I've seen this in family and relationships. Mainly because these are people you expect to see on an almost daily basis. Same goes for work. I don't think they applies for friendships as well. There is the fear of drifting apart, but I struggle to see how anyone would be that terribly lonely
@@dandavid2027 The fact that it happens to a lot of people doesn't make it not hurt. But thanks for showing everyone how the person doing that yelling thinks.
I knew I was in an abusive relationship when I said, “well at least he’s not leaving any bruises.” The bar was so low-and I didn’t notice him lowering it. I know the jock is the stereotype of abuse, because they’re generally more physically aggressive, but in my experience I’ve found the nerdy, “nice” guys to be the most abusive.
“He can be so romantic and sweet sometimes,” what my best friend said about her ex boyfriend who was abusing her. This video was like the perfect representation of that. He always had flowers for her even as he was becoming more and more abusive.
@@skylarthompson299 At the time they were going out, she constantly spoke about how she knew he was bad for her but "he can be so romantic and sweet sometimes" literally the exact same words as op's comment! I constantly tried to convince her to leave him but in the end he broke up with her and she feels like without a relationship she = nothing. She constantly talks about him even though months have passed and they haven't spoken.
My favorite part was how he always had flowers for her. Shows that some abusers are able to put on a show and look like a sweet boyfriend to everyone else but behind closed doors there's a different story
We're glad the message resonated with you! It's definitely true that a relationship looks different to those inside it. For more information on how this manifests in dating abuse, you can visit our website, dayoneny.org.
@@asideclaro the problem is that more often than not saying 'enough' is, well... not enough. a lot of the time its extremely hard to get out of abusive relationships mostly because your abuser basically traps you in the relationship and makes you feel like leaving them and trying to escape in any way, shape or form is going to have grave consequences. it's extremely hard to say 'no' or 'enough' because you're AFRAID of how your abuser is going to react, possibly making the situation even worse. it took me several months to muster up the courage to finally break up with my emotionally abusive ex, and even after i did it he tried guilt tripping me into thinking i did something bad. you CAN stop it, yes, but it's not nearly as easy as some people say it is.
@@annabaeee it took me months to finally break up with mine too. three years on hes still a cretin. you should elaborate more on how you reached that point. saying "enough" is the answer and IS possible but its a process to get there.more so if you live with that person(i didnt but got the text abuse) you have to be smart as well as strong to stay safe
When people think of abuse, they think of someone being constantly violent, degrading, or controlling. The scariest part about abusive relationships is that things aren’t always bad. Sometimes the abuser is extremely kind to you, though in those moments the abuse is only veiled behind the romance. Love bombing is apart of the cycle. Stay safe everyone ❤️
@@Rinesmyth when someone gives you a ton of love, gifts, support, etc. for a short period of time, lets say a week or so, and then completely abandons you as if they never showed that love to you in the first place. the large amounts of love coming and going suddenly is why this is referred to as a 'bomb.' it's a way people manipulate their significant others, to leave their partner thinking they themselves did something wrong and that they are the problem and they need to change, stuff like that to have more control over the person in general
While I haven't experienced it myself, I've heard that love bombing is a cult tactic, too. When you first visit their church (or wherever they are), they act super friendly and stuff to get you to join them.
@@Rinesmyth "you can't drag someone into abusive relationship for you if you don't make them love you first!" Then they pull the carpet out of your feet and blames you for it. "See how nice I could be if you just keep my mood up, but noo you just had to show that you have your own needs and wants that I should also consider. See where that gets you, a meaner me. You know how good I _can_ be when I love bombed you, so don't oppose me and I might turn into being like that again someday! sometimes!"
0:53 I like how when they're skating, she falls over and he doesn't notice or go to help her. He's too busy focussed on posing and making himself look better than to see that she's in trouble. Very nice subtle hint at how in the relationship it's all about what he wants and about making him look better, while her needs come last.
That moment at 1:57 when she's running down the steps to reach him is so brilliant, like she's running down to HIS level because he can't raise up to hers, nor reach her midway.
I didn't really see it that way, it seemed to me that her running down those steps was her willfully choosing the "downward slope of depression" from joy and happiness that came from her independent freedoms as an individual. Once you don't have the freedom of choice, your perception of life gets darker
@@dillasoul2228 ikr, I’d blame the girl as much as the guy because she’s an independent woman and can be one despite being in a toxic relationship like that and it’s in her hands. It’s not like he’s holding her captive or anything, but yeah the guy character is proper bs obviously
One eyed people see it this way...They see girls in relations as Jesus who's to be worshipped.but she has nothing to compromise... Not even making up to his efforts
@@dr.downvote I know a girl and she is in a kind of toxic relationship just like this. But she is too scared to make a move , even I tried to talk to her but she always brush it off. I can strongly feel the relationship is too toxic and her bf is too scary , trust me even I am afraid of him. I don't know how to get her out of it.
Mostly the reasons why the abuse isn't notice until it gets agressive it's because at first all you see is kindness and affection and it ends turning to that person controling your life by making you feel guilty of his own actions, destroying your strong personality by emotional manipulation.
Because we make the mistake of thinking that only physical or sexual abuse counts. Abuse is at first verbal and psychological. You feel like your soul is being eaten away by your abuser and think it's all just in your head.
Yep. They use this tactic to keep you in the relationship. Because they will go from being nice, kind, and sensitive. To being rude, obnoxious, and controlling. They will be kind once they see you are trying to walk away from them.
I remember when Twilight first came out and people were pointing that Edward was abusive, most fans responded "No, he's not. He never hits her." This video shows perfectly that abuse doesn't always have to be physical to break someone. The boyfriend never lays a hand on her but he's slowly destroying the girl's happiness and self worth that at the end, when she sees him, she looks afraid even though he's being 'nice'. Good job showing abuse comes in many forms.
The way I look at Twilight is a warning to avoid toxic relationships like that. People like to bash Twilight, but really I actually appreciate it as a cautionary tale of a relationship should NOT look like.
@@summerrose8110 Well, the issue is they romanticize it, that's why it needs to be criticized. The creator isn't using it as a caution, he/she doesn't see the issue.
I love how the signs were there immediately, and in every scene, but very subtle at first. He crosses into her physical space (was that 100% an accident, I wonder?) He puts his picture on her phone. He "love-bombs" her with gifts that he won aggressively and she is nervous for a moment, as if it's too much. He contacts her first thing in the morning and obviously arrives unannounced, taking her when and where he wants. Then we see the first bit of narcissism, seems a little weird and self-absorbed. But when we see the florist incident - HOL UP, something is definitely not right. Then it keeps hitting the fan more and more. Thank you folks for making this - it's so important to teach young people these warning signs early. It will save them from future bad relationships, heartache and possibly worse.
I literally saw nothing wrong until the florist incident...before that I thought just a little vain and passionate about the relationship thus all the toys, messages, dates and coming unannounced as a surprise. Dang...hope nobody gets to meet a guy like that. If I ever do...I m thoroughly done for
very well said! I also saw the signs immediately from the love-bombing phase and that's now simply thanks to experience. Crazy how so many of us went through the same thing whilst being with a narcissist (with NPD)
So extremely relatable. My ex did almost everything in this video. Would isolate me from my friends, would send me subtle mean messages, would become so aggressive if he spilled or dropped something. He’d speed and swerve the car whenever he’s angry, making me feel so scared. Once I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts to the gym cause he thinks I wanted attention.. but I loved him so much. Because whenever he was abusive, I would just wait until he was affectionate again. I would CRAVE those good moments with him because I was finally happy again. But it never lasted. I finally saw a therapist during my relationship and she helped me get the courage to leave him. I think it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m still healing though. And this animation portrayed everything perfectly. Amazing job!!
I'm glad u ended that!! Take care!💕💕 My ex was also starting to be like that, made scenes in our dates,instead of enjoying them, he acted cold, angry, threw "shit" at me,or if i wasn't doing enough or correctly,when i always told him he could talk to me if there were issues,or have confort in me, he never wanted to tell more than superficial stuff from his life. But always used the dates to spit crap,instead of "normal situations", send offended,or passive agressive with indirects messages when anything wrong was done,or too way sneaky, always blamed me, acted weird, started complaining ab my clothing or wanted me to go x way or whatever,even i told him that i wouldn't,that i would dress the ways i liked and not the ones he said. Asked me a lot ab friends or if i had any "other crush" n shit, couldn't take a no, or that day i didn't want shit with him and like "kinda forced me" but when he saw he was going too far,he always stopped,maybe bc was scared of being reported or sth. He usually forced me to have long long hugs,so instead of love it turned an "obligation",where if i didn't give it,he would be as an annoying fly around me asking me the whys,or forcing. I sometimes even pushed or yelled at him,that wtf, it's supposed to be love hugs, not an obligation. One day i went more "active" xd in kissings crap, and he was surprised,aka offended,bc he was off of guard,or wasn't he the "male" asking for them, so I went... -But don't u like kisses? Why u act those ways? And he answered quite passive agressive some shit as : -Weird,u never "want" (remember it turned obligation bc was an annoyance so i wasn't liking him that much at that time already) and yes today? Ur always so weird, but... well whatever I won't complain tho,but remember u were the one kissy person today And i went (wtf????,Why that answer?? Wth) Also hated be in photos,drawed or be shared with friends, since i draw good(animated) i wanted to do one together (when we were still ok) and he acted so weird,as if he was a criminal and me a police doing his face sketch. If you're a good person why should you be scared of appear in photos or drawins!? Also asked me to not report him as abuser or sth, even when we were "ok"? What kind of questions are those?why should you worry if ur supposed to be a good guy? Started to talk ab sex when just being 2 weeks together,and doing creepy married life plans,or like, putting minimum relationship time (minimum 3 yrs in being together) when i told him that we would be together the time it passed,a lot,or just a few,but not put that minimum range,that was creepy. I'm asexual apart from bi,so i told him and even he said "ok",the fact couldn't have that sex for me annoyed him. He was mad bc couldn't lose virginity with me And me like...but u said u don't like me that way or that u could wait,that wasn't urgent. Now ur interested? Wth. What he wanted is to fuck and say he wasn't anymore bc some of his friends did it already. He also had the balls to say that he didn't like me bc my appearance,he liked me bc my personality. And i thought...ur not also prince charming,my guy. U have also a lot to be disliked too. Who says to his couple that is ugly?...(In some ways he said it...?) He said that if my clothes were old or sth. When he was the one wearing the SAME SHOES for 4 months LONG without CHANGING THEM. Ew ew. So i returned it to him with that. That yes,maybe old,but you wearing the same shoes as a homeless guy when ur obviously not one. So hypocrite. He also said crap as that he liked lolis(he is weeb) and that if they looked legal,even being illegal,was ok for him. He's freaking 20 now. 19 back then and me 18. Now I'm 19. Wouldn't that be...pedo!??? Yes i also did my "waifus" "harem",but..jeez,legal ones.(yes,i tend to waifus and not husbandos) A friend and also crush i had (same gender tho) at the same time i was dating him(since his ways of actings made me lose my love for him, just made me puke every time i saw him,so i started liking her instead of him,i was with him like...just bc he's with me but not bc anything more)who also experienced the same,an annoying and bad ex. She helped me, had a a talk with me and i realized, so i broke up with him. I was planning already to break up with him,but she just fueled it He got kind of mad, said the i will change i promise shit, or acts weird after the breaking up but... Y'know. I won't keep that crap, I won't believe him,since he did the changing promise and he was the same. So i saw he was sus I told him everything, even nearly slapped him bc stilk he was acting like a dick, instead of listening or understanding or whatever. He still wanted to have " perks" even being exes or just friends again. And me... wth, I'm breaking up with u. OFC NOT!!!??? wth. He was so rude. Not that long ago, was his bday, and he got mad at me and passive agressive bc i didn't remember it. And i was like... Uuuh... I'm ur ex...? I don't need to be remembering shit now and less from you Plus i had college exams, i wasn't for remembering things. Now i have a gf and she's the opposite to him and we're happy now :) She also had crappy exes, so we understand each other and just share diabetic love all day xd😂😂
A lot of people have blamed me for being abused, asking me why I didn't leave earlier, or how I "allowed their behavior." Abusers don't become jerks over night, they're sweet before after and during. It's an endless cycle. They'll act like they're changing, no longer threatening you or cheating anymore. But if someone already has treated you like a complete object, they'll continue doing so. It's hard to stomach because you'll be thinking you'd never do this to them, so surely they must have good reasons/ will change. Not only that but manipulation is a powerful tool. The most intelligent people can be abused too.
My mom often says in conversations about this, "First time a man calls me a b*tch, or lays a hand on me, I'm done. No second chances. I don't see what's so hard about that"..... She and so many other people don't realize it takes a while before it even gets to that point. By the time you're there, you're left with no way out.
@@MizukiUkitake trigger warning for SA Yeah my abuser never hit me once until after we broke up! The signs of his emotional abuse showed up 6 months into dating and once he started calling me "crazy" and asking me if I took my medication whenever I had a complaint I left IMMEDIATELY. I knew what abuse looked like and I wasnt scared to tell him "its over" the moment I realized who he was. Sadly, that is not always enough and most abusers kill/assault their victims AFTER the relationship has ended (which I wish I knew sooner). After we broke up I still lived with him for a short while due to being financially trapped and that is when the abuse got really bad. He drove all of my friends away, hit me, and finally during my last month in the home he raped me as well.
My favorite part was how in the beginning, he was always focused on himself but payed attention to her at just the right moments to keep her interested. Then when all she could do was focus on him, he did the exact same and made practically everything about himself.
When she’s running away from the outside world and shuts the door behind her is so real. Abusers can make you think the outside world is terrifying and no one out there can help you.
Maybe that’s because the world IS terrifying to them personally, and they think they’re just protecting their partner. Everyone here acts like the abuser is fully aware and knows what they’re doing and is being malicious evil people, but not all do. Some people have a misguided view on love, some people who are “abusers” may not think that’s what they are at all. The victim isn’t the only one who can confuse love for abuse. Most abusers come from abusive homes and literally don’t know any better. I hate how much people demonize people who have likely been victims of abuse as well. Abuse is a cycle.
@@realhumanguynotafish ^ Very true! That, and turning to outside help can be hard when outsiders looking in at an abusive relationship can have the potential to victim-blame rather than actually help the abuse victim (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, unfortunately, not). The world can be such a scary place that some abuse victims have felt the rest of the world judging their actions/situation can be just as bad or worse than their abuse. 0_0
Being in an abusive relationship is terrifying. It doesn't matter if the relationship is a heterosexual or homosexual one, it doesn't matter if the abuser is male or female; the sensation of being trapped, of being afraid for your life if your partner gets mad, wanting to run, but too scared to move...it fucks with your mind. I only spent six-ish months in an abusive relationship and I'm still dealing with the psychological damage from four years ago to this day. Because, even though I'm safe and with people I trust, there's always that little nagging thought that my ex-partner might just snap and try to hurt me, even though it's been years. Honestly, there's never a way to get over it, but I have learned how to move past it. It's a part of my past, it's something horrific I went through, and I'm still something I have to work on, probably for the rest of my life; but I'm a survivor and I'm recovering. : )
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! It's very powerful, and we hope you feel supported and safe. If you need anything, you can always reach out to us.
I had a boyfriend who used to pay for me everything, i was not quite self-sufficient in those years. When he started to be abusive with his public displays of false "unselfishness" our relationship started to fall apart. Later i found a man who was less willing to pay for me. Initially, because of the bad habit to expect others to pay my bills, i distrusted him, but he helped me to be self sufficient and less childish, encouraging and sustaining me in an healthy way. We are now a strong couple of two indipendent people, and touched 9 years of relationship. Feel quite happy.
I too was married to my abuser and had two kids with him. My children and I are survivors, recovering strong together as a unit and achieved alot in fitness studies, and MMA. My kids have autism and that is even hard to cope with as a single parent.
Hey y'all, keep in mind that abuse can come in any shape or form. Regardless of gender, orientation, appearance, or interests, abuse can still occur unfortunately. Stay safe, remember that there are more good people than bad people!
@@wafflemation6887 The steps to realizing humanity is more good than bad: 1. Unplug from the news and social media. 2. Open your heart and mind, and 3. Look around you - your friends, family, acquaintances, strangers on the street or in the grocery store. Make a note to yourself every time you see someone being kind - you'd be surprised how quickly that number goes up. 4. Research the things you care about (or just good "causes" in general), and pay attention to how many other people in the world are trying to make things better. And if you still see more bad in people than good, then perhaps consider: 5. Making different choices regarding who you surround yourself with. 6. Making different choices regarding your own mindset, beliefs, inner narratives, etc. How you see the world and the people in it is largely a choice. .....Hope this helped?
I love how it shows how subtle manipulation and abuse are. He gradually showed his true colors. He isolated her from her friends over time, slowing controlled her appearance, and only berated her in private, all while maintaining the ‘perfect’ boyfriend in the public eye.
Please all of you remember that abuse can come in all forms and ways. Physical abuse:To physically hurt someone (beating, kicking, pinching and so on) Verbal abuse: To insult or degrade someone vocally "You are ugly" or "You can't achieve anything" Emotional abuse: Controlling you by using your emotions "If you don't do what I say I will jump of a cliff" or "If you don't come with me I will be extremely mad" and other forms of abuse
@@sabrinaszabo9355 I think being ignored can count into the emotional abuse category depending on how you mean it. If your friend or partner is ignoring you to make you run after them that’s severe emotional abuse
My girlfriend recently broke up with me so I started reflecting and this video made me realize I was the abusive person and it's like a punch to my gut
Learning and growing is the best thing you can do. You are in a good position by actually acknowledging the harm you have done. Most ab*sers never EVER make that step and only escalate their harm. I wish you the best figuring it out and I hope you have apologized to your ex for your behavior. Even if they do not accept it, an apology is much more than most victims will ever get. Good luck.
While your past actions were not okay and that relationship probably shouldn’t happen again, it’s never too late to seek help and change your behavior from here on out!
I’m in a loving relationship but that’s only what I want to think of it. In reality I know it’s an abusive relationship. He gets aggressively jealous every time I talk to anyone for a few second. He’ll accuse me of a lot of things, like liking people I talk with, not loving him enough when I spend time with other people, gets really over protective of me and tells me what outfits to wear and what not to do to make him “upset”. Small talks always falls into big argument every time he doesn’t get what he wants, and sometimes would verbally abuse me. I’m still in this relationship as I’m writing this because I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s harder to get out of it than anyone says it is, wish me luck everyone. I’m doing fine as of now. I hope anyone going through the same thing can get out of it soon too.
You can talk to your parents about this. I have same problem 💔 But I still love him because He is my first boyfriend. I know He is OBSESSIVE, possesive and controlling. I have same kind of Boyfriend. Life is so difficult 😭
Just punch him in the face ... or don't. If you want to do something about it, do what you believe is right. But please just try to know for sure that it's right. I'm angry enough that just some people have to go through things like this.
I think it's really interesting that a lot of teen movies I'd watch as a kid and teen would have the boyfriend get jealous and grumpy and it was presented as if it was almost endearing or cute but it's not. Watching this really reminded me of how a lot of the love interests would be portrayed and I think that kind of portrayal in movies might have affected the way I saw red flags as a teen. I didn't think these things were bad when I was younger/before and I didn't realize it until I actually experienced how hurtful and harmful someone acting like that in real life can be. I really hope as time passes, more and more young people can learn what healthy relationships are really like so they don't have to go through that too.
True, I almost went through this. My ex would want to fight my guy friend, he would have girls sitting on his laps and arms around their waist tell me to calm down. I glad I listen to my friend who was in a toxic relationship, I remember I telling myself why would I listen to her. Yet I glad that thought came after I broke up with him. Our relationship lasted for 2 weeks.
A lot of this is romanticized, sadly. They all make it seem like it’s the perfect relationship to be in, until you’ve been in that kind of relationship and realize it’s not. And this really needs to stop in movies.
@@timefliesaway999 looking back at it, there’s so many toxic behaviors that are presented as okay in romance comedies… commonly the man will persistently follow her around until she says yes. That’s not romantic. That’s stalking.
i do think that a little jealousy when its not harmful is normal in a couple but most of the times its very easy for it to become unhealthy. its always the best for a couple to trust each other imo
One thing to know though is that the abusive guy always being the athletic cool one is a stereotype. Nerdy, smaller, or chubby guys can be just as abusive. Found out from experience.
Yeah, my first cheated twice then gaslit me the. Coerced me into a threesome with some person who I wasn’t into and wasn’t into me. We also hadn’t discussed an open relationship of any sort. He turned out to start using the n word 2 years into dating, I left soon after that.
My first red flag was him immediately putting his selfie in her phone after catching it. She didn’t hand it to him. She didn’t clearly ask for his number. He just asserted himself into her life. Its a boundary cross.
I love the tiny details in this psa. My personal favorite is when the girl is dressing for the party and we see her reflection and only her reflection for the first three outfits , like it’s a reflection of her own style. And when she dresses the way he wants the mirror only shows him.
My mom went through the same kind of abuse when she was with her first husband! he always try to control her and he gets upset when my mom hangs out with her friends. This video is accurate 💯
It’s so sad how true this is. Many people can easily look at something like this and say, “Oh, well I would’ve been able to tell if it was an abusive relationship” but you really can’t. When you think your in love with someone, it’s very easy to look at the flaws and say, “oh, but they’re a good person.” Or, “oh, they have my best interests at heart” or even, “it’s not them, it’s me.” I would like to say thought that I liked the little hints that the relationship was getting toxic. Even from the beginning, he was obsessed with himself, as if he was in a relationship with him instead of her. You can slowly see him not taking time to actually appreciate her. When they’re out sitting at what I assume is a park, instead of looking at the beauty or even her, he looks at himself. When she goes to the party and he won’t let her wear “flattering” clothes. The simple details that tie this are together really help others better understand this.
I recently got out of a relationship with someone quite abusive and manipulating. We met over a good while back, and she was quite sweet. I felt like I could trust her. Some point down the line, things felt different. Sometimes she would snap at me for the smallest of things, she'd force me of my socials to see who I'm following but she wouldn't let me see who she was following or talking to, when I had to sleep she wouldn't let me sleep, if I was having time with family she'd spam me to focus on her instead of my family. I said to myself that maybe it was just a love thing, that we get jealous when our other is enjoying themselves and we want to be a part of it, but it wasn't exactly a nice kind of jealousy in her case.. Coming up close to our 1 year, she just destroyed me, mentally, emotionally, physically, I've never felt so numb and dry in my life, how I never deserved love, how I was always the problem. I went to a friend for help, she tried her best and tried "distracting" me, and let's say.. I got distracted. My ex found out about this a few weeks afterwards and it all went more to shit. She was saying that her abusing me had nothing to do with me going to someone else for help and doing what was done, she was right, but wrong too. Since then, I had blocked the person who was trying to help me, and I don't know where she is anymore. Time went on since then, my birthday, my ex barely wished me a happy birthday, and Christmas, same shit too. If it wasn't for her, then she wouldn't care, because it was "always about me" and that I'd "never pay attention to her" when I'd destroy time with my family and ruin my sleep patterns just to talk to her. It got even worse over time, even though she kept pulling cutesy acts and stuff, she'd still have outrages at me, and funnily enough: She always blamed it on mental health, she self diagnosed herself due to her own judgement. I was saying she was narcissistic, she only wanted what she wants, and she always says she's not like that. Well, she kept that up for a year and a half, whenever she got angry it was mental health, but whenever I got angry it was always "toxic masculinity". A lot of times where she was trying to leave and argue for no reason, I felt forced to apologize and beg for her to stay. It felt wrong, so fucking wrong, but I felt like I couldn't live without her. I knew she gave me hate, but I didn't know what to do. In the more later months, I tried breaking up with her, which only led her to threatening me, my parents, my friends, my life, everything. I'd confront her about how she acts, but she'll blame me for it, and I hate being blamed for stuff I don't do. I couldn't upright tell her I'd break up, so, I just ghosted her. A week went by, I hope she got the message. She came forward and apologized for something, so I went back to talking to her, but I didn't have any intentions for love. She tried making me love her but I told her straight, I didn't want to be in a relationship where I have to jump through hoops for a compliment, and how complimenting her is the lowest thing I could do. And soon after, you guessed it, her anger ensued. I couldn't take it once again and I left, with no responses. I see her emailing me, talking about getting back together, then a character, then wanting to date someone else, and then wanting to date me again. I'm so confused, this is all I could do, leaving her ghosted. If I block her, she knows I want to get rid of her and she'll track me down, she's done it before. I'm stuck in a limbo right now, I'm talking to someone else, and we're doing good at the moment, at long last I feel like I found someone who truly cares about what I have to say, and I'm happy. I know this was a long read, I just wanted to get this out. To everyone, no matter who your oppressor is, you have a voice and actions, you have friends and family. Talk to them, be with them and they'll be there for you too. I know it's hard trying to break away from your oppressor, but you have to do it, or they'll latch onto you like you're a thing to them. You're all people, you all have your rights, you're no one's "thing". Be free, be happy, but most of all, be you. Edit: I also forgot to mention, around the time she found out I was talking to that friend I mentioned, she straight up signed up to an app and asked out multiple guys and showed me the messages, that put me at my breaking point. She kept bringing up the time I cheated and I told her that I felt like I had to cheat to feel love and how she cheated too, but she said it wasn't cheating what she did, and we all know that it was cheating.
@@ramseybolton1223 just dont reply buddy. Who gives a fuck whether you read this or not. 🙄🙄 Let him write watever feels right to him to make him feel ok/better. ❤❤
I've experienced this with one of my ex-girlfriends when I was about 16. She would get angry and even violent if I spoke well of other girls or anyone for that matter. She was abusive and made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every single day just to spare myself another fight that could result in me getting bruises. Nobody believed me, nobody helped me, nobody wanted to know because she was a teenage girl, and "everyone knows girls can't be abusers". Please, I beg you, don't ever ignore signs of abuse, in Both men and women. Many of us go through awful things and nobody's willing to help us. We appreciate it. Edit: I want to make something clear: I did not post this to be pitied, I posted this comment to encourage other people to come out with their stories if they want to but feel too alone to do so. I've been there. It's not easy. It's very difficult to tell people something like this and the conversation around it is often mocking towards victims or (as someone replied to this comment) telling them they're guilty for their "shitty relationship". I think we're all ready to have mature discussions about abuse and despite everything - we're getting there. I'm proud of everyone who has the strength to speak out and I'm incredibly thankful to those reaching out with their support, it's an amazingly kind act. I hope you have a great day ❤
I think people often forget that men also go through abuse as well, and it's not just a one sided ordeal. Thank you so much for sharing your story, even if it might of been difficult to bring to the surface. I hope you are doing okay now and I'm wishing for the best.
@@lluminescent That's very kind of you, thank you. I genuinely hope that more people gain the courage to speak out against their abusers. That's why I find it so important for some of us to talk about these things even if it feels uncomfortable. People need to know they're not alone.
the part that resonated with me most was when he stopped her from accepting the flower, and you see how flattered she is. your brain is manipulated into thinking that this is what real love is. “he just cares so much”. eventually, what once seemed great, turns into a nightmare.
This was spot on. My ex started out being sweet and attentive, then it became jealousy and obsession. I was only allowed to wear the color green if we went out, and he once accused me of cheating on him with someone I waved at passing by on the interstate. He would hang up on me if I talked to someone else for a few minutes while on the phone with him, even if it was my mom, and then get angry if I didn't call him back to apologize. It's funny too because it was a 3 month relationship that spiralled in a scary fast way, he took advantage of my emotional vulnerability (I was working on myself at the time and not in the best places mentally) and weak mental state and wrecked my psyche in such a short time. I sometimes still flinch, even though my fiance has never raised a hand or his voice to me in all the years we've been friends and in a relationship, and I even still react to certain things because it can be triggering. I had just turned 19, and I'm still struggling to heal from just that short 3 months almost 6 years later. Imagining how anyone does it for longer, like years upon years, it astounds me. If I wasn't worried about him reaching out to me, I'd post his name with a warning for all women to avoid him, but I still watch over my shoulder for him sometimes so I don't actually want to one day turn around and that psycho be standing there.
You’re not alone, I dated an extremely abusive and controlling guy when I was 15. The relationship ended after 1 and a half years and now I am 22, nowhere close to being fully healed. If I hear his name, I instantly have a huge anger taking over me, I am just so hurt. What’s important is that now we know that they were abusing us and we can watch out for people like these. Stay strong, I hope you’ll heal and that he leaves you alone. Be safe out there ❤
Dude I know how you feel. Like the similar thing happened to me as well 😢. The saddest part was he was already committed with someone else and he was dating me. You should have seen the way I dumped his ass 😂😂😂😂
This animation is a masterpiece, it shows those feelings perfectly I hate it when I see someone is doing his best acting to draw a girl's attention then after that he turns into his damn real personality and treats her like he owns her Totally I hate it when I see people using the others feeling as a tool Hope who ever is reading this comment be safe, happy and finds the true love 🍀🙌
it's interesting, because even the beginning of the video is part of the abuse. it's known as "love bombing", and it's how abusers draw their victims in.
I don't know if someone here will be able to answer, but when does love bombing become abuse? Is it when it's used as something people need to pay back? Because I do genuinely like giving gifts and being affectionate, but, when needed, I try to be very clear that, unless said otherwise for some reason, everything is "no strings attached, you won't need to owe me anything; it's a gift."
@@jamminoutrexan5474 it's hard to give an exact pinpoint of "this is when it becomes abuse". its sort of something you have to analyze case by case, and it isn't always clear cut. my advice would just be to be mindful of who you're giving to, how often, and how quickly, to make sure they're not overwhelmed. even if you say "hey, no pressure", people may still feel guilty if they get 19 gifts from you over 2 weeks. just be thoughtful and pay attention to what you're doing.
@@jamminoutrexan5474 Love bombing is part of a pattern. The abuser is really nice, then they get super mean, then they get really nice again. It makes the one being abused think "Well they actually love me, they just get moody sometimes and as long as I don't mess up, they'll be nice." Love bombing is used as an emotional tactic for abusers to attract and keep victims. You excessively giving gifts to people you care about isn't part of that pattern lol. You'll know when it's abusive, cause it will be used in an abusive manner
This really got to me. Especially the nightmarish imagery where she feels hounded and trapped. It's sad to see such a happy young lady become so scared and alone. I know it's simplistic of me but I wish girls can spot the signs early on, and as soon as they see them they'd just get the hell out. Unfortunately by the time an abuser shows his true colours the girl is most likely already in too deep to get out easily. This is a great ad and I hope it can help educate people. I like how it's an animated ad.
Thank you so much for sharing. We're so glad our video touched you and that you found personal meaning in it. Day One is a non-profit organization that partners with youth to end dating abuse and domestic violence. We offer legal and case management services to survivors, and educate youth so they CAN spot the signs early on. Please feel free to visit our website for more information! www.dayoneny.org
It happened to me with somebody I wasn't even dating. I was on a Christian camp in a city centre and the abuser thought he was entitled to spend all his waking hours with me just because we sat next to each other on a boat trip one morning and I was talking to him. I managed to lose him in the city centre that afternoon which was a free afternoon when he insisted on going everywhere with me. I didn't get much time to myself and had planned to spend the afternoon alone. I couldn't avoid him at meal times because if he arrived before me he would save a place for me which would be the only place available if I was a bit late. If I arrived before him he would attempt to sit near me so I moved away. I eventually told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Even if I was dating him I wouldn't want him to treat me like that.
I completely agree, and this animation was amazing and gets the message across but noticing your comment, It’s not just girls, male teens can experience an abusive relationship aswell. It’s just sad that so many people have to go through this. 💕
I was naive and I get to know this person where only within 2 weeks he had confessed telling me that he loves me, I was 22 but even at that age I couldn't tell it wasn't love. I just thought that he might be the one for me cus no one ever confessed and he was the first ever. he was like a prince charming, everything about him was positive. he get along well with everyone, he was super nice to me. always asking me if i was okay. i told him that i want to be just friends but he kept on saying stuffs like he wanted to hold my hand even when i told him multiple times how i wouldn't want to hold hands unless we are together but everyday he kept on saying he wish he could hold my hands and talking about how he really liked me. he told me he likes me because i was innocent, i am pretty much an obedient girl i listen well to others and i guess he likes that about me. things got different when we started having different opinions. day after day i saw he change into a different person. because i only had just met him i can't say that i know him well. after a few weeks, i realised that he gets mad very easily, he's short tempered. he shouted at his co worker once and he speaks rudely to elderly. and that was when i realised i just saw his true colours. but idk why .. even when i know he isn't a good person whom i thought he was i still kept wanting to be with him. i can't make myself to tell him that i don't want to walk with him anymore. i know i told him i dont want to be more than just friends but we walk home together almost everyday and it was a mistake because it was hard for me to tell him to stop walking me home.. you can say that i am used to having him around that i don't want him to leave which is very very wrong of me. but i still consider myself lucky because i manage to break it off with him. although i get way too comfortable with him around i am lucky that i manage to tell him that i dont want to see him anymore. i had to lie, cus if i actually told him that he would've been mad at me but instead i lied and told him that i want to take a break and just want to focus on myself now.i was lucky that he listens or he probably had another target set cus he is always on his phone so i might not be the only one. i feel so blessed and lucky that i get to leave this early, also, there's one co worker who knew him and she had told me to wait until 3 months to know someone true personality and she was right. not until 3 months, he showed his true colours. that girl warned me too, she said that he's prob not serious with me. until today i thanked Allah for helping me out. alhamdulillah❤️ oh and also he gets jealous whenever a guy started talking to me, he pretty much cuts off our conversation and at first i thought it was cute but the more it happens the more i think it wasn't cute at all.
Thank you for this. Abuse is more than just about being physical. Emotional and mental abuse happens and it can leave pretty terrible scarring in the mind and heart.
@@loverlei79 Yes. I was cut off from most of my friends first, then I was stopped from enjoying the activities I liked, I had my spending controlled... and eventually it lead to him throwing me into walls and hitting me. 9 times out of 10 though it was verbal, psychological and emotional abuse. He s*xually abused me in my sleep and also pressured me into acts I found repulsive - "If you love me, you'll try this..." Just... URGH!
@@pikcoe Thankfully I got away from him along with my cats in 2014. I would never want ANYONE to go through what I did. The only man currently in my life is Schnapps the cat, purring next to me as I type this. 😺
I will say that the scenes where she's running down the stairs and the maze perfectly capture how exhausting these kind of relationships can be. Just trying to keep up with their demands and wants to avoid conflict and keep them happy, hits way too close to home
And when they get mad you just try to hide and make yourself smaller, all the while worrying if they’ll actually put your life in danger and doing whatever you can to just ride it out until it’s over. And you feel so frantic, like it’ll never end, just like that maze. My boyfriend is great but I had an abusive dad who would threaten to kill me or “gouge my eyeballs out” when he got really mad, that’s how I know.
@@illfindhim that's the thing, you don't know they're bad until your in too deep because of how they bombard you with love, affection and praise at the start
@@crimson_bunni4382 :D its histerical to see women scheme and formulate any form of excuse in their heads to justify/cope with the consequences of their pitiful but wilful behaviour. Female nature is a wonder to behold.
Funny how this came out around the time I was starting to finally see and accept the warning signs. I remember watching this and I truly believe it was one of the many things that helped me in my biggest turning point in my life. I'm so glad that marriage is over, I'm with a guy that truly appreciates me and not love bomb me just to explode for small stuff. Thank you 💖
It touches on a part of abuse that I didn't pick up on with my last relationship: Isolation. He would isolate me front friends, both online and real life. He had a tight grip on what I enjoyed, and when I wanted to do something by myself because Its something he didn't enjoy, he got annoyed with me... Hated when I made new friends. Then when he'd go out with HIS friends and HE went to do things, I let him. And I think this somehow annoyed him more? It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I trusted him to do the right things and to be a good person. So much for that, lmao. If Anyone out there are seeing these patterns in YOUR relationship, be careful... it'll start something that's a bitch to stop. Stay safe guys!
A thing to remember, there will also be good times, even with the abusive person. And just because there are times that are fun and nice, does not excuse the harm they do to you. It makes it hard to leave and it hurts, but do what is best for you.
I teach High School health, this is part of every class I teach. Simply well done, accurate and beautifully animated, the hope is my students can recognize the red flags before it's too late in life. They can also identify harmful behaviors they might have or are developing in the dark.
I have NEVER been able to understand how women (or men) do not recognize abuse...When someone does or says something to me that is painful/uncomfortable, my SURVIVAL INSTINCT kicks in & my flight response is activated. I become sensitized to AVOID this person, this behavior & this circumstance. I do not understand returning voluntarily to painful situations unless it is unavoidable. Women (& men) have said to me that they were 'unable' to leave...?!?! I do not get it.
@@bamilekewoman373 youre just an asshole and probably the abuser. also victim blaming?? really?? on a video abt a victim? ur a god awful human being i hope yk that
I…never realized how spot on this was. I’m still getting out of being abused so when I saw this I was like “aw he likes her!” And then more things started making me subconsciously uncomfortable and then reading the comments I realized that shit hit the fan before I realized. I had really confused the two, and didn’t catch earlier signs and it hurt me. Then seeing other people’s testimonies on here made it sink in and I’m glad I asked for help and had people who helped me out of my situation. I hope that whoever is experiencing this same shit asks for help too because even though I just got out of abusive situations and escaped abusive people I still couldn’t see the signs and I’ve been so abused that when someone is genuine it scares me. Other people should ask for help if they need it don’t be scared at all!! You got this and I..do too. We all do! It’s hard but…you got this! Whoever is reading ily :)
@@snake698 the thing that sucks about people who screech that is that now we can't tell others to try to find solutions or take responsibility to solve a relationship that isn't favorable because now it's victim blaming and you're an asshat. I think it just removes power from the victims when they say that.
What if they're autistic or a little anxious? This can also manifest as things that seem "wrong" , but they happen because of completely different reasons.
C1oudS being jealous to the point of blowing up when a random dude talks to you is a red flag. Showing up to her house unannounced without her consent is a red flag. And the buildup of texting her 24/7 wasn’t to be cute- it was to keep tabs on her.
@@c1oudsky it doesn’t. And this is the sad fact in life- many innocent seeming things can be looked over as just that but actually be signals of an abuser. Hindsight is 20/20. You’ve just got to be careful. Be aware and not excuse them by means of ‘love’ until you know them better. Obviously don’t accuse someone for these signs, but don’t discard what could be a red flag. Keep it in mind. This is another reason to not have sex with someone until you know them for a very long time. Hormones cloud things. Hormones then released in a woman’s body after sex will cloud your thinking even more, like how this happy song was kickin’ the ‘’feel-good’’ emotions even while she was experiencing the abuse- the ‘’love’’ (just hormones) keeps you in limbo. Women are by nature designed to put up with a lot and be nurturing. (The bond exists to help raise a child). There’s nothing wrong with that, but women just need to be aware because that tendency to overlook serious offenses for ‘’love’’.
This is exactly what I think my mom is going through. My parents just can't trust each other and my dad is so insecure over where my mom is going. Even if she's she's her family my dad gets upset. He treats his actions as something reasonable and ok, and he gives me and my brother "advice" about love too. I sent want to be like my father. I don't want to be like my mom either, sometimes she could do wrong things, but you shouldn't respond so aggressively. I am a high school boy who never had a real relationship, but from what I know, being a real man isn't by keeping someone latched in your life, it's about respecting that person you love, you have feelings for that person, and if your in a relationship, that's great, but that person you love is still human.
She probably cheated on him which is why he is so controlling and paranoid. It sucks, but I think that he's in a lot of pain, and he doesn't know how to cope. Might be best to divorce her tbh.
@@juliab3326 Guess you wouldn't have an argument with your partner if you saw them walking out of university with someone else's arm around them? I'm convinced the people who see this as "abuse" have never even been in a relationship. Take your ignorance elsewhere if you have nothing of value to add.
@@cautiouscube2197 So you think the guy´s behaviour (in the video and the commentator´s father as well) is justified, normal, and okay? It isn´t. It´s controlling. It doesn´t sit well with me that you tried to justify someone´s harmful behaviour. Saying that she cheated seems like victim blaming. This can be the case, but it´s also a common stereotype. Commenting this under a video trying to get victims to realise wrongdoings and wanting them to leave toxic situations is inappropriate. Regarding the video: His insecure behaviour started before he saw her together with her friends and wasn´t just limited to stopping her from potential cheating. He tried to control every aspect of her life. The relationship wasn´t healthy from the start. I´m not the ignorant one. I don´t make baseless assumptions because someone refuses to accept victim blaming or harmful behaviour, regardless of how much a person might be hurting. You´re right, when there´s a lack of healthy coping and trust people should take a step back or even part ways.
@@juliab3326 You're mistaken, and likely a young child. In a real relationship, it's not "controlling" to be upset if your partner is suddenly caught with a "friend" of another gender with their arm around them. If you caught your boyfriend getting handsy with another girl, you would be rightly pissed. The video shows him being pissed because she failed, and rightly so. It's not ok to let someone else touch you like that when you are in a relationship. I can't believe kids these days don't understand this, but it's common sense. TLDR: Just switch their genders, and it becomes obvious why they argue, and it's not "abusive" or "controlling" to have an argument. It's human, and you don't get that because you've never had a real relationship. Thanks, bye now!
Love bombing , narcissistic behavior, invading personal space , possessiveness, forcing partner to walk on eggshells, total disregard for the partners feelings, being a control freak ( controls what she eats and how she dresses) and then stalking! Any of the above is a huge red flag 🚩! Don not mistake any of them for love and affection
Now ill look for a one with Zero attention, always leave me alone , dont care whoever i sleep with , forcing to walk on seashell , can mind reading and have zero control. thank
@Kekker Although trust certainly is important, there is different love languages in which gifts are a thing. For some people giving gifts is showing they think about the other person or that the other person is thinking about them, whether it's buying a gift or making a gift themselves. It can just be as simple as picking some flowers along the street because you know your partner likes flowers and want to bring a smile on their face. Personally I'm more of a gifter on special occassions and just every now and then, but I do have friends that love giving gifts and receiving them as well. We all show our affection and love in different ways!
My mother made the mistake of confusing love with abuse while I was a child. I too sadly suffered from it, but it was never physical. Dont confuse love and abuse, please, dont. (Verbal)
I like how the friends are trying to stand up for her and don’t like the guy. She has good friends in this situation I just wish they could’ve done more
I really like how this doesn’t just focus on physical abuse ( physical abuse is incredibly traumatic and I don’t want to make it seem that it isn’t) I was in a mentally abusive relationship and I thought that because it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t abuse. I would gaslight myself into staying until the relationship ultimately ended for my own good. I talked to someone about my ex and they responded “well did he hit you?” Well, no he didn’t. So again, I would push it all down because I didn’t want to throw the word “abuse” around and discredit anyone. One day I talked to my close friends and a therapist. As I would tell them the stories i saw their faces change. I started to talk slower, and slower because I was realizing how genuinely fucked up that entire situation was and how I couldn’t have seen the signs in the beginning. Regardless of what kind of abuse... physical, verbal, emotional, sexual they’re ALL ABUSE. All important to address, and NO ONE ever should have to go through any of it. Thank you for this❤️
i feel you! i talked to my friends about my brother's abuse towards me and my mom and they always ask "did he hit you?" and it makes me want to keep being silent about it. abusers do make you look crazy sometimes..
Every time I spoke about my abusive ex to someone, they would always ask "did he hit you" as if it's some deal-breaker. Okay, he didn't. Does that make it not count now? Or does it not count until one day he might down the line? People are dumb.
Amazing animation! It really shows how easy is to be in a toxic relationship. The thing I like the most, I don't if it's intended or not, but how the guy in this case seems to be totally oblivious that he is a toxic person, much like in real life. Most toxic persons in a relationship don't even realize they are that way. Props to you!
Thank you for your comment! Yes, many abusers are not consciously aware of their manipulation and may see themselves as being 'in the right'. It's important for us to examine our own behaviors and to be conscious of the feelings of our romantic partners. This is also so important to believe survivors of domestic abuse. To learn more about different types of abuse, you can visit: www.dayoneny.org/dating-abuse/
0:43 I love the way her falling into his trap is being portrayed here. He wraps his arms all over her as if to isolate her from everyone else and never let her go. Definitely a sign of the incoming abuse, and it forms into a heart, showing how the girl sees all of it as "love".
I think we need to start acknowledging and addressing abuse within family. Normally people who fall into abusive relationships come from abusive households. If we start to acknowledge the signs within our own family we can avoid seeing those same actions from our future relationships
God, I was heavily abused in my family and I heard the worst things about it from people I was supposed to trust. "Just sibling rivalry" "You have to be there no matter what" "You can't just cut them out of your life. It happened, get over it and forgive" "You're overreacting, she's not like that" "What did YOU do to piss her off and make her punch you?" And that's just a few. To put into perspective, she threw me into a wall and I got yelled at for making a noise when I hit it. But her? She was just told to lay down again. From locking me in my room, to throwing my things down and smashing them, keeping me awake so I would struggle at work the next day, physical assault, then gaslighting and manipulating everyone I tried to go to for help where she would play victim, it took 14 years just to get one person to finally say "She was A LITTLE MEAN to you." When it comes to family, nobody wants to say it, nobody wants to accept it. They want the perfect loving family, if they don't acknowledge abuse, it doesn't exist. It's even worse when I'm the older sibling. So no matter how smaller and weaker I am to her, I'm always seen as the aggressor or the stronger one or the one that can take it. Nobody wants to talk about family abuse and now I don't want to talk to family.
Sorry to disappoint you but you are wrong. The most abusive people come from normal, loving houses...but where they were the only kid: they had their every wish fulfilled, every whim, heared how perfect they are Soo they became self absorbed spoiled selfish jerks who can't accept 'no' for an answer. If they do they throw a tantrum like 4 year old kid and blame you for everything, accuse you to have affairs only to make you feel guilty. Talking from experience here
@@fynchan11 That's not what they said. They said that most people who end up getting abused in a relationship come from abusive families, not that most abusers come from abusive families.
Sad but true. My parents were verbally and emotionally abusive towards me all the time growing up… just didn’t realize it. Then I ended up in relationships with abusive partners: one who constantly played the victim to her friends when I was trying to get her to better her life and one who got pissed because I canceled our plans to spend time with my roommates one night.
Also this can be other way around I recently broke up with my girlfriend feeling the same way as the girl in this video she always said I am nothing without her nobody gonna love me except her , when ur not feeling urself in a relationship have the courage to end it , there will always someone who would want u the way u r
Left a narcissistic abusive relationship in January of this year. Good God they really did a good job portraying the love bombing stage. Being showered with impersonal gifts. The best advice I’ve ever been given about a new relationship is if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is. Great video
I actually had to come back to this video because I got 20 seconds in, and was like, "Love-bombing. That's love-bombing. That's what love-bombing looks like." Then I switched to another video because I knew where it was going and wasn't emotionally prepared that day. Finished it today, and I was spot on. I hope I'm able to call abuse out like this at any stage Every time I encounter it. Having to live it is damaging.
It's all about that famous sentence "you only need to reaffirm something repeatedly when it's not obvious". If there's real love in the relationship, there's no need to reaffirm it every single time with gifts. The affection says it all. Love bombing is only necessary when the person can't show any of these affections so they need to mask that.
What I find most heartbreaking is the thought of the boyfriend continuing his abuse on someone else if the girl had dumped him asap. Guys like him never change, so finding a different girlfriend would not have "solved" anything on thier behalf.
as if narcissistic females would ever change. How about instead of saying guys like him you say people like him? Or are you not aware females can be abusers too?!
God, I have a friend who’s been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and this video reminds me of her. Every time she talks about him, she’ll happen to mention something toxic he does (looking through her phone, yelling at her after she spends time with anyone else especially other boys, putting her down constantly to keep her around) and she’s always apologizing on his behalf. It’s scary to see, because I know he’s horrible to her and there’s probably stuff she’s not even saying. She says she loves him, and once she goes to college she wants to move in with him, and every time I or anyone else tries to point out the red flags she denies it. Im scared she’ll get seriously hurt or worse one day, but it’ll be too late.
I feel that. I had a friend who's still to my knowledge, dating this absolute toxic pos of a dude. Dude does all kinds of messed up shit like making her cut her hair, taking out his anger on her, ignoring her boundaries. Hell, she never had anything good to even say about him, it was just on and on with the complaints. I get that people vent, but if it's the 8th time you've brought up your bf and you still have nothing positive to say about him, there's a problem. I even asked her one day "Every time you bring up your bf it's something negative, you never have anything positive to say about him, why are you with this guy?" Her reply being "Oh I say good things about him!" And that was it... At one point after he accused her of cheating on him for the dumbest fucking reason, I told her "Hey, I gotta be honest with you. Your bf does this, this, and this. I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't date but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, I'm worried about you." After which she claimed that I "hadn't taken the time to understand him." And basically told me to go fuck myself. At least your friend by the sounds of it isn't too far gone that she's willingly letting her bf isolate her from her friends.
Please, please, PLEASE send her this video. I've had my own experiences with toxic friends (it killed me inside), so I can't fathom how horrible an abusive relationship would be...
You're right, dating abuse can happen to anyone unfortunately. These issues are most pervasive at ages 16-24, however, so our video is just one depiction of what can be any type of relationship. We are glad you are thinking about this holistically!
Thank you for sharing this! I have a friend who is currently in a emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, and I tries to to send this to her. I know people tell me to mind my business since she’s apparently not being physically harmed by him, but he does take his anger out on her a lot and it’s taken a toll on her well-being.
Great animation, love the contrast between the music and the second part. Initiatives like this are highly needed, I still remember being 13 and hearing other girls talk about the awful things their 18-19 year old boyfriends would say to them, and the worst part was they seemed to think it was ok...
Thank you so much for appreciating our video and the intricacies we've included. You're right, it's terrible for young teens to think this behavior is "ok," but that is why we partner with youth to educate them about dating abuse and domestic violence. For more information, please feel free to visit our website! www.dayoneny.org
When I was in my early to mid teens I remember girls going out with much older boys and saying how 'mature' they were but to me they seemed even more immature than boys my own age who weren't that interested in girls. When they want to go out with an underage girl a few years younger than them it is a sign of wanting somebody to control and dominate.
Dang. This definitely hit me. I never thought I would be in a relationship like that ever. I was always so careful and observant to make sure I never got in a relationship like that but I did last year. I let my walls down and he ruined me. He would talk all affectionately then the next moment he would cuss me out and turn my words against me. It was long distance so I just dropped him. I’m not gonna let some loser control me like what the hell was I thinking🤨. Never again :) Amazing video! Loved it😊
Thank you for sharing your experience. Dating violence can really happen to anyone, and each time a survivor shares their story it can help reduce the stigma and let others know they are not alone!
Thank you for addressing this in a way that’s understandable and not confusing. Sometimes explain the forms of abuse to someone is complicated, but this addressed it perfectly!
I started to date when I was 13, well wouldn’t call it dating. On my journey to 38 I finally met a woman who doesn’t treat me the same way this video plays out. The abuse I endured only to think it was love. I got me my sexy Dr, truly blessed to have her
I was exactly like this narcissist but I’m glad that I’ve changed after watching a lot of documentaries about narcissism and how it sometimes even leads u not just emotionally abusing your spouse but also you will eventually start abusing physically💔 I’m so happy That I’ve 5000 percent changed my life and what makes me laugh a lot was how he’s holding flowers everytime 🤦♂️ this was so realistic it’s all the moods that narcissists have
it makes me really happy when i hear that there r ppl in the world who r ready to reflect nd realise their unacceptable behaviors. nd actively try to change for the betterment
You were probably exposed to abuse as a kid. I was a mean boyfriend for a while, I don't date anymore though and am still struggling with the fact I'm emotionally stunted because my parents were extremely physically emotionally mentally abusive. Stuff like punishing me for going through puberty, beating me, telling me I smell bad even after washing, piling on extreme expectations of greatness, both parents accusing the other of molesting me, constantly bringing me to doctors for fake problems, threats of extreme physical violence (amputation branding lobotomy breaking my legs or hips etc.) I'm not gonna date until I sort this out.
Now that's the sign of true wisdom right there, to know your limits and understand your not always right. It takes stregnth for humbility and its really not something a lot of people posess, never lose that bro
@@ward9837 I'm sorry this happened to you. My first relationship was with a guy who was severely abused by his father as a young child before he left him and his mom, and then he ended up abusing me. It took me a very long time to leave him because I had empathy for his struggle but sometimes you can't give in when the cycle continues. He told me years later that after I left him he tried to always do better and be better in his later relationships. No one is stuck, you can always improve.
The video is really well made. In our teenage years women / men really don't know, how to love and be loved. Boundaries are so important, just makes me so sad. A lot of people like the idea of being in love, than being in love with the partner. It's a very common problem these days. This actually leaves a huge emotional trauma for the partners as well.
It reminds me of a relationship I had with this lady for a year. I didn't see the signs; well, I did. I just actively ignored them, excusing them as eccentricities... she really hurt me, and to this day, those scars still run deep. I'm, however, in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years anx we're getting engadged. It took her love to show me what love truly was
I feel bad for my sister, I honestly never liked her bf, and he just gave me a lot of reasons why I don't like him. He threw her phone once across the room and has rage issues sometimes. I try telling her he is not the one, but she is so blinded by love that she can't see I'm trying to save her. Some people really are hopeless.
2:02 this part is basically why I moved out of my Parents House because I was tired of seeing my Parents flip out over a lot of things, being drowned in their Anger that made me claustrophobic in their House
The part involving the dressing up and him deciding what food she eats... the control, none of it's just present in romantic relationships - it's also in friendships. Also in online relations where people decide who it is acceptable for you to interact with, like with the dude taking her away from her male friends and only really allowing interactions with her female friends, and even then... in those online relations it does tend to be different, but still... Also, him getting angry when him messing up his clothes was his fault and blaming it on her... not even allowing her to be happy... it all hits home without me needing to have been in a "romantic" relationship. Even a "friendship" can contain all that and more... so yeah, be careful about red flags in friendships too.
Guess what? All of this is present in healthy relationships too. Lets say your married to someone and they start using hard drugs, are you going to stand by and "not be controlling" or are you going to abandon the person you love and promised to stay with in sickness and health? Its normal to want to have a positive influence on your partner and we all have individual different unique sets of values, meaning we will always run into these issues. Framing them as abuse does nothing to solve the real issues.
@@robsan5410 That's a competely different thing from literally having a cheeseburger that might be on a cheat day and your partner decides a salad for you. People have expectations in a relationship influenced by media and role models etc that will involve a breakup if the needs are continuously not met even after communication, it turns into abuse when you turn to aggressive means to keep your partner into your ideal person like hurling insults for having a life.
I experienced sexual abuse in my previous relationship, it really affected me and made me blame myself for everything. Now I see how twisted my boyfriend was, acting nice around everyone else but with me, guilt-tripping and manipulating
It's really tempting to forget that feeling when recovering, but on some level it's needed to prevent it from happening again. Just remember that "off" feeling is an alarm bell, a signal to take some space and think. Ask someone whose vibe check you trust. If you feel uncomfortable doing so because it's hard to say no and feel respected, that's all the more reason to be suspicious and take space. It's too dangerous a trap to risk in order to be polite or act appropriately... because this kind of abuser (looking up stuff about narcissistic personality disorder helps) will make people feel like acting normal means pretending there's nothing suspicious or uncomfortable going on
@@breklaberif7553 what is wrong with you? you realize not all people are monsters who make this stuff up, right? why do you even think they were lying? were you just waiting for someone to share their problems so you could kick dirt in their face? you need to think for like three seconds before you say some freaking stupid stuff like that
@@breklaberif7553 you know, even if that is the case, would it not feel better knowing that you come off as a "hey i understand how that might have felt" kind of person instead of "haha lol you got abused who cares" kind of person. I'd rather be tricked into feeling sad for someone than automatically push them in the mud like you do. Would not surprise me if YOU got some stuff that haunts you too, no need to go hostile.
this is one of my biggest fears. I absolutely adore and love my boyfriend 💕 and at the same time, I'm terrified that I don't know all of him. after growing up being abused by my dad, and almost everyone always saying that "people date/marry someone who reminds them of their dad"...sometimes I question if one day my boyfriend will start showing signs of the same behaviors of my dad, and I'm so scared...I know my boyfriend loves me, I've never been unsure of that throughout our relationship so far. and yet the thought that he could be even a little bit like my dad, terrifies me.
I have that same fear. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in that. I'm even terrified of that happening in my friendships, or becoming like my dad Edit: Just thought of some stuff. I don't know you so some of this might be stuff you've heard a billion times. One person's medicine may be another's poison, and this stuff you already know might just make you paranoid to read again. If that's the case I hope someone else reading this with that situation learns something instead, feel free to dismiss. I don't know who your dad is, but understanding how narcissistic personality disorder (and its "covert" narcissist variant) works... what it stems from, the way they manipulate people, the way they cover their behaviour, how people feel when dealing with those people at every stage, how people get out of them (anecdotes help best for that last one imo)... really makes the difference in understanding lots of the toxic relationship red flags someone can give off and whatnot. There is something to be said against going to the other extreme and assigning those traits to anyone that makes you uncomfortable, but there's a few things to keep in mind. First. In order to stay safe even when too triggered to think (a situation many abusers will purposely or opportunistically create or take advantage of), there have to be respectful and appropriate ways to take space when you feel uncomfortable. When those options seem difficult to take when it should be easy (or there's never "the right time"), that's when to ask someone about it, whoever's vibe check you trust. Second. If someone puts guilt on you for doing that, that's a red flag in and of itself most of the time. People who've previously been trapped by abuse cannot afford to be pressured into those iconic red flag uncomfortable social interactions on the off chance that the other person really does mean well and is just misunderstood. It's scary to think you might reject someone that doesn't deserve it, but it's not about what they deserve. It's the safety you need. If taking space is harming them, then... that only proves you're not the right person to help them. It's not your job to teach them that, either. Third. People who have been abused before usually have behaviours that look appealing to other abusers. This means it becomes more important for you than other people to take the initiative in relationships. Waiting for someone to approach you will more likely attract abusers. If you're scared you'll make the wrong choice, at least the choices you make are ones you can learn from. Giving up on such choices because they're scary make repeated victimhood even more likely... the ability to actively seek out new relationships and the ability to spot red flags and say no... for me, they've been tied together. I treat them as one larger cluster of courage, experience, knowledge, that lead into healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy ones. Fourth. In the end it's not about accurately assigning someone a label in order to justify feeling suspicious, taking space, or outright leaving a relationship. It's recognizing interpersonal and communication issues that are unhealthy. It's assessing whether they're within safe and fixable levels, and the likelihood of things getting better. It's keeping expectation that problems are properly communicated and solved, who is responsible for what, and developing a vibe check that's right for you.
Damn this is a great video. I don't think people realize what they are doing is wrong until its shown to their face from an outside perspective. Never understood the effects that love bombing and excessive gifting can look like , this is a problem thanks for spreading awareness.
When I was a teenager I was in this relationship. As soon as you feel uncomfortable with someone let them know, & if they’re unresponsive to that (or if they are responsive but things keep getting worse anyway) please leave. Don’t wait until you feel trapped, afraid, or like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re worth more than that
A reminder for all of us that are struggling or witnessing someone else struggle. You deserve good things. You deserve safety. You have the right to know what red flags look like. And you deserve the right to say no. Stay safe.
When you realize your relationship didn't work out not because you were the victim, but the abuser... :( I feel bad for acting that way, but jealousy, worries and expectations are hard to control and I hope people like this can change for the better. They do not just hurt their partner, they hurt themselves too because they are so self-absorbed that they eat their own energy and themselves up.
I relate, both as a victim and as the abuser in a long-term close friendship that ended a month ago.... I never got to the point of 0:53 and on though, but i most definitely noticed signs of myself, and even went to take steps to work through it. She assured me that it was okay that i was doing these things, but now i realize we were *BOTH* abusers, to ourselves and eachother. I dropped my other friends for her to help better her jealousy, dropped my extracurricular activities at school just to hang out with her because we both were upset we didnt get much time together since i was busy with the activities; i often got upset at the fact that she was hanging out with people but when it came time for me and her to hang out she'd make excuses and question things that she wouldnt question with the people she actually hung out with. Especially if the people she hung out with were romantic interests. we both even got into a sexual situation with someone who was interested in her, but since we all had that sexual/flirt bond together i felt left out and inserted myself into the relations. she got obsessed and attached to him, i tried to help her realize it, support her choice if she wanted to continue with him while also offer consolement early on, but towards the end she denied that i ever did console and even tried to push me away instead of helping me figure out why i felt left out when i brought up my feelings, resulting in us drifting apart. We were both toxic towards each other, and our friendship ending was for the better.
It’s a cycle man, once it happens to you from a young age, you get the preconceived notion that these relationships are how things go. People grow, people change, not a soul out there is exempt from being shitty in their own respective way, and in this case that ended up manifesting in a rather terrible way. As long as it changes, don’t worry about the past.
Glad you realized the error of your ways. It can be really hard to admit when you have a toxic trait because we all want to see ourselves as a good person. Hope you and the other party are doing better noe
it's not only in romantic relationships. this problem should be addressed in friendships,work and family as well.
Exactly!!!
this! abuse can come in many forms!
and also, guys can also be victims of abuse too
anyone, really
Same! My sister in law is toxic as hell.
TRUUUUUE!!!
True!
I've seen this in family and relationships. Mainly because these are people you expect to see on an almost daily basis. Same goes for work. I don't think they applies for friendships as well. There is the fear of drifting apart, but I struggle to see how anyone would be that terribly lonely
I really love how as soon as the girl gets uncomfortable, the song goes "And I feel good!" as if she feels the need to pretend to be happy.
That’s the whole point of the song choice.
@@joyceak9064 Yes, and they like it
@@TomoyoTatar too bad
@@TomoyoTatar Go cry about it
timestamp?
The feeling of drowning while being yelled at in the car hit really close to home.
@@dandavid2027 please point out where I said or implied that.
@@dandavid2027 The fact that it happens to a lot of people doesn't make it not hurt. But thanks for showing everyone how the person doing that yelling thinks.
@@dandavid2027 You say that like abuse survivors don't live in the real world. They do. You just have the luxury of not living in theirs.
Omg I feel that 100% with my father
Same. Happened with my dad, and then my ex.
I knew I was in an abusive relationship when I said, “well at least he’s not leaving any bruises.” The bar was so low-and I didn’t notice him lowering it.
I know the jock is the stereotype of abuse, because they’re generally more physically aggressive, but in my experience I’ve found the nerdy, “nice” guys to be the most abusive.
Omggg yes. So true. So fucking true.
ok but why would u date a loser in the first place... girlllll ur standards are literally non existent
More like over-protective to the point of abuse over the fear of losing love one
Gotta watch out for male feminist allies - best bet is a nice conservative guy who still believes in chivalry.
@@alex29443 what?
“He can be so romantic and sweet sometimes,” what my best friend said about her ex boyfriend who was abusing her. This video was like the perfect representation of that. He always had flowers for her even as he was becoming more and more abusive.
EX? Good, i hope her be happy now
My friend said the EXACT same thing about her ex abusive boyfriend... I never did succeed in fully convincing her to move on from him.
I can relate
@@DivineDefect What do you mean at least they’re broken up? (Sometimes ab@se does that to people.)
@@skylarthompson299 At the time they were going out, she constantly spoke about how she knew he was bad for her but "he can be so romantic and sweet sometimes" literally the exact same words as op's comment!
I constantly tried to convince her to leave him but in the end he broke up with her and she feels like without a relationship she = nothing. She constantly talks about him even though months have passed and they haven't spoken.
My favorite part was how he always had flowers for her. Shows that some abusers are able to put on a show and look like a sweet boyfriend to everyone else but behind closed doors there's a different story
We're glad the message resonated with you! It's definitely true that a relationship looks different to those inside it. For more information on how this manifests in dating abuse, you can visit our website, dayoneny.org.
@@asideclaro Are you victim blaming right now?
@@asideclaro the problem is that more often than not saying 'enough' is, well... not enough. a lot of the time its extremely hard to get out of abusive relationships mostly because your abuser basically traps you in the relationship and makes you feel like leaving them and trying to escape in any way, shape or form is going to have grave consequences. it's extremely hard to say 'no' or 'enough' because you're AFRAID of how your abuser is going to react, possibly making the situation even worse. it took me several months to muster up the courage to finally break up with my emotionally abusive ex, and even after i did it he tried guilt tripping me into thinking i did something bad. you CAN stop it, yes, but it's not nearly as easy as some people say it is.
@@annabaeee it took me months to finally break up with mine too. three years on hes still a cretin. you should elaborate more on how you reached that point. saying "enough" is the answer and IS possible but its a process to get there.more so if you live with that person(i didnt but got the text abuse) you have to be smart as well as strong to stay safe
@@asideclaro i think you missed the point of this whole video.
When people think of abuse, they think of someone being constantly violent, degrading, or controlling. The scariest part about abusive relationships is that things aren’t always bad. Sometimes the abuser is extremely kind to you, though in those moments the abuse is only veiled behind the romance. Love bombing is apart of the cycle. Stay safe everyone ❤️
What is love bombing?
@@Rinesmyth when someone gives you a ton of love, gifts, support, etc. for a short period of time, lets say a week or so, and then completely abandons you as if they never showed that love to you in the first place. the large amounts of love coming and going suddenly is why this is referred to as a 'bomb.' it's a way people manipulate their significant others, to leave their partner thinking they themselves did something wrong and that they are the problem and they need to change, stuff like that to have more control over the person in general
While I haven't experienced it myself, I've heard that love bombing is a cult tactic, too. When you first visit their church (or wherever they are), they act super friendly and stuff to get you to join them.
@@Rinesmyth "you can't drag someone into abusive relationship for you if you don't make them love you first!"
Then they pull the carpet out of your feet and blames you for it.
"See how nice I could be if you just keep my mood up, but noo you just had to show that you have your own needs and wants that I should also consider. See where that gets you, a meaner me. You know how good I _can_ be when I love bombed you, so don't oppose me and I might turn into being like that again someday! sometimes!"
I used to feel very bad when I used to wish he would just hit me and get it over with.
0:53 I like how when they're skating, she falls over and he doesn't notice or go to help her. He's too busy focussed on posing and making himself look better than to see that she's in trouble. Very nice subtle hint at how in the relationship it's all about what he wants and about making him look better, while her needs come last.
This is why I am not ready for a relationship yet. As an individual with autism, social skills are a huge struggle for me.
i noticed that too!!!! good catch!
That moment at 1:57 when she's running down the steps to reach him is so brilliant, like she's running down to HIS level because he can't raise up to hers, nor reach her midway.
So right!
I didn't really see it that way, it seemed to me that her running down those steps was her willfully choosing the "downward slope of depression" from joy and happiness that came from her independent freedoms as an individual. Once you don't have the freedom of choice, your perception of life gets darker
@@dillasoul2228 ikr, I’d blame the girl as much as the guy because she’s an independent woman and can be one despite being in a toxic relationship like that and it’s in her hands. It’s not like he’s holding her captive or anything, but yeah the guy character is proper bs obviously
One eyed people see it this way...They see girls in relations as Jesus who's to be worshipped.but she has nothing to compromise... Not even making up to his efforts
@@dr.downvote I know a girl and she is in a kind of toxic relationship just like this. But she is too scared to make a move , even I tried to talk to her but she always brush it off. I can strongly feel the relationship is too toxic and her bf is too scary , trust me even I am afraid of him. I don't know how to get her out of it.
Mostly the reasons why the abuse isn't notice until it gets agressive it's because at first all you see is kindness and affection and it ends turning to that person controling your life by making you feel guilty of his own actions, destroying your strong personality by emotional manipulation.
Because we make the mistake of thinking that only physical or sexual abuse counts. Abuse is at first verbal and psychological. You feel like your soul is being eaten away by your abuser and think it's all just in your head.
Um I'm a girl but like guys are affected by these things too... it shouldn't be a boy girl thing abuse is abuse.
@@yourlefttoe8365 i'm not saying it's just a boy girl thing
Yep. They use this tactic to keep you in the relationship. Because they will go from being nice, kind, and sensitive. To being rude, obnoxious, and controlling. They will be kind once they see you are trying to walk away from them.
No entendí ni mega Inglés ¿¿¿
The worst part about an abusive relationship is that you still love them
I remember when Twilight first came out and people were pointing that Edward was abusive, most fans responded "No, he's not. He never hits her."
This video shows perfectly that abuse doesn't always have to be physical to break someone. The boyfriend never lays a hand on her but he's slowly destroying the girl's happiness and self worth that at the end, when she sees him, she looks afraid even though he's being 'nice'.
Good job showing abuse comes in many forms.
Right. Theres many types of abuse, most commonly physical and mental abuse where the person makes you think you are nothing without them.
The way I look at Twilight is a warning to avoid toxic relationships like that. People like to bash Twilight, but really I actually appreciate it as a cautionary tale of a relationship should NOT look like.
That's because fear is a tool.
She is also profoundly emotionally abuse herself.
Everyone in those books is a massive piece of shit.
@@summerrose8110 Well, the issue is they romanticize it, that's why it needs to be criticized. The creator isn't using it as a caution, he/she doesn't see the issue.
I love how the signs were there immediately, and in every scene, but very subtle at first. He crosses into her physical space (was that 100% an accident, I wonder?) He puts his picture on her phone. He "love-bombs" her with gifts that he won aggressively and she is nervous for a moment, as if it's too much. He contacts her first thing in the morning and obviously arrives unannounced, taking her when and where he wants. Then we see the first bit of narcissism, seems a little weird and self-absorbed. But when we see the florist incident - HOL UP, something is definitely not right. Then it keeps hitting the fan more and more. Thank you folks for making this - it's so important to teach young people these warning signs early. It will save them from future bad relationships, heartache and possibly worse.
I literally saw nothing wrong until the florist incident...before that I thought just a little vain and passionate about the relationship thus all the toys, messages, dates and coming unannounced as a surprise. Dang...hope nobody gets to meet a guy like that. If I ever do...I m thoroughly done for
I saw the signs immediately with the love bombing. Very toxic trait and common sign of a narcissistic person
@@memorystorage970 I ssaw it with the slefie and the loving bombing it become obvious at the skater incident
very well said! I also saw the signs immediately from the love-bombing phase and that's now simply thanks to experience. Crazy how so many of us went through the same thing whilst being with a narcissist (with NPD)
🖤
So extremely relatable. My ex did almost everything in this video. Would isolate me from my friends, would send me subtle mean messages, would become so aggressive if he spilled or dropped something. He’d speed and swerve the car whenever he’s angry, making me feel so scared. Once I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts to the gym cause he thinks I wanted attention.. but I loved him so much. Because whenever he was abusive, I would just wait until he was affectionate again. I would CRAVE those good moments with him because I was finally happy again. But it never lasted. I finally saw a therapist during my relationship and she helped me get the courage to leave him. I think it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m still healing though. And this animation portrayed everything perfectly. Amazing job!!
I'm glad u ended that!! Take care!💕💕
My ex was also starting to be like that, made scenes in our dates,instead of enjoying them, he acted cold, angry, threw "shit" at me,or if i wasn't doing enough or correctly,when i always told him he could talk to me if there were issues,or have confort in me, he never wanted to tell more than superficial stuff from his life.
But always used the dates to spit crap,instead of "normal situations", send offended,or passive agressive with indirects messages when anything wrong was done,or too way sneaky, always blamed me, acted weird, started complaining ab my clothing or wanted me to go x way or whatever,even i told him that i wouldn't,that i would dress the ways i liked and not the ones he said.
Asked me a lot ab friends or if i had any "other crush" n shit, couldn't take a no, or that day i didn't want shit with him and like "kinda forced me" but when he saw he was going too far,he always stopped,maybe bc was scared of being reported or sth.
He usually forced me to have long long hugs,so instead of love it turned an "obligation",where if i didn't give it,he would be as an annoying fly around me asking me the whys,or forcing. I sometimes even pushed or yelled at him,that wtf, it's supposed to be love hugs, not an obligation.
One day i went more "active" xd in kissings crap, and he was surprised,aka offended,bc he was off of guard,or wasn't he the "male" asking for them, so I went...
-But don't u like kisses? Why u act those ways?
And he answered quite passive agressive some shit as :
-Weird,u never "want" (remember it turned obligation bc was an annoyance so i wasn't liking him that much at that time already) and yes today? Ur always so weird, but... well whatever I won't complain tho,but remember u were the one kissy person today
And i went (wtf????,Why that answer?? Wth)
Also hated be in photos,drawed or be shared with friends, since i draw good(animated) i wanted to do one together (when we were still ok) and he acted so weird,as if he was a criminal and me a police doing his face sketch.
If you're a good person why should you be scared of appear in photos or drawins!?
Also asked me to not report him as abuser or sth, even when we were "ok"? What kind of questions are those?why should you worry if ur supposed to be a good guy? Started to talk ab sex when just being 2 weeks together,and doing creepy married life plans,or like, putting minimum relationship time (minimum 3 yrs in being together) when i told him that we would be together the time it passed,a lot,or just a few,but not put that minimum range,that was creepy.
I'm asexual apart from bi,so i told him and even he said "ok",the fact couldn't have that sex for me annoyed him. He was mad bc couldn't lose virginity with me
And me like...but u said u don't like me that way or that u could wait,that wasn't urgent. Now ur interested? Wth. What he wanted is to fuck and say he wasn't anymore bc some of his friends did it already.
He also had the balls to say that he didn't like me bc my appearance,he liked me bc my personality. And i thought...ur not also prince charming,my guy. U have also a lot to be disliked too. Who says to his couple that is ugly?...(In some ways he said it...?)
He said that if my clothes were old or sth. When he was the one wearing the SAME SHOES for 4 months LONG without CHANGING THEM. Ew ew. So i returned it to him with that. That yes,maybe old,but you wearing the same shoes as a homeless guy when ur obviously not one. So hypocrite.
He also said crap as that he liked lolis(he is weeb) and that if they looked legal,even being illegal,was ok for him. He's freaking 20 now. 19 back then and me 18.
Now I'm 19.
Wouldn't that be...pedo!???
Yes i also did my "waifus" "harem",but..jeez,legal ones.(yes,i tend to waifus and not husbandos)
A friend and also crush i had (same gender tho) at the same time i was dating him(since his ways of actings made me lose my love for him, just made me puke every time i saw him,so i started liking her instead of him,i was with him like...just bc he's with me but not bc anything more)who also experienced the same,an annoying and bad ex.
She helped me, had a a talk with me and i realized, so i broke up with him. I was planning already to break up with him,but she just fueled it
He got kind of mad, said the i will change i promise shit, or acts weird after the breaking up but... Y'know. I won't keep that crap, I won't believe him,since he did the changing promise and he was the same. So i saw he was sus
I told him everything, even nearly slapped him bc stilk he was acting like a dick, instead of listening or understanding or whatever. He still wanted to have " perks" even being exes or just friends again. And me... wth, I'm breaking up with u.
OFC NOT!!!???
wth. He was so rude.
Not that long ago, was his bday, and he got mad at me and passive agressive bc i didn't remember it. And i was like...
Uuuh... I'm ur ex...? I don't need to be remembering shit now and less from you
Plus i had college exams, i wasn't for remembering things.
Now i have a gf and she's the opposite to him and we're happy now :)
She also had crappy exes, so we understand each other and just share diabetic love all day xd😂😂
@@xd._.28234 Ma'am??? Are you okay?? If you need to make a 10000 word paragraph then obviously this is very serious 🥲
Same.
Yikes, I always wonder why people put up with that kind of behavior for so long.
I’m so happy your able to call him your ex now. Keep doing you and don’t let anyone take that. 💕
A lot of people have blamed me for being abused, asking me why I didn't leave earlier, or how I "allowed their behavior." Abusers don't become jerks over night, they're sweet before after and during. It's an endless cycle. They'll act like they're changing, no longer threatening you or cheating anymore. But if someone already has treated you like a complete object, they'll continue doing so. It's hard to stomach because you'll be thinking you'd never do this to them, so surely they must have good reasons/ will change. Not only that but manipulation is a powerful tool. The most intelligent people can be abused too.
My mom often says in conversations about this, "First time a man calls me a b*tch, or lays a hand on me, I'm done. No second chances. I don't see what's so hard about that"..... She and so many other people don't realize it takes a while before it even gets to that point. By the time you're there, you're left with no way out.
@@MizukiUkitake
trigger warning for SA
Yeah my abuser never hit me once until after we broke up! The signs of his emotional abuse showed up 6 months into dating and once he started calling me "crazy" and asking me if I took my medication whenever I had a complaint I left IMMEDIATELY. I knew what abuse looked like and I wasnt scared to tell him "its over" the moment I realized who he was. Sadly, that is not always enough and most abusers kill/assault their victims AFTER the relationship has ended (which I wish I knew sooner). After we broke up I still lived with him for a short while due to being financially trapped and that is when the abuse got really bad. He drove all of my friends away, hit me, and finally during my last month in the home he raped me as well.
My favorite part was how in the beginning, he was always focused on himself but payed attention to her at just the right moments to keep her interested. Then when all she could do was focus on him, he did the exact same and made practically everything about himself.
Such a good observation, rings close to home for me as well, though I didn't notice it
When she’s running away from the outside world and shuts the door behind her is so real. Abusers can make you think the outside world is terrifying and no one out there can help you.
Yes 🥺😢😢
Exactly...
honestly..
Maybe that’s because the world IS terrifying to them personally, and they think they’re just protecting their partner. Everyone here acts like the abuser is fully aware and knows what they’re doing and is being malicious evil people, but not all do. Some people have a misguided view on love, some people who are “abusers” may not think that’s what they are at all. The victim isn’t the only one who can confuse love for abuse. Most abusers come from abusive homes and literally don’t know any better. I hate how much people demonize people who have likely been victims of abuse as well. Abuse is a cycle.
@@realhumanguynotafish
^ Very true! That, and turning to outside help can be hard when outsiders looking in at an abusive relationship can have the potential to victim-blame rather than actually help the abuse victim (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, unfortunately, not). The world can be such a scary place that some abuse victims have felt the rest of the world judging their actions/situation can be just as bad or worse than their abuse. 0_0
Being in an abusive relationship is terrifying. It doesn't matter if the relationship is a heterosexual or homosexual one, it doesn't matter if the abuser is male or female; the sensation of being trapped, of being afraid for your life if your partner gets mad, wanting to run, but too scared to move...it fucks with your mind.
I only spent six-ish months in an abusive relationship and I'm still dealing with the psychological damage from four years ago to this day. Because, even though I'm safe and with people I trust, there's always that little nagging thought that my ex-partner might just snap and try to hurt me, even though it's been years.
Honestly, there's never a way to get over it, but I have learned how to move past it. It's a part of my past, it's something horrific I went through, and I'm still something I have to work on, probably for the rest of my life; but I'm a survivor and I'm recovering. : )
Thank you so much for sharing your story!! It's very powerful, and we hope you feel supported and safe. If you need anything, you can always reach out to us.
I had a boyfriend who used to pay for me everything, i was not quite self-sufficient in those years. When he started to be abusive with his public displays of false "unselfishness" our relationship started to fall apart. Later i found a man who was less willing to pay for me. Initially, because of the bad habit to expect others to pay my bills, i distrusted him, but he helped me to be self sufficient and less childish, encouraging and sustaining me in an healthy way. We are now a strong couple of two indipendent people, and touched 9 years of relationship. Feel quite happy.
oh god it is terrifying..
@@DayOneNY What kind of animation is this? It looks like it was rendered in Blender
I too was married to my abuser and had two kids with him. My children and I are survivors, recovering strong together as a unit and achieved alot in fitness studies, and MMA.
My kids have autism and that is even hard to cope with as a single parent.
Hey y'all, keep in mind that abuse can come in any shape or form.
Regardless of gender, orientation, appearance, or interests, abuse can still occur unfortunately.
Stay safe, remember that there are more good people than bad people!
How are there more good people than bad people I'm curious
Age, too.
@@wafflemation6887
The steps to realizing humanity is more good than bad:
1. Unplug from the news and social media.
2. Open your heart and mind, and
3. Look around you - your friends, family, acquaintances, strangers on the street or in the grocery store. Make a note to yourself every time you see someone being kind - you'd be surprised how quickly that number goes up.
4. Research the things you care about (or just good "causes" in general), and pay attention to how many other people in the world are trying to make things better. And if you still see more bad in people than good, then perhaps consider:
5. Making different choices regarding who you surround yourself with.
6. Making different choices regarding your own mindset, beliefs, inner narratives, etc. How you see the world and the people in it is largely a choice.
.....Hope this helped?
I love how it shows how subtle manipulation and abuse are. He gradually showed his true colors. He isolated her from her friends over time, slowing controlled her appearance, and only berated her in private, all while maintaining the ‘perfect’ boyfriend in the public eye.
I'm a high school teacher and I'm showing this video to my students this week. Thank you!!!
That is wonderful! Thanks for letting us know.
Your a good teacher
im here because my teacher played it :)
Thank u for teaching this.
@@bea- me too
Please all of you remember that abuse can come in all forms and ways.
Physical abuse:To physically hurt someone (beating, kicking, pinching and so on)
Verbal abuse: To insult or degrade someone vocally "You are ugly" or "You can't achieve anything"
Emotional abuse: Controlling you by using your emotions "If you don't do what I say I will jump of a cliff" or "If you don't come with me I will be extremely mad"
and other forms of abuse
Why does the last one remind me of Jacob from Twilight? He threatened to stab himself when Bella said she didn't like him back.
Don’t forget emotional abandonment--
Its soooooo lonely to be ignored….
@@tokuko9027 Didn’t watch it but yes, this sounds like massive emotional abuse
@@sabrinaszabo9355 I think being ignored can count into the emotional abuse category depending on how you mean it. If your friend or partner is ignoring you to make you run after them that’s severe emotional abuse
...and mental abuse such as gaslighting and mindgames
My girlfriend recently broke up with me so I started reflecting and this video made me realize I was the abusive person and it's like a punch to my gut
Learning and growing is the best thing you can do. You are in a good position by actually acknowledging the harm you have done. Most ab*sers never EVER make that step and only escalate their harm. I wish you the best figuring it out and I hope you have apologized to your ex for your behavior. Even if they do not accept it, an apology is much more than most victims will ever get. Good luck.
While your past actions were not okay and that relationship probably shouldn’t happen again, it’s never too late to seek help and change your behavior from here on out!
@@AidenHarteWrites wtf Reported
I just wondering what drives you into such behavior.usually abuse is from the victim POV i curious how is the abuse fromntge abuser POV
I’m in a loving relationship but that’s only what I want to think of it. In reality I know it’s an abusive relationship. He gets aggressively jealous every time I talk to anyone for a few second. He’ll accuse me of a lot of things, like liking people I talk with, not loving him enough when I spend time with other people, gets really over protective of me and tells me what outfits to wear and what not to do to make him “upset”. Small talks always falls into big argument every time he doesn’t get what he wants, and sometimes would verbally abuse me. I’m still in this relationship as I’m writing this because I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s harder to get out of it than anyone says it is, wish me luck everyone. I’m doing fine as of now. I hope anyone going through the same thing can get out of it soon too.
You can talk to your parents about this. I have same problem 💔 But I still love him because He is my first boyfriend. I know He is OBSESSIVE, possesive and controlling. I have same kind of Boyfriend.
Life is so difficult 😭
Just punch him in the face ... or don't. If you want to do something about it, do what you believe is right. But please just try to know for sure that it's right. I'm angry enough that just some people have to go through things like this.
I'm honestly wondering how you're doing after all this. Did you ever get out of the relationship?
I think it's really interesting that a lot of teen movies I'd watch as a kid and teen would have the boyfriend get jealous and grumpy and it was presented as if it was almost endearing or cute but it's not. Watching this really reminded me of how a lot of the love interests would be portrayed and I think that kind of portrayal in movies might have affected the way I saw red flags as a teen. I didn't think these things were bad when I was younger/before and I didn't realize it until I actually experienced how hurtful and harmful someone acting like that in real life can be. I really hope as time passes, more and more young people can learn what healthy relationships are really like so they don't have to go through that too.
💯💯💯💯 And they know that too
True, I almost went through this. My ex would want to fight my guy friend, he would have girls sitting on his laps and arms around their waist tell me to calm down.
I glad I listen to my friend who was in a toxic relationship, I remember I telling myself why would I listen to her. Yet I glad that thought came after I broke up with him.
Our relationship lasted for 2 weeks.
A lot of this is romanticized, sadly.
They all make it seem like it’s the perfect relationship to be in, until you’ve been in that kind of relationship and realize it’s not. And this really needs to stop in movies.
@@timefliesaway999 looking back at it, there’s so many toxic behaviors that are presented as okay in romance comedies… commonly the man will persistently follow her around until she says yes. That’s not romantic. That’s stalking.
i do think that a little jealousy when its not harmful is normal in a couple but most of the times its very easy for it to become unhealthy. its always the best for a couple to trust each other imo
One thing to know though is that the abusive guy always being the athletic cool one is a stereotype. Nerdy, smaller, or chubby guys can be just as abusive. Found out from experience.
Yeah just like geo the "bullies" in media are always preppy girls but then there's plenty of toxic goths/tomboy women
Yes please! Masculinity is *not* toxic!
Yeah, my first cheated twice then gaslit me the. Coerced me into a threesome with some person who I wasn’t into and wasn’t into me. We also hadn’t discussed an open relationship of any sort. He turned out to start using the n word 2 years into dating, I left soon after that.
True story!
@@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow Sexual coercion wasn't enough for you, it was because he used the n word
Lol
1:27 No wonder he's the way he is. The man's bonded with the Venom Symbiote.
My first red flag was him immediately putting his selfie in her phone after catching it. She didn’t hand it to him. She didn’t clearly ask for his number. He just asserted himself into her life. Its a boundary cross.
I love the tiny details in this psa. My personal favorite is when the girl is dressing for the party and we see her reflection and only her reflection for the first three outfits , like it’s a reflection of her own style. And when she dresses the way he wants the mirror only shows him.
That's such a good detail! I didn't notice that
Kanye West?
Good, support the homie.
My mom went through the same kind of abuse when she was with her first husband! he always try to control her and he gets upset when my mom hangs out with her friends. This video is accurate 💯
@@jackmehoff1159 I hope your mom is okay now.
As a 3D artist, I loved this.
As a girl victim of past abuses, I wish i saw this earlier.
Shut up nobody cares
Go girl!! ❤️
As a male victim of past abuse, same 👌
@@noonecares808 you sure you got balls pal?
i’m sorry you’ve to go through that
It’s so sad how true this is. Many people can easily look at something like this and say, “Oh, well I would’ve been able to tell if it was an abusive relationship” but you really can’t. When you think your in love with someone, it’s very easy to look at the flaws and say, “oh, but they’re a good person.” Or, “oh, they have my best interests at heart” or even, “it’s not them, it’s me.” I would like to say thought that I liked the little hints that the relationship was getting toxic. Even from the beginning, he was obsessed with himself, as if he was in a relationship with him instead of her. You can slowly see him not taking time to actually appreciate her. When they’re out sitting at what I assume is a park, instead of looking at the beauty or even her, he looks at himself. When she goes to the party and he won’t let her wear “flattering” clothes. The simple details that tie this are together really help others better understand this.
That's true, wow these comments are enlightening!!
Yeah, he has her wear colors that match his outfit, drab desaturated colors that stand in contrast to everyone else at the party.
I recently got out of a relationship with someone quite abusive and manipulating. We met over a good while back, and she was quite sweet. I felt like I could trust her. Some point down the line, things felt different. Sometimes she would snap at me for the smallest of things, she'd force me of my socials to see who I'm following but she wouldn't let me see who she was following or talking to, when I had to sleep she wouldn't let me sleep, if I was having time with family she'd spam me to focus on her instead of my family. I said to myself that maybe it was just a love thing, that we get jealous when our other is enjoying themselves and we want to be a part of it, but it wasn't exactly a nice kind of jealousy in her case..
Coming up close to our 1 year, she just destroyed me, mentally, emotionally, physically, I've never felt so numb and dry in my life, how I never deserved love, how I was always the problem. I went to a friend for help, she tried her best and tried "distracting" me, and let's say.. I got distracted. My ex found out about this a few weeks afterwards and it all went more to shit. She was saying that her abusing me had nothing to do with me going to someone else for help and doing what was done, she was right, but wrong too. Since then, I had blocked the person who was trying to help me, and I don't know where she is anymore.
Time went on since then, my birthday, my ex barely wished me a happy birthday, and Christmas, same shit too. If it wasn't for her, then she wouldn't care, because it was "always about me" and that I'd "never pay attention to her" when I'd destroy time with my family and ruin my sleep patterns just to talk to her. It got even worse over time, even though she kept pulling cutesy acts and stuff, she'd still have outrages at me, and funnily enough: She always blamed it on mental health, she self diagnosed herself due to her own judgement. I was saying she was narcissistic, she only wanted what she wants, and she always says she's not like that. Well, she kept that up for a year and a half, whenever she got angry it was mental health, but whenever I got angry it was always "toxic masculinity". A lot of times where she was trying to leave and argue for no reason, I felt forced to apologize and beg for her to stay. It felt wrong, so fucking wrong, but I felt like I couldn't live without her. I knew she gave me hate, but I didn't know what to do.
In the more later months, I tried breaking up with her, which only led her to threatening me, my parents, my friends, my life, everything. I'd confront her about how she acts, but she'll blame me for it, and I hate being blamed for stuff I don't do. I couldn't upright tell her I'd break up, so, I just ghosted her. A week went by, I hope she got the message. She came forward and apologized for something, so I went back to talking to her, but I didn't have any intentions for love. She tried making me love her but I told her straight, I didn't want to be in a relationship where I have to jump through hoops for a compliment, and how complimenting her is the lowest thing I could do. And soon after, you guessed it, her anger ensued. I couldn't take it once again and I left, with no responses.
I see her emailing me, talking about getting back together, then a character, then wanting to date someone else, and then wanting to date me again. I'm so confused, this is all I could do, leaving her ghosted. If I block her, she knows I want to get rid of her and she'll track me down, she's done it before. I'm stuck in a limbo right now, I'm talking to someone else, and we're doing good at the moment, at long last I feel like I found someone who truly cares about what I have to say, and I'm happy.
I know this was a long read, I just wanted to get this out. To everyone, no matter who your oppressor is, you have a voice and actions, you have friends and family. Talk to them, be with them and they'll be there for you too. I know it's hard trying to break away from your oppressor, but you have to do it, or they'll latch onto you like you're a thing to them. You're all people, you all have your rights, you're no one's "thing". Be free, be happy, but most of all, be you.
Edit: I also forgot to mention, around the time she found out I was talking to that friend I mentioned, she straight up signed up to an app and asked out multiple guys and showed me the messages, that put me at my breaking point. She kept bringing up the time I cheated and I told her that I felt like I had to cheat to feel love and how she cheated too, but she said it wasn't cheating what she did, and we all know that it was cheating.
@@ramseybolton1223 Well no need to be a dick mate, just thought there might be not-assholes on the internet and guess I was wrong :)
@@ramseybolton1223 just dont reply buddy. Who gives a fuck whether you read this or not. 🙄🙄
Let him write watever feels right to him to make him feel ok/better. ❤❤
I've experienced this with one of my ex-girlfriends when I was about 16. She would get angry and even violent if I spoke well of other girls or anyone for that matter. She was abusive and made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every single day just to spare myself another fight that could result in me getting bruises. Nobody believed me, nobody helped me, nobody wanted to know because she was a teenage girl, and "everyone knows girls can't be abusers". Please, I beg you, don't ever ignore signs of abuse, in Both men and women. Many of us go through awful things and nobody's willing to help us. We appreciate it.
Edit: I want to make something clear: I did not post this to be pitied, I posted this comment to encourage other people to come out with their stories if they want to but feel too alone to do so. I've been there. It's not easy. It's very difficult to tell people something like this and the conversation around it is often mocking towards victims or (as someone replied to this comment) telling them they're guilty for their "shitty relationship". I think we're all ready to have mature discussions about abuse and despite everything - we're getting there. I'm proud of everyone who has the strength to speak out and I'm incredibly thankful to those reaching out with their support, it's an amazingly kind act.
I hope you have a great day ❤
But woman love abusive and controlling men,just an observation.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're well now. 🙏
@@SN-vn6wb That's really sweet, thank you ❤
I think people often forget that men also go through abuse as well, and it's not just a one sided ordeal. Thank you so much for sharing your story, even if it might of been difficult to bring to the surface. I hope you are doing okay now and I'm wishing for the best.
@@lluminescent That's very kind of you, thank you. I genuinely hope that more people gain the courage to speak out against their abusers. That's why I find it so important for some of us to talk about these things even if it feels uncomfortable. People need to know they're not alone.
the part that resonated with me most was when he stopped her from accepting the flower, and you see how flattered she is. your brain is manipulated into thinking that this is what real love is. “he just cares so much”. eventually, what once seemed great, turns into a nightmare.
This was spot on. My ex started out being sweet and attentive, then it became jealousy and obsession. I was only allowed to wear the color green if we went out, and he once accused me of cheating on him with someone I waved at passing by on the interstate. He would hang up on me if I talked to someone else for a few minutes while on the phone with him, even if it was my mom, and then get angry if I didn't call him back to apologize. It's funny too because it was a 3 month relationship that spiralled in a scary fast way, he took advantage of my emotional vulnerability (I was working on myself at the time and not in the best places mentally) and weak mental state and wrecked my psyche in such a short time. I sometimes still flinch, even though my fiance has never raised a hand or his voice to me in all the years we've been friends and in a relationship, and I even still react to certain things because it can be triggering. I had just turned 19, and I'm still struggling to heal from just that short 3 months almost 6 years later. Imagining how anyone does it for longer, like years upon years, it astounds me. If I wasn't worried about him reaching out to me, I'd post his name with a warning for all women to avoid him, but I still watch over my shoulder for him sometimes so I don't actually want to one day turn around and that psycho be standing there.
You’re not alone, I dated an extremely abusive and controlling guy when I was 15. The relationship ended after 1 and a half years and now I am 22, nowhere close to being fully healed. If I hear his name, I instantly have a huge anger taking over me, I am just so hurt. What’s important is that now we know that they were abusing us and we can watch out for people like these. Stay strong, I hope you’ll heal and that he leaves you alone. Be safe out there ❤
Dude I know how you feel. Like the similar thing happened to me as well 😢. The saddest part was he was already committed with someone else and he was dating me. You should have seen the way I dumped his ass 😂😂😂😂
How old was he?...
This animation is a masterpiece, it shows those feelings perfectly
I hate it when I see someone is doing his best acting to draw a girl's attention then after that he turns into his damn real personality and treats her like he owns her
Totally I hate it when I see people using the others feeling as a tool
Hope who ever is reading this comment be safe, happy and finds the true love 🍀🙌
it's interesting, because even the beginning of the video is part of the abuse. it's known as "love bombing", and it's how abusers draw their victims in.
Omg I never knew this, how sad yet a good thing to know, thank you for sharing btw!!!!!
Yup. Classic emotional blackmail. They give you all these nice gifts just so they can call you ungrateful for not following their orders later.
I don't know if someone here will be able to answer, but when does love bombing become abuse? Is it when it's used as something people need to pay back? Because I do genuinely like giving gifts and being affectionate, but, when needed, I try to be very clear that, unless said otherwise for some reason, everything is "no strings attached, you won't need to owe me anything; it's a gift."
@@jamminoutrexan5474 it's hard to give an exact pinpoint of "this is when it becomes abuse". its sort of something you have to analyze case by case, and it isn't always clear cut. my advice would just be to be mindful of who you're giving to, how often, and how quickly, to make sure they're not overwhelmed. even if you say "hey, no pressure", people may still feel guilty if they get 19 gifts from you over 2 weeks. just be thoughtful and pay attention to what you're doing.
@@jamminoutrexan5474 Love bombing is part of a pattern. The abuser is really nice, then they get super mean, then they get really nice again. It makes the one being abused think "Well they actually love me, they just get moody sometimes and as long as I don't mess up, they'll be nice." Love bombing is used as an emotional tactic for abusers to attract and keep victims. You excessively giving gifts to people you care about isn't part of that pattern lol. You'll know when it's abusive, cause it will be used in an abusive manner
This really got to me. Especially the nightmarish imagery where she feels hounded and trapped. It's sad to see such a happy young lady become so scared and alone. I know it's simplistic of me but I wish girls can spot the signs early on, and as soon as they see them they'd just get the hell out. Unfortunately by the time an abuser shows his true colours the girl is most likely already in too deep to get out easily. This is a great ad and I hope it can help educate people. I like how it's an animated ad.
Thank you so much for sharing. We're so glad our video touched you and that you found personal meaning in it. Day One is a non-profit organization that partners with youth to end dating abuse and domestic violence. We offer legal and case management services to survivors, and educate youth so they CAN spot the signs early on. Please feel free to visit our website for more information! www.dayoneny.org
It happened to me with somebody I wasn't even dating. I was on a Christian camp in a city centre and the abuser thought he was entitled to spend all his waking hours with me just because we sat next to each other on a boat trip one morning and I was talking to him. I managed to lose him in the city centre that afternoon which was a free afternoon when he insisted on going everywhere with me. I didn't get much time to myself and had planned to spend the afternoon alone. I couldn't avoid him at meal times because if he arrived before me he would save a place for me which would be the only place available if I was a bit late. If I arrived before him he would attempt to sit near me so I moved away. I eventually told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Even if I was dating him I wouldn't want him to treat me like that.
i
I completely agree, and this animation was amazing and gets the message across but noticing your comment, It’s not just girls, male teens can experience an abusive relationship aswell. It’s just sad that so many people have to go through this. 💕
I was naive and I get to know this person where only within 2 weeks he had confessed telling me that he loves me, I was 22 but even at that age I couldn't tell it wasn't love. I just thought that he might be the one for me cus no one ever confessed and he was the first ever. he was like a prince charming, everything about him was positive. he get along well with everyone, he was super nice to me. always asking me if i was okay. i told him that i want to be just friends but he kept on saying stuffs like he wanted to hold my hand even when i told him multiple times how i wouldn't want to hold hands unless we are together but everyday he kept on saying he wish he could hold my hands and talking about how he really liked me. he told me he likes me because i was innocent, i am pretty much an obedient girl i listen well to others and i guess he likes that about me. things got different when we started having different opinions. day after day i saw he change into a different person. because i only had just met him i can't say that i know him well. after a few weeks, i realised that he gets mad very easily, he's short tempered. he shouted at his co worker once and he speaks rudely to elderly. and that was when i realised i just saw his true colours. but idk why .. even when i know he isn't a good person whom i thought he was i still kept wanting to be with him. i can't make myself to tell him that i don't want to walk with him anymore. i know i told him i dont want to be more than just friends but we walk home together almost everyday and it was a mistake because it was hard for me to tell him to stop walking me home.. you can say that i am used to having him around that i don't want him to leave which is very very wrong of me. but i still consider myself lucky because i manage to break it off with him. although i get way too comfortable with him around i am lucky that i manage to tell him that i dont want to see him anymore. i had to lie, cus if i actually told him that he would've been mad at me but instead i lied and told him that i want to take a break and just want to focus on myself now.i was lucky that he listens or he probably had another target set cus he is always on his phone so i might not be the only one. i feel so blessed and lucky that i get to leave this early, also, there's one co worker who knew him and she had told me to wait until 3 months to know someone true personality and she was right. not until 3 months, he showed his true colours. that girl warned me too, she said that he's prob not serious with me. until today i thanked Allah for helping me out. alhamdulillah❤️
oh and also he gets jealous whenever a guy started talking to me, he pretty much cuts off our conversation and at first i thought it was cute but the more it happens the more i think it wasn't cute at all.
Thank you for this. Abuse is more than just about being physical. Emotional and mental abuse happens and it can leave pretty terrible scarring in the mind and heart.
He picks up the phone and takes a pic of himself before giving it to her. That was a red flag right there.
This brings light to the fact that an abusive partner isn't always the one who beats the crap out of their significant other. I appreciate that!
That comes next after social exclusion. Usually during the "move in" or marry stage. Abuse ALWAYS escalates.
@@loverlei79 Yes. I was cut off from most of my friends first, then I was stopped from enjoying the activities I liked, I had my spending controlled... and eventually it lead to him throwing me into walls and hitting me. 9 times out of 10 though it was verbal, psychological and emotional abuse. He s*xually abused me in my sleep and also pressured me into acts I found repulsive - "If you love me, you'll try this..." Just... URGH!
@@KittyKatt_Luna80s god damn...
@@pikcoe Thankfully I got away from him along with my cats in 2014. I would never want ANYONE to go through what I did. The only man currently in my life is Schnapps the cat, purring next to me as I type this. 😺
I will say that the scenes where she's running down the stairs and the maze perfectly capture how exhausting these kind of relationships can be. Just trying to keep up with their demands and wants to avoid conflict and keep them happy, hits way too close to home
And when they get mad you just try to hide and make yourself smaller, all the while worrying if they’ll actually put your life in danger and doing whatever you can to just ride it out until it’s over. And you feel so frantic, like it’ll never end, just like that maze. My boyfriend is great but I had an abusive dad who would threaten to kill me or “gouge my eyeballs out” when he got really mad, that’s how I know.
choose better men? its actually simple…
@@illfindhim that's the thing, you don't know they're bad until your in too deep because of how they bombard you with love, affection and praise at the start
@@crimson_bunni4382 :D its histerical to see women scheme and formulate any form of excuse in their heads to justify/cope with the consequences of their pitiful but wilful behaviour. Female nature is a wonder to behold.
@@crimson_bunni4382 Yeah for example some men just start being this way after marriage and some women just go along with it
Funny how this came out around the time I was starting to finally see and accept the warning signs. I remember watching this and I truly believe it was one of the many things that helped me in my biggest turning point in my life. I'm so glad that marriage is over, I'm with a guy that truly appreciates me and not love bomb me just to explode for small stuff. Thank you 💖
It touches on a part of abuse that I didn't pick up on with my last relationship: Isolation.
He would isolate me front friends, both online and real life. He had a tight grip on what I enjoyed, and when I wanted to do something by myself because Its something he didn't enjoy, he got annoyed with me... Hated when I made new friends.
Then when he'd go out with HIS friends and HE went to do things, I let him. And I think this somehow annoyed him more?
It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I trusted him to do the right things and to be a good person.
So much for that, lmao.
If Anyone out there are seeing these patterns in YOUR relationship, be careful... it'll start something that's a bitch to stop.
Stay safe guys!
How ironic that there is happy and feel good music behind what seems to be a negative and serious situation
is the idea
I think it shows that the victims still believe they are in a loving and non-toxic relationship.
I think it shows how confusing sexual assault can be.And what you percieved was okay at the time wasn't okay.
@@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 not just sexual assault, but toxic relationships in general
@@lucyl15 come on, stop with the term toxic... it is toxic. What do you even mean with it?
A thing to remember, there will also be good times, even with the abusive person. And just because there are times that are fun and nice, does not excuse the harm they do to you. It makes it hard to leave and it hurts, but do what is best for you.
totally understand. it's the good times that keep u hooked
I teach High School health, this is part of every class I teach. Simply well done, accurate and beautifully animated, the hope is my students can recognize the red flags before it's too late in life. They can also identify harmful behaviors they might have or are developing in the dark.
Yep. Been there. You feel like you are drowning, trapped, and losing yourself.
so so swell done!!! Great conversation starter thank you for sharing
Thank you so much for your appreciation!
I have NEVER been able to understand how women (or men) do not recognize abuse...When someone does or says something to me that is painful/uncomfortable, my SURVIVAL INSTINCT kicks in & my flight response is activated. I become sensitized to AVOID this person, this behavior & this circumstance. I do not understand returning voluntarily to painful situations unless it is unavoidable. Women (& men) have said to me that they were 'unable' to leave...?!?! I do not get it.
@@bamilekewoman373 ok? so what? just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean it isn't a real thing that happens to tons of people
@@bamilekewoman373 youre just an asshole and probably the abuser. also victim blaming?? really?? on a video abt a victim? ur a god awful human being i hope yk that
@@bamilekewoman373 most people don't have that instinct unfortunately
I…never realized how spot on this was. I’m still getting out of being abused so when I saw this I was like “aw he likes her!” And then more things started making me subconsciously uncomfortable and then reading the comments I realized that shit hit the fan before I realized. I had really confused the two, and didn’t catch earlier signs and it hurt me. Then seeing other people’s testimonies on here made it sink in and I’m glad I asked for help and had people who helped me out of my situation. I hope that whoever is experiencing this same shit asks for help too because even though I just got out of abusive situations and escaped abusive people I still couldn’t see the signs and I’ve been so abused that when someone is genuine it scares me. Other people should ask for help if they need it don’t be scared at all!! You got this and I..do too. We all do! It’s hard but…you got this! Whoever is reading ily :)
Guys you are missing the point. If you pay attention closely you can see he skips leg day. Never trust someone who skips leg day
LMAOO
Speech.
I needed this comment
Always look at red flags. If something seems not right, get the hell out. I wish I did before I got into a two year abusive relationship.
If he wears denim RUN. Lol jk
I agree with you, but depending on how you say it people will bombard you with "victim blaming" claims because people are too simple
@@snake698 the thing that sucks about people who screech that is that now we can't tell others to try to find solutions or take responsibility to solve a relationship that isn't favorable because now it's victim blaming and you're an asshat. I think it just removes power from the victims when they say that.
What if they're autistic or a little anxious? This can also manifest as things that seem "wrong" , but they happen because of completely different reasons.
@@Cyliandre441 thought the same.
So many signs of him being a potential abuser that she either didn't see or overlooked. Great video.
er... not sure, showing off and such equals being potential abuser?
C1oudS being jealous to the point of blowing up when a random dude talks to you is a red flag. Showing up to her house unannounced without her consent is a red flag. And the buildup of texting her 24/7 wasn’t to be cute- it was to keep tabs on her.
Confettifun yes, all those behaviors were to create physical and psychological isolation.
@@c1oudsky it doesn’t. And this is the sad fact in life- many innocent seeming things can be looked over as just that but actually be signals of an abuser. Hindsight is 20/20. You’ve just got to be careful. Be aware and not excuse them by means of ‘love’ until you know them better. Obviously don’t accuse someone for these signs, but don’t discard what could be a red flag. Keep it in mind. This is another reason to not have sex with someone until you know them for a very long time. Hormones cloud things. Hormones then released in a woman’s body after sex will cloud your thinking even more, like how this happy song was kickin’ the ‘’feel-good’’ emotions even while she was experiencing the abuse- the ‘’love’’ (just hormones) keeps you in limbo. Women are by nature designed to put up with a lot and be nurturing. (The bond exists to help raise a child). There’s nothing wrong with that, but women just need to be aware because that tendency to overlook serious offenses for ‘’love’’.
The feeling of being stalked even after ending the relationship...what a wonderful representation of each level of abuse ! thank you
This is exactly what I think my mom is going through. My parents just can't trust each other and my dad is so insecure over where my mom is going. Even if she's she's her family my dad gets upset. He treats his actions as something reasonable and ok, and he gives me and my brother "advice" about love too. I sent want to be like my father. I don't want to be like my mom either, sometimes she could do wrong things, but you shouldn't respond so aggressively. I am a high school boy who never had a real relationship, but from what I know, being a real man isn't by keeping someone latched in your life, it's about respecting that person you love, you have feelings for that person, and if your in a relationship, that's great, but that person you love is still human.
She probably cheated on him which is why he is so controlling and paranoid. It sucks, but I think that he's in a lot of pain, and he doesn't know how to cope. Might be best to divorce her tbh.
@@cautiouscube2197 Take your trolling elsewhere.
@@juliab3326 Guess you wouldn't have an argument with your partner if you saw them walking out of university with someone else's arm around them? I'm convinced the people who see this as "abuse" have never even been in a relationship. Take your ignorance elsewhere if you have nothing of value to add.
@@cautiouscube2197
So you think the guy´s behaviour (in the video and the commentator´s father as well) is justified, normal, and okay? It isn´t. It´s controlling.
It doesn´t sit well with me that you tried to justify someone´s harmful behaviour. Saying that she cheated seems like victim blaming. This can be the case, but it´s also a common stereotype. Commenting this under a video trying to get victims to realise wrongdoings and wanting them to leave toxic situations is inappropriate.
Regarding the video: His insecure behaviour started before he saw her together with her friends and wasn´t just limited to stopping her from potential cheating. He tried to control every aspect of her life. The relationship wasn´t healthy from the start.
I´m not the ignorant one. I don´t make baseless assumptions because someone refuses to accept victim blaming or harmful behaviour, regardless of how much a person might be hurting. You´re right, when there´s a lack of healthy coping and trust people should take a step back or even part ways.
@@juliab3326 You're mistaken, and likely a young child. In a real relationship, it's not "controlling" to be upset if your partner is suddenly caught with a "friend" of another gender with their arm around them. If you caught your boyfriend getting handsy with another girl, you would be rightly pissed.
The video shows him being pissed because she failed, and rightly so. It's not ok to let someone else touch you like that when you are in a relationship. I can't believe kids these days don't understand this, but it's common sense.
TLDR: Just switch their genders, and it becomes obvious why they argue, and it's not "abusive" or "controlling" to have an argument. It's human, and you don't get that because you've never had a real relationship. Thanks, bye now!
The most obvious sign of relationship abuse is when your partner is so angry at you yet he/she does not allow you to leave the relationship.
so true
re XD
Love bombing , narcissistic behavior, invading personal space , possessiveness, forcing partner to walk on eggshells, total disregard for the partners feelings, being a control freak ( controls what she eats and how she dresses) and then stalking! Any of the above is a huge red flag 🚩! Don not mistake any of them for love and affection
Mostly athletic or musically "gifted" alpha male qualities.
@@d00der41 Masculinity doesn't have to be abusive. And abusive, controlling, behavior is not a standard to strive for.
Now ill look for a one with Zero attention, always leave me alone , dont care whoever i sleep with , forcing to walk on seashell , can mind reading and have zero control. thank
@@VJETRA what 💀
@Kekker Although trust certainly is important, there is different love languages in which gifts are a thing. For some people giving gifts is showing they think about the other person or that the other person is thinking about them, whether it's buying a gift or making a gift themselves. It can just be as simple as picking some flowers along the street because you know your partner likes flowers and want to bring a smile on their face.
Personally I'm more of a gifter on special occassions and just every now and then, but I do have friends that love giving gifts and receiving them as well. We all show our affection and love in different ways!
My mother made the mistake of confusing love with abuse while I was a child.
I too sadly suffered from it, but it was never physical. Dont confuse love and abuse, please, dont.
(Verbal)
I like how the friends are trying to stand up for her and don’t like the guy. She has good friends in this situation I just wish they could’ve done more
I really like how this doesn’t just focus on physical abuse ( physical abuse is incredibly traumatic and I don’t want to make it seem that it isn’t) I was in a mentally abusive relationship and I thought that because it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t abuse. I would gaslight myself into staying until the relationship ultimately ended for my own good. I talked to someone about my ex and they responded “well did he hit you?” Well, no he didn’t. So again, I would push it all down because I didn’t want to throw the word “abuse” around and discredit anyone. One day I talked to my close friends and a therapist. As I would tell them the stories i saw their faces change. I started to talk slower, and slower because I was realizing how genuinely fucked up that entire situation was and how I couldn’t have seen the signs in the beginning. Regardless of what kind of abuse... physical, verbal, emotional, sexual they’re ALL ABUSE. All important to address, and NO ONE ever should have to go through any of it. Thank you for this❤️
i feel you! i talked to my friends about my brother's abuse towards me and my mom and they always ask "did he hit you?" and it makes me want to keep being silent about it. abusers do make you look crazy sometimes..
Every time I spoke about my abusive ex to someone, they would always ask "did he hit you" as if it's some deal-breaker. Okay, he didn't. Does that make it not count now? Or does it not count until one day he might down the line? People are dumb.
fax
Amazing animation! It really shows how easy is to be in a toxic relationship. The thing I like the most, I don't if it's intended or not, but how the guy in this case seems to be totally oblivious that he is a toxic person, much like in real life. Most toxic persons in a relationship don't even realize they are that way.
Props to you!
Thank you for your comment! Yes, many abusers are not consciously aware of their manipulation and may see themselves as being 'in the right'. It's important for us to examine our own behaviors and to be conscious of the feelings of our romantic partners. This is also so important to believe survivors of domestic abuse. To learn more about different types of abuse, you can visit: www.dayoneny.org/dating-abuse/
I’m glad this video still makes rounds even 5 years later
Remember it can go both ways.
0:43 I love the way her falling into his trap is being portrayed here. He wraps his arms all over her as if to isolate her from everyone else and never let her go. Definitely a sign of the incoming abuse, and it forms into a heart, showing how the girl sees all of it as "love".
I think we need to start acknowledging and addressing abuse within family. Normally people who fall into abusive relationships come from abusive households.
If we start to acknowledge the signs within our own family we can avoid seeing those same actions from our future relationships
God, I was heavily abused in my family and I heard the worst things about it from people I was supposed to trust.
"Just sibling rivalry"
"You have to be there no matter what"
"You can't just cut them out of your life. It happened, get over it and forgive"
"You're overreacting, she's not like that"
"What did YOU do to piss her off and make her punch you?"
And that's just a few.
To put into perspective, she threw me into a wall and I got yelled at for making a noise when I hit it. But her? She was just told to lay down again.
From locking me in my room, to throwing my things down and smashing them, keeping me awake so I would struggle at work the next day, physical assault, then gaslighting and manipulating everyone I tried to go to for help where she would play victim, it took 14 years just to get one person to finally say "She was A LITTLE MEAN to you."
When it comes to family, nobody wants to say it, nobody wants to accept it. They want the perfect loving family, if they don't acknowledge abuse, it doesn't exist.
It's even worse when I'm the older sibling. So no matter how smaller and weaker I am to her, I'm always seen as the aggressor or the stronger one or the one that can take it.
Nobody wants to talk about family abuse and now I don't want to talk to family.
Sorry to disappoint you but you are wrong. The most abusive people come from normal, loving houses...but where they were the only kid: they had their every wish fulfilled, every whim, heared how perfect they are Soo they became self absorbed spoiled selfish jerks who can't accept 'no' for an answer. If they do they throw a tantrum like 4 year old kid and blame you for everything, accuse you to have affairs only to make you feel guilty. Talking from experience here
@@fynchan11 That's not what they said. They said that most people who end up getting abused in a relationship come from abusive families, not that most abusers come from abusive families.
Sad but true. My parents were verbally and emotionally abusive towards me all the time growing up… just didn’t realize it. Then I ended up in relationships with abusive partners: one who constantly played the victim to her friends when I was trying to get her to better her life and one who got pissed because I canceled our plans to spend time with my roommates one night.
@@Anuyushi weird flex but okay
it’s sad i can relate to everything about this video
Also this can be other way around I recently broke up with my girlfriend feeling the same way as the girl in this video she always said I am nothing without her nobody gonna love me except her , when ur not feeling urself in a relationship have the courage to end it , there will always someone who would want u the way u r
Left a narcissistic abusive relationship in January of this year. Good God they really did a good job portraying the love bombing stage. Being showered with impersonal gifts. The best advice I’ve ever been given about a new relationship is if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is. Great video
That love bombing is an investment. They're making to set up, keeping you lock into a place where they suck your soul to feel whole.
I actually had to come back to this video because I got 20 seconds in, and was like, "Love-bombing. That's love-bombing. That's what love-bombing looks like." Then I switched to another video because I knew where it was going and wasn't emotionally prepared that day. Finished it today, and I was spot on. I hope I'm able to call abuse out like this at any stage Every time I encounter it. Having to live it is damaging.
It's all about that famous sentence "you only need to reaffirm something repeatedly when it's not obvious".
If there's real love in the relationship, there's no need to reaffirm it every single time with gifts. The affection says it all.
Love bombing is only necessary when the person can't show any of these affections so they need to mask that.
aww, the animation so cool, this deserves way more views
atenahena ORACAO DE SAO JORGE
ua-cam.com/video/xZObc_8e25Y/v-deo.html
1:33 god that part hit home. crying because you’re going through something with your partner but you have to act cool in front of your friends
What I find most heartbreaking is the thought of the boyfriend continuing his abuse on someone else if the girl had dumped him asap. Guys like him never change, so finding a different girlfriend would not have "solved" anything on thier behalf.
as if narcissistic females would ever change. How about instead of saying guys like him you say people like him? Or are you not aware females can be abusers too?!
God, I have a friend who’s been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and this video reminds me of her. Every time she talks about him, she’ll happen to mention something toxic he does (looking through her phone, yelling at her after she spends time with anyone else especially other boys, putting her down constantly to keep her around) and she’s always apologizing on his behalf. It’s scary to see, because I know he’s horrible to her and there’s probably stuff she’s not even saying. She says she loves him, and once she goes to college she wants to move in with him, and every time I or anyone else tries to point out the red flags she denies it. Im scared she’ll get seriously hurt or worse one day, but it’ll be too late.
I feel that. I had a friend who's still to my knowledge, dating this absolute toxic pos of a dude. Dude does all kinds of messed up shit like making her cut her hair, taking out his anger on her, ignoring her boundaries.
Hell, she never had anything good to even say about him, it was just on and on with the complaints. I get that people vent, but if it's the 8th time you've brought up your bf and you still have nothing positive to say about him, there's a problem. I even asked her one day "Every time you bring up your bf it's something negative, you never have anything positive to say about him, why are you with this guy?" Her reply being "Oh I say good things about him!" And that was it...
At one point after he accused her of cheating on him for the dumbest fucking reason, I told her "Hey, I gotta be honest with you. Your bf does this, this, and this. I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't date but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, I'm worried about you."
After which she claimed that I "hadn't taken the time to understand him." And basically told me to go fuck myself.
At least your friend by the sounds of it isn't too far gone that she's willingly letting her bf isolate her from her friends.
Women try not to be emotionally retarded challenge (90% will FAIL!)
Send her this video
Please, please, PLEASE send her this video. I've had my own experiences with toxic friends (it killed me inside), so I can't fathom how horrible an abusive relationship would be...
SEND HER THIS VIDEO please tell her this is not how a healthy realation ship works!! Hope shes ok :(
Sadly, it doesn't happen to teenagers only.
You're right, dating abuse can happen to anyone unfortunately. These issues are most pervasive at ages 16-24, however, so our video is just one depiction of what can be any type of relationship. We are glad you are thinking about this holistically!
@@DayOneNY aun que no crean también a los adultos le sucede y a mi me pasa eso
Ok, now I need a sequel showing her to be ok and away from this guy 😢
Thank you for sharing this!
I have a friend who is currently in a emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship, and I tries to to send this to her. I know people tell me to mind my business since she’s apparently not being physically harmed by him, but he does take his anger out on her a lot and it’s taken a toll on her well-being.
Great animation, love the contrast between the music and the second part. Initiatives like this are highly needed, I still remember being 13 and hearing other girls talk about the awful things their 18-19 year old boyfriends would say to them, and the worst part was they seemed to think it was ok...
Thank you so much for appreciating our video and the intricacies we've included. You're right, it's terrible for young teens to think this behavior is "ok," but that is why we partner with youth to educate them about dating abuse and domestic violence. For more information, please feel free to visit our website! www.dayoneny.org
When I was in my early to mid teens I remember girls going out with much older boys and saying how 'mature' they were but to me they seemed even more immature than boys my own age who weren't that interested in girls. When they want to go out with an underage girl a few years younger than them it is a sign of wanting somebody to control and dominate.
@@kivaylo she says it so casually. Those guys aren't boyfriends, they're pedos.
@@kivaylo of course
Of course abusers will choose CHILDREN and anyone vulnerable who won't catch onto their horrible behavior soon enough. 😡
Dang. This definitely hit me. I never thought I would be in a relationship like that ever. I was always so careful and observant to make sure I never got in a relationship like that but I did last year. I let my walls down and he ruined me. He would talk all affectionately then the next moment he would cuss me out and turn my words against me. It was long distance so I just dropped him. I’m not gonna let some loser control me like what the hell was I thinking🤨. Never again :) Amazing video! Loved it😊
Thank you for sharing your experience. Dating violence can really happen to anyone, and each time a survivor shares their story it can help reduce the stigma and let others know they are not alone!
I'm so proud of you. You made it. ❤
10/10 bet you had it over Kik. Tell me if I am wrong.
Thank you for addressing this in a way that’s understandable and not confusing. Sometimes explain the forms of abuse to someone is complicated, but this addressed it perfectly!
1:47
I noticed that the girl with earphones at the left felt bad for the protagonist
I started to date when I was 13, well wouldn’t call it dating. On my journey to 38 I finally met a woman who doesn’t treat me the same way this video plays out. The abuse I endured only to think it was love. I got me my sexy Dr, truly blessed to have her
Happy it got better bro
I was exactly like this narcissist but I’m glad that I’ve changed after watching a lot of documentaries about narcissism and how it sometimes even leads u not just emotionally abusing your spouse but also you will eventually start abusing physically💔 I’m so happy That I’ve 5000 percent changed my life and what makes me laugh a lot was how he’s holding flowers everytime 🤦♂️ this was so realistic it’s all the moods that narcissists have
it makes me really happy when i hear that there r ppl in the world who r ready to reflect nd realise their unacceptable behaviors. nd actively try to change for the betterment
You were probably exposed to abuse as a kid. I was a mean boyfriend for a while, I don't date anymore though and am still struggling with the fact I'm emotionally stunted because my parents were extremely physically emotionally mentally abusive. Stuff like punishing me for going through puberty, beating me, telling me I smell bad even after washing, piling on extreme expectations of greatness, both parents accusing the other of molesting me, constantly bringing me to doctors for fake problems, threats of extreme physical violence (amputation branding lobotomy breaking my legs or hips etc.)
I'm not gonna date until I sort this out.
That’s amazing. It shows how strong you are. Just shows, anyone is capable of change.
Now that's the sign of true wisdom right there, to know your limits and understand your not always right. It takes stregnth for humbility and its really not something a lot of people posess, never lose that bro
@@ward9837 I'm sorry this happened to you. My first relationship was with a guy who was severely abused by his father as a young child before he left him and his mom, and then he ended up abusing me. It took me a very long time to leave him because I had empathy for his struggle but sometimes you can't give in when the cycle continues. He told me years later that after I left him he tried to always do better and be better in his later relationships. No one is stuck, you can always improve.
Her falling down the steps to get to him to make sure he’s happy speaks volume
The video is really well made. In our teenage years women / men really don't know, how to love and be loved. Boundaries are so important, just makes me so sad. A lot of people like the idea of being in love, than being in love with the partner. It's a very common problem these days. This actually leaves a huge emotional trauma for the partners as well.
It reminds me of a relationship I had with this lady for a year.
I didn't see the signs; well, I did. I just actively ignored them, excusing them as eccentricities... she really hurt me, and to this day, those scars still run deep.
I'm, however, in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years anx we're getting engadged.
It took her love to show me what love truly was
"in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years and we're getting engaged".
Aaaaw, that's soooooooooo adorable!! 😍😍😍😍
1:28 HIS SHADOW HAS TENDRILS
i always come back to this animation and think abt my life.
I feel bad for my sister, I honestly never liked her bf, and he just gave me a lot of reasons why I don't like him. He threw her phone once across the room and has rage issues sometimes. I try telling her he is not the one, but she is so blinded by love that she can't see I'm trying to save her. Some people really are hopeless.
2:02 this part is basically why I moved out of my Parents House because I was tired of seeing my Parents flip out over a lot of things, being drowned in their Anger that made me claustrophobic in their House
The part involving the dressing up and him deciding what food she eats... the control, none of it's just present in romantic relationships - it's also in friendships. Also in online relations where people decide who it is acceptable for you to interact with, like with the dude taking her away from her male friends and only really allowing interactions with her female friends, and even then... in those online relations it does tend to be different, but still... Also, him getting angry when him messing up his clothes was his fault and blaming it on her... not even allowing her to be happy... it all hits home without me needing to have been in a "romantic" relationship. Even a "friendship" can contain all that and more... so yeah, be careful about red flags in friendships too.
Guess what? All of this is present in healthy relationships too.
Lets say your married to someone and they start using hard drugs, are you going to stand by and "not be controlling" or are you going to abandon the person you love and promised to stay with in sickness and health?
Its normal to want to have a positive influence on your partner and we all have individual different unique sets of values, meaning we will always run into these issues.
Framing them as abuse does nothing to solve the real issues.
@@robsan5410 That's a competely different thing from literally having a cheeseburger that might be on a cheat day and your partner decides a salad for you. People have expectations in a relationship influenced by media and role models etc that will involve a breakup if the needs are continuously not met even after communication, it turns into abuse when you turn to aggressive means to keep your partner into your ideal person like hurling insults for having a life.
My teacher showed this to me on the last day, right before the health final.
This short really says some stuff.
Never been in a relationship but I can vouch this happens in friendships too, you gotta be careful who you keep in you circle peeps
I experienced sexual abuse in my previous relationship, it really affected me and made me blame myself for everything. Now I see how twisted my boyfriend was, acting nice around everyone else but with me, guilt-tripping and manipulating
It's really tempting to forget that feeling when recovering, but on some level it's needed to prevent it from happening again. Just remember that "off" feeling is an alarm bell, a signal to take some space and think. Ask someone whose vibe check you trust. If you feel uncomfortable doing so because it's hard to say no and feel respected, that's all the more reason to be suspicious and take space. It's too dangerous a trap to risk in order to be polite or act appropriately... because this kind of abuser (looking up stuff about narcissistic personality disorder helps) will make people feel like acting normal means pretending there's nothing suspicious or uncomfortable going on
Ooh please feel sorry for me and this totally real story I didn't copy paste for internet clout
@@breklaberif7553 what is wrong with you? you realize not all people are monsters who make this stuff up, right? why do you even think they were lying? were you just waiting for someone to share their problems so you could kick dirt in their face? you need to think for like three seconds before you say some freaking stupid stuff like that
@@breklaberif7553 you know, even if that is the case, would it not feel better knowing that you come off as a "hey i understand how that might have felt" kind of person instead of "haha lol you got abused who cares" kind of person.
I'd rather be tricked into feeling sad for someone than automatically push them in the mud like you do.
Would not surprise me if YOU got some stuff that haunts you too, no need to go hostile.
@@breklaberif7553 it's funny how you're saying that while you're the one who's seeking attention.
this is one of my biggest fears. I absolutely adore and love my boyfriend 💕 and at the same time, I'm terrified that I don't know all of him. after growing up being abused by my dad, and almost everyone always saying that "people date/marry someone who reminds them of their dad"...sometimes I question if one day my boyfriend will start showing signs of the same behaviors of my dad, and I'm so scared...I know my boyfriend loves me, I've never been unsure of that throughout our relationship so far. and yet the thought that he could be even a little bit like my dad, terrifies me.
I have that same fear. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in that. I'm even terrified of that happening in my friendships, or becoming like my dad
Edit: Just thought of some stuff. I don't know you so some of this might be stuff you've heard a billion times. One person's medicine may be another's poison, and this stuff you already know might just make you paranoid to read again. If that's the case I hope someone else reading this with that situation learns something instead, feel free to dismiss.
I don't know who your dad is, but understanding how narcissistic personality disorder (and its "covert" narcissist variant) works... what it stems from, the way they manipulate people, the way they cover their behaviour, how people feel when dealing with those people at every stage, how people get out of them (anecdotes help best for that last one imo)... really makes the difference in understanding lots of the toxic relationship red flags someone can give off and whatnot.
There is something to be said against going to the other extreme and assigning those traits to anyone that makes you uncomfortable, but there's a few things to keep in mind.
First. In order to stay safe even when too triggered to think (a situation many abusers will purposely or opportunistically create or take advantage of), there have to be respectful and appropriate ways to take space when you feel uncomfortable. When those options seem difficult to take when it should be easy (or there's never "the right time"), that's when to ask someone about it, whoever's vibe check you trust.
Second. If someone puts guilt on you for doing that, that's a red flag in and of itself most of the time. People who've previously been trapped by abuse cannot afford to be pressured into those iconic red flag uncomfortable social interactions on the off chance that the other person really does mean well and is just misunderstood. It's scary to think you might reject someone that doesn't deserve it, but it's not about what they deserve. It's the safety you need. If taking space is harming them, then... that only proves you're not the right person to help them. It's not your job to teach them that, either.
Third. People who have been abused before usually have behaviours that look appealing to other abusers. This means it becomes more important for you than other people to take the initiative in relationships. Waiting for someone to approach you will more likely attract abusers. If you're scared you'll make the wrong choice, at least the choices you make are ones you can learn from. Giving up on such choices because they're scary make repeated victimhood even more likely... the ability to actively seek out new relationships and the ability to spot red flags and say no... for me, they've been tied together. I treat them as one larger cluster of courage, experience, knowledge, that lead into healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy ones.
Fourth. In the end it's not about accurately assigning someone a label in order to justify feeling suspicious, taking space, or outright leaving a relationship. It's recognizing interpersonal and communication issues that are unhealthy. It's assessing whether they're within safe and fixable levels, and the likelihood of things getting better. It's keeping expectation that problems are properly communicated and solved, who is responsible for what, and developing a vibe check that's right for you.
@@TheCorty Thank you for writing all that. It sure is informative. Take care!
@@Hermionee-Jean-Granger I will!!
@@TheCorty Thank you for taking the time to write this.
that whole is like your dad thing goes straight out the window if you are in gay relashonship or with a non binary person
wow, this is sadly very accurate. you don't even notice when the change happens, it just does.
Damn this is a great video. I don't think people realize what they are doing is wrong until its shown to their face from an outside perspective. Never understood the effects that love bombing and excessive gifting can look like , this is a problem thanks for spreading awareness.
When I was a teenager I was in this relationship. As soon as you feel uncomfortable with someone let them know, & if they’re unresponsive to that (or if they are responsive but things keep getting worse anyway) please leave. Don’t wait until you feel trapped, afraid, or like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re worth more than that
1:39 LOVE the red flash in the corner--a literal alarm going off at his anger.
What a beautiful and excellently-animated subversion of the song!
A reminder for all of us that are struggling or witnessing someone else struggle.
You deserve good things. You deserve safety. You have the right to know what red flags look like. And you deserve the right to say no.
Stay safe.
THIS IS ONE OF THE BEST PSAS I HAVE SEEN
When you realize your relationship didn't work out not because you were the victim, but the abuser... :( I feel bad for acting that way, but jealousy, worries and expectations are hard to control and I hope people like this can change for the better. They do not just hurt their partner, they hurt themselves too because they are so self-absorbed that they eat their own energy and themselves up.
👍
I relate, both as a victim and as the abuser in a long-term close friendship that ended a month ago.... I never got to the point of 0:53 and on though, but i most definitely noticed signs of myself, and even went to take steps to work through it. She assured me that it was okay that i was doing these things, but now i realize we were *BOTH* abusers, to ourselves and eachother. I dropped my other friends for her to help better her jealousy, dropped my extracurricular activities at school just to hang out with her because we both were upset we didnt get much time together since i was busy with the activities; i often got upset at the fact that she was hanging out with people but when it came time for me and her to hang out she'd make excuses and question things that she wouldnt question with the people she actually hung out with. Especially if the people she hung out with were romantic interests. we both even got into a sexual situation with someone who was interested in her, but since we all had that sexual/flirt bond together i felt left out and inserted myself into the relations. she got obsessed and attached to him, i tried to help her realize it, support her choice if she wanted to continue with him while also offer consolement early on, but towards the end she denied that i ever did console and even tried to push me away instead of helping me figure out why i felt left out when i brought up my feelings, resulting in us drifting apart. We were both toxic towards each other, and our friendship ending was for the better.
It’s a cycle man, once it happens to you from a young age, you get the preconceived notion that these relationships are how things go. People grow, people change, not a soul out there is exempt from being shitty in their own respective way, and in this case that ended up manifesting in a rather terrible way. As long as it changes, don’t worry about the past.
@YourBakaSenpai why shouldn't A MAN RAise their Voice ?? on emotional cheating
Glad you realized the error of your ways. It can be really hard to admit when you have a toxic trait because we all want to see ourselves as a good person. Hope you and the other party are doing better noe