@@hgtudor-theultra very true. My solid sense of self respect, self worth, joy, inner peace was dismantled by a narcissist most insidiously to levels unimaginable! Even in a short period of time. I thought I had seen it all. Nope. I used to say the same. It’s like a black mold that slowly seeps in and decays everything😓😐 GOSO. N/C is liberating.
Knowing this 5 to 6 years ago would have saved me plenty of aggravation when I spent a significant amount of time going on dates with men from dating sites. I was constantly left wondering about what was going on and it seemed like all the men were out shopping around and unable to make up their minds. Now I know why. Narcissists. Blech.
I dated someone who originally claimed me but then as the relationship went on, I kept getting demoted to the point where he said we were "just talking". He always wanted to move in and talked frequently of marriage, but aside from wanting to use me, he showed no signs that he was willing to commit or that he cared about me. He was also cheating on me for over half of the relationship. From what I can figure, it started around the time he told me "we can do what we want".
It makes so much sense. Beyond devastating that I never figured it out. Seven years of this. I was “the one.” He called me “little one.” I stupidly thought of it as an endearment. Laundry, gifts, dinners, daily morning calls, lengthy calls. Good nite calls. I never even questioned my status. It’s too late now. Wonderful, thrilling, witty and passionate. I did enjoy it even not knowing “what the dickens” it was. Naive little empath. I wonder three years later if I will ever heal. Will I? Does listening to you HG just keep me ensnared?
I chatted to my ex during lockdown (when we only saw each other, I thought). I would ring and say "what have you been doing today?", "I've just been out on a bike ride"."Oh that's good", I replied. What he didn't mention was that he'd been out cycling with a single female friend. After we'd broken up I questioned about this."I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd kick off". So that didn't stop him doing what the hell he wanted, and didn't care if it upset me. He used to say "why can't you just enjoy what we have? You're so controlling!".
After the first year she stopped calling me a boyfriend and I was referred to as “the guy I’m seeing” for the next 3 years. This all makes a lot of sense. Her new supply is on her social media but her status still says single. Ha ha oh my…
Major triggers here ... this is the accurate .. Identical to what I suffered ... he no longer needs to be in my head or take up space in my heart ... thanks for being brutally honest , it’s keeping me on NC !!
It reminds me of one (of many) narcissist “I was with”. (higher midranger I’d say). At that time I thought he was a commitment phobe... So I read a lot about attachment styles. Particularly the dismissive avoidant. And of course I did exactly the very things I should not have done 🙄 That is when you understand that Knowledge IS indeed Power 💥
This describes the 7 year on/off "relationship" with my daughters father. I didn't know what I was dealing with at the time. I only knew that it hurt most of the time, but at the same time it felt like "home."
Correct on all points as usual. Before I became aware of narcissism I got entangled several times and then married a narc. Only after a friend made me aware of this, then I took the necessary steps to divorce and finish him off! Thanks to your very insightful videos! He's toast and with that 🍷. Thanks HG you are the best, you already know that 😉. Keep them coming!
Yup. All of it. Completely 100% truth. Thank God I got out when I did. And went absolutely no contact the very day I discovered hg and listened to a video about no contact.
HG, I’d love it if you could make a video in the future on emotional unavailability vs narcissism. I’d love to hear your input on the ways to spot the differences in someone, as I feel many of the characteristics collide.
In many years, I was only introduced to some of his friends on one occasion & funnily enough, I don't think I was introduced as a girlfriend, they probably just thought I was a friend. Had I seen ANY of HG's videos all those years ago I would have recognised immediately what he was & got out at the speed of light. He was a text book example!
The most helpful of your videos HG! Spot on description of the ex. He even told me that he had cheated on his ex wife because he wanted to have his cake and eat it!! He stayed in touch with any exes who would give him the time of day. I thought it bizarre as they never saw each other... He would go online at night just to see who was about. Almighty co flagration when I said that any friend of his would be a friend of mine and reached out to make contact with them😂. 😂😂
The narcissists I've been hoovered by were completely crazy about relationships. They 've always wanted to make it official at all costs, and that's just part of control.
This video describes my ex relation to a tee. Only, the primary source was his mother. So im sure that a mamas boy is often a narc with his mum as primary source and all the «girlfriends» are treated EXACTLY like that.
I wish I had known this in my early twenties ...describing a shit I thought I was going out and in love with for a few years I esacaped !!! cut off all communication (by instinct) ...I can pass this suscinct information on to my chilren of a lovely man I later married later in life .who asked me if it was ok to call me his girlfriend after a few dates ...no confussion ..no questioning our relationship or myself ...Thanks Mr Tudor
Thank you for this detailed video. I haven't heard from the narc in 13 days.Been in contact with him for 17 months he's been mostly texting sometimes he would call.By far the most confusing interaction I ever had with anyone.only seen him once in all that time! FINALLY figured out what he was all about.He always said how busy he was with his job.In recent month I stopped talking to him for four month. I decided maybe I should ask how he was and he replied with" you stopped talking to me"! I answered that I got bored because this wasn't going anywhere. He did make more of an effort or so it seemed.Now 2 month later same story different day! I should've stayed away 6 months ago is all I can say!💯
This could describe me. I dated someone for years and never defined the relationship. And I can tell you why. She love bombed me initially and insisted I be available via text 24/7. I always felt uncomfortable about this and felt like anything she did was to get me indebted to her. Giving title to our relationship would have given her the "ownership" she was seeking in the first place, so I withheld until I felt more confident about her attention. I never did. she kept me on a short leash, any text messages not responded to with 30 minutes she'd be convinced I was screwing someone else. Another reason I withheld the title was because I'd been in previous relationships where I relied on the title only to be cheated on. Seeking a relational instead of transactional relationship. I admit to probably having some narcissistic traits but not towards the npd end of the spectrum.
In my case it was not even a relationship per se. Started as a friendship, then all of a sudden there came sexual approach, and then it hit the fan. When I tried to define things in order to avoid future complications,I was met initially with disappointment and then I got blatantly lied to. Boundaries? Obliterated. She swore upon a great friendship and then ghosting, gaslighting, and omnipresent signs of hidden agenda.
our relationship was exactly as described at the point that i decided to go no contact. he never outright devalued me, and somehow i saw that as reason enough that he wasn't a narcissist (wrong). the one thing that was worse was that he claimed he was polyamorous, giving him the excuse to openly flirt with other people in front of his partners. he said it was just something he couldn't change about himself.
This hurt...this was my life...although I left after 2.5 months...he hovered, triangles me, physically hurt me and said I did it to myself...did the same thing to the person before who he married...this video was excellent...Love You HG...I see things so clearly
My ex kept his FB status as ‘single’ during our relationship of 5+ years (he was very active on FB also). I mentioned it to him several times and he never would change it. He also never introduced me as his gf, but by my name, although I do know his friends (most at least) knew we were together. He’d never make posts with me, post pictures, etc. So, likely narcissistic behavior on his behalf?
I knew my partner had bpd so we defined our relationship at the outset - a year and a day in "harmony", then meet again and proceed from there. the idea is that the boundaries take at least that length of time to evolve, and either partner has the chance to quit without being held to account. any requirement to be at a particular place at a particular time is purely voluntary and subject to alteration without notice - the option to simply leave and return at any time is implicit. its a bond based on freedom. by the time the year passed, her BPD had completely cleared up but unfortunately had reached her last day of life.
Woah. Yet another eye-opening missing piece to the puzzle. Two decades I was married to a man who I felt two separate men in each of those decades was like my competition. My husband was more attached an intimate with each of these man friends than his own wife. I'm kind of grossed out right now because I think I was married to a closet bisexual.
It’s disturbing when I see old episodes circa 2000’s with the Sex In The City episodes and the movies of that time. ALL-ABOUT-NARCISSISTS. I feel a sense of sadness and a dire sense of loss of my life growing up in this era as there was no fighting chance. When watching these episodes now-with the knowledge I have now...everyone looks desperate, obsessed and tortured. We were all at the narcs disposal and society was promoting it with the asinine programming that was of that time.
I'm not sure if I'm traumatized. I spent 7 years being strung along by one of these guys. But I felt so sorry for him and so I stayed even though deep down I knew the truth. But part of me also wanted to believe he was doing the best he could with what he had to work with. Big denial. I think also the humiliation of knowing I stayed and the isolation from my friends and family not being able to tell them the truth also kept me there. But one day about 3 months ago I went gray rock and I just didn't care anymore. There was nothing that could happen at that point that could be any worse than the reality of the so-called relationship. Anyhow I'm out. Haven't seen him in 3 months and 3 weeks of no contact. He's engaged already. Got to keep up that image. But I have been in healthy relationships before and I am not worried about not feeling love again and being part of a partnership. That actually is exciting to me. My problem is that it sickens me to imagine being intimate with anyone again. Like the thought of letting anyone lay on me just makes me physically ill. I don't know. All I know is moving on won't be too difficult. After the experience I just had, I could meet a drunk at my neighborhood bar and go behind the dumpster with him and get more love care trust and respect in 30 minutes than I did in the years I spent with the idiot.
I've been technically single and mostly celibate for 14 years (since my last relationship with a narcissist) He used sex as a means to control and punish and not in a good way. For over a decade, I couldn't let anyone get physically close to me. Then, when I did finally have sex... it was with another narcissist, of course.
This could describe me. I dated someone for years and never defined the relationship. And I can tell you why. She love bombed me initially and insisted I be available via text 24/7. I always felt uncomfortable about this and felt like anything she did was to get me indebted to her. Giving title to our relationship would have given her the "ownership" she was seeking in the first place, so I withheld until I felt more confident about her attention. I never did. she kept me on a short leash, any text messages not responded to with 30 minutes she'd be convinced I was screwing someone else. Another reason I withheld the title was because I'd been in previous relationships where I relied on the title only to be cheated on. Seeking a relational instead of transactional relationship. I admit to probably having some narcissistic traits but not towards the npd end of the spectrum.
Unless he calls me his girlfriend, I’m not making any plans with him. …. On the other hand, there is the narcissist who calls me his girlfriend, then makes no future plans with me. …. They’re both crazymaking!
I didn't know what was going on before before your perspectiveeven with all the victims perspectives I had listened to I still didn't get it till I found this work and I have to work at this everyday and I'm glad to do that
I knew something was wrong and I left. It took me 2 not dates and 3 phone calls 🍻😊 H.G., I'd like to see a video about what happens in your head when you spot a new potential victim, like they display in the show "You" that is currently on Netflix.
I may never get an e-mail though I listen to these everyday I escaped an upper greater narcissist barely before I died I go through everything discussed in these videos and he is everything discussed in these videos.
Thank you H.G Tutor I can relate to everything that you say everything you say I have experienced with my Narcissist of 22years, I was tired of his shenanigans so of course he went and found a second source of fuel dropped me we got divorced after being together for 26 years and now she is having issues with him that’s what she gets for having an affair with a married man Karma is a bitch. Good luck to both of them I am no longer a victim but a survivor
Does it always mean they’re a narcissist? I had someone love me more than anyone had before. He treated me well, really well but he’s never call me a girlfriend. 5 months in I finally asked and he wasn’t ready. He’s not over his divorce. I felt like he wasted my time but he treated me well so it’s hard to be mad other than the fact that I felt uncertain about who we were together. I hate having my time wasted
After 2 relationship being the main number 1, both narcs, the last narc , the 3rd wanted to call me " friends with benefits '' put me right back into the hell of the last 2, told him today to get fkd 😢
They are just like 16 year old boys players. Most men outgrow it. Sad there so many man like that. If someone is truly honest it takes a while before we believe that smooth talk.
Wow. Another eye opener w his man friends n his strange connection w each of them. 2 separate men during 2 separate decades of my marriage. These men felt like competition at the time like my husband wanted their every bit of relationship w instead of his wife. Ewwww
when I told him about my 'friend' Billy..He texted ( because we never talk anymore) " Who the hell is Billy. You need to own this!" As soon as we can have an face to face adult conversation..I will.
Whereas I am in a situation where he says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. (I know for 100% fact he isnt in a relationship with anyone else but im sure he has other ipss) He isn't affectionate in the slightest, never tells me nice things etc but we speak every day, spend time togther regulary, have sex regularly (on his terms) have dinners, he stays at mine, I've stayed at his, he accuses me of sleeping with others (I don't) but says he doesn't care. Yet I hang on every word he says and am destroying myself by hanging on to something that is never going to happen. I know he's a narcissist, I know I am being taken advantage of, I know I need to go no contact...I've been watching the videos but I seem to be slipping deeper under his control. I've dealt with narcissist abuse since birth and almost every intimate relationship since the age of 14 has been with a narcissist. I don't know if I'll ever be free 😢
Get out, the primary in mine started cutting herself when he tried to dump her for me, then I dumped him so he's stuck with her bad black supply, he's left her before and she did the same thing, it will only get worse, I have heard off much worse
This was my case with the mother of my child for the last seven years. Awful, demonic narcissist, I wish the mask fell off earlier. Oh, in my case, sex was actually awful and a humiliating experience, with hardly any intimacy.
Wow finally I got my answer, so then she dumped me after 4 months of being with me, I thought I was the primary, does this mean I was the secondary since I never got a label? Also I went no contact after the break up, does this wound her ?
If the narcissist (he was covert in my case) were honest and realising exactly what he is (a narcissist) when introducing you to family and friends etc he should say “Hello, this is…… she’s my ‘dead’ mother” or when you ask him to ‘define’ the ‘relationship’ he should really say ‘Why your my ‘dead’ mother of course’ He can’t define the relationship because he doesn’t know himself what the relationship is himself. I’m guessing he’s an unaware narcissist so therefore he won’t have cottoned on the reasons why he behaves the way he does as you always tell us HG the narcissism dictates the behaviour. And the narcissism is borne out of neglect/abuse/emotional absence they suffered at an early age from the primary caregiver (i.e the mother). My ex was text book but unfortunately it took me 12 yrs to realise what was actually going on and that was only after the break up. He likes older women with grown up children. His last three ‘serious’ relationships - I was no 1 and there was a 16 yr age gap then we had one of many breaks and there was no 2 she was 12 yrs older than him with 2 grown up boys she lasted 6 months. Then when we finally broke up two years ago he shacked up with ‘dead mother’ no 3 right away who is 13 yrs older than him and has 2 grown up sons. See the pattern anyone? He moves in with the ‘dead’ mother but keeps his own house on as his bolt hole to retreat to when things go tits up! I never ever heard him say this is my partner, Lesley or this is my girlfriend, Lesley. I don’t think I even existed (to most people) for three quarters of the time we were together. He’s still playing his games now with this new one as he tried hoovering me in Feb after 2 yrs apart. His FB account doesn’t see much action as he doesn’t post anything but it doesn’t say he’s in a relationship - which he obviously is……he’s hiding her just like he did with me for the reasons you pointed out HG. To keep his options open. OMG he’d make a great case study - it was horrendous when I look back now and I can’t see myself ever being able to date or trust anyone ever again….which is just so sad. Love your work HG and thanks for sharing 🫶🏻
H.G What if one has the status of girlfriend (they're living together has children together ) for 10 plus years but the Narcissist doesn't marry or hasn't yet, does this fall into the same category?
@@hgtudor-theultra Mr Tudor where were you in 2000!?My whole life could have been so different had someone made something like this as guidance. I encourage people to have a listen.
Oh he defined the relationship alright. I was his soulmate, then he asked me to marry him and called me wifey. Little did I know it was with a ring that was given to him by his 'old lady' (they had matching rings) to signify his vow of loyalty to her. I didn't find out until months later. 😂🤯🤯🥴 What a total dork. Really crazy. He used his deep voice too 'I would really love to see you.' 🤢 Jerry Springer here he comes, with his 'old lady' too. His triangulations make her cook better dinners.
So ACCURATE HG..just a real BASTARD he was really hahhahahahahaha..my ex the MID RANGE of courseeeeeeee..amazinggggggggggggggg videos as usual HG..thank u so muchhhhhhhhhhhh HG..
Omg 😂🤣😂 There was never a relationship I claimed even when I was married. My husband was my brother when asked. My ex was my cousin. Men would claim me and I would NEVER claim them. The more I watch your videos the more I believe I am a narcissist Rotflmmfao 😅🤣😂
I find you puzzling to say the least. Narcs would never admit who they are, yet here you are, letting us read you like an open book. The paradox makes me wonder. Anyways, I will not dabble too much in your world lest, I evoke the wrath of you...haha...
Being with a narcissist can make you never want to be in a relationship again..
Truth. 💯
🙌
Thank you!! My ex was just like what you describe. It was excruciatingly confusing. Eventually, I left because I no longer believed a word he said.
It all boils down to self respect/sense of self worth...the shield that protects you from narcs.
The shield that protects you from narcissists is a Total No Contact Regime.
@@hgtudor-theultra very true. My solid sense of self respect, self worth, joy, inner peace was dismantled by a narcissist most insidiously to levels unimaginable! Even in a short period of time. I thought I had seen it all. Nope. I used to say the same. It’s like a black mold that slowly seeps in and decays everything😓😐 GOSO. N/C is liberating.
Knowing this 5 to 6 years ago would have saved me plenty of aggravation when I spent a significant amount of time going on dates with men from dating sites. I was constantly left wondering about what was going on and it seemed like all the men were out shopping around and unable to make up their minds. Now I know why. Narcissists. Blech.
Dating sites is a narcissist ideal playground! Endless opportunities and it costs nothing!
This video is on point 👌 the best thing is to learn as much as we can about narcissist for our own benefit. 👍
I dated someone who originally claimed me but then as the relationship went on, I kept getting demoted to the point where he said we were "just talking". He always wanted to move in and talked frequently of marriage, but aside from wanting to use me, he showed no signs that he was willing to commit or that he cared about me. He was also cheating on me for over half of the relationship. From what I can figure, it started around the time he told me "we can do what we want".
It makes so much sense. Beyond devastating that I never figured it out. Seven years of this.
I was “the one.” He called me “little one.” I stupidly thought of it as an endearment. Laundry, gifts,
dinners, daily morning calls, lengthy calls. Good nite calls. I never even questioned my status. It’s
too late now. Wonderful, thrilling, witty and passionate. I did enjoy it even not knowing “what the dickens”
it was. Naive little empath. I wonder three years later if I will ever heal. Will I? Does listening to you HG just keep
me ensnared?
I chatted to my ex during lockdown (when we only saw each other, I thought). I would ring and say "what have you been doing today?", "I've just been out on a bike ride"."Oh that's good", I replied. What he didn't mention was that he'd been out cycling with a single female friend. After we'd broken up I questioned about this."I didn't tell you, because I knew you'd kick off". So that didn't stop him doing what the hell he wanted, and didn't care if it upset me. He used to say "why can't you just enjoy what we have? You're so controlling!".
I experienced exactly the same. Even the detail with the bikeride 😳
It’s was exactly how you have described, you are fantastic HG 😊
After the first year she stopped calling me a boyfriend and I was referred to as “the guy I’m seeing” for the next 3 years. This all makes a lot of sense. Her new supply is on her social media but her status still says single. Ha ha oh my…
This is exactly what happened. Thank you for the confirmation 🙏
Major triggers here ... this is the accurate .. Identical to what I suffered ... he no longer needs to be in my head or take up space in my heart ... thanks for being brutally honest , it’s keeping me on NC !!
I’ve watched all your videos, but this one is indispensable. My sincere thanks for this. Painful to listen to - hits a nerve - but now I understand.
Hands down, one of my top five most mind altering HG videos!
It reminds me of one (of many) narcissist “I was with”. (higher midranger I’d say).
At that time I thought he was a commitment phobe... So I read a lot about attachment styles. Particularly the dismissive avoidant.
And of course I did exactly the very things I should not have done 🙄
That is when you understand that Knowledge IS indeed Power 💥
This describes the 7 year on/off "relationship" with my daughters father. I didn't know what I was dealing with at the time. I only knew that it hurt most of the time, but at the same time it felt like "home."
Correct on all points as usual. Before I became aware of narcissism I got entangled several times and then married a narc. Only after a friend made me aware of this, then I took the necessary steps to divorce and finish him off! Thanks to your very insightful videos! He's toast and with that 🍷. Thanks HG you are the best, you already know that 😉. Keep them coming!
It’s so true. So many of these videos make me smile because I’ve observed these behaviours.
Yup. All of it. Completely 100% truth. Thank God I got out when I did. And went absolutely no contact the very day I discovered hg and listened to a video about no contact.
I wish I had listen to all of your videos 18 months ago. It would have saved me a lot of heartache!
Because they are too busy sleeping around and shopping around.
HG, I’d love it if you could make a video in the future on emotional unavailability vs narcissism. I’d love to hear your input on the ways to spot the differences in someone, as I feel many of the characteristics collide.
In many years, I was only introduced to some of his friends on one occasion & funnily enough, I don't think I was introduced as a girlfriend, they probably just thought I was a friend. Had I seen ANY of HG's videos all those years ago I would have recognised immediately what he was & got out at the speed of light. He was a text book example!
I told him he had no feelings, no nothing, you are empty inside! Before I knew what a narc was!
Wow!!!! Amazing. This helped me so so much. Thank you for this brilliant explanation
The most helpful of your videos HG! Spot on description of the ex. He even told me that he had cheated on his ex wife because he wanted to have his cake and eat it!! He stayed in touch with any exes who would give him the time of day. I thought it bizarre as they never saw each other... He would go online at night just to see who was about. Almighty co flagration when I said that any friend of his would be a friend of mine and reached out to make contact with them😂. 😂😂
Brilliant, and so very pertinent. Very much the MO of the narcissist met online.
The narcissists I've been hoovered by were completely crazy about relationships. They 've always wanted to make it official at all costs, and that's just part of control.
Hit the nail on the head. Excellent video.
This video describes my ex relation to a tee. Only, the primary source was his mother. So im sure that a mamas boy is often a narc with his mum as primary source and all the «girlfriends» are treated EXACTLY like that.
Simply....the best expert on this subject.. you have just answered a question that plagued me for 7 years before I finally got out...Thank You.
I wish I had known this in my early twenties ...describing a shit I thought I was going out and in love with for a few years I esacaped !!! cut off all communication (by instinct)
...I can pass this suscinct information on to my chilren of a lovely man I later married later in life .who asked me if it was ok to call me his girlfriend after a few dates ...no confussion ..no questioning our relationship or myself ...Thanks Mr Tudor
Thank you for this detailed video.
I haven't heard from the narc in 13 days.Been in contact with him for 17 months he's been mostly texting sometimes he would call.By far the most confusing interaction I ever had with anyone.only seen him once in all that time! FINALLY figured out what he was all about.He always said how busy he was with his job.In recent month I stopped talking to him for four month.
I decided maybe I should ask how he was and he replied with" you stopped talking to me"! I answered that I got bored because this wasn't going anywhere.
He did make more of an effort or so it seemed.Now 2 month later same story different day! I should've stayed away 6 months ago is all I can say!💯
This could describe me. I dated someone for years and never defined the relationship. And I can tell you why. She love bombed me initially and insisted I be available via text 24/7. I always felt uncomfortable about this and felt like anything she did was to get me indebted to her. Giving title to our relationship would have given her the "ownership" she was seeking in the first place, so I withheld until I felt more confident about her attention. I never did. she kept me on a short leash, any text messages not responded to with 30 minutes she'd be convinced I was screwing someone else. Another reason I withheld the title was because I'd been in previous relationships where I relied on the title only to be cheated on. Seeking a relational instead of transactional relationship. I admit to probably having some narcissistic traits but not towards the npd end of the spectrum.
Thanks
These videos and this one in particular are extremely helpful.
In my case it was not even a relationship per se. Started as a friendship, then all of a sudden there came sexual approach, and then it hit the fan. When I tried to define things in order to avoid future complications,I was met initially with disappointment and then I got blatantly lied to. Boundaries? Obliterated. She swore upon a great friendship and then ghosting, gaslighting, and omnipresent signs of hidden agenda.
our relationship was exactly as described at the point that i decided to go no contact. he never outright devalued me, and somehow i saw that as reason enough that he wasn't a narcissist (wrong). the one thing that was worse was that he claimed he was polyamorous, giving him the excuse to openly flirt with other people in front of his partners. he said it was just something he couldn't change about himself.
Unbelievable insight from HG. Brilliant stuff x
Another brilliant piece. Thank you, very enlightening!
This hurt...this was my life...although I left after 2.5 months...he hovered, triangles me, physically hurt me and said I did it to myself...did the same thing to the person before who he married...this video was excellent...Love You HG...I see things so clearly
My ex kept his FB status as ‘single’ during our relationship of 5+ years (he was very active on FB also). I mentioned it to him several times and he never would change it. He also never introduced me as his gf, but by my name, although I do know his friends (most at least) knew we were together. He’d never make posts with me, post pictures, etc. So, likely narcissistic behavior on his behalf?
Whether or not the relationship is defined, abuse waits ahead.
HG, you give brilliant advice. 👍
I knew my partner had bpd so we defined our relationship at the outset - a year and a day in "harmony", then meet again and proceed from there. the idea is that the boundaries take at least that length of time to evolve, and either partner has the chance to quit without being held to account. any requirement to be at a particular place at a particular time is purely voluntary and subject to alteration without notice - the option to simply leave and return at any time is implicit. its a bond based on freedom. by the time the year passed, her BPD had completely cleared up but unfortunately had reached her last day of life.
Thank you :)) this is a very typical behavioural pattern of a narssisist
Thank you for stating this so clearly and thoroughly.
Spot on!
Excellent as usual. Spot on.
Spot on
Almost died but didn't because I found these audio videos and Thank God
Woah. Yet another eye-opening missing piece to the puzzle. Two decades I was married to a man who I felt two separate men in each of those decades was like my competition. My husband was more attached an intimate with each of these man friends than his own wife. I'm kind of grossed out right now because I think I was married to a closet bisexual.
Thank You HG
there is even a movie '' he is just not that into you' and every situation in that movie is about women dealing with narcs !
It’s disturbing when I see old episodes circa 2000’s with the Sex In The City episodes and the movies of that time. ALL-ABOUT-NARCISSISTS. I feel a sense of sadness and a dire sense of loss of my life growing up in this era as there was no fighting chance. When watching these episodes now-with the knowledge I have now...everyone looks desperate, obsessed and tortured. We were all at the narcs disposal and society was promoting it with the asinine programming that was of that time.
👍👍👍
If you listen to the lyrics of I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor it's totally about a hoovering narc!
Programmes like Sex in a City contain several narcissists and fail to point it out. Programmes such as this are entirely helpful.
@@Miss-320 Samantha comes across as a total psycopath!
I feel better my life is better even at the end of the days
Brilliant. Nailed it.
This was great.. Wish I would have had access to this video a few months ago.
I'm not sure if I'm traumatized. I spent 7 years being strung along by one of these guys. But I felt so sorry for him and so I stayed even though deep down I knew the truth. But part of me also wanted to believe he was doing the best he could with what he had to work with. Big denial. I think also the humiliation of knowing I stayed and the isolation from my friends and family not being able to tell them the truth also kept me there. But one day about 3 months ago I went gray rock and I just didn't care anymore. There was nothing that could happen at that point that could be any worse than the reality of the so-called relationship. Anyhow I'm out. Haven't seen him in 3 months and 3 weeks of no contact. He's engaged already. Got to keep up that image. But I have been in healthy relationships before and I am not worried about not feeling love again and being part of a partnership. That actually is exciting to me. My problem is that it sickens me to imagine being intimate with anyone again. Like the thought of letting anyone lay on me just makes me physically ill. I don't know. All I know is moving on won't be too difficult. After the experience I just had, I could meet a drunk at my neighborhood bar and go behind the dumpster with him and get more love care trust and respect in 30 minutes than I did in the years I spent with the idiot.
I've been technically single and mostly celibate for 14 years (since my last relationship with a narcissist) He used sex as a means to control and punish and not in a good way. For over a decade, I couldn't let anyone get physically close to me. Then, when I did finally have sex... it was with another narcissist, of course.
This could describe me. I dated someone for years and never defined the relationship. And I can tell you why. She love bombed me initially and insisted I be available via text 24/7. I always felt uncomfortable about this and felt like anything she did was to get me indebted to her. Giving title to our relationship would have given her the "ownership" she was seeking in the first place, so I withheld until I felt more confident about her attention. I never did. she kept me on a short leash, any text messages not responded to with 30 minutes she'd be convinced I was screwing someone else. Another reason I withheld the title was because I'd been in previous relationships where I relied on the title only to be cheated on. Seeking a relational instead of transactional relationship. I admit to probably having some narcissistic traits but not towards the npd end of the spectrum.
Unless he calls me his girlfriend, I’m not making any plans with him. …. On the other hand, there is the narcissist who calls me his girlfriend, then makes no future plans with me. …. They’re both crazymaking!
Good question for him
I did do it. Dumped him.
Cold hard facts big time.
HG, you have the sexiest voice. Incredible. Thank you. 💗
I didn't know what was going on before before your perspectiveeven with all the victims perspectives I had listened to I still didn't get it till I found this work and I have to work at this everyday and I'm glad to do that
Never defined relationship but treated me like gf , does this mean I was not primary but secondary ?
My narc ex did this even when he was married to me. Kept a secret from his family for 4 years
😀 thank you🤩
I knew something was wrong and I left. It took me 2 not dates and 3 phone calls 🍻😊 H.G., I'd like to see a video about what happens in your head when you spot a new potential victim, like they display in the show "You" that is currently on Netflix.
I may never get an e-mail though I listen to these everyday I escaped an upper greater narcissist barely before I died I go through everything discussed in these videos and he is everything discussed in these videos.
Thank you H.G Tutor I can relate to everything that you say everything you say I have experienced with my Narcissist of 22years, I was tired of his shenanigans so of course he went and found a second source of fuel dropped me we got divorced after being together for 26 years and now she is having issues with him that’s what she gets for having an affair with a married man Karma is a bitch. Good luck to both of them I am no longer a victim but a survivor
Does it always mean they’re a narcissist? I had someone love me more than anyone had before. He treated me well, really well but he’s never call me a girlfriend. 5 months in I finally asked and he wasn’t ready. He’s not over his divorce. I felt like he wasted my time but he treated me well so it’s hard to be mad other than the fact that I felt uncertain about who we were together. I hate having my time wasted
He won't define the relationship because there is no real relationship. It's all fake. That's why
After 2 relationship being the main number 1, both narcs, the last narc , the 3rd wanted to call me " friends with benefits '' put me right back into the hell of the last 2, told him today to get fkd 😢
They are just like 16 year old boys players. Most men outgrow it. Sad there so many man like that. If someone is truly honest it takes a while before we believe that smooth talk.
Wow. Another eye opener w his man friends n his strange connection w each of them. 2 separate men during 2 separate decades of my marriage. These men felt like competition at the time like my husband wanted their every bit of relationship w instead of his wife. Ewwww
This explains a lot🤔
when I told him about my 'friend' Billy..He texted ( because we never talk anymore) " Who the hell is Billy. You need to own this!" As soon as we can have an face to face adult conversation..I will.
Whereas I am in a situation where he says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone. (I know for 100% fact he isnt in a relationship with anyone else but im sure he has other ipss)
He isn't affectionate in the slightest, never tells me nice things etc but we speak every day, spend time togther regulary, have sex regularly (on his terms) have dinners, he stays at mine, I've stayed at his, he accuses me of sleeping with others (I don't) but says he doesn't care. Yet I hang on every word he says and am destroying myself by hanging on to something that is never going to happen.
I know he's a narcissist, I know I am being taken advantage of, I know I need to go no contact...I've been watching the videos but I seem to be slipping deeper under his control.
I've dealt with narcissist abuse since birth and almost every intimate relationship since the age of 14 has been with a narcissist. I don't know if I'll ever be free 😢
Get out, the primary in mine started cutting herself when he tried to dump her for me, then I dumped him so he's stuck with her bad black supply, he's left her before and she did the same thing, it will only get worse, I have heard off much worse
This was my case with the mother of my child for the last seven years. Awful, demonic narcissist, I wish the mask fell off earlier. Oh, in my case, sex was actually awful and a humiliating experience, with hardly any intimacy.
Wow finally I got my answer, so then she dumped me after 4 months of being with me, I thought I was the primary, does this mean I was the secondary since I never got a label? Also I went no contact after the break up, does this wound her ?
Thank you alot
One of your best ever. thank you
A painful truth for codependency and dirty empath great video H.G 👤
Just ask: "so if we're not in a relationship, then I can date other people, right?"
Rabbits have a second bolt hole at the back of the warren. Beware the shining wire, Hazel-rah! They want an escape route.
But we are not married
On stage… they are all single.
If the narcissist (he was covert in my case) were honest and realising exactly what he is (a narcissist) when introducing you to family and friends etc he should say “Hello, this is…… she’s my ‘dead’ mother” or when you ask him to ‘define’ the ‘relationship’ he should really say ‘Why your my ‘dead’ mother of course’ He can’t define the relationship because he doesn’t know himself what the relationship is himself. I’m guessing he’s an unaware narcissist so therefore he won’t have cottoned on the reasons why he behaves the way he does as you always tell us HG the narcissism dictates the behaviour. And the narcissism is borne out of neglect/abuse/emotional absence they suffered at an early age from the primary caregiver (i.e the mother). My ex was text book but unfortunately it took me 12 yrs to realise what was actually going on and that was only after the break up. He likes older women with grown up children. His last three ‘serious’ relationships - I was no 1 and there was a 16 yr age gap then we had one of many breaks and there was no 2 she was 12 yrs older than him with 2 grown up boys she lasted 6 months. Then when we finally broke up two years ago he shacked up with ‘dead mother’ no 3 right away who is 13 yrs older than him and has 2 grown up sons. See the pattern anyone? He moves in with the ‘dead’ mother but keeps his own house on as his bolt hole to retreat to when things go tits up! I never ever heard him say this is my partner, Lesley or this is my girlfriend, Lesley. I don’t think I even existed (to most people) for three quarters of the time we were together. He’s still playing his games now with this new one as he tried hoovering me in Feb after 2 yrs apart. His FB account doesn’t see much action as he doesn’t post anything but it doesn’t say he’s in a relationship - which he obviously is……he’s hiding her just like he did with me for the reasons you pointed out HG. To keep his options open. OMG he’d make a great case study - it was horrendous when I look back now and I can’t see myself ever being able to date or trust anyone ever again….which is just so sad. Love your work HG and thanks for sharing 🫶🏻
Is there ever a valid reason for a normal or even an empath to ever do this, or is it always a Narcissist who does this?
H.G What if one has the status of girlfriend (they're living together has children together ) for 10 plus years but the Narcissist doesn't marry or hasn't yet, does this fall into the same category?
I cringe eating this bitter truth cake...I wish you were there 30 years ago...
“Driven by your addiction”
What exactly is the addiction of the Empath?
Explained here gum.co/dLKOn
@@hgtudor-theultra Mr Tudor where were you in 2000!?My whole life could have been so different had someone made something like this as guidance. I encourage people to have a listen.
This!
Oh he defined the relationship alright. I was his soulmate, then he asked me to marry him and called me wifey. Little did I know it was with a ring that was given to him by his 'old lady' (they had matching rings) to signify his vow of loyalty to her. I didn't find out until months later. 😂🤯🤯🥴 What a total dork. Really crazy. He used his deep voice too 'I would really love to see you.' 🤢
Jerry Springer here he comes, with his 'old lady' too. His triangulations make her cook better dinners.
The ex narc that I was with had a deep voice too and was very charming.
If I ever have time I will get an email to listen to other
What tea are you drinking, Red Rose, Earl Grey, what? :)
English breakfast. Definitely!
So ACCURATE HG..just a real BASTARD he was really hahhahahahahaha..my ex the MID RANGE of courseeeeeeee..amazinggggggggggggggg videos as usual HG..thank u so muchhhhhhhhhhhh HG..
Omg 😂🤣😂 There was never a relationship I claimed even when I was married. My husband was my brother when asked. My ex was my cousin. Men would claim me and I would NEVER claim them. The more I watch your videos the more I believe I am a narcissist Rotflmmfao 😅🤣😂
😢
WTF
As if you talk about my ex-wife
She introduced me to a coworker and said "meet ...i told you about him...."
No he said meet my wife...midranger...covert as hell
I find you puzzling to say the least. Narcs would never admit who they are, yet here you are, letting us read you like an open book. The paradox makes me wonder. Anyways, I will not dabble too much in your world lest, I evoke the wrath of you...haha...