Alexithymia // What it's like to not know how you feel
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- Опубліковано 10 тра 2019
- Alexithymia describes an inability to recognise or name your own emotions. Coming from the Greek to mean literally "no words for emotions", alexithymia is strongly related to autism (it is estimated over half of autistic people also have alexithymia)
Being in touch with your own emotions is vital to building friendships and relationships. I believe a lot of the social aspects I struggle with due to autism can be partly attributed to alexithymia as well.
Here's the test I took, interested to see how other people do, so let me know in the comments down below:
www.alexithymia.us/alexithymi...
For further thoughts on the subject: theaspergian.com/2019/05/13/a...
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How do you score on the test? I got 124
@Adam Martin Wow, that's impressive! :D
152.
145... and that REALLY surprised me. I actually had to get help with a lot of the questions. But I am very much about physical sensations or logicalling the heck out of things. As you say - I thought that's how everyone does it.
156
149
I thought it was too high so I redid it and got 149 again
I knew I wasn't great at guessing what others were feeling without straight up asking, but I didn't realize I had that much trouble
PTSD? Sensory processing? What's going on ?
True story: I had an anxiety attack after my husband proposed to me. I literally had to sit alone in our room for about twenty minutes to sift through what was wrong. It took me that long to realize that I wasn't anxious or upset at all, but experiencing such a high level of excitement and happiness that it felt similar to a panic attack. I'm extremely fortunate to have a partner who loves and accepts me.
That cold be it🤔... Now I will ask her out for 31st night.. thanks
Sorry! Backstory: My crush asked me out.. I freaked out soo much that I blocked her😂.
Nah.. she is also good friend of mine so she knows I sometimes react this way..✌🏻 will do the honours right away!!
Thankyou @Beatrice Bonomo ma'am🙏🏻 for help
All you had to do was let the emotion process until your mind was capable of responding without getting overwhelmed.
It can sometimes be very terrifying, and I get extremely exhausted after the excitement has burnt out. I get severe con blues in the middle of anime conventions because the excitement would finally dissipate and my agoraphobia would start to kick in. I kept thinking my agoraphobia was just social anxiety until a couple of semi-famous internet bloggers unintentionally helped me realize that it was straight up fear, not just anxiety. I hate going out even to my mailbox and feel so uncomfortable if I’m visible from other houses. I had no idea until late last year that it was agoraphobia.
@@partysuvius But sir that is the problem only naa!!. Can't feel the emotion.. now what to process when don't have anything to?..
Better I learned how to respond in certain situations like a concept (except these romantic feeling.. couldn't understand it yet!). The problem is my body reacts as Shiver only in each and every situation I face from extreme emotion and in rest it's like nothing as a stone.. So... That's the problem!
But if u learn the concept of that emotion like me.. u can act it out! Creating ur own way of acting it out! And the best part.. since happy is the easiest one.. A smile will never wear off ur face 😁.. soo, Win-win (I reckon)!!
I actually really love this story! I don’t know how I would react in your husband’s situation, but I really love your story just the same.
I felt physically so sick, I burst into tears and also wanted to throw up so bad 😂
"How are you?"
"Thanks!" :)
"That's not a real answer!"
"Was it a real question in the first place?"
One tip I can offer here is that for years I've gotten by with a response of "the usual", 90-95% of people don't really care about the response so as long as you give one, even something as vague as that, they won't question it further.
I suspect they also don't want to admit that they fall short of the implied suggestion that they know what is usual for you.
Unfortunately the ones that do insist on pushing it can make things very awkward. 😖
Thanks IS sort of a logical answer. You are thanking them for being polite and attentive towards you by saying this phrase, however you are aware they are not actually asking and prepared to hear how you are.
I tend to ask, “Real answer or conversational appropriate one?” Cause usually I’m either good or freaking out. There is very little in between.
"Well enough" Works in every situation.
I often respond with, "Hey!" and that seems to do the trick. XD haha
Ok, so my mom died a while back, and a couple weeks later I'm having breakfast with my husband at a diner. I just started crying, and when I started talking to my husband, all I could tell him is how I almost feel nothing at all. In the meantime, my whole body was sad. It's like my body understood the emotion, but my brain was numb to it. Really weird.
I'm the same. Especially with kinds of distress, Im usually not aware of how I'm feeling until months later and it's become a problem. Sometimes I'm the last to know
Similar situation. My mom had told me about my dad’s other daughter (half-sister) dying years ago, and I started crying out of empathy (I assume?) but I didn’t know why I was crying. I was so confused, because I didn’t feel sorry or sad that my dad’s daughter had passed, however I was crying. I just felt nothing, even told my mom that. She didn’t understand and just said I’m probably anxious(which I don’t know the feeling of either.)
I'm learning about somatic experiencing of emotions and the concepts in "The Body Keeps The Score". Can't remember the psychologist who coined that research. But, it is helping me recognize feelings from my body first.
Me too, but all the time. Everything about me and my emotions is normal, apart from the fact that I can’t feel them literally at all. Most of the time I can figure out or recognise what emotions I’m “feeling” or what others are feeling, but sometimes I don’t know what I’m supposed to be feeling, because I have no idea what a feeling feels like. Sometimes I want a cure to it, but then I think about what people must feel like when they cry, and obviously it’s really unpleasant, and I cry a lot.. So I don’t want to feel that when I do.
I feel the same way but I don't even know that my body feels sadness.
I have an emotion that is literally "meh".
Kind of a little bit of everything, not really anything in particular.
When people ask me how I'm doing, it's usually that.
I just learned to say "meh" *shrugs*
Thats usually my default as well.
I am so grateful to whomstever created that word because it’s literally so useful. Thankfully saying “meh” people usually just nod and move on.
Sounds about right. I think most people don't feel any particular way during the monotony of day to day life.
Same actually
Exactly, like if something happens, it’s like “ oh well “
I got 149, and I always respond with "I'm tired" too. Often, as others have said, I feel "blank." Sometimes I respond with "I feel... nothing? Why would I feel something right now? Should I?"
My default emotional state on an average day is blank!
So relatable
so familiar: excuse me, I’m here to work, why should I be feeling things now, that’s unrelated 😂
“I’m tired” is my go to when people ask if I’m ok. I am ok, I just don’t feel anything. Without prompts I don’t look happy, cause I’m not. I’m not sad. Just neutral. If I just say “I’m fine” people press on with “are you sure?”.
That can also be clinical depression.
But if it isn't interfering with your ability to do things, I wouldn't worry about it too much
I scored 152. I actually do enjoy talking about feelings, but it is rather in a dissecting way as if I were an alien, trying to understand humans. I work quite consistently on trying to find out what I feel through various ways. But I annoy others, because I keep using them to find out how I feel through talking.
This resonates with me! I've sometimes described myself as an emotional engineer; I want to figure out the gears and cogs of why I'm (or someone else is) feeling and acting a certain way. Or I'll say that there's a little naturalist living in my head who's constantly taking notes describing human behavior in an attempt to understand what I'm supposed to be doing.
I scored a 151 and find this highly relatable. I feel badly that I treat others and myself like a “test subject” but it’s the only way I am able to understand what I, myself, or others are feelings.
I relate to this so hard. I analyze the emotions in others (sometimes my loved ones feel interrogated) and then use the data to determine my feelings later. I never realized I don’t actually feel them 😮
This is spot on!
While doing the test I realize I “know” what to say when asked about my emotions because it’s one of my scripts from masking. I always answer good, to “how are you” because any other answer only perpetuates more questions about feelings which I try to avoid.
I’ve realized I’ve actually had social anxiety for many many years, but had no idea I have anxiety til now. I even hide behind bushes with my dog to avoid talking to people… and somehow could not figure out that I have social anxiety til now.
💀Denial is a powerful force
Oh my. The hedge row and dog excuse saved me from so many impromptu interactions. Only issue was we lived on a dead end road so I had to guess how far they would go before turning around so I could time my follow up disappearance accordingly.
I think I finally discovered why my marriage fell apart and why I don’t have close relationships. I don’t vocalize my feelings. It takes a whole lot of effort to express anything. I’ve grown up with depression, which makes sense why I could, or probably do have alexithymia. Thank you for sharing your experience!
Sam: "My heart beats fast and gets excited, so I know that's..."
Me: "Fear! Pure terror!"
Sam: "...love."
Me: "Oh... er... yeah.... love, that's right."
I scored 109 (I've got a pretty overactive imagination, so that's probably what prevented me from getting a higher score.) But oh man, I really need a copy of that emotion wheel!
😂😂😂
@@YoSamdySam lmao i thought it was anxiety or fear
I have an extremely over active imagination and I got 147 some how 🤨
Hahahaha!!! Same, especially since having a history of panic disorder!
Nah that's just tachycardia 😜🤣 (I'm a nurse so I'm a terror for just putting it down to medical condition... far easier
"Which apparently is not how other people live their lives" WHAT?!
I had no idea this was a thing. Years ago I had CBT and my therapist would ask me how I was feeling. I'd answer, and every time, she'd say "those are thoughts, not feelings". I couldn't name the feelings until she showed me that emotions wheel. It was helpful to see examples written down.
I have had that conversation so many times.
"My facial expressions don't always match the emotions that I have inside". So true. Today a close and sympathetic friend asked me if I was feeling down. I was feeling quite chirpy, or at least thought I was. Since I often don't know how I am feeling, I was taken aback, and wondered, "am I feeling down?" rather than asking "what makes you think I am feeling down, do I seem down?" Shoot, I'm confused now!
I score 154. I don’t even know how I feel about that lol
Okhai Omotuebe ironic
I was wondering if I experience this and I was about to say that I also don't know how I feel about finding out about this... and then I saw your reply.
155 lol
123 holy sh**
I got 119.
I hate that - why do people bother asking "How are you?" when they don't actually care? Ugh. That caught me out for 20 years. And I agree on the tiredness. That's pretty much how I feel whenever I get excessive emotions of any type, but especially negative. And yes, sometimes I seem to feel things very, very deeply that others don't.
It's a form of what I like to call "social lubrication", saying things to indicate that everything in the interaction is going to be nice and well-intended. I don't particularly like it either, but find myself doing it out of habit sometimes because I don't know what else to say. I generally do care about the person's response though.
@@YoSamdySam Yes, precisely. I find myself doing a lot of things, just because they're "the norm". Masking FTW.
@@JustAnotherBuckyLover That was one of the social "faux-pas" I used to make, and quite a frequent one : when asked how I am, I would say everything that happened that day, not realizing that probably no one cared. And more often than not, I'd just answer "I am tired". Until someone snapped at me "you're always tired anyway". I was puzzled : why did he ask, if he doesn't care for the answer". I observed how ppl interact, and realized you're supposed to reply "I am fine". Even when tired. I must admit : he was right, I am ( almost ) always tired.
@@kezako6783 The problem is, that I've also found OTHER people that if you just reply "I'm fine, how are you?" they then get upset because they think you're being dismissive/brushing them off/being rude etc. This is the problem I have so often with the untold "social" rules - That they CHANGE. That somehow I'm meant to magically know not only this unspoken rule that nobody has ever taken the time to verbalise to me, but I then also have to figure out all the intricacies that feel like mind-reading. And I know that allistic people mess up social interactions too... but good lord, after so many years of (what feels like) every single thing I do or say being "wrong" somehow, especially on top of abuse and gaslighting, it's hugely triggering for me now (even just talking about it is making me anxious and upset). I wish I could just not care (or at least find a balance emotionally but that's proving difficult).
The person snapping is also familiar. I suffer from endometriosis (among other medical issues) which causes me daily pain. And it's incredibly hurtful every time someone comes out with "Oh God, what's wrong with you _now_ ?" or "God, you're _always_ sick," and I always have to resist snapping back with "Yes, that's because I have chronic illnesses. Maybe you need to look up the definition of chronic...." It drives me crazy. But that's less an autistic thing and more an ableism/lack-of-empathy thing for people who live with chronic health conditions.
I've been sick, and had someone at work ask me "how are you?" I was honest, I was not well. They answered "great!" Clearly they were not asking sincerely or interested in an actual answer. It was just a rote script.
This was so enlightening. I had no idea this was not how everyone thought about their emotions. I've been accused about not being in touch with my emotions, and I think, "I have spent time rationalizing them to death...how am I not in touch with them?!"
I've never heard of Alexithymia before so when you said you took a test, I paused your video and took the test. I got 127.
I'm highly empathetic and absorb other people's emotions and can cry easily when I'm with others. I'm able to feel things deeply but it is a process. When left to myself, I often search for what emotion I am feeling atm and would try to connect a certain event in order to connect with that feeling/emotion. It's almost like the need to browse in my file inventory of feelings I've acquired through the years. I almost always have a need to try to make sense of what I'm feeling otherwise, I won't be able to describe WHAT exactly I'm feeling. I truly relate to the "no words to describe" therefore I have a need to channel them through something else - music, art, and crafts.
I like listening when people articulate their feelings and emotions, it's so useful and easier for me to "feel for them with them".
Yep, that "how are you?" used to trip me up all the time bc it would make me pause and momentarily short circuit. "How am I?....I have no idea, I'd have to think about it." and then I remember they really don't care so after a pregnant pause it's "I'm fine." or the "How's it going?" my now immediate response is "It's going" lol bc it would take me too long and derail me from the moment to have to sit back and think of an actual truthful response and ppl don't care anyways.
i usually end up asking someone why it matters..
They do care just shift your perspectives...
I get that. Socializing can be quite superficial. So many people don't REALLY care if you are well or not. It's just what we have learned to ask, or be asked ("How are you?").
I don't know if I am Autistic; but, I can sure relate to the mild version of Autism. Wow! I can't believe that very, very mild Autism even exists. Wow!
@@isabels2973 :
Some DO care; and, some just want to make an Initial statement (waiting to see your social skills). If you are sensitive (emotionally speaking). Talking to people can be an emotional minefield.
I relate 100%
Score of 149. I am either "fine" or I ramble on for hours trying to nail down what I think and feel about something. And sometimes come to a final answer. Usually I don't!
So true! I often "feel" like there's no point trying to figure out what I'm feeling, because I can only make an educated guess. I still can't figure out if the feeling is even there in the first place. I'm guessing the feeling is there, because my best friend can usually tell how I am feeling before I even recognize it.
where can i get tested..is it online or?
Ohhhh my word I relate to this SO MUCH and I didn’t realize that my emotions are just super complex and THATS why therapy was so traumatizing for me…more so than my actual trauma. Wow, this is good to know!!!
„Actions speak louder than words. And for me louder than emotions” that resonated with me
After twenty years of marriage, not knowing how good of a match my wife and I are, I have come to realize I just didn't know how to deal with my emotions when my wife was mad at me. We talked about it, and agreed to not get mad at each other -- instead, just *telling* what's wrong, and then fixing it. I instantly felt a huge weight lifted off of me. I am now so madly in love with her!
Damn man I wish I can find a girl like that. Girls often either leave me or heat on me because they say I don’t show them enough attention or love even though I do love them. I’m just numb it’s hard to explain
I find this with friends as well… Figuring out an understanding each other’s communication patterns and establishing that feelings are safe to discuss is like the best thing in the universe… Congratulations, my friend!
What r u guys feeling right now ? Im curious
“When you figure out what’s wrong, will you tell me?” Standard phrase uttered from my wife. It takes a while to drill down to what’s going on in my head. I often ask myself, “Why are you upset?” and the answer is often, “But why is _that_ bothering you?” It takes a lot of time.
Basic neutral, with some curiosity and interested,
You talking about feeling anger/negative emotions, much more easily, yes !! Anxiety and depression and anger definitely manifest physically !
That is exactly what she said, maybe you should eat normal so your brain will kick in again?
@@muurrarium9460 what the heck, let them eat their own way, as long as they dont force it on others then its completely fine.
For me, when I think about it, "Happy" has always just been the temporary absence of anxiety. Of course, that's complicated too, because for a long time, I didn't realize that I was feeling anxiety all the time either. I also want to say that you really hit the nail on the head with this: "I came to the conclusion that love isn’t a feeling, it’s a set of actions, what you and your partner do for each other, that truly matters."
When someone asked how I feel I would usually say "normally". Once I started to get really cold, had shivers and would throw up most meals I theoretized I was stressed out so I started to feel my hartbeat to see whether I was stressed out or not. I can get angry or happy or scared, but stress is invisible to me.
I was like this as a child/teen, and even as a young adult, but I seem to have gotten better at identifying what I am feeling. I often just felt "crappy", but could not pinpoint it. Often I have to ruminate on why I feel crappy. I think music has really helped me in this respect. There is a song for literally every emotion on earth.
@Tabitha Elkins I get this, especially the rumination part, which used to be worse, but the better I am at identifying, the less it happens? Additionally, I don't know about you, but I started recently relistening to songs I played over and over again as a young teen. My past music choices make a lot more sense now, haha.
Same, I have the problem both directions. Either, I don't know how I am feeling about this situation or I don't know what caused me to feel this way. And I like music but sort of just feel the notes and don't really pay attention to the lyrics (or I try to and then zone out pretty quickly). I've tried to make an effort to improve, but I haven't had much luck.
Practice makes perfect. Meditation and neurofeedback can also help. The more emotionally regulated you are, the more you'll have a clean slate to learn emotional responses.
I say that as somebody who is a mature adult who has Asperger's/Autism.
Also, avoid undue overstimulation can be a good thing. Choose to use your emotional and mental energy wisely.
Same!! I used to be sooo much worse as a child and teen, people really thought there was something wrong with me. But the more people said my non-reactions were strange, the more I practised having normal reactions, so now it's all very automatic. Practise makes perfect.
I scored 143. I'm autistic but never knew about alexithymia, so thank you for making this video.
OMG. I'm 50 years old and it has affected every relationship I've had. I've been called "cold, distant, uncaring, not paying attention". Literally thought I was psychopathic for a while. So glad I found out it is Alexithymia. I tell people it takes me at least 2 days to figure out to process an emotional event. Lol
You hit this so directly on the head for me.
Listening to you is such a relief. You express perfectly what goes on inside me, and you don’t waste my time. Every word is necessary and pertinent. Thank you.
"114. High Alexithymia Traits: You show high alexithymic traits." The only category I didn't score high (I was in the orange, if we're going by the color gradient on the scales) was in the imaginative area, which makes sense considering one consistent in my life throughout my school career was getting in trouble for daydreaming. Scored highest in the sexual difficulties/disinterested category, which makes sense since I identify as demisexual.
I have often found that I have a problem identifying my emotions, and when I do understand my emotions, I often have a hard time verbalizing them. I also feel like I often have a delayed reaction to extreme emotional events that hit most of the people around me immediately. But I'm also extremely empathetic, to the point where watching the news can make me cry. I dunno, I guess I'm just a weird mix?
relatable though i scored 139.. the sexual part especially though i personally identify as asexual.. or at least somewhat of an asexual the only people i would accept to even come close to me in a sexual way would not be human (think Spock from star trek or Legolas from the lord of the rings) where as the thought of anything sex related with another human disgusts me (disgust is probably one of the few emotions next to happyness and anger that is prevelant with me. they are the major ones then with them i only have 2 others that are more subcategories wich are sadness and fear. sadness being a subcategory to anger and fear to disgust.. tough the line between the two is very thin with me)
Me too.
i feel you! i identify as asexual, so those questions were high up for me. i also have a super delayed response to emotional events and am super empathetic! oh boy !!
ayy you described it to a t👏🏽 gang gang 🤙🏽are you an infj too? 🤔
where can i get tested..is it online or?
"How do you feel right now?"
My answer: What do you mean, "feel"?
I wish I did, hopefully one day I will.
Yet again, another video where I sit here, listening to you talk and I just sit here and nod my head and say, OMG, yeah, that's me as well to everything you're saying. Thank you for making these videos!
Being a late diagnosed autistic I've been watching loads of vids on the subject but yours _really_ stand out in a very positive way. Great insight, really to the point, without unnecessary drama and a pinch of humor now and then: thank you so much for this. Will subscribe.
The worst side effect of having to analyze your emotions backwards for me is that it ends up putting me in unhealthy feedback loops with physical experiences that are caused by other things like anxiety, depression, or even just working out.
Hey, you again
Question :"When I am upset I find it difficult to identify the feelings causing it."
Me : "Oh, wait, isn't upset THE feeling in itself ? It needs more feelings to be there ?"
Anyway, I got 147.
I know, that one tripped me up, too
Yeah??? Like, I'm upset, that's it, I feel bad/good/tired, that's it???? 134 anyways
I got 122 and I was confused by that question because I genuinely thought upset was the feeling. I had to read it a couple times and really think about what the question was really asking. I often just feel blank. It’s I’m just here.
136. Right? I thought upset was the feeling too. Still do. I’m either upset or I’m not. And then I have to figure out why I’m upset. And it takes TIME!
lmao same. i got 175.
Thank you Yo. Your sharp mind, excellent communication skills & beautiful honesty are helping a lot of people to understand Alexithymia.👍
This feels very relatable, especially the part about difficulty in communicating emotions to therapists, because they usually explicitly want me to describe my feelings, while communicating emotions to friends and colleagues is usually easier as it involves a good amount of pretending. I don't know if I have this condition, but online test gave me the score of 140.
113. But I couldn't really answer all the questions, because a lot of them were about situations I don't really encounter.
112, SAME
Same (about the situations, i got 164 though)
same.
(the sexual/relationship ones)
still managed to get 175...
👀
👄
The questions were definitely too vague or the answer is "depends." The quiz also made me want to fall asleep LOL
Same, 124.
When I saw that wheel all I could think, "people have this many emotions?!" HAha! I'm much more primal in my emotions, I feel like I have 2-3.
Positive, negative, and "I want to punch you" are pretty much my emotions.
same.. i have happy then angry.. then sadness basically is one with anger because if anger shows it'self sadness is always followed behind it.. not the other way around or a spontaneous sadness.. and finally disgust.. though depending how one looks at it it could be fear.. as i am disgusted by insects like wasps and will run from them. with spiders for example i won't mind them if they are somewhere i can see them
@@litchtheshinigami8936 You basically described Inside Out (that movie). Wdym people have more emotions than happiness, sadness, anger, fear and disgust. That's not what the movie taught me. /s
@@Kasiarzynka exactly 😂 like oh lemme just feel dissapointed? like what no such thing appears in my brain it'll be full blown anger
@@litchtheshinigami8936 the way I process it would basically be "I had expectations and they weren't met so this negative feeling must be disappointment". How do NT people work differently, like how do you even FEEL the difference between disappointment and idk something else. Honestly I feel like negative feelings are much easier to identify this way for some reason. Like what's the difference between "happy because my mom finally bought me a dog" and some other source of happy. Are there even different types of happy?
Oh wow, this is clicking hard for me. You may have just given me an extremely useful term for some big struggles! Thanks for making this channel, it’s wildly helpful overall.
Thank you for this explanation. Phenomenal job. Your video has been the best I have seen regarding this topic - concise but filled with vivid examples. I haven't seen your other content nor do I know what you do personally, but you have a talent/gift for explaining concepts. Best.
You make me smile when you say "So we can all keep lying" haha
Had never heard about this term before. Very interesting! I remember my mother being upset with me, harping on about how I must know what I'm feeling, etc., when really I didn't. I often used to laugh when I was really upset and scared and that would anger my mother further.
Yes your brain kicking in and analyzing and thinking that everyone else thinks this way, turns out they don't; what a revelation!
"How are you?" The worst question in the history of humanity! Automated answer has become, "fine."
I share this periodically. Because you express it very well. And it’s a simple way to express to those who do not understand. So that they can understand. Thank you.
I can't believe there are people who don't live like this. When I was in counseling that emotions wheel really helped me and I still think about it now to figure out my emotions.
I find that rushing my son increases anxiety which causes interference to his ability to process stimuli. I believe he feels comfortable around me so that he can have long pauses before he answers a question such as, "How are you?" Whenever I watch your videos it makes me doubt my 'neurotypical' label. "How are you?" requires so much deep introspection and social mores dictate, depending on the interaction, a response of "Fine." It's such a throwaway question, today. I wish people would just say what they mean. Thanks for the video. I always seem to spend twice as long processing everything you've said after the fact. Confused in Canada, LOL.
Autism runs in families, but I suspect most family members who are autistic are undiagnosed. It's only when someone is "obviously" autistic and you start researching it and realise all the different presentations that you start thinking 'sheesh! They're not alone! Perhaps I too am an Aspie, and maybe my grandfather, my aunty...' It all starts to fall into place. In my family, my niece stood out as autistic. In many ways she's a mini me even though she's my sister's child, not mine. Without me recognising her being autistic & us being so similar I may not have figured it out abt myself. Now I suspect my mother, father & sister are also Aspies & there's a q mark above my half brother. I never would've guessed this 2 yrs ago coz none of us are "obvious" in a Sheldon Cooper kind of way & our presentation differs from each other. It's really eye opening and takes time to wrap your head around that's for sure. It makes you view the past in a whole new light.
Great video!! Thank you!!!
I'm doing personal research on CEN and early trauma. Numerous sources said that aleximythia is common for most trauma survivors.
I didn't know there was a name for it!!! I'm glad I watched this video!
I'm so glad it helped you! For me personally I know it has always been present so it's not always a result of trauma but definitely can be.
I have it on and off along with depersonalization disorder. I had a long patch of having emotions and breaking out of DPDR then the stress from a very stressful situation on top of unresolved trauma set me back in. I now feel autistic and like I cant process anything but I think its ptsd and autism. It takes a lot of forced mental processing for me to keep up with social situations and current of emotions and then also me having to try to fit in & keep up with it all.
thanks for the link, it was very interesting to do the questionnaire.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You just explained a hundred things that I've figured out and known and been unable to explain about myself for years.
I scored 153. But I think my issue is emotional lag, in addition to excessive nuance and layers of emotions, moods and sensations. I'm often out of sync with others due to the delay, and others can't follow or contain with my intensity, nuance, and layers.
Hi I'm a 14 year old female and I scored a 164 on the Alexithymia test, the only "emotion" feel is probably wanting to cry but not knowing why I just blame it on random anxiety which turns into aggression or irritation, I'm a kind person by heart cause I don't like drama that I'm involved in but I do like talking to people but I rarely start the convo unless there's something I really want to say, so around people usually I look indifferent but my parents always say I have an attitude cause. I'm always like Eh.... And blunt plus I don't know what love is other than self live which I've mastered but to other people it's hard for me to again unless it's with food. So thank chu so much for uploading this it made me really realize why I am the ugly duckling in the fam :)
I can’t cry. It only bothers me because it accentuates that I’m not wired like trad. Humans
The only cover all emotion i have is “i feel angry “ which translates to either a: i am angry b: i can’t understand how i feel c: something is wrong inside me d: something is wrong in the world and I can’t fix it
I felt exactly like that when I was a teen, but the more I practised appropriate social responses the more automatic and genuine they felt, so I fit in much better now with no effort. I'm glad I tried so hard to become a good person, it makes life much easier and more pleasant. :)
I just ADORE the way you speak and explain!!! I have really hard rune expressing myself oraly
Thank you for explaining everything with such a grear detail, it really helps a lot
i enjoy your content immensely. thank you for making it :)
I scored 145, I'm dead inside!
Whatt!!?
174, fight me
@@sparksfly5877 175, ha !
146 here - only one point deader - but I've been like this my whole life, so dead inside even automatic doors don't open for me any more ;)
@@sparksfly5877 and i thought i was high, i got 164 btw
Interesting.... I got 123. I can totally relate to the emotions and feelings being so complex.. I feel so much, all the time! In writing I can express these emotions better than verbally. It's like I'm a completely different person on paper than when you're having a conversation with me .. confusing..
exactly. it's easier to write it all down and use all of the big words on paper, but when i'm in a spur-of-the-moment situation I can't even tell someone how I feel half of the time
I've watched this video about 6 times over the last few years. It's SO helpful, even though I (and you, i think!) have improved this over time. Struggling in Therapy is EXTREMELY relatable! I'm fairly certain I've frustrated a few of them before finally finding this and other Alexithymia videos. They'd say "What do you feel, physically?" when I can't articulate my emotion. I say weird stomach, tight neck but maybe that's from sleeping on it wrong. They ask me "So what does a knot in your stomach and tightening throat mean?" and I'd be trying to engage authentically but just come up with"uhhhh indigestion? Stage fright? Nervous from a video call?" over and over until they had to change tactics, lol. The guy who got me to identify, split off a discreet 'entity' and have a conversation with that was the best, by far, and I've used this tactic often. No surprise autistics seem well represented in occult circles, lol. That's ritual summons 101.
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Have you ever taken an MBTI test? I am ultra curious since you have such insight into the way I am as well, so I'm curious how we compare as an INTP for me.
Reopened the video to comment. This is a complement even if it doesn’t make sense. I had quit your videos for a while because I didn’t understand sone of the things you said or your expressions… well, too sad I did that, because your work is extremely helpful now that I’ve watched more, related SO MUCH, and understood more. Plus you do look like the doppelgänger for another friend!!! Please to keep up the good work even when it is hard!
i just found your channel and i relate to every. single. thing. i scored 122 and this is my first time hearing of this! thank god theres a word for it
"Actions speak louder than words and for me they speak way louder than emotions" I have gone by this for so many years I can not count them anymore...i have not been diagnosed with Autism but i find myself really relating to a lot of your videos on them
You describe the emotional wheel very well, thank you. You helped me make sense of it in a new way :)
you talked about everything i've been trying to understand woah... thank you
I'm not autistic, but this is an interesting topic! I started naming my emotions correctly after 2 years of therapy. After that, I noticed talking with a lot of friends, the majority of people don't talk about emotions and also don't understand when you talk about deep emotions. So when people ask me "How are you," I tell the truth. Especially when I am upset it's wonderful to see the reaction of people.
I feel like that a lot. Where sometimes it’ll feel like my emotions are turned off and sometimes they are way too overwhelming. Usually it’s the negative ones that are overwhelming, but if I ever get like way too excited about something sometimes that also can get overwhelming.
Exactly! I can't sleep after great movies or exciting trips just as well as after negative events.
agreed.. i have bouts of positives that will literally take my breath away.. like where i will just feel like i can't breathe.. for the negative ones only anger and sadness are overwhelming
Анастасия Гетман Right? It’s so annoying because it’s a good experience so you don’t wanna end up being annoyed, but for some reason your brain makes that happen. Hahaha
Litch The Shinigami mine aren’t exactly like that, but I won’t be able to talk or I’ll be making weird noises or stimming a lot. Haha it honestly probably freaks people out. Hahaha
James Corcoran i will block everything around me aswell.. i’ve had it in public before people probably thought i was a looney but i really just was mentally not okay with being there and trying to block out as much as possible because i was just done with the shit of others
This part of the test really resonated with me: "I like it when someone describes the feelings they experience under circumstances similar to my own, because this helps me see what my own feelings might be." Contents like this help me self-validate as many autistic traits as possible before I reach a decision to get assessed for a diagnosis.
Thank you for putting this into words!!
When people ask me how I am feeling I always reply with just "fine" as a mechanical response. If I am with someone I am more closed to I won't dive deep into my emotions but just start narrating my day and what I did until that moment lol
I'm honestly so confused by "fine" not being "the answer" to the question because that's what we learned in primary school in the English class (not a native speaker here, hi). Where I come from, it seems to be more of a habit to respond to the question with whatever troubles you, lmao, but we stereotypically love complaining. Currently living in Germany, and my default response to the "how's it going" has become "well", and i have to put effort into remembering to ask "you" back or else there's an awkward pause, lol.
“how do you feel?”
“...uhh..”
Thanks to this video I understood more about myself. Thank you!
I saw your video about Demisexuality and Autism, although i didn't realize that you also did a video about Alexithymia. Which I've looked into previously and thought that i could possibly have that and then you mentioned it midway in that video.
I did the test and i scored 149. Deffinetly have Alexithymia and thank you for clearing everything up, i had problems understanding what love is and you've cleared that up as well. Thanks so much!
When people ask how i feel, i usually say indifferent and empty but since people ask why so much. I started saying 'I'm okay or fine'.
OH MY GOD! I DIDN'T KNOW THIS THING HAD A NAME! I!!! CAN!!! RELATE!!! SO!!! MUCH!!!
Oh, and I scored a 125.
Your channel is interesting.
I've noticed for years that I am somehow "different" and got treatment and diagnosis for so many illnesses that I don't even have (the withdrawal from schizophrenia medication is BAD!), most things you describe about having Autism I can absolutely relate to. I have experienced them.
Time to get officially diagnosed, I guess.
I might have found out why I'm not like most others.
I got 126 but I’m conflicted. One of my special interests is psychology so I‘ve learned a lot about emotions. If I stop and think about things, I’m usually able to identify my own emotions and what other people might be feeling now. I used to have a much harder time with that. I still can have a really hard time explaining how I feel, though.
141, As someone who was not diagnosed with or even started understanding ASD until 55 years old, it hit me like a brick wall, but thanks to videos like this I am able to slowly understand myself a little more. Thank you, Sam.
i need this wheel please i need that it would help me so much😭 Also i resonate so so hard with you, its like you put alot of what i feel into words❤️💚💓 thank you so much for helping me understand myself better!
Wow, I had no idea there was a word for this... I only realized that I had trouble identifying my emotions when I met my husband. As our relationship grew, he would often ask me how I was when he could tell I wasn’t feeling well. And after constantly struggling to answer this question, I realized that I am terrible at identifying what I am feeling.
I'm so glad you mentioned "How are you?" ! I usually deflect the question, if possible!!!
inverted halo “How are you?”
...Well I was alright until you asked
I hate when people ask how are you especially cashiers n sales people
The question “are you ok” is the bane of my existence
@@alisonbarratt3772
Them: How are you?
Me: I'm doin'
It's a vague answer but people react to the vagueness and laugh and/or start talking about how THEY are doing and I just listen & nod my head. Try saying it next time when asked how you are.
"I'm doin'" or "Doing Good"
Thanks Sam for another video. It made me really happy to get to know how someone else who is autistic, experiences alexithymia.
That made me happy as well, but i actually identify a lot with the way you experience happiness. I was blasted with the explanation of love you gave, i think i feel the same to a large extent, and it made me feel like i could identify my experiences with someone else.
After understanding alexithymia what actually can mean, has resulted in a lot more things making sense for me and letting go of having to have emotions i don't have.
I'm really grateful for your contribution, thank you 🤩
And i scored 111 some traits of alexithymia. I scored higher end in most.
"Actions speak louder than emotions." That's... a really good saying just in general.
People: How are you?
Me: i live...
yes, this
usually when people ask me how i am, im just like, im alive, am i meant to be anything else??
"2 hours and a little bit of crying" brilliant. Totally relate.
Useful content, but also - your eyes are sparkling. The mermaid glitter backdrop brings out the blue. Just beautiful.
I'm mostly always "blank" No one ever understands me, I don't understand myself. The only emotions I feel are anger/rage, panic, paranoia or nothing or caring for my cats (caring is an emotion?).
Dr: Name something that made you happy: Me: What? Dr: Name something made you relax: Me: What?
I got 167. Yay me! Yet another test I can pass...We are supposed to pass these, right? And, be "excited"? No. Cool
ShadowKat Sam You got a point higher than me, looking at the other comments I think we aced it by quite a bit.
Im mostly either nothing or happy,
@@juniperraven1386 you guys got 3 points higher than me
I was recently diagnosed with autism age 23 and the doctors said I was alexithymic. This video really hit the nail on the head of how I've felt my whole life.
I have felt sad with no reason to, wondered why relationships were going bad when I felt happy, i thought I was bipolar when I was 16 because my emotions were so intense or not there at all and this iust explains everything
Excellent video, a great learning curve for everyone, thank you and blessings to everyone on the spectrum
now I understand why others don't "get it" when I say that I never miss someone and that I feel very uncomfortable when someone says these words to me. I never know what to say because saying: "I miss you too" just doesn't seem right to me.
And telling people that the concept of love is very abstract to me earns me a lot of strange looks and reactions from others.
Learning that this is not just me being "cold and unloving" makes me sad, because hearing those words for 45 years made me believe that I am what they say I am.
Watching several of your videos teached me more about myself than my year long therapies :-)
Does this apply with tone of voice?
I really struggle with sounding angry when I talk... but it's not intentional.
Me too!! Would be really interesting to know if it's connected!
Same here. Like I'm always told that I sound like I'm always on my guard in tone, when usually I'm...not?
I was told by someone yesterday that I always seemed angry. I just said "oh I didn't realise it showed" which they seemed happy with.
People on the spectrum struggle with different things, largely revolving around perception and expression. For example, some have a lot of difficulty recognizing faces.
@@Xandros999 - One's face is really whatever they use to engage with others, so that's not necessarily the front of the head for all people. I just call it "the sensor array" myself, and don't attribute much significance to it. Likewise, many of those who can easily recognize one from the front of the head probably have difficulty recognizing people by their hands, despite seeing them every day. Either are a deficiency only to the extent that they prevent one from living and doing as one needs to.
Yeah... Bingo "is it that emotion ? Hum no...that one ? Or that one ?"
I'm feeling stressed when having an emotion. Every one of them is translating physically and mentally as stress. Joy, love, they are stress as much as anger frustration, etc. I'm physically and mentally stress. People does not understand that but being stressed for a few hours and incapable of doing anything and having things accumulating until the meltdown...
Well I don't have time for that and if I want my brain to function I avoid emotions. All emotions.
You've just described me. Thanks for making this video! 'I cant express depression, I'm just tired'
Cool video, I love your style and your humour in it. And the background is awesome. 👍🏼 Thanks, it’s really helpful. I’m autistic and will check this out, and watch more of your videos. It’s a relief to hear someone describe how I feel in therapy. This is all new to me and trying to figure things out. I’m going to try the emotion wheel - one more thing to analyse 😬😁
122. I have no trouble emphasizing with other people's emotions, but I NEVER understand what my emotions are doing at ANY given time. Like... I sure am feeling Something! I feel like I feel a lot, it's just that I couldn't easily describe it to someone if they ask. Like I'd want to make up a word that doesn't exist. "How are you feeling?" "I'm feeling very shmUBrbsgd, thanks!"
Hard same! (scored 129 myself). I feel like I’m a highly-sensitive person and have no trouble identifying emotions in other people; but I never know what I am feeling. My default state is feeling blank/numb/tired. When I have emotions, they’re usually overwhelming and often either anxiety/fear, sadness or anger.
I look at the emotional wheel and then I'm like: "Huh? Annoyance to anger? They are like entirely different emotions!"
When it comes to emotions when I look at the wheel every emotion is separate in my head from each other, I don't go from annoyed to angry, I'm just angry... full stop. When I get frustrated I don't start off irritated, I'm just frustrated... full stop. Probably why I have frustration issues in the past and needed to learn self-control over time is that I feel one distinct emotion and because it is distinct I spiral deeper into said emotion. I express as if my emotions are light-switches, *flick* "FRUSTRATION" and since I don't go to another emotion because the situation gives me a feedback loop for that one emotion I spiral off into even deeper frustration.
I think I feel emotions intensely because there is no mental mediation from one 'stage,' to another, 'stage.' Every emotion is distinct so my feelings of an emotion can intensify indefinitely, so I can get UNBELIEVABLY FRUSTRATED, and then there is a problem.
So unlike the emotional wheel I will never go from angry to a rage, I'll probably be angry, stop being angry, start feeling rage.
There was an interesting analogy about how emotions can be light-switches for some and a slow mediation for others. For me, first you must turn on the emotion and then you can start turning the dial, lowering it or making it higher, but sometimes the dial is set to be very high... so sometimes I seemingly jump from one emotion to a very intense alternate emotion in a snap. For my frustration issues, it has always been feeling frustration too intensely at the start and letting that take over the situation so I'd spiral off into uncontrollable frustration, the dial being turned up uncontrollably.
How do I feel at this moment?
I naturally tend to feel smoothly relaxed and joyful, with a quiet little flame in my soul bursting with energy, as I stand ready to let existence flow through me, appreciating the inner happiness/excitement, like an inner rainbow in an abstract glowy purple thing of the state of being, I am relaxed naturally and easygoing for there are no pressing matters at hand and it is the best time to live in the moment, and it always will be, so I sink into that moment for every moment, alleviating unnecessary barries and suffering to focus simply on a more primal form of happiness or perhaps a feeling of good spiritual health simultaneously, I easygoingly let things come by and remain accepting of them... and so the flame in my soul is there in preparation of executing ideas into a methodical action in my mind in a prepared extended moment. Perhaps you can call the flame determination, but it is not quite so, offering itself closer to a form of readiness or empowerment, but it is still distinctly a spiritual flame.
Um... it would be kind of difficult to give that answer to a, "how are you," question for practical purposes :p.
Do you actually see all these things as mental images? I have the blended type of emotions, and I am borderline aphantastic. I've been wondering if blended emotions go with aphantasia, and distinct distinct one's go with imagery. Possibly the imagery puts the emotions into concrete forms, and therefore helps to keep them separate.
I’m watching this now as I research neurodivergence and how it may apply to me. I’ve been masking for the majority of my life and lying to everyone to say “I’m fine” or “I’m okay,” so much to the point that I convinced myself. I’ve made progress in therapy to understand better what I go through, but it’s still hard to communicate my emotions and express myself to others. I’m empathetic to others but at a loss when it comes to myself. I took the test and got 122, so I have high alexithymia traits. I am undiagnosed, but my intuition tells me I belong in the neurodivergent community. Now it’s a matter of finding a diagnosis. Thank you for sharing your content!
I just found your channel and it's been super helpful in understanding myself! I was diagnosed with autism when I was in elementary school and I'm now 19 in college. I never really knew what autism actually was I just knew it was the reason I'm "weird" and was probably the reason why I'm so socially awkward. Middle school and high school were really hard for me because I didn't fit in now in college I could feel myself like sorta pretending to be like the people I'm around everyday and I now understand that I'm starting to mask and I think now that I understand what's going on I'll be able to easier control/understand different aspects of my life better if that makes any sense
148 - I had to guess on a few of the ‘sexual feelings and relationships’ as I have little experience of intimacy and relationships.
It's interesting that they don't give any extra choices or what-have-you considering like half of adults are single (and I'm guessing that quite a few haven't been in a long-term relationship.
I had a really hard time in group therapy and was made to feel like I was purposely hiding something. It just didn't compute to the rest of the group or the counselors that I simply didn't know how I felt, wow! I didn't know this was something other people went through.
It's like, there is a shelf of diskettes in my head and I don't necessarily have control over the little person that has to insert them into the computer drive, or some programs need multiple diskettes and only the little person knows which ones go together. So when I'm not in the correct state of mind for a certain question or discussion it just.. takes me extra time. Or I freeze up completely and don't know what to say. Even if I'm focused intently on other people talking through the same topic, it doesn't always trigger my head to access the correct information to be able to participate.
I had no idea that this was what this is called! I knew that some autistic people had this struggle and have been identified with it by my peers/family (other autistic people in my family carry it as well) but I am still astounded at how someone has so neatly expressed this feeling (or 'lack of knowing what I'm feeling') into words! Especially when in therapy, how much it helps me because it's the one time I have the opportunity to identify what I'm feeling - which I can't do most of the time. I've seen that emotion wheel before, but hadn't thought of using it for myself, so thank you for that great idea it's going to really help me! The only other way I express what I'm feeling is through writing, but it's still very hard to know exactly what! So yeah, this was enlightening and thanks for getting this out there! :D
Thank you for this video, I'm about to take the test. I am not autistic (I am mentally ill) but this speaks to me on a level that I didn't know it could. I didn't know the term "alexithymia" before today but now that I know it, I feel almost relieved. Thank you for this video!
I just finished the video. I need to add that this information is genuinely life changing and I really, really appreciate you for making this video
I got a 98 (low medium). I've always felt I was very good at identifying my own emotions. I love language so finding just the right word for how I'm feeling is actually something I enjoy. However I am completely unable to identify emotions in other people. If they describe a situation I will empathize so much I'll make myself sick, but if they don't use their words its like getting hit with a shotgun of emotion I can't identify.
OMGoodness... most people don't analyse their feelings?
Finally. Something that explains what’s wrong with me. All my life, I have never been able to voice my emotions. Even expressing them is difficult. Because of my inability to identify and fully express my emotions, I have outbursts that manifest in crying and anger.
I just scored 152. Thank you for giving me the words to help explain myself to myself. I've never been able to understand emotions, and knowing that it's a common thing is wonderful.