A good trait but a double edge sword in today’s internet. Things he says ONCE might haunt him 15 years later by some random or even someone knowing him wishing to “call him out” (dumb, ofc. But it’s how people behave when they ruminate whole day on the internet)
@@fallen546 I can understand why you may think that, but based not just on my personal experience and seeing overall American behavior, especially as an American myself, the stats and facts sadly make a standing point that social morale in this country is at an alarming low and continuously declines with social health and standards. Honesty, integrity, and genuine character is a clear commodity in this country now. Do I see it from time to time? Yes. But by the majority? No not really unfortunately.
I learned the hard way that giving someone all the care and support they need to heal often ends up enabling them to avoid that pursuit all together. What you end up with is a partner who depends on your constant care and support.
Well, it's technically not care or support if you are enabling them to avoid the issue. You can't force them to address their problem, of course, but helping them avoid it isn't helping them to heal either.
These people don't take any responsibility. Argument extends to most men that see women as objects ... not mothers. Entitle themselves to "fun" then complain about notch counts & lack of morals. Never this way prior to reliable contraception....then there were serious consequences for "fun".
@4seasons546 I guess that's what always struck a nerve with me about some of the other UA-cam personalities and their "strategy". No "broken" chicks allowed. Granted, I won't even entertain the idea of giving the town bicycle a shred of my time. But yeah, part of the universal human experience is pain, trauma, and suffering. No one in this comment section is done with their journey. We will all see loved ones die, friends get sick. Everyone is always working through something. It's just a matter of if your partner is actively working through it or is just whining and making excuses. You're not responsible for your trauma from the hands of others, but you're certainly responsible for healing from it
We are all damaged by some degree. That it subconsciously programmed to feel, think and behave in familial patterns that no longer serve us well in our current lives.
Yeah this happened to me. Married someone who I thought was on the road to being "fixed". Once married the problem reversed and got worse for years. It only improved (without my help, because I'd given up) just before she left. But now she's been gone 2 years, the problem has kinda come back again. So yeah.... don't try to be a fixer. People have to fix themselves.
how do you mean the prob came back? did you stay in touch or did notice of through social media? just asking cos I am curious. cheers. ps: yeah, of course I did judge the situation (not you as a person), in case you did stay in touch, it wasn't the smartest thing to do.
Amen. I lived this way for years, rescuer role. Eventually have broken free from that mindset. Writing my first book on all these experiences. You bring what you are to your life, for better or worse, we're here to learn (hopefully) 🙏
what is your personal reason to engage in sharing stories (in form of a book) of an approach on life that consisted of a cycle of failures? for self therapy or to show others how to not do it? It sounds almost like a waste of time to me, as your future does not really benefit from it, even though reflection is an important skill and tool. A whole, real, book will just consume a lot of time (and personal strength to work on it steadily). cheers.
@@rarerockk Because through those life experiences, I studied and overcame them, so I can share the wisdom in how to identify and overcome that relationship sabotage, instead of perpetually repeating patterns. Some people never break them. Had I been handed such a book at the start of that journey, I could have suffered a whole lot less. So it's more of a psychological manual written from experience, than a row of stories per se.
My friends nickname for me was Bob Vila because I used to always date fix up projects 😂. The going after the gazelle with a limp was my MO when I was in my early 20s. It isn’t a winning strategy for long term relationships.
Finally, somebody gets it! So many out there love to go Freudian and say that men date broken women because of some unhealed issue with their broken mothers. Sometimes, it's as simple as a man going after a woman he thinks he has a better chance with; one who is in his "league". That woman is often one who complains about how men aren't good, aren't trustworthy, etc. Since a guy might be good and trustworthy, he'll think this kind of woman will adore and value him.
@rockyp32 connect the dots, good parents, mothers and fathers, can make you feel worthy, while your peers / classmates can make you feel like dirt. Duh!
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to Heaven? all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. What is sin? Sin is essentially any bad thing we've ever done. Because of sin the punishment is a burning hell. “But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8 KJV Do u know why you have to be saved? Do u know the story of Jesus? (If yes skip next step) if not do next step. God came down to earth as a man. Lived for 33 and a half years. He never sinned his whole life. Eventually some people got jealous of him and got him convicted of phony charges. He got crucified on the cross. Died. Was buried for 3 days then he was resurrected by his own power. Do you know why Jesus went through all this bloody mess for us? It’s because remember your sin is the problem why you can’t go to Heaven right? The only thing that can wash away your sin is the blood of Jesus Christ 6For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7For one will hardly die for a righteous person; [d]though perhaps for the good person someone would even dare to die. 8But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. God did all that to save us from hell. So think about that. would you ever die for somebody? a decent person? maybe. A good person, perhaps a few would die for him. But with us "Much more than, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.” Romans 5:9 KJV Ephesians 2:8-9 “We’re saved by Grace through faith which is not of ourselves it is the gift of God not by works for fear any man should boast” Salvation is not by good works like “water baptism, attending church, any good thing you do” “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.” 2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV Feeling godly sorrow leads to salvation To be saved you have to feel guilty for being a sinner do you feel guilty for being a sinner? “that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” Romans 10:9 KJV If you agree with all that. All you have to do be saved is this. You have to mean it. Dear God I repent as a sinner I believe Jesus is God who died buried and resurrected so his blood can wash away my sins. So I only trust in the blood alone to save me. Not my good works. save me from hell in Jesus name. I pray amen Just saying it wont save you you have to mean it
The truth is that partner (woman) will see you as weak and take advantage of you until you are completely drained, then she will either leave you, cheat on you, or abuse you. The woman won't respect you, and if she doesn't respect you, then she's incapable of loving you. Women have to respect and submit in order to love. They aren't capable of love naturally.
@ShadaeBalancesKnightAstro unfortunately, you miss the point. I'm talking about respect, submission (aka relinquishing your independence, aka "the two will become one flesh scenario"), and the most important of all is love. You seem to be forgetting the title of Tariban's interview, "Why date the unhealed?" The reality is... a woman who doesn't respect her significant other will abuse that individual in some kind of capacity. Let me put it this way; If you don't respect the man that you're in the relationship with, then that means you don't like him, and the last thing anyone likes to do is hang out with someone they don't like. Therefore, abuse will transpire. This has nothing to do with trust, but it has everything to do with love, honor, respect, admiration, compassion, kindness, grace, mercy, and the love of God in your marriage or relationship. When you choose not to fulfill these needs, the default will either be abandonment, abuse, or both. I hope what I said was helpful. God bless you. 🙌🏾
the only way you can heal someone is through effortless inspiration, otherwise you'll only make the illness worse. You have to be so centered in yourself, so full of faith about what you are (a child of God) that there other person's Holiness awakens in them
Absolutely...but there is a difference between "slightly broken" and dysfunctional. For a happy relationship we need to discern the extent of damage before wasting our life.
DIY fixer upper? As a husband, it was a TRAIN WRECK. But I married her for a fatherhood experience with her children and that worked out very well. She’s taken me for everything and lives in Texas. I now have sons and daughters that value ME. Investing in children is a performing asset of life, every time.
Thanks Orion - how candid and how real - “but we’re all wounded “ until you realize nobody else is going to “pull you up by the boot straps “….except you ! Perhaps a bit of “misery loves company “ . Interesting how many people are either “really lonely “ or also perhaps really don’t like hanging out with the very person they have become ….so ,like you have so wisely said , we burden our partners with all sorts of “I’ll fix you if you fix me “ or other expectational baggage that “we” bring into relationships - thanks for all you do 🙏
This hit a home run deep. Except for my first GF, the rest have been the single mom, the promiscuous in redemption path (fake), the traumatized with the ex, the rich dad entitled girl, and so on and so on... tired of that sh... now I'll be alone and will be with someone only if she's in the proper tuning for teaming up
Lmao I gave 3 girls all the correct leadership, advice, built them up mentally and physically from where they were and all 3 left me once they got to a comfortable stage. Needless to say, I learned my lesson and built MYSELF up for the 4th time instead.
with me it was quiet opposite, i was sleeping around and once i started seeing this woman, got attached and serious quickly, nobody liked her in my friend circle and my family, later the relationship got worse, in therapy i came to know i have BPD, everything worse that never happened to me in any prior relationship did happen in this relationship, also realised that if i was healthy, the relationship couldn't have started at all
I am interested in someone on the autism spectrum, and it seems to be mutual, but I don't think that I would have a chance if she wasn't. I have a diagnosis with a significant overlap of symptoms, and as a result, I think we connect on a deeper level because of that.
Hate the term healed, unhealed, we are just people, at different stages of life. Avoid psychopaths, not as easy as it sound's but you can learn how to see signs, just don't ignore them.
Being a "Fixer" is naive and delusional. It's difficult enough to change ourselves. Take people as they are...not as what you think they will be after your remodelling efforts. A person who is unhappy before marriage will be unhappy after marriage.
I attract the broken ones... I don't fully know why. I just simply do. I don't aim or look to date broken people. I find even the most "physically attractive women" are often broken worse.
I experienced the opposite, I’ve always outcompeted most men around me when it comes to women, but as rugged as I am I’m very empathetic towards women I feel are emotionally broken, it’s like I’ve always had a 6th sense for them. My heart would always gravitates towards them in hopes of loving and healing them back to health. It was mostly vain, you can’t change someone’s past experiences or perception of themselves. Healing mostly comes from the inside, something I’ve always known since a young age, but falsely believed this inner love and confidence in myself could be shared with others.
Sounds like they're sleep walking through life and trying to medicate their feelings. Most women are more emotional than most men, so they have a harder time dealing with their problems. The smarter ones will try different solutions to resolve their issues. The best thing to do is to ask them questions to force them to think and suggest solutions.
White knights and nice guys get destroyed by modern women. You have to exercise scarcity, stay mysterious by not being vulnerable or letting them know to much about you and let them know you could walk away at any moment. That’s the only way they will remain interested. Times have flipped upside down. The juice is no longer worth the squeeze
@ It’s deeper than that. Some women have this inherent victim complex about themselves. I used to be perplexed by this because who wants to carry that kind of mentality? It’s draining. It all made sense to me when I realized this same complex was their main source of power. It’s addicting, especially for women who often have people constantly feeding into their delusions. Men have an easier time because we have far less emotional support or people feeding into our delusions, no one is coming to save us, so we either gotta tighten up and do better, or remain broken and loveless forever. It also helps that most women don’t possess a savior complex towards men in distress, for the most part it repulses them and turns them off.
It's gonna cost you mentally, emotionally, financially and will damage your health. Sometimes, NOTHING is BETTER than something. You WILL regret it later.
Me too but I didn't realize that I was doing that , I just thought that these type of girls then women who Iwas attracted to just ended up with bu happenstance
One will become a victim of their brokenness. Men should stop trying to rescue women, or dating women based on what they see as character potential, what a person can possibly become is not who they are right now, that is the only reality.
I think you’re taking this too personally bro. An unhealed person is worthy of love but they are typically too broken to accept it. It’s best that that person focuses on healing in order to be loved and not bring a loved one down with them. You’re “healed” when you are mentally stable, able to operate without constant help, and aren’t suffering from vices or past traumas to where you are dependent. To accept love from others you first have to accept love yourself
Relationships are a want, not a need. They'll survive without one. In the meantime, they should avoid relationships so they won't hurt other people and seek therapy to get healed.
Everybody is unhealed. Avoid the unhinged, unhealed is fine. And the worst unhinged are those considering themselves "healed" or seeing the world in such idiotic therapy terms...
There’s a difference between being healed and being successful. Success can hide a lot of undealt with problems. I say this because a man’s confidence in pursuing a female has nothing to do with if he is healed or not. ( ( ( ( That was actually kinda funny … if you missed it…to all of his (im assuming) ‘exes’…. He just said Y’all had a freakin’ limp. ) ) ) ) Not everyone who does a lot for their partner feels that they are lacking and if a person feels like they don’t need to do anything it doesn’t mean that they are not lacking. Our level of effort is not necessarily a reflection of our insecurities because sometimes it’s a reflection of our love and our appreciation for our partner. The more we value someone the greater our effort can be but it doesn’t mean that we have a limp. It can mean this … but it’s not a measuring stick, not equal for equal. Because sometimes a bad experience can make you appreciate a good one when it shows up. If a guy is going after a gazelle with a limp and he still feels like he needs to earn his love with that gazelle who has a limp …. To me that says something even deeper. The level of healing is even more deeply rooted. It’s like climbing out of a well just to get on level ground. 😞 That’s tough.
I find that most successful people have some sort of problem that "energizes" them... Well rounded people are normal average/ above average in my experience ... They don't see the need to overstretch for that extra 1%. 😂
@@wayando Some people also like to have nice things and they know that they don’t get them by being average. We are also influenced as kids by what we see that sometimes determines what we want in life. You’re right though success a lot of times has some deeper driving factor behind it and for some guys it’s providing for their family, their wife and their kids. Not always is it driven by insecurities. Some people get lucky and are good at what they do which makes them successful. From what I’ve noticed.. some people that reach success do not know themselves as well as someone who’s gone through a hard time. Because people only usually self reflect and find out who they are when there’s a problem hindering them. We also can’t go as far as saying that everybody who’s not reaching for that 1% is a healthy well rounded person. Because I’ve known quite a few who did not meet that criteria either. Also successful people don’t always know that they’re going to be successful. They start out just like everyone else and then when they start to succeed, they keep succeeding. It’s normal to just go to the next level of the game if you’re gonna keep playing. Successful people actually have more responsibilities and burdens than the average person and not everybody can handle that type of load.
I really appreciate the vulnerability here. To be honest, it seems you're still trying to earn those things, but with a different mindset based on money, status, and transactions. And you're still trying to fix and change women by telling them to cater to you before they are ready. You haven't addressed the problem. You have just found a new way to cope with the untrue limiting belief that you aren't good enough. Because in reality, you are more than good enough, and not because of the things you have.
lol! Who is healed? And what is normal? Who on this earth is actually healed? Lol! We’re all here to learn lessons and heal. He seems to be looking for a perfection that does not exist on this planet. Keep hunting mate, good luck with that.
Care to explain? 😂 _"Fascism is an authoritarian and ultranationalist political ideology and movement, characterized by a dictatorial leader, centralized autocracy, militarism, forcible suppression of opposition, subordination of individual interests for the perceived good of the nation or race, and strong regimentation of society and the economy."_
Is anyone else as uncomfortable as I am a being compared to being his food? This analogy about women being a gazelle that is being chased and hunted by a lion (a man) is simply terrifying. Why would anyone want this feeling to be the beginning of a relationship? I guess I can understand the concept of this as being the person that sustains another person by nourishing them, but how does the gazelle benefit from this situation?!!!
Courtship is simply mating rituals that men instinctively equate to chasing a target or prey. You may not feel comfortable with the idea (understandably), but the goal isn’t to harm, but rather to attain a mate. It’s the focus, sheer will, and effort, as well as the amount of attention required which is similar to the hunt (which women ultimately demand and finds intoxicating). You can’t hope to be chased, courted, lusted after, set as the center of attention, then demand that men do not instinctively compare the process as being similar to our biological drive for attaining food.
@wayando it's still a terrible metaphor. I agree, men initiating and moving forward with intention is how healthy relationships are developed, and basically, she agrees to the terms once she accepts the relationship as a committed one. But, there is certainly something better than this to use as the analogy?
@TruthsSake I'm a literal thinker primarily, but I understand it's a metaphor for men needing to chase a woman to "attain her," and this being a necessary part of the selection process. I heard what I heard, you can't convince me otherwise.
Yeah I find it funny that I’m now too good for the broken women who use to almost see me as their prey. Now they might look at me and / or talk to me and realize fairly quickly I’m not a weak limp gazelle that they can use. Now granted I’m not use to a good or regular woman just yet either
He seems quite open about his own journey.
Appreciate it. He has integrity, unlike the majority of people in the West
A good trait but a double edge sword in today’s internet. Things he says ONCE might haunt him 15 years later by some random or even someone knowing him wishing to “call him out” (dumb, ofc. But it’s how people behave when they ruminate whole day on the internet)
@@trueindividual1417 That's a pretty broad statement. haha
@@fallen546 I can understand why you may think that, but based not just on my personal experience and seeing overall American behavior, especially as an American myself, the stats and facts sadly make a standing point that social morale in this country is at an alarming low and continuously declines with social health and standards. Honesty, integrity, and genuine character is a clear commodity in this country now. Do I see it from time to time? Yes. But by the majority? No not really unfortunately.
@@trueindividual1417 you think the majority of Africa and islamic world have more integrity?
I learned the hard way that giving someone all the care and support they need to heal often ends up enabling them to avoid that pursuit all together. What you end up with is a partner who depends on your constant care and support.
AKA a wife.
AKA another child
Well said, same here.
@@OldSaltyBear ...without necessarily being loyal to you, or appreciating your struggle, I got you.🤔
Well, it's technically not care or support if you are enabling them to avoid the issue. You can't force them to address their problem, of course, but helping them avoid it isn't helping them to heal either.
The “Gazelle” analogy reminded me of Patrice O’Neal’s saying, “you ‘eat’ what you can catch”
People with personality disorders don’t change, but you as their spouse will find yourself in an awareness-raising situation.
At first; if you don’t get out you will start taking on their traits and slowly be taken out. Facts
These people don't take any responsibility. Argument extends to most men that see women as objects ... not mothers. Entitle themselves to "fun" then complain about notch counts & lack of morals. Never this way prior to reliable contraception....then there were serious consequences for "fun".
@@johntim3491Men not being responsible come from a looong time before that
If it’s THEIR personality why are you entertaining them in the first place👀
@@johntim3491 Don’t be mad at Chad now he’s not the one chasing they chase him
Everyone is somewhat broken . For sure avoid the super problematic.
@4seasons546 I guess that's what always struck a nerve with me about some of the other UA-cam personalities and their "strategy". No "broken" chicks allowed. Granted, I won't even entertain the idea of giving the town bicycle a shred of my time. But yeah, part of the universal human experience is pain, trauma, and suffering. No one in this comment section is done with their journey. We will all see loved ones die, friends get sick. Everyone is always working through something. It's just a matter of if your partner is actively working through it or is just whining and making excuses. You're not responsible for your trauma from the hands of others, but you're certainly responsible for healing from it
We are all damaged by some degree. That it subconsciously programmed to feel, think and behave in familial patterns that no longer serve us well in our current lives.
Yeah this happened to me. Married someone who I thought was on the road to being "fixed". Once married the problem reversed and got worse for years. It only improved (without my help, because I'd given up) just before she left. But now she's been gone 2 years, the problem has kinda come back again. So yeah.... don't try to be a fixer. People have to fix themselves.
how do you mean the prob came back? did you stay in touch or did notice of through social media? just asking cos I am curious. cheers. ps: yeah, of course I did judge the situation (not you as a person), in case you did stay in touch, it wasn't the smartest thing to do.
@@rarerockk I stayed in touch because she is the mother of our two children.
@mdhazeldine ha, one of the scenarios I was takin into acc. yeah, I understand that. Did you (both) manage to keep an emotional distance?
Amen. I lived this way for years, rescuer role. Eventually have broken free from that mindset. Writing my first book on all these experiences. You bring what you are to your life, for better or worse, we're here to learn (hopefully) 🙏
I'm trying to break out to a higher level...
what is your personal reason to engage in sharing stories (in form of a book) of an approach on life that consisted of a cycle of failures? for self therapy or to show others how to not do it? It sounds almost like a waste of time to me, as your future does not really benefit from it, even though reflection is an important skill and tool. A whole, real, book will just consume a lot of time (and personal strength to work on it steadily). cheers.
@@rarerockk Because through those life experiences, I studied and overcame them, so I can share the wisdom in how to identify and overcome that relationship sabotage, instead of perpetually repeating patterns. Some people never break them. Had I been handed such a book at the start of that journey, I could have suffered a whole lot less. So it's more of a psychological manual written from experience, than a row of stories per se.
My friends nickname for me was Bob Vila because I used to always date fix up projects 😂. The going after the gazelle with a limp was my MO when I was in my early 20s. It isn’t a winning strategy for long term relationships.
I did the same when I was younger. It's not your job to heal others ... that's God's or a medical professional's job.
Finally, somebody gets it! So many out there love to go Freudian and say that men date broken women because of some unhealed issue with their broken mothers. Sometimes, it's as simple as a man going after a woman he thinks he has a better chance with; one who is in his "league". That woman is often one who complains about how men aren't good, aren't trustworthy, etc. Since a guy might be good and trustworthy, he'll think this kind of woman will adore and value him.
Mother does have something to do as a relatable female figure. To the very least as a known pattern
connect the dots. bad parents mom and father makes u feel unworthy. soo u go for bad partners u think u have a chace with.. duh
@rockyp32 connect the dots, good parents, mothers and fathers, can make you feel worthy, while your peers / classmates can make you feel like dirt. Duh!
@ if u have great parents you’ll have good self worth even if some people at school treat u badly.
Don't do it!!! I'm stuck for 18 years with a BPD woman for the kids. Four years left. Not sure I'll ever be ok again.
If you died right now are you a 100% sure you’d go to Heaven?
all people have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.
What is sin? Sin is essentially any bad thing we've ever done.
Because of sin the punishment is a burning hell.
“But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.”
Revelation 21:8 KJV
Do u know why you have to be saved?
Do u know the story of Jesus? (If yes skip next step) if not do next step. God came down to earth as a man. Lived for 33 and a half years. He never sinned his whole life. Eventually some people got jealous of him and got him convicted of phony charges. He got crucified on the cross. Died. Was buried for 3 days then he was resurrected by his own power.
Do you know why Jesus went through all this bloody mess for us?
It’s because remember your sin is the problem why you can’t go to Heaven right?
The only thing that can wash away your sin is the blood of Jesus Christ
6For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. 7For one will hardly die for a righteous person; [d]though perhaps for the good person someone would even dare to die. 8But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
God did all that to save us from hell. So think about that. would you ever die for somebody? a decent person? maybe. A good person, perhaps a few would die for him. But with us
"Much more than, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.”
Romans 5:9 KJV
Ephesians 2:8-9
“We’re saved by Grace through faith which is not of ourselves it is the gift of God not by works for fear any man should boast”
Salvation is not by good works like “water baptism, attending church, any good thing you do”
“For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death.”
2 Corinthians 7:10 KJV
Feeling godly sorrow leads to salvation
To be saved you have to feel guilty for being a sinner do you feel guilty for being a sinner?
“that if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.”
Romans 10:9 KJV
If you agree with all that. All you have to do be saved is this. You have to mean it.
Dear God I repent as a sinner I believe Jesus is God who died buried and resurrected so his blood can wash away my sins. So I only trust in the blood alone to save me. Not my good works. save me from hell in Jesus name. I pray amen
Just saying it wont save you you have to mean it
The truth is that partner (woman) will see you as weak and take advantage of you until you are completely drained, then she will either leave you, cheat on you, or abuse you. The woman won't respect you, and if she doesn't respect you, then she's incapable of loving you. Women have to respect and submit in order to love. They aren't capable of love naturally.
Respect aligns with trust. I don’t respect anyone I don’t trust.
@ShadaeBalancesKnightAstro unfortunately, you miss the point. I'm talking about respect, submission (aka relinquishing your independence, aka "the two will become one flesh scenario"), and the most important of all is love.
You seem to be forgetting the title of Tariban's interview, "Why date the unhealed?" The reality is... a woman who doesn't respect her significant other will abuse that individual in some kind of capacity. Let me put it this way; If you don't respect the man that you're in the relationship with, then that means you don't like him, and the last thing anyone likes to do is hang out with someone they don't like. Therefore, abuse will transpire. This has nothing to do with trust, but it has everything to do with love, honor, respect, admiration, compassion, kindness, grace, mercy, and the love of God in your marriage or relationship. When you choose not to fulfill these needs, the default will either be abandonment, abuse, or both.
I hope what I said was helpful. God bless you. 🙌🏾
The Giselle’s with a limp 😂😂😂
Gazelle's. Been there.
😂 its truth though. Knight in Shining Armour syndrome
I think we are all slightly broken ... Annd are working on something at every stage ...
So long as the issue is not too chaotic 😂😂😂
Yes, it's okay to enter a relationship if you are honest about your shortcomings and strive to make your and the other person's live better.
Well said, man! If we are all honest to ourselves, then we will admit what you just said.
Balancing and properly structuring the chaos is my life purpose it seems 😅
This the way an intelligent,confident man speaks
Thank u4 being so honest ❤ You are 4 sure worthy ❤
I’ve learned this lesson over and over. Glad I never committed to a marriage with any of them.
the only way you can heal someone is through effortless inspiration, otherwise you'll only make the illness worse. You have to be so centered in yourself, so full of faith about what you are (a child of God) that there other person's Holiness awakens in them
Anyone with self-awareness knows we are all slightly broken.
Absolutely...but there is a difference between "slightly broken" and dysfunctional. For a happy relationship we need to discern the extent of damage before wasting our life.
DIY fixer upper? As a husband, it was a TRAIN WRECK. But I married her for a fatherhood experience with her children and that worked out very well. She’s taken me for everything and lives in Texas. I now have sons and daughters that value ME. Investing in children is a performing asset of life, every time.
In the words of the wise J. Cole. “Don’t save her. She don’t wanna be saved.”
I can never not hear, "She don't wanna be shaved. Don't shave her."
You can feel the lessons he learnt by looking in his eyes.
Girl rejected me, is back 4 years later w a baby...close to 30, broken af
Don’t even dare to consider it
Sorry for being rude
Same my best friend whom I had a crush for married and rejected me before hand and I'm broken too...
That's not love and never could be
She would be settling for you period. So no matter what it would be terrible for you
Dodged a bullet
Thanks Orion - how candid and how real - “but we’re all wounded “ until you realize nobody else is going to “pull you up by the boot straps “….except you ! Perhaps a bit of “misery loves company “ . Interesting how many people are either “really lonely “ or also perhaps really don’t like hanging out with the very person they have become ….so ,like you have so wisely said , we burden our partners with all sorts of “I’ll fix you if you fix me “ or other expectational baggage that “we” bring into relationships - thanks for all you do 🙏
Everyone is broken and on a journey of healing.
Also, physical and psychological illness can strike anyone in a relationship and family at any time.
This hit a home run deep. Except for my first GF, the rest have been the single mom, the promiscuous in redemption path (fake), the traumatized with the ex, the rich dad entitled girl, and so on and so on... tired of that sh... now I'll be alone and will be with someone only if she's in the proper tuning for teaming up
Lmao I gave 3 girls all the correct leadership, advice, built them up mentally and physically from where they were and all 3 left me once they got to a comfortable stage. Needless to say, I learned my lesson and built MYSELF up for the 4th time instead.
Great question, even better answer
It's not that I want to fix her, I only want to help her manage her brokenness better. I love her too much to give up
You are heading for a world of pain.
Good advice. Great sweater playa
"It turns out that's not what usually happens." 💯😄🖤
with me it was quiet opposite, i was sleeping around and once i started seeing this woman, got attached and serious quickly, nobody liked her in my friend circle and my family, later the relationship got worse, in therapy i came to know i have BPD, everything worse that never happened to me in any prior relationship did happen in this relationship, also realised that if i was healthy, the relationship couldn't have started at all
Exactly
Yep...low self-esteem got me into a miserable 43 yr marriage. I can't leave for reasons not many would understand.
Mans be spitting FIYAH
I think I might be doing this now. It's not going well.
Relatable. Dated a single a mom. That was rough 😅
Yeah I learned recently single moms are undateable. They’re always single for a reason
Never do this EVER! I wish my dad had informed me to never EVER do this! Leave damage ppl where they are; they have to save themselves
I think he himself is an unhealed yet sophisticated man. He considers himself rather optimal as a mate with nothing to work on 🎉
May I suggest that they are all broken? So it's a matter of which ones we desire and are they not so broken that we can't deal with them???
100%. Wish I’d heard this 30 years ago
*He is so based*
half of the problems wont exist if people took this seriously
Possible
Pygmillion!
"My Fair Lady"
🤩
I am interested in someone on the autism spectrum, and it seems to be mutual, but I don't think that I would have a chance if she wasn't. I have a diagnosis with a significant overlap of symptoms, and as a result, I think we connect on a deeper level because of that.
Transparency 🫡
You know who he reminds me of : BEN from the Tv series "LOST"
An attractive ben
Ben 10
Hate the term healed, unhealed, we are just people, at different stages of life.
Avoid psychopaths, not as easy as it sound's but you can learn how to see signs, just don't ignore them.
Should be easy to avoid. Only 1% of the population are Psychopaths. That's 1 in every 100 people you come across.
Being a "Fixer" is naive and delusional. It's difficult enough to change ourselves. Take people as they are...not as what you think they will be after your remodelling efforts. A person who is unhappy before marriage will be unhappy after marriage.
I attract the broken ones... I don't fully know why. I just simply do. I don't aim or look to date broken people.
I find even the most "physically attractive women" are often broken worse.
They sense your empathy and know you will be easy to manipulate and bleed dry.
I experienced the opposite, I’ve always outcompeted most men around me when it comes to women, but as rugged as I am I’m very empathetic towards women I feel are emotionally broken, it’s like I’ve always had a 6th sense for them. My heart would always gravitates towards them in hopes of loving and healing them back to health. It was mostly vain, you can’t change someone’s past experiences or perception of themselves. Healing mostly comes from the inside, something I’ve always known since a young age, but falsely believed this inner love and confidence in myself could be shared with others.
Hows that worked out for you?
@ Much wiser for sure. Can’t save people who don’t wanna be saved. Emotionally, people can only save/heal themselves…for the most part.
Sounds like they're sleep walking through life and trying to medicate their feelings. Most women are more emotional than most men, so they have a harder time dealing with their problems. The smarter ones will try different solutions to resolve their issues. The best thing to do is to ask them questions to force them to think and suggest solutions.
White knights and nice guys get destroyed by modern women. You have to exercise scarcity, stay mysterious by not being vulnerable or letting them know to much about you and let them know you could walk away at any moment. That’s the only way they will remain interested. Times have flipped upside down. The juice is no longer worth the squeeze
@ It’s deeper than that. Some women have this inherent victim complex about themselves. I used to be perplexed by this because who wants to carry that kind of mentality? It’s draining. It all made sense to me when I realized this same complex was their main source of power. It’s addicting, especially for women who often have people constantly feeding into their delusions. Men have an easier time because we have far less emotional support or people feeding into our delusions, no one is coming to save us, so we either gotta tighten up and do better, or remain broken and loveless forever. It also helps that most women don’t possess a savior complex towards men in distress, for the most part it repulses them and turns them off.
Just don’t waste your time and energy on a distorted mintality regardless.
Even if you've had your own problems, you must always strive to find the healthiest person. Hypocritical thought it may sound.
We dont love people because theyre perfect. Just like we dont like Mary Sues in stories. We are meant to level up and build character.
Would love to see the full video... link?
A lot of unhealed people in the comments furious, this guy is advising others to not date unhealed people. ^^
The narcs NEED to be picked huh
Dont hunt a wounded gazelle is a good point
Been there...
What if it's the only thing that's available?
It's gonna cost you mentally, emotionally, financially and will damage your health. Sometimes, NOTHING is BETTER than something. You WILL regret it later.
Me too but I didn't realize that I was doing that , I just thought that these type of girls then women who Iwas attracted to just ended up with bu happenstance
One will become a victim of their brokenness. Men should stop trying to rescue women, or dating women based on what they see as character potential, what a person can possibly become is not who they are right now, that is the only reality.
Don’t waste time with broken people, they are an anchor and will drag you down, I’ve dated enough women and befriended enough men to know.
Yep...you can't fix broke. We need to educate our sons and give them healthy self-esteem to make better choices.
So when are you "healed"? Are "unhealed" people undeserving of a relationship?
Yes
I think you’re taking this too personally bro. An unhealed person is worthy of love but they are typically too broken to accept it. It’s best that that person focuses on healing in order to be loved and not bring a loved one down with them. You’re “healed” when you are mentally stable, able to operate without constant help, and aren’t suffering from vices or past traumas to where you are dependent. To accept love from others you first have to accept love yourself
@@mitthrawnuruodo1730 this is a good response, thankyou.
Not undeserving, unfit, and yes
Relationships are a want, not a need. They'll survive without one. In the meantime, they should avoid relationships so they won't hurt other people and seek therapy to get healed.
Everybody is unhealed. Avoid the unhinged, unhealed is fine. And the worst unhinged are those considering themselves "healed" or seeing the world in such idiotic therapy terms...
Nope
💯
There’s a difference between being healed and being successful. Success can hide a lot of undealt with problems.
I say this because a man’s confidence in pursuing a female has nothing to do with if he is healed or not.
( ( ( ( That was actually kinda funny … if you missed it…to all of his (im assuming) ‘exes’…. He just said Y’all had a freakin’ limp. ) ) ) )
Not everyone who does a lot for their partner feels that they are lacking and if a person feels like they don’t need to do anything it doesn’t mean that they are not lacking. Our level of effort is not necessarily a reflection of our insecurities because sometimes it’s a reflection of our love and our appreciation for our partner.
The more we value someone the greater our effort can be but it doesn’t mean that we have a limp. It can mean this … but it’s not a measuring stick, not equal for equal. Because sometimes a bad experience can make you appreciate a good one when it shows up.
If a guy is going after a gazelle with a limp and he still feels like he needs to earn his love with that gazelle who has a limp …. To me that says something even deeper. The level of healing is even more deeply rooted. It’s like climbing out of a well just to get on level ground. 😞 That’s tough.
I find that most successful people have some sort of problem that "energizes" them...
Well rounded people are normal average/ above average in my experience ... They don't see the need to overstretch for that extra 1%. 😂
He said he had low self-esteem.
@@wayando Some people also like to have nice things and they know that they don’t get them by being average. We are also influenced as kids by what we see that sometimes determines what we want in life.
You’re right though success a lot of times has some deeper driving factor behind it and for some guys it’s providing for their family, their wife and their kids. Not always is it driven by insecurities. Some people get lucky and are good at what they do which makes them successful.
From what I’ve noticed.. some people that reach success do not know themselves as well as someone who’s gone through a hard time. Because people only usually self reflect and find out who they are when there’s a problem hindering them.
We also can’t go as far as saying that everybody who’s not reaching for that 1% is a healthy well rounded person. Because I’ve known quite a few who did not meet that criteria either.
Also successful people don’t always know that they’re going to be successful. They start out just like everyone else and then when they start to succeed, they keep succeeding. It’s normal to just go to the next level of the game if you’re gonna keep playing. Successful people actually have more responsibilities and burdens than the average person and not everybody can handle that type of load.
Who's 100%?
Journal notes, Narrativized. Dialectical
Pills are good😂😂😂
I really appreciate the vulnerability here. To be honest, it seems you're still trying to earn those things, but with a different mindset based on money, status, and transactions. And you're still trying to fix and change women by telling them to cater to you before they are ready.
You haven't addressed the problem. You have just found a new way to cope with the untrue limiting belief that you aren't good enough. Because in reality, you are more than good enough, and not because of the things you have.
Doesn't this contradict the "Find Your Ugly Duckling" episode?
Wasn't that referring to physical appearance, not inner brokenness?
@sal2975 no
lol! Who is healed? And what is normal? Who on this earth is actually healed? Lol! We’re all here to learn lessons and heal. He seems to be looking for a perfection that does not exist on this planet. Keep hunting mate, good luck with that.
Brilliant!! the story of beta males the world over IM ONE LOL
Find peace not of this world. The peace of God is beyond every imagination, and it makes you incredibly confident somehow.
It might scare people, I see.
The scientific method is the best tool ever devised for understanding how the world works. Faith is not a means of belief that leads to truth.
She expressely said not of this world@@ethana2
I think a partner that's slightly sad and slightly lonely. Doesn't have a broken leg. Find somebody that doesn't look happy
@@dougjstl1 what?
what is, the fascist mentality, if not that?
your mattoidness
Care to explain? 😂
_"Fascism is an authoritarian and ultranationalist political ideology and movement, characterized by a dictatorial leader, centralized autocracy, militarism, forcible suppression of opposition, subordination of individual interests for the perceived good of the nation or race, and strong regimentation of society and the economy."_
@@dabelu7165 not mattoid at all
You
Is anyone else as uncomfortable as I am a being compared to being his food? This analogy about women being a gazelle that is being chased and hunted by a lion (a man) is simply terrifying. Why would anyone want this feeling to be the beginning of a relationship? I guess I can understand the concept of this as being the person that sustains another person by nourishing them, but how does the gazelle benefit from this situation?!!!
Courtship is simply mating rituals that men instinctively equate to chasing a target or prey. You may not feel comfortable with the idea (understandably), but the goal isn’t to harm, but rather to attain a mate. It’s the focus, sheer will, and effort, as well as the amount of attention required which is similar to the hunt (which women ultimately demand and finds intoxicating). You can’t hope to be chased, courted, lusted after, set as the center of attention, then demand that men do not instinctively compare the process as being similar to our biological drive for attaining food.
Just a dating metaphor ... Since men are expected to make the initial move, otherwise the relationship doesn't get started.
Yeah, I think you are taking his metaphor literally.
@wayando it's still a terrible metaphor. I agree, men initiating and moving forward with intention is how healthy relationships are developed, and basically, she agrees to the terms once she accepts the relationship as a committed one. But, there is certainly something better than this to use as the analogy?
@TruthsSake I'm a literal thinker primarily, but I understand it's a metaphor for men needing to chase a woman to "attain her," and this being a necessary part of the selection process. I heard what I heard, you can't convince me otherwise.
Weak man
Is Orion happily married by the way, to give us such messed up advice?
Did you listen to what he said? how it's it messed up advice????
Messed up advice? You're sick
You got jokes 😂
Yeah I find it funny that I’m now too good for the broken women who use to almost see me as their prey. Now they might look at me and / or talk to me and realize fairly quickly I’m not a weak limp gazelle that they can use. Now granted I’m not use to a good or regular woman just yet either
In the words of the wise J. Cole. “Don’t save her. She don’t wanna be saved.”