Clarkson, Hammond and May's Best Jokes
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- Опубліковано 20 вер 2021
- hopefully one of those videos you show to someone who's never watched them. all the clips are submitted by you.
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"He's got a sweet fellow really, i think i'll call him Bob, moments later, Bob is dismembered" LMFAOOOOOOOO
Rip Bob - Bim
James called him Bob. The chef called him "lunch".
@@JoshuaC923 Hey Bim, guess what!
I got attached I was like aw he’s kinda cute then bam Bob is dismembered 👁👄👁
Ex-Bob
“Which arm have you broken?”
Gotta give Hammond props for maintaining that look for that long
I don’t get it, can someone exlpain?
In that episode, James May broke his arm, so hammond pretended like his arms weren't broken
@@zooker7481 Don’t read the idiots comment below. Look at which arm he’s broken and you’ll figure it out
@@zooker7481 May was explaining that his arm was broken. The joke is asking him, who's arm is in a sling, "which arm have you broken", delivered straight faced.
@@zooker7481 it's an anti-joke. The joke being that it's obvious which arm he'd broken.
Top Gear was not a car show, it was a show about great friendship between 3 car guys, which makes it unique and great, and awesome.
True, and turning a serious subject into absolute comedy, the like we shall not see again.
They’re not really friends outside of the show.
There just happened to be cars *in* it ;)
@@unknownentity742 they are, you can’t spend years and years and years in a group, travelling to so many different countries and not be friends lmao.
You forgot legendary
Clarkson's Princess Diana joke was always the best one for me as it even made the film crew laugh behind the camera, and the joke just works on so many levels. Absolute perfection.
Till date I have never understood why that joke works, context pls?
@@ishaanhiranandani226 Princess Diana was well known for her work with organisations and charities centered about landmine removal. Furthermore, she drove a Ford Escort - at the time it was a popular joke phrase about the car in the UK (and also a bit of advertisement really) to say "Princess Diana had one of these, you know."
@@FokkerBoombass incredible, thank you!! Hahahahha that is amazing 😅
Fancy seeing you here
@@FokkerBoombass i didnt realise it was a landmine flailer until you mentioned princess diana's love for clearing-out minefields
"Speed doesn't kill. Suddenly becoming stationary does"
-Jeremy Clarkson facts
Best part is, he's actually right
suddenly transforming into office supplies is not great for one's health.
@@JetFalcon710 Even if experience doesn't show you, stunt people have known it for years as in their words, "It's never the falling that hurts, it's the stopping"
@@bradleymorgan8223 🤣🤣
@@JetFalcon710 After all, the earth spins around at close to 1000 mph at the equator, and no one ever claims that's particularly dangerous. 👍
"Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles."
😂😂😂
i was hoping someone quote that 😂
@@solid_fire9388 you could have
Billions of gut bacteria would like to have a word…
@@JurgenErhard Yeah, the total bacteria count on the human body outnumbers the cells 10 to 1.
@@By-s That turned out to be a myth, it's actually about 1 to 1
15:40 You can really see how these guys are genuine friends. The way Hammond and May roast Clarkson and he just sits there and takes it with a smile on his face.
What Hammond is doing there is a whicked improv scene 🤣
“Ladies and gentleman, the sound of bitterness and jealousy” ahahaha 😂
You can tell the Hammond and May knew about the letter, but didn't tell Clarkson what they were going to say about it!
James May’s “He’s saying take the Third Reich.” is the funniest jokes EVER to come from Top Gear 😂😂
"...Ow." 😂
It’s a brilliant joke
I've heard this joke numerous times the setup still manages to make me laugh It's brilliant, with him talking about a cars with six wheels than showing us that photo with the drop of " Take the Third Right" then his look at the camera. Its all comedy Platnuim.
nah, "great news!" "WHAT!?"
"hello horse, i shall call you tesco"
it's unreasonable how much this always makes me giggle
Same😂
i saw this comment right as Clarkson said it lmao
Am I being stupid and not seeing that there's a reason why he called the horse tesco, or is it just a random name?
@@theredguy8746 Basically Tesco (A massive superstore chain in the UK) Got into a little trouble for selling beef products etc Lesangue that contain horse meat. They called it the horse meat scandal.
@@PinkPanther4958 I see.
It's amazing how Jeremy manage to roast almost the entire world individually in less then 20 seconds.
And yet he wont whiten his teeth..
@@treyjetson5320 British be like
@@treyjetson5320 Because Hammond used all the whitener
He is the most offensive man IN THE WORLD.
@@JoshSweetvale and loved for it haha
24:46 "she's effectively saying is you've given me the baby now get in the back"
Jeremy's reaction was priceless lol
"Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles" The banter in this group is top tier 😂😂
I love how Jeremy has the uncharacteristic humility to just sit there and take it when he's being roasted by Hammond and May, he just smiles and absorbs the abuse like a boss, I love that. Shows they're real mates.
Way to take it yeah. I think he's enjoying it, as are they all when they're feeding off of each other like they do. Comes across far more authentic, besides - if you can't take the piss out your mates, who can you?
Well, Hammond seems like a cute little hobbit roasting Smaug for all I notice. 😶
He has so much fun at doing it you just have fun with him..
I'd laugh if he roasted me.
@@LOOKINVERTED people who cannot laugh themselves off are JUST sad.
He knows one of them is bound to say something that'll make them all laugh out loud so he waits
I've seen multiple times Jeremy say Alex Paylor is intelligent.
"Princess Diana had one of these" that is the funniest Clarksonism that made the entire Crew laugh, and "Take the Third Reich" is the best James Mayism
The best James Mayism is actually his response to Jeremy’s story about his new glass shower or something like that and the plumber who sold it to him, but I remember absolutely nothing else about when he said it, other than during a news segment.
And I would argue that "Well, go to your own kid's sports day" is the best Hammondism
Third reiche shook me haha. Brilliant
It's a subtle reference to the fact that every time the Reliant Scimiter is mentioned ANYWHERE there's always a point where someone says 'Princess Anne had one of these'
I'm sorry, but I would love for someone to explain the Princess Diana joke. I know nothing about her so I'm a bit lost lol.
11:14 - I remember when this scene came on the tele and I was genuinely choking with laughter.
“They do not have the right to measure children. You’ll see a policeman measuring your child and say quick call the um ooh”
“Go to your own kids sports day”😂
I don't understand it.. 😭
@@aquilinorodrigo well, if a police man is illegally measuring your children, who’s gonna arrest him?
@@Chineseconcrete No no, I mean the second one
@@aquilinorodrigo he's implying that he's trying to take photos of a random kids' sports game (calling him a pedophile)
What episode was this
8:59
"he is my partner and also my lover"
that line kills me 🤣🤣
Remember that the Lord Jesus Christ died on a cross for you because He loves you so much. He then rose up from the dead three days later.
The Ten Commandments are called the moral law, (most of us are lying thieving blasphemous adulterer at heart and deserve hell) you and I broke the law, Jesus paid the fine. That’s what happened on that cross.
By believing that Jesus died on the cross and rose up from the dead 3 days later and not just confessing your sin, but also repenting of all sin you have done and putting all your trust in Him in prayer, He will grant you everlasting life as a free Gift.
@@dove3853 that’s right
@@dove3853 🤣
"No we can't be, we would see a big dotted line"
That one has cracked me up for years lmao
One of my fav joke.
I still don't get it unfortunately
@@IceeFish Look at a World Map, Équateur is represanted as a dotted Line on the map
Or the Polar Challenge when they are near the North Pole:
"I expected a shining beam of light coming out of the Earth's core" 🤣
"Which seat do they put in as standard?" Has got to be one of my favourite ever quips from TGT
Hammond to May, with a broken arm, during Top Gear*.
Edit: *TGT
Which arm have you broken?
I laughed when it was the first clip🤪
I don’t get it... :(
@@charlesdemers1197 You can easily find both short videos here on UA-cam...🤷🏼♂️
@@charlesdemers1197 If the car can be optioned with a single seat, you'd presume that it only has 1 seat: the driver's seat. When May asked which seat comes as standard, you imagine a car that has a single seat that's not behind the steering wheel, which is ridiculous and funny.
@@charlesdemers1197 it's the best example of British humour :)
you know the show is gold when even the crew busts into laughter 1:35
What did he mean plz explain
I've seen the joke at 9:32 thousand times and it never fails I laugh every time 🤣 Jeremys reaction is just too much
Can you explain it
I didn't get it
@@cryptoinanutshell if you get older you'll understand
Either he's referring to it as a bong or a butt plug for may.
@@cryptoinanutshelli didn't get it too
“Moments later, bob is dismembered” has to be the greatest May quote of all time
He just have it a name so that you would be personally attached to it before it got brutally dismembered.
@@zyriuz2 isn't that an actual thing in psychology
4:57
That is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life when James said "You look like something found at a pyramid" and Jeremy laughing at the joke 🤣🤣🤣
which episode is that clip from? @internet
@@benbelk2928 the grand tour colombia special
"The mummy returns" - Grandma wants to know again..
"i'm not putting that in the British museum"
How I love these dudes. 3/4 of my childhood consists of jokes and different challenges with cars. Many thanks to Clarkson, Hammond and May. God bless you and wish you high ratings.
"Yeah it'll be a small gathering, not too much should happen tonight."
*Me and the lads the next morning:* 8:12
Lmao James really calls the French "treacherous, land burning, work-shy peasants." And then goes on to say the British are better because the French are "rude".
They love the French, secretly. In fact they're Europhiliacs in general. You can tell in modern Grand Tour episodes as they spend a lot of time lovingly sucking the EU's balls.
@@SuperPerry1000 I smell an American
@@nobody-pr7fg incorrect, actually.
@@nobody-pr7fg smells like wokeness?
good ol' british xenophobia
I still think the Princess Diana jokes is one of the best Clarkson's ever made 🤣
I don't understand it - what's the joke?
I'd love to know what the hell he's on about
@@justinfouts2094 Taken from a reddit post about the same topic:
Princess Diana was very anti landmine and a lot of her public image was derived from the work she did with victims of them.
@@justinfouts2094 Check the aftermath of her crash and you'll get it
ja but shes dead so is it really funny?
The chemistry between these 3 is impeccable. The nostalgia really gives me the feels.
Standing in the desert:
“Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles.”
I laughed myself to tears.
24:41 I LOVE the cut to Clarkson being absolutely astonished for about half a second before he breaks down in a fit of laughter lol
That face is priceless lol
i love the amount of time the audience takes to also start breaking into laughter too
I dont get why he laughed so hard
i guess the whole top gear and grand tour is just full of best jokes😂
Yep! My favorite joke is when they have the three boats and Jeremy and James write “tizzle drizzle” on Hammonds boat
Tis!!!!!!
@@e70_x5_guy4 it was Jizzle Drizzle which is even worse
These 3 have a chemistry between them that makes the jokes write themselves. They are the jokes, and not in the usual sense that term is used. Take away even 1 of them and their carrier would have never reached the heights it did. I sure af would feel dumb had I done anything to upset any of these 3 and cause them to quit or be fired. Something like, promising them a hot meal and giving them a frozen TV dinner after traveling several hours, cooped up on a bus or train. A pinch in the face would be far too kind for such an action. I would rather beat myself in the nads with a baseball bat repeatedly. After all, it would have ruined my reputation with other stars as well as sunk the value of the broadcasting company the show was on. It would be a fitting self punishment as well. That way I wouldn't be able to reproduce. After all, we cant have more idiots that stupid being born into the world. I mean, we wouldn't want some idiot with famous family doing something as dumb as inviting a well known famous person for a lunch with promises that it would have 900 calories only to get them a cheese burger of the dollar menu
its always been full of jokes.
"I think I'll call him Bob. Moments later, Bob is dismembered." 😂😂😂
Also, "Which seat do they put in as standard?" is perhaps the moment I replay most when watching the full episode 🤙
01:35 ---> Princess Diana
09:48 ---> What's Better Hard Than Soft?
10:15 ---> Bentley And Germany
10:55 ---> Measuring Children
21:48 ---> Richard Swearing
22:07 ---> Silly Names 1
23:48 ---> Michael Richards commits a mistake
25:19 ---> Silly Names 2
27:51 ---> The Influenza Car - Best Segment
28:47 ---> Richard Admitting His Crimes
29:28 ---> Irony
30:01 ---> Ice Cream
That moment @15:32 is so wholesome... Clarkson is genuinely enjoying his best friends taking a dig at him... like he's genuinely looking at them with love and appreciation, as if he's realising how lucky he is to be working with them... and that was such a joy to watch. I might be overshooting this, but I truly get that impression from him, cheers!
Richard was having an absolute field day with that one
His face is actually so great there
This is just an awkward scripted scene. He's sitting there not saying anything while they're trying to make it funny because that's what he was supposed to do in this scene.. Nothing more to it..
Think you're reading way too much into it. Certainly more reading than Hammond and May were doing off the script in that bit.
I was thinking the same, where you just have to sit back and appreciate the pelters heading your way.
" She's effectively saying 'you've given me the baby now get in the back' "
Funny thing is, me a German never thought about what would happen if I drove without a license until I first watched that bit at 12:25.
I just didn’t think to that part I just knew that you could loose it and would be prohibited to drive then.
To be fair I was only 15 years old but still amazed by this until today.
These 3 are absolute legends never will there ever be another trio like these ever again
20:00 the argument between James and Richard his is both incredibly hilarious and surprisingly wholesome because they both know they aren't going to convince the other and they are both such good friends that they know every joke they are making is not malicious. Plus Jeremy just standing by watching this argument with a smile on his face just solidifies what good friends they all are. Also James annihilated Richard with the jokes 🤣
I can't figure out what words were bleeped out 😂
The destruction power of Sigma May is unmatched 😂
If he goes after you, you better watch out
i think when james said "if we strip everything off of you your like a racecar driver as a boy" james should have said "if we strip everything off of you your just a Crash test dummy"
Not only that but it's the one time the Nurburgring is mentioned and James ISN'T the one ranting about it...
@@Cubemaster A wanker, presumably. Considering they're british.
The segment starting at 19:58 is such a fun example of their friendship. They're talking crap about each other and loving it.
That just U.K. humour in general, mates just take the piss out each other haha
5:02 this is easily the funniest joke in the entire series for me
Everyone misses these boys. The were true entertainers
'Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationery..thats what gets you... that's the killer." ~ Jeremy Clarkson
He must have heard an old saying from the stunt business: "It's never the falling that hurts, but the stopping".
Yeah, suddenly turning into a pad of notepaper might well be fatal. *stationAry..🙂
can confirm, my uncle once drove a car then suddenly turned into a pencil, i still miss him to this day
14:48 definitely the epitome of OG Top Gear’s humour
the crew deserve a rise, the fact they don't laugh as loud when they around these 3 is impressive
5:50 man that smile and laugh may had, had me lying in bed at screaming my head off in laughter
29:37 "We're not saying you should do that, *_you shouldn't_ * we're just saying you can do that."
Story of my life.
Yep good fun innit 👍
*james may blowing raspberries*
Is it bad that I can keep up with their dialogue because I've memorized them so much
It is bad but only because you wont experience them for the first time again
No, it's perfectly normal for Top Gear fans
@@katakai7117 Would it be worse if you can accurately determine what challenge(s) are in a given episode only from the "Tonight!" intro?
You are allowed to enjoy things to that kind of level
Well I guess we're all going to hell then.
15:10 I just now realized, after watching this clip hundreds of times, that Richard opens his door into James’ car 😂
The scene starting at 27:50 is pure, condensed comedy gold
at 17:40 I have not noticed it before, but when James is fiddling about with the computer to find the clock settings, he accidentally folds down the rear blinds. Brilliant, even if it's scripted.
what episode is this
I don’t know why that would need to be scripted.
Well spotted! I didn’t notice that myself! 😄
@@LuckyOctober S15E3
My favourite jokes are when it truly delivers them joy from a bit of clever wit. They appreciate each other and you can tell when it’s a joke not rehearsed with them sometimes.
4:27 to this day I consider this joke by James to be the greatest recorded use of wordplay on the internet
Richard is underrated. Always comes out with the best one-liners when you least expect it
24:42 lol. I love how slow the penny drops. You can actually see it floating in mid-air for a second or two.
Can you explain this i don't get it
@@amadan3869 when may was referring about the baby he gestured to Hammond, insisting that since Hammond's height is shorted hes like the baby
@@ghost_ib9928 No that is literally the furthest thing from what it meant
@@amadan3869 If I'm not mistaken from some Google searches, the penny term basically means that it took everyone a second or two to understand the joke. *The joke* it self is that when he says "You've given me the baby, now get in the back." the back is poop hole. (If you still don't get it then maybe you're too young to understand it in the first place)
@@joshuawilmar1697 ahhhh ok i get it now thanks
i really respect Hammond for being able to joke about his crashes considering how horrible they were and the state he was in after them
these 3 are legends. nobody WILL replace them
I bet that in the year 2100 - 2199 nobody even hear or care about Top Gear and these 3 legends. How would you all feel about that?
You did justice to the Saudi Arabia joke.
For years on UA-cam you could only find the second half and now there's the full joke in context.
Very well made video.
cheers
Are you able to explain the Saudi joke by any chance 😅
@@jimmyhopkinsman They are talking about hydrogen storage, which is currently one of the biggest issues holding hydrogen powered cars back (even more so when that bit was filmed). Clarkson believes that hydrogen powered cars are what will eventually make internal combustion obsolete - And thus, Oil. Saudi Arabia draws it's entire influence and wealth from their massive oil industry. So the joke is, once petrol powered cars and oil becomes obsolte, Saudi Arabia will become poor and refocus on their famous export good before oil became important - Carpets. They also won't be able to afford cars anymore, so they have to use camels to get around.
Thanks for saying this, for years i never really got that joke
@@jimmyhopkinsman Personally watching this from Saudi Arabia, I find it really funny. 😆
Funny enough, now we can say the joke's on Clarkson since it's been some time since that episode aired, and we're still no closer (practically speaking) to use hydrogen as fuel in cars, despite the potential being there.
Still, nothing beats that man's showmanship.
"I'm just going outside to wax the Growler"
They have another model called the Minge.
@@Psiberzerker 2 new models you’ve forgotten about, the Beaver Mk2, plus the Military version called the Snatch
@@iankirkpatrick264 a Beaver will Snatch your Growler
Didn't get the growler joke, what does that mean in britain?
Apparently, a woman with a very hairy groin is called a “growler”
i love that these 3 actually make me laugh like im there with them, they give me the laughs you get when your friend does some dumb thing and fails. i hope they continue giving me the laughs they have given me since top gear aired
20:22 I love how clarkson is just there too let them argue this through 😂😂
Hammonds Birmingham geography is something to stand back in amazement 🤣
"Is there anything worse than an upturned plug for treading on in the middle of the night ?"
"A landmine !"
You might wanna change your profile pic look up the worst UA-camr by penguinzo if you don't know what I mean
@@Robyamdam does it look like i care?
@@Robyamdam what a shame
“Hello horse, I shall call you Tesco” will never fail to make me laugh
I feel like this trio are the original vloggers. But without the faf of dealing with the cameras themselves.
3 car guys just having good banter.
Like I genuinely like the Top Gear specials like Vietnam (motorbikes), Burma (trucks), and the one in Africa and more.
And the specials carried on in Grand Tour.
A combination of comedy, travel, banter, between car enthusiast.
1:35 That one got the crew laughing!
9:22 this is easily one of the most hilarious jokes on this show
Agreed
What's the joke there?
@HT the demon has one seat as default when you purchase it, and James ask if it is the drivers seat or not, because the drivers seat is the only necessary seat to operate a car
@@i_amnotfauna ok but whats the joke
@@grqfes I deadass just explained it
I literally cannot love more this three... What a legends they are 😂👏👏👌👌
I love the “you don’t think it fell out of James’s luggage” joke because it’s funny enough as it is, but then when James says “fell out of my what?” It becomes even smuttier
Please explain this joke I don’t get it
@@ijt3852 They have a running joke about James' sexual habits, and they are implying that it is some kind of sex toy. It is in fact an old East German TV tower, and I have been up it (oo er Matron!) just after the wall came down.
"And then something very small arrived... in a Mini."
I love these fellas and I wish they were all 30 years younger so we could keep enjoying their antics for a lot longer.
I love how hammond and james have a 10 min argument about the two cars and whos is better while jeremy sits back and enjoys the ranting between them like an old married couple 🤣
James's May sense of humour is crminally under-rated by the wider public (outside of Top Gear fanbase).
when the camera crew started laughing at jeremy's joke about princess diana 😂😂
4:11 The man behind James May with the smile of eternal success !
That dead serious stare, “well…which arm have you broken?” LOL
15:11 i have seen this clips hundreds of times and only now realise how hard Hammond smashed his door into May's car xd
That deadpan delivery of, “Which arm have you broken?” makes it that much funnier.
16:36 Hammond you bastard😂😂👏👌
The chemistry these three had/have is incredible
4:38 Truly perfect comedy from james, the subtle build up into perfect delivery :D
What we thought was a silly play on a picture turned out to be a hilarious play on words
Richard’s sports day joke had me in tears 😂
It’s pretty underrated
Where is it
i dont get it
@@zooker7481 Parents can't take cameras to their own children's sports days at school any more. Things will get better one day, we'll also have smoking back in pubs, tobacco liveries back on racing cars and the rifle back on our walls.
@@worldcomicsreview354smoking back in pubs? No thanks
14:21 May's Hawkingmobile
This is the only video I can rewatch over and over and it never gets old
Legends of the car industry, there will never be another three like Clarkson, Hammond, and May.
Hammond looks like Tony Stark mixed with David Tennant.
They're not really car guys though. That's why they can appeal to the uninformed masses. They're just journalists.
"Name one thing that's better hard than soft"
"Ice"
That fucking broke me
Soft ice also known as a slushy... 😉
4:13 that cheesy grin has been burned into the deepest recess of my mind, ever since the episode first aired lol
"You've given me the baby now get in the back"
for real James is the best
11:48 hammond with an absolute banger there
That's a joke even Lee Mack would be proud of.
These 3 work so well together. They are a collective indeed.
The three is just three 50 year-ish old children as evident in this 29:30
"And Richard forgets the abbreviation for America"
"USB"
i died XD
i don't even know how he forgot that
5:55 never gets old 😂
17:55 possibly my fav joke ever lmao
What episode?
@@andifalatehan5193 you've just got to binge top gear to find out
Jeremy:
"Anyone from Spain here?"
Richard:
"Sorry!"
Jeremy:
"Give me my fish back!"
6:40 oh boy that joke from May is really what cracks me up
About Hammond making a living with accidents, proudly: “And I did!”
"And Richard forgets the abbreviation for America..." "USB" Idk why but that has to be the funniest joke I've heard on this show.
"You know those big welcome mats you might see on a girl in the 70's..." absolutely fucking _dead_
This is the best selection of clips...in the world!
21:50 😂 you know it’s bad when Clarkson has to step in
11:12 I laughed too much at this.
The whole "legal right" part, the call the cops one too.