I will never take back an ex who moves on to a new person. If they dump me to see if this new person is better, there is no way in hell they are coming back when they realise what they lost. Doesn't matter how much I want them back my dignity would never allow me to do this ever.
It's funny because they technically aren't.. but to the person who got dumped and still loves them, it sure feels that way.. Yeah it's even more heartbreaking because you don't feel like they even care about you because they must know it hurt you but they still do it. So they don't care about you hurting
once they cheat,,all trust is lost unless you are a simpleton,idiot,moron,desperate to take them back and have it all happen again at some point and be even more devastated than the first time,,,move forwards not backwards in life and always remember......it was just your turn
@@Whatsthedealio1977it will come bro, I'm at the 6 week mark you'll realise fuck em, they don't give a fuck nor do they love you enough to fight for you like you would have for them. They don't deserve the love you have to give. Just focus on what was their red flags, what made them a hoe. It's gonna be hard, you'll be crying every day, but stay strong and keep the faith
Same shit only mine is 6 years..... She was sleeping around in days and I finally moved on after about 3 or 4 weeks only but now immediately her sensing that and not getting any energy from me she wants to come back..... Crazy
Same here. I'm currently going through it as we speak. We were together 8 years dropped like a hot potato and she is screwing around with some musician / loser on Facebook. She is following him around like a groupie.
The more I don't want to watch these videos, the more I find myself watching these videos. For me, it gets me through each day and gives me more confidence in my path, wherever that path may lead.
If you spent any significant amount of time with them, loved and cared for them, sacrificed for them, you likely had a powerful impact on their life, and thats going to follow them around like a shadow. They might have someone new on their arm, but even toxic people at some point realize what they lost. Your discard will only make you a stronger, more loving, more vigilant person. One that could never stomach to take them back!
Many cases that's true - but sometimes good people mistakenly leave a relationship because they don't see the way back to make it work - other times one of them is toxic. Depends on the situation
Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s the end of the relationship and they enjoyed it while it lasted, remembering the good times. I never think a breakup is a mistake. The mistake is dwelling over it or even worse attempting to get back in the relationship. Being alone is better than trying to get back with someone you broke up with, that reeks of loneliness and desperation.
Everyone in the comments saying if someone leaves me I will never blah blah. That implies you were perfect in the relationship. But if you screwed up and they were right to leave you, then videos like this make more sense
Yes!! You’re most definitely right….instead of judging your ex understand them….and if they want to come back then work together and go to therapy etc.
Mine was on apps while we were still together trying to work stuff out. He dumped me after going on a date with the new girl. How's that okay? We were engaged.
was a rebound and dumpee of a fresh divorce.she reached out a few times in 6 months but stayed in NC to heal and regain my power back.some people come in your life for a lesson or blessing💯
I just can’t comprehend the mind of dumpers. I’ve been in relationships that weren’t the greatest but I have always given them my honest feelings if I think it’s not working out and gave them time to work things out with me. But they always end up breaking it off first. I was with my last girl for over three years and she just lost attraction, left me and immediately hopped onto someone else. It’s just gross, how can people do that? Things were great between us for the most part, but she got bored and didn’t want to work out any of our issues. I wasn’t worth it anymore. I know life is short and blah blah but when you share love with someone for years it seems like you should at least talk it out and try instead of getting horny for someone else and leaving.
I been there and we had a child together (he is mine). She didn't care and she hoped I would kill myself over her. I found someone else, she's bitter about it and still angry towards me. Some people are just pure evil, it's part of life. I was a good man and treated her how any woman wants to be treated, she got bored and moved to a convict who was a prior drug dealer. I'm moving up and she's standing still. Thrive brother, do better, you can do it but it takes time and effort on your part. Make life the best for you and don't try to make anyone happy but yourself because if your happy with who you are, the next person you get with will want to be a part of that.
Everything about your rebound example is true. My relationship fell apart for these exact reasons. A difference in opinion that we could never resolve and I felt unheard and ignored to the point we broke up. It saddens me that it could have been resolved so easily had they been willing to sit down and talk and make that effort to make me feel heard.
Been there my friend. Drove me to a dark place - being avoided and stonewalled when the only request is a conversation is a relationship killer. Only one outcome. Hence, emotional intelligence and open communication are the ultimate things to look for in the next person.
You CANNOT make some converse or emote, if they don’t know how. It was never part of their upbringing. It was something they were never taught. They never had role models, namely their parents. They most likely will never understand the importance of both things. Mine didn’t. I gave up trying to get him to understand how it was tearing us apart. Turn around and walk away. Live your life happily by yourself, or, at least until you find someone who has the same communication skills and emotional IQ as you do.
You took the words right out of my mouth. Almost 7 years... I barely gave her the direct and open attention and love she deserved. Moments like these make you wish for a time machine.
Every time we break up he gets with someone else. I however couldn’t imagine that. I know I’d never in a million years ever take him back even as a friend. He’s shown his true colors over and over. This video finally helped me. Out of all the videos this is exactly how I’m feeling. ADHD, over thinker, analytical, always knew it would never work between us. Less than 2 yrs married with extensive verbal abuse and the topper physical. NEVER AGAIN! They usually have an alternative relationship to go to directly from you . Blessings and strength to all of you
That’s exactly what I’m doing. It makes no sense to engage in the competition mentality with a stranger. It’s a loose loose situation to entertain ourselves with inaccurate, misleading information given by third parties. Even if the so called “friends” tell you that your ex traded you for someone lesser than you. Cutting off and love myself first.
That instinct to fight to get them back is primal and intense, especially when another man is taking your place right away. But all you have the power to do is push her further into his arms by fighting for her.
I disagree. That’s not the first instinct or primal, if anything it’s desperation. I view it as the relationship ended so anything involving her in any capacity is absolutely none of my business. There is no benefit in pursuing a failed relationship whether you dumped the other person or vice versa. Life is too short to chase someone who prefers someone else. If they attempt to return, encourage them to continue searching elsewhere as there is no need to convince someone to return to a failed experience.
Note for future self: they can tell you that you're family. They can tell you that you're their whole world. They can tell you they wouldn't see themselves with anybody else. But when all they do for you is say those words, run.
Happened to me, and the words gave me false confidence & didn`t run at all - Left me in this desolate state i am in now, coz he took the next best he can promise the stars again.....
@@Cl4rendon for me it has been like 6 months. I'm okay now. More than okay, you actually get duller and duller. Setting goals and achievements to work on is a great help to survive your day. Go to the gym, study something you like, get results. Clean your house. Feel good about it. Be sad, cry and think about all that if you feel like it. It's not like avoiding the pain helps you grow or overcome that. In the end I can tell you first hand it's true that your point of view on lots of stuff changes, that you learn to love yourself more and that the pain gradually fades. I don't like being dull but at least i'm not sad about the cheating and the narcissistic abuse. Sometimes my friends tell me how she's failing badly at life ever since i stopped having a positive influence on her. Edgy pics on instagram, random life choices, tattoos when she never cared, everyone even suspects she's doing drugs with the new guy, low self care in general. She even does victimist posts where she thanks the (new) love of her life for being with her "this whole time" (it was actually me for 6 years but okay), and her abusive mom for taking care of her (she is the reason her daughter went to the hospital three times). It makes me feel really disappointed. Sometimes i even laugh about it. But sadness? Nah. I don't miss her. Again, you're not forced to feel okay. You can miss how you felt and who you used to believe they were. Another important thing. The one with issues always reflects them in relationships. People who don't take accountability cheat and blame as she did with me. They get into new relationships immediately after. Force things. Rush for emotional attachment. And honestly. They deserve to burn in hell. You will be okay if you take care. Just be patient and endure those rough days. The one with issues runs away and does so much self sabotage.
I resent these „never take someone back“ comments a lot. If you truly love someone you allow them to change for the better and you allow them to make mistakes, especially if they don’t cheat.
Amen - it's a limited view of a situation that has many many different causes and significant details - but hurt and anger cause people to blanket condemn too many times
@@kibbit1373 Someone who breaks up with you is not making a mistake. The mistake is going’s back to someone you broke up with when being alone is far better. I’ve had women break up with me and try to convince me that they made a mistake. I’ve always convinced them that they could do far better and they should never return to a failed relationship. That reeks of desperation and fear of being alone. I get the people make mistakes, but ending a relationship is never a mistake and 2nd chances aren’t for cheaters or relationships. Those are always one and done situations. People try to fight that reality and refuse to accept it instead of embracing it.
Been a little over 5.5 months since the break up. Still with her other guy she got with a week after. 4 months of bread crumbs, saw a story of that guy on her page today. Still stings but stings a little less. Head up and have hope.
WOW - NEEDED THIS. MY HUSBAND OF 10 YEARS AND I WERE GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH FOR A WHILE. I WAS UNHAPPY, GETTING DISRESPECT, KNEW I SHOULD LEAVE AND OUR TIME WAS POSSIBLE DONE, HE WOULDN'T DO COUNSLING OR WORK ON OUR ISSUES.... HE PULLED THE PLUG AND 2 WEEKS LATER GOT A TEENAGE COWORKER PREGNANT ( WE ARE IN OUR 40'S ) AND HE MOVED HER IN ( EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE KIDS ) THE BETRAYL AND HURT WAS BEYOND MEASURE. NOW UNDERSTANDING WHY HE TOOK THAT ROUTE.... THANKS KEN
I love this video! " Not gonna compete with limerence" . He started dating someone I felt was beneath me, and Im dealing with how I feel about it. This video definitely helped. +
WOW. So much in this video. Rich, insightful, and accessible reasonings. Thank you. I read comments about why taking someone back who moved on is anathema. That’s an absolutist approach. My first husband cheated on me early on in our marriage. I forgave him and our marriage survived until he passed away 8 years later. We not only survived we were stronger. I had an affair after 4 years in my second marriage. He forgave me, and we survived for 25 years since that situation. I’m willing to look beyond my ex’s possible interest before and his possibly seeing her since the breakup - as painful as it is. I don’t remember feeling this much pain and loss. It can happen. That’s why I am not giving up on my ex. I’ve been on both sides of the equation where we were good people, and love prevailed.
Wow! What a great presenter of facts you are Coach Ken, you having the knowledge on a subject I didn’t need just a month ago, but is so crucial to me at this time, after having just begun my breakup process where she’s seeing someone new. Thank you, *Subscribed!*
Early stages (months) of no contact is like being set on fire and nothing can calm you. But if you listen to what he's saying you'll start to see that he's right on the money and you'll even start settling into a small amount of acceptance. It's been 9 months for me and I still hurt badly most of the time and panic occasionally but these videos do take the edge off the panic most of the time.
NC for almost four weeks, he broke up during an argument but then we talked it through on the phone and in person and parted on good terms, however i was fighting the breakup during these first few days of talks. after two weeks i posted my first ig story since the breakup and he watched it and didn’t react, but then at night he came back and liked it. Two days ago i added a post and same situation, he was online a few times (yes i’m still checking..) and a day later liked it. To me it shows that it’s not spontanious liking so seems more meaningful (am i delusional?) I feel soooo weird with not reaching out to him after that, i feel like i’m rejecting him. The hardest part of NC for me is that i LOVE taking action, trying hard, and also control… I have ADHD and OCD so it’s really outside of the comfort zone for me 😅
I agree… on paper you could be a really good match based on values, but the problem is it’s going to be really hard to compromise in the areas where your personalities are just off. Like the guy I was with was just a jerk. He was critical of women, he was negative af, always talking poorly about everything going on in his life. When you’re not like that, stuff transfers to you. You become more negative and eventually they will see this and suddenly they have an issue with negative people… don’t know if you guys have ever gone through this but the stuff you don’t like in someone are always things that are yours too. There are people who don’t take accountability and they are trying to replace their mothers. They haven’t healed at all, but they think they’re perfect just as they are. Also watch out for those who try to play with your emotions from the get go, especially when they are just victim of everything … ugh. Guys take a long time to grow the f up
Wow !!! are you ever good. My ex left and right away started a relationship with another woman,. I did not pursue him and after a few years they broke up. Everything you said made sense to me.
You make it make so much sense. Overthinking the trying not to think about them. The desperation. The trying to figure out why it ended so abruptly. Believing lies and still hoping. "Voice of pain" "Hope with a different voice" so grateful to hear you.
With my husband 24 years (with 3 now adult children) We were always total opposites and I figured that must be what made us work!! But in October last year he left because he had just lost all attraction and wanted to find greener grass….. he found it within just a few weeks and moved in with her and her kids. So he’s with her now but it’s clear she’s just filling a void. I need to commit to no contact after failing so many times. Except now I want to do it to move on and not to get him back. Your videos are amazing, thank you!
Wow ....my wife of 25 years left me for a co worker of hers.....we have 2 grown daughters and kne is expecting her second child,our second grandchild,and my ex wants nothing to do with her children or grandchildren.....she said" they are grown now,they don't need their mother....I have done my job!" Can you believe that??!! I hope you are doing well now ......good luck to you
The correct reaction is to hard disconnect exit and move on, as their problems are no longer yours. Calmly and cleanly exit and go fully disconnect - its not your circus and not your monkeys branching. No contact means just that... once your trash is on the kerb it stays there for garbage collection.
Move on. She left you for a reason, if she thought she saw a future with you she wouldn't have moved on. Don't think their is help because there isn't. Work on yourself and when you feel you're ready to move on do it.
Wow, I thought I had made a very serious mistake right after she broke up with me because I sent her a text explaining precisely the reasons why I had acted so negligently and without begging her to come back (basically what you explain is okay to do). I thought that was breaking zero contact and, as a grand gesture, it would ruin everything instead of fixing it. Now I see that it is not. However, although it has been more than two years since that and it no longer hurts like before, I have to say that it was of no use. She's still with that guy and has never, ever contacted me. 😕 What hurts me now is that we knew each other for 20 years, we were more or less friends, this was the second time we tried it a long time later (so yes exes come back), but it's as if she had forgotten and rejected everything of and about me, love, friendship, everything. As if I had never existed.
Thank you for sharing your experience & best wishes for a full recovery.... I am also around the 2 year post break up mark.... I do not know exactly when my break up was.... She simply slowly faded away & I have not heard from her since.... In moments of weakness, (& even though I am aware of "my own bullshit"), I brokeno contact twice in the past year (mid June & just a week or so ago).... In 53 years of life, have I ever known anyone so adamant & resolute in wanting absolutely nothing to do with me...
@@georgelowe2881 Yes. To be clear, I never cheated on her or was unfaithful to her. What I explained in the texts right after she broke up with me was that I was sorry for acting so scared, that I didn't expect her to come back and that, since this would be our second time, I wanted it to truely work; That added pressure to the situation and made me act like that, like a fearful avoidant [note: coaches are very right when they say that after the breakup we have to grow and look to repair those aspects of our life and character that could harm us]. I have always loved her, and when I didn't, I have always appreciated her. She is a fantastic and proactive girl. That is to say, whether she contacted me again or not, I would like her to do so to hear from her. With peace of mind. After the texts, paradoxically the fact that she was already with someone else helped me stay in zero contact. I don't think it's very appropriate to bother her at that time: it's like invading a personal space in which you haven't been invited. But equally, after more than two years after the break, I do think that a mini4mum of "how are you?" or similar, at least to honor our friendship, would have made this less sad.
I did this. I started dating right after he ghosted me and didn’t pick up my phone or texts. I met someone great a few weeks after and my ex got really really mad at me for moving on so quickly but I had no choice but to move on. I was discarded out of the blue and he kept on ghosting me for months on and off. But it’s true, I still thought about him. It doesn’t mean that I got over the feelings but daring someone new has def helped (and he’s aware of the situation).
*Great video, Coach Ken!* I agree with pretty much everything you stated. If you have an articulate, calm understanding conversation while breaking up, why should there be any follow up conversations or keeping tabs on an ex in any capacity? Breaking up someone is a well executed planned decision. If I truly cared about and loved someone then I wouldn’t put them in a position to return to a failed relationship with me. Isn’t growth and maturity- Admitting that you failed them, that you let them down, you sincerely apologize and you explain that understand how you hurt them, where you feel short of their expectations, etc. After that, that’s the end of your relationship and you should route for them to find someone who gives them what they want (something you failed to do). Am I wrong? Are people really that self centered, thinking that they’re everyone’s best option? Either way, I’ve witnessed too many people who were hung up an ex on to find the “love of their life” in another relationship down the road. I’ve never dated the same person twice, a break is a break up and I’ve never been remotely curious to look up an ex in any capacity. Knowing any information on an ex is a waste of time and unproductive.
Great advice. I wanted to book a call for today but you’re booked and sometimes I need that INSTANT pep talk. But I get it! This video will do for now. 😢
I have to say this is the best video and the best deliverance of all I've watched. Helpful in more ways than one, just confirming the things i feel are true but needed to hear from someone else. Thank you.
My now ex of 6 months literally ghosted/blocked me on everything after an argument 10 days ago and we've been in no contact since (didn't have a choice on my end due to the block). I keep thinking in my mind she's getting her cheeks clapped by someone else as a rebound and it makes me angry. Zero chance I'd take her back if she's hooking up with other people in the mean time.
You should never take her back whether or not she’s getting clapped by someone else. The argument and ghosting you was the end of the relationship. There should be no reason to contact her at all. Us men need to stop being so weak and just accept cold hard reality.
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@@standground8284Yep.
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@@LeeEverett1 Don't feel bad about reliving memories in your head. It's important for your good health. For me, I love remembering all the great times and thinking her new dude ain't what I was. It gives me satisfaction even as I date women now. Get on your horse, get in the best shape of your life and volunteer. I've met so many single women volunteering for environmental trail clearing and animal shelters that The woman that ghosted me seems pathetic now.
trust issues? maybe thats why he didnt stick around or was deeply hurt by the breakup and or maybe found someone better that matches each other..could be a list of things...also it was just his or her turn some say but be grateful for the times you shared together,,life is short
@@ISABEL_OF42 it’s a really long story.. but to cut it short 8 years ago I was dating a girl and I ended up leaving her for another girl while still in the relationship we were on and off. We lasted about 6 years and we both cheated on each other.. except I fell for the person I got with. Monkey branched in some sense. This girl seemed perfect to me we dated for a year and a half except she was always on and off with me she would show me attention and then go completely cold on me. I now discovered she’s a dismissive avoidant. 2 months ago I was out with her and I invited a friend out with us and i introduced the two of them. They instantly clicked and I noticed it. Next day I found out they followed each other and liked each others pics.. she told me it was nothing and I let it go.. that Same weekend she went out with him and I lost it I went off on her and told her to never talk to me again. 2 weeks later I decided to reach out and as I’m about to I look online and I see that she’s having drinks with him at her apartment and she admitted to hooking up with him.. I got really messed up over it and acted up and tried to fight him and said a lot of bad things to her. It’s been 2-3 months and they seem to be very happy together not caring about my feelings at all. They are traveling and going to concerts and he has even met her family which I rarely did. Long story short everything I put my previous partner thru is exactly what my last part did to me. Like they say anything built on tears will never stand. I had my karma coming to me and it was served x10 at least it felt like it. But at the end of the day the pain has showed me how not to treat others and has made me self reflect on how I can be better mentally and physically. There’s so much more that happened but it’s to long lol
@@SNEAKVS it seems that both of your relationships were terrible as you admitted that you and first partner were cheating on each other. The girl that you cheated with and got into a relationship with cheated on you and you’re surprised by that!?! Why should she ever have taken you seriously when she knew it was a matter of time before you did the same to her? She played it safe and you should be happy for them both instead of trying to fight two people in love. You even introduced them so maybe you’ll get a wedding invite one day, be thankful that they’re happy, don’t be selfish all the time.
My ex continued to reach out after we broke up and she entered a rebound. Im not convinced she thought through exactly what she was doing. I noticed a change in her when she realised i wasn't going to fight for her to change her mind. Been 5 months now and heard nothing from her for 1 month. I also dont think she realises that she will never hear or see me again for the rest of her life. As other 'real' men have said, once they do this, you cannot under any circumstances go back. Truth is they have probably done it in the past and been chased to come back. Be the one to break the pattern and instead of massaging their ego, strengthen your armour as a man instead. Believe me it feels great. Your credibility as a man is far more important than chasing a woman that opened her legs for another man whilst really they should be grieving your break up like you are.
This is my exact situation! He left me for a coworker. I wasn’t mentally available I was going through a lot and I neglected our intimacy and affection towards him. What’s crazy is he’s the third guy she’s dated from that job! I would have never thought he’d want to be with her especially since the last guys still works there!
My ex gf left me 4.5 months ago for some other guy. Been in NC the entire time except when she reached out to me during the holidays. Starting to lose hope and feel like her new relationship is gonna last forever.
I don't think my ex is coming back, she is dating someone else and they look happy. It sucks but I guess that is life. Hopefully when I get my career more on track I will find someone else.
I just can’t believe that my ex is such a 1000% obvious narcissist. I didn’t have the knowledge at the time, but she is a textbook malignant narcissist. Everything she does fits. I mean EVERYTHING! 😮
Our child died and three months later he broke up with me and I was still in love with him. He then go with someone else and got her pregnant. Two weeks after our passed away child’s birthday. I don’t believe he ever loved me at all.
@@CoachKenhe doesn’t deserve her. What an absolute low life. Consider yourself finished with the malignant creature and never go back. So so sorry for the loss of your child.
It doesn't make me want to remind them what we had though a part of me wishes they would realise it on their own. Really it just makes me feel what we had is now truly gone and I was easily replaceable, and that simply makes me feel like shit considering she told me I was her person, wanted to marry me, planned the future with me, then abruptly discarded the relationship. I don't want to contact my ex if she is in a new relationship and I never feel a compulsion to because I know at this point she isn't interested in me and it would be pathetic to reach out. Not contacting doesn't make the pain go away unfortunately, or stop me thinking about her, I'm struggling with that aspect.
We been together for 3 yrs She went to rehab and found somebody else and we have a son together it hurts but nothing i can do its a struggle but I have to get over it
This is exactly what I’m going through. I was with her through her darkest times & helped out. I saw the worst side of her & experienced it all. She was an alcoholic. Now that she is sober & doing well, this new guy gets the best sides of her. Totally unfair
Is there a chance that she doesn’t respect for putting up with her at her worst? Why not be thankful that she’s recovered and moving on with life in a much better place. If she no longer values your companionship then move on life as she has. You’re allowed to date other women.
I think I need to move on. She loves me but is not in love with me. She left for a rich bachelor. Our kids are upset. She wants me to move out and her to come back, but for me to pay for everything "for the kids benefit". Screw that. She knows I'd be willing to have her back, so she is feeling no consequences. I have nothing to lose, so I may as well tell her that come back or i sell up. But that us almost emotional blackmail and wouldn't work anyway. Now I'm confused again..
I was with my ex for 20 yrs ( we weren't married and have a 19 yr old son) and my ex cheated and ultimately chose the other woman and i found out on social media that after being separated for only 9 my ex married her and they had a baby and this has messed me up on multiple levels, it's been a little over a year and through watching videos like this i feel like im slowly getting better and working on myself
I dont think shes coming back its been 5 months and she has a new boy in her life. We were childhood lovers and dated on and off for 4 years in college. Not a peep from her I think shes really done. Still hurts like hell everyday.
You cover how he seeks to talk to the other because it makes him feel good about himself but in some situations it's more than feeling good about himself it's that sex is the main focus of the encounter and that is the real focus. Not all situations may be like that but when it is it changes this particular scenario.
I'm sorry but there are no exceptions even if there was a death in the family. Once someone is with someone else, I can't take them back But only for sex. I don't know how many other men feel the same way.
Nope, this is lame activity. An ex is not worth wasting any time, energy, resources or sperm over. They deserve absolutely nothing. Going to an ex even for sex is lame, weak and looks desperate af. If you can’t get action elsewhere then at least pretend like it.
I hate to break it to you love birds, but most people do not come back. They move on to something better for them or stay single a long time, and even if they miss you, ego controls most people and they won’t want to admit their mistakes. No contact is for YOU to move on, heal, and meet someone better for you. Don’t wait on anyone. Move on with your new lessons.
@@CoachKen. I don't think their take on it is so bad, and it's ok if you disagree with it. Years ago I had a breakup after several months. The way we met and broke up seemed so poetic. I called twice a couple of weeks after, she sounded quite done. A year later I get a few uncanny signs that happened almost simultaneously when I'd think of her. She never called. I believe her ego and strong personality was too much. She moved on. Years later it still hits me a little. I no longer believe in fate or a magical connection.
I don’t thinks there is anything wrong with his opinion on the matter. I disagree with the ego part and people not admitting mistakes. I think it’s a mistake for people to consider getting back with an ex. It’s seems the people with the egos are the individuals who got dumped and they think so highly of themselves; the “audacity of them to dump me” type of individuals. I’ve dumped women and I’ve been dumped. Once a relationship ended I’ve never cared to speak with them again. Some came back and want to talk reconcile but I always convince them to that they could do better than returning to a failed relationship.
I dumped my girlfriend because she would always make me feel like I was not a priority. She would do more things for strangers or for new people in her life than for me (one of this strangers was the reason for our breakup and two weeks later became her boyfriend). I would always tell her how she made me feel but she just ignored me and manipulated me into believing that I was making her feel bad whenever I respectfully told her how I felt. In the end this became draining and overwhelming for me and had to pull the plug :(
@@CoachKen That’s exactly what I just went through. I’m in 3 months of NC after she broke up with me. Every time I adjust my schedule to give more quality time, stay at her house 4 nights each week as she desired, showed constant love and affection, talked about marriage and whatever she needed. She was abandoned by dad early childhood, moved to many cities with mom and told me she had trust issues. I still told her I’m here for her. But she would always tell me that I didn’t love her, that I’m not telling her the truth about where I am, that my actions don’t match my words, and always TELLING ME how I feel and not listening to me tell her how she makes me feel. Then came the disrespectful talk towards me. I would explain to her how she’s being disrespectful but turned it around to me not validating her feelings She said was not being disrespectful by expressing her feelings. Then her single friends convinced her to leave as well. Man, I miss her, truly a love I thought we both wanted. So many issues and refused to address them.
ADD here. Feeling the pain. I recognized he was a drama queen… I don’t wanna play out the drama. Don’t want games. Don’t want to be an option. … Have attempted to talk things out… nope… He texted me for nearly 2 months telling me how me missed me… and breaking up is hard to do… but not anything about how he had changed his mind.
They're with someone new. You're nothing. Your ex is not thinking at all on you. Leave them alone living their love. Respect thei relationship. Eventually, we'll find someone else
She did a 180 after 2 months. I think she was separated from someone and he came back. Im in no contact 2 weeks now and dating 2 other women . I wish she would cone back, there was something about her but we'll see. It's a 50/50
Nope. He's their problem now. Maybe he won't be as distant and neglectful of that relationship. But chances are high that once their honeymoon period is over they'll probably experience the same treatment l had from him. l'm not even waiting once l'm out this "whatever it is", l've already reconciled to this end and l'm basically already gone. Time for some fun and joy in my life. lmma throw these shackles away and never looking back.
10 year relationship, just had 2 kids (1/3), broke up with on a monday, on wednesday found out shes attempting to marry a man in prison. This slightly came out of no where, and trying to pick up the pieces. Been working on myself for a few weeks now, and changing my self and outlook on things. Not really handling this no contact well, especially with our kids.
I broke up with her in an argument and came back 4 days later to apologize and fix things . After 3 days of begging I realize that she dates someone new . Idk what to do help😢
What if they LEAVE you for someone else? Whenever that's happened, I can feel that she's instantly lost all interest, attraction and feelings for me, even if the week prior she was giving me lustful looks of passion, telling me how much she loves me, and was planning our next vacation together. The instant she meets another guy who gives her butterflies, everything she felt for you evaporates. The one I'm going through right now especially hurts because after being hurt and betrayed before, I had my walls up. But she spent 3 years chipping away at them, and proving over and over again that when other girls would leave, she'll stay. Finally, she'd proved herself enough that I finally gave in and believed 100% that I could trust her, and that she'd never just up and leave me for someone else. Less than a week later she met someone else and up and left me.
I keep thinking that even if we were together she would have always found THIS GUY or some other guy. Which makes me feel extremely insecure that i could ever take her back now. She chose someone else.
Be thankful that the coworker took her off your hands. He’s only using her for convenience and he likely will never take her seriously since she cheated on you with him.
I will never take back an ex who moves on to a new person. If they dump me to see if this new person is better, there is no way in hell they are coming back when they realise what they lost. Doesn't matter how much I want them back my dignity would never allow me to do this ever.
♥
Agreed
Dam straight ❤
That's a smart move.
From my experience… sometimes the best thing is to let them date others so they can learn about themselves and realize what they had.
never ever go back to someone who cheats, it will never be the same, trust me...
Well said hun 😊
Facts, you can’t trust them the same. You’ll sheets have doubts or will be second guessing everything.
And you'll destroy yourself the more you continue to try and be with them without any trust.
It's funny because they technically aren't.. but to the person who got dumped and still loves them, it sure feels that way.. Yeah it's even more heartbreaking because you don't feel like they even care about you because they must know it hurt you but they still do it. So they don't care about you hurting
once they cheat,,all trust is lost unless you are a simpleton,idiot,moron,desperate to take them back and have it all happen again at some point and be even more devastated than the first time,,,move forwards not backwards in life and always remember......it was just your turn
Good luck to my ex and her rebound. Bullet dodged!! 10 years together and dropped like a hot stone. I deserve sooo much better. Move on!
I need to have this mentality right now
@@Whatsthedealio1977it will come bro, I'm at the 6 week mark you'll realise fuck em, they don't give a fuck nor do they love you enough to fight for you like you would have for them. They don't deserve the love you have to give. Just focus on what was their red flags, what made them a hoe. It's gonna be hard, you'll be crying every day, but stay strong and keep the faith
Same shit only mine is 6 years..... She was sleeping around in days and I finally moved on after about 3 or 4 weeks only but now immediately her sensing that and not getting any energy from me she wants to come back..... Crazy
Good!
Same here. I'm currently going through it as we speak. We were together 8 years dropped like a hot potato and she is screwing around with some musician / loser on Facebook. She is following him around like a groupie.
The more I don't want to watch these videos, the more I find myself watching these videos. For me, it gets me through each day and gives me more confidence in my path, wherever that path may lead.
I’m hearing ya 👍
If you spent any significant amount of time with them, loved and cared for them, sacrificed for them, you likely had a powerful impact on their life, and thats going to follow them around like a shadow. They might have someone new on their arm, but even toxic people at some point realize what they lost. Your discard will only make you a stronger, more loving, more vigilant person. One that could never stomach to take them back!
Many cases that's true - but sometimes good people mistakenly leave a relationship because they don't see the way back to make it work - other times one of them is toxic. Depends on the situation
I had to learn the hard way😢
Not necessarily. Sometimes it’s the end of the relationship and they enjoyed it while it lasted, remembering the good times. I never think a breakup is a mistake. The mistake is dwelling over it or even worse attempting to get back in the relationship. Being alone is better than trying to get back with someone you broke up with, that reeks of loneliness and desperation.
Everyone in the comments saying if someone leaves me I will never blah blah. That implies you were perfect in the relationship. But if you screwed up and they were right to leave you, then videos like this make more sense
Yes!! You’re most definitely right….instead of judging your ex understand them….and if they want to come back then work together and go to therapy etc.
There is screwing up and there is sleeping with someone else. Somethings are unforgivable.
So true, it’s never one-sided.
Mine was on apps while we were still together trying to work stuff out. He dumped me after going on a date with the new girl. How's that okay? We were engaged.
was a rebound and dumpee of a fresh divorce.she reached out a few times in 6 months but stayed in NC to heal and regain my power back.some people come in your life for a lesson or blessing💯
I just can’t comprehend the mind of dumpers. I’ve been in relationships that weren’t the greatest but I have always given them my honest feelings if I think it’s not working out and gave them time to work things out with me. But they always end up breaking it off first. I was with my last girl for over three years and she just lost attraction, left me and immediately hopped onto someone else. It’s just gross, how can people do that? Things were great between us for the most part, but she got bored and didn’t want to work out any of our issues. I wasn’t worth it anymore. I know life is short and blah blah but when you share love with someone for years it seems like you should at least talk it out and try instead of getting horny for someone else and leaving.
💔
I absolutely relate to you on this.
Sorry@@attritionwarrior
I been there and we had a child together (he is mine). She didn't care and she hoped I would kill myself over her. I found someone else, she's bitter about it and still angry towards me. Some people are just pure evil, it's part of life. I was a good man and treated her how any woman wants to be treated, she got bored and moved to a convict who was a prior drug dealer. I'm moving up and she's standing still. Thrive brother, do better, you can do it but it takes time and effort on your part. Make life the best for you and don't try to make anyone happy but yourself because if your happy with who you are, the next person you get with will want to be a part of that.
Unfortunately you’re the exception to the rule.
Coach Ken has an unreal way of making people feel better and giving hope.
Much appreciated Mr. Meigi!
If they're dating someone. That's fine for me. Huge deal breaker. I'll move on and not look back.😊
God. Knows. The. True about. All things. Cant keep. Hurting. People. Krama. Is. Real.
thats the best thing you can because the trust will never be the same after anyway
once they leave for someone else,,move on and never look back
Thanks for giving us strength to move on with our lives and become the best version of ourselves 🥰
My ex was with someone else the day we broke up. I would never take my ex back. For me, no contact is a lifestyle.
man what the hell! this guy chose to wake up and explain exactly what Im going through right now. Who let him in my mind? Great video ofcourse brother
Everything about your rebound example is true. My relationship fell apart for these exact reasons. A difference in opinion that we could never resolve and I felt unheard and ignored to the point we broke up. It saddens me that it could have been resolved so easily had they been willing to sit down and talk and make that effort to make me feel heard.
Been there my friend. Drove me to a dark place - being avoided and stonewalled when the only request is a conversation is a relationship killer. Only one outcome. Hence, emotional intelligence and open communication are the ultimate things to look for in the next person.
You CANNOT make some converse or emote, if they don’t know how. It was never part of their upbringing. It was something they were never taught. They never had role models, namely their parents. They most likely will never understand the importance of both things. Mine didn’t. I gave up trying to get him to understand how it was tearing us apart. Turn around and walk away. Live your life happily by yourself, or, at least until you find someone who has the same communication skills and emotional IQ as you do.
I wish I had seen understood and valued my woman more , I loved her so much we were such a good team but I was too blind fearful and stubborn
You took the words right out of my mouth. Almost 7 years... I barely gave her the direct and open attention and love she deserved. Moments like these make you wish for a time machine.
@@Orangejuice9000 I gave so much attention , but she wanted freedom
Damn, this guy is good. Probably one of the better coaches I’ve seen on UA-cam. Hope your channel blows up. I got something out of this for sure.
Every time we break up he gets with someone else. I however couldn’t imagine that. I know I’d never in a million years ever take him back even as a friend. He’s shown his true colors over and over. This video finally helped me. Out of all the videos this is exactly how I’m feeling. ADHD, over thinker, analytical, always knew it would never work between us. Less than 2 yrs married with extensive verbal abuse and the topper physical. NEVER AGAIN! They usually have an alternative relationship to go to directly from you . Blessings and strength to all of you
Ken, your videos are like nothing else available. Please make more! Seriously, one of these per week and we will eat this content up.
That’s exactly what I’m doing. It makes no sense to engage in the competition mentality with a stranger. It’s a loose loose situation to entertain ourselves with inaccurate, misleading information given by third parties. Even if the so called “friends” tell you that your ex traded you for someone lesser than you.
Cutting off and love myself first.
That instinct to fight to get them back is primal and intense, especially when another man is taking your place right away. But all you have the power to do is push her further into his arms by fighting for her.
I disagree. That’s not the first instinct or primal, if anything it’s desperation. I view it as the relationship ended so anything involving her in any capacity is absolutely none of my business. There is no benefit in pursuing a failed relationship whether you dumped the other person or vice versa. Life is too short to chase someone who prefers someone else. If they attempt to return, encourage them to continue searching elsewhere as there is no need to convince someone to return to a failed experience.
Damn… I just left the jewelry store and was on my way to the airport! Whew… thanks for stopping me!
Note for future self: they can tell you that you're family. They can tell you that you're their whole world. They can tell you they wouldn't see themselves with anybody else. But when all they do for you is say those words, run.
Happened to me, and the words gave me false confidence & didn`t run at all - Left me in this desolate state i am in now, coz he took the next best he can promise the stars again.....
@@Cl4rendon for me it has been like 6 months. I'm okay now. More than okay, you actually get duller and duller. Setting goals and achievements to work on is a great help to survive your day. Go to the gym, study something you like, get results. Clean your house. Feel good about it. Be sad, cry and think about all that if you feel like it. It's not like avoiding the pain helps you grow or overcome that. In the end I can tell you first hand it's true that your point of view on lots of stuff changes, that you learn to love yourself more and that the pain gradually fades. I don't like being dull but at least i'm not sad about the cheating and the narcissistic abuse. Sometimes my friends tell me how she's failing badly at life ever since i stopped having a positive influence on her. Edgy pics on instagram, random life choices, tattoos when she never cared, everyone even suspects she's doing drugs with the new guy, low self care in general. She even does victimist posts where she thanks the (new) love of her life for being with her "this whole time" (it was actually me for 6 years but okay), and her abusive mom for taking care of her (she is the reason her daughter went to the hospital three times). It makes me feel really disappointed. Sometimes i even laugh about it. But sadness? Nah. I don't miss her. Again, you're not forced to feel okay. You can miss how you felt and who you used to believe they were. Another important thing. The one with issues always reflects them in relationships. People who don't take accountability cheat and blame as she did with me. They get into new relationships immediately after. Force things. Rush for emotional attachment. And honestly. They deserve to burn in hell. You will be okay if you take care. Just be patient and endure those rough days. The one with issues runs away and does so much self sabotage.
I resent these „never take someone back“ comments a lot.
If you truly love someone you allow them to change for the better and you allow them to make mistakes, especially if they don’t cheat.
Amen - it's a limited view of a situation that has many many different causes and significant details - but hurt and anger cause people to blanket condemn too many times
why would you take someone back if they left you for someone else? smh
@@robertswift6101 I just explained it to you. Because people make mistakes.
@@kibbit1373 yes people make mistakes but in relationships i find they also make poor choices in partners and that reflects back on them
@@kibbit1373 Someone who breaks up with you is not making a mistake. The mistake is going’s back to someone you broke up with when being alone is far better. I’ve had women break up with me and try to convince me that they made a mistake.
I’ve always convinced them that they could do far better and they should never return to a failed relationship. That reeks of desperation and fear of being alone. I get the people make mistakes, but ending a relationship is never a mistake and 2nd chances aren’t for cheaters or relationships. Those are always one and done situations. People try to fight that reality and refuse to accept it instead of embracing it.
The question is, do you want to be their Plan B?? And when will you be a Plan B again if you do work it out with them?!
Is that what plan b means
exactly,,never be a plan B option,know yourself worth and value
Been a little over 5.5 months since the break up. Still with her other guy she got with a week after. 4 months of bread crumbs, saw a story of that guy on her page today. Still stings but stings a little less. Head up and have hope.
Stay strong, any changes in the story?
@@fatalistoxog_2230 shes still with the guy last reach out was in april by her. dont really care anymore been over a year
yeah what happened in this 7 months
@@ehussle323 litterally got a text this am after zero contact since april lol
what happened ?
WOW - NEEDED THIS. MY HUSBAND OF 10 YEARS AND I WERE GOING THROUGH A ROUGH PATCH FOR A WHILE. I WAS UNHAPPY, GETTING DISRESPECT, KNEW I SHOULD LEAVE AND OUR TIME WAS POSSIBLE DONE, HE WOULDN'T DO COUNSLING OR WORK ON OUR ISSUES.... HE PULLED THE PLUG AND 2 WEEKS LATER GOT A TEENAGE COWORKER PREGNANT ( WE ARE IN OUR 40'S ) AND HE MOVED HER IN ( EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE KIDS ) THE BETRAYL AND HURT WAS BEYOND MEASURE. NOW UNDERSTANDING WHY HE TOOK THAT ROUTE.... THANKS KEN
Wait, what, he moved her into the house with you?
Yeah that's rough having her live with you all. She's in her teenage years and his in his 40s?
I love this video! " Not gonna compete with limerence" . He started dating someone I felt was beneath me, and Im dealing with how I feel about it. This video definitely helped. +
I wish all I was thinking about right now was a Blue Elephant! Thanks Coach Ken for your videos!!
WOW. So much in this video. Rich, insightful, and accessible reasonings. Thank you. I read comments about why taking someone back who moved on is anathema. That’s an absolutist approach. My first husband cheated on me early on in our marriage. I forgave him and our marriage survived until he passed away 8 years later. We not only survived we were stronger. I had an affair after 4 years in my second marriage. He forgave me, and we survived for 25 years since that situation. I’m willing to look beyond my ex’s possible interest before and his possibly seeing her since the breakup - as painful as it is. I don’t remember feeling this much pain and loss. It can happen. That’s why I am not giving up on my ex. I’ve been on both sides of the equation where we were good people, and love prevailed.
Wow!
What a great presenter of facts you are Coach Ken, you having the knowledge on a subject I didn’t need just a month ago, but is so crucial to me at this time, after having just begun my breakup process where she’s seeing someone new.
Thank you,
*Subscribed!*
Very kind and gracious of you to say!
Thank you. Struggling and really needed this today.
Have a hug😊
Watching and hearing this gives me anxiety over my ex!
Early stages (months) of no contact is like being set on fire and nothing can calm you. But if you listen to what he's saying you'll start to see that he's right on the money and you'll even start settling into a small amount of acceptance. It's been 9 months for me and I still hurt badly most of the time and panic occasionally but these videos do take the edge off the panic most of the time.
Dude. Those last 5 minutes hit home. Spot on.
No way I’m not going back they can keep each other 😊I’m going to love my new life ❤
Absolutely insane how this was my exact situation to a tee. It felt like you were talking directly to me.. helped a lot!
Ken - Your videos are the best. Only thing I wish is that you posted videos more frequently!
NC for almost four weeks, he broke up during an argument but then we talked it through on the phone and in person and parted on good terms, however i was fighting the breakup during these first few days of talks. after two weeks i posted my first ig story since the breakup and he watched it and didn’t react, but then at night he came back and liked it. Two days ago i added a post and same situation, he was online a few times (yes i’m still checking..) and a day later liked it. To me it shows that it’s not spontanious liking so seems more meaningful (am i delusional?) I feel soooo weird with not reaching out to him after that, i feel like i’m rejecting him. The hardest part of NC for me is that i LOVE taking action, trying hard, and also control… I have ADHD and OCD so it’s really outside of the comfort zone for me 😅
It’s the same story all the times! We need to be strong! We need to value ourselves! I know it’s tooooooo hard but we still can do it!
I agree… on paper you could be a really good match based on values, but the problem is it’s going to be really hard to compromise in the areas where your personalities are just off. Like the guy I was with was just a jerk. He was critical of women, he was negative af, always talking poorly about everything going on in his life. When you’re not like that, stuff transfers to you. You become more negative and eventually they will see this and suddenly they have an issue with negative people… don’t know if you guys have ever gone through this but the stuff you don’t like in someone are always things that are yours too. There are people who don’t take accountability and they are trying to replace their mothers. They haven’t healed at all, but they think they’re perfect just as they are. Also watch out for those who try to play with your emotions from the get go, especially when they are just victim of everything … ugh. Guys take a long time to grow the f up
Wow !!! are you ever good. My ex left and right away started a relationship with another woman,. I did not pursue him and after a few years they broke up. Everything you said made sense to me.
You make it make so much sense. Overthinking the trying not to think about them. The desperation. The trying to figure out why it ended so abruptly. Believing lies and still hoping. "Voice of pain" "Hope with a different voice" so grateful to hear you.
With my husband 24 years (with 3 now adult children) We were always total opposites and I figured that must be what made us work!! But in October last year he left because he had just lost all attraction and wanted to find greener grass….. he found it within just a few weeks and moved in with her and her kids. So he’s with her now but it’s clear she’s just filling a void. I need to commit to no contact after failing so many times. Except now I want to do it to move on and not to get him back. Your videos are amazing, thank you!
Wow ....my wife of 25 years left me for a co worker of hers.....we have 2 grown daughters and kne is expecting her second child,our second grandchild,and my ex wants nothing to do with her children or grandchildren.....she said" they are grown now,they don't need their mother....I have done my job!" Can you believe that??!!
I hope you are doing well now ......good luck to you
The correct reaction is to hard disconnect exit and move on, as their problems are no longer yours. Calmly and cleanly exit and go fully disconnect - its not your circus and not your monkeys branching. No contact means just that... once your trash is on the kerb it stays there for garbage collection.
Thank you Ken, you're saving my life, literally.
Move on. She left you for a reason, if she thought she saw a future with you she wouldn't have moved on. Don't think their is help because there isn't. Work on yourself and when you feel you're ready to move on do it.
Wow, I thought I had made a very serious mistake right after she broke up with me because I sent her a text explaining precisely the reasons why I had acted so negligently and without begging her to come back (basically what you explain is okay to do). I thought that was breaking zero contact and, as a grand gesture, it would ruin everything instead of fixing it. Now I see that it is not.
However, although it has been more than two years since that and it no longer hurts like before, I have to say that it was of no use. She's still with that guy and has never, ever contacted me. 😕
What hurts me now is that we knew each other for 20 years, we were more or less friends, this was the second time we tried it a long time later (so yes exes come back), but it's as if she had forgotten and rejected everything of and about me, love, friendship, everything. As if I had never existed.
Sorry buddy. To some people,nothing is sacred.
Thank you for sharing your experience & best wishes for a full recovery....
I am also around the 2 year post break up mark....
I do not know exactly when my break up was....
She simply slowly faded away & I have not heard from her since....
In moments of weakness, (& even though I am aware of "my own bullshit"), I brokeno contact twice in the past year (mid June & just a week or so ago)....
In 53 years of life, have I ever known anyone so adamant & resolute in wanting absolutely nothing to do with me...
@@georgelowe2881
Yes. To be clear, I never cheated on her or was unfaithful to her. What I explained in the texts right after she broke up with me was that I was sorry for acting so scared, that I didn't expect her to come back and that, since this would be our second time, I wanted it to truely work; That added pressure to the situation and made me act like that, like a fearful avoidant [note: coaches are very right when they say that after the breakup we have to grow and look to repair those aspects of our life and character that could harm us].
I have always loved her, and when I didn't, I have always appreciated her. She is a fantastic and proactive girl. That is to say, whether she contacted me again or not, I would like her to do so to hear from her. With peace of mind.
After the texts, paradoxically the fact that she was already with someone else helped me stay in zero contact. I don't think it's very appropriate to bother her at that time: it's like invading a personal space in which you haven't been invited. But equally, after more than two years after the break, I do think that a mini4mum of "how are you?" or similar, at least to honor our friendship, would have made this less sad.
Nice advice. Your the best coach.
Thank you coach I’m going through a 10 year break up right now I needed this one
You got this!
@ it’s crazy because today I had no contact for a month she called saying she wants me back
I did this. I started dating right after he ghosted me and didn’t pick up my phone or texts. I met someone great a few weeks after and my ex got really really mad at me for moving on so quickly but I had no choice but to move on. I was discarded out of the blue and he kept on ghosting me for months on and off. But it’s true, I still thought about him. It doesn’t mean that I got over the feelings but daring someone new has def helped (and he’s aware of the situation).
*Great video, Coach Ken!* I agree with pretty much everything you stated. If you have an articulate, calm understanding conversation while breaking up, why should there be any follow up conversations or keeping tabs on an ex in any capacity?
Breaking up someone is a well executed planned decision. If I truly cared about and loved someone then I wouldn’t put them in a position to return to a failed relationship with me.
Isn’t growth and maturity- Admitting that you failed them, that you let them down, you sincerely apologize and you explain that understand how you hurt them, where you feel short of their expectations, etc. After that, that’s the end of your relationship and you should route for them to find someone who gives them what they want (something you failed to do). Am I wrong? Are people really that self centered, thinking that they’re everyone’s best option?
Either way, I’ve witnessed too many people who were hung up an ex on to find the “love of their life” in another relationship down the road. I’ve never dated the same person twice, a break is a break up and I’ve never been remotely curious to look up an ex in any capacity. Knowing any information on an ex is a waste of time and unproductive.
Great advice. I wanted to book a call for today but you’re booked and sometimes I need that INSTANT pep talk. But I get it! This video will do for now. 😢
email me at coachken@dotheyloveme.com and I'll let you know when I get a postpone or cancellation
I have to say this is the best video and the best deliverance of all I've watched. Helpful in more ways than one, just confirming the things i feel are true but needed to hear from someone else. Thank you.
My now ex of 6 months literally ghosted/blocked me on everything after an argument 10 days ago and we've been in no contact since (didn't have a choice on my end due to the block).
I keep thinking in my mind she's getting her cheeks clapped by someone else as a rebound and it makes me angry. Zero chance I'd take her back if she's hooking up with other people in the mean time.
Same exact situation
You should never take her back whether or not she’s getting clapped by someone else. The argument and ghosting you was the end of the relationship. There should be no reason to contact her at all. Us men need to stop being so weak and just accept cold hard reality.
@@standground8284Yep.
@@LeeEverett1 Don't feel bad about reliving memories in your head. It's important for your good health.
For me, I love remembering all the great times and thinking her new dude ain't what I was. It gives me satisfaction even as I date women now. Get on your horse, get in the best shape of your life and volunteer. I've met so many single women volunteering for environmental trail clearing and animal shelters that The woman that ghosted me seems pathetic now.
Thanks!
Thank you again Benitha!
Great video, very thought provoking and resonated deeply with my break up ❤
Its been almost 2 years.. he is still with the rebound/new girl.. we loved each other so much but obviously he didn’t love me enough to stick around.
trust issues? maybe thats why he didnt stick around or was deeply hurt by the breakup and or maybe found someone better that matches each other..could be a list of things...also it was just his or her turn some say but be grateful for the times you shared together,,life is short
We were together for 2-3 years. He never changed for me. He started dating someone new 3 days after. And he changed for her, wild
Karma always comes trust me, I did this and it came back to me x10 harder years later
@@ISABEL_OF42 it’s a really long story.. but to cut it short
8 years ago I was dating a girl and I ended up leaving her for another girl while still in the relationship we were on and off. We lasted about 6 years and we both cheated on each other.. except I fell for the person I got with. Monkey branched in some sense.
This girl seemed perfect to me we dated for a year and a half except she was always on and off with me she would show me attention and then go completely cold on me. I now discovered she’s a dismissive avoidant. 2 months ago I was out with her and I invited a friend out with us and i introduced the two of them. They instantly clicked and I noticed it. Next day I found out they followed each other and liked each others pics.. she told me it was nothing and I let it go.. that Same weekend she went out with him and I lost it I went off on her and told her to never talk to me again. 2 weeks later I decided to reach out and as I’m about to I look online and I see that she’s having drinks with him at her apartment and she admitted to hooking up with him.. I got really messed up over it and acted up and tried to fight him and said a lot of bad things to her. It’s been 2-3 months and they seem to be very happy together not caring about my feelings at all. They are traveling and going to concerts and he has even met her family which I rarely did.
Long story short everything I put my previous partner thru is exactly what my last part did to me. Like they say anything built on tears will never stand. I had my karma coming to me and it was served x10 at least it felt like it. But at the end of the day the pain has showed me how not to treat others and has made me self reflect on how I can be better mentally and physically.
There’s so much more that happened but it’s to long lol
@@SNEAKVS it seems that both of your relationships were terrible as you admitted that you and first partner were cheating on each other. The girl that you cheated with and got into a relationship with cheated on you and you’re surprised by that!?! Why should she ever have taken you seriously when she knew it was a matter of time before you did the same to her? She played it safe and you should be happy for them both instead of trying to fight two people in love. You even introduced them so maybe you’ll get a wedding invite one day, be thankful that they’re happy, don’t be selfish all the time.
My ex continued to reach out after we broke up and she entered a rebound. Im not convinced she thought through exactly what she was doing. I noticed a change in her when she realised i wasn't going to fight for her to change her mind. Been 5 months now and heard nothing from her for 1 month. I also dont think she realises that she will never hear or see me again for the rest of her life. As other 'real' men have said, once they do this, you cannot under any circumstances go back. Truth is they have probably done it in the past and been chased to come back. Be the one to break the pattern and instead of massaging their ego, strengthen your armour as a man instead. Believe me it feels great. Your credibility as a man is far more important than chasing a woman that opened her legs for another man whilst really they should be grieving your break up like you are.
I acknowledge and understand Everything you said and it makes so much sense. Thank you.
This is my exact situation! He left me for a coworker. I wasn’t mentally available I was going through a lot and I neglected our intimacy and affection towards him. What’s crazy is he’s the third guy she’s dated from that job! I would have never thought he’d want to be with her especially since the last guys still works there!
My ex gf left me 4.5 months ago for some other guy. Been in NC the entire time except when she reached out to me during the holidays. Starting to lose hope and feel like her new relationship is gonna last forever.
It's hard to move on.
@@jaydub7386 It really is. Still think about her every day, almost 5 months later.
Oh man! I hope I'm not in your position in another 4 months! It's been 2 weeks so far. Hopefully we are either back together or I have moved on.
@@walsie435 what happened
The best is if both do mediation.
Meditation brightens people.
Be like the bear yall. He got a fish in the river , ate it and went back for another fish. Why? Cause plenty of fish😂
I don't think my ex is coming back, she is dating someone else and they look happy. It sucks but I guess that is life. Hopefully when I get my career more on track I will find someone else.
boom!!! focus on career
Wow brother you know your stuff, I needed to hear this. Your awesome 👏 God bless you
you are my fave coach😊🙏🏼
I just can’t believe that my ex is such a 1000% obvious narcissist. I didn’t have the knowledge at the time, but she is a textbook malignant narcissist. Everything she does fits. I mean EVERYTHING! 😮
Our child died and three months later he broke up with me and I was still in love with him. He then go with someone else and got her pregnant. Two weeks after our passed away child’s birthday. I don’t believe he ever loved me at all.
I'm so sorry - that's terrible and I can't imagine how much that hurts. It doesn't sound like he deserves you
@@CoachKenhe doesn’t deserve her. What an absolute low life. Consider yourself finished with the malignant creature and never go back. So so sorry for the loss of your child.
Thank you
I'm so glad!
Yea she wanted me to change to be more like her over time instead of being myself who she claimed to fall in love with to start
Why on earth do we bother getting involved with anyone.
Human nature; it's in our DNA.
It doesn't make me want to remind them what we had though a part of me wishes they would realise it on their own. Really it just makes me feel what we had is now truly gone and I was easily replaceable, and that simply makes me feel like shit considering she told me I was her person, wanted to marry me, planned the future with me, then abruptly discarded the relationship. I don't want to contact my ex if she is in a new relationship and I never feel a compulsion to because I know at this point she isn't interested in me and it would be pathetic to reach out. Not contacting doesn't make the pain go away unfortunately, or stop me thinking about her, I'm struggling with that aspect.
This guy is amazing! A big hey from Arabia Oman 🇴🇲
You really are the best , thank you coach Ken from the UK
This helped so much thank you. Scheduling with you !
We been together for 3 yrs She went to rehab and found somebody else and we have a son together it hurts but nothing i can do its a struggle but I have to get over it
I got similar situation just haven't got baby with her, she left rehab and moved with new guy from rehab, after month, she's pregnant.
There is a huge amount of hooking up in rehab, was a video on YT bout it from a worker in one of
This is exactly what I’m going through. I was with her through her darkest times & helped out. I saw the worst side of her & experienced it all. She was an alcoholic. Now that she is sober & doing well, this new guy gets the best sides of her. Totally unfair
Is there a chance that she doesn’t respect for putting up with her at her worst? Why not be thankful that she’s recovered and moving on with life in a much better place. If she no longer values your companionship then move on life as she has. You’re allowed to date other women.
I think I need to move on.
She loves me but is not in love with me.
She left for a rich bachelor.
Our kids are upset.
She wants me to move out and her to come back, but for me to pay for everything "for the kids benefit".
Screw that.
She knows I'd be willing to have her back, so she is feeling no consequences.
I have nothing to lose, so I may as well tell her that come back or i sell up.
But that us almost emotional blackmail and wouldn't work anyway.
Now I'm confused again..
I was with my ex for 20 yrs ( we weren't married and have a 19 yr old son) and my ex cheated and ultimately chose the other woman and i found out on social media that after being separated for only 9 my ex married her and they had a baby and this has messed me up on multiple levels, it's been a little over a year and through watching videos like this i feel like im slowly getting better and working on myself
thats all you can do trust me is focus on yourself and self healing but also be grateful for the times you had and son you have
I dont think shes coming back its been 5 months and she has a new boy in her life. We were childhood lovers and dated on and off for 4 years in college. Not a peep from her I think shes really done. Still hurts like hell everyday.
it was just your turn,,,some are meant to stay and some go
You cover how he seeks to talk to the other because it makes him feel good about himself but in some situations it's more than feeling good about himself it's that sex is the main focus of the encounter and that is the real focus. Not all situations may be like that but when it is it changes this particular scenario.
Thank you coach - This was something i really needed to hear.
Left you a sub.
This is exactly the situation I have been in for 8 months and she flipped every month. She finally moved out today after 15 years of marriage
I'm sorry but there are no exceptions even if there was a death in the family. Once someone is with someone else, I can't take them back But only for sex. I don't know how many other men feel the same way.
Yup. Once she let’s another man in her, it’s over. Permanently
@@rulonjjji agree with you to the fullest and no not even sex! Just disappeared off the face of the earth and got my power back!
sex only is all they get once they go with someone else
Nope, this is lame activity. An ex is not worth wasting any time, energy, resources or sperm over. They deserve absolutely nothing. Going to an ex even for sex is lame, weak and looks desperate af. If you can’t get action elsewhere then at least pretend like it.
I hate to break it to you love birds, but most people do not come back. They move on to something better for them or stay single a long time, and even if they miss you, ego controls most people and they won’t want to admit their mistakes. No contact is for YOU to move on, heal, and meet someone better for you. Don’t wait on anyone. Move on with your new lessons.
such an obnoxious and condescending comment - disguised as hard truth and strength - go start your own channel
bingo,,,move on...plenty of fish in the sea....it was just your turn
@@CoachKen. I don't think their take on it is so bad, and it's ok if you disagree with it. Years ago I had a breakup after several months. The way we met and broke up seemed so poetic. I called twice a couple of weeks after, she sounded quite done. A year later I get a few uncanny signs that happened almost simultaneously when I'd think of her. She never called. I believe her ego and strong personality was too much. She moved on. Years later it still hits me a little. I no longer believe in fate or a magical connection.
I don’t thinks there is anything wrong with his opinion on the matter. I disagree with the ego part and people not admitting mistakes. I think it’s a mistake for people to consider getting back with an ex. It’s seems the people with the egos are the individuals who got dumped and they think so highly of themselves; the “audacity of them to dump me” type of individuals. I’ve dumped women and I’ve been dumped. Once a relationship ended I’ve never cared to speak with them again. Some came back and want to talk reconcile but I always convince them to that they could do better than returning to a failed relationship.
That's your opinion. Everyone has their own opinion@@standground8284
I dumped my girlfriend because she would always make me feel like I was not a priority. She would do more things for strangers or for new people in her life than for me (one of this strangers was the reason for our breakup and two weeks later became her boyfriend). I would always tell her how she made me feel but she just ignored me and manipulated me into believing that I was making her feel bad whenever I respectfully told her how I felt. In the end this became draining and overwhelming for me and had to pull the plug :(
Sorry for your pain but happy for your strength!
@@CoachKen
That’s exactly what I just went through. I’m in 3 months of NC after she broke up with me. Every time I adjust my schedule to give more quality time, stay at her house 4 nights each week as she desired, showed constant love and affection, talked about marriage and whatever she needed. She was abandoned by dad early childhood, moved to many cities with mom and told me she had trust issues. I still told her I’m here for her.
But she would always tell me that I didn’t love her, that I’m not telling her the truth about where I am, that my actions don’t match my words, and always TELLING ME how I feel and not listening to me tell her how she makes me feel. Then came the disrespectful talk towards me. I would explain to her how she’s being disrespectful but turned it around to me not validating her feelings She said was not being disrespectful by expressing her feelings. Then her single friends convinced her to leave as well. Man, I miss her, truly a love I thought we both wanted. So many issues and refused to address them.
ADD here. Feeling the pain. I recognized he was a drama queen… I don’t wanna play out the drama. Don’t want games. Don’t want to be an option. … Have attempted to talk things out… nope… He texted me for nearly 2 months telling me how me missed me… and breaking up is hard to do… but not anything about how he had changed his mind.
I was told by a psychic i will always be the temporary arrangement!! She was right
😞
They're with someone new. You're nothing. Your ex is not thinking at all on you. Leave them alone living their love. Respect thei relationship. Eventually, we'll find someone else
Then why wouldnt they keep blocking and unblocking watching all my stories wven though they dont follow?
@@Kopite19877 lmao same here, she tried to reach even on linkedin
She did a 180 after 2 months. I think she was separated from someone and he came back. Im in no contact 2 weeks now and dating 2 other women . I wish she would cone back, there was something about her but we'll see. It's a 50/50
.... bro stay single and work on yourself
Update?
Nope. He's their problem now.
Maybe he won't be as distant and neglectful of that relationship.
But chances are high that once their honeymoon period is over they'll probably experience the same treatment l had from him.
l'm not even waiting once l'm out this "whatever it is", l've already reconciled to this end and l'm basically already gone.
Time for some fun and joy in my life. lmma throw these shackles away and never looking back.
10 year relationship, just had 2 kids (1/3), broke up with on a monday, on wednesday found out shes attempting to marry a man in prison. This slightly came out of no where, and trying to pick up the pieces. Been working on myself for a few weeks now, and changing my self and outlook on things. Not really handling this no contact well, especially with our kids.
I broke up with her in an argument and came back 4 days later to apologize and fix things . After 3 days of begging I realize that she dates someone new . Idk what to do help😢
Recover, heal, move on
She was seeing 👀 the person the whole time behind your bac 💯
What if they LEAVE you for someone else? Whenever that's happened, I can feel that she's instantly lost all interest, attraction and feelings for me, even if the week prior she was giving me lustful looks of passion, telling me how much she loves me, and was planning our next vacation together. The instant she meets another guy who gives her butterflies, everything she felt for you evaporates.
The one I'm going through right now especially hurts because after being hurt and betrayed before, I had my walls up. But she spent 3 years chipping away at them, and proving over and over again that when other girls would leave, she'll stay. Finally, she'd proved herself enough that I finally gave in and believed 100% that I could trust her, and that she'd never just up and leave me for someone else.
Less than a week later she met someone else and up and left me.
She's in love with this new guy.. I don't believe there is anything I can do
*This is a very well meaningful video.*
I keep thinking that even if we were together she would have always found THIS GUY or some other guy. Which makes me feel extremely insecure that i could ever take her back now. She chose someone else.
Me and my ex were together 6 years, she monkey branched to a co worker, been nearly a year and they still together. I still sad as I want her back
stay strong and stay focused on healing
Be thankful that the coworker took her off your hands. He’s only using her for convenience and he likely will never take her seriously since she cheated on you with him.
U MY FRIEND ARE A GENIUS
You my friend are very kind
Whoa. This is it.