Not the first time). So I just hung up. Later he calls to enlighten me that I owe HIM an apology because I’m the one “who usually has the bad memory” (so apparently all his behaviors are calculated apparently?). Besides that he is always accusing me of never being able to apologize. …not true, but first I need to be made aware that someone feels I screwed up somehow, I think. But he will toss that comment out from nowhere, like he is projecting his inner dialogue onto me.
That's how they covertly smear you. So that when you wake up and attempt to expose them, YOU seem like the bad child. They pose as loving, angelic parents to other people while they abuse you in secret. Classic manuever of the covert malignant narcissist "mother"...
Wow - this makes so much sense and sure applies to two members of my family. Am surprised that narcissism is so common, after reading the comments. Such cruel people have nothing but pure selfishness in place of where their soul should be.
Yes. My mother can't stand it when I'm happy. It irritates her. I've experienced this with other narcissists too. They hate it when I'm happy and seem genuinely pleased when they've managed to upset me. I don't want or need these types of people in my life.
I agree with your list entirely but with one caveat. The point you made about them not wanting to associate with people who are more accomplished, powerful, wealthy, famous, etc. than they are. I think many narcs actually prefer that kind of company because 1) they can learn to acquire/mimic character traits from them, thus helping their own quest for power, wealth, fame. And 2) it gives them narcissistic supply to feel part of a high status circle, making them feel high status and worthy of admiration by association. On some level my female ex narc discarded me because being with me would've lowered her own self worth because I'm not famous or otherwise high status. It didn't matter how many good character traits I have or how well I treated her. Once I started recognizing how poorly she was treating me and started calling her out on it, I stopped being a good source of supply to her and got discarded. If I were famous and had a big social circle or lavish lifestyle I suspect she would've tried to feign taking accountability for her behavior so that she could continue sucking narc supply from me.
Great point. My mother lived like that...always hobnobbing with the big wigs. She was quite a covert narc, and good at it!! Things just never added up with her. It still bewilders me and I'm in my 60s now.
Wow! This is quite an eye opener! It's weird that it makes things clearer than a video about "what narcissists DO." Interesting. Thanks for putting this up. It has REALLY helped me understand two narcissists in my life.
I've spent the last year learning about and preparing myself to deal with the problem in my life. We were apart for about 7-8 months and I let her back in my life in August. More pointedly, I reached out and re-initiated contact. I expected to be welcomed with open arms and was. For the last 2.5 months I sat back, played my usual part and watched as things unfolded predictably. It's like clockwork how they think, plot and execute. Difference is, now I see it all for what it is and can anticipate each move (almost) before it comes. Because of how our families are linked, it's best for me to play along and avoid the big headaches that may accompany a messy split. But the control is gone, no more of that nonsense!
Get away from here for good. To have to guard yourself and play this games isn’t something sustainable. I did that for 54 total years and wasted my adult life. I’m finally completely out of it now and experiencing the life I should have had decades ago. Don’t wait. It cannot provide you with a good life to play these games with someone so close to you. Your health will suffer as well.
@@RioJudy for reasons I can't get too deeply into, that isn't an option. But I understand things well enough that I can navigate the waters now without fear of falling back into her bullshit. But I appreciate your concern, it's thoughtful.
I totally understand your precarious situation I'm living in one myself with my wife. I have learned to live a double life as well as I can keeping conversations dull and boring, informative and meaningful talk never end well so I keep it simple. I too play along to prevent any family disruptions and to avoid those big headaches. For me the control continues, it's to the point that I can't breathe without informing here first. If I have a home project that needs to be done if I first don't clear it through my wife, I have hell to pay. She accuses me of not treating her like a wife by not giving her a detailed plan as to what I'm doing just to maintain the house. So, if I have a project to do I wait till she will be away from the house for a lengthy time and do it anyway. I generally have hell to pay when she gets back but the job is done, and I deal with it. Anyway, I really understand your situation.
Thank you Jill. 🤗Everything you said is true in My Experience with The Narc. You have been Extremely Helpful on My Healing Journey. Please keep the messages coming. Much Love & Light to you & Survivors. We got this! ❤💪🙏
My older sister, the Queen of Narcissists, said this at my mother's funeral. "She wasn't the best mom in the world " and "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a stepmother." May I just say that my mother was the kindest and most dedicated mom to all 5 of us.
KE I lost my eldest son at 40 to COVID. My daughter mentioned something a few days ago, that her brother wasn’t very nice to her. 1,she said this in front of her neighbor, who I barely know. 2 she is a narcissist and was obviously playing a nasty game with me. 3. Her friend never said a word. At the time we were in her car away from her house and very far from mine, I had gone to visit my granddaughter.my sons wife is also a narcissist about the same as my daughter. They appear to get on like a house on fire, and it’s like I’m not there when we are at her house together. I’m not one for playing these kinds of games. When my daughter in law went home I felt exhausted.
@@danoyse8233 they are exhausting for sure. 2 of them?? UGH. Fortunately, my sister lives in BC a very long way from Ontario. She moved there in 1990 It's been peaceful. My mother died in 1986, at age 63 and we were in our twenties. My brothers were in their thirties. She's a piece of work. I don't communicate with her but my siblings maintain a superficial relationship long distance. I am now 63 and realize just how young my other was when she passed.
@@ke9988 I need to keep the connection with my sons daughter, I don’t want or need the daughter in laws input. But seemingly, can’t have one without the other. She’s very controlling of the child. My daughter does the same with my other granddaughter.Do we need all this shenanigans, like a hole in the head. Best wishes from Devon UK
Thank you for joining my roster of…well I’ve I just been calling y’all “The Smart Ladies,” that have saved my life on here; teaching me all the stuff I really needed to learn before I completely collapsed from my world of head games and mental abuse.
Great video, i wonder what it would be if they over apologize trying to get backhanded sympathy? It just seems so exhausting being these ways i just do not understand 😪
I constantly get astonished over how a narc seems to rebuild their own world and controlling persona by using mistakes i made long ago. I know understand their wounds seem to heal for the moment ( contemporary embalming ) for every attack on you. I would give my life to change this but realize i need to save myself now so it doesnt become a reality.
Thank you, Jill. Your videos are informative and useful. Married to one, life is miserable...how to break away? Financially dependent and children to take care.
Everything you have said I went through the lies, blaming, shaming, she never wanted me to have more than her especially money she would belittle me all the time I was with a diagnosed narcissist and when she first told me that she was clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder I had no clue what it was. When she told me she said it very proud and sarcastically at the same time but Not until about six months to a year with in the relationship I started to notice behaviors of downgrading even when we were going out to eat how they would treat waitresses and it was always people being treated like they were beneath her and she would openly say it as well. But the more I started to dig into narcissistic personality disorder and I started to point out things that she was doing toward me my son anyone it never went well I was always treated even more worse for bringing it up and then I would just sit back and watch her lie to family members about her having narcissistic personality disorder when she told me herself she was diagnosed with it, it was almost like she was taunting me in a way by asking certain family members who are very knowledgeable in mental health if they thought that she might be a narcissist and they would always tell her no but she never shows them her true side as a matter of fact I used to always tell my ex that no one truly knows who she is not her child or even her friends and her response to me was always that if I ever told no one would believe me anyway! Because of her reputation in the community! Her love was truly transactional and she only chooses friends she can benefit from or friends that will praise her and put her on a pedestal and see no wrong, I really went through a lot and even contemplated suicide because of the abuse that I suffered behind closed doors constantly having to lie to everyone around me when they asked me what was wrong it even got to the point that when I decided to go to therapy she picked out my therapist and told me that I was for bidden to talk about her or our relationship but that was the major thing that was making me crumble. I still carry her secrets today, my son went through alot as well I can remember one time she asked him if he wanted to go with her or would he like to stay home with me and he chose to come with me and in a instant she got upset and pushed me into the kitchen stove and said had you never left me he would have never chosen you over me! She thrived on trying to make my son love her more than me, I still carry the pain she caused me but I’m working on my healing at the same time. So desperately I wanted someone to see what was going on I wanted someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy, because I was being gaslighted constantly and she knew what she was doing because she would make comments and say I really don’t know why you put up with me, she would often cause my pain, and I felt like she enjoyed watching me hurt! I begged her to stay in therapy but she just got to the point she felt like nothing was wrong with her and that she could fix herself on her own. She begged me not to tell her secrets that’s the only thing she was worried about when I decided to walk away and as painful as it was I just couldn’t look back and I began to look at her like the monster she really is. I’m still healing and it still hurts I just want it all to be over. My prayers are with all who are suffering silently from narcissistic abuse and I pray you find the strength to move on and heal no matter how bad it hurts
1. Don’t give compliments
2. Won’t apologize
3. Will not give up control
4. Will never forgive you
5. Will not help someone anonymously
6. Will not treat anyone as their
equal
7. They never listen
8. Not polite to others unless it’s for show
9. Will not talk about deep emotions.
10. Aren't capable of human traits
And rewrites reality.
Mine were all obsessed with football
@@Hurkuhntreeks They spend a lot of money and time watching people kick about a bit of plastic, they live in the world of stupid.
They Don't workout
Wow!! Congratulations to anyone who has removed themselves from someone with ANY of these traits let alone all of them. You are a hero/heroine! There are better humans in the world and you deserve to find them.
The light is there at the end, but the tunnel is so long 😢
It's not so easy.... at all.
This was perfect timing! I just proved a narcissist (my Mom) wrong and showed her the evidence. She has not once ever admitted she’s wrong. So instead, she comes back at me with insults and silent treatment. They truly have no humility and a huge ego.
Sounds just like my mother!
I too have a mother like yours. I feel you and can empathize greatly.
My mom is unfortunately a narcissist, women rarely take accountable for anything
@@meme-zv7kw -“WOMEN rarely take accountability for anything..” Let’s insert some facts here. 74% of all narcissists are MALE. GOOGLE IT. But past that, don’t attribute lying OR not taking responsibility to a gender. It’s not a factor at all. You probably noticed but I’ll remind you, this video was authored by a female and most present here commenting are as well. Gender isn’t something this is about.
@@meme-zv7kw Whoa! Woman here. I take responsibility for my actions good and bad. I don't see other options. I chose narcs. That was me. I take responsibility for that. My mother is another story and I do not take responsibility for any of her stuff and neither does she. Both of us are women. We are able to be different.
The closest you'll get as an apology from an narcissist is the silent treatment until what they done is forgot about and then its just not brought up again..
So true I used to go through this a lot
Yeah never ever will they admit fault. NEVER.
“Truth to a narcissist is whatever version of reality they can benefit from at that moment”…. WOW thanks Jill !! 🌠
Yeah absolutely. Living in the ever changing false reality
Notice how that also applies perfectly to the government as well.
I got away from my narcissistic best friend three years ago after twenty years of torture. Every single day countless texts messages dropping in to my house. She drained me of money for her cigarettes gas emergencies groceries. My husband worked out she drained me for $60 a Week. And we were struggling financially. She crossed her last line early one morning calling our home at 6:30am to talk about a subject she knew triggered me. So I yelled at her to shut up. I hung up and ignored all contact. Her worst crime against me was she told her young sons I was a drug addict because I was on prescription medication for a urine infection. Auntie has a drug problem she told them. I felt humiliated. It’s not like I could sit her sons down and calmly tell them your mom got it wrong, I have an infection that’s what the pills are for . She loved putting me in position like that. On my Wedding day she was the only person who didn’t compliment me on my dress. It took me twenty years to understand why.
Forget her and Thank God she isn't in ur life.
I know, it really takes alot to get toxic people out of your life.
Wish you all the best and GOOD FOR YOU!
They give compliments backhanded compliments
💯 They will never apologise, and its insane how they turn things round and make you feel like it's your fault.
I thought I couldn't be controlled, how wrong was I 😂
Now I understand I see them everywhere.
I posted here about a month ago. So I thought I would share more of my story as it helps me get through some downers I have. We recently found out my wife is pregnant. We have been no contact with my in-laws for a bunch of months now. During these months my father in law has tried to contact my wife a number of times . One message read . "We know what we've done is wrong but what you're doing is ten times worse" as you can see he never quite takes full responsibility for his actions. Anyway against our better judgement we decided that we would break the no contact and tell them that their daughter is pregnant. The reply is classic of a narcissist. " Congratulations, to bad we won't be allowed to see them grow up". This has just confirmed that doing the no contact and getting these absolutely emotional manipulators out of our lives is the best thing to do.
My mom is a narcissist. I had to cut her off because she is toxic and destructive. It’s sad it came to this but I am better off without her.
I left the country - and my mum and ex-husband 23years ago...now, all these years later, they still steal everything from my identity in this little place, considering the inheritance after I, who they still haven't managed to kill..worst....they are covered up by the (100% insane) subjects, "administering" the little place, which van no longer be classified as a country but by now, purely "function" as a death-camp..
I have in fact, very resently, been warned against contacting any of the so-called "lawyers" in the place, as not one of them apply any real laws anymore - this being national and International laws and, innocent people there, are by now just killed (directly slaughtered)
I am not sure if I should call such subjects narc's or, maybe just what they really are: Genocidal mass murderers!
If we took them all to court today, they would simply say, they just did it "for the fun of it" - hence criminal psychopaths in the extreme...
Maybe our "choice" is, to leave - as far away as possible and, never, ever look back!!
Sorry about your mother! Did you have your father there as support? I have a baby daughter with a covert narcissist and am "co-parenting" so am concerned about how to protect my daughter.
Totally agree 👍 good for u.
@@jans724 my dad was emotionally unavailable but he went to work everyday to support our family. I know it would have been insanely worse without him around so even though he didn’t stop my mom from being insane and doing crazy things, he prevented me from ending up in foster care or worse.
I understand the struggle.
I would never want to spend a day in their shoes. They're sick, cruel, heartless, sadistic human actors. A threat to healthy people's mental health. It doesn't take long to spot them. Just look for subtle clues when dating. Always watch them playing dumb and dumbing you down. One hint of disrespect, run. Many times this comes from a deceptive, lying parent who hid it very well and made it the norm. Love your information, and please keep reminding us to always be aware.
That never say goodbye on the phone! So true. They'd ring me and I'd noticed I'd get 'I have to go now' after 10 minutes. As if I'd rung them 🤣
Jill 100% knows what she’s talking about. Literally spot on my experience.
Wow! You described perfectly the malignant narc I thankfully divorced .
This is The tip of the iceberg condensed version of being “married “ to the worst nightmare enemy…
coercively controlling, manipulative, counter parenting, maligning and undermining all my dedication, devotion, unconditional love I poured into my children.
Jealous of his own children so he has managed to destroy their drive, self esteem, passions, all things they were extremely talented and skilled at he’s managed to sabotage so they quit and have Absolutely no self worth, ambitions, and autonomy.
sabotaging and destroying any peace, positivity, happiness, progress.
Self serving and only looks out for his best interests .
No emotional availability.
No integrity or moral compass.
Dismissive, deflecting, pessimistic, impatient, berating, belittling , invalidations and constant cruel judgments, put downs, insults , name calling.
Rigid, intolerance, and paranoid delusional projections.
You made any mistake or accident ..in his mind there’s no excuse or acceptable explanation , “you did it on purpose.. it was no accident and you will pay through punishment by it will be used and held against you forever “ or with his paranoid assumptions..you did it Intentionally to him”.
There is no reasoning, resolution, or any logical rationale with him as you are kicked down the dark rabbit hole over and over for daring to approach any subject of conversation or God forbid anything you seek help or advice or a subject he doesn’t like.
As he rudely,obnoxiously ,interrupts constantly impatiently finishes your thoughts and sentences for you.distracts off topic changes subject, hijacks the conversation to where you forgot what you started talking about. By the time you remember He has now disconnected and walked away as your pathetically hurriedly talking to his back.
Black and white thinking.. you are either with him and it’s his way or no way , it’s never right or good enough, .. if you object, show autonomy, have opposing opinions, correct or challenge him, you are the ostracized enemy.
Absolutely no empathy or compassion unless feigned for ulterior motives.
The false mask of hiding his true evil sadistic self appears to apply to his conditional, transactional ,strings attached motives with any relationship with what he considers beneath him humans or minions to scam them into thinking he’s a caring, loving, involved , martyr dad or husband .
Never any accountability , self reflection, regard for others, or remorse for his actions .
The definition of hypocrite, he’s constantly criticizing, judging, calling everyone else names yet doing the same or worse things.
Rules, laws, boundaries, morals , don’t apply to him yet he will hold everyone else to them.
Raging Alcoholic .
Abusive rage attacks including verbal, physical, and death threats when his true identity and motives are exposed , and when called out and held accountable for his actions.
Constant serial cheating, neglecting and abandoning his family.
Pathological lying, deceit, gaslighting, detached from reality and history false narratives he spreads in his Smear campaigning, triangulating, and Always skapegoating and blaming the victims for what he is guilty of.
As the coward con artist is constantly running away , hiding, covering his tracks, escaping
His truth , past, and trail of destruction from catching up with him as he’s forever pointing fingers at everyone else playing the chameleon imposter fraud victim role he’s mastered.
Wow. Well said.
I hope karma catches up with him
Anger is ...... Disappointment in others, I am now realizing that at 39 my mother brother grandmother and everyone else I was involved with was this type at one part of the spectrum or another, and isn't it funny that we can point to a specific person situation that will match perfectly with every topic these vids cover. I'm sorry that you went thru a period of time with the fuck head you have described.........the only thing that saved me from these people is keeping my actions unpredictable random and guessing where I am the hate it when Im unemployed.lol
It's taken me years to truly understand all this! Not only with humans, they don't even have empathy for pets or animals!
They are cruel to animals. My young daughter once showed me a video of her dad kicking a duck when they were at the park. What an a$$hole... Who would hurt a duck??
@@PerrySkyePhoenix I'm talking about even their own pets... For example, she said her dog died, when she actually had had it put down! ...All on a schedule so she could go away for the weekend!
@@mcdee56 That's despicable!
We had a dog that congestive heart failure he did fine on his meds. I was in the hospital for several days. He brought the dogs meds to the hospital and had me write instructions and break up his meds. Everything went fine. I was in the hospital again for a week the next month. He had the instructions and the meds to break up and use. When I came home my poor little baby was in horrible shape. We had to take him and have him put down the next day. He had not given him ANY of his meds! 😭😭😭😭😭😭This little guy was my baby. I was crushed!
Oh WOW, my mother, spot on & sadly most of my #7 siblings. mom, is #92 yrs old, no edit on what comes out her mouth. Signs were always there growing up, but once on my own I began to change. . Since 1982, it's been one hell of a ride . No one, NO ONE EVER STEPS OUT OF THIER ROLE. I did.
Thank you for confirming everything I’ve been dealing with for the last 18 months…he tried to turn everything around. He was never at fault. Love bombed me the first 4 months- then got tired of me and created things to break up w me. Then, wanted to remain friends which I fell for - ended up friends w benefits. He said he could never have a romantic relationship w me. I now know I’m not the one with problems, I’m not being rejected. Moving on!!
Deeply in my heart, I pity narcissist people. l know l should not
That's your empathic nature x
THEY DONT NEED PITY THEY ALL NEED TO ROT!
When you feel that way remember they will try to destroy you any minute you engage with them. I've lost my sympathy after time. It's gone.
@@Userbts715 I totally agree. I feel no pity, no sympathy. That's what got us in a relationship with them. Don't listen to the bullsh#t.
I refuse to pity them
True not apologise even when caught red handed
Exactly.. also criticising everyone behind their backs.. ie everyone is less than they are
Yes, zero apologies. Zero ability to accept accountability. Blaming is a reflex. Never, ever point out any aspect where accountability on their part may have prevented negative consequences. Immediately it will be turned back on you.
My sociopathic, narcissistic ex had a problem with confusing his opinions with facts... And heaven forbid you pointed out the difference to him. He also thought that if his solution to a problem didn't work, then there couldn't possibly be another "right" answer. He would never acknowledge that someone else's solution might not only work, but actually be better than his.
We must have married relatives! My almost N-ex please God, let the day come.
If you are under N abuse, know these things: 1.) They are literally toddlers, faking confidence. When I mean faking, I mean FAKING, on a level only they do 2.) You are, spiritually there to realize your "weak points" and ultimately learn to take care of yourself, in EVERY WAY. 3.) You will come out of this in a state you never imagined before. Love to all of you.
My Mother tried to say i was a narcisist because i wouldnt forgive someone for years of sexual and physical abuse. I wanted to throw up when she said that.
Should have. Just throw up on her though
@@josephreilman8527 i wish i had
Yeah, Forgiveness and Patience.
The 7 Years, +nearly, 5 MORE within that; of the WORSE, and Very Mo$t difficult *Le$$ons* of my Life.
But, they Chose their own Demise!
Their Lifetime of KARMA. L0$ER$, like their Xfg!
All "Know-Nothings". Yet, hardly educable, is my guess. The Brunt* of ALL (R) men+! (85+??%) Including, 2 with unuseable Bachelor's, 1 a Master's.
REaPin' the "Bitter" Fruit's of their Lazy, Trumb#$$' lack of Labor, 'Work Ethic,' productivity, or need to ever Challenge, themselve's. Be Responsible. Or, know how to Think!
Or, their delusional and Facticious "Magical Thinking," Made-up World! ! Or, have a 💜 or, Conscious.
Or, any concept of their own 'confabulated' Truth, ... or How Anything even works, in Life!
Oblivious and LOST li'l, DAMAGED Toddlers. They aren't even close to capable.
It was probably someone she felt the need to protect, huh? Like her own daughter was less important to her than the myths she perpetuates about this other person. So sad.
Yep, these reptiles expect you to forgive the worst abusers while the abusers are never held accountable and never change. I'm glad there is a place called Hell. I believe God made that specifically for these disgusting hypocrites.
I decorated my home that I owned before I meant my x. Everyone would compliment the way it was decorated and he would say thanks, like he helped do it. He never gave me credit for doing all the work.
That is narcissistic behavior but the way you put it, it is funny, too.
😂
The no apologies argh! They usually say something the gaslighting way like "i'm sorry you felt that" they cannot just say I am sorry
The only time a narcissist will apologize is to silence you or to look good in public. "I'm sorry" is just a tool.
Their words mean nothing, like them, empty
And it’s a tool they can pull out later and say how they DID apologize but it just wasn’t good enough for you ;)
Another thing they will do after visciously abusing you is say "I was just joking"...and if it's on some type of social media, flying monkeys will then Dive Bomb YOU for "attacking the poor narcissist" by continuing to insist on their accountability for their original insolence.
Oh you are so right. I had all the evidence, I even had pictures. Actual pictures, and she refused to give any apology, accountability and even turned it around onto me. She is insane.
@Lee G ok so anyone reading this who needs evidence that their girl is currently or has recently used a dating app of any kind, this is how I ultimately found out. Ok, there's a type of background check that costs 5 bucks, and instead of searching criminal history, it uses their mobile number to run searches and figure out which apps they used that required a phone number to log in. Apps like tinder use your number to identify your location to find you matches in the area. So, this service compiles a list. Once I saw the list of apps she used and which apps were active at which time, found out she cheated on me through nearly the entire 6 year relationship. So, she lied, denied. Figured out her bs and I'm never looking back. That website is called "Social Catfish" give it a go. Get the truth and revelation. Feel better instead of wonder.
I am a psychologist and in criminology.
I been listening and studying about narcissism,the abuse that I do suffer in my family system and…. I would like to say,that I really like you.As you very well know,there are many couches that,do not really help and I always listen to your videos,shorts…. Congratulations on your job,you are very good and I do apreciate you.
Maria.👍💪😊❤️💕
This describes my x wife so well! She never apologized or gave any compliments. She was cheating on me, but blamed me. My children didn't want to live with her after the divorce and lived with me.
I’m so sorry you are going though this with kids, I didn’t have to go though that hell. But all the other stuff I did go through so I feel your pain. I know I would like someone to talk to that has gone through the same thing If you ever need someone to chat with I’m here.
I thought I was the only one he cheated on me and blame me! While I'm pregnant so heartbreaking and painful 💔
@@Samanthajsummers Thanks for the offer that is really nice of you! It's been more than a few years ago and I'm over the pain of it. The experience did hardened me and I never would let another woman to get close to me.
Exactly. Everything you have said it has been and still happening. Lord have mercy. Its as if these . People came frpm unknown planet. They are strange creatures🙌🙌
Thank you, Jill, for the reminders of what a narcissist truly is.
Peace 💕🇺🇲
My covert narcissistic X was absolutely horrible to wait staff! I was constantly apologizing for him and finding myself in a rush to speak to a waitress before he could speak and then I would say to him why do you do that I don't want to eat someone spit. then when I started studying his traits in his behavior that was a huge red flag that I ignored! I'm a very kind person and understanding and takes a lot to make me mad I don't know why I tolerated that behavior that just shows you how well they work. He also like my father didn't do anything for anyone unless it could be acknowledged by everyone and he got patted on the back for it. If people couldn't acknowledge his good deed he didn't do anything
They bank on the kindness of others not calling them out on their bs. If you don’t slam them the first time a boundary is crossed there is nothing but trouble to follow. They also like nice shiny things and people so it’s easy to get sucked in. Greatest way to gauge whether or not they’re good for you is if you feel bad most of the time being around them. Then it’s time to go!
Real clarity here Jill. I turned the volume up. The narcissist swooped by in towel to the bathroom with mouth corners down and nostrils up - They are such textbook caricatures of themselves ; )K
I just came across you! Why, is it everything you say, is so true? Nauseating, it truly is! 45 years of this! I filed for divorce in April. Instead of me getting rid of him, I lost my attorney, due to non compliance, for not getting my paper work back to her! I can’t drive, been sick for a long time! So many things, during those six months! I truly, feel like a beaten down horse! I need to file again, and not make the same mistakes! God, give me the strength! I could write forever! I didn’t even know, what a Narcissists was, for all those years I was married to him, everything, was always my fault, he could never do any wrong! He blamed me for everything! For many years I wanted to leave! I now have for grown children! Please, don’t wait, like I did! It really doesn’t get any better! It will always be your fault! They can never do wrong! In the last few years, I would yell out to him, “ Who do you think you are? ( God ) He never did give me a answer! God, give me the strength, to end this, once and for all.
When I was a teenager my narcissist father would bring up things I did as a toddler as proof of me being a failure
This is so sad!! He's the one that failed you though.
Same. I was beaten until I lost comscioussness by my Dad. On his death bed he asked me to go see him. I declined. I didn't know he was dying. Nobody told me. He replied by listing everything wrong I ever did since childhood. I replied something along the lines of "I don't care just leave me alone." a few days later my estranged sister notified me Dad had died. After he died my mother wouldn't let me go to their house to pay my respects. I got a taxi to the funeral. I wasn't allowed to see the will. Turns out my Dad left us absolutely nothing. My narc mother thought she would steal all the money. There wasn't any. Was so funny. I've been estranged from my whole family since I was about 18 or 19 years old. So good now though. I suffered. Now I'm fine and they are suffering. Haha. Quite funny. Be strong brothers and sisters. You WILL prevail!
“Parents” who do things like that are failures. They’re jokes and punchlines that aren’t even funny.
My mom brought up things as I did as a teen in my 50s.
Shamming that’s them do it back too them and watch them implode
Truth - a covert I once was in a relationship with - never complimented me.. I inquired why and he said he didn't want me to get a big head.. never apologize, unless it's to further abuse.. Others compliment to lure you in.. This video is great.. exact info - well presented.. Books to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help FEAST OF MEN & REFLECTIONS OF THE CURSE.. journey of a woman's heart..
You need to retitle this Malignant Narcissists, because I can tell you that the covert/vunerable narcissist plays these things a little differently. There are nuances to this that amaze me to no end when I look at how my father handled things and how a couple of other narcs I know operate. It's like walking over a walkway that crosses a canal every day for years and then suddenly realizing there is a whole hidden and dangerous world in that canal that includes terrifying sharks just waiting for someone to fall in. These people scare me, but this is all on a spectrum, so some of them do most of the things on your list and some only some of those things.
I agree 100%. Coverts can seem normal--especially to others who don't see the bad side of them.
@ 6:45 SPOT ON ......!!!!.......the one i had once told me she had too many clothes and she'll get rid of some.....she set apart many dresses, pants, shirts, etc.......i told her lets donate them all....she said she is not donating anything and LITERALLY cut every item in pieces with scissors until it was impossible to use than she threw everything in trash cans........who does that..??....A NARCISSIST....
😱
They never say sorry! They are demented and senile!
Actually, they do say sorry.
But only in order to get something
They are unrepentant and unteachable. They are the sons of Hell.
When you get called out and prove you weren't lying and no apology. Message received, thank you Jill for teaching what you teach
I caught my mother in law drinking and driving with my kids in the car. When I confronted her I was told by my father in law that it's my fault that she is drinking 🤣 Never got an apology or any sign of regret for her actions.
😱😳
Correct. My father always backed my narc mother up. He became exactly as horrible as she, later in life. As the only daughter I was her best target. I cannot think about anything good and caring, that she did for me, finding fault with me. I was never enough.
@@LR-yu3mx you and my wife are in the same boat. Can you have two narcissistic parents? My mother in law is definitely egocentric buy it's my father in law that's the narc. My wife was bullied at school as a teen and when she told her dad about it he told her that it's her fault. She must be doing something to cause it. Can I tell you the best part?? Her father was the principal of the school! My wife and I can't do anything right. The alcoholic, adulterer and drug user in the family gets more praise than what we have gotten in the ten years of marriage. We don't drink, do t use drugs and we don't sleep around. We both work and we raise our own kids yet we've been used as the scape goat from the beginning. We have now started the process of putting distance between us and them. My wife got a call from her mother couple of days ago saying that she knows that she has been wrong in the past but the fact that we are keeping the grandkids away from them is ten times worse and that they don't deserve to be punished like this. Haha. Straight back to playing victim. It's a never ending loop. That's why we have decided to start going no contact. It's the toughest thing my wife will ever do in her life but it needs to be done to get us back to the fun loving family we use to be. Good luck to everyone in a similar situation. Remember this is about your happiness not theirs. Much love and respect from South Africa..
Tre van Rooyen, I am also in SA. My mom was the biggest malignant narc.. Communial narc. Always backed and invited people. But behind closed doors! Father... Becomes clear to me that He also became one. He could not control her, so he joined her. Sorry to say, ours was the most toxic family in the town. I never invited friends over.
So wrong... They are so so wrong. No kids left with them !
Oh My God!!! This is so on target...it's been 6 months and I'm sitting here crying all over again .
Keep the faith Rick. You will be better and stronger because you went through it. I’m 16months into my divorce after 23 years of marriage.
Not an easy journey but it simply has to be done.
I got into a bad bicycle accident. For my birthday I got a whole evening from all 3 of my family on what a horrible person I was for getting into the accident. Without any provocation my mother would jokingly tell me that I was an unwanted child, and everyone would laugh at her joke. All through my life my family told me that everything I said was worse than worthless. Every time I tried to defend myself they all started yelling to drown me out. I have lots of friends that respect me and treat me like a human being. In business my co-workers also respected me. One of my grandfathers treated me like I was a good person. He died in 1968. I still really miss him.
Stay away from them!
Being a normal, empathic human in the midst of a family of narcs is like being a deer in the midst of a pack of ravenous hyenas.
Brilliant explanation,I've had the misfortune to meet them, but I got away, they are no longer in my life, happy days ☺️
Good for you. They’re EVERYWHERE!
Thanks for helping me feel secure in leaving her.. not easy, but necessary...
Accurate discernment is so needed!
Had parents who were such a person and I thought I had found a true person....I seem to be a magnet for such people and my voice taken from me.
Until you heal those traumas inside you, you will continue to be a target for these kinds of psychic vampires …
You are more comfortable being attracted to that kind of energy because it’s so familiar. It’s a lot of shit to break through, but you will make it to the other side.
It’s your SELF LOVE that will attract the right person… You can only love someone else as much as you love yourself 💪🏼🧿
I love the input you said about true narcissist people. I'm dealing with my younger brother who is the executor of my mother's estate after her passing in June of this year 2022. My younger shows every single sign of what you mentioned to a t. My older brother is just the same but he's more of the I DONT WANT ANYTHING FROM MOM AT ALL NARCISSIST and that's just as bad. The good part about what I'm saying is that my lawyer asked me to describe my two siblings so she knows what she's going up against when my family goes to probate. I told both of my siblings that I can't even call them siblings at all anymore if you want a FAMILY WAR YOU GOT A WAR AND I WILL FIGHT BLUDGEONESS AGAINST THE BOTH OF YOU AND DEFEND MY MOTHERS NAME AGAINST THEM. Thank you for making this video so I know what I'm up against in court.
You have pegged my sister to perfection. Thank you for reinforcing what I thought was true. Now I KNOW.
My daughter returned after 20 yrs.
You hit everything she has done to me.
I finally blocked her. A weight has been lifted. Thank you for this video.
Where did she learn all of these unhealthy patterns, Marcia? Hmmmmm 🤔 haha
Ian Evans they say mental illness can skip a generation. There is my scitzophenic and bi polar mother and on my husband's side deep depression. I left home at the age of 13 after being beaten daily with the buckle end of a belt between my shoulders and above my knees. I was hit over the head with a cast-iron frying pan when my baby brother reached for me calling me Momma. At 14 my mother took me to a Dr to make sure I was still a Virgin
My daughter left our home at the age of 15. She was tired of our leave it to beaver life.
She didn't graduate high school she returned at 18 after having 3 abortions. She left again after stealing my grandmother's jewelry. She flew to Europe where she was arrested in Spain for prostitution.
She got out of prison and moved to NYC
Where she continued to sell herself.
Denying God and her Family
This last November I flew her home first class.
And has blamed us for all she has chosen to do.
She stole money this time
A 43 year old woman.
In 2020 my husband and I lost everything we had worked for in the Holiday Farm Fire in Oregon. We have nothing. Yet she feels we owe her. Saying You'd think a parent would want to help their child. As she continued to dis respect us we kept her dor 5.months.
My husband turned 70 today I will in June. We are living in a 32ft trailer on our property.
We are loving patient people.
We shared.our.space with her
We pray our baby girl seeks the help she needs. We love her dearly.
As of yesterday we found that she is off her antidepressants and has quit her job.
We are heartbroken. We have lost 3 family members to suicide, we pray daily we don't loose her.
Where did she learn these narcissistic traits?
God knows not for me to ask or blame
I don’t know if my research I really don’t believe that they are “void” of empathy.
The best I’ve heard it described is that they use up all the empathy on themselves and they have little-none left over for others. Others.
A couple months ago I had a shouting match with my father, who I recently discovered was a narcissist. I told him that his problem was that he couldn't be wrong. He immediately denied that and then spent the rest of the shouting match doing his best to prove that I was wrong and he was right. Everything I said he denied or said "That's just your opinion" or "I don't agree" or "That's not true." It's been months since that conversation, and he is so buttmad that he will barely speak to me now.
I had to be hospitalized last week for some health problems, and I asked my father if he would help me because I had no one else to turn to. His response was that he would not help me because, and I quote, "You think you know better." Really? I'm over here dying and scared, and he had to prove a point rather than help me. He needed to be right while I was terrified and needed help. That just blew my mind, though in hindsight it shouldn't have.
I used to think my mother was the raging narc of the family -- and she is -- but I didn't know my father had these stark narc traits too. That was an eye opener. More and more things that my mother says about him and how nasty he treated her are helping me put together a puzzle that I had not considered before. My father was absent for my entire life because he left the raising of my brother and me to my mother, who abused us, while he worked and couldn't give a damn about anyone but himself.
This video was dead on. Thank you, Jill. You help me and many others make sense of this misery.
I think you raise some really important points. I always thought my brother was the raging narc and his wife the poor vulnerable bullied victim but she is a raging covert. They are actually made for each other
i know that feeling , i was in hospital last year , and i had had no contact for 1 year with mum and sis but i had to contact them and they were 10x worse (cancer was MY fault you see because i ate macdonalds ) they would talk about ANYTHING rather than ask how i was feeling , rubbish. soon as i got out i wrote and told them to stay away dont ring and dont come anywhere near me , i bet they love ranting about how ive gone mad .
i went for a coffee with sis 3-4 years ago and it was tiring.....i said after 3 hrs
'do you know . you have dissagreed with EVERYTHING i have said today'...
her reply, ''NO I HAVENT''.....
they dont see it and will never see it
Sometimes when one person in a married couple is a narcissist, the other one will also become one but find a different person to victimize.
@@chrishere4272 yeah , they take it to the workplace
@@chrishere4272 absolutely and in the family cult select other targets in it either by themselves or as a team
Brilliantly said, Jill. These things all perfectly describe the character traits and behaviours of the narcissists which I came into contact with in the past. It’s spooky how similarly they all seem to behave!
Excellent video! 🙌
I experienced everything that you said , And more over a three-year. Then of course more came along‘s such as ghosting me, gaslighting me and many other things that I learned about. Tried counseling but really got a lot more right off of listening to cancer such as Jill right here on UA-cam. We have been a part a good two years and I listen to the stuff every day, I keep needing to hear it. I have to remember the bad moments because our brain just wants to take us to the love bombing moments. I’m still working hard to stay away. I did find out through the experience I went through with my boyfriend and learning about narcissist, that is some thing I never actually knew anything about, but I do realize after learning about this how my mother always threw a roadblock in front of my life and the horrible things I went through with her. I said to my son one day I think Nana is a narcissist now that I’ve been learning about the traits that they have and what they do. My son said mom you think! Thank you Jill you were spot on with my boyfriend everything you said is all I experienced.
demon possessed or highly controlled by them...that's why these traits are so similar.
New subscriber here. A man I met at my mother’s community pool insisted I go out with him. I told him no. For the next four years he intimidated me by saying he was gonna tell my husband we’ve been having an affair. My husband was 13 years older than me + I know he wouldn’t have stood by me. Four years later I left the marital home because the threats were bad. When I did confront my husband as to whether or not he would have stood by me, he said no. It’s been 16 years + after numerous ROs being ignored, he’s still at it!
The husband wasn't a loss. What kind of man wouldn't stand by their wife when someone is harassing and threatening them?
They never answer questions. Its like they don't understand them. Especially if they think their behavior is right or wrong.
This brings back memories of my dealings with a narcissist. Spot on list!
My father loved making public donations ,never anonymously .At Xmas time he would present the children with cheques made out to his favourite charity .We would just sit their stunned he even provided the envelope and stamp , we were struggling in rental houses etc .At our wedding which we paid for he gave us a small cheque in front of the guests and told the guests he had given us a deposit for a house LOL ,it was less than 1% of our house price .
So sorry that you & yours went through that with your father! I myself was fortunate with my family but Ive known a few people similar to your father. It's still hard to understand how N'S can be the way they are.
My ex gave our youngest a check at her 16th bday party in front of everyone. He acted like it was Huge. $4000 doesn't buy much of a car in 2015. We shopped for that car from May til Aug every Sat. A very stressful Summer.
He had no part in raising you in such a way so you could pay for your weddings and mortgages? Some kids never even had a father, even as horrible as yours.
@@annconforti9294what?you sound like the narc,$4,000 in 2015 ,you should get nothing ,u r unappreciative,,an it’s a kids car 🤦♀️we ,in 2023 paid cash 7,000 for our sons ford focus ,which is used an mint ,it’s better than most adult vehicles,,an he doesn’t have a car payment ,,,,maybe you give a check for $4,000 then you won’t have to complain about someone else’s kindness,,,ridiculous an your the mom lol
This is s perfect word to word description of my husband. Thank you so much
The most thorough and quick explanation I have ever heard. This is exactly who my mother is
I'm so grateful I left a narcissistic relationship. I got out physically unharmed. He did emotionally and mentally abuse me. He lied so much and it was so hard to listen to it.
And with me having borderline personality disorder, I'm glad I was able to escape from him. Since I left him, he hasn't come to my house but he made fake Facebook profiles and pretended he took his own life. To make me feel bad for leaving him. He lived an hour and 20 minutes from me. He took the bus from his place to mine before I noticed any red flags. He manipulated me, controlled me, made me feel trapped. It was scary.
Everyone of these is 💯
True. You nailed it! Lived each one before I knew what was really going on....now I have a logical explanation .
You goldie are the narc
She is On Point! Those types of people suck All day and Every other day. They nice to lower your defenses, then they get derranged.
Another home run, Jill. Yet again, you described my older brother, and several others I've dealt with. It's difficult for me to believe that my brother has been gone for 22 years (He committed suicide in 2000 at age 55) but his destructive behavior still affects me to a small degree.
Thank you for this! I have dealt with this at work with a supervisor. She has lied and to my face. I’ve tried to explain, but it’s hard. I’ve done nothing wrong to her. I stay away from her as much as possible. She has made hand gestures behind my back and tried to start an argument with me for grounds of termination. Also intimidating starring. Multiple relationships with guys in the workplace.
Yeah I learned this the hard way. Narcissists never apologize.
Spot on sister!!!!!!!
If you meet a narcissist, run as fast as you can. I've met few of them, but I didn't know what they were at that time. They are terrible people.
Another outstanding summary Jill. Thank you so much.
I randomly stumbled upon this and man... I'm having all kinds of emotions bring brought up about an ex from over a decade ago. So many things make sense now.
Jill you are spot on, all these points you mentioned describes my wife PERFECTLY. My wife is all about control even down to the TV control. My wife's go to threat is divorce along with a variety of other threats. Bringing up passed failures, I mean 20-25 years ago failures, to use as threats and to remind me how SHE NEVER did anything like what I did. I have learned to live a double life as much as I can sharing as little as possible with here. I keep conversations dull and boring nothing with depth or informative. My wife is disrespectful to people in the service industry as if she is the center of the universe. I could write the script to this video all points describe my wife and her behaviors. You are correct about a narcissist's actions and behaviors in public and how they differ in private, the sweet smiling mask comes off and it's walking on eggshell time. Yes, Jill you are so spot on with the descriptions you so correctly laid out, unfortunately I'm have been on the receiving end of them all, and how would it be possible to explain this to anybody? I don't even try; I just live my double life for sanity.
Divorce!
My condolences to you. If you stay with that Jezebel you will end up like my dad (6 feet under).
My spouse has no emotional content in their speech. Communications consist of "Do you want...?", "Can I get...?", "Will you do...?"
Definitely how it was for me. Suuuupeer shallow…not a true connection.
I always learn something from your videos, but this particular one was incredibly helpful. Thank you for sharing this. It helps a lot to know what to look for. ❤
You described my dad fully. My only crime in life was l forgot to lock my bicycle as a student 40 years ago. l have lost count how many times that got thrown back in my face, to change the subject. 2 years ago, when l told him he pocketed the money from selling my first bicycle when l was 12 years old, right under my nose, the student bicycle was brought up again. I said "That was 10 years later!". He walked away, saying nothing. I haven't seen him since.
Whoa. Not locking your bicycle could have been unconsciously connected to your memories of Father selling your bike out from under you when you were 12.
We tend to live in patterns.
@@veep5712 Nope. l had deeply buried the 12 year old bike story, for fear my dad would beat the crap out of my mom (again), should l challenge him. It was only 5 years ago when l watched a 70s documentary and saw a Chopper bicycle, did it all come back to me. At varsity, I was distracted by someone and thought l had locked my bike. Nonetheless my point is this was a crime to end all crimes in history, according to my dad, who had no right to even mention it at all.
Good riddance to bad rubbish.
Well done Roland
You just described a certain person we all know. Frightening to say the least.
God bless you sweet lady, luv these messages
Yup. My best “Bud” (if you will), stood me up for a breakfast date, his idea. I called, and was told he had simply forgotten and had already left without me. (Not the first time). So I just hung up. Later he calls to enlighten me that I owe HIM an apology because I’m the one “who usually has the bad memory” (so apparently all his behaviors are calculated apparently?). Besides that he is always accusing me of never being able to apologize. …not true, but first I need to be made aware that someone feels I screwed up somehow, I think. But he will toss that comment out from nowhere, like he is projecting his inner dialogue onto me.
My mother would brag about me to others but would never compliment me to my face.
That's how they covertly smear you. So that when you wake up and attempt to expose them, YOU seem like the bad child. They pose as loving, angelic parents to other people while they abuse you in secret. Classic manuever of the covert malignant narcissist "mother"...
Real talk! Thank you for showing the other side of the narcissistic coin what they don't do is just as harmful!
As always, excellent content Jill.
Wow - this makes so much sense and sure applies to two members of my family. Am surprised that narcissism is so common, after reading the comments. Such cruel people have nothing but pure selfishness in place of where their soul should be.
Schadenfreude . Inverted empathy . I feel happy when you feel bad .
Yes. My mother can't stand it when I'm happy. It irritates her. I've experienced this with other narcissists too. They hate it when I'm happy and seem genuinely pleased when they've managed to upset me. I don't want or need these types of people in my life.
They’re sadists.
Had that happen last Xmas. The gift of being pranked and no present for you better luck next year hahahaha.Along with a sadistic cackle.No mas._
Considering public hangings were very popular, I'm thinking schadenfreude exists in everyone to a point
@@69birdboy Many called, (very) few chosen . Evil is very popular . Jesus was never a cheerful spectator to a roman circus .
Im going trough a divorce one narcissist. God have Mercy on me.
Have faith and repeat God's name. You will be stronger
I agree with your list entirely but with one caveat. The point you made about them not wanting to associate with people who are more accomplished, powerful, wealthy, famous, etc. than they are. I think many narcs actually prefer that kind of company because 1) they can learn to acquire/mimic character traits from them, thus helping their own quest for power, wealth, fame. And 2) it gives them narcissistic supply to feel part of a high status circle, making them feel high status and worthy of admiration by association.
On some level my female ex narc discarded me because being with me would've lowered her own self worth because I'm not famous or otherwise high status. It didn't matter how many good character traits I have or how well I treated her. Once I started recognizing how poorly she was treating me and started calling her out on it, I stopped being a good source of supply to her and got discarded. If I were famous and had a big social circle or lavish lifestyle I suspect she would've tried to feign taking accountability for her behavior so that she could continue sucking narc supply from me.
Great point. My mother lived like that...always hobnobbing with the big wigs. She was quite a covert narc, and good at it!! Things just never added up with her. It still bewilders me and I'm in my 60s now.
Wow! This is quite an eye opener! It's weird that it makes things clearer than a video about "what narcissists DO." Interesting. Thanks for putting this up. It has REALLY helped me understand two narcissists in my life.
Thanks so much You Nail them completly 👍⚔️ sad people to be around
I've spent the last year learning about and preparing myself to deal with the problem in my life. We were apart for about 7-8 months and I let her back in my life in August. More pointedly, I reached out and re-initiated contact. I expected to be welcomed with open arms and was. For the last 2.5 months I sat back, played my usual part and watched as things unfolded predictably. It's like clockwork how they think, plot and execute. Difference is, now I see it all for what it is and can anticipate each move (almost) before it comes. Because of how our families are linked, it's best for me to play along and avoid the big headaches that may accompany a messy split. But the control is gone, no more of that nonsense!
Get away from here for good. To have to guard yourself and play this games isn’t something sustainable. I did that for 54 total years and wasted my adult life. I’m finally completely out of it now and experiencing the life I should have had decades ago. Don’t wait. It cannot provide you with a good life to play these games with someone so close to you. Your health will suffer as well.
@@RioJudy for reasons I can't get too deeply into, that isn't an option. But I understand things well enough that I can navigate the waters now without fear of falling back into her bullshit. But I appreciate your concern, it's thoughtful.
I totally understand your precarious situation I'm living in one myself with my wife. I have learned to live a double life as well as I can keeping conversations dull and boring, informative and meaningful talk never end well so I keep it simple. I too play along to prevent any family disruptions and to avoid those big headaches. For me the control continues, it's to the point that I can't breathe without informing here first. If I have a home project that needs to be done if I first don't clear it through my wife, I have hell to pay. She accuses me of not treating her like a wife by not giving her a detailed plan as to what I'm doing just to maintain the house. So, if I have a project to do I wait till she will be away from the house for a lengthy time and do it anyway. I generally have hell to pay when she gets back but the job is done, and I deal with it. Anyway, I really understand your situation.
@@BoksCar29 sorry man, your sitch is much worse than mine. Be well
@Sonya Marie So true and I don't know where to go from there
Thank you Jill. 🤗Everything you said is true in My Experience with The Narc.
You have been Extremely Helpful on My Healing Journey. Please keep the messages coming. Much Love & Light to you & Survivors. We got this! ❤💪🙏
This can be applied to most (not all) of my family, some others I know, and some in our society.
You are right 100% thank you for asserting these behaviors
My older sister, the Queen of Narcissists, said this at my mother's funeral. "She wasn't the best mom in the world " and "I've always wondered what it would be like to have a stepmother." May I just say that my mother was the kindest and most dedicated mom to all 5 of us.
KE I lost my eldest son at 40 to COVID. My daughter mentioned something a few days ago, that her brother wasn’t very nice to her. 1,she said this in front of her neighbor, who I barely know. 2 she is a narcissist and was obviously playing a nasty game with me. 3. Her friend never said a word. At the time we were in her car away from her house and very far from mine, I had gone to visit my granddaughter.my sons wife is also a narcissist about the same as my daughter. They appear to get on like a house on fire, and it’s like I’m not there when we are at her house together. I’m not one for playing these kinds of games. When my daughter in law went home I felt exhausted.
@@danoyse8233 they are exhausting for sure. 2 of them?? UGH. Fortunately, my sister lives in BC a very long way from Ontario. She moved there in 1990 It's been peaceful. My mother died in 1986, at age 63 and we were in our twenties. My brothers were in their thirties. She's a piece of work. I don't communicate with her but my siblings maintain a superficial relationship long distance. I am now 63 and realize just how young my other was when she passed.
@@ke9988 I need to keep the connection with my sons daughter, I don’t want or need the daughter in laws input. But seemingly, can’t have one without the other. She’s very controlling of the child. My daughter does the same with my other granddaughter.Do we need all this shenanigans, like a hole in the head. Best wishes from Devon UK
@@danoyse8233 I know you have too. It's unfortunate but necessary. Think of me when you're stuck in the room with the narcs
@@ke9988 xx
Wow!!! 100% bang on with every point. IMPOSSIBLE SITUATION TO LIVE IN! ABSOLUTLEY IMPOSSIBLE! ..God bless you!😊
Great informative vid, thank you so much, trying to disentangle myself from 10yrs of hell & you help a lot as I'm going thru it
Narc's commonly lack:
empathy
sympathy
compassion
forgiveness
acceptance
gratitude
communication
humility
unconditionally love
. . . don't h8 them, ego feeds off it.
Thank you for joining my roster of…well I’ve I just been calling y’all “The Smart Ladies,” that have saved my life on here; teaching me all the stuff I really needed to learn before I completely collapsed from my world of head games and mental abuse.
You said it, brother. Listen to the Smart Ladies 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼🧿🧿🧿🧿
Great video, i wonder what it would be if they over apologize trying to get backhanded sympathy?
It just seems so exhausting being these ways i just do not understand 😪
I constantly get astonished over how a narc seems to rebuild their own world and controlling persona by using mistakes i made long ago. I know understand their wounds seem to heal for the moment ( contemporary embalming ) for every attack on you. I would give my life to change this but realize i need to save myself now so it doesnt become a reality.
Thank you, Jill. Your videos are informative and useful.
Married to one, life is miserable...how to break away? Financially dependent and children to take care.
Battered Womens Groups or shelter will usually help you make an exit plan and provide shelter.
Everything you have said I went through the lies, blaming, shaming, she never wanted me to have more than her especially money she would belittle me all the time
I was with a diagnosed narcissist and when she first told me that she was clinically diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder I had no clue what it was. When she told me she said it very proud and sarcastically at the same time but Not until about six months to a year with in the relationship I started to notice behaviors of downgrading even when we were going out to eat how they would treat waitresses and it was always people being treated like they were beneath her and she would openly say it as well. But the more I started to dig into narcissistic personality disorder and I started to point out things that she was doing toward me my son anyone it never went well I was always treated even more worse for bringing it up and then I would just sit back and watch her lie to family members about her having narcissistic personality disorder when she told me herself she was diagnosed with it, it was almost like she was taunting me in a way by asking certain family members who are very knowledgeable in mental health if they thought that she might be a narcissist and they would always tell her no but she never shows them her true side as a matter of fact I used to always tell my ex that no one truly knows who she is not her child or even her friends and her response to me was always that if I ever told no one would believe me anyway! Because of her reputation in the community! Her love was truly transactional and she only chooses friends she can benefit from or friends that will praise her and put her on a pedestal and see no wrong, I really went through a lot and even contemplated suicide because of the abuse that I suffered behind closed doors constantly having to lie to everyone around me when they asked me what was wrong it even got to the point that when I decided to go to therapy she picked out my therapist and told me that I was for bidden to talk about her or our relationship but that was the major thing that was making me crumble. I still carry her secrets today, my son went through alot as well I can remember one time she asked him if he wanted to go with her or would he like to stay home with me and he chose to come with me and in a instant she got upset and pushed me into the kitchen stove and said had you never left me he would have never chosen you over me! She thrived on trying to make my son love her more than me, I still carry the pain she caused me but I’m working on my healing at the same time. So desperately I wanted someone to see what was going on I wanted someone to tell me I wasn’t crazy, because I was being gaslighted constantly and she knew what she was doing because she would make comments and say I really don’t know why you put up with me, she would often cause my pain, and I felt like she enjoyed watching me hurt! I begged her to stay in therapy but she just got to the point she felt like nothing was wrong with her and that she could fix herself on her own. She begged me not to tell her secrets that’s the only thing she was worried about when I decided to walk away and as painful as it was I just couldn’t look back and I began to look at her like the monster she really is. I’m still healing and it still hurts I just want it all to be over. My prayers are with all who are suffering silently from narcissistic abuse and I pray you find the strength to move on and heal no matter how bad it hurts
I laugh the narc refuses to give compliments they are hilarious they almost have an epileptic fit saying you did something right 😊
🤣
When my narc started trashing my place i started to join her and she almost short circuited from confusion.
@@davespark10 I did the same with ex I wish I wound her up more 😂
@@alonzomosley7 good times good times.
Spot on Jill! I couldn’t compliment anyone in any way in my ex’s presence w/o upsetting him.