A waiter at one of my favorite restaurants used to do this. When my girlfriend and I would go, we always hoped we would not get that guy as our waiter. He also had a mustache and a ponytail.
One day I'll find a love so true that they'll hold my hand tightly yet gently while I try not to shit myself at a hipster restaurant.... Ugh I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.
Chris Ducat You know, it’s actually a very interesting concept (I’m farting) one that dates back to old vaudeville performers like Fatty Arbuckle (I’m farting) and Buster Keaton who recognized that truly great humour had to be universal (Im still farting) and appeal to a younger audience as strongly (hold my hand I’m farting) as it would to an older one
When we were kids, my sisters and i recorded a selection of farts on cassette tape. To this day... it's one of my funniest memories. It was a challenge back then ..to get to the recorder in time, have the tape cued up etc....no just grabbing your phone to record. Fart patio...lol.
Girls never fart, stop lying. At least that's what I thought until my former fiancee found me half frozen on a picnic table in a park in a town in Central Czech Republic many years ago, covered in snow and dreaming I was being stalked by wolves and I somehow got transferred to a town in Central Czech Republic and all these people from the company are handing me shots of vodka and homegrown and pointing at me laughing and saying stuff in a language that sounds like when you've bought a bunch of cigarettes and you smoked them all, for whatever reason, in a short time, now you're coughing up all kinds of things and that's the same sounds that make up the Czech language are. And there she is, she was hot, not in her country, because her country is basically like a farm for really hot chicks, about 5'10, mostly natural blonde, blue eyed, fur coats, stiletto cowboy boots, everything perfect, guess they leave because it's so hard to live in a country where everyone's hot, not the men though, men in the Czech Republic can be really good looking dudes, but the vast majority of Czech men ,they themselves admit it, it's like men from rural Virginia where I'm from, you don't fall in love with guys like us over looks, no we sometimes scare children we're so ugly and crazy looking, not all, my dad was very handsome, but your typical Czech or Virginian man, getting mad at us and calling us ugly is like encouraging us to embrace looking inbred, not that we are but a lot of us have wild eyes, and you gotta worry about a boy with wild eyes, it's genetics, or so the scientific community tends to agree on. Anyways, the Farting Queen, she did what had to be done, she saw me stumble out of the bar like a deer that's just been shot, has about 60-75 yards to live before it drops dead, which is about thirty seconds. Yeah, and she was smart, PhD by 24, hot, wicked accent, like she answered to the Kremlin, looked like Trinity from the Matrix, tight buns, Lord Jesus, couldn't drive a block without crashing my car, was crazy because of some medication she didn't talk about, loved our cats and pretty much ripped a massive fart every hour or so. I went to junior high with a bunch of other boys and she farted as much as we accused other boys of beating off in the bathroom and had less shame.
I never had that issue but my mom did. Everyone's gut biome is completely messed up from processed foods. We are still vegan nearly 10 years. All of the other family members have declining health, except us ...
@@oliverram3243 would you ask someone who decided to reject racist thinking if they are still against racism? It is the same concept. Veganism is a moral philosophy which rejects the objectification of nonhumans.
I had this issue when I went vegetarian a few years ago, my digestive system wasn't used to the amount of fiber and raw veggies, but after accustoming my body to it and taking beano, it doesn't affect me like it. I'm also implementing vegan into my diet as well. I guess it's about your diet and the individual persons digestive track and what it's used to and what it can handle.
the fucking captions are so great. "it didn't don't feel like it's not that second he was really good mister racing team and any other stimulated feild landfill in the same thing I just couldn't see sunshine forsake Christians of something"
this episode had me and my husband laughing so much! I eat like this all the time so it doesn't affect me this way, but getting him on juice and extra veggies LOL well its pretty accurate ;)
FYI the flatulence is due to your digestive system not being used to that kind of diet, if you sustain a raw vegan diet your system will adjust and you won’t have the constant toots
🤣🤣🤣 So True, I was in Portland as a long distance mover and my company put an ad on craigslist for helpers to offload a section of a 53' moving trailer. Turns out one of the helper was a vegan. And bloated gas bug 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Guy passed gas in front of everyone 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Vegans & Carnivores; if you're trying to convert the other, how about leading with your head instead of your heart. Hatred & antagonistic rhetoric turn everyone off. To Vegans specifically: offer recipes, samplings of tasty vegan dishes and expose more people to a good, tasty, healthy choice…you will win more converts that way.
Chris Ducat I was asking where tempeh was at a health food store and I was like, "Do you have temp-ay, or temp-uh, or however you say it?" The guy who worked there gave me a pitying look. He was actually nice and helpful, though. I felt like I was living in a Portlandia skit and this was in Springfield, IL! 😂 I didn't know how to pronounce quinoa at first, either!
Eating more salads wouldn't make the difference. It's the raw starch. Raw vegan food is a growing trend. Foods high in starch is actually difficult to digest. This leads to partially digested sugars passing through to the lower intestines where bacteria feast on it leading to gas. Cooking this type of food helps break down the starch. Also partially germinating the food helps as it releases enzymes. For example, with quinoa its recommend cooking it or soaking it for a while to let in germinate.
Hello :) In Hamburg, the Sternschanze, and Berlin's Kreuzberg have some similarities with some parts of Portland. Perhaps you could enjoy them, if you like places of that sort.
Turn on the subtitles. "I wish they had cushions or something" was written as, "Forsake christians for something". Two levels of entertainment right there.
I never wish that farting never becomes the norm. Imagine a hot summer day in a stuffy bus where the driver keeps all the windows shut. At that point you'd rather inhale the exhaust.
I love the way the waitress leans to take the order, in that pseudo spontaneus natural way now managers impose on waiters in some venues, to create closure and some sense of "fun". I mean, it´s much better than the robotic tirany that waiters have to work with around the globe, in a sort of paid-slave fashion. I hope all lean. (I love Portlandia for the details)
For those curious, about 5% of Americans eat enough fiber. If you don't, and then you eat fruits & vegetables like you should, then you're going to be gassy because your gut flora aren't used to it. If you continue to eat enough fiber, then your gut flora adjust within a month and you can eat vegetables all day without getting gassy. The notion that it's normal to be gassy after you eat beans is simply borne of so many people eating low-fiber (i.e., not so great) diets.
Lmao she kneels down to eye level I fucking love this.
I hate it when people touch my arm when they speak to me
Yeah that’s some fuck shit
A waiter at one of my favorite restaurants used to do this. When my girlfriend and I would go, we always hoped we would not get that guy as our waiter. He also had a mustache and a ponytail.
@@gnussyflarkin Did you ever bother to just say "no" to the touching?
@@answerman9933 - He never touched us. He would just always kneel down on one leg to take our order.
One day I'll find a love so true that they'll hold my hand tightly yet gently while I try not to shit myself at a hipster restaurant.... Ugh I'm getting teary-eyed just thinking about it.
Pisces Rain Your comment made me laugh harder than it should've lol
There are dudes who'll pay you to do it
So sweet, I hope you find your person
I laughed so hard I farted 💩
Bonus points if you get them to ride fixies with you and re-enact the fred bike sketch.
Girl's IMDB profile:
Best known for that 4-second no-dialoge role in Portlandia. She farted.
but she's gorgeous
@@ratprophet yeah are vegans allowed to eat the booty?
@@KandiKlover Nothing's off the table when it comes to that
"When in Rome, let that fart foam". Somebody get me a t-shirt.
OMG-- I'd buy one in a heartbeat.
a fart-beat
Lucinda Pimm Lol, perfect! 😂👏💨❤️
but it makes no sense?
You may not be doing it right then.
"Would you hold my hand for a sec? See. Yeah, I just gotta get this fart out." Hahahahah.
Henry C Fisher literally my wife
really upset they didn't call it the "Flatulounge"
That's brilliant!
I was expecting "Flatio"....
i had no idea that flatulounge was an option. But now that i do, I am outraged.
Genius
Bro, you just gave away your idea to thiefs! You could've made that restaurant yourself and be broke!
Why does re-actively saying "I'm farting" somehow elevate this sketch, while still being the same level of humor I enjoyed when I was 12 XD
Chris Ducat You know, it’s actually a very interesting concept (I’m farting) one that dates back to old vaudeville performers like Fatty Arbuckle (I’m farting) and Buster Keaton who recognized that truly great humour had to be universal (Im still farting) and appeal to a younger audience as strongly (hold my hand I’m farting) as it would to an older one
@@assmane999 Yeah I was farting during that whole thing
The mask the sound while talking over it
(I wish I was farting.)
Well, that's definitely enough internet for today.
What is that supposed to mean
@@slartibartfast426 Don't act like you don't know, Slartyfartblast. 😎
Good one.
🤣
lol I know what you mean.
All I want in life is to have someone that could hold my hand as I pass gas.
It's not as wonderful as you might imagine...been there, done that and now I'm divorced.
@@shannonh.n.4046 Was it at least good at the time?
@@Murgatroydian He farted all the time and it was disgusting...
@@shannonh.n.4046 that's the reason why you divorced? I can understand that. Didn't you noticed it before you got married?!
@@shannonh.n.4046 nah you just a betch.
I once got confused and thought the fart patio was the smoking section. Three people went to the hospital. I still get nightmares...
And then I go to the corner and light up a cigar
🤣🤣🤣
I’m surprised you didn’t cause a fireball.
It's a vape section, too, now.
I don't think I'll ever get to an age where I don't find farts funny
Keeleycide Life is over at that point.......
I am 44 and I continue to find more nuianced ways of appreciating the humor in farting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm 38 and i find them funnier and funnier every year! I was almost in tears laughing at this!
Keeleycide my countries humour is very different from US humour. I find a lot of it funny but fart jokes just don't do anything for me
RottingHearts well I'm from England so there are definitely differences with humour but farts are funny to me.
I just seriously almost hyperventilated laughing at this.
Thank You.
These two are beyond funny.
Glad I wasn't in the room with them.
Carrie sold that character! So believable what an amazing job!
She so cute when she said "now I feel all loosey goose" lol
This is exactly what my wife and I were like when we had Jerusalem artichokes for dinner then went to a concert. Could not stop.
The subtitles to this are the greatest thing I have ever witnessed.
I was wondering who else got that
Every raw Vegan typing right now is farting between every word. Lol. Just imagine that when you read their posts hahah
Not true, and the energy and vitality of raw Vegans speaks for itself. :)
Karen Stockton your body is literally eating it's self and that's why you feel the vitality because we were meant to consume flesh.
Meat farts are just as bad, if not worse than vegan farts. Lobster farts are the worst. Bean farts don't have a smell.
J S flatulence is a sign of poor digestion. Fruit destroys nerve insulation. Veganism is libertarianism which can never be supported by logic.
J S
I don’t know what beans you eat that don’t have a bad smell.
Feigning a heart attack or seizure before your next big blast is always a crowd favorite. "Are you OK?!"
"Now I'm all loosey-goosey." Haha!
My sister and I were vegan for a couple years and this is a 100% accurate portrayal of what it was like when we got together.
Not really, I'm vegan and I've been vegetarian for 12 years, no random ass farting.
I was vegetarian for years and took Beano. It works!
just one or two absolutely massive ones where your dog ran for its safety
It goes away if you take digestive enzyms. Im raw vegan and have almost no gas
Raw vegan? Bc im vegan and that never happens lol
When we were kids, my sisters and i recorded a selection of farts on cassette tape. To this day... it's one of my funniest memories.
It was a challenge back then ..to get to the recorder in time, have the tape cued up etc....no just grabbing your phone to record.
Fart patio...lol.
What’s funny is that exactly how I handle my farts. I have to say “I’m farting” every time I farted
ew
Girls never fart, stop lying.
At least that's what I thought until my former fiancee found me half frozen on a picnic table in a park in a town in Central Czech Republic many years ago, covered in snow and dreaming I was being stalked by wolves and I somehow got transferred to a town in Central Czech Republic and all these people from the company are handing me shots of vodka and homegrown and pointing at me laughing and saying stuff in a language that sounds like when you've bought a bunch of cigarettes and you smoked them all, for whatever reason, in a short time, now you're coughing up all kinds of things and that's the same sounds that make up the Czech language are. And there she is, she was hot, not in her country, because her country is basically like a farm for really hot chicks, about 5'10, mostly natural blonde, blue eyed, fur coats, stiletto cowboy boots, everything perfect, guess they leave because it's so hard to live in a country where everyone's hot, not the men though, men in the Czech Republic can be really good looking dudes, but the vast majority of Czech men ,they themselves admit it, it's like men from rural Virginia where I'm from, you don't fall in love with guys like us over looks, no we sometimes scare children we're so ugly and crazy looking, not all, my dad was very handsome, but your typical Czech or Virginian man, getting mad at us and calling us ugly is like encouraging us to embrace looking inbred, not that we are but a lot of us have wild eyes, and you gotta worry about a boy with wild eyes, it's genetics, or so the scientific community tends to agree on. Anyways, the Farting Queen, she did what had to be done, she saw me stumble out of the bar like a deer that's just been shot, has about 60-75 yards to live before it drops dead, which is about thirty seconds. Yeah, and she was smart, PhD by 24, hot, wicked accent, like she answered to the Kremlin, looked like Trinity from the Matrix, tight buns, Lord Jesus, couldn't drive a block without crashing my car, was crazy because of some medication she didn't talk about, loved our cats and pretty much ripped a massive fart every hour or so. I went to junior high with a bunch of other boys and she farted as much as we accused other boys of beating off in the bathroom and had less shame.
Freddy Marcel-Marcum yea no we definitely fart. And we smell them too.
@@freddymarcel-marcum6831 did you just add a random chunk of text between your first and last sentence??
@@lanceseaman88 I dunno man, can't remember.
these guys are so funny and their jokes are so fresh
When I uploaded this, I had turned on the subtitles by mistake. Once I read them...well...I just HAD to leave them! *lol*
Aaron Lazare niiiiiice!
These captions were in a world of their own
Thoughts and prayers to anyone sitting in front of that fan.
Love how casual they are about letting it rip!!
“Shiva salad?” I guess it is meant to destroy your insides.
😂👍
Too many legumes, boOM!😱💨💩
Brilliant
I knew someone would say it. 😂
oxalate salad mmm
"I was farting during that whole thing."
i never really understood this scene but now that i am vegan, i understand this 100% oh my god
You have a lot of gas?
@@garyh4458 yeah
@@wowsaikey nice :3
Yes, that is the perfect emoji for this subject. I like it a lot.
"Wh what was that? ...a little mustard seed?"
For many reasons this is one of my favorite videos ever. Plus, Carrie looks hot with that hair style
I went vegan january 1st. To be honest...i lived on the toilet for like 2 weeks :D once you get past that point its smooth sailing haha
still vegan?
I never had that issue but my mom did. Everyone's gut biome is completely messed up from processed foods.
We are still vegan nearly 10 years. All of the other family members have declining health, except us ...
@@oliverram3243 would you ask someone who decided to reject racist thinking if they are still against racism?
It is the same concept. Veganism is a moral philosophy which rejects the objectification of nonhumans.
@@ASMRyouVEGANyet no it’s not the same concept at all.
@@oliverram3243 do you consider non-human animal lives less valuable and deserving of life solely based on the bodies that they were born into?
I had this issue when I went vegetarian a few years ago, my digestive system wasn't used to the amount of fiber and raw veggies, but after accustoming my body to it and taking beano, it doesn't affect me like it. I'm also implementing vegan into my diet as well.
I guess it's about your diet and the individual persons digestive track and what it's used to and what it can handle.
*plant-based
Veganism is a moral stance against the unnecessary murder and exploitation of non-human animals ✌🏼
I absolutely hate fart related humor but this is fucking hilarious!!! The fan kills me
Carrie looks so pretty!! 💓💓
I love this sketch so much
The captions are pure gold!
I like to pull an invisible train whistle when I fart.
pointlessfailure pretty sure my husband does that too. 😂
the waitress positions at eye level!!.....what a mood!....
all this sketches are genious!!
I've never laughed that hard until today!!! 🤣🤣🤣
Thank you for this show 🤣
the fucking captions are so great.
"it didn't don't feel like it's not that second he was really good mister racing team and any other stimulated feild landfill in the same thing I just couldn't see sunshine forsake Christians of something"
Lesson learned: do not watch this while putting on mascara. Disastrous results. Lol!!
🤣🤣🤣
this episode had me and my husband laughing so much! I eat like this all the time so it doesn't affect me this way, but getting him on juice and extra veggies LOL well its pretty accurate ;)
The accuracy is impeccable
"When in roam let that fart foam" XD
Rome
That bubble-guts sound at 0:38 had me wondering if there was an aquarium nearby??
The first time I ever ate a raw restaurant this was pretty much what happened!
You ate the entire restaurant? Damn! You must have been starving.
FYI the flatulence is due to your digestive system not being used to that kind of diet, if you sustain a raw vegan diet your system will adjust and you won’t have the constant toots
@Los Fromla triggered
@@ahumanaperson Been at it for five years and the farting continues. Fart on fellow farter.🙊
@@ahumanaperson no it will not, that just proves that you are not human
Was that girl at the end Eugenia Cooney? It looked just like her
Eugenia can't fart cause she doesn't eat
@@MionMikan she does now! Yay!
I thought the same thing!!!
I was wondering the same thing, but I don’t think it is.
No. Too heavy.
"I'm farting" straight face and kept talking thats the kind of confidence I need lol
Fart patio...genius! Love from the UK
I was laughing through this entire skit. LOL
As a vegan myself I can def say that I farted WAY more before lol
FART AREA PART KILLED ME 😂
Portlandia is my new fave!!! This one was awesome!!!
Never laughed so much at a fart joke.... well done.
It's hard to believe that something like Portlandia and Duck Dynasty exist in the same universe.
🤣🤣🤣 So True, I was in Portland as a long distance mover and my company put an ad on craigslist for helpers to offload a section of a 53' moving trailer.
Turns out one of the helper was a vegan. And bloated gas bug 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Guy passed gas in front of everyone 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
My stomach hurts from laughter. Oh God, I'm crying.
Long drawn-out yet intelligent fart joke commences at 0:50.
"Now I'm all loosey goosey" Lols
Sorry, why can’t I stop laughing? And I haven’t even had my coffee 😂
Oh my...!! this is so real and so funny!
I looked and apparently this is a real restaurant in Portland. Interesting. :)
Vegans & Carnivores; if you're trying to convert the other, how about leading with your head instead of your heart. Hatred & antagonistic rhetoric turn everyone off. To Vegans specifically: offer recipes, samplings of tasty vegan dishes and expose more people to a good, tasty, healthy choice…you will win more converts that way.
They sell Quinoa at my store...never knew how to say it, and neither did anyone else!
Chris Ducat I was asking where tempeh was at a health food store and I was like, "Do you have temp-ay, or temp-uh, or however you say it?" The guy who worked there gave me a pitying look. He was actually nice and helpful, though. I felt like I was living in a Portlandia skit and this was in Springfield, IL! 😂
I didn't know how to pronounce quinoa at first, either!
the subtitles are hilarious
Eating more salads wouldn't make the difference. It's the raw starch. Raw vegan food is a growing trend. Foods high in starch is actually difficult to digest. This leads to partially digested sugars passing through to the lower intestines where bacteria feast on it leading to gas. Cooking this type of food helps break down the starch. Also partially germinating the food helps as it releases enzymes. For example, with quinoa its recommend cooking it or soaking it for a while to let in germinate.
I love correcting people on their pronunciation of "quinoa".
Omg lol lol I never wAtched portlandia till last few hrs been binge watching now I'm hooked the shits soooo funny
The "fart patio" must have been filmed at a completely different location! :P
I'm a vegan and I find this fucking hilarious! Love this kind of humor
Still vegan ?
Mariano, the carnivore diet incel wants to know if you're still vegan. That's how pathetic his incel life is.
@@lizzichi86 why so aggressive? you dont even know what their diet is
@@lizzichi86 Asking a simple question provokes a needlessly passive aggressive response from you? THAT'S pretty damn pathetic.
Same.
Hahaha...hi from germany....i can still smell it here! I really need to get to Portland, my real home.
Hello :) In Hamburg, the Sternschanze, and Berlin's Kreuzberg have some similarities with some parts of Portland. Perhaps you could enjoy them, if you like places of that sort.
"Let that fart foam"😂🤣😂
Turn on the subtitles. "I wish they had cushions or something" was written as, "Forsake christians for something". Two levels of entertainment right there.
You think that’s an accident? That’s Bill Gates, Zuck and Google’s ongoing war on God
Im vegan and this video is totally AWESOME... I wish we could all fart so openly...
no, your body frees toxins and you make other people inhale them
I never wish that farting never becomes the norm.
Imagine a hot summer day in a stuffy bus where the driver keeps all the windows shut.
At that point you'd rather inhale the exhaust.
You could have just said that this video is awesome..
Lets make fun of something that's different, yet totally sensible! How old are you guys?
Unlike carnism, veganism harms no one!
I love the way the waitress leans to take the order, in that pseudo spontaneus natural way now managers impose on waiters in some venues, to create closure and some sense of "fun".
I mean, it´s much better than the robotic tirany that waiters have to work with around the globe, in a sort of paid-slave fashion.
I hope all lean.
(I love Portlandia for the details)
Now I'm all loosey goosey...
"How are you todoing?" I will use that.
Thought I heard Dead Prez start playin when they hit the fart patio. Lmfao
carry brownstein is so fucking funny!!! XD
Those are good looks for those two.
Awesome :)
Good job. . :)
I'm vegan and never get gassy.
The hand hold gets me
Leslie Nielsen would be proud of this routine. He loved to do interviews with a whoopee cushion.
a 2 min long fart joke. brilliant.
I thought that girl was Grimes in the thumbnail
I thought it was Eugenia Cooney
in the unlikely case I ever open a restaurant, I ll definetly have a fart patio...how can you not
Pretty sure this would be funny even without most of the fart noises.
For those curious, about 5% of Americans eat enough fiber. If you don't, and then you eat fruits & vegetables like you should, then you're going to be gassy because your gut flora aren't used to it. If you continue to eat enough fiber, then your gut flora adjust within a month and you can eat vegetables all day without getting gassy. The notion that it's normal to be gassy after you eat beans is simply borne of so many people eating low-fiber (i.e., not so great) diets.
Vegans go through a lot of scented candles a lot
We do.
Damn, glad I still eat fish.
Essential oils help.
LOL
I need to see this scene at cafe gratitude in LA. Can portlandia do a new season where they move to LA temporarily to peruse their dreams please? 😂
That’s love when they fart and you don’t miss a beat.
This sketch is a *gas.*
"Im gunna keep talking, through your fart" xD
"when in Rome..let that fart foam"
this is such a slapstick