Sunshine - Don't Confuse Love & Abuse - Day One

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  • Опубліковано 24 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 6 тис.

  • @Jah_LEASE_yah
    @Jah_LEASE_yah 2 роки тому +9104

    “He can be so romantic and sweet sometimes,” what my best friend said about her ex boyfriend who was abusing her. This video was like the perfect representation of that. He always had flowers for her even as he was becoming more and more abusive.

    • @Listova
      @Listova 2 роки тому +198

      EX? Good, i hope her be happy now

    • @DivineDefect
      @DivineDefect 2 роки тому +150

      My friend said the EXACT same thing about her ex abusive boyfriend... I never did succeed in fully convincing her to move on from him.

    • @thequackspirit_1886
      @thequackspirit_1886 2 роки тому +6

      I can relate

    • @skylarthompson299
      @skylarthompson299 2 роки тому +6

      @@DivineDefect What do you mean at least they’re broken up? (Sometimes ab@se does that to people.)

    • @DivineDefect
      @DivineDefect 2 роки тому +47

      @@skylarthompson299 At the time they were going out, she constantly spoke about how she knew he was bad for her but "he can be so romantic and sweet sometimes" literally the exact same words as op's comment!
      I constantly tried to convince her to leave him but in the end he broke up with her and she feels like without a relationship she = nothing. She constantly talks about him even though months have passed and they haven't spoken.

  • @mercedesnield6441
    @mercedesnield6441 6 років тому +35926

    My favorite part was how he always had flowers for her. Shows that some abusers are able to put on a show and look like a sweet boyfriend to everyone else but behind closed doors there's a different story

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +2839

      We're glad the message resonated with you! It's definitely true that a relationship looks different to those inside it. For more information on how this manifests in dating abuse, you can visit our website, dayoneny.org.

    • @royalblanket
      @royalblanket 3 роки тому +671

      @@asideclaro Are you victim blaming right now?

    • @annabaeee
      @annabaeee 3 роки тому +724

      ​@@asideclaro the problem is that more often than not saying 'enough' is, well... not enough. a lot of the time its extremely hard to get out of abusive relationships mostly because your abuser basically traps you in the relationship and makes you feel like leaving them and trying to escape in any way, shape or form is going to have grave consequences. it's extremely hard to say 'no' or 'enough' because you're AFRAID of how your abuser is going to react, possibly making the situation even worse. it took me several months to muster up the courage to finally break up with my emotionally abusive ex, and even after i did it he tried guilt tripping me into thinking i did something bad. you CAN stop it, yes, but it's not nearly as easy as some people say it is.

    • @vvelvettearss
      @vvelvettearss 3 роки тому +211

      @@annabaeee it took me months to finally break up with mine too. three years on hes still a cretin. you should elaborate more on how you reached that point. saying "enough" is the answer and IS possible but its a process to get there.more so if you live with that person(i didnt but got the text abuse) you have to be smart as well as strong to stay safe

    • @annalees.8073
      @annalees.8073 2 роки тому +175

      @@asideclaro i think you missed the point of this whole video.

  • @adelaquinones8479
    @adelaquinones8479 3 роки тому +42562

    I really love how as soon as the girl gets uncomfortable, the song goes "And I feel good!" as if she feels the need to pretend to be happy.

    • @joyceak9064
      @joyceak9064 3 роки тому +465

      That’s the whole point of the song choice.

    • @DeathnoteBB
      @DeathnoteBB 2 роки тому +296

      @@joyceak9064 Yes, and they like it

    • @Leema101
      @Leema101 2 роки тому +73

      @@TomoyoTatar too bad

    • @prunejuice8245
      @prunejuice8245 2 роки тому +53

      @@TomoyoTatar Go cry about it

    • @n3jay325
      @n3jay325 2 роки тому +8

      timestamp?

  • @tickley42
    @tickley42 2 роки тому +4192

    The feeling of drowning while being yelled at in the car hit really close to home.

    • @tickley42
      @tickley42 Рік тому +20

      @@dandavid2027 please point out where I said or implied that.

    • @EclecticallyEccentric
      @EclecticallyEccentric Рік тому +44

      ​@@dandavid2027 The fact that it happens to a lot of people doesn't make it not hurt. But thanks for showing everyone how the person doing that yelling thinks.

    • @EclecticallyEccentric
      @EclecticallyEccentric Рік тому +37

      @@dandavid2027 You say that like abuse survivors don't live in the real world. They do. You just have the luxury of not living in theirs.

    • @laurakovacs
      @laurakovacs Рік тому +17

      Omg I feel that 100% with my father

    • @alexissey4023
      @alexissey4023 Рік тому +9

      Same. Happened with my dad, and then my ex.

  • @annw99
    @annw99 2 роки тому +7516

    it's not only in romantic relationships. this problem should be addressed in friendships,work and family as well.

    • @TheWilDOn31
      @TheWilDOn31 2 роки тому +57

      Exactly!!!

    • @thesinguIarityawakens
      @thesinguIarityawakens 2 роки тому +166

      this! abuse can come in many forms!
      and also, guys can also be victims of abuse too
      anyone, really

    • @Miss_Meow17
      @Miss_Meow17 2 роки тому +44

      Same! My sister in law is toxic as hell.

    • @ouniversodesarisa2267
      @ouniversodesarisa2267 2 роки тому +14

      TRUUUUUE!!!
      True!

    • @Disissid19
      @Disissid19 2 роки тому +25

      I've seen this in family and relationships. Mainly because these are people you expect to see on an almost daily basis. Same goes for work. I don't think they applies for friendships as well. There is the fear of drifting apart, but I struggle to see how anyone would be that terribly lonely

  • @Maria97Gp
    @Maria97Gp 6 років тому +6842

    Mostly the reasons why the abuse isn't notice until it gets agressive it's because at first all you see is kindness and affection and it ends turning to that person controling your life by making you feel guilty of his own actions, destroying your strong personality by emotional manipulation.

    • @lemsip207
      @lemsip207 6 років тому +201

      Because we make the mistake of thinking that only physical or sexual abuse counts. Abuse is at first verbal and psychological. You feel like your soul is being eaten away by your abuser and think it's all just in your head.

    • @yourlefttoe8365
      @yourlefttoe8365 4 роки тому +22

      Um I'm a girl but like guys are affected by these things too... it shouldn't be a boy girl thing abuse is abuse.

    • @Maria97Gp
      @Maria97Gp 4 роки тому +45

      @@yourlefttoe8365 i'm not saying it's just a boy girl thing

    • @ladennayoung2939
      @ladennayoung2939 4 роки тому +45

      Yep. They use this tactic to keep you in the relationship. Because they will go from being nice, kind, and sensitive. To being rude, obnoxious, and controlling. They will be kind once they see you are trying to walk away from them.

    • @eliasbenjaminmarinaro5539
      @eliasbenjaminmarinaro5539 4 роки тому

      No entendí ni mega Inglés ¿¿¿

  • @CandyHatsuneWolff
    @CandyHatsuneWolff 3 роки тому +23479

    I love how the signs were there immediately, and in every scene, but very subtle at first. He crosses into her physical space (was that 100% an accident, I wonder?) He puts his picture on her phone. He "love-bombs" her with gifts that he won aggressively and she is nervous for a moment, as if it's too much. He contacts her first thing in the morning and obviously arrives unannounced, taking her when and where he wants. Then we see the first bit of narcissism, seems a little weird and self-absorbed. But when we see the florist incident - HOL UP, something is definitely not right. Then it keeps hitting the fan more and more. Thank you folks for making this - it's so important to teach young people these warning signs early. It will save them from future bad relationships, heartache and possibly worse.

    • @memorystorage970
      @memorystorage970 3 роки тому +632

      I literally saw nothing wrong until the florist incident...before that I thought just a little vain and passionate about the relationship thus all the toys, messages, dates and coming unannounced as a surprise. Dang...hope nobody gets to meet a guy like that. If I ever do...I m thoroughly done for

    • @butterfly12rey
      @butterfly12rey 3 роки тому +499

      I saw the signs immediately with the love bombing. Very toxic trait and common sign of a narcissistic person

    • @carolinpurayidom4570
      @carolinpurayidom4570 2 роки тому +210

      @@memorystorage970 I ssaw it with the slefie and the loving bombing it become obvious at the skater incident

    • @southchild_
      @southchild_ 2 роки тому +91

      very well said! I also saw the signs immediately from the love-bombing phase and that's now simply thanks to experience. Crazy how so many of us went through the same thing whilst being with a narcissist (with NPD)

    • @NanaLunaTik
      @NanaLunaTik 2 роки тому +2

      🖤

  • @wishingonthemoon1
    @wishingonthemoon1 2 роки тому +3298

    I knew I was in an abusive relationship when I said, “well at least he’s not leaving any bruises.” The bar was so low-and I didn’t notice him lowering it.
    I know the jock is the stereotype of abuse, because they’re generally more physically aggressive, but in my experience I’ve found the nerdy, “nice” guys to be the most abusive.

    • @nandanapalchowdhury4588
      @nandanapalchowdhury4588 2 роки тому +140

      Omggg yes. So true. So fucking true.

    • @nakajimakuro
      @nakajimakuro Рік тому +97

      More like over-protective to the point of abuse over the fear of losing love one

    • @alex29443
      @alex29443 Рік тому +47

      Gotta watch out for male feminist allies - best bet is a nice conservative guy who still believes in chivalry.

    • @shoes7899
      @shoes7899 Рік тому

      @@alex29443 conservative guys are always the most abusive

    • @carloscarlos02
      @carloscarlos02 Рік тому +265

      ​@@alex29443 Lol, guys who thinks that owns a woman and think that woman should be submissive to his desires is usually a conservative guy. Abusive people doesn't come in forms, it can be literally anyone. Women, Men, progressive or conservative, right wing or left wing, this doesn't define nothing, anyone can be abusive

  • @Haphsaf
    @Haphsaf 2 роки тому +16476

    That moment at 1:57 when she's running down the steps to reach him is so brilliant, like she's running down to HIS level because he can't raise up to hers, nor reach her midway.

    • @HawkGirl90
      @HawkGirl90 2 роки тому +207

      So right!

    • @dillasoul2228
      @dillasoul2228 2 роки тому +584

      I didn't really see it that way, it seemed to me that her running down those steps was her willfully choosing the "downward slope of depression" from joy and happiness that came from her independent freedoms as an individual. Once you don't have the freedom of choice, your perception of life gets darker

    • @dr.downvote
      @dr.downvote 2 роки тому +58

      @@dillasoul2228 ikr, I’d blame the girl as much as the guy because she’s an independent woman and can be one despite being in a toxic relationship like that and it’s in her hands. It’s not like he’s holding her captive or anything, but yeah the guy character is proper bs obviously

    • @animaxvideos771
      @animaxvideos771 2 роки тому +15

      One eyed people see it this way...They see girls in relations as Jesus who's to be worshipped.but she has nothing to compromise... Not even making up to his efforts

    • @riyasingh9353
      @riyasingh9353 2 роки тому +225

      @@dr.downvote I know a girl and she is in a kind of toxic relationship just like this. But she is too scared to make a move , even I tried to talk to her but she always brush it off. I can strongly feel the relationship is too toxic and her bf is too scary , trust me even I am afraid of him. I don't know how to get her out of it.

  • @august6316
    @august6316 2 роки тому +21028

    One thing to know though is that the abusive guy always being the athletic cool one is a stereotype. Nerdy, smaller, or chubby guys can be just as abusive. Found out from experience.

    • @peachpie3597
      @peachpie3597 2 роки тому +6

      Yeah just like geo the "bullies" in media are always preppy girls but then there's plenty of toxic goths/tomboy women

    • @schwester6523
      @schwester6523 2 роки тому +2002

      Yes please! Masculinity is *not* toxic!

    • @TheBiggestMoronYouKnow
      @TheBiggestMoronYouKnow 2 роки тому +713

      Yeah, my first cheated twice then gaslit me the. Coerced me into a threesome with some person who I wasn’t into and wasn’t into me. We also hadn’t discussed an open relationship of any sort. He turned out to start using the n word 2 years into dating, I left soon after that.

    • @LorlaLu
      @LorlaLu 2 роки тому +68

      True story!

    • @caralho5237
      @caralho5237 2 роки тому +5

      @@TheBiggestMoronYouKnow Sexual coercion wasn't enough for you, it was because he used the n word
      Lol

  • @fionaflop300
    @fionaflop300 2 роки тому +2064

    I love the tiny details in this psa. My personal favorite is when the girl is dressing for the party and we see her reflection and only her reflection for the first three outfits , like it’s a reflection of her own style. And when she dresses the way he wants the mirror only shows him.

    • @brokeneggshell5041
      @brokeneggshell5041 2 роки тому +68

      That's such a good detail! I didn't notice that

    • @slothy6096
      @slothy6096 2 роки тому +6

      Kanye West?

    • @grozablako9285
      @grozablako9285 2 роки тому

      Good, support the homie.

    • @jackmehoff1159
      @jackmehoff1159 2 роки тому +7

      My mom went through the same kind of abuse when she was with her first husband! he always try to control her and he gets upset when my mom hangs out with her friends. This video is accurate 💯

    • @PlasteredBrain
      @PlasteredBrain 2 роки тому +1

      @@jackmehoff1159 I hope your mom is okay now.

  • @catwitch2479
    @catwitch2479 2 роки тому +572

    0:53 I like how when they're skating, she falls over and he doesn't notice or go to help her. He's too busy focussed on posing and making himself look better than to see that she's in trouble. Very nice subtle hint at how in the relationship it's all about what he wants and about making him look better, while her needs come last.

    • @shanefinkelstein8325
      @shanefinkelstein8325 Рік тому +17

      This is why I am not ready for a relationship yet. As an individual with autism, social skills are a huge struggle for me.

    • @avashattuckmusic
      @avashattuckmusic 10 місяців тому

      i noticed that too!!!! good catch!

    • @junebugfun6697
      @junebugfun6697 5 місяців тому +5

      Also it seems a lot of people missed the part at 1:27 where he looks like he has tentacles, like he is a monster in disguise or something since very genuine abuse is often not shown until the person has the person trapped and dependent on them

    • @somebodycooliguess1597
      @somebodycooliguess1597 3 місяці тому +2

      And she only fell in the first place because he let go of her hand, even though she was unsteady on her feet, then literally skated rings around her!

    • @montee3766
      @montee3766 2 місяці тому

      Tbh I think she likes that and women in general do. When a guy is all over a girl and on his knees women don't like it.

  • @shalom325
    @shalom325 6 років тому +4620

    I'm a high school teacher and I'm showing this video to my students this week. Thank you!!!

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +392

      That is wonderful! Thanks for letting us know.

    • @ashleysilver4295
      @ashleysilver4295 4 роки тому +180

      Your a good teacher

    • @bea-
      @bea- 4 роки тому +158

      im here because my teacher played it :)

    • @cdwgirl
      @cdwgirl 3 роки тому +72

      Thank u for teaching this.

    • @sneakyspike4750
      @sneakyspike4750 3 роки тому +38

      @@bea- me too

  • @phiariehonig5783
    @phiariehonig5783 4 роки тому +9214

    So extremely relatable. My ex did almost everything in this video. Would isolate me from my friends, would send me subtle mean messages, would become so aggressive if he spilled or dropped something. He’d speed and swerve the car whenever he’s angry, making me feel so scared. Once I wasn’t allowed to wear shorts to the gym cause he thinks I wanted attention.. but I loved him so much. Because whenever he was abusive, I would just wait until he was affectionate again. I would CRAVE those good moments with him because I was finally happy again. But it never lasted. I finally saw a therapist during my relationship and she helped me get the courage to leave him. I think it was the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m still healing though. And this animation portrayed everything perfectly. Amazing job!!

    • @xd._.28234
      @xd._.28234 3 роки тому +158

      I'm glad u ended that!! Take care!💕💕
      My ex was also starting to be like that, made scenes in our dates,instead of enjoying them, he acted cold, angry, threw "shit" at me,or if i wasn't doing enough or correctly,when i always told him he could talk to me if there were issues,or have confort in me, he never wanted to tell more than superficial stuff from his life.
      But always used the dates to spit crap,instead of "normal situations", send offended,or passive agressive with indirects messages when anything wrong was done,or too way sneaky, always blamed me, acted weird, started complaining ab my clothing or wanted me to go x way or whatever,even i told him that i wouldn't,that i would dress the ways i liked and not the ones he said.
      Asked me a lot ab friends or if i had any "other crush" n shit, couldn't take a no, or that day i didn't want shit with him and like "kinda forced me" but when he saw he was going too far,he always stopped,maybe bc was scared of being reported or sth.
      He usually forced me to have long long hugs,so instead of love it turned an "obligation",where if i didn't give it,he would be as an annoying fly around me asking me the whys,or forcing. I sometimes even pushed or yelled at him,that wtf, it's supposed to be love hugs, not an obligation.
      One day i went more "active" xd in kissings crap, and he was surprised,aka offended,bc he was off of guard,or wasn't he the "male" asking for them, so I went...
      -But don't u like kisses? Why u act those ways?
      And he answered quite passive agressive some shit as :
      -Weird,u never "want" (remember it turned obligation bc was an annoyance so i wasn't liking him that much at that time already) and yes today? Ur always so weird, but... well whatever I won't complain tho,but remember u were the one kissy person today
      And i went (wtf????,Why that answer?? Wth)
      Also hated be in photos,drawed or be shared with friends, since i draw good(animated) i wanted to do one together (when we were still ok) and he acted so weird,as if he was a criminal and me a police doing his face sketch.
      If you're a good person why should you be scared of appear in photos or drawins!?
      Also asked me to not report him as abuser or sth, even when we were "ok"? What kind of questions are those?why should you worry if ur supposed to be a good guy? Started to talk ab sex when just being 2 weeks together,and doing creepy married life plans,or like, putting minimum relationship time (minimum 3 yrs in being together) when i told him that we would be together the time it passed,a lot,or just a few,but not put that minimum range,that was creepy.
      I'm asexual apart from bi,so i told him and even he said "ok",the fact couldn't have that sex for me annoyed him. He was mad bc couldn't lose virginity with me
      And me like...but u said u don't like me that way or that u could wait,that wasn't urgent. Now ur interested? Wth. What he wanted is to fuck and say he wasn't anymore bc some of his friends did it already.
      He also had the balls to say that he didn't like me bc my appearance,he liked me bc my personality. And i thought...ur not also prince charming,my guy. U have also a lot to be disliked too. Who says to his couple that is ugly?...(In some ways he said it...?)
      He said that if my clothes were old or sth. When he was the one wearing the SAME SHOES for 4 months LONG without CHANGING THEM. Ew ew. So i returned it to him with that. That yes,maybe old,but you wearing the same shoes as a homeless guy when ur obviously not one. So hypocrite.
      He also said crap as that he liked lolis(he is weeb) and that if they looked legal,even being illegal,was ok for him. He's freaking 20 now. 19 back then and me 18.
      Now I'm 19.
      Wouldn't that be...pedo!???
      Yes i also did my "waifus" "harem",but..jeez,legal ones.(yes,i tend to waifus and not husbandos)
      A friend and also crush i had (same gender tho) at the same time i was dating him(since his ways of actings made me lose my love for him, just made me puke every time i saw him,so i started liking her instead of him,i was with him like...just bc he's with me but not bc anything more)who also experienced the same,an annoying and bad ex.
      She helped me, had a a talk with me and i realized, so i broke up with him. I was planning already to break up with him,but she just fueled it
      He got kind of mad, said the i will change i promise shit, or acts weird after the breaking up but... Y'know. I won't keep that crap, I won't believe him,since he did the changing promise and he was the same. So i saw he was sus
      I told him everything, even nearly slapped him bc stilk he was acting like a dick, instead of listening or understanding or whatever. He still wanted to have " perks" even being exes or just friends again. And me... wth, I'm breaking up with u.
      OFC NOT!!!???
      wth. He was so rude.
      Not that long ago, was his bday, and he got mad at me and passive agressive bc i didn't remember it. And i was like...
      Uuuh... I'm ur ex...? I don't need to be remembering shit now and less from you
      Plus i had college exams, i wasn't for remembering things.
      Now i have a gf and she's the opposite to him and we're happy now :)
      She also had crappy exes, so we understand each other and just share diabetic love all day xd😂😂

    • @SazleDazzlePazel
      @SazleDazzlePazel 2 роки тому +116

      @@xd._.28234 Ma'am??? Are you okay?? If you need to make a 10000 word paragraph then obviously this is very serious 🥲

    • @fatimom7402
      @fatimom7402 2 роки тому +4

      Same.

    • @itsdarke1054
      @itsdarke1054 2 роки тому +19

      Yikes, I always wonder why people put up with that kind of behavior for so long.

    • @queenglory9352
      @queenglory9352 2 роки тому +17

      I’m so happy your able to call him your ex now. Keep doing you and don’t let anyone take that. 💕

  • @lunathemoon64
    @lunathemoon64 2 роки тому +3355

    When she’s running away from the outside world and shuts the door behind her is so real. Abusers can make you think the outside world is terrifying and no one out there can help you.

    • @DaughterOfGod247
      @DaughterOfGod247 2 роки тому +12

      Yes 🥺😢😢

    • @SamM-bl8yh
      @SamM-bl8yh 2 роки тому +9

      Exactly...

    • @sugarcookieww
      @sugarcookieww 2 роки тому +5

      honestly..

    • @realhumanguynotafish
      @realhumanguynotafish 2 роки тому +19

      Maybe that’s because the world IS terrifying to them personally, and they think they’re just protecting their partner. Everyone here acts like the abuser is fully aware and knows what they’re doing and is being malicious evil people, but not all do. Some people have a misguided view on love, some people who are “abusers” may not think that’s what they are at all. The victim isn’t the only one who can confuse love for abuse. Most abusers come from abusive homes and literally don’t know any better. I hate how much people demonize people who have likely been victims of abuse as well. Abuse is a cycle.

    • @Scarshadow666
      @Scarshadow666 2 роки тому +10

      @@realhumanguynotafish
      ^ Very true! That, and turning to outside help can be hard when outsiders looking in at an abusive relationship can have the potential to victim-blame rather than actually help the abuse victim (sometimes unintentionally and sometimes, unfortunately, not). The world can be such a scary place that some abuse victims have felt the rest of the world judging their actions/situation can be just as bad or worse than their abuse. 0_0

  • @annabellemillen9998
    @annabellemillen9998 Рік тому +75

    The worst part about an abusive relationship is that you still love them

    • @Viivlet
      @Viivlet Місяць тому

      Gotta love Stockholm Syndrome...

  • @ichig0mash1mar0
    @ichig0mash1mar0 3 роки тому +10305

    I think it's really interesting that a lot of teen movies I'd watch as a kid and teen would have the boyfriend get jealous and grumpy and it was presented as if it was almost endearing or cute but it's not. Watching this really reminded me of how a lot of the love interests would be portrayed and I think that kind of portrayal in movies might have affected the way I saw red flags as a teen. I didn't think these things were bad when I was younger/before and I didn't realize it until I actually experienced how hurtful and harmful someone acting like that in real life can be. I really hope as time passes, more and more young people can learn what healthy relationships are really like so they don't have to go through that too.

    • @ata_telesia
      @ata_telesia 3 роки тому +70

      💯💯💯💯 And they know that too

    • @sa5m225
      @sa5m225 2 роки тому +172

      True, I almost went through this. My ex would want to fight my guy friend, he would have girls sitting on his laps and arms around their waist tell me to calm down.
      I glad I listen to my friend who was in a toxic relationship, I remember I telling myself why would I listen to her. Yet I glad that thought came after I broke up with him.
      Our relationship lasted for 2 weeks.

    • @timefliesaway999
      @timefliesaway999 2 роки тому +196

      A lot of this is romanticized, sadly.
      They all make it seem like it’s the perfect relationship to be in, until you’ve been in that kind of relationship and realize it’s not. And this really needs to stop in movies.

    • @yamato6114
      @yamato6114 2 роки тому +158

      @@timefliesaway999 looking back at it, there’s so many toxic behaviors that are presented as okay in romance comedies… commonly the man will persistently follow her around until she says yes. That’s not romantic. That’s stalking.

    • @lelec6923
      @lelec6923 2 роки тому +98

      i do think that a little jealousy when its not harmful is normal in a couple but most of the times its very easy for it to become unhealthy. its always the best for a couple to trust each other imo

  • @labyrinthgirl17
    @labyrinthgirl17 6 років тому +5306

    Being in an abusive relationship is terrifying. It doesn't matter if the relationship is a heterosexual or homosexual one, it doesn't matter if the abuser is male or female; the sensation of being trapped, of being afraid for your life if your partner gets mad, wanting to run, but too scared to move...it fucks with your mind.
    I only spent six-ish months in an abusive relationship and I'm still dealing with the psychological damage from four years ago to this day. Because, even though I'm safe and with people I trust, there's always that little nagging thought that my ex-partner might just snap and try to hurt me, even though it's been years.
    Honestly, there's never a way to get over it, but I have learned how to move past it. It's a part of my past, it's something horrific I went through, and I'm still something I have to work on, probably for the rest of my life; but I'm a survivor and I'm recovering. : )

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +383

      Thank you so much for sharing your story!! It's very powerful, and we hope you feel supported and safe. If you need anything, you can always reach out to us.

    • @mavrospanayiotis
      @mavrospanayiotis 2 роки тому +166

      I had a boyfriend who used to pay for me everything, i was not quite self-sufficient in those years. When he started to be abusive with his public displays of false "unselfishness" our relationship started to fall apart. Later i found a man who was less willing to pay for me. Initially, because of the bad habit to expect others to pay my bills, i distrusted him, but he helped me to be self sufficient and less childish, encouraging and sustaining me in an healthy way. We are now a strong couple of two indipendent people, and touched 9 years of relationship. Feel quite happy.

    • @dream_y1000
      @dream_y1000 2 роки тому +23

      oh god it is terrifying..

    • @suzygirl1843
      @suzygirl1843 2 роки тому +8

      @@DayOneNY What kind of animation is this? It looks like it was rendered in Blender

    • @tammyryan225
      @tammyryan225 2 роки тому +30

      I too was married to my abuser and had two kids with him. My children and I are survivors, recovering strong together as a unit and achieved alot in fitness studies, and MMA.
      My kids have autism and that is even hard to cope with as a single parent.

  • @Brunette_2005
    @Brunette_2005 2 роки тому +6994

    Please all of you remember that abuse can come in all forms and ways.
    Physical abuse:To physically hurt someone (beating, kicking, pinching and so on)
    Verbal abuse: To insult or degrade someone vocally "You are ugly" or "You can't achieve anything"
    Emotional abuse: Controlling you by using your emotions "If you don't do what I say I will jump of a cliff" or "If you don't come with me I will be extremely mad"
    and other forms of abuse

    • @tokuko9027
      @tokuko9027 2 роки тому +126

      Why does the last one remind me of Jacob from Twilight? He threatened to stab himself when Bella said she didn't like him back.

    • @sabrinaszabo9355
      @sabrinaszabo9355 2 роки тому +94

      Don’t forget emotional abandonment--
      Its soooooo lonely to be ignored….

    • @Brunette_2005
      @Brunette_2005 2 роки тому +51

      @@tokuko9027 Didn’t watch it but yes, this sounds like massive emotional abuse

    • @Brunette_2005
      @Brunette_2005 2 роки тому +88

      @@sabrinaszabo9355 I think being ignored can count into the emotional abuse category depending on how you mean it. If your friend or partner is ignoring you to make you run after them that’s severe emotional abuse

    • @mrsbethaniesmith
      @mrsbethaniesmith 2 роки тому +67

      ...and mental abuse such as gaslighting and mindgames

  • @musical_trash4_your_inform115
    @musical_trash4_your_inform115 2 роки тому +236

    My favorite part was how in the beginning, he was always focused on himself but payed attention to her at just the right moments to keep her interested. Then when all she could do was focus on him, he did the exact same and made practically everything about himself.

    • @summer78946
      @summer78946 11 місяців тому +5

      Such a good observation, rings close to home for me as well, though I didn't notice it

  • @Tre_Di
    @Tre_Di 2 роки тому +3651

    As a 3D artist, I loved this.
    As a girl victim of past abuses, I wish i saw this earlier.

  • @crimson_bunni4382
    @crimson_bunni4382 2 роки тому +1313

    I will say that the scenes where she's running down the stairs and the maze perfectly capture how exhausting these kind of relationships can be. Just trying to keep up with their demands and wants to avoid conflict and keep them happy, hits way too close to home

    • @typicallyusual6984
      @typicallyusual6984 2 роки тому +12

      And when they get mad you just try to hide and make yourself smaller, all the while worrying if they’ll actually put your life in danger and doing whatever you can to just ride it out until it’s over. And you feel so frantic, like it’ll never end, just like that maze. My boyfriend is great but I had an abusive dad who would threaten to kill me or “gouge my eyeballs out” when he got really mad, that’s how I know.

    • @how_r_you_55
      @how_r_you_55 2 роки тому +1

      choose better men? its actually simple…

    • @crimson_bunni4382
      @crimson_bunni4382 2 роки тому +19

      @@how_r_you_55 that's the thing, you don't know they're bad until your in too deep because of how they bombard you with love, affection and praise at the start

    • @how_r_you_55
      @how_r_you_55 2 роки тому

      @@crimson_bunni4382 :D its histerical to see women scheme and formulate any form of excuse in their heads to justify/cope with the consequences of their pitiful but wilful behaviour. Female nature is a wonder to behold.

    • @jennybengtsson1223
      @jennybengtsson1223 2 роки тому +3

      @@crimson_bunni4382 Yeah for example some men just start being this way after marriage and some women just go along with it

  • @gabbylopez9091
    @gabbylopez9091 2 роки тому +701

    This brings light to the fact that an abusive partner isn't always the one who beats the crap out of their significant other. I appreciate that!

    • @loverlei79
      @loverlei79 2 роки тому +45

      That comes next after social exclusion. Usually during the "move in" or marry stage. Abuse ALWAYS escalates.

    • @KittyKatt_Luna80s
      @KittyKatt_Luna80s 2 роки тому +21

      @@loverlei79 Yes. I was cut off from most of my friends first, then I was stopped from enjoying the activities I liked, I had my spending controlled... and eventually it lead to him throwing me into walls and hitting me. 9 times out of 10 though it was verbal, psychological and emotional abuse. He s*xually abused me in my sleep and also pressured me into acts I found repulsive - "If you love me, you'll try this..." Just... URGH!

    • @pikcoe
      @pikcoe 2 роки тому +4

      @@KittyKatt_Luna80s god damn...

    • @KittyKatt_Luna80s
      @KittyKatt_Luna80s 2 роки тому +12

      @@pikcoe Thankfully I got away from him along with my cats in 2014. I would never want ANYONE to go through what I did. The only man currently in my life is Schnapps the cat, purring next to me as I type this. 😺

    • @damiensisco6960
      @damiensisco6960 Місяць тому

      What do you mean?

  • @KirbyIsCute
    @KirbyIsCute 2 роки тому +1928

    I remember when Twilight first came out and people were pointing that Edward was abusive, most fans responded "No, he's not. He never hits her."
    This video shows perfectly that abuse doesn't always have to be physical to break someone. The boyfriend never lays a hand on her but he's slowly destroying the girl's happiness and self worth that at the end, when she sees him, she looks afraid even though he's being 'nice'.
    Good job showing abuse comes in many forms.

    • @x_rouxi_ian_x4804
      @x_rouxi_ian_x4804 Рік тому +43

      Right. Theres many types of abuse, most commonly physical and mental abuse where the person makes you think you are nothing without them.

    • @summerrose8110
      @summerrose8110 Рік тому +52

      The way I look at Twilight is a warning to avoid toxic relationships like that. People like to bash Twilight, but really I actually appreciate it as a cautionary tale of a relationship should NOT look like.

    • @hearthatbird
      @hearthatbird Рік тому +18

      That's because fear is a tool.

    • @Michael-bn1oi
      @Michael-bn1oi Рік тому

      She is also profoundly emotionally abuse herself.
      Everyone in those books is a massive piece of shit.

    • @3mindrebel
      @3mindrebel Рік тому +43

      ​@@summerrose8110 Well, the issue is they romanticize it, that's why it needs to be criticized. The creator isn't using it as a caution, he/she doesn't see the issue.

  • @smlfan2087
    @smlfan2087 7 років тому +2217

    This really got to me. Especially the nightmarish imagery where she feels hounded and trapped. It's sad to see such a happy young lady become so scared and alone. I know it's simplistic of me but I wish girls can spot the signs early on, and as soon as they see them they'd just get the hell out. Unfortunately by the time an abuser shows his true colours the girl is most likely already in too deep to get out easily. This is a great ad and I hope it can help educate people. I like how it's an animated ad.

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +80

      Thank you so much for sharing. We're so glad our video touched you and that you found personal meaning in it. Day One is a non-profit organization that partners with youth to end dating abuse and domestic violence. We offer legal and case management services to survivors, and educate youth so they CAN spot the signs early on. Please feel free to visit our website for more information! www.dayoneny.org

    • @lemsip207
      @lemsip207 6 років тому +36

      It happened to me with somebody I wasn't even dating. I was on a Christian camp in a city centre and the abuser thought he was entitled to spend all his waking hours with me just because we sat next to each other on a boat trip one morning and I was talking to him. I managed to lose him in the city centre that afternoon which was a free afternoon when he insisted on going everywhere with me. I didn't get much time to myself and had planned to spend the afternoon alone. I couldn't avoid him at meal times because if he arrived before me he would save a place for me which would be the only place available if I was a bit late. If I arrived before him he would attempt to sit near me so I moved away. I eventually told him I wasn't interested in a relationship with him. Even if I was dating him I wouldn't want him to treat me like that.

    • @qwertyasdf737
      @qwertyasdf737 6 років тому

      i

    • @jackpawlus5784
      @jackpawlus5784 4 роки тому +38

      I completely agree, and this animation was amazing and gets the message across but noticing your comment, It’s not just girls, male teens can experience an abusive relationship aswell. It’s just sad that so many people have to go through this. 💕

    • @bintehahashim196
      @bintehahashim196 3 роки тому +17

      I was naive and I get to know this person where only within 2 weeks he had confessed telling me that he loves me, I was 22 but even at that age I couldn't tell it wasn't love. I just thought that he might be the one for me cus no one ever confessed and he was the first ever. he was like a prince charming, everything about him was positive. he get along well with everyone, he was super nice to me. always asking me if i was okay. i told him that i want to be just friends but he kept on saying stuffs like he wanted to hold my hand even when i told him multiple times how i wouldn't want to hold hands unless we are together but everyday he kept on saying he wish he could hold my hands and talking about how he really liked me. he told me he likes me because i was innocent, i am pretty much an obedient girl i listen well to others and i guess he likes that about me. things got different when we started having different opinions. day after day i saw he change into a different person. because i only had just met him i can't say that i know him well. after a few weeks, i realised that he gets mad very easily, he's short tempered. he shouted at his co worker once and he speaks rudely to elderly. and that was when i realised i just saw his true colours. but idk why .. even when i know he isn't a good person whom i thought he was i still kept wanting to be with him. i can't make myself to tell him that i don't want to walk with him anymore. i know i told him i dont want to be more than just friends but we walk home together almost everyday and it was a mistake because it was hard for me to tell him to stop walking me home.. you can say that i am used to having him around that i don't want him to leave which is very very wrong of me. but i still consider myself lucky because i manage to break it off with him. although i get way too comfortable with him around i am lucky that i manage to tell him that i dont want to see him anymore. i had to lie, cus if i actually told him that he would've been mad at me but instead i lied and told him that i want to take a break and just want to focus on myself now.i was lucky that he listens or he probably had another target set cus he is always on his phone so i might not be the only one. i feel so blessed and lucky that i get to leave this early, also, there's one co worker who knew him and she had told me to wait until 3 months to know someone true personality and she was right. not until 3 months, he showed his true colours. that girl warned me too, she said that he's prob not serious with me. until today i thanked Allah for helping me out. alhamdulillah❤️
      oh and also he gets jealous whenever a guy started talking to me, he pretty much cuts off our conversation and at first i thought it was cute but the more it happens the more i think it wasn't cute at all.

  • @ggbonnie030
    @ggbonnie030 2 роки тому +1501

    When people think of abuse, they think of someone being constantly violent, degrading, or controlling. The scariest part about abusive relationships is that things aren’t always bad. Sometimes the abuser is extremely kind to you, though in those moments the abuse is only veiled behind the romance. Love bombing is apart of the cycle. Stay safe everyone ❤️

    • @Rinesmyth
      @Rinesmyth Рік тому +5

      What is love bombing?

    • @spider-woah-man
      @spider-woah-man Рік тому +80

      @@Rinesmyth when someone gives you a ton of love, gifts, support, etc. for a short period of time, lets say a week or so, and then completely abandons you as if they never showed that love to you in the first place. the large amounts of love coming and going suddenly is why this is referred to as a 'bomb.' it's a way people manipulate their significant others, to leave their partner thinking they themselves did something wrong and that they are the problem and they need to change, stuff like that to have more control over the person in general

    • @catbatrat1760
      @catbatrat1760 Рік тому +21

      While I haven't experienced it myself, I've heard that love bombing is a cult tactic, too. When you first visit their church (or wherever they are), they act super friendly and stuff to get you to join them.

    • @letsreadtextbook1687
      @letsreadtextbook1687 Рік тому +15

      ​@@Rinesmyth "you can't drag someone into abusive relationship for you if you don't make them love you first!"
      Then they pull the carpet out of your feet and blames you for it.
      "See how nice I could be if you just keep my mood up, but noo you just had to show that you have your own needs and wants that I should also consider. See where that gets you, a meaner me. You know how good I _can_ be when I love bombed you, so don't oppose me and I might turn into being like that again someday! sometimes!"

    • @ferretfriend5458
      @ferretfriend5458 Рік тому +4

      I used to feel very bad when I used to wish he would just hit me and get it over with.

  • @crab2195
    @crab2195 3 роки тому +916

    the part that resonated with me most was when he stopped her from accepting the flower, and you see how flattered she is. your brain is manipulated into thinking that this is what real love is. “he just cares so much”. eventually, what once seemed great, turns into a nightmare.

  • @therealopaartist
    @therealopaartist Рік тому +54

    I love how it shows how subtle manipulation and abuse are. He gradually showed his true colors. He isolated her from her friends over time, slowing controlled her appearance, and only berated her in private, all while maintaining the ‘perfect’ boyfriend in the public eye.

  • @shanboody
    @shanboody 7 років тому +2748

    so so swell done!!! Great conversation starter thank you for sharing

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +88

      Thank you so much for your appreciation!

    • @bamilekewoman373
      @bamilekewoman373 2 роки тому +3

      I have NEVER been able to understand how women (or men) do not recognize abuse...When someone does or says something to me that is painful/uncomfortable, my SURVIVAL INSTINCT kicks in & my flight response is activated. I become sensitized to AVOID this person, this behavior & this circumstance. I do not understand returning voluntarily to painful situations unless it is unavoidable. Women (& men) have said to me that they were 'unable' to leave...?!?! I do not get it.

    • @socorrespecial
      @socorrespecial 2 роки тому +62

      @@bamilekewoman373 ok? so what? just because you don't "get it" doesn't mean it isn't a real thing that happens to tons of people

    • @welcomehome1961
      @welcomehome1961 2 роки тому +5

      @@bamilekewoman373 youre just an asshole and probably the abuser. also victim blaming?? really?? on a video abt a victim? ur a god awful human being i hope yk that

    • @bethanydavis9023
      @bethanydavis9023 2 роки тому +22

      @@bamilekewoman373 most people don't have that instinct unfortunately

  • @oxnvatwakkopocalypse166
    @oxnvatwakkopocalypse166 5 років тому +757

    How ironic that there is happy and feel good music behind what seems to be a negative and serious situation

    • @lblb12lablab122
      @lblb12lablab122 4 роки тому +57

      is the idea

    • @icantthinkofaname8139
      @icantthinkofaname8139 3 роки тому +106

      I think it shows that the victims still believe they are in a loving and non-toxic relationship.

    • @oreochocolate_lavacake9960
      @oreochocolate_lavacake9960 3 роки тому +22

      I think it shows how confusing sexual assault can be.And what you percieved was okay at the time wasn't okay.

    • @lucyl15
      @lucyl15 3 роки тому +43

      @@oreochocolate_lavacake9960 not just sexual assault, but toxic relationships in general

    • @deerinheadlights7179
      @deerinheadlights7179 2 роки тому

      @@lucyl15 come on, stop with the term toxic... it is toxic. What do you even mean with it?

  • @imkuelllgremlin
    @imkuelllgremlin 2 роки тому +482

    A thing to remember, there will also be good times, even with the abusive person. And just because there are times that are fun and nice, does not excuse the harm they do to you. It makes it hard to leave and it hurts, but do what is best for you.

    • @lmfitch1
      @lmfitch1 2 роки тому +6

      Yes great point!

  • @meaneeve5857
    @meaneeve5857 2 роки тому +118

    My girlfriend recently broke up with me so I started reflecting and this video made me realize I was the abusive person and it's like a punch to my gut

    • @TinyGhosty
      @TinyGhosty Рік тому +91

      Learning and growing is the best thing you can do. You are in a good position by actually acknowledging the harm you have done. Most ab*sers never EVER make that step and only escalate their harm. I wish you the best figuring it out and I hope you have apologized to your ex for your behavior. Even if they do not accept it, an apology is much more than most victims will ever get. Good luck.

    • @AidenHarteWrites
      @AidenHarteWrites Рік тому +26

      While your past actions were not okay and that relationship probably shouldn’t happen again, it’s never too late to seek help and change your behavior from here on out!

    • @michaelaxis6304
      @michaelaxis6304 Рік тому +1

      ​@@AidenHarteWrites wtf Reported

    • @BumiSaya-mk7jz
      @BumiSaya-mk7jz 7 місяців тому +4

      I just wondering what drives you into such behavior.usually abuse is from the victim POV i curious how is the abuse fromntge abuser POV

    • @montee3766
      @montee3766 2 місяці тому +2

      @@BumiSaya-mk7jz is it really abuse if you don't want your partner to dress in a revealing way? Seems like common sense to me. I'd never let my partner get away with pushing borders like that. Not saying I would physically stop them but just leave the relationship.

  • @spookypaladin4667
    @spookypaladin4667 2 роки тому +5233

    I've experienced this with one of my ex-girlfriends when I was about 16. She would get angry and even violent if I spoke well of other girls or anyone for that matter. She was abusive and made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every single day just to spare myself another fight that could result in me getting bruises. Nobody believed me, nobody helped me, nobody wanted to know because she was a teenage girl, and "everyone knows girls can't be abusers". Please, I beg you, don't ever ignore signs of abuse, in Both men and women. Many of us go through awful things and nobody's willing to help us. We appreciate it.
    Edit: I want to make something clear: I did not post this to be pitied, I posted this comment to encourage other people to come out with their stories if they want to but feel too alone to do so. I've been there. It's not easy. It's very difficult to tell people something like this and the conversation around it is often mocking towards victims or (as someone replied to this comment) telling them they're guilty for their "shitty relationship". I think we're all ready to have mature discussions about abuse and despite everything - we're getting there. I'm proud of everyone who has the strength to speak out and I'm incredibly thankful to those reaching out with their support, it's an amazingly kind act.
    I hope you have a great day ❤

    • @avg_user-dd2yb
      @avg_user-dd2yb 2 роки тому

      But woman love abusive and controlling men,just an observation.

    • @SN-vn6wb
      @SN-vn6wb 2 роки тому +204

      I'm so sorry you went through that. I hope you're well now. 🙏

    • @spookypaladin4667
      @spookypaladin4667 2 роки тому +86

      @@SN-vn6wb That's really sweet, thank you ❤

    • @Eluminatez
      @Eluminatez 2 роки тому +329

      I think people often forget that men also go through abuse as well, and it's not just a one sided ordeal. Thank you so much for sharing your story, even if it might of been difficult to bring to the surface. I hope you are doing okay now and I'm wishing for the best.

    • @spookypaladin4667
      @spookypaladin4667 2 роки тому +104

      @@Eluminatez That's very kind of you, thank you. I genuinely hope that more people gain the courage to speak out against their abusers. That's why I find it so important for some of us to talk about these things even if it feels uncomfortable. People need to know they're not alone.

  • @AtenaHena
    @AtenaHena 7 років тому +754

    aww, the animation so cool, this deserves way more views

    • @alhhhhha
      @alhhhhha 7 років тому +2

      atenahena ORACAO DE SAO JORGE

    • @Maipalacios
      @Maipalacios 6 років тому

      ua-cam.com/video/xZObc_8e25Y/v-deo.html

    • @Seraphicaniya
      @Seraphicaniya 5 місяців тому

      I badly want to know who animated it😓

  • @lemsip207
    @lemsip207 6 років тому +851

    So many signs of him being a potential abuser that she either didn't see or overlooked. Great video.

    • @c1oudsky
      @c1oudsky 4 роки тому +16

      er... not sure, showing off and such equals being potential abuser?

    • @Confettifun
      @Confettifun 4 роки тому +200

      C1oudS being jealous to the point of blowing up when a random dude talks to you is a red flag. Showing up to her house unannounced without her consent is a red flag. And the buildup of texting her 24/7 wasn’t to be cute- it was to keep tabs on her.

    • @Thobza_Mhlongo
      @Thobza_Mhlongo 4 роки тому +64

      Confettifun yes, all those behaviors were to create physical and psychological isolation.

    • @sonofhibbs4425
      @sonofhibbs4425 3 роки тому +55

      @@c1oudsky it doesn’t. And this is the sad fact in life- many innocent seeming things can be looked over as just that but actually be signals of an abuser. Hindsight is 20/20. You’ve just got to be careful. Be aware and not excuse them by means of ‘love’ until you know them better. Obviously don’t accuse someone for these signs, but don’t discard what could be a red flag. Keep it in mind. This is another reason to not have sex with someone until you know them for a very long time. Hormones cloud things. Hormones then released in a woman’s body after sex will cloud your thinking even more, like how this happy song was kickin’ the ‘’feel-good’’ emotions even while she was experiencing the abuse- the ‘’love’’ (just hormones) keeps you in limbo. Women are by nature designed to put up with a lot and be nurturing. (The bond exists to help raise a child). There’s nothing wrong with that, but women just need to be aware because that tendency to overlook serious offenses for ‘’love’’.

    • @montee3766
      @montee3766 2 місяці тому

      cause she dumb as hell boi

  • @ottertank8845
    @ottertank8845 2 роки тому +44

    Thank you for this. Abuse is more than just about being physical. Emotional and mental abuse happens and it can leave pretty terrible scarring in the mind and heart.

  • @notwellok
    @notwellok 2 роки тому +152

    The most obvious sign of relationship abuse is when your partner is so angry at you yet he/she does not allow you to leave the relationship.

  • @wosie3910
    @wosie3910 6 років тому +423

    Amazing animation! It really shows how easy is to be in a toxic relationship. The thing I like the most, I don't if it's intended or not, but how the guy in this case seems to be totally oblivious that he is a toxic person, much like in real life. Most toxic persons in a relationship don't even realize they are that way.
    Props to you!

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +91

      Thank you for your comment! Yes, many abusers are not consciously aware of their manipulation and may see themselves as being 'in the right'. It's important for us to examine our own behaviors and to be conscious of the feelings of our romantic partners. This is also so important to believe survivors of domestic abuse. To learn more about different types of abuse, you can visit: www.dayoneny.org/dating-abuse/

    • @humanwolf1984
      @humanwolf1984 7 місяців тому

      ​@@DayOneNY & that's why if you have one of 🐩🐕🐕‍🦺 take them to meet them first they can know danger before we do.

    • @user-tz8qi
      @user-tz8qi 26 днів тому

      my brain is telling me im like this
      get out my head

  • @user-tk6ev1xt9w
    @user-tk6ev1xt9w Рік тому +35

    I’m in a loving relationship but that’s only what I want to think of it. In reality I know it’s an abusive relationship. He gets aggressively jealous every time I talk to anyone for a few second. He’ll accuse me of a lot of things, like liking people I talk with, not loving him enough when I spend time with other people, gets really over protective of me and tells me what outfits to wear and what not to do to make him “upset”. Small talks always falls into big argument every time he doesn’t get what he wants, and sometimes would verbally abuse me. I’m still in this relationship as I’m writing this because I don’t know how to get out of it. It’s harder to get out of it than anyone says it is, wish me luck everyone. I’m doing fine as of now. I hope anyone going through the same thing can get out of it soon too.

    • @MadlyClumsy14
      @MadlyClumsy14 Рік тому +6

      You can talk to your parents about this. I have same problem 💔 But I still love him because He is my first boyfriend. I know He is OBSESSIVE, possesive and controlling. I have same kind of Boyfriend.
      Life is so difficult 😭

    • @maharather7721
      @maharather7721 Рік тому +1

      Just punch him in the face ... or don't. If you want to do something about it, do what you believe is right. But please just try to know for sure that it's right. I'm angry enough that just some people have to go through things like this.

    • @justafrogthatlikestea8224
      @justafrogthatlikestea8224 8 місяців тому +3

      I'm honestly wondering how you're doing after all this. Did you ever get out of the relationship?

    • @montee3766
      @montee3766 2 місяці тому

      Is that an abusive relationship tho? You shouldn't wear revealing stuff when going out with him or going out in general when you're in a committed relationship. You should conserve your body beauty for yourselves only. Unless you wanna be an open relationship then be my guest and see how long that lasts.

  • @glitteringrose21
    @glitteringrose21 4 роки тому +502

    Always look at red flags. If something seems not right, get the hell out. I wish I did before I got into a two year abusive relationship.

    • @coffintears5821
      @coffintears5821 2 роки тому +15

      If he wears denim RUN. Lol jk

    • @snake698
      @snake698 2 роки тому +8

      I agree with you, but depending on how you say it people will bombard you with "victim blaming" claims because people are too simple

    • @TheRealBlazingDiamond
      @TheRealBlazingDiamond 2 роки тому

      @@snake698 the thing that sucks about people who screech that is that now we can't tell others to try to find solutions or take responsibility to solve a relationship that isn't favorable because now it's victim blaming and you're an asshat. I think it just removes power from the victims when they say that.

    • @Cyliandre441
      @Cyliandre441 2 роки тому +6

      What if they're autistic or a little anxious? This can also manifest as things that seem "wrong" , but they happen because of completely different reasons.

    • @jacksabschaum4799
      @jacksabschaum4799 2 роки тому

      @@Cyliandre441 thought the same.

  • @casperbracy2728
    @casperbracy2728 2 роки тому +314

    A lot of people have blamed me for being abused, asking me why I didn't leave earlier, or how I "allowed their behavior." Abusers don't become jerks over night, they're sweet before after and during. It's an endless cycle. They'll act like they're changing, no longer threatening you or cheating anymore. But if someone already has treated you like a complete object, they'll continue doing so. It's hard to stomach because you'll be thinking you'd never do this to them, so surely they must have good reasons/ will change. Not only that but manipulation is a powerful tool. The most intelligent people can be abused too.

    • @MizukiUkitake
      @MizukiUkitake Рік тому +23

      My mom often says in conversations about this, "First time a man calls me a b*tch, or lays a hand on me, I'm done. No second chances. I don't see what's so hard about that"..... She and so many other people don't realize it takes a while before it even gets to that point. By the time you're there, you're left with no way out.

    • @massivel
      @massivel Рік тому +10

      @@MizukiUkitake
      trigger warning for SA
      Yeah my abuser never hit me once until after we broke up! The signs of his emotional abuse showed up 6 months into dating and once he started calling me "crazy" and asking me if I took my medication whenever I had a complaint I left IMMEDIATELY. I knew what abuse looked like and I wasnt scared to tell him "its over" the moment I realized who he was. Sadly, that is not always enough and most abusers kill/assault their victims AFTER the relationship has ended (which I wish I knew sooner). After we broke up I still lived with him for a short while due to being financially trapped and that is when the abuse got really bad. He drove all of my friends away, hit me, and finally during my last month in the home he raped me as well.

    • @hanin_gurl
      @hanin_gurl 4 місяці тому +4

      ​@@massivel I know you commented this a year ago but that's actually the most disgusting and vile thing i've heard all day today. Istg your ex can't be identified as human, he's a complete disgusting freak of a monster and i hope he suffers quadruple the times you did and is miserable. I hope he's still serving time in prison on top of that (Well, at the very least I'm hoping he went to prison at all). Also I am so sorry that hell ever happened to you, I hope you're doing fine nowadays and have a good support system whether that'd be a therapist, friends or family and healing well.

  • @natsilva7876
    @natsilva7876 2 роки тому +344

    Left a narcissistic abusive relationship in January of this year. Good God they really did a good job portraying the love bombing stage. Being showered with impersonal gifts. The best advice I’ve ever been given about a new relationship is if it’s too good to be true, then it probably is. Great video

    • @24sowl11
      @24sowl11 2 роки тому

      That love bombing is an investment. They're making to set up, keeping you lock into a place where they suck your soul to feel whole.

    • @savvivixen8490
      @savvivixen8490 2 роки тому +5

      I actually had to come back to this video because I got 20 seconds in, and was like, "Love-bombing. That's love-bombing. That's what love-bombing looks like." Then I switched to another video because I knew where it was going and wasn't emotionally prepared that day. Finished it today, and I was spot on. I hope I'm able to call abuse out like this at any stage Every time I encounter it. Having to live it is damaging.

    • @manuelamendes5766
      @manuelamendes5766 2 роки тому +4

      It's all about that famous sentence "you only need to reaffirm something repeatedly when it's not obvious".
      If there's real love in the relationship, there's no need to reaffirm it every single time with gifts. The affection says it all.
      Love bombing is only necessary when the person can't show any of these affections so they need to mask that.

  • @pixelzebra8440
    @pixelzebra8440 Рік тому +12

    I like how the friends are trying to stand up for her and don’t like the guy. She has good friends in this situation I just wish they could’ve done more

  • @theradicalace
    @theradicalace 3 роки тому +1747

    it's interesting, because even the beginning of the video is part of the abuse. it's known as "love bombing", and it's how abusers draw their victims in.

    • @anyone1111
      @anyone1111 2 роки тому +41

      Omg I never knew this, how sad yet a good thing to know, thank you for sharing btw!!!!!

    • @yamato6114
      @yamato6114 2 роки тому +179

      Yup. Classic emotional blackmail. They give you all these nice gifts just so they can call you ungrateful for not following their orders later.

    • @jamminoutrexan5474
      @jamminoutrexan5474 2 роки тому +86

      I don't know if someone here will be able to answer, but when does love bombing become abuse? Is it when it's used as something people need to pay back? Because I do genuinely like giving gifts and being affectionate, but, when needed, I try to be very clear that, unless said otherwise for some reason, everything is "no strings attached, you won't need to owe me anything; it's a gift."

    • @theradicalace
      @theradicalace 2 роки тому +87

      @@jamminoutrexan5474 it's hard to give an exact pinpoint of "this is when it becomes abuse". its sort of something you have to analyze case by case, and it isn't always clear cut. my advice would just be to be mindful of who you're giving to, how often, and how quickly, to make sure they're not overwhelmed. even if you say "hey, no pressure", people may still feel guilty if they get 19 gifts from you over 2 weeks. just be thoughtful and pay attention to what you're doing.

    • @junejj2127
      @junejj2127 2 роки тому +115

      @@jamminoutrexan5474 Love bombing is part of a pattern. The abuser is really nice, then they get super mean, then they get really nice again. It makes the one being abused think "Well they actually love me, they just get moody sometimes and as long as I don't mess up, they'll be nice." Love bombing is used as an emotional tactic for abusers to attract and keep victims. You excessively giving gifts to people you care about isn't part of that pattern lol. You'll know when it's abusive, cause it will be used in an abusive manner

  • @kathrynsitrin4411
    @kathrynsitrin4411 2 роки тому +350

    God, I have a friend who’s been dating her boyfriend for 2 years and this video reminds me of her. Every time she talks about him, she’ll happen to mention something toxic he does (looking through her phone, yelling at her after she spends time with anyone else especially other boys, putting her down constantly to keep her around) and she’s always apologizing on his behalf. It’s scary to see, because I know he’s horrible to her and there’s probably stuff she’s not even saying. She says she loves him, and once she goes to college she wants to move in with him, and every time I or anyone else tries to point out the red flags she denies it. Im scared she’ll get seriously hurt or worse one day, but it’ll be too late.

    • @bluebird1914
      @bluebird1914 2 роки тому +42

      I feel that. I had a friend who's still to my knowledge, dating this absolute toxic pos of a dude. Dude does all kinds of messed up shit like making her cut her hair, taking out his anger on her, ignoring her boundaries.
      Hell, she never had anything good to even say about him, it was just on and on with the complaints. I get that people vent, but if it's the 8th time you've brought up your bf and you still have nothing positive to say about him, there's a problem. I even asked her one day "Every time you bring up your bf it's something negative, you never have anything positive to say about him, why are you with this guy?" Her reply being "Oh I say good things about him!" And that was it...
      At one point after he accused her of cheating on him for the dumbest fucking reason, I told her "Hey, I gotta be honest with you. Your bf does this, this, and this. I'm not trying to tell you who you can and can't date but this doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, I'm worried about you."
      After which she claimed that I "hadn't taken the time to understand him." And basically told me to go fuck myself.
      At least your friend by the sounds of it isn't too far gone that she's willingly letting her bf isolate her from her friends.

    • @tonightsbigloser1580
      @tonightsbigloser1580 2 роки тому

      Women try not to be emotionally retarded challenge (90% will FAIL!)

    • @diverheart1727
      @diverheart1727 2 роки тому +20

      Send her this video

    • @SN-vn6wb
      @SN-vn6wb 2 роки тому +33

      Please, please, PLEASE send her this video. I've had my own experiences with toxic friends (it killed me inside), so I can't fathom how horrible an abusive relationship would be...

    • @Xplzk1
      @Xplzk1 2 роки тому +11

      SEND HER THIS VIDEO please tell her this is not how a healthy realation ship works!! Hope shes ok :(

  • @gracealexandria2449
    @gracealexandria2449 2 роки тому +524

    I really like how this doesn’t just focus on physical abuse ( physical abuse is incredibly traumatic and I don’t want to make it seem that it isn’t) I was in a mentally abusive relationship and I thought that because it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t abuse. I would gaslight myself into staying until the relationship ultimately ended for my own good. I talked to someone about my ex and they responded “well did he hit you?” Well, no he didn’t. So again, I would push it all down because I didn’t want to throw the word “abuse” around and discredit anyone. One day I talked to my close friends and a therapist. As I would tell them the stories i saw their faces change. I started to talk slower, and slower because I was realizing how genuinely fucked up that entire situation was and how I couldn’t have seen the signs in the beginning. Regardless of what kind of abuse... physical, verbal, emotional, sexual they’re ALL ABUSE. All important to address, and NO ONE ever should have to go through any of it. Thank you for this❤️

    • @jackmehoff1159
      @jackmehoff1159 2 роки тому +4

      i feel you! i talked to my friends about my brother's abuse towards me and my mom and they always ask "did he hit you?" and it makes me want to keep being silent about it. abusers do make you look crazy sometimes..

    • @TheDragonSeer
      @TheDragonSeer 2 роки тому +4

      Every time I spoke about my abusive ex to someone, they would always ask "did he hit you" as if it's some deal-breaker. Okay, he didn't. Does that make it not count now? Or does it not count until one day he might down the line? People are dumb.

    • @summermackay7924
      @summermackay7924 2 роки тому +2

      fax

  • @Sam-mh4mc
    @Sam-mh4mc Рік тому +11

    The feeling of being stalked even after ending the relationship...what a wonderful representation of each level of abuse ! thank you

  • @DarkManSonian
    @DarkManSonian 2 роки тому +879

    I think we need to start acknowledging and addressing abuse within family. Normally people who fall into abusive relationships come from abusive households.
    If we start to acknowledge the signs within our own family we can avoid seeing those same actions from our future relationships

    • @Anuyushi
      @Anuyushi 2 роки тому +50

      God, I was heavily abused in my family and I heard the worst things about it from people I was supposed to trust.
      "Just sibling rivalry"
      "You have to be there no matter what"
      "You can't just cut them out of your life. It happened, get over it and forgive"
      "You're overreacting, she's not like that"
      "What did YOU do to piss her off and make her punch you?"
      And that's just a few.
      To put into perspective, she threw me into a wall and I got yelled at for making a noise when I hit it. But her? She was just told to lay down again.
      From locking me in my room, to throwing my things down and smashing them, keeping me awake so I would struggle at work the next day, physical assault, then gaslighting and manipulating everyone I tried to go to for help where she would play victim, it took 14 years just to get one person to finally say "She was A LITTLE MEAN to you."
      When it comes to family, nobody wants to say it, nobody wants to accept it. They want the perfect loving family, if they don't acknowledge abuse, it doesn't exist.
      It's even worse when I'm the older sibling. So no matter how smaller and weaker I am to her, I'm always seen as the aggressor or the stronger one or the one that can take it.
      Nobody wants to talk about family abuse and now I don't want to talk to family.

    • @aricaine5024
      @aricaine5024 Рік тому +22

      @fynchan11 That's not what they said. They said that most people who end up getting abused in a relationship come from abusive families, not that most abusers come from abusive families.

    • @wolflinggon5664
      @wolflinggon5664 Рік тому +6

      Sad but true. My parents were verbally and emotionally abusive towards me all the time growing up… just didn’t realize it. Then I ended up in relationships with abusive partners: one who constantly played the victim to her friends when I was trying to get her to better her life and one who got pissed because I canceled our plans to spend time with my roommates one night.

    • @dandavid2027
      @dandavid2027 Рік тому

      @@Anuyushi weird flex but okay

    • @Anuyushi
      @Anuyushi Рік тому +6

      @@dandavid2027 ???

  • @smallestcomfort
    @smallestcomfort 7 років тому +285

    Great animation, love the contrast between the music and the second part. Initiatives like this are highly needed, I still remember being 13 and hearing other girls talk about the awful things their 18-19 year old boyfriends would say to them, and the worst part was they seemed to think it was ok...

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +38

      Thank you so much for appreciating our video and the intricacies we've included. You're right, it's terrible for young teens to think this behavior is "ok," but that is why we partner with youth to educate them about dating abuse and domestic violence. For more information, please feel free to visit our website! www.dayoneny.org

    • @lemsip207
      @lemsip207 6 років тому +45

      When I was in my early to mid teens I remember girls going out with much older boys and saying how 'mature' they were but to me they seemed even more immature than boys my own age who weren't that interested in girls. When they want to go out with an underage girl a few years younger than them it is a sign of wanting somebody to control and dominate.

    • @dianasmile2518
      @dianasmile2518 2 роки тому +5

      @@akakakakak9 of course

    • @Dani-Claw
      @Dani-Claw 2 роки тому +8

      Of course abusers will choose CHILDREN and anyone vulnerable who won't catch onto their horrible behavior soon enough. 😡

  • @lokismischief2512
    @lokismischief2512 2 роки тому +123

    It reminds me of a relationship I had with this lady for a year.
    I didn't see the signs; well, I did. I just actively ignored them, excusing them as eccentricities... she really hurt me, and to this day, those scars still run deep.
    I'm, however, in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years anx we're getting engadged.
    It took her love to show me what love truly was

    • @user-guigui01
      @user-guigui01 2 роки тому +13

      "in a very beloved relationship, of over 3 years and we're getting engaged".
      Aaaaw, that's soooooooooo adorable!! 😍😍😍😍

  • @carinapcoelho
    @carinapcoelho 10 місяців тому +6

    This video describes my relationship with my ex perfectly.

  • @sankyumiku
    @sankyumiku 2 роки тому +207

    0:43 I love the way her falling into his trap is being portrayed here. He wraps his arms all over her as if to isolate her from everyone else and never let her go. Definitely a sign of the incoming abuse, and it forms into a heart, showing how the girl sees all of it as "love".

  • @IamtheMysticat
    @IamtheMysticat 6 років тому +224

    Sadly, it doesn't happen to teenagers only.

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +86

      You're right, dating abuse can happen to anyone unfortunately. These issues are most pervasive at ages 16-24, however, so our video is just one depiction of what can be any type of relationship. We are glad you are thinking about this holistically!

    • @jane77723
      @jane77723 2 роки тому

      @@DayOneNY aun que no crean también a los adultos le sucede y a mi me pasa eso

  • @denimjeanz916
    @denimjeanz916 2 роки тому +269

    I started to date when I was 13, well wouldn’t call it dating. On my journey to 38 I finally met a woman who doesn’t treat me the same way this video plays out. The abuse I endured only to think it was love. I got me my sexy Dr, truly blessed to have her

    • @sunday1409
      @sunday1409 2 роки тому +31

      Happy it got better bro

  • @tealnoise
    @tealnoise Рік тому +16

    He picks up the phone and takes a pic of himself before giving it to her. That was a red flag right there.

  • @mitrairanii9398
    @mitrairanii9398 2 роки тому +724

    Love bombing , narcissistic behavior, invading personal space , possessiveness, forcing partner to walk on eggshells, total disregard for the partners feelings, being a control freak ( controls what she eats and how she dresses) and then stalking! Any of the above is a huge red flag 🚩! Don not mistake any of them for love and affection

    • @d00der41
      @d00der41 Рік тому +3

      Mostly athletic or musically "gifted" alpha male qualities.

    • @EclecticallyEccentric
      @EclecticallyEccentric Рік тому +41

      ​@@d00der41 Masculinity doesn't have to be abusive. And abusive, controlling, behavior is not a standard to strive for.

    • @VJETRA
      @VJETRA Рік тому +1

      Now ill look for a one with Zero attention, always leave me alone , dont care whoever i sleep with , forcing to walk on seashell , can mind reading and have zero control. thank

    • @islaperez9222
      @islaperez9222 Рік тому +9

      @@VJETRA what 💀

    • @banquetoftheleviathan1404
      @banquetoftheleviathan1404 Рік тому

      Love bombing isn’t a thing, I asked my therapist about it and she said she’s never heard of it nor does she think it sounds like a healthy concept. Stop making up psychology

  • @79bigmacs
    @79bigmacs 4 роки тому +285

    Dang. This definitely hit me. I never thought I would be in a relationship like that ever. I was always so careful and observant to make sure I never got in a relationship like that but I did last year. I let my walls down and he ruined me. He would talk all affectionately then the next moment he would cuss me out and turn my words against me. It was long distance so I just dropped him. I’m not gonna let some loser control me like what the hell was I thinking🤨. Never again :) Amazing video! Loved it😊

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  4 роки тому +29

      Thank you for sharing your experience. Dating violence can really happen to anyone, and each time a survivor shares their story it can help reduce the stigma and let others know they are not alone!

    • @SN-vn6wb
      @SN-vn6wb 2 роки тому +5

      I'm so proud of you. You made it. ❤

    • @DarkF4lcon
      @DarkF4lcon 2 роки тому

      10/10 bet you had it over Kik. Tell me if I am wrong.

  • @Nicitsu
    @Nicitsu 2 роки тому +141

    I love this so much. Not only is the animation absolutely unique and beautiful, it also depicts relationships with a narcissist exactly how it feels. It starts with ignoring the red flags, certain characteristics that don‘t look harmful like their self-obsession. You might think it’s a bit quirky and cute. Then the partner uses their first strategy to manipulate you: Love Bombing. Texting you cute stuff, giving you flowers, having your back to a point where you’re just stunned about how much love you receive. And sten they start adding more and more abusive actions, like cutting you off from your social circle, telling you what to wear, to eat, etc. To a point where you feel forced to do everything they want as you feel like without them there’s nothing left in life. What you don’t realize is, that they are the person that took all these things away from you. But as soon as you escape, you realize that you are the actual creator of your reality, and that you can design your life exactly how you want.

  • @sherriv4860
    @sherriv4860 2 роки тому +7

    Yep. Been there. You feel like you are drowning, trapped, and losing yourself.

  • @nonabonn
    @nonabonn 2 роки тому +70

    When I was a teenager I was in this relationship. As soon as you feel uncomfortable with someone let them know, & if they’re unresponsive to that (or if they are responsive but things keep getting worse anyway) please leave. Don’t wait until you feel trapped, afraid, or like you’re walking on eggshells. You’re worth more than that

  • @qwip
    @qwip 2 роки тому +362

    Hey y'all, keep in mind that abuse can come in any shape or form.
    Regardless of gender, orientation, appearance, or interests, abuse can still occur unfortunately.
    Stay safe, remember that there are more good people than bad people!

    • @wafflemation6887
      @wafflemation6887 2 роки тому +5

      How are there more good people than bad people I'm curious

    • @Florasheela
      @Florasheela Рік тому +2

      Age, too.

    • @katrinatilley1427
      @katrinatilley1427 Рік тому +6

      ​​@@wafflemation6887
      The steps to realizing humanity is more good than bad:
      1. Unplug from the news and social media.
      2. Open your heart and mind, and
      3. Look around you - your friends, family, acquaintances, strangers on the street or in the grocery store. Make a note to yourself every time you see someone being kind - you'd be surprised how quickly that number goes up.
      4. Research the things you care about (or just good "causes" in general), and pay attention to how many other people in the world are trying to make things better. And if you still see more bad in people than good, then perhaps consider:
      5. Making different choices regarding who you surround yourself with.
      6. Making different choices regarding your own mindset, beliefs, inner narratives, etc. How you see the world and the people in it is largely a choice.
      .....Hope this helped?

  • @idontreadorreply
    @idontreadorreply 2 роки тому +263

    I experienced sexual abuse in my previous relationship, it really affected me and made me blame myself for everything. Now I see how twisted my boyfriend was, acting nice around everyone else but with me, guilt-tripping and manipulating

    • @TheCorty
      @TheCorty 2 роки тому +16

      It's really tempting to forget that feeling when recovering, but on some level it's needed to prevent it from happening again. Just remember that "off" feeling is an alarm bell, a signal to take some space and think. Ask someone whose vibe check you trust. If you feel uncomfortable doing so because it's hard to say no and feel respected, that's all the more reason to be suspicious and take space. It's too dangerous a trap to risk in order to be polite or act appropriately... because this kind of abuser (looking up stuff about narcissistic personality disorder helps) will make people feel like acting normal means pretending there's nothing suspicious or uncomfortable going on

    • @breklaberif7553
      @breklaberif7553 2 роки тому

      Ooh please feel sorry for me and this totally real story I didn't copy paste for internet clout

    • @mqvanity4161
      @mqvanity4161 2 роки тому +16

      @@breklaberif7553 what is wrong with you? you realize not all people are monsters who make this stuff up, right? why do you even think they were lying? were you just waiting for someone to share their problems so you could kick dirt in their face? you need to think for like three seconds before you say some freaking stupid stuff like that

    • @Skunkanoid
      @Skunkanoid 2 роки тому +14

      @@breklaberif7553 you know, even if that is the case, would it not feel better knowing that you come off as a "hey i understand how that might have felt" kind of person instead of "haha lol you got abused who cares" kind of person.
      I'd rather be tricked into feeling sad for someone than automatically push them in the mud like you do.
      Would not surprise me if YOU got some stuff that haunts you too, no need to go hostile.

    • @Sofia_847
      @Sofia_847 2 роки тому +10

      @@breklaberif7553 it's funny how you're saying that while you're the one who's seeking attention.

  • @Vanyshh1626
    @Vanyshh1626 2 роки тому +23

    I…never realized how spot on this was. I’m still getting out of being abused so when I saw this I was like “aw he likes her!” And then more things started making me subconsciously uncomfortable and then reading the comments I realized that shit hit the fan before I realized. I had really confused the two, and didn’t catch earlier signs and it hurt me. Then seeing other people’s testimonies on here made it sink in and I’m glad I asked for help and had people who helped me out of my situation. I hope that whoever is experiencing this same shit asks for help too because even though I just got out of abusive situations and escaped abusive people I still couldn’t see the signs and I’ve been so abused that when someone is genuine it scares me. Other people should ask for help if they need it don’t be scared at all!! You got this and I..do too. We all do! It’s hard but…you got this! Whoever is reading ily :)

  • @Zephirite.
    @Zephirite. 2 роки тому +24

    1:39 LOVE the red flash in the corner--a literal alarm going off at his anger.
    What a beautiful and excellently-animated subversion of the song!

  • @redfuse8369
    @redfuse8369 2 роки тому +117

    There needs to be more widespread animations like this. It's videos like this that are able to plant a seed of knowledge and warning in people's minds. If I had watched this video back when I was in an abusive relationship, I may have left much sooner actually. These videos are exactly what we need for young men and women, no one ever taught me or talked to me about these issues to watch out for in relationships.

  • @js66613
    @js66613 2 роки тому +61

    The part involving the dressing up and him deciding what food she eats... the control, none of it's just present in romantic relationships - it's also in friendships. Also in online relations where people decide who it is acceptable for you to interact with, like with the dude taking her away from her male friends and only really allowing interactions with her female friends, and even then... in those online relations it does tend to be different, but still... Also, him getting angry when him messing up his clothes was his fault and blaming it on her... not even allowing her to be happy... it all hits home without me needing to have been in a "romantic" relationship. Even a "friendship" can contain all that and more... so yeah, be careful about red flags in friendships too.

    • @robsan5410
      @robsan5410 2 роки тому +1

      Guess what? All of this is present in healthy relationships too.
      Lets say your married to someone and they start using hard drugs, are you going to stand by and "not be controlling" or are you going to abandon the person you love and promised to stay with in sickness and health?
      Its normal to want to have a positive influence on your partner and we all have individual different unique sets of values, meaning we will always run into these issues.
      Framing them as abuse does nothing to solve the real issues.

    • @doro5026
      @doro5026 2 роки тому

      @@robsan5410 That's a competely different thing from literally having a cheeseburger that might be on a cheat day and your partner decides a salad for you. People have expectations in a relationship influenced by media and role models etc that will involve a breakup if the needs are continuously not met even after communication, it turns into abuse when you turn to aggressive means to keep your partner into your ideal person like hurling insults for having a life.

  • @jinsunshine2
    @jinsunshine2 2 роки тому +25

    I teach High School health, this is part of every class I teach. Simply well done, accurate and beautifully animated, the hope is my students can recognize the red flags before it's too late in life. They can also identify harmful behaviors they might have or are developing in the dark.

  • @analeighjensen3932
    @analeighjensen3932 2 роки тому +117

    this is one of my biggest fears. I absolutely adore and love my boyfriend 💕 and at the same time, I'm terrified that I don't know all of him. after growing up being abused by my dad, and almost everyone always saying that "people date/marry someone who reminds them of their dad"...sometimes I question if one day my boyfriend will start showing signs of the same behaviors of my dad, and I'm so scared...I know my boyfriend loves me, I've never been unsure of that throughout our relationship so far. and yet the thought that he could be even a little bit like my dad, terrifies me.

    • @TheCorty
      @TheCorty 2 роки тому +23

      I have that same fear. I don't know what to say except you're not alone in that. I'm even terrified of that happening in my friendships, or becoming like my dad
      Edit: Just thought of some stuff. I don't know you so some of this might be stuff you've heard a billion times. One person's medicine may be another's poison, and this stuff you already know might just make you paranoid to read again. If that's the case I hope someone else reading this with that situation learns something instead, feel free to dismiss.
      I don't know who your dad is, but understanding how narcissistic personality disorder (and its "covert" narcissist variant) works... what it stems from, the way they manipulate people, the way they cover their behaviour, how people feel when dealing with those people at every stage, how people get out of them (anecdotes help best for that last one imo)... really makes the difference in understanding lots of the toxic relationship red flags someone can give off and whatnot.
      There is something to be said against going to the other extreme and assigning those traits to anyone that makes you uncomfortable, but there's a few things to keep in mind.
      First. In order to stay safe even when too triggered to think (a situation many abusers will purposely or opportunistically create or take advantage of), there have to be respectful and appropriate ways to take space when you feel uncomfortable. When those options seem difficult to take when it should be easy (or there's never "the right time"), that's when to ask someone about it, whoever's vibe check you trust.
      Second. If someone puts guilt on you for doing that, that's a red flag in and of itself most of the time. People who've previously been trapped by abuse cannot afford to be pressured into those iconic red flag uncomfortable social interactions on the off chance that the other person really does mean well and is just misunderstood. It's scary to think you might reject someone that doesn't deserve it, but it's not about what they deserve. It's the safety you need. If taking space is harming them, then... that only proves you're not the right person to help them. It's not your job to teach them that, either.
      Third. People who have been abused before usually have behaviours that look appealing to other abusers. This means it becomes more important for you than other people to take the initiative in relationships. Waiting for someone to approach you will more likely attract abusers. If you're scared you'll make the wrong choice, at least the choices you make are ones you can learn from. Giving up on such choices because they're scary make repeated victimhood even more likely... the ability to actively seek out new relationships and the ability to spot red flags and say no... for me, they've been tied together. I treat them as one larger cluster of courage, experience, knowledge, that lead into healthy relationships and avoid unhealthy ones.
      Fourth. In the end it's not about accurately assigning someone a label in order to justify feeling suspicious, taking space, or outright leaving a relationship. It's recognizing interpersonal and communication issues that are unhealthy. It's assessing whether they're within safe and fixable levels, and the likelihood of things getting better. It's keeping expectation that problems are properly communicated and solved, who is responsible for what, and developing a vibe check that's right for you.

    • @Hermionee-Jean-Granger
      @Hermionee-Jean-Granger 2 роки тому +4

      @@TheCorty Thank you for writing all that. It sure is informative. Take care!

    • @TheCorty
      @TheCorty 2 роки тому +1

      @@Hermionee-Jean-Granger I will!!

    • @mirayu4856
      @mirayu4856 2 роки тому +2

      @@TheCorty Thank you for taking the time to write this.

    • @IndustrialParrot2816
      @IndustrialParrot2816 2 роки тому

      that whole is like your dad thing goes straight out the window if you are in gay relashonship or with a non binary person

  • @Amanhecercomsaudade
    @Amanhecercomsaudade 2 роки тому +43

    Honestly this was amazingly done, I went through a really bad mentally and emotionally abusive relationship and this made me cry. This captured the innocence and how draining/terrifying it can be. They really had the concept that some mentally abusive people try to make up for their abusive behavior towards you before doing it again and again. It shows a lot of signs of a potential abuser, this is really good for awareness.

  • @abdiosman4433
    @abdiosman4433 2 роки тому +980

    I was exactly like this narcissist but I’m glad that I’ve changed after watching a lot of documentaries about narcissism and how it sometimes even leads u not just emotionally abusing your spouse but also you will eventually start abusing physically💔 I’m so happy That I’ve 5000 percent changed my life and what makes me laugh a lot was how he’s holding flowers everytime 🤦‍♂️ this was so realistic it’s all the moods that narcissists have

    • @fatimaasad744
      @fatimaasad744 2 роки тому +300

      it makes me really happy when i hear that there r ppl in the world who r ready to reflect nd realise their unacceptable behaviors. nd actively try to change for the betterment

    • @ward9837
      @ward9837 2 роки тому +177

      You were probably exposed to abuse as a kid. I was a mean boyfriend for a while, I don't date anymore though and am still struggling with the fact I'm emotionally stunted because my parents were extremely physically emotionally mentally abusive. Stuff like punishing me for going through puberty, beating me, telling me I smell bad even after washing, piling on extreme expectations of greatness, both parents accusing the other of molesting me, constantly bringing me to doctors for fake problems, threats of extreme physical violence (amputation branding lobotomy breaking my legs or hips etc.)
      I'm not gonna date until I sort this out.

    • @patricia6081
      @patricia6081 2 роки тому +67

      Now that's the sign of true wisdom right there, to know your limits and understand your not always right. It takes stregnth for humbility and its really not something a lot of people posess, never lose that bro

    • @aliceanne3952
      @aliceanne3952 2 роки тому +68

      @@ward9837 I'm sorry this happened to you. My first relationship was with a guy who was severely abused by his father as a young child before he left him and his mom, and then he ended up abusing me. It took me a very long time to leave him because I had empathy for his struggle but sometimes you can't give in when the cycle continues. He told me years later that after I left him he tried to always do better and be better in his later relationships. No one is stuck, you can always improve.

    • @ladrillorojo4996
      @ladrillorojo4996 2 роки тому +3

      Nice, because some crazy guy could have made your life a hell on earth. Some people are actually that crazy.

  • @sparklenuke
    @sparklenuke Рік тому +12

    1:27 No wonder he's the way he is. The man's bonded with the Venom Symbiote.

  • @littlelemon3465
    @littlelemon3465 2 роки тому +37

    1:28 HIS SHADOW HAS TENDRILS

  • @raininthespringtime
    @raininthespringtime 2 роки тому +10

    I wish that someone could have sat down and talked to me about these characteristics in people. It would have saved me so much heartache.

  • @namkia205
    @namkia205 2 роки тому +576

    When you realize your relationship didn't work out not because you were the victim, but the abuser... :( I feel bad for acting that way, but jealousy, worries and expectations are hard to control and I hope people like this can change for the better. They do not just hurt their partner, they hurt themselves too because they are so self-absorbed that they eat their own energy and themselves up.

    • @LousieLouise
      @LousieLouise 2 роки тому +3

      👍

    • @emmily6110
      @emmily6110 2 роки тому +75

      I relate, both as a victim and as the abuser in a long-term close friendship that ended a month ago.... I never got to the point of 0:53 and on though, but i most definitely noticed signs of myself, and even went to take steps to work through it. She assured me that it was okay that i was doing these things, but now i realize we were *BOTH* abusers, to ourselves and eachother. I dropped my other friends for her to help better her jealousy, dropped my extracurricular activities at school just to hang out with her because we both were upset we didnt get much time together since i was busy with the activities; i often got upset at the fact that she was hanging out with people but when it came time for me and her to hang out she'd make excuses and question things that she wouldnt question with the people she actually hung out with. Especially if the people she hung out with were romantic interests. we both even got into a sexual situation with someone who was interested in her, but since we all had that sexual/flirt bond together i felt left out and inserted myself into the relations. she got obsessed and attached to him, i tried to help her realize it, support her choice if she wanted to continue with him while also offer consolement early on, but towards the end she denied that i ever did console and even tried to push me away instead of helping me figure out why i felt left out when i brought up my feelings, resulting in us drifting apart. We were both toxic towards each other, and our friendship ending was for the better.

    • @levistinefeld1809
      @levistinefeld1809 2 роки тому +56

      It’s a cycle man, once it happens to you from a young age, you get the preconceived notion that these relationships are how things go. People grow, people change, not a soul out there is exempt from being shitty in their own respective way, and in this case that ended up manifesting in a rather terrible way. As long as it changes, don’t worry about the past.

    • @eaglemgtow2789
      @eaglemgtow2789 2 роки тому +4

      @YourBakaSenpai why shouldn't A MAN RAise their Voice ?? on emotional cheating

    • @inacatt
      @inacatt 2 роки тому +53

      Glad you realized the error of your ways. It can be really hard to admit when you have a toxic trait because we all want to see ourselves as a good person. Hope you and the other party are doing better noe

  • @ottertank8845
    @ottertank8845 Рік тому +27

    Funny how this came out around the time I was starting to finally see and accept the warning signs. I remember watching this and I truly believe it was one of the many things that helped me in my biggest turning point in my life. I'm so glad that marriage is over, I'm with a guy that truly appreciates me and not love bomb me just to explode for small stuff. Thank you 💖

  • @wp2837
    @wp2837 2 роки тому +70

    Wow! This feels more like a short film than a typical PSA. I really like the choice of still playing the happy music even though all these bad things are happening on screen. It is kinda disturbing, because it shows really well how the woman has confused love and abuse. I also really like the animation style.

  • @syahusha7776
    @syahusha7776 2 роки тому +110

    This video was my life. Wow! It took me 15 years with children to realized that it was evil I break bread with. It's over now. I'm walking into healing and restoration. It's going to take awhile. The Most High is still with me. Don't wait for precious years to pass away. Don't ignore the RED FLAGS.

    • @mewe1023
      @mewe1023 Рік тому +2

      poor children..

    • @riscnx
      @riscnx Рік тому

      What was evil about?
      Was he a murderer or something?

  • @ashliesly9409
    @ashliesly9409 2 роки тому +75

    This is absolutely eye opening to see how she just goes along with everything without noticing it for quite a bit. I had the exact same reaction, but for an opposite relationship.
    In my relationship, I was incredibly neglected. He would only spend time with me if I invited him, but a lot of times he would cancel last minute. The negligence gave me an incredibly low self worth to the point of self hatred because I didn’t feel loved in a relationship that I should have been. We broke up in the end, but the damage was done and I can’t even stand looking at pictures of myself anymore.
    Please, don’t hold on to relationships thinking that they’ll change once they know what how it effects you. They aren’t going to change. You are strong and independent, and you should know your self worth.

    • @ranfigueroa8089
      @ranfigueroa8089 2 роки тому

      Neglected? Hahaha!!! Don't make me laugh! You think woman are entitled to get attention? Your life doesn't revolve around his. What makes you think just because he neglected you, You have the right to blame men for their faults? You seemed like a toxic feminine liberal.

    • @gutzimmumdo4910
      @gutzimmumdo4910 2 роки тому +1

      "low self worth to the point of self hatred because I didn’t feel loved in a relationship that I should have been", listen buddy, no one ows u nothing, stop thinking that because u think someone should love u, then thats the way it should be. You sound like the narsisist in the video to be honest, "she should love me, im perfect, i do everything for her, etc..." be carefull... and remember, no one ows u anything, dont act as if they do just because u think * u did something for them that in your eyes is worth an amazing reward, be very carefull with your toughts and always see yourself in the mirror, if u get along with the person good, if not, then leave, dont pretend they must love u just because u do, thats not how it works.

    • @ashliesly9409
      @ashliesly9409 2 роки тому

      @@gutzimmumdo4910 I actually found out that he lost interest in me because we didn’t f*** every time we did spend time together. He was just interested in me for my body more than who I was as the relationship last longer.
      So I can see what ur saying, but in this situation, I would have to disagree with me victimizing myself

  • @DoublePump3824
    @DoublePump3824 4 дні тому +1

    This was very sad to watch. Thank you for the eye opener

  • @lotusgal313
    @lotusgal313 2 роки тому +14

    I love how the color schemes and the performance themes changed with the motions of the relationship. Going from good to bad to worse

  • @AWlpsSHOW36
    @AWlpsSHOW36 2 роки тому +16

    This video is amazing. Not only the animation is great and colourful, but there's so much symbolism and subtle hints that you will notice on second view. And the huge juxtaposition with the song.
    This is such an important message. Many people always think abuse is when you get hit and beaten up. But really there's so much more and abuse comes in different forms. It can be very emotional and psychological. And it's the emotional and psychological abuse that is the red flags.
    Everyone needs to see this.

  • @ThomasMurphyCosplay
    @ThomasMurphyCosplay 3 роки тому +101

    2:02 this part is basically why I moved out of my Parents House because I was tired of seeing my Parents flip out over a lot of things, being drowned in their Anger that made me claustrophobic in their House

  • @aria5614
    @aria5614 Рік тому +14

    My first red flag was him immediately putting his selfie in her phone after catching it. She didn’t hand it to him. She didn’t clearly ask for his number. He just asserted himself into her life. Its a boundary cross.

    • @katsafox
      @katsafox 5 місяців тому

      Ans we've been conditioned to call that "flirting"

    • @0utrunner237
      @0utrunner237 5 місяців тому

      It is odd, but that's what we've been told to do. You can see for yourself since now that less men are taking the initiative, women are now mad at us for being less bold. Actual unwinnable game.

  • @elm_tr33
    @elm_tr33 2 роки тому +63

    It’s so sad how true this is. Many people can easily look at something like this and say, “Oh, well I would’ve been able to tell if it was an abusive relationship” but you really can’t. When you think your in love with someone, it’s very easy to look at the flaws and say, “oh, but they’re a good person.” Or, “oh, they have my best interests at heart” or even, “it’s not them, it’s me.” I would like to say thought that I liked the little hints that the relationship was getting toxic. Even from the beginning, he was obsessed with himself, as if he was in a relationship with him instead of her. You can slowly see him not taking time to actually appreciate her. When they’re out sitting at what I assume is a park, instead of looking at the beauty or even her, he looks at himself. When she goes to the party and he won’t let her wear “flattering” clothes. The simple details that tie this are together really help others better understand this.

    • @golgibella
      @golgibella Рік тому

      That's true, wow these comments are enlightening!!

    • @koboldcatgirl
      @koboldcatgirl Рік тому

      Yeah, he has her wear colors that match his outfit, drab desaturated colors that stand in contrast to everyone else at the party.

  • @piscesmoon6333
    @piscesmoon6333 7 років тому +141

    Amazing video. Super informative in a neat way, love the animation. I was in an abusive relationship for over 18 years and it looked a lot like this. I really wish I had paid attention to the red flags instead of writing them off. Thank you for this, I’ll be showing it to both of my teenagers later!♥️💫

    • @DayOneNY
      @DayOneNY  6 років тому +4

      Your feedback so greatly appreciated, Christina! We're happy it touched you and thrilled you'll be showing your teens. For more information on Day One's mission to end dating abuse and domestic violence, please feel free to visit our website! www.dayoneny.org

  • @paigeeden4496
    @paigeeden4496 3 роки тому +27

    This video was amazing and chilling at the same time. It's interesting how they use such a happy and upbeat song with poppy, modern-looking animation while there's a lot of terrifying emotional metaphors and the abrupt stop at the end when the doors slams. Keep on changing the world!

  • @mooncake8059
    @mooncake8059 Рік тому +11

    Thank you for addressing this in a way that’s understandable and not confusing. Sometimes explain the forms of abuse to someone is complicated, but this addressed it perfectly!

  • @aquamarinealibi3161
    @aquamarinealibi3161 2 роки тому +13

    It’s to sweet to see all the support in the comments. Good for y’all. You deserve better.

  • @zhenya4987
    @zhenya4987 2 роки тому +22

    The part where she's standing in the classroom and her phone is bombarded with bad emoticons and texts, as if she can never be free of thought, it always effecting her mood, i felt that.

  • @kingcyclops4079
    @kingcyclops4079 2 роки тому +183

    I do really like how it builds gradually. You can see why the guy is like this. He likes the perfection in their early relationship and feels the need to maintain that. As much as this works for a lesson to girls to avoid these relationships it could also work for guys to know how to not fall into this behavior. You can't always make things the way you want, you gotta accept differences and try to make the most out of it.

    • @aleksapetrovic6519
      @aleksapetrovic6519 2 роки тому +30

      Not really. This is a typical narciss. First thing he did was take photos of himself on her phone. Then he wins those games and it looks like he is winning for her, but every shot screams "damn I am so good". When they are in park alone, instead of focusing on her, he is focused on himself and his look. Finally when they are sking, he is so obsessed showing his moves that he doesn't notice he actually made her fall.
      He is clearly obsessed with himself like Johnny Bravo, except Johnny Bravo was a caricature and at its core wasn't even a bad person.

    • @ykMMD
      @ykMMD 2 роки тому +5

      The 'perfection of their relationship' ?? What? From the starts he is pushy and manipulating. Try again.

    • @kingcyclops4079
      @kingcyclops4079 2 роки тому +4

      @@ykMMD I was referring to how they were both happy in the beginning. The way I see it when it was just them together it was good. He was always narcissistic but he wasn’t nearly as toxic as he was later. When she started doing stuff that went against what he wanted and spent less time with him his ego got in the way and made their relationship worse.

    • @probablypositivity8918
      @probablypositivity8918 2 роки тому +12

      @@kingcyclops4079 I don't think so. With a lot of people who abuse, they don't just become worse people and most certainly do not become abusers because of others not complying. Often abusers hide the abusive aspects of their personalities until they have a hold over you, like emotional or financial dependence, marriage, or once you feel safe and secure with them. They don't turn into abusers because someone doesn't act the way they want, they usually already are abusers and that comes out when people don't act the way they want.

    • @probablypositivity8918
      @probablypositivity8918 2 роки тому +4

      @@kingcyclops4079 I also wouldn't say this is his ego, as separating someone from male and female friends is a common tactic to isolate someone in an abusive relationship. People don't become abusers because of their partner's actions. And even near the start of the video there are already red flags, so it's not that the guy suddenly became an abuser or was turned into one.

  • @oakenshadow6763
    @oakenshadow6763 11 місяців тому +6

    This goes for the guys out there, too. You can be abused, too. And you are allowed to be hurt by it and to leave for your own well being.

    • @Jakkaribik1
      @Jakkaribik1 11 місяців тому

      Ghosted is one thing then Being abused in the Form of Thousand Questions you tell a Girl only for her to lose interest in you thus Probably Reduces the Quality of Text you will read from her.

    • @Jakkaribik1
      @Jakkaribik1 11 місяців тому

      very Short and Late Texting (Like She Read the messages today and Responds in 5 Days or never..)

  • @francisthompson3772
    @francisthompson3772 6 років тому +81

    All this person saying "But mens too"... Absolutely true, but do you want them to do 10 version of this to correspond to every single demographic possible?

    • @didles123
      @didles123 2 роки тому +7

      The one and only version could have been about a man being abused by a woman. There doesn't need to be multiple versions. They're doesn't need to be a version where a woman is the target.

    • @billcipher8645
      @billcipher8645 2 роки тому +10

      @@didles123 if it could then why does this version bother you? It's universal, just because the victim might be different gender doesn't mean anything, the lesson is the same

    • @didles123
      @didles123 2 роки тому +3

      I think you're deliberately ignoring the historical reality of this issue. Originally anti-relationship abuse movements gendered the issue as male perpetrator and female victims. This video reinforces that stereotype. It would be easy for a woman to put herself in the position of a male abuse victim because almost every other ad in the last half century has portrayed her as a victim. It's very hard for a man to put himself in the position of the female abuse victim because he has been excluded.

    • @imembridibuddha
      @imembridibuddha 2 роки тому

      @@didles123 women victims have female-exclusive anti-violence shelters to rely on while men victims are told to "man up".

    • @ykMMD
      @ykMMD 2 роки тому +1

      @@didles123 And you know why?
      We tend to hear less of women being abusers because men are like 99.999999% of abusers (it doesn't excuse women abusing men, obviously). When men are abused in a romantic relationship, there's way higher chances that they are abused by another man.
      When women are abusers, it's also way less likely to end up with her victim being murdered or severally beaten. These are the reasons why we hear less of women being violent and abusive. If you care about this, start talking about it, start an organisation, make ressources, centers and other forms of support for men abused by women. But please, don't start with "what about the men." When you say that, you are using men's abuse to disregard other forms and other groups of victims. And that sucks.

  • @damnfranchesca
    @damnfranchesca 2 роки тому +29

    The love bombing, choosing what I wear, controlling who I hang out with. Something that I definitely relate to. The sad part is, it’s hard for us to get out of an abusive relationship. Hopefully one day I’ll have the guts to get out of it

    • @tortture3519
      @tortture3519 2 роки тому +3

      You'll thank yourself afterwards. Just make sure your ex can't come back to haunt you.

    • @tortture3519
      @tortture3519 2 роки тому +5

      Please get out.

    • @mangomango9682
      @mangomango9682 2 роки тому

      Please do so for your own good. Years of your life will be wasted on some manipulative moron, you are worth so much more than that. They will never change, no matter how much you try to fix them or how much they seem to be 'improving' sometimes. Get out of this and consider therapy (if financially and time wise it is possible for you)) because that is the *only* way to stop repeating these mistakes. Next time it will be somebody new and you'll think they're different to the last one, but we keep being attracted to who is toxic for us when we are not in a mentally healthy place. Best of luck in leaving this, you can do it! And one day you will thank yourself so much for it. You will live a happier life, not under the shadow of someone who thinks they have the right to control you. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

    • @kitewoman7054
      @kitewoman7054 2 роки тому +7

      I was no teen when it happened to me. I was 41 years old. 19 years later I finally got out. I'm 70 now and he still tries to make contact with me. You can never let your guard down.

    • @Ladynipchick2
      @Ladynipchick2 2 роки тому

      I made it, you can too. Loving and supportive hug. Xxxxxxx

  • @gmmoneyy69
    @gmmoneyy69 2 роки тому +11

    I love this video, it perfectly portrays how you don't see the signs, how at first you think that they're just being protective, or you're blinded by the front they put up. But I love how at 1:28, you can see that he has this monster in him slightly making an appearance, hes not too mad but hes definitely angry, and that's so well portrayed because I was in a relationship like that. It was crazy trying to go about your day while your abuser is upset, I could see his monster peek out of him, I could see him getting upset and very aggressive. It was hard to let him go because I thought he just was being parental and sweet, but in reality you start to see a peek behind the curtain they put up.

  • @arabianflowers
    @arabianflowers Місяць тому +1

    I saw this video while I was in an abusive friendship and I didn't connect the dots. I'm out of the friendship now. This hits hard.

  • @user-qx3nx6wj2e
    @user-qx3nx6wj2e 2 роки тому +250

    I really like how both the two characters are colored.
    She’s all in pink, and pink usually means innocence, cheerfulness and love. I also have seen that it means good health. She’s innocent because she doesn’t see the red flags. She’s cheerful and playful, and that might be the reason why she still stays in the relationship, because of the fun times they had together. She’s blindly in love with him. Before she met him she was in good health but then with their relationship, her mental and physical health goes pretty bad.
    Unlike her, the guy is in dark tones, grayish and blueish. Dark colors usually mean evil, sadness, fear and anger. One of gray’s negative meanings is depression. And blues meanings are stability, calm and secure, but also sadness and loneliness. In the beginning of the relationship, she probably saw him as someone she feels safe with and calm. But he would already show some red flags of his toxicity, since he had dark tones since the beginning. The more the times goes, he shows a lot of anger and provokes sadness and fear to her. He most likely gave her depression and made her feel hopeless and lonely.
    Hope I’m making what I mean clear, if any error in my writing, correcting comments are welcomed! Either way, this is a real nice video. I’ve never been in a relationship, so the showcase of a toxic relationship is very helpful to not get into them.

    • @robsan5410
      @robsan5410 2 роки тому +6

      Wow every relationship can be boiled down to the "good" person who is the victim and the "evil" person who is the abuser, good job! You finally figured it out, we can all have happy fulfilling relationships now that youve finally understood it for all of us! Thanks kind stranger!!!

    • @catst9927
      @catst9927 2 роки тому +6

      @@robsan5410 He’s not talking about real life relationships. He’s talking about the visual language of the video. In real life, when there are multiple different causes and things happening, it’s not so clear-cut who is the protagonist and who’s the antagonist. If those distinctions even exist in real life. But within the context of a story however, you only get a snippet of both of these characters lives. It may have been nice to have a 6 hour explanation of how each character got to where they were. But this video doesn’t have that time. Neither does the people who need to see it. So instead of over explaining, or worse justifying, the artist gets across that the actions of the guy is wrong, by literally painting him in a different light. Casting him in shadow. This is in the hopes that people do not imitate the actions of the guy, no matter what the context is.

    • @robsan5410
      @robsan5410 2 роки тому +2

      @@catst9927 right, but thing is that a lot of abusive behaviors have healthy roots. Some amount of jealousy could definitely be considered healthy, wanting for you and your partner to break out of unhealthy eating habits can be a healthy thing. Its really difficult to navigate these things especially in the real world where we are all have faults and failures and i think thats its important to approach problems in a relationship from a place of understanding and respect rather than accusing each other of being the antagonist.
      People of course need to learn to give the upmost respect to eachothers autonomy, but when people end up exhibiting truly unhealthy behavior it often comes from a failure to understand how important and beneficial to ones own self interests to respect other people freedom. That failure doesnt mean that the person doesnt want to care, they just lack the skills and understanding to express their care in a healthy way. Casting a villian like this just seems like an insultingly cartoonish exaggeration which doesnt help to understand to root causes of abuse and problems in peoples relationships, and of course the man is cast as a villian further perpetuating stereotypes of what abuse looks like which doesnt seem helpful.

    • @BarelyAlive247
      @BarelyAlive247 2 роки тому

      @@robsan5410 Totally agree with you

  • @nahtsch
    @nahtsch 2 роки тому +56

    I love how this video shows how all relationships begin perfect. Even the toxic ones. Some people said he had toxic traits since the beginning of the video, but he didn’t. He was just a very nice guy.
    Everyone says: “girls only like bad guys”. That’s not true, every guy is really nice when they meet us, we wouldn’t date someone that isn’t nice. They only show their true colors afterwards, and life is not a 2 minute video, you don’t see any signs because there aren’t any, the red flags take a long time to show up.

    • @emmily6110
      @emmily6110 2 роки тому +17

      Be aware though, that many abusers take on the forms of the early toxic signs! Maybe not all, but definitely most. Please dont discredit people saying that they recognize the early signs.

    • @tortture3519
      @tortture3519 2 роки тому +17

      @@emmily6110 The video also shows the red flags pretty hard handedly. If you can't see the clearly self centered and entitled personality early on, you should really reconsider what a good partner is.

    • @nahtsch
      @nahtsch 2 роки тому

      @@tortture3519 so please name the big red flags in the beginning of the video, when they met that showed she should've run away immediately.

    • @nahtsch
      @nahtsch 2 роки тому +7

      @@emmily6110 I was talking about the video and about people that say “girls only date bad guys”.
      Do you really think women start dating abusers aware that they are abusers? They don’t, most abusers are really good at manipulating things.
      Saying it’s possible to know someone is an abuser just by looking at them, or by the way they took a picture of them with your phone, or because they send you a lot of cute messages, or because they buy you flowers, or because they bought you gifts… it’s very delusional. Most people do those things at the beginning of their relationships.
      Please do not accuse me of discreting people, I was talking about the comments of THIS video, not about people that help people in real life.
      Please excuse my grammar, english is not my mother language.

    • @nahtsch
      @nahtsch 2 роки тому

      In abusive relationships, it is always the victim that is blamed for not seeing the signs. That is so unfair and wrong, it’s almost like people don’t know how good some people are at manipulating. I mean look what Hitler did for Crhist sake. Many countries were manipulated by one person, but when a person gets caught in an abusive relationship it’s the victim's fault for not seeing the “very clear red flags”? Why is that?

  • @manf1sh995
    @manf1sh995 2 роки тому +35

    I bet my life that she's tearing up in 1:33 and not just some animation glitch

  • @kay-no
    @kay-no Рік тому +2

    I’m glad this video still makes rounds even 5 years later

  • @carpediem8910
    @carpediem8910 2 роки тому +17

    This is for real. Love makes u feel happy, safe and cared. If you start feeling fear, controlled, insulted, hopeless It is going to abuse. It is as simple as that. No... if - but - because - may be , they could keep u tied up in the abuse.