I'm weird and that's ok. I'm 45 and have decided to just keep it very light when it comes to friends, like none. And that's ok too. Maybe it's laziness but I don't want to try anymore. I'm too weird.
Are you an artist or a musician ?! We are wired differently. Most of my friends are artists. I encourage you to find your "tribe" ! It could be Antique Sewing machines (I recently went down that rabbit hole on a FB group & you couldn't find more helpful people!) Cos-play - either fantasy or historical clothing making (did a bunch of watching during Covid!). I find if you have a passion for something, there are others out there who have the same passion. My older sister watched tons of snake videos during Covid - that surprised me ! But, it is a BIG world & others have hobbies & will talk/text about them for hours. I didn't seriously get into art until I was 40 and found an art community near where I lived. I am 60 now. I am SO grateful that I have this community! I don't "click" with every single person, but many of my best friends were made in this group ! P.s. another thing I found during Covid is I am very likely a ADHD person, so, if you think you might be, check out Jessica on "How to ADHD" on UA-cam. Also, another very welcoming group !
P.s. and if you hate my suggestions, that's okay. Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one. I DO wish you the best, regardless of what you decide. Patrick Teahan, LICSW, here on UA-cam, has a great closing quote about "May you have healing.....etc., etc." I wish I could remember the entire thing, but it feels so nice when he says it ! (His content is fantastic, as well!)
I so get you. I have zero friends now and I love it. I know that's not a good thing though. I'm very closed off in other ways too. It may not be healthy but it feels too good to do otherwise.
Not all trauma happens in childhood, and many people had trauma that they didn't acknowledge or don't realize is trauma. Emotional neglect is one where it's not like something "happened", it's more that something didn't happen. A lot of us can easily dismiss that, rationalize it as "they did their best" and "they provided for everything I needed..." That makes it really confusing.
I used to think I was narcissist because I wouldn't connect and would let someone go the instant I was disregulated ( before I knew about ( dysregulation). Today, my "friend" can both say we are in dysregulation, tap ourselves on the forehead, and say regulate, breathe in before it takes over into paralysis and hypoxia😅. I'm so glad my " friend" understands I have a Santa bag 🎒 of triggers and we just focus on dysregulation correction. Soon the body will understand there is no threat. Thank you Anna.
I’m in the over 50 years old club-feeling bad my healing has only gotten so far-still repeating same behaviors. I, now, FINALLY, because of YOU have HOPE. I’m the kind of person who likes to have answers to the “whys”. I feel so much better being able to finally name what is going on with me. I finally feel, too, that I have real tools for success. (After years of therapy) I am afraid, but super ready, to take responsibility and make changes. I am ready to take healing to a new level, to treat myself better and to treat others better. I was about to give up, then you popped up on my UA-cam feed a few days ago; so grateful that this happened and at the exact right time. Thank you Anna. ❤
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been so helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this. Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Hello Amy, I too am in the 50’s club and feeling very sad that I have had the wreckage of all these years in my past. I stumbled across CCF a couple of weeks ago and it could not have been better timing. I have been at my whits end with my life and even with therapy not as healthy as I want to be in life. I just wanted to let you know I’m right here with you. I’m grateful we both found this amazing place to heal. Sending love and light. ❤ k
Ain't that the truth! Should I be ashamed that I can recognize my issues but can't seem to get out of the habit of doing it, though I try so hard to change, because Im desperate for a better quality of life, and still very disappointed in myself for ruining a great relationship that I dreamed of, the change doesn't stick..UUGGHH. ITS LIKE I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH REMEMBERING TO REMEMBER 🥹😭💔
I've done therapy before but never had results or the AH HA moments like I do during these videos. So much time has been wasted but I'm so ready to heal now. Thank you!
Thank you for helping people with CPTSD. I don't think my issues were understandable enough by my choices in romantic partners. I opened myself wide open to abuse and found myself destroyed emotionally. I now think staying single is the only way to avoid pain.
Allow yourself to be vulnerable & put yourself out there. Go out and do good deeds, it's cathartic. ❤️🌹 You deserve a precious circle of friends. Romantic partners can come later, or not at all, but love and art in all its iterations is life's purpose. imo
This is seriously one of the best and most helpful compilations of videos I have seen on the topic of CPTSD. Thank you so much for your insight and wisdom!
You make it sound survivable to be dysfunctional. Which implies I must feel like it isn't survivable I think I suffer from toxic shame. I like your hopeful encouraging manner. Feels refreshing like Mrs Haversham could open up the curtains let some light in and do a bit of dusting and other housework.
I have not found anyone who describes everything I have been through for 58 years until YOU!!! I listen to your videos and I feel like you are talking about me in a whole lot of your videos! I love how you give us suggestions for situations where we have no idea what is healthy…like in fawning…I had no idea I was doing that! But you are spot on! This whole video speaks to every part of me❤️thank you for introducing me to myself… I was the family scapegoat, and I have been drowning in fear my whole life. Thank you sooooo much… you are helping me begin to live authentically for the first time!!❤️❤️
I second this comment! Until now I had not had clear examples of patterns in my life that happen because of PTSD (which I wasn’t aware of) and clear examples of what “normal” actions look like. For example, I have been a very controlling person in intimate relationships and have “suggested” things my partners can do to improve their lives, their work, etc. I grew up in such a chaotic environment so my excuse has been “I don’t like messiness or drama in my private life” and I have learned so much, let me share it with my partner. But I hadn’t considered how it’s received by my partner, the fact that I should set boundaries, but that it is not my place to try and change or control the other person or the situation (even if in my mind it’s for the better). BIG breakthrough for me. 🙏
Even in elementary school i remember having trouble connecting with people. Mrs Bowler, my grade 3 teacher called my parents to talk to them because i was too shy to even look at the her in class. I would stare out the window during class. During recess and lunch break, i remember thinking kids didn't like me. I'd face into the corner of the school (outside) when all the kids would be running around playing. But I had a ring from the dentist and thought it was magical because I'd hold it up to my eye and see all the kids playing behind me. I remember a couple of children once came up to me and said, "are you okay little girl?" They were being nice but i was so embarrassed. lol I'm not as shy now but still have trouble developing and maintaining close personal relationships. The only time i felt like i 'fit in' was with the people who lived on the street after my mother passed away. I'm so grateful to have come across this channel. You will help so many people's lives ❤
Thank you for sharing your childhood experience with us. If you're interested, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection It provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. Nika@TeamFairy
Very insightful information--thank you for your honesty and wisdom! A list of hidden control behaviors: 1. Outsourcing responsibility (it's other peoples' responsibility to meet your needs, or setting rules to avoid triggers) 2. Concern shaming ("I'm doing this out of concern for you") 3. Avoiding plans or schedules (holding people up because it's part of who they are--identifying with being a free spirit, for example) 4. Controlling with time ("you can't be late" or someone who is always late) 5. Expecting people to meet your demands 6. Controlling with mood (sulking to send a message) 7. Controlling with expectations (expecting things of people and then calling it out when they don't align with expectations) 8. Silent treatment ("I'll be silent until you acknowledge my needs") 9. Controlling with sleep 10. Trying to change people (meet people where they are instead of trying to get them to change for you) 1:36:22 how to tell if you're healing from trauma--yay!
I’m glad you made this video. Most videos are about how people with complex ptsd are the victims but in a lot of cases they are the abusive perpetrator. Please make more like this.
Facts. They always want to see themselves in the role of the victim, especially in these comments, as if they never do anything to anyone. Other ppl have suffered too , but they are always on the suffering Olympics and they have to have the gold medal. They usually are straight up menaces out here. That's why I began watching this channel to begin with: trying to understand a former friend who suffers with CPTSD legitimately. I told her to watch this channel but I don't think she does. She's a trainwreck of a person: self involved, narcissistic and manipulative and jealous AF. She does not care about other ppl even though she professes too loudly and frequently. It's always about her .I'm done with her but I made a mistake by helping to get her a job where I work almost two years ago..
Loved the content in this video, Anna. The one segment that spoke to me today is the neighbourhood gossips, except for me, it’s at work. One of the women I work with is an instigator. She has a way of insinuating herself into conversations and relationships I have with coworkers and complaining about everyone. Every morning, I give myself a pep talk about not engaging, and every day, I fail. I think it happens because of my lifelong desire to belong and be part of things. I feel included when she confides in me, and I find myself saying things I don’t mean and don’t want to say. I also find myself confiding in her because she has this way of disarming my defenses. I’m so frustrated with myself, but I will keep trying to improve my behaviour because that’s all I can control.
Girl, you need to learn a couple of things. 1. Dodge! 2. If you can't dodge her, and she inserts herself into a conversation, touch your friend lightly on the arm and say, "we'll catch up later", and get out. Remember, if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you. Lord knows what she's saying about you. You don't have to announce anything, just go super low contact, and spend that time and energy on you. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂☮️💖
@@Shirden She very well could be. And I do like her, which complicates things. She can be nice and a lot of fun, but her ability to create drama isn’t easy to deal with because I can easily fall into doing the same. I have to get better at setting boundaries, and I am trying, but our office is pretty dysfunctional, which doesn’t help.
Ah, yeah...subconsciously, most of the time. I don't even know it. I try to catch it when I can, I'm on the "why bother" spectrum and been handling myself quietly without adding my issues but maybe with one too many trauma stories. I think I have freaked many out.
Oh my gosh that neighborhood story is SO RELATABLE! I live in a town of 5K and it can be such a blessing and curse to know most people. Speaking up when someone treats you with a lack of respect-you feel like everyone is watching (and they kind of are😂) but I am learning to regulate myself before I let people know my boundaries. It’s a real art and a process, but it actually is bringing a sense of dignity by calling it out if I really feel wronged. Before I would let it slide… but then I’d find myself wanting to hide out and avoid people. I don’t want to do that any more. I’m allowed to be here and take up as much space as the next person.
I had an anxiety attack today, this overwhelming social anxiety. I thought I was getting better and then, wham! Huge shame spiral, just flipping my hormones. And it was a bit horrific because it happened in public, and I began to feel SO insecure about my ability to read and respond to, like, any of the social cues I was receiving from other people. Ugh. I'd listened to some of this video just before this happened, and now I'm back for more. I'd rather sit with these terrible feelings than escape from them. I've got faith this is another winding step on the path to healing relationships. Go figure :)
I'm sorry that happened, but it absolutely does not mean you're not getting better! The process of healing isn't completely linear, and it's so wonderful you're continuing to put in the work to heal. Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Pretty sure Anna is saying “Good” n “Real” in the same way. Back off… take it easy … she is helping so many folks n probably you too. Comment just sounded a bit harsh. This lady has given me a life line right now so if I am a bit “junk yard dog” towards anyone being rude that’s why! If you were not being rude then I apologize but don’t ever want this amazing woman to stop her awesome work!
Such great stuff as always! I love that you say "have you had someone do that to you?" In my life I've often experienced both sides of things, and it's helped me learn important lessons.
Thank you so much for your video. Now I understand all the jittery topsy-turvy shaky moments and emotions I have gone through. Complete recovery seems pretty much like it now that I know all the details you explain in your videos, including this one.❤
" I feel like" ( yes I know feel) this lady needs a larger audience. Some serious rough terrain but her abundance of genuine humility is as good as it gets to 🕯️ " lighting a way" you know what I mean smart aleck. Much respect crappy childhood lady 😎🚬
You released this during such a perfect time for me. I just love when that happens, and hope others experience this as well. Thank you for taking the time to bundle these different videos together. I found them to flow quite nicely as perfect follow ups, and bringing everything full circle.
This channel is so informative. Thank you so much. I had the same issue with women in my old neighbourhood. One lady actually stole my cat and I was such a "fawner" that I gave her my cat tree. Married women don't like single women, for the most part. Have a great Valentines day.
When you had the introduction I was rolling my eyes saying loud "You think??" 😅 Thank you for bringing it up. I will listen carefully, and probably quite a few times, to hammer in the message.
I love how the CFF and the team make the body of CTPSD work so digestable. My mind is blown by how accurately I relate to Anna's experiences, even though I come from a different continent, different background, different generation and I'm a guy. And yet, dynamics are all the same. 🙇♂
Your hair, glasses, you just look pretty and your attitude about all the difficulties adds to your beauty. Thanks for being a good example to all of us.:)
I think God may be listening to my prayers & whispering topics into your ear. I’ve been asking him to show me how I’m messing up my friendships, to understand how people perceive me, why the spouses of cousins appear to be uncomfortable when at family gatherings. Or the husbands of friends. I DO need to acknowledge some of it MAY be my physical appearance but since I’m not a stranger that wouldn’t make a lot more of sense.
Being in a late bloomer lesbian relationship was really difficult. We had no one to safely privately share ourselves to as our relationship was in the closet. We had no one to support us through the hard moments. We had no tribe to support us and we didn’t go slow. Because there are so few of us…to be able to latch on to another lesbian was a dream come true…We have since broken up and I fear I will never meet anyone again…being as old as I am and having such a small cache to choose from. I am in another category and I feel there is so little help out there. Even though I’m in therapy I still feel so all alone.
@Mama Bush Thank you! This relationship was uniquely healing, more than you know.. she was BPD and therapy is saving me… I will remember that fish are being released everyday. Good analogy that gives me a positive vibe. Thanks!
I am 56 years old, n you totally described me, like no one else before. I would love to take your classes, if available. Thank you SO MUCH, for all your videos. You are awesome 🥰🙏👏👏❤️🌺
I struggle with relationships because I'm not sure how to safely let others into my life and find myself just pushing them away unconsciously even if I have to be mean to someone being nice to me. I distrust the kindness of others, yet I always tend to wind up dating unavailable men. I think it's something I look for unwillingly so I don't have to give them anything emotionally and put myself in a vulnerable situation.
Had neighbors who couldn't stand my ex but never said anything. I divorced him they thought I wanted their husbands? I did not . My ex bullied everyone so no one would give me any support and they eventually were burned by him and learned. They complain about him and I just told them they got what they deserved. Its been years and I am good but the lessons were tough. Love you so bad Anna!
"It turns out they were just being nasty." So refreshing to hear for someone like me who always assumes I'M in the wrong, and if my neighbors are nit-picky and complaining, their accusations must be true.
I appreciate your insights. They are very thought provoking. The illustrations are helpful too. I can relate having been in similar scenarios. It's eye opening for certain. Painful but necessary. You're wisdom, understanding, and compassion are evident in your videos. Your example and the healing you've attained are inspirational. Practical, helpful and encouraging. Thank you, Anna. .
The timing of my "leakiness" corresponded with a perception on my part that I was "losing" my LO through her distancing herself. This of course accelerated the process. She expressed that I was making her uncomfortable, and I said I understood and made a big show by doing more than what was asked of me to address the issue. And then I just disappeared.
I hear you. Daily Practice can help with de-cluttering by giving you clarity on what you should do first. It also help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice Nika@TeamFairy
This is soooo good. Thank you for putting them all together. How do we respond when we notice controlling behavior in others? How do we set boundaries or do we call them out? I notice that quite a few of those behaviors are manifested in some I know.
Great compilation video & I especially loved the list of the signs of having healed mentioned in the end. Have never had it explained so nicely- very interesting and so true.
It seems to me that we live in a society that is offended waiting to happen... you can go along your merry way doing nothing in particular and people seem to get agitated anyway... is it just me or is the world getting crazier by the day
No. It's not just you. This woke thing seems to manifest as a lot of Permanently Offended people. Fear is at the root of this, I think. Taking defense at anything that doesn't get with one's narrative and world view, anything that's percieved as threatening, is an effective defense mechanism. It's also very narcissistic.
theideaplace- I see all the ones carrying around a need to be offended, as needing to be honest with theirself, feel good about theirself, and needing to learn about theirself, while not bringing anything more or anyone else into their life. They will only get more overwhelmed than they already are. And more overwhelm is not what they need. They need focus and simplicity to feel peace within.
i need to tell u how great your free training is. the first day, i had no more interest in blabbing my stories. a miracle. & i didn't need anyone else's opinion i am ok. after one day of writing the fears & resentments yay. u are the real deal. luv u 7
Drowning in fear🙋🏻♀️. Can’t get rid of the trash can in my mind. Cant cross over into the balancing act or front porch. Fight or flight kicks in and i want to protect the girl who was taken advantage of.
Dear Anna, thank you for helping me Dave my life. Love from somebody who didn't believe anybody in the medical field would ever be able to really help (after trying for decades), and who didn't think another person would ever really get me. You're doing both - and the CCF community is great too.
Wow this is so true i have deep childhood trauma and yes i struggle with relationships romantic friendships just relationship's in general Im so sorry for yall
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent and vulnerable and still being strong and in your power to articulate truth in ways I always felt but couldn’t find the words to speak about it.. I cried so hard with elation.. That someone and so many others understands me.. and I’m not crazy and what I’m saying is true and though no one believed me what i was going through… u helped me and I thank you. .u have provided me comfort and give me encouragement to continue to become a better version of myself than I was the day before. Thank you for seeing me and all those that feel the same.
Your videos have made me realize that I'm a freak that's personality is so weird that no one likes me or ever will like me unless I pretend to be someone I'm not.
I was in a situation with who is now a former friend. We would either be in sync with each other or all of a sudden, she would go off on me and refuse to give me a reason and tell me how to live my life and yell at me. She has been going through some difficult times over the last few years and I've offered and given help to her. Her frustration and fear levels are very high, essentially knowing she has an old dog who she's had since she was a puppy and she can't deal with eventually losing her. She's also dealing with financial and legal problems. I think her uncertainty is what is making her angry and she needs someone to take it out on. I also struggle with CPTSD from my mother's emotional neglect. That really made me feel worthless and I put myself in relationships that were not healthy. I should mention that my now friend has also been married and divorced 3 times so she'll also had her relationship struggles and she's decided she done with that part of her life. I haven't, but I'm still healing, but I just couldn't take being treated with disrespect when I'm still struggling to respect myself and that's one monster that you can't keep feeding.
Geez Anna, I owe you an apology. I was watching a short video from a plastic surgeon on Madonna’s fillers and I said “She looks scary now😳” “She’s giving demonic feline vibes” and I didn’t realize I had left these comments under your video🤦🏻♀️ I noticed with the shorts sometimes they switch to the next video quickly. I’m so sorry that sat in your comment section an hour. Thank you to the ppl who defended her calling my attention to it! Btw Anna you ARE beautiful and help so so much thank you xx♥️
My struggle to maintain relationships long term is that I'm afraid of putting in the work since I think people will leave me anyway. So I subconsciously make myself too busy to block from missing anyone.
Anna, I really was helped by your detailed talk through regarding the friend who was going to Mexico with a boyfriend, but when she and you had talked about a Mexico trip, it didnt materialize. I liked the example strategy words you used as an example to not come on strong, negatively to the friend, but rather find a tone and words to show gladness for them, but then also find a good tone and words to say what im feeling, and mention my disappointment that the Mexico trip didnt happen with us.
With the neighbors who act ugly toward her and the fact that the ex-husband was friends with them. My experience has shown me that the ex talks crap about their spouse. They do it all the time. They are experts at playing the victim. They are professionals at gaining empathy for the Narcissist. Therefore when the narcissist leaves he's already alienated her from the neighbors. That's why the neighbors act ugly toward her. When she reacts, it proves the narcissist right. I had to abandon all friends and neighbors to protect myself. It's been lonely. But I've gotten into all kinds of dance and made all new friends!
Anna. My ex partner used to really control me using the silent treatment. It meant that I was constantly on eggshells, nervous, insecure and dysregulated. Though I cried out to him to tell me what was wrong, I was met with silence which made me feel intensely miserable. Sure enough, his respect for me eventually dwindled to nothing. Though I tried hard to encourage and help him, I realised it wasn't working. Then I realised his mother idolised him and was an ultra super hausfrau, which made a little sense. This was SUCH a trauma to me though because it triggered the pain of my cool relationship with my own mother, the perfect but emotionally distant housewife! It took me years to recover from this relationship. I'm still rubbish at housework. Discovering from you that I have CPTSD after years of being told I'm a nasty, bad tempered person that can't hold a job down does provide some belated comfort. Thank God for people like you that can minister on these painful subjects with such clarity and compassion. God bless you🙏
Dear Anna, I also am not in touch with most of my closest family members right now, and find it very painful. I'm curious as to how you cope with that pain of disconnection from close family members?
Every video I identify with so much of what she is saying. Except I do the opposite of ghosting..I over communicate and then walk away when I feel betrayed or misunderstood.
I hate being lied to! That's my no go back to trigger! If i catch them red handed and they take me for a fool! The disrespect they show me by making me feel so damn stupid. I have worked very hard to heal! I don't get that triggered any more. When I do get triggered I catch my self and keep quiet till I'm regulated. Making me feel like a crazy Looney when I have proof is just so heart breaking!
Hey! I love the long format but I also think that putting all that information together makes it harder to remember and apply it. I hope you can consider this small tiny comment 🤭 tx!
❤I think you are just amazing and very calming. You’re very smart and have a way or explaining and simplifying garbing a when my brain is too busy to even sort out what I’m feeling let alone thinking. Thank you
Thank you for these videos I grew up in a really bad situation and I find it easy to make and hard to keep friends as we either grow apart or I lose patience and distance myself. I really want to have close relationships again and not be like this I now realize I have the avoidance and control problems you mentioned.
Thank you for watching! Glad it was helpful for you! If you're interested, take Anna's Connection Bootcamp course. It provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection Nika@TeamFairy
I have the hardest time with the fawning wanting to help people with all their problems. I put so much effort and emotional energy in. How do I stop doing that but still feel connected to the person? I get mad that they won't put in the same energy and have found it becomes one-sided where they are asking for all the help and I'm not getting any support.
My experience is that most people just hate when you tell the whole real truth around shit😹and rather have more sheeple type people around to gain fake sympathy from, lie too, deceive, mislead, and manipulate if they like at times😂Most people don’t really want to be forced to look closer at everything from all angles, they are even more selfish and shallow, deep down they know they are more in the wrong, started and antagonized shit to a whole other level and are just receiving karma in response🤣And yes, most people mostly just assume they know most shit about everything and everyone, based off of nothing pretty much, it’s it’s own sort of (..Actual gross..) delusional too really isn’t it😂Lot of toxic people out there that are fine with being abusive to people and hope you’ll turn a blind~eye to it, and try to ignore that they are in fact more the problem, not you or others so much, it’s virtually all on those negative real sick people really isn’t it😆And they hate that fact too. It’s not much healthier people like us problem obviously🙄
This is me but even more this is the last girlfriend I had especially around the 10 minute mark. Ohhh how I wish I could share this with her! I could tell her I was feeling sad (not trying to blame just saying how I felt) about something and she’d blow up and then claim she was taking space for the rest of the day except it turned into many days and then I’d get some weird compromise where she’d forgive me for what she though I did wrong in exchange for me not talking about it any more. We’d go for a while having a decent time and then everything she wasn’t sharing with me about how she was actually feeling would explode in black and white rage for a while. Then she’s apologize to the point of taking on blame that wasn’t hers. I know sharing stuff like this with people saying “hey this reminds me of you maybe it would help” is a really bad thing to do. It’s also not great to be analyzing other people too much as a way of coping with the loss or feeling like there s a way to change things…
on the spiritual side of things, a history of alcoholism, addictions (drug, food, sex, etc), suicides, depression and mental illness - could also be a generational spirit/curse attached through the family line. case in point, my grandparents' grandparents and relatives and older generations past (both sides) were dabbling into the occult... am not saying it's all because of that, but definitely one factor imo of why our families have been as they were/are...
Sometimes we have to acknowledge where ppl are and see ppl and ourselves as limited and not able to "meet us" (FIGURATIVELY speaking) They try, do their best. Its that, "they know not what they do." Yet at times it seems they know exactly what they do. 🤨 I struggle with when to say something and when to say nothing n pull out. I mean, if someone tells you they dont like being confronted you are meeting Wall, eating bricks. If they are "aggressive" about health but only in food, its not holistic* but if they can't see that, you (we) can't show them that. Even if their style is to show, tell, push its still doesn't mean they can handle it done to them. Its so tricky! Its like, seeing everyone where they are. And maybe no ones going to be where you want or need them to be Which does suck -they show us how they do it mindlessly for others! Show uo for guys or whomever. But can not do it for us. Acknowledge. But this leaves room, its better for ppl to say no then yes because when they say no We have to find another way versus taking this route which in the end feels hurtful not helpful at all. I try to think how theirs different seasons and sometimes its vital to just grow the soul, our inner flame &stop being distracted by everyone else outside us who make it clear they can't meet us. Because this idea, its going to happen or be different this time -it's destructive. The pattern is there, its clear. They can not meet us where we are at. They don't want to. Respect that n we respect ourselves. Thank goodness we have these good n free resources that allow us to receive without calling or saying anything! Different times, for different things. No one has to understand our reasoning, nor take responsibility for their blindspots. We have to show up for ourselves. See things as they are. See ppl as they are where thet are. Respect all around. It may seem like here we are respecting ppl and their limitations but its not recipricated but we are respecting ourselves* when we realize limitations n respect them. Wherever, whenever it/ they show up. 💞 Thanks Anna!
I used to think I was wonderfully open, super friendly, caring etc.... discovered the hard way I really had no boundaries😢 big difference.
Little Black Cat.... please take care of yourself.
Yes 😢. But, now there's hope.
Sweet to be able to see and work toward change! Humbling.
Same for me
I like that you said, "It better to speak up and have it be messy than not to speak up at all."
I'm weird and that's ok. I'm 45 and have decided to just keep it very light when it comes to friends, like none. And that's ok too. Maybe it's laziness but I don't want to try anymore. I'm too weird.
Did you ever stop to think it's not you?
It's them.
The fact that you have self-awareness shows that you are better than a shallow relationship.
Are you an artist or a musician ?! We are wired differently. Most of my friends are artists. I encourage you to find your "tribe" ! It could be Antique Sewing machines (I recently went down that rabbit hole on a FB group & you couldn't find more helpful people!) Cos-play - either fantasy or historical clothing making (did a bunch of watching during Covid!). I find if you have a passion for something, there are others out there who have the same passion. My older sister watched tons of snake videos during Covid - that surprised me ! But, it is a BIG world & others have hobbies & will talk/text about them for hours.
I didn't seriously get into art until I was 40 and found an art community near where I lived. I am 60 now. I am SO grateful that I have this community! I don't "click" with every single person, but many of my best friends were made in this group !
P.s. another thing I found during Covid is I am very likely a ADHD person, so, if you think you might be, check out Jessica on "How to ADHD" on UA-cam. Also, another very welcoming group !
P.s. and if you hate my suggestions, that's okay. Opinions are like a**holes, everyone has one.
I DO wish you the best, regardless of what you decide. Patrick Teahan, LICSW, here on UA-cam, has a great closing quote about "May you have healing.....etc., etc." I wish I could remember the entire thing, but it feels so nice when he says it ! (His content is fantastic, as well!)
@@m.maclellan7147 Yes, I watch his stuff too! 👍🙂 (He actually recommended CCF in one of HIS videos, that's how I'm here)
I so get you. I have zero friends now and I love it. I know that's not a good thing though. I'm very closed off in other ways too. It may not be healthy but it feels too good to do otherwise.
Not all trauma happens in childhood, and many people had trauma that they didn't acknowledge or don't realize is trauma.
Emotional neglect is one where it's not like something "happened", it's more that something didn't happen.
A lot of us can easily dismiss that, rationalize it as "they did their best" and "they provided for everything I needed..."
That makes it really confusing.
I used to think I was narcissist because I wouldn't connect and would let someone go the instant I was disregulated ( before I knew about ( dysregulation). Today, my "friend" can both say we are in dysregulation, tap ourselves on the forehead, and say regulate, breathe in before it takes over into paralysis and hypoxia😅. I'm so glad my " friend" understands I have a Santa bag 🎒 of triggers and we just focus on dysregulation correction. Soon the body will understand there is no threat. Thank you Anna.
I’m in the over 50 years old club-feeling bad my healing has only gotten so far-still repeating same behaviors. I, now, FINALLY, because of YOU have HOPE. I’m the kind of person who likes to have answers to the “whys”. I feel so much better being able to finally name what is going on with me. I finally feel, too, that I have real tools for success. (After years of therapy) I am afraid, but super ready, to take responsibility and make changes. I am ready to take healing to a new level, to treat myself better and to treat others better. I was about to give up, then you popped up on my UA-cam feed a few days ago; so grateful that this happened and at the exact right time. Thank you Anna. ❤
Wow, I'm so glad the channel has been so helpful! Thank you for taking the time to comment, I'm sure Anna will want to read this. Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Edit: I should have said, thank you Anna and team. ❤️
I'm 55 and I've been doing counseling for a long time. I can relate to getting so far and then repeating. I'm ready to take back my power.
50, alone, and terrified to the point I'm driving people away in droves.
Hello Amy, I too am in the 50’s club and feeling very sad that I have had the wreckage of all these years in my past. I stumbled across CCF a couple of weeks ago and it could not have been better timing. I have been at my whits end with my life and even with therapy not as healthy as I want to be in life. I just wanted to let you know I’m right here with you. I’m grateful we both found this amazing place to heal. Sending love and light. ❤ k
You nailed the mean- girl neighbor behavior. I've experienced this too and at jobs. It's a real thing and I like your advice on that.
Another title could have been The dangers of leaky loneliness ,How to stop scaring people away.
Ain't that the truth! Should I be ashamed that I can recognize my issues but can't seem to get out of the habit of doing it, though I try so hard to change, because Im desperate for a better quality of life, and still very disappointed in myself for ruining a great relationship that I dreamed of, the change doesn't stick..UUGGHH. ITS LIKE I HAVE A PROBLEM WITH REMEMBERING TO REMEMBER 🥹😭💔
I've done therapy before but never had results or the AH HA moments like I do during these videos. So much time has been wasted but I'm so ready to heal now. Thank you!
Thank you for helping people with CPTSD. I don't think my issues were understandable enough by my choices in romantic partners. I opened myself wide open to abuse and found myself destroyed emotionally. I now think staying single is the only way to avoid pain.
I feel exactly the same I don't trust my judgment
I feel the same way. I'm clinging to the safety of being by myself and the wholesomeness of taking care of my health and focusing on my career.
Yep. It's career and celibacy for me too
And cats 😄
Allow yourself to be vulnerable & put yourself out there. Go out and do good deeds, it's cathartic. ❤️🌹 You deserve a precious circle of friends. Romantic partners can come later, or not at all, but love and art in all its iterations is life's purpose. imo
Healing is a way of not being devastated.
This is seriously one of the best and most helpful compilations of videos I have seen on the topic of CPTSD. Thank you so much for your insight and wisdom!
Agree bendy.
Wow...disregulation...the change in handwriting! Now I have the correct word for that hugely painful experience.
You speak my language, I’m glad God led me here.
It's amazing how much wisdom this woman has!
I was just thinking this too !
You make it sound survivable to be dysfunctional. Which implies I must feel like it isn't survivable I think I suffer from toxic shame. I like your hopeful encouraging manner. Feels refreshing like Mrs Haversham could open up the curtains let some light in and do a bit of dusting and other housework.
Wonderful way to put it!! Dust down this cobwebs!
I have not found anyone who describes everything I have been through for 58 years until YOU!!! I listen to your videos and I feel like you are talking about me in a whole lot of your videos! I love how you give us suggestions for situations where we have no idea what is healthy…like in fawning…I had no idea I was doing that! But you are spot on! This whole video speaks to every part of me❤️thank you for introducing me to myself… I was the family scapegoat, and I have been drowning in fear my whole life. Thank you sooooo much… you are helping me begin to live authentically for the first time!!❤️❤️
I second this comment! Until now I had not had clear examples of patterns in my life that happen because of PTSD (which I wasn’t aware of) and clear examples of what “normal” actions look like. For example, I have been a very controlling person in intimate relationships and have “suggested” things my partners can do to improve their lives, their work, etc. I grew up in such a chaotic environment so my excuse has been “I don’t like messiness or drama in my private life” and I have learned so much, let me share it with my partner.
But I hadn’t considered how it’s received by my partner, the fact that I should set boundaries, but that it is not my place to try and change or control the other person or the situation (even if in my mind it’s for the better). BIG breakthrough for me. 🙏
Even in elementary school i remember having trouble connecting with people. Mrs Bowler, my grade 3 teacher called my parents to talk to them because i was too shy to even look at the her in class. I would stare out the window during class.
During recess and lunch break, i remember thinking kids didn't like me. I'd face into the corner of the school (outside) when all the kids would be running around playing.
But I had a ring from the dentist and thought it was magical because I'd hold it up to my eye and see all the kids playing behind me.
I remember a couple of children once came up to me and said, "are you okay little girl?" They were being nice but i was so embarrassed. lol
I'm not as shy now but still have trouble developing and maintaining close personal relationships. The only time i felt like i 'fit in' was with the people who lived on the street after my mother passed away.
I'm so grateful to have come across this channel. You will help so many people's lives ❤
Thank you for sharing your childhood experience with us. If you're interested, Anna has a whole course on connecting with people, Connection Bootcamp. bit.ly/CCF_Connection It provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life.
Nika@TeamFairy
I’m painfully shy too. Always have been, always will be. You’re not alone ❤
@@theartistcherrypi6454 thank you 🤗💕
@@bunnyboonot4u You’re welcome ☺️ *hugs* 🤗
I never thought I would heal from my life traumas. This video hit the nail on the head about every issue I ever had. This is a blessing😅
Very insightful information--thank you for your honesty and wisdom!
A list of hidden control behaviors:
1. Outsourcing responsibility (it's other peoples' responsibility to meet your needs, or setting rules to avoid triggers)
2. Concern shaming ("I'm doing this out of concern for you")
3. Avoiding plans or schedules (holding people up because it's part of who they are--identifying with being a free spirit, for example)
4. Controlling with time ("you can't be late" or someone who is always late)
5. Expecting people to meet your demands
6. Controlling with mood (sulking to send a message)
7. Controlling with expectations (expecting things of people and then calling it out when they don't align with expectations)
8. Silent treatment ("I'll be silent until you acknowledge my needs")
9. Controlling with sleep
10. Trying to change people (meet people where they are instead of trying to get them to change for you)
1:36:22 how to tell if you're healing from trauma--yay!
I’m glad you made this video. Most videos are about how people with complex ptsd are the victims but in a lot of cases they are the abusive perpetrator. Please make more like this.
Facts. They always want to see themselves in the role of the victim, especially in these comments, as if they never do anything to anyone.
Other ppl have suffered too , but they are always on the suffering Olympics and they have to have the gold medal.
They usually are straight up menaces out here. That's why I began watching this channel to begin with: trying to understand a former friend who suffers with CPTSD legitimately. I told her to watch this channel but I don't think she does. She's a trainwreck of a person: self involved, narcissistic and manipulative and jealous AF.
She does not care about other ppl even though she professes too loudly and frequently. It's always about her .I'm done with her but I made a mistake by helping to get her a job where I work almost two years ago..
@@2006glg same here. Ex had diagnosis so I wanted to learn about it. Ugh this shit goes deep
Loved the content in this video, Anna. The one segment that spoke to me today is the neighbourhood gossips, except for me, it’s at work. One of the women I work with is an instigator. She has a way of insinuating herself into conversations and relationships I have with coworkers and complaining about everyone. Every morning, I give myself a pep talk about not engaging, and every day, I fail. I think it happens because of my lifelong desire to belong and be part of things. I feel included when she confides in me, and I find myself saying things I don’t mean and don’t want to say. I also find myself confiding in her because she has this way of disarming my defenses. I’m so frustrated with myself, but I will keep trying to improve my behaviour because that’s all I can control.
@Mama Bush Thank you. I will try that!
It’s likely that your coworker is suffering from these issues also
@mama bush I wonder who you’re copying with this derogatory quote. Why is it always ok for you to have ptsd but not others . . .
Girl, you need to learn a couple of things. 1. Dodge! 2. If you can't dodge her, and she inserts herself into a conversation, touch your friend lightly on the arm and say, "we'll catch up later", and get out. Remember, if they'll do it with you they'll do it to you. Lord knows what she's saying about you. You don't have to announce anything, just go super low contact, and spend that time and energy on you. Sending you strength, courage, and hugs from Tulsa. 💪⚔️🫂☮️💖
@@Shirden She very well could be. And I do like her, which complicates things. She can be nice and a lot of fun, but her ability to create drama isn’t easy to deal with because I can easily fall into doing the same. I have to get better at setting boundaries, and I am trying, but our office is pretty dysfunctional, which doesn’t help.
Anna, I love how you’re so humble to share your own flaws and past issues….I feel safe with you. Thanks ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
I have been listening to you for months and today I'm going to start your free course! Thank you so much 💓
I’m so glad to hear that!
Ah, yeah...subconsciously, most of the time. I don't even know it. I try to catch it when I can, I'm on the "why bother" spectrum and been handling myself quietly without adding my issues but maybe with one too many trauma stories. I think I have freaked many out.
I told one woman I met about a horror story of an ex bf and I never heard from her again.
Oh my gosh that neighborhood story is SO RELATABLE! I live in a town of 5K and it can be such a blessing and curse to know most people. Speaking up when someone treats you with a lack of respect-you feel like everyone is watching (and they kind of are😂) but I am learning to regulate myself before I let people know my boundaries. It’s a real art and a process, but it actually is bringing a sense of dignity by calling it out if I really feel wronged. Before I would let it slide… but then I’d find myself wanting to hide out and avoid people. I don’t want to do that any more. I’m allowed to be here and take up as much space as the next person.
The 'Front Porch' has helped me de-enmesh over the last year.
I LOVE it!!!! Thanks, Anna 💜
I had an anxiety attack today, this overwhelming social anxiety. I thought I was getting better and then, wham! Huge shame spiral, just flipping my hormones. And it was a bit horrific because it happened in public, and I began to feel SO insecure about my ability to read and respond to, like, any of the social cues I was receiving from other people. Ugh. I'd listened to some of this video just before this happened, and now I'm back for more. I'd rather sit with these terrible feelings than escape from them. I've got faith this is another winding step on the path to healing relationships. Go figure :)
I'm sorry that happened, but it absolutely does not mean you're not getting better! The process of healing isn't completely linear, and it's so wonderful you're continuing to put in the work to heal. Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Tried and almost died. Don't need "good" relationships. Need REAL relationships.
Pretty sure Anna is saying “Good” n “Real” in the same way. Back off… take it easy … she is helping so many folks n probably you too. Comment just sounded a bit harsh. This lady has given me a life line right now so if I am a bit “junk yard dog” towards anyone being rude that’s why! If you were not being rude then I apologize but don’t ever want this amazing woman to stop her awesome work!
@@shawnie2027 junk yard dog
Love It!! Thanks
Could you elaborate
Random encouraging hug
Thank you so much for explanations and tools. 54 and just learning I'm an individual and have a gift to bring to the world. Thank you again.
Most of thinking is in your head, your conscience is either convicting you or excusing you, not everything you think is true.
Such great stuff as always! I love that you say "have you had someone do that to you?" In my life I've often experienced both sides of things, and it's helped me learn important lessons.
I didn’t know that loneliness was a part of early childhood trauma.
Thank you so much for your video. Now I understand all the jittery topsy-turvy shaky moments and emotions I have gone through. Complete recovery seems pretty much like it now that I know all the details you explain in your videos, including this one.❤
I’ve never believed I was worthy of a great relationship!!! I still deal with it. It’s very lonely
Trauma-driven thinking can be discouraging. But never forget: Healing is possible!
-Cara@TeamFairy
" I feel like" ( yes I know feel) this lady needs a larger audience. Some serious rough terrain but her abundance of genuine humility is as good as it gets to 🕯️ " lighting a way" you know what I mean smart aleck. Much respect crappy childhood lady 😎🚬
You released this during such a perfect time for me. I just love when that happens, and hope others experience this as well. Thank you for taking the time to bundle these different videos together. I found them to flow quite nicely as perfect follow ups, and bringing everything full circle.
This channel is so informative. Thank you so much. I had the same issue with women in my old neighbourhood. One lady actually stole my cat and I was such a "fawner" that I gave her my cat tree. Married women don't like single women, for the most part. Have a great Valentines day.
My/our precious fairy godmother! How lucky are we??
When you had the introduction I was rolling my eyes saying loud "You think??" 😅
Thank you for bringing it up. I will listen carefully, and probably quite a few times, to hammer in the message.
I love how the CFF and the team make the body of CTPSD work so digestable. My mind is blown by how accurately I relate to Anna's experiences, even though I come from a different continent, different background, different generation and I'm a guy. And yet, dynamics are all the same. 🙇♂
Your hair, glasses, you just look pretty and your attitude about all the difficulties adds to your beauty. Thanks for being a good example to all of us.:)
I think God may be listening to my prayers & whispering topics into your ear.
I’ve been asking him to show me how I’m messing up my friendships, to understand how people perceive me, why the spouses of cousins appear to be uncomfortable when at family gatherings. Or the husbands of friends. I DO need to acknowledge some of it MAY be my physical appearance but since I’m not a stranger that wouldn’t make a lot more of sense.
Being in a late bloomer lesbian relationship was really difficult. We had no one to safely privately share ourselves to as our relationship was in the closet. We had no one to support us through the hard moments. We had no tribe to support us and we didn’t go slow. Because there are so few of us…to be able to latch on to another lesbian was a dream come true…We have since broken up and I fear I will never meet anyone again…being as old as I am and having such a small cache to choose from. I am in another category and I feel there is so little help out there. Even though I’m in therapy I still feel so all alone.
@Mama Bush
Thank you! This relationship was uniquely healing, more than you know.. she was BPD and therapy is saving me… I will remember that fish are being released everyday. Good analogy that gives me a positive vibe. Thanks!
I highly recommend joining a club and/or volunteering. Get out there doing what you love with like-minded people and you'll be giddy. 👍
🥺💗Hugs for you dearie…
Stop being a lesbian, it's a sin.
Hugs, ylana.
I am 56 years old, n you totally described me, like no one else before.
I would love to take your classes, if available.
Thank you SO MUCH, for all your videos.
You are awesome 🥰🙏👏👏❤️🌺
Please check out the website: www.crappychildhoodfairy.com
-Cara@TeamFairy
OMG controlling with sleep is exactly what my husband does!!! I never thought of it as control!
My ex (covert narcissist) did this. Ruining holidays, sleeping all the time, me always waiting around for him. So selfish.
I struggle with relationships because I'm not sure how to safely let others into my life and find myself just pushing them away unconsciously even if I have to be mean to someone being nice to me. I distrust the kindness of others, yet I always tend to wind up dating unavailable men. I think it's something I look for unwillingly so I don't have to give them anything emotionally and put myself in a vulnerable situation.
Had neighbors who couldn't stand my ex but never said anything. I divorced him they thought I wanted their husbands? I did not .
My ex bullied everyone so no one would give me any support and they eventually were burned by him and learned. They complain about him and I just told them they got what they deserved.
Its been years and I am good but the lessons were tough.
Love you so bad Anna!
"It turns out they were just being nasty." So refreshing to hear for someone like me who always assumes I'M in the wrong, and if my neighbors are nit-picky and complaining, their accusations must be true.
I can so relate to Chelsey around 52:00.
It's hard to find the balance on how to handle these situations.
I appreciate your insights. They are very thought provoking. The illustrations are helpful too. I can relate having been in similar scenarios. It's eye opening for certain. Painful but necessary. You're wisdom, understanding, and compassion are evident in your videos. Your example and the healing you've attained are inspirational. Practical, helpful and encouraging. Thank you, Anna. .
The timing of my "leakiness" corresponded with a perception on my part that I was "losing" my LO through her distancing herself. This of course accelerated the process. She expressed that I was making her uncomfortable, and I said I understood and made a big show by doing more than what was asked of me to address the issue. And then I just disappeared.
I live with a veteran, and have my issues cleaning up your mess isn’t easy.😢❤the messs of knowing who I am, and need a savior.
I hear you. Daily Practice can help with de-cluttering by giving you clarity on what you should do first. It also help sort through things that feel confusing. You can try it free here: bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
Nika@TeamFairy
This is soooo good. Thank you for putting them all together. How do we respond when we notice controlling behavior in others? How do we set boundaries or do we call them out? I notice that quite a few of those behaviors are manifested in some I know.
Great compilation video & I especially loved the list of the signs of having healed mentioned in the end. Have never had it explained so nicely- very interesting and so true.
Great content and very helpful!
"First one to apologize WINS" 🔥💜🔥
It seems to me that we live in a society that is offended waiting to happen... you can go along your merry way doing nothing in particular and people seem to get agitated anyway... is it just me or is the world getting crazier by the day
No. It's not just you. This woke thing seems to manifest as a lot of Permanently Offended people. Fear is at the root of this, I think. Taking defense at anything that doesn't get with one's narrative and world view, anything that's percieved as threatening, is an effective defense mechanism. It's also very narcissistic.
theideaplace- I see all the ones carrying around a need to be offended, as needing to be honest with theirself, feel good about theirself, and needing to learn about theirself, while not bringing anything more or anyone else into their life. They will only get more overwhelmed than they already are. And more overwhelm is not what they need. They need focus and simplicity to feel peace within.
me! i try too hard AND WRECK IT!!!💜😊
i need to tell u how great your free training is. the first day, i had no more interest in blabbing my stories. a miracle. & i didn't need anyone else's opinion i am ok. after one day of writing the fears & resentments yay. u are the real deal. luv u
7
Great to hear the Daily Practice makes a difference! Keep up the great work, you deserve healing!
Nika@TeamFairy
Yes and thank u your process is wonderful. & maybe all we have at this time in our healing.
Drowning in fear🙋🏻♀️. Can’t get rid of the trash can in my mind. Cant cross over into the balancing act or front porch. Fight or flight kicks in and i want to protect the girl who was taken advantage of.
I've been heartbroken so many times I've given up on finding love and just have a very small and close circle of friends I feel safe with...
You’re lucky you have friends. I have none
Dear Anna, thank you for helping me Dave my life. Love from somebody who didn't believe anybody in the medical field would ever be able to really help (after trying for decades), and who didn't think another person would ever really get me. You're doing both - and the CCF community is great too.
Wow this is so true i have deep childhood trauma and yes i struggle with relationships romantic friendships just relationship's in general
Im so sorry for yall
Thank you for sharing and being so transparent and vulnerable and still being strong and in your power to articulate truth in ways I always felt but couldn’t find the words to speak about it.. I cried so hard with elation..
That someone and so many others understands me.. and I’m not crazy and what I’m saying is true and though no one believed me what i was going through… u helped me and I thank you. .u have provided me comfort and give me encouragement to continue to become a better version of myself than I was the day before. Thank you for seeing me and all those that feel the same.
Wow! Such a compilation of goodness!✨ Thank you❤️
Your videos have made me realize that I'm a freak that's personality is so weird that no one likes me or ever will like me unless I pretend to be someone I'm not.
I was in a situation with who is now a former friend. We would either be in sync with each other or all of a sudden, she would go off on me and refuse to give me a reason and tell me how to live my life and yell at me. She has been going through some difficult times over the last few years and I've offered and given help to her. Her frustration and fear levels are very high, essentially knowing she has an old dog who she's had since she was a puppy and she can't deal with eventually losing her. She's also dealing with financial and legal problems. I think her uncertainty is what is making her angry and she needs someone to take it out on. I also struggle with CPTSD from my mother's emotional neglect. That really made me feel worthless and I put myself in relationships that were not healthy. I should mention that my now friend has also been married and divorced 3 times so she'll also had her relationship struggles and she's decided she done with that part of her life. I haven't, but I'm still healing, but I just couldn't take being treated with disrespect when I'm still struggling to respect myself and that's one monster that you can't keep feeding.
I’m just stopping by to say great video AND you look super pretty. Like the hair.
Geez Anna, I owe you an apology. I was watching a short video from a plastic surgeon on Madonna’s fillers and I said “She looks scary now😳” “She’s giving demonic feline vibes” and I didn’t realize I had left these comments under your video🤦🏻♀️ I noticed with the shorts sometimes they switch to the next video quickly. I’m so sorry that sat in your comment section an hour. Thank you to the ppl who defended her calling my attention to it! Btw Anna you ARE beautiful and help so so much thank you xx♥️
I’m chuckling because I saw your comment and couldn’t figure out what you meant, lol.
@@designchik I was mortified when I realized what I’d done😅
😂😂this is so sweet and so funny at once
@@makak7773 I couldn’t believe I did that🤦🏻♀️
Lol this is so funny 😂❤
Listen to her wisdom
Your videos are fantastic, I could listen to you for hours, so knowledgeable and compassionate too. Thank you so much!
I really like you, I feel you, I feel you speak from your heart.❤
Yep, Anna speaks from her heart and is spot on and kind. Works for me.
My struggle to maintain relationships long term is that I'm afraid of putting in the work since I think people will leave me anyway. So I subconsciously make myself too busy to block from missing anyone.
I’m learning so much, too, Larissa! ❤
Anna, I really was helped by your detailed talk through regarding the friend who was going to Mexico with a boyfriend, but when she and you had talked about a Mexico trip, it didnt materialize. I liked the example strategy words you used as an example to not come on strong, negatively to the friend, but rather find a tone and words to show gladness for them, but then also find a good tone and words to say what im feeling, and mention my disappointment that the Mexico trip didnt happen with us.
With the neighbors who act ugly toward her and the fact that the ex-husband was friends with them. My experience has shown me that the ex talks crap about their spouse. They do it all the time. They are experts at playing the victim. They are professionals at gaining empathy for the Narcissist. Therefore when the narcissist leaves he's already alienated her from the neighbors. That's why the neighbors act ugly toward her. When she reacts, it proves the narcissist right. I had to abandon all friends and neighbors to protect myself. It's been lonely. But I've gotten into all kinds of dance and made all new friends!
Focus on right now👋👍❤️
Anna. My ex partner used to really control me using the silent treatment. It meant that I was constantly on eggshells, nervous, insecure and dysregulated. Though I cried out to him to tell me what was wrong, I was met with silence which made me feel intensely miserable. Sure enough, his respect for me eventually dwindled to nothing. Though I tried hard to encourage and help him, I realised it wasn't working. Then I realised his mother idolised him and was an ultra super hausfrau, which made a little sense. This was SUCH a trauma to me though because it triggered the pain of my cool relationship with my own mother, the perfect but emotionally distant housewife! It took me years to recover from this relationship. I'm still rubbish at housework. Discovering from you that I have CPTSD after years of being told I'm a nasty, bad tempered person that can't hold a job down does provide some belated comfort. Thank God for people like you that can minister on these painful subjects with such clarity and compassion. God bless you🙏
So glad you are here! We're all rooting for you!
Nika@TeamFairy
3:00 minutes is life changing info!
I believe in your views of the issues of life, it is too real, not to connect to Truthful hearts.
People say many awe full things, keep looking up.
Dear Anna, I also am not in touch with most of my closest family members right now, and find it very painful. I'm curious as to how you cope with that pain of disconnection from close family members?
Me too, for over a year now. I just focus on reality & healing and how much better I’m feeling
I’m glad my sister came through
Every video I identify with so much of what she is saying. Except I do the opposite of ghosting..I over communicate and then walk away when I feel betrayed or misunderstood.
What are you doing/using? You look great!!
Finally. A real explanation to the insanity.
I hate being lied to! That's my no go back to trigger! If i catch them red handed and they take me for a fool! The disrespect they show me by making me feel so damn stupid. I have worked very hard to heal! I don't get that triggered any more. When I do get triggered I catch my self and keep quiet till I'm regulated. Making me feel like a crazy Looney when I have proof is just so heart breaking!
Thank you that is true Thank you for understanding myself better.
Hey! I love the long format but I also think that putting all that information together makes it harder to remember and apply it. I hope you can consider this small tiny comment 🤭 tx!
❤I think you are just amazing and very calming. You’re very smart and have a way or explaining and simplifying garbing a when my brain is too busy to even sort out what I’m feeling let alone thinking. Thank you
Thank you for these videos I grew up in a really bad situation and I find it easy to make and hard to keep friends as we either grow apart or I lose patience and distance myself. I really want to have close relationships again and not be like this I now realize I have the avoidance and control problems you mentioned.
Thank you for watching! Glad it was helpful for you! If you're interested, take Anna's Connection Bootcamp course. It provides a structured way to start working on friendships and social life. bit.ly/CCF_Connection
Nika@TeamFairy
Thank you
No with you I have peace, I feel you belong to who I belong too.
1:26 6:20 9:00 12:40 24:20 29:45 31:05
❤
I have the hardest time with the fawning wanting to help people with all their problems. I put so much effort and emotional energy in. How do I stop doing that but still feel connected to the person? I get mad that they won't put in the same energy and have found it becomes one-sided where they are asking for all the help and I'm not getting any support.
My experience is that most people just hate when you tell the whole real truth around shit😹and rather have more sheeple type people around to gain fake sympathy from, lie too, deceive, mislead, and manipulate if they like at times😂Most people don’t really want to be forced to look closer at everything from all angles, they are even more selfish and shallow, deep down they know they are more in the wrong, started and antagonized shit to a whole other level and are just receiving karma in response🤣And yes, most people mostly just assume they know most shit about everything and everyone, based off of nothing pretty much, it’s it’s own sort of (..Actual gross..) delusional too really isn’t it😂Lot of toxic people out there that are fine with being abusive to people and hope you’ll turn a blind~eye to it, and try to ignore that they are in fact more the problem, not you or others so much, it’s virtually all on those negative real sick people really isn’t it😆And they hate that fact too. It’s not much healthier people like us problem obviously🙄
Thank you so much for this video.
In my journal, I see, my handwriting change, a lot
Glad to hear that! Thanks for sharing.
Nika@TeamFairy
This is me but even more this is the last girlfriend I had especially around the 10 minute mark. Ohhh how I wish I could share this with her! I could tell her I was feeling sad (not trying to blame just saying how I felt) about something and she’d blow up and then claim she was taking space for the rest of the day except it turned into many days and then I’d get some weird compromise where she’d forgive me for what she though I did wrong in exchange for me not talking about it any more. We’d go for a while having a decent time and then everything she wasn’t sharing with me about how she was actually feeling would explode in black and white rage for a while. Then she’s apologize to the point of taking on blame that wasn’t hers.
I know sharing stuff like this with people saying “hey this reminds me of you maybe it would help” is a really bad thing to do. It’s also not great to be analyzing other people too much as a way of coping with the loss or feeling like there s a way to change things…
on the spiritual side of things, a history of alcoholism, addictions (drug, food, sex, etc), suicides, depression and mental illness - could also be a generational spirit/curse attached through the family line.
case in point, my grandparents' grandparents and relatives and older generations past (both sides) were dabbling into the occult...
am not saying it's all because of that, but definitely one factor imo of why our families have been as they were/are...
Sometimes we have to acknowledge where ppl are and see ppl and ourselves as limited and not able to "meet us" (FIGURATIVELY speaking) They try, do their best. Its that, "they know not what they do." Yet at times it seems they know exactly what they do. 🤨
I struggle with when to say something and when to say nothing n pull out.
I mean, if someone tells you they dont like being confronted you are meeting Wall, eating bricks.
If they are "aggressive" about health but only in food, its not holistic* but if they can't see that, you (we) can't show them that. Even if their style is to show, tell, push its still doesn't mean they can handle it done to them. Its so tricky!
Its like, seeing everyone where they are.
And maybe no ones going to be where you want or need them to be
Which does suck
-they show us how they do it mindlessly for others! Show uo for guys or whomever. But can not do it for us. Acknowledge.
But this leaves room, its better for ppl to say no then yes because when they say no
We have to find another way versus taking this route which in the end feels hurtful not helpful at all.
I try to think how theirs different seasons and sometimes its vital to just grow the soul, our inner flame &stop being distracted by everyone else outside us who make it clear they can't meet us.
Because this idea, its going to happen or be different this time -it's destructive.
The pattern is there, its clear. They can not meet us where we are at. They don't want to. Respect that n we respect ourselves.
Thank goodness we have these good n free resources that allow us to receive without calling or saying anything!
Different times, for different things. No one has to understand our reasoning, nor take responsibility for their blindspots.
We have to show up for ourselves.
See things as they are. See ppl as they are where thet are.
Respect all around.
It may seem like here we are respecting ppl and their limitations but its not recipricated but we are respecting ourselves* when we realize limitations n respect them. Wherever, whenever it/ they show up.
💞
Thanks Anna!
Love your videos so much.🤍
Thankyou so much 💓