Well, loneliness doesn't mean being comfy with being alone. It rather means, that you've accepted your loneliness. Once you feel comfortable with your own presence, you can choose who's an enrichment to your life and not a balast. That's rather the danger about being comfy with your own company, you start sorting out people who aren't enriching but were considered friends earlier.
Yeap! So true. I fear for ppl who desperately look for someone just for the sake of not feeling lonely. Usually those relationships are toxic af cause they let just anyone in.
I feel like Ive been meeting the wrong people for so long that I've become so pessimistic about meeting people, which I know is a bad attitude to have, but man oh man, it's so rough
So familiar. It's hard to remember every no brings me closer to that person. Every bad video or speech gets me better at communicating with that person.
Introvert here, literally everything drains me. Even going out on a social event just to meet people is extremely draining. And being friendly to strangers is also draining. Being an introvert is just a challenge and I just can’t.
I feel this so much. Over the past few years I've learned to love myself and know my worth. I thought I was ready to find someone to share myself with but it causes me more stress than enjoyment so I'm starting to thinking it's not worth my energy.
@@badgerproductions24they don't see the life how it is... Its not happy happy joy joy its an everyday fight. And for me not dealing with woman Was the best decision i made
Yea I've gave up My friend is trying to get me on a date with her boyfriend's work mate I will give it a try cause Matt has always said its good to meet new people in other vids but I've known alot of narcsisist who have put me high up then brought me down so I will be looking for red flags .Just hope it goes well I'm getting a phone call tonight I'm very nervous xx
I have absolutely and truly given up entirely. The loneliness is oppressive, but the feeling of constant disappointment is even worse. Stage four lockdown here in Melbourne still and I can’t leave the house for longer than an hour a day. No point whatsoever in wasting my energy. I’m exhausted.
Spooky Spectre Thanks! You’re right, there may be a tiny bit of hope left but I have certainly given up on the fact that I will meet anyone during this pandemic and who knows how long this will last. Online dating has worn me down over the last 9 years and it makes me feel more unhappy than happy so I had to quit it. 🤷🏻♀️
Spooky Spectre A few of my housemates often say love happens when you stop looking but I’ve never really subscribed to that. I feel like in my case if I stopped looking, there’s very little that I would be doing that would lead me to romance.
Gabriel Sutton I like what Matt says about dating the world... That’s what I do and have done for my whole life. It’s been more important to me than ‘looking for love’. I travel solo, work on huge events with thousands of people, I go to gigs, I do dance classes, I do short course, I work my ass off on whatever it is that I’m doing in my employment and I generally throw myself into life because the single persons best friend is being busy... but not having been able to do any of that for 6 months now has absolutely destroyed my will to go on. I’ve realised just how fucking lonely I am without all that other stuff and not being able to see any family or friends...
Spooky Spectre The tides been out on this dating thing for me for such a long time. When I put myself out there I’m always disappointed. I absolutely know without a spec of doubt that I’m a really great catch and deserve so much. Being given the opportunity to show that to someone who is willing to receive it that is the difficult part.
Being stuck in Stage 4 sucks,until it's over,dating is impossible.We will get through this.....There is someone out there for you.Keep your head up. #MelbourneStrong.
That "give energy only to get energy" thing is something I really needed to hear. It's selfish for me to say "I'm only going to put in this energy if someone is willing to give it in return". I need to do it because that what I want to see in the world! Not because I want a return on my investment
The No.1 thing that trips a lot of us in dating, is choosing the wrong people to give our energy and time to. One thing that is so important to recognising someone amazing, is our own self awareness. The more self awareness we have of our amazing traits and things we need to work on, will help us recognise an amazing quality person when they come along :) Thanks Matthew, always an inspiration for my channel :)
I’ve been following Mathew Hussey for five years now. Since then, whenever I go through a breakup, I leave gracefully. I write down all the things I’d say to my exes as if I was confronting them, but after a few hours, I delete the notes. After calming down and rereading the notes, I feel it’s not worth risking my dignity. I make myself clear to them about what I want, and if they still fail to meet me in the middle, my words will not convince them to come back. I keep my integrity in tact, and usually, my exes contact me after some time gap.
@@abbiealverez2960 I can think of a few reasons. We live in a society and culture which celebrates/idolises couples (like on social media). Someone will inevitably get more likes on their Facebook page if they post a picture of themselves with their significant other than if they just post a solo pic. Marriage (and having children) for women is seen as the epitome of the perfect life. Nobody ever says 'Congratulations, you never married the wrong person! Have a bouquet of flowers and a gift card on me!' They just go 'Why are you still single?' or 'Why have you never married?' as if there is something wrong with you. Or if you belong to a faith group, then you will just be invisible, because without a boyfriend/partner/husband or child, you have nothing to anchor your identity to.
Have you ever considered the possibility, Kate, that you are on some level convincing yourself that you love singlehood in order to protect yourself from getting hurt?
@@gabrielsutton4837 I was married for 11 years and never felt as myself as I have done single. Yes, I fear hurt as much as everyone else, but I have been on quite a few dates with guys met online and they are all very uninspiring. My hate of online dating is born of the number of players and time wasters who use their lower brain that I have come across who have no intentions of either meeting or showing up in a relationship. The man I deserve and who deserves me will show up when the time is right. In the meantime I'm not waiting around, I'm enjoying my life.
Get used if it girl... Alot of shit out there but you will be able to delete so much sooner the next time. I have faith in you and believe in you! Focus on you. Dress beautifully and fake it until you make it! Prepare for your blessings. Sooner or later it will manifest. Xxx
.. Yep, being with a narc as I was ( and bought up by them ) ... Your inner confidence is shot ! THEY like you feel that way . Out of those people mentioned , I've only an elder sister left ...so I left her, blocked out of my life now ! And it's liberating.
I’m really sorry, Amanda - that must be a really tough situation to deal with. I’ve been ghosted in the past and it’s very disappointing regardless of your personal circumstances.
Oh yeah I get u!!!! Im in the same boat !!! It's hard when u have kids maybe Mathew should do a video on this separately on single parents. Who else would like a video like that??? Hit the like button and maybe we could get one more likes and maybe he will notice 🙄🙄
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve decided if I go back to dating...I’m not open to dating on apps or online. I prefer to meet people face to face and developing friendships and looking at their demeanor. Experience life and you will find others that enjoy your company and respect you and your son. Hope you find the one again.
Single for 8 years now, while I've been in college (as a grandmama). This gives me hope. Not just for myself, but for all my friends out their who want a loving relationship but are tired of the superficial. I have no interest in online dating or artificial meetups, but this reminds me that I still want to live my life to the fullest and, if Mr.Right is out there, that being actively involved in the things I love out in the world, is probably where I'd run across him. Thank you. :)
As an older lady I feel like I don’t want to waste my time anymore. I can be doing something else I love. If it happens it happens. But I can’t do anymore. It’s too tiring.
Exactly I am just so done too. I do want a relationship to share life and give love. But maybe you can't find it through dating...Maybe it's just destiny. Been looking for so long and even fallen in love a few times ..but you can't make it happen just because you want it even for all the right reasons.
Online dating has given the people false perception they are dating/going out on dates but in reality they go out on a date or two. True dating, well that is rare actually.
Because you're lying to everyone on here. You could easily meet many men, hordes would probably be happy to be approached by you, but the vast majority are simply invisible to you and you refuse to do any approaching if you are a typical woman. You wait and get frustrated, you think vague signals constitute huge invitations to men to come over and initiate a conversation, and rather than interact with and maybe just go on a single casual date with a guy that approaches you, just treating it as a casual no pressure encounter, you say where are the people going on dates. You have all the tools to change this situation but between your standards and unwillingness to put in any effort on an initial approach you proclaim nothing is working. This Matthew dude just runs his mouth to placate and validate the women who kiss his rear end.
God wants me all to himself in this single season I’m in right now. I moved to another state for work and was dating a guy before I left and then he broke up with me after I arrived. I’m just not allowing anyone else in right now. Time to heal. I am giving up dating on purpose for my purpose! It’s difficult to be alone and not have someone to share life with but it’s no longer my time to date. I’m stickin with God.
I'm a total extrovert. Prepandemic, I would meet and be approached by lots of people. We would have great chats. And then nothing. I refuse to put in more energy than the person on the other side. Not just in potential love relationships but also friendships. We all deserve better. We all want to show our best at first go; if his best is making me feel like an after thought, I'm out.
I found two of my amazingly close friends on dating app... Not everything has to lead to a relationship or love, dating apps can just be like a place for finding someone you enjoy hanging out with and have a great friendship with... It just has to be on you to filter out the quality people... 💯💕 Everything you do can lead to something, just discarding things as useless unless you meet someone you seriously date is just wrong for your life... PS - I did meet my boyfriend in an unexpected way while I was making everything else count it's value...
Well said. this was my attitude until I realized that nobody else on the app seems to think like this. I got judged, abused ect even online. So I quit. Maybe the website I was using was just not helpful but I decided to go out and try to meet new people in a different way. So far so good
@@bettymurphy6865 it might also depend on where you are living I assume... Different states have different lifestyles and hence mentality of people is also different... Hope things are working for you and you are happy 🙌💯💕
Matthew Hussey..Every mother deserves a son like you.. Every daughter deserves a father like you.. Every sister deserves a brother like you.. Every wife deserves a husband like you.. Every good girl deserves a good man like you.. Matthew Hussey..You deserve all the happiness..all the love..all the respect..in the world..
Love the last point of yours in this video - "Focus on the person who is going to thank you in the future for not giving up today". Very inspiring I find it. I know I would appreciate a person who is not giving up today to meet me in the future too. Thanks, Matt.
Aww. Shout out to Anthony Bourdain may he forever rest in light. He was definitely passionate about life. "Dating the world" is definitely the way to live life. Thanks again Matthew!! 🤍
When life has has left you feeling like the only person left on Earth sometimes, you just wanna turn off your brain forever. It's hard to not have bad thoughts, hard to not think the worst of people, and to feel like the world don't care about you. Guys like this can give advice all day but this guy isn't getting turned down. Billions of us alive, I can't imagine we all matter in the end, some of us just don't get a good hand. That's the way of the world. The world doesn't care.
That last point made me cry. It's hard to think someone will thank me for choosing them when it seems men ghost, hurt, neglect, and abandon me. I've dated so many men in my life during the past 22 years and I'm tired. My birthday is in two weeks and, with going into my 40s, a reminder that if I wasn't enough for any man in my 20s and 30s, how can I be in my 40s as I'm getting older? They don't want a family with me and seem to not want marriage. I get it! I'm not enough and it hurts knowing I'm so complex for one person. Giving up seems like the best thing which is sad in a world of 7.5 billion people. Sorry this is such a sad post, but it's my truth. However, thank you Matthew for the video. 🙂
Tears here - completely understand where you're coming from because I'm here as well. I'm not 40 - I'm 25- but I'm in the stage where everyone I know is in a LTR/getting engaged and married. Every man I've ever met has broke up with me in a matter of weeks or months. I'm always willing to make it work but they aren't (a variety of lifestyles, geographic regions and races) and it's very damaging to my self esteem. I'm tired of letting men tell me I'm not good enough when I'm an incredible woman in every other facet of life.
The way you truly (subconsciously) see yourself tends to be reflected by other people. In my opinion, people who have a particularly difficult time meeting or keeping a partner, have some kind of unconscious resistance to it. Maybe they are afraid of intimacy, of being hurt, whatever. It is not so much the outer world rejecting you but your inner world resisting love or at least both of it. It is understandable to see ourselves as victims (once we possibly were) but this approach doesn't take you anywhere. And if the only goal is to grow and learn for yourself. I know how hard that is but what other options do we have when we don't want to give up (and I mean giving up on an important part of ourselves, denying and disowning it, and to no longer participate in life in that respect) This is the path of least resistance when it comes to our own resistance.
@cwilson586 I'm not saying that this is the one and only explanation but nevertheless it's worthwhile thinking about this aspect as well. Of course there is rejection in the outside world you definitely cannot pinpoint as something that has to do with you and you shouldn't blame yourself for everything. However, if patterns occur, the likelihood increases that you too have something to do with it. Oftentimes this is completely overlooked by many people.
@@a.g.5396 I can agree to a lot of what you're saying. However, I feel like people that have a hard time holding on to a guy/meeting the wrong guys, is because they don't know their worth and have low self esteem. so they keep on meeting bad guys, because they don't know that they deserve better cause they're so used to being treated badly. That's just my take on it.
Sorry, Matthew. I give up. After 51 years of searching, waiting, hoping and praying for the right one, I give up. I can’t keep believing in something that clearly isn’t showing up. Maybe it’s not in my plan from the universe to find love. It breaks my heart. 💔
@@Kiara-xh3heI hate when people say "there's seven billion people in the world to date NO THERES NOT! How many are married? The right gender? The right age? The right sexual orientation? How many that are near you? I mean you wouldn't fly half way round the world for a date would you??? How many find you attractive and you like wise? How many would you actually gel with? THEN you've narrowed it down to a handful of people at the most NOT SEVEN BILLION FOR FFS
All this is well and dandy, but what if ur chances of even getting a date are less than 5%. It makes you feel like a loser that’s unwanted, and makes you believe you have to settle with that one person that gave you a shot, even if they’re a crappy individual. At this point I just don’t see a point to keep berating myself anymore by always being rejected. This world sucks
I remember when I came across Matthews videos about 2 years ago when my ex broke up with me and stumbling across his "breakup" videos. I still watch his videos... But I watch them now from a place after post break up, then going on a bunch of dates and meeting a zillion people... But now I am just so happy being single and doing my thing (covid environment or not) and I really think I would not be in the spot I'm in, with the wisdom I have without the help from Matt's videos. I'm sure I'll date again one day when I'm ready to do that again but right now I just have so much gratitude for having someone like Matt to be able to help me find some of the self reflection I really needed to hear when I felt so low during the hard times when I wasn't so content. THANKS MATTY. 🥰
I’ve been alone for quite some time. Who I give my time, attention, and energy to is very important to me. This pandemic has given me a much-needed break from all the online dating fuckery. I deleted the dating apps and focused on my own sanity. After all of this Covid shit is over, I am in no rush to date anyone. Going on dates isn’t difficult; it’s the dealing with the frauds, phonies, mentally-ill, married, ghosters, and lying d-bags that gets exhausting. I’m over it and it’s ok if I stay alone for the rest of my days. I’d rather be alone than deal with all the nonsense out there.🤷🏻♀️
I love the fact that Matthew Hussey is soooo optimistic! That's something we all need these days. A lot of people (myself included, I'm 23) get sad and disappointed sometimes, and a lot of people are very impatient too.
If he was talking about learning to drive and passing you're driving test BUT he passed his test years ago then it'll be easy to be optimistic about that too not if you've been single for years and don't know when it's ever going to end.
After a bad experience at 6months of my so called 'relatioship' I decided to stop loving completely but then i realized that, that is not who I am. I have always been a caring, loving person. I didn't want to let one man change that thing in me. So now I'm at a pitstop in my life. But I'm trying to eventually go out, flirt, smile attend gatherings and do things that make me, me before I met this guy. 🤞🏻 Fingers crossed
Hey Matthew, I'm sorry that you have to deal with us frustrated, sometimes even bitter women all over the world but on the other hand - thank you! Thank you for not giving up and taking care of us. You're doing an amazing job. God knows it's not easy haha
Lots of couples are breaking up this year because of all the added stressors happening. This could be good news for those of us searching for the right person! More possibilities opening up...
@Spooky Spectre thank you for the encouragement...you are a GOD sent... GOD bless you...sometimes we go through stuff to help others and steer them in the right direction.💆
I was someone who was ALWAYS dating, constantly searching for the one. Now I've come completely to peace with the thought of being single very least until the covid vaccine comes out, since I hate video chat dates. And I've never felt so much liberation before from just allowing myself to be single ♥️
I hope "always dating" does not mean that you slept with lots of guys. Because if this is the case, your chances to ever finding "the one" will be very slim.
@Eris Dating doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with. But it can. And many women are raking up high body counts without realizing what that means for her chances to find a desirable man for a long term relationship.
"Never go in search of love. Go in search of life. And life will find you the love you seek" After going through my breakup I read one of Matthew Husseys books and took his advice to progress as a person as my way to heal. Part of that was going to improv classes - which is where I met my current boyfriend lol. Life found me the love I sought and have every confidence it can do the same for everyone 😊
Thanks for this amazing video Matthew!!! I feel like life in general is more than dating and men and finding "the one". Life should be about having as many memories and experiences and little regrets. It's about finding interesting people and having interesting conversations. I gave up on dating and men a long time ago but what I love about you Matthew is that you really try to help and uplift women regardless of their relationship status. I love this video!
I love to be curious about dating. Yes it's hard and awful and time wasting in one way, but I learn so much about myself, about communication, about people, about respect, about boundaries, about love, etc.. I take that back to my friends and we also grow in all those aspects. And I have a LOT of laughs! 😂
I've been single for the past 7 years, and I'm content with my life and close friends circle. Being a tactile person, going out latin dancing every week helps a lot. Tho due to lockdown, no dancing or seeing friends, so just enjoying myself at home and working on myself.
MY problem is I fall in love with people who aren't in love with me. Then the very few that "wanted" me were people I did not want to be around at all. It's so frustrating and I hate it. =P
You have to love yourself first before loving anyone else! When you're comfortable in your own skin you attract people who appreciate for who you are! xxx
Correct or correct?...It's when you give up on dating and literally move nonchalant that's when your dating life gets into a whole new level you was hoping for.
It depends on your environment. If you’re naturally surrounded by people of the right age/gender then carefree nonchalance can work, but personally I need to engineer ways of meeting women when it wouldn’t happen for me organically.
Thanks Matthew. You help me grow every day as a better person. I'm so proud of the changes I made, your videos have been there all the time guiding me through my ups and downs. Now I'm more open to meet new people, I can give without feeling frustrated (most of the time) I compliment people and guys I like without feeling vulnerable or waiting for a feedback... but most importantly, thanks to you I learned to chose.
Oh Matt... I feel you heard me yesterday, after another failed first date, saying “I’m tired of this now. I don’t want to meet anybody”. Thank you for the pep talk and the motivational words. I’m so grateful you use your talent to support and empower people. What you do makes a difference in my life. May your future be pure radiance ✨
I’m 49 and I haven’t dated since 2008 I was 36 about to turn 37 when I gave up. I have no plans to ever date again. I literally have not touched a woman kissed a woman or held hands let alone anything else. I just have horrible trust issues so I just quit and never looked back
@Spooky Spectre Agreed. This is definitely taking a toll on everyone but like you said, once it's lifted we should slowly be getting back out there and regain out productivity. Thanks for the support! Hang in there as well, we'll make it out.
Throughout the arc of the pandemic and quarantine, dating has evolved. At first, it was put on hold by many older adults who worried about their health and virus exposure, but as COVID-19 has lingered people are eager to connect. However, many are still navigating that first in-person contact, how to get beyond video chatting and how to safely move ahead with sexual activity.
This really helped me. I was seeing a guy for a couple months- a genuinely nice man. However he was open about his intimacy issues and eventually he said he needed to figure them out alone. He was extremely open and put in effort so I was pretty let down. However it’s good for me to remember that I didn’t waste the affection and care I put into that situation. I did it because I wanted to give. Not because I should expect him to reciprocate.
I’m so there now Matthew! 🙄 think it harder when you were with someone say for 12yrs and then you seperate.. dating is so exhausting now!! Here we go again!!
Matthew you have added such incredible wisdom to my life. You have put in words what I have been feeling. 4 yeas ago I got out of a second abusive marriage. I stuck around for 36 years. But had built a very successful teaching career and my own friends along the way. I am part of many volunteer activities in my community and all this kept me going. But you have put it all so eloquently here. I know I am a risk taker and love new challenges. Now I appreciate my own space and can include people when I want. Thanks for all your wisdom!
“No available dates and times” to speak with someone. Must not be “my time” and I’m happy for those who’s time is now. Would someone tell me the cost of the virtual retreat? Stay safe everyone! 🌞🇨🇦
I gave up, and it was the best decision to make. It's relieving to stop thinking of a necessity to have another person in my life. There's no place, no time, no energy for somebody else. I recently turned 30 and I've never felt better about all this finding a partner idea.
Matt is a rare jewel - so genuinely deep, mindful, and generous with his ideas. Really wish there were more people like him, or it just inspires me to seek them out there. Perhaps that's just it, "saying no to the wrong people" sooner - that opens up your attention/energy to finding more suitable people (romance or no).
My guess, is that...it sucks being both alone or lonely. And having some guidance helps aleviate a bit of pain. I think that's worth crying a bit over. It's a construcxtive use of too much energy.
I am forty ,a single mother , I lost three stone .I am in the best shape I have been ever .I get attention but I am tired and promised myself that I would never join a dating site no longer looking.. It will happen for me if it is suppose to,if not I am cool with that to.
Being Gen X I was lucky enough to spend most of my youth without online dating and social media. I met actual people out and about and at parties and through friends and we never went on dates. We just hung out as friends for awhile and then realized we really liked each other and became boyfriend and girlfriend. After my divorce in my mid 40s I entered the dating scene again and felt like I was airdropped into a foreign land.
I've come to terms and accepted the fact that there is no one out there for me. I gave up completely on my birthday. Even though I still get lonely, i just think of all the crap I went through with previous relationships and all the tears and frustrations I experienced then I start again at appreciating single life.
I’m happy by myself I was married at one time. Been there done that. I still believe men can be loving/loyal. I’ll look when the time is right. My poodle is my low maintenance cuddle buddy. Yes he barks back lol.
A lot of the motivational speakers that I have been listening to recently talk about the value of "progress." If you feel like you are making progress that can keep you going toward the ultimate goal. The "activation energy" that you generate will hopefully keep you going. Also, if you volunteer for a worthy cause, it can have a dual purpose. You may meet a caring person also looking for a mate and if you don't at least you have done some good in this crazy world!!! 😁
as far as I’m concerned,dating for me being single all my life at 60 years old never married and have no kids,if no women seen me attractive enough to be a husband while I was in my prime years between 21-45 years old,I haven’t gotten any better looking so why try find a woman now for a potential future wife when I’m old enough to be a grandpa,I never considered myself as a handsome looking man and I’m 5’ 6” tall so that right off the start women ain’t interested in me no matter what kind of personality I have,so I decided I’m gonna stay single the rest of my life and ask God what exactly was my purpose on this earth besides being alone, I tried many times to find a woman I would be proud to marry and call her “My Wife” but I guess I’m not husband material and nowadays why bother getting married when 90% of marriages after 7-10 years end up in divorce,makes me wonder why I was even born bcuz my life has been nothing but a WASTE of time and a struggle
Giving that energy is also very draining -- especially when it's not reciprocated. But doing so with no concern for the outcome is absolutely doable. And you're right about this. [6:00]
I gave in and tried the online thing again, so many that I know to be married, and ones that have a reputation as a player, what's left are ones who can't string two words together. I would try the 'executive matchmaker' but I'm not the executive type. Utterly annoying.
Bourdain is the man! I love that metaphor of him dating the world. You’re very eloquent. Also, I have a ton of respect for Bourdain’s deep passion for food. He was a joy to watch
I’ve been a widow for 3 years after being in a good marriage with a soulmate for 27 years. The 50+ dating pool seems like the island of misfit toys. We’re all broken in some way or we wouldn’t be single now. I’m trying to think of dating as just meeting new people, at least making some new friends, but most of the time I’d rather just join a book club or a photography class. At least I know I’ll have fun and meet decent people who don’t just want to hook up.
This video was inspired in my opinion. It's clear how much care and thought you all put into it by the explanation at the end--you're right, Matthew, the world wasn't ready for this message 6 months ago. I certainly wasn't. Thank you for the brief tribute to Anthony Bourdain. His "dating the world" approach to life touched my own life in a profound way, and, to be honest, it makes me trust your advice that much more to hear you draw on Bourdain's memory and words. Also, #5 is going to stick with me for a while to come, and it's what prompted me to write this extended comment, which is something I very rarely do. Thank you for these beautiful reminders to live life to the fullest with humility and gratitude.
I would be so happy if I managed to get a date. That would be progress for me. I'm an introverted guy, who got dumped from a six years relationship this spring. I pulled myself together and feel ready for the dating scene. But all theses apps are draining me. Short conversation that I end up getting ghosted in. Long conversations where the girl doesn't wanna meet up. Not even in a Skype call. If I just got one date, that could end up horrible, I would see that as a huge win for me now. Cause right now, am pretty close to just give up for awhile.
I’ve been there, Sten. Dating apps can ebb away at my confidence too but it’s really hard to generate interest and it’s hard not to question yourself in the process. I don’t know if you’ve tried Hinge but I’ve found that better than Tinder - I consider my strengths to be wit over physique and in that sense Hinge suits me a bit better so just thought I’d suggest it in case you’d only been on Tinder/Bumble.
@@gabrielsutton4837 Thanks for the support Gabriel! I have tried Hinge, but where I live (Sweden) there aren't that many users. So the only two apps that have users are basically Tinder and Match. But yes the drainage of confidence is real. Sometimes I just feel unlovable. I'm an ok looking guy, so I get likes and matches. But I can't get past the hump of actually meeting someone. I don't know if it's due covid-19, or if it's that I'm just completely clueless about how to build attraction over text.
@@stenharl1 It's so hard, isn't it? I think as well women can get away with saying something boring on Dating Apps because loads of men will still be interested in them whereas a man saying something boring is a massive turn-off (not to underestimate the different types of challenges women face in the dating world). My advice would be, firstly, to find ways of feeling loved independently from romance - you can never 100% rely on a romantic partner to love you (just look at ABBA!) but you should be able to rely on family and friends. Secondly, take a whole day to review your dating profile, enlist help from friends if you can, look up some tips online and make sure you put forward the best version of yourself. Good luck, I'm with you man!
That's exactly right. With career goals, health goals and any other personal goal it feels like effort that'll result in progress, but with meeting people, whenever things go left field with someone, you're right back to square one. Progress with one person doesn't do anything to create progress with the next person, because people are so different. What I'm learning is to take breaks whenever my energy feels depleted (I'm an introvert to a T), and maybe the next time instead of jumping straight into dating I'll be more sociable. That's at least progress I can monitor. Then maybe after that I'll feel a little less shy about the possibility of meeting someone who might not be the one, because I've met so many people for the sake of meeting people already
Anthony Bourdain inspired the way I aspire to travel & I love that notion that he “dated the world”! I kick off my Christmas holiday season by watching Elf every year & no matter what’s going on everything seems better afterwards! It’s so damn funny 😆 Thanks Matthew this is the hopeful spark I needed & although we’re not allowed to travel freely I’m starting to plan some trips 🙏🏾✈️🏟🗼🥐🍷🍝
Using tinder was one of most fun filled activities. I've learned so much about people's needs, their appearance, how to talk to have a good time. I had really good time because I thought that since I am potentially speaking with the love of my life, I can relax already and speak in such manner. And I have found a human that was on the exact same note as me with that approach. So we started a fulfilling relationship right away through an app 💚
Why Christian? Why do you think so? I’ve been dating people recently and I’m a little bit down because I felt there was nothing in common between me and them, unlikely maybe. But I’m 26 and I’m planning to get out of my country after degree..to have new experiences and grow. I’m very determined to do so but I always have this feeling of not finding someone to spend time with, have fun. What reason could push me to focus only on my goals without thinking of dating life or having a relationship?
I was staying at my brother's place after my divorce and trying to pick up the pieces of my life and psyche after years of abuse. My brother told me that I needed to develop RBF (resting B face) in order to deter shady dudes, and yes, that would certainly do the job, but it would also deter everyone else. At the end of the day, I had to decide who I wanted to be no matter how someone else treated me, and the reality is that there are plenty of users out there who cannot be trusted, but we don't have to become just like them. Staying friendly in an unfriendly world is an act of defiance. Sometimes we have to live contrary to what we have been through and not let it shape who we are.
Someone give this man a hug And tell him he's loved and it so calming to observe the person he is when he speaks his heart out ❤️ and there's just so many lovely humans in this world wauu
Honestly, too tired to think of dating anymore. 42 and single is not where I thought I'd be but I need to look after me and not worry about what someone else thinks of me or whether they want to be with me or not anymore. Its hard enuff dealing with life in a pandemic, without putting energy into dating as well. Have to be content with day to day.
There is so much growth happening with you Matthew. You are growing. Your aura is so peaceful and clean. You are healing and growing and I can feel it. Good for you 🙂. Your content is also moving up in the realm of depth and wisdom. You have always been great at what you do but, recently , you are becoming phenomenal and that is so beautiful to watch
As I watch this I literally cry. I am so tired of dating. I have never had a real boyfriend who really love me for who I am. The only guy who was close to me was harrassing me, and then I never found any guy ever since. It's been 7 years I never even have a boyfriend. I thought dating apps (Tinder) would work, but most guys ghosted me though I have TRIED so hard to be a positive person everytime I meet them. I have levelled up my game in dating: by improving the way I look, the way I talk and even they way I approach. But romance seems to be impossible for me to experience. Dating is so tiring for me mentally and physically. I don't know what should I do. My heart is breaking.
Adding to my below comment, let's take a moment to appreciate the beauty of this man. Like damn Mathew you keep getting finer with time. The look you have at the end of the video is so 😍😍😍
I really needed this video today to convince me to get on dating apps. I feel so negative about them, then conflicted after agreeing with Logan Urys comments about them in her book (which I thought was fab) and now I’m in the middle of wanting them but convincing myself to wait longer. Im such a hesitator, but I have decided I want to put myself out there slowly and this video helped me to realise that. Thanks
I love your words of wisdom Matthew! I always feel dejected after spending time to get dressed up and go out only for the night to be a flop. Really needed to hear this advice
Really powerful. I needed to hear that last part. Staying positive is key. I started losing weight in May (20 so far) for my cycling. I have good and bad days. For me, I struggle with internalizing rejection. I'm getting better... that's the key.
Interesting thoughts. I’m definitely in this space right now. Dating has never been easy but modern dating culture just like so many other things has just made it easier to expose the worst of human nature. Too many people are just left jaded and resentful of the process and the opposite sex or just the opposite person. It’s like 50 times bitten 1 million times shy. In psychological terms it’s called learned helplessness. Your natural instinct is to try but the more you try and fail the more you stop trying as a protection mechanism from feeling failure, happens with Dogs, happens with people who can’t find work etc
Thank you for this inspiration! I am quite introvert and living and dating in Switzerland where people are very reserved anyways... dating def. Is not easygoing. But you inspired me just to go on, doing things i enjoy and be open for what is coming
"Develop an interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself." ~written by Henry Miller and LIVED by Anthony Bourdain ♥️ Thank you for this excellent video, Matthew! 🙏🌟
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Until you get comfortable with being alone, you'll never know if you're choosing someone out of love or loneliness.
💯 😁
Well, loneliness doesn't mean being comfy with being alone. It rather means, that you've accepted your loneliness. Once you feel comfortable with your own presence, you can choose who's an enrichment to your life and not a balast. That's rather the danger about being comfy with your own company, you start sorting out people who aren't enriching but were considered friends earlier.
well said!
Word.
Yeap! So true. I fear for ppl who desperately look for someone just for the sake of not feeling lonely. Usually those relationships are toxic af cause they let just anyone in.
To quote an excellent 80's movie, "I rather be alone for the right reasons, than with someone for the wrong reason." Amanda Jones😎
My favorite quote ❤️
I wish I could “like” this more than once
Absolutely- any day!
YES! Never settle. You deserve the best... But you also have to work on finding the right guy!
I quote that one ALL the time!!! HUGS
Okay, I changed my mind. I'll date again. What are you doing this Friday, Matt?
LMFAO😂😂😂😂😂
Welp, he certainly can't accuse you of not having a sense of humor! 😂
HAHAH amazing😂😂👌🏾
❤
I have a feeling there's a long queue for this man
I feel like Ive been meeting the wrong people for so long that I've become so pessimistic about meeting people, which I know is a bad attitude to have, but man oh man, it's so rough
So familiar. It's hard to remember every no brings me closer to that person. Every bad video or speech gets me better at communicating with that person.
@@anotherfate1 yes yes, that's a really good mindset!
@@anotherfate1 difficult to keep up with this mindset
You're a girl. Dating is not hard for you
@@SuperMurray2009 ahhh dating is hard! I'm sure we all go through different struggles
Introvert here, literally everything drains me. Even going out on a social event just to meet people is extremely draining. And being friendly to strangers is also draining.
Being an introvert is just a challenge and I just can’t.
Girl, I feel you so much, same here. You are not alone. I'm ''canting'' with u too.
I'm feeling the same way.
introvert male here
100% that's why I gave up
and now working on myself and came across someone.... I wasn't ready I didn't expect it
I feel this so much. Over the past few years I've learned to love myself and know my worth. I thought I was ready to find someone to share myself with but it causes me more stress than enjoyment so I'm starting to thinking it's not worth my energy.
38-year-old male here. Never had a gf. I feel the same way you do.
The idea of dating the world is beautiful and it’s that type of thinking that we could all benefit from
Was just thinking the same....date the world...feel inspired and grow every day!
Wonderful mind-set to have. I definitely need that.
Thats what ima do date the worldsd
I don’t know what painting your looking at but mine has been and will most likely always be blank
@@badgerproductions24they don't see the life how it is... Its not happy happy joy joy its an everyday fight. And for me not dealing with woman Was the best decision i made
I feel he’s my therapist and knew I gave up
Love this comment - I feel EXACTLY the same 🙈
Yeh , im going to give up then got notification of this vido 😄
Same. This past week I was so over it.
Yea I've gave up My friend is trying to get me on a date with her boyfriend's work mate I will give it a try cause Matt has always said its good to meet new people in other vids but I've known alot of narcsisist who have put me high up then brought me down so I will be looking for red flags .Just hope it goes well I'm getting a phone call tonight I'm very nervous xx
❤️
I have absolutely and truly given up entirely. The loneliness is oppressive, but the feeling of constant disappointment is even worse. Stage four lockdown here in Melbourne still and I can’t leave the house for longer than an hour a day. No point whatsoever in wasting my energy. I’m exhausted.
Spooky Spectre Thanks! You’re right, there may be a tiny bit of hope left but I have certainly given up on the fact that I will meet anyone during this pandemic and who knows how long this will last. Online dating has worn me down over the last 9 years and it makes me feel more unhappy than happy so I had to quit it. 🤷🏻♀️
Spooky Spectre A few of my housemates often say love happens when you stop looking but I’ve never really subscribed to that. I feel like in my case if I stopped looking, there’s very little that I would be doing that would lead me to romance.
Gabriel Sutton I like what Matt says about dating the world... That’s what I do and have done for my whole life. It’s been more important to me than ‘looking for love’. I travel solo, work on huge events with thousands of people, I go to gigs, I do dance classes, I do short course, I work my ass off on whatever it is that I’m doing in my employment and I generally throw myself into life because the single persons best friend is being busy... but not having been able to do any of that for 6 months now has absolutely destroyed my will to go on. I’ve realised just how fucking lonely I am without all that other stuff and not being able to see any family or friends...
Spooky Spectre The tides been out on this dating thing for me for such a long time. When I put myself out there I’m always disappointed. I absolutely know without a spec of doubt that I’m a really great catch and deserve so much. Being given the opportunity to show that to someone who is willing to receive it that is the difficult part.
Being stuck in Stage 4 sucks,until it's over,dating is impossible.We will get through this.....There is someone out there for you.Keep your head up. #MelbourneStrong.
That "give energy only to get energy" thing is something I really needed to hear. It's selfish for me to say "I'm only going to put in this energy if someone is willing to give it in return". I need to do it because that what I want to see in the world! Not because I want a return on my investment
The No.1 thing that trips a lot of us in dating, is choosing the wrong people to give our energy and time to.
One thing that is so important to recognising someone amazing, is our own self awareness.
The more self awareness we have of our amazing traits and things we need to work on, will help us recognise an amazing quality person when they come along :)
Thanks Matthew, always an inspiration for my channel :)
Well said, I’m gonna check out your channel. 🙂
Well put! Totally agree 👍
Perfectly said. 'Real recognize real.' ~Riley Freeman
@@imtheprize Amen to that 🔥
Well said. Could you have put it better myself
I’ve been following Mathew Hussey for five years now. Since then, whenever I go through a breakup, I leave gracefully. I write down all the things I’d say to my exes as if I was confronting them, but after a few hours, I delete the notes. After calming down and rereading the notes, I feel it’s not worth risking my dignity. I make myself clear to them about what I want, and if they still fail to meet me in the middle, my words will not convince them to come back. I keep my integrity in tact, and usually, my exes contact me after some time gap.
So very true. Go girl! And good for you x
I've been single for a really, really long time. Finally starting to date again 😌 I remember why I hate dating apps 😑
They can be tough, Roacilynn - good luck finding someone special ❤️
@@gabrielsutton4837 thank you ❤
Dating apps are the worst!
14 years single, loving life, hate online dating
@@abbiealverez2960 I can think of a few reasons. We live in a society and culture which celebrates/idolises couples (like on social media). Someone will inevitably get more likes on their Facebook page if they post a picture of themselves with their significant other than if they just post a solo pic. Marriage (and having children) for women is seen as the epitome of the perfect life. Nobody ever says 'Congratulations, you never married the wrong person! Have a bouquet of flowers and a gift card on me!' They just go 'Why are you still single?' or 'Why have you never married?' as if there is something wrong with you. Or if you belong to a faith group, then you will just be invisible, because without a boyfriend/partner/husband or child, you have nothing to anchor your identity to.
Have you ever considered the possibility, Kate, that you are on some level convincing yourself that you love singlehood in order to protect yourself from getting hurt?
Same.
@@gabrielsutton4837 I was married for 11 years and never felt as myself as I have done single. Yes, I fear hurt as much as everyone else, but I have been on quite a few dates with guys met online and they are all very uninspiring. My hate of online dating is born of the number of players and time wasters who use their lower brain that I have come across who have no intentions of either meeting or showing up in a relationship. The man I deserve and who deserves me will show up when the time is right. In the meantime I'm not waiting around, I'm enjoying my life.
@@katem7205 Fair enough, Kate - totally respect that.
I see the kindness in this man's eyes.
#2 is basically the draining part for me... after dating a narcissist I’m so demotivated from pouring into people who just take, take, take 😩
Get used if it girl... Alot of shit out there but you will be able to delete so much sooner the next time. I have faith in you and believe in you!
Focus on you. Dress beautifully and fake it until you make it! Prepare for your blessings. Sooner or later it will manifest.
Xxx
.. Yep, being with a narc as I was ( and bought up by them ) ... Your inner confidence is shot ! THEY like you feel that way . Out of those people mentioned , I've only an elder sister left ...so I left her, blocked out of my life now ! And it's liberating.
@Adil Alfa I'm sure she wouldn't want to date someone who makes nonsensical and unkind comments in the youtube comment section.
@Adil Alfa no one wants a lowlife like you either
@Adil Alfa shocking
It's even harder when you're a single parent, go to the trouble of arranging child care, then just get ghosted after the date!
May God bless you and your child !
I’m really sorry, Amanda - that must be a really tough situation to deal with. I’ve been ghosted in the past and it’s very disappointing regardless of your personal circumstances.
Oh yeah I get u!!!! Im in the same boat !!! It's hard when u have kids maybe Mathew should do a video on this separately on single parents. Who else would like a video like that??? Hit the like button and maybe we could get one more likes and maybe he will notice 🙄🙄
Yessssss
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’ve decided if I go back to dating...I’m not open to dating on apps or online. I prefer to meet people face to face and developing friendships and looking at their demeanor. Experience life and you will find others that enjoy your company and respect you and your son. Hope you find the one again.
Single for 8 years now, while I've been in college (as a grandmama). This gives me hope. Not just for myself, but for all my friends out their who want a loving relationship but are tired of the superficial. I have no interest in online dating or artificial meetups, but this reminds me that I still want to live my life to the fullest and, if Mr.Right is out there, that being actively involved in the things I love out in the world, is probably where I'd run across him. Thank you. :)
As an older lady I feel like I don’t want to waste my time anymore. I can be doing something else I love. If it happens it happens. But I can’t do anymore. It’s too tiring.
... same
Same
Not the same
Draining isnt it....
Same here. I'm 52 now and don't have interest anymore in dating
Exactly I am just so done too. I do want a relationship to share life and give love. But maybe you can't find it through dating...Maybe it's just destiny. Been looking for so long and even fallen in love a few times ..but you can't make it happen just because you want it even for all the right reasons.
How many guys do you think you have gone on a date with would you say?
Just focus on finding, accepting and loving yourself. When you find yourself, you find love because they are the same.
Who are these people going on actual dates??! I can't even meet men and I'm an outgoing extrovert.
Online dating has given the people false perception they are dating/going out on dates but in reality they go out on a date or two. True dating, well that is rare actually.
This
I hear you!
We left sah thanks to tinder
Because you're lying to everyone on here. You could easily meet many men, hordes would probably be happy to be approached by you, but the vast majority are simply invisible to you and you refuse to do any approaching if you are a typical woman. You wait and get frustrated, you think vague signals constitute huge invitations to men to come over and initiate a conversation, and rather than interact with and maybe just go on a single casual date with a guy that approaches you, just treating it as a casual no pressure encounter, you say where are the people going on dates. You have all the tools to change this situation but between your standards and unwillingness to put in any effort on an initial approach you proclaim nothing is working. This Matthew dude just runs his mouth to placate and validate the women who kiss his rear end.
God wants me all to himself in this single season I’m in right now. I moved to another state for work and was dating a guy before I left and then he broke up with me after I arrived. I’m just not allowing anyone else in right now. Time to heal. I am giving up dating on purpose for my purpose! It’s difficult to be alone and not have someone to share life with but it’s no longer my time to date. I’m stickin with God.
I'm a total extrovert. Prepandemic, I would meet and be approached by lots of people. We would have great chats. And then nothing. I refuse to put in more energy than the person on the other side. Not just in potential love relationships but also friendships. We all deserve better. We all want to show our best at first go; if his best is making me feel like an after thought, I'm out.
I found two of my amazingly close friends on dating app... Not everything has to lead to a relationship or love, dating apps can just be like a place for finding someone you enjoy hanging out with and have a great friendship with... It just has to be on you to filter out the quality people... 💯💕
Everything you do can lead to something, just discarding things as useless unless you meet someone you seriously date is just wrong for your life...
PS - I did meet my boyfriend in an unexpected way while I was making everything else count it's value...
@Spooky Spectre That's so sweet... Wishing them love and happiness 💕
Well said. this was my attitude until I realized that nobody else on the app seems to think like this. I got judged, abused ect even online. So I quit. Maybe the website I was using was just not helpful but I decided to go out and try to meet new people in a different way. So far so good
@@bettymurphy6865 it might also depend on where you are living I assume... Different states have different lifestyles and hence mentality of people is also different... Hope things are working for you and you are happy 🙌💯💕
@@sqoishicasette that makes si much sense so thanks for that.
Hope you are having good experiences too.
Wishing you every happiness xxx
@@bettymurphy6865 thank you... That's so sweet 💕
Matthew Hussey..Every mother deserves a son like you..
Every daughter deserves a father like you..
Every sister deserves a brother like you..
Every wife deserves a husband like you..
Every good girl deserves a good man like you..
Matthew Hussey..You deserve all the happiness..all the love..all the respect..in the world..
Aww you are so soo nice. This is beautiful
Love the last point of yours in this video - "Focus on the person who is going to thank you in the future for not giving up today". Very inspiring I find it. I know I would appreciate a person who is not giving up today to meet me in the future too. Thanks, Matt.
Aww. Shout out to Anthony Bourdain may he forever rest in light. He was definitely passionate about life. "Dating the world" is definitely the way to live life. Thanks again Matthew!! 🤍
When life has has left you feeling like the only person left on Earth sometimes, you just wanna turn off your brain forever. It's hard to not have bad thoughts, hard to not think the worst of people, and to feel like the world don't care about you. Guys like this can give advice all day but this guy isn't getting turned down. Billions of us alive, I can't imagine we all matter in the end, some of us just don't get a good hand. That's the way of the world. The world doesn't care.
That last point made me cry. It's hard to think someone will thank me for choosing them when it seems men ghost, hurt, neglect, and abandon me. I've dated so many men in my life during the past 22 years and I'm tired. My birthday is in two weeks and, with going into my 40s, a reminder that if I wasn't enough for any man in my 20s and 30s, how can I be in my 40s as I'm getting older? They don't want a family with me and seem to not want marriage. I get it! I'm not enough and it hurts knowing I'm so complex for one person. Giving up seems like the best thing which is sad in a world of 7.5 billion people. Sorry this is such a sad post, but it's my truth. However, thank you Matthew for the video. 🙂
Tears here - completely understand where you're coming from because I'm here as well. I'm not 40 - I'm 25- but I'm in the stage where everyone I know is in a LTR/getting engaged and married. Every man I've ever met has broke up with me in a matter of weeks or months. I'm always willing to make it work but they aren't (a variety of lifestyles, geographic regions and races) and it's very damaging to my self esteem. I'm tired of letting men tell me I'm not good enough when I'm an incredible woman in every other facet of life.
The way you truly (subconsciously) see yourself tends to be reflected by other people. In my opinion, people who have a particularly difficult time meeting or keeping a partner, have some kind of unconscious resistance to it. Maybe they are afraid of intimacy, of being hurt, whatever. It is not so much the outer world rejecting you but your inner world resisting love or at least both of it. It is understandable to see ourselves as victims (once we possibly were) but this approach doesn't take you anywhere. And if the only goal is to grow and learn for yourself. I know how hard that is but what other options do we have when we don't want to give up (and I mean giving up on an important part of ourselves, denying and disowning it, and to no longer participate in life in that respect) This is the path of least resistance when it comes to our own resistance.
@@a.g.5396 I can't speak for OP but think that's a nice sentiment but grossly oversimplified.
@cwilson586 I'm not saying that this is the one and only explanation but nevertheless it's worthwhile thinking about this aspect as well. Of course there is rejection in the outside world you definitely cannot pinpoint as something that has to do with you and you shouldn't blame yourself for everything. However, if patterns occur, the likelihood increases that you too have something to do with it. Oftentimes this is completely overlooked by many people.
@@a.g.5396 I can agree to a lot of what you're saying. However, I feel like people that have a hard time holding on to a guy/meeting the wrong guys, is because they don't know their worth and have low self esteem. so they keep on meeting bad guys, because they don't know that they deserve better cause they're so used to being treated badly. That's just my take on it.
True! Dating has become a chore
@Adrian R ...and the winner of worst dating advice of the century goes to.
Sorry, Matthew. I give up. After 51 years of searching, waiting, hoping and praying for the right one, I give up. I can’t keep believing in something that clearly isn’t showing up. Maybe it’s not in my plan from the universe to find love. It breaks my heart. 💔
Don’t give up, there’s always someone out there.. there are 7 billion people in this planet.
Actually you are right, that's a long time, give up.
@@Kiara-xh3heI hate when people say "there's seven billion people in the world to date NO THERES NOT! How many are married? The right gender? The right age? The right sexual orientation? How many that are near you? I mean you wouldn't fly half way round the world for a date would you??? How many find you attractive and you like wise? How many would you actually gel with? THEN you've narrowed it down to a handful of people at the most NOT SEVEN BILLION FOR FFS
All this is well and dandy, but what if ur chances of even getting a date are less than 5%. It makes you feel like a loser that’s unwanted, and makes you believe you have to settle with that one person that gave you a shot, even if they’re a crappy individual. At this point I just don’t see a point to keep berating myself anymore by always being rejected. This world sucks
I remember when I came across Matthews videos about 2 years ago when my ex broke up with me and stumbling across his "breakup" videos.
I still watch his videos... But I watch them now from a place after post break up, then going on a bunch of dates and meeting a zillion people... But now I am just so happy being single and doing my thing (covid environment or not) and I really think I would not be in the spot I'm in, with the wisdom I have without the help from Matt's videos. I'm sure I'll date again one day when I'm ready to do that again but right now I just have so much gratitude for having someone like Matt to be able to help me find some of the self reflection I really needed to hear when I felt so low during the hard times when I wasn't so content.
THANKS MATTY. 🥰
I’ve been alone for quite some time. Who I give my time, attention, and energy to is very important to me. This pandemic has given me a much-needed break from all the online dating fuckery. I deleted the dating apps and focused on my own sanity. After all of this Covid shit is over, I am in no rush to date anyone. Going on dates isn’t difficult; it’s the dealing with the frauds, phonies, mentally-ill, married, ghosters, and lying d-bags that gets exhausting. I’m over it and it’s ok if I stay alone for the rest of my days. I’d rather be alone than deal with all the nonsense out there.🤷🏻♀️
I love the fact that Matthew Hussey is soooo optimistic! That's something we all need these days. A lot of people (myself included, I'm 23) get sad and disappointed sometimes, and a lot of people are very impatient too.
It's easy to be optimistic if you're already deep in a relationship
If he was talking about learning to drive and passing you're driving test BUT he passed his test years ago then it'll be easy to be optimistic about that too not if you've been single for years and don't know when it's ever going to end.
After a bad experience at 6months of my so called 'relatioship' I decided to stop loving completely but then i realized that, that is not who I am. I have always been a caring, loving person. I didn't want to let one man change that thing in me. So now I'm at a pitstop in my life. But I'm trying to eventually go out, flirt, smile attend gatherings and do things that make me, me before I met this guy. 🤞🏻 Fingers crossed
Wishing you all the best. Good attitude. See the 6 months as a time that made you aware of certain traits in people that sharpened your intuition.
Hey Matthew,
I'm sorry that you have to deal with us frustrated, sometimes even bitter women all over the world but on the other hand - thank you! Thank you for not giving up and taking care of us. You're doing an amazing job. God knows it's not easy haha
I just don't have the energy anymore
Lots of couples are breaking up this year because of all the added stressors happening. This could be good news for those of us searching for the right person! More possibilities opening up...
Same..this close to give up
@Spooky Spectre how do you deal with a threats of a narcissist.?
@Spooky Spectre thank you will definitely take your advice
@Spooky Spectre thank you for the encouragement...you are a GOD sent... GOD bless you...sometimes we go through stuff to help others and steer them in the right direction.💆
I was someone who was ALWAYS dating, constantly searching for the one. Now I've come completely to peace with the thought of being single very least until the covid vaccine comes out, since I hate video chat dates. And I've never felt so much liberation before from just allowing myself to be single ♥️
I hope "always dating" does not mean that you slept with lots of guys. Because if this is the case, your chances to ever finding "the one" will be very slim.
@Eris Dating doesn't necessarily mean sleeping with. But it can. And many women are raking up high body counts without realizing what that means for her chances to find a desirable man for a long term relationship.
"Never go in search of love. Go in search of life. And life will find you the love you seek"
After going through my breakup I read one of Matthew Husseys books and took his advice to progress as a person as my way to heal. Part of that was going to improv classes - which is where I met my current boyfriend lol. Life found me the love I sought and have every confidence it can do the same for everyone 😊
Thanks for this amazing video Matthew!!! I feel like life in general is more than dating and men and finding "the one". Life should be about having as many memories and experiences and little regrets. It's about finding interesting people and having interesting conversations. I gave up on dating and men a long time ago but what I love about you Matthew is that you really try to help and uplift women regardless of their relationship status. I love this video!
I love to be curious about dating. Yes it's hard and awful and time wasting in one way, but I learn so much about myself, about communication, about people, about respect, about boundaries, about love, etc.. I take that back to my friends and we also grow in all those aspects. And I have a LOT of laughs! 😂
This is a perspective I needed to see. I've been going through the same experiences, and I've been feeling exhausted. This flips the script for me 🙃.
I've been single for the past 7 years, and I'm content with my life and close friends circle. Being a tactile person, going out latin dancing every week helps a lot. Tho due to lockdown, no dancing or seeing friends, so just enjoying myself at home and working on myself.
MY problem is I fall in love with people who aren't in love with me. Then the very few that "wanted" me were people I did not want to be around at all. It's so frustrating and I hate it. =P
You have to love yourself first before loving anyone else! When you're comfortable in your own skin you attract people who appreciate for who you are! xxx
We are never alone. We have ourselves. The animals. The numbers. The sky. We have the music.
Correct or correct?...It's when you give up on dating and literally move nonchalant that's when your dating life gets into a whole new level you was hoping for.
It depends on your environment. If you’re naturally surrounded by people of the right age/gender then carefree nonchalance can work, but personally I need to engineer ways of meeting women when it wouldn’t happen for me organically.
@Spooky Spectre No, I live in Birmingham, England. I'm not naturally a massive pub or bar goer though, I really don't enjoy those kind of nights out.
dude...if only.
I am crying while watching this video and allowing myself to be vulnerable and stay strong again
Thanks Matthew. You help me grow every day as a better person. I'm so proud of the changes I made, your videos have been there all the time guiding me through my ups and downs. Now I'm more open to meet new people, I can give without feeling frustrated (most of the time) I compliment people and guys I like without feeling vulnerable or waiting for a feedback... but most importantly, thanks to you I learned to chose.
Oh Matt... I feel you heard me yesterday, after another failed first date, saying “I’m tired of this now. I don’t want to meet anybody”. Thank you for the pep talk and the motivational words. I’m so grateful you use your talent to support and empower people. What you do makes a difference in my life. May your future be pure radiance ✨
#5 Really hit me... I almost had to sit down and hold my tears back. One day this will all be worth it
I’m 49 and I haven’t dated since 2008 I was 36 about to turn 37 when I gave up. I have no plans to ever date again. I literally have not touched a woman kissed a woman or held hands let alone anything else. I just have horrible trust issues so I just quit and never looked back
That's a real shame Ron. I hope you end up finding love.
Dude I'm loosing motivation all together, not just dating!
@Spooky Spectre Agreed. This is definitely taking a toll on everyone but like you said, once it's lifted we should slowly be getting back out there and regain out productivity. Thanks for the support! Hang in there as well, we'll make it out.
Ugh. Same tho 😩
Do not give up on Love! There are ways of getting it!
Throughout the arc of the pandemic and quarantine, dating has evolved. At first, it was put on hold by many older adults who worried about their health and virus exposure, but as COVID-19 has lingered people are eager to connect. However, many are still navigating that first in-person contact, how to get beyond video chatting and how to safely move ahead with sexual activity.
This really helped me. I was seeing a guy for a couple months- a genuinely nice man. However he was open about his intimacy issues and eventually he said he needed to figure them out alone. He was extremely open and put in effort so I was pretty let down. However it’s good for me to remember that I didn’t waste the affection and care I put into that situation. I did it because I wanted to give. Not because I should expect him to reciprocate.
I’m so there now Matthew! 🙄 think it harder when you were with someone say for 12yrs and then you seperate.. dating is so exhausting now!! Here we go again!!
Lol. Thought when I ended my long-term-relationship "please no. I hate to date."
Matthew you have added such incredible wisdom to my life. You have put in words what I have been feeling. 4 yeas ago I got out of a second abusive marriage. I stuck around for 36 years. But had built a very successful teaching career and my own friends along the way. I am part of many volunteer activities in my community and all this kept me going. But you have put it all so eloquently here. I know I am a risk taker and love new challenges. Now I appreciate my own space and can include people when I want. Thanks for all your wisdom!
“No available dates and times” to speak with someone. Must not be “my time” and I’m happy for those who’s time is now. Would someone tell me the cost of the virtual retreat? Stay safe everyone! 🌞🇨🇦
I gave up, and it was the best decision to make. It's relieving to stop thinking of a necessity to have another person in my life. There's no place, no time, no energy for somebody else. I recently turned 30 and I've never felt better about all this finding a partner idea.
It’s like this video is made for me...
Matt is a rare jewel - so genuinely deep, mindful, and generous with his ideas. Really wish there were more people like him, or it just inspires me to seek them out there. Perhaps that's just it, "saying no to the wrong people" sooner - that opens up your attention/energy to finding more suitable people (romance or no).
I'm crying right now, don't even know why...
My guess, is that...it sucks being both alone or lonely. And having some guidance helps aleviate a bit of pain. I think that's worth crying a bit over. It's a construcxtive use of too much energy.
I am forty ,a single mother , I lost three stone .I am in the best shape I have been ever .I get attention but I am tired and promised myself that I would never join a dating site no longer looking.. It will happen for me if it is suppose to,if not I am cool with that to.
Thank you for your positive energy, Matt! I feel like this is what I needed to hear...
😍😍😍😍😍same here xxxxx
Being Gen X I was lucky enough to spend most of my youth without online dating and social media. I met actual people out and about and at parties and through friends and we never went on dates. We just hung out as friends for awhile and then realized we really liked each other and became boyfriend and girlfriend. After my divorce in my mid 40s I entered the dating scene again and felt like I was airdropped into a foreign land.
Really been feeling this way the last few weeks..years..
👋
I've come to terms and accepted the fact that there is no one out there for me. I gave up completely on my birthday. Even though I still get lonely, i just think of all the crap I went through with previous relationships and all the tears and frustrations I experienced then I start again at appreciating single life.
I’m happy by myself I was married at one time. Been there done that. I still believe men can be loving/loyal. I’ll look when the time is right. My poodle is my low maintenance cuddle buddy. Yes he barks back lol.
A lot of the motivational speakers that I have been listening to recently talk about the value of "progress." If you feel like you are making progress that can keep you going toward the ultimate goal. The "activation energy" that you generate will hopefully keep you going. Also, if you volunteer for a worthy cause, it can have a dual purpose. You may meet a caring person also looking for a mate and if you don't at least you have done some good in this crazy world!!! 😁
as far as I’m concerned,dating for me being single all my life at 60 years old never married and have no kids,if no women seen me attractive enough to be a husband while I was in my prime years between 21-45 years old,I haven’t gotten any better looking so why try find a woman now for a potential future wife when I’m old enough to be a grandpa,I never considered myself as a handsome looking man and I’m 5’ 6” tall so that right off the start women ain’t interested in me no matter what kind of personality I have,so I decided I’m gonna stay single the rest of my life and ask God what exactly was my purpose on this earth besides being alone, I tried many times to find a woman I would be proud to marry and call her “My Wife” but I guess I’m not husband material and nowadays why bother getting married when 90% of marriages after 7-10 years end up in divorce,makes me wonder why I was even born bcuz my life has been nothing but a WASTE of time and a struggle
Giving that energy is also very draining -- especially when it's not reciprocated. But doing so with no concern for the outcome is absolutely doable. And you're right about this. [6:00]
I have given up dating. Its impossible to find someone now.
I gave in and tried the online thing again, so many that I know to be married, and ones that have a reputation as a player, what's left are ones who can't string two words together. I would try the 'executive matchmaker' but I'm not the executive type. Utterly annoying.
Go to the gym
Needed this recently, been feeling incredibly lonely and struggling with dating, will use these tips!
He is like the hot guy friend we go to when we need advice.
Bourdain is the man! I love that metaphor of him dating the world. You’re very eloquent. Also, I have a ton of respect for Bourdain’s deep passion for food. He was a joy to watch
I’ve been a widow for 3 years after being in a good marriage with a soulmate for 27 years. The 50+ dating pool seems like the island of misfit toys. We’re all broken in some way or we wouldn’t be single now. I’m trying to think of dating as just meeting new people, at least making some new friends, but most of the time I’d rather just join a book club or a photography class. At least I know I’ll have fun and meet decent people who don’t just want to hook up.
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This video was inspired in my opinion. It's clear how much care and thought you all put into it by the explanation at the end--you're right, Matthew, the world wasn't ready for this message 6 months ago. I certainly wasn't. Thank you for the brief tribute to Anthony Bourdain. His "dating the world" approach to life touched my own life in a profound way, and, to be honest, it makes me trust your advice that much more to hear you draw on Bourdain's memory and words. Also, #5 is going to stick with me for a while to come, and it's what prompted me to write this extended comment, which is something I very rarely do. Thank you for these beautiful reminders to live life to the fullest with humility and gratitude.
I would be so happy if I managed to get a date. That would be progress for me.
I'm an introverted guy, who got dumped from a six years relationship this spring. I pulled myself together and feel ready for the dating scene.
But all theses apps are draining me. Short conversation that I end up getting ghosted in. Long conversations where the girl doesn't wanna meet up. Not even in a Skype call.
If I just got one date, that could end up horrible, I would see that as a huge win for me now. Cause right now, am pretty close to just give up for awhile.
what city u in?
I’ve been there, Sten. Dating apps can ebb away at my confidence too but it’s really hard to generate interest and it’s hard not to question yourself in the process. I don’t know if you’ve tried Hinge but I’ve found that better than Tinder - I consider my strengths to be wit over physique and in that sense Hinge suits me a bit better so just thought I’d suggest it in case you’d only been on Tinder/Bumble.
@@gabrielsutton4837 Thanks for the support Gabriel! I have tried Hinge, but where I live (Sweden) there aren't that many users. So the only two apps that have users are basically Tinder and Match.
But yes the drainage of confidence is real. Sometimes I just feel unlovable. I'm an ok looking guy, so I get likes and matches. But I can't get past the hump of actually meeting someone. I don't know if it's due covid-19, or if it's that I'm just completely clueless about how to build attraction over text.
@@stenharl1 It's so hard, isn't it? I think as well women can get away with saying something boring on Dating Apps because loads of men will still be interested in them whereas a man saying something boring is a massive turn-off (not to underestimate the different types of challenges women face in the dating world). My advice would be, firstly, to find ways of feeling loved independently from romance - you can never 100% rely on a romantic partner to love you (just look at ABBA!) but you should be able to rely on family and friends. Secondly, take a whole day to review your dating profile, enlist help from friends if you can, look up some tips online and make sure you put forward the best version of yourself. Good luck, I'm with you man!
You are genuinely the first dating coach I've come across online that actually has useful advice
Haha I wish I actually had a dating life that so I can actually think of giving up dating 😅🤣😂
Benedicta D. Same 😣
That's exactly right. With career goals, health goals and any other personal goal it feels like effort that'll result in progress, but with meeting people, whenever things go left field with someone, you're right back to square one. Progress with one person doesn't do anything to create progress with the next person, because people are so different. What I'm learning is to take breaks whenever my energy feels depleted (I'm an introvert to a T), and maybe the next time instead of jumping straight into dating I'll be more sociable. That's at least progress I can monitor. Then maybe after that I'll feel a little less shy about the possibility of meeting someone who might not be the one, because I've met so many people for the sake of meeting people already
It's still covid matt :(
Anthony Bourdain inspired the way I aspire to travel & I love that notion that he “dated the world”! I kick off my Christmas holiday season by watching Elf every year & no matter what’s going on everything seems better afterwards! It’s so damn funny 😆 Thanks Matthew this is the hopeful spark I needed & although we’re not allowed to travel freely I’m starting to plan some trips 🙏🏾✈️🏟🗼🥐🍷🍝
Yes Every guy seems to be narcissistic
Using tinder was one of most fun filled activities. I've learned so much about people's needs, their appearance, how to talk to have a good time. I had really good time because I thought that since I am potentially speaking with the love of my life, I can relax already and speak in such manner. And I have found a human that was on the exact same note as me with that approach. So we started a fulfilling relationship right away through an app 💚
Men in their 20s and early 30s shouldn't date or have a serious relationship, focus on your goals and aspirations, chase your dreams not women
I see you watch Rich Cooper! Lol 🤔
Why Christian? Why do you think so? I’ve been dating people recently and I’m a little bit down because I felt there was nothing in common between me and them, unlikely maybe. But I’m 26 and I’m planning to get out of my country after degree..to have new experiences and grow. I’m very determined to do so but I always have this feeling of not finding someone to spend time with, have fun. What reason could push me to focus only on my goals without thinking of dating life or having a relationship?
I was staying at my brother's place after my divorce and trying to pick up the pieces of my life and psyche after years of abuse. My brother told me that I needed to develop RBF (resting B face) in order to deter shady dudes, and yes, that would certainly do the job, but it would also deter everyone else. At the end of the day, I had to decide who I wanted to be no matter how someone else treated me, and the reality is that there are plenty of users out there who cannot be trusted, but we don't have to become just like them. Staying friendly in an unfriendly world is an act of defiance. Sometimes we have to live contrary to what we have been through and not let it shape who we are.
Someone give this man a hug And tell him he's loved and it so calming to observe the person he is when he speaks his heart out ❤️ and there's just so many lovely humans in this world wauu
Honestly, too tired to think of dating anymore. 42 and single is not where I thought I'd be but I need to look after me and not worry about what someone else thinks of me or whether they want to be with me or not anymore. Its hard enuff dealing with life in a pandemic, without putting energy into dating as well. Have to be content with day to day.
There is so much growth happening with you Matthew. You are growing. Your aura is so peaceful and clean. You are healing and growing and I can feel it. Good for you 🙂. Your content is also moving up in the realm of depth and wisdom. You have always been great at what you do but, recently , you are becoming phenomenal and that is so beautiful to watch
As I watch this I literally cry. I am so tired of dating. I have never had a real boyfriend who really love me for who I am. The only guy who was close to me was harrassing me, and then I never found any guy ever since. It's been 7 years I never even have a boyfriend.
I thought dating apps (Tinder) would work, but most guys ghosted me though I have TRIED so hard to be a positive person everytime I meet them. I have levelled up my game in dating: by improving the way I look, the way I talk and even they way I approach. But romance seems to be impossible for me to experience.
Dating is so tiring for me mentally and physically.
I don't know what should I do. My heart is breaking.
Adding to my below comment, let's take a moment to appreciate the beauty of this man. Like damn Mathew you keep getting finer with time. The look you have at the end of the video is so 😍😍😍
I really needed this video today to convince me to get on dating apps. I feel so negative about them, then conflicted after agreeing with Logan Urys comments about them in her book (which I thought was fab) and now I’m in the middle of wanting them but convincing myself to wait longer. Im such a hesitator, but I have decided I want to put myself out there slowly and this video helped me to realise that. Thanks
I love your words of wisdom Matthew! I always feel dejected after spending time to get dressed up and go out only for the night to be a flop. Really needed to hear this advice
Really powerful. I needed to hear that last part. Staying positive is key. I started losing weight in May (20 so far) for my cycling. I have good and bad days. For me, I struggle with internalizing rejection. I'm getting better... that's the key.
Interesting thoughts. I’m definitely in this space right now. Dating has never been easy but modern dating culture just like so many other things has just made it easier to expose the worst of human nature. Too many people are just left jaded and resentful of the process and the opposite sex or just the opposite person. It’s like 50 times bitten 1 million times shy. In psychological terms it’s called learned helplessness. Your natural instinct is to try but the more you try and fail the more you stop trying as a protection mechanism from feeling failure, happens with Dogs, happens with people who can’t find work etc
Thank you for this inspiration! I am quite introvert and living and dating in Switzerland where people are very reserved anyways... dating def. Is not easygoing. But you inspired me just to go on, doing things i enjoy and be open for what is coming
Date the world! so powerful and true. Thank you Matt for this beautiful message 🧡
"Develop an interest in life as you see it; in people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls, and interesting people. Forget yourself."
~written by Henry Miller and LIVED by Anthony Bourdain ♥️
Thank you for this excellent video, Matthew! 🙏🌟