Story 1: If OP and hubby had given her mom money, she's still have been an addict raising a child, and the child would be in danger. The sister is now adopted, so no reason to let the addict have visitation. Cut all contact and as soon as "mom" raises her voice get a restraining order.
I always wonder how people like these even manage to marry, like someone looked at how she behaves and was all "yep, this is what I want for the rest of my life and for my children" 🤦
Second story. I once had a big argument with my mother about allowing my sister freedom. When she was 17 she still had a 9pm curfew and wasn't allowed out on weekends. It really upset my sister. I told my mom that my sister was a big girl and also very sensible and she wasn't going to suddenly get hooked on drugs or get pregnant. Mom finally gave her freedom and she had a lot of fun but never abused it. She joined the army at 19 and left home, but mom still worried. I suppose moms always worry about their daughters.
They do, but restricting things too much can lead to rebellion and/or cutting loose later on. I've known children with highly-controlled lives start lying to their parents about where they are or what they're doing and, if they subsequently get into a bad situation, they probably won't be confident asking parents for help. Or, when they finally do get some freedom, they go way over the top and struggle with self-discipline and self-regulation. Teaching independence and self-reliance whilst still keeping your child safe is one of the hardest things to do as a parent, but you have to walk that line. Going too far towards control can do as much damage, in the long-term, as letting your child take too may risks.
I'd worry about my daughter being in the army! A lot of women are r@ped by fellow soldiers, and little is done about it. I once thought about joining the army when I was very young, and a female veteran told me not to. She lived through it and couldn't recommend it. And plenty of people, men and women, are injured in the army, both physically and psychologically, and they don't always recover. Some never recover. PTSD is very hard to recover from. And the Veterans' Administration isn't always very helpful, even though ex-soldiers do have medical benefits through the VA.
@@highpsi11According to some friends that were in the military, you also have a problem with a lot of women in the military where they realize that they can get out of deployments with a pregnancy as well...which can end up with a lot of problems both for longer term military careers and out of it.
It is your daughter! She may be biologically your sister but when you adopted her, she became your daughter,! With all the joys,happiness and responsibilities.
2nd story, the niece is 22 so an adult. It is not up to the mother to decide anymore about what she can or cannot do. And if OP wants to give her a roadtrip, then it is between OP and her sister. And non of mummies bussiness. So definitly not the AH. edit: the relation between daughter and mother definitly needed some damage or she would never be free.
Story 2: This feels like a situation where the SIL was far too protective of her daughter because shes all she has left; however, she may have damaged her daughter in doing that.
Well said. And as a result, she'll cause her daughter to hate her, but also rebel, and go complete NO CONTACT with her. *Strict parenting will lead to rebellion/estrangement.⚠️*
Mom is a user. They made the right call for their family. Mom will probably never change, unfortunately. Speaking from experience with my own family members. Story 2: I'm proud of the niece for finally showing some independence. Helicopter parents hurt their kids by stifling their growth.
I seriously doubt that the SIL/daughter relationship will ever improve; the daughter will rebel, go so far as marry the first guy that comes along, and disappear with him to get away from her mother.⚠️
@@danacarter9147, even if the daughter doesn't go buckwild, she will distance herself from her mother. The SIL will probably become one of those old ladies who moans about how her ungrateful daughter and grandchildren never come to see her.
S2. SIL reminds me of my mother while growing up. Always strict, always had to know who I was with. After I graduated college, she tried to remain overprotective. I put my foot down and said enough. You can't protect an adult. I won't disrespect her home but I was done with her rules. My dad backed me up and she begrudgingly backed off. Now we get along great, although she still drives me crazy. That's just growing pains.
It's not really bizarre once you understand that just because someone grows up with awful parents, like heroin dealers or gun smugglers and stuff, doesn't mean that they are doomed to follow in their parents footsteps. I didn't follow my folks, nor did my older brother. Same for most of my friends growing up. I also know two people that are honestly some of the worst humans I've ever met and yet they both had awesome parents, especially compared to me. A lot of things can affect us, mostly peer pressure from other young people/our friends, and events that we have no control over (such as the death of a close friend). Human behavior is weird. But I'll never understand why so many people seem to believe that if you had good/bad parents then you would also likely end up following them.
I consider myself to be a fairly decent person. My mother was a nightmare similar to the SIL in the story, only worse. My mother enjoyed the pain of others. She made me feel awful, but I noticed at a young age that she made other people feel awful, too. She became a negative role model for me. I didn't question what she said to her face, but I thought about things she said and did. Simply put, she was the last person I went to for advice. I listened to dad more than mom. People liked him. I wanted people to like me, too. Mom didn't care what anyone thought of her. Not all kids blindly follow their parent's lead.
Not at all, I think a lot of us realise “I want to be nothing like my parents” and work hard on making sure we are nothing like them and ending the cycle of abuse. Takes a lot of really hard work and being very self aware!
S2: "As I taught you, then stood aside, you must do the same." - Lorien, Babylon 5 Just one correction: OP said niece is negotiating how to have a better relationship with her mom. But niece has done absolutely nothing wrong. It's on the mom to learn that her child is not her property or puppet. She has to learn how to respect her daughter's choices as an adult.
The SIL keeps up with that attitude and this quote may follow. "I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this." - Vir Cotto
Story 2: The niece is an adult. Her mother has NO say in what she does or doesn't do! Her mom needs to stop trying to control her. No concerts? No going out with friends? Geez! Sounds like she never got to have any fun! It's control freaks like her that wonder why their kids go nuts and wild when they finally get some freedom...and wonder why their kids don't want to have any contact with them later on.
I just want to say it's nice having a family who accepts a adopted member of their family with such open arms. This is what I expect every family to do but I also know with the stories on Reddit usually the members of the family who were adopted get treated as second-class citizens or aren't recognized by their adopted family members. So this just made my heart feel so happy for her and the fact that she gets an army of stuffed animals is fantastic. I used to get stuffed animals from my relatives and I'm almost 30 and I still have all of them on display because they just make me so happy. I'm glad her sister has her as her mom now and I truly hope for nothing but the best for her.
The niece is twenty-two years old! She's absolutely not a child. I was in graduate school, had a job, was a couple of months away from my wedding, and had bought a condo with my (now) husband at that age. If my mother had attempted to keep me from going on a road trip with other responsible adult friends of mine, we would have had a serious talk about boundaries.
Daughter is 22, well past the age of rebelling against her mother so encouraging he to be independant is just healthy. She already got way more time controlling her daughter than other people get.
Story 1: NTA. Op has to do what is necessary to protect her sister from their mother. It’s on mom to get clean. No money! Story 2: NTA. The girl is 22 years old and mom is not even paying for anything. Mom needs to get it together by letting go.
2nd story: Parents like SIL REALLY need to get a flipping grip! Because the more they do that, the more they're going to lose their child, OR... the child wouldn't know how to function in adulthood, because parent didn't want them to "grow".
Story 2: This is hilarious. My parents were barely involved and barely remembered me. I went to work my first convention after already having gone on a road trip in college freshman year without any of my family noticing. Because this was the dinosaur times I called my dad to let gim know I'd be in Chicago for the weekend and already checked the coverage map so I might bot pick up in a roaming zone. "Going out of town I dont think so young lady!" "Dude. My title is in my name, I pay my own insurance, I've been paying the bills your child support never got anywhere near coz mom snorted it, I have a 4.0 in the college program yall made me sign up for because not once in 4 yeara of me performing super well academically, working the legal and sometimes illegal number of hours as a highschool student, did any relative ever check in on me so ya don't get to tell me a damn thing now." Because my dads not an idiot he...went and thought about that and took steps towards being a better dad
Well said. The SIL will get a sad wake-up call, when her daughter rebels, disappears with the first guy, that comes along marries him, to get away from her; not only that, but also disconnects her phone number, changes her identity, and deactivates her social media accounts, so that, she won't be able to find her. Strict parenting will lead to rebellion.⚠️
My mother's goal in life was to keep me as close to her as possible. She didn't want me to go anywhere,do anything or have any friends as a teenager. In fact she prayed to God to make me a nun. I am 50 now and she is still demanding that I come back and live in her house and look after her . I live 6 hours away from her and havnt seen her in 9 years . I also have disabled children that I care for but she still insists I should be living with her. This is what is going to happen with this woman and her daughter if the woman doesn't wake up to herself. Her daughter will stay far away from her and see her as little as possible.
Story 1: OP absolutely did the right thing. They should also stop calling her "sister", they have adopted her, she is her daughter, and has done more positive things for her in a few months than the donor did. Best of luck OP, you and the husband are good people.
Story 2: as someone with overprotective parents like this, you're saving the girl, not ruining the relationship with her mom. The mom is ruining this herself. Getting her on this trip is going to show her that she can be independent and she can do things without being under her wing
Story 1: Am i the only one who actually said “THANK GOD” when Op said she was cutting off her toxic mother…? Op needs to prioritize her sister cause your mother is not safe to be around.
On Story#1, OP should consider herself lucky that she had no contact with her mother for all these years. Just from the brief commentary, I got the sense that OP's mother would have dragged her down if she had remained in contact. The mother seems like she would make OP give up everything for her, abandon her and then only to come back with another sob story to leach more from OP. Don't give the mother anything. NTA.
Story 2. Why are you discussing with SIL. The niece is 22. Some women are getting married, having babies, going to war etc. Also, if the niece needs to blindly obey to not have a wedge between them. If the niece is afraid of talking to her mom, she has been emotionally abused for years. Her mom needs intense therapy.
Story 1: The only thing parents need to know about their adult kids' finances is that they have enough. And that should be out of selfless concern for their kids' well-being, not to see if there's any extra to hand out. Jeez!
OP's logic.. "my addict mother was a terrible, abandoned and traumatized me... so obviously the best thing for her is to stay in touch with mommy and traumatize my sis ❤"
You're very narrow minded, at least OP rectified her actions and now her main priority is to protect her sister. Hope you seek help in rubbing past actions when someone has changed for the better❤
The lil sister must be around 3 now so she did already understand who she lived with obviously. It would have been more traumatizing to just cut her mother off from the kid right away as the kid would have wondered where her mother is, especially since OP was still a stranger and the kid was shy. Shy people dont cope well with being put in a completely unknown situation. Children even less since its instinct to hold onto your known parent for safety. Besides, OP made very clear that her mother was never alone with her sister/daughter. With the visits she helped the kid to slowly get used to her new situation and now mother can just fade out and be gone. Life is a bit more complicated than just black and white, good and bad.
This is what is called a trauma bond. It's hard to break them, even if the toxicity of the relationship is obvious. You need not sneer at OP. Trauma like what OP endured takes a lifetime to process and understand. Your nastiness isn't helpful.
Story 2: NTA, your niece is an adult, and can choose on her own if she accepts your gift, it is none of her mom's business. Your niece doesn't have a relationship with her mom, she is a prisoner of her mom.
S1: NTA. That's not a mother, that's an egg-donor/surrogate and OP1 owes that person nothing. The adoption should be changed to a closed adoption and cut her off NOW. Update: They gave the egg-donot a chance and I think she is going to blow it, but it can be said they gave her a chance. S2: Saw this story before. OP2 is NTA. Neice is ***22*** not 2. Maybe if this were a group of minors, she'd be the a-hole but not an ADULT.
I did that road trip with friends at 18 and still look back with fondness on it. I've been a lot of places since then and every time it gets compared to that very first "we're adults now" trip. Every newly minted adult should do it.
the road trip story - op says her sil is a good mom, but. No, she's not a good mom. she's controlling and emotionally abusive at least. she's threatening the relationship with her daughter if her daughter doesn't do exactly what she wants. that's 100% abuse. i hope the niece goes on the road trip. she needs to live her life for herself to show her mom that she can't control her. eta - with the update, glad the sil calmed down a bit. she was pushing her own kid away and lashing out at others because of her own behavior. she still needs to chill out, but at least the niece is becoming her own person
"never let you enemy knows you next move" is something i had to learn through out the years. There is levels of trust when it comes to information. For example there is things who nobody knows at all about me. There is things my family doesn't knows. There is things my sisters knows but my parents don't. There is thing i never tell my mother because i know how she is. And so on. You can't trust someone fully with anything and more when you know how that person is and how will react.
Im happy for the little sister getting the family and love she deserves bu im gonna be honest. Every story i hear that goes like this makes me sad, i wish me and my siblings got to experience even a fraction of that love and appreciation when we were growing up.
I'm a middle aged woman and road trips throughout the years have been some of the best vacation experiences in my life. 22 years old, mature and responsible, time to cut those apron strings. The mom sounds like a controlling witch tbh. I have gone on solo trips and group trips but those group trips also helped find out who really was a friend and who wasn't. I love driving and finding different routes if I have the time. Taking the road less wandered has given me many experiences and memories that I wouldn't have if I had stuck to the highways.
Last Story: Beginning: Ohhhhh, niece is going to cut ties at that rate and need alot of therapy. End: NICE, Hella mature everybody! No ties cut or bridges burned!
Potty training depends on the individual child. Both of my daughters were 2-3 years ahead based on “milestones” but potty training was something neither of my daughters could do effectively till they were almost 3.
I couldn't agree more and this is coming from someone who got pregnant at 17 while addicted to drugs. It was a wakeup call and my son's father and I not only manage to stay together, but we also got sober together and turned our lives around. Our children don't ask to exist and it's BS when parents try to say their kids owe them because they brought them into this world. This mom didn't even do the bare minimum and still feels entitled to help from the child she neglected to neglect another. OP WBTA if she gives her mom money. She's NTA for saving her baby sister from having to endure what OP did.
OP is NTA for encouraging her niece to go LIVE LIFE. I totally agreed with LG’s take! It’s SIL who is driving the wedge. She’s smothering the poor gal.
Last Story... I couldn't help but wonder where the niece's father is in all this? Dead? Divorced? In the normal course of things both parents have input on how their children are raised, but the father is conspicuous by his absence.
Through personal experience I’ve learned it’s incredibly stupid to pay for somebody else’s rehab. Especially when they don’t want it or are being forced into it. My mom wasted $50,000 she didn’t have, on my sister all it did was make her get worse, led to my mom‘s loss of her home, and led to me hating her to the core of my soul
Story 1: NTA. No Hun, let’s give her EVERY benefit of the doubt available. It is STILL not unreasonable to be cautious around her and it STILL is not reasonable to just give her money. Why didn’t she ask if she was this strapped?
1st story: Good thing the mom didn't know about the money earlier - she would have required a large payout before letting them adopt. (ie: essentially held the baby sister for ransom.)
1. The kid is old enough to talk, it would be incredibly psychologically damaging just to take them from the only parental figure they've known (even a crappy one) without some connection. 2. They reason you keep connections to flawed family figures in situations like this is in part so they don't grow up romanticising their original parents. When kids have no contact they will make up scenarios about their birth parents like "my real mother wouldn't make me do my homework" or "my real dad wouldn't make me clean my room". It sets the birth parents on a pedestal that can be a real problem in rebellious teenage years. However, kids are smart. If you keep contact they are going to compare the stability and consistency you provide to the lack of stability a birth family has, and they will have a) a better understanding of why they aren't with their birth family b) are more likely to realise it wasn't anything to do with them and not internalise blame and c)be more content with their adoptive family. OP is trying her best under difficult circumstances and a manipulative parent but cutting the mother out completely even if she is toxic can have bad effects down the line.
On my 18th birthday, my eldest brother's gift to me was a trip out to visit him when he was living in Gibraltar. My mum (his stepmum) veto'd that idea completely, telling us that I was too young and naive to travel alone. She said anything could happen; I could get hurt, I could get lost, what if someone kidnapped me from the airport when I landed? Bearing in mind, I'd been flying since I was 4 weeks old, and by the time I could read and comprehend instructions, my mum relied on me to guide her through airports so she didn't have to pay attention. I was 22 years old when I was finally able to cash in that present, despite my mother's protestations that I was still too young. I'm no contact with my mother nowadays (I'm 38 now), but that was one example of one of her controlling hold on me.
Because cutting your own mother out of your life is one of the hardest thing to do. Even if you know she is not good for and never has been a good parent to you, you still only know her as your mom and will most likely always wish that she changes and becomes the mother you always wished and hoped for. Even if it breaks your heart again and again. I wish for you, that you never have to go through that.
@@julif.138 I agree with you. For us outsiders cutting out toxic people should be an easy choice. But for those who had to deal with them, cutting out toxic people is easier said than done, especially when it comes to family, doubly so if you were forced to grow up in a toxic environment. Cutting ties with toxic people needs to be done, but it is indeed one of the hardest things to do.
Story 1, the two year old isn't her priority, her addiction is. Story 2 , she has graduated from college and is 22 years old, she needs to tell her controlling mother to F.O.
Story 2: I'm a bit curious how long the sister-in-law expected to be able to control her daughter. When was the ban on dating going to be lifted - when she was thirty, or forty, or fifty? When daughter got her masters and a job, was SiL still going to be phoning her every night to check she was in by curfew? Hits home a bit because I had a very sheltered childhood, so much so that boarding school was actually more freedom! My parents were good company, and they were concerned about me being socialised as a young child, but somehow I missed most of the teenage stage. Which has advantages and disadvantages (less drama! less romance...) but has definitely shaped who I am now. Anyway, sounds like the OP has had a positive influence so that's a happy update.
Story 1 Update: Careful with those squishmellows, she might become addicted. In all seriousness, you made an excellent choice. All the love to your family.
Story 2: NTA. You’re not over stepping. If anyone is overstepping it’s SIL. Yes she is her Mom, but she is the Mom of an adult who needs to start making her own decisions. And frankly speaking SHE is the only thing holding her back. I’m sorry she doesn’t want her kid to go on a trip but this is simply not a fight worth having.
Story 1: Glad OP is smart!! Now that Mom knows specifics, I have a feeling this is the potential start of a cycle, where Mom constantly is pregnant, trying to pawn kids off on OP bc "money". OP got lucky so far, but the next kid could have serious issues. My only gripe is, quit calling her "sister" now she's your daughter! Treat her like it!!
2. Niece is 22 and can make up her own mind. Regardless of what her mother thinks. Parents who keep such a tight control over their kids find out in the end that it wasn't a good thing. It can be a way to lose your child completely.
2nd: niece is an adult, op is an adult. SIL has 0 say in this matter. It is fully covered. What is she going to do when her daughter will make her own decisions? One day she will put her foot down and SIL is going to have to accept it or she is going to lose her.
Story one NTA mother, like one of those people who has never taken responsibility in her life. I would bet any amount of money that OP told the mother she had money. The mother would have used the little sister as a bargaining chip to get money from and her husband. OPneeds to cut off these mostly visits because nothing good is going to come from them No dating no concerts no frivolous spending keeping her on the tight leash. No OP your sister-in-law is a terrible mom! And OP would not be the asshole if they paid for their niece to go on a trip. Denise is 22 she needs to get from under her mother‘s jack booted heal!
Story 2 is frustrating. The niece is 22 years old and it's clear to me that her mother has no intention of letting her become an adult without a fight. The niece will sooner or later resent her for that. My own parents weren't perfect, but they were nowhere near as stifling as OP's SIL.
I get the feeling mum might have already known of the in laws wealth and played the adoption card hoping to cash in later or was hoping for another solution like living with OP and OP throwing money at her.
FYI, there is no “last minute boost of fertility.” Women continue to ovulate until menstrual cycles cease. Ovulation may not always release an egg healthy enough to be properly fertilized or survive pregnancy if it does, but some of them may be. Again, there is no boost, just a slight chance of healthy eggs being released until the cycles stop.
First OP needs to wake up and face reality, her incubator is complete trash. A user and a loser. I'm glad OP rescued her sister and went NC. But she needs to withdraw any and all offers for help, including rehab. That's just another avenue for the bio-unit to try and exploit. "I'm clean now, give me money!" Also OP needs to get therapy to deal with her misplaced guilt.
Story 1, I'm a couple minutes in and after op's mom called op a bish i was like hell naw you are not the ahole op, she already called you because she only wanted something from you not because she actually changed, and then had the cheek to say that disrespectful bs, after every irresponsible and selfish things she done, naw don't give her anything unless it's a trip to a rehab, addiction is horrible thing to fight/deal with but it doesn't give her the right act like a entitled pos like this to anyone regardless, I just got finished with the update for s1 and good they are not giving her money, and told her though a lawyer that no she's not getting money and if she truly want some help is to go to rehab and get clean especially if she wants to be around op's sister, Seriously op and her husband is not only doing the right thing by doing this for her sister but her mom too, because op's mom wasn't going to use that money for the right thing at all, and probably would have gotten her more in trouble if op did give it to her especially if op's sister was still in her care, Because harsh or not it wouldn't have ended well at all if op gave in and gave her money, that's the sad reality of this situation.
Hopefully this is Mom's rock bottom moment. Somehow I doubt it. She's made it to her 50s using people. That old dog isn't picking up a new trick. In either case OP has her sister out of the mess.
Story 2 : SIL doesn't even realize she's taking a huge risk to be so controlling with her daughter, and a risk way bigger than a flat tire or even a stolen car. She's risking to not stay in touch with her daughter and/or OP with her unbereable behavior. Life is a risk, forbidding something to someone is a risk. It seems SIL is afraid to lose her daughter but each and every refusal will inevitably lead her daughter to cut contact with her. Edit : 17:42 I-NE-VI-TA-BLE! That's what I'm talking about. And the last commenter before this update is a muppet. After all, no, she's not a muppet : even Elmo has more balls. Edit 2 : Ha! I was right about the flat tire, it was an easy call, tho.
10:16 okay this is such a dumb thing to say, my bad. It is actually pretty easy to not get the same squishmallows. Stores put new ones up every few months and different stores carry different squish
That's not really fair to say. Not everyone knows that Squishmallows are actually individual characters. They're cute, egg-shaped soft and mink-like pillow toys that don't even move on thier own, so yeah, I can see why most Adults wouldn't know that there are so many different types that have their own names and personalities. Most collectibles for kids are small things like figurines or well established toy names like Barbie or Hot Wheels.
“She broke down calling me a selfish bitch who’d never considered how hard things were for her” Oh no, don’t talk about yourself that way in front of OUR daughter. It’s just not right for the poor thing to hear her GRANDMOTHER talk so cruelly about herself. Thank god OP didn’t tell her anything below the belt until her sister was legally adopted. She’s definitely right about not trusting the random stranger considering she lied about a change once she was born, but didn’t want to be burdened with another mouth to feed. Any penny sent to her if she still had her sister, would go right into drugs, drinking, or whatever the selfish bitch wanted than the poor baby. She really needs to cut everything forever, wether the gold digger actually changed(which I really, highly, seriously doubt it)
Uhhh story 2: uhhhh OP? Your. Niece. Is. 22. She doesn’t need her mom’s permission to go on a road trip. She doesn’t need her mom’s permission to do ANYTHING. And keeping her on a tight leash is doing your niece NO FAVORS. She won’t even be able to set up a bank account without mommy’s help if she doesn’t break free. Tell YOUR NIECE about the details and forget SIL. She needs to cut the apron strings YESTERDAY
Story 1 : say the OP gave her mother money instead, who's to say that she wouldn't have just spent it on stupid crap and life for the toddler wouldn't have changed at all? Im thinking that this wouldve been the more likely scenario if op just handed out money instead of adopting her sister.
Story 1: If OP and hubby had given her mom money, she's still have been an addict raising a child, and the child would be in danger. The sister is now adopted, so no reason to let the addict have visitation. Cut all contact and as soon as "mom" raises her voice get a restraining order.
Story 1: I might sound harsh, but if OP's donor got any money from her parents, not a single cent would've went to her sister
You're right and you are kinda morally obligated to say it.
Not harsh if it's true. Life isn't fair.
I was thinking the same.
Honestly it’s true.
Don't give addicts cash, pay for things they need directly if at all.
Wait, Lapland? Yurts and yaks? Northern lights? Sounds fun, can I be adopted too? I'm an orphan albeit an older one...
😂😂😂😂😂😂
I would have to venture a guess the OP lives in Scandinavia or Finland.
Yaks are in the mount Everest Region!
If you're estranged from someone, they aren't entitled to crap. NTA.
"I left you, now give me money" No.
You're absolutely right. Especially if there's a good reason for estrangement.
Hmm, I wonder why OP never told her mother? Surely it’s a mystery of life. 🙄 😒
😹😹😹 Truly
Oh shut up
@@KadeStringer2.0 _Sarcasm_ is what sets you off now? After dedicating a channel to making the dumbest comments you can? That's pathetic lmao
@@KadeStringer2.0 You first.
@@KadeStringer2.0 Oh, shut up.
Story two: the mother of the 22 year old sounds like she would be a nightmare to have as a mother-in-law.
She's self-aware too. "I know I'm controlling and no fun to be around but I'll keep doing it."
The niece is 22 and it's between her and her OP. If the niece doesn't get a spine at some point she is going to have a rough life.
I always wonder how people like these even manage to marry, like someone looked at how she behaves and was all "yep, this is what I want for the rest of my life and for my children" 🤦
Can't be a Mother-in-Law until she stops being controlling because Niece can't date.
Story 2: if your niece was 2 years old you would be overstepping but she is 22...she is an adult. It's her choice.
Never ever disclose your finances/wealth to anyone unless it's really necessary.
It is never necessary to reveal your wealth at all!!!!!
@@Alice15210 Unless it is the IRS, they kinda need to know
@@Alice15210 Uh, yes it is to some degree. Ever heard of the IRS?
@@ShadowDevotion where I live there's no IRS 😂😂😂 but yeah in this case im refering to friends and family
@@Alice15210 Lawyer overseeing your will?
Second story. I once had a big argument with my mother about allowing my sister freedom. When she was 17 she still had a 9pm curfew and wasn't allowed out on weekends. It really upset my sister. I told my mom that my sister was a big girl and also very sensible and she wasn't going to suddenly get hooked on drugs or get pregnant. Mom finally gave her freedom and she had a lot of fun but never abused it. She joined the army at 19 and left home, but mom still worried. I suppose moms always worry about their daughters.
They do, but restricting things too much can lead to rebellion and/or cutting loose later on. I've known children with highly-controlled lives start lying to their parents about where they are or what they're doing and, if they subsequently get into a bad situation, they probably won't be confident asking parents for help. Or, when they finally do get some freedom, they go way over the top and struggle with self-discipline and self-regulation.
Teaching independence and self-reliance whilst still keeping your child safe is one of the hardest things to do as a parent, but you have to walk that line. Going too far towards control can do as much damage, in the long-term, as letting your child take too may risks.
I'd worry about my daughter being in the army! A lot of women are r@ped by fellow soldiers, and little is done about it. I once thought about joining the army when I was very young, and a female veteran told me not to. She lived through it and couldn't recommend it. And plenty of people, men and women, are injured in the army, both physically and psychologically, and they don't always recover. Some never recover. PTSD is very hard to recover from. And the Veterans' Administration isn't always very helpful, even though ex-soldiers do have medical benefits through the VA.
There's worrying and then there's "I know I'm uptight and no fun but I won't change."
@@highpsi11According to some friends that were in the military, you also have a problem with a lot of women in the military where they realize that they can get out of deployments with a pregnancy as well...which can end up with a lot of problems both for longer term military careers and out of it.
It is your daughter! She may be biologically your sister but when you adopted her, she became your daughter,! With all the joys,happiness and responsibilities.
2nd story, the niece is 22 so an adult. It is not up to the mother to decide anymore about what she can or cannot do. And if OP wants to give her a roadtrip, then it is between OP and her sister. And non of mummies bussiness. So definitly not the AH.
edit: the relation between daughter and mother definitly needed some damage or she would never be free.
Story 2: This feels like a situation where the SIL was far too protective of her daughter because shes all she has left; however, she may have damaged her daughter in doing that.
Well said. And as a result, she'll cause her daughter to hate her, but also rebel, and go complete NO CONTACT with her.
*Strict parenting will lead to rebellion/estrangement.⚠️*
Or the mom can't stand giving up control and power.
She's lucky that her daughter didn't rebel and do something crazy.
Mom is a user. They made the right call for their family. Mom will probably never change, unfortunately. Speaking from experience with my own family members. Story 2: I'm proud of the niece for finally showing some independence. Helicopter parents hurt their kids by stifling their growth.
Great first story! Story 2 also positive, and I hope the SIL/daughter relationship will continue to grow/improve.
I seriously doubt that the SIL/daughter relationship will ever improve; the daughter will rebel, go so far as marry the first guy that comes along, and disappear with him to get away from her mother.⚠️
@@danacarter9147, even if the daughter doesn't go buckwild, she will distance herself from her mother. The SIL will probably become one of those old ladies who moans about how her ungrateful daughter and grandchildren never come to see her.
@@ladyv5655 It won't be long, before happens, I'm with you 💯% on that.
Anyone picturing an old grandpa keeping a spreadsheet for the Squish mallows?
S2. SIL reminds me of my mother while growing up. Always strict, always had to know who I was with. After I graduated college, she tried to remain overprotective. I put my foot down and said enough. You can't protect an adult. I won't disrespect her home but I was done with her rules. My dad backed me up and she begrudgingly backed off. Now we get along great, although she still drives me crazy. That's just growing pains.
Story 2: "My niece is an absolutely wonderful person" it's really bizarre how such good people can come from such controlling parents
Crappy parents?
@@sparklemotion8377auto correct be damned
It's not really bizarre once you understand that just because someone grows up with awful parents, like heroin dealers or gun smugglers and stuff, doesn't mean that they are doomed to follow in their parents footsteps.
I didn't follow my folks, nor did my older brother.
Same for most of my friends growing up.
I also know two people that are honestly some of the worst humans I've ever met and yet they both had awesome parents, especially compared to me.
A lot of things can affect us, mostly peer pressure from other young people/our friends, and events that we have no control over (such as the death of a close friend).
Human behavior is weird.
But I'll never understand why so many people seem to believe that if you had good/bad parents then you would also likely end up following them.
I consider myself to be a fairly decent person. My mother was a nightmare similar to the SIL in the story, only worse. My mother enjoyed the pain of others. She made me feel awful, but I noticed at a young age that she made other people feel awful, too. She became a negative role model for me. I didn't question what she said to her face, but I thought about things she said and did. Simply put, she was the last person I went to for advice. I listened to dad more than mom. People liked him. I wanted people to like me, too. Mom didn't care what anyone thought of her.
Not all kids blindly follow their parent's lead.
Not at all, I think a lot of us realise “I want to be nothing like my parents” and work hard on making sure we are nothing like them and ending the cycle of abuse. Takes a lot of really hard work and being very self aware!
Story 1. OP DO NOT give your egg donor any money. You have already helped her. YOU ADOPTED YOUR SISTER.
S2: "As I taught you, then stood aside, you must do the same." - Lorien, Babylon 5
Just one correction: OP said niece is negotiating how to have a better relationship with her mom. But niece has done absolutely nothing wrong. It's on the mom to learn that her child is not her property or puppet. She has to learn how to respect her daughter's choices as an adult.
The SIL keeps up with that attitude and this quote may follow.
"I'd like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I would look up into your lifeless eyes and wave like this." - Vir Cotto
Imagine losing your mind over your adult child taking a short vacation, just to find out she went to DISNEYLAND!!! 😂😂.
Story 2: The niece is an adult. Her mother has NO say in what she does or doesn't do! Her mom needs to stop trying to control her. No concerts? No going out with friends? Geez! Sounds like she never got to have any fun! It's control freaks like her that wonder why their kids go nuts and wild when they finally get some freedom...and wonder why their kids don't want to have any contact with them later on.
I just want to say it's nice having a family who accepts a adopted member of their family with such open arms. This is what I expect every family to do but I also know with the stories on Reddit usually the members of the family who were adopted get treated as second-class citizens or aren't recognized by their adopted family members. So this just made my heart feel so happy for her and the fact that she gets an army of stuffed animals is fantastic. I used to get stuffed animals from my relatives and I'm almost 30 and I still have all of them on display because they just make me so happy. I'm glad her sister has her as her mom now and I truly hope for nothing but the best for her.
The niece is twenty-two years old! She's absolutely not a child. I was in graduate school, had a job, was a couple of months away from my wedding, and had bought a condo with my (now) husband at that age. If my mother had attempted to keep me from going on a road trip with other responsible adult friends of mine, we would have had a serious talk about boundaries.
Daughter is 22, well past the age of rebelling against her mother so encouraging he to be independant is just healthy. She already got way more time controlling her daughter than other people get.
NOT FIL LEARNING ABOUT SQUISHMALLOWS FOR OPS SISTER/DAUGHTER 😭😭😭💖❤
Omg yes. I'd cry just because
And making sure not to buy her duplicates! That takes some planning
@anyjen The guy's got spreadsheets or something.
@@akl2k7 he has too
Story 1: NTA. Op has to do what is necessary to protect her sister from their mother. It’s on mom to get clean. No money!
Story 2: NTA. The girl is 22 years old and mom is not even paying for anything. Mom needs to get it together by letting go.
2nd story: Parents like SIL REALLY need to get a flipping grip! Because the more they do that, the more they're going to lose their child, OR... the child wouldn't know how to function in adulthood, because parent didn't want them to "grow".
Great decision by OP and her husband. Their child and her sister are what matters. Mother can figure things out or pay the consequences if she can't.
Story 2: This is hilarious. My parents were barely involved and barely remembered me. I went to work my first convention after already having gone on a road trip in college freshman year without any of my family noticing. Because this was the dinosaur times I called my dad to let gim know I'd be in Chicago for the weekend and already checked the coverage map so I might bot pick up in a roaming zone.
"Going out of town I dont think so young lady!"
"Dude. My title is in my name, I pay my own insurance, I've been paying the bills your child support never got anywhere near coz mom snorted it, I have a 4.0 in the college program yall made me sign up for because not once in 4 yeara of me performing super well academically, working the legal and sometimes illegal number of hours as a highschool student, did any relative ever check in on me so ya don't get to tell me a damn thing now."
Because my dads not an idiot he...went and thought about that and took steps towards being a better dad
Story 2: Niece's mom doesn't have any say in what her 22 year old adult daughter does for a vacation.
Well said. The SIL will get a sad wake-up call, when her daughter rebels, disappears with the first guy, that comes along marries him, to get away from her; not only that, but also disconnects her phone number, changes her identity, and deactivates her social media accounts, so that, she won't be able to find her. Strict parenting will lead to rebellion.⚠️
My mother's goal in life was to keep me as close to her as possible. She didn't want me to go anywhere,do anything or have any friends as a teenager. In fact she prayed to God to make me a nun. I am 50 now and she is still demanding that I come back and live in her house and look after her . I live 6 hours away from her and havnt seen her in 9 years . I also have disabled children that I care for but she still insists I should be living with her. This is what is going to happen with this woman and her daughter if the woman doesn't wake up to herself. Her daughter will stay far away from her and see her as little as possible.
Story 1: OP absolutely did the right thing. They should also stop calling her "sister", they have adopted her, she is her daughter, and has done more positive things for her in a few months than the donor did. Best of luck OP, you and the husband are good people.
Story 2: "Why doesn't my child visit me?"
Story 2: as someone with overprotective parents like this, you're saving the girl, not ruining the relationship with her mom. The mom is ruining this herself. Getting her on this trip is going to show her that she can be independent and she can do things without being under her wing
Story 2: mom needs to let her go now because if she doesn't, the niece will feel she's missed out and will act out later, probably to her detriment.
Story 1: Am i the only one who actually said “THANK GOD” when Op said she was cutting off her toxic mother…?
Op needs to prioritize her sister cause your mother is not safe to be around.
On Story#1, OP should consider herself lucky that she had no contact with her mother for all these years. Just from the brief commentary, I got the sense that OP's mother would have dragged her down if she had remained in contact. The mother seems like she would make OP give up everything for her, abandon her and then only to come back with another sob story to leach more from OP. Don't give the mother anything. NTA.
Story 2. Why are you discussing with SIL. The niece is 22. Some women are getting married, having babies, going to war etc. Also, if the niece needs to blindly obey to not have a wedge between them. If the niece is afraid of talking to her mom, she has been emotionally abused for years. Her mom needs intense therapy.
thank you. i was looking at the comments going "am i the only one who sees the second story and goes 'that's abuse though?????'.
At the very least, she was not preparing her daughter to be a functioning adult.
Story 1: its time to call her "daughter" instead of sister
Story 1: The only thing parents need to know about their adult kids' finances is that they have enough. And that should be out of selfless concern for their kids' well-being, not to see if there's any extra to hand out. Jeez!
First story, if she's adopted her sister, she's now her daughter.
She gave you away and mow she gave away this baby. It's over she dont get anyone money.
The drunk mother will NEVER "get her crap together." Break all contact forever to protect the child and yourself.
OP's logic.. "my addict mother was a terrible, abandoned and traumatized me... so obviously the best thing for her is to stay in touch with mommy and traumatize my sis ❤"
You're very narrow minded, at least OP rectified her actions and now her main priority is to protect her sister. Hope you seek help in rubbing past actions when someone has changed for the better❤
@@isabellagomez4272except the mom didn’t change lmaooo and OP wasn’t being logical. Gtfo
The lil sister must be around 3 now so she did already understand who she lived with obviously. It would have been more traumatizing to just cut her mother off from the kid right away as the kid would have wondered where her mother is, especially since OP was still a stranger and the kid was shy. Shy people dont cope well with being put in a completely unknown situation. Children even less since its instinct to hold onto your known parent for safety. Besides, OP made very clear that her mother was never alone with her sister/daughter. With the visits she helped the kid to slowly get used to her new situation and now mother can just fade out and be gone. Life is a bit more complicated than just black and white, good and bad.
What are you, 15? That's such an immature, overly simplified and unnuanced view on the situation
This is what is called a trauma bond. It's hard to break them, even if the toxicity of the relationship is obvious. You need not sneer at OP. Trauma like what OP endured takes a lifetime to process and understand. Your nastiness isn't helpful.
Great video LG!
Story 2: NTA, your niece is an adult, and can choose on her own if she accepts your gift, it is none of her mom's business. Your niece doesn't have a relationship with her mom, she is a prisoner of her mom.
It very bad to give her any money
S1: NTA. That's not a mother, that's an egg-donor/surrogate and OP1 owes that person nothing. The adoption should be changed to a closed adoption and cut her off NOW. Update: They gave the egg-donot a chance and I think she is going to blow it, but it can be said they gave her a chance.
S2: Saw this story before. OP2 is NTA. Neice is ***22*** not 2. Maybe if this were a group of minors, she'd be the a-hole but not an ADULT.
I wonder if OP plans to continue calling her adopted daughter, her sister?
I did that road trip with friends at 18 and still look back with fondness on it. I've been a lot of places since then and every time it gets compared to that very first "we're adults now" trip. Every newly minted adult should do it.
the road trip story - op says her sil is a good mom, but. No, she's not a good mom. she's controlling and emotionally abusive at least. she's threatening the relationship with her daughter if her daughter doesn't do exactly what she wants. that's 100% abuse.
i hope the niece goes on the road trip. she needs to live her life for herself to show her mom that she can't control her.
eta - with the update, glad the sil calmed down a bit. she was pushing her own kid away and lashing out at others because of her own behavior. she still needs to chill out, but at least the niece is becoming her own person
*STORY:#1*
OP stop saying *_"my sister"_* when in actuality, that is *_YOUR CHILD!_*
Op sister-in-law needs to stop trying to control her adult daughter before her daughter will snap and go no contact story2
"never let you enemy knows you next move"
is something i had to learn through out the years. There is levels of trust when it comes to information.
For example there is things who nobody knows at all about me. There is things my family doesn't knows. There is things my sisters knows but my parents don't. There is thing i never tell my mother because i know how she is. And so on.
You can't trust someone fully with anything and more when you know how that person is and how will react.
I understand SIL. Her fears are causing problems and it sounds like something she can actually work through. Hope all is well for OP and her family
TELL MOTHER YOU WANT CHILD SUPPORT ! BECAUSE HUSBAND LOST EVERYTHING IN SCAM
Im happy for the little sister getting the family and love she deserves bu im gonna be honest.
Every story i hear that goes like this makes me sad, i wish me and my siblings got to experience even a fraction of that love and appreciation when we were growing up.
I'm a middle aged woman and road trips throughout the years have been some of the best vacation experiences in my life. 22 years old, mature and responsible, time to cut those apron strings. The mom sounds like a controlling witch tbh. I have gone on solo trips and group trips but those group trips also helped find out who really was a friend and who wasn't. I love driving and finding different routes if I have the time. Taking the road less wandered has given me many experiences and memories that I wouldn't have if I had stuck to the highways.
Last Story: Beginning: Ohhhhh, niece is going to cut ties at that rate and need alot of therapy. End: NICE, Hella mature everybody! No ties cut or bridges burned!
Potty training depends on the individual child. Both of my daughters were 2-3 years ahead based on “milestones” but potty training was something neither of my daughters could do effectively till they were almost 3.
I couldn't agree more and this is coming from someone who got pregnant at 17 while addicted to drugs. It was a wakeup call and my son's father and I not only manage to stay together, but we also got sober together and turned our lives around. Our children don't ask to exist and it's BS when parents try to say their kids owe them because they brought them into this world.
This mom didn't even do the bare minimum and still feels entitled to help from the child she neglected to neglect another.
OP WBTA if she gives her mom money. She's NTA for saving her baby sister from having to endure what OP did.
your job as a parent is to teach your child how to handle whatever crap life trows at them. and be a safety net when needed.
OP is NTA for encouraging her niece to go LIVE LIFE. I totally agreed with LG’s take! It’s SIL who is driving the wedge. She’s smothering the poor gal.
Story 2: OP likely saved SIL and Nieces releationship with that trip.
Story one sounds like it’s right out of the standard junky playbook.
Last Story... I couldn't help but wonder where the niece's father is in all this? Dead? Divorced? In the normal course of things both parents have input on how their children are raised, but the father is conspicuous by his absence.
My little loves squish mallows too😁
Through personal experience I’ve learned it’s incredibly stupid to pay for somebody else’s rehab. Especially when they don’t want it or are being forced into it. My mom wasted $50,000 she didn’t have, on my sister all it did was make her get worse, led to my mom‘s loss of her home, and led to me hating her to the core of my soul
S1. NTA! OPs "mom" didn't take care of OP, so why does OP need 2 care about mom? So glad they got the little one away from mom as well✌😎
Story 1: NTA. No Hun, let’s give her EVERY benefit of the doubt available. It is STILL not unreasonable to be cautious around her and it STILL is not reasonable to just give her money. Why didn’t she ask if she was this strapped?
1st story: Good thing the mom didn't know about the money earlier - she would have required a large payout before letting them adopt. (ie: essentially held the baby sister for ransom.)
Story 2: SIL is crazy. Her daughter is 22 and going into grad school. How long does she expect to control her daughter’s every move?
Story 1: Allowing supervised visits was a bad move. You want to give the kid up for adoption? OK, NOT your child anymore.
1. The kid is old enough to talk, it would be incredibly psychologically damaging just to take them from the only parental figure they've known (even a crappy one) without some connection.
2. They reason you keep connections to flawed family figures in situations like this is in part so they don't grow up romanticising their original parents. When kids have no contact they will make up scenarios about their birth parents like "my real mother wouldn't make me do my homework" or "my real dad wouldn't make me clean my room". It sets the birth parents on a pedestal that can be a real problem in rebellious teenage years. However, kids are smart. If you keep contact they are going to compare the stability and consistency you provide to the lack of stability a birth family has, and they will have a) a better understanding of why they aren't with their birth family b) are more likely to realise it wasn't anything to do with them and not internalise blame and c)be more content with their adoptive family.
OP is trying her best under difficult circumstances and a manipulative parent but cutting the mother out completely even if she is toxic can have bad effects down the line.
On my 18th birthday, my eldest brother's gift to me was a trip out to visit him when he was living in Gibraltar. My mum (his stepmum) veto'd that idea completely, telling us that I was too young and naive to travel alone. She said anything could happen; I could get hurt, I could get lost, what if someone kidnapped me from the airport when I landed? Bearing in mind, I'd been flying since I was 4 weeks old, and by the time I could read and comprehend instructions, my mum relied on me to guide her through airports so she didn't have to pay attention. I was 22 years old when I was finally able to cash in that present, despite my mother's protestations that I was still too young.
I'm no contact with my mother nowadays (I'm 38 now), but that was one example of one of her controlling hold on me.
If op mom is a gold digger then why is op still have her in her life because her mother only brings drama to her life story 1
Because cutting your own mother out of your life is one of the hardest thing to do. Even if you know she is not good for and never has been a good parent to you, you still only know her as your mom and will most likely always wish that she changes and becomes the mother you always wished and hoped for. Even if it breaks your heart again and again. I wish for you, that you never have to go through that.
@@julif.138 I agree with you. For us outsiders cutting out toxic people should be an easy choice. But for those who had to deal with them, cutting out toxic people is easier said than done, especially when it comes to family, doubly so if you were forced to grow up in a toxic environment. Cutting ties with toxic people needs to be done, but it is indeed one of the hardest things to do.
Story 1, the two year old isn't her priority, her addiction is. Story 2 , she has graduated from college and is 22 years old, she needs to tell her controlling mother to F.O.
Story 2: I'm a bit curious how long the sister-in-law expected to be able to control her daughter. When was the ban on dating going to be lifted - when she was thirty, or forty, or fifty? When daughter got her masters and a job, was SiL still going to be phoning her every night to check she was in by curfew?
Hits home a bit because I had a very sheltered childhood, so much so that boarding school was actually more freedom! My parents were good company, and they were concerned about me being socialised as a young child, but somehow I missed most of the teenage stage. Which has advantages and disadvantages (less drama! less romance...) but has definitely shaped who I am now.
Anyway, sounds like the OP has had a positive influence so that's a happy update.
Story 1 Update: Careful with those squishmellows, she might become addicted. In all seriousness, you made an excellent choice. All the love to your family.
Story 2: NTA. You’re not over stepping. If anyone is overstepping it’s SIL. Yes she is her Mom, but she is the Mom of an adult who needs to start making her own decisions. And frankly speaking SHE is the only thing holding her back. I’m sorry she doesn’t want her kid to go on a trip but this is simply not a fight worth having.
Story 1: Glad OP is smart!! Now that Mom knows specifics, I have a feeling this is the potential start of a cycle, where Mom constantly is pregnant, trying to pawn kids off on OP bc "money". OP got lucky so far, but the next kid could have serious issues. My only gripe is, quit calling her "sister" now she's your daughter! Treat her like it!!
Op, stop calling her your sister. She is your DAUGHTER. She is nothing to your mother anymore, and don't stress about it.
2. Niece is 22 and can make up her own mind. Regardless of what her mother thinks. Parents who keep such a tight control over their kids find out in the end that it wasn't a good thing. It can be a way to lose your child completely.
Story 1: NTA, your financial situation is none of your mothers business. If you had "just given her money" she would have out it up her nose.
2nd: niece is an adult, op is an adult. SIL has 0 say in this matter. It is fully covered. What is she going to do when her daughter will make her own decisions? One day she will put her foot down and SIL is going to have to accept it or she is going to lose her.
Hey LG I was wondering: do people u have done videos on ever reach out and say it’s their story and they like your take?
So far, it has only happened once
Story one NTA mother, like one of those people who has never taken responsibility in her life. I would bet any amount of money that OP told the mother she had money. The mother would have used the little sister as a bargaining chip to get money from and her husband. OPneeds to cut off these mostly visits because nothing good is going to come from them
No dating no concerts no frivolous spending keeping her on the tight leash. No OP your sister-in-law is a terrible mom! And OP would not be the asshole if they paid for their niece to go on a trip. Denise is 22 she needs to get from under her mother‘s jack booted heal!
Story 2 Update: Good on you and good on her. You can’t always be liked by everyone, but that doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
I still think SIL needs to either listen to Mama, I'm a Big Girl Now from Hairspray; or watch Finding Nemo.
Story 2 is frustrating. The niece is 22 years old and it's clear to me that her mother has no intention of letting her become an adult without a fight. The niece will sooner or later resent her for that. My own parents weren't perfect, but they were nowhere near as stifling as OP's SIL.
I get the feeling mum might have already known of the in laws wealth and played the adoption card hoping to cash in later or was hoping for another solution like living with OP and OP throwing money at her.
FYI, there is no “last minute boost of fertility.” Women continue to ovulate until menstrual cycles cease. Ovulation may not always release an egg healthy enough to be properly fertilized or survive pregnancy if it does, but some of them may be. Again, there is no boost, just a slight chance of healthy eggs being released until the cycles stop.
Road Trip - OP won't be damaging the relationship between her sister and niece. The girl's mother is doing that with her controlling ways.
First OP needs to wake up and face reality, her incubator is complete trash. A user and a loser. I'm glad OP rescued her sister and went NC. But she needs to withdraw any and all offers for help, including rehab. That's just another avenue for the bio-unit to try and exploit. "I'm clean now, give me money!" Also OP needs to get therapy to deal with her misplaced guilt.
Story 1, I'm a couple minutes in and after op's mom called op a bish i was like hell naw you are not the ahole op,
she already called you because she only wanted something from you not because she actually changed, and then had the cheek to say that disrespectful bs,
after every irresponsible and selfish things she done, naw don't give her anything unless it's a trip to a rehab,
addiction is horrible thing to fight/deal with but it doesn't give her the right act like a entitled pos like this to anyone regardless,
I just got finished with the update for s1 and good they are not giving her money,
and told her though a lawyer that no she's not getting money and if she truly want some help is to go to rehab and get clean especially if she wants to be around op's sister,
Seriously op and her husband is not only doing the right thing by doing this for her sister but her mom too,
because op's mom wasn't going to use that money for the right thing at all, and probably would have gotten her more in trouble if op did give it to her especially if op's sister was still in her care,
Because harsh or not it wouldn't have ended well at all if op gave in and gave her money, that's the sad reality of this situation.
Hopefully this is Mom's rock bottom moment. Somehow I doubt it. She's made it to her 50s using people. That old dog isn't picking up a new trick. In either case OP has her sister out of the mess.
Story 2 : SIL doesn't even realize she's taking a huge risk to be so controlling with her daughter, and a risk way bigger than a flat tire or even a stolen car. She's risking to not stay in touch with her daughter and/or OP with her unbereable behavior. Life is a risk, forbidding something to someone is a risk. It seems SIL is afraid to lose her daughter but each and every refusal will inevitably lead her daughter to cut contact with her.
Edit : 17:42 I-NE-VI-TA-BLE! That's what I'm talking about. And the last commenter before this update is a muppet. After all, no, she's not a muppet : even Elmo has more balls.
Edit 2 : Ha! I was right about the flat tire, it was an easy call, tho.
TO OP'S MOM
THINGS CAN
B TOUGH FOR
SOME PEOPLE
SO U SHOULD
HAVE TRIED
AS BEST U
CAN TO TAKE
CARE OF OP
THAN MUCH
LATER OP'S
TINY SISTER.
10:16 okay this is such a dumb thing to say, my bad.
It is actually pretty easy to not get the same squishmallows. Stores put new ones up every few months and different stores carry different squish
That's not really fair to say. Not everyone knows that Squishmallows are actually individual characters. They're cute, egg-shaped soft and mink-like pillow toys that don't even move on thier own, so yeah, I can see why most Adults wouldn't know that there are so many different types that have their own names and personalities. Most collectibles for kids are small things like figurines or well established toy names like Barbie or Hot Wheels.
“She broke down calling me a selfish bitch who’d never considered how hard things were for her”
Oh no, don’t talk about yourself that way in front of OUR daughter. It’s just not right for the poor thing to hear her GRANDMOTHER talk so cruelly about herself.
Thank god OP didn’t tell her anything below the belt until her sister was legally adopted. She’s definitely right about not trusting the random stranger considering she lied about a change once she was born, but didn’t want to be burdened with another mouth to feed. Any penny sent to her if she still had her sister, would go right into drugs, drinking, or whatever the selfish bitch wanted than the poor baby. She really needs to cut everything forever, wether the gold digger actually changed(which I really, highly, seriously doubt it)
Uhhh story 2: uhhhh OP? Your. Niece. Is. 22. She doesn’t need her mom’s permission to go on a road trip. She doesn’t need her mom’s permission to do ANYTHING. And keeping her on a tight leash is doing your niece NO FAVORS. She won’t even be able to set up a bank account without mommy’s help if she doesn’t break free. Tell YOUR NIECE about the details and forget SIL. She needs to cut the apron strings YESTERDAY
Where is OPs brother? OP should be talking with him. Get the. Grandparents involved. And maybe show an itinerary with family shown along the route.
Story 1 : say the OP gave her mother money instead, who's to say that she wouldn't have just spent it on stupid crap and life for the toddler wouldn't have changed at all?
Im thinking that this wouldve been the more likely scenario if op just handed out money instead of adopting her sister.