The way the daughter said "there are a few things my mum neglected to mention in her post" while simultaneously outlining the fact that OP didn't actually neglected to mention anything of relevance in the story really rubbed me the wrong way foe some reason
I think it was really poor wording on her part ‘cause the stuff that the mom “neglected” to say was just……….stuff the mom wasn’t privy to? The mom didn’t witness the relationship between her daughter and the grandma during the years of no-contact.
For real. And using abuse as an excuse when she literally admits that MIL was the model grandmother for the majority of their relationship? 💀 Sounds like she’s inherited some of those toxic traits from her grandmother. I want to be clear, someone can be great 99% of the time and still be terribly abusive the other 1%, grandmother is absolutely terrible. But since she’s posturing herself as the victim here when she’s the one mistreating OP, I can’t help but compare the two’s experiences, and OP definitely suffered far more.
@@KittenUndercover she’s a “Daddy’s girl” as are most woman who grow up with their father. On top of that she was at the age that she is the most argumentative with her mother as she was figuring out how to be a woman herself. So, it was easy to manipulate her against her mom. The “should’ve fought harder for me” is the same as a woman telling a suitor she rejects as “should’ve tried harder.” It’s all BS. The daughter is still siding with her father deep down. It’s going to be years, like when she’s a parent herself, to come to terms with how deeply she beat her Mom down. Regardless of being duped by the elaborate deception her Grandmother did. She is still responsible for the damage she did in abandoning her mother with her “righteous indignation”.
Something in the daughter's response caught my eye: "The next morning grandma came to the house while *mom was sending me long-ass paragraphs about wanting to have a relationship again..."* The way that was phrased felt so bratty and dismissive, considering the context. You can almost feel the eye-roll there. Meanwhile, the mom is pouring out her heart about this damaging injustice that was done to her and trying to make steps towards a relationship again. The daughter has a lot of growing up to do, even for her age.
@Rhonda Sisco-Cleveland and OP did *not* seems to realize her *daughter* must have been *very hurt* herself, thinking her mother was a cheater, that abandoned her for four years... the more I think about it, the more OP seems both like a "woe is me"-type, and a little like an immature teenager... so much so, that now I question if this is not just a made up story by a teenage spiring fiction-writer...(?)
@@mb8787the daughter was not freaking 7, she had 17 years with her mother raising her, just shy of attaining maturity, yet still fell for her grandma’s words of her mother acting totally uncharacteristically. One would expect you to know better. And Guess what? Even at 21 she had to be told that the woman closest to her since her infancy was not the half-arse lie you believed on a whim. If you make mistakes (and amplify them) at that point you’re willingly being an idiot. “Mom was sending me long-arse paragraphs” this girl doesn’t even respect her mother after everything and you expect OP to know better. Y’all need to stop babifying these people, everything is not the parents’ fault.
To be fair, she was in a frazzled state of mind as the grandmother had showed up to make trouble while she was trying to get through the messages and her attention was split between the two.
The “do y’all not understand abuse victims?” comment from the daughter really bothers me. It feels like she’s trying to use that as a shield from any criticism for her actions, despite the fact that the person she’s mistreating, OP, was also abused by MIL (arguably even worse!). Being lied to and manipulated explains why she harbors the feelings she does towards OP. It does not in any way excuse her terrible behavior or exempt her from criticism for it. She claims she hated her mom, and yet complains that she didn’t fight harder to keep contact… you can’t have it both ways. I wish OP healing in all of this and fully support her setting such strict boundaries with her daughter, I can only imagine how painful this has all been.
That's exactly what it is. "Sure I treated my mom horrible and believed my dad and grandma over her despite almost being a legal adult and not a small child, but you should really be feeling sorry for me." Daughter also: "Yes, I hated you and treated you like crap, but why didn't you care enough to fight for custody of me?"
At 17 there’s not much you can do to fight for custody when the child says they want to live with one parent or the other. My mom lost custody of me (she is awful tho and she doesn’t hide it well) when I chose to live with my dad in court.
Like grandmother, like son, like granddaughter. Daughter says her grandmother spoiled her. In other words, trained her to be Mini Me. OP deserves someone that cares enough not to manipulate her.
Yeah "do y'all not understand abuse victims?" is where the daughter lost me, too. OP, her mother, was the victim. Neither daughter or husband ever bothered to ask if she really did it. Just started spewing hate at her. That's abuse.
What killed me was the part about "mom was sending me *long-ass paragraphs* about (...) needing boundaries" This is immediately after admitting to harass her constantly after blindsiding her with her ex/dad. That woman (21 is no child) is self-centered at best and narcissist at worst.
“There are a lot of things she neglected to say on her part,” no you silly little girl, she didn’t mention them because she literally didn’t know about them. That’s what happens when you ice out someone for four years. It’s hilarious that she thought her little pity party was gonna change anyones mind. Yes, she’s a victim. Her dad is also a victim. That does not erase what they did to OP. Dad knew how toxic his mom is and daughter cut ties with her mother for a stranger and neither tried to hear OP out, which is the worst part. Like putting someone in prison without a trail.
Yeah. Daughter was trying to save face to a bunch of internet strangers, but ended up looking worse than before. They never communicated with her, then got upset that she didn’t know or say the things she didn’t know cause they never communicated! Like we all agree that everyone (except crazy MIL) is a victim, but just because they were victims doesn’t mean that it excuses their actions. It may explain them, but doesn’t exempt them from the consequences. I think the part that got me the most upset, is that it seemed (at least to me) that she was trying to compare the amount of pain she was feeling to her mother’s pain. Like a “who suffered more” competition, and that just didn’t sit well with me. The whole post just screams “an attempt at damage control” and it doesn’t even do that well. We didn’t really learn any new information that made us change our minds, and it showed her in a really bad light. It just should have never been posted.
@@lynnw7155 Yeah, I honestly don’t really know how that really makes her a victim of abuse. Manipulation, yes, but she wasn’t the one being screamed at or literally being kicked out.
I disagree about the dad being a victim. I'd call him an abuser. He was under the obligation to hear out OP's side before condemning her. Not only did he not do that (which is borderline abusive and a betrayal of his partner's love and trust), but he then alienated her daughter against her, which makes my ahole assessment of him 100%. On the word of a person he knew was a manipulative liar he betrayed OP, destroyed her life and vindictively put her through hell while also making her homeless and losing everything. These were all his CHOICES. Period. This man deserves no forgiveness from anyone. Ever. What he deserves is to have his entire life burned down, destroyed and be left with the damage and trauma it causes until he dies. He deserves to be falsely accused of a serious crime, his innocence disregarded; his protestations disregarded, and to suffer the injustice that HE and HE ALONE put his ex wife through.
she knew her mother for 16 years, had no contact to grandma and when her dad told her "mom cheated" and she spend time with grandma she immediately took their side. Yeah - no sympathy.
Well I mean she knew her father for 16 years too and they seemed like a happy family so the daughter would trust either one. I'm pretty sure if the mom had lied about the dad cheating, the daughter would take her side.
UGH THIS!!! The part where she said she 'thought' her mom was the controlling and manipulator, like girl, you been with her and known her for 16 years of your life and just like that you decided that you agreed with your dad ang crazy granny?? And to think she's already 21y.o writing this post to explain/excuse her sorry self instead of reflect?? Yuck.
She was a CHILD being told adult things and being asked to make adult decisions about whom to trust- her sweet grandma who seemed put together, or her "cheating" mom, who seemed to be falling apart at the seams. Have you people never encountered a narcissist? Do you not know what the love-bombing phase is? Do you not understand that she was told her dad's side first and was removed from the mother's influence immediately?🤔
@@sunnybananny57371) At 21, she is not fully mature in her brain 2) at 16 she barely knew anything or anybody- let alone the adults in her life making adult decisions. She was deceived.
@@politereminder6284 16 is not a child. Its 2 years from being an adult by law. She didnt question anything she was told but simply went along with it. didnt ask for proof, didnt care for proof and then she acts like the victim. Get a grip-.
I skipped straight to the daughter's side. No sympathy for her honestly. Wish mom the best and hope she gets healing and surrounds herself with non-toxic people, and an entirely new and healthy start at life.
I wouldn’t want too much contact with her either. She does not sound remotely sorry enough. Kids like this make me glad I never had any. Do YaLl Not UnDerStaNd aBusE ViCtIms? 🥴🥴🥴 Ok but you called her an ahole at the restaurant when you f-ed up.
@@sonialinsey8083 yeah I laughed at that like B you just found out your a victim. She was a brat before she found out and is still a brat after she found out. I hope the mom makes a recovery could care less for the daughter and coward dad
"There are times I wanted to contact her... but I didn't" That girl didn't fall far from the coward tree. And then she has the audacity to say "I'm a victim!"... while still living with her dad. She's a sponge.
Yeah me too! In the end, it comes down to ego and Pride! She was SO assured like "daddy" that grandma was showing the truth and her mother was the villain! Then four years of finally playing the victim with others! Grandma SHAMELESSLY reveals she lied all this time! Momma's boy is crushed that he sided against "the love of his life" (Not much if he didn't give her a chance to explain and he KNOWS his mother enough! ALL Momma's boys like him do! Even I know my mother well enough to know she's not into the manipulation game since she suffered enough of that from my deceased grandmother and VERY MUCH still alive aunt, her elder sister to play these's games on others! Least of all me and my siblings her children. Sad part is my younger brother and sister and their father seem to LOVE still plaguing my mother with these's games! No surprise Baby brother and sister as far as their concern have DISOWNED the two and view me as the only older sibling they have! As similar to my mother, I hate these's stupid games as well!) while to Daughter, she sadly grew up with a sense of entitlement and may have inherited this bad behavior from her dad (basically she's become "grandma 2.0") She can't own up to her mistakes along with her father! So instead their acting as though OP should shut her new life without them that they were all happy to do! Lets not be stupid here! If grandma didn't out herself! Daughter would have NC mom the very moment she hit 18 and husband would cut all contact completely at that point! They enjoyed abit of the victim status till they discovered they got played and fooled! They're victims all right of a narcisst who wanted OP the mother of the family out of the way so she can PRETEND to be her son's wife and granddaughter's mother! And after all this time! I don't fully believe they'll "NC" Grandma! No that spineless wimp who broke up with his new GF the VERY moment he discovered OP was innocent (meaning a part of his mind KNEW Daughter is acting ALOT like my younger brother in that he WANTS to help his no good piece of shit father get back with our mother! Mind you my brother is 30 now (I'm 35) and STILL indulging his 60 year old father's bad habits and behavior (this is the man he's ignoring KIDNAPPED and abused him and his sister when they were 8 and 10 for two years before our mother got them back because the courts fucking SUCKED and had a brainfart during that time! And they came back spoiled and rotten! Even SINCE THAT DAY having a MAJOR issue with every accepting responsiblity for their own actions and blaming all the woes of their life on our mother and ME their elder brother instead of those who did it and their dad! No matter how horrible that man got, especially once they both passed 18 years old where he got WORSE, to the point my brother's method of running to him and playing him and mom against each other BACKFIRED on him at 18, his father no joke ENSLAVED HIM to him and his new family as he remarried when brother was 13! Treated him like shit and LIED to me and my mother that he didn't want to talk to us! Since he played this game before, we sadly believed it! Funny that I told him to cut this shit out and he told me to QUOTE "Mind my own business and that I was a terrible Older brother who didn't know nothing" He only escaped at 23 when he showed up out of the blue, having secreted away some of his money his dad was TAKING from him to get a ticket to a train and ran back here with BARELY anything but the clothes on him and enough money to buy a bag of peanuts and a bottle of water! He was LUCKY as his dad LIED and claimed we moved from our last location that we were STILL THERE and it was a surprise when he came in like that and we discovered what happened! Helped him get back on his feet till at 27 HE FORGAVE HIS FATHER AND REESTABLISHED CONTACT! Convinced our sister to move her family NEAR the bastard, putting them UNDER his umbrella and when mom went to visit her and her grandsons, my nephews and brother drove her! ASSHOLE drove her to his dad's house since "he wanted to meet her" and tried to hide it till ma recognized the path they were taking as asshole never moved from that locations all these's years! And asshole even AMBUSHED her outside sister's house sometimes because the idiot was TELLING HIM when our mother was visiting that ma had to TRICK him with the location and time! As me and baby brother stopped telling that idiot what ma was REALLY DOING as he lost complete trust from me long before he did this and baby brother and him were sour since the day he could speak his first words at 3 as my brother high on his "I was a terrible older brother" justified HIS poor behavior with baby brother growing up that he clung to me because I treat ALL my younger siblings the same and equally! Well not the idiot as he was SOURING our relationship at that point that can you BLAME ME for liking baby brother who wasn't a plague MORE! It was like Night and day between the two. Unlike me who DID see the good kid the idiot was before his father's kidnapping to not COMPLETELY cut him off, baby brother NEVER saw that side at all, so you can't blame him for disowning the asshole the moment he hit 18 and the idiot never changed his ways bullying a kid younger then him! Now he whines and complains neither of us want anything to do with him! Kind of easy when he CONTINUES to side with strangers and ENEMIES OF HIS HE KNOWS ARE HIS ENEMIES against us his family! He keeps running into assholes who LOVE to cause drama and realize how stupid he is listening to them and wrecking his own life in a vain attempt to be "liked!" You can see from how long I ranted here just how similar to the Daughter my brother is and WHY I can't feel sympatthy for her and see her for how she truly is and likely to still remain! I long lost sympath with my brother when he was 27 when he forgave that asshole POS for everything and what's funny! The POS and his family are now GHETTO TRASH that HATE him for "thinking he's better then they are!" AKA he has a job as a DELIVERY DRIVER that pays quite decently! While half of them are on welfare or whatever! He never flaunts his wealth with them, only me like he thinks I'm jealous of him or something, it's funny to watch him acting like he's richie rich with a stack of bills fanning him like they mean something! Especially as I make a $1 more then him anyway! I never gave a damn as long as I was PAID right and on time! As it goes in the bank, rent and utilities, Needs then any left over not in savings goes to my "gaming and PC account" LOL! Funny thing is his fanning and posturing blows up in his face as he doesn't seem to like PUTTING HIS MONEY AWAY PROPERLY that you can find it behind the fucking toilet or radiator in the bathroom and even under the freezer! Honestly me, baby borther or mom who find it WOULD tell him, but then he opens his big mouth to insult us, or last time we DID give it to him when we found any and knew it was his! He would act like WE STOLE IT and become a mega douche till he calmed down...then forgot, but would pipe up from time to time, that we just started pocketing it if it's not life threatening to him! He is VERY good at picking the WORST TIME for himself to get on your bad side for no reason then "it makes him feel better! And it's why I don't indulge selfish assholes bad behavior and tell them to grow the fuck up!)
Daughter: y'all are so quick to judge and I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't... also mom left some stuff out :/ Also Daughter: Basically told everything that the mom said (includes minor stuff that her mom couldn't have known, since she wasn't even there), even acknowledges that she f'ed up... and is surprised that people are holding her accountable for her f-ups. Did I get that right?
only that if grandma hadn't let it slip, that she set op up, her and her dad wouldn't have known and would've keep believing the lie. when you think about it, they still didn't believe op and just took grandma's word as fact.
Imagine being so selfish and entitled that she’s complaining about her mom’s,” long a$$ paragraphs “?! Her mom should really watch her back. The daughter really doesn’t sound changed.
Oddly, the daughters post actually makes the daughter look worse. 0% real empathy or sympathy for Mom 100% "how dare anyone anywhere disapprove of anything I did"
That’s not how I read it…it was more like I feel bad , I over reacted, I was wrong, I’ll do whatever mom says, if mom was lc she gets lc. Mom is a forgiving person etc etc
@@qs4177but she completely ducks taking responsibility for bringing Dad to the meeting, it's still all about what he and the daughter want, not how much they turned OPs life upside down
The mom really is forgiving. In the daughter's post you can really tell she doesn't feel bad for how she hurt her mom she only cares about herself because the comments were ripping her apart smh that's pitful
@@Batman-lg2zj I think she only feels bad because she was called out on it. If she felt that bad she wouldn't have brought her dad after everything he and her grandmother put the mom through
No sympathy for daughter who immediately thought the worst of her mother, throwing away OP without even asking what really happened and is now playing the victim card. She deserves to live a miserable existence with the ex and his mother, knowing how much they lied and manipulated her. OP is better off without them all.
I guess my post applies to you. "Think for one moment here. The daughter is being told by both her father and grandmother that her mother cheated on her dad. A man claiming to be her lover come forward to "admit" the affair. Her mother does not do much to disprove the affair nor uncover the lie by the grandmother. She instead goes no contact instead. How do you think her daughter is supposed to see the situation. What is worse? She had to hear the truth, not from her own mother but her grandmother slipping up and admitting it. Again, how do you guys think the daughter should take all that has happened? You guys are quickly assuming and vilifying someone without any logical reason."
@doodleydoo169 What story did you hear? Nothing you are saying sounds like it has anything to do with what happened. For one, the mother, who is the op, knew the grandmother lied. So, there is no need for her to hear the confession. Which, by the way, was not fake she admitted to her ex that she lied about op having an affair. Her daughter overheard that and told her mother this after asking forgiveness for not knowing the truth.
I feel sorry for the woman that the ex was going to start a relationship with before DOG spilled the beans. Wonder what conversation they had afterwards: was it "Honey, you're great, but now that I know it was my mommy who made up a lie to break up my previous marriage, I'm going back to her like the past five years didn't happen"? Then again, it sounded like she dodged an entire firing squad's worth of bullets by not ending up with the ex given how much of a mama's boy he is ETA: And he broke up with her over the phone too? Real classy, guy!
Ya like that was even more pathetic. Like damn the ex and the daughter didn't think that even when your a victim, you still cause damage and still is responsible.
I had thought that it would have been kind of OP if she had told her ex-husband that he might as well stay with his current girlfriend. However, I thought a little more, and decided that it was kinder to the ex's girlfriend if OP didn't try to get them back together.
OP's daughter at 19:20: There is no excuse for my behavior. Also OP's daughter: Constantly throwing excuse after excuse to justify her selfish behavior after learning the truth.
Those excuses only explain her state of mind. Unfortunately, those reasons don't, and will never, negate the fact that she gave her mom the cold shoulder and, like her father, chose to believe the lie fabricated by the DOG and the ex-friend. Like I said in another comment, the DOG really did a number on that family. And both father and daughter became just as horrible as the DOG. 😬
I heard this one and the daughter has the nerve to go off on op for needing to go on her own pase. To spring her ex on her and to call op an ahole. Op deserves so much better.
I was wondering why a mother wouldn’t just take her daughter back because that bond is usually very strong and it takes a lot to break it. After her post I know why she’s LC. Still basically under the grandma’s thumb after all of that!
@@sonialinsey8083 Yeah, OP's daughter reminds me of a lot of the crappy parents on Reddit. The ones who divorce and then prioritize their new family over their already existing child. To the daughter and all those parents what I have to say is this: Don't so willingly abandon your kid/parent and then be all butthurt later on when they give up on trying to have a close bond with you. That's literally saying, "No matter how badly I'VE treated YOU, YOU are obligated to forever feel unwavering unconditional love toward ME." And definitely don't turn around and say, "It's not my fault, my grandmother/stepchild/current spouse poisoned me against them and manipulated me."
I understand the Mom’s POV but I do not understand how a 17 year old person could not believe their own mother or even ask. Even if mom had cheated, not speaking to her for 4 years?? The woman that raised you?? Daughter held zero love or regard for Mom. Disloyalty and bitterness are the key qualities of this woman. And let’s not forget, she is an adult and was for most of those years she turned her back.
The only sliver of justification i can give to the daughter for refusing to hear mom out, is assuming that dad already vetted the claim beyond any doubt before telling the daughter to pack up and didn't need to hear it for herself. Because from both accounts they were a happy little family up to that point.
It was understood that Mom had thrown away the marriage and the relationship with her daughter. There's a family friend on the doorstep that swears he's been porking your wife after your mother claims to have seen them having lunch/dinner together. A trusted friend was willing to bear false witness for $500 and lie to your face. No one wants to be cheated on... and that helpless feeling that immediately sinks into your flesh when there's damning proof. When someone that has no reason to lie to you makes upban entire story.. what's he going to do? It's really easy to say that he should believe his wife no matter what... but it was too much and too much steing pulling behind the scenes.
@@murakumo65except Dad didn't vet the claim at all. The woman was found guilty without ever even having her side heard. No one needs a husband that gullible. It's just a pity she lost her daughter in the process.
The daughter sounds like the MIL in that post. Her ambushing her mom with the dad at the first meeting and her nasty replies to both the post and the boundaries.
The daughter was 17 when her parents split and 21 when she found out the truth, not 7 and then 12. She's trying really hard to make her choices someone else's fault but she was more than old enough to make her own decisions 4 years ago and she certainly is now. The fact that she's still blaming everyone else for her part in this is a good indicator that she's probably just like her grandma and father.
I understand the daughter's response, but a lot is missing. I would be more forgiving of her if she explained why she didn't give her mother ANY chance to explain. She was sixteen - that's old enough to at least ask, "Mom, did you do it?" It sounds like no one did that, and that bothers me. The 16 year old is wooed away by gifts and lovebombing from grandma, but never wonders why those things were all but absent the first sixteen years of her life? Yeah, teenagers are selfish and dumb, but they aren't often STUPID.
She’s in community college so she may be sheltered to the point of no independence or gullible or working full time and didn’t have time to consider the situation or sleeted and very bright with low emotional intelligence.
My mom's mother is a lying narcissist and has been since forever. She told me plenty of lies about my mother growing up and I ignored all of it because I KNOW SHE'S A LIAR.
20:50 "Do y'all not understand abuse victims?" 🥺 Daddy was sad and Gramma said mean things about Mommy. You were _sixteen._ That's old enough to make your *own* decisions and use critical thinking to, I dunno, ask questions? Did Daddy's sadness and G-ma's lovebombing remove access to telephones and the Internet? You said you thought about contacting Mom in order to verbally abuse _her,_ but still didn't think it was worth the effort. Because? Because what? You weren't a child when this went down. I know some teenagers are childish, but dang... take _some_ accountability for once.
It's funny how OP tries so hard to express understanding for her daughter's actions, but the daughter's own post reveals she's either a weak-willed coward who goes with the flow of abuse as long as she benefits and/or a brat who can't stand not having her way / being seen in a negative light.
You realize she was a child who was also being manipulated right? And also that she felt abandoned by her mother, who she didn’t think fought for her at all.
@@KittenUndercover 16 is a child right, of course, their brain id the size of a peanut till they reach 18 right?? You guys really should stop this but they were just a baby nonsense, if you cant use your brain you are not a child but a stupid fool. Seriously if her dad told her the earth is flat should she believe it, are teenagers so dumb?
The daughter's whole response sounded like a "Woe is me" when her mother was the victim in it all. She's not owed a chance when she never gave it to her mother. The only thing right on the daughter's part was that her mother is the kindest woman ever. To give her a chance after she hurt her so much.
I know the daughter was being manipulated by MIL, but That nonsense her daughter posted is just an attempt to save face, and it's rather pitiful how she can and read that out and not acknowledge that. Her actions as a grown woman are still petulant.
@@fabiancaceres1473 That line 1000% just had a nasty feel, especially when there was nothing OP had left out other than the perspective of the daughter (which OP would not have known anyway). OP deserves better.
Lol at the daughter posting "her side" thinking people would sympathize with her but it only made people flame her more. I doubt she's 21 because her actions indicate she hasn't grown up at all
Daughter STILL doesn't believe OP. She didn't reach out until the grandma was kicked out from accidentally confessing. The way the daughter behaved made me think the poisoned apple didn't fall far from the grandma's tree. Particularly after she showed up with her dad to ambush OP, then went on the attack afterwards. Wouldn't be surprised if the daughter is on here a few years from now crying about mommy not being close to her because if something she did as a child. Completely leaving out the ambush and attack at attempted first meet.
People raised by narcissists are often in a state of arrested development. If they’re the “golden child”, then they’re often super emotionally stunted and mimic the bad behavior they were taught unless someone intervenes/gets therapy. The duaghter sounds super self involved (and is an AH for ambushing her mother). But I think that she can be saved with therapy. The dad is probably a narcissist too, the fact that he immediately dumped his gf after the grandma confessed kinda proved it. A normal person would have tried to reach to out to OP and apologized for not believing her. But not immediately assume that he still has a chance after what he did.
dauther does not sound like a 21 year old adult at all. the whole post would make sense if it was a preteen or a child who got scared and hid in their room when parents argued (refering to the grandma arguement) and not an adult. mom left when she was 16 not 6. and from the mom's post we have not seen any infantile behavior observed by her at the time so her entire post is a bunch of weird self justification of some sort
she's been a mental abuse victim for half a decade, her entire sense of reality is going to be warped for years of therapy to come and she just got the memo that she'll need a shit ton of therapy for how weird her dad and grandma are
When you have been gaslit and mentally abused [and make no mistake, what GMA did was mental abuse and gaslighting] it can stunt your emotional/mental growth. It is possible, *likely* even, that her mental development stopped when her parents divorced due to said abuse. Of *course* she's going to act like a teen.
Coming from someone who was the victim of a narcissistic parent, there’s something about narc parents that can leave kids emotionally stunted in growth. When I escaped my Ndad at 19, I had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old girl. It took me years of work and healing to get to my current emotional age. I’m now 1-2 years behind my current age. I’m now in my 30’s. I am in no way defending the daughter. She needs to grow and heal herself. I’m hoping this comment gives a bit more insight into why she’s talking the way she is in her post.
@@SilentSaturn The thing is the daughter wasn't raised by narcissistic parents. They went no contact with the Ex MIL years before. It was only when she was 16 that she fully came into contact, now that I think of this I am not sure if she had good contact before this. Both really didn't explain it well enough. Even still while she was still a kid, a lot of development has happened already. Both her and her dad took the word of a known narcissistic and a known bad friend. The father is a real POS and the daughter is close to one.
One lesson from this story: if your relative is toxic enough to the point where you have to go no contact with them, it is okay to tell your kids in an age-appropriate way. It kinda sounds like OP and her ex didn't explain to their daughter why grandma isn't in their lives, which at 17, she would have definitely been able to understand on an adult or near-adult level.
I know the daughter was manipulated but she still has to shoulder some responsibility here, she never ONCE by the sounds of it asked her mothers' side of things! Yes the daughter is a major AH, her shrugging it off as just being a victim is utter BS!
If someone I rarely saw came to me and said something like that about my mom, the last thing I'm going to do is believe them. OP's ex jumped to believe his mother's lies. The daughter is definitely her father's daughter.
Sorry daughter but you have no excuse. You said that you started name calling before you ever even asked your mom for her side of the story. You chose sides immediately. That had nothing to do with being manipulated.
I really love the current Generations(people after 1990 this includes my generation as well) insistence on making bad choices then insisting that no I was manipulated into doing it. If you ever pay attention in court if you were manipulated into killing somebody you still get a murder charge. Being manipulated into something doesn't absolve you of all guilt. Besides it's just like you said she immediately went in on her mom without ever trying to hear her side of the story without even actually listening to her father side of the story. She was literally given a small paragraph of information and she decided that it was 100% true and ran with it. Like if my mom came to me and said my dad was cheating on her or vice versa I would insist on having some dead-set proof before I took any side.
@@0potion to be honest is a thing that is more on the generation of the start of 2000 a lot of people, younger and older ( at least that I seen, heard and interacted) seems not to be this way, it's..strange, it seems that affected most who were born from 2000 to 2005. Nit escusing her behavior of course, it still sucks
Lol gen Z no accountability whatsoever. Everything is some psychological term taken out of context. They love to say they were manipulated, depressed, gaslit 🤣 try using your own discernment for a change.
She was a dumb, manipulated 16yo. Do you know how impressionable 16yo are? Especially when they are getting it from a parent and grandparent. I wouldn't hold that part against her. But she handled the "reunion" all wrong. But she's still young. Hopefully she'll change for the better.
@@0potion There are shitty people in all generations. You think narcissism is a new concept or what? Also, I am not sure if your from the US but both sides of the political spectrum not take reasonability....some more than others.
OP is the only real victim here. The daughter gets no sympathy from. She tries to excuse her horrible behaviour-without success. She was 17 when everything happened, not a small child who was manipulated. And she writes about the first email from her mother after 4 years of silence as "long-ass paragraphs". She is already 21 then. Really a loving daughter! I am sorry for OP, because she deserves much better, but it seems that the daughter will be the carbon copy of the grandmother.
"it was like.she didn't even really try to fight to be with me" no. it was like she was being frozen out by everybody, including you. take responsibility for your choices.
I hope if OP ever hears her story from your channel that she knows how many internet strangers are in her corner. She's an amazing woman to come back from all the bs ex. Exmil, and the daughter put her through. Maintaining low contact with the daughter who still comes across as petulant and awful and deserves whatever she gets from OP. OP you deserve only good things in life.
@Diarra Dunlap honestly I agree with you but OP is gonna do what she's gonna do and I can still respect her decision as long as she keeps to her boundaries. If the daughter crosses them then it's on OP to draw the new line.
@@diarradunlap9337 Op should of done that and stick to it. Ex and daughter are still showing signs that their probaly future MILs, especially after the GF got dump which I think its a blessing but still pathedic on his side.
I respect her forgiveness but OP is a complete moron taking back her toxic daughter who is a narcissist in the making with that cringe 'side of the story' post. As the saying goes 'Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.'
Man, that daughter's post was incredibly self serving. She took zero responsibility for any of her own decisions, even ones made in her 20's. I fear her grandmother's genes might be in there.
Story one: I'd be suing the old bat for destroying my marriage and change her with slander, libel and anything else that applies. I'd consider making up with the daughter, because she was deeived by two generations of family -- but the ex is another matter. I don't know that what he did is forgivable. He literally took his mother's lies at face value and rejected you for telling him the truth. If she still has any involvement AT ALL in his life, he'd be out of mine forever.
I read the story a bit differently. "He literally took his mother's lies at face value..." I very much doubt this is true. At the time the ex had put a lot of distance between himself and his mother. Without the paid actor this would have gone nowhere!
Daughter called her an a$$hole for being hurt? I wish her the exact same future. She probably would took it lightly and be a "bigger person" than her mother.
Honestly, the daughter destroyed any chance for sympathy. OP said at start that Ex didn’t tell the daughter about it, but then she breaks it apart by saying “So WhAt mY dAd ToLd Me StRaIgHt AwAy??” Then she goes to say “ShE dIdN’t FiGhT fOr Me EvEn ThOuGh I wAs A rAgInG bItCh To HeR!!” Like no shit! Your mom is a human being and that was her weakest moment, she had literally nothing after the divorce (there’s no way if they ‘reasonably split assets’ that she should have been couch surfing. Something tells me Ex took her to the cleaners) and then her daughter was ripping everything out from under her. “DoN’t Y’aLL uNdErStAnD aBuSe ViCtImS?!?😭😭😭” Yes, like your mother, who you never stopped to consider this entire post. It was filled with nothing but you and your dad, and how evil and annoying you thought your mom was (‘long ass texts’ how f*cking immature when your mom was placing aside her own comfort to do her best to rebuild the relationship.) And she then acted as though DOG’s revelation of paying someone off was mind blowing, even though that was obviously part of it before.
When she said "She didn't fight for me," all I thought was that her mother gave her what she wanted. OP was ganged up on and fighting to get back on her feet. The most loving thing she could have done was to let the daughter have what she demanded. She did try to be a mother to her and her efforts were rebuffed.
For her to compare her situation to her mother's was despicable. I'm sorry, and I know people have different ideas of family. But I feel compelled to support my parents too. Not financially, but by occasionally keeping my dad company, or consoling my mum who can get depressed, just like they help me as an adult. I don't like this girl as a person based purely off how she carried herself in that post.
Yea the daughter is taking no responsibility and is just trying to save face good luck to OP and hopefully she keeps a healthy boundary from that crazy family
The daughter can't possibly believe she will be immediately forgiven abt the shit she told and did to her mother, after all these years☠️☠️ wouldn't be surprised if she ends up like her grandma
I noticed a complete lack of empathy in the daughter’s response. She never tried to put herself in her mother’s shoes and ask how it would have made her feel if that had happened to her. That omission says a lot.
Daughter: mom didnt explain a number of Things Also daughter: barely adds anything to the story since we already knew the kind of person MIL was Yeah thats why people are bashing her, we make Bad choices ocassionally and they pile up over time when we don't accept it, acting like grandma alone was at fault won't help her grow at all
I saw another one that it had been 6 years. And in both cases the spouses that was lied on weren’t believed by anyone. In both cases the person that pushed the false narrative eventually exposed themselves as liars. Then it’s all My Bad we can be a family again. The 10 year case was awful it was the guy’s brother; the wife had gotten pregnant by & married his brother , and he walked the eldest daughter down the isle. The guy got drunk admitted to lying on the OP then his parents, ex-wife & kids are all My Bad. 🤦🏾♀️
“Do y’all not understand abuse victims?? I regret my choices and I’m willing to fix them” yeah you getting mad and calling your mom names when you tried to apologize while she was still hurt and not sure if she was able to put her guard down says otherwise but okay yeah guilt trip us with how YOU had it hard at least you had people to turn to.
Considering the history with MIL and he still believed it- that’s just unforgivable. I want to have empathy for the daughter because I’ve been there but I can’t. The difference is that I had proof, chats, social media profiles. My dad becoming abusive towards my sister and myself. It’s not something I like to revisit. My parents are still together and it’s just a dark secret we don’t mention.
In regards to the daughter, I'm with you on that. She doesn't deserve any empathy. In fact, I would go further: I would tell her that she's completely responsible for her own issues and problems, and to NEVER contact me again. Also, I would sue the LOT of them for defamation of character.
@@diarradunlap9337 Can it be defamation if it was believed to be the truth at the time? (Not excusing MIL or including her in that as she was the one to make it up)
Honestly OP needs to stay no contact with the exs (husband and daughter). They bring nothing of value to her life just sucking all the joy and reminding her how disposable she is to them
That was very painful for OP. She lost everything because of someone's lies and manipulation. Her daughter and husband failed her. No one asked her,her side. Now the daughter doesn't want to take responsibility for her part in hurting her mother. That is so wrong on all levels.
I kept listening and waiting for the daughter to say something that would make her look better that the mother did not include but nope. She literally told the exact same story
Sadly, daughter takes after her father's side of the family. Didn't she get to know her mother in the last 17 years, enough to not believe she's "controlling" just because grandma said so, and automatically do what her father said? She wasn't age seven. Me, I think all the gifts and spoiling and free rent were factors. Ex is a lost cause; go low contact with the daughter -- she's going to have to change A LOT before I would take her back in my life.
I'm only part way through the daughter's post and she's not doing herself any favors. She's surprised her mom cheated and didn't ask her anything about it, like "why?" Even at 13 or 14, I would have asked why and with whom because I would know enough to blame the other person and I would want to know who it was. Actually, I would probably lay most of the blame on the other person, because I probably wouldn't want to believe one of my parents would do that. So, it's weird to me that at 16 or 17, the daughter didn't ask questions, and blindly believed the accusations. She talks about being a victim of abuse, but that didn't happen to her until AFTER she spent time with her grandmother, who she had never met before. The second thing the daughter says is that she never questions why her grandmother has never met her. I'd be like, "What? I have a grandmother and no one told me about this person?" I'd be demanding answers from BOTH of my parents. Clearly the daughter was easily distracted by all of grandma's love bombing. This girl needs therapy. She has a really hard time seeing red flags and not asking questions when something "doesn't smell right."
If someone accused my mom of cheating I would need proof. Aren't you supposed to be more likely to listen to a nice good mom when you're a teenager? But she didn't. She wasn't the type of teen or kid that I was. Apparently her mom wasn't even worth asking anything about, it took the grandma she never met til the divorce saying it for her to accept that. Also, the grandma was basically a stranger to the daughter, yeah? Listened to a complete stranger more than her OWN MOTHER. I see why she keeps getting bashed~
The daughter seems like a pretty dim bulb Grandma pops up with this story, and then what do you know. Mom's gone and Grandma gets to pop and whenever she wants. But the husband is even dimmer. Mom hates wife so much you had to go NC. But then Mom rolls up with this convenient story about wife cheating. Oh Mom rolled up with a witness? If iwas having an affair with somebody, one thing that would be in my possession is proof. There would probably be messages, text, a picture or two, something? Did this idiot even ask for any of that?
OP is more forgiving than me. If someone treated me that badly I would do everything I could to ensure that they could never speak to me again. The separation would include a biding agreement, with STRONG penalties, that they never seek me out or try to contact me again. Perhaps a clause that they can leave a message with my lawyer (at their expense) to be forwarded to me, but that is it. From there I would get a new home in a new city, new job, new name, new address, new (or no) social media, new phone number that only select people have access to (with strict warnings to not give it out to ANYONE)... Basically I would disappear like I had never existed.
For anyone defending the daughter in this story- from how Mom Op spoke about exmil they hadn’t let her be apart of daughters life at all. It wasn’t until pos husband believed the yarn his mother said and whisked the daughter away that exmil as she exclaimed based off daughters post that she “finally got to be a grandmother.” Which to me means that exmil wasn’t actively in daughters life for 16/17 YEARS! Yet after hearing all the bs both her father and shit shooter gma said daughter chose to believe some stranger she didn’t even know over her mother. Smh. Momma op needs to drop all of them for her sanity and happiness before they drag her down. As the daughter stated herself; her mother IS better off without her and her pathetic father.
And did she not ever wonder WHY they dont have contact with the "loving granny"? I'm sorry but at 16 you're old enough to ask about your family tree. It's weird, I don't know what to think.
Lord. It sounds like the grandma had very limited interaction with the daughter before the divorce, so I don't know what that bull about her being being an abuse victim at that time was about. Do you really get told "your mom is having an affair" and not have 16 years of evidence of what sounded like a good relationship to go "huh maybe I should ask mom for her side here"? Like dude I know it's a tough situation but all the daughter's excuses are just so annoying.
Yeah honestly, the daughter horribly fucked up. I can understand “abuse victims” like she said but she legitimately didn’t bother to hear her mother out as well. Like father, like daughter in my opinion.
I agree with mothers decision but I'm going to play devils advocate here. How many stories have we seen where there is evidence of cheating and the spouse lies and gaslight and when the phone is checked all messages are deleted so the dad might have just said fuck it there is evidence with a guy admiting to the affair so that's all he needed to end the marriage and the daughter trusted her dad and narcissistic grandma who had evidence of an affair even so it never happened so both acted on the info they had knowing good and well that mom would just deny deny deny just to save face if she did cheat. But again before I get flamed I am on the mothers side and hope she heals from this and wish her the very best.
Not only that but she claims she believed her mom was the controlling one. She lived with her for 16 years so she knew the type of person her mom was yet still was onboard with what her grandmother said because she was being "bought" by gifts from a "loving grandma".
There has been a very recent update to this story on OP's throwaway account. MIL got arrested for possession of drugs in her house. No one has bailed her out. Ex husband spiraled fast with drinking and became verbally aggressive towards daughter - then it became physical and he hit her. OP helped daughter move out and in with her. OP and daughter have made improvement with family therapy. They are slowly getting closer, healing, growing, and bonding. OP considers this a happy update. I hope they can make it through all of this, HEALTHY and happy together. I'm still worried for OP, but the fact that they are regularly attending family and individual therapy, and things are improving from it, I think OP is making decisions with a fairly sound headspace.
The daughter needs to take responsibility for what she did to her mother as well, and not just blame everybody. 16 is old enough and if you don’t even trust your mom enough to even talk to her, and believe what others say. So yeah your lucky she even showed up that day and you still ruined it by making it about daddy and how sorry they are, The daughter will brake her moms heart again cause she doesn’t care
Daughter: there were a lot of things she neglected to say on her part. Did she though? Because everything the daughter said (aside from her experience) was pretty much what OP had said in her posts. Also grandma needs to be institutionalized. She's got a SEVERELY unhealthy obsession with her own son. Wonder what ever happened to the ex's dad? Did he die? Leave crazy grandma? In any case she sees her son as a surrogate husband which is... yuck.
This is just a sad situation. A family torn apart by the lies of another. Maybe the relationship could get better, but it’ll never be the same. Never be what it could’ve been
I was disappointed to hear she was encouraged not to go after grandma. Her and the guy who lied. Not right to lie about someone, ruin their life, and get away with it.
Famous quote "your mental health problems are not an excuse to treat people like shit" (as an abuse victim this doubles for abuse victims. Just because grandma treated you like shit doesnt mean you treat your mom like that) the daughters post is a sign to op to keep no contact
Imagine being so dead inside that the idea of your child growing up and becoming their own person (you know, the thing you should’ve been preparing them for 18 years for) frightens you enough to completely tear down their life without you. What’s the objective here? To force them to be dependent on you forever? What happens when you DIE? You’ll leave behind someone who has no idea how to live. The mom is 10/10 evil. The father and daughter obviously aren’t much better. FOUR YEARS and neither of them thought to get the mom’s side of things. All they wanted was someone to hate.
Lol, yeah, MIL provided her son with "proof" of OP's cheating. Ex should've been at least smart enough to realize that someone just saying they saw you with someone else isn't evidence, REGARDLESS of whether or not the accuser is a friend or family member. But what confuses me is how could he so easily believe his mom? Not only did he already know the kind of person she was, but he himself had tried to cut her out of his life before because of it. FTR, I also find his current dating situation hilarious; now he's even more desperate to get OP back since he intentionally nuked his new relationship because he was under the assumption that OP would still be sitting around pining after him.
This guy sounds like a first-class dumbass. His mom hates his wife so much he had to go NC. Mom conveniently pops up with a story about seeing wife cheating, any proof? Managed to snap a picture? Oh you have a witness you brought with you. Well surely this witness has a messages, text, some pics, phone records, something? Oh, you didn't ask or get any of that? JFC what a dope
@@jonathanbrown7250 FR. Although it would still be a massive asshole move, I MIGHT kind of be able to get him siding with his mother if they'd always been extremely close up to that point and he was brainwashed by years of her maintaining a facade around him, but he KNEW what a conniving pile of trash she was. So the, "It's not my fault my mom is a manipulative POS," defense wouldn't exactly hold water.
I’m just trying to understand how he believed his ex friend, who’s a drug addict over his wife. Like, bruh, y’all stopped being friends with this man cuz of his addiction but you’re gonna take his word that your wife cheated? I’m just trying to understand the logic
Story 1: Better off without a mama's boy who would pit your kid against you and years later say he still loves you after four years of no contact. Hopefully, there won't be a third generation of people who believe anything with zero real evidence in this family.
Oddly enough at 16 I wasn't stupid enough to completely believe anything at face value, she didn't even attempt to ask if she had cheated or anything, or ask for any proof, like wtf nobody asked for more proof than a trust me bro? Really? Nah cut her off too, ain't worth the future issues if she can't even do that
I don't know how bad the comments in regards to the daughter were, but she certainly deserved negative reactions (within reason). Like her father she never gave her mother a chance until the grandmother blurted the truth out. That she was manipulated by her grandmother and her father (calling the daughter and telling her that the mother cheated was highly manipulative) means she deserves a chance to earn forgiveness, it does not absolve her of guilt, she still made bad decisions. Hopefully given time she can rebuild the relationship with her mother and hopefully she has learned a lesson about trust, or at least about hearing all sides of a story.
Actually OP should have blocked all of them. She was starting to recover and enjoy life again. Still OPs daughter is her daughter. Low contact is the best for daughter and she doesn't need to talk to ex again. OP needs to move on.
I’m sorry but does anyone feel sorry for the nameless ex girlfriend that got dropped so op’s ex husband could get back with op? Daughter’s update: mans really broke up with his girlfriend of at least 5 months over the phone to get with someone he hadn’t seen in 4 years? What if op had a partner by then?
What a nightmare. That mother-in-law is evil, and the husband was absolutely stupid letting his mother use the Apron Strings as a garotte on his marriage. He has lost everything. The daughter needs serious therapy.
Shame on both the husband and the daughter. After all your wife and mother were to you, you just go blindly believe a person who hates her. I don't know if I could ever forgive even my child for that.
Oh my gosh! Poor OP.......... She did not deserve to have a crappy family like that. I know her daughter was manipulated by her father and grandmother, but she chose to cut ties with OP without a second thought. Now she needs to accept the consequences of her actions. OP's ex-husband definitely sucks and he deserves to be left alone and That grandma is straight up evil and narcissistic! I hope she gets what she deserves someday. What a evil, selfish, narcissistic monster, breaking up a family because she wants her precious baaaaaaaby all to herself. What is it with narcissistic women wanting to control their children and grandchildren? I don't understand. Are they bitter? Are they really THAT desperate for attention? Or do they just want to watch the world burn? I just don't understand. "Sigh" What a sad mess this is.
Op's daughter was not a young child. She could have at least sat down with mom to find out her side. The fact that both the daughter and husband just noted out at the first lie is very weird. I am with op with have no contact with her ex as he has no backbone. It would take a lot for the daughter to make up for everything.
Hmm, after reading the daughters post, it is in the daughter's best interest to lay low and not post again. I understand the post was to explain her perspective but it strongly feels like saving face, which feels selfish. Prayers go out to the OP, the mother who started with the posts, she's got a long journey ahead of her and I commend her for giving her daughter another chance. I also support her cutting off any hope for the ex husband, I'm a ride or die type of guy and especially in marriage, I expect my spouse to at least hear me out before kicking me over the curb. I wouldn't trust him even if he kicked out his mother, he showed how easily manipulated he can be and that he doesn't have her back. So far I agree with OP's decision in her update and hope for the best outcome for her situation. In my opinion, it is best to move on and start over after the mess that marriage became, and keeping low contact with the daughter is a safe move. Hoping for the best 👌
i would understand the daughter's reaction if she was like... eight? but at sixteen you're old enough to want to see both sides of a story before freezing a parent out of your life for four years her little reddit pity party did nothing to help her case
There's a special place in hell for the ex-mother in law, and even a place next to her for the ex-husband. The relationship between the mother and daughter will never be like it never happened. You can't un-ring the bell once it's been rung.
I don't understand why the daughter said "I'm going to tell you stuff that my mom neglected to tell you " and then procedes to confirm everything OP said. She didn't add new information other that "I was a victim" which OP already said herself... Victim, yes. TA, yes also. Sorry victims can be AH too.
Man that ex was thick. His mom always disliked their relationship and then she comes oh I caught her cheating and he believes it?! Without searching for proof other than her words and the fake friend? Geez he's thick! I hope her and her daughter can come close again. Right now I think the daughter is still in denial of how bad it was for the mother. Maybe family therapy could help? This is a mess
Thought the same thing. Mom hates your wife so much you had to go NC with her, but she conveniently rolls up with a story of seeing wife cheating, and this knucklehead believes all of it. Okay, Mom brings a witness with her. Did Dad ask the witness for texts or any kind of proof? Did he do any investigating on his own? Hire anyone? Nope. What a dope
I heard this one too. Here’s more information about the ex-friend who was paid for the confession. The reason that both OP and ex stop the friendship (prior to the divorce) was because he’s a DRUG ADDICT!!!! He would do anything for money according to OP. Which makes the situation worse. Believing your mother is one thing but the drug addict friend that you both mutually agreed to cut out, yeah no. Ex has no spine and will do something like that again if it not mommy’s dearest, next likely candidate for leadership is his little princess as the daughter’s post tells that she’s like grandma dearly. Hopefully OP can heal, but my opinion Very LC with daughter until she gains more responsibility and respect.
Daughter's Post: "ya'll are quick to blame :/" You mean like you? The family was NC with grandma for the entirety of your first 16 years but you didn't believe your mother because you were spoiled by her until dad got a new girlfriend and she became violent and confessed spineless puddle dad broke it off with girlfriend immediately because he had a fantasy of getting right back with mom after hurting her without having contact with her for years and when she justifiably turns him down you immediately turn and call her names and harass her over the phone "do ya'll not understand abuse victims" yes we do understand your mom was a victim and was abused by the people close to her including you then you admit to not thinking for yourself about contacting your mother before believing grandma who said nasty things about her and how she was controlling despite not being in contact with you for years Like Grandmother, Like Father, Like Daughter
Daughter said “y’all are quick to blame”. The irony.
💀💀💀
The way the daughter said "there are a few things my mum neglected to mention in her post" while simultaneously outlining the fact that OP didn't actually neglected to mention anything of relevance in the story really rubbed me the wrong way foe some reason
Yes, "neglected" has a bad connotation, as if OP was manipulating the readers. A poor choice of wording or a manipulation...who knows?
@@sandhermit3665 I guess she pick the trails of his grandmother. And this pity party throw her into even more crap.
Maybe Op didn’t not know, imma need y’all to use your brains
@@hanbaebummie3215 I don’t understand… what did the OP not know?
I think it was really poor wording on her part ‘cause the stuff that the mom “neglected” to say was just……….stuff the mom wasn’t privy to? The mom didn’t witness the relationship between her daughter and the grandma during the years of no-contact.
Daughter's post felt like a "sorry you feel that way" kind of non apology.
For real. And using abuse as an excuse when she literally admits that MIL was the model grandmother for the majority of their relationship? 💀 Sounds like she’s inherited some of those toxic traits from her grandmother.
I want to be clear, someone can be great 99% of the time and still be terribly abusive the other 1%, grandmother is absolutely terrible. But since she’s posturing herself as the victim here when she’s the one mistreating OP, I can’t help but compare the two’s experiences, and OP definitely suffered far more.
she is just a BEACH!
Too much toxic energy. She needs to keep a distance. She is not mentally ready for all of this chaos. The whole post is exhausting.
She has nothing to apologize for. She was a kid who was manipulated by a horrible person. Then her own mother refused to fight for her.
@@KittenUndercover she’s a “Daddy’s girl” as are most woman who grow up with their father. On top of that she was at the age that she is the most argumentative with her mother as she was figuring out how to be a woman herself. So, it was easy to manipulate her against her mom. The “should’ve fought harder for me” is the same as a woman telling a suitor she rejects as “should’ve tried harder.” It’s all BS. The daughter is still siding with her father deep down. It’s going to be years, like when she’s a parent herself, to come to terms with how deeply she beat her Mom down. Regardless of being duped by the elaborate deception her Grandmother did. She is still responsible for the damage she did in abandoning her mother with her “righteous indignation”.
Something in the daughter's response caught my eye: "The next morning grandma came to the house while *mom was sending me long-ass paragraphs about wanting to have a relationship again..."* The way that was phrased felt so bratty and dismissive, considering the context. You can almost feel the eye-roll there. Meanwhile, the mom is pouring out her heart about this damaging injustice that was done to her and trying to make steps towards a relationship again. The daughter has a lot of growing up to do, even for her age.
She’s spent years with her grandmother, what do you expect?
@Rhonda Sisco-Cleveland and OP did *not* seems to realize her *daughter* must have been *very hurt* herself, thinking her mother was a cheater, that abandoned her for four years... the more I think about it, the more OP seems both like a "woe is me"-type, and a little like an immature teenager... so much so, that now I question if this is not just a made up story by a teenage spiring fiction-writer...(?)
@@mb8787the daughter was not freaking 7, she had 17 years with her mother raising her, just shy of attaining maturity, yet still fell for her grandma’s words of her mother acting totally uncharacteristically. One would expect you to know better. And Guess what? Even at 21 she had to be told that the woman closest to her since her infancy was not the half-arse lie you believed on a whim. If you make mistakes (and amplify them) at that point you’re willingly being an idiot. “Mom was sending me long-arse paragraphs” this girl doesn’t even respect her mother after everything and you expect OP to know better. Y’all need to stop babifying these people, everything is not the parents’ fault.
@@mb8787the daughter abandoned her mom. not the other way around
To be fair, she was in a frazzled state of mind as the grandmother had showed up to make trouble while she was trying to get through the messages and her attention was split between the two.
The “do y’all not understand abuse victims?” comment from the daughter really bothers me. It feels like she’s trying to use that as a shield from any criticism for her actions, despite the fact that the person she’s mistreating, OP, was also abused by MIL (arguably even worse!). Being lied to and manipulated explains why she harbors the feelings she does towards OP. It does not in any way excuse her terrible behavior or exempt her from criticism for it. She claims she hated her mom, and yet complains that she didn’t fight harder to keep contact… you can’t have it both ways. I wish OP healing in all of this and fully support her setting such strict boundaries with her daughter, I can only imagine how painful this has all been.
That's exactly what it is. "Sure I treated my mom horrible and believed my dad and grandma over her despite almost being a legal adult and not a small child, but you should really be feeling sorry for me." Daughter also: "Yes, I hated you and treated you like crap, but why didn't you care enough to fight for custody of me?"
At 17 there’s not much you can do to fight for custody when the child says they want to live with one parent or the other. My mom lost custody of me (she is awful tho and she doesn’t hide it well) when I chose to live with my dad in court.
Like grandmother, like son, like granddaughter. Daughter says her grandmother spoiled her. In other words, trained her to be Mini Me. OP deserves someone that cares enough not to manipulate her.
Yeah "do y'all not understand abuse victims?" is where the daughter lost me, too. OP, her mother, was the victim. Neither daughter or husband ever bothered to ask if she really did it. Just started spewing hate at her. That's abuse.
Exactly. She wasn't an ab*se victim in any way . If anything, despite being a teenager she was one of the ab*sers of the mom .
What killed me was the part about "mom was sending me *long-ass paragraphs* about (...) needing boundaries" This is immediately after admitting to harass her constantly after blindsiding her with her ex/dad. That woman (21 is no child) is self-centered at best and narcissist at worst.
A mini grandma in the making
Well she got it honest
Yes! that kind of wording just shows how much of a brat she is, probably on the way to becoming a narcissist herself is she's not careful
GMa, dad, Daughter. All the same. Did Dad and Daughter consider the timeframe of the supposed affair? Was it credible?
Nope she's definitely a narcissist. Just like her father and Grandmother.
“There are a lot of things she neglected to say on her part,” no you silly little girl, she didn’t mention them because she literally didn’t know about them. That’s what happens when you ice out someone for four years. It’s hilarious that she thought her little pity party was gonna change anyones mind.
Yes, she’s a victim. Her dad is also a victim. That does not erase what they did to OP. Dad knew how toxic his mom is and daughter cut ties with her mother for a stranger and neither tried to hear OP out, which is the worst part. Like putting someone in prison without a trail.
Yeah. Daughter was trying to save face to a bunch of internet strangers, but ended up looking worse than before. They never communicated with her, then got upset that she didn’t know or say the things she didn’t know cause they never communicated!
Like we all agree that everyone (except crazy MIL) is a victim, but just because they were victims doesn’t mean that it excuses their actions. It may explain them, but doesn’t exempt them from the consequences.
I think the part that got me the most upset, is that it seemed (at least to me) that she was trying to compare the amount of pain she was feeling to her mother’s pain. Like a “who suffered more” competition, and that just didn’t sit well with me.
The whole post just screams “an attempt at damage control” and it doesn’t even do that well. We didn’t really learn any new information that made us change our minds, and it showed her in a really bad light. It just should have never been posted.
Daughter is only a victim in so far as she let herself be bribed with gifts to believe sweet old grandma.
@@lynnw7155 Yeah, I honestly don’t really know how that really makes her a victim of abuse. Manipulation, yes, but she wasn’t the one being screamed at or literally being kicked out.
I disagree about the dad being a victim. I'd call him an abuser. He was under the obligation to hear out OP's side before condemning her. Not only did he not do that (which is borderline abusive and a betrayal of his partner's love and trust), but he then alienated her daughter against her, which makes my ahole assessment of him 100%. On the word of a person he knew was a manipulative liar he betrayed OP, destroyed her life and vindictively put her through hell while also making her homeless and losing everything. These were all his CHOICES. Period. This man deserves no forgiveness from anyone. Ever. What he deserves is to have his entire life burned down, destroyed and be left with the damage and trauma it causes until he dies. He deserves to be falsely accused of a serious crime, his innocence disregarded; his protestations disregarded, and to suffer the injustice that HE and HE ALONE put his ex wife through.
"putting someone in prison without a trial" is a great way of describing it. They were both the AH.
she knew her mother for 16 years, had no contact to grandma and when her dad told her "mom cheated" and she spend time with grandma she immediately took their side. Yeah - no sympathy.
Well I mean she knew her father for 16 years too and they seemed like a happy family so the daughter would trust either one. I'm pretty sure if the mom had lied about the dad cheating, the daughter would take her side.
UGH THIS!!! The part where she said she 'thought' her mom was the controlling and manipulator, like girl, you been with her and known her for 16 years of your life and just like that you decided that you agreed with your dad ang crazy granny?? And to think she's already 21y.o writing this post to explain/excuse her sorry self instead of reflect?? Yuck.
She was a CHILD being told adult things and being asked to make adult decisions about whom to trust- her sweet grandma who seemed put together, or her "cheating" mom, who seemed to be falling apart at the seams.
Have you people never encountered a narcissist? Do you not know what the love-bombing phase is?
Do you not understand that she was told her dad's side first and was removed from the mother's influence immediately?🤔
@@sunnybananny57371) At 21, she is not fully mature in her brain 2) at 16 she barely knew anything or anybody- let alone the adults in her life making adult decisions. She was deceived.
@@politereminder6284 16 is not a child. Its 2 years from being an adult by law.
She didnt question anything she was told but simply went along with it. didnt ask for proof, didnt care for proof and then she acts like the victim. Get a grip-.
I skipped straight to the daughter's side. No sympathy for her honestly. Wish mom the best and hope she gets healing and surrounds herself with non-toxic people, and an entirely new and healthy start at life.
I would go low to nc with these idiot's
I wouldn’t want too much contact with her either. She does not sound remotely sorry enough. Kids like this make me glad I never had any. Do YaLl Not UnDerStaNd aBusE ViCtIms? 🥴🥴🥴 Ok but you called her an ahole at the restaurant when you f-ed up.
@@sonialinsey8083 yeah I laughed at that like B you just found out your a victim. She was a brat before she found out and is still a brat after she found out. I hope the mom makes a recovery could care less for the daughter and coward dad
"There are times I wanted to contact her... but I didn't" That girl didn't fall far from the coward tree. And then she has the audacity to say "I'm a victim!"... while still living with her dad. She's a sponge.
Yeah me too! In the end, it comes down to ego and Pride! She was SO assured like "daddy" that grandma was showing the truth and her mother was the villain! Then four years of finally playing the victim with others! Grandma SHAMELESSLY reveals she lied all this time! Momma's boy is crushed that he sided against "the love of his life" (Not much if he didn't give her a chance to explain and he KNOWS his mother enough! ALL Momma's boys like him do! Even I know my mother well enough to know she's not into the manipulation game since she suffered enough of that from my deceased grandmother and VERY MUCH still alive aunt, her elder sister to play these's games on others! Least of all me and my siblings her children. Sad part is my younger brother and sister and their father seem to LOVE still plaguing my mother with these's games! No surprise Baby brother and sister as far as their concern have DISOWNED the two and view me as the only older sibling they have! As similar to my mother, I hate these's stupid games as well!) while to Daughter, she sadly grew up with a sense of entitlement and may have inherited this bad behavior from her dad (basically she's become "grandma 2.0")
She can't own up to her mistakes along with her father! So instead their acting as though OP should shut her new life without them that they were all happy to do! Lets not be stupid here! If grandma didn't out herself! Daughter would have NC mom the very moment she hit 18 and husband would cut all contact completely at that point! They enjoyed abit of the victim status till they discovered they got played and fooled! They're victims all right of a narcisst who wanted OP the mother of the family out of the way so she can PRETEND to be her son's wife and granddaughter's mother! And after all this time! I don't fully believe they'll "NC" Grandma! No that spineless wimp who broke up with his new GF the VERY moment he discovered OP was innocent (meaning a part of his mind KNEW
Daughter is acting ALOT like my younger brother in that he WANTS to help his no good piece of shit father get back with our mother! Mind you my brother is 30 now (I'm 35) and STILL indulging his 60 year old father's bad habits and behavior (this is the man he's ignoring KIDNAPPED and abused him and his sister when they were 8 and 10 for two years before our mother got them back because the courts fucking SUCKED and had a brainfart during that time! And they came back spoiled and rotten! Even SINCE THAT DAY having a MAJOR issue with every accepting responsiblity for their own actions and blaming all the woes of their life on our mother and ME their elder brother instead of those who did it and their dad! No matter how horrible that man got, especially once they both passed 18 years old where he got WORSE, to the point my brother's method of running to him and playing him and mom against each other BACKFIRED on him at 18, his father no joke ENSLAVED HIM to him and his new family as he remarried when brother was 13! Treated him like shit and LIED to me and my mother that he didn't want to talk to us! Since he played this game before, we sadly believed it! Funny that I told him to cut this shit out and he told me to QUOTE "Mind my own business and that I was a terrible Older brother who didn't know nothing" He only escaped at 23 when he showed up out of the blue, having secreted away some of his money his dad was TAKING from him to get a ticket to a train and ran back here with BARELY anything but the clothes on him and enough money to buy a bag of peanuts and a bottle of water! He was LUCKY as his dad LIED and claimed we moved from our last location that we were STILL THERE and it was a surprise when he came in like that and we discovered what happened! Helped him get back on his feet till at 27 HE FORGAVE HIS FATHER AND REESTABLISHED CONTACT! Convinced our sister to move her family NEAR the bastard, putting them UNDER his umbrella and when mom went to visit her and her grandsons, my nephews and brother drove her! ASSHOLE drove her to his dad's house since "he wanted to meet her" and tried to hide it till ma recognized the path they were taking as asshole never moved from that locations all these's years! And asshole even AMBUSHED her outside sister's house sometimes because the idiot was TELLING HIM when our mother was visiting that ma had to TRICK him with the location and time! As me and baby brother stopped telling that idiot what ma was REALLY DOING as he lost complete trust from me long before he did this and baby brother and him were sour since the day he could speak his first words at 3 as my brother high on his "I was a terrible older brother" justified HIS poor behavior with baby brother growing up that he clung to me because I treat ALL my younger siblings the same and equally! Well not the idiot as he was SOURING our relationship at that point that can you BLAME ME for liking baby brother who wasn't a plague MORE! It was like Night and day between the two. Unlike me who DID see the good kid the idiot was before his father's kidnapping to not COMPLETELY cut him off, baby brother NEVER saw that side at all, so you can't blame him for disowning the asshole the moment he hit 18 and the idiot never changed his ways bullying a kid younger then him! Now he whines and complains neither of us want anything to do with him! Kind of easy when he CONTINUES to side with strangers and ENEMIES OF HIS HE KNOWS ARE HIS ENEMIES against us his family! He keeps running into assholes who LOVE to cause drama and realize how stupid he is listening to them and wrecking his own life in a vain attempt to be "liked!" You can see from how long I ranted here just how similar to the Daughter my brother is and WHY I can't feel sympatthy for her and see her for how she truly is and likely to still remain! I long lost sympath with my brother when he was 27 when he forgave that asshole POS for everything and what's funny! The POS and his family are now GHETTO TRASH that HATE him for "thinking he's better then they are!" AKA he has a job as a DELIVERY DRIVER that pays quite decently! While half of them are on welfare or whatever! He never flaunts his wealth with them, only me like he thinks I'm jealous of him or something, it's funny to watch him acting like he's richie rich with a stack of bills fanning him like they mean something! Especially as I make a $1 more then him anyway! I never gave a damn as long as I was PAID right and on time! As it goes in the bank, rent and utilities, Needs then any left over not in savings goes to my "gaming and PC account" LOL! Funny thing is his fanning and posturing blows up in his face as he doesn't seem to like PUTTING HIS MONEY AWAY PROPERLY that you can find it behind the fucking toilet or radiator in the bathroom and even under the freezer! Honestly me, baby borther or mom who find it WOULD tell him, but then he opens his big mouth to insult us, or last time we DID give it to him when we found any and knew it was his! He would act like WE STOLE IT and become a mega douche till he calmed down...then forgot, but would pipe up from time to time, that we just started pocketing it if it's not life threatening to him! He is VERY good at picking the WORST TIME for himself to get on your bad side for no reason then "it makes him feel better! And it's why I don't indulge selfish assholes bad behavior and tell them to grow the fuck up!)
Daughter: y'all are so quick to judge and I'm gonna tell you why you shouldn't... also mom left some stuff out :/
Also Daughter: Basically told everything that the mom said (includes minor stuff that her mom couldn't have known, since she wasn't even there), even acknowledges that she f'ed up... and is surprised that people are holding her accountable for her f-ups.
Did I get that right?
only that if grandma hadn't let it slip, that she set op up, her and her dad wouldn't have known and would've keep believing the lie.
when you think about it, they still didn't believe op and just took grandma's word as fact.
Imagine being so selfish and entitled that she’s complaining about her mom’s,” long a$$ paragraphs “?! Her mom should really watch her back. The daughter really doesn’t sound changed.
To me, the OP is better off without the daughter.
And she really didn't have good excuse why she called her AH "oh I was just overwhelmed"..ah okay?
This is the thing that struck an odd nerve with me, it reads like she is still a smart ass 16 year old, rolling her eyes saying "yeah, ok whatever"
That's the part that made me go "Wow....her mom is better off without her." Long ass paragraphs? Really bitch?
Yeah, that "long ass paragraphs" bit rubbed me up the wrong way too, what an entitled brat...must take after grandma lol
Oddly, the daughters post actually makes the daughter look worse.
0% real empathy or sympathy for Mom
100% "how dare anyone anywhere disapprove of anything I did"
That’s not how I read it…it was more like I feel bad , I over reacted, I was wrong, I’ll do whatever mom says, if mom was lc she gets lc. Mom is a forgiving person etc etc
"There were a few times I wanted to call her, shout at her, hate her, but I didn't." BRAVO well done daughter. Here's an award. /s
@@qs4177but she completely ducks taking responsibility for bringing Dad to the meeting, it's still all about what he and the daughter want, not how much they turned OPs life upside down
Yep totally unsavory type of person, she should leave her mom alone ffs
The mom really is forgiving. In the daughter's post you can really tell she doesn't feel bad for how she hurt her mom she only cares about herself because the comments were ripping her apart smh that's pitful
@@Batman-lg2zj I think she only feels bad because she was called out on it. If she felt that bad she wouldn't have brought her dad after everything he and her grandmother put the mom through
@@Batman-lg2zj Yeah she felt so bad that she called her an a*hole. 🙄
Girl very much has a temper and poor impulse control. Probably gets it from dear ol' granny.
All I was hearing from the daughter was "waahhh, I'm being called out for being a complete and total a-hole to my mom. Waaahhhhh 😭😭😭😭 Poor me.
No sympathy for daughter who immediately thought the worst of her mother, throwing away OP without even asking what really happened and is now playing the victim card. She deserves to live a miserable existence with the ex and his mother, knowing how much they lied and manipulated her. OP is better off without them all.
I guess my post applies to you. "Think for one moment here. The daughter is being told by both her father and grandmother that her mother cheated on her dad. A man claiming to be her lover come forward to "admit" the affair. Her mother does not do much to disprove the affair nor uncover the lie by the grandmother. She instead goes no contact instead. How do you think her daughter is supposed to see the situation. What is worse? She had to hear the truth, not from her own mother but her grandmother slipping up and admitting it. Again, how do you guys think the daughter should take all that has happened? You guys are quickly assuming and vilifying someone without any logical reason."
@@elmojon19 op never knew of the faked confession, that was a major part of the post
The daughter deserves to feel bad. Give op her space and leave her alone, they have already done enough
@doodleydoo169 What story did you hear? Nothing you are saying sounds like it has anything to do with what happened. For one, the mother, who is the op, knew the grandmother lied. So, there is no need for her to hear the confession. Which, by the way, was not fake she admitted to her ex that she lied about op having an affair. Her daughter overheard that and told her mother this after asking forgiveness for not knowing the truth.
I feel sorry for the woman that the ex was going to start a relationship with before DOG spilled the beans. Wonder what conversation they had afterwards: was it "Honey, you're great, but now that I know it was my mommy who made up a lie to break up my previous marriage, I'm going back to her like the past five years didn't happen"?
Then again, it sounded like she dodged an entire firing squad's worth of bullets by not ending up with the ex given how much of a mama's boy he is
ETA: And he broke up with her over the phone too? Real classy, guy!
Bullet dodged for sure
Ya like that was even more pathetic. Like damn the ex and the daughter didn't think that even when your a victim, you still cause damage and still is responsible.
@@pippo17173 yes.
This, "I cannot be a perpetrator because I am a victim," stance from OP's grown daughter is manipulative AF.
Garbage, all 3.
I had thought that it would have been kind of OP if she had told her ex-husband that he might as well stay with his current girlfriend. However, I thought a little more, and decided that it was kinder to the ex's girlfriend if OP didn't try to get them back together.
@Richard Lee the guy dump her for a chance to get back with her. That is more then enough to show the gf its not worth it.
OP's daughter at 19:20: There is no excuse for my behavior.
Also OP's daughter: Constantly throwing excuse after excuse to justify her selfish behavior after learning the truth.
Those excuses only explain her state of mind. Unfortunately, those reasons don't, and will never, negate the fact that she gave her mom the cold shoulder and, like her father, chose to believe the lie fabricated by the DOG and the ex-friend. Like I said in another comment, the DOG really did a number on that family. And both father and daughter became just as horrible as the DOG. 😬
I heard this one and the daughter has the nerve to go off on op for needing to go on her own pase. To spring her ex on her and to call op an ahole. Op deserves so much better.
She sure does.
I was wondering why a mother wouldn’t just take her daughter back because that bond is usually very strong and it takes a lot to break it. After her post I know why she’s LC. Still basically under the grandma’s thumb after all of that!
@@sonialinsey8083 Yeah, OP's daughter reminds me of a lot of the crappy parents on Reddit. The ones who divorce and then prioritize their new family over their already existing child. To the daughter and all those parents what I have to say is this: Don't so willingly abandon your kid/parent and then be all butthurt later on when they give up on trying to have a close bond with you. That's literally saying, "No matter how badly I'VE treated YOU, YOU are obligated to forever feel unwavering unconditional love toward ME." And definitely don't turn around and say, "It's not my fault, my grandmother/stepchild/current spouse poisoned me against them and manipulated me."
I understand the Mom’s POV but I do not understand how a 17 year old person could not believe their own mother or even ask. Even if mom had cheated, not speaking to her for 4 years?? The woman that raised you?? Daughter held zero love or regard for Mom. Disloyalty and bitterness are the key qualities of this woman. And let’s not forget, she is an adult and was for most of those years she turned her back.
The only sliver of justification i can give to the daughter for refusing to hear mom out, is assuming that dad already vetted the claim beyond any doubt before telling the daughter to pack up and didn't need to hear it for herself. Because from both accounts they were a happy little family up to that point.
It was understood that Mom had thrown away the marriage and the relationship with her daughter. There's a family friend on the doorstep that swears he's been porking your wife after your mother claims to have seen them having lunch/dinner together. A trusted friend was willing to bear false witness for $500 and lie to your face. No one wants to be cheated on... and that helpless feeling that immediately sinks into your flesh when there's damning proof. When someone that has no reason to lie to you makes upban entire story.. what's he going to do? It's really easy to say that he should believe his wife no matter what... but it was too much and too much steing pulling behind the scenes.
@@murakumo65except Dad didn't vet the claim at all. The woman was found guilty without ever even having her side heard. No one needs a husband that gullible. It's just a pity she lost her daughter in the process.
@@a_noelles Yes, that's why I said the daughter was *assuming* the dad had vetted the claim.
The daughter sounds like the MIL in that post. Her ambushing her mom with the dad at the first meeting and her nasty replies to both the post and the boundaries.
The daughter was 17 when her parents split and 21 when she found out the truth, not 7 and then 12. She's trying really hard to make her choices someone else's fault but she was more than old enough to make her own decisions 4 years ago and she certainly is now. The fact that she's still blaming everyone else for her part in this is a good indicator that she's probably just like her grandma and father.
I understand the daughter's response, but a lot is missing. I would be more forgiving of her if she explained why she didn't give her mother ANY chance to explain. She was sixteen - that's old enough to at least ask, "Mom, did you do it?" It sounds like no one did that, and that bothers me. The 16 year old is wooed away by gifts and lovebombing from grandma, but never wonders why those things were all but absent the first sixteen years of her life? Yeah, teenagers are selfish and dumb, but they aren't often STUPID.
She sounds like a sheltered person.
Definitely. And same for the ex husband. How could he not ask for OP's side of the story once?
@@HaizeyWings Momma boy syndrom there and boy he still show it when he dump his GF for this. GF is lucky that happen because what a man right guys?
She’s in community college so she may be sheltered to the point of no independence or gullible or working full time and didn’t have time to consider the situation or sleeted and very bright with low emotional intelligence.
@Madge Van Ness true and its the one thing I'll fault op on not nipping that in the butt. Still doesn't excuse her for not acknowledging her faults.
The daughter was hoping for a soap opera ending. Where Mom sees Dad and melts into his arms kissing and pledging to never leave one another again
Thought that was more of a Hallmark movie ending.
Soap operas, they'd get back together and immediately start cheating on each other.
@@rogerrabbit80 Only the affair partner turns out the be an evil twin. Throw in all sorts of other nonsense for drama in there too.
When the 3 of them met, OP'S ex should have started by saying; 'Our daughter did not want me to come. I insisted on coming.'
Parent trap dreams😅
My mom's mother is a lying narcissist and has been since forever. She told me plenty of lies about my mother growing up and I ignored all of it because I KNOW SHE'S A LIAR.
20:50
"Do y'all not understand abuse victims?" 🥺 Daddy was sad and Gramma said mean things about Mommy.
You were _sixteen._ That's old enough to make your *own* decisions and use critical thinking to, I dunno, ask questions? Did Daddy's sadness and G-ma's lovebombing remove access to telephones and the Internet? You said you thought about contacting Mom in order to verbally abuse _her,_ but still didn't think it was worth the effort. Because? Because what? You weren't a child when this went down. I know some teenagers are childish, but dang... take _some_ accountability for once.
It's funny how OP tries so hard to express understanding for her daughter's actions, but the daughter's own post reveals she's either a weak-willed coward who goes with the flow of abuse as long as she benefits and/or a brat who can't stand not having her way / being seen in a negative light.
I think you hit that nail on the head.
You realize she was a child who was also being manipulated right? And also that she felt abandoned by her mother, who she didn’t think fought for her at all.
She was 17 thats not a child why do americans infantalise 17 year olds
@@KittenUndercover 16 is a child right, of course, their brain id the size of a peanut till they reach 18 right?? You guys really should stop this but they were just a baby nonsense, if you cant use your brain you are not a child but a stupid fool. Seriously if her dad told her the earth is flat should she believe it, are teenagers so dumb?
J M but she still acting that way now at 21 years old.
The daughter's whole response sounded like a "Woe is me" when her mother was the victim in it all. She's not owed a chance when she never gave it to her mother. The only thing right on the daughter's part was that her mother is the kindest woman ever. To give her a chance after she hurt her so much.
I know the daughter was being manipulated by MIL, but That nonsense her daughter posted is just an attempt to save face, and it's rather pitiful how she can and read that out and not acknowledge that. Her actions as a grown woman are still petulant.
"things my mom neglet to mention"
but everything the daughter mentioned was information that OP didnt had at hand or didnt knew.
I think this is a sign that op should cut her loss on the daughter too cause the daughter obviously doesn’t know what it means to self-reflect
@CatD honestly if everything is still a pain to op, just completely cut contact. The daughter can learn from op and move on.
@@fabiancaceres1473 That line 1000% just had a nasty feel, especially when there was nothing OP had left out other than the perspective of the daughter (which OP would not have known anyway).
OP deserves better.
@@pippo17173 yeah,it's good thing OP didn't tell the daughter her new place and keep her on arms lenght for obvious reasons.
OP's daughter making a run to be the main villain of this story... she's gram gram's little precious protégé.
Lol at the daughter posting "her side" thinking people would sympathize with her but it only made people flame her more. I doubt she's 21 because her actions indicate she hasn't grown up at all
Eh, maturity doesn’t always come with age. There are some people live to a ripe age and have the mentality of a spoiled child the whole time.
There's a difference between "getting older" and "growing up."
21 physically
Daughter STILL doesn't believe OP.
She didn't reach out until the grandma was kicked out from accidentally confessing.
The way the daughter behaved made me think the poisoned apple didn't fall far from the grandma's tree. Particularly after she showed up with her dad to ambush OP, then went on the attack afterwards.
Wouldn't be surprised if the daughter is on here a few years from now crying about mommy not being close to her because if something she did as a child. Completely leaving out the ambush and attack at attempted first meet.
People raised by narcissists are often in a state of arrested development. If they’re the “golden child”, then they’re often super emotionally stunted and mimic the bad behavior they were taught unless someone intervenes/gets therapy. The duaghter sounds super self involved (and is an AH for ambushing her mother). But I think that she can be saved with therapy. The dad is probably a narcissist too, the fact that he immediately dumped his gf after the grandma confessed kinda proved it. A normal person would have tried to reach to out to OP and apologized for not believing her. But not immediately assume that he still has a chance after what he did.
dauther does not sound like a 21 year old adult at all. the whole post would make sense if it was a preteen or a child who got scared and hid in their room when parents argued (refering to the grandma arguement) and not an adult. mom left when she was 16 not 6. and from the mom's post we have not seen any infantile behavior observed by her at the time so her entire post is a bunch of weird self justification of some sort
she's been a mental abuse victim for half a decade, her entire sense of reality is going to be warped for years of therapy to come
and she just got the memo that she'll need a shit ton of therapy for how weird her dad and grandma are
When you have been gaslit and mentally abused [and make no mistake, what GMA did was mental abuse and gaslighting] it can stunt your emotional/mental growth. It is possible, *likely* even, that her mental development stopped when her parents divorced due to said abuse. Of *course* she's going to act like a teen.
Coming from someone who was the victim of a narcissistic parent, there’s something about narc parents that can leave kids emotionally stunted in growth. When I escaped my Ndad at 19, I had the emotional maturity of a 12 year old girl. It took me years of work and healing to get to my current emotional age. I’m now 1-2 years behind my current age. I’m now in my 30’s. I am in no way defending the daughter. She needs to grow and heal herself. I’m hoping this comment gives a bit more insight into why she’s talking the way she is in her post.
@@SilentSaturn The thing is the daughter wasn't raised by narcissistic parents. They went no contact with the Ex MIL years before. It was only when she was 16 that she fully came into contact, now that I think of this I am not sure if she had good contact before this. Both really didn't explain it well enough. Even still while she was still a kid, a lot of development has happened already. Both her and her dad took the word of a known narcissistic and a known bad friend. The father is a real POS and the daughter is close to one.
@@holographicwing What did you study to make that diagnosis?
One lesson from this story: if your relative is toxic enough to the point where you have to go no contact with them, it is okay to tell your kids in an age-appropriate way. It kinda sounds like OP and her ex didn't explain to their daughter why grandma isn't in their lives, which at 17, she would have definitely been able to understand on an adult or near-adult level.
I know the daughter was manipulated but she still has to shoulder some responsibility here, she never ONCE by the sounds of it asked her mothers' side of things! Yes the daughter is a major AH, her shrugging it off as just being a victim is utter BS!
If someone I rarely saw came to me and said something like that about my mom, the last thing I'm going to do is believe them. OP's ex jumped to believe his mother's lies. The daughter is definitely her father's daughter.
Sorry daughter but you have no excuse. You said that you started name calling before you ever even asked your mom for her side of the story. You chose sides immediately. That had nothing to do with being manipulated.
I really love the current Generations(people after 1990 this includes my generation as well) insistence on making bad choices then insisting that no I was manipulated into doing it. If you ever pay attention in court if you were manipulated into killing somebody you still get a murder charge. Being manipulated into something doesn't absolve you of all guilt. Besides it's just like you said she immediately went in on her mom without ever trying to hear her side of the story without even actually listening to her father side of the story. She was literally given a small paragraph of information and she decided that it was 100% true and ran with it. Like if my mom came to me and said my dad was cheating on her or vice versa I would insist on having some dead-set proof before I took any side.
@@0potion to be honest is a thing that is more on the generation of the start of 2000 a lot of people, younger and older ( at least that I seen, heard and interacted) seems not to be this way, it's..strange, it seems that affected most who were born from 2000 to 2005. Nit escusing her behavior of course, it still sucks
Lol gen Z no accountability whatsoever. Everything is some psychological term taken out of context. They love to say they were manipulated, depressed, gaslit 🤣 try using your own discernment for a change.
She was a dumb, manipulated 16yo. Do you know how impressionable 16yo are? Especially when they are getting it from a parent and grandparent. I wouldn't hold that part against her. But she handled the "reunion" all wrong. But she's still young. Hopefully she'll change for the better.
@@0potion There are shitty people in all generations. You think narcissism is a new concept or what? Also, I am not sure if your from the US but both sides of the political spectrum not take reasonability....some more than others.
OP is the only real victim here. The daughter gets no sympathy from. She tries to excuse her horrible behaviour-without success. She was 17 when everything happened, not a small child who was manipulated. And she writes about the first email from her mother after 4 years of silence as "long-ass paragraphs". She is already 21 then. Really a loving daughter! I am sorry for OP, because she deserves much better, but it seems that the daughter will be the carbon copy of the grandmother.
People who love their parents more than their spouses don't deserve to have spouses.
Yeah fr my spouse killed my mom but I forgave her #lifegoals #5thanniversarycoming
"it was like.she didn't even really try to fight to be with me"
no. it was like she was being frozen out by everybody, including you. take responsibility for your choices.
I hope if OP ever hears her story from your channel that she knows how many internet strangers are in her corner. She's an amazing woman to come back from all the bs ex. Exmil, and the daughter put her through. Maintaining low contact with the daughter who still comes across as petulant and awful and deserves whatever she gets from OP. OP you deserve only good things in life.
No, OP needs to go NC with the brat heifer of a daughter until she SINCERELY apologizes. Even then, OP needs to be LC with her.
@Diarra Dunlap honestly I agree with you but OP is gonna do what she's gonna do and I can still respect her decision as long as she keeps to her boundaries. If the daughter crosses them then it's on OP to draw the new line.
@@diarradunlap9337 Op should of done that and stick to it. Ex and daughter are still showing signs that their probaly future MILs, especially after the GF got dump which I think its a blessing but still pathedic on his side.
@@artygirl66 wow! Never have I agreed with all the comments on a single thread! Diarra Dunlap and Artygril66, great comments both of you!!
I respect her forgiveness but OP is a complete moron taking back her toxic daughter who is a narcissist in the making with that cringe 'side of the story' post. As the saying goes 'Fool me once, shame on you; Fool me twice, shame on me.'
That child seems to have inherited some craziness from the mother in law
Man, that daughter's post was incredibly self serving. She took zero responsibility for any of her own decisions, even ones made in her 20's. I fear her grandmother's genes might be in there.
Story one: I'd be suing the old bat for destroying my marriage and change her with slander, libel and anything else that applies. I'd consider making up with the daughter, because she was deeived by two generations of family -- but the ex is another matter. I don't know that what he did is forgivable. He literally took his mother's lies at face value and rejected you for telling him the truth. If she still has any involvement AT ALL in his life, he'd be out of mine forever.
I read the story a bit differently. "He literally took his mother's lies at face value..." I very much doubt this is true. At the time the ex had put a lot of distance between himself and his mother. Without the paid actor this would have gone nowhere!
Daughter called her an a$$hole for being hurt? I wish her the exact same future. She probably would took it lightly and be a "bigger person" than her mother.
Honestly, the daughter destroyed any chance for sympathy. OP said at start that Ex didn’t tell the daughter about it, but then she breaks it apart by saying “So WhAt mY dAd ToLd Me StRaIgHt AwAy??”
Then she goes to say “ShE dIdN’t FiGhT fOr Me EvEn ThOuGh I wAs A rAgInG bItCh To HeR!!” Like no shit! Your mom is a human being and that was her weakest moment, she had literally nothing after the divorce (there’s no way if they ‘reasonably split assets’ that she should have been couch surfing. Something tells me Ex took her to the cleaners) and then her daughter was ripping everything out from under her.
“DoN’t Y’aLL uNdErStAnD aBuSe ViCtImS?!?😭😭😭” Yes, like your mother, who you never stopped to consider this entire post. It was filled with nothing but you and your dad, and how evil and annoying you thought your mom was (‘long ass texts’ how f*cking immature when your mom was placing aside her own comfort to do her best to rebuild the relationship.) And she then acted as though DOG’s revelation of paying someone off was mind blowing, even though that was obviously part of it before.
When she said "She didn't fight for me," all I thought was that her mother gave her what she wanted. OP was ganged up on and fighting to get back on her feet. The most loving thing she could have done was to let the daughter have what she demanded. She did try to be a mother to her and her efforts were rebuffed.
For her to compare her situation to her mother's was despicable.
I'm sorry, and I know people have different ideas of family. But I feel compelled to support my parents too. Not financially, but by occasionally keeping my dad company, or consoling my mum who can get depressed, just like they help me as an adult.
I don't like this girl as a person based purely off how she carried herself in that post.
Yea the daughter is taking no responsibility and is just trying to save face good luck to OP and hopefully she keeps a healthy boundary from that crazy family
This girl knew her mom for 17 years and dropped her like a got potato over 1 allegations. Smh
The daughter can't possibly believe she will be immediately forgiven abt the shit she told and did to her mother, after all these years☠️☠️ wouldn't be surprised if she ends up like her grandma
And she said more crap to her innocent mother because she didn't want to talk to her father and left :|
@@natytambasco 'how dare my mom not talk or forgive my dad, he is the victim'☠️☠️☠️
not just the shit she said back then, but also the shit she spewed when the meeting didn't go her way.
@@natytambasco q
I noticed a complete lack of empathy in the daughter’s response. She never tried to put herself in her mother’s shoes and ask how it would have made her feel if that had happened to her. That omission says a lot.
Daughter: mom didnt explain a number of Things
Also daughter: barely adds anything to the story since we already knew the kind of person MIL was
Yeah thats why people are bashing her, we make Bad choices ocassionally and they pile up over time when we don't accept it, acting like grandma alone was at fault won't help her grow at all
I saw another one that it had been 6 years. And in both cases the spouses that was lied on weren’t believed by anyone. In both cases the person that pushed the false narrative eventually exposed themselves as liars. Then it’s all My Bad we can be a family again. The 10 year case was awful it was the guy’s brother; the wife had gotten pregnant by & married his brother , and he walked the eldest daughter down the isle. The guy got drunk admitted to lying on the OP then his parents, ex-wife & kids are all My Bad. 🤦🏾♀️
Damn, that's awful, do you remember the name of the story?
@@mexcore14 Correction it way 6 years
U/After4yearsthey sub Reddit Off My Chest: My Family wants to reconnect after 6 years.
“Do y’all not understand abuse victims?? I regret my choices and I’m willing to fix them” yeah you getting mad and calling your mom names when you tried to apologize while she was still hurt and not sure if she was able to put her guard down says otherwise but okay yeah guilt trip us with how YOU had it hard at least you had people to turn to.
Considering the history with MIL and he still believed it- that’s just unforgivable.
I want to have empathy for the daughter because I’ve been there but I can’t. The difference is that I had proof, chats, social media profiles. My dad becoming abusive towards my sister and myself. It’s not something I like to revisit. My parents are still together and it’s just a dark secret we don’t mention.
In regards to the daughter, I'm with you on that. She doesn't deserve any empathy. In fact, I would go further: I would tell her that she's completely responsible for her own issues and problems, and to NEVER contact me again. Also, I would sue the LOT of them for defamation of character.
Also her entire post isndeflection of blame and manipulation tactics She isnt really owning her own actions but only paying lip service
@@demonic_myst4503 she's probably the type to indulge in all of that crap on TikTok etc... They sure don't like it when they're the hate figure huh?
@@diarradunlap9337 Can it be defamation if it was believed to be the truth at the time? (Not excusing MIL or including her in that as she was the one to make it up)
The daughters post was a desperate attempt to save her face, honestly it was pretty pathetic it’s a good thing OP is LC with her daughter.
Honestly OP needs to stay no contact with the exs (husband and daughter). They bring nothing of value to her life just sucking all the joy and reminding her how disposable she is to them
That was very painful for OP. She lost everything because of someone's lies and manipulation. Her daughter and husband failed her. No one asked her,her side. Now the daughter doesn't want to take responsibility for her part in hurting her mother. That is so wrong on all levels.
I kept listening and waiting for the daughter to say something that would make her look better that the mother did not include but nope. She literally told the exact same story
I love how the ex decides he can just have it all back because he's ready for it now. That ship has sailed.
Also the fact that the story she neglected to say to all the people who judged is exactly the same
Sadly, daughter takes after her father's side of the family. Didn't she get to know her mother in the last 17 years, enough to not believe she's "controlling" just because grandma said so, and automatically do what her father said? She wasn't age seven. Me, I think all the gifts and spoiling and free rent were factors. Ex is a lost cause; go low contact with the daughter -- she's going to have to change A LOT before I would take her back in my life.
Daughter seems to be unable to accept accountability for her actions.
OP's daughter is a precious princess and deserves to feel like crap. She wants to be a permanent child. She needs to grow up.
I'm only part way through the daughter's post and she's not doing herself any favors. She's surprised her mom cheated and didn't ask her anything about it, like "why?" Even at 13 or 14, I would have asked why and with whom because I would know enough to blame the other person and I would want to know who it was. Actually, I would probably lay most of the blame on the other person, because I probably wouldn't want to believe one of my parents would do that. So, it's weird to me that at 16 or 17, the daughter didn't ask questions, and blindly believed the accusations. She talks about being a victim of abuse, but that didn't happen to her until AFTER she spent time with her grandmother, who she had never met before.
The second thing the daughter says is that she never questions why her grandmother has never met her. I'd be like, "What? I have a grandmother and no one told me about this person?" I'd be demanding answers from BOTH of my parents. Clearly the daughter was easily distracted by all of grandma's love bombing.
This girl needs therapy. She has a really hard time seeing red flags and not asking questions when something "doesn't smell right."
If someone accused my mom of cheating I would need proof. Aren't you supposed to be more likely to listen to a nice good mom when you're a teenager? But she didn't. She wasn't the type of teen or kid that I was. Apparently her mom wasn't even worth asking anything about, it took the grandma she never met til the divorce saying it for her to accept that. Also, the grandma was basically a stranger to the daughter, yeah? Listened to a complete stranger more than her OWN MOTHER. I see why she keeps getting bashed~
The daughter seems like a pretty dim bulb
Grandma pops up with this story, and then what do you know. Mom's gone and Grandma gets to pop and whenever she wants.
But the husband is even dimmer. Mom hates wife so much you had to go NC. But then Mom rolls up with this convenient story about wife cheating.
Oh Mom rolled up with a witness? If iwas having an affair with somebody, one thing that would be in my possession is proof. There would probably be messages, text, a picture or two, something?
Did this idiot even ask for any of that?
OP is more forgiving than me. If someone treated me that badly I would do everything I could to ensure that they could never speak to me again. The separation would include a biding agreement, with STRONG penalties, that they never seek me out or try to contact me again. Perhaps a clause that they can leave a message with my lawyer (at their expense) to be forwarded to me, but that is it. From there I would get a new home in a new city, new job, new name, new address, new (or no) social media, new phone number that only select people have access to (with strict warnings to not give it out to ANYONE)... Basically I would disappear like I had never existed.
Wow, daughter- thanks for clearing that up with absolutely *ZERO* new info!
Poor OP. Her family is a nightmare.
For anyone defending the daughter in this story- from how Mom Op spoke about exmil they hadn’t let her be apart of daughters life at all. It wasn’t until pos husband believed the yarn his mother said and whisked the daughter away that exmil as she exclaimed based off daughters post that she “finally got to be a grandmother.” Which to me means that exmil wasn’t actively in daughters life for 16/17 YEARS! Yet after hearing all the bs both her father and shit shooter gma said daughter chose to believe some stranger she didn’t even know over her mother. Smh. Momma op needs to drop all of them for her sanity and happiness before they drag her down. As the daughter stated herself; her mother IS better off without her and her pathetic father.
And did she not ever wonder WHY they dont have contact with the "loving granny"? I'm sorry but at 16 you're old enough to ask about your family tree. It's weird, I don't know what to think.
this is maybe the only time i would encourage a parent to just go and build a new family, op deserves better than shitty ex and daughter
Lord. It sounds like the grandma had very limited interaction with the daughter before the divorce, so I don't know what that bull about her being being an abuse victim at that time was about. Do you really get told "your mom is having an affair" and not have 16 years of evidence of what sounded like a good relationship to go "huh maybe I should ask mom for her side here"? Like dude I know it's a tough situation but all the daughter's excuses are just so annoying.
Yeah honestly, the daughter horribly fucked up. I can understand “abuse victims” like she said but she legitimately didn’t bother to hear her mother out as well. Like father, like daughter in my opinion.
I agree with mothers decision but I'm going to play devils advocate here. How many stories have we seen where there is evidence of cheating and the spouse lies and gaslight and when the phone is checked all messages are deleted so the dad might have just said fuck it there is evidence with a guy admiting to the affair so that's all he needed to end the marriage and the daughter trusted her dad and narcissistic grandma who had evidence of an affair even so it never happened so both acted on the info they had knowing good and well that mom would just deny deny deny just to save face if she did cheat. But again before I get flamed I am on the mothers side and hope she heals from this and wish her the very best.
If anyone writes that while trying to defend themselves after all that shit show I'm more inclined to believe she isn't an "abusive victim"
Not only that but she claims she believed her mom was the controlling one. She lived with her for 16 years so she knew the type of person her mom was yet still was onboard with what her grandmother said because she was being "bought" by gifts from a "loving grandma".
@@battlesister1559 That makes two of us my friend
Notice she tried to throw a bit of shade at her mom too with that comment about her not reaching out. Can't imagine why that is...
There has been a very recent update to this story on OP's throwaway account.
MIL got arrested for possession of drugs in her house. No one has bailed her out.
Ex husband spiraled fast with drinking and became verbally aggressive towards daughter - then it became physical and he hit her.
OP helped daughter move out and in with her.
OP and daughter have made improvement with family therapy. They are slowly getting closer, healing, growing, and bonding.
OP considers this a happy update.
I hope they can make it through all of this, HEALTHY and happy together. I'm still worried for OP, but the fact that they are regularly attending family and individual therapy, and things are improving from it, I think OP is making decisions with a fairly sound headspace.
The daughter needs to take responsibility for what she did to her mother as well, and not just blame everybody. 16 is old enough and if you don’t even trust your mom enough to even talk to her, and believe what others say. So yeah your lucky she even showed up that day and you still ruined it by making it about daddy and how sorry they are, The daughter will brake her moms heart again cause she doesn’t care
Daughter: there were a lot of things she neglected to say on her part.
Did she though? Because everything the daughter said (aside from her experience) was pretty much what OP had said in her posts.
Also grandma needs to be institutionalized. She's got a SEVERELY unhealthy obsession with her own son. Wonder what ever happened to the ex's dad? Did he die? Leave crazy grandma? In any case she sees her son as a surrogate husband which is... yuck.
This is just a sad situation.
A family torn apart by the lies of another.
Maybe the relationship could get better, but it’ll never be the same.
Never be what it could’ve been
Oh yes. Very sad. That grandma is pure evil. I hope she gets what she deserves someday. Not excusing her son and her granddaughter of course.
@@PrincessQ-fj9ly well she lost both her son and granddaughter, so that’s something at least.
I hope op has a better life maybe even a new family
I was disappointed to hear she was encouraged not to go after grandma. Her and the guy who lied. Not right to lie about someone, ruin their life, and get away with it.
Famous quote "your mental health problems are not an excuse to treat people like shit" (as an abuse victim this doubles for abuse victims. Just because grandma treated you like shit doesnt mean you treat your mom like that) the daughters post is a sign to op to keep no contact
The mother must be one hell of a nice lady, with a big heart to forgive her daughter, bless her. If it were me I would never forgive.
Maybe forgive but definitely never forget.
@@perjusAbsolutely. Arm yourself ALWAYS with those Memories.
Imagine being so dead inside that the idea of your child growing up and becoming their own person (you know, the thing you should’ve been preparing them for 18 years for) frightens you enough to completely tear down their life without you. What’s the objective here? To force them to be dependent on you forever? What happens when you DIE? You’ll leave behind someone who has no idea how to live. The mom is 10/10 evil.
The father and daughter obviously aren’t much better. FOUR YEARS and neither of them thought to get the mom’s side of things. All they wanted was someone to hate.
Lol, yeah, MIL provided her son with "proof" of OP's cheating. Ex should've been at least smart enough to realize that someone just saying they saw you with someone else isn't evidence, REGARDLESS of whether or not the accuser is a friend or family member. But what confuses me is how could he so easily believe his mom? Not only did he already know the kind of person she was, but he himself had tried to cut her out of his life before because of it. FTR, I also find his current dating situation hilarious; now he's even more desperate to get OP back since he intentionally nuked his new relationship because he was under the assumption that OP would still be sitting around pining after him.
This guy sounds like a first-class dumbass.
His mom hates his wife so much he had to go NC. Mom conveniently pops up with a story about seeing wife cheating, any proof? Managed to snap a picture?
Oh you have a witness you brought with you. Well surely this witness has a messages, text, some pics, phone records, something?
Oh, you didn't ask or get any of that?
JFC what a dope
@@jonathanbrown7250 FR. Although it would still be a massive asshole move, I MIGHT kind of be able to get him siding with his mother if they'd always been extremely close up to that point and he was brainwashed by years of her maintaining a facade around him, but he KNEW what a conniving pile of trash she was. So the, "It's not my fault my mom is a manipulative POS," defense wouldn't exactly hold water.
In what little defense the ex has his mom apparently paid someone to confess to being the affair partner so he (at least) didn't just trust her words.
I’m just trying to understand how he believed his ex friend, who’s a drug addict over his wife. Like, bruh, y’all stopped being friends with this man cuz of his addiction but you’re gonna take his word that your wife cheated? I’m just trying to understand the logic
Story 1: Better off without a mama's boy who would pit your kid against you and years later say he still loves you after four years of no contact. Hopefully, there won't be a third generation of people who believe anything with zero real evidence in this family.
The daughter sounds entitled, OP better get NC with that side of the 'family'.
The fact that he believed his mom so easily makes me he was cheating and projecting on to her
Quite a cheek from the ex to want a second chance after he dumped her solely on the word of his mother. The mother who openly hated his wife
Oddly enough at 16 I wasn't stupid enough to completely believe anything at face value, she didn't even attempt to ask if she had cheated or anything, or ask for any proof, like wtf nobody asked for more proof than a trust me bro? Really? Nah cut her off too, ain't worth the future issues if she can't even do that
I don't know how bad the comments in regards to the daughter were, but she certainly deserved negative reactions (within reason). Like her father she never gave her mother a chance until the grandmother blurted the truth out. That she was manipulated by her grandmother and her father (calling the daughter and telling her that the mother cheated was highly manipulative) means she deserves a chance to earn forgiveness, it does not absolve her of guilt, she still made bad decisions.
Hopefully given time she can rebuild the relationship with her mother and hopefully she has learned a lesson about trust, or at least about hearing all sides of a story.
The ex-husband just broke up with his girlfriend and expected his ex to just pickup where they left off at.
At least his girlfriend got to dodge a bullet.
Actually OP should have blocked all of them. She was starting to recover and enjoy life again. Still OPs daughter is her daughter. Low contact is the best for daughter and she doesn't need to talk to ex again. OP needs to move on.
I’m sorry but does anyone feel sorry for the nameless ex girlfriend that got dropped so op’s ex husband could get back with op?
Daughter’s update: mans really broke up with his girlfriend of at least 5 months over the phone to get with someone he hadn’t seen in 4 years? What if op had a partner by then?
Honestly it sounds like the daughter is the exact same as her father. Pathetic and can only see themselves as the victim.
What a nightmare. That mother-in-law is evil, and the husband was absolutely stupid letting his mother use the Apron Strings as a garotte on his marriage. He has lost everything. The daughter needs serious therapy.
I read the daughter’s post earlier today but hadn’t seen the first post from the mother’s POV
I wouldn't be surprised if OP dances on Monster In Law's grave after she is buried
Shame on both the husband and the daughter. After all your wife and mother were to you, you just go blindly believe a person who hates her. I don't know if I could ever forgive even my child for that.
Daughter was right. OP left out the part where her daughter yelled at her and called her names
Oh my gosh! Poor OP.......... She did not deserve to have a crappy family like that. I know her daughter was manipulated by her father and grandmother, but she chose to cut ties with OP without a second thought. Now she needs to accept the consequences of her actions. OP's ex-husband definitely sucks and he deserves to be left alone and That grandma is straight up evil and narcissistic! I hope she gets what she deserves someday. What a evil, selfish, narcissistic monster, breaking up a family because she wants her precious baaaaaaaby all to herself. What is it with narcissistic women wanting to control their children and grandchildren? I don't understand. Are they bitter? Are they really THAT desperate for attention? Or do they just want to watch the world burn? I just don't understand. "Sigh" What a sad mess this is.
Op's daughter was not a young child. She could have at least sat down with mom to find out her side. The fact that both the daughter and husband just noted out at the first lie is very weird. I am with op with have no contact with her ex as he has no backbone. It would take a lot for the daughter to make up for everything.
Hmm, after reading the daughters post, it is in the daughter's best interest to lay low and not post again. I understand the post was to explain her perspective but it strongly feels like saving face, which feels selfish. Prayers go out to the OP, the mother who started with the posts, she's got a long journey ahead of her and I commend her for giving her daughter another chance. I also support her cutting off any hope for the ex husband, I'm a ride or die type of guy and especially in marriage, I expect my spouse to at least hear me out before kicking me over the curb. I wouldn't trust him even if he kicked out his mother, he showed how easily manipulated he can be and that he doesn't have her back.
So far I agree with OP's decision in her update and hope for the best outcome for her situation. In my opinion, it is best to move on and start over after the mess that marriage became, and keeping low contact with the daughter is a safe move. Hoping for the best 👌
i would understand the daughter's reaction if she was like... eight? but at sixteen you're old enough to want to see both sides of a story before freezing a parent out of your life for four years
her little reddit pity party did nothing to help her case
There's a special place in hell for the ex-mother in law, and even a place next to her for the ex-husband. The relationship between the mother and daughter will never be like it never happened. You can't un-ring the bell once it's been rung.
I don't understand why the daughter said "I'm going to tell you stuff that my mom neglected to tell you " and then procedes to confirm everything OP said. She didn't add new information other that "I was a victim" which OP already said herself...
Victim, yes. TA, yes also. Sorry victims can be AH too.
Man that ex was thick. His mom always disliked their relationship and then she comes oh I caught her cheating and he believes it?! Without searching for proof other than her words and the fake friend? Geez he's thick!
I hope her and her daughter can come close again. Right now I think the daughter is still in denial of how bad it was for the mother. Maybe family therapy could help? This is a mess
Thought the same thing.
Mom hates your wife so much you had to go NC with her, but she conveniently rolls up with a story of seeing wife cheating, and this knucklehead believes all of it.
Okay, Mom brings a witness with her. Did Dad ask the witness for texts or any kind of proof?
Did he do any investigating on his own? Hire anyone? Nope.
What a dope
I heard this one too. Here’s more information about the ex-friend who was paid for the confession. The reason that both OP and ex stop the friendship (prior to the divorce) was because he’s a
DRUG ADDICT!!!!
He would do anything for money according to OP. Which makes the situation worse.
Believing your mother is one thing but the drug addict friend that you both mutually agreed to cut out, yeah no.
Ex has no spine and will do something like that again if it not mommy’s dearest, next likely candidate for leadership is his little princess as the daughter’s post tells that she’s like grandma dearly.
Hopefully OP can heal, but my opinion Very LC with daughter until she gains more responsibility and respect.
Daughter's Post:
"ya'll are quick to blame :/" You mean like you?
The family was NC with grandma for the entirety of your first 16 years but you didn't believe your mother because you were spoiled by her until dad got a new girlfriend and she became violent and confessed
spineless puddle dad broke it off with girlfriend immediately because he had a fantasy of getting right back with mom after hurting her without having contact with her for years and when she justifiably turns him down you immediately turn and call her names and harass her over the phone
"do ya'll not understand abuse victims" yes we do understand your mom was a victim and was abused by the people close to her including you
then you admit to not thinking for yourself about contacting your mother before believing grandma who said nasty things about her and how she was controlling despite not being in contact with you for years
Like Grandmother, Like Father, Like Daughter