Parental Alienation - The Signs, Stages and Affects
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- Опубліковано 5 сер 2022
- Parental alienation is when one parent intentionally displays their child unjustified negativity and displeasure aimed at the other parent. The purpose of this behaviour is to damage the child's relationship with the other parent and to turn the child's emotions against them.
In this video Darren Magee discusses parental alienation, what it is, the different levels, and how it affects children. Something which often happens at the end of a relationship, divorce and child custody or visitation battles.
Also looking at three different indicators in children that may show parental alienation taking place due to a toxic / narcissistic ex partner.
Co-Parenting with a narcissistic ex partner • Co Parenting with a Na...
Please us the comment section to suggest any topics you might like me to cover in the future.
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#parentalalientation #toxicrelationships #narcissism
This is another older video tried to improve the sound on and re-uploaded. Hope it's a bit clearer.
Much better audio. Thank you!
As my dad lay dying, the last thing I said to him was "I forvice you." Years later, I finally realized my dad was amazing and I was extremely lucky to have him, and that my mom trained me to think he was abusive because he was disciplinary. But he wasn't abusive, and his discipline was the best thing that ever happened to me while my mom destroyed my mind and life. He might have already been dying, but I'm afraid I caused the heart attack that killed him with those unfair words. I'm never forgiving my mom, and have been working to weed her insanity out of my mind and embrace my own voice along with everything good my dad gave me.
My. God. This is EXACTLY MY MOTHER. My father died last year and she's still doing it. She's even turned her 4 children against each other. And she calls my sister and I evil when we called her out??!! 35 years ago!!! She's devastated her own siblings because they also questioned her about our father.... she goes about her arrogant narcissistic life like nothing's happened.
I know who's the evil one. But she's devastated us all. 4 generations...
Narcissists are particularly good at this.
My Partner was excellent at this. She put our oldest son (golden child) between us and brought him into situations that he should not aha e been part of. She then somewhat used him as her “enforcer”, she would soin events or take things out of context and have him “go at me”. I got very upset and disliked this situation immensely. I would be relentlessly poked and baited, then she would call the children into the disagreement in order to escalate the situation. I dud not understand myself or these behaviours and it truly drove me nuts. Fortunately she walked out on me (blamed me for it and even went so far as to say it was for my own good). But at least I was able to get a break and begin to understand the behaviour and myself. I now am able to relate to my children better now and they see a calm and balanced person. They are beginning now to see for themselves the behaviours of (their mother), which is what I have lived with for over 2 decades.
The above may sound like “sour grapes” or even a Narcissistic view in itself. I promise that I can outline things that show that I was abused and am still being abused.
Parental Alienation is an emotional act of violence that is aimed at an adult, but critically wounds a child.
Steve Maraboli
That’s very well put 👍
Parental Alienation is a thing…have no doubt about it.
One thing I was brought to awareness about PA, is that it may have been in place, long before the separation/divorce took place.
I don’t believe I will ever be able to totally reconcile with my children.
Yes, I agree with you. It doesn’t only happen due to separation or divorce. I am sorry you are going through this as well!😓
This video hit home! This is exactly what my ex is doing with my son. I had such a good relationship with my son. My ex and I divorced in 2018 and I had him arrested for assault and battery on my son in 2015. My ex told my son that I'm a liar, I cheated on him (for the record, I didn't), and I'm the reason for the money problems during the marriage (I was a SAHM with no access to money at all). I'm sure there's more, but that's all that got back to me. During my son's senior year of high school the fighting in my home got so bad that he threatened to move out, he said he hated me, that I'm not his mother and he never wanted me to be his mother, that he sees me in a while new light, etc... Even now his visits are awkward. He did end up moving in with the ex. I just continue to show kindness and understanding when he tells me about a problem.
Could you please make video on how to repair a parental relationship if there is a way? I certainly have no idea how to repair our relationship.
Thank you for your suggestion
It's the same old same with them. My ex is parent A. Everything to make it as hard as possible. Ignoring court orders, changing the rules, changing all of her details behind my back and it's not even been decided. Evidence gathering now. I'm glad I recorded his crap, have his medical records, have the authorities on my side yet he still has her. I don't discuss dad around DD but he sure puts me down, I find out every time lol.
@@crankypantsmcduff I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's not right.
My mother did this my whole life. Told me she only stayed with my dad 'for your sake' so she was fully putting the blame for her alleged misery onto me. She told me all of his perceived faults, repeatedly and at great length. She even told me she withheld sex from him when I was far too young for such knowledge. I was in my 20s before I saw the truth. Dad was just a quiet person and never did me any harm. Mother however... She's a bag of venomous, spiteful, angry cut snakes. In the privacy of our own home. I'm on my own. Can't tell anyone the truth of her because they all see the public angel that she portrays.
...yes,....this is true evil,....in life there are but two families,...a child will choose the path they wish to tread,....the left or the right.
You are on the Godly path, this is why you see as you do.
@@raphaelsaint2130 thank you 💖
@@yamlwoz ...may peace be with you child,....and remember your spiritual family is the real family,....then the flesh family.
Very similar story to my own. Narcissistic mothers are a nightmare. Like you, I was afraid that no one was going to believe me - or that if they did, they'd still not CARE, since she's got money and I have little to offer.
Went no contact anyway. It didn't take long for her public image to start unraveling without her emotional punching bag (me). These creatures are what they are. They can't help themselves. They have this chronic hatefulness they need to unload on *someone*.
The only person I told initially doubted me, or at least thought I was exaggerating. Then she came back, perplexed, with tales of my mother's meltdowns. They aren't going to be the last.
@@AbyssalManta it's fantastic to know yours got to show what she really is. In public. That made my day 😁🥰
My ex has refused to return my daughter and he completely cut me off from her. He's retaining her and stopping access, she's the best little girl ever. He's hurting her mentally, they don't care.
Thanks Darren for your insights 🎉...
This is happening to me now with Adult Children... We're 5 years separated. I took the mature stance of not slogging their Dad to them. He hasn't returned that respect... I can only be truthful if they ask questions and hope they will understand eventually 😢
Thanks
Have you ever encountered parental alienation even when the parents are not separated/divorced? I am almost certain that my father alienated my mother even though we all lived under the same roof. He convinced me that my mother hated me and wanted to leave the family. I grew up hating her and would always act like my father's attack dog whenever they got into an argument. I feel like I was brainwashed but my parents are still together so I don't know if I can claim parental alienation.
Edit: This alienation was made possible because my mother was very neglectful so she was never around to defend herself or engaged enough to really form relationships with her children.
I can certainly relate to your situation. My parents were treacherous psychopaths, and did horrible things to one another. As a child, I saw them constantly trying to make one another look bad in front of us, and they would ill-speak about each other behind each other's backs. My father was Very Very abusive, and he did horrible things to me, and my mother as well. Ironically they are still together. Fortunately, I distanced my self away from them, and I no longer communicate with them.
Probably to keep away from your dad. Regardless, Im so sorry.
This happened thru my divorce. It has continued with one of my children as he has grown, married, and had children.
I married a divorced man with 3 children...having been a child of divorce myself I worked hard to make it a positive environment for them... planned craft activities with them...movie parties...snack trays to provide some fun in their life... But when it came to Mother's Day... their mom sent them to our house so she could go on a date or whatever she was doing.. When we were deciding what to do that Mother's Day I made a suggestion and they all said no to it... I said...well it is mother's day... and they all said You're not a mother... I said I'm your stepmother... my husband and the 3 kids all said in unison... that doesn't count... I said really... then why am I working so hard at it... That changed everything for me... instead of planning everything around his children's visits to our house... if I had other things going on... I did them... Every Sunday night when they would all leave to have their dad take them home... not once did they ever say good-bye to me... for 3 years...that's life with a narcissist... We had one child together...since my mothering his 3 other children didn't count I decided I needed my own... and thankfully I divorced him 2 yrs later and had full custody of my daughter so he wasn't able to alienate her from me as well. If you're with a narcissist... leave...all they will ever do is hurt you... destroy your self esteem and wreck your social network... nothing good to stay for here.
I haven't seen my child in 3 years and now I've been cut off completely. This is heart breaking. I didn't leave the relationship. He ghosted me and kidnapped my child. I never dreamed it would come to this. I fear I have lost her forever. She just turned 16.Since day one has never wanted to spend time with me. The counselors/healthcare professionals that I have encountered don't even know what PA is. I tried to look up certain professionals that specialized in reunification and could not find anyone. I don't know that I could even get her to counseling but I need help to understand what I need to be doing. It's probably to late and I feel as though I failed my child. I feel I am griefing over the loss and it will never end. I fear for her mental status. I also need help educating a few family members about it. The other alternative was to pay a "certain internet personality(author)" an undisclosed amount of funds and they would help me get my child back. I just didn't have the funds to commit. I will try anything. If you know any professionals who specialize in this topic in Charlotte metro area of NC please let me know.
My ex tried all this stuff..I was just good for nothing, when our little dog was tragically killed it was my fault, the Children were told I couldn’t look after anything..I was lucky enough to be on a program where I had found strength to cope and was able to handle all his garbage quietly..he gave up and went to another Country to work..there was peace in the home for the first time in years..he remarried but without going into detail is sitting on his own today.
What about Grown Child alienation from Good Parents & also alienation from their only grandchild ? would love to hear that …🥹 God bless you 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😇
Yes! Thank you! I have the same question. It is something that I never hear talked about within this topic. I have a toxic mother who has tried to turn my father (good parent) against me & it is so painful. I am forced to be cut off from him because he is with her. It's so complicated. I hope that a video can be made about this.
Hello Darren I've just received this notification and am looking forward to watching it when get back home ☀️ Thanks again for all your informative videos and best wishes ❤️
What is it called when the parent who is being alienated is deceased and the children are grown up? For example, a father constantly talking negatively about his deceased wife to his grown up children (or wife talking ill of her deceased husband to her grown up children)
I think my mother was borderline. She hated my father (and for good reason, he was an abusive narcissist), but she also didn’t want him to leave her. She would often bash him to us kids (things she didn’t dare say to him, in fear of violence). Even when I agreed I tried to remain neutral, but that only seemed to anger her. It was confusing, this hatred for half my DNA; DNA that she chose for all of her children; hatred for a man she forced us to endure the wrath of. I became the invisible child. She preferred my brother, the “unconditionally loving man” in her life that she felt always sided with her (although I know for a fact he was a double agent). Father’s golden child was my sister, who worshipped him and would gleefully assist him in humiliating and gaslighting me. My family was quite the shit-show.
This is brilliant, thank you so much for posting. In regards to future posts would it be possible to put something up regarding deliberate sabotage? So for example I would pack my little boys bag prior to going to the park with nappies, a drink and a spare set of clothes only to find i was missing nappies when i got there. Turned out she was taking stuff out the bag and hiding down the side of the sofa until i had gone out. There were many examples of this kind of behavior and at times it really meant i questioned my own mental state of mind.
I think there needs to be some more in depth discussion about this topic. ‘Parental Alienation’ can certainly come about as a result of ‘brainwashing’ but it also happens, and quite naturally so in families where abuse has been happening for a long time. The children are not BLIND and they don’t stay ‘children forever. They see what’s happening as they grow and when give the chance to keep Narcissists at a distance, provided they understand what was happening, they do actually choose & prefer to keep their distance. There is nothing UNNATURAL about feeling repelled by a Narcissist and his abuse and such discomfort / repulsion should not be called ‘Parental Alienation’ - I get the feeling this is a new ploy by Narcissists and their cunning lawyers to try to steal your children and hand them back to the Narcissists so they can finish destroying them spiritually. Please don’t ignore the other side of the story. By presenting just one view of things we do more harm than good esp. to innocent children.
It's a confusing term, but parental alienation is done BY the narcissistic parent. It is employed by a narcissistic parent in order to alienate the children from the "good" parent. It's child abuse. The narcissistic parent uses the children to cause emotional pain for the targeted/better parent.
It's been around for as long as humans have been forming families. Also, it's the worst.
Thank you Sir, for this valuable encouragement , confirmation and insight, I appreciate you!
Thank you so much for this! ❤
If you can’t get out of an abusive relationship anytime soon, do you tell your children the spouse’s behavior is wrong and abnormal? Bc you don’t want your children to accept such behavior nor want them to think this is what normal relationship should be like?
An abusive parent. This backfires on them down the road.
Thanks Darren
I found that attack was the most common form of apology when I called my parents out for something, it still is and they are 85. The attacks can be shocking- more shocking than the original injury. Is there a name for this?
My daughter and her boyfriend for my granddaughter we believe in that child does not play one parent against the other we do not allow it. However my granddaughter does not want anything to do with me. It's not her parents talk negative about me I think it just her. She's a preteen. I just go with the flow and always assure she is loved and thought about.
Thank you.
Can you *please* make a video addressing the particular situation of an intact (still married) family where the 3rd & most severe type of parental alienation takes place? E.g., a malignant narcissist mother who relentlessly emasculates the father in front of the son. The abuse startng in early childhood by insisting that the son not call the father "father" or "dad", but exclusively by the father's first name. Could this be an abuse-by-proxy emasculation of the son?
Thank you for your videos! I really appreciate the way you address specific issues in bite-size pieces.
Okay...here's a question for you. What do you call the type of "subtle parental alienation" that happens all your life with parents that stay together, only ending after 50 years upon the death of one parent? 🤔 Cheers from Oz!🦘
I believe I am parent “B”. I have spent many, many years trying to figure out what I had done to make my kids so distant with me. They are all adults now with children of their own. Can you address how this may play out as our children get older and how it then in turn impacts the relationships with our grandchildren? It is so confusing as my children still interact with me but they are often hurtful interactions of when something is needed from me. Thank you for your videos. They are much appreciated!
My husband did this, with the help of his mother and sister, against me with our children. You describe exactly what I've been saying now that I'm aware. It was like my kids had some attitude towards me that I couldn't figure out when they were growing up.
It caused so much confusion, frustration and issues in our relationships. Unfortunately, I would react in a way that would many times play into their games.
My adult daughter, after years of therapy, came to me and said they had worked to turn them against me. Realized it was all lies now.
This is a vicious and evil form of extreme abuse. There should be consequences for this. It's horrific for me but they preyed on, lied to and manipulated children. Their own family! To steal a child's relationship with their own parent for what...spite, fun, enjoyment of causing pain??
It's really disgusting when you understand it all.
Tricia - thank you for your response! It helps to know I am not imagining this as for many years I justified the behaviors! I am so sorry you too have experienced this!😓. In my case I know there is a narrative out there that everyone seems to believe but k don’t know what it is other than everyone seems to act like I have done something terribly wrong. My kids are all still this way. Their father was/is a master at pushing buttons and because I did not know what I was dealing with I too reacted which like you, in turn made it look like I did have anger issues. It is such a struggle as part of me is angry at my adult children but the other part of me realizes they too have been victims. As you said, this is the most horrific thing a supposedly “loving”” parent could do. To harm their own children and grandchildren to destroy me is unthinkable. I can’t even wrap my mind around it! Sending you much love and understanding😓❤️
❤️
Yy, but what i parent A have been given full and sole custody of the children because of abuse on every side toward parent A over the 11yr marriage and abuse against the children by parent B? Both children are special needs, one is fearful of parent B, the other doesnt yrust them either....
The alienator (Parent A) can continue it with grandchildren. My daughter is 22 and has a 6mth old baby. Before she got pregnant I thought the alienation would get better and my ex-husband would move on. I was really looking forward to her having a baby one day. Well I've seen the baby for about a week then my daughter told me to just go away, with accusations and criticisms that sounded just like my ex, to the point I wasn't sure who was typing. He took my daughter and now my grandchild. Why? To punish me for leaving him twenty years ago and to control our daughter. I just hope she gets away from him one day and leave her alone.
My mother told me the reason she took all 4 of us was that my dad had been molesting me. If it was happening, wouldn’t I remember it?
That's because he didn't sweetheart 😢
Look up imprinting memories. Narc tricks to alienate. Not uncommon