This list hits uncomfortably close to home. It's weird growing up feeling completely isolated and misunderstood and then finding out there's an entire archetype. It's comforting and discomforting simultaneously.
I cried while you read this. I related to about 95% of this list. This is so validating and also makes me so sad that I’ve struggled so much my whole life 😰
I am a fifty year old woman of colour and I only discovered I was autistic earlier this year. Even though I knew I was autistic this list shocked me with its accuracy, I am astounded. I said yes to every single point except a few. Thank you for this video. It’s challenging dealing with such a late in life diagnosis. Especially because it can appear invisible to others. Trying to relearn how to care for myself after a lifetime is tough.
Can I ask- how did you go about getting diagnosed? Did you just find a local therapist or psychiatrist? I’m 25 but also resonated with the majority of things on this list - I’m looking to get a professional opinion
Autistic older people who were diagnosed very late, we should unite! I knew I was autistic and said so long ago to a shrink. He LAUGHED at me and patted me on the head and this infuriates me to this day. I just needed to know, to hear what was "wrong" with me, bc it didn't fit neatly into the other categories they tried to shove me into. It took way too long for me to get confirmation. I'm with you, it is harder. But it is what it is. I hope you're doing okay today.
I'll pay anything for just one hour on the phone with you. Because you understand, you describe yourself and you are so like me. I'm crying seeing you cry because I have had your feelings and experiences being described. I'm overwhelmed like I just woke up from an illusion.
I have so many typical autism traits, but I discussed with my therapist that I can't be autistic because I'm so incredibly sensitive to other's feelings. I wasn't that way at all as a child, but I'm now hypersensitive to people's changes in body language and expression when I may have said something upsetting without realizing it. I love writing but hate speaking because I need time to reconsider my words and the possible reactions to them. If I don't have time to filter, I make people mad or sad, and then I notice their feelings and I hate myself for getting it wrong again. I analyze data like nobody else, I plan and strategize very well so I produce perfect work, but verbal communication is a major shortcoming that hinders success in both professional and personal relationships. The effort exhausts me so I isolate when possible and feel anxious when I have to follow through on social plans. I prefer fun activities that don't require a lot of thought sharing or discussion. I usually think way deeper about things than people care to understand so I'll come off as weird if taken beyond the annoying small talk. I'm high masking and fun in active settings, but I've trained myself how to behave through watching other people who are liked. I smile a lot, lift my brows, listen, use the facial expressions that show interest even if I'm so mentally checked out that I don't know what the person is talking about. Then I go home, turn off my phone, and sleep for many hours because I'm so drained from the masking labor. What a life!
this is literally autism. people with autism are highly sensitive to others, who told you that is not the case? it seems your therapist knows nothing about it if they agreed with you...
I have always been hypersensitive to others and their emotions. Had a therapist for 10 years and she always said I was just hypersensitive. Autism never came up but this was 10 years ago
I resonate with everything described as a woman with autism, thus far my diagnosis is OCD, PTSD, PDD, Generalized Anxiety, Binge Eating .... this information was profound!
This is seriously creepy. There were only 2 things on that list that didnt describe me. It explains what I secretly call PTSD in myself. Lol. I am horrified and relieved. I still expect honesty with no desire to change it. Love to you all.
@@AriesRising4444 I am 63 and am not diagnosed but the last few years I have wondered if this is not what I have. I am nervous to voice this to a Dr. .
I am 71 years old. Hence, raised in the 50s and 60s. Listening to your is better than some of my therapists. I am going to research this autism for people in my age group. Thank you for doing these videos. It helps immensely. Goddess bless.
I am also your age. I only started believing that I may be on the spectrum about 2 months ago. Since then, I have been reading and watching everything, and every single thing convinces me further that I am indeed autistic. It's mind bending, and explains so, so much. I don't know that I will ever get a diagnosis, as I retired in a foreign country. But that's okay. I've lived this long not knowing at all. Now at least I have some clarity, and a direction.
I am a late diagnosed autistic and when I stumbled on this list a month or two back I read it out to my husband. His comments were that he felt a small amount of it applied to me but not much of it. I agree that not all of it does, but most of it is a perfect description of me and what I deal with. To me, this was another example of how much work autistic people have to put in to just existing, and how little ‘normal’ people recognise and appreciate the challenges we face. So much goes on that isn’t seen or taken into account for us and we’re expected, yes, expected to keep up, without showing our quirks or how exhausted we are because it bothers them to see it. Normal people can cope, so we should be able to cope the same too. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that and I really wish more people were aware of it. Thank you so much for reading this list out and raising awareness.
I’ve had the same response from my family and it’s so disheartening. But then again, I’ve had 50 years of masking, so how can they see what I’ve learned to hide. I’ve found d it’s safer for me, to be on groups like this “in the comments”, than to risk being unheard over and over.
I don't know where to turn. I'm a 62 year old man diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago. I was a senior executive with a 40,000 person corporation. Now I live on ssdi and a small investment income. Almost everything on this list is me. I certainly have cptsd. Although I present as very masculine I've always felt like a woman emotionally. Now, I know I'm not bipolar as diagnosed. Not surprising, meds have never worked, but for anxiety meds. I old an alone. I'm crying hard now because I see my life would have been so different had i known what I just learned. There's no doubt. I suffer from 95 percent of the things on your list. This is me. You described me. I don't know how to deal with this, I lost half my life. I need a referral.
You can’t be a woman emotionally. You’re an entire man, end of discussion. Men are extremely emotional. Their emotions tend to show up as anger and rage a little more than crying and they are also socialized to stifle their emotions and not be taught to self-regulate by releasing emotions in a healthy way by talking to people or crying.
He could have a feminine temperment which broadly speaking is being high in negative emotion and high in agreeableness. It doesnt mean he is any less of a man. Jordan Peterson has spoken on this
Don't let these people tell you what you are or aren't...follow what you know to be true. I'm 64 years old and recently diagnosed. It made me wish I had a do-over for my life.
Feeling like a woman emotionally as you put it sounds like programming from trauma. "Only girls cry" , which gave you these confusing thoughts. Teal swan has some videos about the divine masculine that may help you sort that stuff out. Good luck. It's never too late, as long as you're breathing, to start a second life.
Hallo Rob, I hope you are feeling a whole lot better a year on. I recently self-diagnosed at 70, and feel confident the rest of my years will be easier than previously now I know what is going on. All the best.
Oh, how I wish you lived and practiced in my city. I am about 94% of these yet I'm petrified of going to a specialist. I mean, the mere act of going to talk to someone new is already enough, but the fear of not being understood or considered properly is too much 😶
thank you for this video. I am 34 years old and in the past few years began to think that I am autistic. when I was listening to this list, one that caught me was 'feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her'. this has been a very real and difficult one for me through my life. when I was abused and assaulted at different points, this is how I felt, intensely bad for the people who had done me wrong, asking if they were ok, keeping things secret to protect them. I spend so much energy trying to 'fix' myself, it brings me some relief to think, maybe that isn't the goal. maybe it is acceptance.
12:15 OMG my mind is blown because this is me! Maybe 3 so far aren’t so much. Holy sh@t. It’s all me. Thank you so much. I’m not just ADHD. I’m not just depressed. It’s always been so much more complicated. Thank you. I’m sending this to my psychiatrist and therapist(s)- I have 2 therapists (😂)
I have been listening to you for a while now, and you are so enlightening and helpful. This new quest you are on with Autism, is, I feel, groundbreaking, and hope you continue to pursue it! It not only helps me understand myself better, but friends and family that I couldn't quite put my finger on about what is different about us. This video really lays out the details! Thank you so much, Dr. Kim!
Holy smokes. I had to share with my loved ones. I’m so tired of the stigma and not just being genuine. I’m evolving slowly towards not being afraid to share this part of my life and excited to learn skills to help me be the best version of myself. We do all have a purpose in life imo. This could help others as well. The earlier the better imo. Wow even being double jointed, IBS and how I hold my hands. Thank you again Doctor! Keep spreading the facts. It does make a difference. 🤗❤️🙏🏻
Wow Dr Sage this is completely fascinating! I had no idea there was such a grey area in overlaps of autism and trauma/CPTSD. I relate to the vast majority of this list and regardless of what that may or may not mean for me in terms of any diagnosis, it is so hugely validating just to know that all of those feelings and ways of being are actually a thing, that I am not just some complicated person I will never figure out. Thank you so much. Honestly, your passion for this subject is amazing, I feel like this would make for incredible future research ❤
Now question is, how to live with all those? It's not really curable but it's hard to live in society where no one care about these kind of eccentric individuals.
Thank you for asking this question. Knowing now that I am not just different and difficult- how do I go from here? Best wishes for your own journey ahead 😢💙
During my therapy my therapist couldn't formally diagnose my parents. But after meeting them and having conversations with them. The therapist said my mother was a covert narcissists and my step father who raised me was autistic. Which ran in his family. His very own brother had autism. Which explained why I have to learn how to rethink, respond because I had learned to function like my parents. They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything. Is why I felt so different like an outcast or black sheep growing up. I wasn't dealing with a personality disorder but I had been taught that and I knew I needed help. We copy our parents as children. But as I got older it became so clear that I didn't want to be anything like them. That's when it gets scary. Because who's going to believe you and where do you start? How do you help yourself if you have a no idea? But today there's literally information at our fingertips. It's all here and it's just baby steps not giant leaps. Because learning what's acceptable behavior doesn't happen over night. You've got to set boundaries for yourself as if you were your only child. But you don't have boundaries. That's where the baby steps come in. One little boundary at a time. Like a curfew. You probably never even heard that word. You begin to learn to love yourself and respect yourself in a way you never new existed. You becoming your own parent fills that void that your parents might not have filled. You begin to trust yourself. When you probably never had that before. Therapy can change your life. It can give you your life back.
"They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything." You and your therapist added a piece of the puzzle as to why my mom (CPTSD/NarcPD/ADHD) and my dad (CPTSD/Austistic) remain co-dependent post-divorce. Thank you for the assist. 🥰
@@deer105The narcissist rekationship was mentioned as well and probably had a lot of control but you put words in their mouth and you only mentioned the dad
Oh yes! The most comprehensive list that Ive seen. Thank you for mentioning Ehlers Danlos and POTS along with this. They can cause a lot of disabiling symptoms with additional coping mechanisms. Alien. Yes! .I thought everyone was like this... I admit being wrong.
This was mind blowing. I’ve never heard so many parts of what I experience in one list. So grateful for what you are studying and sharing Kim, it’s really insightful. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism, I was however diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a teen. Now almost 40 this list has literally blown my mind. I’m now going down this hole 😆📚
Thanks Kim! Reading the comments, it's incredible how many people say they identify so closely with this list! I do as well! I also see how I have learned to adapt which requires a lot of energy for me. I am working on self-acceptance. The best to everyone here on their journeys! 💞
Thank you so much for going down this rabbit hole and presenting this source!! 🙌🏻 Her list was hard-hitting and difficult to get through, but the validation was needed for me to feel less stuck. Ironically, my understanding feels more clear after hearing you confirm the obvious uncertainties and overlaps in dsm-5 diagnoses. I think we’ve a ways to go before we have a true understanding of the dynamics between neurodivergence and trauma.
"Something needs to change..." How many ways and times have I tried to change myself? And it just does not help. How many times did I think I was passing as normal, thinking I was doing it right, to suddenly be caught up short and find I was not succeeding, despite such intense effort? Too many times, too many years. If this ends up being the explanation... I don't know what can change.
At 64 years of age, the only thing that can change is that I stop beating myself up, I stop expecting others to understand, and I celebrate my differences instead of trying to hide them. ❤
Even though a LOT of these characteristics could more so be attributed to trauma and high levels of anxiety, this video definitely sparked my interest, and I'll be looking into the dsm for more information about myself. Thank you!
Hi Kim, I have watch or rather binged so many of your sessions. It seemed like you are doing the same study on yourself as I am. I took the tests that are provided on line for autism. It seems I am passing w flying colors. I keep hearing you describe me as you talk of CPTSD and autism. Nails on the chalkboard is how I have often described my feelings of noises and people eating or clicking their keys or tapping etc. I am very tired tonight but wow!! Thanks for sharing. You are a blessing. I’m not sure where to go w my new findings. I do find it is getting harder lately as I care for my 92 yr old mom. I have issues from childhood as well. Again thanks you and I just wanted to connect.
I'm a male who after much research on the subject thought that i was definitely not on the spectrum. After listening to this my mind has changed, there is so much i relate to here. Wow!
@@aellaaskew4263First of all, she was clear that this list can cross gender lines, and second of all, there ARE gender differences...women tend to be much more proficient maskers, so much so that for a long time, it was thought that only boys could be autistic. So much more...educate yourself before you start blathering bullshįt.
I suspect I'm on the spectrum but can't seek out a diagnoses for reasons I won't go into. I've watched all of your videos on the subject now and it's really just all but confirmed it for me. What is also intriguing me is how autism could potentially affect attachment styles- listening to these videos and your anxious attachment style videos have dozens of lightbulbs going on in my head
This list, as well as the Tania Marshall screener, have given me so much insight and validation. I've known for a couple of years I'm AuDHD but this list gives me the concrete information to present to professionals. Thank you for sharing this info and for all you do! ❤
Wow… Years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And last year I was diagnosed with ADHD. But the more I look at my family and myself, I highly suspect autism is another piece of the puzzle. I mainly notice a lot of these habits in my kids, and I realize that the difference is that they haven’t learned to mask, while I feel like I’ve spent my entire life masking and struggling alone. And to be clear, i don’t want them to feel like they have to hide themselves, i just want the people around us to understand that they’re different, and that’s okay. I checked off most of the things on this list. I guess I was able to mask enough growing up to the point that people just thought I was quiet and shy, but inside I dealt with a lot of anxiety to get by. But once I got to college and then having kids, it got harder and harder. And I think the issues I face now within my relationship are due to the fact my mask has cracked and I don’t successfully do all the things some people think I should, and they lack empathy and understanding of mental health/disorders. And I have a cousin with a diagnosed autistic child, and my little cousin (her niece) told me that a counselor suspected she may be autistic, but her mom refused to entertain that possibility. For background, I’m a Black woman (and so are these particular cousins) and unfortunately a lot of times mental health is ignored in our community. And a lot of times people are afraid of having their child labeled for fear of them being more of a target. And I really hate that for her, because I can see she’s such and anxious child and tries to hide it. I saw a lot of her in this list as well.
My mother is one of those parents who doesn't support the idea that her babygirl has a mental health issue: autism. I've noticed that I may have some semblance for a while.
Yes this is totally me. I’ve come to be very aware of the traits and characteristics, after all autism literally translated means self ism. We are all very aware of our self and what makes us different. what I want to know is, what does this descriptive list look like when referring to the average person? if this is what we are, what is everyone else??
Glad you asked this question! Listening to and identifying with most of the list, I was also thinking, "you mean this isn't normal for other people???:"
Sometimes I wonder if cPTSD is to Autism as Diabetes type 2 is to Diabetes type 1. And should probably be more related to each other. Because when you think about it cPTSD in early childhood or anytime alters the brain maybe very much into the ways of Autism/ADHD.
I am autistic and recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I will argue that many of the abuse I received from my parents was related to them forcing me to be more "normal". It is not abuse that creates autism, but not understanding autism can create abuse.
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there; I was finally diagnosed at age 48, and am now 50. I went to college and Graduate school… got very ill in my early to mid forties. I really think this was partially due to me burning out. If I had known when I was younger I may have been able to manage things better I believe and not gotten ill. Your work is so important. Girls have been so neglected in getting recognized… even still today.
It’s a similar list to this I came accross 3 years ago that lead me to perusing an official autism diagnosis. As you say it can profoundly change the way people think what autism looks like. I too had a lot of wrong assumptions beforehand and thought that could never be me but here we are 39 and officially diagnosed with ASD.
YUP, TOO MANY TIMES was I told I was NOT autistic because I didn't 'look' it, yet in the workplace I get severe bullying because I'm odd/weird/different/freaky? I think people denying or not accepting our autism is just a way that they avoid self reflection, because if they really looked and took a moment they would see it, but then that would me that have to think about their actions more. Wow, a lot of these resonated with me. Some of them I didn't realize where autistic traits. More dots are connected. That thing about finding comfort in numbers... so so so true, I played around with numbers so much, I LOVE math, I was so good at it as a kid. I even like to incorporate some sort of math or measuring with my art.
Thank you so much for all of your very helpful, and accurate information. I am almost 70 years old and discovered that I am on the spectrum just over a year ago. I would say about 95 percent of what you read relates to me. And it's so very important to know this about myself. Thank you, thank you. ❤
When you are raised in a chaotic, dysfunctional alcoholic home and the spread on the siblings spans 20 years - you are youngest - and you ARE abused - - many of these traits - not necessarily present before major traumas, DO present this way...many of these ways. I wouldn't be so quick to see it as a "natural" state of being for so many women, because so many of us are so thoroughly abused by people in life, we're driven to become insular by "going inside" ourselves. I think NONE of what's described in the DSM is biblical in terms of BELIEVING in it - good descriptions of symptomology, in my view - but PROVING nothing....as viewed from my 68 years of experiential learning. But I'm sure this book learning will be explanation enoough for many to label themselves this way. I refuse to.
So what you're essentially saying, many of the symptoms that are commonly agreed on as being "autistic" might not inherently be autistic traits but how autistic people responded to being traumatised i.e. "autistic" + "cptsd" like for example that tendency to self-isolate etc. That's a very interesting thought and I think there's a lot of truth to it. As it's near impossible to grow up non-traumatised as someone who's so sensitive as an autistic person in such an artificial (grey loud cities) hostile (no wildlife, hustle, stress) environment
I am almost 45..i recently started doing neurofeedback for cptsd....it found that yes i do have fight/flight indication ..but also i feel that the practicinor was trying to tell me i have autism..what he was describing high paytern recognition likes quiet enviroments when learing fromtal lobe dysfunction and other things..he didnt say it out right...but i feel he will after the second sxan
Wow, I have identified with so much of this. I was diagnosed with CPSTD 10 years back and recently FND. The FND diagnosis I did not identify with so much and it was my son that said he thought that I had Autism and that was maybe why I was abused as a child. It has blown my mind really to think I have got to 65 years of age and only my children understand me. My siblings and Mum have cut me out of their lives. My Mum always called me naive and now says I cause to much trauma to her. I have always thought of my life as a quest to uncover the truth not really knowing or understanding what that truth was, perhaps now I am really beginning to understand that if it is that I am Autistic then I was just born this way and everyone else just never understood me!!! Thank you Dr Sage for these videos, they are life savers.
This list just saved my sanity and explained my entire life !! I can NOT thank you enough ! Life changing, positively transformative to finally, finally, FINALLY understand what the heck has been going on with me for 65 years !! It started with me refusing to be fed at 6 months old. I ate with my little hands until I could use utensils. My Mom told me this. I pushed her away as well, physically and emotionally pushed her away.
Thank you so much for your content - I do listen in the car with my long commute! I relate so much to this. My daughter recently told me I might be autistic, and at first I thought no way, but the more I research, the more it makes sense...like a missing piece of the puzzle. It's validating to know why I am the way I am and that it's okay to just be me.
I keep watching these and sobbing, relating pretty strongly to most, and very intensely/woundedly to about 1/4. I'm struggling so very hard and have for most of my life
Hey Dr Kim, I'm HFA (late diagnosis) and it's like you summarised me in that list, minus the odd thing here or there. It's incredibly accurate from my perspective but as you say, autism is a Spectrum. Thank you for this.
Thanks SO MUCH for taking the time to make this vid. My ADHD has worsened with age, and hearing as well as reading information helps it sink in. I've also perceived how autism encompasses a much larger spectrum than previously thought, also the common co-morbidity with ADDinattentive -- surprised this wasn't mentioned -- so this was extremely helpful and will serve as a springboard; I understand it's not a diagnostic tool.
Thank you so much for your work. I’m awaiting diagnosis. But self diagnosed and already have ADHD. Trauma makes it harder to diagnose as I have noticed . Certain mental health providers are not given appropriate training for these significant issues.
I’m 37 and was officially diagnosed with autism a couple months ago. I likely have a little ADHD in there, as well. Until recently, I was just called “anxious,” “OCD,” “gifted,” “sensitive,” and a few other things. I have SO many of the traits on that list, and I’m soon to receive a result to a genetic test for vascular Ehlers-Danlos syndrome. The impetus was that I’d taken several online tests previously, yet had kind of shoved things under the rug. But then I lost a best friend (second since 2020) suddenly over a slight insensitivity on my part - something that could have been easily discussed and resolved. Around that same time, we’d moved offices at my main job. The absolute meltdowns and overwhelm I experienced surprised even me. I knew I needed answers.
I am 47 and was diagnosed only in the last two years with Inattentive ADHD. I already identified as an HSP. The more time I spend in the neurodivergent community online the more I question whether or not I could also be autistic. I have long suspected my brother is austic/aspie and my therapist has questioned whether my husband is on the spectrum. While I don't identify with everything on the list... Math and numbers? No way, but words, writing, a need to understand everything, and all the other list items - yes. I am intensely curious and sensitive and have always had trouble with friends. Easily taken advantage of when younger, always felt on the outside, like I was watching everyone else. Now as an adult I have a serious autoimmune disease and I suspect EDS or some hypermobility disorder too. So much fits. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for sharing this list with us.
Thank you, Dr. Sage. When I watch your videos, even pre-autism series, I experience connection and a sense of belonging. Understanding how life experiences shape who we become is fascinating to me. The content you share and the way you present is always insightful. I walk away feeling understood. Can't place a value on that!
99% of all these fit me perfectly. Thank you for making these extensive lists. Much appreciated. I enjoy watching your videos. Keep up the great job you do!!!
In general, women internalize their symptoms due to how those symptoms can negatively effect others. They quarantine themselves. Even if undiagnosed, they know something is wrong, and they try to wait until they're alone to have their nervous breakdowns. They mask while being completely unaware they are doing so. That is why autism is so subtle and nearly impossible to detect in some women. It often takes them diagnosing themselves, and they can go to a doctor, and the doctor confirms what the patient already knows.
Or they can go to a doctor who says, "You're not autistic!", thereby undermining everything she feels and believes, not realising the strength it took for her to say it out loud to a so-called professional. 😢😢😢
Thank you for this video. I will need to get a referral to be properly diagnosed but I'm confident I'm autistic. Many things you mentioned I resonate with. I hate the fact that people that don't follow the 'status quo' are given such labels that only make us feel more inadequate in my opinion. Any hoot, thank you ❤
Thank you, l felt so overwhelmed while you read the list. I tick 95% and am currently feeling so overwhelmed today, woke deep in my thoughts and know it's going to continue. I'm sat her desperately trying to self regulate myself with yet another special interest. Seed beading, it helps because l have to concentrate, count, and it takes forever to produce a piece. I experience some joy at the end when l have a work of art in my hands. I really want to call my doctor, but feel fearful, as he's already aware, my notes state it all. I have paid a fortune for a private screen, missed diagnosed and basically know it's a condition l have to live with etc but it doesn't make it easier. I'm literally trapped in my home as l age. People don't understand or get it, lm the one who looks amazing, l go to the extremes with colour coordinating, my masks are perfected, l suffer inwardly. Am grateful for the Samaritans! Thank you for your deep dives and being able to be so articulate in sharing and speaking out on behalf of us who struggle to articulate it. I'm a mum on the spectrum with two son also on the spectrum an aspie family. But only one is diagnosed due to my advocating for him and his excellent pediatric mental health doctor. The struggle is very real in this skin colour and gender. Today is a difficult day for me 😢
Very interesting, described me to a T except for the last page, took a lifetime to self identify these qualities and characteristics and how they helped define my life. May not be a diagnosis, but certainly was an accurate description of a complex of characteristics all mysteriously interconnected in me and I suspect others.
9:09 is so me... I constantly get into fights over this but I don't know if its autism or just something else. The psychiatrist I visited (don't know if he's trustworthy) said I could have social anxiety or schizotypical diaorder plus depression and anxiety in general. Another therapist said she's met tons of autistic people and I don't look like one at all. So, I don't know but "feeling guilty over hybernating" and being a wreck at even the news of socializing really is the biggest pain in the butt in my life.. Also, if I don't have a special interest I'm obsessed over, I see no point in living. Tgen I invent one. Great video! 😊
I’m still personally confused to wether my symptoms are solely trauma based or if there is some autism in there. However, I don’t really want to go to a therapist as I have had experience with therapists who were not very good and even had one therapist tell me “ I don’t have something” when i brought it up in our sessions questioning if I might have it and this conclusion was drawn with little to no questioning about why I believed I felt this way or even the symptoms associated with it. There is still a lot of gaps in knowledge of therapists out there as I’m sure you know and probably talk about as well.
I am a late diagnosed autistic woman and this list has explained a lot of things about myself that I didn't really know were related to being autistic so thank you for sharing.
This is 90% MEEEEEE! 😮 Thank you for reading this - it helped to integrate it while you read. And no, the video was not too long. In fact it wasn’t long enough. A podcast just on this list is in order please. 🙏 thank you for all you’re doing to advocate for high masking females with autism. 68 white female. 💜
Is there a prize for scoring 95% or higher? This is something I've explored for decades, and it has been (unofficially) professionally confirmed. But I must say, I've never encountered a list like this. The accuracy actually kinda hurt. Neither white nor male, there was next to no chance I would've been diagnosed in childhood (70s and 80s), if it was even considered at all. And at this point, I also have CPTSD, so that makes it even more difficult. Interesting series, moving on to another video.
Thank you 🎉 I appreciate your work on this topic. My 57 year summary 😮. I am so excited with the fast and comprehensive way this information can reach me, us, based on algorithms, prayers and people like you. Keep up the good work. You're helping many. I'm sharing this information.
This is absolutely validating and also so sad in my case… I’m formally diagnosed autistic, did all the assessments…and I questioned if I really was… and after this list… I don’t only believe I have it, but I finally just realized the gravity of my disorder and gave myself self compassion. I’ve been trying to overcome a divorce to a narcissistic abuser and I’m struggling very badly with my symptoms. I don’t know how to ask for help and no one understands that I’m not ok because they don’t understand autism… I need some help to get me back on track in life but not the help that most people need, like I need supports at home with cleaning and cooking because I stopped eating because I’m so sad and just distract myself 24-7 so I don’t have to feel the depth of heart break and depth of lonliness… and self doubt, and feeling totally insecure in terms of how to get systems in place to help me function better. I’m having trouble spending any time with my daughter who’s also autistic… I just want to be alone 24/7 now and I’m very avoidant… I’m worried about myself right now honestly and I don’t know what to do…
omg, this is me! I'm 68 and just now seeing a reason for all my 'weird' quirks. As a child when my mother broke my miniature table and chairs I felt like she killed them. Thank you Dr Kim, I just subscribed.
I meet all of the criteria in the list. I noticed something that wasn’t mentioned: my spacial and math abilities are higher than average, which is more like the stereotypical “male” autist. A lot of us are relatively “simple” and “plain” compared to the average female; often considered not very “feminine.” My dad complained that my mom didn’t dress up pretty and perform as a good host for guests, that she preferred to read away from people in her room (in list). I remember studying how conversations worked in books (also in list). This list is for the most part so accurate! I had to listen to this twice already today, as it is pretty amazing to hear my description in such a list.
I learned to drink both coffee and alcohol by reading books.x) They're both part of my culture, but in some horse books the teens drank coffee, so I embraced drinking coffee. And yes, I was also a horse girl. Alcohol I learned from reading French classics. Now that I think about it, yeah, kind of strange for a teenager to obsess over something like Umberto Eco and French classics, but I was obsessed with history. Eco also brought in philosophy, and at 14 I was deffinitely going to ponder over the existence of things such as the characters did in Foucault's Pendulum.
Dr Kim- your sensitivity towards race and class are commendable- I am a black woman and I have CPTSD- I could write a dissertation on how I have been mishandled by the mental health community- I paused the video at 1:14 just to say a big fat THANK YOU 🙏🏽 I feel seen and people like yourself will change the field immeasurably for the better. God bless you!!!! 💗
Omg Kim. What I've done to my children with my controlling hypervigilence. Shit. I am so overwhelmed with waves of emotion now like I can't remember. I feel like someone just revealed the secrets of the universe to me. For example I feel in live with you right now but I know it's illusion. I only have 10 good years left. I really wish even 1 day could be as a normal, serene, peaceful man. I'd give the rest of my life for one day of peace. I'm so naive too. I always give people max credit, I don't see betrayal coming, I trust intentions too much. But I'm not stupid, my iq is high. I'm writing as I speak. Do you know any good therapists in New England?
I think another thing that is frustrating is that I feel people judge us for needing alone time. They say I spend too much time alone and that’s “my problem.” But I need twice as much time to recuperate from humans. I work in customer service and manage people and I am just exhausted by the end of my day. I use both of my days off to walk alone and mentally rest to do it all again. But I enjoy this recuperation time. Why can’t people just let people be themselves and do what works for them? lol! I have no desire to be more social when I’m not at work.
About 80 percent of what was said I can relate to. As a child I had a hard time with basic normal behavior , for example speaking looking at people or fellow students. Processing strong emotions is still difficult. It’s always beneficial to know what your dealing with. I’m blown away. I had a clue but this resonates.
So… I agree with all of this and feel like I’m finally starting to understand what I’ve been living with… what now? I’m 64!! I definitely have learned to function with my quirkiness but like wowza this is a revelation!!! Sincerely, Susan
This was perfect in my life's description! The language thing was spot on. I wanted to teach myself Portuguese hoping to go to Europe. I became confused when I realized Brazilian Portuguese is different. I had bought many Brazilian books. I ended up giving away new Brazilian books, and never learned EU Portuguese. I began to teach myself Hebrew and I am doing fine with that. Cursive Hebrew looks like scribble to me. I like to look at the Torah print. I was told I had Asperger issues. Your list was more comprehensive. I'm almost everything on that list...either presently, or during one of my earlier decades of morphing. I thank you.
So give us an example of a perfect human being. My parents always claimed that Jesus was the only perfect human being. But then again my siblings and I never once heard the words "I love you" nor did we ever experience any affection ... no hugs or kisses. But boy we HAD to go to church on Sundays.
i think the hardest part for me to realize i am autistic is that i mask unconsciously. i don’t really know how to turn it off, all i know is that when i do stop i am exhausted and wind up having a hard time leaving my house if i don’t have to for a few days. i have most of everything in section E. i fee i’m like my data set i use to gauge social interactions is skewered to detect anger (due to my childhood) and try to seek it out whenever i’m trying to read somebody to properly respond. i don’t really know what to do to start helping myself not assume everybody is mad at me all the time.
i saw something about how as girls, we don’t really notice our struggles with social interactions until we’re older. i, for one, was just fine with not being able to be super social. but now? now i don’t know what to do at all, i don’t have the words to respond when somebody is making small talk, all i can do is “mhm” and nod. it’s hard.
Thank you. It was, in fact, helpful for me to listen to you read the list and process. I feel very much the way I did when I read Elaine Aron’s book on highly-sensitive people. It’s was like someone could finally see my internal world. I feel so seen!
Wow! This is by far the best list I've found! I don't know when it's my turn to speak in group settings as an adult. I also go into selective mutism in over crowded social events. Public bathrooms are uncomfortably loud, theater is just a no go. I get meltdowns. I still rescue animals! And I felt our car got hurt and cried for it when I was 4. I have so much trouble with making meaning out of life! I feel our lives are so insignificant in the big picture of the world and time! I also would add asexuality.
Most of what you described sounds like me. I have CPTSD from my childhood and I have severe anxiety and I’m bipolar. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor. Thank you for being real
Great info. I didn't know about this list. It gives me peace of mind to have an explanation as to why many years of CBT has had very limited benefit for me.
whoa... I was in the gifted program growing up... and it kinda makes sense after hearing your list... there are maybe 2 things that didn't apply to me on that list. Many of the things I have worked on throughout my life (eye contact and facial recognition are two of the main ones). I have read recently that gifted programs of the 80s were basically special ed... which I am not sure of completely... but yes, in college, I usually went into hyperdrive researching things that were interesting, and having more access in college to read scientific journals was a double edged sword... I forgot to ask my grandma about this, because she would know. Getting a straight answer from either of the parental units... yeah... that is a completely different ballgame. thank you!
This list hits uncomfortably close to home. It's weird growing up feeling completely isolated and misunderstood and then finding out there's an entire archetype. It's comforting and discomforting simultaneously.
Couldn't have said it better myself. My feelings exactly.
What archetype?
@@sharonvaldez9059 the one described in the video
My thoughts exactly.
That fits perfectly. Accurately stated.
I cried while you read this. I related to about 95% of this list. This is so validating and also makes me so sad that I’ve struggled so much my whole life 😰
You are not alone. 💜
Same!!
Same same. I’ve never “met” others like me. Wow.
Hi, this is me as well, fighting back the tears!
@@Lynee5290let them flow♥️ that’s the healing
I am a fifty year old woman of colour and I only discovered I was autistic earlier this year. Even though I knew I was autistic this list shocked me with its accuracy, I am astounded. I said yes to every single point except a few. Thank you for this video. It’s challenging dealing with such a late in life diagnosis. Especially because it can appear invisible to others. Trying to relearn how to care for myself after a lifetime is tough.
Can I ask- how did you go about getting diagnosed? Did you just find a local therapist or psychiatrist? I’m 25 but also resonated with the majority of things on this list - I’m looking to get a professional opinion
Autistic older people who were diagnosed very late, we should unite! I knew I was autistic and said so long ago to a shrink. He LAUGHED at me and patted me on the head and this infuriates me to this day. I just needed to know, to hear what was "wrong" with me, bc it didn't fit neatly into the other categories they tried to shove me into. It took way too long for me to get confirmation. I'm with you, it is harder. But it is what it is. I hope you're doing okay today.
Hopefully you find peace and people who care and understand you. I am not ready for a diagnosis but my daughter is diagnosed. You are heard.. ❤
q+
@@haze7972Ujjain*ìo 20:03 ❤❤❤
I'll pay anything for just one hour on the phone with you. Because you understand, you describe yourself and you are so like me. I'm crying seeing you cry because I have had your feelings and experiences being described. I'm overwhelmed like I just woke up from an illusion.
I have so many typical autism traits, but I discussed with my therapist that I can't be autistic because I'm so incredibly sensitive to other's feelings. I wasn't that way at all as a child, but I'm now hypersensitive to people's changes in body language and expression when I may have said something upsetting without realizing it. I love writing but hate speaking because I need time to reconsider my words and the possible reactions to them. If I don't have time to filter, I make people mad or sad, and then I notice their feelings and I hate myself for getting it wrong again. I analyze data like nobody else, I plan and strategize very well so I produce perfect work, but verbal communication is a major shortcoming that hinders success in both professional and personal relationships. The effort exhausts me so I isolate when possible and feel anxious when I have to follow through on social plans. I prefer fun activities that don't require a lot of thought sharing or discussion. I usually think way deeper about things than people care to understand so I'll come off as weird if taken beyond the annoying small talk. I'm high masking and fun in active settings, but I've trained myself how to behave through watching other people who are liked. I smile a lot, lift my brows, listen, use the facial expressions that show interest even if I'm so mentally checked out that I don't know what the person is talking about. Then I go home, turn off my phone, and sleep for many hours because I'm so drained from the masking labor. What a life!
Sounds like some cptsd in there... hypersensitive to others emotions, but not as a child... Sounds like trauma response. Hope that helps
this is literally autism. people with autism are highly sensitive to others, who told you that is not the case? it seems your therapist knows nothing about it if they agreed with you...
You described me exactly 😢
Hyper empathy is common in Autism. Not all Autistics have Alexithymia which is emotional blindness.
I have always been hypersensitive to others and their emotions. Had a therapist for 10 years and she always said I was just hypersensitive. Autism never came up but this was 10 years ago
I resonate with everything described as a woman with autism, thus far my diagnosis is OCD, PTSD, PDD, Generalized Anxiety, Binge Eating .... this information was profound!
I am reading comments because I had to take a little break from checking just about every box.
Whatever diagnosis this describes, it is describing me! Some so spot on it made me cry. I am 72 yo female.
This is seriously creepy. There were only 2 things on that list that didnt describe me. It explains what I secretly call PTSD in myself. Lol. I am horrified and relieved.
I still expect honesty with no desire to change it.
Love to you all.
@@AriesRising4444 I am 63 and am not diagnosed but the last few years I have wondered if this is not what I have. I am nervous to voice this to a Dr. .
Wow, we've got real label collector over here. Interesting hobby.
I am 71 years old. Hence, raised in the 50s and 60s. Listening to your is better than some of my therapists. I am going to research this autism for people in my age group.
Thank you for doing these videos. It helps immensely. Goddess bless.
I am also your age. I only started believing that I may be on the spectrum about 2 months ago. Since then, I have been reading and watching everything, and every single thing convinces me further that I am indeed autistic. It's mind bending, and explains so, so much. I don't know that I will ever get a diagnosis, as I retired in a foreign country. But that's okay. I've lived this long not knowing at all. Now at least I have some clarity, and a direction.
bless you for your desire to learn and help and build a nuance!!
@@northofyou33i'm so happy to hear you have gotten such clarity and have resources that resonate with you!
I am 68 and was diagnosed 6 months ago. There was no knowledge of this when we were young......
I am a late diagnosed autistic and when I stumbled on this list a month or two back I read it out to my husband. His comments were that he felt a small amount of it applied to me but not much of it. I agree that not all of it does, but most of it is a perfect description of me and what I deal with.
To me, this was another example of how much work autistic people have to put in to just existing, and how little ‘normal’ people recognise and appreciate the challenges we face. So much goes on that isn’t seen or taken into account for us and we’re expected, yes, expected to keep up, without showing our quirks or how exhausted we are because it bothers them to see it. Normal people can cope, so we should be able to cope the same too. Sadly, it doesn’t work like that and I really wish more people were aware of it.
Thank you so much for reading this list out and raising awareness.
I’ve had the same response from my family and it’s so disheartening. But then again, I’ve had 50 years of masking, so how can they see what I’ve learned to hide. I’ve found d it’s safer for me, to be on groups like this “in the comments”, than to risk being unheard over and over.
@@sharonvaldez9059being unheard about your autism is the most heart breaking feeling 💔
I don't know where to turn. I'm a 62 year old man diagnosed as bipolar 20 years ago. I was a senior executive with a 40,000 person corporation. Now I live on ssdi and a small investment income.
Almost everything on this list is me. I certainly have cptsd. Although I present as very masculine I've always felt like a woman emotionally.
Now, I know I'm not bipolar as diagnosed. Not surprising, meds have never worked, but for anxiety meds.
I old an alone. I'm crying hard now because I see my life would have been so different had i known what I just learned. There's no doubt. I suffer from 95 percent of the things on your list. This is me. You described me. I don't know how to deal with this, I lost half my life.
I need a referral.
You can’t be a woman emotionally. You’re an entire man, end of discussion. Men are extremely emotional. Their emotions tend to show up as anger and rage a little more than crying and they are also socialized to stifle their emotions and not be taught to self-regulate by releasing emotions in a healthy way by talking to people or crying.
He could have a feminine temperment which broadly speaking is being high in negative emotion and high in agreeableness. It doesnt mean he is any less of a man. Jordan Peterson has spoken on this
Don't let these people tell you what you are or aren't...follow what you know to be true. I'm 64 years old and recently diagnosed. It made me wish I had a do-over for my life.
Feeling like a woman emotionally as you put it sounds like programming from trauma. "Only girls cry" , which gave you these confusing thoughts. Teal swan has some videos about the divine masculine that may help you sort that stuff out. Good luck. It's never too late, as long as you're breathing, to start a second life.
Hallo Rob, I hope you are feeling a whole lot better a year on. I recently self-diagnosed at 70, and feel confident the rest of my years will be easier than previously now I know what is going on. All the best.
Everything you listed fits my entire life. I am so damn tired and feel like giving up.Thank you for this video ❤
Oh, how I wish you lived and practiced in my city. I am about 94% of these yet I'm petrified of going to a specialist. I mean, the mere act of going to talk to someone new is already enough, but the fear of not being understood or considered properly is too much 😶
thank you for this video. I am 34 years old and in the past few years began to think that I am autistic. when I was listening to this list, one that caught me was 'feels sorry for someone who has persecuted or hurt her'. this has been a very real and difficult one for me through my life. when I was abused and assaulted at different points, this is how I felt, intensely bad for the people who had done me wrong, asking if they were ok, keeping things secret to protect them. I spend so much energy trying to 'fix' myself, it brings me some relief to think, maybe that isn't the goal. maybe it is acceptance.
12:15 OMG my mind is blown because this is me! Maybe 3 so far aren’t so much. Holy sh@t. It’s all me. Thank you so much. I’m not just ADHD. I’m not just depressed. It’s always been so much more complicated. Thank you. I’m sending this to my psychiatrist and therapist(s)- I have 2 therapists (😂)
Agree! I am also going to be sharing this with my two therapists 😂
Ouch. That list was kinda painful to realize how people may perceive me.
I have been listening to you for a while now, and you are so enlightening and helpful. This new quest you are on with Autism, is, I feel, groundbreaking, and hope you continue to pursue it! It not only helps me understand myself better, but friends and family that I couldn't quite put my finger on about what is different about us. This video really lays out the details! Thank you so much, Dr. Kim!
Holy smokes. I had to share with my loved ones. I’m so tired of the stigma and not just being genuine. I’m evolving slowly towards not being afraid to share this part of my life and excited to learn skills to help me be the best version of myself. We do all have a purpose in life imo. This could help others as well. The earlier the better imo. Wow even being double jointed, IBS and how I hold my hands. Thank you again Doctor! Keep spreading the facts. It does make a difference. 🤗❤️🙏🏻
Wow Dr Sage this is completely fascinating! I had no idea there was such a grey area in overlaps of autism and trauma/CPTSD. I relate to the vast majority of this list and regardless of what that may or may not mean for me in terms of any diagnosis, it is so hugely validating just to know that all of those feelings and ways of being are actually a thing, that I am not just some complicated person I will never figure out. Thank you so much. Honestly, your passion for this subject is amazing, I feel like this would make for incredible future research ❤
Now question is, how to live with all those? It's not really curable but it's hard to live in society where no one care about these kind of eccentric individuals.
Thank you for asking this question.
Knowing now that I am not just different and difficult- how do I go from here? Best wishes for your own journey ahead 😢💙
@@erikam9519 thank you and also I wish you the best ♥️😊
Same
During my therapy my therapist couldn't formally diagnose my parents. But after meeting them and having conversations with them. The therapist said my mother was a covert narcissists and my step father who raised me was autistic. Which ran in his family. His very own brother had autism. Which explained why I have to learn how to rethink, respond because I had learned to function like my parents. They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything. Is why I felt so different like an outcast or black sheep growing up. I wasn't dealing with a personality disorder but I had been taught that and I knew I needed help. We copy our parents as children. But as I got older it became so clear that I didn't want to be anything like them. That's when it gets scary. Because who's going to believe you and where do you start? How do you help yourself if you have a no idea? But today there's literally information at our fingertips. It's all here and it's just baby steps not giant leaps. Because learning what's acceptable behavior doesn't happen over night. You've got to set boundaries for yourself as if you were your only child. But you don't have boundaries. That's where the baby steps come in. One little boundary at a time. Like a curfew. You probably never even heard that word. You begin to learn to love yourself and respect yourself in a way you never new existed. You becoming your own parent fills that void that your parents might not have filled. You begin to trust yourself. When you probably never had that before. Therapy can change your life. It can give you your life back.
"They explained that autistic adults that go undiagnosed are more attracted to the narcissist personality. They also will defend the narcissist and want to protect them. This explained everything."
You and your therapist added a piece of the puzzle as to why my mom (CPTSD/NarcPD/ADHD) and my dad (CPTSD/Austistic) remain co-dependent post-divorce. Thank you for the assist. 🥰
You need therapy because you had an autistic stepfather? That's what you seem to be saying, and that's extremely offensive.
@@deer105offensive to who?
@@deer105The narcissist rekationship was mentioned as well and probably had a lot of control but you put words in their mouth and you only mentioned the dad
@@sarahjaye4117 Well, let's be clear about the problem. I don't doubt you have a problem, but please try to label your problem accurately
Oh yes! The most comprehensive list that Ive seen. Thank you for mentioning Ehlers Danlos and POTS along with this. They can cause a lot of disabiling symptoms with additional coping mechanisms. Alien. Yes! .I thought everyone was like this... I admit being wrong.
I relate to pretty much everything, and I find it extremely comforting to simply know Im not alone ❤
This was mind blowing. I’ve never heard so many parts of what I experience in one list. So grateful for what you are studying and sharing Kim, it’s really insightful. I’ve never been diagnosed with autism, I was however diagnosed with anxiety and depression as a teen. Now almost 40 this list has literally blown my mind. I’m now going down this hole 😆📚
"I’ve never heard so many parts of what I experience in one list". So agree!!! Take care of you! 🙂
Thanks Kim! Reading the comments, it's incredible how many people say they identify so closely with this list! I do as well! I also see how I have learned to adapt which requires a lot of energy for me. I am working on self-acceptance. The best to everyone here on their journeys! 💞
Thank you so much for going down this rabbit hole and presenting this source!! 🙌🏻 Her list was hard-hitting and difficult to get through, but the validation was needed for me to feel less stuck. Ironically, my understanding feels more clear after hearing you confirm the obvious uncertainties and overlaps in dsm-5 diagnoses. I think we’ve a ways to go before we have a true understanding of the dynamics between neurodivergence and trauma.
"Something needs to change..." How many ways and times have I tried to change myself? And it just does not help. How many times did I think I was passing as normal, thinking I was doing it right, to suddenly be caught up short and find I was not succeeding, despite such intense effort? Too many times, too many years. If this ends up being the explanation... I don't know what can change.
At 64 years of age, the only thing that can change is that I stop beating myself up, I stop expecting others to understand, and I celebrate my differences instead of trying to hide them. ❤
WOW. All I can say is THANK YOU!!! And please upload more content like this if possible. You’re a kindred spirit.
Even though a LOT of these characteristics could more so be attributed to trauma and high levels of anxiety, this video definitely sparked my interest, and I'll be looking into the dsm for more information about myself. Thank you!
The last thing I am looking for is a diagnosis, but I seriously think I am autistic
Hi Kim,
I have watch or rather binged so many of your sessions.
It seemed like you are doing the same study on yourself as I am. I took the tests that are provided on line for autism.
It seems I am passing w flying colors. I keep hearing you describe me as you talk of CPTSD and autism.
Nails on the chalkboard is how I have often described my feelings of noises and people eating or clicking their keys or tapping etc. I am very tired tonight but wow!! Thanks for sharing. You are a blessing.
I’m not sure where to go w my new findings. I do find it is getting harder lately as I care for my 92 yr old mom.
I have issues from childhood as well.
Again thanks you and I just wanted to connect.
I'm a male who after much research on the subject thought that i was definitely not on the spectrum. After listening to this my mind has changed, there is so much i relate to here. Wow!
Same here. It has me very overwhelmed because not having this perspective has caused me to be misdiagnosed, which I always suspected.
Because gender is performative and autism is autism and gender has nothing to do with it. This binary split is BS.
@@aellaaskew4263First of all, she was clear that this list can cross gender lines, and second of all, there ARE gender differences...women tend to be much more proficient maskers, so much so that for a long time, it was thought that only boys could be autistic. So much more...educate yourself before you start blathering bullshįt.
I suspect I'm on the spectrum but can't seek out a diagnoses for reasons I won't go into. I've watched all of your videos on the subject now and it's really just all but confirmed it for me. What is also intriguing me is how autism could potentially affect attachment styles- listening to these videos and your anxious attachment style videos have dozens of lightbulbs going on in my head
"acting a certain way, certain results can be achieved, but in dealing with emotions, those results don't always manifest" omg - good point
This list, as well as the Tania Marshall screener, have given me so much insight and validation. I've known for a couple of years I'm AuDHD but this list gives me the concrete information to present to professionals.
Thank you for sharing this info and for all you do! ❤
Wow… Years ago I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. And last year I was diagnosed with ADHD. But the more I look at my family and myself, I highly suspect autism is another piece of the puzzle. I mainly notice a lot of these habits in my kids, and I realize that the difference is that they haven’t learned to mask, while I feel like I’ve spent my entire life masking and struggling alone. And to be clear, i don’t want them to feel like they have to hide themselves, i just want the people around us to understand that they’re different, and that’s okay.
I checked off most of the things on this list. I guess I was able to mask enough growing up to the point that people just thought I was quiet and shy, but inside I dealt with a lot of anxiety to get by. But once I got to college and then having kids, it got harder and harder. And I think the issues I face now within my relationship are due to the fact my mask has cracked and I don’t successfully do all the things some people think I should, and they lack empathy and understanding of mental health/disorders.
And I have a cousin with a diagnosed autistic child, and my little cousin (her niece) told me that a counselor suspected she may be autistic, but her mom refused to entertain that possibility. For background, I’m a Black woman (and so are these particular cousins) and unfortunately a lot of times mental health is ignored in our community. And a lot of times people are afraid of having their child labeled for fear of them being more of a target. And I really hate that for her, because I can see she’s such and anxious child and tries to hide it. I saw a lot of her in this list as well.
My mother is one of those parents who doesn't support the idea that her babygirl has a mental health issue: autism. I've noticed that I may have some semblance for a while.
Thank you! I never know where to start when someone asks me why I think I'm autistic and this pretty much covered it.🙏
Got diagnosed with cptsd and level 2 autism. Lady, you're so smart, professional people sh
Yes this is totally me. I’ve come to be very aware of the traits and characteristics, after all autism literally translated means self ism. We are all very aware of our self and what makes us different. what I want to know is, what does this descriptive list look like when referring to the average person? if this is what we are, what is everyone else??
Glad you asked this question! Listening to and identifying with most of the list, I was also thinking, "you mean this isn't normal for other people???:"
Sometimes I wonder if cPTSD is to Autism as Diabetes type 2 is to Diabetes type 1. And should probably be more related to each other. Because when you think about it cPTSD in early childhood or anytime alters the brain maybe very much into the ways of Autism/ADHD.
I am autistic and recently diagnosed with C-PTSD. I will argue that many of the abuse I received from my parents was related to them forcing me to be more "normal". It is not abuse that creates autism, but not understanding autism can create abuse.
Thank you so much for putting yourself out there; I was finally diagnosed at age 48, and am now 50. I went to college and Graduate school… got very ill in my early to mid forties. I really think this was partially due to me burning out. If I had known when I was younger I may have been able to manage things better I believe and not gotten ill. Your work is so important. Girls have been so neglected in getting recognized… even still today.
This made me cry. I haven't been tested but have no doubt about being autistic. This list really made me feel seen. Thank you. x
It’s a similar list to this I came accross 3 years ago that lead me to perusing an official autism diagnosis. As you say it can profoundly change the way people think what autism looks like. I too had a lot of wrong assumptions beforehand and thought that could never be me but here we are 39 and officially diagnosed with ASD.
I can't believe what a comprehensive list of my being this is. What the heck
I'm 50 and I really believe I have autism. It's such a lonely existence. It's sort of like self preservation. Thank you for this video.
YUP, TOO MANY TIMES was I told I was NOT autistic because I didn't 'look' it, yet in the workplace I get severe bullying because I'm odd/weird/different/freaky? I think people denying or not accepting our autism is just a way that they avoid self reflection, because if they really looked and took a moment they would see it, but then that would me that have to think about their actions more.
Wow, a lot of these resonated with me. Some of them I didn't realize where autistic traits. More dots are connected. That thing about finding comfort in numbers... so so so true, I played around with numbers so much, I LOVE math, I was so good at it as a kid. I even like to incorporate some sort of math or measuring with my art.
This was amazing thank you 💞I was diagnosed today, I'm 52. I keep crying...I think it's relief that I now know..x
Thank you so much for all of your very helpful, and accurate information. I am almost 70 years old and discovered that I am on the spectrum just over a year ago. I would say about 95 percent of what you read relates to me. And it's so very important to know this about myself. Thank you, thank you. ❤
I really resonate with this list, and I'm very glad you shared it, another great video!
When you are raised in a chaotic, dysfunctional alcoholic home and the spread on the siblings spans 20 years - you are youngest - and you ARE abused - - many of these traits - not necessarily present before major traumas, DO present this way...many of these ways. I wouldn't be so quick to see it as a "natural" state of being for so many women, because so many of us are so thoroughly abused by people in life, we're driven to become insular by "going inside" ourselves. I think NONE of what's described in the DSM is biblical in terms of BELIEVING in it - good descriptions of symptomology, in my view - but PROVING nothing....as viewed from my 68 years of experiential learning. But I'm sure this book learning will be explanation enoough for many to label themselves this way. I refuse to.
So what you're essentially saying, many of the symptoms that are commonly agreed on as being "autistic" might not inherently be autistic traits but how autistic people responded to being traumatised i.e. "autistic" + "cptsd" like for example that tendency to self-isolate etc. That's a very interesting thought and I think there's a lot of truth to it. As it's near impossible to grow up non-traumatised as someone who's so sensitive as an autistic person in such an artificial (grey loud cities) hostile (no wildlife, hustle, stress) environment
I am almost 45..i recently started doing neurofeedback for cptsd....it found that yes i do have fight/flight indication
..but also i feel that the practicinor was trying to tell me i have autism..what he was describing high paytern recognition likes quiet enviroments when learing fromtal lobe dysfunction and other things..he didnt say it out right...but i feel he will after the second sxan
I am 59 years old and never was officially diagnosed, but everything on each list is spot on! Sad, but enlightening. Thank you.
I remember exact details of all my rocks and fossils. It’s crazy!
Wow, I have identified with so much of this. I was diagnosed with CPSTD 10 years back and recently FND. The FND diagnosis I did not identify with so much and it was my son that said he thought that I had Autism and that was maybe why I was abused as a child. It has blown my mind really to think I have got to 65 years of age and only my children understand me. My siblings and Mum have cut me out of their lives. My Mum always called me naive and now says I cause to much trauma to her. I have always thought of my life as a quest to uncover the truth not really knowing or understanding what that truth was, perhaps now I am really beginning to understand that if it is that I am Autistic then I was just born this way and everyone else just never understood me!!! Thank you Dr Sage for these videos, they are life savers.
This list just saved my sanity and explained my entire life !! I can NOT thank you enough ! Life changing, positively transformative to finally, finally, FINALLY understand what the heck has been going on with me for 65 years !! It started with me refusing to be fed at 6 months old. I ate with my little hands until I could use utensils. My Mom told me this. I pushed her away as well, physically and emotionally pushed her away.
Thank you so much for your content - I do listen in the car with my long commute! I relate so much to this. My daughter recently told me I might be autistic, and at first I thought no way, but the more I research, the more it makes sense...like a missing piece of the puzzle. It's validating to know why I am the way I am and that it's okay to just be me.
I keep watching these and sobbing, relating pretty strongly to most, and very intensely/woundedly to about 1/4. I'm struggling so very hard and have for most of my life
Hey Dr Kim, I'm HFA (late diagnosis) and it's like you summarised me in that list, minus the odd thing here or there. It's incredibly accurate from my perspective but as you say, autism is a Spectrum. Thank you for this.
This was the most EYE OPENING video I’ve seen i think ever! Wow. This felt extremely personal..
Thanks SO MUCH for taking the time to make this vid. My ADHD has worsened with age, and hearing as well as reading information helps it sink in.
I've also perceived how autism encompasses a much larger spectrum than previously thought, also the common co-morbidity with ADDinattentive -- surprised this wasn't mentioned -- so this was extremely helpful and will serve as a springboard; I understand it's not a diagnostic tool.
Thank you so much for your work. I’m awaiting diagnosis. But self diagnosed and already have ADHD.
Trauma makes it harder to diagnose as I have noticed . Certain mental health providers are not given appropriate training for these significant issues.
I’m 37 and was officially diagnosed with autism a couple months ago. I likely have a little ADHD in there, as well. Until recently, I was just called “anxious,” “OCD,” “gifted,” “sensitive,” and a few other things. I have SO many of the traits on that list, and I’m soon to receive a result to a genetic test for vascular Ehlers-Danlos syndrome.
The impetus was that I’d taken several online tests previously, yet had kind of shoved things under the rug. But then I lost a best friend (second since 2020) suddenly over a slight insensitivity on my part - something that could have been easily discussed and resolved. Around that same time, we’d moved offices at my main job. The absolute meltdowns and overwhelm I experienced surprised even me. I knew I needed answers.
Yay, i cant wait to hear more from you as i have both Autism and cPTSD
im 51 and i cried hearing this....its spot on unfortunately never knew there was a name for what I experience.
I am 47 and was diagnosed only in the last two years with Inattentive ADHD. I already identified as an HSP. The more time I spend in the neurodivergent community online the more I question whether or not I could also be autistic. I have long suspected my brother is austic/aspie and my therapist has questioned whether my husband is on the spectrum. While I don't identify with everything on the list... Math and numbers? No way, but words, writing, a need to understand everything, and all the other list items - yes. I am intensely curious and sensitive and have always had trouble with friends. Easily taken advantage of when younger, always felt on the outside, like I was watching everyone else. Now as an adult I have a serious autoimmune disease and I suspect EDS or some hypermobility disorder too. So much fits. Definitely food for thought. Thanks for sharing this list with us.
Thank you, Dr. Sage. When I watch your videos, even pre-autism series, I experience connection and a sense of belonging. Understanding how life experiences shape who we become is fascinating to me. The content you share and the way you present is always insightful. I walk away feeling understood. Can't place a value on that!
99% of all these fit me perfectly. Thank you for making these extensive lists. Much appreciated. I enjoy watching your videos. Keep up the great job you do!!!
In general, women internalize their symptoms due to how those symptoms can negatively effect others. They quarantine themselves. Even if undiagnosed, they know something is wrong, and they try to wait until they're alone to have their nervous breakdowns. They mask while being completely unaware they are doing so. That is why autism is so subtle and nearly impossible to detect in some women. It often takes them diagnosing themselves, and they can go to a doctor, and the doctor confirms what the patient already knows.
Or they can go to a doctor who says, "You're not autistic!", thereby undermining everything she feels and believes, not realising the strength it took for her to say it out loud to a so-called professional. 😢😢😢
@@grooviechickie get a second opinion.
@@grooviechickie this is what i'm scared of.
Thank you for this video. I will need to get a referral to be properly diagnosed but I'm confident I'm autistic. Many things you mentioned I resonate with. I hate the fact that people that don't follow the 'status quo' are given such labels that only make us feel more inadequate in my opinion. Any hoot, thank you ❤
Thank you, l felt so overwhelmed while you read the list. I tick 95% and am currently feeling so overwhelmed today, woke deep in my thoughts and know it's going to continue. I'm sat her desperately trying to self regulate myself with yet another special interest. Seed beading, it helps because l have to concentrate, count, and it takes forever to produce a piece. I experience some joy at the end when l have a work of art in my hands.
I really want to call my doctor, but feel fearful, as he's already aware, my notes state it all. I have paid a fortune for a private screen, missed diagnosed and basically know it's a condition l have to live with etc but it doesn't make it easier. I'm literally trapped in my home as l age.
People don't understand or get it, lm the one who looks amazing, l go to the extremes with colour coordinating, my masks are perfected, l suffer inwardly. Am grateful for the Samaritans!
Thank you for your deep dives and being able to be so articulate in sharing and speaking out on behalf of us who struggle to articulate it. I'm a mum on the spectrum with two son also on the spectrum an aspie family. But only one is diagnosed due to my advocating for him and his excellent pediatric mental health doctor. The struggle is very real in this skin colour and gender.
Today is a difficult day for me 😢
Brilliant work. I am so glad that the change and awareness is taking place. Thank you!
Very interesting, described me to a T except for the last page, took a lifetime to self identify these qualities and characteristics and how they helped define my life. May not be a diagnosis, but certainly was an accurate description of a complex of characteristics all mysteriously interconnected in me and I suspect others.
9:09 is so me... I constantly get into fights over this but I don't know if its autism or just something else. The psychiatrist I visited (don't know if he's trustworthy) said I could have social anxiety or schizotypical diaorder plus depression and anxiety in general. Another therapist said she's met tons of autistic people and I don't look like one at all. So, I don't know but "feeling guilty over hybernating" and being a wreck at even the news of socializing really is the biggest pain in the butt in my life.. Also, if I don't have a special interest I'm obsessed over, I see no point in living. Tgen I invent one. Great video! 😊
I’m still personally confused to wether my symptoms are solely trauma based or if there is some autism in there. However, I don’t really want to go to a therapist as I have had experience with therapists who were not very good and even had one therapist tell me “ I don’t have something” when i brought it up in our sessions questioning if I might have it and this conclusion was drawn with little to no questioning about why I believed I felt this way or even the symptoms associated with it. There is still a lot of gaps in knowledge of therapists out there as I’m sure you know and probably talk about as well.
Thanks for this 💞👊. Dx feb 2023 58F. So so want others to know I’m not whackadoodles….. and so so tired of being stuck. Thanks for this 💞👊
I am a late diagnosed autistic woman and this list has explained a lot of things about myself that I didn't really know were related to being autistic so thank you for sharing.
This is 90% MEEEEEE! 😮 Thank you for reading this - it helped to integrate it while you read. And no, the video was not too long. In fact it wasn’t long enough. A podcast just on this list is in order please. 🙏 thank you for all you’re doing to advocate for high masking females with autism. 68 white female. 💜
Is there a prize for scoring 95% or higher?
This is something I've explored for decades, and it has been (unofficially) professionally confirmed. But I must say, I've never encountered a list like this. The accuracy actually kinda hurt.
Neither white nor male, there was next to no chance I would've been diagnosed in childhood (70s and 80s), if it was even considered at all. And at this point, I also have CPTSD, so that makes it even more difficult.
Interesting series, moving on to another video.
Thank you 🎉 I appreciate your work on this topic. My 57 year summary 😮. I am so excited with the fast and comprehensive way this information can reach me, us, based on algorithms, prayers and people like you. Keep up the good work. You're helping many. I'm sharing this information.
Thank you for sharing this, this list is almost identical to one I made for myself after doing a lot of research and listing my own ‘traits’
This is absolutely validating and also so sad in my case… I’m formally diagnosed autistic, did all the assessments…and I questioned if I really was… and after this list… I don’t only believe I have it, but I finally just realized the gravity of my disorder and gave myself self compassion. I’ve been trying to overcome a divorce to a narcissistic abuser and I’m struggling very badly with my symptoms. I don’t know how to ask for help and no one understands that I’m not ok because they don’t understand autism… I need some help to get me back on track in life but not the help that most people need, like I need supports at home with cleaning and cooking because I stopped eating because I’m so sad and just distract myself 24-7 so I don’t have to feel the depth of heart break and depth of lonliness… and self doubt, and feeling totally insecure in terms of how to get systems in place to help me function better. I’m having trouble spending any time with my daughter who’s also autistic… I just want to be alone 24/7 now and I’m very avoidant… I’m worried about myself right now honestly and I don’t know what to do…
Please reach out to a mental health professional for guidance. ❤
omg, this is me! I'm 68 and just now seeing a reason for all my 'weird' quirks. As a child when my mother broke my miniature table and chairs I felt like she killed them. Thank you Dr Kim, I just subscribed.
I meet all of the criteria in the list. I noticed something that wasn’t mentioned: my spacial and math abilities are higher than average, which is more like the stereotypical “male” autist. A lot of us are relatively “simple” and “plain” compared to the average female; often considered not very “feminine.” My dad complained that my mom didn’t dress up pretty and perform as a good host for guests, that she preferred to read away from people in her room (in list). I remember studying how conversations worked in books (also in list). This list is for the most part so accurate! I had to listen to this twice already today, as it is pretty amazing to hear my description in such a list.
I too hit a major AHa moment but with discalculia I have never been able to memorize times tables but spelling was above the norm.
I learned to drink both coffee and alcohol by reading books.x) They're both part of my culture, but in some horse books the teens drank coffee, so I embraced drinking coffee. And yes, I was also a horse girl.
Alcohol I learned from reading French classics. Now that I think about it, yeah, kind of strange for a teenager to obsess over something like Umberto Eco and French classics, but I was obsessed with history. Eco also brought in philosophy, and at 14 I was deffinitely going to ponder over the existence of things such as the characters did in Foucault's Pendulum.
Dr Kim- your sensitivity towards race and class are commendable- I am a black woman and I have CPTSD- I could write a dissertation on how I have been mishandled by the mental health community- I paused the video at 1:14 just to say a big fat THANK YOU 🙏🏽
I feel seen and people like yourself will change the field immeasurably for the better.
God bless you!!!! 💗
Omg Kim. What I've done to my children with my controlling hypervigilence. Shit. I am so overwhelmed with waves of emotion now like I can't remember. I feel like someone just revealed the secrets of the universe to me. For example I feel in live with you right now but I know it's illusion.
I only have 10 good years left. I really wish even 1 day could be as a normal, serene, peaceful man. I'd give the rest of my life for one day of peace.
I'm so naive too. I always give people max credit, I don't see betrayal coming, I trust intentions too much. But I'm not stupid, my iq is high. I'm writing as I speak.
Do you know any good therapists in New England?
I think another thing that is frustrating is that I feel people judge us for needing alone time. They say I spend too much time alone and that’s “my problem.” But I need twice as much time to recuperate from humans. I work in customer service and manage people and I am just exhausted by the end of my day. I use both of my days off to walk alone and mentally rest to do it all again. But I enjoy this recuperation time. Why can’t people just let people be themselves and do what works for them? lol! I have no desire to be more social when I’m not at work.
You say not to be used to diagnose but you have figured me out. This blows me away. So maybe it's not CPTSD from childhood.
About 80 percent of what was said I can relate to. As a child I had a hard time with basic normal behavior , for example speaking looking at people or fellow students. Processing strong emotions is still difficult. It’s always beneficial to know what your dealing with. I’m blown away. I had a clue but this resonates.
So… I agree with all of this and feel like I’m finally starting to understand what I’ve been living with… what now? I’m 64!! I definitely have learned to function with my quirkiness but like wowza this is a revelation!!!
Sincerely, Susan
This was perfect in my life's description! The language thing was spot on. I wanted to teach myself Portuguese hoping to go to Europe. I became confused when I realized Brazilian Portuguese is different. I had bought many Brazilian books. I ended up giving away new Brazilian books, and never learned EU Portuguese. I began to teach myself Hebrew and I am doing fine with that. Cursive Hebrew looks like scribble to me. I like to look at the Torah print.
I was told I had Asperger issues. Your list was more comprehensive.
I'm almost everything on that list...either presently, or during one of my earlier decades of morphing. I thank you.
So give us an example of a perfect human being. My parents always claimed that Jesus was the only perfect human being. But then again my siblings and I never once heard the words "I love you" nor did we ever experience any affection ... no hugs or kisses. But boy we HAD to go to church on Sundays.
i think the hardest part for me to realize i am autistic is that i mask unconsciously. i don’t really know how to turn it off, all i know is that when i do stop i am exhausted and wind up having a hard time leaving my house if i don’t have to for a few days.
i have most of everything in section E. i fee i’m like my data set i use to gauge social interactions is skewered to detect anger (due to my childhood) and try to seek it out whenever i’m trying to read somebody to properly respond. i don’t really know what to do to start helping myself not assume everybody is mad at me all the time.
i saw something about how as girls, we don’t really notice our struggles with social interactions until we’re older. i, for one, was just fine with not being able to be super social. but now? now i don’t know what to do at all, i don’t have the words to respond when somebody is making small talk, all i can do is “mhm” and nod. it’s hard.
Thank you. It was, in fact, helpful for me to listen to you read the list and process. I feel very much the way I did when I read Elaine Aron’s book on highly-sensitive people. It’s was like someone could finally see my internal world. I feel so seen!
Wow! This is by far the best list I've found!
I don't know when it's my turn to speak in group settings as an adult. I also go into selective mutism in over crowded social events.
Public bathrooms are uncomfortably loud, theater is just a no go. I get meltdowns.
I still rescue animals! And I felt our car got hurt and cried for it when I was 4.
I have so much trouble with making meaning out of life! I feel our lives are so insignificant in the big picture of the world and time!
I also would add asexuality.
Most of what you described sounds like me. I have CPTSD from my childhood and I have severe anxiety and I’m bipolar. I’m going to bring this up with my doctor. Thank you for being real
👀checking in!! Great list! Thank you!
Great info. I didn't know about this list. It gives me peace of mind to have an explanation as to why many years of CBT has had very limited benefit for me.
Thank you for reading, it was very helpful for me to listen.
Sitting listening to this list and I'm bawling my eyes out 😢😢😢
This list is so on point I'm speechless
That was awesome, thank you for sharing Kim! I’m so happy that you are doing this series, I’ve been finding so much support here🌼
whoa... I was in the gifted program growing up... and it kinda makes sense after hearing your list... there are maybe 2 things that didn't apply to me on that list. Many of the things I have worked on throughout my life (eye contact and facial recognition are two of the main ones). I have read recently that gifted programs of the 80s were basically special ed... which I am not sure of completely... but yes, in college, I usually went into hyperdrive researching things that were interesting, and having more access in college to read scientific journals was a double edged sword... I forgot to ask my grandma about this, because she would know. Getting a straight answer from either of the parental units... yeah... that is a completely different ballgame. thank you!