I can have enormous trouble putting words to feelings, BUT I’m learning that in my case it’s as much trauma-related as neurological (as I’m also autistic). I am emotionally immature partly because I was never habituated to healthy, open, confrontational and persistently clear emotional relationships.
Wow! I've been subbed here for years and truly appreciate Dr Tracey Mark's self care videos. Seeing TayZonday here today was a great bonus! Wishing you and all that frequent this channel many blessings and a lifetime of many happily ever afters😊
Hope you’re doing okay. Seen you comment on other vids from Dr. marks. Glad you’re working through your issues to better yourself. Wishing you luck on your journey ❤
You telling me chocolate rain guy is also an autistic? No wonder I liked you so much. But also, I struggle with the same thing. It's hard when ppl expect you to be able to handle things as an adult when u werent taught as a kid.
I dated someone who had a hard time articulating their emotions but they weren't aware of that. When I asked them how they felt about something, they had plenty to say - "I feel like I was being blamed for this, because..." or "it felt like he was misunderstanding me when I said..." These aren't emotions, they're interpretations of situations with the phrase "it feel like" in front of them. The distinction is important!
I once asked my ex husband how he felt about something, because he was showing a lot of anxiety. He kept giving "logical" responses. I kept pushing to get an answer about his feelings, and he finally yelled "I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING! I NEVER FEEL ANYTHING!!" and I thought, "well finally, he's said something truthful."
I think I have this issue. When you explained the difference it's just semantics to me because maybe he's not feeling the way you do. When Dr. Marks did the explanation of losing the job, I saw nothing wrong. That's because I don't take a job loss as devastating. Absolutely, I can understand your ego may be bruised and you are losing out on money temporarily. But in the long run, it obviously wasn't a place you can grow and be happy or appreciated. So I think we all need to be careful applying OUR meaning and interpretations to others as well as the motivations behind them. Just because someone isn't sitting there crying with you doesn't mean they don't care, have ill intent or feel for you.
This! It takes me time to process and people do not understand that. It can take me days bc I have to physically sit down alone and process situations that happened days prior.
Totally agree about reading books to help understand people IRL. The reason I love reading so much is that usually every character explains there emotions and everything!
I am blown away…. I just ended a relationship because of this. They got so frustrated with me. I just kept saying I don’t understand. They got so upset with me saying “come on” over and over again.. and I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. I felt attacked. I felt belittled, misunderstood and most importantly confused. This wasn’t the first time he and I had similar conflict. In the beginning, he had a great deal of patience, But life took over.. patience was lost. I can’t work on something unless I’m able to identify it… So thank u so much for this video!!!!
I was an avid book reader since childhood and I think it's mainly thanks to that that I am able to decipher others' facial expressions and body language through deduction (I am also a woman, which may facilitate emotional awareness to some extent). When it comes to my own feelings, I'm able to recognise them through somatic cues, and logic, but only the basic ones - anger, fear, joy (rarely) and sadness. The rest of the emotion wheel is just a bunch of words.
Dr. Marks, I am very surprised and saddened you were not listed in the UA-cam Black History makers' month. You deserve that and we need issues like this to be discussed more in the African American community. Thank you for your hard work to help us out. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
I have autism and this really resonates. I wanted to encourage younger ppl-as I’ve gotten older(58 now), I’ve gotten better n better at building my mask(unfortunate that we need one sometimes but they keep us safe) and picking things up almost by osmosis. It is a skill that many can learn. I love the Dr’s idea of reading fiction. The bigger your vocabulary, the easier it is to figure out/suss out the meanings in ppl’s speech. Good luck everyone!❤️
I struggle with this, and I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or something along those lines. You're certainly right about reading fiction, I was a very avid reader when I was a kid and teen and that helped me a LOT with understanding emotions.
Damn. A lifelong problem for me that's got me in a lot of trouble. Diagnosed as ADD, autism suspected but not diagnosed. My reason for responding is that it's incredibly confusing and painful for people to assume the worst when insensitivity, cruelty, lack of compassion, selfishness, etc. was never intended. I'm wondering if other people have experienced this: something happens socially that you are oblivious to, or maybe you sense something is off but don't know what, and out of the blue weeks/months/years later your brain says, "Oh, that's what they meant." I'm not trying to be difficult or obtuse; I just never noticed.
I often am frustrated with the fact that I can't feel things that I want to feel. I don't think I have issues noticing my feelings most of the time, but if I'm in a group that's excited about something, it's difficult for me to just conjure up that same excitement even when I want to. I *can* get excited about things, but that usually happens when I'm by myself, so I don't get the social benefit of sharing that emotion with someone.
I have that same issue as well, and it’s so frustrating. It could be my birthday and I will receive a gift from someone, but I physical can’t express how grateful/excited I am and it makes me feel terrible about myself
One thing we can all agree upon is that if you suffer from this, life is twice as difficult then it already is. I always have problems with connecting to people and people who don't understand i can't handle emotions like they do. They never really take the time to find out or ask about it either. So i just keep feeling bad about myself, which makes connecting to people even harder. Especially new people i just met. Can really mess up the rest of your day, let me tell you.
i always feel "fine"' and something strong has to happen to kick my emotions out of that stubborn zone so that i can actually identify it, usually by physical sensations the most common being my stomach, the problem is that anxiety feels exactly like hunger and i often confuse the two
I know how is like to confuse hunger and anxiety 😅 there were occasions when I couldn't sleep because of an uneasy sensation, I when try to think if I forgot to take my anxiety medication or if something that day could have triggered me, but suddenly I remember that I hadn't ate for the past 15 hours 🤡 after eating dinner I was able to fall asleep really fast
Teach yourself the feeling of hunger, actively, by missing then eating breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon-ish, & dinner at 6-7 PM: LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE HAS TO. Then all you need is to be able to tell time from a clock with an alarm! (If it's morning, you should eat breakfast, like any human being, etc..)
Just realized the intro started off wrong. It said "do you have to trouble putting your words into feelings?" instead of "do you have trouble putting your feelings into words?" like this condition does.
I dated a woman that I suspect was switching or splitting in a conversation. She had three different voices depending on what she was saying. She actually said in a very sad slow voice ,"I don't like to talk about my feelings." She had told me just enough about her upbringing that my heart broke for her. It's very sad.
I thought I was autistic because I do have a lot of trouble reading the intention of others, however I know how I feel in situations, but I do struggle to express it coherently most of the time. I find mindfulness and yoga help calm me internally and help my nervous system regulate, but I still struggle a lot with building close interpersonal relationships. I tend to have light relationships or relationships with a set boundary (like work friends as opposed to just calling them friends) so that I do not have to be too deeply emotional with most people. I've learned to think objectively about my emotions and what emotion other people are expecting from me. Depending on the situation, I'm actually OK expressing an emotion I can't actually connect with, as long as it's not hurting anyone's own emotional state.
I thought I had this as one of my symptoms, but seeing this video of yours makes me think that it is far more likely that it's attached to the social anxiety. Thank you for sharing this
Great topic. I think I have this issue. I feel misunderstood because while I do empathize, I'm not going to brood over things that will intensify the emotions. I would like to see the positive, take the lessons and move into an action that solves issues. I do understand that reflection is needed and time to process. But I feel like at the end of the day, you want to move on. I'm already there lol and i guess that's the problem 🤦🏽♀️🤣
That was me until I ended up with ptsd, now I’m struggling to recover because I don’t know how or what it even really means to sit with an emotion and I keep getting told I need to do that to recover.
Alexithymia is devastating to my marriage. My husband is actually emotionally and psychologically abusive. He feels no remorse and is not compelled to ask what "he can do" to make things better. It is alway (and always has been) me who has found counselors, sat down to talk to him, addressed difficult issues. After 30 years, I'm absolutely lonely and scared for my future. If I had known he had this disorder when we married, I would never have married him. It would be ok for two people with Alexithymia to be together, because they would have few expectations. It could work well. it does not work for anyone with emotional and psychological needs. They can not be met.
I have severe anxiety, social anxiety, & depressive episodes & this makes so much sense for me :(( I feel like I've been emotionally exhausted for a while & distressed by all the bad friendships I've had throughout my adult life. I feel like half of the time (or maybe 75% of the time) when people tell me their problems lately this is exactly how I feel 😖 like I don't know what to say at all. I was typing this 3/4 of the way through the video & then you said art therapy can help & I'm cracking up bc I've been more motivated to get back into making art lately bc I don't know how to express all my pent up feelings 🙈 I've also been on a huge reading kick (although I never truly stopped reading). For me personally I think I have a problem with people pleasing & lying about my feelings so that along with my social anxiety has prompted me to check in with people often when I talk to them to see if they feel okay/if I was rude/if I made them feel better. Excellent & prescient work as always Dr. Tracey, tysm for this video~!!! 💗💗💗
I feel Alexathymia is a sympton of BPD, after being raised by a mother with narcissistic traits, during my DBT therapy, I spent a very ling time in front of a wall on my group therapy learning to distinguish feelings and putting labels to them. After years of practice I still struggle, less, but there is some struggle, mainly coz I did my therapy in English and in the UK, and coming back to latin america and meeting my north American nephew with his very hateful father (my brother), the labels got all blurry, my vocabulary is limited in both languages, even tough I am fluent in both spanish and english… since is a short trip, I’m kinda trapped between a grey rock and a colombian place (pun intended). This video really helps me, I think I’m gonna follow the advice of reading more descriptive stories, coz is true that I seem to lack the vocabulary to truly and eloquently explain how I feel. Thanks Dr Tracey!!❤
Work on increasing my empathy has worked somehow for me. One thing that helps me is to have a warning in my phone, at the end of the day, asking myself if I was able to empathize with the people I’ve interacted with or with loved ones. Like this l’m able to try to rethink my interactions with people, analyze what were they trying to express me, or what were they expecting me to express, and improve my interactions based on that. I understand that having to make strategies to feel or understand interactions may seem odd to most people… 🤷♂️😌
I have social pragmatic communication disorder, so a lot of what you talked about is a huge chunk of my life. It’s nice to see things like this getting discussed, cause I don’t think a lot of people understand it It would be cool to see an entire video on spcd, tho it might be too similar to this one
Interesting! My 7 y.o. son scripted low in pragmatic language but not enough to get speech at school. It seems when he gets into trouble, I have a hard time understanding the events of what happened. I have to use very specific language and query to piece together what happened. It drives me crazy; he gets caught up into semantics. I’ll have to look more into spcd.
@@anbonner17 I’m not equipped to diagnose, but a couple of things you said does sound similar to what I experience. For me, it’s not just about recognizing emotions, but also complex social cues. One of my most asked question as a kid was “why?” “Don’t do that.” “Why?” It makes them feel bad.” “Why?” “You’ll figure it out” “what if I can’t?” “You will.” And then not being able to. I also sometimes get caught up in semantics, because I’ll have trouble understanding the greater context. Sometimes I come off as a jerk or pretentious. I don’t mean to, it’s miscommunication Another small thing i found out is associated with spcd is a stutter, like repeating a word or phrase. That’s definitely something definitely something I do. Most people don’t catch it, which it’s weird, because I’m super self conscious about it lol. If these sound familiar, it might be worth looking into. Personally, I appreciate it when I’m able to ask a friend to explain why someone acts a certain way. Even if it seems simple or common knowledge, I may not actually get it
@@lyrajaded Okay! I have observed my son as being hyperlexic. He’s super smart but the short term memory or listening comprehension is very poor. And it seems to fluctuate. Meaning, at times, he’s listening and following directions well and other times it is quite the struggle. I had a center test left and right brain functions and basically hears like a cat. I have to remember that he can hear but he might be processing what I’m saying. I think he is asking why he has to do something like a chore or getting dressed more now than he has ever before (and we have routines and times to help him). He’s also explaining and making excuses for his (mis)behavior. In my culture, that comes off as disrespect and/or defiance. I’m going to see who I can go to to get him tested for spcd. Thank you for sharing!
I believe I have this problem. Quincy was always trying to get me to talk about my feelings. I would get so mad at him. It was like pulling teeth because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I knew I was upset or feeling something. He would help me figure it out though! I hated it but he would make me talk! Thanks for sharing, Dr. Marks!
I may have this. I struggle with interpreting people's actions and I have allowed people to grossly violate my boundaries right in front of me because I had trouble processing what was happening and how it pertained to me. I knew that what they were doing was wrong, but I could not form a clear thought about it or assert myself.
Another awesome video. I am struggling to articulate much else of use, but I am autistic as well and this has been something I've had to work on myself. Love the suggestions and love how you present information in general. You are one of my go tos and one I recommend to others. Thanks Dr. Marks!
i spend most of my life reading, and maybe that's the reason why i usually don't have trouble recognising emotions of others. But my own? I just often feel like i don't have any emotions at all, until they suddenly blow up in bursts of anger or sadness or happiness. And this bursts usually suprise others as much as myself, because i wasn't even aware that i had so many compressed thoughts and feelings. It also makes me really struggle with life decisions. I really think like 'ah, whatever! everything's fine for me' but it fact it isn't, it's just that i usually need like a year to notice that. That's kinda messed up, but i'm going to the therapy next month, and hopefully learn how to figure out what i even want in life. Anyway thanks for video!
Dr. Tracy, thank you for this! It’s very eye-opening as I’ve always struggled with this since early childhood, from what I can remember, and I still struggle with this in my current relationship. I also suffer from ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder.
I suffer from the leak in the restrooms, what did they say while I was doing what I presume is taking a piss always, most days with and without a comma between always and most.
I have a hard time differentiating anger from sadness. I can’t physically express happiness/excitement and I often become anxious or uncomfortable when trying to express affection and or when someone expresses affection towards me. I overthink questions directed towards how I feel because I don’t know and I usually just try to put words that I think will satisfy the other person
My husband has Alexi , but He Shows his subtle feelings different, he Just does my chores or hugs me tight or does things which He knows I like. I have ADHD and its really calming to me , that he ist hardcore rational.
I do focus more on what people do or don't do for or with me. I express myself more with my acts because i don't put much importance on speech on a ridicule level. I have to adjust that.
I really enjoy and learn from video . Dr Tracy your expertise is well used along with effective use of the way you share it so clearly and comprehensively Much grattitude to you 🎉
I am knowingly, married, and autistic man. When dating he knew how to hide it and the day we got married it all changed. It’s been like that ever since we’ve been together for 13 years. It’s very tough. His language of love doing work around the house if he has come up short on empathy. That’s fine but he’s not sorry enough to adjust his attitude,on the other hand he tells the truth that you don’t wanna hear he’s not emotionally smart enough to stay out of trouble. And then he gets frustrated because I know that he certainly doesn’t intend to do that. He just tells his truth and the truth hurts. I asked him at all your wives, I’m the third one., Which one of us did you feel the most trust with after a long ponder, he says his second wife. She had four children. She took money from him and she cheated on him. I said nothing back for about three hours, and then I just came in the room and I was laughing hilariously.😊
I can carry a sign that I have alexithymia and hand out little business cards with a definition. I hope that would prevent people from being offended. As an autistic person that is socially shy, so much that talking verbally is hard, business cards is all I can think of. "Selective mutism" is a terrible name for a problem where you can't talk no matter how hard you try. Psychiatrists need to use common sense names for their new "disorders" or symptoms they come up with.
Interesting video, Dr. Marks! Just a quick note: alexithymia is often seen more as a personality trait or a feature rather than a standalone psychological disorder. It's about having trouble identifying and expressing emotions, but isn't classified as a disorder itself.
@dsdssdsds822 - Yes, that's exactly what she was saying. In fact, I am extremely peeved on behalf of the whole human race that ALEXITHYMIA *ISN'T* documented formally in DSM-V as a disorder itself, or even just a micro-disorder: it's clearly a "nested" (programming-speak) [subroutine]/disorder, what @dsdssdsds822 calls a "feature". We know it can present occasionally standalone, but usually as a self-contained part of further, larger disabilities. Either way, it HAS DETRIMENTAL SOCIAL OUTCOMES FOR A LIFETIME. I do want the psychiatric community TO FIGHT TO ESTABLISH IT ON THE BOOKS. Are we being crazy NOT DOING THAT ?????
Your frustration is understandable, MsLizziebeth1, given the tangible impact alexithymia has on individuals' lives. The classification of psychological conditions like alexithymia is complex and nuanced, often reflecting a balance between clinical observation and the need for a diagnostic framework that aids in effective treatment strategies. While alexithymia is not formally classified as a disorder in the DSM-5, its recognition as a significant trait or feature within other disorders underscores its importance in the field of mental health. This approach allows for a more integrated understanding and treatment of individuals who exhibit alexithymic characteristics, recognizing that these issues often co-occur with other conditions. Pushing for its independent recognition could indeed foster more specific therapeutic strategies and awareness. However, the debate also involves considering how diagnostic categorization might best serve individuals' needs, promoting both understanding and effective interventions. The evolution of psychiatric classification is ongoing, and your advocacy highlights the dynamic conversation surrounding how we understand and address complex psychological phenomena.@@MsLizziebeth1
Hi Dr Tracy! Thank you for your work - it empowers me truly. My name is Sean. Could you please consider doing a video on how mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder, medication such as epilim or resperidal have a connection to memory and cognitive decline? I am a university student and it seems that ever since I was on my medication my attention skills, intelligence and memory have sunk. I forget things within seconds. I have shortness of attention and it feels as if there are holes in my thinking. Are there any solutions for these in terms of my mental condition and medication? I would really appreciate it, thank you!
I'm not a doctor, but the first things that'd come to mind would be: have you been checked for sleep apnea, did you/were you able to try other meds (if it started with taking them), do you eat enough protein and calories, is your bipolar diagnosis really, really confirmed and it's not the meds giving you less dopamine now and causing this (which can happen for people with ADHD getting these meds or antidepressants if they are misdiagnosed) and so on? In any case, I highly recommend talking about this with a mental health professional or better, a skilled psychiatrist, who is willing to listen and explore possible reasons and solutions. Good luck :)
Hi @Sean Nye. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. To get to the bottom of this, you would need your doctor to ask a lot of questions about your symptoms and medication responses. Here are some possibilities - if you really have schizoaffective d/o and not bipolar, the "schizo" part of the disorder can cause cognitive decline that can worsen over time. Yes, medications can interfere with your thinking perhaps because of lethargy or drugs that are very anticholinergic (like olanzapine or some antihistamines) can cause cognitive slowing. The changes are more subtle and constant and not progressively deteriorating. Some people can feel cognitively slowed on Valproate (epilim). Like @Chizuru94 suggested, there could be other medical conditions you have that may or may not have been diagnosed like sleep apnea, low thyroid, low testosterone, or ADHD that can affect your thinking. So the answer to what to do about it, depends on the cause and you would need your psychiatrist to do a deep dive into your medical history to see what the contributors are.
Great video and lot's of useful tips! I will be adding art therapy because scribbling on a piece of paper yeilds more results than me trying to explain my feelings! Can't wait to try this!
I have an issue, I only know the common slang " Stage Fright, its root goes way back to an early age, a decision that no child should ever have to make, that was, do I go back into that room and continue to be sexually abused or do I run out the front door, needless to say I went back into that room. i noticed in my teens playing baseball, I could make unreal plays when I didn`t have time to think, I just did it, when it came to batting though and I had to stand there and think, I would fail miserably, at practice it wasn`t the same, very few people were there and I would clock the ball. On the mediation you mentioned, I have a small pool company, staring into a body of water, with the glimmering bottom and vacuuming " back and forth back and forth, that allowed me to reach deeper into my thoughts and with that comes understanding my thoughts and emotions.
My ex husband has Asperger's. He is exactly like this. I still have severe CPTSD from being in a one sided relationship with him. He abused me emotionally, and was extremely controlling with money, who I could visit, where I could go, how long I could be out of the house, and a lot of other things. Of course he denied that he did any of these things. I feel so deeply damaged that I fear that I will never trust another man ever again.
Hope you didn’t happen to meet my dad post divorce because that sounds JUST like him. I believe my ex-dad was misdiagnosed because I’ve met a lot of other people on the spectrum since and they were NOTHING like him. Men like that are a DISGRACE. I hate how it really does sound like you had almost exactly the same experience I had (how dare there be at least TWO individuals out there like that). May the creature I erased from my life continue to fade away, and may yours too in time.
As a person with ASD, I have experience with this trouble. My main issue has always been the awareness toward others, and to compensate, I use to intellectualize things. The problem is that this method is very slow. So I end up saying some key sentences (while processing what that person might feel). But in high school and early adulthood, people became very hostile, from saying that I was a "robot" to saying that I was fake. But I realized very late that it took time for me to process that emotional level (give it a name, and later not to get "eaten by it"). I have been better with naming my feelings. But for many years, I could only find out through illnesses, body aches of any kind what my feelings were and for what. Otherwise said, very late. And no psychologist that I was seeing at the time suggested what you said in the video (which would have been more helpful).
I know that movie as a whole hurt of the world and say free and never was a man, know that shit, corn flakes and sheep. What could I do for a carmal apple lollie.
Wow. I always wondered why women so frequently bullied me, but I got along with men just fine. Now I know. My therapist actually told me I had alexithymia but I didn't fully understand it when I first looked it up.
I have experienced also from the side of the person going through a really really hard time.... My mom developed Schizofrenia, whan I was about 12..... over the years even till I was 20/21.... I did not get any real empthy.... from extended family or friends/school mates..... No one ever asked how I was doing, never offered how they could help and when I first told someone about it (good manor, mild emotions, nothing extreme) with a couple tears and a sad voice.... the people responded with oh, dont cry, well dont tell us about it, if it makes you cry, etc. No real empthy. Just their protecting themselves from the reality of real life and how cruel it can be.
I had to replay that part of the video a few times: Do you want the steak or fish? It would be good if you provided context earlier, saying that you're out at a restaurant with your friend when they tell you about losing their job. The steak/fish question looked like a non-sequitor.
Thank for uploading this. I am autistic and i think i definitely have this. My main experience with this is that i mistake my thoughts for feelings. Is it possible for biofeedback to help with this?
No I'm pretty sure I did not have this growing up. But I will say there was a point in time where I genuinely did not know what I was feeling and I have no idea how to really tell people that. I noticed this sometime after my mother would tell me that I did not have the right to feel anger or sadness or depression. And it took me a really long time to be able to understand what it is and I'm feeling but even now sometimes it feels really shallow and like I don't really know. Again I don't think I have this complication in my life but this is a good step in the right direction
The only emotion I can accurately identify is anxiety. All my emotions get filtered thru that. But, in the past week, after 6 months of trying, I've finally been able to notice my hunger cue before I'm hangry and starving! As a result, I've been a little less irritable!
Thank you Dr.Marks,this video explains alot dating waaaaay back to my childhood in the 90's & early 2000's,I had an art 🎨 teacher Ms.Kieda in elementary school I could never pass her class wasn't very expressive back then,never passed her class,then I went on to middle school,had a male 🎨 art teacher by the name of Mr.Capone(I am not one to judge but he was a homosexual),I didn't pass his class neither but I shared that class with a cute young lady by the name of Ms.Davis we are still friends to this very day,couldn't express myself in either schools🤷♂️.
I have Asperger’s. In my experience, though I’m legally blind, I can see facial expressions. It’s like trying to read Norse runes to me. I know they are supposed to mean something, but which something, I do not know. I get disinterested and meh about everything when I’m under an unusually high amount of stress. During these times, emotions are overwhelming and I feel as if I’m drowning in them depending on which one it is. I don’t describe my emotions well. I don’t always know which I’m feeling. Example: fear, anxiety, excitement, and anticipation all feel the same. Also, during the burn out, even my special interests hold no draw for me. It’s almost like walking thorough a dream.
@@Gargintua legal blindness is defined as being able to see at 20 feet with someone with 2020 vision would be able to see at 200 feet. Mine is past that definition. I see objects in front of me OK, and I can see facial expressions because people come close to me when they are speaking anyway, so I can flip read in case it’s too difficult to hear, such as in a noisy environment. I see peoples facial expressions, fine, but I cannot interpret them when we are watching TV, I have to ask my mom what the expression someone has means. Is there any more help? Also, not sure if this is of any import or not, but I only have vision in one eye, and my vision is that I see at 20 feet with a normal person would see at 500 feet, but I can only see objects/people about 6 feet at the most in front of me
@@coffeecat086 oh I see, thanks for explaining. Sorry I don't know how to help with difficulty reading facial expressions. I think reading fiction could help, because it describes the thoughprocesses behind emotions. From there you could test your ability by watching movies. In my case I have trouble socialising because I have trouble expressing what I am thinking, what are my likes and opinions, knowing what I want and what to do. I think it's because emotion guides these things
I'm on the higher functioning end of the autistic spectrum, and I can rarely articulate my feelings properly or the way people 'should'. People always percieve me as being constantly unhappy, but even when I try to explain, both sides end up failing to understand. Its frustrating.
This is heartbreaking especially when the person is so disconnected from feeling their own emotions they lack the ability to express empathy as well. How do u build a relationship bond with someone unsure of how they feel? Next question why do they get so upset when someone ask questions to help them identify how they feel in a loving way? Example “ why are u showing signs of rage?” I’m not angry what u mean ? Your sweating, nose flared and your tone seems extremely angry about something. Am I misconstruing how u feel? Why are u always digging and investigating me? This cycle happens over and over. As someone healing from codependency and narc abuse , being with someone that can’t feel or express emotions makes me sad. It seems like autism , cptsd and many other personality disorders are the root cause. Since the last 3 years on earth has been chaotic , more ppl are showing these signs that didn’t show up in the past. Many ppl in the African American community are undiagnosed, lack resources and support. With that being said , Dr. T We thank u from the bottom of our hearts for your work❤ Yt ain’t gotta tell us how valuable u are according to them, u already know your a 💎 gem❣️
I have a lot of trouble with identifying my feelings and describing them in words. However in therapy i found I find it easy to describe my feelings as images. I can put quite specific images to my feelings and go - "yeah, thats it. That black rose with thorns on a red background? Thats exactly how i feel".
Nice for those around you who can see those paintings. But remember why language exists. It's so you're not isolated to your own senses or immediate environment. You need more training to learn to use your mother tongue for people at greater distances in space & time.
4:00 - That bit struck a nerve with me and I'm now lay in bed in tears. I know what I'm feeling, I just can't get the words out. Right now I'm in love with this woman whom I desperately want to tell but nothing comes out. The other day I was sat with her and just two others (her daughters) and besides a few words here and there, we spent most of the time staring at our phones. Over the past few weeks I've had quite a few chances of simply going up to her and dance with her just to get closer. However, I'm self conscious about dancing plus don't really like it. I dance only when really drunk or if it's The Time Warp, lol. Who is she? She's an incredibly strong person. Her voice is just so alluring and her laugh is mesmerising. She's also incredibly gorgeous. 🤗 I've had this crush on her for around seven months now. 😢
It's nice to finally have a name for this. Besides having trouble identifying how I feel, I am constantly struggling to interpret my partner's emotions based on her body language and facial cues.
I have always described my emotions as "still water" even when I was younger. I get "waves" of vague feelings but usually I don't understand exactly what the feeling is. Like if it's especially strong I will get it but obviously not it the quantity or amount I feel I'm supposed to. Most times I don't know what I'm feeling, sometimes it's just a response without any feeling(that I know of) like suddenly crying out of nowhere with thoughts suddenly drifting to something I know makes me upset, the other way around than what I'm pretty sure it's supposed to work.
Hi Dr Marks, thank you so much for your videos. I love your channel. Question: I’m not sure if my spouse has emotional blindness or if he’s on the spectrum, maybe you could help with this? He’s pretty emotionless except for anger or annoyance, If he shows other emotions, which is rare, it’s like they’re fake because he knows that’s what people expect of him. He’s usually not very present, doesn’t particularly like people, and seems to always be in work/get things done mode. Was he just emotionally neglected as a child? He wants to get better (or at least he says he does) but we’re not sure which type of therapy would be best. Any ideas?
My doctor suggested I may have alexithymia but I've never been convinced. It just sounds like the sort of emotional bluntness that comes with depression.
I only recently learned that labeling feelings as just bad or good, isn't considered normal. I didn't know it needed to be deeper than that 🤷♀️ Edit: Body scanning doesn't work as well when also struggle with that yr physically feeling. Like I only know I'm hungry if my stomach growls or know I need to pee when I'm literally about to piss my pants. It's a struggle all around 😬
I've always labelled emotions as just good or bad. I did work on listening to my feelings with my therapist and also found emotion word wheels really helpful as I could pick a word out rather than trying to think of one
... So I kinda know "the right answer" to what to do and what I "shoud"say that I feel... Or that what that emotion feels like on paper... What they look like in movies and in books... But I really have no idea, I understand that something feels good or bad... But um... Yeah.
Sometimes I literally don't know what to say. Or if I do, I'm afraid it will come out sounding wrong. Honestly not sure why my ability to express emotions has taken a dive. I have a few guesses, but nothing that I could say is the definitive cause, or perhaps it's a combination of factors.
Shiiii. My man struggles with this. He's said when he was younger people would ask him these emotional questions and he would NOT know how to answer and it would just frustrate him. 😢
I think I might have the opposite problem here... I can understand emotions and things like when I am sad or happy, but they don't have any "feeling" attached to them. recently, I ran into a map of emotions to help people with alexithymia identify how they are feeling, and it only occurred to me then that people felt their emotions anywhere except inside of their head. Even physical sensations, like hunger, I can't feel at all... there have been several occasions where I've gotten sick because I didn't realize I was hungry. It's not because I'm confusing them with a different emotion, it's because the sensation isn't there at all.
How about a part of DID or trauma related disorders? I struggle with articulating feelings and I have a garden variety of disorders including DID and PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Tracy!
Maybe you have already, but could you also do a video on BPD and what and how it looks like in both men and women and how they may differ from Bipolar or similar personality disorders? Thank you so much!
Hi Rogue. I did a video comparing BPD to bipolar. I don't talk specifically about men vs women, but it may answer some of your other questions ua-cam.com/video/MLl4b9726wA/v-deo.html
I can have enormous trouble putting words to feelings, BUT I’m learning that in my case it’s as much trauma-related as neurological (as I’m also autistic). I am emotionally immature partly because I was never habituated to healthy, open, confrontational and persistently clear emotional relationships.
No way the Chocolate Rain guy watches this channel. This is the best crossover episode.
Wow! I've been subbed here for years and truly appreciate Dr Tracey Mark's self care videos. Seeing TayZonday here today was a great bonus! Wishing you and all that frequent this channel many blessings and a lifetime of many happily ever afters😊
🎤Hey Tay.
Hope you’re doing okay. Seen you comment on other vids from Dr. marks. Glad you’re working through your issues to better yourself. Wishing you luck on your journey ❤
You telling me chocolate rain guy is also an autistic? No wonder I liked you so much. But also, I struggle with the same thing. It's hard when ppl expect you to be able to handle things as an adult when u werent taught as a kid.
I dated someone who had a hard time articulating their emotions but they weren't aware of that. When I asked them how they felt about something, they had plenty to say - "I feel like I was being blamed for this, because..." or "it felt like he was misunderstanding me when I said..." These aren't emotions, they're interpretations of situations with the phrase "it feel like" in front of them. The distinction is important!
Wow, I never thought about that. It really is an important distinction!
Very accurate!
I once asked my ex husband how he felt about something, because he was showing a lot of anxiety. He kept giving "logical" responses. I kept pushing to get an answer about his feelings, and he finally yelled "I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING! I NEVER FEEL ANYTHING!!" and I thought, "well finally, he's said something truthful."
@@YochevedDesigns wow! It must gave been rough, but fulfilling in a way.
I think I have this issue. When you explained the difference it's just semantics to me because maybe he's not feeling the way you do. When Dr. Marks did the explanation of losing the job, I saw nothing wrong. That's because I don't take a job loss as devastating. Absolutely, I can understand your ego may be bruised and you are losing out on money temporarily. But in the long run, it obviously wasn't a place you can grow and be happy or appreciated. So I think we all need to be careful applying OUR meaning and interpretations to others as well as the motivations behind them. Just because someone isn't sitting there crying with you doesn't mean they don't care, have ill intent or feel for you.
I'm in the spectrum and definitely have alexithymia. In order to express myself i have to consciously think about it and it's draining.
This! It takes me time to process and people do not understand that. It can take me days bc I have to physically sit down alone and process situations that happened days prior.
Totally agree about reading books to help understand people IRL. The reason I love reading so much is that usually every character explains there emotions and everything!
So easy to lie down know what I mean, music of some heros to wait, lay down or lay in. Talk less.
I am blown away….
I just ended a relationship because of this. They got so frustrated with me. I just kept saying I don’t understand. They got so upset with me saying “come on” over and over again.. and I just couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on. I felt attacked. I felt belittled, misunderstood and most importantly confused.
This wasn’t the first time he and I had similar conflict. In the beginning, he had a great deal of patience, But life took over.. patience was lost.
I can’t work on something unless I’m able to identify it…
So thank u so much for this video!!!!
how are you doing now?
I'm sorry that happened, it seems like they never truly understood you and potentially lost patience with you bc they had a false belief you'd change.
I was an avid book reader since childhood and I think it's mainly thanks to that that I am able to decipher others' facial expressions and body language through deduction (I am also a woman, which may facilitate emotional awareness to some extent).
When it comes to my own feelings, I'm able to recognise them through somatic cues, and logic, but only the basic ones - anger, fear, joy (rarely) and sadness. The rest of the emotion wheel is just a bunch of words.
Dr. Marks, I am very surprised and saddened you were not listed in the UA-cam Black History makers' month. You deserve that and we need issues like this to be discussed more in the African American community. Thank you for your hard work to help us out. 🙏🏾🙏🏾
Dr. MARK ONE KNIFE HUMMER DRUMMER! Buy a clear tube and hand over laptop and make a declaration who is president, see them shudder.
THIS WONDERFUL SISTER'S VIDEOS KEPT ME ALIVE
Just Duck Off Mate. And shove your stupid ideo Up your arse
I have autism and this really resonates. I wanted to encourage younger ppl-as I’ve gotten older(58 now), I’ve gotten better n better at building my mask(unfortunate that we need one sometimes but they keep us safe) and picking things up almost by osmosis. It is a skill that many can learn. I love the Dr’s idea of reading fiction. The bigger your vocabulary, the easier it is to figure out/suss out the meanings in ppl’s speech. Good luck everyone!❤️
you just dont have soul
I struggle with this, and I'm in the process of getting diagnosed with ADHD, autism, or something along those lines. You're certainly right about reading fiction, I was a very avid reader when I was a kid and teen and that helped me a LOT with understanding emotions.
I am in the same situation and reading fiction really helped me to learn about how other people felt.
I'm self diagnosed with all that is.
@@skylerlewis4005 HaHa!
@skylerlewis4005 same...ppl don't understand😥
Damn. A lifelong problem for me that's got me in a lot of trouble. Diagnosed as ADD, autism suspected but not diagnosed. My reason for responding is that it's incredibly confusing and painful for people to assume the worst when insensitivity, cruelty, lack of compassion, selfishness, etc. was never intended. I'm wondering if other people have experienced this: something happens socially that you are oblivious to, or maybe you sense something is off but don't know what, and out of the blue weeks/months/years later your brain says, "Oh, that's what they meant." I'm not trying to be difficult or obtuse; I just never noticed.
I often am frustrated with the fact that I can't feel things that I want to feel. I don't think I have issues noticing my feelings most of the time, but if I'm in a group that's excited about something, it's difficult for me to just conjure up that same excitement even when I want to. I *can* get excited about things, but that usually happens when I'm by myself, so I don't get the social benefit of sharing that emotion with someone.
Yes - this. I’m sorry for what you’re experiencing with this. What you describe helps describe my experience when I couldn’t. I thank you for that.
I have that same issue as well, and it’s so frustrating. It could be my birthday and I will receive a gift from someone, but I physical can’t express how grateful/excited I am and it makes me feel terrible about myself
I am the same way
One thing we can all agree upon is that if you suffer from this, life is twice as difficult then it already is.
I always have problems with connecting to people and people who don't understand i can't handle emotions like they do. They never really take the time to find out or ask about it either. So i just keep feeling bad about myself, which makes connecting to people even harder. Especially new people i just met.
Can really mess up the rest of your day, let me tell you.
Have you heard of David R. Hawkins Letting Go? It's helped me tremendously
This video could not have come at a better time. I think a loved one struggles with emotional awareness and I believe this video can help us.
Look up David R. Hawkins Letting Go
Help in the video commentaires of commentaires.
i always feel "fine"' and something strong has to happen to kick my emotions out of that stubborn zone so that i can actually identify it, usually by physical sensations the most common being my stomach, the problem is that anxiety feels exactly like hunger and i often confuse the two
I know how is like to confuse hunger and anxiety 😅 there were occasions when I couldn't sleep because of an uneasy sensation, I when try to think if I forgot to take my anxiety medication or if something that day could have triggered me, but suddenly I remember that I hadn't ate for the past 15 hours 🤡 after eating dinner I was able to fall asleep really fast
Teach yourself the feeling of hunger, actively, by missing then eating breakfast in the morning, lunch at noon-ish, & dinner at 6-7 PM: LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE HAS TO. Then all you need is to be able to tell time from a clock with an alarm! (If it's morning, you should eat breakfast, like any human being, etc..)
I can’t distinguish between the two either, no if I feel it I have a mouthful of food, if it helps it’s hunger, if it doesn’t it’s anxiety.
@@MsLizziebeth1are you sure you’re on the right type of video because it sounds like you have no compassion for mental health issues.
"Fine" isn't an emotion
Just realized the intro started off wrong. It said "do you have to trouble putting your words into feelings?" instead of "do you have trouble putting your feelings into words?" like this condition does.
I dated a woman that I suspect was switching or splitting in a conversation. She had three different voices depending on what she was saying. She actually said in a very sad slow voice ,"I don't like to talk about my feelings."
She had told me just enough about her upbringing that my heart broke for her. It's very sad.
I thought I was autistic because I do have a lot of trouble reading the intention of others, however I know how I feel in situations, but I do struggle to express it coherently most of the time. I find mindfulness and yoga help calm me internally and help my nervous system regulate, but I still struggle a lot with building close interpersonal relationships. I tend to have light relationships or relationships with a set boundary (like work friends as opposed to just calling them friends) so that I do not have to be too deeply emotional with most people. I've learned to think objectively about my emotions and what emotion other people are expecting from me. Depending on the situation, I'm actually OK expressing an emotion I can't actually connect with, as long as it's not hurting anyone's own emotional state.
I think when people say autistic they mean altruistic, like they the retards, get mad.
I thought I had this as one of my symptoms, but seeing this video of yours makes me think that it is far more likely that it's attached to the social anxiety. Thank you for sharing this
Great topic. I think I have this issue. I feel misunderstood because while I do empathize, I'm not going to brood over things that will intensify the emotions. I would like to see the positive, take the lessons and move into an action that solves issues. I do understand that reflection is needed and time to process. But I feel like at the end of the day, you want to move on. I'm already there lol and i guess that's the problem 🤦🏽♀️🤣
That was me until I ended up with ptsd, now I’m struggling to recover because I don’t know how or what it even really means to sit with an emotion and I keep getting told I need to do that to recover.
Emotions are more difficult to deal with than people realize
Alexithymia is devastating to my marriage. My husband is actually emotionally and psychologically abusive. He feels no remorse and is not compelled to ask what "he can do" to make things better. It is alway (and always has been) me who has found counselors, sat down to talk to him, addressed difficult issues. After 30 years, I'm absolutely lonely and scared for my future. If I had known he had this disorder when we married, I would never have married him. It would be ok for two people with Alexithymia to be together, because they would have few expectations. It could work well. it does not work for anyone with emotional and psychological needs. They can not be met.
I have severe anxiety, social anxiety, & depressive episodes & this makes so much sense for me :(( I feel like I've been emotionally exhausted for a while & distressed by all the bad friendships I've had throughout my adult life. I feel like half of the time (or maybe 75% of the time) when people tell me their problems lately this is exactly how I feel 😖 like I don't know what to say at all. I was typing this 3/4 of the way through the video & then you said art therapy can help & I'm cracking up bc I've been more motivated to get back into making art lately bc I don't know how to express all my pent up feelings 🙈 I've also been on a huge reading kick (although I never truly stopped reading). For me personally I think I have a problem with people pleasing & lying about my feelings so that along with my social anxiety has prompted me to check in with people often when I talk to them to see if they feel okay/if I was rude/if I made them feel better. Excellent & prescient work as always Dr. Tracey, tysm for this video~!!! 💗💗💗
Art happened to be a person, believe that.
"Thank you," just doesn't seem like enough! Keep'em coming, Doc!
Thanks a lot Emanuel!
I've been waiting for a video about this thank you!
You're welcome! 👍🏽
God bless Dr. Tracey Marks. She makes everything she speaks about simple to understand.
I feel Alexathymia is a sympton of BPD, after being raised by a mother with narcissistic traits, during my DBT therapy, I spent a very ling time in front of a wall on my group therapy learning to distinguish feelings and putting labels to them. After years of practice I still struggle, less, but there is some struggle, mainly coz I did my therapy in English and in the UK, and coming back to latin america and meeting my north American nephew with his very hateful father (my brother), the labels got all blurry, my vocabulary is limited in both languages, even tough I am fluent in both spanish and english… since is a short trip, I’m kinda trapped between a grey rock and a colombian place (pun intended). This video really helps me, I think I’m gonna follow the advice of reading more descriptive stories, coz is true that I seem to lack the vocabulary to truly and eloquently explain how I feel. Thanks Dr Tracey!!❤
Work on increasing my empathy has worked somehow for me.
One thing that helps me is to have a warning in my phone, at the end of the day, asking myself if I was able to empathize with the people I’ve interacted with or with loved ones.
Like this l’m able to try to rethink my interactions with people, analyze what were they trying to express me, or what were they expecting me to express, and improve my interactions based on that.
I understand that having to make strategies to feel or understand interactions may seem odd to most people… 🤷♂️😌
Omg just started to watch her videos are helping me get a diagnosis this episode is the reason why I’ve got no friends at the age 50
I have social pragmatic communication disorder, so a lot of what you talked about is a huge chunk of my life. It’s nice to see things like this getting discussed, cause I don’t think a lot of people understand it
It would be cool to see an entire video on spcd, tho it might be too similar to this one
What is that when never talking to a person who doesn't answer, might allow yourself to talk broader.
Interesting! My 7 y.o. son scripted low in pragmatic language but not enough to get speech at school. It seems when he gets into trouble, I have a hard time understanding the events of what happened. I have to use very specific language and query to piece together what happened. It drives me crazy; he gets caught up into semantics. I’ll have to look more into spcd.
@@anbonner17 I’m not equipped to diagnose, but a couple of things you said does sound similar to what I experience. For me, it’s not just about recognizing emotions, but also complex social cues. One of my most asked question as a kid was “why?”
“Don’t do that.” “Why?” It makes them feel bad.” “Why?” “You’ll figure it out” “what if I can’t?” “You will.” And then not being able to. I also sometimes get caught up in semantics, because I’ll have trouble understanding the greater context. Sometimes I come off as a jerk or pretentious. I don’t mean to, it’s miscommunication
Another small thing i found out is associated with spcd is a stutter, like repeating a word or phrase. That’s definitely something definitely something I do. Most people don’t catch it, which it’s weird, because I’m super self conscious about it lol.
If these sound familiar, it might be worth looking into. Personally, I appreciate it when I’m able to ask a friend to explain why someone acts a certain way. Even if it seems simple or common knowledge, I may not actually get it
@@lyrajaded Okay! I have observed my son as being hyperlexic. He’s super smart but the short term memory or listening comprehension is very poor. And it seems to fluctuate. Meaning, at times, he’s listening and following directions well and other times it is quite the struggle. I had a center test left and right brain functions and basically hears like a cat. I have to remember that he can hear but he might be processing what I’m saying. I think he is asking why he has to do something like a chore or getting dressed more now than he has ever before (and we have routines and times to help him). He’s also explaining and making excuses for his (mis)behavior. In my culture, that comes off as disrespect and/or defiance.
I’m going to see who I can go to to get him tested for spcd. Thank you for sharing!
I also have Social pragmatic communication disorder with moderate intellectual disability. Life is a struggle.
I always say I never know how to describe how I feel and no one ever helps 😞
Dr Marks, you are my go-to for this information. Thankyou so much for sharing it with the world. This was never mentioned in my counselling training.
Looking rather cool in that thumbnail, Dr. Tracey Marks 😎 & a great, informative video
Thanks - I kinda like those sunglasses too 😀
I believe I have this problem. Quincy was always trying to get me to talk about my feelings. I would get so mad at him. It was like pulling teeth because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I knew I was upset or feeling something. He would help me figure it out though! I hated it but he would make me talk! Thanks for sharing, Dr. Marks!
I be leave it since I can't recall being in the womb before birth, how about that grasp, see it how it is.
I may have this. I struggle with interpreting people's actions and I have allowed people to grossly violate my boundaries right in front of me because I had trouble processing what was happening and how it pertained to me. I knew that what they were doing was wrong, but I could not form a clear thought about it or assert myself.
My Son with Autism has this problem ,very informative video ,thanks
Another awesome video. I am struggling to articulate much else of use, but I am autistic as well and this has been something I've had to work on myself. Love the suggestions and love how you present information in general. You are one of my go tos and one I recommend to others. Thanks Dr. Marks!
i spend most of my life reading, and maybe that's the reason why i usually don't have trouble recognising emotions of others. But my own? I just often feel like i don't have any emotions at all, until they suddenly blow up in bursts of anger or sadness or happiness. And this bursts usually suprise others as much as myself, because i wasn't even aware that i had so many compressed thoughts and feelings.
It also makes me really struggle with life decisions. I really think like 'ah, whatever! everything's fine for me' but it fact it isn't, it's just that i usually need like a year to notice that.
That's kinda messed up, but i'm going to the therapy next month, and hopefully learn how to figure out what i even want in life. Anyway thanks for video!
Dr. Tracy, thank you for this! It’s very eye-opening as I’ve always struggled with this since early childhood, from what I can remember, and I still struggle with this in my current relationship. I also suffer from ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder.
I suffer from the leak in the restrooms, what did they say while I was doing what I presume is taking a piss always, most days with and without a comma between always and most.
I have a hard time differentiating anger from sadness. I can’t physically express happiness/excitement and I often become anxious or uncomfortable when trying to express affection and or when someone expresses affection towards me.
I overthink questions directed towards how I feel because I don’t know and I usually just try to put words that I think will satisfy the other person
I thought I was the only one
Just want to say thanks for your advice on mental illness and help Tracey and your videos.
My husband has Alexi , but He Shows his subtle feelings different, he Just does my chores or hugs me tight or does things which He knows I like. I have ADHD and its really calming to me , that he ist hardcore rational.
I do focus more on what people do or don't do for or with me. I express myself more with my acts because i don't put much importance on speech on a ridicule level.
I have to adjust that.
Thank you. I learned something new today. I look forward to next week's video.
I really enjoy and learn from video . Dr Tracy your expertise is well used along with effective use of the way you share it so clearly and comprehensively
Much grattitude to you 🎉
Thank you Dr. Tracey. Reviewing and sharing this video.
I can recognize other people's emotions, just not mine. I am good at giving "appropriate" responses.
I am knowingly, married, and autistic man. When dating he knew how to hide it and the day we got married it all changed. It’s been like that ever since we’ve been together for 13 years. It’s very tough. His language of love doing work around the house if he has come up short on empathy. That’s fine but he’s not sorry enough to adjust his attitude,on the other hand he tells the truth that you don’t wanna hear he’s not emotionally smart enough to stay out of trouble. And then he gets frustrated because I know that he certainly doesn’t intend to do that. He just tells his truth and the truth hurts. I asked him at all your wives, I’m the third one., Which one of us did you feel the most trust with after a long ponder, he says his second wife. She had four children. She took money from him and she cheated on him. I said nothing back for about three hours, and then I just came in the room and I was laughing hilariously.😊
I can carry a sign that I have alexithymia and hand out little business cards with a definition. I hope that would prevent people from being offended. As an autistic person that is socially shy, so much that talking verbally is hard, business cards is all I can think of. "Selective mutism" is a terrible name for a problem where you can't talk no matter how hard you try. Psychiatrists need to use common sense names for their new "disorders" or symptoms they come up with.
Great video. I had heard of this before
Thanks for watching! 😊
Oooooooh I've been waiting patiently for this video 🥺
Oh good! I'm glad it's here for you. 👍🏽
Interesting video, Dr. Marks! Just a quick note: alexithymia is often seen more as a personality trait or a feature rather than a standalone psychological disorder. It's about having trouble identifying and expressing emotions, but isn't classified as a disorder itself.
@dsdssdsds822 - Yes, that's exactly what she was saying. In fact, I am extremely peeved on behalf of the whole human race that ALEXITHYMIA *ISN'T* documented formally in DSM-V as a disorder itself, or even just a micro-disorder: it's clearly a "nested" (programming-speak) [subroutine]/disorder, what @dsdssdsds822 calls a "feature". We know it can present occasionally standalone, but usually as a self-contained part of further, larger disabilities. Either way, it HAS DETRIMENTAL SOCIAL OUTCOMES FOR A LIFETIME. I do want the psychiatric community TO FIGHT TO ESTABLISH IT ON THE BOOKS. Are we being crazy NOT DOING THAT ?????
Perhaps we can redefine it as a *disorederoid*, like my astronomer friends did to Pluto! 😂
Your frustration is understandable, MsLizziebeth1, given the tangible impact alexithymia has on individuals' lives. The classification of psychological conditions like alexithymia is complex and nuanced, often reflecting a balance between clinical observation and the need for a diagnostic framework that aids in effective treatment strategies. While alexithymia is not formally classified as a disorder in the DSM-5, its recognition as a significant trait or feature within other disorders underscores its importance in the field of mental health. This approach allows for a more integrated understanding and treatment of individuals who exhibit alexithymic characteristics, recognizing that these issues often co-occur with other conditions. Pushing for its independent recognition could indeed foster more specific therapeutic strategies and awareness. However, the debate also involves considering how diagnostic categorization might best serve individuals' needs, promoting both understanding and effective interventions. The evolution of psychiatric classification is ongoing, and your advocacy highlights the dynamic conversation surrounding how we understand and address complex psychological phenomena.@@MsLizziebeth1
Hi Dr Tracy! Thank you for your work - it empowers me truly. My name is Sean. Could you please consider doing a video on how mental health conditions such as bipolar disorder, medication such as epilim or resperidal have a connection to memory and cognitive decline? I am a university student and it seems that ever since I was on my medication my attention skills, intelligence and memory have sunk. I forget things within seconds. I have shortness of attention and it feels as if there are holes in my thinking. Are there any solutions for these in terms of my mental condition and medication? I would really appreciate it, thank you!
Great question!
I'm not a doctor, but the first things that'd come to mind would be: have you been checked for sleep apnea, did you/were you able to try other meds (if it started with taking them), do you eat enough protein and calories, is your bipolar diagnosis really, really confirmed and it's not the meds giving you less dopamine now and causing this (which can happen for people with ADHD getting these meds or antidepressants if they are misdiagnosed) and so on? In any case, I highly recommend talking about this with a mental health professional or better, a skilled psychiatrist, who is willing to listen and explore possible reasons and solutions. Good luck :)
Hi @Sean Nye. I'm sorry you're experiencing this. To get to the bottom of this, you would need your doctor to ask a lot of questions about your symptoms and medication responses. Here are some possibilities - if you really have schizoaffective d/o and not bipolar, the "schizo" part of the disorder can cause cognitive decline that can worsen over time. Yes, medications can interfere with your thinking perhaps because of lethargy or drugs that are very anticholinergic (like olanzapine or some antihistamines) can cause cognitive slowing. The changes are more subtle and constant and not progressively deteriorating. Some people can feel cognitively slowed on Valproate (epilim). Like @Chizuru94 suggested, there could be other medical conditions you have that may or may not have been diagnosed like sleep apnea, low thyroid, low testosterone, or ADHD that can affect your thinking.
So the answer to what to do about it, depends on the cause and you would need your psychiatrist to do a deep dive into your medical history to see what the contributors are.
Apologies if I have been posting multiple follow up replies. I don't see my replies being added. That's the reason.
I say you live in the United States of the world so shit on someone else.
Great video and lot's of useful tips! I will be adding art therapy because scribbling on a piece of paper yeilds more results than me trying to explain my feelings! Can't wait to try this!
I have an issue, I only know the common slang " Stage Fright, its root goes way back to an early age, a decision that no child should ever have to make, that was, do I go back into that room and continue to be sexually abused or do I run out the front door, needless to say I went back into that room. i noticed in my teens playing baseball, I could make unreal plays when I didn`t have time to think, I just did it, when it came to batting though and I had to stand there and think, I would fail miserably, at practice it wasn`t the same, very few people were there and I would clock the ball.
On the mediation you mentioned, I have a small pool company, staring into a body of water, with the glimmering bottom and vacuuming " back and forth back and forth, that allowed me to reach deeper into my thoughts and with that comes understanding my thoughts and emotions.
I feel like this is a problem for me.. i can never tell what i feel at all.. and i can never tell how to comfort someone and show that i care
My ex husband has Asperger's. He is exactly like this. I still have severe CPTSD from being in a one sided relationship with him. He abused me emotionally, and was extremely controlling with money, who I could visit, where I could go, how long I could be out of the house, and a lot of other things. Of course he denied that he did any of these things. I feel so deeply damaged that I fear that I will never trust another man ever again.
Hope you didn’t happen to meet my dad post divorce because that sounds JUST like him. I believe my ex-dad was misdiagnosed because I’ve met a lot of other people on the spectrum since and they were NOTHING like him. Men like that are a DISGRACE. I hate how it really does sound like you had almost exactly the same experience I had (how dare there be at least TWO individuals out there like that). May the creature I erased from my life continue to fade away, and may yours too in time.
Im in my 50s, and I could count on one hand the people ive met who could be consistently open, emotionally responsive and considerately communicative.
As a person with ASD, I have experience with this trouble. My main issue has always been the awareness toward others, and to compensate, I use to intellectualize things. The problem is that this method is very slow. So I end up saying some key sentences (while processing what that person might feel). But in high school and early adulthood, people became very hostile, from saying that I was a "robot" to saying that I was fake. But I realized very late that it took time for me to process that emotional level (give it a name, and later not to get "eaten by it").
I have been better with naming my feelings. But for many years, I could only find out through illnesses, body aches of any kind what my feelings were and for what. Otherwise said, very late. And no psychologist that I was seeing at the time suggested what you said in the video (which would have been more helpful).
I know that movie as a whole hurt of the world and say free and never was a man, know that shit, corn flakes and sheep. What could I do for a carmal apple lollie.
@@skylerlewis4005 Your reply doesn't make any sense to me... Can you elaborate?
Waiting for the next video...please upload it .
Please upload those exercises soon doctor🥺🥺
Thank you, Dr., for your insights.
Wow. I always wondered why women so frequently bullied me, but I got along with men just fine. Now I know. My therapist actually told me I had alexithymia but I didn't fully understand it when I first looked it up.
I have experienced also from the side of the person going through a really really hard time.... My mom developed Schizofrenia, whan I was about 12..... over the years even till I was 20/21.... I did not get any real empthy.... from extended family or friends/school mates..... No one ever asked how I was doing, never offered how they could help and when I first told someone about it (good manor, mild emotions, nothing extreme) with a couple tears and a sad voice.... the people responded with oh, dont cry, well dont tell us about it, if it makes you cry, etc. No real empthy. Just their protecting themselves from the reality of real life and how cruel it can be.
I had to replay that part of the video a few times: Do you want the steak or fish? It would be good if you provided context earlier, saying that you're out at a restaurant with your friend when they tell you about losing their job. The steak/fish question looked like a non-sequitor.
Thank for uploading this. I am autistic and i think i definitely have this. My main experience with this is that i mistake my thoughts for feelings. Is it possible for biofeedback to help with this?
I really appreciate you using the rainbow infinity symbol now when referring to Autism 💗💗💗
This is so true and so helpful. Thank you
No I'm pretty sure I did not have this growing up. But I will say there was a point in time where I genuinely did not know what I was feeling and I have no idea how to really tell people that. I noticed this sometime after my mother would tell me that I did not have the right to feel anger or sadness or depression. And it took me a really long time to be able to understand what it is and I'm feeling but even now sometimes it feels really shallow and like I don't really know.
Again I don't think I have this complication in my life but this is a good step in the right direction
The only emotion I can accurately identify is anxiety. All my emotions get filtered thru that. But, in the past week, after 6 months of trying, I've finally been able to notice my hunger cue before I'm hangry and starving! As a result, I've been a little less irritable!
Lazy also with these, "!?"
Thank you Dr.Marks,this video explains alot dating waaaaay back to my childhood in the 90's & early 2000's,I had an art 🎨 teacher Ms.Kieda in elementary school I could never pass her class wasn't very expressive back then,never passed her class,then I went on to middle school,had a male 🎨 art teacher by the name of Mr.Capone(I am not one to judge but he was a homosexual),I didn't pass his class neither but I shared that class with a cute young lady by the name of Ms.Davis we are still friends to this very day,couldn't express myself in either schools🤷♂️.
Thank you and looking forward to the next one! Will you be scheduling on UA-cam so that it dusplay in advance abd gets more viewers?
When the brainfog and depression clear up, a feel very strongly about things and can put that into mental pictures.
Wow incredible information!
Glad you liked it! 🙏🏽
Always Great Doc 👍
I have Asperger’s. In my experience, though I’m legally blind, I can see facial expressions. It’s like trying to read Norse runes to me. I know they are supposed to mean something, but which something, I do not know.
I get disinterested and meh about everything when I’m under an unusually high amount of stress. During these times, emotions are overwhelming and I feel as if I’m drowning in them depending on which one it is. I don’t describe my emotions well. I don’t always know which I’m feeling. Example: fear, anxiety, excitement, and anticipation all feel the same.
Also, during the burn out, even my special interests hold no draw for me.
It’s almost like walking thorough a dream.
What do you mean your legally blind but can see facial expressions?
@@Gargintua legal blindness is defined as being able to see at 20 feet with someone with 2020 vision would be able to see at 200 feet. Mine is past that definition. I see objects in front of me OK, and I can see facial expressions because people come close to me when they are speaking anyway, so I can flip read in case it’s too difficult to hear, such as in a noisy environment. I see peoples facial expressions, fine, but I cannot interpret them when we are watching TV, I have to ask my mom what the expression someone has means. Is there any more help?
Also, not sure if this is of any import or not, but I only have vision in one eye, and my vision is that I see at 20 feet with a normal person would see at 500 feet, but I can only see objects/people about 6 feet at the most in front of me
@@coffeecat086 oh I see, thanks for explaining. Sorry I don't know how to help with difficulty reading facial expressions. I think reading fiction could help, because it describes the thoughprocesses behind emotions. From there you could test your ability by watching movies. In my case I have trouble socialising because I have trouble expressing what I am thinking, what are my likes and opinions, knowing what I want and what to do. I think it's because emotion guides these things
Could you make a video on how to distinguish Seasonal Affective Disorder from the normal “winter blues”?
I'm on the higher functioning end of the autistic spectrum, and I can rarely articulate my feelings properly or the way people 'should'. People always percieve me as being constantly unhappy, but even when I try to explain, both sides end up failing to understand. Its frustrating.
This is heartbreaking especially when the person is so disconnected from feeling their own emotions they lack the ability to express empathy as well. How do u build a relationship bond with someone unsure of how they feel? Next question why do they get so upset when someone ask questions to help them identify how they feel in a loving way? Example “ why are u showing signs of rage?” I’m not angry what u mean ? Your sweating, nose flared and your tone seems extremely angry about something. Am I misconstruing how u feel? Why are u always digging and investigating me? This cycle happens over and over. As someone healing from codependency and narc abuse , being with someone that can’t feel or express emotions makes me sad. It seems like autism , cptsd and many other personality disorders are the root cause. Since the last 3 years on earth has been chaotic , more ppl are showing these signs that didn’t show up in the past. Many ppl in the African American community are undiagnosed, lack resources and support. With that being said , Dr. T We thank u from the bottom of our hearts for your work❤ Yt ain’t gotta tell us how valuable u are according to them, u already know your a 💎 gem❣️
I didn't see any issue with the second response. Guess that's all i need to know.
I have a lot of trouble with identifying my feelings and describing them in words. However in therapy i found I find it easy to describe my feelings as images. I can put quite specific images to my feelings and go - "yeah, thats it. That black rose with thorns on a red background? Thats exactly how i feel".
Nice for those around you who can see those paintings. But remember why language exists. It's so you're not isolated to your own senses or immediate environment. You need more training to learn to use your mother tongue for people at greater distances in space & time.
I think I may have this.
this is word for word what i experience
4:00 - That bit struck a nerve with me and I'm now lay in bed in tears. I know what I'm feeling, I just can't get the words out. Right now I'm in love with this woman whom I desperately want to tell but nothing comes out. The other day I was sat with her and just two others (her daughters) and besides a few words here and there, we spent most of the time staring at our phones. Over the past few weeks I've had quite a few chances of simply going up to her and dance with her just to get closer. However, I'm self conscious about dancing plus don't really like it. I dance only when really drunk or if it's The Time Warp, lol.
Who is she? She's an incredibly strong person. Her voice is just so alluring and her laugh is mesmerising. She's also incredibly gorgeous. 🤗 I've had this crush on her for around seven months now. 😢
It's nice to finally have a name for this. Besides having trouble identifying how I feel, I am constantly struggling to interpret my partner's emotions based on her body language and facial cues.
Wow. Super interesting thanks.
I saw in my VA medical record that they said I had Alexithymia back in 2000.
I have always described my emotions as "still water" even when I was younger. I get "waves" of vague feelings but usually I don't understand exactly what the feeling is. Like if it's especially strong I will get it but obviously not it the quantity or amount I feel I'm supposed to. Most times I don't know what I'm feeling, sometimes it's just a response without any feeling(that I know of) like suddenly crying out of nowhere with thoughts suddenly drifting to something I know makes me upset, the other way around than what I'm pretty sure it's supposed to work.
Hi Dr Marks, thank you so much for your videos. I love your channel. Question: I’m not sure if my spouse has emotional blindness or if he’s on the spectrum, maybe you could help with this? He’s pretty emotionless except for anger or annoyance, If he shows other emotions, which is rare, it’s like they’re fake because he knows that’s what people expect of him. He’s usually not very present, doesn’t particularly like people, and seems to always be in work/get things done mode. Was he just emotionally neglected as a child? He wants to get better (or at least he says he does) but we’re not sure which type of therapy would be best. Any ideas?
My doctor suggested I may have alexithymia but I've never been convinced. It just sounds like the sort of emotional bluntness that comes with depression.
I know how to describe what I feel but that doesn't mean I understand what that feeling is.
I only recently learned that labeling feelings as just bad or good, isn't considered normal. I didn't know it needed to be deeper than that 🤷♀️
Edit: Body scanning doesn't work as well when also struggle with that yr physically feeling. Like I only know I'm hungry if my stomach growls or know I need to pee when I'm literally about to piss my pants. It's a struggle all around 😬
I've always labelled emotions as just good or bad. I did work on listening to my feelings with my therapist and also found emotion word wheels really helpful as I could pick a word out rather than trying to think of one
Thanks, Doc
... So I kinda know "the right answer" to what to do and what I "shoud"say that I feel... Or that what that emotion feels like on paper... What they look like in movies and in books...
But I really have no idea,
I understand that something feels good or bad... But um... Yeah.
Sometimes I literally don't know what to say. Or if I do, I'm afraid it will come out sounding wrong. Honestly not sure why my ability to express emotions has taken a dive. I have a few guesses, but nothing that I could say is the definitive cause, or perhaps it's a combination of factors.
Shiiii. My man struggles with this. He's said when he was younger people would ask him these emotional questions and he would NOT know how to answer and it would just frustrate him. 😢
I got a notice this time.
Oh I'm glad. Thanks for turning notifications on
I think I might have the opposite problem here... I can understand emotions and things like when I am sad or happy, but they don't have any "feeling" attached to them. recently, I ran into a map of emotions to help people with alexithymia identify how they are feeling, and it only occurred to me then that people felt their emotions anywhere except inside of their head. Even physical sensations, like hunger, I can't feel at all... there have been several occasions where I've gotten sick because I didn't realize I was hungry. It's not because I'm confusing them with a different emotion, it's because the sensation isn't there at all.
Look into Interoception
Everytime i see a new (for me) disorder: hmmm i wonder if i have that
How about a part of DID or trauma related disorders? I struggle with articulating feelings and I have a garden variety of disorders including DID and PTSD. Thank you, Dr. Tracy!
Maybe you have already, but could you also do a video on BPD and what and how it looks like in both men and women and how they may differ from Bipolar or similar personality disorders? Thank you so much!
Hi Rogue. I did a video comparing BPD to bipolar. I don't talk specifically about men vs women, but it may answer some of your other questions ua-cam.com/video/MLl4b9726wA/v-deo.html
Idk, somehow listening to this, made me realize I don't have this thing, or I just have bad memory.